You Can't Live With Them... | Reading Reddit Stories

Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Red Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is roommates. And I'm joined by my two current roommates, Tommy and Damien. You know? No. We were so quiet. I know, but I found you. Aw, shoot. I heard you, and I found you. I've been under it. Yeah. I've been in the floor part. Someone's been eating my Chef Boyardee. I don't remember, so. It's not Boy-arm-me. Okay, okay. So it's gotta be Damien. That's me. Okay. Because that was funny, Damien, you're kicked out. Okay. Oh, yay! We're gonna both move out tonight. Don't you worry. You guys. Please add Velcro sound effect as we do that. To just show that we're tired as hell. Jesus Christ. We're sleepy. We've done roommate episodes before. I know you have. I think we've done so many roommate episodes. I've had roommates before. Yes. Roommate stories always, they kind of irk me the most. Yeah. In weird ways. Like, family stuff, marriage stuff, relationship stuff. That stuff is brutal. But roommates, it really pisses me off on a level. There's an inherent law to roommates. There's like, it's like basic human respect. The signing of the, we're sharing a common space. There's just, there feels like a very black and white code to roommates. Of course, there's always room for nuance. And that's where the fun happens. And that brings us to today's episode. There's also like an inherent entitlement that I think you see a lot in stories like this. Yeah. And you also, I heard someone do that unironically while traveling recently. I was like in a hotel. It was when I was in Chicago doing the 20-sided tavern. And as I got out of my elevator, like there were three girls. And one was like, are we going to go to Megan's thing? And they're like, but I think we're going to do it. It was like, she like, she fucking chewed it. She chewed the word. Yeah, held on. It was like, mmm. Yeah. It was wild. It's my favorite thing to do. Yeah. Um, uh, all right. Well, should we get into some of these roommate stories? Yeah. Okay. Before we get into this episode, we have a fun announcement to make. Smoshreads Reddit Stories is going on tour. That's right. We're bringing Smoshreads Reddit Stories to you live and in person across the U.S. and internationally. We'll be heading to Denver, Los Angeles, London, Boston, and Montreal. And we would love to see you there. If you haven't been to our live shows before, I really highly recommend it. You get to see us there on stage. Uh, likely one of your favorites will be there. And by favorites, I mean all of them. It's such a blast to see you guys in person and to get your responses from the stories. I ask whether you think they're an asshole or not. And the audience is always losing their mind. You get to be a part of that. It's just an absolute party. Tickets are selling fast. So be sure to grab yours by visiting the link tree in the YouTube description below. And if you haven't already, be sure to follow us on Twitter. Follow the Smosh socials to be the first to know when we announce events. Now back to the show and hopefully we'll see you there. This first one comes from Relationship Advice. This was posted in 2025 in December. How bad is it that I, 22-year-old woman, sleep at my boyfriend's place six days a week? My roommate doesn't like it. So her, so lonely roommate? This person's roommate does not like it. Her roommate doesn't like that she is not at their place six days a week. Where are you going? Yeah, I'm like, that's, as a roommate, that's awesome. That's heaven. Yeah. Yeah, right? I'm like, great, I don't have a roommate. You have a two-bedroom apartment, then. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's see. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. I graduated college back in May and now have a full-time job at my old university. My boyfriend is a senior at the same school. He lives on campus in an apartment and I live about a 10-minute drive from campus in an apartment with one roommate, a friend from college, a 23-year-old woman. My boyfriend and I only really started sleeping over this past summer because he has sleeping issues and it took him a while to get comfortable sharing a bed. with someone and getting a good night's sleep. Over the summer and at the beginning of the fall, we would sleep over probably once or twice a week at most. But over the course of this semester, it's become more and more frequent. In the last month or so, it's turned into sleeping at his place more days than I sleep at my own, sometimes as many as six days a week. And honestly, I love this arrangement. I love falling asleep and waking up next to him. His apartment is on campus, so I get to walk to work in the morning if it's a weekday instead of commuting, even though my apartment is a very short commute. And it means we sleep together. We spend more time together in general. But is this bad? Is it unhealthy for either of us to be sleeping over this often? Would it be the same or different if we split time between sleeping over at my place and sleeping at his? The thing is, my place is always sweltering hot, and he has a more comfortable mattress. And again, he's on campus, so it's very close to classes for him and work for me on weekdays to be at his place. He also has roommates who we regularly hang out with or play games with on a whim, which is nice. My roommate isn't really around often enough to do that. I can tell my roommate is both disappointed and a little judgmental of the fact that I'm over at my boyfriend's so often. I think she wishes we could see each other more. But the thing is, we still schedule time to hang out as friends at least once every couple weeks. She just doesn't get to see me as often as a roommate, as I guess she wishes she would when we moved in together in September. And while she's entitled to feel however she feels about it, is she right? Is this weird? Or if not weird, concerning or unhealthy? If you can't tell, this is my first serious relationship, so I'm having a hard time. I'm having trouble figuring this situation out. I still pay rent and utilities on time, do my share of cleaning and chores when I'm at the apartment, usually in the afternoons or evenings on weekdays. How can something that makes me so happy be this confusing? Ladies, is it weird to love your fella? Yeah, right? It's like Spencer's right here. I think this is tough, like, because it sounds like they're roommates, but they're also close friends. And it's like, because obviously as roommates, you have no social obligations to your roommates. This sounds like a friend who's missing her friend. And they're at college. They're college roommates, which is a little bit of a different beast, 'cause it's probably like, and you're-- Well, she, the OP graduated, and they said it's a friend from college, so assuming they're the same year, maybe they're both-- They're both freshly graduated. They're freshly graduated, but they're friends, and they decided to live together after graduating. Got it. I think I can understand, she's not in the wrong, OP can do what she wants, right? Yeah, for sure. But I think I understand that the roommates, it's like, this is fresh out of college, you're entering life with this person, and suddenly now you're kind of living alone, in a way, and that's gotta be scary. I think they're just, but they're not handling it well in how they're communicating that. Exactly. When I first moved out to LA, we had a bunch of comedy friends in Orlando. Hi, Orlando improv people. Woo! We all moved out here one by one, and there was like three or four of us out here, and I drove across the country knowing that I would be living with them, 'cause there was like a room opening and they're like thing, and I got there, and we did not hang out, because everyone was experiencing their first or second year in a new city, and you know, doing whatever, and so there was, I was this roommate for maybe like a week, being like, wait, I moved out here for my friends, and they're all gone, oh no! And then eventually I'm like, wait, now I'm lost in the craziness of the, you know, it's like you eventually go like, oh crap, yeah, actually, me too, but I can relate, to like, it's not about the roommates at all, this, I think this friend just misses her friend. - Yeah, they had different expectations of what they wanted out of a roommate situation. It's, you know, there's always that stuff where it's like, well, I could live with Natalie, or I could live with Jennifer, but like, okay, we're gonna live together, 'cause we're best friends, and if Jennifer's gone the whole time, you're like, well shit, I could've lived with Natalie, but-- - Yeah, for sure. - And also, if they did freshly graduate college at the same time, you know, there's, the roommate that's stuck at home is missing that social aspect, whereas, you know, the OP gets to be like, yeah, they're living on campus, and I play video games with the roommates, and it's like, we're never left, so, no, nobody's wrong, it's, it just has to be a conversation of like, I am sad, and I miss you, but also sometimes the work has to be done internally of like, you miss your friend, you miss social lives, well, you gotta go find it. - Time to go lookin'. - Gotta do it, hop on FaceTime with a friend while you clean, and then go-- - It's a social thing. - Comments, the first comment here is long, and it says, it's a big boy, it's a big comment. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. As the rest of the commenters so far said, it's your life and your relationship. I'd only add to offer a bit of perspective from your roommate. From your post, I assume that you knew each other before, and you and your roommate also have a relationship. Just because it isn't romantic doesn't mean that there aren't emotions involved, she likely misses you, because you've had a certain expectation of living with a roommate during college years, and these expectations aren't realistic now. That can either be just her inner fantasy script not being met and bugging her on a self-image, aspirational level, or she could legitimately be hurting emotionally because she's your friend and she misses you. There's people who completely disappear into relationships, and that can variably suck for the rest of their friends. I don't know if that's the case, but that might be how she sees it either way. My advice would be to talk to her on that emotional basis. Is she hurt? Do you understand that your choice of living your relationship how you want to doesn't mean you don't like her? Would an evening activity once a week at your place make her happier, or is another roommate better for her expectations of cohabitation? That is, of course, if you care to salvage the relationship with your roommate. Either way, spending time with your boyfriend and sleeping over is not weird. OP said, "Yes, she and I were already friends prior to living together. I think you hit the nail on the head, and I've been feeling like maybe we should have a heart-to-heart about this so I can make sure she's getting what she needs from me as a friend." I make sure we have plans together, just us, at least every few weeks, but she might be wanting more than that. Thanks for the kind advice. Someone else said, it's not your roommate's business if your boyfriend has roommates. That you should be worried about and think about contributing to that place in food slash utilities. Someone said, has she actually verbalized that she thinks your relationship is unhealthy or are you just projecting what you think she'd say about it? Sounds to me like she just misses her friend and doesn't know how to say it. Not that she necessarily has issues with the relationship itself. I do think that other comment brings up something interesting. She's at her boyfriend's six days a week. She's their roommate. That's right. To a degree. That's what I thought this post was going to be about. But my roommate's sad. I'm like, what? Yeah. Because I've been in that situation where I've had to have the conversation of like, hey, your partner has been here almost every day. Every single day for the last month. And she basically lives here now and I didn't want that. I should be able to, if you are gone, if you're gone from the apartment, I should be able to know that I'm like, oh, no one's here. I'm like, oh, why are you here without boyfriend? That's weird. And your car is in our driveway too. Oh, can you move it so I can get to work, please? Now we have six cars in our driveway. Oh, I forgot about that. I was just being in hypotheticals. That did happen, huh? That did 100% happen to us. Guess it happened to me more than once. Oh, fun. Yeah. Oh, good. It's a lot of people and a lot of cars. It was a lot of people in one place. It sure was. Okay, mini update. Okay. Good news. Thanks to lots of helpful advice here and the feelings I was having about the situation already. I talked to my roommate about it. She said she doesn't actually mind at all and said to stay wherever I like, but also seemed happy with the idea of us scheduling time together more often. Thanks to those who offered kind and genuine thoughts and advice. Wait, sorry. So is that a confirmation of the last comment where they're like, are you just projecting or have you talked to her? It's like, okay, I'll talk to her. Okay, actually, she doesn't mind at all. This post, nothing happened. Like, actually, nothing's wrong at all. My roommate's mad at me. I think, maybe. Hey, guys, turns out she's not. Can I say, can I say, though, I think that is, that is, she, yeah. Thank you, thank you. I do think that's the perfect use of these subreddits, though. Yeah, that's for sure. It's just like, hey, like, am I crazy about this situation? So it's like, well, have you talked to them? It's like, okay, I'll talk to them. But you got to talk about it with anonymous people online first. Yeah. And just kind of hear yourself type. Type it out. But it is funny. I feel like these Reddit stories are always one way or the other when someone's like, I'm just going to go have a conversation. Either it's like, hey, guys, it turned out to be nothing. Or it's like, hey, it turns out my roommate has been drawing me as a little piggy and has been trying to make me turn into one. And sleeping under my bed at night. Saying oink, oink, oink as I sleep. Yeah, trying to make me think I'm a little piggy. When I'm at my boyfriend's, she dresses up as me and pretends to be me at our apartment all day and all night. Ah, dude, that would suck. Anyway. Anyways. And maybe I am a bacon boy. You're a bacon boy. And ham is a carcinogen now. Oh, that's right. And that's not good for you. The show. Our next story. I have a quick question for you. Yeah, what's up? We're not moving on. We're not moving on from carcinogens. As I was walking in to do this, I caught Angela on the way out. And, you know, she was asking. Caught her. She was on the run. I caught her. And so finally, so she's still out there. No, I asked her, I was like, how many times should I say, and they were roommates in this episode, like, what would be the funny amount? And she said 69. So if we could just take some time in between stories if we need a break where I could just say it out of my breath 69 times. Okay. Well, you don't have to say it in sequence. Not if we can help it. And they were roommates in the roommates and they were roommates in the roommates. Alright, that was about 12. 100. Yeah. We're done. Okay. Thank you. Solid. Hey, Shane. Story number two. Okay. Story number two. Hit it. I'm a jukebox now. Our next story comes Am I the Asshole? Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Yes. This was posted back in August of 2020. Bad year. Am I the Asshole for moving out mid-lease and stranding my roommate with full rent after his girlfriend keeps accusing me of being creepy? This could go one of two ways. Yeah. We're going full force in one of the directions here. Yeah. So I've been living with my current roommate for two years now. I'm actually subletting and I'm on my second year which is month to month. But we've had an unofficial verbal agreement that I'd stay until the end of the year. I mean, it's a pandemic. I didn't think I'd move either. Anyways, his girlfriend moved in at the beginning of this year. It's been a lot. She's obviously had some trauma in the past. I didn't dig but I believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. Well, when she first moved in my roommate had some ground rules for me so his girlfriend would feel more comfortable. She obviously wasn't thrilled about having another roommate. He said I couldn't talk to her like strike up a convo if he wasn't there because she doesn't want to have to talk to me if she didn't have to. He also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time. Like if she's cooking in the kitchen I should wait until she leaves before I grab food, etc. Like yes, it's strange but I figured it's his place so whatever. I'm not trying to befriend her either Things got worse in recent months because we've all been working from home. It's really hard to avoid someone 24-7 so obviously I've slipped up more. One time I came home from Costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water I couldn't fit in the fridge. Big mistake. My roommate had to have a talk with me that night about how I should know she would never drink my drinks and it's weird for me to even offer. The most recent one was when she was watching some Game of Thrones in our living room. I just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. I laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. I got another earful from my roommate about how I needed to stop creeping on her now that I'm home all the time. Long story short my friend just had a place open up that's cheap and I'm gonna move. I told my roommate and he's pissed because of our unofficial agreement and now how he's probably gonna pay full rent for a while. I feel bad because yeah I did say I wasn't gonna move but I'm also pretty sick of both him and his girlfriend. However, I feel kind of guilty because I agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when I thought it'd be okay. Oh my God. Look, that's some very serious trauma like for her to be showing that level of discomfort just talking to a person. Yes. That's, I mean that's real. For some people that's real and that's really sad. He's not equipped to deal with that level of care. Right. And it falls into the category of people putting their, it's like oh I'm setting up my boundaries in your space. Yeah. And it's just like no you can't do that man. Like this is, I pay rent, I have access to the kitchen. It is a shared space. You don't get to make a new rule that I don't and then also be mad if I move out