Young, Wild, & Out of Control w/ Jack Jr

what's up everybody welcome back to the dopest usual podcast my name is thomas dopest y'all or whatever you want to call me this is my co-host marty o'neill what's up guys sup guys we're back we're here to talk about life drugs problems accomplishments and everything in between and today we have a special guest you may have seen him uh seen on my instagram a lot lately or just scrolling and seeing ridiculous clips on the internet uh welcome comedian jack jr yeah man what's up what up man what's up dude i'm chilling man i'm trying to get at your guys's level bro hi hi you guys are very stress-free when i walked in here everyone seems so happy and chill and you've got a lot going on there's no kids here there's no kids marty has three children but not here not their day i'm sure not here that's why you work overtime look how happy he is right now he's smiling we're 30 seconds in dude what's the oldest you have again i have a 21 year old that's right 21 21 year old 17 yeah yeah 17 that's right tough age 17 16 17 not for me i'm like all right we'll see you later oh really yeah i'm going through that with the girlfriends now yeah it's just you two you're going through that too yeah marty's daughter's gay so i thought i'd just throw that with the girlfriends now what happened is that marty's daughter's gay that was my next thing like how do you know like when my son's like i'm seeing someone and i was like boy or girl you know like or both yeah that's cool man yeah i could go this generation coming up now like it could go either way you gotta ask everyone euphoria right before you made every girl go i think i'm curious like bitch you're just bored i actually auditioned for the new season for the villain they wanted an armenian guy and i auditioned for that character for naz it's out right now my buddy uh jack god another jack no shit yeah sorry guys i'm just god how random how random do they want you to cut your hair so they they wanted an armenian of mafia kind of guy so i slicked back my hair i'll i'll send you to my audition i have my i have my chest hair out i have my chain i'm like i am nazim i do the whole thing uh i didn't get it but uh i wanted you scared america too much like that's what we're afraid of right yeah yeah but even though you didn't speak whatever the fuck they blew up the twin towers with that's all i can hear as an american we went oh as soon as i like spit's gonna come up like those fuckers man yo i gotta remember real quick real quick yeah i've talked about it on here yeah i did really really i to me i did terrible one time in downey and i'm like oh on stage i'm like this fucking sucks at beso yeah yeah the owner's armenian oh okay i did it with the demographic when i walked in everybody looked like the tree from pocahontas they were all old as really all old grandmas yeah in the crowd i went you guys hate me uh another time is when i did an all armenian crowd at the bar with you in a way this is not going good and then the other day i didn't even talk about it at the netflix is a joke i'm like it went okay not like i wanted to but sacramento i'm like yes it went great yeah comedy store oh it went great and then what is it about fucking armenians they don't like me dude they don't like me man i promise you they don't fuck with me no man can i speak like no no no what is it they like you i like you man you're a good guy you're half mexican man maybe that's why dude the other half is not fucking with me no for real i need inside information okay i went up at the bar with you i talked shit about armenians for a minute 20 seconds they were like ha ha ha i went oh it's gonna go good and i started talking about not that and that yeah they're like wait i stared me down they're just trying to figure out they're waiting for like they're just i think comedy with armenians is new it's new it's like oh shit armenians they're very serious people bro they're very very serious people unless they're in a group smoking snakes and they're laughing their asses off yeah that's all my fucking neighbors are laughing and we come hello i'm talking about stand-up stand-up comedy yeah if you notice they're always they're always angry i do jokes about this too like the i feel like our culture is they're very angry because they're wearing all black and you know when you're out in the sun just hot hot so when you're hot you're irritated you're sweating you're in a bad mood you smell you smell you're just kind of irritated that's what they're kind of angry scammed it and go through pissed there you go something see that's all i know about them dude i know that they love to get hair plugs they love cigarettes and smoking them yeah that's all i know about them yeah what do you know about armenians they got some sick ass cars and that's true they ride beautiful cars adidas track suits and shit like that lots of them very close to the italian culture yeah very close very very manly machismo like yes you know and then you don't like that shit dude they're like i'm a boy they're like what are you doing here oh they might be mad that you have your your like right next to them you have your build your businesses right next to their business we're the only ones in this entire block of not mexicans except for the fools looking for work so there you go that's what i'm saying they're like why is jose have the same car as me you know no and your car is it might your car is amazing it's a yeah yeah it's a very nice car he's the reason why you know what's crazy so he pulled up in my show and i said what kind of car you have yeah okay so he pulled up in a maybach right and it's so funny the owner of the club goes jack can you move your car i'm like my car's not even here and it was it was his car i was in a parking space he wasn't a parking space that wasn't a parking space that was the back of the club and at the bellflower club and bellflower oh john told me to park there i know oh long story short long story short um two days later i went and got a mercedes like i was just like the most armenian shit i go hey man you motivated me i went and got a mercedes like good fucking awesome i was driving a kia for a while and i just felt really like i'm stepping up a little bit and it's not even like oh this is better it's more like the little kid in me is like oh shit yeah that's all it is it it felt amazing i honestly the mercedes i just it felt it feels great you're 60 40 on me you know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it went up it went up yeah the stock the stock went up for sure yeah and the amg they're like oh 65 35 no dude i used to i had my white honda here for like 30 years and i was like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like the first two years i lived here cops constantly staring at me people and like almost like what the fuck and as soon as you or any of these cars they're like oh you're on me yeah oh yeah you're okay yeah it's what people look at you differently man no just here oh here in glendale just in glendale merman dude just i'm like i don't have a cigarette for you man our meetings they have a very uh tone of like old mean grandpa yeah like you're working no fuck dude that's how i feel with them man i need to learn some more stuff already mexicans love to have kids yeah stereotypical lazy because they're not where the fuck did that come from don't get it no mexicans are definitely where the fuck did that stereotype come from no ever i don't get it i don't understand what ethnicity is right i'm like uh lazy american it doesn't matter what color you are america's freaking pretty lazy i would pretty argue with that what are some stereotypes about armenians that only in armenia would know so i could fucking talk to these guys you know what let me tell you some good stereotypes good some good things armenians have done armenians invented the atm armenians invented the mri machine armenians invented a coffee machine and lies you lined me on these are all okay no he's not true also fibs army armenians invented uh dude we invented some like some like really serious stuff quick coffee quick money quick scans of your body everything's a shortcut shortcut shortcut yeah and i i had the joke i do is like the reason why they built the all the armenians built the mri machine was to get the personal injury case more money fast yeah uh yeah we the armenians are inventors that's why they're so that's why i think that armenians are so good at scams because we are really good at inventing and they have the soviet union mindset because we were only we were only like allow this much money a month this you know it's communism you gotta remember we're in america yeah pretend this is armenia so that's what i'm saying where's the rest of the world to that what's next to armenia so armenia is in uh the caucuses it's surrounded by two other countries muslim countries that are trying to kill us right now like until today so that's why sacramento didn't really like my middle eastern blow up so like you know like what's happening in israel and palestine around burly but go ahead so there's a there's a genesis beef there's a genocide yeah okay i know we weren't gonna talk about that but we're talking about i was joking so what are we gonna talk about the genocide i was joking man but keep going so turkey is uh committed genocide turkey committed genocide against armenians in 1915 and the neighbors azerbaijan they committed a genocide right now it's going on right now it's been going on azerbaijan i think you with me no no it's a yeah so these two countries hate armenians and that's because they're muslim countries and we're christians we're the first christian nation and we've been there and they're trying to get us out they're trying to annihilate us that's why i've been using my platform to talk about armenians because armenians and mexicans are very very very similar we're both very religious very we're family people we're good people we're hustlers and we work together in prison and outside of prison i just learned more than i ever heard in school yeah hello you guys are like the mexicans you're very forgotten about because i don't i don't i've never learned about you ever in my life ever yeah like right now ready what's one thing you know about armenians nothing before i moved here shavo shavo i know shavo's armenian and i'm like what's armenian he goes from armenia oh that's how i found out yeah i didn't know nothing yeah how do they how do they i felt when i lived here my whole life my my we spoke spanish at home i didn't speak armenian until like i was in third grade my dad learned spanish to hook up with my mom my dad speaks seven languages my dad left beirut lebanon came here learn the language learn spanish he says he till this day does this joke he goes cuando venia i don't speak spanish but i'll say in spanish first he goes cuando veniste país dijeron un ancio si no hablas espanol regresa a tu país which basically means if you don't speak spanish go back to your country so my dad learned spanish go back to your country in la oh in america like what the fuck is that no no no so what do you think what the fuck okay so he came here he learned spanish he met my mom he spoke spanish to her they hooked up we started a family come to find out we're speaking spanish at home and then then my dad goes you know you're armenian too and i was like so my dad put me in armenian school and i learned armenian and that's how i learned about the culture damn he hid that shit they didn't hit it he just didn't speak it he wasn't he wasn't speaking at home because my mom didn't speak armenian and all my armenian family was back home and in armenia or does your mom ever learn my mom understands a little bit a little bit it's not an easy language been together a long time i'm 41 the effort is one-sided in the language department this will learn a whole fucking thing yeah just to be like hey i like you she's like hey i've been with you for 40 years i don't know anything you're talking about that's fucking crazy no yeah it's like my stepmom pretends she don't know spanish i mean english she's been here for 25 years you don't know how'd you get through this door yeah how'd you yeah how'd you get how'd you get your it's amazing though you're a liar just say you don't want to talk to me yeah just say it dude um okay so you grew up here in l.a right yeah and then you said you told me you've been doing comedy for almost 17 18 years comedy years uh 17 years are you guys smoking yeah i have a clip i have a clip because he doesn't smoke am i giggly right now this man got the joint and went from that far away and went oh shit ah and got high for two days straight bro i swear to god you saw the cherry light up somehow from this far and went oh shit you hit it and then you just go and then i go i go i'm gonna call uber and i called an uber and i literally went straight to the vending machine in my hotel it doesn't really smoke so i'm like oh you're gonna hit this joint i was never a weed guy i was a cocaine guy me too yeah i love all drugs i but i i skipped i skipped marijuana i went straight to cocaine after high school what age oh after school yeah i was a cocaine guy i was a cocaine guy school oh you're a good kid what were you like at school i was a sports guy i was playing basketball football i was i was an athlete i was an athlete you know i was athletes trying to get girls that's all i was trying to do i was drinking a lot in high school i was drinking a lot in high school yeah i was a jock but i guess kind of a jack jack jock jack jock i like it so yeah then uh and then like when i was like 19 years old i was like i was just being you know reckless and i never really liked weed i never liked downers i'm more of a upper kind of guy and uh one night some girl's like i want you to snort this and then i want you to fuck the shit out of me and i was like okay and that was it that was the first time got turned out and then i was like from a hot chick not college i was like i was high school after high school but i didn't go to college so i guess yeah college college years yeah college years college years i went to school i went to college for five years to a two year yeah yeah never graduated yeah i mean i went to college too i went to college i went to college parties the first time i actually went to university i got paid for it to do stand-up no shit yeah that's an opening joke i'm like it's crazy to actually apply to this school i'm just kidding okay so you're a good kid right yeah you dabble in the drugs yeah do you remember the first time you ever bought a sack yourself a sack of coke yeah yeah you remember it totally how how i was terrified i was terrified six yeah that's enough right here's your money i didn't know what the fuck i was buying i don't know i was 13 or 14 like damn though ram yeah i remember like you want a team oh like a team does that mean 10 or 10 yeah do you want uh you want an eight ball what do you want and i was just like god i just want i just want one ball i don't want to fucking scam the shit out of you yeah yeah i just want one i'll take one crack rock yeah it was like at that point and the and with with what did you buy it off of uh mexican yeah probably the problem with that was i was buying because when you do cocaine you know you have to you do one bump and it's like you want to do another one every 10 minutes yeah so i think by the time i i was hurting the car going you know doing it with a girl and and we wanted another one and another one another one so i kept going back to the guy like like six months almost right that guy goes hey man buy a bigger deck he goes why don't i give you this and he made me like a distributor but i was only selling it to myself he made me a he was and i'll front you a brick yeah exactly over the course of the month said and the worst is that now you have now you have you went from this thing to this thing and you're just like what are you doing with your life and then then you became the guy then you see yourself i'm the fucking man i remember one time i remember one time someone's like hey megan you can you can you call your guy i called myself yeah i was like walked around i'll be right there oh that's how i started selling weed yeah it's exactly like i'll go get it from him i went to the bathroom broke it down came back he said he's almost out and that's exactly how it started yeah but like when you get a sack that big it's like uh when you go to football practice they're like hey sell this box of chocolate yeah kid don't eat it all and then you have to pay for it all that's exactly what would happen if you give me a brick yeah i'm gonna do it all to myself it was bad or i was very organized at one point i would take i would i'm like okay i need to sell this to pay for this to profit you're good at business i used to text people like hey it's a blowout sale you know i was literally like saying yeah i'm like yeah i'm gonna be gone all weekend i'm gonna be gone all weekend so if you need to pick up get it right now dude i was doing so and i only had like 10 15 customers and it's not like me it's not like me yeah yeah i used to have a couch outside my house i would leave sack 10 sacks on this side ounces on this side eights never got robbed dude it was it was uh it helped me through for comedy when i first started doing comedy like i was so i was strip club i was a strip club dj yeah i did that right here on the cross street oh shit for real right there no way i worked there in 2004 five six seven two thousand four five