Would I Lie To You?

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible, this episode. Non-bipedal Bob's baby flies the coop, then he forces his friends to fib. Wiz and Wade doesn't defeat decrepitude, threatens infanticide, rips Sam and Dean, then thinks hard. Molested Mark breaks a metabone, gets technical about shooting, the nose is necromancy, and dishwashers. From email overload to the female orgasm. It's time for Would I Lie To You? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the longest running episodic chronicling of three men aging ungracefully. That's right. It's time for another. Episode of Distractible. Oh, man. Oh, come on, guys. I got a cast on my leg. I'm not feeling good about where my my situation is. Doesn't really reflect that much on you guys. I feel pretty reflected. It's just your bald, bald head. That's right. I'm your host. My name is Bob. I won the last one somehow. I don't remember feeling like I should have won, but I did. And so I get to host this. The two other voices you've heard so far are, of course, Mark and Wade. They're always here. One of them is going to win unless I do. We just had that happen with with Wayne with the back to back. So, you know, I felt really good. That felt really good. But probably one of them is going to win. They're going to host the next one. Blah, blah, blah. There's other rules. We don't remember them. We're going to apply them at random before we get into the game that I have planned for today that I worked on. I think I could say hours spent hours on this might be embarrassing, depending on how the game goes. Small talk. How are you guys doing today? Very good. Wonderful. Thanks for asking. It sounds good. I have to I'm turning into, you know, Adam Driver's character in SNL when he was the oil tycoon stabbed the bird. I feel like day by day I'm turning into that man with my various business enterprises and the various I have to send so many emails I I never imagined I would be at this point in my life where my my entire existence revolves around sending emails as what I'm doing day in day out. To whom it may concern, go fuck yourself. To whom it may concern, I hope you die. To whom it may concern. You know, man, business is so hard. When 15 years ago, Mark made that choice and was like, look, I could have a job in biomedical engineering where I send a lot of emails, sit at a desk or I could have fun with my life. Never saw this coming. I look at Mark, I just want to say, who's H.R. Pickens? Exactly. I think it was H.R. Pickens. And his name was like something, something Parnassus. I just remember when he stabbed his cane through the bird and everyone was just like, oh, this isn't going to like that a very good character. I would watch a whole movie based on that character. He got cast in X-Men or something, I think, or like for 2028. I saw that he they he introduced this character by their civilian name, and I don't know enough about it to know what that means, but apparently he's going to play some someone in the X-Men. People. I've learned most of my Marvel lore and X-Men lore and everything else from watching movies in the last ten years or so. So probably when did Iron Man come out 2008 or nine? I guess it's been more than ten years or so. Yeah, almost 20, one might say. No, don't do that to me. Oh, God, you're right. It's not that bad, man. It's not that bad. It's not your fault. Just wait till you hear when you were born. I think I think when every time someone has a role. As a revelation like that, they actually physically grow older in that moment because their body and their brain is like, oh, yeah, we're older. Hit the button. There's been so many moments where I've pictured myself as Matt Damon aging and saving Private Ryan that gif of him just like. OK, well, it's not that bad, man. It's it's not that bad. He's a little sad when he's doing it, but, you know, it's not that bad. It's me, Matt Damon. No, that's how he talks. Does he go, Matt Damon? His eyes are actually perfectly open. When when he's old, I'm looking at it right now. It's just like he's no, that's not it. No, he's looking at a grave. Remember, he's looking at a grave. For listeners, Wade just did a one for one recreation of the scene from Saving Private Ryan, where they age Matt Damon to be very, very old. That is that is. Look, with Sam's assistance, no one will ever know. I didn't pull it off. Right. Chucking them out hot and fast. Right, Sam. Well, today's a big day for me, too. And I'm. Not allowed to talk about small talk. I couldn't keep it in. And so I already said this to you guys. But James's first day of preschool was today. We did the old picture by the front door. He got a new his first ever backpack, carried it proudly to school. It's like way too big for him, because even the smallest backpack that we could find at the store is for like, I don't know, a five year old and he's three. But I think he had a good time. Yeah, I told you before we I don't know if it was before recording, but you're screaming and moaning. But I think he just had to go down for nap time. It was so good. He didn't want to come home. That's why he was sad. I mean, almost definitely if there's anything that I know James would enjoy, it's a room full of other kids who are not allowed to leave and they're all supposed to play together and work and become friends. His biggest his biggest sadness in life is when we go to the playground and like other kids are already doing something else and he just comes and is like, can I play? And they're like, we're high schoolers. You can't play with us. And then they leave and he's like, I could have done it. You don't fucking mean to me. I could have done it. They know he'd come steal their girls. He's gonna steal yours first. I yeah, he's not subtle about working on that either. He is not does it right in front of you. Don't give a shit. He is very ballsy. I got to respect it. Like, you know, if I lose, I lose at this point. Like, yeah, it's it's it's you complacency game on. Like, whoa, hey, wait, I have to I have to ask. You're not going to plan on doing anything to my three year old son, are you? We'll see how far he's willing to go, man. It escalates. I'm escalating. I don't like that answer. It's not a good answer. It's unsatisfactory. Check minus on your report card there. You have a report card in front of you. You could you could do things like that. Mr. Judge, sir. Good point. No, wait. Hold on. No, no, no. I'm aging again. I'm aging again. Sam. No, make him a Sam. Make him younger. Too young. Actually, that works. That's you get find another age where bald is totally appropriate. When I have a baby again, that means gay mom with James again. We're the same age. Now the story's getting a little complicated. Not sure. It's like a combination of Benjamin Button and The Notebook, probably not The Notebook. I just don't know a lot of romance movies. I've never watched The Notebook, so I don't know. Oh, Wedding Crashers. That's probably not a romance movie. Honestly, The Notebook is a good movie unless you have dementia in a family member or something. And it is possibly the saddest for me, like the scariest movie I've ever watched. Speaking of the choose your own. So people were asking, hey, wait, great episode, wait, or just completely rip off Supernatural