Zac Townsend and Santino Get Completely Sidetracked | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome back to whiskey ginger. Oh, wave series presented by fan duel. Hey there with ginger fans. August 7th. I've got one more show. I'm doing it in Missouri at St. Charles slash St. Louis, one of the same kind close to each other, neighbors, friends. And come out and see me. It's the last show I think I'm doing of the year. I'm not going to be touring until next year. I'm thinking about putting together a little club run, comment down below. What clubs you want me to come to in your town. I'd like to do that. I'd like to get back to the clubs and then build a new theater tour. So let me know, but go to Andrew Santino dot com. Let's take its Missouri fans go to Andrew Santino dot com. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger fan. Sturdy ginger like that has the ginger gene is good. Ginger is a fugitive. You only five dollars for the whiskey, 75 dollars for the whole. Ginger's our hell now. Swisky news, excellent. Ginger, I like ginger. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to whiskey. Do you know, my guest today is one of my favorite people in earth. I say that from I guess, but I mean he wants again today. It's Zach Townsend. Yes. You had a wrestler name. Zach Townsend. Blanco, Bronco, that's a Blanco, Bronco, honky Kong. That would be mine. Honky, it's not racist. I'm white white. Right. I do that. The year of walkout music, they would just hear echoing the jungle. The mist starts to come down the race. We so sick. They're throwing banana peels on the at the rigged. Although I catch two bananas like stone cold wood, seal them. It's just double fist. That would be awesome. Zach Townsend, everybody, my good friends, Zach Townsend, great comedian used to come with me on the road. Now the bird is the bird's big. I got fired. He got fired. He was subordination. Yeah. Actually, somebody went to a to a HR and reported you multiple times. Yeah. Bad news. Dude, you look skinny. Do I really? Yeah, your face looks thin. Doesn't this face looks thinner? McCone's about to take a bite on Apple. Yeah. Oh, good boy. That was a lot. What a pig, dude. Did you turn the mic up for that? You're such a loser. Yeah, you do. You look thin. Okay, cool. You coming in at right now. What are we talking about? I know. I haven't been eating. So you should move down. I'm trying to be perfect. I've been walking. No, I feel like I scare people here. People don't. I've been walking everywhere. I walked to the, I did a spot at the left factory last night. Yeah. Had to follow Kramer. Wasn't easy. He just said sorry for like 10 minutes. I don't know what happened last time he was there. Dude, imagine being a comic walking in right after Kramer did that. And you're like, my spots, I live in 40. Like I'm late. And you run in. You're like, what's going on? He's on. And Jamie's like, body, body. Have a little trouble. Kramer to do the end bomb. A lot. Well, 50 years ago, he had someone upside down. It's bad. But I walked. I, yeah, I don't, I don't know. I feel like I scare people here. I had a couple of people like, why am I like freakishly tall? Yeah, you are a big boy, but you're not like, you don't, but your face is soft. You don't have like an angry face. You think so? Yeah, I don't think you have a angry face. You have, you have like a, it's what I look like when I walk. Hold on. This is what I look like when I walk. Oh, yeah, I get that. That's scary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you're on like a mission or something. I don't like like this. You know where I'd be scared if I didn't know you. If I sat next you on an airplane, I'd be like, this is bad. I always, so a big guy like me, and I don't know how to you, well, you fly first class. No, I don't. I'm never flown first class. Everybody knows that. He knows I sit right in the back right by the bathroom, middle seat, middle seat back, middle seat, 26. I don't even know the letters back there. You don't even know the letters. No, no, I sit, I used to go window seat every time I pick, I like a window seat. You do? Yes. I love it. Psycho. And I, cause I like to lean, I can get, I've had, I've been big my whole life. So I know how to deal with minimal. You know how to scrunch down. Yeah. I know how to get, I know how to get comfy in my own, some guys will be like, Oh, God. But I'm like, no, I can figure it out. Cause I got a couple of big buddies and they, they have to do aisles because they want one leg out at all time. I don't like that. I don't like that. No. I like, I, middle, ideal, ideal for me is like four throw Southwest flight, middle or F window on the right side of the plane, cause I, I've did to reach it. That's the plane you're most likely to live on. Side of the plane is, yeah, if a plane crashes. What? Well, and Southwest is to the good centers. Yeah. But yeah, you were going to be on that flight too. Yeah, I know. Me and Marky Mark. Yeah. Tim right here, but when he's like, he's like, I want to stop that. I want to stop that. You're like, Oh, yeah. The guy who co-stars with a CGI teddy bear. Yeah. You had a fucking stopped alkyda. You in the funky bunch. I think, why don't they make that movie? Mark Wahlberg. We should be alkyda. We should make it. We should make it. I also do. It's like, I was thinking about this. It's so funny. I was thinking about 9/11 the other day. I just got so mad. Always thinking about it. I know. But I was thinking about like, he comes to Mark Wahlberg was like, if I was on that plane, I would have stopped it. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, if I was on that plane, I would have made it so much worse. I would have been screaming. I would have made the got the terrorists crash the plane sooner. Cause they're like, we got to shut this huge lesbian up and seek for F against the window. He's panicking. Everybody's peanuts. I want to pull the emergency exits too soon. They just crashed into statin. Like me and three people from like Michigan would have flown out and like ended up in Queens or something. This growing kids lives ended up on the playground. You would have ruined 9/11. Zach is in town today because he's doing a little audition for something we can't. We don't want to leak it out. But I wish you the most of luck because I love you so much. And you're one of my best buddies. And man, I want to see people succeed that are good. And you're good. Yeah. You're very good. My little Nashville prince. Yeah. It's sad that you're all the way over there. It's too far for me. I know. I know. You got to move. You got to get out of here. I got to get to work to go. Tell me where to go. You should come Nashville. Tell me where to go. Tell me where to go. Go to Nashville. Go. I could ask you DM a bargats and see if he's got an extra room. I don't know. He's going to live in that well. No, he's not doing well. I don't know. He's trying to find an angel straight. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know if he's the right time to call it. He's in a studio apartment. Barton eight bargats. He's living in a studio. He's like, you just have to share the bathroom. Yeah. It's on me. My wife. I'm dumb. Is there is a rumor that there was another club opening up in Nashville? Is that true? I haven't heard that. No. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Because you're allegiance as always is with Zaini's best comedy club in the South. It really is. Honestly, one of the best comedy clubs in the whole world. I would actually argue Zaini's is my favorite old school traditional club. It still has the old feel. It doesn't have this like they've been, you know, co-opted by the, you know, by like a water burger or something like they feel like they're still their own little world. Yeah. I love them. Yeah. We love the door from we love Lucy. Everybody over there. Lucy's the best. That's the only reason I love Lucy. I would. Is that ever been said before? Yes. How many people have said it before this? My bro love. I look. I love Nashville. And honestly, the draw for me would be how many friends I have there. It's kind of crazy. Like that's the amount of people that are over that I love. And that club is so, so fantastic. Although last time I was there, I don't know if I told you this story. This is kind of crazy. And I'm not, I'm not saying this in a, I'm not trying to be funny, but I met a guy at the hotel. I don't know if you remember this. I met a couple at the hotel. I do remember. Yeah. And they were, dude, they were so much fun. And we were hanging and partying and drinking. I was like, come see the show. He's like, came to the show. And I'd kept up with him online a little bit because he, he loved Chicago. He like kept talking to me about Chicago. And all of a sudden, like months had gone by and I got a DM. I don't even know if I told you this or I got a text from this guy's phone. And it was his wife. He's like, he was like, Hey, it's so and so. And I was like, Oh, what's going