The transcript is a humorous, self-referential episode of a fictional talk show called *Distractable*, hosted by Bob, Mark, and Wade. The show blends absurdity with real facts, featuring a game called "What I Lie to You" where participants evaluate the truth of bizarre, often scientifically dubious statements—like bacteria stretching for 10 billion light years or a snake’s body being a limb. The game highlights personal anecdotes, such as Mark’s winning streak in fact assessments and a comedic discussion about dog behavior, while poking fun at topics like the origin of chicken nuggets or the lifespan of glass sponges. Despite early struggles, Mark ultimately wins the episode with 15 points, outperforming Wade, who scores 12. The tone remains playful and irreverent, with jokes about religion, politics, and everyday life. The episode pays tribute to the hosts’ shared sense of humor and their absurd, unscripted approach to conversation, concluding with a lighthearted celebration of their chaotic, creative dynamic. A brief product promotion for Mavily New York’s groupie setting mist is also included, emphasizing its innovative, skin-friendly formula. The show exemplifies a fusion of satire, personal reflection, and intellectual curiosity, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking.
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of the longest running episodic chronicling of Three Men Aging Ungracefully. That's right, it's time for another episode of Distractable! "Oh, man, come on, guys." "I got cast on my leg, or I'm not feeling good about where my situation is, doesn't really reflect that much on you guys." "I feel pretty reflected." "It's just your bald head." "That's right, I'm your host, my name's Bob, I won the last one somehow. I don't remember feeling like I should have won, but I did, and so I get to host this." "The two other voices you've heard so far are, of course, Mark and Wade, they're always here. One of them's gonna win, unless I do. We just had that happen with Wade with the back-to-back, so you don't know." "I felt really good, that felt really good." "But probably one of them's gonna win, they're gonna host the next one." "Lah blah blah, there's other rules, we don't remember them, we're gonna apply them at random." "Before we get into the game that I have planned for today, that I worked on, I think I could say hours. I spent hours on this." "It might be embarrassing, depending on how the game goes, a small talk. How are you guys doing today?" "Very good." "Wonderful." "Thanks for asking." "It sounds good." "I'm turning into, you know, Adam Driver's character in SNL, he was the oil tycoon, stab the bird." "I feel like day by day I'm turning into that man with my various business center prizes and the various eat." "I have to send so many emails, I never imagined I would be at this point in my life where my entire existence revolves around sending emails." "That's what I'm doing day and day, to whom it may concern, go fuck yourself, to whom it may concern, I hope you die, to whom it may concern." "Man, business is so hard." When 15 years ago Mark made that choice and was like, "Look, I could have a job in biomedical engineering where I send a lot of emails, sit at a desk. Or, I could have fun with my life, never saw this coming." "I look at Mark, I just want to say, who's HR Pickens?" "Exactly." "I think it was HR Pickens and his name was like something, something, partner-assist." "I just remember when he stabbed his cane through the bird, and everyone was just like, "Oh, what, what, what is it going to like that?" "Very good character, I would watch a whole movie based on that character." "He got cast in X-Men or something, I think, or like for 20-28." "I saw that, he introduced his character by their civilian name, and I don't know enough about it to know what that means, but apparently he's going to play someone in the X-Men people." "I've learned most of my Marvel lore and X-Men lore and everything else from watching movies in the last 10 years or so, so that probably wouldn't die or man come up to those in like eight or nine. I guess it's been more than 10 years or so." Almost 21 might say, "No, don't do that, don't do that to me, oh God, you're right." "It's not that bad, man, it's not that bad." "It's not your fault." "Just wait till you hear when you were born." "I think, I think every time someone has a revelation like that, they actually physically grow older in that moment because their brain is like, "Oh yeah, we're older." "Ah, hit the button." "Oh, for." "If it's so many moments where I've pictured myself as Matt Damon aging and saving private Ryan, that gift of him just like. " "Okay, well it's not that bad, man. It's not that bad. He's a little sad when he's doing it, but you know, it's not that bad." "It's me, Matt Damon." "No, that's how he talks." "There they go. Matt Damon." "His eyes are actually perfectly open, you know, when he's old, I'm looking at it right now." "No, that's not it, no, he's looking at a grave, remember, he's looking at a grave." For listeners, Wade just did a one-for-one recreation of the scene from "Saving Private Ryan," where they age Matt Damon to be very, very old, that is, that is. "Look, with Sam's assistance, no one will ever know I didn't pull it off." Right, Sam? (Laughs) "Chuckin' 'em out hot and fast." "Right, Sam?" "Right." "Well, today's a big day for me, too, and I'm allowed to talk about small talk. I couldn't keep it in, and so I already said this to you guys, but James' first day of preschool was today. We did the old picture by the front door. He got a new, uh, his first-ever backpack, carrying it proudly to school. It's like way too big for him, because even the smallest backpack that we could find at the store is for, like, I don't know, five-year-old, and he's three, but I think he had a good time. Yeah, I told you before we, I don't know if it's before we were recording, but you're screaming and moaning, but I think he just had to go down for a nap time. "It was so good he didn't want to come home. That's why he was sad." "I mean, almost definitely. If there's anything to that, I know James would enjoy. It's a room full of other kids who are not allowed to leave, and they're all supposed to play together and work and become friends. His biggest sadness in life is when we go to the playground and, like, other kids are already doing something else, and he just comes and is like, "Can I play?" And they're like, "We're high schoolers. You can't play with us." And then they leave. And he's like, "I could have done it." I'm like, "Why are those guys so fucking mean to me? I could have done it." They know he'd come steal their girls. He's going to steal yours first. Yeah. He's not subtle about working on that either. He is not. He doesn't. Right in front of you. He's shit. He is very bossy. I got to respect it. Like, you know, if I lose, I lose at this point, like, "Yeah, it's, it's, it's, you complacency." "Game on." Like, "Game on." Whoa, hey, wait, I have to, I have to ask. You're not going to, you're not playing on doing anything to my three-year-old son, are you? We'll see how far he's willing to go, man. If he escalates, I'm escalating. I don't like that answer. That's not a good answer. It's unsatisfactory. Check minus on your report card there. You have a report card