because the rules have completely changed. Like this. I also think like this is one of those situations where sometimes people are just gonna be mad at you. Yeah. Like I've had to learn that's the biggest lesson I can impart to anyone out there who's younger. Stick to your own morals and if you hear everybody out and you can't work it out that everybody is happy, the whole time, sometimes someone's just gonna be mad at you. It really is such a hard thing to accept especially like I'm such a like, I'm so terrified of upsetting people. And so many of us are and it's just like you find yourself in life at times where it's like oh all roads lead to someone being pissed off. Yeah. Especially when you meet, when it's one person and it's like there is nothing I can do to stop you from being mad at me in some way or another and that's. Because in their mind you're the asshole that is continuously triggering their very traumatized girlfriend. Yeah. And it's like okay well I guess that also might be true but I'm just trying to live the. Yeah. Yeah I mean. And I feel like that's a very much a situation that comes up a lot with roommates. Because I've heard this type of story a lot. Yeah. Especially when it comes to a new partner moving in. Like that's hard. It's a very tricky situation. If you know someone and a partner are now in a space like they are going to have their own dynamic that they want to fulfill in the space and it sort of ends up being two versus one sometimes. Yeah. Like not a hundred percent but it's. It's kind of inherent. It's inherent. If it's a couple and then a single guy. Yeah. It really is. I wonder if anyone's ever done like a. I wish there was a book on this. On like the dynamics of roommates and the amount of roommates and the amount of partners and stuff. Sure there's a book on it. Because it's like. Because I'm like. A book on everything. I imagine if you had. There's a book. There's just so many. You're exasperated by a Barnes and Noble. There's a book on everything. You walk in there and I go whoa guys. We can't stop these things. Home improvement section. Turn it down. I have four total. But I feel like. The Bible. You walk into a library and be like you gotta stop. One punch man. But I feel like if you have a bunch of roommates. If you have a house with like five roommates. Someone having a partner in that. It's like well it's a little equal territory. But it's the two roommates and one of them has their partner move in. As you said they're outnumbered. Yeah. It's like I never really thought about that. That it's kind of an unfair situation. Yeah. Unless they're really cool about their ground rules and really smart about it. But they're not here. Yeah. There's a way to do it. It's just like this. This is not it. It's just like kind of sucks for everybody. And also I'm assuming that the girlfriend doesn't pay rent from the sound of it. It sounds like not because he's moving out and he's gonna have to pay full rent. Yeah. It's like he has to pay full rent. I mean. There's a solution there and it's that she pays some rent. That she pays some rent. Yeah. It sounds like the owner of the home is in a full like caretaker. to take her situation, like you can't talk to her. Not paying any rent. And that's a fine dynamic if that's what works for people. But for that to be sprung on you as the other roommate, that's hard, man. That's rough. It is too much. Trauma is such an intense thing, right? I mean, obviously. This might be a bad situation for them right now, but it does sound like they just need to have the two of them live together. It sounds like having a third person there anyway is not good for what she needs. Yeah. You simply can't. Right. So even though you'll have to pay rent and stuff, maybe this is just a good inertia to go find a cheaper place where the two of them can just live together. Yeah. I think in the process of this roommate being so considerate and caring for his partner who's gone through something, he's being extremely inconsiderate of his roommate and everybody. He's not thinking about anybody else in this equation. Right. My hope is also that, you know, I know they said it's pandemic time, but if he gleaned that it's been a few years since a home invasion. I don't know if this person's been to therapy or not, but if you're at a point where, like, this level of interaction is still really hard for you, I'm like, I don't know if, like, a new living situation is the best thing for her right now anyway. Like, she needs some assistance. She needs some therapy. From the little that I know from the books that I've read, like, it's not going to, it doesn't go away. Yeah. It's like your body's been. Right. Hit with something. But treatments for it are, like, astounding and amazing. Like, there's a lot of great stuff. It's extensive. It's not going to be overnight. But, like, if, yeah, it's just, I think this roommate who's dating her is probably not aware of that extent. It doesn't seem like it. If he's just like, yeah, just avoid her. Don't come in the kitchen. I heard you were talking to the girl. Yeah, I'm like. This is not a normal situation where you can just be. Yeah. I have more of a problem with the roommate than I do. Of course. With her. But, anyways, yeah, tough situation, especially in 2020. Yeah. That's tough. Yeah, you don't need a whole other stressful thing layered on top of it. You don't need a whole traumatic event going on. Biden was just sworn in. Stop. That's 2021. Sorry. Comments. Not the asshole. That's an insane way to have to live. Get out ASAP. Someone said, not the asshole. If you leave, there are still two people in the flat. Why is the girlfriend not paying rent? Besides that, these were ridiculous rules. If she can't get over her past trauma, it's not your responsibility to cope with her to the point you can't offer coconut water. It must be hard for her, but she is the asshole. I think the roommate's the asshole. But it's like it's. OP said, honestly, in hindsight, I should have left as soon as she moved in. At the time, though, I didn't think it was a huge deal. It's a big place, and I wasn't trying to be buddies with them either. But it just got weirder and more degrading. My roommate was pretty chill most of the time, but his girlfriend would almost always make a U-turn. Whenever she saw me and him in the same space. And if she walked into a room and I was already there, she'd make a face and leave without saying anything. My breaking point was definitely being told I was creeping when I couldn't care less what they did. Someone else said, I wonder if your roommate told his girlfriend that you wouldn't be living there much longer. Like, that's the only way this makes any sense. OP said, oh, there was 100% some behind-the-scenes drama over me. I suspect my roommate promised his girlfriend I was moving out, then changed his mind because of rent or whatever. They fought. They fought a lot in the first few weeks, and I could tell she was pissed at him. Then again, she never paid any rent, so I don't know. She didn't seem like someone who wanted a third person living there. But conversely, my roommate also really wanted me there. So lots of tension. I stayed longer than necessary, but rent was particularly cheap there, and the location was great. It's a weird situation. And look, I could, with Reddit stories and stuff, I could say I don't trust this roommate and her, what they're saying is going on. But I had to take them for their word. Yeah, we can only do it when we're out there. Cut to, like, the reality is he's behind her watching Game of Thrones. Like, yes, I like this part. Your head looks like I could do something with it. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Here, have my harmless coconut water. He does walk around the house like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, okay, if I saw it. It's like, oh, she has trauma. He's like. He's Tony Collette. I'm a Redditary. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Those are maracas. We're using maracas. Tee-dee-lee. Maracas. Fuck. Someone needs to make that edit. Okay. Oh, my God. Moving on. Our next story comes from Am I Overreacting? This was posted in 2023. Am I overreacting? Roommate put clothes in the dryer before leaving for hours and is pissed I moved it. Can I, I'm going to predict that this is going to be the unreliable narrator thing. Where he's like, I just moved it. I put it on the roof. It's, why is he mad? I built a sail out of it. Yeah. So the person who wrote this moved it? Yes. They left it in the dryer forever. And they moved it out of the dryer. All right. Today I dyed my hair, then went to wash the towels I used. I can't put them in my dirty laundry because they have dye on them, which would get on other clothes. The wash was done. The washer was open and the dryer wasn't running, so I assumed it was empty. So I put my laundry in. Then once it was time to switch it to the dryer, I discovered my roommate had done a load of laundry and left it sitting in the dryer. She had left our apartment a few hours before I discovered the load and didn't tell me anything about where she was going slash that there was a load in the dryer. Not wanting my clothes to get moldy slash gross from sitting wet, I texted her to see if I could put her laundry somewhere. These texts are what happened next. Okay. Do we have the text? We have the text. OP says, Is there