on? What's up? And she's like, I have to hate to tell you this, but so and so passed away. And I was like, no, fucking way. And she was like, yeah, he just like suddenly, tragically like two days ago. And I was like, Oh my God, because they were just going to go to Chicago. I was going to get him like, Cubs tickets, all this up. And it tripped me out. And so that's why I can't go back to Nashville now. So I'll never be back because of that. That's where I met you though. That's the Nashville. We met at Zane's. We love it first sight. Well, Lucy said she's like, I think you're going to like this guy a lot. I turned down, I don't know if I've ever told you this. I turned, I wanted to work with you so bad, because I was a fan. We had never met before. I turned down a feature weekend that was going to pay me like some extra money. I was going to make like a good amount of money for me at the time doing stand up. And I was like, and Lucy was, and I was like, I asked Lucy if I could work with you and she was like, Hey, if you want to host, you know, you can host. And I was like, yeah, so I turned down the feature gig. Who is it with? I don't even remember. No, just make up a name. Who was it with? John Reap, which I don't know what he's doing. I don't know. I could have changed my life too. I guess if I went on the road with him, but, um, but yeah, and then I met you and we just kind of hit it off. So thank God that awful comic court Macaron was featuring. So he didn't really get in the way. It's going to be so mad. He's like, I'm going to get you. Zach. It's going to take his fake teeth out and bite me. Zach, try to start a war, baby. No, I love court. He's great. But returning to my conversation, I am excited for you. I hope this thing goes well tonight. You're at like the point in your career that like, when it's still super exciting. Yeah. And it's like, I'm I feel like I'm at the point where something could happen. Oh, it's because I don't fuck if I don't fuck it up. Yeah. Did you, um, you, and the only reason you didn't do that Kevin Hart thing that Kevin Hart funny AF is because he won a big rant in yelled at Kevin and he called him the n word a few times and that we met him. Yeah. Yeah. He yelled the n word at him as loud as you can. He is so small when we met - I was so shocked. - I told you, I was like, let's go say hi to Kevin. - I guess you said a Kevin, he's a compact man. - Well, you're also extra large brother. - Yeah, but when I was on tour with you for a year, we were on like a generation, like me. Like you know these guys is not like that crazy for Andrew to be like, like meet these people, but like I was, I did, I had people texting me being like, what the fuck is going on? Like your Instagram was like Taylor Swift, Kevin Hart. - I'm like at the Kelsey's house, they're like picking me up, swinging me around. - Pretty awesome. - It was awesome. I hung out with like Jason Kelsey and I'm a huge Eagles fan. I hung out with him like four times. - That's pretty cool. - That was awesome. - That was pretty insane. - Are you, you're not, but you don't like the flyers, you don't give a shit about the flyers. - No, I mean, not a hockey. I've never really been a hockey guy. - You're just Eagles. - I'm a, yeah, Eagles guy, 'cause I'm from Connecticut. - Yeah. - So we got, the only reason I'm Eagles is 'cause my grandfather's from Philly. So we were only allowed to watch the Eagles on Sunday. So your grandfather, let me just paint his picture. What do you do for a living? - He worked at GE. - So he was a domestic abuser, alcoholic, right? - Yeah, I know, actually, I never saw him take a drink. My grandma's, my grandma's the party. - She was the party, yeah, the party, yeah. - Your grandma is, for people that want to know, do a deep dive on Zach's Instagram. His grandma pops up often on the gram and I'm not saying this to be funny, your grandma's so much funnier than you. - She is. - When she's on camera, I'm like, put her back on. - Yeah, I've sent you videos of her just being like, like, we're like, yeah, we're like, yeah. - Your grandma talks shit better than most comics talk shit. Actually, your grandma should be auditioning for what you're auditioning for right now. - Yeah. - She'd get it. - She'd be on funny AF, yeah, or she'd get a don't tell at this point, yeah. - If your grandma gets a don't tell. (laughing) - They have to cut it, they're like, hey, we can't say that. - So that's how we just can't not share anymore. - Yeah, and it's pronounced ainus, not anus. (laughing) - But I love you, buddy. I love you and I miss you and I'm glad to see you. I'm glad you're around my neck in the woods for a hot little minute. - Yeah. - What else is going on now? Now you're moved into a house. You're gonna get married. - Gay. - Yeah. - Yep. - That's gonna be fun. - Get married. Yeah, you're coming. - You're coming, I'm pumped. - Yeah, I'm coming, dude. I'm excited. I'm very excited. Do you, are you doing it? You're not doing a honeymoon. How are you doing that? - We're gonna go somewhere eventually. - Yeah, but not right away. - I don't think right away now. I had a friend that did that. They got married like a year ago and then just did their honeymoon recently. - Yeah, I don't think you need to go right. I don't understand the concept of like immediately getting married. So spending a bunch of money for a wedding and then spending a bunch of money for a vacation. You're like, the wedding. - And we're doing this wedding. Like it's completely me and her. - It's in your living room. - I don't have parents. So my mom's dead and I've never met my dad. So yeah, so a lot of. - We always clap for that. And the reason that you never met your father is why you're in comedy. Otherwise you'd be working on a railroad somewhere. - Yeah, or dead. If I was raised just by my dad after, my mom passed away when I was 16. If I went to live with just a guy after that. - Yeah, you'd be dead. - Yeah. - I'm kinda shocked. Two and a half men, like it's not full house. Like in this day and age, yeah, I'd be dead. - Yeah, you would. - I would have done fentanyl, I would have done, I would have been working at like the night shift at Dunkin' Donuts. - It's good shift. - Smoking, yes. I mean. - Smoking meth. - Smoking meth. - Smoking meth. But now you're on the road. Are you taking out somebody? - No, I mean, I just kinda, if I can bring some people, yeah, and I'm like, hey, I can't really, I feel bad about taking people 'cause I'm not at the point where I can pay them extra. - Yeah, it's hard. - But some guys are like, hey, I'll do if I can come out to give you some help around. - Yeah, so I'm trying to do that. - Selling real sick if someone sees me. My boy's selling real sick. - You're selling kind of tickets? - No, you are. - And huge rooms. - So what? - Here's a 400 seats, like I sold like 90 tickets in one room. It was like 400 seats. - It's a lot of seats. - It's a little too many seats. - 200 rooms. - Like if you saw like 400 of like one, like person, like, okay, person, I was gonna say everything. - Go ahead. - You saw like 400 of like 400 Indian guys. You'd be like, like, what am I, Canada? You know what I mean? (laughing) - What is a Drake show? - Yeah. - We'd be like, that's a lot of, that's a lot. - Yeah. - But if you saw like 90, I guess you saw 90 Indian guys. - When you see your fans, like, you know what's, you know funny about comics, like, like, when Segros started like really popping. And same thing with Burr, it's like, they see guys that kind of look like them that come to the shows. You see guys that look like you that come to the show. - No, I mean, kind of, I was gonna say like, some of the people that come to the shows and like, come and talk to me after like, they look like McCone. - Yeah. - Like long-haired 25-year-olds. - Yeah, like, yeah, which is cool because like, you want like-- - Hipster dudes? - Not really. Just kind of like regular guys. - He's a hipster, dude. - Yeah, he is. - He's a lib. He's a queen lib over there in the corner. - Yeah, your lib. - Yeah. - That woke BS, you've been spouting over there. (laughing) - Which is funny. - Trying to cancel Mark your mark. - Yeah. - Well, it's funny 'cause he's, he's actually, he just got, he's-- - That's actually changed? - Yes. - Okay. - I don't mean to that, by the way. - Go you did? - I saw the GoFundMe, yeah. - Yeah, you have McCanaugh. - Yeah, it was me and Shyel Buff, yeah. - Yeah, McCanaugh. And McCanaugh, McCanaugh just signed a huge deal to be a producer for Fox and Friends. I don't know if you know that. - Wait, really? - It's a big huge announcement for us. Fox and Friends. (laughing) - One of Tucker's Ruckers. - Yeah. (laughing) - I actually believed you. - He saw a dude. - I looked at him and he goes, no. - No. - No, he can't get that job. Imagine you go into Fox looking for a job, McCone, and they see this little lib walking in. Imagine how mad they'd be. - Oh my God, him walking into the daily wire. Their hands would explode. - McCone Quarkry, he, him. - Yeah. - That's