Will You Be My Work Wife? | Reading Reddit Stories

Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is co-workers. And I actually am genuinely joined by two of my co-workers. What? I get to actually, like, not be a lie for one of these intros. Not be a lie? But. Not be a lie? Well, it's like sometimes. I say silly ones all the time, but you are both legitimately my co-workers. And today's episode, my fidget will be my headphone. Oh! Look at you. You look like you're going to tell us, like, to. Welcome back to 101.1 The Mix. The Mix. You would be a really good radio DJ, I feel like. That is so nice, Shane. Yeah, you'd kill it. Smosh Radio? Is that our next big venture? Whoa, Smosh Radio. We're going to go to radio. You know, we've been doing YouTube. Okay, Dropout went to cable, so we go to radio. Okay. Actually, it would be fun to have a radio show. It would be so fun. It would be cool. Even if it's like a station on Spotify, it's like you just turn us on and we're live, like, talking. I love it. Even if it was like a local station to just, like, one random town. That's awesome. Somewhere with, like, a population of 2,000. We could do it to Oxnard. Yeah? Yes, we live on Oxnard Radio. Anyways, you're both my co-workers. Yeah, and you're our co-worker, too. Yeah. So. Yes, that's how that works. You're not special. You're not that special. Okay, cool. I'm assuming we're going to get a bunch of bullshit co-worker stories today. And I've only worked, as people know, on sets and then at Smosh. And Smosh is the most normal job I've ever had, which is pretty wild. Crazy to say. Smosh is a surprisingly normal. And there have been phases of Smosh throughout the years where it's been like an office job. Yeah. Like, we had cubicles for a long time, like, back in the day. And, like, it's like, yes, I'm working with the cast, but I would go over and, like, hang out and talk to all the people working all the, like, administrative jobs. And learning how they do their job. And I'm working with them all the time. And there's a kitchen. There's a lunchroom. Yeah. There's. Yeah. There's aspects that it's like an office job sometimes. But the nature of the actual work itself is very silly. Yeah. For the most part. You did a lot of service industry. A lot of service industry. Mostly service industry. Did some catering. Did nannying. I did nannying, too. Worked at camps. A lot of camps. Nice. I wish I did camps. That would have been fun. And then I worked at a pharmacy for a long time. Mm-hmm. And then I played basketball. A play place. A play place? Yeah. It was like a wannabe Chuck E. Cheese, but there was no mascots. Like, it was like FNAF, but without the FNAF. I don't even. That sucks. Devastating. Anyway. But anyways, I feel like. So, whenever we read these types of stories, I feel like I'm, like, a Martian reading about humans. So, I get, like, a very outside perspective. Because I can't relate. I worked at Google for two months. Two months? I feel like you've talked about this before. Yeah. Wow. It was my first job out of college. Aw. It was Google Maps, doing vertical integration on Google Maps. That's crazy. Whoa. Damn. Okay, jobs. All right. Let's hop into our first story. This comes from Today I Fucked Up. This was posted back in 2023. Today I fucked up by adding The Celery Man to the name of my friend on his resume, which he did not notice. What? My friend has a bad habit of not double-checking or revising his work. Here, in 2022, he asked me to look at his resume as he was looking to apply for new jobs. I said, sure. Let's say his name was Tom Henderson. I edited the name to be Tom the Celery Man Henderson. I also added a bullet point to each of his positions in job experience that said, crunching and munching that celery. Why did I do this? I did this as a joke, assuming he'd see it and remove the silly edits. When I gave him feedback on the resume, I asked him if he would be sure to make some revisions before sending it. He said, sure. Well, he didn't. Not only that, but he never noticed the edits. It turns out, since April 2022, he has been sending out resumes with The Celery Man on the resume. He has good experience and has been frustrated all year how he got like no interviews. He actually had one initial call with a recruiter and was perplexed when the recruiter guy called him Celery Man. He had no idea what it meant, but just went along with it. Never got a second interview. Finally, before New Year's. He had a legit interview. They also made a Celery Man joke, which astounded him, and he asked why they made this reference. They told him it was all over his resume. He was mortified. He even told them he had no idea this was on there, but in doing so, it basically came out that he had never looked at his resume. He thinks this is the reason he didn't get the job. In any case, I had to confess to him I was the one who did this, but it had never been my intention that he would actually send it to jobs. I thought he'd have noticed it right away. Well, he's quite mad at me. He said, I think that I've made him the jackass to all of the New York City tech scene, and that I went beyond all acceptable lines of pranking. I think he is overreacting a bit. I mean, it is just a silly prank, really, and how in the world does somebody not notice this for almost an entire year on their own resume? I am worried it might cost me this friendship, though, so I'm hoping to find a way to make it up to him. Okay. Okay. You gotta look at your work. Look