somewhere I could put your laundry from the dryer so I can dry my laundry? Roommate responds, We'll be home later tonight to grab it. At 7.51 p.m., which is when this is all happening, OP says, What time at? I'd like to dry my laundry as soon as possible so it doesn't sit around soaked for too long. They don't respond. An hour later, at 8.40 p.m., OP says, I put your things in a clean blankie so that I can dry my laundry. Before it gets yucky. Smiley face. Roommate responds, What? Please don't touch my clothes. Crying, laughing emoji. OP responds, My clothes have been sitting wet for a couple hours and you won't be home for a couple more. Crying emoji. Next time, can you please hang around until your laundry is out of the dryer? That way we don't run into this conflict. I don't mind taking yours out when I need to use the dryer, but if you prefer I don't touch your items, it is best you take them out. When they're done yourself. Roommate responds, Life doesn't always work out that way. We had somewhere to be. I'm on my way home. I wish you would have waited a little longer. Or done your laundry on a different day than the day I do mine. Let's try to do laundry on different days. OP responds, I understand this is distressing. However, I had no idea you were on your way home. I tried to see when you'd be back in case it was soon and I could wait for you to take it out yourself. But without a time frame, I couldn't wait around for the rest of the night. This laundry was dirty from dyeing my hair. So it needed to be done immediately. I don't think separate days for laundry is necessary. I think it's more important to have open communication about what's going on. I get that life gets in the way, but I wish you would have let me know what happened and when you would be back. Roommate responds, Don't ever touch my stuff without my permission. You had no right to do that. Period. I get not wanting others to touch your things, but in a circumstance where there's a shared item being used, sometimes it's necessary. Roommate responds, It is never necessary. This is something I will not budge on. You cannot ever touch my stuff. So what counts as your stuff? Roommate responds, I told you I'd be home soon. If it had been hours later, I would have told you to move it. OP says, It had been an hour. Roommate says, My clothes. Don't touch my clothes. OP says, And you've been gone almost all day. Roommate responds, I left at five? OP says, It's been four hours. Roommate says, Don't do your laundry after me, then especially if I've been gone. OP says, I didn't see there was anything in the dryer because it was done running when I put the load in. I assume because you weren't home, you weren't using the laundry, which you weren't. I think we need to talk about this in person. It is not realistic to tell me to just not do laundry if it's a day you've used the washer. For example, sometimes things become dirty and need to be cleaned immediately, which is what happened with my laundry today. Roommate responds, Just please don't touch my things, okay? That's literally all. It's not even about the laundry. You cannot touch my things. Oh my God, killer. I'm like, shut up! Killer. We share the road with these people. I truly. Holy God. I'm also like, stop texting her. Yeah. You're not getting anywhere. This person's not even, somehow not reading your texts. It started off, I was just mad at the like, clothes are sitting in the dryer, roommate. And now I'm just like. I'm like, both of you, stop it. Yeah. Stop, just. It's not gonna be like, oh, this is the text that gets through to her. Like, stop! Yeah. Oh my God, holy. Wait, was that actually the end of it? Okay. Oh, good. I tried to see when she'd be back, but she didn't respond for an hour. So I took her laundry out of the dryer, wrapped it in a clean blanket, set it aside, and put my laundry in the dryer. Which, at this point, had sat wet for two to three hours while I waited for her to get back to our apartment or respond. She finally got home after five hours. five hours of being out, She's pissed I touched her clothes. Was I in the wrong? Okay, that's all we got. Jesus Christ. These are like such common roommates. I know. Just the worst people. Absolute commoners. It's just like amazing. Like when you're 20 and you have a roommate like that, and it's just like, I already know you will one day be thrice divorced. It's just like, you just are like, yeah, I know. You're going to just piss off everyone for the rest of your life. My clothes. My clothes. My clothes. My clothes. My clothes. Stay, stay. Down, down, down. Wait, have you seen like the, what is it, with the dog? You're like trying to piss him off. Rage baiting my dog. Oh, when you leave the food and then you close it. And the beagle goes, oh! That's how I imagine this. This text conversation is that, where it's kind of like, oh, that poor dog, but almost like, just give him the treat! Give him the treat! Give him the treat! Yeah. I'm sitting there yelling at my phone, too. Oh! The verdict is not overreacting. Someone said, I deal with a similar issue with people I live with leaving their laundry in the dryer for days at a time. Now I just put their laundry in a basket while my laundry dries and put theirs back in the dryer when it's done. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, because like, there are types of roommates where it's like, whoa, like, you leave laundry in the dryer for a long time. You're like, all these things. But sometimes they're extremely chill and they don't care that you're moving it and stuff. It's not that that's a good thing on them, but it's like, at least there are lies. There's a fair about all of it. But it's one thing to be, like, super lazy about what you're doing with your stuff and then also telling people not to touch it. Yeah. This laundry girl said, that's her name now, she was like, sometimes life happens. And it's like, yeah, exactly. Sometimes life happens, so let me move your laundry. So I gotta use the washer. Yeah. Right. It's not sometimes life happens to everyone but you. Yeah. I also think it's so odd that, I don't know, I feel like if any situation like this that I've been in, I would use, like, a laundry basket, Ikea bags are great for this, go ahead and take the clothes out, and then when you see the person be like, hey, by the way, I put it in the bag, it's here. Right, you don't tell 'em. To even text it first and be like, would it be all right? How many hours in the world? Because clearly this is already hell. This is already hell. Like, again, I think, sorry, I think the person that is being so weird about their clothes and leaving it in there for hours, of course they suck. But I'm also getting an, like, I'm getting a bad vibe from this original roommate where it's like, well, you see, the different thing is 6:00 p.m., I'm like, I know you're trying your best, but you also seem like someone that can't let something go without it being like, does everyone approve here? Like, I think both people in their own way kind of suck, probably because I have been and used to be roommate one, where I'm like, no, I have to over-explain so that everything will be fine now. It's like, no, sometimes you just have to be like, they're gonna be crazy about that and they're my roommate, so I'm gonna have to learn how to deal with this crazy thing that's not my fault, and it's not fair, but like-- - It's very funny, the word distressing. When we're talking about dried laundry being moved to the top of the dryer, I'm just like, man-- - I know, this is distressing to you. - There's a lot of distressing things in the world, and that is not one of them. - Laundry is not one of them. - That is a good question to bring up. Like, that specific line of, I know this is distressing to you, that's either passive-aggressive as shit, or like, just a weird, like, that's one of those lines where I'm like, I don't think this is an AI story, but you're on thin ice, mister. - Yeah. - Where it's like, I was distressing to my roommate. - Well, I mean, these are all, these are text messages that were, I got the text, these are real text messages. So either they wrote these out as fanfiction, or this is a real conversation. - Can I ask a real question of you, Shane? - Yeah. - I followed everything just fine, and you did a great job. No, you didn't do voices. What voices would I do? - I don't know, pick 'em. ♪ Nya, so I know this is distressing ♪ - See, that's good, that's good. - Um, we have, you did a, you kind of did a H-N-N-Y. - Yeah. ♪ Nya, Nya ♪ ♪ Can I get a Nya ♪ - See, I also think they have an in-unit laundry. - Yeah, good for them. - And I'm like, hey, hell yeah. - Good for you. - 'Cause, you know, most apartments in LA, you have a shared, big laundry room. - Yep. - And it's like, what would you do? Do you move someone's laundry if it's a stranger? There's no, you walk in, all the dryers are either in use, and there's one that's done, but there's laundry in it. And you're like, okay, I'm gonna leave, come back a half hour later, there's still laundry. That same laundry, do you move it? - As a dryer, I've done it. - At a certain point, there's times where you kind of have a choice. - I've done it, I've folded people's laundry before. - You've folded? - I've folded. - That's very nice. - Yeah, see, it's like, look, it's like, I've folded your-- - But it's kind of a, see, it's a tough thing, though, where I'm like, sometimes when I moved it, I'm like, I don't wanna fold it, 'cause that implies that I've-- - I've gone through it. - I've touched your clothes. - Right. - And so I'm like, is it, am I weird? - Well, what's the alternative, you magneto it up? - Well, no, I just feel like-- - You're just leaving it in a pile? - I mean, like, to like, intimately fold your clothing, especially if there's underwear and stuff. I'm like, I don't give a shit, but I'm like, I don't know what they think. I'm like, it's in a pile in the, it's not like it's not gonna wrinkle in the dryer. - You're gonna have to put it back in the dryer anyway, and do a little-- - It's humble. - I got the impression that both people in this story were women. I think there is a different vibe for us as men to be like, you've gone through someone's intimate clothing. - I'm a big fat pervert. - Sure, okay, so you either have to leave a note being like, hey, girly, folded it for the girls, 'cause we both are girls, or you have to be like, or you have to be like. - The back of your head is delicious. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I wear a number two. - So that first story was actually me. - Okay, that was Tommy. - I'm a crazy old pervert. - That's great. - I would desperately never want to touch someone else's clothes. But like, you're put in a bind sometimes. But I'm also of the opinion of like, hey man, be there when your clothes are done. - If it's a stranger, it's like, after a half hour, an hour, that is now your fault that you didn't get back to them in time. If it's two people living in the same unit, and they have in-unit laundry, and have to have a weird set of rules for it, it's just sometimes how it's like, being the age I am now, looking back at roommate me, I wish I would have understood that sometimes things aren't gonna be correct. Like, yes, that roommate should clean up those crumbs, and they never do it. But they've never done it once for a year, and if you bring it up again, they just, they didn't do it. And it's not fair, but maybe you have to wipe those crumbs, and then you can get to continue your day, and the other roommate just sucks. - Right. You have to get expectations. - It's a weird pick-your-battle situation sometimes. What's tough with this story is that you know, though, that this roommate would not follow the same rules that she's applying to her roommate. - No, they've even said that. - And you deal with that so much with roommates, where it's like, you don't touch my clothes, but I can touch your clothes. It's like, holy shit. - Yeah. - I'm making myself mad thinking about it. - It is frustrating. - A couple other comments. I would say the same thing. Life doesn't always work the way you want, either. You knew you were leaving, and chose to leave the clothes in the dryer. Someone said your roommate is an asshole. She doesn't get to tell you to just not do laundry after her. If she doesn't want her stuff touched, then she needs to move her shit out of shared spaces. I agree with that. - Yeah. - Fully agree with that. All right, our next story. - Oh, no update? - We haven't had a single update. - We haven't. - Well, there better be one, or I'm rioting. - Yeah. - Shit. - Let's do it. - Quickly, write one. Make something up. Am I the Asshole? You're not letting my coworkers stay at my place even though I have the space. - Oh, ew. - So I, a 23-year-old woman, live alone in a small two-bedroom house. One room is mine. The other one is basically my everything room. It's my office, my closet, storage. Sometimes I just lay on the floor in there and stare at the ceiling when life sucks, LOL. - Nice. - Okay, damn. It is not a guest room. I've lived with horrible roommates before, so I worked really hard to be able to afford my own place, and I love having my space. It's literally my safe little bubble. Anyways, one of my coworkers, a 25-year-old woman, got into a huge fight with her roommates, and they kicked her out. She was venting at work, and I felt bad, and was like, "That sucks, oh my God," and even sent her a few places to look at. I was trying to be helpful without inviting chaos into my life, you know? Later that night, she texted me saying, "Hey, I was thinking maybe I could just crash with you "for a few weeks since you live alone and have the space." - A few weeks? - A few weeks, yeah. - If you are willing to invite me. I have to cope with it somehow. - Our roommate, so we're gonna kick you out 'cause you keep biting our necks. - Yeah. - It's really not chill. - If I hear that someone, like a coworker, who I'm not really close friends with, if I hear that multiple roommates kicked them out. - Sounds like, yeah. - I'm like, you are gonna come nowhere near my place, I'm sorry. - Also, I barely know you. Can I come over for a few weeks? - Just a few weeks. - A few weeks? - 'Til I get back on my feet, or whatever. - I literally got that sinking feeling in my chest. No, no, no, no. I'm not even close to her. We're cool at work, but we've never even hung out outside of lunch breaks and complaining about our boss. She doesn't know anything about me, and I don't know her like that. Why would she live in my house? So I replied super politely, like, I totally get that you're going through it, but I really value my space, and I'm just not in a place where I can have someone stay with me. Like, I was nice, didn't ghost her, didn't ignore her. I just said no. The next day, she's acting really weird. Then another coworker tells me, she said I, I let her be homeless when I have an entire room to myself. Like, girl, first of all, she's staying at her boyfriend's place. Second of all, I pay to live alone. That's the whole point. I don't want to feel tense or uncomfortable in my own space. I don't want to tiptoe around a person I barely know. And I definitely don't want to deal with just a few weeks turning into I'm looking but nothing's coming through yet for two months. Now people at work are acting like I'm the bad guy. Sorry for not letting a coworker move into my apartment because she had a bad fight. I don't know. I feel bad but, like, also no. Am I the asshole? No. No, dude. No. Come on. She's living with her boyfriend anyway? Is that what I heard? First of all, she's staying at her boyfriend's place. So how is she homeless? The boyfriend's not a house. I don't know. I couldn't think of a good bit in time. I couldn't think of a good bit. Boyfriend's not a house. This just sounds like a bad person. Yeah. I don't really know. Like, just, you know, like, it's just like, yeah. This is like what I was saying before, like, as a frequent over-explainer. But maybe less so now. It's the kind of thing where, like, you're not going to be able to get on the level of logic that this person employs in their life to be kicked out and, like, also imposed that way and be like, yeah, they're letting me be homeless. I'm like, whatever you're going through in life is going to be everybody else's fault forever. Good luck. Like, they might hate you forever. Good luck. Okay, that's fine. Oh, well. Yeah. You don't need their approval. It's fun to have an enemy. I think it's also, it's also, it took me a long time to learn this. But to, like, be really wary of people who are violent. And they're very quick to guilt you. Yes. And it's just like, if that's their first move, it's like, oh, so this was all manipulation. Like, someone who's genuinely, truly asking is not going to jump to the quick, like, what's the thing that will make you feel guiltiest that I can say? And she jumped to, like, she's telling people, like, yeah, she let me be homeless when she has a place to stay. It's like, whoa, holy crap. It's also like, oh, the coworkers are mad that I didn't. It's like, fucking you take her. You got a bathroom. Come on. You sleep in the tub. What? Yeah. It's called a cold, hard bed. Yeah. Yeah. This is just sounds like a manipulative person. It's very manipulative. And it sounds like that's probably what got her kicked out of her other situation. Yeah, I was thinking. Yeah. We have some comments here. Not the asshole. I don't understand why a coworker would feel entitled to your home. That's truly bizarre. Her life is not your responsibility. I mean, I could maybe get it if you were super close and good long-term friends with a deep connection. But a casual coworker? Opie said, literally just a casual coworker. I don't get it. Anyone makes that comment again to you, Opie, you say, I'll let coworker know that you're volunteering your space to them. So kind of you. Opie says, aye, aye, captain. Someone says, not the asshole. You don't need to find out firsthand why her roommates and boyfriend don't want to live with her either. Opie said, I'm definitely understanding it now seeing the reaction after saying no. I am a homebody and really enjoy my personal space given the fact I work two jobs and my home is my only carefree space. Guys. We have a two-sentence update, but it is, it is an update. Werewolf? Okay, actually, sorry. Three sentences, but the first sentence is kind of all you need. What do you think this update says? Bought some garlic, threw it at her, puff of smoke. Okay. Is that how that works? They go, puff. I think it's going to be a boyfriend kicked her out and she's staying with my boss or something. Like, messy, messy, messy. I like that. I'm sticking with the bit. Okay. She went to jail. We did it. She found a