You Can't See Anything! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Oh, baby, New York City, New York, we just added a show over there, got some comedy club for Saturday, November 14th, grab your tickets. Yes, Friday night sold out, there's still some tickets for the late Joe Friday, but get them, get them Saturday. The boys are coming, bring this squad, let's go. Welcome to another exciting edition of "Are You Gobbage?" The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals, or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan, and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is "Are You Garbage?" You better believe it. It's a little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that a figure to be classy. It's just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. Well, actually, I don't really know, I can't see, but I hear it's nice. We're out back here at Toddy's in a new edition. She's upstairs worried sick about me. Yeah. Worried. I think a lot of people are worried. (laughing) For my eyes. For me, that's it, for me, not as some one of them, we've been talking. Hey, everyone, there's this broads tied to me. Uh-huh. I tankily, and we're done. I gotta keep my eyes, work on film, television, things like that. Yeah. Whatever those offers come in. My coach is coming out. I don't know, I'm a service, I'm right. My coach is coming out from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international business man. He has some money in the market, right? No. You said you were moving some stuff around. There's some things going on. Yeah, but he's hot stuff. Yeah, but no, it's not. I'm done about, uh, data centers or something. (laughing) Yeah, I'm pro data center, dude, obviously. He's also a father, loving husband, homeowner. Hey, broke all fucking speed it up. Well, you know, what the fuck? What else does this say here? You just switch eyes. (laughing) Kevin Ryan, everybody. What up, Cyclops? Uh, shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. We're gonna eat Luke. As always, he's making sure you rate me, subscribe when I tune. It's full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify and upload their climb in the brain. Yes, we are. Yes, we are. It's a fucking strong, solid program. Industry leader. Yes, yes, yes, we are. We're in something and I patches, we're fucking. We're ahead of the market, dude. I've spent a lot of fucking, I'm betting long money on eye patches. We should start selling eye patches. Oh, yes. Yes. Hey, why'd you eye patches? That's pretty good. Let's go. Um, shout out as always. He's making sure you rate me, subscribe when I tune. I just did that, I'm sorry. Patreon.com, the greatest website of all time. Go over there, sign up. Answer your garbage question on the air and you get up to, I don't know. There's probably 500 episodes sitting there that you can consume. Maybe not 500, 400, something like that. Let's go. Figure 100 a year for four, you 400. Yeah, 400, 400, 400. 400. You want to charge me 400? This guy starts me 400 fricking calzones. Believe that. It's always, that's always real trash. You whenever you use something other than dollars to emphasize it. I do have some news for you guys, something that most of us have long suspected. Um, I had to go to the eye doctor this morning. Shout out to Dr. Allen. Great doctor. You ever get a good doctor? He's like, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking, I doctor, and I've never been to an eye doctor. You've never been to an eye doctor? Uh-uh. What's the last time I made your eyes check? I don't know. Huh. Did you get that look, that? Hey, I think, I'll take a look later. I think I'm doing all right, guys. I think they took out my eyeball. No, retina. I'm worried about that. Cornea. I said, can I lose my eye? Where the hell is that? It was around here somewhere. Damn it. Luke's playing with it. Um, dog's got it. I don't watch it all. Pop it back. Let's get back here. Yeah. Um, uh, great doctor. What do you say when you lose the eye? Let's get to the target and give a fuck about the doctor. No, no, he's, he said what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the? I just got to make sure it doesn't get infected. Or what if it does could be stabbed? Shut up. What don't say that? That's a Rosie almost lost her hand. O'Donnell? Yes. She almost lost her hand. Yeah, shit. Fucking good. Went and got her. Do you read that at your lesbian meetup group? Um, she went for a large comedian lesbian meetup group. She went for a manicure and it got infected. Ooh. Staff infection. Scares me. Staff infection on a low grade fever. You got a low grade fever. You're dead. I got, I'm humming what an, what an LGF right now. You got a low grade? Yeah. What the fuck, man? What do you mean? My immune system's already weakened from my eye. You're gonna kill me. I'm an old man. Jesus Christ. My bad, dude. You're looking for something. What? Yeah, you were doing something. I felt your terminator skein going over me, looking at my shirt, my chin, you were, you're going to take a shot. This guy was bent to fucking pop me. And you had nothing. No, I had about 15. Tell me. No. What? We're moving on. We're being, we're being cordial. We're being nice. We're being friends right now. All right. Yeah. So what did Dr. What did GGL and have to say? Well, he said, uh, who's GGL and fucking GGL and who's that? Uh, he was a punk singer or something, right? The Ramones? No. I don't know. American punk rock singer. Yeah. He would be like the guy like he'd shop to the show and then like shit his pants and punch a get fan or something. He was like wild, I think. Mm. Ask him. He wouldn't know. Dude, that the Gotham shows. Take it slow, Velma. Come see us in Gotham. Yeah, we did. Thanks for snoozing through the board meeting. Let's go. Uh, we just added a show Saturday night. Hide the man. These tickets are going to go quick. So get them. Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. I don't know. Get them. Okay. New business model. He was off the reins. I like it. He sold the van. Sold the van. George is dead. Call me back. And we said call me back, Patty. Uh, do you think she'd call me? What? Well, Patty doesn't have my number save, or does she? Well, she might. If I-- He always asks about you. Yes, he does. Yeah. How's Kevin? How's the baby? How is she, if I called with no caller ID? Would she answer that? Mm. I don't know. She might, because it's a local number. Right. You get a real big two at first. (laughs) Don't think I get off my long date. Hello? Who are you looking for? How'd you get this number? Oh, hi, Kevin. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, if you call my mom and told her I was dead, no. Oh, what the fuck? Do you want me to do that? Please. Please, get her off my back and all for a couple of weeks. (laughs) He said it's healing well. He's like, he's got to worry about infection. They took out the bandage contact that he had in there. And he said you just got to walk, just make sure you put the drops in, do them the right way. I was doing it too much. I could have swore when I left. He said, do them to every two hours. But he's like, no, I said four times a day, lunch, dinner, breakfast, late dinner, full meal, and bedtime ice cream snack. And he's like, what time do you go to bed? And I was like, well, what am I in the Air Force? I don't fucking know. I don't go to bed at the same time every night. I gotta get a bit of air force and open for going to bed early. Well, there's just who's on watch at night. McCluskey is a good guy. Uh, uh, he said this though. He said it right in front of the nurse which I thought it was cool. He goes, man, you heal quick. Like a superhero. He's a you heal quick. Uh-huh. So yeah, my finally two temple of a body. That's it. Yeah, yeah, so I gotta go back and see him on Tuesday. Okay. Yeah, early appointment. I don't want to interfere