at your resume. Yeah, you gotta look at your resume. Especially if it's. I mean, I'm not trying to blame him wholeheartedly. Like, it really sucks that someone did that to his resume, and he was just trusting his friend when he was proofreading it. Like, you know, he was trusting his friend. He was like, make sure to make some revisions, and he said, for sure. But I feel like when he gave it to his friend to check, it's like the friend should have been like, hey, it says celery man all over your resume. Like, I think that's what the friend would have expected. I think it's also like, it says it right in the title, like, in between your name. Like, you didn't even open the document. Yeah. And the fact that it's like, if you were getting it, you were struggling. For so long, if I was in that position, I'd be like, damn, like, maybe I gotta fix my resume or something. Like, maybe the way I wrote it isn't good. There's always so many hacks online of like, how to make your resume work for the jobs you apply for. Right. So yeah, I'm like, shocked. And I don't think the guy did it as to like, trip him up or to like, sabotage him. I think it was a cute little bit that didn't get caught. It's a funny little bit. Yeah. It was a funny little bit. But lost wages. I mean, it's not a friend's fault. He didn't have a job for a whole year. But it's not like, oh, I didn't have a whole job for a whole year because of him. It was that he, for that entire year, didn't look at his resume. Yeah. Or just when the friend sent it back, he said, look at the edit before you send it. Yes. Yeah. No, it's on the guy. Like, if you're going to have a friend edit your resume and not look at it, you're being a little lazy there. Especially if he told you to look at it. To look at it. Yes. And you said you would. Absolutely. I was going to say, instead of, instead of, uh, Celery Man, he should have had Tane. And then had been like, oh, show me nude Tane. Neither of you are getting this reference. That's, what is that? The freaking, the, the, the. What? What's his name? It's the, it's the Paul Rudd sketch. The Paul Rudd sketch. It's like, it's Celery Man. It's like, show me Celery Man. And then. Yeah. Oh, is that the reference? Have you never seen this? No, yes, I've seen that Paul Rudd sketch many times. There's not a chance you would love this shit. It's so good. It's very good. It's weird as hell. It's just like vibes. Uh, no, Celery Man, thank God it was something like innocent. And not like. Something innocent. Not like Tom Fuckface Henderson. Right, like Tom Sexual Harasser Henderson. Yeah, yeah, the Celery Man is so. Yeah, skilled sexual harassment. It's harmless. And it's like crunching, munching on some celery. That's good. A part of me thought, like, as this story was progressing, I'm like, is he going to get a job because of it? Because they're like, hey, we like your vibe, man. It's like an icebreaker. It's like a silly thing. If only he had known about it, he could have leaned into it when they brought it up and been like, yeah, I just love celery. I love being healthy. I got good discipline. How confused those recruiters had to be when they're like, oh, yeah, Celery Man. And he was like, what are you talking about? Or, or someone who's played was like, hey, Celery Man. He goes, oh, yeah. Then I'm like, what? Sorry, I don't, I don't, I don't do that. I don't go by that name anymore. Yeah, that's my father's name. Along your resume. But then also, if he applied to Smosh, I think it would do well. It would do gangbusters. I think it would do. It would do really well. The people who handle the hiring at Smosh are about to see so many celery resumes come through. Oh, good, oh, good. Don't, be original. Be original. I'm not mad at OP, but if I pulled a prank like that and my friend made no reference to it, I'd been like, did, did you see? I would just be kind of like, because I want to know what he thought of my joke. Yes, agreed. Like a day or two later, I'd be like, hey, man, you haven't said anything. I want a performance review on mine. It's okay if you didn't. I like the joke. Do you have notes for my jokes that I put in to your resume? There was a really weird time at, speaking of performance reviews, there was, we've changed leadership here a couple of times and there was a good section of Smosh when I first started where we were getting performance reviews, which is such a weird thing to be like, this is a job and now I'm getting performance reviews on actual performance. Yeah. And I'm like, is it going to affect my pay? Like, if I don't, if I'm not funny enough. Right. It was so strange. I've never gotten like creative feedback in a workplace. In a corporate way. In a corporate way. No, it's not. It's like in an email. Yeah. That's why Smosh, I think it has always been the strangest job I've ever had because it is like a bunch of incredibly creative, eccentric, even on our best days, like creative, kooky people, theater people, all into a corporate like office setting. Like it is so. Yeah, it's weird. It is an interesting little mix of it. at all? - Comments? It's both hilarious and you should have brought it up to him maybe a week or two later to make sure he was aware of it. Tops, never following up with the aftermath, especially if you fail to notice him ever mentioning it to you, is not good. A week or two, maybe sent out to a couple companies would have been funny. A year almost of it's gone past the pale. Yeah. Yeah, he let it go on too