place. She found a place. Yeah, and probably a roommate, too. Oh, she's got a roommate. She's probably got a roommate. Oh, no. Joking aside, the American prison system does desperately need reform and we're aware of that. Yeah, we know. We know. Comments, we know. We know. She went to jail. Don't know what happened, but I feel horrible. I feel horrible to say I laughed. Well, solves that issue. That's wild. Wow. Damn. Yeah. Well, holy shit. All right. And now there's a job opening, too? Jesus. Oh, no. I wonder what their job was because when they said co-worker, my brain always goes like, oh, office building. And the more they talk about it. I imagine an email job. I literally always picture the most stereotypical, like, 90s office building. Severance Sass. Yeah. But I'm like, no, I wonder if they're like, I don't know. I wonder if they're like, I don't know. I wonder if they work in food service and they're like, this is the messy gossip portion working in the kitchen. It could be. Waiters could be a vibe. Yeah. I don't know. Interesting. No, they do princess parties. And this one was Belle. Oh, my God. That's a good one. I don't know. That's a good one. Oh, my God. All right. Our next story. Relationship advice from March 29th of 2020. Oh. Oh, doomsday. Not a lot of people needed advice then. Oh, my God. Yeah. So I'm spending a lot of time. I'm spending a lot of time with someone that it turns out I hate. Went for a tire change, found a tracker under my car, placed by my roommate. How do I go about this? I'm a 25-year-old. Oh, boy. I'm a 25-year-old female and my roommate is a 34-year-old male. Run away now. To where? She's being tracked. No. Oh, no. I moved to a new town last year, only knew one person, stayed with her for a bit until I found out. I found a house to rent, but I needed a roommate. She introduced me to a guy she worked with who also needed a roommate because he just got a divorce. I met him first, didn't get weird vibes, seemed nice enough. About six months ago, he made the suggestion to be friends with benefits, and I made the stupid mistake of agreeing. We both did not. There's the. That's awesome. There's the once an episode Emily gasp that you sent. We both did not want a relationship. Everything was fine until he started getting weird. And staying up until I got home, questioning me about where I'd been and who I was around. I then ended the hooking up, told him I didn't think it was like that. He got mad. Everything was fine for a bit until yesterday. I live in a pretty rural area where most businesses are small and family owned. Since not a lot of people are getting out, I decided to go ahead and get some new tires and support a mechanic shop I go to, since I doubt they're getting regular business at the moment. I'm there waiting when the guy comes over and tells me he wants to show me something. I'm like, okay. We go over to my house. My car and he bends down and points under the car at a black box. He asked me if I know what that is and tells me it's a GPS. It took me a second to understand the implications of a GPS being under my car. I was like, so someone put it there. It's clear. I have no idea why it's there. And he got actually concerned and told me if I didn't know, I needed to find out. I feel so creeped out because I have no friends here. The friend I knew moved away. I only know some people at work, but we're not friends. And it's been hard to meet people. There's no other way a GPS would be on my car unless my roommate. Put it there. Now, I'm freaked out in a way I've never been before and I can't move out. I'm scared to ask him about it. I have no one to stay with. No family here. What do I do? Do I just ask him about it outright? I left the GPS there because I don't want him to know. I know at the moment, what should I do? Oh, oh, I'm like, I'm like, don't maybe don't ask out about it. Yeah, because that's you're putting yourself in danger. Yeah. When she said like, oh, he got angry when I said that. I'm like, scary, scary, scary, bad, bad. This is like the worst situation you can be in at the start of the pandemic. Yeah, like this has got to be, I was about to say this is the pilot. I was like, I was thinking about, oh, like scary show. We broke up right when the pandemic happens. Like, that's not so bad compared to this shit. This is, yeah, that's crazy. Oh, my God. Okay, terrifying comments. Honestly, don't say a word. Talk, take it to the cops. Someone said, I wonder what would happen if you took it to the cops. I wonder if they can have a way to discover where it reports to. Someone said that is really creepy. Start planning your exit. Document everything. Yeah, I mean, I, that's. Unfortunately, with the cop of it all, it's like, you're like. Fuck, they do. Yeah, you're like, oh, I'm getting creeped out by this thing. And they just go, well, we can arrest him once he kills you. Yeah. You know, it's like. Call us if you're murdered. Right, it's like, ugh. I'm really questioning, like, it's not okay that she's in this situation. Not her fault at all. But I am questioning the logistics of this situation. Because it's like, she lives in a rural area. She doesn't know anyone. She doesn't have any family there. And so, like, maybe. She moved for a job. But the job is such that she would need to still have a roommate. And she's like, I can't move. And I'm like, how did you get here? What's going on? I know. I don't know. It's a sad situation. I'm like, damn. I'm just curious. No network. Yeah. Like, that's got to be horrifying. Update. Okay. Update. He's in jail now. And he met the most beautiful woman. So last night, I decided to subtly pack my things and plan on making the drive at some point today back to my hometown. He works during the day, but I work from home because my office is closed until at least this summer. I realized I could probably fit all of my stuff in my car. And since my lease ends in May anyway, so I'm just moving out. The only furniture that's mine, and not the landlord's or his, is my bed. And it's old, so I think I'm just going to leave it here. I went down to the police station early this morning and had them remove it. I don't think there's much they can do besides document it. They asked me some questions, and I said I didn't know, but I know no one here and thought it might be my roommate. They said it looked like a cheap one from Amazon or eBay, and they'll check it out. Honestly, I may just end up staying home. I miss being in a familiar place where I know basically everyone in town, and I miss my friends. Working from home for a few months might give me enough time to switch jobs. Update number two. Okay, love that first update. And I also just want to say good for her because there's so many moments where it's like, oh, but I can't because my bed is like, it's so hard to get. to make that choice but prioritizing your safety, - Oh yeah. - It's the way to go. - Good job. - Ditch everything, get out of there. - Good job, yeah. - Update number two, all settled in now, ended up asking about it via phone. He admitted to it, got freaked out when I said I gave it to the police, said he was concerned for my safety when I would go places by myself after work. Yeah, okay. We got into a scuffle about it. He finally snapped and said that he knew I was seeing someone when I was hooking up with him. I wasn't. So yeah, my first experience with Krazy and hopefully my last. - Okay. And we trust our instincts. - Yeah. - You know? - Yeah. - Good job. - Yes. - I'm so glad she got out of that. 'Cause clearly. - Oh boy. - Anger issues there are like. - Yeah. - Oh. - When do I got a divorce? - I don't know. They just wanted different things. She wanted like kids, he wanted to control. - Yeah. - Everything. - Ah, it wants to keep us around. - I don't know what this voice is and I don't think I'm ever gonna do it again. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And they were roommates. - Oof. God. - They were roommates, and they were roommates, and they were roommates, and they were roommates, and they were roommates, and they were roommates. We're at like 15. - Yeah. - Very glad she got out of that. - Sorry, Angela. - Here's our final story. It comes from the subreddit relationships and this was posted back in 2017. - Wow. - The year the Yankees won. - A vintage story. - Yes, a vintage one. - Yes. - I've, a 25 year old woman, returned from a month long trip and my roommate, a 22 year old woman, has moved all her things into my room and has been living there with no intention of switching back. - Well, you snooze, you lose. - My roommate, a hermit crab. - That's actually so funny. - So I moved into this flat about eight months ago. I met Lana online on a roommate website and we clicked well. She's a bit younger, but seemed mature. We quickly agreed to be roommates. Both of us were under time constraints, to find a place to live, but have gotten along really well so far up until this. Our flat is a two bedroom. And to be frank, my room is clearly the better one. It's bigger and has built in wardrobes. When looking for the flat, I found the place first on my own and put down a deposit to take it off the market while I found another roommate. The flat was perfect, cheap rent, and my aunt manages the property. So I was keen to snap it up before anyone else did. The area it's in is popular. So I wasn't really worried about not finding someone to room with. Because of the above and that I was there first, I took the bigger room naturally. When showing potential roommates, including Lana, around, I was sure to show the smaller room and say, "This would be your room." We moved in eight months ago and it's been happy families. Never heard Lana complain about her room because I have about six times the wardrobe space that she does. I told her she's welcome to store her off-season clothes in there or whatever she wants to store, as long as she's not popping in every morning to get dressed. She was happy with this. Just over a month ago, I went traveling. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of having people in my room, but I told Lana if she had someone stay, her sister, friends from home, they could sleep in my bed. She said, "Thanks." And as she's been such a great roommate and rarely has guests except her boyfriend, I didn't worry at all. I came back yesterday. I was exhausted from the flight and traveling and just wanted to shower and sleep. As I walked in, Lana was in the living room with her boyfriend. We said hello and hugged, had a very quick catch up, blah, blah. Then I dragged my suitcase to my room, opened the door and found it full of stuff that was not mine. I kind of yelled, "What the fuck?" And briefly thought I was so jet lagged, I was confused, but opened the door to Lana's room and saw all my stuff. I walked into the living room and asked Lana what was going on. And she said, "Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention, "we put my stuff in your room just because it's bigger "and you weren't here and you said I could use it." I was honestly so tired I could have passed out then. So I probably wasn't in the best state and told her to move it all back immediately. She said they were in the middle of making dinner and I looked tired so I should have a sleep. Her boyfriend then said, "And anyway, you pay the same rent so isn't it fair "that you both get the big room at some point?" I was getting really frustrated and could feel tears welling up, hysterical from lack of sleep. So I just said, "We'll deal with this tomorrow "and it's getting moved back." And then I went to sleep in not my own room. I've woken up now and I'm so pissed off. Lana's at work so I can't talk to her, but what should I do when she's home? I feel like this is going to turn into an argument. I don't think it'll be as simple as, "Okay, let's swap now that you're home." Oh God. Oh my God, Jesus. This is what's so tough about roommate shit is legality of things is so brutal that it's like, I don't know. Because I'm like, "Yes, she's awful. "She did a horrible thing." I don't know what you do. I don't know what you do. I think you move it back. While she's gone, she's at work. It's time for that. Holy crap, what a bold move. To not even text, to be like, "Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention, I--" You completely flipped your life upside down. Yeah. I moved my life into your life, and so that was a thing that happened. I'm sorry. It's like, can you move it back? "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm making dinner right now, "and I'm also not going to do that." Yeah, I don't want to. Now, obviously, 100% on OP's side, this is a crazy move from Lana and presumably her boyfriend that is whispering things in her ear like, "Yes, and you pay the same rent." It is a little rough that they pay the same rent. Definitely, but that's rough to agree to. To agree to as well. To agree to. Yeah, you agree to it. Yes. But that's, yes. I would definitely, when moving into a place, if they're like, "You get this smaller bedroom, "and here's the price," I'd be like, "You have the bigger one." Yeah, can we swap? Can I take 100 off and you add 100? Is there any way? I would just not take that. I agree. Or I would try to negotiate there. It doesn't excuse anything. There is no way that this is okay. I am still just like, "Yeah, you move it back." Also, OP, mm-mm. Yeah. Mm, but yeah. Yeah. When you do something so audacious that it's kind of mind-blowing. Yeah. Yeah. And it's kind of such a bold power move that you're scared to interact with them. Yeah. You're like, "Wait, how do I draw this boundary back?" They're not playing with the same set of rules that everyone else is. Exactly. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, what the fuck? Hey, I ate your computer 'cause you weren't using it. You're like, "Oh, yep, that's next." Like, I guess then, yeah. This is the Genghis Khan of roommates. Yes. Where it's like, they did what? Yeah, yeah. What do you do? Like, truly. She was even nice to be like, "You can store some of your shit in my room." That is very nice. A nice roommate, too. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, "Okay, maybe they've been assholes to each other." It's like, "No, it doesn't sound like it." Comments. "She moved your things out when you weren't there. You're off work now. Just swap things back straight away. Start with stripping the beds and changing the linen over. I wouldn't leave it till tomorrow. It normalizes the situation. If she comes home whilst you're in the middle of it, just keep going or ask her to help you. Her boyfriend should keep out of it. I assume he's living there full-time over the last month, and he's seeing it as their flat now. OP said, "Yes, this is my worry. I still paid rent for this month. I was away, so I have every right to return to the same flat as I left." Someone said, "Move your stuff back. This isn't even a discussion. You found the place. You made it clear the smaller was her room. Put a lock on the door and say this isn't a discussion. It sucks she screwed herself over, but that's her problem, not yours." Yep. Lastly, someone said, "Just move it back yourself while she's out. Her boyfriend gets exactly no say. She agreed to live in the smaller room for the same rent. You are rightfully pissed." Yeah, I would be seeing bright red. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah, that boyfriend is, what's his name in "Lord of the Rings" who's whispering to the guy? What's his name? - Wormtongue. - Wormtongue? - Creamer Wormtongue? What the fuck did you say? - His name is Wormtongue, and they trusted him to be an advisor? Is it a family name or? - Yeah. - So what's the deal? Yes, yes. - Dude, jet lagged? You're not, we are our worst selves. - Yes. - Yeah. - Oh my God. - I get upset coming home to my apartment after being gone, and past Tommy didn't clean up. - Yeah. - I can't imagine if my room's a different room. - Yeah. - I would go crazy. - Hear circus music and just start swinging. - Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. - Oh, it's tough. - Yeah. - It's tough. - Yeah. - Oh my God. Ooh, ugh. - I also am so curious about like, did Lana need much prodding from the boyfriend? Like, how does that come into your brain where you're like, oh, I can just swap all of our shit? Yeah, I'll just do that. - I, my suspicion is that the boyfriend played a part in this. The fact that the boyfriend there had the audacity to be like, yeah, and it's the same rent, so it's fair that you guys both get it at some point. It's like, why are you saying that? - The people wish for you to be the king. - 'Cause the girlfriend, or the, 'cause the roommate said we can swap it back, we can talk about it later. But then the boyfriend's like, well, it's also fair. But perhaps we don't. - Oh, I fuck off, Todd. - Yeah. - They're in the UK, right? - I think they are. They're talking about a flat. - They're talking about a flat. Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. Update. - Yes. Jail. - And she's in jail now. I've taken the advice of most people on this thread and moved my stuff back. It's taken hours and I'm knackered, but they're from the UK. I'm knackered, but I think if I left it another day, another night, it would be a real problem. I sent her a text when I was almost done in case she kicked up a shit storm and came home to say, hi, Lana, hope you're having a nice day at work. Just to let you know, I'm moving my stuff back into my room. I didn't want you coming home and walking into the wrong one. Yes, I'm petty. No, that was a bad move. If you're petty, you don't text her. - Don't say anything. - Yeah, once again. - Do what she did to you. - Don't text. - Don't text. - Don't send, 'cause they're not gonna be like, okay, I see your logic in that. It's, sir, we've given the enemy the advantage. We let them know we're coming. - That's how it was. It used to be we're gonna meet for war at 2:00 p.m. on this day because no one had phones. - Yeah. show up with your best guys and horses here. By the way, I called the bank. I let them know we're going to heist it tomorrow, so that's all cool. They were upset about it. They were not happy. Oh, my God. So I guess healthy communication is bad now. Yeah. I'll be talking to her when she gets in because this is out of character for her to the point of it being bizarre. She's never been anything but a model roommate, so I'm going to give her a chance before we're done-zo. If she wants to be reasonable and have a chat about rent portions, I'm happy to do that. She's never had a problem with the rent before. And honestly, I've never had uneven rent amounts in any place I've ever lived, whether I had a bigger room or smaller room. But a lot of people here are saying it's the norm, so I'm open to talking about it if she's