001. You Are Enough

If there is just one thing you remember hearing me say from this episode or out of any of them, I hope it is this, you are enough. Welcome to the Empowerful Girls podcast that helps you grow curiosity, compassion and confidence. This is 10 for teens and tweens. I'm Stephanie Valdez. In each episode, I'll give you girls tools that will empower you to know you can take on the world. Hello girls, I am thrilled you are here. Welcome to the very first episode of 10 for teens and tweens. I'm Stephanie Valdez from Empowerful Girls and I have been looking forward to talking with you for a while. So thank you for joining me. The other day, I read a question that made me pause. It read, "What would you shout from the mountaintops?" I thought about it for a moment. What would I shout from the mountaintops or rooftops or a megaphone? What message would I choose to share with the world if given the chance? I thought about it and said out loud, girls, you are enough. If there is just one thing you remember hearing me say from this episode or out of any of them, I hope it is this, you are enough. Now why do I think those three words are so important? Well, first, because you are enough as you are right now for real. And second, frankly, because pretty soon or maybe it's happened already, you're going to receive messages that make you think, I am not enough in various ways. It might happen when you see something or overhear something or read something or something happens and in your head you think, I'm not filling the blank enough. When you see your grade on a test, you might think, I'm not smart enough. When you're practicing your instrument or sport, your routine, your skill, whatever you practice, when you mess up, you might think, I'm not talented enough. Ouch. When you try something that scares you, you might think, I'm not brave enough. Wow. When you are left out, you might think, I'll never be cool or popular enough. Eesh. When you challenge yourself and you fail, you might think, I don't have enough of what it takes. When you struggle with a family member, you might think, I'm not lovable enough. Oh. When you make a mistake or make a wrong choice, you might think, I just can't ever be good enough. When you're watching something, a TV show, a movie, a video on YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, whatever it is now, you're watching something. You might think, I'm not pretty enough, not stylish enough, not liked enough, not followed enough. I don't look like her enough. I won't ever be perfect enough. Here's the thing. I get those messages too. In fact, I've been receiving messages that I am not enough since I was your age for years, so I get it. Those thoughts are hard to handle. Side note, the inner dialogue, the voice inside your head, how you think or talk to yourself, that's called a self-talk, and when the messages you receive sound like all those not enough examples, that's negative self-talk. Negative self-talk usually includes words like not, don't, won't, can't, never, or always in a bad way. Those are absolutes. They are broad generalizations, like they make you think that something going on in that moment or in the short term is the way things always are or always will be. Negative self-talk is a fixed mindset that stings deep and personally, and it can creep up in your mind when you least expect it. Negative self-talk sounds like a mean girl bullying you or a villain discouraging you. It knocks you down and wants you to stay down, so it will play those messages on repeat in your head. And when you hear the same thing over and over, you'll start to believe it. The tricky part is, at some point between your teen, tween years, negative self-talk becomes the default setting, the regular language that you receive those messages. And it's not because of anything you did, it's not your fault, but it stinks. So how do you get back to believing you are enough? First you need to challenge those negative messages by asking yourself these questions. Is it really true? Would I say it to my best friend? And how can I reframe it? Okay, pause and think. Is it really true? Like do you have actual proof? And if so, is it true always or just right now? Also, would you say it to your best friend? Can you imagine telling that friend the same things you say to yourself with negative self-talk? I'm guessing you wouldn't. So you shouldn't talk to yourself that way either, huh? Now how can you reframe that thought? Like reword it so it isn't harsh or absolute. Rephrase it from a different perspective, like a growth mindset. And this isn't to suppress your emotions, it's to help you acknowledge your thoughts and feelings from a better headspace. So after challenging the negative self-talk, you use a new language, a new way of speaking to yourself, a new voice inside your head. And this tool is called positive self-talk. Did you see that coming? And you know how negative and positive are opposites. That means positive self-talk says the opposite of what negative self-talk says. Positive self-talk usually includes words like am, do, will, can, might, or yet. Positive self-talk cheers you on when things are difficult, gives you perspective about something going on that's temporary. And when you fail, it encourages you to keep on trying. Positive self-talk is a growth mindset. It's a kind girl, a best friend voice. And that girl is you talking to yourself. Or it sounds like a hero and you are your own hero encouraging and supporting yourself. The tricky part is positive self-talk takes more effort. It's learning a new language, a new way of speaking to yourself. A new voice inside your head. It sounds like I am, fill in the blank, enough. When you see your grades, you think I am smart enough to work at this, huh? When you're practicing and you mess up, you think I am talented enough to keep practicing. Well, when you try something that scares you, you think I am brave enough to try. Whoa. When you're left out, you think I am likeable enough, yes. When you challenge yourself and fail, you think I didn't succeed yet, but I do have enough of what it takes, ooh. When you struggle with a family member, you think I am lovable enough, oh. When you make a mistake, which you will, you think I can learn from this and I am good enough, hmm. When you're watching something, TV, movie, social media, whatever, you think I am enough just as I am, because you are, you are enough. Say it out loud, I am enough, and when your self-talk tells you otherwise, remember to first challenge the negative messages and then practice positive self-talk. Remember when you hear the same thing over and over, you'll start to believe it. So I'll say it again, you are enough. To help you remember all this, I created an I am enough poster for you to print out, personalize, and post on your wall where you'll see it, remember it, practice it, and believe it. That's the important part. I will link that file in the show notes post for this podcast episode number one. On the website, EmpowerfulGirls.com, that's spelled E-M-P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L-G-I-R-L-S.com. And while you're there, you can get on the email list too. A few books that illustrate how you are enough are, You Are Special by Max Lucado, I Wish I Were a Butterfly by James Howe, I Like Myself by Karen Beaumont, Wonder by RJ Palacio, and some related movies are, The Peanuts Movie, Wreck-It Ralph, Hidden Figures, and The Movie, Wonder. If you have a topic suggestion, I would love to hear from you. Send an email, tweensgithy okay from your parents, to [email protected]. And if you have social media already, you can follow me on insta or tiktok @empowerfulgirls. I am not encouraging or endorsing social media, but I'm on there to offer an unfiltered, uplifting alternative to what's in your feed. Thank you so much for joining me for the 10/14s and tweens podcast by EmpowerfulGirls. I can't wait to talk with you again. I love you girls.