Zach Zimmerman is Not Evil

- This is a head gum podcast. - I think it depends, I think some bad people - There's a troll who can never tell a lie. - It's one more time? - There's a troll who can never tell a lie. - A third time just to make sure we have it. - You got it. (laughing) (upbeat music) - How are you, Shigger? - I'm hanging in there. - Yeah, what does that mean? - Live in love and learning. - What can you, you told me about 10 topics. I think you're the first guest ever to walk in and tell me 10 things I didn't know that I'm not allowed to talk about. - Yep, it's called boundaries, baby. I'm learning what they are. - I'm really happy for you. - They're very hard to do. - All I want to talk about are those 10 things. - Yeah, and so that's, oh, I get it. So yeah, the reason you're happy to be so intense about not talking about it is 'cause you're well, you're dying to talk about. - Oh, of course, it's the headline of my summer. - It's hard for us. - But I'm processing those things. - It's hard for us, but we're the kind of people, I think most comics in general, but we want to talk about everything that's ever happened to us. - Oh yeah, and that's nice in that it's vulnerable. My friend said, that's what she loves about me. I open up and I share my innards so people can poke around. But I'm realizing, oh, not everyone has, and I'm sort of violating my own boundaries now. Not everyone has the purest intentions. Like, hey, this is how to love me is also like, hey, here's how to emotionally abuse me. And so I need to be a little more mindful about who I let in. - Will you give them the code to the save? I gave them the code to the save because I trust people. - Yeah. - I am so naive in immature. I thought people were good. I still think they're good. I'm very, and Frank, Jesus Christ in that way, and what happened to them, you know, is there something-- - Do you feel positive about referring to yourself just now on the so true podcast as very, and Frank Jesus? Does that feel good to you? 'Cause I'm a mere humble interviewer, and I'm happy to, I believe people are good to my detriment. - Yes. - That's what I mean by that. - It's so good. (laughing) - I'm not saying that I'm Jesus. - I'm not, and I'm also not Jewish. I realize both those people were Jewish. - Those people. - And I'm not. (laughing) - What else do they have in common? - That is so fun. - I'm Anon J.Souce. - I'm empowered by this. - By what, the shoes off? - Yeah, and I feel like a little kid. - Yeah, the striped shirt, the shoes off, the, the just-- - In the A/B. - Just learning about boundaries last month. (laughing) - Really, I thought you told everybody everything. - Me? - I thought one did. - Oh, one, that one showed-- - Yeah, one. - Capital world overshare. - Yeah. - Well, I think it's fun to share. I like to share. I think I share a lot, but I keep, I keep some things for myself, but very rarely. - What are you talking about yourself? - I knew I'm doing, I'm testing his own boundary. That was wrong of me. - No, I was just talking to somebody about this yesterday that like in work, I'll talk about absolutely anything. I don't really have much fear around any topic. I don't have fear around any topic. I exercise some boundaries in my work only around a key couple of specific, like, familial relationships. And not my dating or sex life, but my romantic life. - Oh, you talk about fucking, but not falling. - Yeah, exactly. Zach, you are such a poet. - Stop. - You're such a poet. - No, one to note, you also. - You make me wanna, you make me wanna embrace my Southern poet side. - Stop, we do. - Where is Midwest South? - No, I'm still on Valor over there. - Some people talk about Missouri as the South, but the truth of the matter is there's really two Missouri's and one of them is Southern, one of them is Midwestern. - Interesting. - I am from, squarely from the Midwestern portion. - But there's, it's a spectrum. - Yes, because if you're down in the Boot Hill of Missouri, that is called the Boot Hill. And that's like Arkansas, Tennessee. Yeah, that's like down in the whole Dilma, Missouri. You're down there. - And then on the North, it's like Iowa. - Is it a pair of heels or it's a boot, for sure. - Yeah, I'm just telling you what it's called. - You know what I'm realizing these chairs are? - Tell me, kind of like rocking chairs. - It's fun to swivel. - We're on a porch. - Isn't it fun to swivel? I feel like one of those fans, you know, a fan that kind of gives a little air over here. - You're referring to the concept of oscillating? - Yeah. - Okay, SAT, I know that word also. - Don't act like you don't know what oscillation is. - Comedy is just synonyms. - Yeah, it is. - Fascinating. - What do you think that you're blocking from me right now? - By focusing on the chair and the shoes. - I'm keeping things light. - So you don't get into the summer from hell, the summer I turned broken. (laughing) - Oh my God, I just love that. - We were talking before the show about Portland and you mentioned a fun experience you have, may I share a Portland experience I had? - Well, this is Portland, Oregon. - Portland, Oregon, I was there. I was nice, fun, I was on a dating app and matched with a beautiful trans woman. And we started messaging and then we, she was like, oh, can I get your number? I was like, sure, we started chatting. We were gonna meet up to fool around. We shared, she shared a dirty pick. And I was like, oh, that's a, that's a different pick than your profile picture. And she was like, oh, that's my roommate. She's also a trans woman. I was like, okay, you're a catfish and I blocked, et cetera, et cetera. Phone call. Do it now, I was like, what? Do it now, look at my phone. He's, this scammer has sent a report of my name. They have my address, my age, a list of possible family members, some of which are true, a picture of me and then a picture of a penis, which is not my penis. I never sent this piece. Are you lying right now? No, it's literally not my penis. They sent a penis, which is an A to my penis. I don't know who's that was. No, it was, it's not, it was bigger than mine. And they always are, they always are, they always are. I know, that's why being by is nice. gay men like need 10 inches to feel anything. No, I've been on record about this. A big dick is such a, it's cumbersome. Don't bring a big dick on me. It's cumbersome, it's not, it's like why do you even have that thing? Yes, but I have to finish the story. We'll then get back to it. I forgot where I was. The, he said, do it now. Yes, they built this report, not my penis, that they're gonna, they're like, I'm gonna send this to your family and ruin your life. I was like, what? Yeah. And they're like, I'm counting down 10, 9, 8. And I was like, you don't, that is so, like texting this, like 10, 9, 8, like do it now. And I'm like, what? He's like, send me 500 hours. I'm gonna ruin your life. And I was like, you don't have my family's phone numbers. And then he's like, all right. And so a couple of minutes go by. My sister text me like, hey, did you get that text? I was like, how's this scammer like pretending to be my sister? That's insane. So I call her like, Hannah, what are you talking about? He somehow sent this report to my immediate family and my brother's ex-wife. Their numbers must be online with like, this guy does gay and teenager. And they send the dick pick. Not gay and teenager. To be fair, I was talking to an of age trans woman. Yeah. What the allegations aren't even like based on anything. And I'm just texting my mom like, that's not my dick. Come on, that's not my dick. And I think she was most offended by just being reminded that I'm queer in her inbox. I was gonna say, it's not great for your mom who has like maybe some questions about queer. If I were to get a text, it's like, here's your son's dick. He's doing teenager. It's like, okay, worse case scenario, yeah. And she was probably just like, send him the $500 saying, just do it. No, but that was quite an afternoon. It was quite a rush, actually. 'Cause I wasn't going to give in to it. I know it wasn't real or mattered, but it does get your heart racing. I mean, this is a horrifying story. Yeah, I do have a habit of going through terrible things and immediately thinking they're funny before actually like sitting with the emotions. Oh, it's horrifying that this person did this to you. Yeah. It's an invasion of privacy. I know it makes you kind of not want to go on apps or give you a number anymore or trust your gut more. I kind of knew something was up. I don't give my number. She was like, I don't charge. And I was like, well, that's a funny headline. Yeah, but account? Like, okay. I was like, I do. Dollar a minute, babe. (laughing) But they pray on sweet horny tourists. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I hate that it happened to you. Thank you so much. What app was this? Grindr.com. This was Grindr. A Grindr full of bots these days. I know it. Hot people. Oh, hey. Join my only fans. Like, no. I know. I need to meet up. They're getting better at it too. I think for a number of years there when I was a little bit younger, the Grindr fake accounts, the pictures were so clearly fake. Yeah. It was always like some man in like a mostly unbuttoned white shirt on the beach with like a Pinot Grisio. (laughing) It was like, you're clearly not in world Missouri right now. (laughing) And now they've gotten good at finding like multiple pictures of a real working person from the area. They're pretty good. My big beef with Grindr right now isn't the bots. It's the death of the imagination. Okay. People in these albums are sharing photos that sort of leave nothing to it. They're showing. Do you know this is one of my biggest things? It's like graph, you're showing me a dick in your ass. You're showing me an imagine. There's no like write a poem, write it, write something. Like, there's nothing. It's so graphically explicit. Like, the mind isn't engaged. It's just body, like, plug and play. This is your thing also. I'm with you. I'm so excited to hear you say this because I have been saying, I don't send nudes at all. I don't do it. Oh, same. Because I'm like, there's too many people. I've caught too many people, even kind of early in my career. I caught too many people trying to get me to send nudes. They just want to see the goods. And then they want to not, they don't want to hook up. I just want to like do whatever they want to do with them. Yeah, yeah. And I'm not interested in that. Are you on LPSG? I'm sorry. There's a forum out there. LPSG? Yeah. What is that? Large penis support group. It's where people share the needs of notable public figures that they've accessed in order to determine if they have LPs. That's horrible. It's terrible. People are really nasty. I have a page there. Yeah. They have nothing on me. Yeah. Also, I don't. Whoa, I need to check in on that. On the size of my penis. I need to check in on the size of your penis on the chat. No, the forum. I mean, I find that bookish. Anyway, but the sending of like every angle of your naked body before you meet up with someone I'm like, the whole fun is that we like meet each other. We make out for a little bit. We feel around. We wonder about what's going to be going on. Yeah, it's like, this is the fun of it. Why don't you, like, you've removed the whole entire enjoyment of the process. It's soon you don't even have to meet up. There's probably some weird AI future where you just bloop and then they appear and you don't even, I don't know. Yeah, I really, I don't like it at all. It really makes me sad. How do we get back to like a letter? Okay. So yeah, you and I are dearest Caleb and the evening has descended, but my penis is rising. Yeah, if you sent me that letter, there's a less than zero percent chance we'd fuck. How's that's not how percentages work? Yeah, well, it is in this scenario. Oh, okay. Welcome to your world. I like it over here. I like it over here. It's good. Everything makes a little bit more sense in my world. Can I tell you might the catchphrase of the summer? Yeah. Tell a man no. This is the clip. This. I already know it is. Clip this. Clip this. Tell a man no. Get ready for a show. Well, tell a man no. Tell me about it. What does that mean? All you have to do is tell a man a little and a bit he knows they will put on a production, a little bit of rejection that you will see. Do this on an early date with someone. Do this with a new friend. It shows everything about the person. What do you mean? Like, no, ask me something. Okay. Well, I don't think, okay. Ask me a personal question. What's your, what's your idea of a perfect day? (laughing) That's a great question. I don't, I don't want to talk about that. Well, yeah, that's really rude. (laughing) Don't you think that's rude? That was rude? That it would be rude if someone asked you such a benign question to say that you don't want to talk about it? Oh, potentially. Let me give you a better one. Yeah. But you also might not be a man in this scenario. I have to be a man in this scenario. I want to be a man in this scenario to make your thing work. Let's, let's go out Friday night. No, thank you. Yeah, there is a better way to do that though. I am busy, I'm busy. That's different to know though. You want to see how they respond to being told no to. Like, oh, can I get the door for you? No, thank you. What do you mean? I can't get the door for you. Like you're gonna see anger, you're gonna see playfulness. You'll see how they react to a no. Yeah. And this summer I was telling men no. I got shows. Yeah. I got, they put on little song and dances. I got, they got, they got, they got angry. I got, they got, they did, they did their little dances. Yeah. What did you learn? What did I learn? That it's not to hold firm to it. Don't give in. Yeah. Just because of their oversized emotional reaction to that. No. Yeah. Like, maintain your no. Don't personalize their reaction. It's something they have. Even you being like, that was rude is based on like, your understanding of like social etiquettes and norms. Like, oh, I didn't mean to be rude. I just don't want to talk about that. Yeah. Well, I do think, yeah, I think that's totally fine. It's totally fine for someone to say, I think both sides are fine. It's totally fine for someone to say that was rude. And for you to then say, oh, I wasn't trying to be rude. If I experienced an encounter in dating where I thought someone was rude, I would say that was rude. Mm. And if they said, oh, I wasn't trying to be rude, I'd be like, okay. That is a no. Perfect interaction. Perfect interaction. Perfect interaction. Yes. I think there is something that like conflict is not inherently, I've encountered a lot of people. Abuse. Sarah Showman. What is that? Conflict is not abuse. I don't know. Who is she? Um, she wrote rent, and it was stolen by Jonathan Larson. Says. She's a lesbian scholar, um, wrote, oh my God, I feel like I'm queer elder right now. Oh my God. What was the first book she wrote? People in trouble. That was that inspired, uh, it was stolen by Jonathan Larson to make rent. And what did I read of hers? There's a family book about how therapists and people need to intervene in homophobic family units that we like celebrate and worship the family like, oh, the parents are always right. Let them do. And it's like, no, if the parents are homophobic, the state slash a therapist slash community members need to intervene. Yeah. I forget. Oh, what the title of that one was. Do we, um, is that a skill? Yeah. What's the, what's the last? Sarah Show. Not getting her name wrong. Sarah Showman. I feel like the lesbians are going to be really mad if I got that name wrong. Don't worry. I'm out of time all week. Oh, what'd you do? Oh, I was talking about, there's this, there's this phenomenon that happens sometimes on the show where if I'm on, if I make any joke about another group, there's like 12 people from that group that are like, why would you be speaking on this? And it's like because I can and I want to grow up and I'll keep doing it as well. Is that your right? Yeah. And it is. And I will. That's my job. It's literally. Yeah. There's no fiction. What you're looking at people in trouble is their fiction work, but the nonfiction was there's my American history, lesbian, gay, life during the Reagan Bush years, stage struck theater aides and the marketing of gay America ties that bind ties that bind. There you go. What is, what is ties that bind? That's the homophobia. That's the interview. And then the conflict is not abuses for most recent one, which I haven't read. Yeah. Yeah. With a, with a name like that, you kind of I mean, you don't have to read the book. That is, that is there's something like the let them theory. Yeah. That is something I've been thinking a lot about is conflict is not like, yeah, it's not abuse. It's not inherently a bad thing that