in front of you. You could, you could do things like that. Mr. Judge. Sir. Good point. No, wait. Hold on. No, no. I'm aging again. I'm aging again. Sam. Sam. Sam. Make him younger. Actually, that works. That's, you get, find another age where ball is totally appropriate. Wait. I'm a baby again. That means, "Game on." It's James again. We're the same age now. The story's getting a little complicated. Not true. It's like a combination of Benjamin Button and the Notebook. Probably not the Notebook. I just don't know a lot of romance movies. I've never watched the Notebook, so I don't know. Oh. Wedding crashers. That's probably not a romance movie. Honestly, the Notebook is a good movie, unless you have dementia in a family member or something, and it is possibly the saddest for me, like the scariest movie I've ever watched. That's the choose your own, so people were asking, "Hey, wait, great episode. Wait, or just completely rip off supernatural." Because there's a supernatural episode about like a pagan god where a town makes sacrifices. But I was like, "Okay, if one, there's like an ex-files episode." I think there's an entire Goosebumps episode that came out before supernatural with that, and then children of the corn, like, there's a lot of things. And then half of every indie horror game ever made is kind of also Colton Town. Outlast two is like all Colton Town. That one with the goat. So not only did you rip off that one episode, you ripped off everything in the world. Norse mythology, the harvesting gods, the venerar, venerar, venerar, whatever. I played Fierce the Fathom recently, and that's kind of like got that town culty vibe to it. So there's a lot of town culty vibe things. So if you guys are going to blame me for ripping off supernatural, give credit to the other things I ripped off too. Actually, you know, there was a 1973 film by the name of cult town. Damn it. It used to make that joke all the time. I remember how unoriginal you've been this whole time. Whenever I was writing it and I came up with the name of the shepherd, every time I would like write down that word, all I would hear is like Mass Effect People going shepherd. That's what I got to. But I didn't want to say anything to ruin the mood. Every time I hear the word shepherd, I'm like shepherd. This is my favorite cult in the citadel. Shepherds. My quads shepherds. I asked shepherd, the calibrations. Calibrate in your chuk-ducky. What was the other Krogan's name? The one that no one liked. It was like the two baby Krogan or something like that. Oh, I really can't remember. I remember that character vividly because he's talking annoying. But I, yeah, Rex stands out like super hard. I can't remember the other ones name. There's only two things I remember from Mass Effect 2 and it's Miranda. Why? What does that mean? That's funny. Explain it. Because I love the voice actress, Yvonne Stralsky. And the body. What the fuck? I think if you just made said that and didn't make those noises, I'd feel way better about it. Wait, I know we've covered this before, but so Miranda was your romance of choice. Oh, yeah. I was tally. The only one that I don't, I have any, any respect for is Lyara. Anyone that's like, I remember this Lyara, I'm like, that's. the worst choice. That's terrible. That doesn't make any sense to me. You know what? That's not okay. But it's been a long time, but I have done playthroughs both with Miranda and Tully. It's the only correct choices, really. Those definitely be my top two. I can't remember all the other characters. You could remember, it's like Ashley or what was the guy's name that everyone that died in the first one? For no particular reason. The people working on him in the third game being like no one's gonna ever see this. No one ever has done this. This is for the three of you that killed Ashley. The voice actor for that. It's like you guys are going to call me back, right? For the third game, technically some people. There are dozens of us. What's his name? I can't remember. Caden Carlton. Caden. That was right. Wow. Let's do that right. Hey, see, see? Oh, Caden, I definitely let you die. I have one more thing. I got one more. If you don't mind. Last week, I went down. Oops, I didn't hold on. I went down and it's, I went down to GoPro, not headquarters. I was not shot in the middle of the desert. I met them and they were very respectful, happy to see me. I met the team and then they handed me this. These plastic bottles shattered. Crash noise, explosion in the background. This is the softest critique. Anyway, look, I have it. Wow. The lens looking like it weighs three times. The amount of camera does is crazy. I absolutely checked in because you did a stream like that afternoon or that night. I went to the stream because I was like, I gotta know what happened and you, I saw that it was fine. But the only other thing I do know is I saw a clip of you. I was, you be like showing it off and then being like, it's brand new. I just got this drop. Something hits the desk and you're going, it's not broken. It's not, it's not, it's why didn't you break? It wasn't the camera itself. It was a mount. So this is, it was something called a Metabone speed booster. So it's the plastic case that that came in. Metabones does have some answering to do because that is a brand new thing I got from them. It was a shard inside one of the retaining walls of plastic. Shard it off. And then even inside the metadata bones like little clip, there was another piece I was broken inside of it. So that supposed to be brand new. And that thing, that, that thing was very, very not new feeling. So some sketchy shit going on there. This camera is all lens and this is a tiny lens. It is so small. It looks like the camera set up that like a chipmunk thick filming the chipmunk NFL would use. You know how sports, sports photographers always have like fucking two, two foot long lenses. This is so fun. It is everything I was hoping it would be by doing a video where I compare it to just about every camera I own. And I own some really high end cinema cameras. And there are some, there are some things that this thing can do that those cannot do. Like 4K 240 is, is such a really nice slow motion frame rate. My Reds can't do that. Or at least the Komodo cannot do that. Look at this is the SW9 millimeter one. It looks very satisfying. It's so, it's like cold and baby shoes. You know, it's like, this is, oh, it's so dainty and cute. It's so, I fucking, it's the perfect intersection of like all of my interests like lens. I'm literally surrounded by lenses of course. You mean the camera, not baby shoes, right? Yes. Well, but it's just so fucking cute. It's so useful. It's so fun. I also think it's incredible. Anyway, I could, I could go on about it for ages, but I'm going to let, I'm going to let the video do the talking because I'm preparing it for when, you know, pre-orders are going to go up. And I have probably tomorrow I'm going to try to set all things up so I can get, I'm going to have Jason in his workshop like welding in slow motion. And I'm going to have him like standing stuff do word woodworking. I'm a light at all nice. And I'm going to have this literally riding on top of my red camera and all my other cameras as I do like slider shots. Yeah. Can you just culture that on top of a camera? Yeah. Absolutely. I