Women Debating Politics, Reviling Mothers-in-Law, & Other Listener Questions

Join us here in Ogden this June for our annual new Christmas conference. This year's theme, the War for Normal, features a great lineup of speakers as well as a whole bunch of fun events to make new friends with like-minded saints. Tickets are more affordable than ever this year with a brand new family pass covering your entire household for one low price. Head to newcrissonempress.com/20206 for tickets and more information. This episode is brought to you by Resistance Candles. High quality wax candles that keep the flame of resistance alive. [Music] How do you deal with a mother-in-law who turns out to be somewhat of a reviling wife? Should you talk to her? Should you confront her? Should you talk to your husband, your pastor? What should you do? Or how about motherhood fatigue when you're stuck in the feeling of burnout, stressed and anxious and you've gone to the Lord and it just still feels like God has laid forth his providence in your life so that in this season energy and feeling excited about your work is a real difficulty. Or maybe even you have a question about canning. Well, if any of those questions are questions that you've ever thought of you're in luck because in this episode of BrightHearth we are opening up the mailbag and we're taking up some great thoughtful questions from listeners around the globe who have sent in their questions. So we're going to be taking those up in this episode but also we want to let you know as always that our mailbag is open. There is in the podcast description a send us a text button that you can use to send us your questions from listening to the show or really whatever's going on in your productive Christian household and every about four episodes or so we take a break and do an episode or two just opening up that mailbag and answering those questions. As a reminder we cannot respond to those texts. It's just kind of an automated system that puts them in a mailbox for us but we do look through them and we do compile them for episodes like this. And so we hope these questions are helpful not just to the people who asked them but also to all of you listening because it turns out that really all of us are tempted with the same temptations made of the same stuff and so a lot of the time these questions are not really just the question of one person but a question that many of us have faced in our life. So we hope that they're helpful and on with the show. Welcome back to Brightheart everybody. Brian is here with his wife. I won't give you the cold shoulder for that. I was kid. I've been I've been messing around I've been telling Lexie that I'm going to start talking to her somewhat fairly exclusively in the persona of a British person a British person. You know, because do other people know what you're referring to and I just didn't know that? I don't know actually. Okay. Maybe not. I'm going to start ordering food like a British person with you know, Nova just like a raw tuna. If you could just bring it on a plank from a ship. That's right. And maybe just it hoves from a goat. Ground up. Why do British people eat like this? Like did they not know that there are recipes that they can follow from other places? I don't understand it. Do you understand it? No. It's first question for this Q&A. I don't understand. What's going on with British people? And has been some British listeners? Do we have any sound off if you're listening from over the pond from the from the Queen's realm? Well, the Kings now rest rest your soul. Anyway, it's good to be back here. Bright Harthing with all of you. And we've got some great questions today lined up from around the world actually. We've got some from Australia. I can't do an Australian accent. Cool. Which is probably all thankful for now. A lot. You know, and then from C to C, from Florida to California, we've got a listener questions today. We would love to hear your questions like we said in the cold open. So send them in as always. And we try to go through and compile them and keep a keep a tally of of where those are at. And just have a question. What's up? You know, my phone is because I remember I have to record in the kitchen. No, I see it. It's here. Oh, she found it. Continue, continue, continue. This is just a little window into our normal life here looking for Lexi phone. It is good to be back. Speaking of in the kitchen, if you like what we do here at Bright Harth, you can jump in and support, uh, support us on Patreon. And Lexi does a little weekly called in the kitchen. It's usually just a short focused on one, you know, one subject, one question, that kind of thing. And sometimes that makes sense. No, they always. They're cinema. They're first of all, they're, they're absolute cinema. What are you going to talk about this week on in the kitchen? I don't know, but I'm sure something will come to mind is where some will come to mind. We'll let you know as we're recording that I can talk about longer. So in those come out every Tuesday on Patreon and every Monday, uh, an ad free early episode of Bright Harth comes out. So they're at least a week ahead listening and oh, it's kind of a downgrade to be ad free to be honest because our ads are absolute cinema. But, uh, the only other housekeeping thing I'd say is make sure you grab tickets for our conference in June. The war for normal Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then if you can, stick around for Sunday and we're doing church in the conference venue so everybody can fit, um, it's selling out pretty quick as we thought it would with the lower family pass ticket. So we are way ahead of our normal capacity for this time of year. And I'm looking for extra seats, but it's a good time. Yes, it's a good time. We're like way further ad. It's early marches. We record. I think this comes out March 30th. But yeah, definitely check that out. Also, there's tons of fun stuff golf tournament. We're going to be doing, uh, I'm putting on a concert speaking of there will be some music announcements in the next week or two. So, wow, keep your ears open for that. Like see, okay, keep your ears like as if you haven't been hearing me putter on the house. Q Q seeing mixes and things like that. Okay. It's time to lock in and answer some listener questions. The first, uh, the first note that I have here from a listener in Riverside, California, it's actually not a question to note. They just said, did you know Lexi's book is dialed in the Victoria magazine? I was surprised and surprised and excited to see it there. I did. Did you know that? My mom told me that because Evan told my mom. It came to it got to Lexi through the classical chain of communication. It was cute. So yeah, thank you. Mama's really excited about that. Victoria magazine for featuring Lexi's book and that's pretty cool. Now, a listener from Australia did ask us a real question. They said, what do you do if you are deep in the season of motherhood and home making, but you are stuck in what feels like burnout, adrenal fatigue and always feeling stressed and anxious. Obviously going before the Lord with your requests for energy and patience to do your jobs well, but just still feeling stuck. And I thought that was a great question because many, many times we find ourselves in these situations where we do know what we're supposed to do and we're asking the Lord for the energy to do it well and with a cheerful heart, just like we would teach our children. But it is simply hard and you might be in a season where it's physically difficult or there are other burdens or things in your way that are just we obviously don't want to use them as excuses, but they could be. They're these things where we're like, man, this is it'd be a lot easier to be cheerful if I didn't feel like my