because there's a Supernatural episode about like a pagan god where a town makes sacrifices. But I was like, okay, one, there's like an X-Files episode. I think there's an entire Goosebumps episode that came out before Supernatural with that. And then Children of the Corn. Like there's a lot of things. And then half of every indie horror game ever made is kind of also cult in town. Outlast two is like all cult in town. That one with the goat. So not only did you rip off that one episode. You ripped off everything in the world. Norse mythology, the harvesting gods, the Vin, Vin, Vinny or Vinny or whatever. I played Fears the Fathom recently. That's kind of like got that town culty vibe to it. So there's a lot of, a lot of town culty vibe things. So if you guys are going to blame me for ripping off Supernatural, give credit to the other things I ripped off too. Actually, you know, there was a 1973 film by the name of Cult Town. Damn it. We used to make that joke all the time. I remember how unoriginally. You've been this whole time. Whenever I was writing it and I came up with the name of the shepherd, every time I would like write down that word, all I would hear is like Mass Effect people going shepherd. That's that's what I got to, but I didn't want to say anything to ruin the mood. Every time I hear the word shepherd, I'm like shepherd. This is my favorite cult in the Citadel. Shepherd. My quads. My quads. Shepherd. Yes. Shepherd. My calibrations. Calibrate me. Shep daddy. What was the other Krogan's name? The one that no one liked. It was like the two baby Krogan or something like that. Oh, I really can't remember. I remember that character vividly. Fucking annoying. But I, yeah, Rex stands out like super hard. I can't remember the other one's name. There's only two things I remember from Mass Effect two and it's Miranda. Why? What does that mean? That's funny. Explain it. Uh, cause I love the voice actress, Yvonne Strahovski and the body. I think if you just made said that and didn't make those noises, I had to feel way better about it. Wait, I know we've covered this before, but so Miranda was your romance. Of choice? Oh yeah. I was tally. The only one that I don't, I have any, any respect for is Liara. Anyone that's like, I remember as we are, I'm like, that's the worst choice and that's, that's terrible. That's that doesn't, that doesn't make any sense to me. You know what? That's, that's not okay. But it's been a long time, but I have done play throughs both with Miranda and Tali. So the only correct choice is really, those would definitely be my top two. I can't remember all the other characters. You could romance like Ashley or what was the guy's name that everyone let die in the first one. For no particular reason with the people working on him in the third game being like no one's gonna ever see this no one ever has done this this is for the three of you that killed ashley the voice actor for that it's like you guys are gonna call me back right for the third game technically some people there are dozens of us what's his name i can't remember caden carl tim that was right wow is that right hey see see oh caden i definitely let you die i have one more thing i got one more if if you don't mind last week i went down oops upside down hold on and it's i went down to gopro not headquarters i was not shot in the middle of the desert i met them and they were very respectful happy to see me i met the team and then they handed me this a piece of plastic just fell off hold on hold on rattle rattle shatter crash noise explosion in the background anyway look i have it the lens looking like it weighs three times the amount the camera does is crazy i absolutely checked in because you did a stream like that afternoon or that night i went to the stream because i was like i gotta know what happened and you it i saw that it was fine but the only other thing i do know is i saw a clip of you i was you be like uh showing it off and then being like it's brand new i just got this drop something hits the desk and you're going it's not broken it's not it's not it's what what did you break it wasn't the camera itself it was a mount so this is uh it was something called um a uh metabones speed booster so it's the plastic case that that came in meta bones does have some answering to do because that that is a brand new thing i got from them it was a shard inside one of the retaining walls of blast sharded off and then even inside the meta bones like little clip there was another piece that was broken inside of it so that's supposed to be brand new and that thing uh that that thing was very uh very not new feeling so uh some sketchy shit going on there this camera is all lens and this is a tiny lens it is so small it looks like the camera setup that like a chipmunk filming the chipmunk nfl would use you know how sport sports photographers always have like fucking two two foot long uh lenses this is so fun it is everything i was hoping it would be but i'm doing a video uh where i compare it to just about every camera i own uh and i own some really high-end cinema cameras and there are some there are some things that this thing can do that those cannot do uh like 4k 240 is is such a really nice slow motion frame rate my reds can't do that or at least the komodo cannot do that look at this this is the stubbier nine millimeter one it looks very satisfying it's so it's like holding baby shoes you know it's like this is oh it's so oh it's so dainty and cute it's so i fucking love it's the perfect intersection of like all of my interests like lens i'm literally surrounded by lenses of course you mean the camera not baby shoes right yes well baby shoes man uh but it's just so fucking cute it's so useful it's so fun i also think it's incredible anyway i could i could go on about it for ages but i'm gonna let i'm gonna let the video do the talk um because i'm preparing it for when you know pre-orders are gonna go up uh and i i have uh probably tomorrow i'm going to try to set all things up so i can get i'm gonna have jason in his workshop like welding in slow motion and i'm gonna have him like sanding stuff do word woodworking i'm gonna light it all nice and i'm gonna have this literally riding on top of my red camera and all my other cameras as i do like slider shots yeah can you just cold chew that on top of a camera yeah absolutely i totally could i i could get a little uh uh three-eighths to cold chew or quarter or whatever it is to cold chew adapter i could put it right on there or i could have a little magic arms that i can put out there you just balance it so when are you gonna get the shot where you take it and skip it across the surface of your pool and slam it slam it into the wall on the far side at 100 miles an hour i i already have that shot i could i just didn't uh i didn't post it i'm so excited about this i think as far as like people's first cinema camera or like introduction to it this is one of if not the best option that'll come out for people getting started in that world uh and it's just such a fun option especially when some cameras are coming out like cinema cameras and they're like i mean the the the cheapest red is seven thousand dollars you know the the the new fx5 got announced and i don't even know what the price of that thing is