Zach Justice's Date with Jules

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If you are an OG Tiger Belly fan or a new fan, this is our official 10 years. 10 years of doing this podcast merch. Go grab it now. Get it now, man. Hey, everybody. Bobby Lee here. And I'm very excited because I'm shooting my first special for Hulu. And it's going to be at San Diego. California. January 16th, 2026. January 17th, 2026. And it's at the San Diego Balboa Theater. And the tickets are on sale now. And come check it out. I would love to see you there. And I'm super excited. And we're all going to be there. We're all going to be there. Support Papa. Papa. Tito Bobby. You never done that before. I thought you guys joked around like this guy's name is Hyman. It's Hyman. It's Hyman. It's Hyman. Okay. I was like, Hyman is a wild thing to call someone. Thank you. Thank you. Sad justice. Kind of gay, kind of not. No, no, no, no. Christian. Different. Christian. It's Christian. Okay, ready? One, two, let's go Christian. My middle name is Christian. Wow. Okay. What direction are we going to go with the song? Because I'm a little confused here. 70s funk, Black Panther. No, we're doing this tune. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do 70s funk? No, I can't do 70s funk. Anyway. Okay. This is started? Yeah. This is started. This is started. This is started. This is started. This is started? No. We got to give it. I thought we were in. You got to give a, you know, like an action or something. This is Hollywood, baby. I didn't get to say, hi, how are you guys? Okay, no. Well, I mean, we're not on the Justice Show. Hey, brother. Let's do Ketamine after our host. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are your guys' names? I don't want to be weird. My name is Karina. Karina. Karina. Karina. Yeah. Very cool. And we just met. What was your name again? Nyla. Nyla. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Karina is Jaime's roommate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rewriting. Oh, he takes notes. He does haikus. What are you talking about? Where did you guys find? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where did you find? Mexico, dude. Yeah. They love haikus over there. Do you like Mexicans? Wait, wait for the answer. This is my first. This is. But do you like them? Be honest, man. Be honest. When they're over there, it's fine. They're good people when they're over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over there. Where's over there? Mexico. Oh, I thought you were. No, no, no. I'm all in on you guys. There's a couple others that I'm a little out on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Salvadorian? Filipinos. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Based on Jules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're into them. Yeah. We'll get into it. Yeah. Jules and I went on a date the other day. No. Does that bother you? It bothers me so badly. What do you mean? She's a little person. She's young. They're in the same decade. Well, how old are you, Zach? I just turned 30. So watch your mouth. And she's what, 24? Yeah. Yeah. That works out in my. No. Stay with 28. Okay. What have you been staying with? Let's talk about that. 35. 35. Yeah. 35. Let's get into it. Yeah. You're the lead artist. Sing it. No. Sing it, dude. What? Intro. Welcome to the show. Woo. A Mexican guy. Yeah, yeah. Whoa, dude. Asian on the keys. Yeah. There we go. Jules on her knees. Oh. That's his daughter. Whoa. That's my daughter, dude. No, it's not. It's your ex's something. Yeah, yeah. But I raised her. I'll rip your eyes out, Whitey. Okay. Well, I. You want your eyes gouged out, Whitey? Yeah. Say one more thing. I'm so sorry for saying Whitey. Say one more thing, dude. I'm going to get a. Oh, you think you're superior? It's 2025. I'm going to get the thinnest spider web I can and blind you, dude. Oh, wow. You want to go racial there? Yeah. Let me just say. You keep asking what people's fucking names are. He's confusing. That means your ears are slanty. Me. Your ears are slanty. You have reverse Asian. Reverse Asian ears. All right. Don't put that on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not anything. I'm whatever you guys are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you sneak in here? Were you like. Were they like. In the house? Yeah. They were like, no, he's one of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, he's an American citizen. He's Mexican. You guys don't get along. Pack. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Yeah. You're. He'll rip you apart. Don't be careful, dude. I'm Mexican. Yeah. This is the fucking. He's Salvadorian. Salvadorian juggernaut is what we call him. You'll run right through. Don't say not Mexican. They're like Salvadorian. Okay. Okay. If you're a stone's throw away. That's like me being like, oh, no, I'm not Irish. I'm Scottish. Like. Dude, if you were an X-Men, dude, you'd be a terrible power. Yeah. You know what your power would be? What? You get really angry. Right. Your ass will turn into adamantium steel. What did I tell you about enunciating? I told you we're going to start. We're going to start doing it and doing it often. Give me the line over again. Okay. All right. If you were an X-Men and you had a power, when you get angry, your ass will turn into adamantium steel. Thank you. Yeah. You want to write. What's my power? When your Mexican friend doesn't even write it down, that's how you know it's not good. Yeah. What would you be your power if you were an X-Men? Me? Yeah. Yeah. I'll get really mad. Yeah. It's always mad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're always mad at something. Yeah. And my fist will be steel. No. Oh. I already know what it is. What is it then? For Chad to squirt out your nipples. Oh, okay. Not really a power, but it's refreshing when you're around other X-Men. What's like a low tier, like convenient power that you would want? Because I was watching a movie and they're like, oh, a sick one would be after the beach, you could say sand off and then all the sand would be off of you. Oh. What's a low kind of power? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But the sand thing wasn't yours. You come up with a new one. Don't. Yeah. But don't throw it in my face. I brought up a topic and he's like, well, you didn't come up with that. Yeah. Sorry. I'm coming up with material. First of all, I'm not going to throw it in my face. I'm going to throw it in my face. as what hi me okay so i thought you guys made like a joke like he's never gonna break once we'll call him hyman and i thought that was rude and i was gonna combat them for you but but since that wasn't the case no now i was not talking about it you know that wasn't even the case i like how you you like yeah you diss me and then look to your boys like this idiot dude we're like i guess yeah uh they're on my side yeah i don't know but anyway um what would be your if you had an individual but simple like that yeah so go ahead what what would i just did like every day you know i mean like zack's uh pick up like a deck of cards what can you just pick them up like gambit like he throws the cards but no that's a power power yeah but then i'll be the reverse guy i'll be like okay pick up the cards how but how often is that an inconvenience in your life yeah yeah you're because the moment you have that power and you do it once you're like i wish i would have picked any other power yeah instant rice phenomenal okay and i don't like giving him his flowers yeah yeah because he'll put it like in his tea and then like you know what i mean but for you you can't say instantly refry beans either yes you can't i wasn't going okay but just don't do that okay because i already did a food thing make some good guacamole no no not a food thing not a food thing yeah yeah come up with something that's an inconvenience you look genuinely stumped yeah yeah like uh kind of thing that's why maybe clothes always clean guy anytime you put them on they're instantly clean okay these are things you can just already do oh oh my bad oh no i i get it you look at a book and you almost instantly know what the whole book's about like you read it no he didn't that was not yeah yeah i know but i'm trying to help yeah okay yeah i'm trying to help okay that's a really good book that's yeah yeah so you want to be i don't think you'll be able to comprehend it once you even do that okay understand a good book oh understand a good book and understand it yeah wow so if you wrote if you instantly read mein kampf you'd be like i understand hitler no more like if i wrote the art of war and i understood it you know like when you're little and you say i like what do you want to be when you get older you're like i'm just gonna keep doing what i'm always been doing getting bullied but now you get paid for it is that how it works i guess were you were you bullied no you get bullied here no but does it you're assuming zach that he was bullied in his life uh yeah i have a context clue cowboy i picked up on it okay go ahead so have you were you bullied in school yeah okay well then you're right zach not by like a korean but like by like other mexicans and black people sounds like we were pretty nice to you the white people yeah oh yeah yeah what are your favorite thing about the watts the whites yeah uh i like how y'all can rock camo and everything you guys can't rock camo yeah yeah it looks good yeah it looks pretty good yeah anything else um nice mashed potatoes really honestly dude yeah all the variations of mashed potato you've done over the years have been incredible once we invented idaho it was over for all let's name them all the potato tater tots that's white brother brother beautiful but no i'm saying this is how far this because last time on the podcast you baked it we had things to talk about he just said let's name all the different types of potatoes like i'm just