with that recording. Okay. Yeah, I'd see you up dead on the eye. Sorry about the eye patch everybody. Happy for you. That's great. Hmm. Thank you. I appreciate that. I got something to me and my wife have been bumping in a little bit of hard feelings, but very in the trashy-- - Bumpin'. - Trashy manner. I tried to return something at Target. I'm not a return guy. - Yeah, what's this like? - Oh, it's fucked up. - Really changed. - What? - You really changed. - You should try it sometime. - I know. - I know, I know. - Change for the better. - I'm trying. I'm trying. There's compromise, there's sacrifice, there's whatever, whatever. - Not like any of that. - No, so we were at Target. We had to return something to Target. We didn't have the receipt. Ooh, and it was a little bit on me because she's like save that receipt when we bought it and I Saved the receipt you go. Yeah, I go Water pick no something for the baby like a carrier or a harness something something One of those joy joys. What are they called Ron joys? Oh, I don't know. No, that's a Don Joy That's the people that make joke. Oi. Jokoi shout out to him. I lose tickets. Yeah, he does you know talking about the Jasper thing the European bag You put the kid in. It's called something. I did no I don't know the name. I don't I'm not bad with name I've like going in a full I figured you would have that. I'm sure we do I've gone into full dad No, I don't know the teacher's names. I don't know yeah baby Bjorn. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Oh, yeah I thought yeah, one of those Yeah, that might have been one of those like a bigger one of those for his bulky size for his husky his husky frame James Port with holes in He's in a rucksack But I'm one of those old dude. I still have those baseball bags the big green canvas bags And you'd put like it hold 80 helmets 15 bats 500. I remember my dad pulling that out dude That thing might as well have four bodies in it. - I'm gonna carry that. - Oh, dude, I mean drag, I be six, dragging it to my brother's base. - Fuck it. - One bat, everybody share it. - But, so I gotta retire. She brings, we go to Target, she brings whatever this item is. Unbeknownst to me. - City Target? - Oh. - No, Burbs Target. - Oh, she says, "Hey, let's go to Target." - We're going to Target. I didn't know she snuck this in. - Oh, that's a fucking bamboozle. - Right, so you check out and written. Returns are at the customer service desk. - And you know. - I've been to the customer service desk about twice in my life. - I know. - And it was usually to get cigarettes. - Yeah, you gotta go over to the customer service desk and get the heaters. It used to be, I had to go over at a grocery store to get the heaters over there. 'Cause the kids were in 18 or something, so they couldn't handle them. - I don't like those people back there that worked there. - I was one of those guys. - You weren't customer service? - I was, I was, yeah, obviously this customer service representative CSR, customer service specialist, something like that. - Specialist. - And I specialize in a lot of things. - To get my cigarettes. (laughs) - Hey, I got one of them. I'm asking you, I don't think. - Hey, you're gonna open that here? Are they for you? - There's one missing. - New policy. - Pay, they can't be taxed. It's also very telling of the show and the life of the listeners are listening and myself included as is. - Every time I'm checking out a target, I get recognized by a guy in line at the customer service death. - You get like the fucking wins facelift. - Get me, that ain't doing a target. - Every single time there's a guy arguing about returning something. - I love it. - But, so I go, she goes, "Let's just see if we can return this." - We bought it with a credit card, you can. - I had lost my wallet. - The very wallet he would have used that had his credit card in, I assume. - Yeah, so I don't have any of my cards. - You still didn't get that all straightened out? - I'm all straightened out, but this is like two weeks ago. And I don't have, they're different cards. They can't swipe the card and go. - You get your license back? - Yeah, did that in the mail. - Did it online, mail it away? - I see a copy. And, no, I think I renewed. - In the mail? - In the mail, yeah. - Look at you, good shit. - Thanks. But, so she goes, "I do, we looked like the biggest crackheads in the world. We have a product, no receipt." - She goes open. - Open. - She goes, "Okay." - Baby, no baby. - Baby, I'm assuming. If we were put there, maybe he was in the car, I don't know. - Matt, she's up to the story. - But we're going, she goes, "And I saw her put it together that we stole this, the little old lady behind the counter." She goes, "Okay, do you have the receipt?" I go, "No, we don't." And I did the thing where I came in, I go, "Listen, I don't have the receipt and I don't have." And then she goes, "Well, do you have the credit card?" I go, "I don't have the credit card." She goes, "Well, we can't." She's like, "You have no proof of purchase." - Can you give her the credit card number? Do you know the credit card number off from the top of your head? - That's canceled. - Oh really? All that stuff's canceled. - The activated. - So she's like, "This card's been deactivated, sir." You've heard that before, huh? - Yes, I have. - Recently, your brain has been deactivated, sir. - It fell out of my eye. - Yeah, and then I just saw her go like, "Well, we can't." Do you know any, do you have anything ever? Do you know when you bought it? No, she's like, "Did you buy it here?" And I was just like, "Did you?" - I think so. I don't know. What do you mean, does the wife know? - Yeah, we did buy it. But now I'm going, I'm so embarrassed. I do, my embarrassment level is-- - Through the roof is the kids' night. - Let me get a soft pretzel and I'll get out of your hair. - I know, so I was just like, "Well, come back." And she's like, "Well, do you want me to see if I can get my manager?" And I go, "No, we are not running this up to flagpole. We got to get the fuck out of you." It was-- - Was the missus happy with that? No, she wanted to probably fall through. - She was okay in that situation. - Can I get a number on the actual retail price of the item? 50 bucks? - Nah, probably closer to a hunch. - Okay. - But I'll go, and this is the way I feel with baby stuff. Donate it. I go, "There's so many moms in need, families in need that can't, I go-- - Podcast. - You get a podcast as I come in, you're wearing it tomorrow? You got diesel in it? - I go, "Give it to-- I'm not saying, hey, that's burn it and trash it, I go-- - Drop it off of the firehouse. - Yeah, give it to somebody who can benefit from it. - That's my-- - I kinda think it roped in and getting free babies. - I don't think it's free babies. - You know what I mean? - Why is there always a firehouse? Why don't the police-- - I think it's always there. Oh, yeah, police. I don't think it's always-- - Why don't there's only someone in the police station too? - They looked that up, I don't know. I'm sure. - I think under the guise of like, you'll even the baby is kind of criminal, maybe? - Oh, is it? - Like, I don't think the fire department can arrest you. - Yeah. - Like if you get caught doing it. - Probably one of theirs, huh? Those boys get after it. - Mr. October, right? - Shout out to the FDA and why. - Parents leave babies at fire stations under safe haven laws and why fire stations. Medical training, no fear of arrests, a big one. It says 24/7 availability and then I think the safe haven baby program. - Plus maybe get a bowl of spaghetti. - Got some gum. - The chowski's up there cooking, huh? - Yeah. - The chowski is known for his Sunday ragyu. - I see those guys in the grocery store. - Oh, yeah. - Man. - I don't know if they take the fire-- - Wipe it them off like flies. - Yeah! - I don't know if they take the fire truck. - How'd