a good one. - That's a good one. - He's so landing knowledge, man. (laughing) - What's going on here? Why do we have a he, him in the room? What's going on here? - No, it is the only job you're gonna have for a long time. You're done, but that's a good thing. That's a very good thing. - That's a great thing, and he's a great dude. - He's fine. - I love him. - You know what's really, you know what makes me laugh the hardest about you? It's like you and a few other people in my life have become such good friends of my family. I'll get updates about you. He does this too, it pisses me off. From my family. We'll be like, oh, I was talking to Zach about something. - Yeah. - What dude? - I don't even talk to you that much. - I was gonna say, like, we truly, like when people ask me about you, I go, they go, 'cause I've had people ask me, I've got to go on tour with a lot of guys. - Yeah. - And I'm very lucky. Every guy I've gone on tour, Bert, Theo. - Trevor. - Trevor. - Yeah. - Not Noah. - Steve. - Steve, Steve Oh. You, they go, who's your fit? All of the guys I've been on tour with are so great. They're awesome. They've become friends. But they're like, who's your favorite? And I, I will say, hands down to two. It's the best. - Family. - We've become like real. I was like, I talked to Andrew like, probably like once a week. - At least, yeah. Well, we send each other, you and I are on a DM stream that would. (laughing) - If Claude or OpenAI gets a hold of it. - Or whatever. - Or a DM stream. - We just love sending each other totally fucked up stuff from the internet. The wild thing about the internet is it made it. I didn't make it. We didn't make it, but I got to show it to you. - But I got to show it to you. - Like Andy Milanoca sent me yesterday, dude. He sent me those videos of those. He goes, you gotta go to these hood videos. In the hood, they'll like soak pineapple and cool aid for like two days straight. And then I swear to God, did he show me the video yesterday? It's incredible, dude. He's like, it is, it's, the color is out of a cartoon. Like you couldn't make this color up. 'Cause they add like other sugars and powders to it. But honestly, it just was like, this is, and there's some wild shit beneath it. The comments are always like. - Oh, so, it's up the comments. I go, how do people get away with this? - I don't know, dude. - Well, 'cause nobody can trace them down. No one's gonna be able to trace you. - It's gotta be burned out. - It's gotta be burned out and stuff. - It's gotta be burned out, dude. And also, before we move forward, I want to give a big shout out to Paid Vacation, which is Zack's sketch group. I don't know. Is that the right way to say it now? - I don't know. I want to say group, and Ali, Sharri, Sharri, Harri. - You don't even know how to say Sharri, Harri, Harri, Harri, Harri. - He's Iranian, so. - Harri, condo, yeah. - But sketch duo. - Huh? - Sketch duo. - Sketch duo. But also then you guys do use other people in the sketches that you've used more than once. But it's just you, too. - It's just, I write all of them. He edits all of them, and then like, but he's like, I also bounce ideas off him all the time. - And he's based out of Iran, right? He's still there. - Yeah, he's doing good. - Yeah, he hasn't talked to me in a little. I'm kind of worried about him. - He hasn't hit me back in like two months, but, yeah. - Hopefully, yeah, hopefully it's like, Wi-Fi's down or something. But, yeah, that's the thing, it's funny, you say that. - In here, we pull, whizz, whizz. - The biggest stage in the world is soccer, and soccer is here, and every goal changes everything. 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Text Hope-NY-New York. Call 1-8-777-770-7867-Louisiana. How are my shady rays basically the same quality as $200 sunglasses that I used to buy? They're incredible. Okay? Those fancy brands that you see, hot shots wearing them out on rodeo drive and Beverly Hills thinking they're cooler than you, they're not. You know why? Because I wear these everywhere and it doesn't matter what happens to them. Whether I'm on the boat, on the lake, at the game, on the course, out in a field, just roaming around, no matter what happens, if I kick them, break them, drop them, leave them, they replace them. Lost their broken, they send you a new pair with their lost and broken protection and they're actually premium. These are great polarized lenses. They cut through the glare, super clear optics and you look slick, baby. They got over 300,000 five star reviews. Millings of people have switched. You know about shady rays. You've heard them. If you're outside on the water on the sun, in the wild, get shades that actually perform for you. Go to ShadyRays.com. Grab yourself a pair today because if you lose them, you break them, you give them to somebody else. You leave them somewhere. They got you covered with their lost and broken protection. We've teamed up with ShadyRays to bring an exclusive offer. Head to ShadyRays.com and use the code Ginger for 50% off, two or more pairs of polarized shades. Try yourself. This shades. Rated five stars by over 300,000 people. Get yourself from ShadyRays. I call you sometimes and I'll go, hey, have you heard like I called Ginger the other day. I've been looking this up. I haven't seen anything about it, but we want to do one where it's instead of Frankenstein. It's called Frankenstein. It's Frankenstein. It's a Jewish Frankenstein and they just put a Yamakon, I mean, it just comes to like, "Oi, my stomach." But it's just like a ten minute sketch of him walking like this to the bank and instead of bolts coming out of his deck, they're draitals. They spin and they got to have sit it, you know, the little curls coming down and the butt. But you know that's Frankenstein's monster. Frankenstein is the doctor. Oh, really? Isn't that the trip? That's the worst part about it. Yeah. So the guy who walks like this isn't called Frankenstein's monster. It's called Frankenstein's monster. It's not annoying. It's not annoying. So you should have Dr. Frankenstein. And. Frankenstein. No. He's not a doctor. He's an attorney. He's a lawyer. He's a lawyer. He's a Frankenstein. And they win the case. They put the Yamakon, I mean. He wakes up with my stomach points and there's just a scene of him because his knees won't bend. There's a scene of them trying to get a quarter off the ground for like 15 manages. And then somehow he just, he also does hip hop. You're like, what is this? Yeah. And all the people in the town, like, you know, the counts people were like, like they have pitchforks. Yeah. Yeah, they're still those people, but they're just all wearing free Palestine shirts. You're going to make it. You have to make it. I mean, as big as you are, you must utilize this. You should make it. I thought it would be funny to make a trailer, like if we made like a fake movie trailer. A fake movie trailer about it. It's such a good idea. And I'm sure there's going to be so many in the comments. It goes, well, actually, yeah, this was on episode 400 of a podcast that has 86 views on YouTube. Right. Yeah. Shut up. Shut up. Are you ready for the bet? Are you ready for the best fucking night of your fucking lives? Zach and I will call each other to kill Tony and brushes of who's coming to the stage. That's my favorite. It's my favorite to go. Yeah. When you just make them, you do it Tony impression of the, of like, just the most random, of like the most random, two pair of parents, you could ever make. Yeah. So you'd be like, are you guys ready for the best fucking night of your fucking lives? Ha ha. Yes. You pigs are ready for your slop. I can feel it. And me and RedBan had to go to the depths of hell to get this lineup for you tonight. And it is the lineup like no other. So start making some fucking noise for Marilyn Manson and cipher fucking sounds. Ha ha. Ha ha. And the funniest part is, this is what is the show now, like the show now is, the funniest is this doing like, like we would just do voice demos of that, I'm just trying to do it with you. Just like, you be like, start making some fucking noise for Drake and Mike fucking binder everyone. Ha ha. Ha ha. Dude, it's just like the most weird thing. It's the best. Like, that should be the Kill Tony game. Like, if there's ever a game, it's like, who could, like, who could make the, everybody laugh with the, with the wildest pair of, but you called me when you did, he did, you did Kill Tony, go watch Zach Kill Tony. You called me and you were like, is this going to be bad? Because if it does go bad, it's very bad. And you're funny and it doesn't matter if you're funny because it could just be a bad run. It could be a bad, like, you could be in a bad place in the lineup that you could just be a, so many things could go bad. Also, I was so nervous about doing it because I was like, my interview, I don't, I just do stand up. I don't really do a whole lot. Like I, I golf and I do stand up and I do jokes and I make