Woody Harrelson | Club Random with Bill Maher

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You're a leader. You're a natural leader. That's why. Oh cool. We decided to go here at the woods for this is our 420 episode. To celebrate 420 at the pot store that you and I own together. Much more of your money, thank God. But we're trying. It's not easy to make a business work in California. California just messes with every business. I mean, I don't want to like start this off. Why not? Why just shitting on California. But California deserves to be shit on for a lot of this kind of stuff. And people know and this is why people flee the state. Like there is, what is that? Watermelon juice. I'll have a little, yeah, wonder why is that like a big health thing now? It hydrates you better than anything. Actually, watermelon and coconut are the best hydrates. But yeah, California sucks as far as all businesses, but certainly this one, they still treat it like it's poison. They treat it like it's legal, it's not. Yeah, they treat it like you're lucky that you are, that we allow you to do this. And so we're going to tax you 35%, which is way more, it's more than double anything. Nothing's, I don't even know what's the second, but you know, like guns, 10%, right? Like just to give you. It's beer. You know, beers like what, 3% or something, you know, like it's ridiculous that they can just tax the fuck out of you and make it so hard. Anyway. I don't want it. I'm a happy person. Well, generally. I'm not happy about this. Yeah, I'm not happy. I'm never happy when anybody fucks with my money. I'm gangster like that. Yeah, well, they're fucking with my money. They also don't allow you to write anything off. They don't allow you to write anything off, and they tax you 35%. And also for the longest time, it was a very risky business because you couldn't put the money in the bank, right? The bank's where you take your dirty fucking pot money. You fucking hippies, God, by what, smoking pot? That money can change your whole piece of culture that is a bank. Right. Nothing shitty would have ever gotten there. But you know what I'm talking about? That's it. Is that still going on? That's still going on. And everybody would have truck loads of cash around. So of course, they were a target for robbers. Yeah. Yeah, you know, they make it, that's another thing they do for you here in California. But though you can do some banks, I heard can do it now. Yes. No, it's changing. Oh, we got, hey, do we get, fuck. What do you need? I was going to papers. I don't know how I'm going to roll. I need papers and a grinder. These guys are listening. They'll suggest it to someone. Anyway, or we could just go for this. But that's indica straight up. You don't have any, you only have indica? Yeah, I don't know why we only have indica here. I'd love to have steeva. I don't know why. Because who works? I know why. Because who works at a pot store, Stoner? Stoner. Stoner. Exactly. So if you guys are listening down there, we'd like to get to my setiva, some hybrid, you know whatever you can do. So this is, you like, you prefer to do that, right? That's my favorite right there. Well, these guys are great. Yeah, I know. I know. Yeah. I did a photo shoot here, as you know, and nice smoked. They, you know, they wanted a picture of me. It's, I love the picture. You know, it's a couple years ago. It was right up here, I think, or one of the other bungalows. Yeah, we have it. We have it down in there. Yeah, yeah. And so they gave me a prop joint, but it was, it was your, I forget, black mamba or something. And we, I must have Keith in it or something, because I was smoking it just, it took a few pumps for the shot. Cool shots. You know, it's like Humphrey Bogart if you was a bod smoker, you know, when the smoke is sexy, it just is. People like it. It looks cool. So the, you know, and I didn't realize it looked like three or four hits and I was like, it takes a lot to get me stoned. I don't know what was in this shit, but I had interviews to do after and I never, I said to my publicist, I can't talk. I can do an interview right now. I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth. I feel like I'm on one of those people who goes to take a ambience and they don't know what the fuck they do in the middle of the night, you know, they're like Kennedy drove into the capital, not, you know, what Kennedy, one of the Kennedy's Patrick, I think he's not Teddy. Not Teddy. He'd run into a river. And then the limousine, these people are bad with cars, but they start with their, there you go. And we're talking. Yeah, yeah, come on in, Hulk, hey, Hulk, and this is Bill. We know each other. You know, you got a grind, oh good, the TV, oh, the TV, it's nice, okay, brother, thank you, thank you. Okay. Yeah, always, this is your thing, you like the ritual of preparing the drugs. No, no, I'm happy to have a pre-roll, but it's just that this particular, this, this herb right here, I'm telling you, I'm at the farmers, I'm like, I'm coming up to meet you guys up there, which I haven't yet followed through, but these guys are my trips. That's our flesh to you from the woods. We meet the farmers. We meet the farmers. A lot of, we do, we give a shit about what we're, isn't you think they'd do that at Pot R Us or whatever the fuck, other shitty stories are around here? No, they don't meet the farmers. And when they do meet the farmers, the farmers are way more impressed with you. Honey, you'll never get to came to the farm today, putty Harrelson, the guy from Cheers. Yeah, they haven't caught up to your movies yet, no, it's done a hundred, it doesn't matter. You really done a hundred? Yeah, a hundred movies, and that's what I was with Jason, because we were, you know, we're going to do a movie together. What is the movie you're doing with him? Yeah, it's called "Cackling of the Dodoes" with Sam Rockwell as well, so we were just, you know, running scenes together today and. So you were in Jason Bateman? Jason's directing it. Oh, he's directing it. And he did writing on it, he made the script, I really feel like the script went from pretty good to, like, Cohen brothers, like it really became a terrific, he's, that guy, he's so sharp. I agree. Yeah. I think he's entering a, another level, you know, with directing in his career. So that's good. And that's always, you find a way to hit your wagon to people who can do you some good in the business. I love the way you do that. I love the way you hang out. I mean, what are you? Yeah. Are you 65? I'm a little, 64. 64. I'm a 64. I'm a 64. Obviously, next year. Yeah, I'm a 64. But you will be playing bad grandpa. No, I mean, I don't mean that, and so, in fact, I mean that is a compliment, because when you get to these upper ages, the only way you can stay hired is if you were iconic, like, okay, to Nero, yes, we will, we will use you to your debt. They just, you just tell we will. The Clint Eastwood could be, possibly, is 99. Right. He's. And he did a movie, and I love Clint Eastwood, the few filmmakers I would speak up for more. I mean, I would love to meet him, one of the few I would love to. Oh, really? Oh, absolutely. And just say, thank you for the entertainment. I mean, and, you know, so, what a great amazing career with different phases and what a, you You know, anyway, you know, they hate him in Hollywood because he's, you know, You know, sort of a Republican. It's like, oh, come on. Really, do you have to fucking obsess about that? He's not. - Well, you know, I live in Texas, dude. I mean, I'm meeting, it's all day long. I'm meeting, I'm hanging with Republicans. And you know, like, you just don't talk about it. That's not, let's just not talk about it. I don't want to talk about Trump. I don't want to talk about Biden. - I am right. - And to me, yeah, you know, I'm an anarchist. - That's how most, I don't. - Right, right, you're an anarchist. - I am. - I don't believe in government, government, fuck. - Okay, well, agree, disagree. - Every once in a while, there's a good government. Every once in a while. - Okay, I mean-- - When's the last good government you saw? - All, almost all democratic governments are way better than anarchy. Anarchy is, you know, have you seen all those movies that take place like after the war, the big war, the apocalyptic event, and now it's, you know, it's just this bleak landscape, the, you know, the one with, not roadwater, bladewater. No, no. - A blade runner. - No, no, that's the future. Once the one, it's like desert and at least the road and somebody else, you know. - No, I thought that was blade. - No, no, bladerunner is Harrison Ford in the future. This is-- (laughing) - Well, you mean with in Tom-- - Yes! - Yes, yeah. - Yeah, and they hated each other on the movie, but what, no, they did. - No, we all heard. - Really? I mean, it doesn't matter. You could hate, people hate each other and make movies together all the time. Not you, I mean, all your co-stars, I must say, when you are a guy who stays friends with everybody you ever work with. - Well, I wish that were true. Especially the men. - You know, especially the men. - Especially the good-looking younger men. I'm not saying, but like a young geese. - When you think about who's in your, you know, from a colony, and Owen Wilson, and then, you know, who's the latest, well, I'm James Marsden, and with Frank Goh, you know what I'm saying? I'm just saying-- - It's around yourself with the track to be young men. It's very normal thing to do. Bert Reynolds did it for you. (laughing) - Charles Nelson Riley. - Well, I'm starting to get the feeling-- - Dom Delewee's "He-Man" (laughing) - Like that? - Yeah, Paul. Paul, what's his name, man? - Paul Rod. - It's disgusting. - He must owe Paul in. - Paul in? - Yeah. - He was great. - So, what are we smoking? - And this is the, this is this. This is the, we're calling it Woody's personal stash here, but it's gonna change, and I think I'm gonna call it Woody's Goodies or something, yeah. But it's, I mean, it's nice, sir. - For what? - Very nice. - Oh, this is from Humboldt. - So, you talked to the farmer about this one, right? - Yeah, yeah, the farmer was here. - I would say. - And, you know-- - Harry's real split about it. - Just that he hit a home run and he knows it, and everybody who tastes it is like that is great herb. - I thought farmers were modest. - Huh? - I thought farmers were modest, you know, I mean-- - I mean, no, this guy's very modest, actually. Him and his wife, very modest. But, but they do know they have a beautiful product here. And, you know, but everything that I love is, it's sun-grown, it's soil-nourished. - Right. - The water is clean, you know, it's not like, you know, so much of the herb people, there's a lot of herb here at this place that I would never smoke. And, it's just like, you know, the water came from the valley. You