body was falling apart left and right. I know you've had seasons like this, you know, even through pregnancies with the veins that you've dealt with and some of the different health issues that have certainly made it difficult. So how did you keep your chin up? What would you say? I think the first thing is like really being diligent about buckling down on gratitude. Yeah, that's good. Because that really changes that outlook of shifting from complaining to Thanksgiving. Yeah. I think that alone really can change everything. In addition to that, I think there's just some seasons where it's okay to say like, hang on. I need to pull back for maybe even just six weeks to get back on top of having enough meal prep done, making sure dinners are like healthy food is on the table regularly. I'm exercising. Yeah. Enough. I'm able to get enough sleep to get my Bible reading in because that helps set the tone for the rest of the day. I actually really liked that they acknowledged this on brutal American a couple of episodes ago of like, how do you know when you're doing too much? Well, are you able to get scripture reading, family worship and working out done? Yeah. If not, then you're doing too much. So I think it's okay. The goal isn't this is what happens is I think then people like shift, like downshift, but then they stay there as if like that is the goal is just to have that sort of piece. The the goal is to get there so that you can add the other stuff back though. Yeah. So look through your calendar, look through your schedule and see if there's anything that you can temporarily even just step back from and say, this is a time when I really need to get back ahead and I'm kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel. I think it's It's really important as well. This is why Lexi brought up gratitude. is to understand that our duties in all seasons, including seasons like this, our duty is contentment and joy. So that's actually a duty. God commands us to rejoice at all times. Pretty, pretty directly, Paul's pretty direct. And we're commanded to be content. And that doesn't mean biblical contentment doesn't mean that you're never seeking to improve some circumstance or heal from some physical issue or figure out a challenge that's making life difficult. Contentment is starting with the recognition before God that God is sovereign over your life and that he has custom made all of your trials. He's custom made all of your difficulties. He's custom made every providence of your life for your good as his saint. So that means that when you're in the midst of like, man, it would be so much easier if my body were just felt like it was working 100%. But I feel like this adrenal fatigue and burnout. And I'm just physically tired. And I'm trying to get sleep and I'm trying to work out and I'm trying to eat right, but I just still feel off. And maybe there's a health issue underlying there or maybe it's just you're tired and working hard and it's difficult. Okay. God in his infinite wisdom decreed in his providence that that would be a circumstance of your life right now. And he did that because he loves you. And because that is supposed to produce some good in you, that trial is supposed to produce some kind of endurance and character and virtue in you that otherwise wouldn't be. And the existence of the thing that it's going to produce will be more glorious than easy life for this season. And God knows more than you and he did that. Resistance candles is a family-owned candle company that wants to inspire the spirit of 1776. They make candles with scents that are full of depth and warmth and they're made with clean ingredients, which means no soy and no GMOs. Resistance candles offer experiences that harken back to the time of the American Revolution, like they're sent titled Liberty or Death, which has notes of cinnamon and spices, deep amber and weathered wood. Go to resistancecandals.com and if you buy one or more candle, you get a free candle on us. Just use code "Hearth" in all caps. Did you know that a woman's health during pregnancy can directly impact the health of her grandchildren? Generational health starts long before birth. That's why Rebecca at Live Oak Integrative Health takes a functional medicine approach. Combining nurse-driven coaching, personalized testing, and practical, database care to help women restore balance and hormones, gut health, fertility and weight. Plus, she can do all of that remotely via telemedicine. Visit liveoakintegrativehealth.com/Hearth to book your discovery call today. Listeners of the show will receive a special rate. Hey there friends, let me tell you about great-toed talent. They're a family-owned small business passionate about creating skincare products that nourish your skin with pure wholesome ingredients. For centuries, Tallow has been valued for its moisturizing and healing properties, and great-toed Tallow is dedicated to sharing these benefits with your family. They strive to keep their products affordable and accessible, aiming to be a blessing to you and your family. Visit greattoedtallow.com to learn more and try a ball and sample pack. And don't forget to use code "bright15" that's all caps. Bright15 for 15% off your order. Thanks for supporting this great small business. So when you think about it that way, you can immediately even be thankful for your trials. And I don't mean in like a trite way because they're not easy. You can even thank you, Lord, you know my frame. You know what I need. Apparently I needed this. Can you, though, also help me to get what I'm supposed to do out of it to move through it to obey you to be content? Thank you for all these other blessings. And I think that's the real answer. There's no easy like, oh, if you just did this one thing, then you would not feel like that anymore. That's just not how it works. Yeah. And I would also really recommend one of the books that we're going through as the Ladies Book Group. It's called "School A Every Day." And I've heard Missy say this for years, and there's a chapter in there on it too of like, women can go from a hand to mouth, like just existing on getting the laundry done, getting the dinner cooked, getting the floors mopped. While forgetting, they're made in the image of God, which means they need spiritual input. So Missy has said before, like, women come to me saying they're burnt out, but they don't want to hear that what they need isn't less, but more. They need more spiritual input or maybe spiritual input at all, or what they need is school A. They need like a restful day of festivity and Sabbath where they're not working. They are taking a physical break from that so that they can focus on spiritual things, not even for the sake of producing better the next week, but for the sake of we are created in the image of God, and there is a spiritual component to that. And that's how we exist. But most people don't like that because it's adding to them. Yes, more work it can feel like. But it really isn't more in the long run. And it's been cool to see a lot of the ladies like really love that idea of know this is better. It helps you do everything else better when you acknowledge that. It's a part of what Paul is talking about when he says in Colossians, to lift your eyes from the things of earth. Yes. Set your mind, set your eyes where your life is hidden with Christ and God, and consider heavenly things. Even in there's a way you can consider earthly created things in a heavenly way as made by God and looking for the beauty and the truth and the goodness in it and meditating upon important thoughts. People sometimes get this misunderstanding, I think, that we because we are classically and traditionally patriarchal in the William Gooch lane and in vain, that we don't believe that women should be thinking really important