WWDTM: Kevin O'Leary

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and my voice is the only set of pipes in America that's not freezing this weekend. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Siegel. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. We have a great show for you today, and also a useful one. Later on, we're going to be talking to Kevin O'Leary, investor and star of Marty Supreme and Shark Tank, and he will tell us if it's true the best investment advice to set yourself up for wealth and luxury is to give all of your money to your local NPR station. Right? I think it works because of compound interest. I'm not sure. But first, if you'd like to judge what we're pitching, give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now it's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Peter, this is Jared from Defiance, Ohio. Defiance, Ohio is a place I've heard of because of its unusual name. Are you, in fact, a group of defiant people? I suppose. I mean, the town was named after a fort from the American-Indian yeah, there's probably something there, I guess. Yeah. I think the correct answer to are you defiant in Defiance, Ohio is no. Well, welcome to our show, Jared. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian you can see at the Wormhole in Savannah, Georgia, March 28th. It's Adam Burke. Hi, Jared. Hi, Adam. Next, a writer for the TV show Clean Slate, now streaming on Prime. It's Shantira Jackson. Hi, Jared. Hi, Shantira. And a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning, our old friend Mo Rocca is with us. Hi, Jared. Hi there. So, welcome to the show, Jared. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Yes, sir. All right. Your first quote is from someone speaking, last week. We have to have Greenland. Who, as it turns out this week, is not going to have Greenland? President Trump, United States of America. That's right, President Trump. On Wednesday morning, Donald Trump charged into the World Economic Forum in Davos, saying he was not leaving without Greenland. And on Wednesday evening, he left without Greenland. Trump hasn't been this disappointed in an outcome in Europe since World War II. Trump had threatened our allies in Europe with military force, steep tariffs, and regular visits from J.D. Vance if they didn't hand over Greenland. But then all of Europe sort of looked at each other, and then looked at him and said, no, that's stupid. So, Trump left with nothing. And that's the art of the deal. I think he left because isn't the thing that Greenland is icy and Iceland is green? And you know he didn't know. Yeah. He didn't know. Does he think Iceland is where all the Asians come from? What was strange was the reaction. One of the strongest critics of Trump at Davos was Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney. He just ripped Trump apart. Canada. This is like the geopolitical equivalent of when a guy takes his shirt off and you're like, wait, he has abs? I knew you were going to talk about hated rivalry at some point. I know. I mean, I don't know. I get the idea of go big or go home, but Greenland is huge. I mean, it's the size of three Texases. Couldn't he have demanded, I don't know, Monaco or Luxembourg? Or something smaller that maybe they would have given him that. Exactly. Greenland is important to me because when you fly across the Atlantic, when you hit, when you come back, when I'm coming back to America, it means I have time to watch one more movie. That's what Greenland means. It's very important to me. So, we should have it for that reason. All right. Your next quote is from a biologist speaking to the New York Times. Like a bovine Einstein. She was talking about a particular kind of animal that was observed using for the first time. What is that animal? Be a cow? A cow. A cow in Australia named Veronica shook the world when she was filmed using a stick as a tool, which nobody had ever observed in cows before. This is so exciting. In a few years, somebody is going to be eating the smartest hamburger ever made. What was she using the stick to do? She was using it to scratch her own back. The cow was observed picking up, a broom, and then, with its mouth, and then turning its head and using it to scratch its nether parts. I really love that it's the first time it was witnessed. I assume that they do stuff all the time when we're not around. They have massage chairs. So, as I said, it's so interesting. It's using the broom and it uses the bristles to get certain parts and it can turn it around and use the other end for different parts as per its preference. It's pretty sophisticated stuff, right? Can you imagine? With the other end for what? It uses, like, the hard end for, like, its flanks and then the softer bristles for its more delicate parts. Yeah, it sounds really smart until you realize that that barn is where they