uh well i have to imagine too for for traveling even bringing like a dslr with you know a moderate assortment of lenses if you're trying to travel and do like a shoot somewhere or something compared to that where it's literally like the tiniest pelican case thing that they make yeah you can just chuck it in your backpack or like fit it in your in your carry-on with the rest of your stuff you need like some of the new um sony cameras don't even come with lenses you just have to download them and hope that the uh license for them doesn't expire now wait a minute you wouldn't download a lens would you of course you would why not technically in the way when i got the uh the one i guess i kind of downloaded that lens anyway so it's it's very cool and i think that people are going to find a lot of cool things to uh use it for plus you're the first person that i know personally to have one yeah i'm the i'm the first person of the three here that has it we're the only ones you know i know more people personally than just us okay i have four pinned text conversations in my iMessage app i uh real quick health update i jumped off a diving board for the first time in like a year i my knee was i i got the jump what'd you break nothing almost my spine but because i i landed a little bit harder on the deep end than i expected to so like my back was like hey but it's fine everything's fine you landed on the deep end like on the the bottom yeah well i didn't like my very first jump i was like well i'm not gonna like cannonball or anything i don't want to like have my knee hit first so i'll just like pencil jump in and you go down really fast and i was like my knee it feels great hits the bottom of floor doesn't bend legs spine nice nice so better not bend my knees that'd be a terrible idea wait no it wouldn't so all my favorite football players say the moment you get hit what you want to do is stiff as a board made of spoon nothing bends that way you survive with no injuries i should have i always almost i always been my knees man like i don't watching college basketball as a kid and i played basketball a couple of those injuries where someone would like jump to like block something and land and not bend their knee and their like leg would snap i hate that so much so like whenever i did that i was like good thing there was water because that would have been the end of me otherwise i'm starting to ramp up physical activity again i can walk i tried diving board and leg good leg good i can't wait till i'm allowed to walk again ready it is getting better but i still have like a month minimum of not really supposed to be walking at all so does that mean you can't like swim or anything too for however long not even at all i can barely take a shower because i have the cast i have on i'm not allowed i'm not supposed to get wet at all if it gets more than just droplets on it i'm supposed to go and have them replace it and uh yeah i mean i get replaced once a week anyway because they cut it open and they have to look at the the wound on my foot but oh my god someday i'll be allowed to walk like a human it's nice it's nice coming back after like two months of hobbling along it was nice to like move again someday hey you guys want to play a game sure uh first i'm gonna flip a coin to see who gets to go first lion is weighed lady is mark sure this is a normal coin don't question it i see you lady i'm usually lady so whatever he said at this time i was like oh i'm not lady for once today's game is gonna be called would i lie to you yes yes yes dang yes whoa i'm not the one who will be saying would i lie to you nor will i be the one who's lying okay you guys are gonna take turns and i'm gonna say because it's mark's turn first i'm gonna give you i'm gonna send you a message first the message is going to first say whether the the fact that i'm sending you is true or false and then it's going to have a fact that i want you to say as convincingly as possible or maybe as unconvincingly as possible is there just a list of accumulated facts and some of them are true and some of them are false but all of them sound like they could be true or sound so silly uh but are actually you know sound like they should be false but they are true tried my best to get a range of facts so i'm going to tell you this is a lie or this is true and then i'm going to send you the thing and your job as the person who has to say the fact is obviously to totally ignore the first message i sent you and not let that play on your psyche at all and then convincingly uh communicate the fact yeah so no matter what i'm going to do i'm going to be honest and i'm going to be honest and i'm going to be honest and i'm going and say it deceptively but like it's a game of reading each other you do have to have your eyes open for this one wade no wait you can close your eyes close your eyes wade this is true true or false i'm gonna try really hard not to send the message to the wrong person or say it out loud all right but mark here is your first fact and then uh wade observe focus all right so if you were to take every single bacteria on the planet and you were to stack them up on top of each other one single bacteria on top it would stretch for a single continuous line for 10 billion light years do you know what a light year is yeah i learned that from toy story 10 billion light years 10 billion light years that's so oddly specific i want to believe it's true but that sounds too big i don't even know what's the size of the universe is that like that's beyond the distance that we can perceive anything right because like what i don't know i don't know enough about like space and shit sorry i'm not participating in the game i'm just listening just sounds like a really big number sounds far if you said like to the moon or mars or something i'd be like oh that's crazy but 10 billion light years sounds unfathomable i'm gonna say false that one is true i meant true that means i win right another way to phrase that earth's uh 0.001 millimeter long microbes we could wrap around the milky way over 20 000 times if you like did it in a circle around the milky way you know even when he typed that to me it he was like this is true i really was like that seems a lie even in my head as i was saying i was like man i'm trying to convince him that this is true how do i how do i feel convincing because 10 billion light years is a lot but then again there's a lot of bacteria on the planet i mean yeah that's there is but like i feel like the planet would have to be bigger to hold that much stuff but even like right here on the palm of my hand even if i've just washed it there's probably still going to be millions on my just my hand right yeah but like you don't stretch out your hand that all of a sudden you're slapping venus on the ass you know well i mean maybe maybe you don't look me and venus we're very close and if i want to slap venus on the ass with my hand of bacteria is that good for mark that i was wrong or does mark want why does he want me to be right the person stating the fact or or the lie is attempting to deceive right so mark won because he got he you said the wrong you chose the wrong answer and mark deceived you and the guesser wins when they accurately guess so you when you're picking true or false you want to