they do? - To go food shopping if they're out and they go, let's stop by. - Yeah, they stop. - But they do. - They don't pull up. - I say the picture they let me and the baby get in. - I saw that. - Yeah, 'cause I was wave and we were like, I go, oh look, the fire, a big truck guy. I go, oh look, the fire truck, the fire truck. Guy hopped out and goes, - Was it moving? - No. - What? - Where were they? - They were parked up. They were going to Starbucks, two trucks. - You're lying. - swear to god, they pulled-- - Starbucks. - Beasers. - They were coming. - I think they were just coming from a call probably. - That's never a West Side Fireman right there. - This is the heights. - Where's it going to? Like a loom, a loom, a loom, a loom, a loom, a loom, a loom, a loom, a loom. - But he hopped out and I go, oh look, we're a truck, truck. He's pointy and truck, truck, truck. It's like I guess you want to get in. - What? - Do I? - Push the baby out of the way. - Can I drive? - Hey, give me your app real quick. - Yeah, we hopped in. He let us in. He didn't get it. - No shit. - Baby didn't really get what was going on. - He got in there. - Yeah, he's like, how's it? Can you take a picture? And he's like, yeah. - I'm posting, I'm doing that, I'm like, I'm all jacked up. You got an axe, I can hold. - Hey, get me putting the hose through my legs. - How is that? Amasculating for you at all? - A little bit. - Yeah. - I mean, but also not. When you listen, yeah, the kid, you dial that because you can't be like, I look like a bitch. And you're like, I can put my fucking kid in there. - I didn't mean like Aaron Judging met him. I'm about to fucking fight him. - All right, you're about to bend over and give it up. (whistles) Good looking man. - I got super here on it. - Yeah. - Sure. - Kevin talking about rocket money. - Rocket money. - No dang, if you got unwanted subscriptions out there and you don't know where they are, I just keep kind of, you get the statement at the end of the month. - Uh-huh. - And you, what the fuck is that? - 6.95? Where's that coming from? - I didn't realize I was paying for a boner or the month club. - Get yourself rocket money, find them, eliminate them, kill them dead. - Yes. - Get some out of there. Rocket money, contract your descriptions, has the ability to cancel unwanted subscriptions within the app with just a few taps. I have used these features to cancel certain sites. I will not mention publicly because I don't want any bad blood, but I have used it time and time again. And not only that feature I use, that feature got me in the door and now I use all of the apps features. I get the updates, hey, big transaction just hit big withdrawal, deposit came in. You spend this much more this week, you have these charges coming up. It, instead of guessing and all these things spinning around, it lets me know, it brings it, it brings it to my doorstep saying, hey, just a heads up, you got a couple two trade things, hitting today, you might want to move some stuff around. Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps finding cancel unwanted subscriptions. Monitor your spending, which I love and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings which it has done for me. Let rocket money help you reach your financial goals fast or join rocket money dot com slash garbage one more time. That's rocket money dot com slash garbage, rocket money dot com slash garbage. Do it. Kevin, let's talk about blueprint blueprint. I'm getting older. You know that? Yeah. Get older. I want to have longevity. You know what I mean? I take the L. C. and E. I take this. I take that. I don't know what the fuck, you know, what's the whole thing? I need something for focus and need something for longevity. I need something for sleep. I need something for balance, healthy aging, healthy aging. Yeah. You got the answer. It can be a minefield out there gang. And there's a lot. Listen, there's a lot going on in this supplement game. Yeah. This have that peptide. You're getting all this kind of stuff. And blue prints longevity mix is it, baby. In a single scoop, you help support energy, cognitive performance, mood, focus, sleep, healer resistance, and healthy agents with ingredients like magnesium, glycine, creatine, and more blueprint is third party tested, which is very important in the supplement game for purity and toxins like heavy metals. They publish results on their site to you get the facts so you can see exactly what's in their supplements. Well, the founder, and if you haven't spent any time online in the past few years, you see the blueprints founder Brian Johnson. The guy is basically trying to live forever or at least age better than the rest of us. And this is what he's using to tackle that stuff. Blueprints is nice enough to say. and that's a couple of two tree supplements. I started it just to get go and figure it out and help me get me on the path to move to aging. As I get older, I'm at the 40 years old, I gotta watch my health. This has helped me push my health journey into the right position. It's science-backed precision, those no BS. For a limited time, only new customers get 20% off. Woo, plus free shipping at blueprint.brinejohnson.com. By using the code garbage at checkout, that's code garbage at blueprint.brinejohnson.com for 20% off. But if it's Black Friday, skip the code and take advantage of even bigger markdowns during their exclusive Black Friday sale, after you purchase, they're gonna ask how you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them the boys sent you. - Listen, you're sexual proclivities are neither here nor there, my friend. We got a gosh darn family episode to get to. As I stated earlier in the program, when you join the old Patreon, you will answer your garbage question on the air. - That's right. Kevin James Ryan. (laughing) - And his fireman friends. - Yes. I was like, "Aw, cool man. "And I hit him on a thank you for your serve." - Yeah, thank you for your serve. - Love it, thank you for your service. - And he goes, "Yeah, you know, it's just a job, man." Like, something like this. So it was like, he gave me like a, you know how like sometimes when people ask you about comedy, you have like the, "Hey, I say these four things." He hit me with those and I was like, "I get you guy." You know what I'm saying? - I'm an unemployed man. I work there. - I'm actually between jobs at the moon. (laughing) I find myself in Ian's basement. I find myself in jammed up. (laughing) - I'm a jammed up right now. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, it's good. - We should get to, we should sell an eyepatch, right? I mean, that's kind of crazy. - I saw this one, autographed. - What a little bit of stank on it. (laughing) - A little bit of puzzle. - That's H Foley Puzzle, right? - Yeah. - That's real, H Foley Puzzle. - All right, this one for this is a great thing and I'm sorry, it's at your expense, but it's just good. - Fine? - Yeah, well, it's not at Luke's expense. (laughing) - Word is bond and then it breathes as he's a Lesher Foley. That's a pretty good deal. - What the hell, man? - It's not a drug and alcohol problem. - That's a good time. - Morning. - Ten dollar homie never had one red. Are you garbage if you and your girlfriend only order one diet coke at restaurants 'cause you get free refill, so why buy two sodies? - Sure. - Sure. - That's tough. - Now, I, again, shameful for that kind of doing, I get that from my mom, the shameful for not having the money stuff. Like, you know, being in a position where you don't have money, the returning, feeling embarrassed, not having the receipt. I get that from my mom. So, in the only world I would do this and be kind of okay is like, we would get it. I would drink one whole drink, and then we'd ask for the refill and then my wife would. I don't know if I would be too worried about getting caught. What do