someone you're allowed to have your thing and someone is allowed to have an opposition to it and you can probably both get to a place of being like, oh, okay, understood. In fact, it's healthy and good that you both leave that as still individuals, like with your own ideas and thoughts. My dad, God forbid, I'm siding him, said, and I'm siding the dark magic on this one. But yeah, I mean, you brought him up, you brought him up, if you brought him up, if two people Caleb, I told you not to, yeah, oh, welcome Zach, stop it, right? Zimmerman is not here. If two people agree on everything, only one of them is thinking. Yeah. Ooh. That actually is really insightful. He has like four or five things and then my therapist has like six or seven things that are just like Bible verse quality things you want to cite for your whole life. Therapist beats dad. Therapist is dad. Yeah, first of all, or sort of the non-judgmental shameless, kind, loving, and supportive father figure. Yeah. Of course, he's a 55 year old straight white man, naturally, in Chicago, of all places. Change, change my life straight, straight, well, I've had gay therapist and it's never took off. Why not? There is reasons, one in Chicago just would sit there. What do you mean? Just give me something. Just wouldn't say a word. It's like, oh, I don't like that. Like kick us off. And then I went in New York who was like more insecure and anxious than me. And I was like, that can't be how this work. We set up a verse meeting and I was like, hey, like, if you have this works out, I'd love to like keep seeing, keep making another appointment. And he's like, what do you mean if this works out? Of course, it's going to work out. I was like, no, no, honey. Not iron sharpening iron, please. This can't be. It was dull sharpening dull. That's crazy, dude. Have you had gay therapies? I don't really do therapy. God, you really are enlightened from the jump. Oh, I don't think so. I mean, I feel good, but I think I could probably, there's times where I need therapy. I just haven't made the leap back to it. When I say I don't really do therapy, I mean, lately in my adult life. I did therapy a little bit in college. It was fine, but I kind of got over my big thing at that time and then everything since then I got a lot of tools from that. And then I don't know. I've just felt like I can mostly handle things. For my first lunch forever ago, I was like, hey, look at someone. You know who you are. I do, I think. In a very confident way. And you've told me about saying no to things before. You're just like, you're very sure of yourself and I admire that. Thank you. Do you feel like you know who you are? I'm starting a process of learning who I am. Yeah. Host. Putting other people's needs before mine. And when did that process begin in the summers? It's the end of the year. Yeah. I've always been, like I process some of the, I grew up super religious. Evangelical. Thought I was going to hell. I've processed like some of that, but I'm realizing a new that those wounds by keeping the relationship with my family, those, I'm still receiving some abuse. Yeah. You've given a lot. I noticed from afar. You've given a lot to your family. Yeah. And I thought it was noble. This is sort of on the topic of the, the book I'm writing. The new one. The new book. Yeah. It's called Ship Mother. Yeah. It's, I took my mom on a week long cruise. My conservative evangelical mother in order to fundamentally change and alter her religious and political beliefs. And we all know how that turned out. It worked. - It worked. - It worked. - She's been-- - Yeah, she's running with Dom. - And we're walking from Amdani. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She loves that free bus. - Yeah, I-- - Yeah. And so, but what I, I don't wanna, well, I mean, I'll give it away 'cause the book may never come out or might die tomorrow. What I learned me being like obsessed with her and trying to understand her was at the expense of me being obsessed with myself and learning who I am. Like, why am I trying to like, why does this woman believe I'm going to hell and sort of can't accept this queer part of my life? I, um, I caught her in a lie. - Whoa. - I caught her in a lie. - What was that? - And it's a big lie that you don't wanna tell, do you wanna say for the book? I don't wanna pressure you into giving away a big good lie. - I mean, if everyone listening could go by the first book, - Yes. - That'll help their second book maybe exist. - Okay, so everyone go by the Zach's first book, - Or-- - Or-- - Which sits in my home beautifully. - Oh, thank you. - It untouched. It's in a mausoleum. - It's in a mausoleum. - No. - Everyone prays to it when they come in. - No, it is touched. - It has a great cover. - Do I mind giving that away? - Yeah, well, I mean, it's not-- - I don't know if this will be in the book, that she loves me unconditionally was a lie. - Yeah. - And how did you catch her in that? - I came out to her as bisexual, or let her know I was dating a woman this summer, and she said, "I've been praying for this," which is funny and hurtful at the same time. - Oh, that's a sort of hurt. - I know, she hid it behind humor, which is what's tricky. - Yeah. - Oh, that's actually really hurtful, but hilarious. - Yeah. - Thanks for the content, mom. And as I was dating a woman, she was asking more questions about it. She sent us like a present, a game for us to play. And I was like, "Oh, would you have done that if this was a man? You can be honest with me." And she said, "Probably not." - Yeah. - And so a couple weeks later, I was like, "Hey, how do you show love?" - Oh, you asked questions, you send gifts, right, mom? Excuse me, I'm not getting choked up. That was like a belch. - Yeah, they just had a whole variety of coffee. - Yeah, it's crap. - We're at like a, I'm at like a 20% chance of crying on the pod. - Nice. I would say-- - Have you ever-- - Have I cried on this pod? - Yes. - Have I? - I think, didn't, hmm. - Yeah, I can't remember what episode it was. - I cried on a bonus segment once with Bob, with Bob, yeah. - Have I cried on the main show? - Mom's stuff, trying to think. - Yeah, I don't-- - You didn't cry during either of the Kelly episodes. - No, Kelly cried instantly on the Kelly episode. - My mom-- - I don't know. - Oh, you're mom. - I feel like she's a cryer. - I feel like you've gotten choked up or like teared up a little bit. - Yeah, I cried. I mean, I was crying, I cried to you like two days ago. I cried, I just, usually on the show, it doesn't usually go to a place that gets me to cry. - Gotcha, gotcha. - But I'm open to it. - What's crying on camera? I think it'll be very chic. - I, we're at 25% now. - Oh, we got-- (laughing) - Yeah, feeling a little safer. - But I say, you got to say a little safer. - Maybe you are safe here. - But I confronted my mom, I was like, "Oh, it seems like the level of your love "is conditional based on the gender of my partner." - Yeah. - I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, well, you know, I believe what I believe. I was like, "Oh, I'm just disappointed in that." And she's like, "Well, oh, yeah." And I just stood my ground to co-op the phrase. - Yeah. - This is Sandra Ground State. - Yeah. - And I'm saying you're safe. - Yeah. - And yeah, it was just eye-opening to me like, "Oh, you've said that for so long. "I love you unconditionally." We had a funny, your mom called when we were having brunch. And I, I asked where you got all your confidence. And you said my mom. - Yeah. - She said praise to me every day when I was a kid. - Yeah. - And I was like, I called my mom after that. I was like, "Hey, can, will you like praise me?" (laughing) - I'm so sorry, that's so sweet. - I love you, that's so sweet, it's sweet. - 'Cause she was like, "You're almost a 40-year old man. "Why do you need your mom to praise you?" - Yeah. - And I was like, "Oh, 'cause you didn't when I wasn't 40." (laughing) - Yeah. - 'Cause you didn't do it when I needed it most. - Yeah. - Hey, I got, like, you're amazing, my amazing son. - That's really sweet, that's a fruit. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Maybe, you know, or is there-- - Daily dollar short, but yeah. - And there might be a word for a person who does that sort of push, pull, degrade, praise, degrade, praise. - Yeah. - That I hesitate to say. - Yeah. - I, yeah, it's really, it's tough. It's really tough because, I don't know, you oscillate sometimes with parents between, it's, you know, the whole, like, it's their first time on Earth. It's kind of thing where you're like, they're a person who's figuring it out. - You're oscillating. - Yeah, you're oscillating. - Between like that, and then also, being like, "Well, I was the child. "I shouldn't have to have this much grace for you." - 1,000% - Yeah. - My dad asked him once, like, "Well, what's it?" What is a good dad? - Yeah. - Thinking, "Oh, he had some philosophy. "He's raised four kids." We're all, like, reasonable adults, productive members of society, and he goes, "I don't know, I didn't have one." - Yeah. - I'm like, "Oh, you're trapped." - Yeah. - You're, you're 12. - You're 12. - Yeah. - You're 60, but you're 12. - Yeah. - And it comes back to one of the Bible verses of my therapist. Everyone is a fourth grader. - This has been a thing that's been coming up a lot lately. I've seen, I've seen a bunch of-- - You're anti it, you're skeptical. - No, I've seen a bunch of stuff on mind, like everyone's 12 now. Like everyone's, we were always 12. - Yeah. - We've always been 12. - Yeah, I don't want you to feel 12. - No, I feel that I've always been 30. (laughing) I feel that when I was 12, I was 30. - Well, I was 30. - I've felt 60 since the day I was born. - And I really do. I mean, I remember being 12 and being like, why do I not relate to any of these people? The other 12 year olds. And I'm like, "God, I wish I was the adult." They seem like so much more on my page. (laughing) - The teachers and I shared a special bond. - Yes, of course. - Of course, every little teacher. - Yes. - Oh, little straight A's Act. - Of course. - Legacy, my poor sister. - How so? - She was two years behind me. And once the teacher went down and saw Zimmerman on that list. They're like, "Oh, I had your brother." She was just in my shadow, poor soul. - I bet that was hard for her. - Yeah, she's doing well now. She teaches of all things. Trauma informed education in South Carolina public school system. - Wow. - One of the most incredible, just doing it for all the right reasons. - It's a big, I was actually just this morning thinking about how big of a swing it is with teachers. There's like one end, it's very, it's very polarized. There's not much to teach at all. - No, I love hair and hates teachers. - Well, listen to the take, because they not, certainly not overpaid, but half of them are the sweetest, most angelic, like truly in it. Sounds like your sister, in it for the right reasons, want to like change the future and be there for kids. And all you can do is like, tip your hat and admire them and ask what more can we do for you. And half of them are the biggest reject losers who like miss high school and middle school and wish they could do it over again, so badly. - Miss Brian. - I'm saying, it's like a name her. - It's like ends of the spectrum. And I think there's more of the good ones, but I'm saying it would be ridiculous to pretend that we don't know that some teachers are just like, bloodthirsty, rejected losers who feel bad because they were bullied in high school. - Same with parents or people that just have some vendetta and say this. - Same with comedians. - Yes. - And we don't even actually have the angelic spectrum, we just, we're all just shades of demons. - It's like how hurt are you, is the only? - Yeah. - Yeah. - So I'm not, yeah, I'm not proclaiming to be above. I'm just saying it is an interesting thing, that profession. - One of the most interesting teachers I had was my math teacher in high school. And she was a beautiful woman. And at the senior breakfast, she sang, "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain. - God love. - And would cast the cutest boy seniors. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hey. - She was like, she would come over like, "That Don't Impress Me Much." - Oops! (laughing) - Not that. - Not that. - She also, she wrote me letters of recommendation that changed my life. She gave me four of them for colleges and I only needed three. - Yeah. - And it was wrong of me to do. But I wanted to look at what it said 'cause I'm a words of affirmation girl and I wanna see what it is. And it goes, "Zack is one of the best students I've ever had in all my careers of teaching. She is sure to excel at whatever she does." - Wow, I was like, "That actually did something huge for you." (laughing) - I was like, "She copy, paste it." But also, she knew. - Yeah. - Maybe she knew. - And nailed it on accident. - I got it. - Accidental affirmation, let's go. - But then Ms. Bryan was the bad end of the spectrum. Eighth grade English. - Yeah. - Evil woman. - Had us do resuscitations. - What's up? - She had us memorizing recite things, but she called it a resuscitation. - Yeah, how about recitation? - The recitation. - Dying. - Yeah, weird. - And she gave me my only zero. - Whoa. - Whoa. Evil. - Yes, the tears are coming. - 30%. - 30%. (laughing) - She, it was back when instead of like reading a book, you had to do like a hundred different activities to do the book or whatever, little fun things. And she gave one way to earn points was to draw a picture of a scene from the book. And she gave us all a piece of tracing paper. And so in my book, it was a beautiful, intricate scene that had already been drawn. So I used the tracing paper to go over it. Zero. Plagiarism. - Whoa. - My mom. - Lever to death. - Rabble Rouser. Doesn't love me unconditionally, but fights when necessary. - Love's a good fight. The 2024 election. (laughing) - January 6th. - I wish she could have been there. (laughing) - Charlie Kirk. She wrote, "I am Charlie in the sand in Myrtle Beach." That's a fun thing for our listeners to know about Patty Zimmerman. She loves a fight. She called the principal. Why is why did my son receive a zero? The principal calls the teacher. Zach gets another chance. The next day, I drew the most beautiful picture of the scene from that. - She goes to the beach, right? I am. Zach in the sand. (laughing) Just sweet, is that Gary, is he sweet, Zach? Oh yeah, she fought for me. Also came to school and had me remove when condoms were discussed in sex ed, which did lead to me using saran wrap once in an early sexual encounter. But, which works? I don't have a child. Yeah, I don't know if it's my poor sperm or the clinging power of saran wrap. It's hard to say. You know, they have sponsor. Yeah, saran wrap, yes. Good, good. They run two million of ads on here, yeah. This, you're doing well. Yeah, saran runs two million of ads on here. This is, you've really, this, you like the new studio? I love it. We have a much to do, but we're really getting there. Everyone's working very hard on it. I, the pot is great. You may have praise you. Briefly. And we might cut it. Does it make you uncomfortable? You've just, you're a good egg who's building something really special and doing it your way and bringing people up with you and I don't think you're evil. Why was there a question mark on it? Just playful. Yeah, okay. Just play, just being a little, just being a little playful. I was giving room for a further bit, but I liked that. Yeah, okay, that's nice. I, everyone has a little evil. Yeah, I clocked myself like 3%. Yeah, I want to date with someone who said 60%. Them, they said 60. Yes. For them, whoa. She, yeah. I said they, did you like that? That was nice. Yeah, but, but she, yeah. But I, but I gave, I left a really open door. A really nice, open door. And I, I let you know what's inside the door. Yeah. Behind door number one, was she a woman? Open the door. She, she, it's three doors. Your children listeners won't know this. The Monty Hall problem. It was on Let's Make a Deal. There were three doors and you would open, you pick a door to win a prize. And then he opens up one of the other doors, lets you know it's not the prize. And then you can either switch or stay. Yeah. What do you think gives you the best odds? Just stay. Exactly. No. Switch. Whoa. (laughing) The door you picked has a one in three chance. The door that you didn't pick has a two out of three chance. Whoa. Because I said something math, it's mathy. Because Monty opening a door, he knew which didn't. There was more information. It's not just 50, 50. Yeah. There's extra information. All of which is to say there's three doors and behind ones are she, ones are he, ones are they? Yeah. Kind of a fun weighted to date. Yeah. A doors-based dating system. Door-based dating system. Door-based