thoughts or learning things, but that they should pretty much just be wiping noses and feeding people. Well, they do wipe a lot of noses and feed people, but women are women certainly are encouraged over. And if you looked at all the different hangouts that where they get together and think about different important books together or the conversations they have, Lexi tells women all the time, if you're gossiping, it's because you don't have, you know, you're not filling your mind with important thoughts to think. And so you're descending down to the bottom of the barrel and just talking about other people all the time, have important thoughts to think about, talk about architecture, talk about art, talk about philosophy, talk about truth, like medicine, other things, just not people. This actually brings us to another question. I didn't write it down, but I kept it in my back pocket just as one if we needed, but I think it fits here. This listener wanted to remain anonymous, so I won't say that we're there from even just because a lot of people in their world probably listen to it from what they're saying, listen to bright art. They were basically asking, is it appropriate or is it not appropriate for women to get together and like debate about politics and philosophy and doctrine and some of these things? And they gave examples like, you know, maybe there's a group of women that they get together, but a lot of times it devolves. And there was a tone of where it wasn't completely healthy. They were wondering what was off about it. And they were debating like paedobaptism or something like that and constantly saying, hey, listen to this three hour thing and read these five books because you're wrong or politics or kind of all of the hot button things. And they said, first of all, is that appropriately feminine? Like, is that a good thing for women to do? And then where is the line there? And I do think, I'll speak to it a little bit and then I want to hear your thoughts too. I think that all of those topics can be totally fine for women to talk about because women are people and people are interested in the world God made. We say all the time, interest, dead people are interesting people. And we should want to be interesting people because that it's a glory to God as our maker when his creatures are interesting and when they have range and when they're looking at the world he made with curiosity like, oh, that's God made all this stuff. This is really cool. Dr. Nness obviously massively important. Our women are thinking theological thoughts. They're reading theological stuff. They're talking with their husbands. Some of the boundaries that Paul gives are things like that she should be silent in the church. And if she has a question, she should ask her husband. So part of that is church order. Is this disrupting church order? Are the women being really loud and kind of like bossy argumentative women in the public realm of the church where the women of the church, if women came in fellowshiped that that would be the dominant note of like pugilistic loud debate. I think that would be off. I think they should probably be going and asking those because it's it's it's not an accident that Paul specifically says when you have questions to go to your husband because those are the areas where there's going to be a lot of debate. And Paul does that for order in two realms, for ordering the church so that the women are not dominating because questions lead, they don't just, questions are a way of leading. They are also a way of being insubordinate. They can be. You could, you know, think of a Q&A at church, Sunday school class or something. A man, not, I'm not just talking about women, a man could subversively lead the conversation and aim to undermine the authority of the teacher by the way he asks questions. Well, have you considered this, the seven in and sounds, third treatise, he says, and really they're just trying to make the Sunday school teacher look stupid or something. They're trying to lead them to say, you're wrong. Okay, whatever. Maybe they are wrong. Maybe they're not. Paul doesn't want the women leading in teaching and being the voice in the church in that way. He wants the doctrinal instruction in the church. He wants the leadership and worship in the church to be male. That's the order that God made for it. And then even in the home and community, he wants those areas of confusion or controversy to be settled first in the home under the leadership of the husband so that the husband isn't, you know, doesn't find out that his wife has been engaged in six months of debates. And then she comes home and announces that she's converting to Anglicanism or that they all need to convert to Anglicanism from their Presbyterian church. And we've been talking, well, where's this coming from? Well, we've been talking with, you know, someone so that we agree about the, you know, this ecclesiology and this issue of baptism and the, you know, we've been really debating, we've read a bunch and that would be out of order. Not because it's wrong to consider the doctrinal questions surrounding something like Presbyterianism versus Anglicanism and their ecclesiology and satiriology and et cetera. It's just out of order. Her husband needs to be taking the lead in that because this is a question of the order of their home, leadership of the whole people. It's in his ultimate purview. So I think that there is a way in which those conversations can happen that can undermine the church and the order of the home and Paul is anticipating that. But I think there's also a way in which it can be appropriate for women to discuss some of these things. One last thing I'll say in before Lexi, you know, talks about some of the, she's a woman and they talk about it and stuff like this in a way that I think is is appropriate and isn't undermining anything that shouldn't be undermined. But dispositionally, women have a hard time holding a certain kind of tension that men don't have a hard time holding. For example, men can debate. I mean like all out, I think you're stupid and wrong. And five seconds after the debate, be perfectly good friends, get along and not gossip and be caddy and whatever. Women just have a very hard time doing this. When women fight, they fight in different ways than men. When women debate, they debate in different ways than men. And some of those ways, and I think it's because God designed the man to lead in these areas of, I would call them like rhetorical pugilism. And so he's fitted for them in his constitution. And they don't derail him on the rest of his other stuff. But for women, when they are engaged in a fight with another woman or when they're like, just a debate of ideas with a woman, I mean, I've seen it a million times. They develop an antipathy for the other woman. And then they have an instinct to like want to destroy her socially and to win the debate through social ostracism and tactics that are unkind and contrary to fellowship. So I do think there's an element there where women can absolutely discuss these things, particularly if they've already brought their questions to their husband at home. He's aware of what's happening. We're going to talk about this book or this subject. And you know, we've been thinking about it in this women's, you know, women get together and go and literally this doesn't even have to be a formal thing. We're going to go to the park and their kids hang out and they can talk about interesting stuff. It can happen. But I genuinely don't think that framing it around or making it the goal of like, we're going to debate this and someone's going to win is probably the most helpful way given the constitution of the ladies. What do you think? How do you guys have you ladies handled some of these questions? I typically