be right because that means you were not deceived well how many times in a row could i possibly lose a coin flip anyway if i just you know a lot oh all right wade i am sending you your factoid mark wearing a tie could reduce blood blood flow to your brain by seven and a half percent okay i would believe that wearing a tie would could reduce blood flow but it's weirdly specific percentage seven and a half percent how do you even measure it's not like a known lie number or something oh you're thinking about like yeah like how would they just determine that percentage they use the metric system blood monitor what do they get like london percent what kind of other percents are there they got like kilopercents percentigrade is that where centigrade comes from yes yes man i'm gonna say it's false just based on seven and a half seems like a weird number i guess 10 billion light years also seems like a weird number but i'm just gonna say babe false was true damn a study in 2018 found that wearing a necktie can reduce blood flow to your brain by up to seven and a half percent it could also increase the pressure in your eyes if your tie is on too tight um and also ties carry a lot of germs which i hadn't thought about until i put this together but do you wash your ties you ever washed a tie that's a good question i guess i i guess i haven't so how many functions have you worn that tie at where you maybe like shook hands with people or hugged people you know it never gets why i've owned ties for literally like almost two decades because i still have a couple ties that i got in like high school middle school high school era that i don't really wear because they're kind of old and beat up but that's two decades worth of germs and soaked into that bad boy that's crazy so anyway no one should wear ties because they're gross yeah and dress socks you guys don't watch those right you don't watch dress up i've never washed a single item of clothing i've ever worn why would you true i believe you true all right mark i am yes i wish i had thought of a more efficient way to do this and i'm not having trouble copying and pasting stuff there is your factoid mark oh i had this thought too because both of the first two ones had numbers in them you don't have to say all the info that i send you if you think it will help you be deceitful like if you thought 10 billion light years was a lot of light years and you were hoping i guess you can't lie so that one you can't really but like for wades you could just say it could reduce the blood flow to your brain can't lie i can't add stuff you're making up necessarily but you can leave if it's a if it's a complicated fact you can leave stuff out i got it i got it okay wade look down look at your hands what do you see do you see the toil that the years have plagued them do you see how they've changed from friend you were a child do you see how they have evolved yes the story those hands tell the places they've touched the things they have grasped now look at your nails oh god seem a little longer don't they huh yeah did you know your nails grow faster in summer that feels false but remember what nails are made of carrot juice or something yeah yeah carrot carrot juice and we get keratin from not carrots probably i don't think so yeah i think i think you're right carrots grow in the summer better than they grow in the winter this is exactly where i'm going to go i'm going to go to the sky i hope the skate would go frosty a lot hornier in the summer while he's dying his carrot nose god that feels so stupid so i'll say true because i don't believe it that one is true it's true and i think i know why it's because your your circulation is better in warmer weather so in the summer you're in the cold your blood goes away from your extremities but in the in the warm temperature your blood goes to your extremities more readily i think that's probably the only reason why it would grow faster did you reason that out yourself because that's exactly what i got from the the place where i found source that fact i was also thinking like back years and years and years ago in the snow if your nails would grow all summer you'd have natural snow shovels for the winter now this guy's thinking that now that that is a thought that is one thought i thought that he thought that i believe that he thought that true don't overheat yourself with all this thinking oh god i think i'll clip my nails guys it's getting too crazy in here that's okay wait i have sent you your factoid mark both hair and nails continue to grow after you die now i i actually know this one i know this one this is false you are correct this is false why do you know that yeah what the hell how many corpses are you hanging out with oh you know i've watched a lot of death in my time i've seen it up close i got my macro lens i've seen it up close i got my macro lens i've seen it up close i got my macro lens i've seen it up close i got my i've seen it up close i got my macro lens i've seen it up close i got my macro lens i've seen it up close i got my macro lenses on all the bodies that i see you after they pass i have extensive collections of footage from all kinds of angles of everything um i have a library of it so i let's just say i'm well researched in the topics of death that is one of those things they say though like whenever you're growing up you like i remember hearing it like oh yeah your nails and hair will continue to grow that was a thing yeah so that that is a thing but i do know that that's false because originally as a kid i was like they they said that and i was like whoa and then i was like oh originally as a kid i was like whoa and then i was like whoa and then i i remember like i don't know and then i i remember like i don't know and then i i remember like i don't know probably a reddit post or something i was probably a reddit post or something i was probably a reddit post or something i was like it's not true it's just because like it's not true it's just because like it's not true it's just because your skin recedes when you die your skin recedes when you die your skin recedes when you die well mark's just stealing all my thunder well mark's just stealing all my thunder well mark's just stealing all my thunder from everything that prevailing theory is from everything that prevailing theory is from everything that prevailing theory is that when you die your body begins to that when you die your body begins to that when you die your body begins to dehydrate which causes your skin to pull dehydrate which causes your skin to pull dehydrate which causes your skin to pull back and shrink which makes your nails back and shrink which makes your nails back and shrink which makes your nails and hair appear longer chokes on them and hair appear longer chokes on them and hair appear longer chokes on them i'll still be bald that'll be weird you i'll still be bald that'll be weird you i'll still be bald that'll be weird you die and then all of a sudden he's a die and then all of a sudden he's a die and then all of a sudden he's a miracle he's growing oh miracle he's growing oh miracle he's growing oh he did have hair in there he was just he did have hair in there he was just he did have hair in there he was just hiding it we find out that all the hair hiding it we find out