Worst Tech Issues (Compilation)

This episode of Distractable is present to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/home-internet-check-availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply, fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data, second half 2025, all rights reserved. Mark is either gone or sitting very still. Hello. He's thinking. Hello. Hello. I'll try a simple one. Mark, how many fingers? Hello. Oh wait, I know how to fix this. Hello. I texted you. Hello. You know what, Bob, I'm going to give you a good internet point. Thanks. That seems fair. Hello. They tried to take me out. They didn't work. The world government. Oh, sweet fucking Jesus. No, no. Not again. Hello. All right, sorry everyone. We had to break in the middle of our context there. Mark's tub got us all very wet. So we had to take a moment to dry off. But uh, uh, where we were chatting just a moment ago, which is right where we're picking up for you guys, but a few minutes later for us. Oh, there they are. Red and what happened? Hello? Okay. What, why did, can you hear me? Suddenly my, a light went out and this, my headphones went out. That's not good. Unplug it and plug it back in. If for everyone listening, I am now rendered deaf, but I don't know why. Because my computer is still on. Internet's still working. They can hear me, but I can't hear them. Bob's pointing at a mouse. Hold on. It's what happened was I think I think the guys outside working on things blew us very specific fuse that is only like to one plug in this office. Control it. Control it. Look at this one. It's like a gold camo. Why are you, why are you showing your controllers? I can't understand you. The back of the controller. This one doesn't have the USB-C though, which is disappointing. Back, back. Xbox. USB. USB plug. The plug plug a USB in. Oh, man. Okay, hold on. Let me, let me troubleshoot. Lenses. Oh my god. Is that a Markiplier-ass shot in 2024? Editors, you know you got to do with that. What? Look at, look at, look at Gabe Ben, Mark. I gotta go check the fuse box. I'll be right back. The fuse box. So easy. A Markiplier cave Ben can do it. Hey guys, my computer is dying. Oh. Fucking shit. I need to go get the charger for my laptop or apparently it's at 10% battery. Run! Run! My chair closes, locks my office door from opening. Hang on. All right. Head empty, foam wet, not on walls. It's not my fault. My laptop is dying. I don't like it. Will, this might need to be an edit out, depending on what's that here. I had it plugged in over here for a while. Oh no. I think maybe he got put in the cabinet at some point. I really wish he'd start talking to shit about us. I'm not saying that he touched it. I know. The painting people moved all the shit around. Painting person. I feel like we shouldn't listen. I know. So, uh, what's up? Small talk. You got anything interesting in my? Oh, laptop charger. Where did I leave you? Oh, it's in my backpack. Which is upstairs. Next to my computer. Okay. Fuck. I can't un-listen. Oh, I'm wearing a microphone. What other thing can still hear me? Did you guys hear me that whole time? We were kept going like, "Oh, no, we shouldn't listen to this." I found my charger, guys. It was right here five feet away from me. Wow. Can you believe it? Oh, man, that's crazy. We were trying not to listen, but we couldn't help it. Why would you try not to listen? We were trying to talk over you. I'm the one who went to the bathroom wearing my love. That's the- that's the rule. Hello? Mark, are you taking the longest drink of coffee in history? Or are you frozen? Hello! Remember that noise? Mark was talking about his computer. Started making. I think something might have just gone horribly wrong. Hello. Hi. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was super weird. My Ethernet adapter just failed. I've never had that problem ever. Did it just started working again? Or did you have to go into the device manager or something? I switched to Wi-Fi. If I go into my device manager, my Ethernet is now appearing and disappearing. The whole adapter is on and off. And what's weird is that's a mother-bored integrated Ethernet adapter. Yeah, that's not great. I don't like that that happened. And then I heard that weird fan worrying. That might not be a fan. That might be the power supply. Yeah, you might be in trouble this episode. Let's look at this way. You know, if I were to list the- Why did that happen? Are you about to get consumed by a creature of the darkness? Or are you all right? For those who are- Oh my god. It turned itself back on. I'm not doing anything. Mark, are you in nope? Uh, you know, maybe I will just will not look up. Uh, and I think that if we had to tie together aliens eating people and mediating, nope is a perfect example, and I'm so glad you brought that up. So when it launched, you said it was going to have like an XLR for audio in Expansion thing. They came out two years after the camera came out. They finally were like, "Here's the plate!" And I'm like, "Where- where am I?" What? Mark, I didn't do- You okay, buddy? Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good. No! You do too much abuse of the bomb switch. The camera's getting ornary. Hey, I ordered a new mattress. Ding dong! Oh! Oh! This is so dumb. Oh! So we have an idiot, a sleep deprived guy, and a sick guy doing a podcast episode today, and this is what you get. Wait, you left yourself as the idiot? Yeah, I don't have any other excuses right now. I was telling you, I was doing a firmware update on this thing. Oh, what's the lens like on that? We should see the lens. Uh, it's the same as, uh. A BOOM! A BOOM! It's like when you give toddlers technology and they make their first video, and it's like really shitty, and they look at it embarrassed 20 years later, like what was I thinking? We don't have to be these people, guys. We can change our lives for the better right now. Doesn't that blow your mind that you could just decide right now to become a different person? I'm gonna stand up. I'm becoming a different person as you speak. I'm gonna stand up. Have fun with that, fucking losers. I'm standing. Mark, your height didn't change that much. It did, though! I lost the camera! That's so rude of you! I'm literally out of the frame! So tall! Flot twist, you little stepping stool by your chair. I know this is gonna rip cables out from everywhere, but here I go. Mark freezes, and disappears again. Mark, no! Oh, I'm frozen. Why did that happen? What could have possibly pulled? What did that? You must have lost wireless fidelity for a moment. Fuck! No! Oh, he froze. [Laughter] Why is that happening? You're stretching those cables. Mark, I think you're still out of frame. You're gonna have to keep moving it. I gotta keep going. It's got so far up to travel. Here we go. Am I still here? For now. I appreciate you picking such a nice pose to freeze in. Why is it instantly our fault? That's, yeah, that's quite a leap. Well, I don't know who else to blame. It can't be my fault, so it's gonna be someone else. I'm blameless. The lie was so hard it pushed me out of focus. Mark, what flying across the room and lost focus? Our world is dedicating every bit of their graphical power to developing these models. And this is the progress. I'm, they're deleting me. I'm going out of focus again. They heard you talking shit about their AI, and they were like, "Don't you want to access to it?" And you bit her net. Or, Mark has been AI this whole time, and the servers are just updating, and he's getting blurred out, because they can't process him while also updating. Yeah, every time Mark goes out of focus, or his light turns off and on again, that's just the AI, losing object permanence for a second, and having to remember what the hell was going on. I know what's going on. Oh, oh, you're out of focus, that's weird. Yeah, that's so strange, segue. You always have something weird going on every time. I don't know why that's been happening. I did a firmware update for this lens, which is a weird thing to say, but it still is a little funky. Oh, we almost saw the whole episode of that Mark saying the word lens. Points to Mark per saying lens, unprompted. Oh, God, what have I done? Oh, sweet Jesus, no memory card! Mark, there's no memory card, it's not one! You mad man! It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. I've never ever crossed this threshold. Oh, God, this frickin light. I don't know. I don't know what this is. Mark's life. Just turned itself off for like the dozen time today. I don't know why and here it is again It just turns on and off. I don't get it. I can't I'm not even like connected to it in the app I've unplugged it turned it back on reset it It's still just like turns off every once in a while and then turns back on TGP single ping. I like that. I'm frozen up Your thumbnail just updated so now it's the frozen image on the side panel You're so good at holding a pose Hello It froze so thoroughly. I couldn't even hit the reboot button I had to shut the whole thing down your computer heard you might be upgrading it for belling I won't better get in line because I got the other computer I just built right next to it ready to go a little too close to each other. They'll shit talk you Are you okay, Mark? I got a light glare on my screen that I don't remember being there before I can't see my face when we're talking Did you did your setup move or something or I don't know. That's a strange thing like I have my haunted light here That I still haven't fixed, but this is the other light and I don't remember seeing this harsh of a glare on This maybe if I just turned the light so well, then I lose illumination. Mark's got some real problems Oh, but then this blessing at the back. Okay. I was gonna ask Mark how he's doing But we could tell if you're watching on Spotify podcasts if you're watching the video only available on Spotify You could see the horrible situation that Mark is in. Yeah, it's suffering. Look at the illumination levels, Mark It's not yeah, I don't have a quite the same amount of edge lighting, but if it goes this way then it's gonna just Mm-hmm. It's gonna glare the screen and right there and literally my camera lens is like shadowed right there. Oh, that fixed it Oh perfect. I just moved my monitors. That's what it was my monitor got moved to day. Anyway, it's all good guys All of Mark's problems are solved. That's all you've got going on over there, right? It was such an easy fix. I am professional. You should laugh at that That's that I think you told it well enough to earn some Slowly being a gulf by hell Mark are you second circle third circle? How far now? People are just listening at home. I am slowly sinking into a pit of lava and I am really embracing the pain And taking it like a jam. You just want to see if your body can take it. Yes, exactly and surprisingly it can it can Yeah, no, my my main light I they're just these little battery power lights right now because that's all I could bring with me One of them just went out because I I don't have enough plugs for anything my camera was running out of power before