long without checking in. Yeah. Someone said, always work on collaborative documents with track changes on. Then it will be harder to miss changes other people make. Someone said, or, you know, just double check your resume before sending. Yeah, because if it's that big at the top, I mean, bro. Yeah, it's the title. It's literally. Someone said, my boss would toss resumes with spelling errors. Not enough time to run a spell check. Not good enough to work in his medical clinic. Yeah, fair. Someone said, I act in community theater, comedy, storytelling, etc. So I have my own resume for all my credits. I also have my work resume because I'm not at the point where the money I make for entertainment is enough to quit yet. Hopefully soon. But I was applying to office jobs with my actor resume for like three months because somehow I switched the names of the files. Eventually, one company replied and was like, very cool, but I think you sent us the wrong thing. I was mortified. She understood and I sent the correct one and fixed the file names. I got that job. Wow. Okay. Vigilant. Yeah. It's also so strange in the actor world where like some things you need actor resumes for, like theater and musical theater. Usually you'll need. A resume. Yeah. Unless you're like now a lead role in Broadway where it's like your resume is how famous you are. They just, yeah, they're, they're aware of your work. Yes. Their resume is out there kind of. And a lot of actors are that way too for like streaming things. Yeah. It's like, well, I know who this is because I was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. White Lotus and blah, blah, blah. Here I come. Next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for stealing my co-worker's dream honeymoon? This is fucked. They told you what their dream honeymoon was and then you went and did it. Well, but if you didn't do it at the same time. But how much did you do it? But how much? How hard did you do it? How hard did you do their honeymoon? And before they did it. I have a co-worker who loves being engaged. She's the quintessential typical bride to be. She has her wedding planned to the smallest detail and talks about it all the time. She's the type to share mood boards and swatches with us during lunch. This isn't something. That bothers me, but I wanted to paint a picture for context. I actually like talking to her about her wedding. The issue that recently came up was that she was sharing with us about her honeymoon destination. It's a cute seaside city. And honestly, I thought it sounded great. I shared it with my husband and we decided that we'd love to take a vacation like that too. Because of our itinerary, we decided to visit a different but very similar city in the same country. Think San Diego versus Santa Barbara. If you're in America, when I came back from my trip, my co-worker. We're excited to see pictures and hear about the trip and I shared some chocolates that I brought back as well. The entire time my co-worker was kind of icy and I finally found out it was because she thought I stole her idea for a vacation. She said that since I've gone on a similar vacation, I've stolen the magic of coming back to talk to our co-workers about it, even though it's a different place. She says it was similar enough and that it was kind of shitty for me to take the attention when she's been planning on her trip for a long time. I personally don't feel. Like I did anything wrong since we went to a different city and did different activities than what my co-worker talked about. She likes sporty things like hiking, whereas I visited museums and dined out more, but she's so upset. She's talking about changing the destination of her honeymoon entirely. So I feel like I'm missing something. Please let me know if I'm the asshole in case I need to apologize. You know what this reminds me of? I will never forget. I was going to a restaurant with friends in high school and we were going. We were going around ordering what we were going to eat at the restaurant and I ordered something and my friend looks at me and goes, I was like, what? And she's like, I was going to order that. You heard me talking about it. I was like, you can order it, too. And she was like, I'm just going to get something else. And I was around and she's like, I guess I'll just I'll get what I'll get that. And she ordered the same thing. I was like, what is going on? It was like she viewed food like the highlights. She's like, no, there can only be one. There can only be one. But that's exactly that type of saying. Yeah. I think it's kind of like a fun moment when you're with a group and you people order the same. It's like, you get that, too. Yes. Yes. This is but this is even weirder in that it's not even the same thing. You basically were inspired to go on a vacation. Like, I thought it was going to be like, oh, she stole her hotel room or something like. Yeah, I thought it was like stealing her itinerary, doing all the same stuff, like taking the same opportunities. Like a part of me would almost. I'd be like, great. Someone went and like test drove and said, oh, that's a great vacation spot. Like, hell, yeah, I don't have to worry about it being a scam or not turning out. It's like someone going to the Eiffel Tower. I'm like, oh, I can't go now. You already went. You went to the Eiffel Tower. You did it. It's like, I'm going to go to Paris, but I just found out there's other people already there. Yeah, but it's not. I can't