won't share even in like a one-on-one setting that could like border into teaching someone on something doctrinally that we have a conviction on unless they come to me with a question. And it's like, hey, my husband and I have been studying paedobaptism. How did you go about understanding this one particular part that we just can't get past? And then I'll be like, oh, cool. Clearly she has permission from her husband to be looking into this. I do not or like if someone's asking me a question that isn't necessarily doctrinally related, but in my head, it's like the fleshing out of a particular doctrine. I will explain why we did XYZ, but then say like, but that's our covenant theology coming into play here. You might feel differently about it, but that's how we flesh that out. Yeah. I cannot even imagine getting into something even bordering on a debate with my close friends over stuff like this. And part of it is just like, I don't want to be doctrine setting in their home. I don't want to play pope. I mean, to the point where some of my friends, I think, get annoyed where I will like be very apologetic about don't bring up certain subjects unless it's very clear that I'm not trying to play pope with them. And everyone's usually like, like, see, we know just be quiet. But because I don't, that's just awkward and I don't want that dynamic in a friendship at all. But that doesn't mean like we're all, we can all get along and joke about those who do and don't head cover and those who do and don't baptize their babies. And it's not, it's not a, like we get along in charity and fellowship because of reformed Catholicity. I guess is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, there's a really important part that you brought up. And that is that Lexi doesn't want to undermine the authority of the husband. So Lexi is never, ever, ever going to hard press some woman whose husband is a particular Baptist about why they should be baptizing their babies. It is simply not her place. It's his place to lead his home. They can talk. He can talk to the pastors. He can read, they, he can in his home have the discussion. Yeah. And I mean, I think I can give one example. This was several years ago, somebody that was clearly like being very underhanded and passive aggressive. And I knew probably theologically did not agree with us as a church in a lot of things, but was a member of the church. And looking back now, I should not have gone to her one-on-one. Like that's what you and I had decided for us to do that and I did that. But she just could not talk non-emotionally about it because I was, to her, it was a theological issue. To me, it was a fellowship issue of like, I don't care if you guys don't agree with this. But it's very obvious to a lot of people that socially something is going on that you can't stand me anymore. And I'm trying to figure out what's going on. And that's where husbands need to be quick to step in and have an instinct of, and pastors too of stepping in and saying, there's a debate raging from this woman to these other three women. And it's about this, but it's clear, like, this is what I mean about the way women fight. I can give example after example of a woman who has a doctrinal issue, like that's the surface issue. We have a doctrinal issue here about such and such. And even the elders could meet with the woman and her husband and talk through it. Let's say that it's even an issue like head covering where in our church, someone, yeah, are you going to hear pastors, so they preach about head coverings positively when it comes up in 1 Corinthians 11? Yes. Are we going to promote them? Yes. But is it required for membership? No. You could hold a principle disagreement on this position and be a member. That's one of those areas where we, there is a possibility of range and different conviction and listen to your husband and, you know, obey your conscience and that sort of thing. But where you could completely clear up that answer. So there's no longer there should be no more heat at all. Nobody should be worried or anxious. But the woman is still obviously full of anxiety, fear, anger, bitterness. And she's saying things like, well, you know, can I say when it's just emotional like the women are being suppressed here or if you, if women do wear head coverings, then it's going to go in this direction and they're going to be, you could give more examples. Yeah. That's what it was was, I just wanted to clear it up socially so she could be friends. And instead her reaction was you and Brian are XYZ. These very specific sins that would disqualify my husband for ministry. And I said, okay, can you give me some examples? And also, are you willing to tell the elders that? And of course not. Of course she's not. Right. But I realize really quickly, even though I could maintain my cool and the conversation, most people just can't. And part of that, I'm not saying it's like some of it is my disposition, but some of it is just years and years of this that now I can not. Yeah. Like it's just a normal conversation for me to have at this point. Unfortunately, but it was one of those things where she was not even thinking clearly anymore. Yeah. There's a motion. There's there's he involved. This can happen with men or women, but what you're describing. And I think a lot of pastors will understand happens about 10 to one with women. Yeah. And pastors get a sense and their families do, you know, the pastor's wife gets a sense when you're like this, this person, this family, they're, they're probably going to leave the church at some point in the next six months. Yeah. And because at some point along the way, we've lost their trust. And there are two or three doctrinal issues that are going to be the spearhead that they, that they are going to use to leave the church. But those doctrinal issues are not the issue. There's actually whether it's a loss and this can happen legitimately where maybe, maybe we did something or illegitimately, you know, where you dropped the ball and something and have to apologize. Yeah. You know, hey, I really forgot to do that thing. I should have done that. And maybe there was something like that or maybe it was just they had a bad experience with someone who held that doctrine or they're importing all of their experiences with other people who maybe are associated with some doctrine or other with you. And so they're like, well, we get this all the time. Oh, you guys are like that gothard fellow. What's his first name? Do you know his first name? I think people know who I'm talking about. Yeah, probably. I don't remember this first. I think he was big in like homeschooling world. This is the thing. Yeah. I know very little about gothard because I've never once consumed, listened to, experienced any gothard stuff at all. None of my views on sex, piety, on order in the church. These are views that are derived from classical Protestant doctrine from again, we bring up William, we say all the time, googes not gothard because I don't know everything gothard belief. But so someone might say, oh, well, you say your patriarchal, that was a word, this guy used, therefore you must be like this guy and this guy did this and they were cultic and what and I actually don't even know. So what maybe they were, maybe they weren't. I don't know. But that's the kind of thing that can happen. And then what you find is that people have already decided before they ever talk to you, who you are and where you fit. They've already put you in some kind of like collage or spot in the universe of Christendom. And then they're filling you up with all of their notions. It's never a middle road either. It's always a ditch they're shoving you into almost always. So and it's never like, hmm, maybe this fellow brother, sister in Christ is a reasonable