sketches. Yeah. That's literally all I do. And I play with my dog and my dog. You don't collect rocks or anything. No, I don't collect rocks. I didn't bump my head and like develop a stutter, you know what I mean? You're not paralyzed. You don't have any disability. I'm not paralyzed. Yeah. You got to get one if you're going to continue in this biz, bro. I know. Well, I, I do look like I have one. Like if I smile like you're like a, let me see. Yeah. She's in high school picture. This guy, he'll show me high school pictures of him like basketball, so I'm like Aaron Hernandez. You do. I just shape up in both ear like both ears pierced and I was and I was gay and we're hoping the story ends the same. You do the difference of what you used to be to who you are now. It's insane. It's so funny. It is wild. Different men. You find out what you, I always wanted to have long hair in high school. I just can never get pet because you kind of have like similar hair to me where it's like, yeah. Have you ever actually I saw a video of you and Bobby and you had like kind of long straight hair. I've never had that like that. I've had mind was like maybe his like years was like that, but you guys were like on a couch like wrestling like he's like slammed him off a couch. Yeah. But I never seen her hair that long. No, that was the only time I've had long hair. There's probably because I was shooting. Um, no, dude, that was way before that. Yeah, that was like, uh, since the Saints, uh, mixology, my first sick kind of big fan over here. Huge fan. Mixology. My first time. Henry pool is here. Henry pool my first movie ever. That's insane. That story is crazy. We're doing hardcore Henry too. I don't know. I'm serious. We're doing hardcore Henry. No. Are you sure? Shut up. Are you pumped? Shut up. I thought I recognized hardcore Henry. No, I'm the guy from. What does everybody say? It doesn't look like that, dude, from the space show. Scott Grimes. Is that his name? Is that his name? Scott Grimes. Scott Grimes. Oh, people tag me all the fucking time. He's like something new. Oh, yeah. You kind of do look like Scott Grimes. See, the people do this all the time. They like. Oh, yeah. You do look like him. Fuck you guys. I look like, I get, um, you don't get anything. You don't get anybody. I get, um, I get Noah Khan. Our boy. Our boy. Shout out to Noah Khan. The guy. That's a new album to stop. He's playing, uh, uh, uh, uh, Riggly field. Bro, he's doing, he was, he was doing four shows also out at Fenway Park. He's playing Fenway Park more than like the Mariners are. This is it. It's fucking. And she's way more. That's telling way more. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Noah. Noah is kind of crazy because when we met Noah in Nashville, he had like reached out to come to the show. And you and Lucy, but I was like, yeah, I should get him to the show, right? Like just being, you know, like just being nice. Like, yeah, they'd be cool. And you guys were like, are you out of your fucking mind? Yeah. We're like, you never heard of him before. Like we, Lucy. I was like, I heard him, but I didn't really know. I didn't know much about him. I wasn't really in depth on him. And you guys like, you're off your head. And then he came, such a rad dude. But their reaction was like, he has to come to the show and he was freaking out. I was like, all right. Dude, come to the show. Yeah. We're like, dude, he's, he rips. He's the man. No, he is the man. Yeah. I love that dude. No Vermont, yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right. Well, I was just, you know, I figured out like, because he's, he's a Frankenstein. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Frankenstein's are out here. Careful, dude. No. Listen, if the Frankenstein's are listening right now, I'm ready. Make, put me on the table. I'll make him. Well, you're Jewish. I would have been headlining a long time ago, if I was. I'll tell you that right now. Can you imagine him at him at a, like a bot mitzvah, someone's like, who the fuck is that? What is he doing here? In the first Jew. Are you the catering? I'd be the first Jew with a, with a barbed wire tattoo. Dude, that is the, that's the second funniest tattoo you have. The funniest tattoo I post on Instagram. The amount of comments I got, because he has a tattoo of his last name on his back. That's so funny. That's funny. It's not that funny. It's so stupid. Okay. The amount of people that comment that about that, that we're like, dude, it's the most trash, it's probably the most trash thing about me, which is crazy to, like, that's the trashiest shit. It is. Your own last name? My own last name. I got it when I was 16. It was, you got the barbed wire with me on tour. That was only a couple years ago. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. You like what you like. Yeah, you like it. But it's also like, yeah, I can't hide. I'm not going to get it covered up. So you kind of have to, like, lean into it, you know? You didn't cover up that swastika on your calf. That's still there. No, that's still there. Yeah. I just don't wear shorts when I go to these meetings, you know? Right. Do you really think that's your worst tattoo? My back? Yeah. Yeah. Well, by this one's pretty bad, too. Bless. - West is real bad. - That's like a black teenage girl would have that. - Oh no, well, yes. - You are a black teenage girl. - I'm at heart, kind of, yeah. - I'm Zach Weisha, that's what I call myself in my head. But this was really, 'cause this was, I got this also when I was 16. So when my mom died-- - You went on a run. - I was like-- - Your mom died, you got it. - And also I was like, I was really good at basketball. - I was just-- - Stop, dude. He's gonna play this game again. - I thought-- - Look up his stance. - I wasn't good, no, they're just not out there, but I thought, in my head, I was like, I can make it to the NBA. So I started getting tattoos that you would get, if you were going to the NBA, and then fast forward, I'm not even joking, like, I was 16, fast forward, like eight, nine years later. I'm stocking shelves overnight at Walmart with a blessed tattoo. And having to look at it when I'm like putting my, and I'm like catching it in a reflection, I'm just like, what is my life? Like, we will vibe, but come. - And that's a good job, by the way. Anybody that's stocking shelves right now at Walmart, we love you, we need you, you're valuable. - We do, yes. - We're valuable human being. But it was overnight stocking shelves in Florida, they were open 24/7. I would have to deal with the worst people. - Yeah, 100/7. - In Florida? - Yeah. - The worst. You could make it to the NBA now. - Yeah. - Yeah, they need you. - What do you mean? They got even more white guys than they've ever had. - Dude, my wife said this last night, we went to the Laker game, literally. She was like. - Austin Reeves? - Dude, Luke Knard. - Shout out. - There's a bunch of whites on the Lakers, and my wife was like, what's going on with all these fucking whites? She was like, annoyed, she was like, get these, - And they're winning. - I know dude. - Hey. - Hey. - Throw it down. - Hey. - Throw it down. - And then she goes, is that's Luka, right? And he was like, you know, he sit on the sideline. I was like, yeah, she goes, it's a lot of like, a lot of whites on the squad. I go, yeah, I know, it's kind of a strange. - Yeah. - It's not a side that you like to see. - No, I don't really consider, 'cause you played basketball, dude. You consider like Luka and Dirk like white. I guess, as much as I'd like to, I kind of, I claim them like half percent. Like 50% or 100% white guys. Those are white dudes. Eastern European and Russian guys are, - I don't know, compared to like a J.J. Redic or like a Larry Bird. - Deven Chenzone. - Deven Wolves. - Dante Deven Chenzone. - Yeah, but any of those guys. Well, Larry Bird, dude. That'll be the only white guy like that ever again in the NBA. That will never exist again. - No. - Like a bad boy farm bad ass. - That just dominates it. - They tried with, what was the name? - And talk shit. Do you such a good shit father? - Wild mouth, yeah. - It's like my grandma. (laughing) - Wait, what's the other kid farm boy name that was the big Tyler, what was his name? - Bill, are you talking about him on the pistons? - No, no, I'm saying he. Tyler Chenz broke. - He was like a white farm boy, like a big old farm boy. But that wasn't-- - He bled on that court. He would like throw up. - He was like, yeah, he was kind of-- - But also he couldn't do it. So I think Larry Bird is the last white farm boy you're gonna have to make it to the NBA like that. Who's just nasty? - I get a lot of, I love college basketball so much. - It's the best. I get so many like edits of like college, white college basketball players on TikTok, but it's always like with like a blink when 82 song. (laughing) They get me so hyped up. I'm not even, I send them to like three of my friends. And I'm like dude, like a new-- - Where are you? - Yeah, it's