know, it's never seen the sun, it's never seen soil. And so, my whole dream is to try to make, even though it's not as lucrative. But, in the end, it doesn't matter because, you know, more people coming in to saying, "Oh, I want that really more healthy, better buy." - Yeah, that is. - So, you don't smoke one hit and want to just lay down on the couch, you know. - I couldn't agree more. You know what else would be great? - Lucrative. - Yeah, lucrative would be. - Let's get, and you know what? The truth is that they're not mutually exclusive. That one does feed the other if you let people know what the product is and why it's better. And, you know, they will pay a little more, you know. I mean, the pot crowd, I feel, is also a health crowd. You know, make your own, okay. Sitting on the couch eating Cheetos, Joe. Yes, there's that aspect of that. But, generally, I feel like it's more people who are into more, like, wellness and that kind of stuff, health, kind of stuff. - Good peace. - It's great. - Well, because liquor is the worst for you. We're not doing that. Well, I mean, sometimes we are doing it too. - No, I would never. I would never. - Yeah, right. - I do. You know me. I drink. - But then go through a stark periods where you renounce it, like it's safe. - Not true. - I know it's true. - I quit drinking frequently. I quit smoking frequently. At the last time, I think you probably remember. I quit for almost two years. It's quit pot. And then, of course, Willie. Willie happened. And he had many times tried to get me to, you're saying focused. And yeah, you're being, okay, I'll have a little bit. - But I thought he was. - I ran into Willie. And I'd already had the experience countless times where Willie kept trying to, you know, he'd be like, and I'd like, Willie, remember I quit. And he's like, oh, oh, oh, okay. You know, and then, you know, a week later, I'd see him and he'd be like, and I'd be like, Willie, remember? I quit and he'd go, oh, oh, okay, okay. And anyway, we were at this game, right? And usually, you have a bad beat. You got beat down bad. It's a great time, you know. I take a beating and a hand and I see Willie and I. Willie, I quit, you know I quit. - Oh, okay, I'm done. - And then, he did a reverse psychology on me. I want a big hand, right? And he had his pen with the Willie's Reserve, which I had never had his Willie's Reserve. And so he-- - Just like the one. - It's his strain that he, the Willie's strain. So anyway, he was in a pen. - But he was supposed to be like the bomb, kind of pop. - Well, no, I didn't know. I just started, it's Willie's, I want to try it. And so he had offered it to me several times, Willie. And anyway, so finally, I win this big hand. And I'm like, yeah, it's straight. Boom, he's sitting next to me, just hands out the pen. And I'm like, fuck it, you know. And he goes, welcome home, son. - Oh. (laughing) - But, I thought he was the one who couldn't smoke pot. - He didn't smoke, no. - Okay, so this must be before, because the last time I went to Hawaii, I remember backstage, there was all this Michigan about like, you know, don't temp Willie and don't offer Willie, keep away from Willie. - Easily tempting. - That was the way Willie is smoking and showing. - Yeah, you know, but I guess he is emphysemba. - Well, it's just, you know, like he smoked cigarettes from when he was like 11 or something. - So you don't think this is-- - And he smoked it for whatever, 40, 50 year, and he really wanted to quit. And so what he did was he rolled up like 20 joints, emptied all the cigarettes, put all the, yeah, put all the joints in the cigarette pack. And every time he wanted to cigarette, he smoked a joint. So he replaced completely the cigarettes, but he was smoking pretty continuously. And eventually, I mean, look, guys like you and I, we want to believe there's no ill effect, but smoking just can't be good for you on any level of anything you're smoking. - I know, I was about to just ask you that question and what a depressing answer. I was actually hoping I'd be from you, or hippie, always looking on the bright side. That's bleak. But true, you're right. - It's true. - It's true. - You know, we make, yeah, but don't you think that if we keep talking long enough, we can convince ourselves of the opposite. - No, I'm kidding. - But don't you think there is a different, much different effect, from only smoking, I mean, you don't smoke all day long, right? - No. - Even when you smoke. I don't eat. - Like, I didn't smoke today till just now. - I didn't smoke at all yesterday. - Yeah, well, you're very disciplined. I'm not, I'm not disciplined, you know. I'm not like you. Many times I pass you a joint. You're like, I'm not right now, blah, blah, blah. If someone passes me a joint, I'm ingesting it, unless I'm doing an interview. - Right. - And the only person I've done an interview with is you. - At last interview, I was so high. And so drunk my guy, we had to cut like 45 minutes of that thing out. - Yeah. - Oh, I'd like to see that. - Yeah, I'd like to see the unedited. - The unedited. - As the rabbi said, I'd like to see the uncut version. Can I have everybody, as the petafile rabbi said, that's a better version of that joke. Okay. Well, oh, shit, I was gonna ask you something important. - What are your new projects? - I hear you're an animal in a movie. - Oh, yeah, we did animal farm. - There you go. - Andy Circus directed, and it is-- - Who's that now? - It's beautiful. - Who is that? - Andy Circus, you know, he played Gollum. He's known for doing this. He was a Caesar in the Apes movies. And he's just a phenomenal physical actor, but he's also just a great actor, just generally. I did a play with him in London, Ulster American, and oh my god, is he amazing. - But this is a cartoon? - Yeah, but yeah, the animal farm is a cartoon. And I play boxer, the horse. So I'm going, they're gonna-- - I'm here in New York. - I'm not sure I ever got around to animal farm. I know what it is, I know it's Orwell, and I know it's a, well, I guess I don't. What is it, it's a sly commentary on-- - Yeah, on what's, I always think it was about Russia, but now I equally think it's about America. You know, it's ultimately about-- - Totalitarian. - Yeah, big brother kind of just taking over, and everything being controlled by big brother, which is pretty much where we're at, right? - So same theme as 1984, his other book. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah. - So you think this is a special-- - But this is an allegory, you know, animals. - Right. - Yeah, it's, but it's really well done that the movie is, I think, fantastic. I love it, and I think-- - Well, I guess now you've done 101 movies. (both laughing) - That is a lot of movies. - It's a lot of movies. - And they're all memorable in their own way? You'd think they're-- - Well, you mean in terms of my experience? - I don't know, in terms of watching them. - Trying to imagine, if I had done 100 movies, would I actually remember all of them? - Well, some of them must have been a blur. - I think there's several of them that I'm not proud of, but there's quite a few that I am proud of, very proud of. Some I think are great. - Well, do you not proud of it? I wouldn't hear that list. - Huh? - What are you not proud of? - I wouldn't hear that list. - No, I don't want to, because-- - Yeah, you don't want to. - I did that before, and-- - Yeah, you heard that. - People were quite upset about it, too. - Yeah, totally right. - Because you would think you're gonna let yourself just express it. - Right. - Well, I think if you're batting average is quite good. - Oh, thank you. - I mean, especially if you've been to the plate 100 times. I mean, you don't have no one's. - Yeah. - Gonna be some-- - Get that many times to the plate. - You're gonna be some shit in your hair. By the way, it's hard to make a movie. - Babe Ruth was not just the, you know, was not just a home run king. He was the strikeout king. So, you know, I might be in the Babe Ruth category, equally home run king. I got some home runs, but boy do I have some strikeouts. - Oh, or that, or will he maize? - Oh, right. - Be will he maize? - Right. Well, will he maize probably had better average than-- - Well, that story where he brought you back into smoking pot. - Oh, a willy Nelson, yeah, yeah. - Oh, that was willy Nelson. - He was in will he maize. - I don't want to talk about will he maize the whole-- - Did I say will he maize? - Joking with-- - Oh, that's fucking weird. - I don't remember saying will he maize the whole-- - No, but he only said willy, so it was left open. - Thank you. - But boy, you can hear that bird, can't you? - Oh, there they add a lot to the ambiance, I may say. Yeah. - There's some jealousy me going on over there. - You know, not to be all infomercial about it, but this place is amazing. And if you haven't visited it, and you're in the LA area, dial 800. - Gotta get high. - Dial 800 fucked up. - No way. - It is amazing. I mean, there's no pot store like this where the front is beautiful like a pot store. And then there's this jungle in the back with all these cabanas and the fucking bird. I mean, bird, you know, like a madman have a bird. I don't think so. We have a bird. - Yeah. - We got parrots, McCaw. We got the whole dilly dally. - And, you know, we're here smoking a lot. Wouldn't you want to be in a place where this good smoke vibe, you know, I mean, if I could go to the zoo, you might see the polar bear. The poor, maybe the polar bear is not there that day, because he's, you know, making a movie on the polar bear. Or maybe the polar bear is just sleeping in the back there. But you, but there's a chance you'll see the polar bear. - I mean, there is. - But there's no other, you know, dispensary or place like this you're going to go to. And you're going to see coy fish, you know, and you're going to see McCaws. You're going to see, you know, the greenery, the fauna, the vibe, like to me, you know, I just wanted, and that's why I wanted you to be a part of it, because I just wanted to have what I consider to be the most, the greatest dispensary in the world that you would love to just sit down and get high at this place. - Yes. It is really quite a black mark on our records that we've marketed so badly. - Well, that's my fault. - It's my fault too, and we're rectifying now. - We're rectifying, yeah. - Oh, we're going to rectify the fuck out of this. - We're going to rectify this. - I mean, yeah, that's it. (laughing) - You know, the rectum of this situation is destroyed in rectification, because enough is enough. And it's, no, I do it for the people, because I feel if the people haven't experienced this, they're missing out. - It's all about the, I know you're the men of the people, the people love you, you'll always be that guy from cheers who, you know, good old Woody and, you know, you can slide on anything, because you just, you know, you're good old Woody, they just get the pass, get the pass, but I don't know. I'm kind of more admire your thing, dude, because you, you are just so fearless, you know, the stuff you say, the stuff you do. I gotta say, and I don't always agree with you, as we know, we do fight on something. But by God, man, you just say what you feel. And honestly, it's not that I don't do that, but I don't do it like you, you know, like I, you, you, you say stuff that I'm like, "Oh, God bless Billmore, God bless Billmore." Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all-day comfy grip. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin. That still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Mavilynn. I live alone. All my energy goes toward healing America. I don't have time for a social life. Women, I would love to have had a pass with women, but I just passed on the whole thing, so I could help America. That's what was important to me, helping America. It's nice that you're healing, you know, was not interfered with by, you know, terrible distractions. Like women, you're just doing the right thing. You're focusing on America, you're a healer. You're like a surgeon. If only I could have had all the romances you have. You're a roster. And I must say-- I must say this aspect of your niche. The jealousy of your eye, and you can't say it. It's him, man. No, you think of jealousy on my part. It's just weirdness on your part. Like, and I must say, you're always your top guys, but are like the ones like you, like who don't like shoes. Like, you know, Owen and Makana, you know, like-- Texans. But barefoot is all different category, you know? It's true. Yeah. I mean, I love those guys. They're like showed up at my house with barefoot. I mean, just shown up at my house is another issue. Huckleberry. - I know. You know, like, hey, can we go paint the fence today? - You have a little bit of that comeudian thing, where you're like, is this cock sucker in my fucking house? Like, what the fuck, you know, it's Sunday. There's no one around. I'm just coming to say hi, smoke a joint and get out of here. What the fuck, what, the belligerence? - I love that. - It's like, I like my alone time. - I love that about you. That you're still living in Indiana in 1965. - I do, I love that. We all would be so much better off if we were. Well, not all of us, just the white people, that's true. You can't ever say that we, there were things that were better in that era, but they will always be compromised because we didn't include everybody in them. - In what are we now? - So much better, but still, still that issue, of course. - We're not gonna talk about where the nation's headed. - No, no, that's the great thing about relaxing with a marijuana cigarette, if you will, jazz cigarette. (laughing) Is the more sophisticated of us called it when we used to go out at Catalina. Oh, so you don't ever clip off the end where it's like dirty like that. So you're not smoking ash. I always have a scissor. - Yeah, I saw you doing that. - Yeah, yeah. I always circumcised it before. - Well, there's something about that, I kind of liked it. It just felt like cleaner, you know? - Cleaner when you did that, not when you did that. - Yeah, when you did that. - Well, of course, 'cause I cut off that part that's, look, it's all the black. - Yeah, it just sounded like a brand new joint. - Right, yeah, that's not, not a hard concept. We're used owners here on my YouTube channel as we're learning how to smoke a joint. Get a scissor. (laughing) And before you do, you know, do something where you tell everyone in the world that you know that you like scissors, 'cause that's really important. Like, like, okay, and cut the end off, but we don't have the scissor. - Right here it is. - Oh, oh man. - You're achieving pure, you're into a pure, stoner state, you're cutting that thing in half. You're gonna start around the black part. - Well, I am. - Okay, good. - Here we go. - Here we go. - Set you back. - Well, you know. The way it's not one, I'll do it. - You do it, sir. - Did you think that was too gay if you were to lean in like this? Is that what you would do? - No. - What is your homophobia? So I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have male friends, I'm a boyfriend. You know that? - What are you, what are you, I'm not crazy home for, I'm sorry to the year of public. - I'm not saying that. - They have to deal with your homophobia. - I'm not saying any of that. I'm just saying it is, it's a unique kind of friend. I mean, you know, I mean, look. Which one of us looks more gay today? Me, I look good. You look like a blind hippie. You've got dressed in a good will store. I look good. - Look at this, look at this sweater. Look at those pants. - Look at these fancy pants. - Oh, those are fancy pants. - Fancy pants. - I thought they were pajamas. - Oh, dude. Am I wrong? - Yeah, actually, I think pajamas is the best way to go through life. - You know, you're tend to dress in that, you know, hippie was very, well very also very natural fabrics. - Yeah. - You know, you know, you know, you know, no pinky ring. - You know. - Yeah, nothing too vaguously. - Nothing vaguously. - Do you have one of these? Those horror rings that. - Oh, it changes color depending on your mood or what. - That's a mood ring, fool. - Oh. - It's not that good. - Well, I'll tell you what it does, Clam. What it does is it does. - Hi, what's the problem? Does that sound good? - It somehow looks inside my body. I'm sleeping, and it tells me, like, when I fell asleep, how good I would sleep. And when I wake up and I think, "Hey, I look at it and I go, "Wow, yeah, that's what I figured." I got a good nap sleep. - I got to get more sleep. - Well, I didn't get a good nap sleep. But now it's a proof. This way, I'm so mad at you, woman. I didn't get sleep, but here it is. - Did you do something really? Well, I'm proud of you. - Now, let me ask you a question. That ring, is that one of those rings, it says, "Okay, you had X amount of sleep. "You woke up this number of times, and that's a valuable thing." - Oh, I agree, it's why I'm doing it. - I haven't got one yet. I want to do it, but what. - How does it even. I mean, what's the. - We will never know that. How does it do it? Well, that's not our area. You'd have to have degrees in biology and physics and chemistry. - You must be, your heartbeat changes, your heartbeat changes when you're in deep sleep, and it must be gauging the heart. - You know what? We could, who we are, conjecture about how it does. - You're right. - You're only becoming the fodder for every truly scientifically educated person. - Look what those two idiots thought was out of the ring. - 25 scientists just said, "This fucking idiot is the heartbeat." - This fucking show business, this fucking show. - I think this fucking show, why would you even think that? - So good. - No, I mean, we cannot know. We cannot know things. We cannot know this worse. We cannot wait. - It's faith. It's not really that different in Christianity. I just believe it, but it's true. I fucking have no way to check this. Every morning, I'm like, "What does the oracles say?" (laughing) - Oh, and it's like, I wouldn't mind if it didn't have to like write me a note that you were trying to like, - What did you want to say? - You know, I guess you didn't get such great sleep last night. Don't worry about it. Tomorrow will be better. It's like, fuck off. - Yeah. Everything is just so treating me like I'm a very delicate flower, like I'm a piece of China that could work. - Just tell me straight. - Yeah, it's just my night's sleep. I can take it. - Can we do a straight doc? (laughing) - You woke up in the middle of the night. So what? - How is your sleep usually? - I mean, it's a bit of a struggle. - Because your mind's always going. - Because it's first of all, as you age it, that's everybody, pretty much. - Oh, you made it as you age, you sleep. - It gets harder to sleep. You have not found that? - It's just like, yeah, no, I've found that. (laughing) But I'm trying to verify, that's like a general thing that I have to do. - Absolutely. - Okay. - Yes. - Every night I wake up, and I'm up for probably two, three hours tonight. - And I read. - So when you wake up in the middle of the night, you get up. - No, I don't get up, but I just grab my book, and I read. - But you fully react? - Yeah, I fully, I just, well, no. I give it a little while, and I see, am I gonna go? No, then I'm not. Okay, I'm gonna start reading. - Wow. - And I've been on a Dickens kick. I'm fucking so infatuated with Charles Dickens. I love Charles Dickens. I've read. I started earlier this year, I read a biography about him. And then I said, you know, how much, I don't think I've read it. Maybe I've read Christmas care. I don't know what I've read of Dickens. And then I started on-- - Gratex, my catchin'. - No, David, David Copperfield. And then, you know, great expectations. Taylor, two cities. I'm reading now. Well, I read Little Dorit. - You'd be cutting a Dickens movie. - Of course you would. - Or I would love to do a Dickens movie. - Older now, so you'll have to play Mr. Trombly. You can't exactly be Oliver Twenty. Boy, begging you for more fun. - Well, you really, you hit me right in the solar plexus with that one, didn't you? - Wait, I got it. - Congratulation. - If you like bad grandpa, bad Dickens. - Yeah, you recognize the book that I was trying to think of went right out about it. Literally, I'm 500 something pages into this book. And I had trouble remembering it. It's the old curiosity shop. And it is amazing. Like the way he, 'cause you know, he wrote serially, right? So like every month, he's putting in another chapter. And that's not changing after it comes out. Serially, serially, which is really a terrible word to have to pronounce. But he wrote in serials to the point where they were like knocking on the door. Mr. Dickens, because they were published weekly in a paper. So people followed it in the paper. And they needed it. We're going to press. And we need next, the next chapter. 