"You Were Really Nice to Me at School!" - High Wycombe, England

Hull o am Gemicar. Mae'r rydyn i'r gael ddod yn hiwch yn y gael. Mae'r yw'r gael yn ymddan. Mae'r gael yn ydyd yn datblygu'r gael. Mae'r gael yn ei yw'r gael yn ymwch yn ymddan, mae'r gael yn ymddan yn gyfer y gael. Mae'r gael yn gyfer y gael yn gael. Gael yw'r gael yn ymddan a'r gael yn ymddan a'r bai ddwl. Mae'r gael yn gyfer y gael yn gyfer y gael yn gweld. Mae'r gael yn mewn ymddan yma. Mae'r siwr yn reiforio, sy'n fydd am yw yn cefodd ac yn ymryd fo a newider. Mae'r siwr yn fyddio, mae'r siwr yn cyflwydd i'n gallu. Mae'r siwr yn fyddio. Mae'r siwr yn yng Nghymru. Mae'r siwr' yn fyddio. John? Not a lot. This will not affect your benefits, John. What do you do? What's that mean? You can't busheys. You can't busheys. You're working at beauticians. Imagine if you met John at beauticians. You've come in for your intimate waxing. You know things are a bit. You've let it go to Rackenruin downstairs. It's like seaweed at low tide. John walks in with a roll up. Jump up on their love, I'll give the old busher trim. That time you went to a test drive and you ripped the door off. You did the same thing. You ripped the door off a car. Years ago I took a Model X Tesla for a test drive. The guy in the test drive and we got lost in the car park on the way back, one of those big multi-stories. They're going, "Oh no, it's that way. Sorry." And he had to move a cone. So he gets out of the back of the car. You know the goal wings lifts up and he gets out and moves the cone. And I'm not a fucking prick. So I got to pick the guy up. And you know those parking things above me, and nothing over six foot six. I take the fucking door off. It's like a half dead terminator. So I just rolled down the window and went, "I'll take it." Not this one, this one's fucked. I'll buy one. So why are we two? Now I was going to say I felt like your car door because it got ripped off. My car door because you got ripped off. Oh, that was a long way to go for fun. Fucking nothing. What's the, what's going, can you go for a piss? How much time have you spent in prison that you thought you had to ask? I'm trying to deal with this kind, that's mean through puberty. Got enough going on. What's the matter with your voice? Like was in an accident when you were a kid or your balls haven't dropped, you sound fucking weird, mate. We want answers. Now you sound like a girl. Quite a husky girl, but a girl. Like a big girl, you know what? Go on, my laugh sounds like. Someone's nan fucking. How violently is your nan a queeping? Jesus. Queepers, it's a fart from the front and all that. No problem, here to help, don't worry about genuinely, Ellie Lesbiansen. Hi, well, I'm looking. One there. What's the, you're a what? A lonely lesbian. Oh, you're not like one of the ones in the films I am. Has the guy you're with just found out you're a lesbian? Are they? I've got pretty powerful Gada. And I'd say, yeah. If, if, if the number of pricks you've had in you were pointing outwards, you look like a fucking porky pine love. Have I taken a shit in a public place that's not a toilet? What a great question. His mum's chest. Oh. Oh, my husband and I are celebrating our honeymoon, massive fans of yours and have waited years to see you. Please give us a shout out from Candy and David. Where's that, David Raya? David and Candy. You can understand David's probably a little bit embarrassed because it would appear he's married a stripper. Hi, my name's Candy with a K. What? Where, why, Candy? Hi, Candy. And where, where did you two meet? Have you got your story straight? What's it? You meant it worked. What, okay. She, David, you do seem nice. No touching. What do you do, Candy? I'm his boss. You're his boss. Oh. And what kind of industry do you work in? The post. You're, you're his boss. So you made it sound, you, you being his boss made it sound like you were a dominatrix. But actually you're a sub-postmaster. It's quite clever but not that funny. Then surprise was very nice to have you here. I hope you deliver. Jimmy, can I propose more girlfriend right now? Can you propose your girlfriend? I don't think she's going to say yes. I think. Let's get, yeah, let's definitely give her a try. We've got more lights we could turn on. I want to see this now. It's, no, no, hang on, hang on, hang on. Because it's a lovely, it's a lovely moment if she says yes. But let's steal ourselves here. Could you, could you just hold off for one second? Just hold off for one second because it's lovely if she says yes. But if she says no, we're going to give her a moment to think now. We don't want to spring on her. But if she says no, the exit's there. I'm not going to kick her out if she says no to you. Wish my husband Steve a happy birthday. 65, OAP and thank Elliot who bought all the tickets for 18 of us. Why, Steve? Why, Steve? Hi, Steve. 65, are you, what do you do, Steve? You're a plasterer. Bishbashbosh, you fucking legend. Low jamanne. What's very nice to have you here. 18 of you came. I listen, I'm not for everyone. So I'd like to especially, I'd like to thank fucking Elliot the bought the tickets. Fucking thank you, man. I'd like to wish you happy birthday. And I'd like to say a real thank you to the probably statistically at least two of you who are fucking hated this. Appreciate you being here. Thanks very much guys. It's a weird thing to think about. A good proportion of my income is people go in, okay. Can we do something I like next time? All right, next one. What's, what's your name, my friend? Mark. Mark and what's Mark like a stain? I was a mark on that. It's ruined. We'll call him Mark. And what's what's her name? I'll need that again, Mark, and possibly from someone with a better voice than you. What's her name? Jabeen. Jabeen. Hi, Jabeen. And can he find Jabeen? Okay, so Mark and Jabeen, Mark, do you think it's all yours? Is that a yes? I think it was a yes. It's nice. Now, congratulations, Mark. Congratulations, Jabeen. Can I just say Jabeen? And it's no criticism for you. But the voice in your head that when say no is really loud. I presume that was her inner monologue. Say no. Ah, fuck, there's people. What a mark. What she's doing. He's better than you and she. (audience laughing) You little dancer, my done. (piano music) Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr, and if you're anything like me, you should be ashamed of yourself. And also, you probably think your money isn't stretching as far as it used to. That's inflation for you. When my grandmarva's young, she could have a weekend in London, visit the theatre, and have a three-course meal at the Savoy for less than a pound. In fairness, she did always put out. Read it between the lines. I think she might have been working as a prostitute. Sorry, I'm getting off message. 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