two thousand five yeah like three four years i worked there i worked at uh godfather i worked at uh nicola i worked at isn't that he's still a i worked all of them bro he's still right i worked at um there was a club called um godfather in on sepovita i worked at the one here i worked a lot of them and i was there with deja vu for a little bit i was at yeah that's right guys the main stage that's diamond oh hell yeah pre-recording two for one two for fun get her done two for one two for fun i went to deja vu and now that's gone i can say this uh they don't sell alcohol i don't sell alcohol i don't sell alcohol i don't sell alcohol right none of them none of them so i went there i get a lemonade because i'm like this place sucks twenty five dollars yeah i tipped the girl i'm like you know what fuck i just got here it's cool it's a lemonade i gave it to my wife she drank it in 20 minutes she's fucking oh flopping starting to throw up can't remember shit i'm like what the fuck is happening we went home she'll remember anything of the night they put g in her drink it was for me that little bitch trying to get you high i gave her ten dollars on the fucking lemonade bro here's ten bucks dude she tried to get me what a bitch man but that that lifestyle man it's freaking dark man i i've seen some dark stuff i've had some worse things i've thrown people out over here like i remember one guy was like hating one of the girls and there wasn't really security with just some freaking old armenian guy in the front smoking a cigarette so like i would have to protect the girl because essentially these girls are what make me money yeah they have to tip you so they tip me so i'm protecting these girls i make security i walk into their car i'm doing everything i had to throw somebody i put them in i put them in a fucking headlock and threw them out and apparently that guy knew another guy and they knew the owner and then i got in trouble i got they moved me from that club they fired me but they didn't fire me they moved me to the one in uh canova park he's allowed to choke her yeah but get out of here i was defending the girl you know um i've there's been nightmare stories you don't want to hear a crazy story i wasn't working on something but another dj told me that because these customers get obsessed with these girls they get obsessed like that's my girl they visit her every day they they're obsessed right so this is the story um i heard the dj was blah blah there was a girl there was a girl on stage that was his customer some russian guy in the back right and he was in the back and uh this college kid came in or just something he just ran into a bunch of money i don't know if it was college or something some he had a lot of money he came in and he just starts tipping her tipping her tipping her tipping her and she's just he's like in love with her just throwing hundreds a lot of money the other guy gets jealous he kills him he slits his throat on the on the freaking thing on on while he's like this he's so psycho over this girl he kills him that's the freaking that's the story i heard i don't know what strip club was but i heard that story from another from another dj totally i totally uh believe it yeah people are weird bro it's also how do you get the knife in there bro these some of these places i don't freaking i know that's crazy right yeah because like i talked about like strip clubs that sell food is weird to me food yeah like steaks you know who had a good food uh the rouge on raymer i don't know if it's still there my buddy dj my buddy eli dj i don't know if it's still there i don't know if it's still there i don't know if it's there and uh they had a they had a beautiful steak it was amazing you shouldn't give out fool's knives when they're drunk oh i didn't even think about that yeah see hey what's up girl you don't like me what do you think is gonna happen bro this is jealous of another dude going hey you're paying her bills fuck you yeah yeah yeah man it's crazy i imagine the big russian henchman with a bald head did it but you know what's crazy people think it's like oh that's such a cool job you're working with naked girls you know it's not you know why because your boyfriends are outside not even that they're just like they're gross like they're like they're like babe do you see in the string can you see they're showing me their pussy like like does it like because they're on their period like some i know why some girl's pregnant some girls pregnant on stage and giving two for once for real oh it's just a wild life bro i did that for a while and that paid comedy that i did that at night for three four days and then i would be able to go do comedy shows you know because i wasn't working i was i was selling and i was djing that's all i was doing before that i was working at t-mobile as a t-mobile rep so basically i did that i dj'd i hustled i grinded i got all my money together i opened up all that dirty money i turned into a positive i opened up my own cell phone store in the gondola galleria and i had a verizon kiosk in front of jc penny oh no shit 2008 2009 2010 and i had a thing called gadget guard where i did a when the iphone came out you really released yeah scratch proof things bro i was i went from like street hustling to freaking owning my own business did all that i got married had a kid divorced i'm freaking now i'm not now i'm crazy again she took all my money and i went crazy and i started doing comedy yeah you got married you told me the other day we broke up for a long time then we got back together this is the same different girl fuck so the first one's in modesto no no no the one i'm with right now phoebe no no the first one we had my first marriage my marriage was in in 2009 with uh uh maria she uh we were together she's she lived here no we and then uh she lives in modesto now okay that's your oldest son yeah she's the only one i have a kid with she she's the first kid i had a kid but before her i yeah yeah weird so i went from like how is it to get with somebody break up with them have a child go another life ago i forgot yeah we used to be together let's go back together it was because it was like she was always the one she was always a woman like well i was always a good person when i was with her when we broke up the first time i went cuckoo i started djing strip club drugs i said i went a little crazy because i was a good boy i was a nice boy i had a job nine to five took care of her you know i went straight and then i'm like all right enough of this being this nice boy badass i'm gonna be a dick that's what girls want nice guys finish last i'm gonna be a piece of shit you're a bitch you're a fucking whore you know you know what i'm talking about bitch whore you know what i'm talking about come to my house yeah come here somebody you know okay so i went i went like the bad badass route for a while and then i was just being an actor but that wasn't me you know thank god nothing crazy happened but i did that life for a while i was on drugs drinking sex every night threesomes like been with tons of girls oh so so shitty oh man not what you're doing you can't get it up i'm djing twice a night man yeah i'm just seeing naked girls all night fuck bro it sucks um but yeah i did that and then uh comedy lives will save my life bro like it's just been awesome and that's why like when i asked you to come work with me it's like i see a lot of myself in you like you're i said when you told me you had a bunch of businesses i'm like oh shit man i used to do that yeah i didn't know that's what you used to do so i get it now yeah well that's why i was like amazing so you're aware of something oh this is this is like kind of what i still want to do is i want to open a product i want to i'm always thinking about i always like mean people that either i can help or they can help me or we can grow together or something like that and i we're just seeing avenues you're like that's an avenue yeah you can you do that yeah it's sick like yeah you're selling marijuana papers right what's it called yeah oh proper papers just just regular papers it's freaking awesome that's sick that's so there's so many different avenues with weed but um like when i see people start up anything or like you ever seen amazon drop shipping no if you don't know what to do with your life look up amazon drop oh yeah you become right no amazon drop this one my homie does you got a warehouse say have you ever ordered something from amazon listen you ever order something from amazon and you get it like this is not an amazon box that was amazon yeah but it's because now amazon only has 10 000 tvs and once they sell out of those tvs they go hey guy you have 5 000 tvs we'll take half your revenue but we want to buy them all so we can sell them on amazon because we have 500 orders now and they go fuck yeah that's an amazon drop shipper so you go i know these phones are gonna pop i got 50 000 amazon sold out they need 49 000 fuck yeah i just sold 49 000 my homie works once a week he comes in lets the workers in go we have this many orders done goes back home wow i didn't know that amazon drop shipping is the number one thing i did not know existed my so that's crazy my uh my friend does amazon she has like trucks she has oh shit yeah she does that that's amazon drop shipping is that what it is isn't it amazing like she has a whole warehouse she has a whole of different shit of different shit exactly because that was that what the same thing is exactly because amazon will run go hey but it's so stressful dude i see her stressing out like crazy because she has 18 different fucking things it's crazy i bet she's racking it up i don't know i'm living a much better lifestyle well maybe she bought that warehouse maybe she's buying a new property because like yeah yeah yeah with me you're stressing out you can only like make so much money right but like so with the same with the tv but if i sold you 40 000 yeah yeah it's just hard with it i think like the the stress is what it sucks yeah it's something i wish i could bro i wish i could be like her fuck oh she should just get hot a little no but i i i that's one thing i've been trying to switch over to yes i'm just not i'm not productive on weed i'm not productive okay and i eat uh and i eat like you said that i eat like i eat so bad bro like i eat till i right eat till i throw up like that's how ridiculous like i get this burning feeling inside like right now you're so giggly and so happy look at you yeah i'm just so he looks like the scary movie ghost so i'm just saying like i wish i could have that but you could no i can't i've tried it i've done it you know what you need to do not smoke whatever you smoked and then just try little pieces everyone in the world you should talk to it's me yeah i got my key for everyone is to make them like weed not like take this bone rip i'm gonna get him so fucked up he's gonna be like why would you do that yeah he's gonna hate it that's what i think how about a little like or i smoke and then i start coughing till i get a headache you're smoking some trash man is it yeah i got you but even someone gave me some weed in a wine bottle yeah fuck them dude that's some novelty shit man i got you don't worry we're gonna give you this much weed like smoke on monday smoke this on tuesday take a bite of this edible on friday night after a show yeah and i think an edible one time that freaking just got me paranoid as hell yeah see not everybody should be i i you know my milligrams difference is is not normal yeah 10 milligrams gets people high isn't that fucking crazy yeah so like 10 milligrams will make people lose their fucking mind yeah i think one milligram will get me high five milligrams might get you high if you're not used to it but like a fucking thousand i'm like dude i get hot i get high off hemp lotion i'm not even lying i feel like that water's laced is it no is it that's green um yeah see i think maybe that's what you need to do anyway amazon drop it off and i'll see you next time if i knew if i stopped everything i was doing that's exactly what i would do you think that's me think forever no no i'm just in the terms of hey you need it i can buy it and sell it to you for a small fraction upcharge that's what business is called and middlemen i'm like i will do that forever yeah like landscaping i'll be the middleman between you and work and i'll landscape your shit pay me yeah there's there's stuff there's a reason where the fuck do they get the mexicans is lazy shit i don't understand mexicans are not lazy where do they find that i want to know like you know what i've been hearing lately one of my friends uh he hires mexicans all the time he says which i'm proud of mexicans for doing this like no no no no they're upping their prices oh i know and they're all the salvadorians and central americans are like they're low on the prices and that's why they're they they're fighting each other yeah he's like hey fuck yo i fucking do it exactly dude because i had hell of fucking boxes and last time they did it for like 80 bucks we'll try charging two four yeah he's like hey no it's inflation inflation the thing with the thing is going away in an alley i know you are motherfucker you're not taking to the dump we both know you're pulling up here right now i got stopped by freaking seven mexicans yo we have to be cautious of our door dash these motherfuckers will flag them down the door dash just give our food to people no way yeah because they're like this so like oh it must be you for the door dash because you're in front of the building that's hilarious motherfucker he's got a backpack on he's four foot six he's sweating you think he ordered door dash yeah he ordered this hummus plate you fucking dick there's a little mexican if not they don't stick it the armenians will steal your hummus plate i went out there one time and all these dudes in a circle eating all of our food and went you guys won i'm just gonna let uber know they fucked up because like it's not your fault yeah do they know you do they know what you guys do here fuck no everything under our neighbors don't know what we do here oh really no we're we're silent and we don't we just we have a lot of fans and a lot of people think i still he's just post a lot of pounds 100 pounds 100 pounds i'm like i think people think i have that here oh so i don't want them busting in and going there's no weed in here let me just fucking take these yeah there's guys there's nothing here there's nothing there's barely any weed i sit my backpack i take it home you know or my house i don't want people to know where i live because they think i have pounds in my house yeah something cool like full just weed and toys over and over and over yeah it's like honestly it's like peewee herman's house of did i tell you this weed what that's how i describe my house really all the time i was it looks like a pedophile it's here without the kid fucking like it does look like a child that's why he doesn't have kids because he's still a kid there you go i've touched it i can take advantage of myself exactly man yeah it's awesome man you'd want to go with that good for you man i'm glad i came here whatever makes you feel better hey man you're a cool guy hey man toys are fun dude what's up guys taking a quick break to talk about the sponsor of this episode shout out to my bookie the world cup is almost here june 11th through july 19th this year first time going down in three different nations united states mexico canada all over the west all right we're getting all the soccer 2026 feet FIFA World Cup. 