go. It's even weirder where it's like, oh, you're going to Italy. Now I can't go to France. Yeah. Like, hello. Yeah, it's not even they're not even they didn't even go to the same city or do the same things. This person feels like they're like, you know, with the with the wanting to share so much of the wedding planning, like loving being the center of attention and getting and having their unique experience that everyone wants to know what their experience is. And so now that everyone is excited to see O.P.'s experience at this thing, she feels like the attention's off her and is being so stubborn about it that she needs to start from scratch on her honeymoon, which is it's insane that she she admits like, oh, you took away like I wanted attention from being able to come back and talk about it. It seems like. Like that was her number one priority. She doesn't actually give a shit about her fiance and the actual trip. She's more excited about coming back and talking about it, which I I don't like. I personally don't like talking about a trip after I go on it. I like going on the. Yeah, but then to read like, no, I literally I agree with you so passionately, but I hate having to do that. I'm like, I'm recapping you and like, what things do I I don't know. It's just like it's a weird stressor for me that I'm like, so I really want to I don't really want to. It's like working. It's like hard work. Like I'm like, I just like when we went to Japan, be like, how was Japan? I just want to go good. It was good. That's all I want to say. I agree with you. It was cool. It was Japan. That is so funny. Yeah. But I do think it's it kind of like sums up what I think things are for a lot of people now is people are not excited about the actual thing anymore. They're excited to tell people or show people the thing, which is it's attention is OK. It's OK to want attention like everyone deserves attention, but you're getting engaged. You're you're you're getting. Married. You're going on a honeymoon like I on the prize of what's actually fun here. What's like the number one most exciting thing? And she does not see she's going to change her honeymoon so that she can tell her co-workers about it. Like, how lame is that? If I'm her fiance and she comes home and she goes, we have to change our entire honeymoon. It's like, why? It's like, well, because Nancy and finances went to a similar close city. I'd be like, we're not getting married. I'd be like, oh, there's something so similar to in that. Like, when I go on trips, I am very much like not on my phone a lot. I'm not taking a lot of pictures. I'm not taking a lot of videos. It's like I'm like in the moment doing the things that I'm doing. And then I sometimes I'll regret it where I'm like getting back and I'm like, oh, I want to post. And I'm like, I have. Yeah, I'm really bad at pictures. Yeah. But that's not what I did the trip for. I did the trip to work. I did the trip or didn't do the trip to share it with people. I did the trip to experience it. Myself. Courtney can attest I'm horrendous about taking photos. Yeah. I'll be like, that's the coolest thing I've ever seen. And I will not like I will actually not take photos. The cooler something is, the less likely I'm to take a photo. Because what is your photo going to do? Yeah. I mean, it's like I can Google that thing and see a landscape shots. Yeah, for sure. There was a celebrity who was on a talk show recently. He was like, I saw someone take an iPhone photo. I'm the top of Mount Everest. He's like, I shouldn't be able to see that. He's like you. This person climbed over dead bodies to get over to the top. So right. To get there. And I can see it from my living room. Yeah. Keep it clean. What I do. What I do like to take photos of the best thing to take photos of are like mundane little silly things. Because you can't Google that. You can't Google it. Because there was the what? There was the sign in Japan that I posted on Instagram was a sign that said no pissing. Yeah. And so I took a I took a photo next to that. And I'm like, that's perfect. Yeah. I'm not going to take a photo of. I'm not going to take a photo of like, you know, some famous temple or something in Japan. It's like Google that. It's so is. I do love like a picture of like a coffee table and what's on the coffee table in that moment. Yeah. I love mundane photos are the best, I think. Yeah. But I think what I'm saying about the the the co-worker and attention is like this OP doing this thing doesn't take away from her attention. I think everybody deserves attention. It's OK to want attention. Just know that there is unlimited attention eventually. Yeah. And not worrying about someone doing something. Something similar to you. Like, I wonder what would have happened if she did do the exact the same thing as this honeymoon plan. Like, I'm like, yeah, I just feel like the reaction was very big. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. It's definitely a lot. She needs to add an air of mystery to and people in her co-workers are going to find that more interesting. I'm also the type of like I think Marcus recommended a hotel to us and then we went and I was like, I'm obsessed with it. And it's like now my personality trait and like I'm telling everybody about it like I'm the one who invented it or something. But it's like I love. when people impact each other. And it's like, "Oh, I love that thing I now do it every day. I love when people, like, go to some place that we've talked about. I get a little nervous because I'm like, I hope they like it. Yeah. Like, I hope it was good because I'll be sad if they go and they're like, that sucked. I'm like, oh, yeah, for sure. Okay, you guys can drop places right now. You can drop one place, one thing. Oh, we know. I've got one. Orinoco in Mexico City. Ooh. It's like, I'll describe it as the In-N-Out of tacos in Mexico City. Oh. It's amazing. I just got chills. Whoa. Yeah. Hell yeah. Go try it. Yum. I'm not gatekeeping it. Okay. Go. Wow. When your Mexico's solid. Oh, yum, yum, yum. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm driving there now. What? Getting in my car. I'm leaving this. I'm driving. No, no, Shane. Okay. Verdict, not the asshole. Comments. I forgot about this. Right, right, right. We're reading Reddit stories. Someone said, not the asshole. Your coworker just has severe main character syndrome. Someone responded to that saying this. You didn't even go to the same town. Even if you did, that's like trying to call dibs on Bali or Fiji. Whoa. Someone said, my wife and I recently traveled to Japan. Did you write this? Upon my return to the office, I spoke about the trip. At least four people said Japan was at the top of their bucket list, their dream destination. None of them got upset I had visited there. No one owns a destination when it comes to travel. Right. Literally, at Smosh, someone is always in Japan. That's true. Someone is always there. At any given time, someone is in Japan. You got boots on the ground. I think Selena's in Japan right now. I think Arash is in Japan right now. She's back. Ian might still be there. Ian tagged back. Selena went in. We always have someone in Japan. One pair of boots on the ground. At any given time, someone from Smosh is in Japan. Just wait for Smosh Japan. Smopan. Nobody recognized me in Japan. They were not watching Smosh. Anybody who did recognize you was a tourist from Australia. Yes. And there was a lot of those. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of Australian fans. I love our fans in Australia. Someone said, wait, she is choosing her honeymoon destination based on how she can talk about it, later instead of how it would feel with her fiance in the moment. That's messed up. She's planning a wedding, but not a marriage. Death to all of them. Not the asshole. A well-adjusted person would be happy to have been an inspiration. Yeah. I mean, yeah, weird. Yeah. Weird. Weird. Our next story. This was posted in 2020. This comes from Tales from the Front Desk. Tales. OP writes, I invented a coworker. I usually work the afternoon shift, 3 to 11, so I get a lot of calls asking about reservations and check-ins. One night, I got a call from a man asking about our availability. I informed him we did have openings that evening and that I could make a reservation for him. I asked for his name and credit card number to reserve. He gave me a reward number. Then he started cutting out since he was driving. I tried to explain that I needed. I needed more information and especially a credit card to reserve the room, but he kept cutting out until the line went dead. Well, the hotel wasn't particularly busy, so I decided to put a room on hold for him. I thought that since he was driving, he would arrive in about 30 minutes. He doesn't show up, so I release the room and go back to work. When I have about 20 minutes left in my shift, guess who shows up? He says that a woman over the phone reserved his room. Now, I have to point out that I'm a man. I have a higher-pitched voice, and it is exacerbated over the phone. Now, the guest is upset about not having a reservation, and I've got 20 minutes left, and I'm not in a mood to deal with him. I tell him, Susan must have been talking to him, but her shift ended hours ago. We still had room, so I made a reservation for him and checked him in. He still seemed angry, so I typed up a note about him and emailed it to my coworkers so they would be aware. Next day, I go to my manager's office first to get pass-alongs and information about the day. She walks out first, and I follow her to the front desk and guess who's there. Since my manager's office is closed, I go to my manager's office first to get pass-alongs and information about the day. Since my manager was in front, she addressed him first before I could get there. He says that I'm not mad, always a red flag whenever that gets said, but I want to know what woman was working here last night. My manager is a little confused, but says that she will check the schedule. She clearly hadn't seen my note yet, so I jump in and say, as I said last night, Susan was working yesterday, but today is her day off. No one named Susan has ever worked at the hotel, and my manager slowly turned away from the guest to look at me in a, what are you talking about face that the guest thankfully cannot see. My co-workers behind me, who did read my notes, had to contain their laughter. The guest accepted this and left. I then had to gather everyone and have them stick to the story. To this day, that guest thinks Susan was responsible. You made, you got a room anyway. Yeah, what, what are you even at the front for? What the hell? You already spent the night, like, what do you want? I need to talk to Susan. I don't get people who, like, just can't let shit like that go. Like, I'll be mad about something, but I'm like, yeah, well, there's nothing that's going to be done now. And it's also like, you got a room. You got