dating. We're gonna, we're starting dating app called doors. Dores. I do think we're dating apps should have videos. Either we should do a Lovers blind dating app where you don't get to see the person. Not interested. Not interested. Okay, superficial Sally. No, I just think it's important to see someone. I like to see someone's eyes. I like to see someone's vibe. I like to see the pictures they choose. That's interesting. I think we should do a little video then. Yeah, I think videos should normalize video. Hinge has video. I also like the voice notes. Oh, voice, I know. Voice is fun. Oh, you get so much information from voice. Voice is good. More than pictures, even I think. For sure. You get like pacing, tone, personality. Yeah. You can fall in love with the voice. Oh, for sure. Hashtag Lovers blind. Her. Lovers blind is her. Joaquin did this. Oh, I know. Joaquin did this. Everybody now erotica's on AI. No. Yeah. I don't work it. We're not leaving the house. I am. I'm just on Grindr, get all the pictures you need from every angle and then just talk to the AI. But I like Grindr, but I, yeah, the point is to, I enjoy Grindr, actually, I frequently have like pretty fun conversations on Grindr. I'm like, if people are willing, yeah, I'll check out on there. Sometimes if you deviate from the hey, hey, what's up, what are you into? What are you into? You're seeing like a freak. For sure. And I get that sometimes you're so horny that you can't entertain like a whimsical little combo. And they are being that what do you think about a bar that lets everyone know how horny you are? Sort of mental state. I think that would be really good. I think that should be on like, I think that should be on Slack. That should be on every application. Hey, does anyone know the status of this report? Someone reached out to Susan. She said a nine. She's. She's rubbing against her desk right now. Let's give her a minute. We should have it on door now. So your driver's really horny just honestly, I've had some cute door dash drivers that I've been like, if I knew, I would, I'd let you in. I've had a UPS or two that there's a vibe. Yeah. Never sealed the deal. I haven't either. Never with a delivery driver. You don't want to drive it once. A task driver. I didn't sleep with him, but there was a task rabbit that I'm like, if I wanted it, it's all what they say about rabbits. They fuck like me for life. No, they have so much sex. They're gay. They mate. Yeah. Rabbids meet for life. They mate for life and they don't get ulcers. What? I don't know. Is that true? Zebras don't. Oh my god. Because they don't worry because they're animals. Yeah. We worry. We do. That's humans. What are you? What are you worried about? What's making you happy? What are you looking for? Oh my god. Joe, I'm going to go on a fall foliage cruise. Like a four hour. It was recommended by another comedian and it's going to be so nice this weekend. You just look at all the trees. There's beers, but I think I'll just have a coffee. And just nature. We forget about nature. Yeah. We as an eye. We as an me-specific. Me specifically. Not a. You forget. You think like, oh, there's nothing here and it's like, oh, there's everything. Where's the tour? It goes up the Hudson, up the Hudson. Fun. I set that twice to make sure it. Just to make sure that it's up the Hudson. Yeah. It's up the Hudson. I'm looking forward to that. And then I'm scheming. I am not going home for Thanksgiving this year because it's a trump dinner this year because my sister is going with her husband and her kids to Guatemala to visit his family. And then my other sister and I were like, this drops our numbers. It'd be like six of us and four trumpers and just me and my sister and I was like, I don't know if I want to go through that. Yeah, don't do it. Yeah. So I'm figuring out what I'm going to do. Yeah. These things are supposed to be fun. Yeah. I don't have. You don't have to do things you're not excited about. Has anyone seen this TikTok of the guy who says an aliens in his body and then a kid is like, what's the mean. What do I need to know? And he's like, I've told you everything you need to know. Do what excites you to the best of your ability with no expectation of the outcome. Missed this one. I missed this one. Oh. I haven't seen this one. I'll do it a couple more times. Sure. But it seems so silly. Do what excites you is such a simple idea. But for so much of my life and often for people, you're doing what you think you're supposed to do to be a good son or a good employee or a good community member. It's like, do what is exciting to you because that is infectious and it gets ever unexcited. And then we're changing the world with excitement. Yeah. Yes. Mostly. Oh. No, I come up with a problem with it because I have said that the world would just be very much better place if everyone, yeah, did what made them happy. If everyone truly just focused on what made them happy, actually, we talk about this sometimes in the tenant union that like you're acting in your self interest will actually most of the time benefit everybody when you're talking to working people, when you're talking to billionaires, you obviously can't talk like that. But that's the issue is when you say do the thing that would make you excited, some people are excited by being mean and bad. Oh, yeah. Unfortunately. Yeah. And I think it's a small number, but that's why the can't be a universal maxim because even no, most of us are excited by good and kindness and happiness and joy. There are some people who are excited by nastiness and that's, it's tough. It's yeah, you forget those people exit or I forget the big sis. I think they're like over there on the TV or doing awful things in other cities, but it's like, Oh, no, they're your mom. Yeah. They're your friend. Yeah. Or could be. Yeah, they're around. Or they're you on a really, really, really bad day. Yeah. You'll have the capacity for great good and great evil and what makes choosing good, powerful is that you reject the evil. Yeah. Do we all have the capacity for great evil? There's two buttons before you. You're going with that one? No. Already? I'm pointing them out. It kills a man and one gives you one billion dollars to invest in changing the world. Yeah. I don't know if this is good or not. I'm so far. It seems only really clear cut. You could save a malaria net cost $23 and you can save a million lives. Somebody do the math. You could do it or you kill this one guy. I don't think you got the dilemma right because the question is, there's a train. There's a train. The train is going 60 miles an hour. Right. And there's new runs where there's an old lady in the boat and there's a doctor in the boat. The world the limit you post was there's two buttons. One kills one guy and one saves a bunch of lives. So what are you going to do? Save a bunch of lives. Boy, it's money. Okay. So you would do something evil. You would kill someone for a billion dollars. You know, you didn't present the buttons right as what I'm telling you. You're not presenting the problem. You think you're presenting. Present it. You said this problem kills them. This button kills a man. Yeah. And this button gives you a bit one billion dollars. That's not a moral dilemma. I was trying to make you take the money. Right. And I knew I needed to say something good to get you to take the money. Yeah. But taking the money is not anywhere equivalent to killing a man. That's not the evil thing I do. What are you doing? Do you kill the man? Wait, I feel crazy. talking about. Are you doing a bit right now? - No, no, no, no, no, no. (laughing) - No, I'm so sorry, it's-- - I was like, I'm like, it's not set up a dreamer. - I'm crying, no, it's the same button. - Okay, one button, there's one button. - For a moment-- - And I thought, huh, you're welcome. - I've been gaslit into, there was always one button, Caleb, what are you talking about? - Okay, so what are the buttons? There's one button-- - There's one button, there's a choice that has to exist. - No, there's one button, you either press it or not. - Okay, so that's the choice, okay, so there's one button, kills a man, but you get a billion dollars. - No, I would not take that button. - But you're gonna save millions of lives with your billion. - I wouldn't take that button. - Okay, then you're good, I guess. - I really don't think I would take that button, I don't think I would-- - You don't think that evil in