they do? They can't say nothing about that. That's your constitutional right. That's a frown battle, that's the 15th amendment. - Oh, I didn't fucking tell you this. - The government's after me. (laughing) - I got some nuclear weapons I put. - I do look like a bad guy, huh? - He looks like a good guy. (laughing) - Have you been watching the episode? The recent one? - You kind of look like the bad guy's rich kid to me. - What, do I got the eye patch? - Yeah. Listen, okay, keep sharks. - Keep sharks. - Like a little bit. Well, it's more like a, I don't know, that shirt. - I love Mr. Ryan. - You wear that shirt pretty well in the sense of like a- - I do. - Is my new shirt. - I get used to it again. - I want to say Tommy's wedding. - Cool. - I talked it in. - Uh-huh, okay. - But now I don't think you did defect it. That was your first defense. - I talked it in, obviously, if anybody asked. - But now you see any picture to the culture. - Now they wear a casual. - Fits great. - Those are great shirts. - Great shirts. - That's like a rich guy shirt. You're like a fat business in a good way. You're like a fat businessman who's like, kind of doing shady mortgages or something. - Which I've been thinking about getting into. - There's a lot of cash in that. - You do what you like. You flip stuff, not to code. - That's the thing, you know what I mean? - You got a lot, you know, there's people call it. You're a very, you're like a checks in the mail vibes. Which I like. - I wish I would've known about all that shit before 2008. - What? - I could've got it in on that shit. - What? - Do you like the two guys in a. - These aren't gonna be heroes. - The two guys in the big shirt that sold the stripper five houses. - You didn't have the capital. - The kid, I would've been a fucking real estate broker. - You're gonna be a real estate broker now. - Why? - That it jigs up. There's no subprime mortgages. - You could still make good, you'd probably be a pretty good. Can we do that? - I mean, of podcasting stand up in Netflix fame, H-Foli Reel Order. People would be lining up to buy a fucking joint from you. - Think Sir Ham, hire me? - Yes, definitely. - Yeah, he's in it for a click. - Plus Chrissy Dean, him are boys. - Get me in there. - Why don't you start selling houses? - Let's go. - That's pretty good. How quick can we get him fucking registered? - 48 weeks. - 48 weeks? - Fuck, that's 48 weeks. - 48 weeks. - 48 weeks. - Oh, 48, but you gotta pass the test. - I'll pass the test? - No, you won't. - Yeah, I do, the doors here, windows are there. What else you gotta know? - Part-time students usually need to retake the exam about three to six times. - Fuck that. - That's 82 times you gotta do. - What did I need to know? - I'm not talking rental, I'm not doing houses. - Which I need a fucking broker out there. - The license exam, you need a passing score of 70%. Multiple choice. 77 hour pre-licensing course. That's two to four weeks. - I don't wanna sell houses. So I'm fucking housewife in there. Bust of my balls about the asbestos and the molding and shit. - Yeah, but that's not you, that's the other. You don't own the house. - I don't? I don't know how real estate works really. - I gotta fee. - I don't like that. - Six percent? - Six percent? - If I sell one of those Serhont bad places, they'll have $45 million. I'll be so, so one and get the fuck out. - Fuck you, dude. - Uh-huh. - I'm rolling. Start my own company. - That's a guy's a looker. I'll tell you that. - Yeah, he's got something that's the gray hair so something about them silver f**king. - Sharp, yeah. - Sharp. - Sharp. - I wouldn't fit in there. I don't have to wear this shirt every day. - Okay, couple of. - I got a lot of cash. - Just get back on my feet, sir. (laughs) - Is it cool if I crash in his penthouse for a couple of days? - Waiting for payday. - Three weeks with the fuck, sir, hey. - Tell him. - I'm doing the work, dickhead. - What the fuck is escrow? - What's escrow? - I put the white beans. - She's made that joke before. (laughs) - My plan is fully. - God. - It's like an account that money goes in. It's like an inbetween account. - It's like you put money and I put money and it's an escrow, I think. - Both parties can see the money in the account. - But it's out of their account. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's not up to him. (laughs) - It's my money and it's staying. - It might shoot. - He must be doing well. - Mm-hmm. (laughs) - Big shoes. - They're platform. - I want to say this. - Oh, please. - Before we comment on this. - Well, I don't think it's that trashy. - I have learned water in one soda. - That's fucking trashy. - In my zip bound days that you really just need to split something with somebody. You don't need to each get an app, you know, fucking a bunch of appetizers and fucking two auntries and such like that. Just sharing an entree. Just sharing a sandwich. - There's nowhere near the same thing. - What do you mean? - And you get one soda. - No, no. - Why am I paying for two die coaks? Who's got that kind of money? - When I get free one. - Yeah, but inherently, they're free because they're selling two of them. Do you know what I mean? Like that price amount is based on-- - You're still giving free refills, by the way. - Most restaurants give free refills. - They do? - Chipotle is free refills. - Chipotle I'm fine because you're doing a work. But if you got a waiter, run 'em. Tear a waiter. If you got a waiter running back refill and you're fucking die coke and you only bought one, that bills lower. - And you're probably gonna stiff 'em on the fucking-- - I'm still gonna grease 'em. - I still grease. - I know, but as a waiter. As a waiter, dude, you get, man, we just did a whole lot of Patreon episode of how you got made when people asked for water. And now, you got, you got these two fucking dirt-- - No, pay! - You got these two dirt bags split in a die coke asking you for a refill every fucking 15 seconds. Think about how quick that die coke goes. Especially if you're eating someone a little at the basket, something. - Well, heat on it. - It'd be fucking, if you're gonna have your running like you're in the fucking Wimbledon. - You? - Uh, yeah, I don't, all my personal things decide. I don't think it's fair to the waiter. The only angle is like, it's like a cutesy kind of like, in and out date night thing where you're like-- - Two straws and you're sick of it. - Yeah, exactly to be where it's like-- - But then you also-- - Ah, young love. - You each get a nice tear yourself. You can't split a drink. You can't. - All right. Yeah, I had a bartender at the New Orleans airport when I was coming back from Tommy's wedding. - Congratulations, Tommy. I love you. - John and Tommy. - Beautiful couple. - Beautiful couple, beautiful service. It was amazing. - Sitting at, we go to this bar. All right, Saturday. Bar's empty. His old bag comes up. Bird gets a bud light, something like that. And at least, what do you have? I say, I'll have a diet coke. And she's like, you guys gonna get something to eat? And I'm like, I'm not sure. She's like, you either have to order an alcoholic drink or order food. You can't just order a soda. And I was like, she's got a beer. I'll do a cut. You start going to rack her ribs. I don't think I'm going to play a hard ball lady. You just, man, you put your eye patch up, lady. You're fucked. You just fucked up. You better growl and Joanne back there too. Yeah. She's like, you have to order an alcohol. She's like, per person. And I'm like, what? Get the fuck out of here with that. I got a personal pain pizza. I can't drink. I didn't throw it on your face. I was going to tell her, I'm surprised you did it. You got a gripped up listen here. You dumb bitch. You don't think I want to fucking suck back a couple of fucking bloody marries right now, but I got a problem, okay? I didn't know you could say that. What? You