all downhill from here. Like newfound glory, just like over some ad in Morrison highlights. And you're like this, I'm just like, yes. - Yes, yes. - You do have a Morrison vibe though? - I loved him. - Yeah, he was awesome. - He's a NBA champion, one with the Lakers. - Seriously? - He was on the bench. - He was a bench guy for the Lakers. - They said he smelled really bad. - Was that what year, 2020? The COVID, COVID, the bubble year? - Probably earlier than that. - When did they win, when did the Lakers won? - The Lakers won in the bubble. - The Lakers won when I was still in high school. - Well, that's, but Adam Zaddle, he's that old? - Yeah, I think so. - Seriously? - Last one was 2020. - Yeah, 2020, the bubble year. - But I don't think Adam Morrison was on that team. - Typing when Adam Morrison won a championship. I bet she was like 2000. - What? - Adam Morrison. - Can't find it. Internet doesn't even want to know. - Internet doesn't want to know. - Internet late. - Late for the Bobcats '06 to '09 then Lakers '09 in 2010. - Oh wow, yeah, kind of so long ago. What did I feel like there wasn't that long ago that he was playing? - Because that doesn't feel that long ago, but it really is. - There was so long ago. - That's when I graduated high school 2010. - That's when I was 11. - You graduated high school in 2010? - Yeah. - Wow. - What did you do? - None of your fun. - 2000. - Never ask a lady their age. - 2000 or they're way too. - 2002, I guess. - 2002? - Hell yeah. - I remember 9/11, dude. It was in school. And then they were like, they hit the towers. And I was like, what? And they rolled TVs into the classrooms. And then I called my mom, 'cause I was like, my mom still worked downtown. Like, you know, when we moved to the suburbs, when my mom still kept her job in the city and just went downtown every day. And I was like, this is how dumb I am. I was like, do you think they're gonna do Chicago? - Dude, no. Everybody has that. - And my mom goes, I work on like a fourth floor of a building. That's only five stories. - Yeah, I can walk downstairs and do five. They're not gonna hit a five story. - No. - I could see a company management company. - No, I remember, dude, I was in fourth. No, I was in fifth grade. I was in fifth grade when it happened. And I remember getting into, they never told us. They didn't wheel TVs or anything. - Can't do that. - I got in my mom's car and she was, my mom was babysitting somebody's little kid. And the little kid, I'm not even sitting at the front seat. My mom was like crying. And the little kid goes, the plane goes boom. (laughing) And I was like, what? And my mom was in there and my mom was like, you had to tell me. And I was like, 'cause they've been watching the news all day. - But even that kid had the conspiracy already. He was like, there were bombs in the buildings. - Yeah, the kid knew. - How did he know? - Well, the explosion before me see the explosion before the thing hit the plane. (laughing) - A little kid is like playing fuel, can't melt, melt steel. (laughing) - Oh my gosh. But yeah, that's how I found it. And then I remember being so scared. I was like, this is the end of the world. - I did remember. That did feel like I was like, well, that's it, huh? - Yeah. - That's it. No more, that's it. Never gonna be able to go over to my friend's house and play NFL Blitz ever again. - You guys don't know what that is, do you? - No. - What? - NFL Blitz was the best. - N64, NFL Blitz. - NBA Street was huge for us. - Street was, yeah. - I have the rematch. - Halo 2 was huge for me. - Halo was big when I got to college. - Double kill, triple kill. - These guys, we'd go upstairs. - Heal tag, you would. - My buddy Collins room and people would just sit and get high for hours and play that game. Hours and hours and hours and hours. I couldn't sit that long. I wanted to go do something. - That's where I learned how to like talk shit, like really. - On Halo. - On playing live. - We used to do this thing called standby. My buddy Josh Orbea, he was so good. We got so good at Halo. - What was your game or tag by the way? - My game or tag was the smack daddy. (laughing) - I lose her. - It was like 15 super high voice. - Hey, smack daddy. - We used to like boot kids out from the party. He'd be like, what's the first thing you see when you go to a restaurant? And they'd be like, what? And then they'd be like, the menu. And then boot him. And then just end up at the menu. (laughing) - But we used to be this thing where we called standby. He would like force me host. So I had the host of the game in my router, 'cause I was raised by a single mom in Section A housing. So all my setup was very close to it to each other. My router was right next to my TV. So I would press the standby button and I would have 10 seconds to kill every, they would go to blue screen and I could just go kill everybody. And then they'd come back. - You motherfucker. - Who's that daddy? Who is that daddy? - I'm gonna fucking kill you. - And I'd be like, shut up. You're adopted, I'm just like learning like phrases. - That's like that kid. There's a kid that plays people on mad and he talks crazy. Shit, I mean, he's like nine. And the stuff that comes out of his mouth, it's insane. And I was like, this is where kids are learning. Like we had to learn how to talk heavy shit to your friend's faces. - Yeah. - That's so good. You can test it out on the airwaves. - We had both, 'cause I remember like, I was still getting arrested. - You get roasted. You're a basketball, too. - Pick a basketball, you get lit. - You play basketball, too, where you end up being a- - Pick a basketball, you get lit up. - You're the white, you're a lot of time. - You come opi, look at this motherfucker. You come up AOP. I'm like, hey, Opie, people that don't know Opie Taylor, that was Andy Griffith, little redhead, that's Ron Howard as a child. They go, he go, Opie, hey, hey, hey, get this motherfucker some sunscreen right away. I'm like, all right, all right. - Dude, I was telling somebody this story the other day. - Billy Hoyle, I got called that a lot too. - I was at my hometown park in Manchester, Connecticut. Charter Oak Park, pretty crazy park to be playing basketball. And I was the only white dude on the court. And we were playing, it was an intense game. I'll never forget. I had a handlebar mustache at this point. Just a handlebar mustache. And this black, one of my buddies, black guy named Bubbles walks down the hill. - Oh, right, bro. - And he was one of the best basketball players I've ever seen in my life. He came down the hill. He was like smoking or whatever, he comes down the hill. I hit a layup and he kind of ran the park. He was so good, he kind of ran the park. And he lives right down the street. And I remember he came down and he sit and he goes, I made a layup and he goes, yo, that looks like Hitler. And I remember, I turned to look at him, like confused. And then I turned it back and all nine of the black guys I was playing basketball with ran off the court. Like they just saw a magic trick. Like the funniest magic trick ever. They were all laughing so hard. And I remember thinking like that. I was like, oh, I don't know if some black guys know what Hitler looks like. (laughing) I was like, I have a handlebar mustache. I think they think every, like, - Every white guy with the mustache looks like that. - Yeah, I think I was like, if I could put five white guys with a mustache in front of a random black guy, I don't 100% know he could pick out Hitler. And he really want to throw him in a tizzy throw Charlie Chaplin in that motherfucker, too. (laughing) It could be like, yo, I think-- - Can we Hitler the guy to do this? - Yeah. (laughing) I think motherfuckers number three, that's Hitler. They're like, ah, now that's time-style. (laughing) - Not about, all right, four, nope, that's Miles Turner. Sorry. (laughing) - You got an X paid vacation, guys. - Yeah, identify Hitler. - I just remember having like the full-on handlebar mustache just having that moment of being like, and it killed. He killed. It got such a huge reaction from the whole park. They shot like the whole park down. There was two courts, like both games stopped. - Any light roasting of the only white is gonna get, it's gonna be fire. - I remember I missed a layup one. And I remember all of them. I remember I missed a layup one time, and I had been doing, these couple guys knew I was doing stand-up. - Oh shit. One of them go, "Man, get your, I missed a layup." He goes, "Man, get your Ben Stillerass off the court." (laughing) I was like, "Don't even look like a man." (laughing) - No, but all whites, you're all, that's all, you're all white, and all white. - You remember those games like that? I don't remember any. I only remember the times where I got hurt. I remember every time I got hurt. When I got hurt bad, like when I fell on my neck, I got a concussion. I remember when I chipped my tooth. I remember those vividly, 'cause I remember seeing them