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Use code dope as usual. Back to the episode. Fuck out of here. Is that Tony Hawk? Yes. I just met him at the System concert. Oh, nice. Yeah, I went to Sick New World. Yeah, in Vegas. Yeah, I was supposed to go. Great guy. I didn't go. He's awesome, dude. Yeah, I literally went up there. I was just like, I'm sorry. You're the best. You're the best, man. Tony, my friend wants a picture with you. And he goes, oh yeah. Oh, can I get one after? And I go, oh, I want two. That was it. That's a good way to put it. My friend's a fucking bitch and wants to ask for a picture to disturb you. Yeah, yeah. But since he already bugged me, can I get a picture? I go, oh man, yeah, I see. We had him here on the show one time. He doesn't get high. On a way. But we. This is before we started going, should we smoke around people that don't smoke? Before we thought about it. Yeah. It was so fucking boxed in here. You could see Tony Hawk slowly get. Yeah, I know. He just blew to my face and I was, I already felt it. I'm hungry. That's what she said. I don't know. You can't just say things like that. Anyway. Yeah. Tony Hawk's a shit. Do you have toys at your house? Are you one of the. Oh, you have kids. I have kids, bro. I have so many toys. Never mind. I have so many toys. My son's. My son is like crazy, bro. So many toys. Cool shit though? Or like stuff that you were like. My son just wants. He wants a new gun every day. Like Nerf guns. Eastern shit. Yeah. It looks like a little friggin. I want. I'll tie the club. Do you have a nuke? Do I have a toy? I want an RPG. Hilarious. So you have five fucking children. Yeah. That's insane. I don't know how you guys don't understand. I don't. I think I need to stop smoking so much weed and get. I've been wearing this health watch. Have you been trying to have sex? I mean, I'm not trying. Have you been trying to have a baby? Have you been trying to? You're like. I'm good. Yeah. No. No. So you're not trying? No. Okay. So she's using protection. Yeah. She's in birth control. Yeah. Okay. I thought you were. I thought you were trying and she wasn't getting pregnant. No. That's what happened with me. Like with Phoebe, we were. We were trying and she wasn't getting pregnant. We were trying for almost six months. And I'm like, okay, maybe this is our age. So I go, let's go to fucking Cabo. I took her to Mexico. I'm like, dude, in Mexico, everyone's pregnant. Yeah. Everyone's pregnant. The air. Just let's go. We went to Mexico. We came back pregnant. It's the water. Yeah. She got pregnant instantly, bro. Baby came out. Brown as fuck. It's not mine. It's just the guy at the airport. You don't know how. Yeah. See, the thing. I would like to start thinking like. Do you want kids? I don't think so. I mean, you should have one. My greatest fear. Ready? You ever have a. You should have one. And just like send it away for a while. And write a letter like, find me. Like Jumanji. Give him directions. Like you're going to boarding school. Oh, like one of those kids. Like Francis from Malcolm. The Middle. But no, like you ever you have homies when you're a kid, you know, you have friends and then you get a little older. Like this guy's. I hung out with this motherfucker. He's kind of sucks. Do you remember those guys? You got older. Like, do we sing all the time? Now this guy sucks because of the kids. No. Like when you're in high school, like, damn, I'm saying all the time. Yeah. I just fucking like I want that to be my child. But you used to be cool as fuck. And now you suck. But I got to chill with you because you're my roommate. Oh, I see what you're saying. But no, man, it's your kid. It's completely different. I get it. Like you're going to hate your kids. No matter what. I just want my right. You love your kids. But then they disappoint you a lot. And you fucking like I got to find myself on this morning. I literally just I was gone on weekend. I came home and I was like, hey, kids, I'm home. Give me a hug. And this three year old's like, no. And I was like, fuck you. Like, I'm like, I've been gone, bitch. Tripper. Hug me. Show me. Show me some love. And it's just nothing. But that's your kid. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about them sucking. Like what? I've been like lame. Yes. I mean, that's it. That's your fault then. No, no, no, no, no. I will do everything. Are you lame? No. Then you'll be fine. That's not true. My sister sucks. My fucking parents. Parents are lame. Never mind. Take it back. I'm the anomaly of this family. Fuck. Would you trip if they were gay? No, I don't give a fuck. What's going to happen? What are you worried about? Go for it. I kind of suck. I'd rather be gay than lame. For sure. But you take a dick, but not a joke. I hate this fucking kid, dude. You can take a dick, but not a joke. I don't like him. I don't like him. I don't know how to feel. Well, you're still young, though. How old are you? 36, man. I'm not that young. Oh, you're not that young. You look young. You look great. I know. I look like a kid. You look like a kid. It's because I don't have kids. No facial hair, nothing. No, I just started shaving like three years ago. I don't like it. You have nothing. I shaved this morning. Oh, but you still have nothing. No. When it comes out, I look like when Carlson and Sia's career started going down. Like, I looked raw. I looked. Well, when's that? Hold on. Two days in. Two days in, you start seeing some type of color, and then four days in, you're like, hey, you're Mexican for sure, huh? And then that's as far as I've ever let it happen. You know what's crazy? You know who you look like? Mexicans. No, you look like Alfred Robles when he used to be fat. Really? Bro. Do you want to know who I think I look like? Pull him up. Who? Pull him up. Hold on. I want to show you a picture of Alfred Robles. I want to see. There's a guy I get mistakes for all the fucking time today. Alfred Robles used to be huge. Really? The fool with the hat? Yeah. He plays it and gets mad at me. I put him on blast. Eh, fuck it. It's not like he was a secret. I just Googled. That's not. You know, Marty, I love you, Marty. I like that that's what you went for, Marty. I appreciate you, dude. Never mind. That's who I was talking about, dog. Who's that? Yeah. No, it's Paulo Costa. He's just fat. He looks like my cousin. Man, you know what I'm talking about. Enrique Chacon, dude. Okay. The fat guy. Not the in-shape physical peak athlete. I appreciate the effort. I appreciate it all, though. That was good. Wow. Maybe Alfred had his fat pictures deleted. You got them deleted? Yeah, because I can't find one. I don't ever want my fat pictures deleted. I don't want my fat pictures deleted. I don't want people to think I was fat. I mean, I was big. I used to weigh 320 pounds. Yeah, but you still get those pictures. You don't mind the pictures, but you're not as fat as fuck. Damn. Damn, you can't find the pictures. No? I even typed in Alfred Robles fat. You know what's funny? Every time I- But the good thing is, Alfred Robles had a baby face, just like you. I'm not saying you're fat. He was even bigger. He was bigger. I'm pretty fat. What's that? How much do you weigh? A lot more than that. What do you weigh? I weigh 324. That's good. But I don't understand. Where is it? You didn't see it. I don't understand. How'd you get big? What happened? I was always like this, and then I got fatter on top of it. Okay, when were you like under 250? Up until like seven years ago. Okay, so what happened? I went vegan 10 years ago. What happened? I went vegan. Vegan got you fat? Yeah, because I was like, I don't know how to eat. I'll just eat more bread and cheese, right? Or bread and fake cheese, and then I'll eat fucking veggie burger. I'll eat another veggie burger. So you're vegan still? No. Oh, okay. I stopped a year and a half ago. That's the only reason why I might eat. A lot of soy? You had a lot of soy? All day. Oh, that's what it is. The soy. I mean, I didn't know, dude. The soy gets you tits. I'm an American, so I eat like shit. Nobody taught me. And then being Mexican on top of it, like, oh, dog, so does food group shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, yeah, drinks don't have to be washed down. Felipe Esparza is vegan. He's vegan. I know. I know. I went to his house. I went to his party. I'm like, you have 80 types of meat, and they're all soy. Yeah. This is why I'm fucking fat, dude. This is what I need. And I didn't eat any of them. I'm like, this is why I'm fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, vegan shit did not do good. I used to be in actual shape. I used to do weightlifting competitions when I was young. Wow. I used to do things. Yeah. So now when I look back, I'm like, wow. Wow. I was hot in my 20s. Not even that. I was just strong. Like, I'm not strong. Are you taking magnesium now? I take vitamins. Yeah, I've been doing that lately. No lie? Yeah. I'm on the verge of getting fucking peptide patches. I heard about that. But then you're going to go bald. You think so? That's what they say. With too much testosterone, you're going to start going bald. And your dick will get smaller. Not testosterone. What's it called? The Wolverine one. So I have a really fucked up spine, right? And instead of taking stems, I'm afraid of needles. I don't do needles. Yeah. Or else I'll go get stem cells tomorrow. I just don't want to fucking do it. But they have peptide patches where you can just put them on. Because I have a homie that had a bad eye surgery. Well, what's in the patches? It's the peptide. It's the peptide that does rebuilding. It's like a bunch of shit. It rebuilds. It rebuilds. That one rebuilds fucked up muscles. But there's testosterone in there. PPC, no. No testosterone? PPC is just a hormone that helps your body. I just wanted to fix my back. I went recently for one of those consultations, and they did a whole testosterone thing. I'm like, you have low testosterone. But it's like, because the night before, I got fucking drunk. I was fucking wasted. And then I did a blood test the next morning, and then all my levels were fucked up. You're a lady. And they're like, you're dying. I'm like, I'm all hungover. I'm like, can I just get an IV and get out of here? Give me IV first. But yeah. Yeah. That's where I'm at. Because you said, oh, I want to get to the gym. I'm like, dude. I really want to get to the gym. When I saw your video, you motivated the hell out of me, bro. Let's do it, dude. We should do it. That's the only reason I go to the gym, because my back's all fucked up. I can't even carry my kid. My back's fucked up. Oh, really? Do you have your doctor before you're back? I've gone. I've got a couple car accidents. MRO. So it's like, my back's fucked up. I have the back. I don't even know what it's called. My E12, E7, some site. Whatever. TC. TCV. L. MCL. I have all. I know everything about the back now, because of my doctor. So when you have sex, you're more of a lay down kind of guy? No, I'm like, hover in the air, like Superman kind of thing. You're on top? I throw her through the fucking roof. Like in Mortal Kombat, when you go to the next level, that's pretty much what happens. With a dude, it's different. With a dude, it's like. With a what? No, I was waiting to see what they did. With a what? I was waiting to see this Okay Is this okay Is this that kind of podcast It is What This door opens You want to know What's behind it dude A dude Terry Crews Terry Crews Terry Crews from Friday though Not Soft Terry Crews That gets You're talking about Training day Terry Crews Oh yeah Or training day Terry Crews He wasn't He should have hosted That show last night He was flipping pigeons Yo I gotta say this I don't care if he's a cop I'm gonna beat the shit Out of Alonzo All those fools In the neighborhood Beat the fuck out of him Yeah wait Beat him up Beat his ass And they were all blood Or kill him Right No one's gonna know What happened There's no fucking body cam He's like Oh god damn You shot me in the ass I gotta be honest It was a really good scene I love that And it was all improv too I heard That was A lot of that scene Was improv Well if I think about it now It was a pretty stupid reaction Ah You shot me in the ass Like hey man You're supposed to be Real fucking deadly And you're like Ah The singer Or the two people He stubbed his toe basically Yeah exactly I thought about it the other day I told Rocco Like when I heard This Japanese guy talk It sounds like He just stubbed his toe Japanese people talk Like they just hurt themselves Constantly That's how I feel When I stand When my back hurts I sound Japanese I wish they did A training day prequel Because the whole thing Was about He fucked over some Russians In Vegas Oh yeah yeah He killed them Yeah what if they did That movie It's called John Wick dude What It's called John Wick Yeah I've seen John Wick That's pretty much it Just a bunch of Russians Getting fucking killed Over and over and over It's just called John Wick Training day Prequel to training day I want to see the Mexicans Then be like Yeah it's just They're just in prison That's the whole fucking movie It's called American Me American Me It's called American Blood and Blood Out Blood and Blood or American Me Oh Blood and Blood Out Yeah I talked to Marty about this Blood and Blood Out And American Me Are like the Mexican classics Right Yeah But American Me Is like One of our nights Okay that's Alright that's cool But American Me Is like Godfathers Yeah It's like the elevated gangster one And Blood and Blood Out Is like Goodfellas Like We'll kill you outside On the street And then American Dad American Me Is like We're gonna stab you up the ass In prison With a knife And we're gonna let a white And an Asian in For some reason Like what the fuck Was that about That was so weird huh It's true Open your eyes And say you're my lucky All those actors All of them forever Like You raped a guy That's where I know you From a close up shot Of raping a guy Like Ugh Be known as that Imagine how many takes They had to do for that scene Hopefully one dude No but Could you imagine Can we get it one more angle Could you imagine Can we cut Can we cut Let's get it Bring it back Can you cry Can you cry Alright Imagine there had to have been Like an editor Like hey should we get an ass shot And it's always Edward James Ellison's face Hey can you get raped harder But when I get closer That's a weird movie bro You've never seen American Me right I don't think so No The guy that takes souls From American He actually looks like He actually looks like The white guy in American Me Or One eye One leg William Forsythe Yeah In American Me The story is That his right hand man Is a white person In Mexican Mafia Which is He's my best grand partner It's crazy And then they have an Asian The guy from Mortal Kombat And it's a Mexican Mafia The Mexican Mafia With a white guy And an Asian And an Asian But the Asian's The most down one Out of all Like they were ahead Of their time That was Panda Express A bunch of Mexicans Running the show With an Asian in front And a white guy In case you need to read Yes I like that I like that All Asian What is it with Mexicans They love diabetes And like shitty Chinese food It's just a It's a given I love Chinese food The bad one The better Any The better The saucier the better Yeah Why is that I don't know I know you just said it I want to get it after this I don't I don't not Believe you I swear I want to get it Well I was at the Grove yesterday And I passed by that Chinese spot at the front And went Looks bomb But I know it's trash And I just kept walking It's just a big soup With chicken in it What my Okay Top favorite foods Go I know it's Sounds crazy But I don't You don't like food I don't really eat That many things You don't eat that many things I don't know What's your favorite food Ever Is this a bean and cheese burrito Because I don't know What I'm doing Bean and cheese burrito Is your favorite From where Oh no no no You can't do that Everyone's a let down Taco Bell No everyone's a let down Oh This Mexican lady Bean and cheese burrito bro That's it dude I don't have anything in my life What a waste of marijuana No could you imagine If I Fucked with food Dude Could you This is me Not caring about About food man Oh my god Could you imagine If I was like Dude Let's eat I just don't care Because I don't eat meat anymore He'll go from YOLO to YOLO I'll be dead I'll die for sure Wow I don't know I was talking about this My hardest thing in the world So where your wife wants to go out to eat Where do you take her Wherever she wants to go And I'll find something there Okay so I usually eat sides At every restaurant Really Yeah Oh shut up I'm going to steakhouse After this for my friend's birthday And I'm going to eat salad I already know that Really But I don't eat anything I wish I cared Because I don't Care about food My whole life I grew up poor as fuck Whatever we have I'll eat it Yeah yeah So I don't really know Like I don't I had steak for the first time I was like 22 I had chicken bones When I was like 20 Like I don't I don't Yeah I don't know man It's alright I grew up being poor fat With my grandma We were just like McDonald's McDonald's McDonald's Oh that's a white guy Yeah White American What are you like I'm damn near Kind of the same way Marty's been vegetarian His whole life I just You were vegetarian I was for like Damn near my whole life Why Because you were poor There's no options or No I was kind of Same shit as him My mom My mom was vegetarian So it just went like that Oh okay cool Why you had the hippie version Yeah Yeah She leaned towards hippie Is why she was vegetarian and shit So I grew up on like Enfrijoladas Enfrijoladas What the fuck does that mean Enfrijoladas Say it in English Enfrijoladas Say it in American Enfrijoladas Enfrijoladas Basically like They're enchiladas But there's no meat Or cheese It's just Tortilla with beans What the fuck Tortilla So you like bean and cheese burritos too Yeah basically But it's like But we ate that because You eat that when you're poor We didn't have We didn't have anything going on Oh that sounds great I ate potato tacos a lot I personally loved it You know There's no meat Nothing It's just It's tortilla With pinto beans That's it Sounds like what I eat Right now dude That's exactly what I eat Right now dude I don't know food I don't know stuff I know American shit I know American Nickelodeon commercials I want to take you out to dinner then That's my new thing right now Instead of like Spending money on like Like bougie stuff I'll just go to nice restaurants That sounds cool Yeah Yeah I have to wait I don't even know what I want to order I go what's good Bring us some stuff That's it Really Yeah Yeah I don't know dude I grew up with a different I think it's my more mean side Pizza Pizza Pizza I was a kid I was a little American fucking kid Shakeys I had that once I had that once I love Shakeys They got some potatoes All you can eat buffet For like 10 bucks 10 bucks They stopped that As soon as America got ghetto dude Oh man We had that in our town The Pizza Hut And they were like Fuck What city did you grow up in? Merced Merced yeah yeah yeah Yeah it's not It's not very I mean I'm sure there's a lot of There's not a lot of fine dining in Merced There's nothing I think that One of the closest places Is Ranch Harris Ranch Harris What the fuck is that? Off the 5 freeway It's been yours It's in Central Valley Oh we're off the 99 You're Patterson I'm not