Your Thoughts Are Not Facts | Ep. 359

The acceptance is powered. What if the thing that you keep resisting is actually the key to your growth for years? I did not understand the concept that thoughts are not facts and I did not understand the concept that we all have negative emotions. And so I would go around having puns of negative emotions, feeling super anxious and super stressed as this is my early 20s. And I remember thinking all the time, I was like, if somebody knew what was in my head, I would not get a boyfriend. I remember being married. My friends would be like, you're fucking crazy bitch. I remember thinking those things all the time. And then I remember I got married, you know, lucky him. Eventually one day I started talking to him and I'm like, I just don't wanna tell you all the crazy thoughts I have in my head. He was like, why? And I was like, I mean, like what if you think I'm crazy? And I remember that moment when my husband was like, so what? That led me to this tool, which is the so what? I was like, oh, I like that. What do you mean so what? He's like, so what? Still very cute. Still cute. I don't think it'll change much. And I was just like, oh wow. And it diffused so much of my emotion around the situation that all of a sudden I started spewing everything at him. I was like, I think this and this and this and this. And he was like, hmm, checks out. And then I was like, what if, what if I could do that for myself? And so now what I learned is that every time I have a thought that feels scary, feels big, feels gross, feels negative, then I need to say to myself, so what? So what you gotta fucked up thought? So what that you think that? You are a tiny speck on this giant universe. And that thought will go away as fast as it came. So I want you to try this mental reframe. Think of active acceptance as a tool in your toolbox. Active acceptance is just saying, so what? You're like, what if this happened to my boyfriend breaks up with me and then this happens to him, blah, blah. And so what? Half of being stuck comes from resisting reality. It comes from resisting your thoughts, resisting the negative feelings. So acceptance means carrying the circumstances, the feelings, the thoughts with you, rather than fighting them. Now what you will find is that this does not mean that you're giving up. It means that you move forward with reality, not against it. And this takes so much of the power out of a situation, a thought, or feeling. Now this is how you can actually put it into practice. Right now I'm gonna ask you this. What in your life right now is unfair? What is unfair? Maybe you have a bad boss or a really heavy workload with your job or bad customer review. Next to it, right? So what? I can carry this. Then ask yourself this. What is one productive action that you can take while being uncomfortable holding that thought or circumstance? Yes, here's the thing. The price of your dreams tomorrow is the discomfort of accepting it today. Which brings us to our final and most important truth. You need to audit your beliefs. There's a reason that we call them your beliefs, not facts, not the universal beliefs. We know that our beliefs shape our reality. And what's crazy is that our beliefs might be completely fucking wrong and crazy. Right? We might identify this. One of the biggest beliefs that I've had to learn is that fear means something's dangerous. I used to have so many feelings, a fear of anxiety, and they would feel paralyzing almost. Like literally like sweaty hands, I'd feel like my mouth is foaming, not foaming, but I'm losing like spit in my mouth. Foaming would be tough. That'd be a seizure. You should go to the doctor, if that happens to you. But I would have, you know, no spit in my mouth. Like I'm so nervous about something. And I used to think when I was younger that that meant that that thing was dangerous and that finally when I really understood that this was just a belief I had about any situation I was really scared. It was because I had an irrational belief about that thing. You know, some people have an irrational fear of spiders and a rational fear of flying. But the crazy thing is that more people will die in a car crash this year than they won't in a plane crash. Yet people are way more scared of flying than they are of the car. I have had plenty of those things and I think what I used to think is that fear equals bad. Then when I realized that fear equals a rational belief that it is time to break, when you have unchecked beliefs, I'll never succeed. This thing is dangerous. This business is gonna die. This guy's gonna leave me. And then you let them silently dictate every action or inaction you take. That is when you get stuck. So if you're watching this video and you're thinking, I am stuck in some way, maybe you're stuck in a cycle of destructive beliefs. Because think about this. The only beliefs that we don't question are the ones that we don't even know our beliefs. We assume them as truths. And so what I'd like you to do is try belief swap. You're gonna identify your irrational beliefs and we're gonna replace them with rational ones. What freaks you out? What makes you anxious? What pisses you off? What things provide you with the most highest irrational emotional reaction? Is it when your boyfriend, you see a like on another girl on Instagram? Does that make you really fucking pissed and you wanna go like slash on tires? Is it when a customer leaves you one bad review and then all of a sudden you wanna shut up down your business 'cause you think that your business sucks? Irrational beliefs keep a stuck. Rational beliefs move us forward. If you can change your beliefs, you can change your life. So write down one irrational belief that you keep repeating. Maybe it's all never succeed. And then ask three questions. One, is this logical? Two, where is the proof in this actual world that this is a real belief? And lastly, does this belief help me? Maybe it is wackadoodle, but maybe it is true, but is it helpful? And does believing it make your life better or worse? Re-write it as a rational belief that you can actually live by. Now what does that mean? I am not a proponent of, you know, I lost a hundred pounds and I was not like, I am a victorious secret model. I was like, no, I'm not. I still got a little chunk. But I said, you know what, no, I'm healthy and I work hard. I can achieve my dream body if I work hard enough for long enough. That's a rational belief to have. Versus, I'm gonna be the queen of England or I'm gonna, you know, make it to the moon. I'm gonna beat you non-musk. It's like, all right, well, that's a tough stretch. Let's try and make it something that's believable that when we say it, we feel empowered and we feel more confident. So those are rational beliefs. And here's the thing, once you write down that rational belief, if you act on it, you will actually embed it and you will start to believe it over time. Trust me, the sooner that you accept these truths, the sooner you will be able to change your life. If you liked this video, do not forget to subscribe to my channel and check out my next video. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)