You're Not Lost! You Just Never Learned These 3 Things... | Ep. 294

when looking at so gargantuan that it overwhelms you by making your goal achievable, you move towards progress instead of just perfection. The reason why I think most of us are not as confident and successful in where we want to be is because of the fact that we're constantly running from who we are. But before we get into that, if you're watching on Spotify, go ahead and follow the show and drop a rating. If you're on YouTube, hit that subscribe button, like this video and don't forget to tap the notification bell so you never miss an episode. And if you're on Facebook, make sure to follow my page, join Spring for updates and extra content. All right, let's get into it. Confidence. I feel like an imposter talking about this because I don't think I'm a very confident person. I feel like I'm just constantly trying to wing things and pretend like I'm confident, but maybe that's the secret to be confident. It's just big deal. You make it. So we'll talk about the ways we can boost our self confidence and our self esteem on this episode. So first point is recognizing and embracing your strengths, your talents, but also your weaknesses and the challenges that you face. So I really think that self awareness is the first step to becoming more confident. The moment that you realize that it is okay to be who you are with all of your strengths, with all of your natural talents, like really recognizing that and also recognizing all of the challenges that you face, all of the weaknesses that you have, all of the things that you need to improve on, when you can sit with yourself, write those things down where you can see it, and really just accept that. I think that's the first step to being self-confident because the reason why I think most of us are not as confident and successful in where we want to be is because of the fact that we're constantly running from who we are, we're constantly running from how we actually are. Like if you're actually a shy person, if you're actually an introverted person, stop listening to people who say you should be more extroverted, find a way to embrace your being introverted and make that work for you. I believe in that. If you think that there are certain things in your life that you are very good at, like I know that one of my natural talents is communication. So my entire life has just been learning how to hone that natural talent that God has given me. So that I can use it to the best of my abilities. But I also know that my weakness, for example, is following instructions. So I'm not very good at following instructions. So I ask other people, I ask for help from other people to do that for me. So by acknowledging your strengths and your weaknesses and embracing them, then you can eventually grow and be a better person. So that's a first point. Our next point is self-care. I used to think that self-care is selfish. I honestly did. And I thought, I really honestly thought for a little while, for just a short little while, that self-care wasn't Christian in the sense that you know, that but selfless, palagitai, that but selfless, that they're constantly just serving. We're just constantly giving ourselves, that's it. That's how we should be thinking. But you know what I realized, self-care doesn't have to be selfish. Self-care is another essential aspect of being self-confident and building self-confidence because taking care of your physical and your mental well-being can greatly contribute to how we feel about ourselves, but also how we serve and how we love those around us. If you try to make it a priority to engage in activities that promote self-care, just like getting enough sleep, exercising, eating properly, you know, practicing mindfulness and praying. These are some of the practices that will really help you be more present and be more available to serve those around you. Point number three, setting achievable goals. I recently read this book called Atomic Habits and I know I'm laid to the train, but I love this point that he made in the book where he said, "You do not have to be like 100% better, Ka-ga, the next day. You can aim for one percent better every single day." So by making your goal achievable, not only do you get that instant gratification that every human being wants, but also you move towards progress instead of just perfection. What does that look like? If you want to start journaling, it's hard to keep an entire page journal every single day. So you can start with one liner, just a one line of how you're day wet. Like one thing that you want to say and then and there instead of trying to finish the entire page or trying to write more. By making your goals achievable and tiny, it makes it easier for you to really feel that feeling of fulfillment. I do it because it's a very low bar, right? So by making it that, you're still going towards the direction of progress and you're not just the stagnant. What does that also look like? Five minutes of movement, five minutes of walking or Pilates or doing a workout online is still better than zero. Another point to do this is to break things down into manageable steps and track your progress along the way. So how do you eat an elephant? You eat a piece by piece. That's how the saying goes, right? So when something is so gargantuan that it overwhelms you, stop looking at the gargantuan thing and just break it into small manageable tasks that you can then slowly, slowly achieve. Number four, be mindful of your support system and the people that use around yourself with. Let us surround ourselves with positive and supportive people that can have tremendous impact on our self-confidence. I tell you, the way that people speak around you and to you and about you will greatly affect your self-confidence. I really believe that you have to surround yourself with life-giving people. What does this look like? My best friend since I was nine years old, Faith Benitez. I'm going to shout you out because you are the best