that all the hair hiding it we find out that all the hair i thought wasn't growing was ingrowing i thought wasn't growing was ingrowing i thought wasn't growing was ingrowing and so it's just like afro tucked in and so it's just like afro tucked in and so it's just like afro tucked in like wig your forehead the wrinkles are like wig your forehead the wrinkles are like wig your forehead the wrinkles are starting to really come it's like no starting to really come it's like no starting to really come it's like no it's just the hair trying to escape the it's just the hair trying to escape the it's just the hair trying to escape the skin layer man i hate that i have a skin layer man i hate that i have a skin layer man i hate that i have a natural helmet of hair under my skin natural helmet of hair under my skin natural helmet of hair under my skin gross don't worry your fact is coming gross don't worry your fact is coming gross don't worry your fact is coming mark you like this one wade there might be a cure for evil i'm waiting for more that's a fact you i'm waiting for more that's a fact you i'm waiting for more that's a fact you could take that into the bank well could take that into the bank well could take that into the bank well psychopathy anyway psychopathy anyway psychopathy anyway maybe maybe maybe i'm just gonna go with true because i'm just gonna go with true because i'm just gonna go with true because that's it's hard to disprove a negative that's it's hard to disprove a negative that's it's hard to disprove a negative so so so yeah i feel like i was set up for fish yeah i feel like i was set up for fish yeah i feel like i was set up for fish there's a lot of wiggle room in a mite there's a lot of wiggle room in a mite there's a lot of wiggle room in a mite now that i'm seeing it in context i see now that i'm seeing it in context i see now that i'm seeing it in context i see i see the issue with that one that i see the issue with that one that i see the issue with that one that you're right that is true you're right that is true you're right that is true i'd be pretty crazy if that was just i'd be pretty crazy if that was just i'd be pretty crazy if that was just straight up false i guess straight up false i guess straight up false i guess there's definitely definitely no cure there's definitely definitely no cure there's definitely definitely no cure for evil just those fuckers rehabilitation doesn't work proven in this one sentence anyway the way that was phrased is pretty unfortunate i was not gonna say any other word but there is research it's preliminary but there's research that suggests that computer-based cognitive training uh can help a person who is a psychopath experience empathy and regret assuming that those could be traits that are imparted and last beyond the therapy sessions effectively carrying them off being a psychopath because the thing about being a psychopath is that you don't feel empathy or regret or stuff right yeah so a lot of times with psychopathy like people are born with like the psychopathic trait doesn't mean anything comes of it but if they actually become and start doing evil things usually there's like a trigger in life but from what i've understood like even at birth the predisposition to psychopathy itself is already there like the non-psychopathic trait is already there so it's like a trigger in life but from what i've not feeling of emotion no no i've seen this in dexter the how to turn a baby evil you dip them in a puddle of blood that's it according that you remember have you seen dexter that's it that's all i'll tell you you as soon as a baby touches a puddle of blood they're evil and they will kill i thought the blood of like 100 virgins was supposed to give you eternal life or something i don't made you evil not evil straight up evil so there you go the cure to psychopathy is just don't dip in blood we solved it that's it yeah and then do the opposite of blood to become good you know i don't want to say that's the opposite of blood i'm pretty sure that just makes the baby super evil i think that goes that just goes further in the same direction there's a lot of problems with the that thought experiment we should move on immediately yep it's him he did it officers it was him i'm pope i'm pointing at wade whoa sam make mark pointed himself take this ha ha ha all right wade you have your factoid all right man mark didn't have to read much at all i gotta go back to choose your own adventure it needs a little explanation because i wasn't sure i didn't know what this what this thing was so i wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page mark no a glass sponge is a deep sea animal with a skeleton made of silica the exact same material used to make glass glass sponges can live for 15 000 years okay so we gotta evaluate a lot of things here are there glass sponges okay that's the first question i i can confirm to you i will say that is true we can operate with the uh understanding that a glass sponge is a documented real life deep sea creature this is one of those things where it's like if one is false then the whole thing is false of these oh yeah this is this is endgame blueprints boxes bullshit the explanation of the glass sponge was just to be clear that we're not we're not going to be able to decide if the animal exists we're deciding how long they can live the factoid at issue is they can live for 15 000 years i'm not very good at looking to how these things are going to play out in practice i'll just throw shit at the wall no i like throwing mark a paragraph and be like is any of this false all right we gotta look up if there's any like cave paintings of glass sponges like a record of a lot of cave cave people were deep sea exploring jesus's pet glass sponge is still going on his great great great great great great great great great great grandson still has it oh timmy the sponge i remember in the old testament they were talking about and then the eighth plague the glass sponges rose from the ocean depth went into egypt really scratched up everything when jesus walked on water he was actually just stepping across glass sponges but no one could tell because they were clear yeah they didn't notice she's going it's a miracle i i i bet wrong by thinking that a specific number was weird with seven and a half so i'm going to do the opposite and i'm going to run into a brick wall by doing it i bet and i'm going to say this is true but i'm guessing it's not but i'm saying it's true and of course this fact is true okay all right scientists actually hypothesize that these things could theoretically be true but they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not be immortal that they are alive but given the nature of their biology they kind of could live forever but obviously that's pretty tough to document given the linearity and stationarity of time uh but maybe someday we'll know if they do live forever i didn't know this but glass actually is it's made up of silica but not even the majority of it i was under the impression that you could just melt sand and you would boom get glass that's not it yeah kind of kind of same for modern glass you need soda ash and limestone uh to to make it and then other ingredients to melt down with it those things aren't clear at all so