happen. - Yeah. - But I don't remember any of those games. - Oh, I remember stuff like that was just like, 'cause I remember that was such a, I remember being so confused that like, 'cause also too, it's like such a thing I was thinking, and I've always thought about it. And that's kind of how jokes kind of happen too, 'cause I just started kind of telling people that story, and they're like, "That's a bit." - Yeah, that's true. - And I'm like, "Maybe it is, I don't know." - No, that's a bit. - Yeah. - That's when you, wait, what holder are you when you started? - I was probably like 25 or, yeah, 25. - Yeah. - Yeah. - God. - It started in Florida though. - Yeah. I mean. - Tampa Florida. - Tampa Florida. - Tampa Florida. - Tampa Florida. - Tampa Florida. - Tampa. - Yeah, I don't know if he ever did, he's from Tampa, but I don't know where he started comedy. - I thought he's for some reason he started in Florida, or maybe he started out here. I'm one of those idiots. I don't think this will ever happen again. I moved to L.A. to start, which I think will never, I don't think, I think generationally, you'll never see that again. - I was just talking. Oh, Luke Moniz. I was talking to him last night, and he was great. He's awesome. He killed last night. - Yeah, he's funny. - But he was saying to that, he was like, 'cause he said, I thought he lived in New York, and he's like, "No, I live here." - But he's there a lot. - Yeah. - I've seen him there, I thought. - I think he flips around or whatever, maybe. But he was like, I asked him, I said, do you like it out here? And he's like, "Yeah, I like it." I was like, "I can't imagine starting out here." That's what I said. - I was so dumb, I started out. Well, I was also 22. But back then too, it was either go to New York or go here. That was like, that was the Austin Know, the Nashville Know. - Not even Chicago, probably. - Chicago had a great comedy scene, but a lot of those guys were sketching improv guys. - Yeah. - And I just was like, if I go back home to Chicago from Arizona, I was like, for sure, I'm gonna end up working for like, you know, the fucking Amtrak. We had a buddy that, oh man, I shouldn't even say it, we had a buddy that worked. He got fired from working on Amtrak, he. - I'm gonna say it. - You know how those trains. - You know how those trains crash? - You know those trains crash and they like, and you're like, how do they crash? - Yeah. - This is like this guy. - Like he was just like, he was just holding. - Fucking around. - Yeah, sometimes they go, how do they crash? - Fallen asleep, 'cause they still have up, they're still human-operated. They still have to hit the brakes, which is crazy to me. That's why they don't stop at the same place every time. It should just be a computer. But it's like, the fact that it's a person, and then you know some of the people that do it, you're like, I don't wanna ride a train ever again. This guy, if my buddy who I've gotten high with till four in the morning has to work at eight and drive a train, I don't know if that's a good idea, dude. - That's what I remember being like, we gotta, like, growin' out. You go, oh man, we gotta pay these teachers more. And then you realize some of your friends are teachers and you go, oh no, we don't. No, we don't. He's already managing his, he's doing Coke till all the time. - No, they don't need more money. He drinks all the time and he's off all summer. Just getting hammered at the lake. Did you have anybody you grew up with that turned out that actually is shockingly successful? Was it like a doctor or like one of those things? Like, I have a buddy, I have a buddy, I'm not gonna say his name, who very intelligent with school, outside of school, one of the dumbest guys I've ever met in my life, and he is unbelievably successful as a doctor, like has his own practice, does something so specific, and just thinking about it, I'm like, dude, he's just, he's not an idiot. He's just a loof, and you're like, I can't imagine that guy became a fucking dog. - Yeah. - One of the best. - I don't know, I don't know that I have anybody, like I'm very proud of some of my friends, like some of them have like fallen, like ass backwards into some stuff. - Yeah. - But I think I'm kind of that guy. - You're that guy. - Yeah. - Like I'm the people, 'cause I'm literally like, before I've been doing comedy full-time, like with you, you change my life, but you're the guy who like allowed me to quit my job and do stand-up full-time, and then it just kind of kept happening. And like I said, it's so, the fact that I'm able to like make really good money doing stand-up, you know, and then, but I think I am that guy for some of them. 'Cause a lot of, for a couple of years, a lot of my friends are like, you know, you're trying to do stand-up, but then you're also like, I'm working at a warehouse, and I'm working back a house at a restaurant. That's how ugly I am. They don't even want me in the front of the house. I'm breading chicken. I was a breader at Chick-fil-A. Dude, I remember leaving every day. We were just breading chicken every day. I was just breading chicken. And I kind of liked it because like, I was able to listen to podcast. I could listen to comedy podcast. Kind of get like my brain going. I worked from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. every day. Holy shit. And chicken all day in the bread. And I would leave their covered, just like I just, like a book hockey, of like this book hockey-covered flower. Yeah, and you're just like, I wouldn't even wash my shirt 'cause I'm like, this is gonna happen tomorrow, too. Yeah, it's never gonna go. You wait, you don't need Chick-fil-A anymore because of it, huh? No, and 'cause I'm gay. So that's like two reasons. Well, the Lord doesn't want you over there. And now they won't learn. Psalms 23, six, no more gay, six, six, gooms in my kitchen. Which is crazy 'cause the Chick-fil-A worked at, there was so many gay guys working there. Well, yeah, it's like a mosque to a flame, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I can't keep them away. What's going on over here? I want to let a thin, let's see. Let's go work there. Yeah, that's why people that don't know, Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays 'cause that's gay day. That's gay party day. That's actually like the best time to do poppers is Sunday. Sunday is God's gay day, dude. Yeah, yeah, when he's asleep. And on the seventh day, he wasn't resting at all. He was resting his nuts on someone's gym. 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Dude, how bad was Dishwasher? Dishwashing sucks. Dishwashing sucks. That was the hardest. So even if you were good at it, you would get soaked. So, soaked. And you smelled like shit because food, water food. Like you know when you have left something in your sink for a while. Like getting sick, just think. Water food is the worst smell on earth. Like water, old city food. Like dude, the smell of water on like mashed potatoes coming off a plate. It's crazy. It's like hot water mashed potatoes. And you got to clean the little. Oh, and your next to the trash can, the whole. You are standing in basically a trash can. I have so much respect for people that do these jobs that we're talking about. Dude, it's so hard. Because I've done them. And I'm like, it's so. It sucks. It's hard. Well, also, the only thing I liked it. Well, bussing I loved, because bussing I could get high and put in headphones. Yeah. And the manager. I don't even know why he liked me, but he just kind of like. He let me kind of get away with it. Like, he knew that I was stoned. I got ratted on one time. Personality higher. Yeah. A lot of people out of. I was. I laughed at it at so many jobs. I would show up late. I would ask to leave early. Insane shit. All the time, dude. And I would just make people laugh when I was there. I was like. I remember my boss. I'm still like good friends with a couple of bosses I had. I still like text with them. Hell yeah. But you're just like. People will be like. You got. We got to get him out of here. He's not. Managers are like. This guy's the only guy I like. He's the only one I. Yeah, bussing tables getting high and bussing tables with headphones in. Because it was against policy. You could not have headphones, but this was only wired back in the day. And I. So many complaints. But they never. I never got in trouble. It was kind of like a. Who cares? He's bussing. Leave him alone. Yeah. But I had some rats. Some people snitched on me. There's some. You know who you are. Actually, you know who one of my fucking snitches was? She was on the real world. I remember. This chick. She was like an ASU student. Older than me. I was a freshman. Or. No, sophomore. And. Very pretty too her name I can see her face very, very skinny, um, dark hair. Her name was, um, she was so pretty and cool, but she read it on me because I was kind of like a little, also because I fucked around. Like I wouldn't bust. I'd go, yeah, I'd fuck around or