totally could. I could get a little uh, uh, three eights to culture or quarter or whatever it is to to culture adapter. I could put it right on there or I could have a little magic arm so I can put out there. You just balance it. So when are you going to get the shot where you take it and skip it across the surface of your pool and slam it into the wall of the far side at a hundred miles an hour? I already have that shot. I could pull it out. I just didn't, uh, I didn't post it. I'm so excited about this. I think as far as like people's first cinema camera or like introduction to it, this is one of if not the best option that'll come out for people getting started in that world. And it's just such a fun option, especially when some cameras are coming out like cinema cameras and they're like, I mean, the the cheapest red is $7,000, you know, the the the new FX five got announced. And I don't even know what the price of that thing is. Well, I have to imagine too for for traveling, even bringing like a DSLR with, you know, a moderate assortment of lenses. If you're trying to travel and do like a shoot somewhere or something, compared to that where it's literally like the tiniest pelican case thing that they make. Yeah, you can just chuck it in your backpack or like fit it in your in your carry on with the rest of your stuff. You need like some of the new Sony cameras don't even come with lenses. You just have to download them and hope that the license for them doesn't expire. Now wait a minute. You wouldn't download a lens. Would you? Of course you would. Why not? Technically in the way when I got the macro adepter for that one. I guess I kind of downloaded that lens. Anyway, so it's it's very cool. And I think that people are going to find a lot of cool things to use it for. Let's do the first person that I know personally to have one. Yeah, I'm the first person of three here that has it. We're the only ones you know. I know more people personally than just us. Okay. I have four pinned text conversations in my iMessage app. I real quick health update. I jumped off a diving board for the first time in like a year. My knee was I got the jump. What'd you break? Nothing almost my spine, but I landed a little bit harder on the deep end than I expected to. So like my back was like, hey, but it's fine. Everything's fine. You landed on the deep end like on the bottom? Yeah, well, I didn't like my very first jump. I was like, well, I'm not going to like cannonball or they don't want to like have my knee hit first. So I'll just like pencil jump in and then you go down really fast and I was like, my knee, it feels great. It's bottom of floor. It doesn't bend legs. It's fine. Nice. Nice. It's better not bend my knees. That'd be a terrible idea. Wait, no, it would. So all my favorite football players say the moment you get hit, what you want to do is if it's a board made of stone, nothing bends that way you survive with no injuries. I should have I always I always been my knees man. Like I don't watch in college basketball as a kid and I played basketball a couple of those injuries where someone would like jump to like block something and land and not been there and they're like leg would snap. I hate that so much. So like whenever I did that, I was like, good thing there was water because that would have been the end of me otherwise. I'm starting to ramp up physical activity again. I can walk. I try diving board and leg good, leg good. Yeah, I can't wait till I'm allowed to walk again. Ready? It is getting better, but I still have like a month minimum of not really supposed to be walking at all. So does that mean you can't like swim or anything too for however long? Not even at all. I can barely take a shower because I have the cast I have on. I'm not allowed. I'm not supposed to get wet at all. If it gets more than just droplets on it, I'm supposed to go and have them replace it. And yeah, I mean, I get replaced once a week anyway because they cut it open and they have to look at the wound on my foot, but oh my god. Someday, I'll be allowed to walk like a human. It's nice. It's nice coming back after like two months of hobbling along. It was nice to like move again. Someday. Hey, you guys want to play a game? Sure. Uh, first I would flip a coin to see you get to go first. Lion is way lady is Mark. Sure. This is a normal coin. Don't question it. I see lady. I'm usually lady. So whatever he said at this time, I was like, oh, I'm not lady for once. Today's game is going to be called what I lie to you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Ding. Yes. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I'm not the one who will be saying what I lie to you. Nor will I be the one who's lying. Okay. You guys are going to take turns and I'm going to say because it's Mark's turn first. I'm going to give you. I'm going to send you a message first. Uh, the message is going to first say whether the fact that I'm sending you is true or false. And then it's going to have a fact that I want you to say as convincingly as possible or maybe as unconvincingly as possible. Is there just a list of accumulated facts and some of them are true and some of them are false, but all of them hopefully sound like they could be true or sound so silly, but are actually, you know, sound like they should be false, but they are true. Try my best to get a range of facts. So I'm going to tell you, this is a lie or this is true. And then I'm going to send you the thing. And your job as the person
person who has to say the fact is obviously to totally ignore the first message I said to you and not let that plan you're psyche at all and then convincingly communicate the fact. Yeah, so no matter what I'm just trying to say what you send as honestly as possible. Yeah, unless maybe you know that it's true or like it's, you know, I said the one of them is like the earth is round and you're like, well, okay, yes, but you can try and say it deceptively but like it's a game of leading each other. You do have to have your eyes open for this one, Wade. No, Wade, you can close your eyes, close your eyes, Wade. This is true. True or false? We try really hard not to send the message to the wrong person or say it out loud. All right. But Mark, here is your first fact and then, Wade, observe, focus. All right. So if you were to take every single bacteria on the planet and you were to stack them up on top of each other, one single bacteria on top, it would stretch for a single, continuous line for 10 billion light years. Do you know what a light year is? Yeah, I learned that from Toy Story. 