kept all the back scratchers. I frankly, I mean, everybody's excited, but I'm a little miff, right? A cow uses the broom to scratch her back. She's a genius. I use a spatula. Everybody's like, Peter, that's for food. You are as smart as a cow. Yes, very much. So, cows learning how to use tools comes just in the nick of time as RFK Jr. has updated the food pyramid to stress eating a lot of beef. So, the next tool cows need to learn to use are pistols. Wow, that's going to make Texas so dangerous. All the cows and all the guns. All right, here is your last quote. It is the New York Post genuine headline on a sports scandal threatening to overshadow the upcoming Winter Olympics. The sport has been rocked by penis gait. So, that's about a scandal where athletes are allegedly cheating to fly further through the air in what Olympic sport? Be like skiing or ski jump type of thing? Ski jumping, yes. The scandal, which the New York Times is calling crime. Crotch gait in the London Times calls a gob wobble on the willy nicker. Has to do with these skin tight suits ski jumpers wear. So, any extra fabric on these suits is illegal because it can catch the wind and make the athletes fly further. So, when they are measured for their suits, some ski jumpers have tried to make their junk look bigger so they can get away with more fabric. I mean, okay, fine. They're cheating. But you have to sympathize with these guys. You should never be allowed to measure people's penises in a sport where it's that cold. I don't know why people are surprised that a man lied about the size of his junk. I guess the only thing, the novel thing is the reason other than that. All the fabric is going to be in that part. Well, yeah. I mean, that's a place. I mean, if you think about it, ski jumpers basically are just flying through the air down the chute and then up and then as far as they can go. And any fabric, extra fabric acts like the way, say, the flaps of skin on a flying squirrel do. They hold them up in the air. So, just a little extra fabric, millimeters of extra fabric can get them meters, a couple of meters of extra distance, which could win the competition. Surely, you'd have to exaggerate by quite a bit before Bernoulli's principle comes to the fore. Rocky didn't need that. If you do it too much, you're going to lose. You just fly off over the stands and are never seen again. And this doesn't come up on a doping test? Apparently not. That's the thing, because they said, oh my God, there's a cheating scandal in ski jumping. I'm like, how do you cheat at what is basically falling? Is there such a thing as like gravity enhancing drugs? We're a jet pack. There are gravity enhancing drugs that are called cheeseburgers. Bill, how did Jared do in our quiz? Jared, we're not going to ask you, for a measurement, but you did very well. All three right. Congratulations, Jared. Thank you. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye. Thank you. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, a NASA astronaut says her upcoming mission to the moon has an added challenge because she will be flying so far away this time, her husband, she says. is not going to be able to do what like he usually does. Steady. Can I get a clue? Yeah, well, she might have to put labels on everything in the house before she goes. Oh, he won't. Oh, my God. He wasn't like calling her up and asking her like household questions when she was working for NASA, was he? That's exactly what he was doing. Astronaut Christina Koch talking to the New York Times about the mission of the moon said, quote, it's not like the International Space Station where we can just make a phone call, so he's not going to be able to call me and ask where something is in the house. He's going to have to find it. I sympathize with the guy. Imagine forgetting where the spare key is, but the only other person who knows is on the moon. Honey, honey, the Tupperware goes in the top drawer. It's not rocket science. And I should know. It's obviously much harder to communicate with a spaceship like near the moon than in low Earth orbit, but you know there's no obstacle to a husband left home alone. He'll manage. Oh, my God, Christina, there's an emergency message arriving from Houston. Where are my reading glasses? On Earth, you idiot. This actually makes me feel better. I always thought that. You know, I wasn't, like, smart enough to be an astronaut, but I could marry a man who doesn't know where stuff is. That's true. Because I'm counting every minute in this world without you in it. Please come back, yeah. Come back, girl. Coming up, the closest thing NPR gets to sports coverage in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-triple-8-wait-wait-to-play. We'll be back in a minute. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Mo Rocca, Shantira Jackson, and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sigel. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener game called 1-triple-8-wait-wait-to-play our game on the air. Hi, this is Rebecca calling from New York City. Hey, how are things in New York? Oh, you know, calm, peaceful, and same as always. Yeah, I often go to New York City for my meditative retreats. What do you do there? Yes, I am a clinical social worker. Right. And since nobody in New York has any problems, I'm sure you have a lot of free time. Absolutely. It's no drama, no nothing. I envy you, your placid existence. Well, Rebecca, welcome to our show. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Rebecca's topic? Something new in stadiums. So stadiums, of course, are always being updated, doing new things to keep fans happy, exciting new concessions, new luxury boxes, pretending that last game against the Rams ended in a tie. This week, one stadium's special feature made the news, and our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the Wait, Waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Ready to play? No. Let's not wait for that. Let's go anyway. We don't want to wait that long, but yeah, let's do it anyway. Let's do it anyway. First off, let's hear from Adam Burke. It was one of the most viral moments of 2025, a KISS cam at a Coldplay concert panned to a couple in the balcony, seemingly uncovering a clandestine affair between a CEO and his employee. While the moment united many in glee and schadenfreude, the situation nonetheless struck terror into would-be adulterers the world over. Fear not, says Umberto Felucci, head of operations at the 80,000-seat Stadio del Mondo in Milan. We have a lot of very important patrons at our events, he explains, who want to be among the crowd. While maintaining a certain level of anonymity for themselves and their, ahem, guests. It is for just such a purpose that Felucci created the now-infamous Dancing with Discretion program, where for a fee, fans can attend rock shows and games with whomever they like, safe in the knowledge that the wandering eye of the KISS cam won't alight on their particular peccadilloes. Felucci acknowledges he owes the new revenue stream to Coldplay. If I ever saw Chris Martin, I would kiss him, he explains. And I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't care who saw. A stadium in Milan offers KISS cam-proof seating. Your next arena add-on comes from Shantira Jackson. It's no secret that Americans have a reputation for eating large amounts of food, especially at a sporting event. There's something about watching people in peak physical fitness that makes you want a giant pretzel dipped in cheese. But the owners of the Spectrum Stadium in Charlotte, North Carolina, are changing that. Soon, you can get the weight-loss drug Ozempic while watching a Hornets game. Just come by the Spectrum Stadium Ozempic Lounge, where a doctor stands ready to prescribe it, and certified nurse practitioners will inject it in a clean, sterile environment. And because Ozempic isn't immediately effective, the stadium is offering fans who get their first shot 50% off any stadium meal. As one last delicious treat before the weight-loss drug robs them of all their weight, all of their joy. The offering is boosting season ticket sales, because fans must come back once a week for a shot. And they're even selling new snacks for their new snatched fans, like olives and one cube of cheese, all for the affordable stadium price of about $40. An Ozempic Lounge, where you can get your Ozempic in Charlotte. Your last sports facility feature comes from Mo Rocca. A little ditty about a Shaq and a fan. First, he was John Cougar, then John Cougar Mellencamp, then John Mellencamp. But he's always been a Hoosiers football fan. Even when Indiana University's football team was a joke, which it was for a long time, Mellencamp and his Marlboro Reds were there. His loyalty was rewarded when the school built the Heartland Rocker and self-described antisocial guy, his own small wooden Shaq, way up high on top of the stadium. Not exactly a luxury box, no bathroom even, but the perfect spot from which he could watch games and indulge his favorite vice. I sit up there, nobody bothers me, and I can smoke, Mellencamp said. Not that the actual players fully appreciate their number one fan, said lineman Bray Lynch. His songs aren't necessarily ones that would get you, like, super hyped. What do you mean? How do you not get hyped up to lyrics like, I was born in a small town, and I live in a small town. Probably die in a small town. So, here are your choices. Let's say you're a well-traveled sports fan. You could go, maybe, to Milan and enjoy seating with a special friend that is guaranteed not to show up on the kiss cam. That was from Adam Burke from Shantira. Or you could go to Charlotte to watch the Hornets and slip on down to the Ozempic. Or