'Cause you know, each week was a chapter. And he'd be, you know, coming, you know, he'd be finishing it up just as they were knocking on his door to get the transfer. to put in the pay. Yeah, yeah. So that's how the book was written. This is the level of genius. He's the Shakespeare prose to me. It says something about working under pressure. Well, it does. Some people, it does make them better. But what's amazing is the fact that he could, because he has very intricate plots, you know, with this character. Of course. You don't, you find out in the first chapter, doesn't really pay off to the 15th chapter. Like, all the stuff that he has to work out before he starts on that first one. Okay, I got that one done. Now I go to the next one. And then sometimes he'd have two going at the same time. And he'd be putting on a little theater performances with his kids at home. And he'd be, you know, just such a massive amount of creative output. Like, like, you know, he was the Beatles of his era. What was his personality? In terms of his creativity. What was his personal life like? He had a wild personal life because he had, he had a wife. He was with like 40 years and they had like 10 kids. And then he fell in love when he was like, maybe 50 or something like that. A young man. Yeah, relatively young, maybe ran, fell in love with this 18-year-old. You know, there are 25-year-olds going, these assholes think 50 of young. He's right. Well, I wasn't trying to say it was young, but I was just saying to say, because he, I think he died at 58 or something, or maybe younger, 52. Oh, okay, so he fell in love with this 18-year-old girl. Kicks his wife of 30 years to the curb. And then he, but by the way, none of this is actually 100 percent known. There's only conjecture, but all the evidence leads us to believe that this girl went to France and had her stay there. You know what she's becoming more and more obvious. And then there was trouble in the birth, the baby died. But he'd already kicked his wife to the curb. And any of his kids who talked to his wife, not talking to you anymore, they can't get weird at the end. Did he get with the 18-year-old after they lost the baby? I think they still, they were together, but it was never publicly. Everybody was talking about it. Maybe it was just like a situation ship. You know, like, when I'm working on a new book, I'm not going to have time for you. Okay, I'm Charles Dickens, bitch. So, you know, when I'm there, I'm there. Okay, but I'm kind of a big deal in the literary world. The biggest? Yeah. No, but can you imagine, like, that, that, that, maybe that's how I talk? You know, cracked great expectations? Oh, yeah. It's just some masterpiece. It's, it's, that might be my, well, I don't know. There's, there are also great. So I, and I read, you know, the, the Pickwick papers. Man, I think I've read probably 10 of his books, you know. And I got the next one key, you know, queued up. So, what is it, like, if you had to say to somebody like, quickly, like, what is it that gets you so much about him? Well, I mean, this guy packs more in one sentence than anyone ever did. I mean, it's more of what? Just more, you know, emotional impact and value and descriptive genius. Like, the way he could describe things and people and differentiate between the characters and, and get you excited about the, and the plots are so, you're just on the edge of your seat with a book. You want to know? I know, a book. What is this book? I mean, that we're very close to that. Where? Well, where there'd be no books. Well, I mean, a large part of the population reads just listen to it. Like, the idea of a book is something that's very alien to them. And they're not even shy about making jokes about it that, like, a book. They just, they do, they are not the generation that has that kind of attention span. They were raised on phones and shit, and it's just not going to happen. So, they'll always be 10, 20 percent of people who will be into everything, a little, you know, of more intellectually nutritious value. But most people, like, a book is just not something. Maybe, you know, kind of a self-help book or some, you know, picture book. So, you think most people don't really just read. People are beyond it. You say more than 50 percent of the population. You know how I know? I love this guy. Well, I don't know him well, but we started to be friends. He's a comic-nate, but he's huge now. Oh, yeah, very handsome young guy. Yeah, one of your boyfriends, huh? You never talk about your fucking boyfriends. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Very funny, very cute. Okay, we'll be right back. No. No, but I see what you're saying. He did this bit I someone sent it live. I've never seen him before. And it was all about like books and like how preposterous it was. And, you know, so many words. And you know, can't we have a break where I get to a page where there's nothing on it, you know. And the crowd was loving it. And that's when I said, okay, this is very relatable to, you know, who's in the crowd at SNL. You've hosted it. It's young people, mostly 20s, 30s. And to them, that's very relatable. Yeah, a book. Just too thick, too many words. Just, you know, I scroll. I don't read a scroll. That's, that this is the scrolling. You know, and that's just how it, you know. History unfold. That's how it has unfolded. We now, what do we do? How do we deal with it? That's the question now. How do we deal with AI? What are your thoughts on AI? I don't know how to even, you know, expose myself to that subject while I'm in such a deep level of sadness that what you just told me, like, the thought that people don't read and that that's the thing in the past. It is. That really, it's such a big part of my life. I literally, I read many times that, like, I read it in the night a couple of times. I do too. You know, I'm constantly first thing in the morning. Like, if I, the thought of not reading, it's like, we're, man. Yeah, me too. I know. We're old. That's what we do. But that's an old thing. Reading is an old thing. That's what I'm trying to tell you. It's exactly what I'm trying to tell you. I mean, that's what I'm getting. That's what I'm getting. It's an old thing. Just like, you saw, Shalame got in all that trouble because he said opera and ballet. I don't want movies to become like, opera and ballet, where it's, you know, just a very small group of people who go and they got all this shit. You must know this. Oh, I heard about that, yeah. You heard about it. Yeah, well, I mean, I don't, I just heard. Yeah, yeah. So, I don't know. So, you know, I would defend, I mean, first of all, you know, do we have to pick apart every fucking thing? No, we don't have to, but everyone does. And it's not untrue. I mean, ballet, do you go to the ballet? I don't. Do you go to the opera? I don't, a select small group of people still love it. Fantastic. You go and by the way, you pay for it because, you know, you can like get a lot of money for things like symphony orchestras because that's the arts and the arts are good and good people give to good causes. And that is good. I don't think it's good when we share money to like, fuck a rich bug. There's something you're watching in Tuxedos and suddenly, like, subsidizing this, no, okay, fuck you. No. Um, you know, you really have made sentences in the ultimate humor. Like, well, it's beautiful. I love you. I say, I feel, I love that you can be cynical, but so funny at the same time. Oh, thank you. I love you too. What, what were you talking about? The arts. Oh, yeah, the art. You had the ballet. We're fucked up. The arts are all good, yeah. Okay. The arts. I realize now. You know, ballet, ballet and opera. And, you know, I'm sure they're both very beautiful. But, you know, not my taste. I wasn't, I was raised middle class. And then, but we were a fucking hillbilly. I mean, it's just really far. This is really far, I feel, from you. I mean, I at least knew what the opera was. You thought it was the grand old opera. Um, so, um, but the arts. Oh, you son of a bitch. What was it about? What are we talking about? The, oh, ballet and opera. We're talking about what a fucking hick I am. It's what we're talking about. Hey, I'm happy. I'm going to accept it. I love, I love him. I'm poor white trash and I'm happy. I love out of it. People are so, I don't think my mother would like to hear me say that. But people are so mad at me because Kid Rock is my friend. Fuck you. I'll be friends with whoever I want. Yeah, I, you know, we have to stop this fucking. Just judging, judging, judging, judging. Judge Judy, it's a vacation of America. It's a city of vacation. Yeah. But yeah, see, so you guys get where we're not in a studio, we're at an actual venue called the Woods. And right here on Santa Monica Boulevard, anyway, that was a-- So, doing, by the way, what so many people want to do is like, go to someplace, we don't even have popping and buy it right there, and then go and chill out in someplace where you feel safe. It's here right here in the Gange of Gaul Garden, the most beautiful place. I mean, look at these people. These people love this place. Yeah, just play it. I walked in today and I said, oh, wow, business is good. Yeah. It's slowly picking up, but I tell you what, there's nothing we can do. When the government is charging 35%, like they can't-- they can't tax this 35%. Well, it's not right. I believe Governor Newsom is-- I don't do drugs, but all the kids are doing it. I suppose I could try it once. What do you just-- you suck in? Is that-- is that right? Or is it more of a draw? Would you describe it as a draw? By God, that was sexy. Is that a bad thing? I think it's great. When you want to be high, if you were a bird, by the way, not a bird that's flying off in the freedom. Is it in a cage? Well, no. They take them out. They take them out? They take them out. That's true. They don't fly away. They don't fly away. Is there food here? Huh? It's food? Are you hungry? No, no. I don't eat for us personally. I mean, I mean, we're talking about the birds. The birds? No, for the people. For the people. And then-- Let them eat keg. And then the people can give to the birds, whatever they want. Oh, yeah. You don't want to-- This is what I'm saying, you're not good at business. You were giving to the birds first. And then what they-- what to the people? And I said, no, that's a bad business model. And then the people first, and then after the birds. What they don't want. We fought about it. Oh, we punched each other. Oh, my God. Oh, boy. It's smart they put those there. Yeah. We know eventually we'll be wiping our eyes. Well, I think it's a good thing that people will see. That marijuana doesn't hurt you. Doesn't affect you, ill. Doesn't affect you ill. It's a really great way to say it. It's very Dickinsonian, if I may. If I may. Maybe you lift it. You know, like, I've tried to kill myself with marijuana. I've tried. You can't kill yourself. You can't be trying as hard as you can. Now cigarettes, you could do it, you know? Alcohol, every other drug. So there's some positives. How are you going to transit this Dickens love into, like, working on something Dickinsonian? Oh, I love that idea. I don't know if they ever did the old curiosity shop. Do you know if they did that? I don't know. I don't know that one. Yeah, and it's not widely known, I think. It's not widely known by me. Well, question is, OK, one of those people downstairs is going to look up. Have they done the old curiosity shop as a movie? But by the way, I think it should be a series, because you could-- they're limited series. But you could-- What's it about? --in ten episodes, you could make something-- What's it about? Why is it good? Well, it's just about a girl named Nell, little Nell, who-- Oh, a child, still? I heard of that. And her grandfather-- yeah, he-- I've heard her little Nell. What? No, I didn't know it was from this book. It did. What? Oh, OK, you have a real little-- Yeah, I've heard of that name. I thought you were-- I've heard of it as a character, but I didn't know. I thought it was like a euphemism for-- I know, I guess you might little Nell. OK, I thought that is even beneath you, like even you. [LAUGHTER] Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Just clump, dewy, hydrated skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Maybe it's Mabelie. Hey, tell me about your-- No, no. I knew that I've heard about the character. I didn't know it was from this book. So who is she? And she's just a child, really. But she cares so much for her grandfather, and she does everything she can for him. [LAUGHTER] Sorry, you're not-- This fucking guy. [LAUGHTER] OK, so she-- You know, like it's, by the way, I always know what you're thinking before you think it's every time, every time. Well, then you should do detective work on CBS. [LAUGHTER] There's no shame in it, by the way. Although they all want to be true detective, that was really-- the one you did with your boyfriend was really great. Of things, but when you think it's your brother. You know, we've done another one called Brothers. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's coming out in September. I know. But you think he's your real brother? Yeah, I think he might be. You want me to have-- I've told you why, of course. I mean, it fascinates me, because you don't really get anything alive. No, I mean, you're both, you know, nice, looking, like, fucking-- Well, maybe we don't like anything alike. Are you just focusing on the one-- on the follicle issue? No, no, no, no. No. I just see you don't look like Brothers. Really? No way, it could be. But boy, I wish the wife he was here. She could show you a little thing that's at the beginning. Did I ever tell you? I think George Clooney is my dad. No, I mean, anything could be. Well, what are the chances of two such giant talents in one family? You won't do it. Yeah, yeah, a little more. Yeah, I've got a little above. Let me just make this for you. Set it down. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So-- I'll let you do that. I know you're a germaphob, so-- I'm not a germaphob. Who gave you that idea? You and Stephen Wright. Stephen Wright? What? When were you lumping with me? About what? Why don't you get it? You and-- Stephen Wright? What's in the comedian very big-- Stephen Wright? No, no, yeah, no. But I mean, like, he's big, he's a germaphob, the-- Oh, how he meant that? How he meant that? How he meant that? How he's a great guy. How he's a star. Is he? I've never-- I think I meant-- Oh, what's he like? He's the best. We should have dinner all three of us. Yeah. I'd love to. I know. Another guy. He's funny, man. I got to see him live before, but I never met him. Everybody loves highway. He's one of those-- he's like you. He's one of those types. What does that mean? He know me. I'm jealous of you. Finally, this is good for you. Every fucking thing I say-- Get this out. People like, you know, shit on it and attack me. But because you're a quote on what movie star-- No. Oh, I see. I skate. You skate. I thought I got well attacked for, you know, what happened back at the SNL. got pretty attacked. - Everybody loves what he. What is the guy from Cheers? We all love. And he's just always good old what he. You should, you know what? You should play more of that. Like animal. - You mean like psycho? - I just, bad guys. - I think I played a lot of bad guys. And do you ever see out of the furnace? - Bad guys. - That's the movie I was talking about the reference. - Oh. - I've talked to you about it before you forgot. - I did. - I can't own it. - No, that's. Yeah. That was a great performance. And it's. - And. - It's, you know, as opposed to, you know, the guy who can't help but love, you know, that character's. It's despicable, it's awful, it's terrible. - There's more of the real what do I know? (laughs) - Well, that's true. We've had a few terse moments here and I. But that's friendship. - That's so exactly. - How long have I known you 30? - I don't know. - Something years. - That's your ticket. - At least 30 something. No, I've known you since. - At least since 1990. So that's 36 years. - Well, that's impossible because I'm 41. - Believe what you want to believe. I identify as someone who's 41. Why not? If you can do it with everything else. - Yeah. - Why can't I identify as 41? - I don't feel that different. - You know what? - When we were 41, what were we doing? This. This exact thing. - Well, you know what? Everything would be cool if it wasn't for the road map above the neck. That's where you start to see little tail tail signs of aging. You know, like your body, you could never know. If you look from your feet up, but once you get to the neck. - No. - This is just. This guy's already getting too weird. - You know what's weird, but like I. Maybe I'm a few years older, but. No, I think it's not just. I know what you were saying. But no, you do look somewhat different. You're in all the parts of your body. You know what? The one part of your body that if you take a picture of it like 40 years ago, and yesterday, I couldn't tell the difference. - What? - My dick. - Okay. - I'm not kidding. It looks the same. Doesn't yours? I mean. - How many years? - Why? - I shouldn't know. - But it's true. - It's true. It doesn't look different. - Say what? - I'm thinking, what is the thing? - I think low, or maybe it's like the armpit. - No. - You know, like my dick. - It's true. - Right. - Because every other part, like. I'm maybe, you know, I'm 70 or a few years younger. Maybe I think you'll start to say very soon that it's. Yeah. For a while, it's just the neck, and it's. You know, you will just look. Wow. That didn't just look like that. Or whatever it is. And it's just part of it. You know, I just thank Jesus as I do for everything that. He's allowed me to, at 70, still basically live the life I've always lived. - Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. - Thank you, Jesus, for helping him. - As you do. - In a. But by the way, like, what are the most important components of health? - Most important. Okay, here's what I found. - Yeah. You're healthy. - Um, yeah. I mean, I feel. Yeah, I mean, look. I lived rough. I think a little bit. - That's a nice euphemism for what you've lived. Well, I mean, what I'm saying is. I used my body like a car, taking me both near and far. It's a lyric from a George Harrison song. Not one of the greater ones, but at lyrically anyway. But I did. I used my body like a car. You know, when my body allowed me to have, like, 35 drinks a week, I used to do it. I could function and do that. My body would never allow that now. - You've got five at night? - It probably works out to that. You know, it might be eight, one night, eight another night. - Honey, what's going to happen to us? - Why did you do that to? - I'm still. I don't think. Well, I mean, what's the not? - I've had. - Give me the figures, lovey. - What? (laughing) - Yeah, you may be made of staring her stuff than me, though. - No, I'm not. I honestly, I don't like to. I don't. I love drinking. I love drinking and I love smoking. - I love drinking, too. I love drinking and smoking together. - Me, too. - Yeah. - You know what it is? Because it's a nice balance. Is it a little yin-yang in that? - Well, what are the drugs and where drug addicts? Or drug addicts getting good drugs that are synergistically making better drugs. And then since it's closest I can get to it. But again, it's one of those things we cannot. We're not the scientists. We just believe whatever they tell us. I mean, are you following the controversy of how much a fucking ask us or chat GPT is? - How do you mean? - Are you on chat GPT? - No. - You know I don't have a phone, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Anyway. - Anyway. - I sent you a telegram about this for God's sake. Don't you read my telegrams? I find it personally insulting. - Your Morse code efficiency, I love it. - I have a little monitor on my desk in my office. It tells me what the air quality is in the house, but also outside. It's very different. - Oh. - Like, you know, it's a. - Is it usually better in the house or out? - Yeah, it's unfortunately we live in LA. And no, I mean, many days it's like, you know, if it's good, the face and the thing is green and he's smiling. And if it's, you know, orangey, you know, it's like bad. And then there's a red word. - It's just a shirt. - When you smoke pot in the room, you get the red. You get the red angry face. - You must get a lot of the red. You're like, this is mother bugging in. - This thing does not like pot. It really does. - Jesus, you're back? - Yeah, I just. You were back last time I did this. - But listen, it says. Like, you'll look. It also has like a little crawl there. It says, congratulations. You've achieved excellent air quality. It's congratulating me on the air. Which I feel. I got no. - I made a small contribution. But I didn't want to take all the credit. - So I didn't firewood up in the last phone. I get a little pan on the back. - Oh, maybe it was mostly me. You know, I. - It called a lean dog. - I closed that window. That was a big part of it. - Yeah. - Dude, I love seeing you when you get nicely baked. It's perfect. - I don't know what you're talking about. - Oh, no, no. Of course not. - One of my far-fetched is what that was. - I think it's for the camera like Dean Martin used to pretend to be drinking. - Yeah. - He was drinking only apple juice. - That's it, that's it. - That's what a cheater. Cheating mother fuck. - Oh, yeah. - I love Dean Martin. But yeah, you're totally right. He cheated. - He cheated. - Well, it was a character. - No. - You know. - Does this thing? - Is it professional? - Are we drinking or smoking or anything like that? No, while he's working. - He makes you a living playing character. You make your living playing characters. You're going to begrudge him. It's one character of, you know, everybody else. - No, no, no. - And they're gold diggers. I mean, it's really funny. - You know, the wifey poo, and I did watch it a little bit of that. - On YouTube right now. - I somehow got some DVD. This is years ago. - Yeah. I've been there. - And you watch like one or two. - Yeah. I don't remember that there was all girls gathered around them all. Well, I mean, Dean. You know, his character was swinging and playing. Well, even though he was married and he would thank Jeanie and the kids. And, but, you know, it was kind of a wink-wink. I must be getting some puts here. I mean, look, I'm fucking Dean Martin. I look awesome. I'm the most relaxed man you've ever met in your life. I just look like a fucking good time. And he was. My mother loved that job. Did she have a thing with him? Totally. 