human being in the entire world has always believed in me. She has always been a life-giving person and she's like this. When I was in grade school and I would sing and I would doubt myself because I have a lower voice, like the register of bosses come a Baba. I said to myself, "You know, you don't have to do your own business. You have to do your own business when you're not in school." I know you're here because it's very distinct. That's how she is. Or I would like to say something. But just normal setup, I would say, "Oh, you're right. You're right. You're not wrong. You're right." But life-giving people say, "Oh, so you think you're right." So imagine being surrounded by a person like that who believes in you so much that even your mistakes they use to kind of encourage you as well. That's the kind of people that you should be with. Number five, stepping out of your comfort zone. Challenging ourselves and stepping out of your comfort zone can be intimidating, but it's also an excellent way to boost our self-confidence. Here is my story of how I became a race car driver. I started hosting for Toyota in 2015. And when they were starting via Scott, I was just hosting it. So I would host the races, the awards ceremonies, and other stuff that would go on during the race day. After a few months, the bosses into you, they were like, "Choice, you know, you're an influencer. You're a potent code celebrity. Can you be one of our celebrity drivers?" And I was like, "Sure, let's do it. Let's go." 22, I said. "Cat-tu, they enroll you to race school before you actually race cars into your ta-vi-ascav. And our instructor at that time, JP Toazon, God bless him. We were all sitting in this classroom and he goes, "Guys, racing is pretty easy. It's more like a mind game, you know. There's only one thing that you need to know, which is to drive stick or to drive manual." Your girl did not know how to drive manual. I had no idea. And we were already in the race track at this time. So your class is now in one of the rooms here, it's a race track. So after you know, Usapan in the classroom, you then have to go down into the race track, into your cars and start doing slalom practices and other things. Who do you want to do and how to drive stick shift on that day itself? So I was in the parking side. I had different classes. I was in a race track. I was trying to do slalom and I was just trying to do it. If you want to drive manual. And I was just because I just wanted to be able to do this. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone. I wanted to try something that I had no idea how to do. I borrowed a car. I borrowed two different cars for like a couple of months and I started driving stick in Manila. I lang besos ako na matayan sa gitnanang edza dahil traffic. I lang besos ako na matayan dung sa pa inklay na ala lahoto. Sa mo pa ilol ako, God bless its all. Sa mo pa ilol ako na xecif kami, ta'z pataas yung parking, tapos talaga na matayan ako. So takut na toko na toko na matas ang ko yung coach sa likod. So hinaan break ko siya, sa siya ako siya inopen niyo uleta. Tapos nagagas ako bago ko yung release o let yung hand break pataas para hindi ko maatrasan. Crazy, but guess what? Nana alo ako nagpo dyo mako, nag driver of the day pago. I mean, that's the only way that you get out of your comfort zone. So what I'm trying to say is, "Indeeda man, I'm not saying that magaling ako. What I'm trying to say is, I was an idiot once, but then I became an award-winning race car driver. Because you can do that, too. If you're an idiot right now, take it from another idiot. You don't have to stay an idiot. You can get the chance to learn. You can be humble enough to say, "Yeah, I'm an idiot. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm willing to learn and I'm willing to try." And guess what? That's the most important thing that you need in life. It's not for you to be completely the most talented, the most interesting or the most intelligent person in the room. No. You just have to be the grittiest person in the room. You just have to want it more than anybody else. Because trust me, I have always been in rooms where people were prettier than me, more talented, had better backgrounds, had more money, had more skill sets, had everything laid out for them, better than I did. But by God's grace, the Lord gave me opportunities to get out of my comfort zone and I answered that calling. I got out of my comfort zone, and I wasn't afraid to be the idiot. Because I'd be the bigger idiot if I didn't put a bet on myself and tried. Because what am I going to lose? And finally, I would say that the biggest way for you to be self-confident is to not be self-confident. Hear me out. Confident lies in who you are. Right? But who you are will not always be stable. For me, for you to be able to be confident, you have to have God confidence. You have to have confidence in who God has made you to be. I always say that the starting point that I have is that every human being is made in the image of God. We are made in the Imago Day. So that means that we have intrinsic value. We have our value, we have our history, our weaknesses, our strengths, our starting point of Buhaymo and value as a person is that you are made in the image of God. And that God has promised in His Word that He has plans for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. That all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. So instead of constantly doubting yourself and saying, "Hindi ko kaya too, Hindi naman ako ganito." Why don't you shift your perspective from self-confidence to God confidence? And understand that God has made me in His image, one, God has called me into a purposeful life, too. And God has promised to never leave me, nor forsake me, as long as I seek after Him. Meaning I can have the confidence to find good support system, I can have the confidence to fail and try. I can have the confidence to embrace my strengths and my weaknesses. I can have the confidence to get out of my comforts, because