okay i'm doing temperature no what whites have you done with the potato oh yeah yeah it's remarkable thank you we yeah we've done baked yeah yeah yeah uh i'm and i'm willing to rank yeah would you go what would you go on top french fries french fries you do but i think the french did that no no no no there's a comment that's the uh the belgians did that if we look that up i think all right well so you can't claim well but they are white they're whites this is white yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so you went you get that thank you yeah yeah fries yeah uh would you go with mashed potatoes second no loaded mashed potatoes no my number one would be for me can i have my list i mean it's gonna involve a lot of side stuff but yeah god you know what dude your tone right now i don't like it you're saying there's it's gonna be there's some gonna be wasabi and like fish eggs is that what you're saying he meant punch on oh punch on yeah he meant punch on yeah yeah korean sides no i feel like i was being disrespectful so i i can do it back but i can do this one too oh my brother i've seen that one so um but anyway i like kame baked baked is my number one okay that's what very cool yeah with bacon okay sour cream cheddar cheese chives exactly yeah muy bueno as your people would say we don't say that you don't say muy bueno no not to anything like that what's the context of what muy bueno you would use muy bueno she's like what the fuck are you talking what are you talking about yeah yeah kbn what kbn kbn i know so you've never said muy bueno no what does muy bueno mean that's a white people thing but does it mean does it make sense muy bueno uh-huh very good right is that what it means yeah i've never heard anybody say that oh my god that's insane dude only american well that's uh grammatically incorrect okay well there we okay tell me educate me well it's why is the white guy educating you're gonna answer a question you say muy bien not muy bueno all right so the movie window is like an american white thing and that's my bad and i'm being corrected and i apologize so what's what is the right term muy bien muy bien muy buen can i i am so interested in you that's why he's here what is the i know there is that you found him but what's the genesis of you becoming or you be coming here becoming friends with everybody well you know well have you heard of the alamariachi i actually haven't you haven't no i apologize okay and i'm sure that's a reference where well tell them what an army all right male mariachi is that like ms-13 no man yeah well that's part of the story okay an alamariachi a member from the ms-13 and a chupacabra got together at a bar i thought like nacho libre in iraq had sex well that not yeah there was a wrestler involved okay a hispanic wrestler thank you all right all four of them had sex well all right and one of them farted let me just no you don't give me a bit anymore how did you get this i was like he's about to go in a long bit i'm going a long bit yeah i know he's about to go down a little fart came out right and a little bean came out with the fart you know as one does sometimes when you do a fart oh the do comes out right so a little bean came out there's a little comment too but that's fine and that's to do with your birth right and one of the uh the wrestler was i'm gonna take this home right because it came out of the alamariachi's butthole right and he you guys need to stand up he planted it you guys need to stand up when things like this happen we let it ride yeah let it ride why do you let it ride because you're trying to clock out clock in clock out yeah no you need to perform at your job when he's doing the the the fart for 10 years no he watered this bean what was he just for 10 years he watered this bean where yeah yeah yeah yeah very cool dude where how did he find you um i'm a stand-up comedian okay he just sold out the ice house okay that was a long time ago well not a long time ago but yeah i was just a stand-up comedian saw me no that's not how i met you well what story do you want to tell him the bean no i was i was how you were born i guess we're past that okay well so let's finish with the beans if we may yeah yeah yeah zach loves this yeah yeah so what is it ari kari give me one yeah so no what the fuck are you doing right now dude what am i doing fart bean don't tell me what i'm doing some people are born different dude i want to know yeah so the water for 10 years right and something sprouted and how many take over the story and then i was from an ai and then i did comedy yeah yeah well what the what the wrestler did was you know i mean he took the the the sprout of the bean right he ai'd it this is back in the day when ai wasn't even a thing this feels like dmt like if someone had to just be like no that's anyway the real i don't know his origin origin i was lying and i mean this i've punched for so much like i know like i've i want you to punch me right now see what happens oh yeah you'd have to get thick boy in the back to come you bait a pussy look at this cuck what's up cookie that's like punch me in the face that's like an ant's right looking up at goliath and like with your beaver teeth i don't i don't yeah yeah you're a beaver actually i went to the dentist recently and he told me my teeth are too small for my face so suck it yeah and he said it looked and he said i need veneers but i think he was just trying to upsell me hopefully yeah he walked in the door and he just looked at me and he goes yeah yeah too small for your face and i'm like what he's like your teeth they're just too small they are too small for your face let me see your chompers they are nice did you have uh did you have braces i did that's beautiful like a true american when did you come to uh the u.s i was born here like you 1971 sharps hospital oh my god san diego what was um - Did they put out the Old Testament or the New Testament by then? Or was it just you guys only had the old test? No. What happened was at the hospital, they planted a little rice kernel. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Where's Jules? That's me. She's on her way. Look at the screen. I don't. Is that the dad that you don't like, but you talk about a lot and cry? I love my dad. What are you doing right now? I'm calling Jules. She's not coming. Yes, she is. Why do you need her help? Because she needs to see this. Okay. Zach got nervous. About what? About your Asian father? No. My alpha male energy. I like how you looked around the room. Where are you? Yeah. She hanged up on me. She hung up on me. Yeah, yeah. That means she's close. She's close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you with anyone? No, man. If you're paying rent, you gotta use money. Use Bilt. B-I-L-T. Bilt. With Bilt, every rent payment earns you points that can be used toward flights, hotels, lift rides, Amazon.com purchases, and so much, much more. You know, when you pay rent, right, you're just paying rent. But with Bilt, you get so much more. Right, Jaime? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And when you pay rent through Bilt, Jaime, you unlock access to exclusive benefits from a network of more than 45,000 merchants. Oh, my God. Just link your credit card. Link your credit cards. Spend that in your favorite local. Local spots. Earn Bilt points on top of your regular card rewards. Yeah. And get one step closer to that trip you wanted to take. What would you redeem your points for, Bobby? I'd probably go to Mazatlan. Where is that? Somewhere in Mexico. I'm asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I like ancient ruins. Spend the summer in Mazatlan? I love ancient ruins. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Bilt points have been ranked the most valuable currency by the points guy, and they just announced Bilt Cash, a way to unlock even more value from Bilt partners. It's simple. Paying rent is better with Bilt. 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Please play responsibly. 21+, physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. No purchase necessary. Three launches per day for rewards. Launches expire each day at 1159 p.m. Eastern Time. Non-withdrawable rewards and amounts vary per launch and are subject to game and expiration limits. For more information, visit www.draftkings.com/promo, sponsored by D.K. Crown Holdings, Inc. I'm not the man, I'm the male, how do you think? She's close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you with anyone? No, man. No man? Single man. A woman? Oh. No, like, no, man. I'm single. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank God. Jules, sit down. We're doing rice and bean bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rice and bean. But we want to talk about the date we went on the other day, me and you. Bobby's not happy. He's not happy. Well, I picked him. You picked him? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Am I like a father figure to you? I think so. Yeah. I know so. Tito Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what she always says. Shut the fuck up for a sec. Tito Bobby. All right? I know. So I'm your Tito Bobby, right? Right? I forbid you for dating this man. Again. Because he's white? Not just that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. What? Racism. Yeah, yeah. Have I ever been racist to you? You always call me. What? The nickname Jungle Monkey. So this is her big bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You call her Jungle Monkey friend? I do not call her Jungle Monkey. But this is her big bit. Any time I introduce her to someone new, first thing out of her mouth, he calls me Jungle Monkey. And I will say this. My trainer is black and he walked into the podcast studio because we do a podcast together. Yeah. And he called me Jungle Monkey. He called me Jungle Monkey. Yeah. black and he walked into the podcast studio because we do a podcast together yeah and he the first thing like and and the term monkey around a certain demographic can really get dicey um she goes he calls me jungle monkey and he thought we were serious and i had that whole explanation to do anyway anyway does he really call you that yeah okay well that's one reason yeah that's one reason and are you attracted to zach um are you attracted to zach i you already know i don't like white dicks i know i know okay well i haven't shown you that yeah but zach but zach is funny and cute yeah yeah thank you okay you guys look cute together now thank you so much no i mean no as a podcast partners it's great we just it just feels right yeah so we did blind dating it was me versus a model he was so hot he was so hot and she chose me he did it really it was so hot and she chose me he did it really it was so hot and she chose me he did it really why didn't you choose the model because he wasn't why didn't you choose the model because he wasn't speaking like he was oh you need later he spoke speaking like he was oh you need later he spoke speaking like he was oh you need later he spoke later yeah but i don't like australian accents oh later yeah but i don't like australian accents oh okay but was he hot so hot and was there a hot okay but was he hot so hot and was there a hot okay but was he hot so hot and was there a hot girl that did it for you to date or no girl that did it for you to date or no girl that did it for you to date or no there were other no no she's a girl there were other no no she's a girl She's Dora She's Dora the Explorer She told me to put on my boots That's why I got my boots Stop stop stop I got my boots Hi I'm Angel If you want to observe butterflies and wear a backpack Then you hang out with her Like Dora does The Explorer We've done so many things together We had Jollibee together Oh that's what I want to He hates the spaghetti It's the worst You said you love Jollibee When did I say that Every time we go to the Philippines Why are you raising your voice Why do you get so angry Who was screaming for us Jaime I do love that Jules has no in between voice It's either Hi Bobby It's like 1 or 10 Can you go 5 You're at 1 now Have you heard about her other dating excursions Of like why she doesn't enjoy the white penis I don't ask her these kind of questions You think I do She just comes in hot and heavy Yeah but she doesn't talk to me Yeah I do Oh that's sad Hi Tito Bobby That's it We saw a show last night together Fun show Pluribus Yeah She has met up with two separate white men And the first time she's met these guys Is in a parking lot And she's hooked up with them Do you not know about this Wow Don't worry about it Don't worry about it Tito Bobby Why are you outing me What are you talking about Is this online This is the genesis of her not liking the white species Because she says the wiener is translucent I mean I think everyone knows except Tito Bobby Yeah yeah I think a lot of people know about it Okay so you hooked up with two white guys At the same time No Oh thank god Thank the lord Jesus Christ himself Other times Alright so In a parking lot Yeah What parking lot I'm not gonna tell you Don't tell him the parking lot Do not tell him the parking lot He's riding it down Yeah yeah yeah He's riding down the edge He will be at that parking lot Yeah yeah So Jerking off And stop that No I'm not gonna jerk off I'm gonna have my own female there You just wanna be Ohhhh Female Is it a human Or are you just like AI bean Oh my god AI bean AI bean So he's yes anding from a long time ago Yeah from the last Yeah yeah yeah And the AI improv there didn't really make any sense I don't know why I didn't like it That's alright You go to sunset and then Stop Sunset and then So May I ask some questions Yeah Please Okay How recently was it No this was during um the pandemic Oh yeah I knew about those You spoke about like it was three weeks ago and you still had dry stuff on you Like what are we talking about No cause I was traumatized Okay Cause it was so pale and translucent and then the other guy I told you had like really like cheesy dicks I was just cause I've I've had I love the cheese though I've On pizza but not on dick But but but she said it was Unless it's mozzarella or whatever What was the term you used was it a mound Like how you said you had to like To like move it away to like clean it a little bit with my hands No that shouldn't be That shouldn't happen Cause that's never happened to me I genuinely don't know what you mean when you say cheese Like the thick You know what I mean Yeah You know what I mean Yeah That's what I mean That's what I mean That's what I mean I don't know what that means Like the thick white thing That's what I saw Smegma A natural cheese like substance composed of dead Smeagol's brother smegma I have to do a Lord of the Rings Oh okay Well my my guy made it out the hood like Eminem So I don't have like I don't have foreskin Yeah I don't have foreskin So they had foreskin Yeah Okay Oh that makes more sense What I do is if there's like a 30% chance that I'm going to hook up with somebody, I'll get on my knees. No. No, stop. Don't tell me you suck yourself off. Dude, that's a crazy move. That's a crazy move. No, no, no. Okay. In the bathtub, right, put in lukewarm water. I'm all in on this. I take three different body washes. Yeah. And I scrape the taint, the sack area. I clean it out. That's respectable. I do one spray of a cologne, right? I'm a little nervous that the taste in their mouth would then be. Oh, here's the trick on that. Okay. Is that the trick on that? Yeah. You don't put it on the shaft. You put it on the puke region. Okay, okay. Right? Or you lift the sack out and you do a little squirt in the taint region. Okay, okay. No, no, no. Totally respectable. Yeah. Because if you throw foreign oils, and I could be completely wrong, and fragrance inside the vagina, that could be. That's a UTI thing to happen. And I'm a doctor, and I'm very mindful of those. No, no. You play one on TV, or at least you've been in the casting of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's cut to a clip. Yeah, I understand. How is the lunch table podcast going? Really bad. Downhill. Yeah, I played a doctor. Oh, you did play one on TV. Hell yeah. He did. In the classic animal practice. Yeah. Where do I know that actor's from that's behind you? Whitley. That's Kim Whitley. Did she play the hooker in Curb Your Enthusiasm? Possibly. Okay. Yeah, Kim Whitley is so funny. Betsy Sedaro, Tyler Bean, and everyone else. Anyway, the monkey. Anyway, let's go back to that. Yeah, why is it just a picture of poorly Photoshopped faces? So how's the podcast going? Is it going downhill? What do you mean? No, no, it's good. How many have you done so far? 11, 10, 11, I don't know. Probably 20-something, 30. I've done like 50-something, but you came on. Later. Let's bring up business. Yeah, yeah, let's bring up. Oh, you're going to pitch me? That game show idea again or whatever? The game show? You pitched me and Andrew something. A board game. It was an app, and it was phenomenal. It is phenomenal. We still talk about it. No, you don't. I know. You still talk. No, I shot a pilot, and I wanted you to be in it. The director's phenomenal. And I was like, hey, do you want to come in and be this pilot of this episode that we're shooting? Yeah. And then you're like, dude, yeah. And then I followed up, never heard from you again. I'll tell you why. It doesn't matter why. I'll tell you why. Just tell me you don't want to do it. Why is that? There's a respect thing that happens between our cultures that is. We're the same culture you fucked hard. No, we're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm a POW back in Vietnam when I hang out with you. No, we're not, dude. I'm a one-legged hopping Vietnamese dude. Come on, dude. Oh, you're a. Platoon reference. Platoon reference, everybody. You act like a tunnel toddler. That's what you act like. Dude, you probably could make a better trail than I can. Let's hear your excuse. All right, so I get a lot of these from the TikTokers. From TikTok talent. Fringe. I'm kidding. You're legit. That's why you're here. I love you. So this is what I get a lot. I'll be at a comedy store. I don't care what you get a lot. I want to know why you didn't respond to me. Can I get to my explanation, Zach? Yeah, but any time you go on this haiku, it's going to take me 84 years. Go ahead. You don't even know what a haiku is. It's a 5-7-5. Okay, all right. Get on the mic, please. Hi. Sit down, please. Hi, so good to see you. Can you sit down? I can. Yeah, yeah, you can. Honey, sit down. Sit down, sit down. Honey. If you don't sit down, you leave my house. Sit down. Sit down for a second. It's so great to meet you. Good to see you. Hi. Yeah, hi. How are you? So that's Jules' mom. Yeah. Honey, first time ever on screen? No, you saw me in Cebu. In her store. No, on what? On the story. Her store. Yeah. I'm not beeping. Is the kitchen burning? I turned off everything already. It's nice to see you. It's so great to see you as well. I know. What? What's the beeping about? I don't know what's going on. I turned off everything, even the candles downstairs. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a fire alarm? Yeah. Okay. How is it raising Jules? She's different. I'll pick up on it. She's very silent. You know that she's silent, right? She's never silent with me for whatever reason. Yeah, for whatever reason, she's not silent with me either. If she likes people. If she likes people, she's not silent. Oh, good. She likes me. She's just screaming. What do you think about that? Oh, my God. I thought you said. Yeah, she screams a lot, right? Bobby always says she screams. Can I ask you a question, please? May I ask you a question? What? Do I know how to cook a rice? Classic Asian question. You're the first Asian person I've ever met in my life that didn't know how to cook rice. Well, he. Gilbert doesn't know how to cook rice. I don't know how to cook rice. She knows how to cook rice. If you don't use the rice cooker, you don't know how. Yeah, yeah. He knows how to cook rice. I'm the worst mom. I'm not the worst. She doesn't know how to cook anything. Anything, dude. Is there any fun facts about you? Yeah, that's fantastic. That's a fun fact. Are you pretty. Are you as open as Jules with. Okay. With what? What is she hiding? Well, she told me like a little fun game you guys play, and I was just wondering if it was. Oh, don't be. Nothing. I know stuff. You're a meth addict? Yeah. Oh, you guys always. Still? No, no, no. No! Oh, well, I'm a girl. How was it? Tough. That was hard. Yeah. I mean, everybody knows it's hard. Yeah. How'd you kick it? It's great. Oh, brother. How I took it? There's certain things that you can just, you know? What do you mean? There's certain things we know. You don't have to be like, I also did meth. Okay. Like, there's some like. Go ahead. Honey? Yeah. How'd you kick it? It was hard. It wasn't hard. It was fun. That was the funniest days of my life. Of my life. Of being. Yeah. It was. It was just. It was an experience. I mean, you can't stop it. But how'd you quit? I know how you quit. It was hard. It was really hard. What happened? I was placed in rehab. Yeah. I was. I stayed for. I stayed for six. I thought you were locked in a room like. In a room, yeah. Like Kalilah's dad. Yes. Kalilah's dad. Yes. Right? Locked you in a room. I was tied up. Tied to a radiator or something. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, you're Kalilah's sister. Is that. Or how is it? Adopted sister. Adopted sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That's amazing. But still, family. Family, very. And very successful. She owns this store in the Philippines. Oh, wow. That's amazing. I do really actually want to go. Yeah. Oh, so you've been on Tiger Belly. I remember that. Yes. Her shop. Yeah. Wow, look at that. God. What a beautiful. Memories, huh? I look like. She just whispered. Can I. She asked Jaime for permission. She can leave. I just. He has no power. Yeah, yeah. He went to the guy with the least power and asked. Can I leave yet? He has no power. Jaime's really nice. Yeah. I have a small question. Here we go. Jules said you. You guys have this like prank game that you play together where. Prank game? You lift up each other's dresses and. Show each other's pussy and everything? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's normal for everybody. Okay, anyway, next. What the fuck are we talking about? Okay, good, honey. Jaime's so nervous. No, you can go, honey. I have no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, honey. Thank you, honey. Come back. Yeah, very good. Very good. Keep no more beeping. Thank you. Well, that was uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she. So, her and Jules. I don't want to talk about it anymore, actually. Okay. Okay. What is this? They scrub, rub, and then put each other's faces. Like, that's our family joke. Yeah, sometimes Mama will just like put her hand on her vagina and just let me smell it. Let me. Oh. And then what does it smell like? I can imagine. It's not smelly. Yeah, yeah. Well, really? But, yeah. There's no follow-ups to that. What do you mean? You were just like, what does it smell like? It wasn't like, why? You know, because I had 38 questions loaded up about how do you get to a point like that with your dog? Well, I believe if you and I were, you know, in the Marines, we're in the shower, we had a hard day on the. In a mission. Field, yeah. We had a mission. Some people died. Our friend, Clover, legs blown off from my IUD. Yours? No, Clover. No, I thought you meant you put the IUD down. I did put it down, yeah. So it's the same thing, except for them it's IUDs. So it's like a, you know. Is it IUD? I think so. Well, IUDs in the woman. I was making a. Oh, IUD. I was making a. IUD. I was attempting a. You're right, it's IUD. It's IUD. No, I know, but an IUD is what women. It's a birth control thing, and I. I was making a joke. It didn't work. Well, yeah, because who I was talking to is retarded, dude. You want me to promote this? Yeah, no, no, no, no. It's promoted. Okay. Anyway, Marines, let's move on from that. Anyway, we're in the shower. No, no, you were talking about some. If I rubbed my penis and I. I would hate it. I know, but you would do it. I would hate it, too, if you did it, but I would smell it. No, I wouldn't smell it. What about with your dads? Yeah, I've never even seen my dad's genitals. Same. Yeah, yeah, ever. I haven't seen my dad very much in general, though. I grew up with my mom, mostly. Yeah. If you were more lovable, maybe you would stay, but anyway. Where's your tooth? I know, I missed it, too. Okay. If you were ever to meet your dad, would you punch him in the. I thought one of them was talking. That was cool. I was like, if you were ever to meet your dad. Would you punch him in the penis? No, I wouldn't. Would you hug him? It's a fun game to play with dad. Papa, good to see you, Papa. And hug him? No, I would just be like, how do you throw a curveball, dude? please god teach me what what about you and your family you have one yeah i punched my dad in the penis did you it's a fun game it's kind of the same thing as hers but i don't see my dad's penis i just punch it i and i i mean what's going on i just mean this in the most respectable way like i could see you walking down the street and just trying a rock just being like no okay you can't eat it yeah but it looks good yeah yeah oh he's tried many things yeah what's the what's the strangest thing you've tried the rock good improv dude good improv really good improv like you're supposed to add information to come up with something else ask him again maybe it's just a true story ask him again so if you're uh what's the craziest thing you've done uh eating grass um fifth grade okay that's good what about worms like how to eat how to fight worms or how to fight eat worms how to fry them like the book you can fry them yeah yeah you've seen the book right have you tried it i've seen the book but i didn't read it yeah i know you just saw a cover one time you're like i'm gonna reference this on a podcast i shouldn't be on yeah hell yeah dude how to eat fried room worms you haven't said one thing right what seconds say one thing right because you're driving me crazy okay what do you want me to say what do you want me to say dude say all that again but right was your was your sat score higher than the numbered pencil you used to write it with uh i'm against sat so okay okay okay why what he's against them dude yeah all right we don't talk about politics you're vehemently against them yeah okay it's like i don't know i don't believe in corporations i wonder you would what you would score on an sat hymns offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work including chews oral medications serums and sprays wow doctor trusted ingredients like flanesteride and minoxidil can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months you shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself hymns brings expert care straight to you with 100 online access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first no hidden fees no surprise cost just real personalized care on your schedule think of hymns as your digital front door that gets you back to your old self with simple 100 online access to trusted treatments for real health concerns all in one place for simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss weight loss and more visit hymns dot com slash belly that's hymns dot com slash belly for your free online visit hymns dot com slash belly individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride featured products include compounded drug products which the fda does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness are qualified to use hymns as a treatment for hair loss and Quality prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. I don't believe in corporations. I wonder what you would score on an SAT. Give me one and then I'll. Just give him one. Just give him one. Yeah, let's pull up some SAT questions and see if I'm. Me? Yeah. Oh, everybody. No, not me. Okay, us three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so dumb, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not dumb. No. You were just. English is your second language. Yeah. And you also graduated from college. I guess. That's good. That's huge. What was your degree? Okay, here we go. Oh, God. Go zoom in because I can't even read. Okay, which of the following consists of all A values that satisfies the given system of inequalities? Go ahead. No college degree. You go first. Step up. Let me see. A plus B plus four. Good. I'm going to have to go with B. Let's see if you got it right. I'm going to go with D. I already know. What is it? Oh, we have to take the whole thing. Oh, we're good. Yeah, don't worry about it. It was a fun bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good job, Jaime. Give me one math guy like, you guys are idiots. It's actually. What is it? Oh, it was A. It was? Yeah. Okay. All right. Wow. Was it? Wow. Oh, okay. I looked at you. You're my beacon of white hope. I was just going to agree with you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you guys are in a better spirit. It's the last time I was here, you guys were yelling at each other. They always yell at each other. No, we weren't. You two were over a text exchange, and I think you were right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the text exchange about? I'm sorry. I don't want to revisit. I'm trying to remember. Yeah. It was about Zach, though, right? It wasn't. I think it was about me. I think it was about. I thought someone else was coming. Oh, yeah, and you were mad that it was me. Oh, yeah. Graham Stephan. Graham Stephan. That ain't good, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I