10 billion light years and billion light years. It's so oddly specific. I want to believe it's true, but that sounds too big. I don't even know what's the size of the universe? Is that like that's beyond the distance that we can perceive anything? Right? Because like what I don't know. I don't know enough about like space and shit. Sorry, I'm not participating again. It just sounds like a really big number. So far, if you said like the moon or Mars or something, I'd be like, oh, that's crazy, but 10 billion light years sounds unfathomable. I'm going to say false. That one is true. I meant true. That means I win, right? Another way to phrase that would be to say that Earth's 0.001 millimeter long microbes could wrap around the Milky Way over 20,000 times. If you like, did it in a circle around the Milky Way. You know, even when he typed that to me, he was like, this is true. I really was like, that seems alive. Even in my head as I was saying, I was like, man, I'm trying to convince him that this is true. How do I, how do I feel convincing? Because 10 billion light years is a lot, but then again, there's a lot of bacteria on the planet. I mean, yeah, there is, but like, I feel like the planet would have to be bigger to hold that much stuff, but even like right here on the palm of my hand, even if I've just washed it, there's probably still going to be millions on my just my hand, right? Yeah, but you don't stretch out your hands and all of a sudden you're slapping Venus on the ass, you know, well, I mean, maybe. Maybe you go. Look, me and Venus were very close, and if I want to slap Venus on the ass with my hand bacteria, is that good for Mark that I was wrong? Is Mark want, does he want me to be right? The person stating the fact or the lie is attempting to deceive, right? So Mark won because he got, he, you said the wrong, you chose the wrong answer. And Mark deceived you. And the guesser wins when they accurately guess. So you, when you're picking true or false, you want to be right, because that means you were not deceived. Well, how many times in a row can I possibly lose a coin flip anyway? I just, you know, a lot. Oh, all right. Wait, I am sending you your factoid. Mark, wearing a tie could reduce blood flow to your brain by seven and a half percent. Okay, I would believe that wearing a tie would could reduce blood flow, but it's weirdly specific percentage, seven and a half percent. How do you even measure? Is that like a known lie number? Oh, you're thinking about like, yeah, I like, how would they dis, disarm in that percentage? They use the metric system blood monitor. What do they get like, 100% what, what kind of other percent are there? Oh, they got like kilo per cent per centigrade. Is that where centigrade comes from? Yes, yes, man, I'm going to say it's false just based on seven and a half seems like a weird number. I guess 10 billion light years also seems like a weird number. But I'm just going to say, babe, false. The fact was true. A study in 2018 found that wearing an act I can reduce blood flow to your brain by up to seven and a half percent. It can also increase the pressure in your eyes if your tie is on too tight and also ties carry a lot of germs, which I hadn't thought about until I put this together. But do you wash your ties? You ever washed a tie? That's a good question. I guess I, like, as I haven't. So how many functions have you worn that tie at where you maybe like shook hands with people or hugged people, you know, never gets why I've owned ties for literally like almost two decades because I still have a couple ties that I got in like high school, little school high school era that I don't really wear because they're kind of old and beat up. But that's two decades worth of germs and shit soaked into that bad boy. That's crazy. So anyway, no one should wear ties because they're fucking gross. Yeah, and dress socks. You guys don't watch those, right? You don't watch dress socks? I've never washed a single item of clothing I've ever worn. Why would you? True. I believe you. True. All right, Mark. I am. I wish I had thought of a more efficient way to do this. And I'm not having trouble copying and pasting stuff. There is your factoid, Mark. Oh, I had this thought too, because both of the first two ones had numbers in them. You don't have to say all the info that I send you. If you think it will help you be deceitful, like if you thought 10 billion light years was a lot of light years and you were hoping, I guess you can't lie. So that one, you can't really, but like for weights, you could just say it could reduce the blood flow to your brain. Can't lie. I can't add stuff. You're making up necessarily, but you can leave. If it's a complicated fact, you can leave stuff out. I got it. I got it. Okay. Wait. Look down. Look at your hands. What do you see? Do you see the toil that the years have plagued them? Do you see how they've changed from friend you were a child? Do you see how they have evolved? Yes. The story those hands tell the places they've touched. The things they have grasped you. Now look at your nails. Oh, God. Same a little longer, don't they? Huh? Yeah. Did you know your nails grow faster in summer? That feels awesome, but remember what nails are made of carrot juice or something? Yeah. Yeah. Carrot juice and we get carrots in from not carrots, probably. I don't think so. Yeah. I think you're right. Carrots grow in the summer, but isn't it growing the winner? This is exactly where I hope this game would go. Frosty, a lot hornier in the summer when he's dying. He's carrot nose. God, that feels so stupid. So I'll say true, because I don't believe it. That one is true. It's true. And I think I know why. It's because your circulation is better in warmer weather. So in the summer, you're in the cold, your blood goes away from your extremities. But in the warm temperature, your blood goes to your extremities more readily. I think that's probably the only reason why it would grow faster. Did you reason that out yourself? Because that's exactly what I got from the place where I found the source of that fact. I was also thinking like back years and years and years ago in the snow, if your nails grow all summer, you'd have natural snow shovels for the winner. This guy's thinking that now that that is a thought that is one thought. I thought that he thought that I believe that he thought that true. Don't overheat yourself with all this thinking. Oh, God. I know my nails guys couldn't do crazy in here. That's okay. Wait, I have sent you your factoid. Mark, both hair and nails continue to grow after you die. Now, I actually know this one. I know this one. This is false. You are correct. This is false. Why do you know that? What the hell? Honey corpse, are you hanging out with? Oh, you know, I've watched a lot of death in my time. I've seen it up close. I got my macro lenses on all the bodies that I see you after they pass. I have extensive collections of footage from all kinds of angles of everything. I have a library of it. Let's just say I'm well researched in the topics of death. That is one of those things they say. Whenever you're growing up, I remember hearing your nails and hair will continue to grow. That was a thing. That is a thing. But I do know that that's false because originally as a kid, I was like, they said that and I was like, "Whoa!" And then I remember, I don't know, probably a Reddit post or something. It was like, "It's not true. It's just because your skin recedes when you die." Well, Mark's just stealing all my thunder from everything. The prevailing theory is that when you die, your body begins to dehydrate, which causes your skin to pull back and shrink, which makes your nails and the hair appear longer. Chokes on them. I'll still be bald. That'll be weird. You died. And then I'll just say, "I see a miracle." He's crying, "Oh, he did have hair in there." He was just hiding it. We find out that all the hair I thought wasn't growing, was ingrowing. It was just like afro tucked in. Like, wait, your forehead, the wrinkles are starting to really come and it's like, "No, it's just the hair trying to escape the skin layer." Man, I hate that. I have a natural helmet of hair under my skin. Gross. Don't worry. Your fact is coming, Mark. You like this one? Wait, there might be a cure for evil. I'm waiting for more. That's a fact. You could take that into the bank. Well,