this So I had this is my accent little like flavor light now. It's my main light. Is it only red? It's not like adjustable or no I could turn it to another color buddy. Oh, no. Well, leave it though. Yeah, exactly. I see. I don't know. I'm with you It's freaking way to out. Wait until he's gonna have a panic attack. I don't it's funny and scary at the same time And I I realized that I'm not mentally stable at the moment But it's really everything's really funny this better. Oh, that's a way better. I love that that reminds me the thing whenever you put up Your finger and you're like, oh, I see my finger bone Oh, yeah, there you go. Uh-huh. Yeah, if you don't watch this show now you have to It's it started out as like a millennial cringe. I'm like, yeah, I remember that that's fucking stupid in and I'm me so obviously But look come back. I'm gone now my light doesn't work my camera is goes out of focus of real stuff Well, I'm just creating random timers for things to occur or how much money you you've spent on cameras and light Technology you have you have got to have the most finicky lights and camera I don't this isn't the good light. That's why it's in here. Oh, I see the good lens. That's why it's in here This lens is 500, which is not cheap, but you were generalizing. I also keep all of my best stuff in boxes That didn't help at all. I thought that if there was a bright behind me it wouldn't be like oh that that background's bright enough You really just look like your green screened in at this point Look I could be in Mark's office too. I don't as explode marks background. Wait till I do this I'll give you something to explode on no There we go there we go there we go guys my my capture card is broken Dune what dude you're in dune. I'm in dune. Doesn't that look like the the palace and in Wait hit the the screech. I'll cue up the point It started actually on almost the correct note that actually was really close. Yeah But then he didn't understand what you were trying to get him to do. Yeah, I don't know what the hell you're referencing What's wrong with that one part of dune wait This is a really inconvenient cutout that will definitely won't be exploited I'm sure no one will ever do anything wrong with this random unrelated question How wide can you open your mouth? Oh really? Wow Everything I hate everything. How about this? Oh, look at that. Is this the whole is this is this small talk? Is this your small talk? No, I got this small talk. Let's do small talk. Let's move on to small talk wait Go ahead. I am my understanding is that's actually true that if you got a but whole print if every person would have a unique But whole print did Mark disconnect or I thought he was just that disgusting with you Hello, I really thought he was just that like not having it with what you said Oh, here's the text here you go What were you talking about that? I'm thinking of anus chocolate something about I was gonna bring up that we have oh Okay, man. Hey, how's it going? What in the fuck did I walk into? Have Uranus and eat it too So fucking close best looking I I didn't shower like I showered yesterday morning so it's been like more than a day since I've showered Are you trying to talk yourself out of the pointer into it? I'm just being honest like I don't know how I looked you guys I feel pretty Grimey. I'm not feeling like I looked that great. I shower just yesterday. I'm on vacation. I'm so rested and relaxed That's how you two wanted to determine it I guess I can go that route I was going to say I was gonna give it to Bob because Bob's camera quality is just so much better today So he looks I am I'm more well lit. My camera is definitely doing doing a lot of work here hold on let me turn on studio light Yeah, my god your shoulders so sharp center stage Come on Come on do it Come on. Come on. Come on. Do it come on. Come on. Come on. Oh there you go Yeah for some reason Are you center stage? It kind of falls me and then when I turn it off it just zooms in but why would it zoom in? That's really confusing. Yeah, apparently it can now it was not like designed to do this But it just started doing a thing where you can have it generate something and then take like a frame. Oh For fuck's sake You could take a frame which I'm gonna indicate like this you can take a frame of video All right, well, our final score is 20 to 17 after the wheel spins mark. Would you like to give us a winner's speech? Mark did you just connect? Hello, he's frozen he is frozen Mark Look back it was my USB thing that has the ethernet plugged in you and I kicked it and Oh Oh, man, yeah, I hope he was like I'm gonna show him how I kicked it and then he kicked it again I'm back. Hey, man. Hey, yeah, I wouldn't kick that thing a third time. I didn't kick it again It just I caught up and was like hey, you're not you don't exist kick me out of the session Okay, Bob is Bob gone oh Bob come back. What a frame though to leave on. That's a great frame. That's a great frame Hello Okay, there we go. Hey, man, look it back wasn't like Mark where my eyes were in different directions and I was all Hello, the reason I turned my light on is because I feel guilty about it, but possibly for the first time ever this is Oh Yeah, I should turn that setting off on my camera. That's a great setting man. What were you trying to show us you got to learn to do the political gestures. Yeah, like oh, yeah, like if light attendance did day or two fingers for like the you know the Disney people I that would probably still do it. I don't even know and V's and B's are pretty close