you could go to the Ozempic Lounge to get your shot. Or from Mo Rocca, there's a little smoking shack put on the top of the stadium at Indiana University just for the use of John Mellencamp and his cigarettes. Which of these is the real story of a stadium amenity in the news? I'm going to go with the John Cougar Shack. You're going to talk about the. Mo Rocca. The John Cougar Mellencamp. The Mellencamp Shack. The John Mellencamp Shack. The John Mellencamp. Whatever. All right. Well, to bring in the correct answer, we spoke to the reporter who told us the story of this real stadium special feature. Indiana repaid his generosity by outfitting a little shack at the top of the stadium so he can sit up there and have a few cigarettes. Yeah, that was Wall Street Journal's Robert O'Connell talking about the Mellencamp Hut at the Indiana University Stadium. Congratulations, Rebecca. You did get it right. Thank you. You've earned. You've earned a point for Mo. You've won our prize. John Mellencamp has his privacy. Everybody wins, is what I'm saying. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I am happy for all of us. We are happy to make you happy. Thank you so much. Take care. Okay. Bye-bye. And now the game we call Not My Job. Investor Kevin O'Leary has been a shark on Shark Tank. Since it premiered in 2009. And before that, he was a dragon on the Canadian version of the show, Dragon's Den. Now, fans of Shark Tank know him as Mr. Wonderful. Even though one of his catchphrases is, you're dead to me. And he just made his movie acting debut in the Oscar-nominated film, Marty Supreme. We are delighted he joins us now. Kevin O'Leary, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you very much. I read that you did this show, which is sort of the international version of Shark Tank. tank called dragon's den you started that in canada and that uh after the first episode or so the producer came up to you and told you to be more evil is that true well the truth about the format started in japan with nippon television almost 25 years ago and it was a show called begging for money you have to admire the frankness there right yes and it was it i'm translating from japanese and there were three very wealthy japanese guys and people came onto the stage got on their knees and begged for money then they took the and they were crying and begging and groveling and it was a huge hit and then by the time it got to england somebody said well maybe they should have something that people could invest in so in the japanese version they just needed money well i think begging for money is a great show what a great show and for anybody who hasn't been in a hotel room with an hour to kill and hasn't seen shark tank in the show you and the other sharks or investors uh are you get pitched on these business ideas inventions services whatever and you actually if you choose to invest your own money in these ideas right and i'm just wondering in your many many years doing this in canada in the u.s um do you have your particular favorite one or maybe one that you would like to share with the audience one that got away or one that maybe you invested in that kind of didn't work out well let me tell you something this woman named anna skya comes out and she's six foot four of soviet descent she's a russian model she's studying but she's a biological scientist in dna research and she likes cats so she has a product called base paw you take a q-tip and you stick it in a cat where the sun doesn't shine and then for 29 you send it in for a dna test and she sends back what foods the cat should be eating based on its its dna history cats only have three genres i had to say to her on the set nobody wanted to invest in it i said you know anna i can buy a new cat for five bucks why would i twenty nine dollars and this is she said because there's a hundred ten million people in america that have cats and so anyways i invested in it because i just she wouldn't leave unless i get and that company sold for so much money to a pharmaceutical so that's an example of just random outcome it paid for so many of my mistakes and she married a canadian lumberjack um who's taller than her and they had monstrous can i ask so can i ask does anybody know how the cats felt about the q-tips i was gonna say i just so wish i had seen that episode because up walks a six foot four russian model biologist with a q-tip in one hand an unhappy cat in the other saying i'm gonna make you rich you see this is this is think about this in ancient egypt a chocolate point siamese lasted for thirty three years our u_s_ domestic cats twelve and a half to fourteen we kill them with crappy food wow this is so frustrating because i was sticking q-tips up cats' butts just recreationally i have to talk to you about marty supreme the oscar nominated film uh. which i saw this week this is your very