person. So this is one why are we talking about this in conjunction with the question about women debating doctrine and stuff because the seed bed for many, many thousands of church splits, lack of fellowship, destruction of things that shouldn't have been destroyed. The seed bed of it were women, quote unquote, debating issues when that's not what they were doing. They were trying to socially destroy one another and rip apart. They were trying to dominate one another via the vehicle of a political theological discussion. But they were doing it in a completely from the beginning, disordered way. They were supposed to have asked their husband at home and their pastor at church. And the pastors, well, they were supposed to ask their husband at home. And then their husband even like asked the pastor at church and they get on the same like that's the order. And Paul appoints that for a reason. Yeah. And there I can even think of times of like some, some of my closest friends that, you know, multiple elders wives that I, we have just set out loud like monks ourselves. We're just not going to talk about this anymore. Move on. Not because we're debating and not even because we disagree on it. But it's like, that's a topic for the men. You could just cook last night. And it's really good for mature women to be able to do that. Yeah. Even to notice like this is about to go on it. Like we're starting to get a little in the way with one another. It should be a normal dynamic, not that we ever, that's not a regular thing that we're doing. I don't want to say that. But it should be an option. Yes. Among mature women. Yeah. And then there are things we do in the church culture. Maybe pastors can try some of these things to work as. So you don't, you want to take all of the most controversial questions and things in a church that can really bring division. And those change every, you know, year, two years, three years, five years. Right now it's like there's a huge, roiling debate around things like ethnicity and race and immigration and politics and Christian nationalism. There's always debates raging around this kind of stuff. And you can either like try to make every conversation taboo and then say like, Oh, don't talk about that. Don't listen to that. Don't think those thoughts. Those are bad nasty, you know, un, un-Christian thoughts. So just don't have them. And you can kind of try to gatekeep the whole conversation under your church. The thing is, A, that doesn't actually wrestle with the issues and their important issues. And B, it produces a culture of suspicion and like Soviet style labeling where, Oh, that person for thinking that thought or having that debate, they're an anti-Semite or they're this or they're that. They're a racist or like the favorite tool of the left. Racism is a hammer and everything is a nail to the left. So one of the things we do in the church is starting with the men and then working out in some different concentric rings. We try to have relief valves or like places where these conversations can happen where you can bring up any question, you know, have any discussion. We've had men's book group discussions where we read a book, a controversial book and then just freely discuss it when the elders are there or at least one of the elders are there. I would never do that. Lady groups would never read a contribution. This is a men's group. Men's group. So the men will do that and we'll discuss and figure out where and then you figure out like a lot of time you figure out there's a lot of middle ground rep, everybody agrees in this 80%. Here's the debated 20% and here's maybe even the most controversial 3%. But we're all there calling balls and strikes and saying the ground rule is that we're all going to be friends in and fellowship. Yes. Even if we disagree about the 3%, 5%, 20%. We're going to be in fellowship and recognize that from the beginning, these are issues that we don't all have to agree about on every single thing. And also, it's okay for you to think, consider and try to come to some truth about them. They're important issues. But we're not going to let them destroy or divide our fellowship. We're not going to sin. Here's what here are the clear lines where scripture would say that we would be sinning if we did X. And then, you know, in the discussion about, you know, you might give a really caricatured example. That's just super obvious. Okay. We will know as a church that we've really gone off the rails or like a person could know they've really gone off the rails. If they meet somebody who's slightly more tan than them and they just immediately start calling them racial slurs, like for example, that would probably mean that you're sinning or you're like, you've just gone off the rail somewhere. Okay. Or if you have hatred in your heart towards somebody, you've known nothing about them and you look at them and you like, I am full of hatred in my heart for you just because of some immutable characteristic of your birth, right? So that would obviously be sinful and then make some distinctions. That wouldn't be the same thing though as an immigration policy, a king making an immigration policy or a Senate. No, no, that wouldn't. And then you can have a reasonable rational debates where you're separating simple disagreements about political theory, etc. from sins and crimes. And that's a really good and healthy debate to have. Now we do that partly with the men first so that we can have some of these boundaries that are really clear. Everyone knows like, Hey, I'm not going to jump over that fence. I'm going to be on a watch out for I'm going to be on the watch for that sin because it's it's one that could creep into this conversation. But also there's no taboo. There's no need to whisper and keep it on the back. And be like, Oh, there this so and so's coming. Don't talk about that. No, like we can all talk about this. That really gives the structure of the community for the women to be free from also needing to subversively try to lead the charge and be like, Yes, well, did you know that so and so as an anti-Semite? You know, well, okay. Because that's what happens. That's why I said what I did about I personally would never lead a book like that because I know certain women would do that. Well, in the women, we wouldn't do that. The women's group wouldn't have that conversation. We also have a thing called a town hall. We just started doing this where in like once a month or so, we'll get together as a church. We'll introduce some topic. I might teach a little bit on it or give kind of an introduction to it. And then it's just dialogical. Does anybody have a question? And then we have a dialogue more of a dialogical teaching so that and as a pastor, I'm doing that because I want to know maybe I am thinking such and such about a question that's controversial. But they want to bring up some question about it I never would have thought of. And I've had this happen a million times in one on one conversation. It's why we started doing it where I would talk to a guy who maybe had a problem or thought he had a problem with something I believed. And then we would talk about it for two hours. And because he was able right in the moment to ask all the questions he had and I could immediately answer them, he would realize, oh, actually, we totally agree on this subject. Like we don't even disagree. We completely agree. And I just didn't understand what you thought. And I as the pastor didn't even know they were they were thinking these things. So building in some community safeguards around whisper campaigning like some of these feminine modes of fighting men and a truly godly mask and way of fighting for men. in terms of rhetoric is to get up and debate. Right? And when you don't do that, you end up with feminine modes and not godly