Psychopathy anyway maybe I'm just gonna go with true cuz that's it's hard to disprove a negative Yeah, I feel like I was set up for finishing Wiggle room in a might now that I'm seeing it in context. I see I see the issue with that one that you're right That is true I'll be pretty crazy if that was just straight up false like this. There's definitely definitely no care for evil just kill those fuckers Rehabilitation done to work proven in this one sentence anyway the way that was phrased is pretty unfortunate But there is a research it's preliminary but those research to suggest that computer-based cognitive training Can help a person who is a psychopath experience empathy and regret? Assume that those could be traits that are imparted and last beyond the therapy sessions effectively carrying them off being Psychopath because the thing about being a psychopath is that you don't feel empathy or regret or stuff, right? Yeah, so a lot of times a psychopathy that people are born with like the psychopathic trait doesn't mean anything comes of it But if they actually become and start doing evil things usually there's like a trigger in life But from what I've understood like even at birth the predisposition to psychopathy itself is already there like the not feeling of emotion No, no, I've seen this in Dexter that how to turn a baby evil you dip them in a puddle of blood That's it Cording that you remember who you see in Dexter. That's it. That's all it's a you as soon as a baby touches a puddle of blood They're evil and they will kill I thought the blood of like a hundred virgins was supposed to give you eternal life or something A major evil not evil straight up evil. So there you have the cutest psychopathy is just don't dip in blood. We solved it That's it. Yeah, and then do the opposite of blood to become good, jeez Yeah, I don't want to say that's the opposite of blood I'm pretty sure that just makes the baby super evil. I think that goes that just goes further in the same direction There's a lot of problems with that thought experiment. We shouldn't move on immediately. Yeah, it's him He did it officers. It was him. I'm Pope. I'm pointing it. Wade. Whoa Sam make Mark pointed himself All right, Wade, you have your factoid. All right, man, Mark didn't have to read much at all I got to go back to choose your own adventure It needs a little explanation because I wasn't sure I didn't know what this what this thing was So I wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page Mark. No a glass sponge is a deep-sea animal with a skeleton made of silica The exact same material used to make glass glass sponges can live for 15,000 years Okay, so we got to evaluate a lot of things here. Are there a glass sponges? Okay, that's the first question I can confirm to you. I will say that is true We can operate with the understanding that a glass sponge is a documented real-life deep-sea creature This is one of those things where it's like if one is false then the whole thing is false of these Oh, yeah, this is this is endgame blueprints box is bullshit the explanation of the glass sponge was just to be clear that We're not deciding if the animal exists. We're deciding how long they can live the factoid at issue is they can live for 15,000 years I'm not very good at looking to how these things are gonna play out in practice I just thought we should at the wall. No, I like throwing Mark a paragraph It'd be like is any of this false or we got to look up if there's any like cave paintings of glass sponges A lot of cave cave people were deep sea exploring Jesus his pet glass sponge is still going on his great great great great great great great great great great great great grandson still has it Oh, Timmy the sponge. I remember in the old testament. They were talking and then the eighth plague the glass sponges rose Rantin to Egypt really scratched up everything when Jesus walked on water He was actually just stepping across glass sponges, but no one could tell because they were clear. Yeah, they didn't notice I I bet wrong by thinking that a specific number was weird with 7 1/2 so I'm gonna do the opposite and I'm gonna run into a brick wall by doing it I bet and I'm gonna say this is true, but I'm guessing it's not but I'm saying it's true and of course this fact is true Okay, all right scientists actually hypothesize that these things could theoretically be immortal that they are alive, but given the nature of their biology They kind of could live forever, but obviously that's pretty tough to document given the linearity and stationarity of time But maybe someday we'll know if they do live forever. I didn't know this but glass actually is it's made up of silica But not even the majority of it. I was under the impression that you could just melt sand and you would boom get glass That's not it yet kind of the kind of same to for modern glass You need soda ash and limestone To to make it and then other ingredients to melt down with it those things aren't clear at all So if you get lime soda, you could just have all everything ready from one go. Yeah, yeah, what he said wait false No, but the lime in the coke you nut. I'm not giving you a play for that. No, but actually a lot of old glass Was made of a material called mica because it's a naturally forming mineral that's Transparent and you can cut it really easily into thin sheets and it's it's like got that it's if you see old like windows They're brown. They have that brown and kind of rough texture to them. It's mica. It's really interesting knowledge If you're gonna replace old glass make sure you get replace all of it though because old glass kind of looks down on new glass Because you know, it's not really been around and understand that customs and traditions. Yeah, I see where you're going with that I don't I'm just saying yeah. Yeah. Well good one mark. Okay. That was a good one. Also you have your fact By definition a snake's body is a limb Yeah, it's a penis Is that a limb? Wait, it is now. I know mine is but I don't know what the definition of a limb technically is so like well, you got the definition right there by definition Every time the bangles score a touchdown to snake bodies up, baby Something about this just feels weird because a snake still has organs and I just shit I don't know what the exact definition of a limb is. I'm gonna say false See you forgot the tail That's false. Oh, I was like I mean I could see it but also that feels just not right I don't know how it does if you don't know what a limb is because honestly this is this is one where like if that was true I wouldn't even I would just be like oh, that's really interesting man Being as I have to guess. It's like well that one feels just naturally true So let me think about it for a minute. It's like well, this snake's body literally you eat digested Chits and pisses and all that stuff. So it's like I don't know that a limb is supposed to have those functions I don't know. Yeah, let me look at the definition of limb An arm leg or wing