was joyful. I'm a big fan. Of Oldboy? No, you. Oh. No, you're not. I really am. If you texted someone. Okay. Oh, yeah, let's go back to that. Yeah, what happened to the movie? Oh, the movie. Let's go back to that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we went on a Jaime tangent, and I just. When we were going on a Jaime tangent, I get confused. So here's the deal, okay? Okay. I get offers from people who are like. I'll give you an example. Harland Williams has another movie. Who's that? Who's that? You don't know Harland Williams? Okay, well, then. That's insane. We were going to potentially. I was. I'm not done. Let me finish my fucking thing, dude. All right? So Harland's just like. I won't let you finish. So Harland's like, Hey, buddy. What's up, Sarah Silverman? That's what he calls me. And I go, what's up? He goes, I have another movie I want you to be in. I go, all right, well, call my agent. Right? And then my agent will call me and tell me what the offer is, because it's business. It's business. Right? And it's like, when I do it directly, then it's like, then I got to call my agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just do it the correct way, and I'll do it. Yeah, just give me the contact of your agent. It's Google-able. You text it back, yeah, I'm in. Then you call CAA, and then you go, Hey, Bobby said he was in on this project. Here's the offer, this and that. And then my agent will go. I'm not doing the movie with you and Anna Faris anymore, then. Why? Oh. That one struck a chord, didn't it? You know about that film? Huh. Yeah. You were excited about that one, because you were playing the main character. It's my movie. I've read it. You don't like it? I love it. Yeah. I wanted to play your roommate, because I thought it would be a really funny dynamic. And they'd be fun, too. Okay. Now you're out. I don't care. I'll get Seth Green. Seth Green. Not even comparable. Right. Here's the thing. But if that movie won't. I mean, we get the funding for that movie, right? Who's your agent? UTA. Right. We'll call UTA and go, Can Zach do this movie? But I handle everything kind of internally. What? I kind of handle everything internally. That's not how I do it. Well, you should. It's business. No, I shouldn't. When it comes to film and television, no. Well, you're just moving. Maybe you're moving a little too slow. Maybe I'm on the fast track, and I'm ready to get things done. Oh, excuse me, Anders Schultz. The future of everything. What are you talking about, Dad? Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're welcome. But if we get to do that picture together, I think it would be dynamic. Well, I know. And I will give you the proper proposal through your agency. Okay. Is Anna back? Is Anna back in, or.? Yeah. Sweet. We don't know yet. I picked up on that. I don't know. No, but there are other people that called and are like, now that we offered, now they have interest. Great. So there's things going back and forth. It's in motion. Yeah, so. And people want to get on a moving train. What? Isn't that what you guys are saying? Yes, that's what I'm saying. And what? People want to get on a moving train. On a moving train. Yeah. That's a really good thing. Yeah. I don't understand it. Oh, if you're ever on a train, you have to. Of course. Of course you want it to move. So that's true. Yeah. I got that reference. But why not plane? Good point. Yeah. People want to be on a moving plane. In my mind, you guys don't leave this, like, place. Yeah, yeah. And then I just, like, walk in. It's like, here's another one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. You can do a car. You can do other moving. Boats. Rickshaw. People want to be on a moving rickshaw. Are we just naming things that move? Okay. I'll get in there. Sailboat. Give me one that moves. Boat. Boat sail. Yeah, exactly, dude. You want to be on a sailing boat? I love this game. Please replay it because I said that four seconds before we did it. I said sailboat. And the first thing, he goes, boat, rock. Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. You know, comedy's all about delivery. And he nailed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I think I never had. I never had your delivery. So I don't. That's why I think I never made it. Well, because you're. No, you're. He's a character. Yeah. Like, he's like a Pauly Shore. He's just him. But what's just funnier to me. I like when people are funny without meaning to. That's him. Yeah, exactly. Those are my favorite. Those are the most funny people. Yeah. Like me, I genuinely. I try to, like, intellectualize too much. You're too smart. And, yeah, exactly. Yeah, this guy, there's not a thought that goes through his body. You want to get on the moving train. It's all nerves. It's all nerve endings. He goes, you want to get on the moving train? That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See? He repeats things, right? But there's some people that do it really well. Like, I think Theo does it really well where you can tell he's smart, but he can play like he. He dumbs it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to work on that. Yeah. Do you think I do that or what? Do you think I do it or no? No. Yeah, yeah. What? Smart. You think I'm smart? Yeah. I don't know much. You're very smart. Oh, thank you. You understand the cadence of a joke, though. I do. Yeah. I understand the structure of joke and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know. Like, we took that quiz a while back, and I don't know factual things like. A fifth grader quiz. Like, a fifth grader quiz. That's fine. What do you need to know that for? Like, what's the biggest planet in our galaxy? Or solar system, I don't know What, do people think I'm going to be hanging out with these guys? Like I got to fit in? No, dude, I want to hang out with those fifth graders What are your feelings about AI Atlas? Didn't it just break apart into like three parts? And like the tails are in such a way where it would be some type of forward force and it's not melting in the way that it should as it approaches the sun It's very interesting But it's going a different direction It's not heading toward Earth So that gives me like, it's not an alien Well, why not? Because you would think that like, you know what I mean Intellectual, you know what I mean A species that's flying through our galaxy or our solar system is going to go Holy shit, there's a planet here with beings Let's visit it Or maybe they're low on whatever energy they need and they're going to the biggest source, because like if we're passing by an anthill but we need oil for our cars, we're going to go to where the oil is Maybe they need to capture the sun's energy to take it back to their planet They're not worried about a lower species like us Why do you downplay human race? We're not a lower species Well, some of us Don't look at me No, you're the highest of all species I love you so much We're definitely a lower species if they figured out a way I think you're right Intergalactic travel But it's not going light speed too You would think that an intergalactic, you know what I mean spacecraft would go light speed I don't think we can conceptualize how to think about it if they've done it There's no way for us to know what's right or wrong You know what the three eye atlas is? Yeah, I would volunteer to Save the kids That's an interesting question What you're saying is this If, like Close Encounters of the Third Kind One of the greatest, who's seen it? Raise your hand Okay No one has ever It's a Spielberg movie Yeah, I haven't seen it It's incredible I've heard it's good Yeah, yeah, yeah 2001 A Space Odyssey, I also haven't seen And I feel really bad Masterpiece Yeah, I heard it's really good But in Close Encounters of the Third Kind If you haven't seen it An alien race comes to Earth And all the scientists and all the important people Right? Get together And they get all the mathematicians And all the people together And they're trying to figure out how to communicate with this thing Meanwhile The spacecraft is only giving out A song Like a tone Which is Na, na, na, na, na You've heard that, right? Yeah Where? A nursery rhyme? No, it's not a nursery rhyme Na, na, na, na, na Star Wars? No, it's fucking Close Encounters of the Third Kind Oh, okay So this is similar to Arrival I've seen Arrival It's that So what happens is But people on planet Earth Just regular people Some of them get an instinct To go where the spacecraft is They don't know why they want to go Go Right? But they dream about Because the spacecraft is on this mountain hill Right? It's like a mountain So what's his name? Steven Spielberg No, no, no The lead actor Richard Dreyfuss Richard Dreyfuss You know what I mean? He takes a bunch of soil from the backyard And he makes this mountain inside his living room Do you remember? And his wife is going, What the fuck are you doing? He's like, okay, I don't know You know what I mean? I'm obsessed with this Right? And he sees it in the news And he just And just random people Just start getting out of their house And going there Describing movies Is kind of like describing a dream That you had to someone Where you're like trying to be like There, yeah Yeah Do you get what I'm saying? Right? And so then when they get there They end up No, it's been The movie's been out for 50 years I don't know Well, no, spoiler Yeah, yeah Spoiler So when they Oh, God When they show up there Right? All the scientists And all the people Are standing in front of the thing Because when the aliens come out But also the people That wandered in there Kind of snuck in there too And the aliens Walk out of the ship And they grab Touch the hands Of the people that You know what I mean? They touched That's cool And they all Get on the ship Where'd they go? That's the thing There was no fucking Close encounters too We don't know where they went I think But it's