Patterson 5 and 99 5 is cows And 99 is like a meth Meth Yeah You know what I mean? Where you see crackheads Cows and meth And then you see cows What a great neighborhood Where do you live at? I live by the meth Yeah where you live by the cows or the meth? Oh the 5 It's very true And everything I just said Is a fucking true statement Yeah I don't know I don't know about food man I don't know What about you? I mean my number one is Chinese food I love Chinese food Chinese food Sushi I think anything Asian I like Asian And then I'll go Daytime I like Mexican food Daytime Mexican food You choose stuff? Wow I like Mexican food in the daytime Like pozole Menudo I have some tacos And then at night time I like Armenian food What's Armenian food? Armenian barbecue Kebabs Khorobads What was that? Khorobads is like Armenian barbecue It's like skewers Oh yeah With hella fucking Vegetables And chunks of animals Yeah Animals Yeah Vegetarian sorry So when you're like Are you like vegetarian Like you get sick when you see meat? No no no more I'm back Yeah Marty just started again I'm on my way back Yeah yeah Marty stayed class week dude He's not gay no more Yeah exactly That's pretty much it That's pretty much bisexual Is what my friend said Yeah Yeah vegetarian It's fucking boring Yeah bro What do you eat? It's the worst You eat cheese quesadillas And peanut butter and jellies And shit like that That's an American Your bathroom smells like shit Yeah It's all gassy and gross It smells amazing It's all cheap No man when you eat When you eat like meat and stuff It doesn't smell as bad When you just eat vegetables It's vegetables Yeah well I mean What the fuck is that? I don't know honestly Vegetarians don't eat vegetables You're just so used to your shit smell Hold my breath dude Shit 14 minutes at a time I don't give a fuck That's where I get most of my exercise actually It's working my abs It was squatty potty? I just go to the bathroom like Asians It's just a hole What? Like in China Yeah It's just a hole in the ground There's a hole in the ground I took the toilet out Everywhere I go I take the toilet out Wait till you use the bathroom There's nothing in there It's just a hole I don't believe you It's good for our backs Yeah right With the bidet Just the hole with the bidet With the bidet Coming and squirting shit Right back out of the hole Yo I had to What's the last time you used a pool? A port-a-potty A port-a-potty? What's the last time you used a port-a-potty dude? At a Rams game Recent? In the parking lot yeah Like that was the last Three or six months ago I'll push it to the brink of shitting myself Or whatever it's gotta I didn't say take a shit I peed I peed I will shit outside of a store Before I shit in a port-a-potty But I'm saying I'm holding that pee forever For sure I had to the other day on the drive It's been a minute It's gross It was the biggest Most luxurious one I've ever been in - They're not, oh no, I'm lying. I did use a port-o-potty stick in the world, but it wasn't the port-a-pot it was like a fucking those are different yeah it's like bathroom facilities yeah it's like it was like this like there was electricity in there that's different like yeah when there's when there's tagging on the toilet seat car that's that's port-a-pot yeah fucking puto yeah always right why tag yeah why would you put your gang on where people put their ass yeah oh yeah what do you claim we're shitting on you all the time this is dumb yeah oh you think that went through dude you're claiming the toilet yeah i i don't think i've ever wrote on a bathroom i don't think i've ever done that that's the number one thing uh they do the bathrooms something that they do about gangsters love bathrooms they like to let you know when you're shitting like fourth street like fuck you're right it looks like this i always thought of it with that scene in dumb and dumber where he's like be here sunday 8 p.m yeah yeah dude he's like about that movie he was gonna he was gonna rape him yeah cam neely remember that yeah yeah for sure you know i didn't get it as a kid yeah that was cam neely from boston bruins oh my god makes it even better i didn't know that about dumb and dumber until i got older was he gonna rape him oh wait it wasn't ripped because he had to be here so it was more he was gonna get him though because it's the guy that got away on him no he's like oh now i got you oh really he starts taking his belt because he hit him with the salt shaker and then oh yeah yeah yeah and he starts tucking his thumb remember he hits the ground slide under that bitch i'm fucking out dude i'm sorry damn i'm gonna kick a lot it's not gonna happen never have you ever up kicked i've been taking your pants off on your back it's not easy you're gonna have a hard time with i'm holding on to my dress basically fuck that dude i'll spin in circles until you just give up try to get me i'm just sitting there spinning all right tough uh three favorite painting a picture yeah what's your favorite three movies of all time oh sorry favorite movies that you watch you can watch back three amigos first person ever say that yeah three amigos um wait any genre anything fuck bro shit give you five three amigos is for sure up there wow three is my one of my favorite movies so funny you remember three amigos of course my favorite my favorite my favorite one of my favorite scenes when uh chevy chase's character's talking to a girl and he goes she goes have you ever kissed a girl and he goes yeah she's like would you like to kiss me and he goes sure she goes what now she goes well you can kiss uh we can go take a walk and we can go to miranda and he goes lips will be fine chevy chase i wish he wasn't it was such a good you know no i just see all the bad things about uh well he's old man he's for like 90 bro i know uh so my favorite scene is when the girl comes out and martin short has the finest girl of the whole movie oh my god like this little bastard and he's like i blew my mind when i was a kid i was just like nine years old like this is allowed three amigos a sweater uh three amigos carlitos way um in the bottom the cold ones are in the bottom in the way the bottom idiot you deserve to get killed dude and then i would say godfather part two do you like to laugh oh no these are like my favorite movies my favorite movie and then we're gonna keep going then it's blood and blood out uh freaking um um what's it called ah um step brothers okay um i'm trying to think of no you threw him back you threw him back you threw him back you threw him back you threw him back i'm trying to think it was great you know it's something nobody born east l.a is funny too i think born east l.a uh blazing saddles nobody ever talks about blazing saddles is really funny too oh i love watching a night at roxbury i love night at roxbury yeah it's just when i was a kid i didn't understand why that girl wanted to bang chris catan so bad yeah or no will ferrell she was in love with his ass yeah i never understood it oh wedding crashers just watched it again recently i like wedding crashers i left it in the movie theater better when i was a kid yeah way better better when i watched it recently go hey i would have been like hey are you guys invited you should get the fuck out of the what who are these guys yeah why are they in the household that's it get the fuck out yeah and the movie's but you guys are successful like realtors yeah the lawyer what the fuck yeah it threw me off man what about you my favorite movies ever and not fun e say it uh truman show is my favorite movie okay and then uh forrest gump before tom hanks got uh allegations of being a creep it was my favorite movie and i just like forrest gump and then my other favorite movie the other creep fucking skevin spacey's american beauty is my other favorite movie oh that's the one it's like so many kids is like that he fucks the he wants to fuck the underage girl basically yeah when you think about it that way it's kind of crazy yeah it is kind of crazy yeah what a good movie though yeah that shit erase that part so you like chick flicks chick flicks truman show is not a chick flick those are all chick flicks forrest gump's about a retarded athlete but those are all those movies you watch on a date i would never date a girl go hey you want your existential crisis look at truman show this could be happening to you bitch get naked she's sitting there talking about her life that is not a movie no i mean i would watch all those movies on a date like you want to watch a three-hour movie with me you go to three you go to the movie theater and you're like yeah you know little finger his mom's dying wow his mom's dying yeah i'm sure she has aids you want to take your pants off they're going to bury her they're long movies you know what i'm saying what fucking schindler's list what are we talking about here it's a long movie like wizard of oz really gets your fucking no because like because okay my whole theory is like i do a joke about this like if you want to hug up with a girl you put on a long movie and then you get bored and you end up hooking up that's what that's that's that's a strategy i love cinema oh okay that's what i'm saying those are the movies i would take a girl to watch that's no i get what you're saying that's why i have five kids this full watch is i'm just like a lot yeah i put it on and they go yeah well jenny it's such a terrible movie if you want to have another kid yeah pretty much just happens in this house yeah yo then don't watch the new mortal kombat are you gonna have another child it's not bad that shit sucked really shit my sister just saw it i didn't she said she took she said oh fighting was cool yeah i was like watching mulan really it was like i can do it ah i was like all right bitch you should be dead you should be dead again oh you lived i don't believe so the first one was better original all the originals were so much fucking cool with uh the bitch from fucking billy madison played yeah oh yeah that's what i want i want her back even in her 60s i saw that we were like 10 years old we were might have been like seven i watched that bitch on fucking yeah vhs dude was the best i saw in the theater yeah burbank mall amc theaters which it was three bucks back then sweet that money like that no somebody's gotta take you that's the thing somebody has to take i went for a birthday party i don't forget see that's cool the only time i remember caring for school was when we went to a field trip we were poor we walked to the theater from our school you told me something crazy about your field trip was that uh we just went and watched fucking lord of the rings that's it it's fucking three bucks a kid we paid ten dollars and we walked where the fuck did my seven dollars go yeah i get a pay for field trips the teacher came up off of us if you really think about it that's crazy we walked to the thieves three miles away they took the day off and got paid actually they got paid to go to the movies fucking do lines in the bathroom something dude reset sucks and you only saw you only saw part one you didn't even watch the rest we just watched the first one that's what i had when i first saw lord of the rings i watched the first one i was like there's more and there's more i'm like i didn't come back to this shit i'm like no i didn't say any of the lord rings i've i've seen them in pieces while i was doing drugs with friends yeah that's the kind of movie you don't watch no it's fucking boring yeah it's too long i'm conan like similar i like corn that's one though it's one it's cool and it's our story motherfuckers yeah that was not fair i like the one hour cone three hour elijah wood drama dude i haven't got through all the uh harry potters have you watched them all no i haven't seen any of them none of them you know only my only harry potter moment i had is i was uh i was at a house party and this girl had just broken her boyfriend and we were hooking up in uh one of her friends rooms and her friend walks in and goes what are you guys doing here and then i'm like reading harry potter and she goes what's quidditch i go all right she tested you what a bitch yeah this is looking this is in high school dude i would hope it's in high school yeah like he's full 24. we're reading also why are you in the room oh man okay sorry back to where we started yeah you're a good kid then you started doing drugs started up but not really you're just kind of living the life of a debauchery type of dude i was just living the life of a guy who went to college but didn't go to college yeah that's fine yeah what's wrong with that i was raging there you go raging raging partying girls drugs sex and then what got you into comedy because you're real quick thing because your family is in comedy already so yeah so when i was when i was very young um i moved out of the house when i was 18 years old i never moved back i've been on my own since since then and um i took that dirty uh drug and strip club money i opened up my own business opened my own business and then um i became like a hustler again working for myself and i stopped being the bad guy ended up getting to go pregnant married her lived that lifestyle for like six months and then divorced six months and then what was the turning point but yo it's month it's six or six in it was just i just she wasn't the one she just got pregnant you know it was you know it was just bad we were it wasn't it wasn't good i wasn't happy and then um she moved to she moved up north and uh she got me on child Spousal support, attorney fees, all this stuff. I ended up losing my mind. I started getting back into drugs. I lost both businesses. Oh, shit. Yeah, because my attorney fees were so expensive. I lost the will to work. Yeah. I was just like, fuck this, dude. I'm going to just fucking do drugs. Cool drugs or bad drugs? Coke. Coke. I was doing a little meth. Cool drugs. Yeah. It's bad. I did meth by accident. Same. It was like right there. And I'm like, oh, what is this? Right? You scream like Pee Wee Herman. Yeah. It turns you into him, dude. And it keeps going. And it goes behind the eye like a sinus infection, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, somebody else has snorted meth finally. I've talked about it many times. It hurts so bad. But then when we went back, one more. It already burns. I did too. I did the second. So then I did that. And then I got in a really dark place. I was like fucking, like, bro, I was like hallucinating. I was like crazy. I was doing meth a lot. Staying awake. Coke, meth, all this shit. I wasn't sleeping, yeah. Yeah, you're staying awake. So then I finally told my parents. I go, like, hey, guys, I need a. I lost everything. I lost, I don't know. My wife's gone. My kid's gone. Everything's all. I'm all fucked up. Can we. Can you help me out? Lay allowance? I said, can I have something? I said, I really need to see a therapist. I'm thinking about killing myself. And then my dad goes, you know how expensive therapy is? And then he says, come to the club. Go on stage. And I did a first open mic. And that's become a comedian. Stop. I think I'm going to kill myself. It's too expensive. Yeah. I need you to do it for free up here. Yeah. Actually, can you do the. I need you to do the lights after, too, because the guy didn't show up. Bro, literally. Are you fucking kidding me? I swear to God. So your parents were already into comedy before this all ever happened? The comedy club's been open since 19. It became a comedy club in 1993. That's when they got it? No, we've owned the club since 1986. It was a restaurant. Karaoke bar. Oh, shit. Restaurant, karaoke bar, buffet, kind of thing. And then they had live entertainment, singers, performers. And then comedy started, like, around 93. During that whole, like, Fat Tuesday era, you know, at the comedy store. Okay. Guy Torrey, Kim Whitley, Buddy Lewis. And then it became a comedy club. And it just became a full-blown comedy club. So I just started doing comedy. And then that's it. I've been doing it ever since. What's your first joke you ever went up and told? First joke? What's the first thing you said up there? The first joke I ever told was, uh. Oh, my, uh. Oh, my. I was like this. It's so crazy, man. All my friends are actors and, like, entertainers and comedians. And, like, I just like to party, man. I like to fucking party. Is this a party, bro? I like to fucking party, man. Yeah. Like, the other day, I was like. I was like. My friend hit me up. He's like, hey, man, you want to come run some lines? I go, fuck yeah. I show up at his house with cocaine, mirrors, and straws. And this guy pulls out a script. I'm like, what the fuck? That was my first joke. Okay, well. I'm like, I wanted to be Tony Montana. It's on the way. Did so bad. Nobody liked it? Nobody liked it. And then, uh. The other one was, I'm half-army, not Mexican. I'll sell you a cell phone, but I'll steal it right afterwards. I don't like it. Okay, see? Because, look it. Half my family's Jewish. Half my family's Mexican as fuck. And I was thinking, like, what is the teetering? What is the. What's the connection there? And I can't find it. I have one that's like. Jewish people are cheap. I'm like, yo. Well, then again, it goes back to Mexican girls. Like, yo, your quinceanera's always the same day as your baby shower. Because the bitch is pregnant. So I was thinking, like, what's a Jewish guy's version? Like, throw the party at the same time to save money. And I'm trying to think of. Ways to connect it. It's so hard. Jewish, Mexican. There's no connection at all. Or