10 o'clock Thursday. That's a very. Oh, oh, you mean the. Adult hour. Right. 10 o'clock Thursday. Like, and dad wasn't home yet. And Dean, I'm sure, I'm sure I'm nothing. I'm not saying anything. Dean Martin. But, I mean, he was. As a kid, I thought, oh, I'd like to be that tan, handsome. But I said fucking checks about you. It's like, oh, it was all. Did he have a. Who could have a better life than Dean Martin? And he'd also get. And he'd sit next to Frank Sinatra, laughing, trading jokes, telling stories. He made a virtue of not working. Because the gag was, he never came in for rehearsal. So they would just. That's why the girls, they would lead him to the spot. And they'd probably. Is that what? And they would crop him up in front of a cue card he never read before. So when he fucked up a cue card, that was like the comedy of the show. Right. It was genius. That guy. That guy. And genuine. It read, you know, people like genuine, even more today. Kids are stupid about like lots of stuff. No. But they're savvy about what's real. That's why people love Snoop. Now, um. Right. He's genuine. Snoop Dogg. Why is he on your mind so much? No, you're just. No, I love him. Very genuine person. But I was going to say something to him. Are you a friend of the way you just, huh? Are you a friend of the way you just. No, I don't. I mean, I've met him and hung out with him a couple times. Let's see. He'll come over and see you. No, I'll tell you. I can't get him over to the podcast and I want to. But he'd come for you. You think? I've had more than one rapper say, they know I know you. Oh, I'm the party with that guy. Really? Yeah. Well, I'm available. Exhibit, said it. I'm ready. Yeah, I know. San Kendrick Lamare. No, they want. They want a party with Woody. And that's why we're here at the woods. Because. It's a beautiful place. The 82-71 Santa Monica Boulevard. I mean, even just being in the next bungalow, you'd have to. That's the vibe would be a great thing for you. I just think. No, no, no. That's one of the things we should do here. Not enough to read. You don't know how much you put into this to make a vision of a pot store that wasn't like the other. You know, McDonald's pot store. Whatever, I'm not naming name. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean. I was just saying, if you order in from McDonald's. You can expect a big man from fucking food there. I don't know. I'm part of the rich elite. Oh, fuck what I know. Eat a McDonald. I don't eat with a comet. I have three chefs. I went to Paul Anker. Fools. Oh, dude. Paul Anker. I remember you were talking the other day, like Paul Anker. I had dinner with him last night. Did you really? Yeah, he did the podcast. We talked for two hours. It went by like. So fast. So we go out to dinner. Oh. How great. Oh, he's such a fucking mob boss. He's awesome. Like he. You know, I go, "Bub, I'm going to come on up." You know. I've got a lot of songs. That's pretty good. He's great. He's great. Maybe I'll put that into your Mark Twain speech. What he housed in his graciously consented to be one of the presenters at the Mark Twain Awards on June 28th, where I will be receiving this honor, unless Trump fucked it up again. Or just completely possible? Isn't it nice, Trump's allowing you in? I think it. Your buddy? He loved it, that they tried to block it there. And of course, I think he absolutely still could if he wanted to. So I'm just thankful. And I. Question. I love it, that, you know, he takes the game seriously. Like, "I'm going to block this guy." Yeah. I respect the move. But I know that in June 28th, it's going to happen. We're going to be at the Kennedy Center. And I couldn't be more appreciative, honestly, that you are doing this for me. This is like. You know. Especially for someone who lost 33 Emmys. Jesus. Not a gag number. It's kind of nice to get. Is it really 33? Nominations. Like a gag. Zero wins. Correct. We're like, "What's the leg?" Don't go there. Don't go there. People have gone there. Yeah, but I mean, she went in a minute and a minute. For very different reasons. Oh, listen, I'm not trying to compare you. I know. The superlative nature of your product, motherfucker. What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't allow me to mention some poor ladies, the Susan, whatever name it. Susan Gucci. I couldn't be happier right now because I heard you out of the words, "Superlative nature of your product." Which is awesome. What a. But thank you. By the way. It's a purlative nature of my product. Yeah, thank you. Twenty, how many years exactly? Of what? Of this particular show. Oh, what? The new information. The real time. The name of my show. Yes, I know it. Why? You think I'm an ambassador? I don't know. You think I'm an AI? I don't know. No, no, no. The phone party is actually live. You think, "A.I. can do this? I think I can get this high. Good luck, AI." Uh-oh. Just. Oh. Oh. Just. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Like that. Yeah, that one did. Yeah, me and that one. What did you ask? What was it? I was. How the fuck am I going to ask one of your. Your minions? No, no. How dare you? And by the way, to all the minions downstairs, I'd do a project. What would be talking about? It's very important. It was very important to me. No, it was. Was it? Yes. Well, couldn't someone help with this? I don't know. Couldn't one of your highly paid assistance? No. There's no one here but. By the way, that's. By the way, can I give you credit? Like, I'd assume there would be people in the room. Never. That was my. That's what you've done. That's what my vision of Club Random, knowing that makes it all the difference. Yeah. And I was right. If there was a person sitting there, there. I was terrible. Well, I mean, it could ultimately end up good, but at least you would have a consciousness that there's three other humans in the room. Now we know they're downstairs. They're listening. They laugh every once in a while. A lot of times it's just really. I'm not saying other budgets aren't good. I'm just saying there are no other. Shall we say "lose"? You don't let me spit on my drink. If you're looking for a loose. And I know you are. Look no further. Lose. I said we are, man. We run a loose ship. We run a very loose ship. Yeah, we do here at the moon. Because remember last time. I can't wait for it. We did 35, 40 minutes. We had to cut out of that. I can't wait for our next business meeting. Oh, yeah. But this is the dream. Talked to Sacramento. No, no, I really mean it. This is like the dream of this place. And I haven't been here enough. But to be able to sit here like this, you know. It's funny. The more successful you get when I was. In the clubs, I saw my friends every night. And now I only see them whenever. And, you know, when I was younger. Okay, I didn't. I wasn't doing as well. And this wasn't as good. And this wasn't good. But I did a lot more of this. Just, you know, fucking sitting with a guy. I like you. You know, I do. I'm not making it. But you're sitting with somebody I like. And getting really fucking hot. I mean, that is like that kind of. I'm not saying it never happens. But we don't do it enough. I feel like maybe you do, I don't. And I feel like this place is like it's encouraging, too. - Sure, conducive to that. - To do that, like you're never too old to get very fucked up. - Yeah, but also, it's just the vibe itself. - It's not that hard, huh? - I can teach you, I can teach you. I do a tent talk on it, how do you get fucked up? Get the joint, light it. - I gotta see this tent talk, it's a short tent talk. 45 seconds, you get the thing, you light it in here. - But you still go with the old joints, huh? I mean, you're not with the tent. - No, no, I got to head to the bathroom, the wifey poo. Wifey poo has stolen my vapor, I assume. Now I can't, she doesn't smoke, by the way. But she brings it up personally. - But you're old people. - I mean, you literally roll the joints, like we're in the old west, like, you know? - Yeah. - I'm not knocking it, I'm just saying that it's very old school. I like it, it's old work. - Oh, that's in Mr. Fuckin, you know what I'm saying, nice to be on the fuck. - Well, you know, like you're unbelievable. - Why do you talk to me? - You can have to roll up a fucking joint. That's too much for you. - Why? - And what fucking rich cock sucker? God, I mean, unbelievable. You are unbelievable. Tits of the, I'm sorry to your fucking people, you're honest. They have to witness the level of elitism that you aspire to. - Well, you know, that's really funny coming from an A-lister. - (laughs) - I mean, it's like, remember this garlic letter? But this was a good A, bad A was for adulterous. - And adulterous, which is a good A to you. - Well, I'm just saying, like-- - You say there's been some of an adulterous, that's a good A. - No, but because you're a movie star. (laughs) - That's even a thing. (laughs) - So how many of the hundred are good? - We're not in a theater because they were in the Netflix era. - Oh, yeah. Like, high women. Yeah, that went right to Netflix. - Oh, yeah, I liked it, I thought. - Yeah, I thought it was great. - Yeah. - And, you know, the first weekend, 19 million people saw it. It was a scene movie. And that was when I was like, and by the way, for Netflix, they see, it's never one person watching. It's always at least two. And by the way, many times, it's more, but every once in a while, there's some owner like yourself. - Anyway. (laughs) - Wait, anyway, like any opportunity, I love it. - We're shot to the wrist. (laughs) - As I'm like literally being drawn into the story. And then the ship comes out, it's like I can feel the hook, but I still wanted the bait, you know. It was just sad. (laughs) - But to 19, it makes 38 million. That's when I started to believe in streaming in Netflix. - Right. - But, you know, there's a greedy people, too, you know? - What do you mean? - Well, like Prime, you know, like you're paying X amount a week or a month, right? And yet, they're still going to charge you for individual shows, which is a lot, like a high percentage of valuable material. They also charge you for that to watch that. But holding, I'm on Prime, can't we just agree this? You know, like you just, I'm on it, remember? I'm on it. And then, what's it, Fubo? Fubo? - Fubo, well. - Is that what it's called? Yeah, Fubo. They charge you $100 a month. - What is it? - What's it for? - Fubo, it's for like soccer and sports and dude, it's huge. - It's huge. - I'm telling you. - Not in my eye. - Well, if you're gonna watch soccer, if you're gonna watch even tennis, all kinds of stuff, all