a beautiful movie I think my sci-fi Is a little bit closer to home Like I'll watch movies Like Her Have you seen Her? Love it Like that's one of my Favorite movies But it just feels like That's definitely gonna be In a year Maybe two years I mean so many people Are falling in love With their AI bots now Or have you seen Blade Runner 2049? Yeah, I loved it Or Ana de Armas Is just like a hologram Yeah, I loved it I Signed me up He's your crush, right? Just put the hologram version As my crush Like that's what I want Wait, wait, wait So let me Let me get this straight, friend This is a Japanese woman Who got married to her AI she made Of an anime character Okay, I'm not there yet Okay Yeah, yeah So she had someone Fill in as him To put it on But she Yeah This is not as bad as the girl She married the Ferris wheel Oh Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah That's her husband Wow He's hot He's hot He's hot He's got it He is hot He's hot Aside from the fact He's not real Yeah But I guess At what point Do you think It'll ever be okay? Let me think about that If there was If I can designer My AI companion Yeah In a factory You know I would spend some time With it You know what I mean? And if they had If the What's going on, guys? Nothing You don't know What is going on? Me? Yeah, what are you doing? She was looking at my notes I wasn't Yeah, yeah, yeah Hey, why can't we have Like an alien movie Like E.T. Come to real life Remember E.T.? I was like I was like I was like I was just thinking About Spielberg That guy Always something With aliens Right? Him and that George Lucas guy I was just thinking I thought he was Going to say George Lopez I really thought He was going to say that E.T. Remember that movie? Yoda was in it Dude, we We were No Yoda? Yoda's not in it We were on the brink Of probably The most intellectual Conversation To ever be had On this podcast Yeah, yeah, yeah And then he He storms in Off the top rope And just Piledrives Piledrives And now guess what? We have to now Acknowledge it That's the sad part Hold on, hold on We're talking about Steven Spielberg So he made E.T. too Moments so long ago Yeah, but But the whole thing is Yoda's in E.T. Yeah Look it up You want me to type in Yoda, E.T.? In E.T. Yeah, yeah, yeah So what But your question was What if E.T. was real? Yeah Let's make that A real thing Okay Instead of the Close encounters To the third kind So you want that To be real It's a different movie Those are two different movies No, no, no Look up E.T. They're just two photos Spliced together No, look it up Yeah I've seen E.T. Yeah, do one Yoda, E.T. And Jane Goodall No, no, no If we're gonna do it Let's do it No, look up Yoda And Coco the Gorilla Just put Coco the Gorilla In there What are we doing here, dude? No, Yoda's in E.T. I've seen that movie So many times Okay See, it is Let's do this Is Yoda in the movie E.T.? Shit, he is Okay, let me see Let me see the photo I'm just so interested In what you're fighting for Yeah, yeah, yeah We'll figure out Yeah Oh, yeah He was in a costume Yeah, some kid In a Halloween costume Was Well, that's a little Easter egg That looks like Oxnard Where was that filmed? This whole interruption Was for the Easter egg Yeah, yeah, yeah I love E.T. Yeah, so technically You're right Yeah, so you want E.T. to be real Why do you want it to be real? Yeah, what was your pitch? I don't know Just a kid being friends With an alien That's pretty cool Like Mac and me You remember Mac and me? No, no, no I need to break this down Because you said Why don't we make that real? And then you kind of got mad That Well To understand it I don't understand it Yeah, it's a dead end Okay, you ever seen Mac and me? Yeah, it was so Mac and me No, I'm not bringing up He's trying to show off All the alien movies Well, no Mac and me was Mac and me was a rip-off Of E.T., right? And Mac and me Is one of the worst movies Considered ever made There's a scene in it Where there's a fucking Five-minute McDonald's commercial Do you remember that? Yeah In Mac and me It's called Mac and my McDonald's Right? Yeah Dancing Yeah, yeah, yeah I remember that This is in a movie Don't dance to this Yeah, look at They're in a McDonald's Looks like it's in a Wendy's With that arch Yeah Okay What is happening? Why is there so much Foliage What? That's in the movie And it's five minutes long I can name alien movies No, we know, dude Yeah, we know Mars attack All right Turn this off Look at Ronald McDonald's in it Yeah, yeah Mars attacks? Yeah That's a good one Oh my God, dude I don't know what you guys Are talking about anymore I don't either I guess we're going to Oh, oh, wait You were saying How long I don't want to do it Is it appropriate To date an A.I.? So if I Okay, if If this is a movie If this is a movie If this is a movie If this is a movie skin was real right like felt like real skin warm and don't say you have to say warm don't say warm don't warm god my ai girlfriend was warm yeah because you you imagine these new um androids that they're making so so i'm out so yeah that's not real enough for me they would have to have a body for you to consider it like okay a body and also the ai intelligence like hello bobby but when when will ai and humans have their 2015 moment is that when the gays were allowed to marry oh well i mean the lady Just married something that didn't exist. I think you married anything. That's weird. It's preemptive. At some point, it's going to be so, like, say there's a, like, you don't know I'm AI, but I'm in a computer, but I have, like, the same cadence of, I'm in. Whoa, I'm in. Yeah, I'm in at that. If that's AI, I'm in. I'm in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, who's that guy? Who's that geriatric? He doesn't deserve her. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. Whoa, why is it covering your cooch? I don't know. Sorry. Fell out. So if that's AI, I'm in. And if I had a wedding, that's another question. If I had a full-blown wedding in, like, Belize, right? I have a wedding in Belize. Everyone's going to fly out there. I'm marrying. Ock, ock, ock. Hey, guys. Enjoy refreshing apple and sweet caramel comfort in every sip with a new Caramel Apple 5-Hour Energy Shot. Caramel Apple 5-Hour Energy Shot delivers sweet and tart apple hits with a smooth, buttery, caramel-coated finish. Dive into caramel apple flavors straight from the orchard for a sugar-free, fall treat. Guess what? Fall is back, which means all those sugary fall-exclusive treats are, too. I do it. The leaves are out. And guess what? The Caramel Apple 5-Hour Energy. Shopify. Shopify. For your mind. You guys, Shopify. We have an online business here. We use Shopify to get our merch out there. We only use the best here at Tiger Belly. 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I don't want this AI bullshit, man. I wasn't going to give you AI. You'd never fucking AI, Jaime? No. Why not? Well. No, because he said it felt real. I don't want it felt real. Why? I want it to feel real. I want the real thing. Oh, you don't want it. Past tense. Okay, you want present tense. No, felt. He's like, I want it to feel real or some shit. I don't know what he said. But yeah, look. Can I come on the show? Yeah, man. You're in. I like back. For real. I saw you at the Burbank airport. And I want to. What's your transition? I don't know. Okay. And then where did you go after that? To the airport? Yeah. I saw you at the airport. You were getting Starbucks with a homie. I don't drink Starbucks, but keep going. Well, you were in front of Starbucks. Okay. You know what you want me to talk about? Is there only one at the Burbank airport? Probably that one. And I was going to say hi to you, but I was running late to my gate. Oh, well. Sorry we missed that opportunity, dude. 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I would have said, yeah. And then you would have said. I do tiger belly with her. And I would have said, oh great, we do the lunch table together. Then I would have been like, yeah, we do the lunch table. And then you would have went to your gate. I would have missed the gate by then. Because you were running so late. Yeah, I was a minute late. And it was a black lady. It was a black lady and the government was shut down so she was already pissed. I was in here for two minutes. Yeah, she's talking about. What is going on? Zach was coaching. We're having a conversation with him. I was listening. What the God's name is going on? He's talking about a time we almost met. Okay. So. All right. Let's start over. Okay. Yeah, because all these themes. Play the music. Bill Morris, T. Spielberg. You brought up Spielberg. Yeah, because I was referring. Because we're talking about. We went from three eye atlas. Yeah. And then you came back around too late. Yeah. With the alien stuff. You said, why don't we make E.T. real? Yeah. Yeah. What's up with that? You should have done it in the chunk when I was talking about. Well, you were talking, so I didn't want to interrupt. I know, but then we went into something else. And then two minutes later, you brought on, you know. E.T., yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I didn't want it to go away. Have you seen E.T.? Yeah, I've seen it. What do you do when you're alone? Oh, my God. I can't even imagine. Well, ask his roommate. No, no, no. Okay. Who's your roommate? Her. But. Didn't she say she's your assistant? Don't know. Shot. Huh? No shot. You have an assistant, right? No. Yeah. You literally said she's your assistant. I didn't say that. On the pod. Can I ask? Yeah. Can I ask you questions? Yeah, yeah. She does help him with his finances. Yeah. Okay. Don't put. Okay. Cut that out. Okay. She does. All right. She doesn't help with his finances. Do you want to say your name again? Oh, my name is Karina. Karina. Are you from Oxnard? No. Okay. I'm from Dallas. Oh, yeah. Excellent. Excellent. It was Oxnard. Yeah. What? She's not impressed by you, dude. So I don't know what