of a person or animal So tails tails aren't limbs some species have like prehensile tails So it's like it's not a limb, but they can use it kind of like a limb. Okay. Oh interesting. All right So apparently a tail is a limb if it's prehensile that is that is a separate but then again Yeah, this is just one of those things where scientists are defining things and we have to go with like all Pluto's not a planet Pluto is a limb, right? I think that's the conclusion we can reach here penis Why do we all just start jerking off when we do that? I just unlocked something in the male braid All the listeners at home, too, we're like Realize that the audience is going to run with a joke really hard Just know you're in that moment. Oh, yeah, your penis is a limb, right? Anytime someone sells you something that's false. Yeah, that's wrong, but if they tell you something you believe Whoever's turn it is I sent you a thing. Wait you have a thing mark Your pinky toe or tiny toe the toenail on that toe your little toe is called a spungle That's impossible I'm assuming it's a hard G. I think you said it spungle. I think you said it right. Yes. This is like the fundus all over again Not that you guys ever encountered this, but it's like the fundus is a part of the uterus I think he said fun dip and I was like I don't think that's like fun dip at all. Oh, it's a fun different No wait, was that a is that a redacted reference? I think I do remember that. Yeah, we were looking at the anatomy of uterus the back of the uterus or back. I guess top. I don't know Back the farthest part from the entrance of the uterus is called the fundus And then you're supposed to tell me that the toenail specifically on the pinky is called a spungle Yeah, if this was true I wouldn't want to live in a world where it was because this just feels like some scientist when a rye wouldn't they I'm saying it's false because I don't want it to be true. And that's the only reason Well, you got the vankemen you got the stance the spangler the zedmore the spungle the four ghost busters And then the one who got rejected. Well boy. Do I have some bad news? From Wade because that's false. Okay, good. I knew that it said that in my document I was about to like flip the coin
I mean, because I'll like, I declare we all define that as not the Spongful. No, it's a lot to call that a Spongful ever again. We've got it right, like every time I think, right? The person calling. I missed the seven and a half. Yeah, you guys have done really well. You've done really well. It's okay, Mark. I'm giving you a really tricky one. Okay. Gold nuggets were named after chicken nuggets. What's so funny, Wade? Just try a picture, an old prospector, like, walk around with his panhandle, and he's like, "There may die no nuggets ready yet." I don't know if that's. They had amorphous chicken nuggets, I think, back in the day, but. I don't know. When was the first chicken nugget? I want to say false. This feels. That feels wild. I think chicken nuggets were named after gold nuggets. I really thought Wade would go for that one. That is false. It was a dab. You know? Oh no. I might have to take a point away just for that, but. No way. Hold on. Give, give. Help. I need all the help I can use. But did the chicken nugget get named after the gold nugget? Was it reverse? Is that right? I know. Some of these false ones I literally just made up, so I don't have explanations for them necessarily. Okay. So, the original definition of nugget is specifically for solid lumps of precious metal. So it might actually be that the opposite is true. Hey, hey, hey. Good job, brain. Yeah. It's Wade's turn. I did not almost just send the wrong message to the wrong person. Oh, I forgot you said to you. That was like, oh, shit. I didn't look up a fact. Wait. Find a fact. All right. Mark, did I just get an email truthful? Oh. Good luck. All right, Mark. We're speed running, Mark. Plants came before seeds. Can you say it in a less presidential voice? Oh, clearly that's Ulysses S Grant. Give me a non-presidential voice. That's came before seeds. Oh, man, Roosevelt. Get out of here. Carter? Damn it. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all-day comfy grip. Maybe it's Mabling. He sounds just like a peanut farmer. Nixon? I'm not a plant. I'm not a cat. Okay, I'm thinking back to you know the game's sport. Oh, yeah. For a content creator. Yeah. Abomination creator. Yes. What was that? Yeah. There was no. You couldn't play as a plant in that, right? You had to be an aminol of some type. It was like a me-bar or something. I kind of would want to, I think that this is true because I feel like there's probably a world where like certain types of liking or things are that were the first plants, or maybe something underwater. And it probably wouldn't be like seeds. They would probably reproduce in the same way the bacteria would where they just first plant locked up was like, "Hey, I'm Jonathan." And then they fucking smoke cigarettes. Yeah, man. Back when the trees fucked, that was rough times. It's so crazy. Shit out there, man. If two trees fucking the woods, I'll traumatize to see animal population. Oh, god, the ends from Lord of the Rings. If two trees fucking the woods and no one's around a year, who has to pay child support? Want a really angry bush on the edge of the forest? I forget which way to go, but I think I'll read it to you again so you can. Clinton? President Kermit? Let's say true just because probably. It's true. I wrote down true on my paper. That's not what I meant. Well, you get a true point. That one is true. Oh, okay. You're right, Mark. And also, you reasoned your way exactly basically into the answer. The fossil record shows that early plants resembled moss and reproduced with single-celled spores. Multi-cellular seeds didn't evolve for another 150 million years. They just straight figured it out. Life finds a way. Yeah, that makes me think about the chicken and the egg thing. But I'm not going to talk about it more just in case Bob's about to type me the chicken and the egg thing. Early chickens looked more like moss. But they were made of gold. The term golden goose comes from it's actually golden chicken. Well, I'm going to say one more each because this is fun. True. I appreciate you saying that. There's your factoid, sir. Wait, this one's directed at you specifically. This is advice. This is not a fact. This is just advice. Wait, you, in particular, should not stop your dog from eating poo. I don't care what the right answer is. False. And of course, that one is true. Yeah, wait, what is the why why? That's just false. Doing stopping your dog from eating poo makes that moment into something that the dog recognizes as important. And it is psychologically trains them to remember that and to go back to that behavior as something that you acknowledged as the owner/packleader. They don't understand that they should feel bad about it. They just understand that they did that. And then you were like, oh, they were like, oh, cool. I love whatever you do a bad behavior and people let you do it and that's like, that'll teach them. So by the fifth time they eat poo, you're like, that's right. I'm not going to say a word. That'll stop you. Yeah, they'll figure it out. This comes from the school, I think, of training a dog where negative discipline is like