first acting role right never done it before and right and i i for for those who haven't seen the film you showed it's quite brilliant uh. i was going to try to describe your character major character movie but i figured maybe i'd let you do it you do a little more sympathy perhaps yes it's milton rockwell richest man in america nineteen fifty two saftey called me and said look uh. this is josh saftey who yeah josh director and ronnie bronstein is a writer you know twenty years earlier at the shutters hotel which is santa monica i got a call from mark burnett and he was casting for shark tank and i was working on a show in england he said you gotta come over and have breakfast with me i'm casting this new show called shark tank and i'm looking for a real a-hole and you're it that's what mark burnett said twenty years later i'm hearing the same story from saftey looking for the a-hole and you're it and i'm starting to think this a-hole thing's really working really so that was their pitch they said you're not an actor but we want you to play this major major role and the reason we do is because we need someone to be a rich a-hole and that's what you are and josh said he went beyond he said i want the first frame to tell everybody that's the a-hole without me even saying anything i was honored i thought my goodness and i said to him maybe i should embrace this a-hole maybe i should be the best a-hole i can be wake up in the morning and be proud of my a-holeness because i know with certainty there's light at the end of the sphincter laughter or if you're a cat a cute cat well kevin o'leary it is a delight to talk to you and we have invited you here today to play a game we're calling marty supreme meet party supreme you star in marty supreme as we have said so we thought we'd ask you about some of the biggest parties of all time perhaps once you've attended answer two out of three questions right you will win our prize for one of our listeners bill who is mr wonderful himself playing for heidi hudson of santa barbara california all right here is your first question here we go the the vanity fair oscar party has a notoriously strict guest list but one reporter from the star tabloid managed to work their way in one year how a thousands of dollars of plastic surgery to make them look just like jack nicholson b they brought a pig on a leash and told everyone it was the pig from babe or c they disguised themselves as a giant oscar statue and had a friend wheel them into the hall a day early i think the oscar wheel them in a day early thing that sounds good to me it's brilliant it's sophisticated but we made it up it was really the pig he brought in a little pig you know what i was gonna go pig i was gonna go pig you screwed me up okay it didn't work everybody was like wait a minute that pig can't talk all right you have two more chances here here's your next question the met gala's red carpet is always filled with heat huge stars but someone stole the show in 2023 who was it a a new york mets fan whose uber driver got confused and dropped him at the met gala instead of the stadium b party organizer anna winter who was caught in the hot mic saying god i'm so uncomfortable next year i'm making the theme sweatpants or c a cockroach who walked the runway like he was the guest of honor i'm going cockroach as as well you should because that's exactly what it was yeah baby i'm still in it i'm still in it when the cockroach walked down the red carpet every photographer immediately dropped they were doing and tried to get a picture it was wearing balenciaga i thought it might have been dolce no well you never know last question you get this you win in 2022 the eu spent half a million dollars to throw a huge virtual party in the metaverse right hoping to engage young people with their policies one problem though what was it a emmanuel macron attended and got motion sickness from the vr headset and threw up during his big speech be the virtual dj in the metaverse glitched out and just kept repeating the first 40 seconds of that chumbawamba song or see only six people showed up six people showed up you're right a vast thank you very much a vast infinite space in the in the metaverse six listen there's something about that cat dna thing that's working for me uh yeah the six people who did show up at this virtual party had fun according to one attendee quote i am here at the gala i am alone so bill did uh kevin o'leary do as well this as he seems to do with everything else everything else he got two out of three that means you're a winner and it'll pay off in 20 years well thank you very much and thank you and congratulations on everything kevin o'leary is one of the shark tank sharks you can see him now in marty's supreme kevin o'leary thank you so much for joining us on wait wait don't tell me what a pleasure to talk to you take care thank