can't tell somebody you can't order a soda at a bar. You sell it. You can't sit there with a soda. Still going to give her a nice tip. Yeah. I mean, listen, I don't agree with the policy. I can understand it if it's like limited seats. She was just having an attitude. I'm not having a bad day. I listen, I can't take it out on me. I guess that my balls. Oh, six killing. She knows you're probably going to be fucking runner back on the refill. You look like a bozo. Hey, a couple. Yeah, I know you sit there on paper. A lot of time, too. Yeah, great bad pizza. Love a great. Love a great bad pizza. Yeah, I don't work. Oh, still. Initially, I was bit of a bitch to her. No, you. Yeah. Eric, he can be a shrewd bitch. You know that? I don't have my drugs at Uncle. I guess, sure. Even when you do, I come to learn. You're not a great hang. Uh, it's more personal thing between us, folks. That's the real feel, um, it's chilly. This one. This is, uh, this is great. This is from Foley's Airbnb Mochot. Also, we're sitting on a bit of a bomb that we have not talked about. No, no. Please not bad. No, it's nothing new. Do you know the, we're sitting on a bomb? I got this information from look like two weeks ago, maybe. Not a bad, you know what this is? I forget. You know the Elizabeth Holmes documentary? I'm in it. No, you know, you know the, you know the documentary? Yeah, Nathan Fielder. Yeah, you can see everything. You can see everything. I haven't seen it yet. I can see everything. It's the name of it. Oh, okay. What's that? I can see shit the night before she goes to jail or whatever does blow. No, they stayed in our Austin Airbnb. And she stayed in your room. Whoa. How fucking crazy is that? There's a darkness in that joint that we stayed. Whoa, that's crazy looks like I'm sitting there watching. And like we shot a podcast at the table that they fucking whoa. It's wild. He goes shit because she walks out of that room. And he's like, I was like, what the fuck is she said before me or after me? Before hot dark energy is drawn to that room. Yeah, you got a, you got a darkness and you boy, she has an eye patch on. Whoa, how crazy is that? Damn, the same place we stated where the you're relapsed. That's what we're talking about. Okay. I was like, I think that's public in this house before. I've been lied. I don't camera in this house. I've also had a man lie to millions in this house. How wild is that? She stayed in my room. Oh, not so stupid. That's a first floor girl. Shout out to her doesn't like the stairs. How crazy is that? Nice. All that gin joints in all the world. Wow. Hmm. What do I like to, you know, a pivotal moment in this inner as just crazy? She in the can now? Where are you going to go get arrested? What's up? Are we staying the same here? Is she in the joint? Yeah, I think she's still in it. When she in there till a couple more years. Ah, come on. What she do? She fakes some blood test or something like that. She stole like $1.8 billion or something. Something like that. She's still got a good amount of time really. A good amount of time. Ah, actually, she's approved to transfer to a halfway house next year. Ooh, very nice. Love a halfway house. There's your shots. Maybe she could put you yet or at ease. She got family. Uncle Hank. Hey, you're he is. Yeah. That's wild. How crazy is that? Wild. Makes sense. The universe doesn't make mistakes. Don't let that let me anyway. All right, let's see here. This one's from the garbage fail kit. $10 beautiful, beautiful girl here. Never had one red. Is it garbage to save the unfinished pot of coffee to drink the next morning? One minute in the microwave. It's good as new. I love it. Totally. I mean, are you putting it in? 'Cause I've done the fucked up thing where. Are you putting it in the fridge? You can. Are you allowed to sit over at night? That's a lot. It gets a little mold on. Yeah, it's a, I mean, that's not a day, but yeah. Never see those spores on time. Yeah, they scared me. There's stuff, so it's like spiderweid. It can, the top gets a film going pretty quick. It's like alien. I've done it because it's such a functional thing and sometimes like, you know, you need it and you're in the whatever and it's there and you go fuck, it was sitting in the. But if you're conscious of it and you throw it in the fridge and then you microwave it, I'm okay with that. The microwave never gets it fully there for me though. It doesn't fucking. You like a hot coffee? I like a hot cup of coffee and it'll turn a corner for it. It's like a cold brew. I got no problem with that. I'll leave it in my car and get it the next day. Throw it in a cold, with the cold wintertime, sure. Mm, whatever. I mean, obviously I've done it. I'll drink drinks that have been in my car for a couple of days, too. If it's in there and I'm like taking a pill or something, I'm washing it down. I took a pill in my car, yeah. And my prescription pill. Not anything. The whole coffee was a cold. I was 10 years older and I had an eye patch on for you. I'm working out with Kippy. [laughter] Light saying everything is a cool. I drove a stolen car just to prove. No? That I'm a big fan of this room. What the hell? Hey, kick me a long down when I can't see you. We took it to side patch off. Give you a fair one. Shoot the fade with you. Slap the shit out of you. Fuck it. Shoot the one with you. How you doing? Meet me in a bedroom. This one's from Joey Bagadona. It's $10 homie. Never have one red. Are you garbage if when referring to an item, you constantly mention the price. For example, where am I $80 sunglasses? Yeah. That's so fucking good. That's such a $80 sunglasses. And also 80's not even expect, you know what I mean? It's not even enough to be like, where am I $5,000 or whatever? But that's a really good one. Love that. God, that's good. That's garbage. What I would do is I would, let's say the sunglasses were $119 that I can't find. I would go, I'd be looking in the house and going, Nadine, if you see my sunglasses, if I'm a little peeved and being a bit of a bitch, have you seen my sunglasses? They were here. I saw them here two days ago. You definitely lose them and lost them and she had nothing to do with it. I do that all the time. My first instinct is somebody stole them. But I would go, they're two hundred, they're two, these are my $200 sunglasses. I round up by about 50% and I start leading with that. And it's like, I go, I raise the stakes by saying the price. I guess we're just throwing away $200. I guess that's what we're doing. We're doing a $200, huh? Yeah. If it was $200, would you throw that then? Yeah. We're on it. Meanwhile, they're on the baby. It's like a diva. Yeah, I do that. I get tense. I don't know fucking reason. Yeah. Sucks. It's through therapy I've learned. It's just in us. Parents, you're the youngest. Got it as quick. Yeah. Not blaming our parents. I yelled at the dog the other day and the baby looked at me like a, and I was cool a minute ago. Yeah. But the dog was going nuts at the mailman. So I'm trying it in the house. So I'm trying to like math play fire. I'm fighting fire with fire. I got to be louder than a hunts. I got to show him I ruled a roost alpha alpha. This motherfucker. Yeah. So you're going to have to yell to baby at some point now, but like son, he's going to do something, but I saw him. I mean, you've done, no, no, like, you know, sternly. I mean, right now it's just no. He's not doing anything like he's also not choosing to do any. Like he doesn't know. I want to do like he doesn't know he can't do stuff. Yeah. But I saw him like, lock in with me and like, what the fuck was that? And I was like, ah, you want some too? I was like, that's, that's, that's bad. Like I remember like being rattled with my dad when you hit that octave, that's certain octave. And I was like, ah, shit. And then I started thinking I might reflect. I'm like, oh, You think you're