your Jewish side is higher than your Mexican side. To build the deck. That's the other one I have. But then I call ICE on them after not to pay them. I don't know. It's so hard. I don't have any Jewish shit in my family. They're all, like. Yeah, you don't look Jewish at all. Not practicing Jewish people. You know? Like, nobody. If you told someone, hey, I'm Jewish, he goes, nah, this fucking Mexican is a fucking lying dog. So you're good with money? Is that what you're saying? You're good with money? Oh, he's fucking. He's a cheap Mexican. He's not even a Jew. There you go. A cheap Mexican. You're a cheap Mexican. It's so hard. I've been thinking of it for my life, and I can't figure it out. There's absolutely no connection. There's nothing. There's nothing. Like, there's no Jewish people. There's no Jewish restaurants. What the fuck? These folks control everything except the food industry? It's a religion. It's not like a. Yeah, but they control the weather. They control the entertainment, the TV, but not food. Mexican restaurant. Chinese restaurant. There's soul food. There's American cheeseburgers. Kosher. There you go. Kosher restaurant. A kosher restaurant. Yeah, but what does that mean? But is there a kosher restaurant? Yeah, there's some. There's some kosher restaurants. Hey, Siri, is there a kosher restaurant near me? You should get mad. Siri's in Middle Eastern now. What the fuck are you talking about? Something's wrong. Please try again. Something's wrong. Do you want to know the weather? That's what she's going to ask. Jewish restaurant near me. City bank. Chase. Snack lounge. Uh-oh. Something's wrong. Please try again. Is it because I'm thinking Jewish? Yeah. Mexican restaurant near me. 400. You're actually on top of one. Sorry. Something's wrong. Your phone's on my phone. It's your phone. I think it's your phone. As soon as you say the word Jewish, then it will. Oh, yeah? Let me restart my phone. Yep. Restart that shit. Fuck, dude. Okay. I got a quick question. You guys both did the Netflix as a joke shit, right? Yeah. I barely did. What'd you guys think of the roast last night? Oh, you watched it? I watched it, yeah. Okay. Here's my thoughts. Go. It wasn't a roast. It was a fucking podcast. Because the guy getting roasted should not be able to commentate with a microphone the whole time. Oh. It threw me off. He had a microphone and went, Hey, I was supposed to wait to hear what you got to say. He's supposed to shut up, yeah. He's like, I want you to shit on everyone at the end. I agree with that. That's the only difference I saw was like, this is a fucking podcast. Yeah, yeah. You're not supposed to rebuttal. Yeah, I didn't even know. I didn't think about that. That's the only thing I thought. I didn't like the fact that they broke the fourth wall within like, I didn't write this shit. They're reading. Yeah. They kept saying that. Yeah. We know that they didn't write it. We already know that. I thought they did. I thought they could. I mean, if you're a comedian. Most of the people there, I would say, I know a lot of the writers personally. Yeah, no, I know. Oh, yeah, yeah. One of the writers dudes too is just. So it's like, I just feel like. Like a comedian should write their shit. A lot of comedians, they need to help, you know. I think Tony. Help is different. Help is different. You can tell Tony wrote his shit because he sounds like that, you know. A lot of people when they were talking, like, it didn't sound like them. Okay. They're reading it like, they're just like, it just didn't, it didn't feel rehearsed. Like, they should have rehearsed it a few times, you know. I felt like the explosions of laughter were pre-printed. The girl from that movie. No, thanks. What's her name? No, thanks. I forget on her, dude. She. That movie almost didn't work because of her in the beginning of it, man. Which one? The fucking black chick was terrible in that fucking movie, dude. There was two black girls on stage. I forget both of them. No, the funny one, Regina Hall. Regina Hall and Tatiana Taylor. Regina's great. She's fucking great. I love her. I like Regina. The other girls in that movie. And also, too, I didn't like the fact that why was Tiffany Haddish and all of them up there? They didn't even talk about them. That was her, huh? Tiffany Haddish. She didn't even talk. She's a fucking comedian. Tiffany Haddish was up there. She didn't get to talk. There was other people. There was other people on the panel that didn't get to talk. There's going to be way more stacked comedians. And there should have been more people that were close to Kevin up there. Talking. Yeah. Like, close people. I wish Bill Burr would have had 15 minutes. It would have been nice if his ex-wife went up there. Kevin Hart's ex-wife. That's a roast. I really think the Cat Williams thing saved it. Cat Williams saved it, yeah. Or have his current wife up there. Yeah. Roasting him about all the allegations. You know what's crazy about that whole roast, too? They talked about the DUI night. Kevin Hart's DUI night. I had no idea. I was there that night. I was at a nightclub with him that night. So it was so funny. I was like, oh, I remember that night. I don't follow anything. So I don't know you got DUI. How do you get DUI if you're that rich? You just call somebody? We were at a nightclub. But don't you just call over? Oh, no. He drove his freaking nice-ass car. Don't you just call over? But hey, guy, I'll give you $300. Drive my car. Oh, maybe. Yeah, maybe. If you have expense. How about this? His car was sick, though, dude. It was like a Roadster. Thanks. Get someone to drive that bitch. Yeah, yeah. It's a two-seater. It's all faded. Yeah, yeah. Get someone to drive. Get on a flatbed. It's not cool. Don't get home. Definitely not cool to drink and drive. $400. That guy's shit. $400. Yeah. Come on. I promise you I will never get a fucking DUI. It's crazy. That's insane to me. Yeah. But you get a DUI with weed now, too, right? I will never get a drinking DUI ever again. I promise you. I will never fucking have it. I drove one time three blocks away, and I went, should I do this? I need to move the car. Yeah. And I just creeped to the edge, like looking for cops. All right, go. All right, go. It's like, this is going to be the time I get pulled over. And this is a terrible area where you're at right now. At nighttime, you just pull over Central. Oh, motherfuckers. And not even that. Fools like to street race down San Fernando. Oh, it's the worst. Fuck, man. Fools just don't care about lights, and they just keep going because their beamer's fast. Yeah. It's like, my car's fast, too. Yeah. What the fuck's wrong with you? I don't get it, dude. I want to do give a shout out to all the ghost riders, dude. All the ghost riders. They did. Oh, writers. The writers. I thought you said writer. All the ghost writers, they literally did so well. And what sucks is you could tell that they were saying, just keep scrolling, keep scrolling. They were saying it alive. Keep scrolling. He didn't want to do this joke. He didn't want to do this. Oh, I thought they were kidding. No, man. I saw someone. Not that one. Not that one. They wrote so many jokes, and they were just like, that's like someone's work. I know they got paid for it, but just run the jokes. Just say them all. It's a roast. Or it kind of ruined it for me because I was there. He was there watching it. I was watching them just read it. They had a giant teleprompter. It's the worst. It's the worst. It's the worst. It's like, bro, you guys, I want you as you, the comedian, to roast this fucking guy. Yes. Also. It's like a scripted TV show. Why'd they get the whitest man? in America to fucking do black excellence with Kevin Hart that was that was a little you can see Shane Gill's like this he's like okay it's cool alright Usher right they had some really good moments where like it was really racist and funny but I loved it but when they were like oh no no I'm so sorry don't worry I called and asked permission to say this just say it just say it that's why I think the live ruined it if it wasn't live they could have edited all that stuff they could have made it look more clean I don't think I don't think next I don't think live is the way to go they need to edit those moments where it feels more real like I don't want to see like them messing up you know it's funny I want you to edit out the real part so it feels real yeah yeah yeah and I know how but I get what you're saying I understand what you mean but who was your favorite roadster out of all of them I gotta be honest man I cannot believe Barack Obama The Rock fucking made me laugh like that dude really he actually made me laugh he was like you need The Rock just like your dad and went oh shit yeah yeah yeah that was fucking funny no when they brought up the picture of their dads oh his little baby that's not fair if your dad's this big you can't compare him to anybody to The Rock I like Naeem Lin you know Naeem Lin I didn't think it was that funny really oh no I like Naeem Lin for being one of the guys that actually knows Kev for that long it just felt more authentic I didn't know who he was it felt more I've known Naeem for a very long time there it goes but he's him and Kev are really good friends they see each other all the time they work together all the time and you can tell that even his opening joke was like he said that this roast would help him oh wait wait wait the black dude with the white on yeah sorry I mixed it up with somebody else he was pretty funny the older man yeah yeah he's not that much older but yeah well black cracks apparently because that motherfucker looks 55 to 60 and you're saying he's not that much older no he's like I think he's like 44 that's not true that is not he has white jeans maybe 48 I don't know there's no way but yeah he was he was my favorite out of all the roasts because he's one that actually really knows him very well and he said some stuff like it was funny I like BJ Oakerson just calling him out on being a shitty friend that was great that was great because I'm like oh this is real he's really meaning this shit he gave him he gave him $10,000 which is nothing did you make like $200 million last year you could have given him $100,000 and it wouldn't have it wouldn't even hurt and he could have wrote it off as a freaking gift 100% isn't that messed up I saw this billionaire guy the other day you know those like balloon pop dumbass shows well one of those shows that's in a white room where they ask questions whatever or people sit in a circle whatever the fuck it is there's a billionaire and he goes yeah I gave $280 million this year to so and so like didn't even feel it that's crazy why can't I give away more money he's like that's why I make money to help didn't even feel it like you didn't even feel $300 million you're the fucking man that's awesome that's awesome you can fix a whole fucking neighborhood every week yeah oh shit dude yeah I don't know I just think shit like that is fucking awesome but the fact that all those people on there are so fucking balling so rich and I was like I really wish there was more comedians on it that's all how do you guys like Chelsea Handler she's funny I like Shane Gills when he does middle name penis it's so easy did she get a boob job or was it just a pusher bra for sure yeah no her boobs were like pouring out of her fucking dress yeah they were like taking up the whole stage the rest of her like yo you need something cause you're fucking wild she looked really old well I mean she's fucking older she's like 60 now right I don't know yeah but she's probably 60 you know what let's just say that she's 60 for her like yeah I liked her confidence I didn't know she fucked that many black guys they kept on roasting her that's my thing really remember when Chelsea Handler showed like she would talk about how she was like banging 50 cent and I watched Chelsea Handler show I never watched it that's the only reason I know who she is cause she was like funny Amy Schumer I used to think her last name was lately Chelsea Handler get the fuck out of here get out of here bro I did okay back to the question I want to ask you stopped doing drugs you told me a slight story that you said you got a really really big stand up moment and you're like yo I gotta be clean for a month yeah I got I got booked in Dubai that's what it is this is during COVID this is during oh this is recent yeah this is 2021 I got booked in five years ago yeah I've been clean I've been clean five years like very clean I'm just kidding I just fucking bust out of bed that's you but you actually have to do this before you leave what I'm kidding you have to so I went to Dubai and it was a turning point in comedy for me cause I thought comedy was done COVID was happening entertainment was done comedy clubs are closed and I'm like oh my god how am I gonna make any money so I got this offer to go to Dubai and I was like what I'm like yeah how much I'm like fuck yeah let's go I went to Dubai man mask the whole thing flew to Dubai I'm there I'm there for two weeks I did like five shows like epic shows like oh my god I crushed it I felt alive again blah blah I talked to my boys I'm like dude I'm coming back in a few days let's freaking party it's on me let's do this blah blah and then I get back and then they meet me at the haha and then I'm like come on let's go I'll buy the bag and then my buddy Rico goes Jack I came here to tell you that we're proud of you you're doing so good you just did Dubai you're gonna have a really big future bro you're gonna be a big star he goes go home go home I love you go home I'm like no man let's party he's like no man go home I love you he kisses me he hugs me they go out that night they get a bag and they die he saved my all that yeah saved my freaking life bro it's crazy and this is the worst on the news right yeah I haven't touched this stuff since like literally I was like two weeks prior sober and then I just stopped doing it I haven't done it since I'm terrified of it it's scary yeah it's like oh is this fun or death the crazy thing is like when you google like pictures like it'll say local comedians die offense and all overdose I remember the night and in one article there's a picture of me in the middle with both of them it's like me Fu and Rico and people were like you died and I'm like fucking no no it takes you back yeah I was fucked up but yeah man I actually had a son like six months later I named Jacob his middle name was Enrico after Rico and I was like so yeah it's pretty freaking wild man butterfly effect shit it's not it's not the same as it was before guys you know people are just dropping like flies right now the fence bro it's just way too risky it's not worth it and if you think about it we got lucky people say you got lucky that night you got saved yeah but think about how many times we partied and we were rolling dice bro it's crazy it doesn't matter how bad balling you are who you are that shit Mac Miller passed away fucking Tom Petty was 60 something and died from get it oh really yeah it was fentanyl and cocaine I did not know that yeah isn't that fucked up I did not know that Julio that was Julio too that's what I read and they got that actor from Boardwalk Empire the black dude the big really famous actor from Boardwalk Empire he was in he was I've seen that show there's a black guy in there yeah he was what's his name does he play the guy he's a big he's a villain he's in a he's in a bunch of movies bro he's that's that's school that's schooling you hear that that's schooling look it up black guy Boardwalk Empire oh this guy this dude here yeah I hear that oh that's right motherfucking from the wire he died the day after I forgot he died the day after my friends died yeah it was the same batch and that going around China Michael K. Williams Michael K. Williams I blame China they're the ones putting fentanyl over here man I don't know what it was bro but it was it was pretty like not only them it's just like recently two more people died it's just like people died all the fucking time over this fentanyl the worst one I don't want to destroy a fucking fun thing yeah I literally had a when I got my car accident I had to get a the shot shot and they're like put two cc's of fentanyl I was like whoa I was like time out it used to be yes I'm like what didn't Michael Jackson die of that yes Prince died from it too that's a fucking they're sniping these motherfuckers by fentanyl because there's no way that you're that rich going I'm gonna just OD over some bullshit yeah like right now right if you want to do cocaine you're gonna get good cocaine imagine if you're a billionaire you're gonna get good cocaine bro yeah I'm gonna source this shit I want to know the undocumented workers that have sweated into this I want to know his name yeah and make sure he's healthy yeah the worst is when people go no man I get it from the freaking I get the brick with the stamp on it I'm like bro like it just takes this much and you're done I get the brick with the stamp on it because I do trust that more I do I do trust it more because I have his age but it's so easy to just put it in a brick and a stamp on it I mean to put that much fentanyl on a fucking brick is fucking a waste of time like I'm gonna kill off all my guys it's terrible but it doesn't even help the cut it's not even enough to fluff it it's just to kill people it's only to kill people it's the opposite reaction it's to kill it's only to kill people it's so bad there's no there's no like oh this is baking