you thank you take care bye-bye in just a minute the rudest thing your house can do in our listener limerick challenge call 1-triple-8 wait wait to join us on the air we'll be back in a minute with more of wait wait don't tell me from npr from npr and wbec chicago this is wait wait don't tell me the npr news quiz i'm bill curtis we are playing this week with adam burke mo rocca and shantira jackson and here again is your host at the studa baker theater in illinois specifically Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, the odds of you winning the Listener Limerick Challenge are 34 to 1 on FanDuel. Are you ready to prove them wrong? If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Mo, a new board game has caused some controversy, and it is not longer Monopoly. It's a game where players reenact what historical incident? Oh, the Donner Party? No, although a lack of food does come into it. Well, I was always a big Hungry Hungry Hippo fan, so that's where my mind went. They reenact something that's very controversial. Mo, I think this answer is about to make me real angry. Is it? Yes, it is. It's going to make you hangry? Yeah. Not hangry. Well, it's going to make you hangry, too. Oh, the Irish Potato Fam. Yes, it is a game in which you can reenact the Irish Potato Fam. Is it like a really skinny Mr. Potato Head? Sorry. By the way, that's just called a French fry. In the new game, The Great Hunger, you play the families of farmers and fieldhands in Ireland in the 1840s when your main source of food, you play the families of farmers and fieldhands in Ireland in the 1840s when your main source of food, dies out. Not only does it make a game out of the worst disaster in Irish history, the pieces representing individual Irishmen are all adorable leprechauns. Oh, my God. Wait, what's the game called? It's called The Great Hunger. And people in Britain created it? It was created? Yeah. I mean, this game already exists. It's called Monopoly. One of the ways you can win the game, by the way, is moving your family to America, which makes sense. It's victory, because as we know, Irish people who moved to America at that time had it really easy, and nothing bad ever happened to them again. Shantira, the newest wisdom about having a neater home is that we should get rid of our quote, aspirational clutter. What is aspirational clutter? Aspiration, like a piano? Like a. Yeah, something like that. The reason it's called aspirational clutter is because it's things you bought for what purpose? Oh, to use it? You never did. Exactly right. I will give it to you. Yay! Stuff we never use, but we bought to pretend that one day our life would be different and we'd be able to do it. According to organizational experts, aspirational clutter is the stuff around our house that highlights, quote, the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Which seems like a really poetic way to tell me to throw away my figure skating tights. I feel like I'd do this with clothes. I'm like, I could definitely wear that jacket one day. Yeah, actually, that's one of the examples. It takes the form of big serving platters for dinner parties you never throw, blazers for the job you'll never have, and pretty much any and all exercise equipment. What if my aspiration is to be a hoarder? Yeah, that's true. Good point. Adam, this week a new study finds that after you go to the gym, your what has ten times more harmful back, bacteria than a toilet seat. Is it your gym clothes? No. Can I get a clue? We'd expect that, yeah. This is why you should always get a manicure immediately after spin class. Oh, is it like your fingernails? Your fingernails are filthy after a gym workout. According to a new study, we have a high level of bacteria on our fingernails after working out for an hour. Not only can this make you sick, apparently it means I've been working out all wrong. I almost never scratched the weights. You said working out for an hour? An hour? Yeah. No worries. Yeah, you're good. Walk out, your hands are pristine. I am so clean, you guys. We also recommend against sharing towels or water bottles at the gym. Okay, fine, but how else am I going to make friends at the gym if I'm not borrowing random people's towels? That seems like a suggestion for boys. That seems like season two of Heated Rivalry. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, and if you are in Chicago looking for a drunker version of Wait, Wait, come see our special comedy grab bag live stand-up show March 11th at the Den Theater in Wicker Park. Adam Burke will be hosting, along with Alzo Slade, Joelle Nicole Johnson, and more for tickets and more, and for more information for all of our live events, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Kate calling from Salem, South Carolina. Oh, Salem, South Carolina. I'm not quite sure where that is. Where is it? It's where they filmed the end scene of Deliverance. Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah, but it's pretty close to Clemson as well as Greenville, South Carolina, which is where I live. I'm sorry. You decided to let me know about your hometown in the short time you have by letting me know that that's where they filmed the end scene of Deliverance. I mean, it says all the shirts around here say, Pedal Faster. I hear banjos, so. It's such a romantic movie. It really is. Well, welcome to the show, Kate. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play? Yep. Here's your first limerick. There is not much a panda can do. They're more likely to die out than you. But their high-fiber diet, we humans should try it. Yes, people should eat more. Bamboo. Bamboo, the latest superfood being pushed by all the nutrition influencers is bamboo. I mean, maybe pandas aren't so dumb after all. Bamboo apparently has got dense nutritional value. It's rich in protein. It gives you 100% of your daily recommended sticks. Imagine how pissed you'd be if you just got on Ozempic just as panda body became all the way. Exactly. What a shame. Now, before you immediately go eat that bamboo houseplant you got at Ikea, remember you have to prepare bamboo correctly. You first strip the fibrous exterior, then continuously boil the core to remove the toxins before you can cook with it. Or if you're a panda, just eat it as is. And we'll see you next time. And watch your entire species become endangered because of dumbness. Here is your next limerick. That old accent where our sounds got lost in got some Duncan but cream filled with frosting. Unlike Cliff from that bar, they no longer say ca. We can't tell if a speaker's from. Baston. Baston, right. According to the Boston Globe, the famous Boston accent is dying out. One reason, apparently, for the accent's decline is that many adults have intentionally dropped their Boston accents for professional reasons. They're afraid that accent doesn't say, I'm executive material, and instead says, I'm about to rob a bank with my little brother. If they're going to drop the Boston accent, they have to drop everything else that goes with it, right? Because it doesn't carry the same weight to say, well, I am wicked smart. How do you like them apples? Do these apples appeal to you? Here's your last limerick. Windows open and close with a chirp, and a breeze rushes in with a slurp. When the air isn't stale, we can take an inhale. I am giving my house a quick burp. Yes, right. More and more Americans are taking part in the German tradition of house burping, where you open all your windows to let the fresh air in on a regular basis. It's especially great. When you've burned something in the stove, or someone in the house is sick, or you just want a bird to get inside your apartment. Do you have to slap the back of the house? With a little towel on the front lawn, slap the back. Sometimes it vomits up your aspirational hoarding. Yeah, exactly. We should point out, though, if you open the back door, that's not called burping. It's called burping. Bill, how did Kate do? How did Kate get all three right? That was hard. Well done. Yeah. Congratulations. Congratulations, Kate, and thanks for calling. Thanks. Bye-bye. It is now time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Adam has three. He's in the lead. Shantira has two. Mo has two. Okay. Adam, you are in first place. The other two are tied. So let's just pick Shantira to go first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Blank launched a new operation in Maine. LLB. No. - That would be so nice. already there. Ice. Oh, okay. Thursday, Trump said he had held productive talks with Ukrainian president blank. Um, I can't remember his name, but I hope the best for him. Thank you. I'm sure it means a lot to him. It's Volodymyr Zelensky. This week, a study found that it could cost over a hundred million dollars to rename the department of defense blank. The war department? Right. This week, police in Canada who pulled over a driver for speeding refused to let him get back on the road because they said his car was blank. Um, full of parrots. No, they said his car was, quote, held together with duct tape and wishful thinking. This week, Sonny Williams, one of the astronauts who was stuck on the blank, announced her retirement. Oh, was it like the ISS? Yeah, she was stuck on the space station. Last week, anti-ice protesters in Minneapolis located the hotel where agents were staying and blanked. They made a bunch of noise and poured ice and showed them what America's made of. Yeah, I'll give it to you. They played drums. They played drums outside all night. Protesters in Minneapolis kept coming up with creative ways to interrupt ice activity. You got to wonder how well this works on ice agents, though. Being kept awake by drums might actually be a nice