if you get lime soda you could just have all everything ready in one go yeah yeah what he said wait false no with the lime and the cocu nut no i'm not giving you a play for that no but actually a lot of old glass um was made of a material called mica because it's a naturally forming mineral that's uh transparent and you can cut it really easily into thin sheets and you can cut it into thin sheets and you can cut it into thin sheets and uh it's it's like got the it's if you see old like windows or brown they have that brown and kind of rough texture to them it's mica that's really interesting knowledge if you're going to replace old glass make sure you get replace all of it though because old glass kind of looks down on new glass because you know it's not really been around and understand the customs and traditions yeah i see where you're going with that i don't i'm just saying yeah yeah yeah well good one mark okay good that was a good one also you have your fact by definition a snake's body is a limb yeah it's a penis true true true true is that a limb wait it is now i know mine is but i don't know what the definition of a limb technically is so like well you got the definition right there by definition every time the bangles score a touchdown two snake bodies up baby something about this just feels weird because a snake still has organs and digest i don't know what the exact definition of a limb is i'm going to say false ah see you forgot the tail that's false oh i was like i mean i could see it but also that feels just not right i don't know how it does if you don't know what a limb is because honestly this is this is one where like if that was true i wouldn't even i would just be like oh that's really interesting man being as i have to guess it's like well that one feels just naturally true so let me think about it for a minute it's like well a snake's body literally you eat digested shits and pisses and all that stuff so it's like i don't know that a limb is supposed to have those functions i don't even know yeah let me look up the definition of limb an arm leg or wing of a person or animal so tails tails aren't limbs some species have like prehensile tails so it's like it's not a limb but they can use it kind of like a limb okay oh interesting all right so apparently a tail is a limb if it's prehensile that is that is a separate but then again yeah this is just one of those things where scientists are defining things and we have to go with like oh pluto's not a planet okay pluto is a limb right i think that's the conclusion we can reach here a penis why why do we all just start jerking off when we do that i just unlock something in the male brain all the listeners at home too were like you ever just realize that the audience is going to run with a joke really hard we do it just know you're in that moment oh yeah your penis is a limb right anytime someone tells you something that's false you're like yeah that's wrong but if they tell you something that you believe whoever's turn it is i sent you a thing wade you have a thing mark your pinky toe or tiny toe the toenail on that toe your little toe is called a spungle no no that's impossible i'm assuming it's a hard g i i think you said a spungle i think you said it right yes this is like the fundus all over again not that you guys ever encountered this but it's just like the fundus is a part of the uterus oh they said fun dip and i was like i don't think that's like fun dip at all oh it's a fun dip for me no wait was that a is that a redacted reference i think i do remember that yeah we were looking at the anatomy of the uterus the back of the uterus or back i guess top i don't know back the farthest part from the entrance of the uterus is called the fundus and then you're supposed to tell me that the toenail specifically on the pinky is called a spungle yeah if this was true i wouldn't want to live in a world where it was because this just feels like some scientist went awry with me i'm saying it's false because i don't want it to be true and that's the only reason well you got the vancman you got the stance the spangler the zedmore the spungle the four ghostbusters and then the one who got rejected well boy do i have some bad news for wade because that's false okay good i knew that it said that in my document i was about to like flip the coin because i like i declare we all define that as not the spongles no one's allowed to call that a spongle ever again we've got it right like every time i think right the person calling i i missed the seven and a half yeah you guys have done really well you've done really well it's okay mark i'm giving you a really tricky one okay gold nuggets were named after chicken nuggets What's so funny, Wynn? Just trying to picture an old prospector, like, walking around with his panhandle, and he's like, Are my dino nuggies ready yet? I don't know if they had dino. They had amorphous chicken nuggets, I think, back in the day, but. I don't know, when was the first chicken nugget? I'm gonna say false. This feels. that feels wild. I think chicken nuggets were named after gold nuggets. I really thought Wade would go for that one. That is false. Is it. you know? Oh, no. I might have to take a point away just for that, but. No, wait, hold on. Give help. I need all the help I can get. But did the chicken nugget get named after the gold nugget? Was it reverse? Was I right? I don't know. Some of these false ones I literally just made up, so I don't have explanations for them necessarily. Okay, so the original definition of nugget is specifically for solid lumps of precious metal. So it might actually be that the opposite is true. Hey, hey, hey. Good job, brain. Eh. It's Wade's turn. I did not almost just send the wrong message to the wrong person. Oh, I forgot you sent the. I was like, oh, shit, I didn't look up a fact. Wade, find a fact. All right. Mark, did I just get an email? True or false? Good luck. All right, Mark, we're speed. we're speed running, Mark. Plants came before seeds. Can you say it in a less presidential voice? Oh, clearly that's Ulysses S. Grant. Give me. give me a non-presidential voice. Oh, man, Roosevelt, get out of here. Carter? Damn it. He sounds just like a peanut farmer. Nixon? Nixon? I am not a plant. I mean, I get. okay, I'm thinking back to. you know the game Spore? Oh, yeah. Spore, content creator, yeah. Abomination creator, yes. What was that? Yeah. There was no. you couldn't play as a plant in that, right? You had to be an animal of some type. It was like an amoeba or something. I kind of would want to. I think that this is true because I feel like there's probably a world where, like, certain types of like. I mean, I don't know if there's a lot of plants or things like that where the first plants, or maybe something underwater, and there probably wouldn't be, like, seeds, they would probably reproduce in the same way that bacteria would, where they just. First plant walked over and was like, "Hey, I'm Jonathan," and then they fucked and smoked cigarettes. Yeah, man, back when the trees fucked, that was. that was rough times. That's some crazy shit out there, man. If two trees fuck in the woods, I'm traumatized to see animal population. Oh, God, the Ents from Lord of the Rings. If two trees fuck in the woods and no one's around