I'd get in like a bread fight with one of the, one of the cooks, you know, I'd be like, Mario, he's like, don't, don't throw that bit and I'd be throwing the bread through because I would try to be able to throw the bread through the window, you know, through the, through the fucking. I would just like to fuck around, but dude, what do you, I was getting paid what? Holly Edison. No. Cause we almost had Colleen sounded something like that sounded right. I can see her face, dude. She was, she was so, look up, um, real world girl that went to ASU. Do you look that up? You did? And what was her name? Her name is Holly Edison. Is that her? Let me see a photo of her. That could have been her. They read it on me. Yeah, but dude, all the restaurants I worked at, I could never eat it ever again because the smell and the vibe they gave, it gave, it gives me like the, yeah, it's like, it's the same thing like the first alcohol you get sick on. I think it's like Captain Morgan. Yeah. I can't even do vodka like, like Dubra. It was called Dupra Dubra. Honey Jack. Honey that's way behind my time is fucking let me see. Yeah. She was on real world Denver. No, that can't be right. That can't be right. That can't be right. Maybe the girl never graduated. She probably went to fucking Mesa Community College. You know, many people I went to school like, cause ASU is like, come on in. But how many people? I had friends that moved there from Chicago and my buddies were like, dude, you and so and so and so and so are all going to ASU and I'm like, they're not going to college. They're just living near college, partying like their college students. Do you know that's how bad my GPA was that I applied, graduating I applied to ASU and I got to. You got to reject. Hell yeah. Dude, my GPA was a two point. I think it was like a two point one. I took, you know, I told you this and you left so hard of my face. I was having like a moment of vulnerable vulnerability with you. I took geometry like junior year of high school. I told you and Aaron Weber that and Aaron was like, dude, I took that I'm like a grade. Yeah. And you were like, oh, yeah. Uh, I lit up. They moved things around. I had to like beg them to let me take algebra one senior year. So that I can just apply to college. You could try to apply. Yeah. So I could even just try to apply to college. ASU rejected you. Who else rejected you? Um, and a cot college. And a cot says no. Yeah. Um, but you got into none. None. Nothing. That's, I got into Chick-fil-A universe. There's no shame in that game now. Honestly, I worked out. I didn't get it. Like, dude, I actually, my dad still holds it over my head that I got into university at Tennessee. And I didn't go to well, because my dad and my sister both went and my dad was like, he's a big, he's a big, he's a big ball. He's a big ball. And the fact that I didn't go there, he still holds over my head. Like, he doesn't give a shit, but we'll get hammered sometimes. And it'll be like, could have been a ball. Like if we're watching, like if we're watching, if we're watching a ball is game together, he'll be like, you could have been a ball, man. And I'm like, no, dad, I mean, come on. Who gives a shit? And he's like, could have had something stronger. We could have strong bond. How much more orange do you need on you? You know, you think I wanted to wear orange to a game? And he's back the orange sickle in the crowd. No, I, I love going down there. I just, I was scared about Tennessee, because look, dude, this is also 20 fucking years ago. I was, it just, it was so different back then, too. And it was so, I'm sure now it's a different school. Yeah. But back then, dude, it was like still the good old boy, Tennessee. And I didn't fit in at all. No, it's just not, it was not, you got a little hood in it. Yeah, it was just not me, dude. That was way too, like, spares and collar and button up polos and, and, and what do you, and khakis. And I was like, I just don't think these kids are going to like me. I feel the same way when I would go, when, because I, like I said, I didn't get into college. I went, so I would go visit my friends at college. And certain colleges, I'd go, I'd be like, I'm never coming to visit him again. Because it's like, it's that. They're all spares. And I'm like, these kids are just looking at me. I'm like tattooed. Yeah. You look like the, you look like the ugly duckling. Yeah. And then I just, I just don't fit in. Then I went to ASU and people wore shorts and flip-flops to class. I was like, this is it, dude. Yeah. I was like rolling a blunt. They're like, what's that? Class. Class. Yeah. In fact, I do remember going to like visit friends at like my childhood best friend, Sean, Sean went to school at Marquette. Marquette's a great school in Milwaukee. And like, you go to the Midwest to like a good school like that. And you see how like people look and are. And you're like, oh, right. I'm at a, I'm at a state school. Yeah. I go to fucking, I go to school with kids who got through high school, like kind of got through high school. Yeah. This is like, they're going for a career. Like, they know they have a major. They need to do well. Yeah. And they're all partying, but engineering or something. Yeah. They're trying something. ASU was like, what do you major in? They're like, I'm figuring it out. You're like, you're a third year. And they're like, I think I'm just going to get my real estate license after I graduate. That's a bunch of my friends. Yeah. And then by the way, where do you see yourself in? Good on you. Where do you see yourself in like seven years? They're like, I don't, I got a billboard, you know? I thought a park on a bus like remax on it. Yeah. I don't know. Actually, mine was that what a bunch of rich kids who were passively interested in art. Yeah. Anytime those liberal art schools are always filled with like rich little bratty mommy and daddy kids. And they pretend like they're all, they look, they, yeah, they do the fake. Like, I don't have any money, but they're all on sitting on trust funds. Yeah. How many, how many kids show you into an art school? Yeah. How many kids at like the art school? Do you think we're like, actually talented? Columbia, right? You went to Columbia in Chicago. By the way, you have to clarify because Columbia is actually a good school in New York. Not the good one. Um, I mean, that's not the one. It had like a, again, it's another school with a 98% acceptance rate. So it's really just I would have been the 2%. I almost guarantee you that that joke would hit hard if you said 3%. I'd have been part of that 9%. I would have been 3%. There was a lot of really, I mean, there's a lot of really talented people. But also, I mean, they were in, we were in more of the advanced classes anyway. But there's a bunch of, I mean, I remember even at the beginning, a lot of kids just, I don't know. I mean, not there's a lot of kids that you were the poor kid at the rich kid school. Yeah. I was, I mean, I was, well, you're talented. Oh, thank you. Well, that's, that's, this is, this is kind of the, it's either one way or the other. But also, it's, you're going to be the poor kid who did a rich kid school with talent, but you could be the rich kid at the rich kid school without any talent. You got to, yeah, you got to have like gumption or whatever and a lot of those kids like gumption jobs, gumption. That's a big word for Zach. No, I love that cartoon. The what the green guy. That was awesome. Red horse. Yeah, that was a great, that was one of my favorites. You know, but honestly, I don't think now if I was, if I lived now, if I was, if I was 18 right now, I don't think I would have ever gone to college. It would have scared the shit out of me in this, in this day and age. I like any kid that goes now, when I have friends that have kids that are going off to school, I'm always like, what are they? Why? What are they? I mean, what is it? I don't even know what it is. And they're about to be in the draft back too. So it's like, what's the point? Yeah, they're about to drag you out of class to be like, hey, come do push-ups for Israel. I can't do the draft for my two old, right? I don't know. No, 40, they just raised it to 42. I'm, I might be screwed. I'm 43 this year. This is my last year. Make sure I can't get in the draft. They just raised it to 43. I don't know because I have a tornado CL. So I don't know if they can. If you have a medical, you have medical exemption, I think we can skip out. Or we'll just go to Canada. Yeah, and I'm, yeah, let's go to Canada. Let's go to Canada. Let's go to Canada. Let's go to Canadian accents. I've been working on my Canadian accent. It says as of April 26, nearly all male U.S. citizens and male immigrants age 18 to 25 are required to register for this selective service. Let's find what's good. I'm what there's no top line though. No, it says past 2016, the National Defense Authority, Authorization Act registration for men between 18 and 20 film automatic, but then while the draft age pertains mandatory service, individuals may volunteer to enlist ages 17 with parental consent or 18 up to 42 depending on the service brand. Hell yeah, I'm not going to be in. And they also, they wiped off like they're like, if you have like a, like a marijuana little, like we're, we'll overlook that too. So they know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. They don't, they know that nobody wants to go to like, nobody wants to go fight. It's starting to become a thing where they're like, hey, nobody wants to go to war. Nobody wants to go to war. People want to be in the military because they want to protect the country. The military, I have nothing but respect for the military. Yeah, but going to war is scary. But yeah, but I don't want my friends who are in the military to go to war. No, I don't want, I don't want anyone to go to war. In my, my, no, it's a controversial take, but no more war. Yeah, let's get the bus passes out, hold on, get your card out. Okay, let's do this. Let's do this. Let's do this. Okay. So what's your hot take right now? Maybe it's just me, but I don't think anybody should, I don't think people should have to die at war right now. Okay, I don't agree with that. 100% disagree. 