femininity, but like warped sinful feminine modes of long-haused controversy and that is whisper campaigning gossip, canceling people behind their back, having 15 conversations with 10 people who have nothing to do with that person, about how we're gonna destroy them and how like this is what women do when they're sinning. They create little coalitions like this and then they whisper campaign and do all that and that's a deeply effeminate. So you head it off in the church by bringing all the conversations that need to be into the light, clear boundary seat belts, have the conversations. And then it's so much easier to tell a woman than ask your husband at home. Why? Because we know that we've been talking about that. Her husband's gonna be, it's on his radar. Yeah, and purely from a practical perspective, I mean, my friends have I have said this before. Even if you ask the pastor the question and he explains the answer, you still have to go ask your husband, what do you think is that the answer for our household? So purely speaking practically, just go ask him in the first place. And if a woman asks the pastor a question, that's not like totally off limits. After a church, a woman might ask a question or so. We will always tell her, yeah, he should ask your husband about it. I think, you know, discuss it with him, ask him a question. Here's what the church believes. You're asking a question about this is what we promote. So, but talk to your husband or maybe you grab it. So it's just normal. Okay, that was a long time on that one. This is why we do two Q and A episodes in a row, 'cause we always have a lot. And sometimes we get, "Is your such a chatterbox?" I know, babe. I am. Everybody says it. (bell rings) Wives, you know your husband would fight for your family without hesitation, but every night needs armor. And in today's world, that means ballistic protection made for the modern defender. Armored Republic makes real armor for real men, law-abiding citizens, fathers, husbands, protectors. Visit armoredrepublic.com. That's armoredrepublic.com or text join, all caps join to 88027 and help your husband stand strong. (bell rings) A good morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. You read your Bible, review your to-do list, and drink a great cup of coffee. So why would you want bad tasting mass-produced coffee? Lux Coffee is a Christian-owned coffee roaster that offers intentionally sourced, single origin coffee beans. They believe that convenience is the death of quality. 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When you have a busy house, the immediate demands of activities, events, and never-ending to-do lists can overshadow critical long-term decisions, life insurance, financial planning, education savings, and retirement are continually backburnered. Joe Garracy and his team from backwards planning financial will help you maximize financial tools, management, and strategies. So you can focus on your home and have confidence for your financial future. Visit backwardsplanningfinancial.com that is backwardsplanningfinancial.com or call 615-767-2555 to speak with Joe to develop a plan for the future. Okay, here's a quick one. A listener from New Mexico asks, they said, "Hi, Brian and Lexi, I'd love to get started with canning and was wondering if there are any resources you all recommend, supplies, books, and just practical info, thanks in advance." So I'm not gonna chat here on this one. Your thoughts? - You could find somebody in your community, but it sounds like maybe this person doesn't have that. Some states, you can, this is what I did. So your little booklet that comes with your canning, your canner is a wealth of information. Sometimes it come with recipes and stuff too. You really can go through that step-by-step. Even still today, when I get my now out to pressure can, I go through the first few steps to make sure nothing is lodged anywhere. It shouldn't be, so we're not gonna blow up the canner in the kitchen. - Yeah. - Do not throw that away. It might even says in Sharpie, do not toss. In addition to that, you can-- - What kind of canner are you talking about? - I'm talking about a pressure canner. - It's on the stove top. - Correct. This is something where people get really confused. So there's hot water bath canning and there's pressure canning. Pressure canning has to have a sealed top on it so enough pressure can build up. If you take the top off, you can hot water bath can in it. - Yeah. - You can also hot water bath can in an instant pot insert. - In any vessel big enough. - Yes, you don't have to have. I thought to begin with, you had to have a hot water bath canning pot. You don't. You just have to have some sort of a trivet in it and you can buy so many different kinds that holds the jars up off of the bottom so they're not gonna break and shout out what? - Are you frog? You saying, "Talk about rivets"? - Trivet. (laughing) - What is a trivet? - Oh. - This person is asking a question about how to get started and you're using inside or lingo without defining it. - It's true, I'm sorry. We need to go back to the grammar stage. - What is a trivet? - A trivet is usually something metal or rubber that is just lifting the jars off of the bottom so that they're not like rattling while the water is boiling around them and shattering in there. So some people even use mason jar lids that they're attaching together somehow or you can buy, I started out with like a big rubber one that opened up into a star and could easily fold back up or you can use an instant pot trivet, you know, like that metal rack I put in there? - Oh yeah, it lifts it up. - Yes. - It also lets it be surrounded by the water, which-- - Correct. - Yeah. - It makes the temperature uniform 'cause the bottom of the pot directly conducts the heat. - Pressure canners come with a trivet in it though so that's an easier setup there. - Yeah. - You can, some states, you can call the extension office at the local university and there is somebody there who's like an old nice homec teacher who, if you are approximately 32 weeks pregnant and trying to figure out how to press your can broth for the first time on the Saturday morning, we'll stay on the phone with you for about three hours to walk you through the process. - This is insane. This is literally what Lexi did. I was like, how did you find this woman? She's at the local university, I call her and she just is telling you how to do this like for hours. - The extension offices are so cool. You can even call and ask like, this is the zone I live in this city, what would you plant next month this time? Sadly, these women don't exist anymore. - Yeah. - So that lady, I did try to call her back a few years later and she no longer worked there anymore and they haven't found anyone to replace her. I wonder why. So that's how I started, call your extension office. If not, I personally really like the homestead canning, the homestead family, I'm sorry, the homestead family on YouTube. They're Christians, they have a lot of children, she is a sweet older, tightest to woman and she does videos really well, walking you through canning. So that's how I learned to pressure can beef specifically. - Very cool. - Maybe take, could put a link to that in the description. - Yes, yes. She also, her and her husband also do a podcast that's like all about homesteading. I just really, really like them. - Awesome. - But yeah, there's some recipe books. I think the ones I reached for the most would be like the blue ball canning book for jams. The, there's a low sugar canning one. I think the first one is called food and jars. And then the one I use in terms of recipes for canned food is the homestead canning cookbook. I like rebel canning, so I learned a ton of other recipes just by YouTube being rebel canning. - Such a rebel. - You