never done. You know what I mean? And it's not really a school of training that I subscribe to that much mostly for children. It's a different scenario because for dogs, I feel like I feel like there's like a punishment you could do to make them have a negative association with that. Yeah, you put them in an oxygen deprivation chamber for a weekend and they become Deadpool. Was that only a week? I think it was a weekend. Man, that's fair. I live with false. I will live and die with false there. It's not an endorsement of any specific school of dog training. And I definitely try and stop Lexi from eating poop when that comes up, which it doesn't because she's old now when she's learned that that's not good. Is it time, boys? Do we need to change the rules? Because I think that if we take that approach, one of the options on the table is that you can never stop any dog from eating poo ever again. Oh God, it would be double-leave, right? The universe would never let that happen, right? Don't say stuff like that. That's not a good thing to say. What are the odds of the first thing that that's right? Not only should dogs be allowed to eat poo, but we should have to eat poo. Probably measurable and consistent if I had to give you that. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it's one answer what those odds would be. I sent you your last fact, Wade. Sunsu's The Art of War is a sequel. The first book was lost forever. Who is Art of War? Sunsu, Sunsu, Sunsu. Sunsu, Sun. I don't even know if that's right. I just know it's commonly pronounced as Sunsu. Man, imagine if Art of Love actually made it to Shells. It would have really- Dude, a whole different world. The Art of How To Run A Government Efficiently Forever. Damn it. No more World War II, we just had Love Fest 1939, baby. The Art of Eliminating Poverty and Hunger. Can't live without those. Okay, so it never, it's lost. Yeah, I mean, presumably it existed. Not that it never. But how would they know? Well, there could be records of references to it. Just like the text of it is, there's a lot of stuff that we only know exists because historians are like, well, this guy talked about this book, a whole shitload. Yeah. So clearly that's a book or something, but we don't, we don't have a copy anymore. Yeah. Like the female orgasm, we don't know if it's real, but like people reference it. It's big for yourself, but yeah. That's right. I want to join your club. Imagine if the coin could fix that. What would happen? I'm gonna go with false because I don't know how they would know that it was lost. Unfortunately, Mark, you're right. That's just straight up made up fiction. You're very intuitive with this, Mark. The number of times you either just flat out a reason that something should be true or false or intuitive for no apparent reason, but we're spot on is shocking. I stand by my dog. Yeah, yeah, I'm with that. I didn't know and nowhere in the rules of this game. Does it say that you cannot take a moral stand and I stand with you? Luckily for me, it didn't cost me any points in a game. Now hold on. If I say, can I make you lose? Does it have that power? Theoretically, I don't know, I guess. Have we only scratched the surface of what these could do? These coins could do.
anything. I think they're dramatically underutilized, but I did say that would be the last fact, and so now I will talk about how many points everybody has. In no particular order, Wade, you weren't points for, oh, Marvel, old is what I wrote, because Iron Man came out 20 years ago. Oh God, yeah, that realization hit hard. You were in points for right, Sam? Right? You weren't a check minus. You were in points for the body. You were in points for not baby shoes. I care for any of these. You were in points for jumping off a diving board. I did that. You were correct on necktie blood, nails grow faster in the summer. You got a point for ingrown hairs when you were talking about your secret afro underneath your head skin. You were correct on care for cure for evil snakes, our limbs, chicken nuggets being named after gold nuggets and your Nixon voice, I am not a plant. Mark, you weren't points for something, something parnassus, never seeing the notebook because I hate that movie. There are dozens of us when talking about the people who let Ashley die and kept Kate in alive. You survived the GoPro encounter. I just wrote, what'd you break? Oh, when Wade jumped in the pool, that's right. You were correct on the bacteria distance, the hair in the nails, not growing after death, the glass sponge life span. You were correct on spungle. I wrote down true again. They got a point for that. I think you guessed you were correct on another one, but I wrote true instead of what it was. You were also correct on dog poo and sun suit, leaving the current score at Mark with 13 points and Wade with 12 points minus one for your check minus Wade with 11, 13 to 11. Oh my God. I have to say, Mark was behind almost the whole game. And then the last four points, the last four things he did, all learned points. He was correct. He absolutely clawed it back, but it points it up absolute. I'm back. That's not an option. That is an option, but you'd still be down by one. Wait, there's a lie points. Is there a just points absolute? Yeah, there's there's one where like all point values are absolute. So all points are, there's no negative points. That wouldn't spend on their for a long time. And we've never hit it. That's on the long list of ones that have never a single time come up. How many spins today? Oh great. We love primary colors. All right, three spins of this. Of course it is. That's right. Back to the pattern. What is the Mark face? I can't remember what that is. Is that like the Deneuro face where you're like, I have no idea. I have no recollection of that being added at all. Isn't there a rule in the Constitution where the three of us can agree to remove something? Yeah, if we don't remember what it is, do we have to land on it? Yeah, you have to land. Oh shit. Okay, but none of us know what that is. I am going to put one on here for this whole the best lie in this episode. That's going to be a tough one. I fully admit that that's going to be one of those ones where we're definitely going to land on it and be like, well, that didn't happen in respin, but I feel like if we're going to have lie points, she get credit. If you tell a really good lie and get away with it, 121 options to drool the most. Who got laid most? I don't remember any of these. I thought we removed that one. We did remove that one. Still there. Still there. I hosted my I was like, instead of adding what I'm removing that because enough family's been like, please don't tell me this. Look, you don't have to admit it. Just only if you want the point. Three spins. It is. Come on, wheel. Give us something that's outside the list of like 30 that we always get. Most angry. Oh, no, remember I started the episode with that angry email I had to send. Oh, that's true. You did. I think you said the first thing you said of this episode was like, I'm glad to be here. I hate business and having didn't be a bus stop. I don't know. Do you refute win? I mean, the by definition, it says most angry. And that is the most angry. I remember anyone being during. I'd like to fight it, but I don't know that I can. That seems