100% disagree. All right, well, you're, okay, you're not paid for it. What else is in there? My United Health, I just got health care. Yay. To my lady. Wait, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank God for her. Yeah, thank God for her. I would be dead if I were you. Honestly, you know what's annoying about about your lady is that she's beautiful and smart and cool and very like and like quick and funny and it's a bummer she's gonna have to like do this thing with you and just like live with you like two point of you baby. Yeah, yeah, she's like a rad smart babe and it's like, oh, it doesn't even know how to cry. It's crying the wrong way. It's in a way. It's going. How? Dislexic crying. Now she's a lucky lady and you're a lucky boy. She's great. I love her. Yeah, you're not me. She's number one. Are you on tour right now? Are you gonna do some dates? Plugs some dates. Give some dates to the kids. Tell them to whip it out, whip it out, baby. Yeah, yeah, please pull out your website too. Yeah, if you want to pull out the website so I can punch up or you. Yeah, punch up. I got him right here too. Let the kid read him off. I got out. That's what yeah. - Let's kill, let's kill. - May 21st, Detroit, Michigan. Mike Trop Comedy. Comedy, come out to. - Wait, no, he let him read it, so you don't have to read it. Go ahead, read it off for the boy. Wait, Detroit, Mike Trop Comedy, is that a new club? - They just bought the House of Comedy. So it's right there in the corner, right across from the Fox. - Fox Theater. - Yeah. - I love Detroit. - Detroit by the way, underrated city. - For comedy. - Underrated city. - Michigan, I love that city. - For everything, it's coming back, for it's underrated city. - Detroit is an underrated city. - We did that. Only Midwest people really loved Detroit. - Yeah, you were awesome. - Fill 'em with the bell. - I went out with those girls for two minutes and then I came back to the hotel sad. - Oh, do you remember? - You're trying to hook your-- - No, do you remember that? Because I'm not gonna say what we left at, but we left so hard at the car at the three of us, and you know what I'm talking about, you're near to me. (laughing) - That was one of the hardest we've ever known. - No, no to me. - Yeah, we had a fun inside joke for people that it's so stupid. But yes, Detroit, so he's in Detroit at the end of May. - And May 28th, Huntsville, Alabama, LaVityLive. - Yes, please come out today. - That's a neat, I've done that drive from Nashville. I need to drive now. - Yeah, it's like two hours, yeah. - Please come out. - Timonium MD, Merlin. - McGuities. - McGuities. - It's so funny that you don't know MD's Merlin. - Yeah, you don't. - Well, I thought I meant doctor. (laughing) - August 6th, Houston, Texas, punchline Houston. - Yes, please come out to that one. He's in Nashville, Wisconsin, I know that. - We're in Wisconsin. - Comedy Cabin, September 18th and 19th. - September 18th, 19th, come out, Wisconsin. - Come see my boy. - Springfield, Missouri on September 23rd, Springfield Comedy Club. And then Tulsa, Oklahoma, 25th. - Tulsa. - Tulsa. - Looney Been, great club. - 12th, 26th. - Nice in this place. - It was awesome. - Really? - Yeah, it's great guy. - 27th. - New young owner, but just bought it. He owns like, he's open in the Wichita Looney Been too. He's trying to like, he's giving people like me a chance for a weekend. - That's good, 'cause people need, people need comedy that's on the rise. Instead of just the same names going to every fucking city. - I mean, it's definitely hard to compete with, you know, people like that, but it's like, yeah, but it's like, there is gonna be a time where the way it changes. - Yeah, the way it changes. - And so, yeah, but Mason, shout out to him, owner of the Looney Been. Tulsa, it's a great club. - Shout out to the Looney Been, go see Zach. Please, he's a dear, dear friend. I think he's so fucking funny and talented and knock on Wooden Good Luck for what you got tonight. We're not gonna tell anybody but knock on a lot of wood. And go to punchuplive.com/zacktownsend, right? That's gotta be it. - Yes. - Punch-up live, Z-A-C. - Yeah, Z-A-C, there's no H, 'cause-- - 'Cause my mom's retarded. - 'Cause his mom's an idiot, yeah. - No, I'm in peace, so she's dead, don't say that. - Yeah, I can say that, a ton of times fast. And also, she's only dead 'cause I killed her. Never tell me to clean my room again. I'll teach her, you know. No, but it's, I don't, Z-A-C is the right way to spell it. Me and your boy, me and your boy spell it the right way. - That's exactly right. - Yes, you and, you and F dog. - And that was the first thing he asked about you. - Yeah. - H or no H. - Yeah. - 'Cause Z-A-C-H is Zatch. - That's Zatch, yeah. - And where does the K, Z-A-C-K, I was talking with the guy last night. Anybody, any guy who spells their name, Z-A-C-K, those guys die before they're like 26. (laughs) - You know what I mean? That would have, they die. Yeah, those are the guys that live with a dad who only raised, you know, a dad. - They get up tattooed like 13. - That's the dad only. - They have a half pipe in their back yard made of all different wood. And they're like, I'm cool, that you guys can black out with me. - Yeah. - You're like, we're nine. - And that's the thing. - That kid starts drinking so early. - Oh yeah. - That's the reason he overdoses at like 25, because he's already hit a peak. He's already like, I was getting drunk at like nine years old. - Can't get any higher. - I can't get any higher, yeah. - Go, go see the boy. What? - Do we want to look at the names? - Oh yeah, do the names real fast. We did this again last time. - I'm gonna pull up the names statistics for Z-A-C-Z-A-C-H in Z-A-K and we're gonna have you guys guess. - Yeah. - We're gonna do it. - I just pulled up all these statistics. - Do it. - Okay. - So you guys gotta guess. - I think the number, I think, I think Z-- - Just in the U.S. - I think in the United States, I think number one is gonna unfortunately be Z-A-C-K then Z-A-C and then Z-A-C-H. - Wait, statistics for like how they spell it? - Yeah. - How many people have you got? - I bet you Z-A-C-H is number one. Z-A-C number two and Z-A-C-K number three. - What is it? - Both of you are wrong. Number one is Z-A-C-H. Number two is Z-A-C-K and number three is Z-A-C. - Your last dog. - How many? - Good. - Z-A-C-H. - I think number one, there's, well, I'm just basing on what we did before. 185,000. - How many are you thinking in the U.S.? - Z-A-C-H is? - Oh, you said 185,000? Like 2.7 million. - How many? - Okay. - 20,000. - Seven. - Six. - The worst price is right. Contestant of all time. - How much is that boat? 40 million? - Yeah. - It's a turbo. - It's a refrigerator. - 575,000. - Yeah. - 18 million dollars. - A brand new pool table. That's got to be about $0.95. - We can cut that part out. - How many CKs? - I talked, oh. - How many CKs? - How many CKs? - Only one is fine. - Only one is fine. - I'm concerned. Where are you gonna say you talked to what? - Nah, I forgot what I was gonna say. - But only, okay, CKs? - 10 grand. - 15,760. - Your guys are both close. 12,602. - Yeah, he went over though. - But then how many Z-A-C's are there? - 7,848. - 5,184. - 3,928. Shout out to my rare bird. - Yeah. - Go see my boy live right now. - I love 'em so very much. Look in that camera right there. Say one word or one phrase in the episode. - I love Andrew Santino. - In here, we pull, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. - Oh, that creature in the ginger field. - Sturdy, ginger. - Like badass, the ginger gene is good. - Ginger's a fugitive. - You only five dollars for the whiskey. - 75 dollars for the whole. - Ginger's our hell now. - This whiskey means excellent. - Ginger, I like ginger.