I know that even if I am not stable and even if I am not perfect, God is. And I can always count on Him. I think Genesis 126 to 28 where God said, "Let us create man in our image in our own likeness." And Jinabiyan Duna, the God created us in His own image, in His likeness. And then after that, I can multiply and subdue the earth. I think that's a very important passage when it comes to identity. It's like, "What do you think if you are a man?" Because it talks about man's and to all your essence first. Second, it talks about your relationships. It talks about your function. Now, we are created. We are not vacuumed or boom. You can't do it. No, so it means that we are not created. We have a way. So we are not existing. We are not existing. Because God created us in our own likeness. And then after that, because God is, it's God. It's a way. We are created from our own nature. It's a feature of us. So it means that we are under God. So we will be forever under the authority of God. We are not aware of God. Because we are under God. We will. If we are able to do it, we should be under God's will. We cannot do it. We just want to do it. Just because if someone who created you, you will know what God created you. And fourth is, you know what purpose is. You know what purpose is. Because the first is, the purpose is for you to multiply and subdue the earth. So you have to know how you will relate to one another to God. And lastly, you need to glorify God. And then we will pass. Because we will be able to do it for his glory. And there are passages in Isaiah 41. The last one is, it is called the fourth is glory. So by just looking at Genesis 1 and 2, we will see. We will see. It's very helpful. It's very helpful. That. We will see. It is the first time in the Bible. You will really see who you are. You will see. You will see. You will see. You will see. It's very helpful. But at the point. And I was just thinking back to the time that I actually studied abroad to dive into philosophy. And the first question that their professor asked us was, how do you know that you're not a brain in a vat? I, I, I, sorry, what they couldn't understand the question. Like, how do you know that this is not just a simulation and you're just a brain in a vat and scientists are just poking the brain and telling them that, hey, hey, Joyce, you're having a conversation with Dia because you're a podcaster in the Philippines. You have a family. How do you know this is all just not a simulation? And that really, instead of pulling me away from Christianity, as I thought it would, it pulled me back to Genesis. You're right. Because if God did not say in his word that I created you in my image for this purpose, for my glory, then everything could might just as well be a simulation and so senseless. Because I always ask myself like, okay, every time I reached a certain goal or a career milestone or I had a healthy relationship, so what? Like I could literally die the next second, you know, from a heart attack or something. And everything would be in vain. Like there's no point to anything at all. So I guess now that we've seen what the Bible says about our identity, how does that then affect? How should it then affect the way that we identify and the way that we carry ourselves in the world? I think it's that the Bible wants you know your purpose, I think it should always be the way that you live out. So that's how it will affect your understanding, your identity, the more that you understand your identity, the more the purpose, the more the assurance, it will follow it. So it's really a big impact, I think, the understanding, the identity, it's what we know. If we're talking about the differentiates between being nice and being a people pleaser, what would you say is the difference? I'm sure the objective, your primary objective, if you're just nice, even if you're saying no, you're still polite, but the people pleasing on the other hand, you're just trying to appease other people. Okay, I'll just give them what they want. That's your objective as compared to being nice. You're sticking to your guns. If you're looking for something you want to know more, who would you like to know and what you want to know? But nicely. I get that. That makes a lot of sense. Okay. Married on a challenge lead to this question. I feel like it should be. It's not being nice. I think it's more about being kind. Because being nice is not the same as being nice. It's trying to appease people as what you're saying, which is what being nice is to me. It means being nice is just being so appease, even though it's not that bad in the situation. Or that badness must firm your boundaries more, must firm your know more. But being kind is very different from that. So we're not going to experience on being kind or versus being a people pleaser. Okay, so let's be completely honest. It's going to be a little more sad. I know. That I struggle with this. I do struggle with this. With what? With people pleasing. Siguro, it's something that I've been wired with since I was a child. So why would you say, how would you, why do you think youth, you struggle with people pleasing? Like, what are the, what are the ways that you struggle with people pleasing? I think it's a better question. I don't like people getting disappointed at me. Like, so, what kind of Michael Scott, right? I've been recently watching the office, bingeing the office recently. Who's Michael Scott? C-N-O-C-S-T-L. And sobrang intense, people pleasing you to a fault. I have a little bit of that in me. I have a lot of points in my mind. Or even you know, even the people that we work with, I try to go out really out of my way to a fault. That I try to get it. Siguro, that stems from having a lot of siblings and trying to fight for attention. And the little attention that I get, I've always felt that it was disappointment. Because I'm a black sheep. Black sheep? Me, Joe. Of course, I'm not that good at grades. I'm the guidance office. So, for context, one, you're the