to hear it, who has to pay child support? One really angry bush on the edge of the forest. Ha, I forget which way to go, but I think it, like. I think. I'll read it to you again so you can. Clinton? Plants. came before seeds. President Kermit? Aaaaah! Let's say true just because. probably. It's true? I wrote down "true" on my paper. That's not what I meant. It's true? Well, you get a true point. That one is true. Oh, okay. Yeah. You're right, Mark. And also, you reasoned your way exactly, basically into the answer. The fossil record shows that early plants resembled moss and reproduced with single-celled spores. Multicellular seeds didn't evolve for another 150 million years. They just straight figured it out. Life finds a way. Yeah, that makes me think about the chicken and the egg thing, but I'm not gonna talk about it more. Just in case Bob's about to type me the chicken and the egg thing. Early chickens looked more like moss. But they were made of gold, where the term golden goose comes from. It's actually golden chicken. Well, I'm gonna say one more each, because this is fun. True. I appreciate you saying that. There's your factoid, sir. Wade, this one's directed at you, specifically. This is advice. This is not a fact. This is just advice. Wade, you, in particular, should not stop your dog from eating poo. I don't care what the right answer is. False. And, of course, that one is true. Yeah, wait, what is the. Why? That's just false. Stopping your dog from eating poo makes that moment into something that the dog recognizes as important, and it, psychologically, trains them to remember that, and to go back to that behavior as something that you acknowledged as the owner/pack leader. They don't understand that they should feel bad about it. They just understand that they did that, and then you were like, "Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!" And they were like, "Oh, cool!" I love whenever you do a bad behavior and people let you do it, and it's like, "That'll teach 'em." So by the fifth time they eat poo, you're like, "Ha-ha! That's right, I'm not gonna say a word. That'll stop you." Yeah, they'll figure it out. This comes from the school, I think, of training a dog where negative discipline is, like, never done. You know what I mean? And it's not really a school of training that I subscribe to that much. For children, it's a different scenario, but for dogs, I feel like there's a punishment you could do to make them have a negative association with that. Yeah, you put them in an oxygen deprivation chamber for a weekend and they become Deadpool. Uh-huh. Was that only a week? I think it was a weekend. Oh, man. Okay, that's fair. I live with false. I will live and die with false there. This is not an endorsement of any specific school of dog training, and I definitely try and stop Lexi from eating poop when that comes up, which it doesn't, 'cause she's old now and she's learned that that's not good. Is it time, boys? Do we need to change the rules? 'Cause I think that- You know, I kinda wanna. Whoa! I kinda wanna. I don't wanna change the points, but God, do I wanna change that rule. I just feel obligated to remind you that, if you want to change the rules, you gotta change the rules. I just feel obligated to remind you that, if we take that approach, one of the options on the table is that you can never stop any dog from eating poo ever again. Oh, God, it would be doubly right. The universe would never let that happen, right? Don't say stuff like that. That's not a good thing to say. What are the odds of the universe saying that that's right? Not only should dogs be allowed to eat poo, but we should have to eat poo. Probably measurable and consistent, if I had to give you that. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it's one answer, what those odds would be. I sent you your last fact, Wade. Sun Tzu's The Art of War is a sequel. The first book was lost forever. Who's Art of War? Sun Tzu? Sun Tzu? Sun Tzu? Sun Tzu. I don't even know if that's right. I just know it's commonly pronounced as Sun Tzu. Man, imagine if Art of Love actually made it to shelves. It would have really- Dude, a whole different world. The art of how to run a government efficiently forever. Damn it. No more World War II. We just had Lovefest 1939, baby. The Art of Eliminating Poverty and Hunger. Can't believe we lost those. Okay, so it never, it's lost. Yeah, I mean, presumably it existed. Not that it never- How would they know? Well, there could be records of references to it. Just like the text of it is. There's a lot of stuff that we only know exists because historians are like, "Well, this guy talked about this book a whole shitload." Yeah. So clearly that's a book or something, but we don't have a copy anymore. Yeah. Like the female orgasm. We don't know if it's real, but people reference it. Speak for yourself, buddy. I don't know. That's for real. Choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo. Hold on. Hold on. I want to join your club. Imagine if the coin could fix that. What would happen? I'm going to go with false because I don't know how they would know that it was lost. Unfortunately, Mark. You're right. Ooh! That's just straight up made up fiction. You're very intuitive with this, Mark. The number of times you either just flat out reasoned that something should be true or false or intuited for no apparent reason, but were spot on is shocking. I stand by my dog. Yeah, yeah. I'm with that. Yeah. I didn't know nowhere in the rules of this game does it say that you cannot take a moral stand and I stand with you. Luckily for me, it didn't cost me any points in a game. Now, hold on. If I say, can I make you lose? Does it have that power? Theoretically, I don't know, I guess. Have we only scratched the surface of what these could do? These coins could do anything. I think they're dramatically underutilized, but I did say that would be the last fact. And so now I will talk about how many points everybody has. Whee! In no particular order, Wade. You earned points for, oh, Marvel Old is what I wrote because Iron Man came out 20 years ago. Oh, God. Yeah, that realization hit hard. You earned points for, right, Sam? Right? Right. You earned a check minus. You earned points for. And the body! You earned points for not baby shoes. I can't remember any of these. You earned points for jumping off a diving board. Ah, I did that. You were correct on necktie blood. Nails grow faster in the summer. You got a point for ingrown hairs when you were talking about your secret afro underneath your head skin. You were correct on cure for evil. Snakes are limbs. Chicken nuggets being named after gold nuggets and your nixon voice i am not a plant mark you earned points for something something parnassus never seeing the notebook because i hate that movie there are dozens of us when talking about the people who let ashley die and kept kate in alive you survived the gopro encounter i just wrote what'd you break oh when way jumped in the pool that's right uh you were correct on the bacteria distance the hair and the nails not growing after death the glass sponge lifespan you were correct on spungle i wrote down true again i got a point for that i think you guessed you were correct on another one but i wrote true instead of what it was you were