a room. It was fine. You just came out of the room that we, we gave you a room and, and just came down to say, I'm not mad, but. I'm not mad. What? I love the barrier of information. Do you know what I mean? Like, I love that they could make up a co-worker to avoid conflict. Yeah. And, and everything is okay. And nobody was harmed in the making of this information co-worker. No. I think every place should make up a co-worker. The fall guy. Like. You know, because we don't, we don't have fake co-workers. We have Sadie who, like, people just kind of don't remember a lot of times. Yeah. And it's hard to forget Sadie. It's hard to forget Sadie. She's a dream. Sadie's the best. Republican, but. But hey, hey, hey, hey. Listen. She's actually really nice. She's really nice. And I'm surprised. She's surprisingly nice to me. She's Republican. She's Scientologist. Guys, please delete everything. Delete everything you just said. She's both a rare combo. Somehow a combo. I don't understand what it, what it, what this guy would have said if he did learn of Susan. Like, like. What do you want? What did he want? What do you want with Susan? Leave Susan alone. What does he want? He just wants to. Does he want compensation? He just wants to hurt someone. Wanted to be superior. Comments. I read something similar a while back. I think at a pharmacy. Basically, when any customer was mad about something, especially unjustified, but didn't have a name, the employee would say, I don't know. If it was Anastasia, the customer usually agreed and was then informed that Anastasia had been let go for cause, pulled their fangs. Someone said, I invented a whole planning department for clients that wouldn't agree with the news that their project couldn't be finished earlier. I really did my best with my colleagues at the planning department, but unfortunately it cannot be done. A lot of people are lying out there, but hey, for shitty customers. To protect themselves. Do it. Especially, I worked at a pharmacy and there's so many people that are like, oh, I don't know. So many bits of information and complicated things about pharmaceuticals and getting your medicine that like, they just get mad at you, whoever's in front of them. Yeah. And it's just such a nightmare. It's interesting to see like when controlling people meet like a wall that they can't control and they just cannot handle it. Yeah. At the airport, every time you're at the airport, you're going to see someone doing it. Losing it. Yeah. I think I talked about this, but I saw on, um, I think it was Facebook at the time, but I saw on Facebook. I saw on Facebook how someone were like, was the manager on the shift. And so did the turnaround. I'm the manager on the shift when they want to talk to the, to the, and I worked at a restaurant in college and I tried it and it did not go well. Really? Yeah. They like, like I did. I was like, can we get, talk to the manager? And I was like, yeah, one second. And then you turn back around and you're like, Hey, how can I help you? It did not go well. They like looked up the owners. They like called them and they were like, that was not funny. It was like, I think my, my view on these things. Is like, no matter how even, unless I'm, I'm being robbed of money from this business or something, I'm like, you're just wasting your time. Like people will spend hours, days. Like, I'm like, do you, do you not want your life back? Do you not want to go do something fun instead? It is my God. So trivial. And it's like, move on, put your energy elsewhere. Yeah. You're going to lose, like how many years of your life are you going to lose? Throughout your entire life from just following all this petty bullshit. One more comment. About a week after Chris was fired, I was wearing his shirt with his name patch and got a little jerky with a customer. Customer came back the next day to complain and I hid in the office laughing while the manager told them that Chris had been fired. Someone replied, but why were you wearing Chris's clothes? The original commenter replied to that. I ran out of shirts and there was a whole pile of his. They were rented from a uniform company. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You smart move. Wear, wear one of your coworkers name tags and then commit crimes. That's why sometimes on, on podcast episodes, if I feel like I'm not being very funny, I'm just like, by the way, I'm Amanda. For our audio listeners, I'm Amanda. And then they're, they think Amanda's the one who's not funny. Yeah. Got him. Got him. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for refusing to help my coworker paint his new house in work clothes? Huh? Okay. Hmm. So I, a 27 year old man have a friend from work, a 31 year old man. We've known each other only about two years, but have gotten fairly close. When I moved to a condo a few months ago, he helped me paint and I've been meaning to help repay him the favor on a house that he just bought. Things keep popping up and we're in a busy season at work. We're both teachers and it's middle of the year testing period. So I have admittedly been pushing it off. Anyway, last Friday, he asked me if I wanted to stop by after work and see the house. He doesn't live there yet, so it would be mostly empty. but I could finally get a look at it and then we could grab dinner and drinks in the area. I say, that's great. He drives and I'm immediately taken aback that the house is further than I thought. He had said about an hour