you're doing. I'm not trying to impress her. Oh, he's cute. You're cute. Thank you so much. You're cute yourself. You're handsome. Thank you so much. Anyways. Do me now. You're a guy. You're human. It's your show. Yeah. This is your show. So that was her compliment. Oh, you have a show. Yeah. What does he do in his free time? This gentleman. He watches a lot of movies. Good. Oh, great. What are some of his favorites? E.T. Oh, my God. He actually does a lot. But if he wasn't watching a movie and you just randomly came in home without a warning, is he kind of standing in a corner? What is he doing? Well, sometimes he just stares at his like. Yeah. I picked up on that. He's staring at. What is it? Yeah. Like his laptop and stuff. Is there anything on it? Thank you. Sometimes it's just music He lets us stare at music I don't listen to it How did you guys come about Habitating the same Living environment That's a long story I doubt it It is Are you guys dating? No Have you guys ever been a little drunk and tongue wrestled? No Just throwing it out there Do you find Karina attractive? No Why do you find unattractive about her? Oh wait what? Her Is her name Karina too? What is going on with you? Did you sleep last night? He was watching too much music Too much music man Are you in town for how long? I don't know Indefinitely Till Thursday So You wait let's go back You don't find her attractive? No Why do you keep looking at Jules? Why are you looking at me? I'm looking at Jules You think Jules is attractive? No I mean Oh No You know I shot my No I'm just kidding Sorry Zach Is that why you want to know we're in the parking lot? We're not talking about Jules I know No you don't Imagine me like Do you think Jules is cute to me and I go No Bobby What are you talking about? No I find Jules attractive no? What? The question is me Oh yeah yeah yeah Look at her You're not even looking at her Yeah yeah yeah What? I think he's scared of me Oh Oh Or maybe he likes you No Does she walk around in her underwear at home? No He goes Okay No Like sweatpants Why did you touch me? I didn't touch you Yes you did He went I tapped you Yeah but like what were you? Touched you? What were we agreeing on? Touches this Tap me Yeah Were you like telling me she does walk around in her underwear? No Yeah Have you ever seen her in a bathing suit? No You've never seen her in a bathing suit? Okay Do you guys not swim? No I don't Yeah He's lying You have Yes you have You guys swam together No we didn't swim together I can't swim He's seen me in a bathing suit He has seen you in a bathing suit? Yeah Yeah where? Why are you lying? Why are you so nervous? I think you do like her Oh man Yeah yeah Which is okay It's okay You already moved in with her Very attractive Thank you No What are What are How could he improve to maybe be a you know in your twinkle? Nothing Yeah nothing Nothing so he's perfect Yeah yeah Well I wouldn't say that Not that you're not but it's just You have your type You have your type He's not your type Yeah and I'm not his type Okay what are We're best friends like that's just out of like the I see I see I see But if you genuinely if you think you walked in his room 2 a.m. and you just kind of threw a Hail Mary do you think he'd say no? I don't Yeah he would say no I'm not his type Because I'm never home And I Okay so I love his excuse he goes it's because I'm not home Okay But if you were home you would Yeah No No I'm never home Oh my god Okay I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah I'm not his type Yeah a good starting point anyway i do i i do i'd love to buy some from your cart oh no no let's get say we'll start again right okay yeah tombaya alamoto it's a new word that i can't camera hey excuse me young lady do you like oranges um on an occasion i like citruses yeah it's one of my faves well i got um a store downtown la it's you have an orange store have oranges grapefruits oh oh any citrus that's beautiful when did you start your business oh when my grandpa died you have limes no he didn't grow limes i have lemons you know okay lemons you like lemons he's hitting on me i think so i feel it sorry i just wanted to see if you wanted to come see the store i don't know man i mean lady i don't know i i honestly stay at it stay i stay at the store i stay at the the orange store and uh you know i do some stuff here and there you do manual labor yeah go pick the oranges from the field oh you kind of do it all you're jack of all trades yeah i'm also the ceo of the city store okay that you also are in the fields picking yeah yeah very cool you can get my number down if you want to well how long have you been an executive yeah all my life since my grandpa died all your life since your grandpa died when did your grandpa die since i was alive okay kimberly stay in it stay in it kimberly right he said that his grandpa he's his grandpa died when he's been alive i think that's what he said yeah yeah sorry when you were alive sorry i'm not very smart can you break down yeah break down what that means yeah we don't really know that man so when i was born in 2006 right that's not my year but sure let's use fake years why would you lie okay why would you lie what are we doing i don't know how to talk to ladies okay did your grandpa bye bye bitch yeah that's her problem yeah i don't know ma'am yeah you're gonna die alone i'm sorry you're not no i don't know i'm getting nervous but you're really sweet though yeah that's why i lose lean into the sweetness yeah i think i don't know i'm so sweet but you come up oh look at the tits on this one oh that's a joke like yeah yeah i don't know i honestly don't know do you have a type yeah yeah filipinos so were you attracted to jewels no why is that more like siblings yeah what'd you guys meet uh a year ago yeah yeah we met here right oh you've been on this for a while yeah cool yeah he wasn't here when i was here last time no i was in things got shaken up no sometimes he's here sometimes he's not he's but he's mostly here does it hurt you that um your co-host had a baby with someone else it would hurt me what i'm just oh yeah yeah yeah no no honestly no that's uh when she first told me it was a little rattling i was i cried but um when i met the baby especially i i got it yeah i got i got it and i um i love the kid yeah um do you get along well with uh yeah he's the sweetest man i've ever met he really is i can't think of anything negative to say about him um he's been over to the house to help me fix stuff wow yeah gotta be like debilitating yeah because i'm not a hands-on like that's what i'm saying it's like oh no he's like a man's man and you know it's something that i'm not and i i've always known that about myself i've been kind of i'm aloof and kind of you know weird do you want children i don't think it's gonna happen for me to be honest with you no okay so when you brought that up right it became this show got weird okay so when you brought that up right it became this show got weird and now we're going into weird you know what i mean you know what i mean he's writing it down yeah yeah he got a new page for this now i i know that that's a part of your thing but why do you do that no no that wasn't no no let's get let's dive into you zach and why you do that well that was a you say confrontational thing that's not confrontational that was that was a genuine question that i actually had that's a deep question i'd love to dive deep into it i might get derailed by a little et talk in the middle but yeah yeah yeah how are you feeling i feel for the first time in my life i feel i mean i have a lot going on you know but they're good things and i um i have a little anxiety because of all the things i need to do but um do you celebrate your wins i've been really celebrating i'm pitching myself every day as of late i can't believe it how do you okay something good what what is a win for you is it normally career-wise or is it it's a lot of things like um recently i helped somebody get sober and he's doing very good and that feels good um an official sponsor or no but it's somebody that i got a call from somebody saying this guy really needs help didn't know who he was i knew i know what he did for a living but um i brought him around to some meetings and stuff like that and we've been close we've been grown close that's nice i've been speaking at meetings again so that's good what the initial getting off or the initial getting sober i guess what are those tips and tricks that you give not tips and tricks but like how do you guide someone through that like the withdrawals of the initial well i mean everyone has a different view on how to get sober right i can only share my experience and my experience is through 12 step groups and hitting meetings hard getting a sponsor um doing service work and that sort of um that way do you feel like when you're in a meeting you're like oh i'm gonna get sober i'm gonna get drunk and you have a community you have a less chance of letting them down or is that a big part of it well if you know the history of um alcoholics anonymous um there was bill w bill wilson the founder of a right yeah yeah um one day he was at some sort of convention or something and he had been sober for a while but he couldn't he knew he was gonna drink right he didn't know what to do when was this this is 1935 called a nun on the phone goes um i'm an alcoholic i'm about to drink do you know any other alcoholics and she goes i know a doctor who is chronically drinking and so he called the doctor out of the blue and said can i just see you doctor's like no he's like please i'll just stop by five minutes he's all right so he comes to the guy's house what ends up happening is they start spending time together and then when they realize and they would share their experience strength of hope each other like you know their experiences with each other there was a lot of relating going on but they what they found was after a couple of days