sports, if Fubo, they charge you $100 a month and let's just say you wanna watch a repeat of that match, that joke of it's match you missed. - Yeah. - Well, I ain't gonna charge you for that to. - Right. - And so they do the, the, and. - And, yes, what? We're gonna throw commercials in there as well. - I mean, I-- - Just the greed of it is insulting. - I know, I just never knew. - There's the white, there she came. Come here. - What is that? Honey. - I just never knew you watched your pen. - They don't close. - They don't see the wifey. - She's so mysterious. - I can share your outright. - I'm not a sh-- - I was not monitoring. Like how much I was getting farxed by the streaming dude for every movie. But I'm sure you're right. I guess that's a sign of success. You know, I, I, I'm no like sort of mogul, but it doesn't really affect me if they're fucking me on like charging me for whatever it is. You know, I just don't wanna make it a hassle. I always wanna say to them, you know, just tell me how much, just tell me how much. - Dude, dude, dude. - Don't make, don't make it. - By the way, you're just so fucking rich, it doesn't matter to you. - I'm not that rich. - Tell me how much I don't give a fuck. - Well, that's basically what I'm saying. - Yeah, okay. - I'm not that fucking rich. - And what about poor people who are just like everything they got for a hundred dollars a month? And now it's gonna fucking charge me 'cause I missed the first broadcast. - So what should I do? Like, you live my life and also have the feelings. I have a poor person about everything that affects me. It's like, oh, but I can't be happy because a poor person won't be like, oh, shit, I'm fucked. So I have to put it, it's ridiculous. You hippies, you never stop. You hippies, you smoke, wow. And then everything is all about gentle parenting. And, you know, just really fucking. - You really have shown yourself to be such a noble character right now. I'm so proud of you. - What is that thing? What is that thing? What is that thing? - You know, what is that thing? What is that thing? This is the verity. This is the same guy as you do the volcano. - What do you do? - It's the best. - Do what? - It's the most, it's the best mobile. - Oh, oh, you're smoking pot out of it. - Vaporizing. - Oh, looks like a phone in 19. - That's where you really get the taste. This is the stuff I was telling you about. - No, I think I'm afraid of it. - Here, here, here, look, come on. - Come on, howie, you can do it. - So, this is still going? - It's still going. - Still going? - Yeah, it's still going. - Oh. - Taste is good, right? - Very good. - Yeah. - Very good. - That's the purple papaya. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - Well. (laughing) How about that? And what are your other new projects? - Thank you for your interest. - Yo, I have a professional interviewer. He can't just tell. (laughing) - What'd you do? - What were you about? - I hear the cast was like a family. - No. - And it's true though, you're all your family. - Yeah, if you ever work with it, still you're friendly. - No, no, there's actually several that I feel really remiss that I haven't had much time with, that I wish I'd have stayed in touch with. - Like who? - Like people who died until you missed your chance? - Well, well, you went heavy there. (laughing) You went like, you know, I can't show you the ribs. - No, no, no. I was just a massive lady. - I'm dying to miss you. - I saw maybe your friends with Jean Hackman. - Jesus Christ. - You could go with Marlon Brando, for example. - Marlon Brando's night, even better. - We were, you know, we were like friends. - And how did you get to know him? - Okay, I'll tell you how I got to know him was, there was this book written by Gabriard Garcia Marquez and people who wanted to make you feel like - I think this book was mellows for them. - Is this love in the time of cholera? - Remember when I was saying before this book, I was being generic 'cause I didn't quite remember what-- - I think that might be the one. - I think it was, okay. - It wasn't moving, it was, they did make a move it. - They did? - Yeah. - Okay, I'm not sure if it was that movie, but so, we, so it was Sean Penn producing, Milo's Forman was in it. I was working with Milo's at the time. - Was directing? - Or had finished working. - He said, in it, directing, Milo's Forman directing. - To direct it. - He said he was in it, okay, directing you. - Oh, I said in it, oh, sorry, I'm fine, it's fucked. - So, I partially blame you, club random. But anyway, so I said, so I knew that we're going to meet, Marlon and I'm like Sean. And I also spoke separately to Milo's. I am going with you, I'm going with you for this meeting. Like I have nothing to do with, I'm going with you, and they both just kind of agreed and I went. And the night before I'd done this interview with Barbara, Barbara. - Oh, you're white, you, okay, go ahead. Celebrity privilege. - Yes, okay. - Which is a thing. - Well, no, but it wasn't celebrity, for those are both my friends. - I am not me. - It wasn't celebrity food, as Sean Penn. He don't give a fuck about celebrity. - I don't give a fuck about celebrity as a critique. - Yeah, okay, that's a, that's a critique. - Oh, oh, you said you didn't. - It's just a thing, celebrity privilege. - Okay. - It can be abused. This is not a case of a beauty. - Okay. - But that's what it is. - Okay. - And that's cool, you earned it. - How far down the sidetrack road should we travel? - No. Anyway, tell me. - Anyway, I mean, I was telling his story now, I don't, I now I feel like one of these guys. (laughing) - No, tell me. - I beg. - Marlon Brando. - Oh yeah, I'm all. - So, so what happened was, so I went to the meeting, right? And we're waiting downstairs in his house and it's very like kind of Japanese, you know, like it has the really, like those Japanese blinds and everything and you know. - I'm in Holland. - If this is up there, where Jack Nicholson still is. - Right, right. - Another house. - Yeah, yeah. You've got Helena and you've got Jack or Helena, Helena, Jack and, and, and, and it, Brando. And so we go into the room and we're waiting for him to come down and finally he comes down in a kimono. - Right. - And he looks, and he sees me for some reason out of the people assembled, which is just three of us, meaning he sees me and he goes, "Oh, you made me live." And he was talking about this interview I'd done the night before and he had seen it. Anyway, we got on like a house of fire. - Wow. - And, uh, uh, fuck that was cool, man. I forget what the whole point of the story was. - I mean, I think the point of it is that like there's certain, like some sort of like green gem inside certain people, that makes this reason why that the, you know, why I'm braised by the public Charlie Chaplin and I could name other people, you know. And it's just like-- - Charlie Sheen. - Yeah, Charlie Sheen. Really? I mean, you know, and one sort of like recognizes the other. So he, yeah, I mean, and I know he, he said that interviews before, like, "I love to laugh, you know." And he would mention, like, all, old acts, like W.C. Fields and the Marks Brothers. I mean, he was, you know, I guess of that error or whatever, I mean, his tastes that he cited were like very old school. It wasn't like George Carlin, you know, it was-- - That'd be two. - Yeah, it was really old time. So, you know, something got to him, that's great. I mean, you know, I would like fucking be owning that story. Brando like me. - Well, yeah, and we hung out a few times and, uh, he was one of the most extraordinary humans I ever met in my life. So playful, just constantly ready to be-- - Well-- - Playing. - And, um-- - Yeah, I guess if he let his guard down. - And bring it, yeah. If he was with someone who he let his guard down, he was probably amazing. - Yeah, yeah. You would imagine that wouldn't be a director, you know? He always had a thing with the director. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - I'd be fighting with him. - Yeah. - I don't think he fought with Frances Ford Coppola. - No, probably not so much with him. - No. - But even then, you know, you've seen, uh, what's the one that was written about the wife he's done, that she knows what I'm talking about. She wants to yell it up to me. - She called me elitist, but you speak like first and howl. - You want to say that you're the wifey. - I'm the wifey. - I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. - Yeah, empty nesters. - Yeah. And by the way, you know, that's-- - Look on the bright side. You know, save you from doing bad grandpa. - No, I kid. I want to see you do it. - By the way, bad grandpa, that was good. - I loved it. - I loved it. - What's the name of that great, a Johnny Knoxville? - America does good fucking comedies like that. You know, like adult comedies. - I know, but give credit where it's true, Johnny Knoxville played like an 80-year-old man to perfection. - In what movie? - In bad grandpa. What the fuck, how are you? - I thought it was-- - Can't stay with the flow of conversation. That's what you're all thinking. You're an interviewer. - No, that's the fundamental-- - Right, one component of what you do. - Right. - And we go and we talk with him. - Like your Edward R. Murrow and clown pants. (laughing) - clown pants, dude. These are stylish. Yeah, I bet the people watching this right now are like, "Are you kidding me, Mr. All Black?" - He's a fucking beautiful thing. - People watching in Scotland. - What are your hobbies? (laughing) - What are your hobbies? What do you, is that your real name? Is that your real name? You know, I don't even know that. (laughing) - Well, I'll tell you William, my real name is actually Woodrow. - It is. - Yeah. - Name after the president. - Woodrow, you were named after Woodrow Wilson? - Yeah, the beautiful president who crushed off one of the unions. I love that guy, man. He really, he goes tomorrow. I'm one of one. He did everything he could. He was great. - He, no. I know you're a big person. - He was no Trump. - I know you're a big physician. He's one of the Democrats might want to disown a little bit. I don't follow the news. I don't know. I watch TMG and that's it. - If they're not talking about it on TMG, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. - Exactly. - Can they pull their bus up here, by the way, every once in a while? - Can they what? - Oh really? - All the bus up. - Absolutely, I can. - You talked to your bitch. - I told her they will. - My man. - Okay, you know, again, we'll talk about business later. But, hmm. - And this we got some ideas. - I know. That's the problem. - All ideas, no implementation. - You're a bastard. - I agree with you. - You know, when somebody drives to the hoop, great move and then misses the lap, what do we say? A million dollar move and a 10 cent shot. That's what we got