away, but it ended up being close to a two-hour drive with traffic. I'm trying to enjoy seeing the house, but I'm immediately stressed because I'm realizing that this is going to be a massive out-of-the-way inconvenience to do after work. He can't do weekends as that's when he has custody of his kid. I see that the paint is already brought and I say, since I'm already out here, why don't we do it now? He had already prepped the place to be painted and he seemed into the idea. That way I wouldn't have to do a whole other trip. The issue was I was wearing fairly nice work clothes that I didn't want to mess up. So I asked if it was cool if I just wore my undershirt and boxers. He looked at me like I was crazy. He said, if I didn't want to do it, just don't do it. But please don't make dumb excuses. I felt taken aback because I didn't think it was unreasonable to not want to do it. I didn't want my clothes to get dirty. I ended up not painting because he wasn't into the idea and I just went home. Edit, since everyone's asking, he had no stuff at his house. He was also planning on traveling back that night. He hadn't moved yet. It's like, hey man, can I just get naked? Let me just get a little naked, man. It's also just like, that's kind of when it's. Did it say if they were gay or anything? No. I'm assuming no. But it's just like. I don't think that. At that point, I don't even think. It doesn't. It doesn't matter. I would think I would just be like, okay, I'm going to do it in my boxers so I don't get it on my pants. Like, it's not a thing. But I think that the way he's writing it, the guy took it as like, oh, you don't want to do this. Okay, fine. You can just go. Yeah. Like, oh, you're trying to come up with this. That's so weird. It doesn't sound like their communication was very direct or just overall good if he couldn't go, no, no, I want to do this. I just, I really want to keep my clothes nice. And like being in an undershirt and boxers, I'm sorry, that doesn't sound like. That's not that crazy. That's a full-on outfit. Yeah, that's a full-on outfit. Yeah. Like, I see girls wearing that to Coachella. Right. You know, I mean, I guess the guy is allowed to, like, because it was OP's pitch to paint it then so that he can avoid another two-hour trip sometime. And OP also said, like, I was trying to enjoy seeing the house but was stressed. So, okay, clearly OP was maybe putting out bad vibes, like just stressed in general about the whole situation. And it sounds like the friend, the coworker was down to paint it. Yeah, he was down to paint it. But then when he's like, oh, can I take off my clothes? Can I just be in a t-shirt and boxers to paint this? Then he got weirded out. I will also say, a lot of people have trouble asking for help and asking for favors, especially. And they feel really guilty and like they're a burden for asking for a favor. And so then they're like, oh, you're probably looking for any excuse to get out of me being a burden. Here I am. Yeah. That's kind of my. That's kind of my assumption here, but I don't know. Verdict, there's no official one, but comments leaning towards not the asshole with a few everyone sucks here. Comments, no one's an asshole. I think your title is misleading though. You proposed to paint right then, but in your underwear because neither of you had a change of clothes and you didn't want to ruin yours. That was a reasonable proposal and it was also reasonable for him to decline and prefer to do it later when you were both better prepared. You were basically kidnapped. If he had everything set up already, he knew what he was going to do when he asked you over. The least he could do was offer you a change of clothes if he didn't give you a chance to pack something appropriate. 5,000 upvotes. I don't think he was. I think that maybe they're assuming because they think that they rode together and this OP didn't have a car to get back. Did he? He was like stuck there without anything to do. Oh, I guess if they rode together. If I was in this situation. But we don't know that they rode together, right? We don't. We don't. I think that like to assume this person is being held hostage and being kidnapped to check out a house is a bit extreme. But I think if I was in this situation, I'd go, hey, like, let's go run to like CVS and get those like cheap T-shirts and pants. Sure. And so then we can. There's so many fixes to this problem. There's like $5 shirts and like $6 pants at CVS or something like. But. Wear a muumuu. Get some muumuu's. Get a muumuu. A la boo-boo in a muumuu. La boo-boo in a muumuu. It is. A la boo-boo in a goo-goo doll's muumuu. And not. You're cooking. A new la boo-boo in a goo-goo doll's muumuu. A new. Newly la boo-boo in a goo-goo doll's muumuu. A new la boo-boo in a goo-goo doll. Oh, wait. You got to say it with me. God, that's hard. A new la boo-boo in a goo-goo's doll muumuu. Nope. You didn't do it right. A goo-goo's doll. A new la boo-boo in a goo-goo's. No! That's hard. Okay, with new tongue twister and lock, you want to try? Yeah. A newly. You just. You couldn't even say one word. All right. Someone said, Ugh, I had a co-worker like that, except instead of helping him paint, he wanted help moving. He made it sound like he had a crew of multiple friends that would be helping, that everything was packed and ready to load into a U-Haul, and that the distance between the two places was close. False. First, there was no U-Haul. There was his new boyfriend who had a