Wouldn't you also say before this recording to remind you to talk about something cowbell that was it So I still much to my chagrin and I've talked about to endlessly drive my Tesla that I've had for eight years the giant piece of shit And that's not just me like hating for hating. No, it's been bad. It's really bad. I drove it off the lot as a piece of shit. It's been a piece of shit through every year of its warranty in which it's been in service every single year for many times the same problem and they've done full replacements on the suspension three times and now it is officially out of warranty. So if it happens again, I'm screwed. Anyway, in Tesla, there's a cowbell mode that is activated by pressing the cruise control four times. And the thing is, if I press it twice and it doesn't activate, I'm going to press it because to activate it, you press it twice, right? I go to click, click, and it doesn't go. So I go click, click again. And then I activated cowbell mode. So for the rest of the fucking drive to Tyler's house. Wait, so is it this is actually the song? Because there's something weird about pressing cruise control multiple times and don't fear the Reaper coming on. It is exactly, it was the exactly that it was don't know. It was a whole, I couldn't figure out it turned off because pressing it four times again only restarts the song. I'm in the middle of driving on the highway. So for 20 minutes, it's a long song. But even when the song ends, it just loops. It loops after the first few lines and then Christopher Walken comes out and says, I gotta have more cowbell. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell. And then it goes again, don't, don't, don't, little fucking drive. Tesla's have the vibe of like websites in the early 2000s where it's like, I'm going to this website because I need to order whatever printer ink and it's just like a printer ink website and you load it up and just like all the small things starts playing and a bunch of clip art is like dancing around the screen. And then in the middle, it's like, yeah, click here to buy a printer ink. Well, ship it to you. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. And you know how I turned it off because I actually had to when I got there, I googled it, how the fuck do I turn off? It's a bunch of people and like, I don't know what the fuck happened. You'd like say something or something? No. The easiest way besides shutting the car completely down then turning it back on is to activate fart mode and press the fart button. And that will interrupt the cowbell and it will stop playing. Dude, the fart mode is funny though, because it'll make different seats in the car, fart. That's funny. I don't think any other car in the world has that kind of fart mode. What? Oh, have you never seen fart mode, Wade? No, I've seen a car with heated seats once. Oh, yes, that too. That's not part of the fart mode though. So in years, is it the right stock that is the cruise control one or is it the left stock? It's left, left, uh, lower one. Yeah. Because we have a model wide, it's the right stock, which the passenger in the car could absolutely reach. So anytime they wanted to a passenger could just reach over and just go, ding, ding, cowbell. And then cowbell mode would probably start, I think. And that's fun. At least it was only 20 minutes, but I feel like if I was on a longer drive, I would have pulled over. So maybe it's the worst case to be in, but I mentioned the worst times like you're rushing to the hospital and you actually do it. I bet you can activate fart mode with voice commands though. So if it ever happens again, you just hold the voice command button. It's be like, ah, fart mode. And everyone in the car could just be like, what the fuck? What clown car are we in? What the hell? In a funeral procession, you got people in the car morning and you actually activate cowbell. You're like, uh, some, sorry, let me activate fart mode. Don't tempt Elon, he would put in a voice activated fart mode. What funny horn noise do you use, Mark? That's the real question. Can you customize the horn? You can change the horn and the like lock sound, the walk away lock sound kind of thing. To any sound you want, you can literally put MB3 in. Wow, that's great, man. I can't wait for that. So I assume you use a funny novelty sound for those things. Oh, wait, this is what you're missing for not having a car just to let you know. Well, at least I know why I can't get one. There's so busy programming useless shitted to it that takes extra time on the production line. Don't talk shit about fart mode. Two points for Wade for being correct, apparently, but also a point to mark for sportsmanship because that's just good sportsmanship. I think judge Judy is pretty close. Okay, Wade has to give a winter speech. Wade, what do you have to say for yourself? I think it's very fortunate. I have to give a winter speech. I want to extend a little bit of a podium here. I think it's been a while. Maybe since I hosted. Maybe not that long. I can't remember. But anytime I lose, it feels like it's been forever since I have won. I want to give an apology to Shakira, who I've not mentioned in a little while. And I've seen some beautiful posts from people about Shakira and statues and performances and her SNL appearance. But I don't know that she's gotten the spotlight from me. She deserves Queen. We are so back and you're in my thoughts always in a good game or whatever you do. embrace these nuts. They're not on camera. Hey, don't do. Watch new episodes on Spotify.