can just look stuff up on YouTube. And then you, then you're, the reason I like that is because you're watching them do it. It's not just making, it's not just reading recipe and throwing it in a pot. It's, it is watching them do the whole process. - Yeah. - So you can then do it yourself. - Replicate it. - So you can also just look up like, I don't know, maybe you want a rebel can milk. YouTube rebel canning milk recipe. Then go. - How much, how much is a pressure canner? - Oh man, there's so expensive. - Are they really? - There's so expensive. - They look like they shouldn't be. - I think, so I bought mine in 2020. And I think it was like $89, which felt like a stretch back then. I don't even have a nice one. Like the All American ones, which for a family, our size would be ideal because you can stack cans on top of one another. - Oh, okay. - So you can can a whole lot more at once. It's, it's almost not worth it for me to can anymore right now because of how much we need. But rebel canning is probably, I want to say, 400 if not more than that. - Really? - The canner that I have now, I think last I checked, it was closer to 200. And I have like a-- really basic, press, so canner. How much are you talking about these things right here? All American pressure canner. That's an all American. Yeah. How much is that? Let's let's look at it. They're super cool. Okay. So they're like $350 for a 10 court up to, oh my word, they have 41 court that's 650. And then they have some colored ones that are like up to, well, there's like 500 bucks. And they're all 21 court. The car when you think about having food on hand for six seasons, though, in a large family, that quickly adds up. Totally. But so like my canner that I have right now, I think max, if I want to be extra careful and not break any jars, I can do five courts, which to us, that's like a meal and a half. So it's not the reward is not as big. Yeah. When I first started canning it, it made a lot more sense, but that's why it's kind of tricky for me right now. I still do it, but it is, if you can start from the get go with a nice canner, I would definitely say get an all American. Yeah. Okay. We have, let's move to another question. This may be the last one for time. We'll see. This is a listener from the Midwest. They said, hello, my husband and I have been listening to BrightHearth for some time now. And it has been incredibly convicting and helpful for us as we navigate what it looks like for our family of seven, almost eight to be a productive Christian household. Thanks for the hard work you put in on the content. Thank you for listening. So that I recently purchased white nights and reviling wives and have begun reading it. That's a book we just published at New Christian Impress by David Edgington. It's really good book. They said, it's so good. Everyone should read it. My question is in regards to my parents. My mother almost certainly has reviling wife tendencies and I'm unsure if it's something that would be appropriate for myself or my husband to address. How does one go about respectfully communicating that with parents or would addressing it go against the command to honor our father and mother? There have been arguments in other unfortunate situations between them and I'm assuming that's between the mother, the older mother and father, the gram, gram and grandpa, while our kids have been present. And I never know how to deal with those situations in the moment. Yeah. I don't know if I can say that or suggestions would be great. So the book is talking about these two characters, the white night and the reviling wife. The reviling wife is basically, it's a woman who fits the proverbs mold of the woman that would make you want to live on the corner of your roof. And it's an epidemic because we have failed in church and culture to confront the sins of women specifically. We have generally been quite free to confront male sins like it'd be totally fine culturally to say, you know, men shouldn't be angry and, you know, all the common sense to men, anger, lust, greed, etc. But women's biggest failings are that they don't have enough self-esteem. They don't think highly enough of themselves. And any problem with the woman is probably a man's fault. Like that's kind of how it works. So that produces reviling wives. And then it also produces white nights who are men, typically, who will defend me lady, defend the reviling woman from any criticism. And so this is the pastor or biblical counselor that when there's a marriage problem and any time it starts to zero in the counseling on the woman, she's super naggy and rude and disrespectful. It's like, huh, interesting husband, why did you make her rude and naggy like that? And it just immediately, it's like she can never stand and it's somewhat of a caricature but it's almost not. Oh my gosh, no. So this is epidemic in rampant, not just in younger generations, but older ones up to baby boomer generation. You see women who have quite almost literally never been corrected effectively for their sense. They have been allowed to run rampant in their sense and they've hardened in them to the point where they are rude, naggy, loud, bitter, manipulative. They're just terrible women. I'm not saying you're this mother in this situation is that. It's like the peak. You said tendencies. The reason that a book like that is helpful for anybody to read, men or women is because it helps you see the tendencies before they go fully grown and pardon. That's actually the main point of the book because a reviling wife, when she's fully set like that, it is, it is genuinely a miracle of God for them to repent at that point. Yes. And because it will be so damaging to their whole world, they will have to repent all the way to the bottom. Where you want to head off sins is when they're in the seed form or when they're in the little sapling, when it's the little seedling coming out of the dirt and you go, oh, if I let that grow up, I'm going to become a really rude, naggy wife and drive my husband to the corner of the roof. Yeah. Okay. So how do you, when a woman, when you have a grandmother, your mother-in-law or your own mother and your grown and you have children, you're in this situation? What is appropriate? What is like, that's not my job. I just need to pray for her. What is, I need to have a direct conversation. I saw it. I witnessed it. What is my husband needs to step in? That's the question here. The first thing I think I would say is from Lexi's perspective, because this is the woman writing in, is that anytime, and I'm not talking about my, I don't want to make anybody think we're talking about bad things about our parents. We have two wonderful Christian, Lexi's parents are both Christians. My parents are both Christians, both in the area, both, both great. But we do, through being in church, with a lot of other families, have people who are closer to the situation, asking for counsel. Yeah. And I know the first thing that you would say to a wife is definitely like, get some marching orders from your husband, for sure. Right? Like, don't just go out. Don't just like try to do a bunch of stuff without consulting your husband, especially, because this is like his mother in this situation. This is. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. It is. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's actually her mother. Yeah. Yeah. It's her mother. I remembered that wrong. Either way, I would say that's, that's the first thing. Get, get cleared through husband. I do think in terms of order because of the honoring your father and mother, you have to recognize, get realistic about the limitations of your authority. Yeah. And it changes situation to situation. If you're in the same church and you're all submitted to the same spiritual leadership, that is actually a different, easier situation in a way. Because you're all dealing with one church culture. Yeah. Just say, look, if your pastors are on board and they agree that those are sinful things and it needs to be brought up, then you're going to have someone on your team outside the family in authority who does not have the same duty to honor your father and mother in the same way. Your, your mother and father, in that case, actually have a duty to submit to the elders. He was 13, 7 and 17. I would say the first layer of this is the husband, your husband, the son of the woman in question needs to have a conversation with his father. Father in law? No, his father. Because it's his mother. Okay. I thought it wasn't. We're getting confused. Sorry. In this situation, it's his mother. Okay. The questioner is married. Okay. Her husband's parents are who they're talking about. So he needs to talk to his dad and say, hey, dad, for sure. Here's a, let's just get it out in the open elf in the room. Mom has some of these tendencies and we love her. We honor her. We want good for her. But they're causing these problems. Like first of all, for you, secondly, our kids are seeing this when you guys fight. It's awkward to be around. It's awkward. It's not a good model for our children. We don't want our daughters to model that. We don't want our sons to marry a woman like that. So I wouldn't maybe say that quite that strongly. But do you see this dad? And then maybe he's feeling trapped. Like maybe he doesn't know how to address it. And this can be an example of a son who maybe has learned some things. His dad didn't know who can say, dad, let me help you. Let me pray for you. You really need to talk to mom about this and bring it up. And then the ball's in it. And he actually has authority. He has her head. And maybe you need to help him out. I don't think it would be inappropriate for a son to have that conversation with his mother either. But it needs to go to the father first. Because I think about it. He's the head of her. The son is not the head of that woman. He's actually in a different place in the hierarchy, but the husband is. Now working together, maybe there can be a strategy that's developed to confront it. I don't think the daughter-in-law isn't an ideal situation. No. Do a lot about it directly first. Without it having worked through that level first. And then in coordination with that level, maybe there's things that she could do. Because it's so situationally specific that I can't give general advice beyond that. Yeah. I would just say the wife can be content with like the fact that the fruit of her marriage and the way she conducts herself towards her husband and even towards her in-laws honoring and respecting them is still going to teach and show them also. - Yeah. - The only option as a woman isn't. and just opening your mouth, I guess is what I'm trying to say. That's exactly. Like you don't feel like you're doing nothing if what you do is pray, talk to your husband, and continue to be that good example yourself. Yep. And then your children, as they grow, you're going to be able to have conversations with them where you compare and contrast. Where maybe a common example would be something like, let's say Graham and Graham will go to a different church than you guys do. And your kids are growing up and they're starting to notice like a difference between the maybe mega church culture and your church culture. They're not dumb, kids aren't dumb. They see stuff. They might ask a question or notice something and then you can help coach them in that how to honor. 'Cause you want to model that, you want your kids to honor you when they grow up and maybe they have different things than you and they come to different convictions. You want to model like, yep, Graham and Graham put it, they've gone to that church for a long time and we love them. But yeah, we do think that this is an improvement here. This is why we do church the way that we do, but we love and we honor and respect Graham and Graham. And that's great. Like you've just, and the kids are like, cool, so do we. And then they move on. That's great. So, yeah. This voice was that you were? Ira. Okay. My buddy Ira, it's not really a good imitation anymore, but when he was like five, it was. He had such an iconic voice. Little voice. Okay. We'll end with this last one. This isn't a question. It's just a listener from Michigan left this note of encouragement and I read through all these and Lexie doesn't get to you. So I'm just going to read it. So Lexie, Lexie can hear this encouragement too. I thought it was good and it wasn't encouraging. This is a listener from Michigan. They said, hello, my friend recommended you guys to us from, they're from another church and have been listening to your podcasts over on Spotify. So I'm finishing up your fertility in the bedroom episode and over the past two days, your first episode, as well as that one, the fertility one, has had such a positive change on my mindset and marriage even in just a few days. So thank you for speaking out about these things and we look forward to continuing to listen. So thank you for that encouragement. If anybody wants to send encouraging notes, that's fine too. I won't say in reasonable. I read them all. I put them up on my, on my affirmation. Do you have a vision board on my affirmation board, actually? Yeah. Okay. But I thought it was so funny and I included it because it was like the fertility episode is really helpful even the last two days. That's what that marriage is doing well this week. And I, I think that humanly speaking, the Lord sovereign, I think there are some bright-heart babies out there. Oh, I'm sure we've met some. We have met some bright-heart babies. Some babies that exist because of the. My favorite ones are the ones where it's like, they told me I couldn't have a baby because of XYZ thing. But we listened to you guys and we could. And it was better than we could have imagined. And I'm like, yes. Thank you. See Lexi's like, "Jazz when some lady uses a progesterone." And I'm like, no, but our bedroom episode, people are, they're bright-heartening at home. I could keep going about the topic, but I will resist. All right, guys, well, thanks for listening to this episode. A week from today, our next episode will continue. We have a half dozen plus other questions. And I know we spend a lot of time on a few of these today. But we'll work to get through those. Keep sending in your questions. We love to get them. And we would love, of course, to see you at the new Chris and Impress Conference. Go to thewarfornormal.com for speaker information, tickets, all that. And we have made this our most affordable conference ever with our family pass. So come hang out with us. If you can stay through Sunday and worship with us, we would love to have you join us there. And we do a barbecue in the park after the Sunday service as well. That should just be a lot of fun. And we did decide Lexi is going to do an episode of in the kitchen this that goes with this episode on histamines. Because we've had a ton of people with histamine issues. And I had some recently, like we break out in hives. It's really miserable. It's getting more and more common in the world for reasons that we will not go into, unless we get censored as a podcast. But Lexi will do a quick in the kitchen on that. And that is just a quick show that we do for our patrons, if you support the show. So the link for that is in the description. And thanks again for listening, guys, and have a great week. This is BrightHearth, signing off. [MUSIC PLAYING] If you like our podcasts, we think you'll love our books. Head to newcrisonimpress.com to browse our growing library of legacy resources, published in high quality print formats that look great on your shelf.