right. All right, Wade. Wade could see it. Mark was the most angry. It's hard to fight that. This was just a pretty like happy go lucky episodes. I feel like that a lot of and a lot of episodes. There's some moments, at least a faintinger. Yeah, we usually are very contentious. Everyone was just in a good, having a good time today. I'm not going to move today. I have my Pokemon Donut. I've put significant other through the most bullshit. My Pokemon card collecting has gotten to the point where we've had a lot of extra boxes to break down. And our kitchen counter. She's not been super thrilled about the fact that we have this beautiful big kitchen counter that 70% of it's been covered in Pokemon cards for the last three or four weeks. It's such a big counter. That sounds about like when I ordered a thousand lenses on eBay and my entire kitchen was covered in packages. Yeah, so if you can top that one, but I Molly has been pretty on me about like, you are not using our dining room table and you'd better get this counter cleaned for like three or four weeks. And yesterday she was like cleaning up part of the kitchen and clean up like, you know, her mess. And it was like the spotless, beautiful looking tiny section of the counter because the rest of us my bullshit. So, uh, dibs. Well, we got one more spin to make something happen here for you with. I just need two points. Yep. Or three. Maybe don't get two points. Maybe get some number greater or less or less. Wait, just two points. Come on. Witness. Wow. We're all just in our regular offices. Nobody's in witness protection today. Yeah. Imagine if we'd hit that. And the last was it the last one when Mark was traveling would have been a freebie. Mm-hmm. We both made jokes about Jesus walking across the water. The glass sponges. I don't know which one of us called Jesus a fraud today. So you you both moved equally far away from God. Is that what we're concluding? I can't recall any of any of the jokes being particularly heinous or a hera hera technical. Hera technical. Heretical. That's it. Hera technical. I think that's probably a tie. Spin number three. Part two. Come on. We'll keep it in us with the funny ones that are buried and fuck the most. Oh, trees. Fuck in the woods. When if a tree fox in the wood. I said that. That was Mark's think he said that I think we all maybe contributed to that. But you definitely said that first. And I would say I remember he's saying that most because he said it. I remember myself saying like one thing where I was like, if true trees, fucking the way to place child support or something like that. I mean, I'm down by two just for the sake of it. Yeah, that's fine. Well, just know who actually said it the most. One of you go back and count. Thanks to all of Mark's fucks he gave. The final score is Mark with 15 and weighed with 13 minus one. Also known as 12. Congratulations, Mark, you are the winner of today's episode. Thank you. Thank you for my speech. Yeah, yeah, go ahead, give us a winner speech. Thank you. I had a bit of a losing streak. It was weird that I was up on points for the season and and down on wins. But you know, it's it's coming back around. I feel really good about this victory. Tried hard, played hard. It's all looking good. What a magnanimous winter speech. Wait, for a moment, I was back. I was on top and I was in control. I won an episode. I think Bob won an episode. I won an episode again. Then I won my own episode. I had three wins to bring myself back dead even with these two points for climbing. Everything was well, maybe not points. Everything else was on the up and up. And now I'm back down five to five to four again. So I've got to hope maybe that either I get another winning streak or season golf rules. What if I that would be a hell of a thing. I'm not sure that would have to involve coins or something. I don't even know how that would happen. But nothing is impossible when we make it up on the fly. I look forward to your secret surprise come from behind victory at the end of the season. Thank you, everybody, for hanging out and watching and land or listening to this episode. Make sure you check out the merch distractable.com. I'm going to throw my own plug in and say, if you're at all interested in scary stories right now, if you go to realgoodai.org/anthology, you can get your name in the back of us book of collected scary stories as part of the scary tapes writing competition. Also going to be episodes on this podcast that you will see throughout the month of October. Make sure you check these fellers out. Wait as Lord minion 777 or minion 777. Mark is a Markiplier. I am my skirm. Thanks for being here. Make sure you follow the podcast so you know when all of our episodes come out. And Mark will host the next one where we will all see you there. Your own podcast out.
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
Mavily New York launches a new groupie setting mist with gel-to-mist technology that hydrates skin for up to 24 hours without stickiness or residue.
The product offers a flexible, comfortable grip that feels like natural skin, emphasizing plump, dewy results.
The episode features a comedic, self-aware talk-show format centered around absurd and philosophical topics like dog training, ancient texts, and existential humor.
A game called "What I Lie to You" is played where participants evaluate the truth of bizarre facts, blending science, satire, and personal anecdotes.
Mark wins the game with 15 points, outperforming Wade despite early setbacks, through consistent accuracy and intuitive reasoning.
The show blends satire with real-world facts, often using humor to explore serious topics like psychology, biology, and ethics.
A recurring theme is the absurdity of human behavior, such as the idea that dogs should be allowed to eat poo or that snakes have limbs.
The episode ends with a lighthearted celebration of the hosts’ comedic misadventures and a playful acknowledgment of their shared absurdity.
Summary:
The transcript is a humorous, self-referential episode of a fictional talk show called *Distractable*, hosted by Bob, Mark, and Wade. The show blends absurdity with real facts, featuring a game called "What I Lie to You" where participants evaluate the truth of bizarre, often scientifically dubious statements—like bacteria stretching for 10 billion light years or a snake’s body being a limb. The game highlights personal anecdotes, such as Mark’s winning streak in fact assessments and a comedic discussion about dog behavior, while poking fun at topics like the origin of chicken nuggets or the lifespan of glass sponges.
Despite early struggles, Mark ultimately wins the episode with 15 points, outperforming Wade, who scores 12. The tone remains playful and irreverent, with jokes about religion, politics, and everyday life. The episode pays tribute to the hosts’ shared sense of humor and their absurd, unscripted approach to conversation, concluding with a lighthearted celebration of their chaotic, creative dynamic.
A brief product promotion for Mavily New York’s groupie setting mist is also included, emphasizing its innovative, skin-friendly formula. The show exemplifies a fusion of satire, personal reflection, and intellectual curiosity, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking.
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