not gonna be like the things you didn't like about your parents, but I'm just like, I can only do so much. And it's like, that's what that's the language I learned, unfortunately. It's like, we grew up speaking English and now I'm trying to speak French. It's like, you got to save that octave for when it matters. Yeah, like when I can't find my $80 sunglasses, he can't do that. Yes, that's such a well-adjusted thing. I think you learned. I can't do better. Have I become very well-adjusted dealing with such, there's been many times, I, I, you know, old me would have acted out, lost it, lost it, some would say, and I see things with a different perspective, and I move on. That's just me. It's my brain. It's my nose bleeding. It's shit of a post office or something like that. They should have delivered my coupons on time. It was $200 sunglasses. It was 10 for 10 at that. My cousin, John, who's a parent, I've noticed who's always great with that. That exact same thing. Never saw him yell at anybody until not, you're not even yell just until those until the jets didn't cover. Oh, fuck, I'm playing spaghetti on the wall. No, he would be very stern, like he was always happy, go lucky guy, very, very great guy. But man, when he, not even turns hard, just when he has to be, when it's something serious, he can do, he can do less, and it's more impactful. Yeah, I mean, that's a lunatic screaming all the time over sunglasses. That's my dad. He's always yelling. My nephew kind of had that with my brother. I won't want to go. He's gonna go for cares. That's all I fucking. It's like, that's all that guy does fucking cares. He's like, yeah, wow, he's yelling again. He'd be on the moral doing the reason a jump up with this one. Sit down, finish your sandwich. He's fine. He's just fucking he's acting. I can't find his $200 sunglasses. They're really 150. They're really 99. I like that. Oh, run of a question. Yeah, it was great. Anybody see my $80 sunglasses. Yeah, that's good. He's big on the price too. Yeah, my wife kind of is too, but at like what the, the markdown, I just was 250. I got a for 16. Give it silent underdog. Underdog. How'd you know, Uncle Hank's down a few pounds? I'm starting to wardrobe over again. Nice to start fresh. Wanna wear nice stuff? Wanna wear comfortable clean material? That's why I go to underdog. Your body's a temple. Body is now a should to be draped in these disgusting plastic hybrid polyester made in some chemical factory. What am I? I'm three company. I'm walking out of the regal big old polyester. You get on the dog on that roll feeling good. Where's clean feels clean? Yes, you suffer over underdog. Get the cleanest t-shirt you're ever going to wear. Yes, it's 51% a hemp for durability 31% bamboo for breathability and 18% organic cotton for comfort. Baby zero polyester. Just natural fibers built to last most brands buy a fab by a fabric off the shelf. Print a logo on it and send it out the door. Underdog engineered that the the fabric from scratch. They're not just going. Hey, you guys make it. We'll take it by the Bing. They've took and came up with this exact thing that they wanted to make. Believe it or not, the government banned hemp and hemp in 1937. The clothing industry spent decades trying to convince us that plastic was the better alternative and underdog is bringing it back and it's nature strongest and safest fibers. And you got to watch what you're putting on your bodies and get owners were learning this stuff. What's good? What's bad? These t-shirts are a better option than these these gum bag plastic things are trying to shove down your throat. For a limited time, for a limited time only, our listeners, first of all, underdog was very nice. Send us a couple and I got to tell you, it's the underdog t-shirts are climbing up the ladder of my favorite article of clothing. For a limited time only, our listeners are getting up to 30% off at underdog.com. That's UNDRDOG.com for up to 30% off. If the purchase are going to ask you, I heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boy sent you to do it and I'll back to the freaking show. Back to the show. Well, what is this fucking asbestos in this goddamn thing? It's itching the shoe out of me. Uh-huh. You probably did get the one with asbestos. Oh, probably got lice in there or something. Oh, it hurts so bad bugs. It hurts, Kippy. I got booboo. K. I got a booboo in a long time. I'm saying booboo, man. Come on. It's not a booboo either. Yeah, it's you it was it was it was something that went wrong that you did not fix for two weeks and then it became this. That's not a booboo. A booboo is like you scraped your elbow. Stop saying booboo. The youngest person in this room is 29. Happy birthday, Luke. Hey, you 29. I'll be 29. 29. Hey, happy birthday, Lucas. Young kid whole life in front of him doing very well. I like to see it. Learn from the best, baby. Here you go, kid. Thank you. Haha, I'm talking to me. Talking to me. Has anybody seen my 1999 eye badge? How much does it cost? It's 20 bucks. I'm not paying for that. I know. I'm well aware. It's a good example to learn what not to do. That I can be a role model to you. I tighten you up even more. That's how crazy you are. I'm glad I can help you. Just sitting there all shot up. Luke. Wait, shot up like me. We're not going. Yeah, it's just like the end of, you know, maybe that is the same thing you're braver. Luke, tell everybody what I did for you. Still not humble. Tell everybody how good of a leader I've been and how good of a friend. Obviously, I've said such a good example for you. I did this for you, Luke. I'm the one that's told you five and an hour sunglasses. You got them on. That's these. I scratched your name off the site. Hela Bolts would be too bad. The Tommy gun must have been all right to get hit by. Yeah, he did it. If I could do the hit him with the Harlem Shake. Hit him with a little Jimmy James. Always one guy in those old gangster movies. I would get it like that. Yeah. Why'd they stop using that? That thing's nasty. The Tommy gun. I don't know better ones. Yeah, the better than that. One World War two. I don't know if that's true, but it's what my high patch guy said. And he was there, I think. I would if there's an iPad store. Like a cigar lounge. Just guys and iPads. There's got to be like a one-eyed community. Is there a culture? Yeah. Start hanging out. See? Yeah. Do I get like an embroidered one? There's probably like a nice, highly velvet, gold kind of trim and stars. I said, because a gentleman wears an eye patch. I should get one with a with a skull and crossbones on it. You should get like a famous movie prop one. What do you mean? Like the real one from like Escape from New York or something. Kurt Russell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a Jeff Bridges man. Now I love Kurt Ross. You're a burning Bridges man. Ada, what do you want to do? I don't want it similar. I don't want an iPad. Who should all get iPads? Okay, I'll do one in solidarity with you. Really? Here, where is this one? Yeah, right. I can hear it throbbing from here. Oh, it's cute. That thing's got a boost. It's cute. All right, let's see. This one's from Trick-O-Down Patreon. That's a fucking great name. What the fuck? Dude, people are so good kids out there. Trick-O-Down Patreonics. That's really, really good. $10 layaway home. He never had one red. Are you garbage if you had shoes named after a tire brand as a kid? I was an elementary school rock and white. Dunlop sneakers in the early 90s. That's a tough one. I remember those. These are the fucking air Michelin's. Yeah, that's a tough one. There was a couple of sneakers that even patty wouldn't force me to wear. Well, I feel like I had some franklin's. I feel like we had franklin's. I don't really remember. I remember. Bobcats too. They were sick. The fucking excavator brand. A couple of caterpillar yellow. No, Bobcats. They