only boy at the four siblings for the longest time. You're a little bit sick. You're like a long age gap. Ten years, nine years. So, for the longest time, one's the only boy. And the three girls are obviously a lot like the generalized characteristics of girls. Very well behaved, you know. You're good at school. So, one, you're the only boy in the world. And with the three girls who are very top notch, even when they were kids. And then. Even against my classmates during that time. All the time. Top three, parallel. And I'm proud of that. Because I did pretty well for myself despite that. I said a low bar. And I said past it. So, yeah, well, of course, because during that time, I've seen my parents get disappointed at me. And of course, I was getting away from that time. I'm still here. I've made a lot of bad decisions as well. So, I'm still here. But of course, not all the time. I feel like I'm sure that I'm just a greener. During those moments of disappointment, my parents feel that I'm going to an extent that it may be strived to always want to please them. I feel that. Even in the show, during my, during when I was starting. Because I was always trying to perform and not be truthful to myself. And that was extremely difficult. Because there's no authenticity. I was just, you know, relating to the fact that I'm still a matured. And that's not enough. That's not a very good practice to have. If you're going to be a second to industry. That makes sense. Do you think I have people policing attributes? Yeah. No, but do you think it's a problem that they have people policing? No. You don't. You're not causing intense noise. Yeah. Okay. So, let's talk about then how you've dealt with it. Because I feel like honestly, it's something that you personally have started to grow out of. I mean, slowly but surely. Me personally, I don't have this need to be people. Actually, sometimes to a fault, the one who's like, "Huh? What's wrong with you?" Which to a fault has gotten me into a lot of trouble also because I'm like, "I'm just going to be a good guy." And that's one of the things that my parents struggled with me. Because they couldn't keep me under control in the sense that I would just keep making decisions. And I was very strong-headed and I didn't care if they approved of it or not. I just wanted to be excellent in whatever it was that I was doing. And it's not a good thing because I would step on people. People stole, people's hearts, people's souls just to achieve this vision of excellence that I had for myself. And that also is not a good thing. So any extreme of not people pleasing at all and people pleasing extremely is not good. So how do we become kind then? Not just nice but kind. Because nice is also appeasing other people and trying to make them like you and make decisions that will make them like you. How do you become kind and straight away from people pleasing? While at the same time, not going to the extreme that I would do, which is, I don't care what you think. I'm just going to do the right thing. Siguro from experience, like you mentioned, I've mentioned the improvement from before. Siguro, it's the balance of accountability and knowing your priorities. Because I'm accountable to you and of course the kids, you guys always have to come first. That's where the priorities come in. So if I'm tempted to please other people and if it steps on the needs or my priorities, continue to go on the right way. That's good. That's a good one. I would go with a tip that I would give would probably be to stick to your guns, especially if you know that you're doing the right thing. And I know that it's hard to do, but you just need to make a bigger perspective. Like you have to look beyond the right now. And I love the saying that will this matter in five years? Will this matter in five weeks in five months or in five years? Because for example, you're about to make a decision that you know will disappoint people. But you know that it is the right decision and it's the right thing to do. And the only thing that's stopping you is because people will dislike you for it. And you have to ask yourself, will this matter in five weeks or in five years? Because if I focus on, I'm gonna see there this appointed faces. He's gonna cry. We're gonna have such a bad day. He's gonna be addicted to screens. He's gonna be sugar loaded. He's gonna have a hard time tempering his desires. If I don't start with the small habits of making the right decision, even if it doesn't make people feel good. You know what it is? What? I'm addicted to smiles. What? What? So silly. You're addicted to the applause. And then the smile. Making other people smile. Brightens up my day. So what? So it's not a sense. It's a real background. But that's what it is. But you're right. Like if you have an addiction to wanting to see people happy, means that you're gonna keep doing things that are so bad for you just to get this. Or sometimes you don't notice it, but it makes us feel good when you see them happy. So for what we're doing here, to affirm our next step, and that's where we get affirmation. Yeah, I'm just saying that I'm worth it to see people. I'm gonna contribute to what I'm positively doing. So that's a really good point. You have to ask yourself, where is the people pleasing coming from? And how can you address that root problem? Because you're right that people pleasing isn't just about the arbitrary decisions that you're making right now. It's really. Laited do, your worth as a person. Like you think that you have more worth when people smile around you when people approve of the decisions that you're making. And that's why you keep doing it. Yeah, it's very extremely hard. Ganyan, alam nana ten. Just like with any other wiring of. of. Kaya tindinayas, I really. people pleasing. Any other. probably to an extent, that's a very important thing to do. It's a very important thing to do. But it's a very important thing to do. And it's a very important thing to do. It's a very important thing to do.