also correct on dog poo and sun soup leaving the current score at mark with 13 points and wade with 12 points minus one for your check minus wade with 11 13 to 11 oh my god i have to say mark was behind almost the whole game and then the last four points the last four things he did all earned points he was correct he absolutely clawed it back but if points end up absolute i'm back that's that's not an option that is an option but you'd still be down by one wait there's a lie points is there a just points absolute yeah there's there's one where like all point values are absolute so all points are are no there's no negative points that would spend on there for a long time and we've never hit it that's on the long list of ones that have never a single time come up uh how many spins today oh great wheel of primary colors all right three spins it is of course it is that's right back to the pattern what is the mark face i can't remember what that is is that like the de niro face where you're like i have no recollection of that being added at all isn't there a rule in the constitution where the three of us can agree to remove something yeah if we don't remember what it is do we have to land on it yeah you have to land oh shit okay but none of us know what that is i am going to put one on here for told the best lie in this episode that's going to be a tough one i i'm going to put one on here for told the best lie in this episode that's going to be a tough one i fully admit that that's going to be one of those ones we're definitely going to land on it and be like well that didn't happen and respin but i feel like if we're going to have lie points you get credit if you tell a really good lie and get away with it 121 options who drooled the most who got laid most i don't remember any of these i thought we removed that one we did remove that one still there still there i i hosted my i was like instead of adding one i'm removing that because enough family's been like please don't tell me this look you don't have to admit it just only if you want the point three spins it is come on wheel give us something that's outside the list of like 30 that we always get most angry oh no remember i started the episode with that angry email i had to send oh that's true you did you i think you said the first thing you said on this episode was like i'm glad to be here yeah i hate business and having to be a business i don't know do you refute win i mean the by by definition that says most angry and that is the most angry i remember anyone being during i can't i'd like to fight it but i don't know that i can that seems right all right wade wade conceded mark was the most angry it's hard to fight that this was just a pretty like happy-go-lucky episodes you know so i feel like a lot of a lot of episodes there's some moments at least of feigned anger yeah we usually are very contentious everyone's just in a good having a good time today i'm in a good mood today i have my pokemon donut significant other through the most bullshit my pokemon card collecting has uh gotten to the point where we've had a lot of extra boxes to break down and uh our kitchen counter she's not been super thrilled about the fact that we have this beautiful big kitchen counter that 70 of it's been covered in pokemon cards for the last three or four weeks it's such a big counter that sounds about like when i ordered a thousand lenses on ebay and my entire kitchen was covered in packages yeah so if you can top that one but i molly has been pretty on me about like you are not using our dining room table and you'd better get this counter cleaned for like three or four weeks and yesterday she was like cleaning up part of the kitchen and clean up like you know her mess and it was like this spotless beautiful looking tiny section of the counter because the rest of it's my bullshit so uh dibs well we got one more spin to jamaica make something happen here for you with i just need two points yep or three maybe don't get two points maybe get some number greater or lesser weight gets two points come on witness wow we're all just in our regular offices nobody's in witness protection today yeah imagine if we'd hit that and the last was it the last one when mark was traveling would have been a freebie for this I don't know which one of us we both called jesus a fraud today so you you both moved equally far away from god is that what we're concluding i can't recall any of any of these jokes being particularly heinous or heretechical heretechnical heretical heretical that's it heretechnical i think that's probably a tie spin number three part two come on we'll keep hitting us with the funny ones that are buried said the most oh trees in the woods when if a tree in the wood i said that that was mark's thing he said that i think we all maybe contributed to that but you definitely said that first and i would say i remember you saying that most because he said i remember myself saying like one thing where i was like if true trees in the wood who plays child support or something like that i mean i'm down by two just for the sake of it you yeah that's fine let us know who actually said it the most one of you go back and count thanks to all of mark's he gave uh the final score is mark with 15 and wade with 13 minus 1. also known as 12. congratulations mark you are the winner of today's episode thank you thank you is that my speech yeah yeah go ahead give us a winner speech thank you i had a bit of a losing streak it was weird that i was up on points for the season and and down on wins but you know it's uh it's a coming back around i feel really good about this victory tried hard played hard it's all looking good what a magnanimous winner speech wayne for a moment i was back and i was on top and i was in control i won an episode i think i think bob won an episode i won an episode again then i won my own episode i had three wins to bring myself back dead even with these two points were climbing everything was well maybe not points everything else was on the up and up and now we're back down five to five to four again so i've got a hope maybe either i get another winning streak or season golf rules what if i that would be a hell of a thing i'm not even sure that would have to involve coins or something i don't even know how that would happen but nothing is impossible when we make it up on the fly i look forward to your secret surprise come from behind victory at the end of the season thank you everybody for hanging out and watching and land or listening to this episode make sure you check out the merch i'm going to throw my own plug in and say if you're at all interested in scary stories right now if you go to realgoodai.org anthology you can get your name in the back of us book of collected scary stories as part of the scary tapes uh writing competition uh also going to be episodes on this uh podcast that you will see throughout the month of october make sure you check these fellers out wade is lord minion 777 or minion 777 mark is markiplier i am my skirm thanks for being here make sure you check out the next episode of the show and i'll see you next time on the fly make sure you follow the podcast so you know when all of our episodes come out and mark will host the next one where we will all see you there podcast out