had a little pouch on them. No, kangaroos had pouch on the side. Uh. Put your money in. One or two dollars. You know, can you get the same money? But Bobcats were pretty sweet. Google Bobcats sneakers for kids. I have an Air Jordan 10 called Bobcats. Now Bobcats. Do you have a pair of Jordans? No, never because you were at that age when they hit. I didn't remember that. People were getting blasted for them in the inner city. Uh huh. Putting them one. Yeah, shit. That was that was the concern. Yeah, I want to get popped from my sneaks. Yeah, you got to walk home. Fucking barefoot. There's the Miss Bobcat or the Bobcats. You were wearing the Miss Bobcats. That's a wise ass. That you said the commercial that went raw. The other thing. He's got nothing. I got a. There's no Bobcat sneakers. It's the Jordan or these like Miss Bobcats. Huh. Maybe it wasn't Bobcat. Try Bobcat Goldway. I don't know. Pretty sure there were Bobcats. There wasn't a mainstream 1980 sneaker with the brand name Bobcat. - There wasn't? - No. - Who told you that? - AI? - Your mother. - Yeah, there's none. I don't know what to tell you. - What the fuck would they call Bobcats? - Maybe it was a company. Maybe it was like Puma made Bobcats or something. I don't know. - Yeah. - Let's say I dreamed it up. - I don't know. I didn't have. - I don't remember ever. The first shoes I ever remembered that were like brand, it would have been like when I started skateboarding like a skateboard shoe. Other than that, it was just kind of like whatever. - Dunlop's your top. - Well, Dunlop got into sporting goods 'cause Dunlop's made golf clubs and golf balls. - That was what they do. - And it's brackets to me. - And tennis balls. - Is that the tire company? - Dunlop was always tennis to me. - I didn't even know, now that I think about it, I don't even know Dunlop is a tire company. I'm sure they do. - I think they are. - I mean, it makes sense. I'm sure this guy knows what I'm talking about. - I made fun of four entire shoes. I'm sure he knows more than I do. But Dunlop to me was like always like kind of shitty. It was like 80s sporting goods stuff. Tennis rackets. - They got tires. - Yeah, tires. - Why not? - Hell, it's in the tires you rode in. It's everything. Tennis rackets, sneakers. - The sneakers, this loser you got on? He's getting this really. (laughing) - That's all right. - That's a tough look. - They split the operations. - Ooh, but obviously they have the same factory. - Yeah. - They're the same, how are we making today shoes? - Historical origin, gotcha. - I like that. - We should do that. We should diversify, start getting into something. - Yeah, yeah. - I patched it. - Main fraction, main fraction, I patched it. - True. - Yeah. - It's only Caribbean. - Oh, there's any pirates still left down there. - There's gotta be descendants of like Blackbeard. - I'm sure descendants. - Yeah. - But all the pirates are. - Yeah. - What do you think about that? - They're all in Somalia. - African way. - Oh, Kevin. - What? I'm just saying a fact. (laughing) - Well, we can't see. - I can't see, that's our new political. - I can't say facts now. I'm just saying facts. (laughing) - I got some literature, I want you to check out. That's my new Patreon channel show. - Oh, Golly G. Willikers. All right, this one's from Reluctant Hugger. Never have one red. Are you garbage if your friend's drunk dad would teach you all the pressure points that the cops use on him back in the day? - Yeah, that was always the half of the dad who was a little rough. I mean, for us it was like uncles and cousins who would like. Show you, this is what I remember when my cousin and my cousin Liam, what a fish hook and an Irish toothache were. - Ooh, what's an Irish toothache? - I don't fucking behind the ear pressure points. - Oh, that's the worst. - I don't fucking, I don't make you see Jesus as a single. - Yeah. - He'd be wrestling any fucking boom. Hate you with his fucking E.T. finger. - Yeah, it's brutal. - Fucking numb you out. - Brutal. - Yeah. - Also the temple. - Yeah, we always do no one ever like press. That was like, you were afraid of that. - That was our move, squeeze the temple, you know what I mean? - Yeah, me and brother would fight we'd try to get each other's temple. - That was always a kill. So we were like, hey, listen, gentlemen's rules. I'm not trying to kill this guy. - Should I kill you? - I don't know. - I think that's what everybody, I mean like any move of your TV show is like. - I hit him in the temple, right in the temple. - Catch him in the temple. You think that'd be a move though? The seals would do. - I never seen anybody hitting anybody in the temple. - The seals have guns. - No, when they use their like karate shield, I gotta sneak up behind them. - I mean, I don't think it's the easiest fucking thing. - Just slip their throat, I guess. - Yeah. - You can, but it's like. - It's rare. - It's very hard to do. - Probably happened once in the 70s and then fucking, and old wives spread like wildfire. - Yeah, Dad, the insurance got involved and all of a sudden there's no high dives anymore. I know that fucking story goes. - Shoot. - Fucking doped up loser, rooting for everybody. - This one's from Joey Bagadona. Two Joey Bagadona, different names, but two separate Joey Bagadona's. Gas station, $10 gas station boner pill, never had the pleasure. Am I garbage if when I was in elementary school, my grandfather took me with him to sell his desert eagle in a combination McDonald's/BP gas station parking lot. Even at the time, I thought this shit is dicey. - Yeah, I mean, going to an arms trade is never where a kid should be. I mean, I'm a new parent, but I don't, you know. - And nuggets are delicious. Yeah, that's wild. - But at the same time. - That was a legal sale, I would assume. - I think that is. - I think that is. - I think you're allowed. - You're allowed to sell guns. - Yeah, you're allowed to sell guns. - As long as it's like registered somehow, you're allowed to do it, I believe. - And it depends on the state to state. - Yeah, I think it's, you can't do it state to state. - No, it depends. - No, but it's different. Like if you're an Arkansas, I'm sure it's a little different than fucking New York city. - Mm-hmm. - You got names. - I don't care. - I don't care if I'd end up for a strawberry. - I know that girl as well. - You do. - You still roll. - Yeah. That's crazy. - You told me that. I was like, nothing makes more sense than hearing that about that person. It just was like, so I know versions of that girl. - Nice girl. - Sweetheart. - But yeah, that was always, there was always a girl around like the bad people where you're like, she's in the world, but not in the, and can fall to the, I'm just gonna do it. 'Cause they get around that kind of operation. - Yeah, the bad boy. - Yeah, they get around that kind of operation and they see something done once or twice and then they can. - It's like you and me can't compete with that shit. - What? - The bad boy. I, you know, moving away doing this. The man, she either becomes like a bad boy. - I know, but I also don't want the girl who's gonna make a stroll purchase. At the same time, I think, I think you just, you're busy on the brain again. I'm not necessarily trying to bed the girl who's willing to buy handguns and give them away. That's just me, personally, at my point in life. And I think at every point I've ever been in life, I'd be, I would run away. If I got in the car and she pulled out a buff like in Smith and West, and I would get out of the car, dude, I am a bit. We're not split this out. Holy shit, it's that thing, real. - I like the big girl. - Cool. That was the grossest thing you've ever said. - As the guy who never got the bad girl. - Yeah. - In the guinea eye patch. - Yeah. - Those girls either fall in or become like great teachers or nurses. - Yeah, they, yes, they're coming to Jesus. Did they see a day where they go? I've made the wrong turns and I got to get the fuck out. Or I'm about that life. Hey, yeah, very true. God. God bless you. That made me think, you know what's real trashies that I saw the other day? - What's that, Kippy? - The other day. - What would you see there today? - Girls that drive really fast. It's real, it's so trashy, dude. It's, I'm hung with girls that drive really fast that think it's cool. And you know, to this girl turn a corner, way too fast. And did that thing where like, I don't know if it's like the e-breaker, whatever, but like, like, really? If she did that, she took it like a fucking air pin turn quick. And she, I looked at you, cute girl. Probably like early 20s bleached blonde hair and she had her foot up her one foot on the seat. And she was like, and I'm like, you're a way too casual, fucking fast and the furious, legally blonde. - Yeah, I was like, oh, that girl, that girl's gonna, that girl at some point is gonna get asked to do something illegal for a guy. - All right, fuck it, I'll do it. - Fuck it, I'll do it. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it's my day, she'll, you know, shit. But yeah, it's very reminiscent of like, that girl's living with her mom and her mom's boyfriend or something in a townhouse somewhere. - Her mom and her boyfriend, like the girl's boyfriend, I feel like the mom who lets the daughter have her boyfriend live with them. - Yeah, that was always something. That was always, I remember, we went over, the girl was like a year younger than us and we went over, she's like, we can drink at my house. We're like, all right, cool. So I'm like, that's the last, that's the last thing we need to hear. So one way to been like, hooking up with her or something, we were probably, that was drive, so 16. And we get there. And this is when like, I was just like, I'm not about this like, bad kid life. Like, there was, I got there. It was like me, Pat, Vinnie with the skinny and deli. And we roll up, I'm driving. We roll up and we had, we had, you know, case of beer is like a place we can go. Yeah, somebody's, it's a Friday night. - Friday night probably. - Her mom's home. - I don't, they just say, come over, we can go to his girlfriend's house, we can go to his house. I'd never met her really as a year younger, maybe, maybe at different school or something. I didn't know her. New she was. It's like new, a wherever. So and somebody was like, maybe hooking up with her or something, so we went. They were like, yeah, I'm here, come over. So we go, all right, we had nowhere to drink. You know, it was either that or like, standing out in the fucking woods somewhere. - Sure. - You know, we're like, I have to do that. - Fucking good, it's nice, warm house. Watch the TV, sit on the couch. We get in there. And she goes out, my mom's upstairs. And I'm like, this fucking boozing and your fucking mom's here, like this is, It's just like this. I didn't feel right, like, this is weird. So then they're like, the cops pull up our front. - What? - And I go, what the fuck, dude? - The cops. - So we cut the lights and hit the deck. And they're like, they got the flood light in the front of the, in the front of the house, the windows, like during the car is the townhouse. So they were like, in the parking lot. - What the fuck? - And they go, and the girl, we're all laying on the ground. She goes, they were here last night, too. - I go, what the fuck, kind of shit, did you get me into Delhi? What the fuck? So now I'm going, I got to get out of here. I go in my car, is that probably running my bags right now? Denise is going to be here, I mean. I'm panicking, dude. I'm panicking. Dude, I think I'm sure mommy, like, what the fuck, what's the, like, like, cancer me, young lady? (laughing) We got to get our fucking story straight here. - Steve Carell? (laughing) - Did Jenna Aniston's with you? - Fucking date night, whatever it is? - I lost the fuck. - All this reference. - I was giving you this, Steve Carell. - I know where else it was. - This is date night. - This is the date of day. - Date of day, goddamn. - This is dinner for schmutz, what? - Fucking, I got the fucking fuzzy out front guy. - What was the deal? - Oh, now I'm almost staring down. - Got something the mom was doing. - Yeah, no shit, so she comes crawling down this mountain. (laughing) - Everybody play it, fucking cool. - It was all there. - They're not going anywhere, fat boy. (laughing) - I beat my pain. - You pass out? - Oh, I do the old faint with my hand on my head. - So, Kelly catches me. - You just hear the gun cock in the darkness? No one's going anywhere. - I could just, you've dinnered. - It was so late, too. - Stop your cry. - I remember going mad at the cops. They say just a good, we're a patrol and it's fucking - Wait, that's bad, you're saying three of the four of them. (laughing) - She comes crawling. - As you get the go bag. - She's doing some flashbang, you know what I'm saying? (laughing) - She starts chewing out the windows, so she's got it. She's pushing the couch up on the door. - You fuckers don't take me alive. - Pushes the couch up on the door. Hey, fatty, I scrubbed the other end of this coffee table. - So, what was the deal? - Then the guy she was dating, the whole, the original reference was based on this story that I made the guy she was dating comes down. - This guy was a fucking, show this guy was a skis or the hell. They were upstairs, not now, or so I don't know. They weren't doing this to the doke. I know that, but I watch it Lord as well. - I don't know how to be like, we gotta get the fuck out. I go, I just remember being like, dude, I can't. - What are you gonna do to cops around front? - I know, so they leave, they come back and I'm like, all right, so like, now I remember going like, is there a back door, but there was and then a fence. I'm like, I ain't fucking jumping. I got about eight beers in me at this point. So, I go, all right, well, when they, I go, guys, I can't get arrested with this couple. Like, this is like, if my mom has to go and pick us up and it's like me, deli, pat. - Who with them? - Yeah, I'm been fucking, you know. And I think they left. - Parents? - He was the winter and there was this long road to get down to like, they were at the bottom of the hill in the townhouse community. - Bad news right there. - But you can see the entrance, so you can see the cop, like, you can see the lights if they were coming down. - You think they bought the place. - What? - Probably bought the place. - All right, I got a clear line to the main road here. You can tell if the fucking heat's coming down on us. - So, I remember like, I was like, I remember I looked at, I think, deli and pat might have stayed. I remember running out the front door with Vinnie. I go, when they, when with those brake lights make a left, we're gone and we're gonna fucking, you know, if I get a fucking dewey, I get a dewey, whatever. We fucking, got out of there. - Fucking, yeah. I don't know what the cops are looking for. I don't know anything, but. - Never went back? - Never went back. I never looked at that girl in the eyes. - That's awesome. - Yeah, that was just like, you're like, whoa, we live a different, there's a different level of. - Yeah, doing an army crawl with your family. - It was the night when the cops are up front. - Like it was normal. Yeah, it was a, it's something. - Shit, Monorano is. - Yeah. Like the whole family was cool with hiding from the cops. - That's all right. - Yeah, but we gotta wrap it up on that. - What a fun one. Gang, we love you to death. Grab those tickets to come, see us in New York City. - You're in the Tri-State area. Watch American garbage on YouTube. We appreciate it. Thank you for everybody who's watched it. Kippie, I love you. - Love you, Bob. - Luke, I love you. Gang, we love you and we'll see you in three days. - Peace.