change from being kept awake thinking about how your wife hates you. Bill, how did Shantira do in our quiz? Oh, well, very good. Um, three right. Six more points. Total of eight. Puts her in the lead. All right. For one second. Mo, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Friday, a massive blank led to severe conditions in over two dozen states. A massive cold and snowy front. Yes, a winter storm. According to DOJ court filings, Elon Musk's blank shared sensitive social security data. His doge. Doge, yes. On Thursday, Trump announced he was suing blank for five billion dollars for closing his bank accounts, after January 6th. Jamie Dimon. Yeah, of J.P. Morgan. On Monday, the CEO of online retail giant blank blamed tariffs for increased prices. Amazon. Amazon, right. This week, a California fitness company is under investigation after it was discovered that their protein powder was actually blank. Oh, um, cremated remains. No. No, it was actually just cake mix. According to a new study, stressing about blank can age your heart faster than curing. Cardiovascular disease. Stressing about aging, about your health. No, about money. Oh, money. On Tuesday, officials had to release a warning after beaches in Australia recorded four blank attacks in two days. Shark attacks. Right. This week, a man in New Jersey was able to escape authorities despite wearing an ankle monitor because he blanked. Oh, because, oh, he removed his ankle. A bear. A panda. No. Shoot, finally decided to become carnivorous. Exactly. Shoot off his ankle. Panda's like, why do I have that? Why do I have these teeth? Let's try it out. No. He attached the ankle monitor to a dog and let it loose. When the man failed to appear in court, authorities immediately checked the GPS tracker and his ankle monitor. It didn't take long for cops to realize what had happened, and they managed to track the dog down with the help of a local vet. Unfortunately, as soon as officers removed the ankle monitor and set the dog free, it went right out and robbed a liquor store. Bill, how did Mo do on our quiz? Pretty good. Five right, ten more points. Total to 12. Puts him in the lead. All right, then. So, how many does Adam need to win? Adam, you need five to win. All right. Ready to do this, Adam? Here we go. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. According to a new poll, a majority of Americans say the government is intentionally holding back information from the blank files. Epstein. Right. This week, Michelle Obama said she thinks the U.S. is getting closer to electing a woman as blank. Our president. Right. According to the CDC, the blank outbreak in Texas is one of the worst in decades. Measles. Right. This week, a self-driving bus being demonstrated on the streets of D.C. was hit by blank. Another self-driving bus. No, the self-driving bus was hit by a human-driven Tesla. On Monday, the Space Weather Prediction Center said they were tracking the largest blank storm in 20 years. Meteor. A solar storm. On Thursday, Sinner set a new record for most blank nominations. Oscar nomination. Right. This week, a U.S. aircraft carrier stationed off the coast of Venezuela may have to end its mission early because blank stopped working. The toilets. Exactly right. Since the ship, the $13 billion aircraft carrier, was launched in 2023, they've had to call for outside help with the toilets 42 times. It must be so embarrassing for the sailors to have to knock on Venezuela's door and be like, I'm so sorry. But could we invade your bathroom real quick? Bill, did Adam do well enough to win? Five, right. Ten more points. His total is 13, and yes, is the answer. He won. Congratulations, Adam. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists, now that they're using tools, how will cows surprise us next? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ, Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager. Our producer is Shana, birthday girl, Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre, BJ Liederman, composer, our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is our malevolent overlord. Emma Choi is our visual host. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller, our production manager. That's Robert Newhouse, our senior producer, is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will. How's due next? Adam Burke. They'll learn how to make the B sound and reveal they've actually been booing us this entire time. Mo Rocca. To combat climate change, they'll begin eating Impossible Burgers. Shantira Jackson. They're going to stop working for Chick-fil-A. And if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke, Shantira Jackson, and Mo Rocca. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And thanks to all of you for listening wherever you may be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. Thank you. This is NPR.