not ridiculous. Okay, Opie. She's already been ridiculous. Opie should recognize that it is a sick situation to be paying the same rent for. To split evenly and you have more square footage, that's not normal. It's a lot of, and again, it doesn't excuse anything. That's the B-plot that we don't care about. But she's like, yeah, Mike. And she's done it. I'm open to talk about it, so. Yeah. She's saying, okay, I'm open to talk about it. Okay, update number two. So as you know, I text Lana to tell her I moved my stuff back. She didn't reply to me. Fine, whatever. But she didn't kick off, so I figured we were okay. You figured you were okay. She didn't kick off? She didn't kick off. What's that mean? We're gonna have a chat. Like, throwing a hissy fit, I think? Our UK fans are like, all right, stop it. Let's kick off, like, crash out. Like, shut up. Please shut up. I told my aunt what had happened, who was as baffled as all of you, and I told her it was probably all sorted, just keeping her in the loop. I also told my boyfriend, who works about five minutes down the road. He offered to come round in case Lana's boyfriend came round, but I told him not to because then we're ganging up on Lana. He insisted on going for a coffee with his mate a couple roads away in case we needed backup, which is a bit ridiculous, but very cute of him. So I did get myself a glass of wine while waiting for Lana. I think we're all sorted and everything's fine, but I did get myself a glass of wine and waited by the front door. The situation has changed, Lana. Lana walks in. There's a gun on the bedside table. She's like, yeah, so. Have a seat. Welcome in, Lana. I have a long cigarette and a glass of wine. Pitch black, just a cigarette in the darkness. Sit down. So I did get myself a glass of wine while waiting for Lana, not because I was nervous. I just like wine, and she came home. I was sat in the living room and gave her a very cold, high when she walked in. She sort of froze, bag in hand, and her eyes darted between me and my, not her, our bedroom door. She blurted, did you do it? And I said, what, move the rooms back? Yeah, of course. Her eyes, her eyes went all wide and she dropped her bag and ran into the bathroom, her lipstick red. I knew then that my life would be different. It's a noir. It's so noir right now. Her eyes went all wide and she dropped her bag and ran to the bathroom. I could hear her talking on the phone. So I was like, yippee, I guess Tom's coming round fun. I heard the door unlock and I was about to go full Hulk on how psycho she is when she came out of the door and stood between our bedrooms. Their doors are adjacent and she just stared between them both, breathing heavily. It was really odd. Then I noticed she was crying and getting a bit panicky. So I asked what was going on. She burst into tears and said, oh my God, he's going to kill me. - Oh no. - And just sobbed. So yeah, it was the boyfriend's idea completely as a lot of us suspected. She's honestly always been a perfect roommate, which is kind of why I came to this sub. If she was generally an arsehole, I would have known how to act, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Lana has a bit of a breakdown and it turns out piece of shit Tom has always been a bit of a piece of shit. Very jealous, which I always saw hints of, but Lana never mentioned, so I didn't. And has amped up his piece of shit-nish. Piece of shit. - Piece of shit, shitty-nish, shish-nish. - Oh, you're knackered over there. - It says P-O-S-I-sh, P-O-S-I-S-H-N-E-S-S. - P-O-S-ish-ness, piece of shit-ish-ness. - Ish-ness, piece of shit-ish-ness. - It's like a small strip of land that connects two larger land mass. - Right, right. He became more of a piece of shit while I've been away. When I left, he just finished school and basically moved in unannounced. And when she'd mentioned he hadn't been home in days, he'd give her the, what, don't you love me? I treat you so well, you're so selfish, blah, blah, shit, and refused to move. She showed me the text he sent her. Absolutely horrific stuff. Things like, ring me in the next five minutes or we're over. Send me a picture of you at your desk with something showing today's date so I know you're at work. Just abusive stuff. Onto the room. As we guessed, he moved it. He did it while she was at work, which is actually a bit gross, thinking of him going through my stuff. And I'm considering somehow implying I have crabs or something he could catch just to make him squirm a bit, but I'll work on it. Lana came home and asked him what he was doing. He made out that it was just temporary and that I wouldn't mind. Such a gentleman speaking on my behalf, and he would move it back. And he was doing it for her, and she was so selfish, et cetera. When it was a few days before I came back, Lana suggested moving it back, and he completely denied he had said that and told her it was her idea to move it. He only did what she told him, but it's staying now or she'd be sorry. So basically, Tom is a prick, and Lana sobbed and apologized and cried, and I fed her wine. She didn't want to see Tom, who obviously assumed he lived there now. So I texted him from her phone saying our landlady, my aunt, was coming around for an inspection and staying for dinner after with my family, and he couldn't come over tonight. He sent a lot of begging, whiny texts, and then went on the offensive and called Lana a liar. So I rang my aunt, explained everything, and had her write us a fake landlord email mentioning the visit and how she was looking forward to fajitas because she's an absolute babe, and I make good packet fajitas, which we forwarded on to Tom. He left her alone for the rest of the night, apart from a few texts. "I'm not entirely sure what we do about Tom. "Lana sounds like she wants to break up, "judging from her crying and screaming, "'I hate him, I hate him, I hate him,' into her wine. "I think she's scared too, though. "I checked with her, and he doesn't have a key, "so that's a relief. "I've told my aunt everything, "and she said she is happy to ban him from the flat, "but Lana would need to break up with him first "and get all that sorted. "Thanks, everyone, for the advice. "I know it wasn't a good idea, "and I know it wasn't the most popcorn-y update, "but hopefully Lana will be okay, "and we're gonna be doing some girly shit this week "and avoiding Tom, and yeah, God knows what will happen." And that's the end of the story. - Wow. - Wow. - What a twist. - So Tom really was the bad guy. - That's crazy. - That's so sweet. - We called that. That's awesome that we called that. Bad, horrible story. Oh my God. - Yeah. - Oh, yes, nightmare, horrible time. - Nightmare, horrible. - But we called it. - We did it. - We called it, so. - Happy ending, but-- - Fellas, we did it. - We did it, guys. - Goddamn. - Yeah. - We have partners coming into situations. - Yes. - And that happens. - Yes, it does happen. - It really does happen. Well, it's a big dynamic shift. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But especially with something like this, I feel so bad, like, good on OP for immediately being like, we protect Lana at all costs. - Yes. - Yes. - And I do like the idea that like, you know, whether it was OP's boyfriend or anybody else, sort of like, you know, rallying and being like, what do you need, what do we got, you know? And Tom should be thrown into the sun. - Yes. - Yes. - Hurdled. - Absolutely. - Absolutely. - Like whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. - It's kind of interesting 'cause she was, she like, picked up on some stuff from before, and it's kind of interesting that her boyfriend was like, we'll be nearby, do you want us there? I'm like, I'm wondering, like, it seems like everyone was a little aware. - A little on edge of Tom, yeah. - It's, it feels like it's a Reddit story thing, it's also a horror movie thing, where it's like, midway through, it's like, oh, by the way, here's the monster that we haven't been talking about. It's like, oh, you didn't tell us about this element? Like, oh my God, well, now, now we know. - Yeah, damn. - But, yeah, shit. So apparently there was another update that we found, and she did break up with Tom. They also moved into an apartment with equal-sized bedrooms. - Cute. - So our B-plot got solved as well. - There we go! - Great, oh my God. That's a series wrap on this story. - And that's a series wrap. - Wow. - Thank you both for being here. - Thank you. - Thank you for being the best roommates ever. - Hey, peace moving out. - 'Cause we live here. - No problem, yeah. - Yeah. - We're going to sleep right here. That's it. - Oh, can I, can I call the poof for the night? - No. - Oh. - You know what, I think it's only fair that because we pay the same amount for the office, you can have the poof half the time, too. - Thanks, guys. All right. - Well, goodbye. - Night. - All right, good night, Tommy. He sleeps like that. I'm dating a colony of ants. - Oh. - Can they stay forever? - Oh, I'm actually racist against ants. - Oh, no, am I the bad roommate? - Oh, yeah, that's, it's really weird of you to not let me have a bunch of ants here. - Ah, damn. - Interesting. Well, I put trackers on both your cars. - Oh, that's fine. - Oh, okay. - That's fine, it's stolen anyway. - Thank you all for watching. This has been a wild ride, as always. And we'll see you next Saturday. Bye. - Bye. - Well, goodbye.