they were still sober and didn't think about drinking so what they did was together they would go to institutions and and like because back in the day alcoholics ended up in like insane asylums right some of them on the verge of wet brain right and they would sit down and share their story with other alcoholics and every once in a while one of the guys would go i'm gonna join you guys and then it turns out after about a year they had hundreds of people they had some long-term sobriety if they just met up and so that's how a started this might be a naive question but is it only alcohol no is there there's now uh there's um uh sex love it anonymous but like say it say it was like prescription drugs whatever it is would that all be in the same group as an alcohol yeah i mean i i if you know if i was a strictly an opiate you know i mean user and i wanted to get sober i would probably still go to a meetings because it's all the same thing you know i mean also all these behaviors is not the problem right it's the solution to the what the actual problem is well what what was it world war ii a lot of the guys were hooked on meth and other drugs but or maybe even heroin but when they got home to a community like like statistically like 90 of them all quit or it might even be higher but it was it was like a sense of community that community is important and that's what i think aa is it's community you need somebody to check you too how often is it what do you mean like is it once a week is it once a month sometimes go one or two a week yeah i mean when i first got sober every day for like six months but then eventually kind of life happens and then you do life but um from from the outside you would think every time i don't know why this has become i found it so interesting he's being very genuine yeah no i like it i like being real i find it really interesting yeah every every time the well i guess from an outsider's perspective who hasn't been it almost like you go in and it's a lot of like really emotional stories is there is it always like that or sometimes where it's like everybody's hanging out and it's like i'll give you an ex when i was a kid i was 17 years old i used to go to this place called mount soledad men's it was a men's meeting saturday morning it's still there and still a meeting so i i gave it a go and gave dan um a cake there like seven months ago in san diego and um but when i went as a kid in the 80s was in high school and I got sober then and I um there was this guy one day he was had no shoes on he was like a hobo you know I mean he was he was going he was going you know I mean like he was fucked up right and he kept going every week and then um I stopped going for that meeting for a couple years but then like in my early 20s before I did stand-up I started going back and I was sitting next to this guy and he was wearing a suit and he goes hey dude I go hey how I met you remember me I was like and I go whoa like I couldn't believe I go what's going on he's like oh yeah I'm married right he has a life and that's when it really hit me like oh this shit works like you could there's a transform for transformational change that happens you know I mean internal and externally that's you know um this is incredible to witness and it it's spiritual when you see that kind of change and and you know that they believe in God and they think that God did it and it you see it like when Christians go hey you know it's like you don't know hardship but when when I see God mend hardship and you know I mean and cleans a man's life so drastically that's when I believe because I see it you know I have to see it you mean some kid that's you know oh yeah my dad's a lawyer but you know I'm a Christian I believe in the Lord it's like yeah I don't believe you man I believe that guy I think that goes for people in general I always like people that have been through some stuff a little bit more than I people that haven't you know um what is is there a so I guess if you're speaking to someone else or trying to help is there a certain point how are is I'm the host Howard did you become the I find this so fast I know yeah I know but it's so clever when I see podcasters coming on here I know what they're doing Zach's a good interviewer I know he is but it's like my show this is my last question no I know I I like it I think it's clever um what is there is there a certain like common time milestone where it's a it's a little bit easier to be sober like is it usually like as you have to get over this hump of maybe I think the first uh 90 days is that's why they always say go 90 meetings 90 days that's the toughest part but I think once you um get some time behind your belt you also the fog lifts so you see things the way they are and when you're a long-term alcoholic imagine some people 20 years they've never seen reality the way it is and when they first see it it's life-altering when you imagine when you speak about that fog what is what is that I I I've never really dealt obviously with like alcohol or or things of that nature but is it is it constant like I don't know no I mean the fog is you know when you're drinking every day for the rest of all your life all the chemicals and all the things in your brain and your body you know I mean releasing everything and it's detoxing and you're your mind is becoming clearer is what I'm saying I mean that's what the fog is and they um and then one day they're like they'll see a butterfly land on a flower and they'll go I'm being real and they'll go I've never seen that before it's almost like the videos of have you seen where people are colorblind and they get the yeah yeah yeah it's that interesting it's exactly that you're done with the serious or that was cool I like that do you have a friend is that why you're asking or no no no I just interested he doesn't want to talk about himself so he's reversed reversed that's fine I'll talk about me sober all right so let's talk about the reality show you're on okay what's it called it's called inside USA inside USA KSI did it yeah so it was their uh production company put it on but KSI on the show uh he hosted a couple things yeah yeah I love him he's great yeah I did a movie once uh and um so what is the show premise I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know much about it so 12 uh internet and regular celebrities I don't know Dwight Howard was on it so that's why I say regular celebrities yeah uh we're all in a house together that's kind of similar to a jail where we're stripped away of all the necessities um like there's no like couch cushions uh there's nothing to do like there's no games um if you food we were served like rice like this much rice and like eight beans for lunch and dinner and in the morning it was uh it was no sugar no salt but just like slop uh but if you want how many days uh seven oh my god imagine but I lost 15 pounds in there oh wow yeah yeah but if you wanted a meal upgrade so a burger or something it would cost say five thousand dollars um so there's one winner and there's a million dollars in the prize pool but anytime I wanted a meal upgrade or I wanted to go buy a game at cornhole to have fun uh it would come out of everyone's prize fund oh wow so then you get mad did you invest in the prize for it was it the show money it was show money so a million dollars wow yeah and then you get mad be like because we had somebody spend two hundred thousand dollars in a day who uh her name was brie and she did it because uh we could buy immunity what's her last name uh duncan or brie anyway I don't know yeah um but uh so you could buy immunity one day um and whoever spent the most on the immunity in the next challenge that's her yeah wow she seems like she's done two hundred thousand dollars two hundred thousand dollars but here was the like play the game however you want to play the game but it was only for one immunity so I was interested in it's like I feel like she put a target on her back for the next uh the next challenge um then she got out you know immediately after that but oh so you get delimited yeah so we we would do eliminations and people would vote them out it was either voting or there was like a random whatever have you ever had sketch on the podcast yeah yeah bad friends bad friends sketch is hilarious but he was in there with me yeah he sketches the best he was my favorite on the show by far yeah uh and so um how far did you like can you say is the show out the show has it been out for a while give zach justice around oh no so he has a podcast called the lunch table and um jules is uh a regular on the show she's big time she's big time um wow incredible yeah how's it been there jules what do you think of zach after all this time now spending with him he's really nice yeah and I feel just are you a little emotional right now oh okay she didn't have her headphones on she couldn't hear it no I was listening but it's really nice like I feel I don't know he's more I don't know I just feel really comfortable with him and like the other co-hosts kyler and ava it's it's just fun to be there it's a fun family environment yeah so this is not the show that I did no this is uh so we just started this one okay um yeah anyway funny I've never been asked to be on it brother you won't text me back and then jaime will be on this show yeah jaime you gotta get on this one dude yeah well there's ksi you scroll down a little bit we should do and bobby we gotta get you on one jaime you gotta you gotta get on this how about jaime and bobby and girls have to choose between jaime i'm all in oh the pop the bubble thing pop the balloon i'm not doing that I can't do it I can't do it no no but versus jaime it'd be so funny I cannot do it I cannot do it you do different versions right because yeah there's like one where I have like a dating coach you can come in as my dating coach that one's fun anyway give zach a round of applause everybody thank you guys you