you? - I think I have evil in me, I think everyone-- I don't know about evil. - But you don't think you're capable of great evil. - Great, specifically the great is the thing I've missed. And I'm not even asking about myself, I'm asking, do we think everyone has the capacity for great evil? - Well, absolute power corrupts, absolutely. Do you think if you had complete and total power, you were billionaire, you could never be tried for a crime. Are you doing only good things? - Oh, I think so, yeah, but I guess I don't know 'cause it hasn't happened to me. - Have you seen, sorry, to bother you? - No, was that, was that Boots Riley, who did that? - Yeah, yeah, it's sort of the, he's a, well, go watch it. Just the idea of, we all think at this level, we will break down the system when we get there, but if you like get access to power, do you tear things up from the inside or do you enjoy your access to power? - I've had very, very micro-experiences of this that are nowhere compared to what we're talking about, where we, just this week, I was having a crash out to chance, actually, and a couple other people, about some of the money that we're getting offered at this juncture and who it comes from, and the money is, it was like a little crazy last year, there would be like an amount of money that you're like, yeah, that would be a lot of money. And this year it has been, I'll, obviously, we'll talk about it off mic, there's reasons, I can't talk about it, sorry, guys. But the specifics of it are-- - So ran wrap. - Oh, it's so ran wrap. It's a lot of money, but like, a thing that I think is not objectively evil, but like, I really don't agree with it and I have concerns about it. Anyway, anyway, there's this very small problem of an ethical dilemma that I've been in this year that has really been tearing me up. And it's hard because I do good things with my money. - Right, right. - And so I do go like, oh man, if I took that, I could donate this much to this group and I could take care of this person who needs help. And, but then also, part of the agreement is that I would have to sit here in this chair and tell the people who listened to me to endorse a thing that I don't believe in. - God, check out the-- - So it's a very small version, but it's like, yeah, it's a new thing. - I mean, it's ice that bad. - That's the thing is I'm wanting to run ads for ice. I want to, but I'm trying to get the number up. I guess, to me, the line from small evil to great evil is just like the amount of power that you have. - Right. - Like if you're willing to make the evil choice on a micro scale, like you'll do the same. Like the extra money isn't gonna, and access to things isn't gonna make you a better person. - But I think that spectrum is definitional because I think when you're doing small acts of bad, I wouldn't call it evil. - Oh, you can call it like a little naughty. - Like it's like, it's like silly. - You silly little girl. - I don't know, I don't know, anyway. - Great evil. Look at me. - Great, you wanna say that. - The button to limo is one of the funniest things. - The button to limo's really cracking me up still, because I'm like-- - I can't believe you, maybe it's the me, I was messing up the meme. There's a meme where there's two buttons. - Yeah, and he's sweating, but they're actually the same choice or the obvious choice. - I was confusing that with the box with the button. - I understand exactly what you mean. - Yeah. - Yes. - That there's a box to the button, all you have to do is open it and push it and one thing happens or it doesn't. - Hey, I was wrong. - It's really funny. I've also done, it's like, when I try to do, like sometimes when I try to do like, spur of the moment, like the moral problems like that, I do get in at my head where I'm like, he's like, the train is leaving and there's an older woman, but there's a younger person and you press or don't press. By the way, someone's wearing a white coat off to the side. - Oh, interesting. - I get them all mixed up sometimes, and I'm like, I don't know, I just, I basically get to be like, - I was the white coat guy doing it. - Are you good or bad? - That's what I wanna ask. - Yeah. And if a, will a bad person say they're bad or a bad person say they're good? - I think it depends. I think some bad people generally say they're bad. - As a troll, you can never tell a lie. - One more time? - As a troll, who can never tell a lie? - You got it. (laughing) - I'm being, I'm being, I do think my, I do like great evil and great good. I like big, from growing up Christian, like I love God and Satan, these ideas of great evil and great good. I love Lord of the Rings, like Sarah. I love a good villain. - Yeah, I just didn't realize they were right there in my life the whole time. - Yeah. - Also, hot take on God. Say it. You know I love this. I reread Herman Hess's Damien recently, which comes for the Cain story, saying like, "Oh, how did that come about? Like maybe actually Cain was a really powerful guy. People were afraid of." And so they said they had the mark of Cain and that's why people like vilified him. And I was like, okay, let me do this with another myth. God and Jesus. - Okay. - How is it such an act of love to kill your son? - Yeah, this is a, doesn't really feel like an act of love. Seems like killing your sacrifice in yourself would be an act of love to save your son. And so like God and Jesus to me feel like very different ideas of how to exist in the world. Jesus preached love and acceptance and inclusion and in the Gospel of Thomas, which was discovered at the Nakamadi Library, but not kept in the Bible that we know and love was about how there's a divine light within us all, not just with Jesus, or in Jesus being God was later too. And so God is this like angry, toxic guy who picks favorites, Cain and Abel. God to me is the original narcissist. People like, yeah, people like this version better. Yes, of course. And so, yeah, people are drawn to God is evil. Jesus was good. Nobody wants to be Jesus and everyone thinks they're God. (laughing) 'Cause Jesus is harder. - Yeah, Jesus being Jesus sucks. - Yes, you've been sent to die. - Yes, and you have to be doing that willing to preach the people are good. - Yeah. - The people that believe to come back to end Frank Jesus and Zach. - The people are praying, can I slip myself in there? - Yeah, you can. - Marianne Williamson, she allowed to get in there. People that are preaching good, oh, she's still alive. People that are preaching, they haven't got her yet. - People that are preaching the importance of love and acceptance and inclusion are, people come for them. - Yeah. - God, yeah, so that's my hot take on God and Jesus. That I'm still mulling over. - Hmm, I think that makes a lot of sense. I like that take. I like thinking about that. The difference between the two. - There's pokes a little hole in it. And Jesus being like, why did you forsake me, God? That feels kind of important. - Yeah. - Like we put that in there and we're kind of overlooking it. - Yeah. - So maybe Jesus wasn't God. - Yeah. - I don't think he was. - Yeah. - Okay. - Maybe that is though, God. - You think? Is that where you're out with it? - Oh, I did listen to a clip of yours about this. I'm not like evangelical atheist. I've surrendered to, I surrender to the universe. God, I think God is the dead name of the universe. We say universe now. And just like, hey, there's vibes out there. There are things in this world beyond my comprehension and control. And if I put out good vibes, I've noticed synchronicities happen. I can think of a friend right now, Claire. And I bet I look at my phone after this and she's texted me. And you think like, oh, that was random. It's like, maybe it wasn't random. - Yeah. - Maybe like you thought of her for some special reason or. So I'm thinking of a, I'm thinking of a hot, sweet man in his thirties that loves his family and has a good job. - Open your eyes. - I bet he texted me right after this. (laughing) - Open your eyes, sweetheart. - Man. - Gender queer. - That's what I thought. - Yeah, I was gonna say, let's put this on. - You became a trans watch a few months ago. - I put you on trans watch and I let you know. (laughing) - I have a couple of watch lists in my life. - It just makes as a gender queer bisexual, people have to love me. I just moved a friend from depression, watched a lesbian watch. - You? - I moved her over a friend. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, a lot of overlap. - Yeah, I thought maybe she was giving signs of depression when I was checking in. - She's actually just lesbian. - Well, I think, yeah, it might be. - We're gonna find out. - Oh, that's exciting. But I've moved her, she's on a new watch list. - Adley, thank you for clocking my own misgendering of myself. That was beautiful. - I was just checking in. - Yeah. - Happy to know. - Yeah, I haven't, yeah, I don't know. Why would anyone want to be a part of no offense? The toxic legacy of masculinity. - That's how I know I'm a man, is I'm like, I would not be over here if I had any other thing. - Right, right, right. - You think I'm not humiliated to be a part of the team? This is a humiliating team to be a part of. - I've done some Telaman nugget ready for a show. - That was rude. - One of the funniest things you've done in real memory is that you, I don't know if you will fall in love, 'cause it's kind of, it's not a drag, but it is an observation. One of the funniest things you've done is come into this podcast and say, I had a transformative summer that I refused to talk about. And it put pieces together in a way that I didn't know was still possible. And then to continue to reference it throughout the episode is, I literally hilarious bit to be like, to be like, I had a transformative summer that changed the way I think about what I'm capable of. No one is talking about it. (laughing) - And I want to do this, 'cause I think this is actually a really brilliant and captivating thing to do. - And I mean, I didn't mean it as a bit, but you're right, it is quite a funny bit. - It's like, I can feel what's actually happening is that you want to talk about things that you know, you should have. - Oh, that's a percent. - And I do that sometimes where I'm like, I'm not gonna talk about this, but if I was, just no. - Yeah. - Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, but it's my own, I have healing to do around it, and I want to be really intentional about the words I do use when I am ready to talk about it. I'm supporting the boundary. It feels very like I'm yeah I'm like a talk show and they're trying to get me and I'm like I'm not ready to talk about it And I'm not but also I brought it up. That's the funny part. I'm supporting the boundary fully I will not I will not I will go into it, but I do think I do her name was Susan When his name was Corey, here's a question for you because you're this is kind of on on that topic You're somebody who talks about a lot of personal stuff on stage and you're very incisive on stage You're very insightful. You have what I think to be a really beautiful mix of Funny first and foremost. Thank God, but then also like actually Insightful interesting important things to say about the world we live in and the way we exist in it How do you decide when something raw that did actually affect you is like ready to go to stage? I don't know. You don't know. It's great. I think my I air on the side of Real-time share how my day went and that Part of that I think is the charge of the comedian like hey, tell me about your day You're sacrificing your personal privacy so that we can all have a laugh or gain some beautiful insight But I think I need to learn some boundaries around what I keep for myself what I don't How soon how raw I think like Some space is nice. I think John Mark go said about mentioning his girlfriend and material that like the thing has to be resolved. Yeah, like it can't be live Yeah, and so maybe that's the move like and also I've learned to add a little space because I did tweet like Like yeah, I can't wait me when I don't want to do the thing Yeah, and when I went on John Marco's podcast the producer found that tweet like the day I was going on the podcast where I replied to an email like Yeah, I can't wait and so you want to add a little plausible deniability between The activities of your day and going on state like if I go on stage tonight and like went on the worst podcast You guys have ever heard then I that wouldn't yeah, I'll be fine. Oh, I would never yeah, this is I'm enjoying myself I know you are, but I do think sometimes people I found how do you approach how do I approach when to take stuff to the stage? I feel similar. It's kind of like Like electrical currents like if a wire is cut in the end is still like sparking It needs to at least be capped. That's not to say that if you took the cap off the curve couldn't flow again It's not to say that the thing is completely resolved and I'm never gonna have negative emotions about it again Or that I'm completely healed of whatever thing has occurred But I think the way John Marco put it is frankly even better of like yeah, it needs to not be like Alive wire of a topic in your life when you take it to the audience because also First and foremost, I think you need to make sure that you're in a place to be funny about it. Yes, it is simply not any audience's responsibility to Like caretake for you through whatever shape you're going through You better be making them off. Right stand up. It's not therapy. They may be funny to be at the show Yeah, there is with the NS set. I do think there is a little space for a frayed edge or two, but don't make it the whole thing although Well, I feel like one of the great there's a great set of tag coming on stage like the day she gets her breast cancer diagnosis Yeah, so there is a power and a rawness of being fucking real and you can smell it when the comic is just doing their act and they're not with you And so it's sort of you're Right the you do whatever you want, but you're building a career and if you're you know just the guy who comes on stage and Talks about wait now. I want to do a bit. We're like hey everybody. I had a transformative summer, but we can't talk about it Yeah, I mean that is a really good bit. Can I have it? I for sure? I think you're out the set being like oh God if I told you guys about this summer Oh, if I were willing to get into it reminds me of this summer man man. Ask me about this summer. Sorry. I can't not taking questions at this time Yeah, but take also I will say by the way this this like many like this like all other things is a rule for myself Words my rules are for me. My rules are not for other people other people are allowed to do whatever they want my rules are for Caleb I think TIG is an interesting example because TIG as a performer of somebody who's so balanced and so Mmm, like joke driven to begin with I trust TIG to go and do the cancer send it or go you know I mean trust is the trust is the word. Yeah, there's the audience trust that you're okay. Yes, and there's also there's an issue with There's an issue with less skilled comedians trying to pull off masterful stuff to Thousand it's like well, you're not good enough to behave that way. Yeah, and that's okay There's no there's nothing mean in saying that you're not taking a tarot. TIG was a very very Accomplished like died in the wall To word successful Skilled to talented comedian when when she did that set almost did that. Sorry TIG What is the I'm trying to think if there's a metaphor in like painting or another medium for this like But maybe there isn't maybe there isn't there's a perfect time To ask you sex. I remember what is so true to you You don't get to ask questions of the barista. Ooh tell me what you mean by that I feel like I was it's mostly in the Pacific Northwest. No offense. I love Portland But whenever I'm in a rush, I'm always behind someone who's always like what is coffee and Then the barista will be like well, we take be it's like no, ma'am That is so funny. So I think a little what's what what's hard is I love I love these little like Micro interactions that we have the do breed community. I do think is important to like have those little moments But not at the checkout line. Yeah, can I praise myself? You sure kid? I was out Dunkin donuts and I got my coffee and then I saw a woman get her coffee and she had a tiny little grimace when she got it I was like, oh did they mess it up? She's like, yeah, I didn't want this cream on top And I was like let him know they'll remake it for you. She's like, oh, I don't want to make a big deal So I was like, let him know and she let him know and they remade it for yeah, and I I'm proud Myself for I don't know just those little yeah, I think I know. Oh, maybe this is what's so true a little nudge is very powerful Yeah, a little nudge my