here. - Well, I think we need to be-- - I actually agree with you. - Okay. - But by the way, if the government were not charging it's 35%-- - So we don't need to have a business meeting. - Oh, no, I don't feel-- - But-- - I mean 10. - Yeah. But what is truly frustrating that we agree on is that this place, it should be, first of all, impossible to get into. - Yeah. - I mean, it's the coolest place. I mean, if you didn't really want it to, like have some after party or, you know, anything that has this aura, there's nothing else like this. - Yeah. - I agree with you. - But, oh, I know you do. - But I'm not big on promotion. I'm just terrible. - I know. - You're too modest. - That is really, that was the, you are literally too modest. Like, you never, all your friends, I mean, I, look, I was here one night with Paul McCartney, pro-entiment guy, I was like, oh, it's so great. And I could see why you would never want it. He's just to God like to ever like impose upon with social media and that stuff. But you have to feel like you're famous friends you're all the time. That wouldn't be unhares and Ford. Oh, all of them. I've seen a million people in here. Some of them are boyfriends. I mean, in a good way. I mean, just like your bro, I'm just saying, you're like bro, you know, coven that you have. And then others are of all stripes. You know, everybody ever worked with. I went over to a party. It's like, oh, it's on the hammock. Why is she here? Oh, yeah, they did blah, blah, blah together. And they always stayed in contact. Or whoever it is. That's just, you know, your superpower. Well, I just-- People I love, I want to say in touch with. And you know, you didn't fall in. But that, by the way, excuse me, I don't want to interrupt your interruption. But I was thinking, you know, it's like incredible. Like these experiences you have, when you do a movie with someone, or you do a show with someone. And the intimacy and the level of life, you know, just the love that you feel for, if, I mean, optimally, you feel this love for the other people. You know, like those three guys, you know what I mean? I love that picture. Yeah. I love that picture. Not that we ever did a movie together. But I remember from my acting days in the '80s. You know, I did enough movies. It meant the DC cab, 111 Academy Awards. DC cab, OK. But-- 11? Yeah. I do remember, of course-- and, you know, if you're doing a shot on camera, as opposed to, like, a sitcom, you know, kind of episodic TV show, those are long movie hours. And anytime you are, like, put in a situation where all you do is be on the set or sleep. That is like your life. And those people, you become very close to people in a very short amount of time. Yeah. You know, like, after a week. And then it all ends. And this bonding that was, like, so intense is now-- No, you don't see him for a long time. Or ever. Yeah. It's just-- it's a very weird life. That's the weirdest part of the whole program. Yeah, you're always falling in love and then getting divorced. Yeah. You know. And not just with the other actors or directors. The crew. Oh, the craftsman. Yeah. I miss him so bad. And the craftsman, you know, what do you have to know his name? We did a movie. I'm Ken. That's called Ken. We did a movie. I'm a tree of the week together in 1988. And I'm telling you, I miss that guy. It's very day. You know, I just knew to put the cheese. Well, you're such an elitist. I mean, look at you. You're all black. You know, you dress like this shirt. I promise you $1,500. Like this fucking guy. Look at the guy. Look at-- hey, by the way, we were in the same shoes. Same shoes. Other than mine aren't clean. But we were in the same boot. You're probably some hippie knock off. Mine's real, because I look good. Yours are not this good. Those are like-- these are twice as good as you. You know, they're like from bamboo yaks. They are from bamboo. They're exactly what they need. Right, exactly. And those are felt from some poor cow. You don't give a fuck about them. Well, if we eat it, why throw away the hide? I mean, you're-- It's a beautiful-- It's not like-- And look, I'm a PETA board member. But it's not like-- there's-- I'm-- Emphasis on the board. It's like fighting with my little sister in 1968. I mean, my big sister. Wait. Wait, don't get a give her that. Wait, who am I? Anyway, what is the project? You have? Coming up. So you've got the animal movie. And it's got your-- If I tell you, give it a shot, give it the whole fucking lineup. Do you have any charities that you'd like just to feel but bad about it? What are we not doing enough for? I mean, I'm sure many, many candidates. But yeah, I love it. I love how you transition. We're very lustrous. From just, you know, crazy, you know, laugh a minute. You just missed yourself. Oh, yeah. I thought you'd call me in a bro. Well, the most important thing in this business being professional, I tell it to kids all the time. They keep wanting you wet and report me as a man on the street. But I want these kids to listen. I did a club random recently with two kids, two, like, 20 worlds. It was so good. It was so great. But what about? Well, they were-- How'd they end up on the show? I said, I want to do a club random and just with two, you know, not famous, just two kids, because-- Woke? You know, these kids were very hip. This was the good end of the generation. I said it because, like, they knew basic facts, and many, many their age would not. Like, I always use as a guide, you know, a 20-year-old. Approximately how many people on Earth? You think, you know, just as far as like being an aware human, would you know on the planet you live in about how many people live there? I mean, several, several thousand. Yeah, yeah, OK, then. But these kids were smarter than that. They knew basically the population of Earth. So, you know, a lot of education is who your parents are. I mean, you know, one's father was a doctor, one was a lawyer. So there were kids who were, you know, privileged to live it. Like, I feel privileged that I grew up in a stable house, which is very rare these days. You know, no divorce, are there any divorce even in the neighborhood? You got along great with your mother and your father. Yeah, I said, well, of course, you know, you're going to be for your parent, or for your fucking parents. But basically, yeah. I mean, that's very fortunate that way. Is this a good way to say goodbye? I mean, I just-- I always worry about that. You're worried about the-- I look, I can see it. I can see it. She's so my skin. So I can. And by the way, look at the cap. Like, how big is it? Like, that's crazy out big, this camera. Can you guys see? Because it's-- I mean, that's a big cap. And it threw him off. OK, hold on. How do you-- oh, yeah, this is your action. Top point. Charlize Theron, she disapproves of Top Point. But anyway-- What? Yeah, if he ever did that, if he pointed a tone for Charlize, she would shithackle you. That's why that big problem on the-- what's the movie's whose name we can't think of with Tom Harnie? Not Blade Runner. Not-- Wasn't it Blade-- Wasn't Blade-- What was it? Why doesn't one of your-- And because we-- My wife-- She had talked to one of those people. It's just that. Come up here again. No, no, no. Like, you yell it out from here. This is not-- this is Club Random. This is not the woods. It just happens to be at the woods. My game, my rules. No, I agree. Just us. Just us. OK, you and me. AI can't tell you out. But this is like such a stoner thing that-- That we can't remember. Between the two, which we can't remember the name of this-- Well, I thought it was. That we both-- - You know, George Blade, what's the reason? - What's the reason? - What's the reason? - What's the reason? - What's the reason? - The reason? - The reason. - The reason. - The reason. - I don't know what, didn't Mill Gibson do the first one? Mad Max. - Mad Max. - You're right. You're right. You're right. Okay, I apologize. - Mad Max. - You're totally right. - Mad Max. - Yeah. - Where Charlie's and Tom and some kind of relationship. - You know, I will say one more thing while we're here at the woods promoting this beautiful place. - Oh, we promote that. - But, you know, they keep trying to say, Marijuana is bad for you, but it's, what? But it's, you know, nothing is perfect for you, but it's just such a silly campaign, I feel. - That's what? - Silly campaign that they refuse to let go of. I mean, even liberal publications now, you know, the part is, it's always self-inflating for them to take the contrary and view. You know, part is not the harmless drug you think it is. - I don't do drugs, but, you know, part is, and it's not completely harmless, but compared to what else you could do. - Well, compared to alcohol. - Yeah. But don't some people just have receptors, like THC receptors that, you know, it's almost like we need that sort of connection chemically. - I can't speak to those guys, really? - No, Tato, he talks about it. Like, we have a recept, you know, just a THC, it wouldn't be a THC, right? Now, we have, like, some people-- - I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing. Some told me something really funny yesterday, just at home, like I didn't realize how funny that joke was still now. Go ahead. - Yeah, I think there's like something, I don't know if it's the THC, but something in our body is, you know, endogenous to, like, the outer, the outer-- - Three minutes. - The outer side, introduction of THC. - Right. - So, like, care of people who smoke pot and they get sleepy and they're people who smoke pot and they get paranoid. And they're people who smoke pot and have a much better time than they would if they hadn't. - That's true. - Right. - Where are the ones with those receivers? - Yeah, right. - By the way, you're totally right. But also, like even law enforcement, when they were talking about the ill effects of it, and said it made you euphoric. That's what law enforcement used to say. What's wrong with euphoria? Is there something wrong with euphoria? Is something wrong with the drug that makes you think differently? - Is it what you're looking at things differently? - That's what you said to a cop. - No, you don't want to say that cop. - No, you don't want to say that to a cop. What you want to do is show him your leg like that. It always works with the cops. - You know what I mean? You know what I mean? - Also, if you're a hopper part. - If you're hitchhiking. - Love the leg. - Just show a little leg. All right. - All right. (upbeat music) - You know what, if you want to quit, let's quit before the last minute. - Why, you got somewhere to go? - No. - What are you doing there? - Oh, I'm hungry. - Are you hungry? - Of course, we've been smoking pot. Here we go. - Club window. - Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. 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