powder to fluff it so I make more money no there's no making more money you kill the customer yeah this is not a play so it's someone trying to hurt us it's someone it's fucking China dude I promise you it's gonna come out like 10 years that some fucking manufacturers were spiking the shit in Columbia I promise you those motherfuckers wanna take down this whole generation of you so they can come in and take it over I would if I was like hey we're smart and we work hard and we make all this shit that's already there we'll live there yeah and these guys are already taking all our it's already done And the tariffs. Fuck you guys. I get it. And this is all during COVID. - COVID, too. - Chinese, no, I'm just kidding. COVID, hey, man, it's all the fucking plan. COVID was just to spike the cocaine. That's all this was, dude. - Damn. - Peacemaker three, dude, that's what it's about. Do you watch any shows since you're on the road? - No. - What do you do on the road? - So my schedule's pretty crazy. Like, I literally, I fly into a place. - I know, but if you're flying, you just. - Oh, I sleep on the plane. - All the time? - I sleep or I write. - Awesome. - Yeah, yeah. - Better than watching Goodfellas again. I just did it that evening. - Or I'll watch this shitty movie until I get bored and I fall asleep. Truman Show. - Sounds about right. - Truman Show. - It's a good movie, man. You ain't never seen that movie if you think it sucks. If you think it sucks. It's great. - Jim Carrey, right? - Yeah, you haven't seen it. - I've seen it, Jim Carrey. It's one where. - You have to say Jim Carrey, right? - It's a reality show. The reality show one, right? - I guess. - Yeah, it's fucking stupid. - I guess you caught that. It's a great movie. I choose Liar Liar over Truman Show. - Of course it's. I just said what's a better movie, not what makes me laugh and have fun. Liar Liar is fun. - But the Truman Show, what is that? When you watch it, you said that was your top movie? - Yeah. - Why? - I think it's 'cause that's the earth. I think that's what's happening to us and it's right in our fucking face. - Oh, so it's like, you know what? What's it called? - What do you think? - What's it called? Hunger Games. I think that's what happened with us too. Remember Hunger Games? They're changing the weather. They're bringing all the wars. It's that. It's very similar. - Same shit. - Same shit as Truman Show. - All right. - Well, Hunger Games is better. - I don't think so. - I think so. There's tits. Just kidding. - No, there's not. - I've never even seen it. - I know there's not. - Just kidding. Like, really? - No, there's not. It's like Battle Royale, but white. - Yeah. - That's all Hunger Games is. They stole that shit from Japan. - They could at least put some tits in there. - So you think right now, someone's making us do this right now? There's someone forcing us. - No, no. I don't think you've ever seen the Truman Show, man. The Truman Show's basically this, ready? Boom. I'm not your friend. He's not your friend. We actually are all actors. Your wife's not even your friend. She's an actor. She's an actress. When you're gone, she's getting her scripts and her lines, and there's cameras and everywhere, and we all watch you. And you're not really allowed to travel. You think you're traveling, but you're not. It's just in this bubble that we keep you in so we can watch you. You're the biggest show on the planet. And everybody's watched this guy, every move. Your wife, they broke you up. They made her script to break up, to come back years later. Like, when he finds out that this is all happening, it's like-- this is the worst thing that's ever happened in the world. And when he finds out, it's kind of like what our government's doing to us. It's like, oh, yeah, we're playing with you. Imagine this is the world. And you're just like, all right, well, the biggest show on here. And then-- So I get it. You watched this when you were high. I watched it when I was a child. Oh, OK. Yeah. All movies that go off. Oh, you guys remember Ed TV? Yeah. I do remember Ed TV. Remember that? Yeah, I didn't-- it was a goofy version of that. Yeah, yeah, a goofy version. Yeah, yeah. Wow, Ed TV. Ed TV. I'm a movie buff. I love movies. Me too. Do you remember Joe's Apartment? No. Oh, it was like 1991, where all the cockroaches were in his apartment, and they were like his homies? No. It was the weirdest movie I ever watched. All right, so you like movies. OK, here we go. Yeah. All right. What's two movies you recommend-- I like old movies. Me too. OK, cool. --that you recommend to people that aren't funny. Two movies that I recommend-- That you recommend, like, yo, yo, I'm from Siberia. I never watched TV. What's two movies to blow my mind right now? To blow your mind? I'd like some interstellar shit. Just like, wow, that's what television is? That's what movies are? Oh, now you're getting deep, bro. Like, I'm like, I like Independence Day, Will Smith. There, that's fine. A guy that's never seen movies go, what the fuck is an alien? Yeah, yeah. That's cool. But that movie's all right. It's all right. I don't know. I was like six, bro. The Untouchables? I guess, but I keep going. The Untouchables is OK. Kevin Costner. I'm going to Kevin Costner guy, man. Oh, Tombstone. Dude, you just like white people shooting. They shoot at each other, don't you? Tombstone? All right, how about 30 years later? You don't like Tombstone? Fucking Untouchables. It's just the same white dudes and their parents, man. It's the same actors with different style heads. Star Wars? You want to hear Star Wars? That's fine. I'm kidding. I don't like Star Wars. I don't like Star Wars either. He loves it. Loves it. Look at him. Look at him. He's like R2-D2. R2-D2? You don't know Star Wars? That motherfucker's little. R2-D2's me. Oh, no. He's C-3PO. He's the tall, skinny one. I don't know. You like other white people shooting each other. What else do you like besides white people shooting each other, dude, in different time periods? I like chick flicks. Like what? The Notebook. The Notebook's a good movie. I like The Notebook. It's a good fucking movie. I love The Notebook. It's a great movie. Yeah. I like The Notebook. I like any J-Lo movie. Made in Manhattan. I'm kidding. Okay. Okay. I just like J-Lo. I don't like him. I just had a crush on him forever. How come no one's fucking talking shit to her about the Diddy thing? She dated his ass. She got Diddy'd. Yeah, but nobody's talking about her. I saw her in the crowd last night. She's hot. They showed her for two seconds. Have you seen her in prison? I don't want to see her in prison. I saw her in prison. She's fucking. She's so hot. She's not real. She's like 60, bro. I only think of her- She's so hot. in South Park. I only see her as a hand puppet. That's all I can see. Oh, you like cartoons? I just see her as a Cartman's hand. Have you ever seen that episode? No. It'll change your life. Really? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to check it out. You should watch Fat Butt and Pancake Head. That's what it's called, the episode. You should watch that episode today. Really? Yeah. Homework. You should watch it. Send it to me. I will. I promise. Just watch it right now. I promise you, I'll fucking do stuff like that. I love South Park so much. I will watch that just to show you. Really? You've never seen South Park? Did you like. I haven't seen South Park. Yeah. Not at all. Oh. I had sex. Yeah, but you were also a child. Yeah, I know, but- You just came out in the third grade. Yeah. I was into it. I was into sports, bro. So was I. No, you were at home watching TV. No, no. I definitely was into sports. I was captain of everything. I played sports my whole life. Also could watch TV. So as a kid, okay, as a kid, I was Ninja Turtles. Cool. Power Rangers. Epic. But I threw South Park in there, too. No. And then I played Sega. I played like. Shinobi. You remember Harizog? The Shinobi a lot? No. Oh, it was a fucking dope ass game. Played Sonic a lot. Sonic. Sonic, yeah. I was a good fuck out of Sonic. Yeah, and I played sports. I was also playing hockey, roller hockey. I was into like Mighty Ducks. Yeah, but what happens at night? I'm a jerk off. Eight hours straight, dog. Put it in time. South Park. I think I discovered porn when I was like 15. Spice Channel. Yeah, what were you doing before that at night, man? That's what I'm saying. You're an American child. South Park. You weren't watching stuff? So when I was like 13, 14, 15, 16. Oh, I'm talking about before. Oh, you're talking about what? Eight, nine, 10? Shit, even before that. What'd you do at night? Oh, I remember everything. I was a kid playing soccer in the streets probably. Yeah, I'm talking about at night. You can't play at nine to 12. Yeah, I remember. I think I was watching Melrose Place and not too well. Oh, you're gay. You're gay as a kid. That's fine, dude. That's fine, man. Just say that, dude. Okay, my favorite cartoon, do you want to hear them? Yes. Tailspin. Oh, that's good. Darkwing Duck. Do you love white people? Keep going. Tailspin, Darkwing Duck. You're like, "Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck." Tailspin. Tailspin. This one is a stunner attack. Oh, yeah. Tailspin. Oh, yeah. Tailspin. Oh, yeah. Tailspin. Tailspin. Tailspin. Tailspin. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This one really likes ducks. Keep going. Tailspin. Darkwing Duck. Mighty Ducks. Adventures of Gummy Bears. Because I'm a little kid, right? I don't remember. Gummy bears bouncing here and there and everywhere. No? You're straight. Disney Channel. Rocko? Anything? Rocko's sweet. You know what? I've never heard of that. I've never got stumped on something. It's the best. They used to drink a gummy juice and they would bounce and beat up the bad guys. It was pretty fucking awesome. Pull it up. Pull it up. Pull it up. Pull it up. Please. I need to know. It's some Armenian off the wall shit. No, man. It's a Disney Channel show. Oh, yours are poor. No Disney Channel? No. I watch Disney Channel. Okay. Watch. I watch Brink. There you go. I have never seen this in my entire. It's the real Gummy Bears? Yeah. Yeah. You're on some fucking. Some first generation shit. Put a video. Put any video, bro. Dash that. I've never. No. I've never seen it. Okay. Well, that's what I watched as a kid. When I was a little kid. Oh, see. I was watching Scarface's show. I was like five. My mom was not good. I don't know. See. I was watching horrible shit as a kid. Look. It was pretty entertaining as hell, bro. I remember this fucking intro. Whoa. I haven't seen this since I was a kid. Gummy bears. Bouncing here and there and everywhere. I've never watched an episode of this, but I remember the fucking intro. Bro, it was a great show. They just. It was kind of like the. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No. No. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. are they older than you yeah we older oh you have older sister that's older scissors that's different are they straight i'm trying to fuck my sister's friends oh that's you said that started that's all fucked up my friend's sister sister's friends what the fuck all the weed that has been on that chair is seeping through your face it's getting you what is this q-tips for dabbing there's no hash this will oh it's clean i thought it was dirty q-tips oh it's clean yeah okay so gay stuff as a kid cool stuff gummy bears right all right so you weren't watching fucked up wait were your parents on it like they won't let you do you ever watch no i used to watch howard stern on e oh yeah you were fucked yeah but they didn't know that no yeah i watched spice channel dude Remember Spice Channel? One time. You know what that is? My friend Anthony Avalo goes, hey. Spice Channel. Do you know? You put a black box. You put a 99. It's game time. It was weird. Put it on Spice Channel. The first time I ever saw it, Mario, I was in sixth grade. Spice Channel. What was the Spice Channel? Dude, there was a Playboy channel. Do you remember that? It was a podcast. Yes. They would have a podcast and everyone was just naked. Yeah, it was great. And these girls would talk about regular life, but just naked. And then halfway through, they'd be like, so we're going to have a scene being filmed in the back. And there'd be people filming porn right behind them. And I'm sitting there at nine or like 11 going, what the fuck is happening, dude? I thought we were going to smoke weed. I thought we were going to hang out. Why are we watching this? This is fucking awkward. So you watched the South part your whole life. Your South part. So that's fourth grade, yeah. Fourth grade. So fourth grade, you were, what is that? Nine. Nine years old. Okay, what kind of music did you listen to in fourth grade? Say, so look, my upbringing was very different because my mom likes weird shit. I was one. I liked growing up, fourth, fifth grade. Oh. Like, I liked Everclear, Third Eye Blind, Nirvana. That's American. You're American. Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what, you're American. American. That's like a hearing at the gym music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bush. Yeah, Bush. Everclear. Everclear. Everlast. Everlast. Yeah, man. They're just like, hey, man, you're white, I'm white. Yeah. Last. Everclear. We'll throw two different shows. And I listened to a lot of cumbia and- Oh, yeah, I never. Latin music. It's just weird. My whole family- Because at my parents' club, they have like a karaoke. And they would play like El General, all like cumbia, freaking Selena, all that kind of stuff. So I grew up with that. I grew up with all these different, a lot of stuff going on when I was a kid. I was always working, too. My parents would take me to work a lot. Good. So I started working. I was like, I think I was nine years old. I was bartending. Good. You know? Should be. Yeah. They teach you some shit. I always thought nine's too young. Do you remember yourself at nine? I was an adult. I made a margarita. I was 10. Good. My dad would, my dad would, my dad would, what is that? It's the Spice Channel. Yeah, Spice Channel. It's just a clip of a guy kissing a chick. Look at it, look at it. Oh, no! It's soft core porn. Yeah. But you know what's funny? I never saw it like this. I always see it as blurry. The Spice Channel was, that was the best, bro. It was weird. My neighbor had it, and he was like, my mom's out here, come over. And we're just like, tits, tits, tits. Well, that's what happened to my friend. I went, you bribed me over for this? I don't, it's weird. Yeah. I don't know. Watch this with you. You're gay. It's weird. Like, you don't want to fucking do any tits with another guy. That's why he doesn't have kids. No, for real. I don't want you in here. I'm watching Spice Channel, dude. Don't get a boner next to me. I don't watch the Spice Channel, man. No, it's just fucking awkward. Like, do you go to the strip clubs with dudes? No, I don't like that. All right, then. You're telling me I'm gay, but I don't want to watch a virtual strip club with my friend. If I go to a strip club, I'll go with my friend, but we'll separate. Yeah, because you guys are straight. Yeah. Like, I'm like, hey, I'm going over here. You go over there. Don't fucking look at me. We'll see each other later. And we'll be like, hey, good luck. I go to strip clubs with my wife a lot. Like, it's the only thing we do besides weed stuff. So it's a lot cooler. Did you go with me? You just said. No, no, no. Like, with your wife. Oh, okay, okay. Well, the reason why is because, like, I used to work at one, so I know how to talk to those girls. I usually will, like, we'll just leave them. We'll all take them back, you know, have a good time. I know how to talk to those girls. Like, I can be your father. Yeah, that's right. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. And that was, I'm proud of you. Yeah, that's right, guys. A little back-to-back action. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, no. No. I went to a strip club one time with some dude and his girlfriend and then my wife and then their friend. And then I realized. Swingers. And I realized I don't ever want to go with another guy in my life. I wouldn't go with my wife. That's weird. You wouldn't go with your wife? No. Oh, that's gay. Okay. So that's different. No, it's not gay. Very gay. Very gay. This dude, it was me and my wife were getting a lap dance and I look over and this fucking guy is just like this. Look at me. I'm like, what the fuck are you still here for? I'm like, yo, get your fucking husband out of here. I'm talking to the girl. I'm like, what's up with your fucking husband? Tell him to go away. I don't want to be here anymore. And I just sat there like this. Yeah. You still here? Get the fuck out. Oh, when you go to strip clubs because you have fans, if you're not a fucking fan, come up to a strip club. That's for a picture? Not even that. What's the worst? Uh, anything ever shitty ever happened to you in a strip club with a fan? The worst was, uh, not at a strip club, but at a club. That's fine. Same shit. I was peeing. I was at a urinal peeing and the guy was, no, the guy was next to me and he looked, he kind of was like, Hey, Hey, you're on YouTube, right? I go, I'm just ignoring him because I'm peeing. No, I'm ignoring. I was like, Hey, I'm talking to you. And he literally goes, Oh, taps me on the shoulder. I go, bro. What? I go fucking touch me, bro. He's like, you're the comedian guy, right? I go, yeah, man. Go wash your fucking hands. He goes, Oh my bad. My bad. My bad. Yeah. You funny dog. Hey, you can make a joke about this one day. Yeah. This weirdo put his dick on my jacket. Like, yeah, that's probably the grossest thing that's ever happened. That's gross. But like, not even like over the top, like I, dude, I haven't done a lot of shows. So I've, I've met fans. I finally ran into like an extremely drunk one. I won't leave you alone. This man almost moved in with me. That's how much he wouldn't leave me. The fuck? Oh, as I'm meeting other fans, he's still talking to me. Yeah. Oh, you're still here. They're just so starstruck, bro. And it's just, it's just, yeah. I was like, no, you wouldn't do this at the store. Why are you literally? Yeah. I can smell you. Yeah. That's not the bad one. I went to a strip club with my wife on our anniversary last year. We're in Vegas, right? Apparently it's a fucking whorehouse. I didn't know this one was bad, but I went to it. I thought it was, what's it called? All right. I'm going to Vegas tomorrow. Oh shit. I'll tell you. Tell me now, tell me now. No, I mean, apparently it sounds like it's Paul Sophia's. Oh, I've never been there. It was a little different. Shout out to Sapphire. All right. Yeah. So I'm sitting there and I got this whole section to meet my wife. I'm like, yeah, strip club. We're going to get fucking tough. And these two girls come over and I'm like, oh yeah, this is going to go great. And this dude like, what? I'm like, oh, what's up, man? Nice to meet you. And he's like, dude, I know all the videos. I'm like, fuck yeah. So I'm talking to his family. Fuck yeah. I'm talking to him. I'm like, all right, man. Later. And I go back and I turn around. He's sitting with us. I go, what's up, dude? He goes, oh, you mind if I just chill with you guys tonight? I go, no, it's our anniversary. You know, I don't think my wife. He goes, look, I signed small. I got the ring. Like, I'm probably just going to chill. It's cool to see you. I'm like, smoke a boy. I go. And then you don't read the room. No, I'm telling you no. Not even read the room. Not even that. The stripper girls looked at Rosie and went, what the fuck? And I went, I'm sorry. I'm apologizing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you don't even have clothes on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm embarrassed. Yeah. This sucks, dude. Yeah. And after the fourth time, he finally, oh, catch you later, man. I'm like, oh, you weren't in here? He was dropping someone off. He wasn't even at the strip club. Oh, my God. He walked in and saw me as he dropped someone off. Oh, my God. He was an Uber driver. He was a driver, man. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. I'm like, oh, this sucks, dude. And then I just, like, left. Yeah, ruined the night. No, the girl was a fucking weirdo. But question, when you go to a strip club with your wife, you don't have to answer this, but, like, she doesn't get mad if the girl's on top of you or anything? Like, if a girl's giving you a lap dance, is she getting mad? We wouldn't go if she got mad. Oh, that's what I'm asking. No. That's awesome, then. I respect that. No, no. It sounds like, hey, good shit. No, it's fun. I love your wife. Yes, no, it's fun. Nice lady. Nice lady. I like this one. No, no. Going to a strip club with a girl, I mean, strippers go, you're not a creep. Oh. And they go, yeah, bitch, exactly. Yeah. I remember one time this girl goes, ew, you're married? I go, ew, you're a stripper? There's a good one, like, ew, you don't have a dad? Ew. That's how it's said. Like, your dad's at the one next door. Ivy. Diamond. Phoenix. What's the weakest name you've ever heard? Oh, the worst one was Spice. That's not that bad. I don't like it. Spice Channel. Spice Girls. I don't know. I just don't like it. Spice. Spice. The worst is when they just have, like, normal names. Here's Veronica. Here's Mary. It's Mary on the main stage. She's loving it. Mom's name. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. The worst ones, the funny ones, are the Latina girls. They go, ah, llámame Flor. That's right, guys. Flor is on the main stage. Flor. That's a name? Flower. Yeah, Flor. Oh, that's a shitty name. I used to do this in Spanish. No propina, no cochina. Así se puede. Let's go. Did you just say that? You just said that in Sacramento, I feel. I did. I'm like. It's my show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was like, I've heard that somewhere. No propina. That was a good show in Sacramento, bro. That was fun as fuck. Dude, that was fucking dope. We're going to be in San Francisco, dude. It's my birthday. It's my birthday. When is this coming out? Say his name to my mom. When you said that, yeah. I was like, oh, my mom's birthday. Yeah. This is coming out tomorrow. Are you going to be in LA May 15th? Be in San Francisco. Oh, you're already leaving. My mom's birthday. Yeah. I'm going to go up early. Yeah, I'm going to be there. I'm going to 17th. It's my birthday in LA. I was going to say, if you want to do it. It's all right. Don't worry about it. It's all right. We'll celebrate on May 17th. Live nation, baby. And it's going to be at Cobb's Comedy Club. Cobb's Comedy Club. San Francisco, California, 7 p.m. You got to come. This guy's hilarious. You got to see him do. He does comedy standing up. It's true. Yeah. I do. Yeah. I do. And I'll tell you what. If you come, I'll smoke with you guys. Oh, my God. It's my birthday. After the show. No, not even that, dude. Why? You took a fucking, like, I'll smoke like a joint. Like when a dad lives through his son to play football, that's how you hit the joint. What I want to do is this. Look, you're not leaving them. Are you going to be there Monday, too, or no? Yeah. Okay, so I want to go Monday morning. Because I'm saying Sunday. monday monday monday morning let's get high and go get some clam chowder i'll go with you to the pier 100 i'm down okay hell yeah that was called fisherman's wharf yeah pier 39 pier 39 yeah yeah it's the only place in san francisco it's not overrun by drugs san francisco sucks now when's the last time you've been there uh like a year and a half ago oh so you go there every weekend really not the same i wouldn't leave shit in my car i wouldn't do nothing i park a valet like it's bad really yeah i mean it's bad everywhere no san francisco is robocop city portland is bad i was just in portland i'll fucking sleep outside in portland for really downtown portland yeah i mean they close i think the freaking the homeless took over a comedy club area they closed it down because it was yeah san francisco's the whole it's it's like it's like uh big trouble little china down there really it's fucked i can't wait get your tickets comedyclub.com use promo code there is not there's a couple parts where it's just it's just bad i wouldn't park it's fucked but san francisco used to be the shit so i heard it's coming back yeah what dates are you coming with me we're doing houston so we're doing this weekend if you go is it jack junior comic.com yeah yeah but you're gonna come to houston too right houston i had a dallas the 24th too if you want to come 24th and the 30th yeah no matter what i know for sure houston also jack junior comic.com or dope was yellow.com i put all his the dates in the in the tickets so you can see them yeah uh 17th we'll be at the cops comic club i'm excited you're coming to london i don't know i don't think i can make it i i don't know they just they just emailed me today they go are you bringing an opener i go i'll go back to you what's the date i'm july 19th in london oh it's july i think july 19th oh july so i'm gonna i'm gonna do netherlands i'm gonna do amsterdam oh first time i'm definitely gonna smoke over there yeah i'll link you up with the guys that own the shops amsterdam over there and then uh london and then i'm gonna add up greece and armenia armenia i barely speak english these motherfuckers are black we hate you they speak english i know no we're doing a whole tour that's my first joke when i come out remember when you just let hitler take over all of this guys backbone i think not like that's it that's all i'm gonna say that's my time what do you what are your thoughts about hitler i like it's the way you said it i like you said it yes ideas. Not all A's. Yeah. You know, not shooting 100% all the time. He was into the arts. Yeah? I don't know. I don't know anything about him. I just know that one bad thing he did. Yeah, he did one bad thing a million times. But, I mean, not that bad, right? It was all weathermen. I don't know. How's that? You're half Jewish. Are you circumcised? What the fuck does that mean? Are you circumcised? Brady, hold on. The fuck is that mean? I don't think he's circumcised. You don't look like you're circumcised. I like this. How you can tell. Like, just look at your eyes. I can taste it. I just wanted to show this is a bait clip. Jesus. You're circumcised? I can tell. I can smell it. I can smell the foreskin. For sure. It's in the air. You should see this full of the green room, dude. Doing shots. No, I walked in. No clothes. It was weird. What? That's not true. I didn't say shit. It's true. Just clip it like that. I thought you were going to talk about the fruit platter. I asked what he calls the dude. Can I get a call from a grown man who calls him fruit platters? No, I asked for a fruit platter, like a little thing, and they brought me a whole bucket of freaking fruit. A Mexican fool was like, you want to buy all of this? I'll cut it up for you. It was like, this was big. I was like, you want anything? Nah, I'm good. I'll just be dead. Yeah. Sacramento was lit, bro. Your friends are the best. You always have one friend. You know what? I've done three shows with you, and two of them, a person that you bring, you go, I wish I'd ever fucking invited him. Yo, I won't say who, but there was one, all right, there was one man, I'm not going to say it because you'll probably get mad. What show? I won't say what show. I'll figure it out. You know exactly what it is. I know. But there was one guy, and I'm like, oh, whose muscle is this? They go, no, he's a comic. I go, oh, I want to know what he's going to be like. I'm like, because he has a bike chain on. He's wearing a bike chain. Oh, I know. I need to know what his, I was like, oh, this guy's funny. Oh, he's kind of funny. And then proceeded to fucking scream with his table for 40 minutes straight. Yeah, I remember. That's my homie, Ruckus. He's in a biker motorcycle club, he says. He's this big. I'm actually posting a clip of him today because he was yelling across the room, and he was telling his wife, shut up, bitch. Fuck, it's a comedy show. They're throughout the show. Here's Jack on stage. Yeah, I'm like, they're over there. Yeah, they're just, I'm. Yeah, they're just like. Shut up! Yeah, I'm like, what's, it was a wild show. And then he sat with them. And then he sat with them, and then they got all quiet. No. And then I called him, I said, are you in a motorcycle gang? He's like, it's a fucking club, dog. Okay, because I didn't tell you because I had to talk with him backstage. Because a lot of the fans know, like, you don't know a lot about me. I grew up with a lot of weird things. Like, my stepdad has been to prisons a lot, right? So when I saw him, I go, oh, I know this guy. I can see it. And as he was talking, I go, I was right. Yep, I was right. Well, tell me, what does that look like? He's just, he's a. He'll punch the, he'll punch it out of you. He's one of those guys, like, oh, you don't like it? Well, I'll fucking beat you up. Yeah, yeah. He has a, he has his, his chain is like. It's a bike chain. It's a bike chain. It's from a motorcycle. Yeah, yeah. So when he wore it, I go, oh, you hit people with that. Ow. Yeah. That's the first thing I thought. Like, I've met you a lot through my stepdad. Just different colors of you. You know what's actually funny about it, now that you think about it? Because he's only open for me, like, maybe five years. Maybe five times. And I'm very generous. Whenever someone asks me, because the first time he worked with me, there was, like, six comments on the show. And it's normally, normally not like that. Well, that's what you said. I'm very good at, I'm very bad at saying no. So if you ask me for a spot on the day of, and the owner's cool, I go, sure, I'm going to go do five minutes. It's going to help you out. It doesn't bother me at all. Like, no matter how bad the first comedian before I go up is, I'll. It doesn't matter. I'll fix it. Yeah. It doesn't matter. So I always give opportunities. So, but now that I think of it, the last time he opened for me at the Bray Improv, his, I think it was his girlfriend or his sister, beat up some other person in the parking lot. I remember that. It was funny. I just remember at the end, he started getting too drunk and he was talking, but his homies were fucking loud. And there was a point where I saw John, the owner. Oh, yeah. Look over and you went, hey, do you ever want to get booked here? That's the owner. Shut the fuck up. And then they just left. Oh, yeah, yeah. I did see that. Yeah. Oh, I did see that. They just left. I go, that's the owner. Hey, do you want to work here again? Because John's a funny motherfucker, but he is like a stickler. Yeah. I actually have to cancel my date. I have a date. They're coming up. I'm going to be in freaking Europe. Oh, I like that club. I fucking like it a lot. And John's funny as shit. It makes me laugh. Hell yeah. That and then at the punchline at the punch. All right. So look at the back. So I got off stage and I tried to go back and I had to go to the bathroom. And then the only reason I didn't because I kept getting an arm on my neck. I was like, what's up, man? What's up? He's like, come here, man. I'm like, all right, I'll go over there. Was it the guy that tried to? Yes, of course, man. And then he introduced me to this girl. So I'm like, hi, nice to meet you. I'm sweating my ass off. Hi. Yeah. And then the other guy just told me a whole fucking 18 minute story about his drugs time. I was like, all right. All right. There's someone on stage, man. Like, yeah, shut the fuck. I just didn't want to be mean. Yeah. No. So, so, so his him, he's been he's a fan. He's been coming to my shows in Sacramento for the past. Like five years. And I gave my number out to everybody. Oh, shit. I just give my number up. Always. Here's my number. I haven't seen my number in 25 years. So long story short, he hit me up. I gave him tickets. I actually give him a free ticket. And he's by the only comp I had. And he was the one who wanted to fight the staff. It was just already. Imagine if you had a full, bright, loud conversation the whole time while Jack was talking. That's what the guy was doing to the two girls. But. In an encouraging way. Like super loud. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's a good one. But loud as fuck. That's my boy. Yeah. Well, not three people. Separate people. And I go, Hey, man, can you shut up? You said, Hey, man, please shut up. You made it funny, though. He made it funny. Like these white people would love to kick you out. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. And he would stop. And then toward the end, there was they were pulling a girl off of somebody. And she her legs were in the air while she was holding on to something. And they were pulling her. Yeah. What happened? And it was like, Jack, your friends. I'm like. They're not my friends. That's why I thought I was like, Jack's your friends, man. I know. That's the thing. You're my friend. I get it. I get it. You're my friend. We work together, you know. But I know these people. And then they're fans. And I try to. I got it. I helped them out. I go, Please, not here. Stop. I remember I was there. I go, Please, guys. I just. The white security guard dude was about to shoot all of them. It's Live Nation, bro. It's a freaking huge event. Everybody was so nice. Every staff member was sick as fuck. I don't like that ghetto stuff, you know. No. My crowd's classy. My tickets are. It's a good crowd. It's fun. I'm going to raise ten bucks more for you, motherfucker. Damn, dude. Some of these ghetto ass fools. No, I've been to some fucking. I've been to some shows with Ken. And some of those shows are the epitome of Mexican ghetto bitches. I've been to some shit where this motherfucker had to physically, like, shut a bitch up. And it's so funny to watch it happen. Yeah. And they love it. They love. I hate the fact that people love it. Yeah, yeah. Don't do that to me. You can't even tell jokes. You're just yelling at the fans. Don't do that to me. Yeah. Shut the fuck up, bitch. I got shit to say. Yeah. I don't want to talk to you. Yeah, you're a narcissist, isn't it? Yeah, man. Freaking Ken was the best, man. fuck at that I'm so sad you knew him for a long time no I knew Ken for like a year and a half Ken's a big fan of my story times oh okay so I met him through another person and then they're like yo my friend's a fucking big fan I was like oh hell yeah I looked at shit I'm like this fool's funny I've seen him before yeah bro and we had him in once and that was it I started going to shows with him just to see like this is what comedy is yeah man I met him and I he was so talented and I was just like bro you're gonna everyone loves you man like you have this gravity that everyone's gonna be around you but he just wasn't a healthy man and it's something it's something like you want and it also has to do with his age like he was young he didn't want to help himself be better he wanted to go out like a rock star you know yeah I think he he definitely like I told Mario the last thing he said he brought me I did the improv of Ralph Ralph Rosa did the improv I got off stage like a movie some fucking agent guy goes hey man I'm like shut the fuck up come on it's my first time don't do that to me go hide oh really who hived you fucking I mean but he knew who I was I'm like oh Silvio fucking Rene's manager but I was like oh sick man I did good hey you sell tickets alright come on let's take you on the road world tour but no he said he's like yo I've seen you before I've never seen you before that was great I'm like thanks man you know my first time really I was like fuck yeah and then I saw Ken because he came to everything he would always show up like I'd always be in the green room like oh what the fuck he's like sorry you're on the list I'm like fuck yeah Ken and then the first show I ever did was with Ken he forced me to fucking do it yeah I'm happy you did yeah he was he's the man but the last thing he said to me he was introducing me to people at the improv and I went to pay for a drink and she's like no you're fine I go what she's like oh up here you're fine and Ken's like I know it's bad like you get free drinks and you go kill crowds and go to the next show yeah I can see why you like this he goes yeah that's why I almost die all the time like this is so fun it's yeah it's free come on yeah and he took a shot I was like damn that's awesome and then that was it and like oh five days later it's not it's not only it's just like it's like it's the lack of sleep like touring traveling meeting people meeting greets you're eating like shit every day you know not just Ken I'm talking about in general as a comedian unless you have your own personal chef or you're fucking determined yeah there's only one you're like don't eat at all it's Josh only Josh Wolfe is the only man I've ever seen that's on the road constantly that's like you eat like a fucking he eats Josh Wolfe yeah yeah yeah of course fucking you've seen him he's freaking eats like he's perfect at a regimen if he had hair he'd be perfect he has hair you just don't see it no it's like his head on he has hair this big he's balding no Josh's hair is this fucking big really yeah dude he doesn't take it off he's like he's a big ass four no he doesn't I promise you bro you talking about the same guy I promise you Josh Wolfe has so much fucking hair do it I am he has so much he has hair like this my phone's off he has hair like that bro really yeah it's just it's Doc Ock Vegas Vegas Josh Wolfe yeah okay that's surprising I've had him here more than any guest ever I fucking love him that's the one where I told you I would do two Monday Mushrooms that's Josh oh he loves mushrooms I know oh he loves it I can't keep it together in a show like that well she will see him I'm down it's Vegas I did his show at the Monday night at the in December Jimmy Kimmel it's fucking fun in there yeah I'll do it it's all walks of life in there let's go I'm down next weekend I'm with my wife this weekend but it's May 23rd May 25th Memorial Day weekend we can go I think I'm good I'm done I think I'm good yeah I'm sorry fuck yeah because I'm going to be there June 13th no doubt shit too oh perfect yeah I was going to hit him the next day also yeah he has a residency Sunday and Monday yeah I'm in I thought Josh was bald when you're that healthy you can't help but grow hair dude really I thought he was freaking bald I've seen pictures of him oh dude Josh has more hair than all of us Josh is kind of like damn near a massive girl it's like this I think he just got a haircut though might have but he like forces it under a hat the first time he took his hat off I went what the fuck I thought you were bald I swear I thought he was bald dude does he know you by YOLO or Thomas both yeah hell yeah yeah Josh the man dude he's our first guest ever on here yeah first guest five years ago right mm-hmm fuck that's full of butt but uh yeah yeah so this Sunday San Francisco this Sunday baby Cobbs Comedy Club you guys go Jack juniorcomic.com or dopewithyolo.com the oh right there perfect yeah bro let's go San Francisco damn I've been there so long I'm so excited dude I need to update that shit update it I'm going to New Mexico New Mexico when right after the LA oh 29th and 30th and New York Fort Lauderdale oh New York Fort Lauderdale yeah damn I wish I could go I already fucking elevated dude the 6th I'll be in Seattle I'm doing about 60 more cities this year wow good shit dude so grinding bro grinding so real quick so I've done like 3 shows in like other states what the fuck do you do all day me yeah your father man I think I'm like no when you're on the road all on the road I ride a lot I explore the city to see if if it's somewhere I've never been I'll go to a museum or like I'll do something so you do stuff I do stuff or I'll hang out with fans I do meet and greets I'll support a local business like a fan of mine he goes hey man I have a bagel shop can you come by yeah I'll do stuff I'll do a shout out I notice you do that a lot I do that I always show love I don't charge nobody for that shit just come show love and it's just in oh shit yeah we're about I'm about to wrap it up right now but I mean it's all about keeping your mental health bro before I would just get drunk everyday I would pregame do a blow that sounds fucking awesome I drank one drink and went on stage once and went oh that's why you guys get fucked up up here it's a little more fun yeah the worst is when you have two shows and you're already fucked up on the first one and you're like second you're like I've seen a lot of those comedians do that yeah bro it's just nasty yeah nasty you look bad man bro I can't wait I just texted Josh to me he's fucking fun yeah dude Josh is the man okay so everybody that can find your shit it's all Jack Jr. on everything right it's all Jack Jr. everything bro Jack Jr. comic Jack Jr. comic on do you do Twitter at all no not Twitter I do threads you're fucking up really I had Twitter I took it down get on Twitter man really skip on Twitter I used to write so do you want to show the truth I deleted it because once I started kind of doing pretty well I didn't want everyone was getting cancelled I said a lot of messed up shit so I was like I was scrolling I'm like delete delete delete and then I finally said it's not taking forever just delete the whole account yeah you started up again dude I had some I had so many funny tweets bro you started up again man nah man I'm afraid of what I say bro I say a lot of don't say the horrible things now that you're older I say worse post your clips on there don't speak just post your clips man like you do on YouTube Shorts same shit yeah just post your fucking clips why wouldn't you can you give us a guess but hold on are you talking about Josh yeah bro I'm afraid of my mouth bro yeah you should just even right now I'm like I'm trying to replay what I said I'm like I'm not gay you'll be alright the world woke up a little bit and went oh that woke shit was stupid like yeah it was stupid has anybody laughed in five years no it was so stupid no cause it's gay that's gay everyone's getting cancelled dude yeah who cares so many times who gives I remember people were mad at me for not posting a black square on my page oh my god can you shut the fuck up white lady that told me that fuck out of here yeah I or it's like how come we don't talk about Mexicans more how come we don't talk about Armenians more how come we don't talk about this more can we just stop it can we just I'm trying to make fun of everybody hey Mr. Rogers how come you don't talk about the genocide like motherfucker we're here to have fun that's the whole point you don't get mad at family guys for not taking a stance on Palestine even though they probably made fun of it a lot I don't know that's how I feel dude you'll be fine just make a twitter say the n-word I'll make one I'll make one I can't I probably can I reactivate my account old account maybe don't just make a new one yeah make a new one just make a new one because then what happens that means I gotta get a new email fuck teach me the ways bro I don't know listen you have like three Jewish friends here helping you three Jewish friends there's two guys and one's half Jewish no dude I'm terrible at that shit bro this is like this is like high product like guys if you're watching this from home this is like a legit studio yeah it's sick sound we had a white guy that speaks Spanish there's lighting dude it's great he built this out of wood I want this do it I want to do a set over there it would never work is that your set no it just wouldn't work why because okay I'm gonna hire if we did I'm gonna go to Home Depot across the street I'm gonna get three Mexicans hey mira mira aqui lo quiero hacer para allá what is that language you're speaking what the fuck is that we speak English here I wanna do 350 by the way I wanna do this one on this side okay 3,000 they're gonna charge you three bands yeah yeah you have a little chain on there 4,000 hey you better hide your fucking watch I have a Rolex and your earrings dude you better speak a little more ghetto I'm gonna send you there they're gonna tax me like oh you don't speak English oh you don't speak Spanish huh yeah they don't fuck with me no this is a six and you guys have like really good cameras too bro it took a long time how long you been doing this podcast five years it's great man it's been a minute that's great you can do some more stuff man you definitely need to but I know you said I don't like interviewing people I like to be interviewed yeah I don't wanna I don't wanna talk about myself I wanna have a guest but the problem is I don't like like you know you said I don't wanna talk to people I don't wanna talk I don't wanna talk to people like what cause like If I'm talking to you, I'm going to be like, dude, I'm not interested no more. Like, that's, Stop. You know what I'm saying? I get so bored. I'm like, okay, you're not even, because you're funny. You're entertaining. You're great. But sometimes people are just like, so, and I'm like, can I go? Like, it's just not fun. That's why I don't, I think that's why, that's why I don't do more podcasts. Can you ask me questions I want to be asked because you suck? Yeah, just have fun, man. I mean, this is, I mean, I'm surprised there's like, we're completely sober. I thought there'd be tequila here or something. There's liquor, there's everything. Oh no, we're done. It's the middle of the day. I know. So I was like, do you know what I'm saying? What are you trying to say? I mean, it's four o'clock already. We've got to be bald. Lunchtime. Lunch, lunchtime. Let's get something. It's Mexican, right? Damn, you know what? I'm going to start thinking like, what do I want to eat in a day? What do I want to eat at night? Marty knows what he's going to eat. His digestive system works at the same time every day. You probably wake up early. I'm assuming you have kids. I'm waking up at 6.30. Every day? 7.30 sometimes. I kiss a dude at that point, man. I go gay at that point. I'm going to be gay, dude. I'm not going to fucking wake up. And I'm in bed at 1.30 a.m. every night. Do you sleep for five hours? Probably. See, I sleep like same shit and I heard it kills you. What? Not sleeping is the worst thing than a diet or exercise. Really? You only need five hours. That's what the guys that die early say. I found out. Really? Yeah. All the men that are intimate, my wife used to do. Well, but I take naps though, too. Fucking Mexicans, dude. Like we're not, like right now, I'm going to play poker at 5.30. I have an hour to kill. I'm going to take a nap in my car. Your mate, yeah. Now I see why the Mexican stereotype is supposed to be taking a nap in his car but he's Armenian so it's an AMG. He's going to take a nap outside of playing poker in the day. Can I get a shot? You're Mexicans. Fuck, dude. I don't play poker tonight. It's my day off. On Monday nights, I play poker with friends and we do. But you're going to go sleep for an hour in your car? Yeah. Or drive back all the way home and come back and be like, no, of course not. I'm going to sleep right here. Hey, Jude, move. Stick them together. Okay, I wish I could fall asleep. You don't smoke weed and just go straight to sleep? That's incredible. No, because if I smoke weed, I'll go get food and then throw up and then go to sleep. You want to lose weight, you said. That's the only way I can. I'm like a, what's it called, bulimic pot smoker. Yeah. You eat, you throw up. Yeah. But not because you want to stay in shape, just because you can't. Just keep it down. Dude, like the worst thing I ever did with my weed story is like, my friends are like, listen, go to the store first, then smoke. I smoked before I went to the store. So you went to the grocery store. Bro, I literally freaking, I grabbed, I had the most random things. I had like pistachio ice cream with sunflower seeds. Gross. Yeah. Gross. Bro, I literally had the weirdest things ever. That's cool. Hot and cold. It was bomb. You see the beginning of half-baked? You woke up, you feel, you feel you're getting a new stretch mark. Oh, that's so fucked up that I know what you're talking about. You know what I'm talking about? It feels so weird. What do you mean do I know what I'm talking about? Hey, I'm itchy. Why am I itchy? Fuck, you're getting fatter. Damn. Marty's like, what? Rocco, what are you talking about? You guys are so sexy. Fuck you guys. Scary movie boy. Scary movie boy? I know exactly what face when he gets hot. That's fucked. He's saying you're white as a ghost. That's what he's saying. That's a fucking fact. Yeah. All right, let's get out of here. You have to go sleep and play poker. Play poker. Yo, that's the most Mexican-Armenian shit I've ever heard. Let me go take a nap and then go play poker. I'm going to take a nap so I can gamble. Do you have a cigarette? Oh, also, why do Armenians smoke cigs with the windows rolled up in their car? I don't know. I thought Jewish people had to get gas the fuck out. I didn't know it was Armenians, man. Really? I don't think so. Yeah, look at every Armenian who's ever lived and they smoke with a cigarette with those windows up in the car. Up? No. Oh, yeah. They want it down with the music bumping. No, I can hear the music. I can smell the clone through the window up, dude. I'm telling you. I mean, Glendale's not only Armenians. There's a lot of Persians, there's Arabs. They're all the same person. They're not the same, bro. You just said Guatemalan, Mexican, Salvador. All I heard was brown. Mexican. That's all I heard from you. Got it. Okay. You think it's Armenian, Persian, but carpets and praying is what I hear. No, no, no. We're Christian. I know. We're this. We're not carpets. I get it. We're not carpets. We don't do we're not we do you're so you're so Jewish. No Spanish, man. It's okay. That's why you're famous because you're Jewish. I say it was a little funny because I'm only half. Every episode brought to you by brought to you by by the weather. Brought to you by Hollywood Entertainment. Every sportscaster ever besides Shaq. Okay. Well, man, he may be converted. I don't fucking know. Let's get out of here. I think it's Shaq's bro. Did you see Shaq's? There's a someone's a picture Shaq's hands and it was huge. Yeah, it was like two of my hands like this. Let's fight him, dude. Come on, dude. We might take him. If all of us put our body weight on his legs and we had somebody chuckle my Korean Abdul Jabbar in the game of death with Bruce Lee, I'm pretty sure we could take Shaq out. It's funny how Shaq has bodyguards. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, when Shaq walks around, he has other people like big guys around him and he's Shaq. His bodyguards are smaller than him. He could probably beat up his bodyguards. For sure he could beat up his bodyguards. I was trying to compare that to something, but I don't have a comparison that dumb. Yeah. That's like fucking Superman. Like, I carry a gun. Like, are you fucking stupid? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got Pac-Man Jones, remember? Yeah, Pac-Man Jones on here. He's security for Shaq. That's right. Really? No, but he beats people up. Shaq can't. He talks shit to Shaq. He can't hit him. I took a flight on him. Yeah, that's a real fucking adult thing to do, Pac-Man Jones. When he was here telling him, like, you're the man. But, he's that right here? He's a big guy? Smell it. I'm not gonna smell it. Come on, man. Smells like success in football fields. Yeah. Yeah. Like cocoa butter. That's what I was thinking. A little bit, a little bit. That's what I was saying. All right, guys. Today we had on Armenian Kramer. And, as you put the glasses on, fuck, and puff your hair. Yeah. Oh, shit. Damn. Oh, shit. Yeah, bro. I'm Armenian-Mexican, but I don't know. I saw you put your comb in someone's hair on stage. Yeah. And you put it back in yours. Yeah. You're a wild motherfucker. Dude, I always put my thing in other people. All right, guys. Jack, anything else you want to say before we get out of here? I just want to say, bro, it's been a real pleasure just to meet you, and work with you, bro. Likewise, bro. Thanks for having me on. And you too, Jews. You too, Jews. That's the only way it's not Jewish here. All right, guys. Thank you so much. This is Jack Jr. Marty and I. Have a dope ass day. Hell yeah. It's all you can say. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. We'll be right back.