friend, but also careful because a little nudge can be too powerful if you're unsure of who you are Hey, go go in there. My friend will nudge me and I will listen But just yeah, we got to look out for each other and give each other a little nudges like that. Yeah, noticing his love Noticing the little grimace is loving noticing his love and then there's an additional act of love Like it notice if you would notice the grimace and just given her a smile to say I saw your grimace. That would be love a further act of love is saying What's the grimace about? Yeah, did they did they mess up your coffee? It would even further out You made like six or seven acts of love in that moment. I made it to third base. Yeah, you went to third base with love third That wink third base with love third base with love. I do think Yeah, love is listening love is noticing love is I use the Bell Hooks definition commitment to one's spiritual growth The willingness to extend oneself that took a little out of my day. It took an extra 10 seconds. Yeah, I Guess I did love that woman. That was love. Yeah, I am by I'm deciding that was love You're by you're by care and love. It is funny when you're falling for someone you don't get to say the word love like I Care about you like you're shy to tell someone like I love you. Are you me? Yeah. Oh, no, I Girl, oh, I was like I I caught myself because I was like I shouldn't be doing that, but I was like I Can see a world which is very Which might be very similar to this world yeah, I fall madly and deeply in love with you could almost be the exact world we're living in yeah Yeah, might be and then later later did I say I love you? I won't say but the idea of someone saying I love you and me saying back I can see a world No, I know Imagine it as the response that's dark. You love me. I there are universes in which there we live in many worlds Yeah, are you familiar with the Marvel universe there are planes of existence. Can I start there? Yeah? Yeah, thank you for saying that the are you familiar with string theory right and vibrations? Yes, exactly Zach Did I I don't think I did the assignment? No, you did a great job You don't get to ask questions of the brista is a great so true and I'm very I if there's no lot look it does beg the question who then do you ask but that's not important on this show Google right or a friend Right, a trusted confidant. I think I think if I really dove into it I'm team you get to ask the brista questions even though it when there's my line Even though I know I know it sucks. I just why did I bring it up with a true story? I'm in an airport and an old lady is like well Is that problematic that I had to make her an old lady was she a maker? Yeah, well, then you didn't make it She was like what's a latte and so now I'm kind of charmed by the idea I was gonna say you're making it all your old life and not knowing what a latte is I need to invent an argument that makes mine Jeff Bezos like where do you get your beans from the specific city in county now bitch Yeah, the bitch would definitely take it over it's like I have a segment for you You ready? Wait, this is an act of love. This is an act of love. Yeah, they're I'm gonna read you 15 statements Yeah, you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false If you get ten or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 us dollars Wow, and may I ask now? Yes Is it random? What is true and not or did someone's sort of make it so that there's about, there's some back and forth. There are, there are objective trivia questions. But then the order of them, will you deliver them to me in a random order? You're about to find out. They're ready. Okay. There are two NFL, I have to get 10, right? You have to get 10, right? Okay. There are two NFL teams. Wait, we can't talk about what happened this summer. That's the second one. You went through a champ's orbit of this summer. Tell me about it. What's your perfect day? There are two NFL teams in the state of New York. False. False. There are three. Bank of America has more locations in the U.S. than any other bank. False. False. It's Chase. Uranus is the coldest planet in the solar system. True. That is true. William Fleming High School won state men's basketball in 2007. This is where I went high school. We won what? State in men's basketball in 2007. I graduated in 2006. I have no idea. True. It is true. Every founding member of the band Aerosmith is still alive. False. True. Oh. Bald Eagle's mate for life. False. True. Spike TV is older than MTV. True. False. A group of ladybugs is called a loveliness. You're, yes, true. Even if it's not, thank God. It's true. The Princeton Triangle Club was founded in 1905. True. False, 1891. Skittles are banned in Norway. True. True. Reddit was originally a book review website. True. False. The sentence 19 letters long is 19 letters long. The sentence 19 letters long is 19 letters long or words letters. The sentence 19 letters long that's the sentence is 19 letters long 19 letters long And stop doing the math in the internet. True. This room. Warren's Fishburn is six foot five. False. False. He's six foot. Snapchat was discontinued in 2021. False. Not his false. The current mayor of Roanoke, Virginia is Travis Fleetwood. True. False. Joseph L Cobb. How do you do? Catch and strays. No. No. Wait. No. I want to litigate. Which one's that I get wrong? There's nothing to litigate. I don't, I could, that could get me out of a lot of my litigates. That could get me out of a lot. Don't tell anybody. So don't sweat it. I thought one of the questions going to, I'm ready to answer to answer the question I refused to answer earlier. Okay. There's two buttons in front of you. One does nothing one tells somebody. Zach, thank you so much for doing this. This was lovely. You don't want to know what my perfect day is. I would love to know what your perfect day is. I thought you were doing a bit about your summer and I wasn't going to actually push you on it. Oh no. What is your perfect day? October 3rd. Okay. It's not too hot. Not too cold. It's really cute. All you need is a light check. A bit of a deflection, but really cute. I was thinking about how I was peeing. It involves coffee and maybe an omelette. What kind of omelette? Oh my god. Because you know, I'm a human beings and cheese. Well, I'm a vegetarian because I care about the sentient beings other than humans on earth. And I don't. We've made that clear. I love cheese. And maybe a little salsa on it. A little creme frappe. A little sour cream. Yeah. And sweet potato fries. Yeah. Or a really good home fries like a twice fried twice baked home fries English muffin. Yeah. Butter jelly. And there should probably be some sex in your perfect day. For my perfect day. Yeah. I think the perfect day starts with a little. What could you say? I don't know about you guys. I wake up a little ready to go. I do, but morning sex is a chore of all chores. Morning sex is like asking me to run a marathon. I'm like, I need, I need to I need to brush my teeth. I need a shower. I need to stretch. I need, like, it's just too. Morning sex is like, whew. What? No, it's the best. I don't like it. And I don't like when someone tries to have morning sex with me without having, like, brush their teeth and whatnot. Oh, yeah, you got to go brush your little mints. You don't have a little sex corner with mints and condoms. Well, of course I do. I'm no blue. Something like that. Yeah. Giant, you know, at a stadium when they've got like ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise. Yeah. And I have the little paper cups with it too. Oh my gosh. Bring a paper cup of lube to the bedroom. Zach, this was so much fun. Thank you for doing that. Oh, I had a blast. Tell people where they can find you. I live at boundary. I love that boundary. I'm on Instagram, ZZ, double ZZ. That's easy. The word double and ZZ. That's the big place Instagram TikTok. Twitter. Sorry. Interesting. I'm special, which is on YouTube. Yeah. Watch my sandwich special. It's called Surprise Me. It's about my search for a definition of love and Dunkin Donuts is there. And then I have a book that came out two years ago called Is It Hot and Here? Or my suffering for all eternity for the sins I committed on earth. You can get that on bookshop.com or ask your local independent bookstore to order it for you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thanks for doing it, Zach. Thanks for having me.