compact car and an elderly female friend that is a hoarder, so she was basically unpacking things and standing in the pathways, so the transportation was my SUV, the compact car, and his sedan. The distance between the places was two hours. He had no food or even water for us. There were two dogs who were not trained and pee pads everywhere. Everything in both places was dirty and gross. Whoa! Damn! Did you sign up for hell? Yeah. I'm out. I'm out. No. He signed up for a Tough Mudder. They continue on. Hardly anything was packed, and the furniture was not taken apart. My husband, who didn't even know him, did the best he could to fit, what he could, in the vehicles. We agreed to do one trip to the new place, and then my husband and I went out to eat and went home. Never again. Damn, they had more of a story than O.P. did. Oh, my God. Like, we almost painted, but not really, is the. Yeah. Yeah. One time I almost helped my buddy paint, but then we didn't. My ex, his friend needed to move, like, and it was like one unit over in the same building, but, like, was completely not packed. Oof. And, like, we. And it was also my ex's birthday that day, and we were like, well, he really wanted this friend to come to his birthday thing that we arranged, but he needed to help his friend move in order to have him. It was just so weird, and I was just kind of there. And that was the first time I heard Post Malone. Oh, okay. Moving is the worst. Moving is rough. I did a. I just moved, and I did a pretty good job of it, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah? I was quick. I was quick, I was fast, and I was organized. Yes. Way to go. Because I was also, like, ready to leave that apartment. Sure. That feeling. That feeling, and so I was like, I was like, I know exactly where. And as soon as I got to the new space, I was like, I know where everything's going already. Cool. Nice. That's awesome. You were cooking, you were nesting. My mom, after the divorce, my mom moved, like, every year for years, and then when I started living on my own, I kind of did that, because jobs change, and, like, things get better or worse, whatever, and I just, I got very good at packing up and moving and getting unpacked very fast. I was that way for a long time. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Military brat, turn after. Well, yeah, well, I only remember one move as a kid, but for many years, I moved to a different apartment for, like, five straight years. It's kind of fun. At one point. I hated it. I had, like, super light, cheap furniture. I was like, whenever I would buy furniture, I was like, what's the lightest thing I can buy so that I can move it super easily? And what, you have all those muscles for what? Yeah, what are those muscles for? They don't do anything. Glamour. Glamour muscles. Not couch muscles. He can't move a couch, but he can move your feelings. Okay. It's working. It's working. All right. Let's move on to our next story. This was posted in, what is this, May of 2020. That's a rough time. That's a tough time. I was in Nashville at that time. This comes from, Am I the Asshole? Am I the Asshole for demanding my fiancé tell his co-workers that he will not be renewing his vows with his work wife when they return to the office? What the fuck? What is happening? Okay. What is happening? My fiancé, Mark, works closely with a woman, Megan. They both have similar responsibilities and need to work together as a team. I've never had any problems with this. They don't really interact outside of work. We have been working from home, the last several weeks. I happened to be in the living room with him yesterday while his office had their weekly Zoom meeting. During that meeting, people began talking about what they wanted to do when everyone returned to the office. I could hear someone say that my fiancé and Megan must really miss each other. Several other people began referring to them as work wife and work husband. Then someone suggested that my fiancé and Megan should renew their vows when everyone is back in the office. Mark just played along and joked that they would be registered at Office Depot. I left the office and left the living room in tears while he continued, oblivious to how I was feeling. I confronted him after the call and said I felt humiliated. Our wedding was supposed to be in September, but we've had to postpone it and it's not clear when it will be safe to reschedule. And here he is talking about renewing his vows with someone from work. Mark explained that it was just a joke and not a big deal. He tried to show me some joke article his office had been passing around about how teleworking is ruining work wife relationships. I said the term work wife itself is not a joke. is offensive and humiliating because I'm supposed to be his wife. demanded that at his next meeting he needed to publicly apologize to his office and tell them that he will not be renewing his vows with Megan because he is engaged to marry someone else. I said he also needs to tell his office that they need to stop calling him and Megan work spouses. He says he can't do that because it will be embarrassing and hurt his reputation at work with his colleagues. I said, oh, is it hard to feel embarrassed? I would never know what that's like. He called me an asshole. Now that I've cooled down a little, I need to figure out if I overreacted. Well, it's a bit much. It's a bit much. This is this is one where where our job being so silly, goofy, it's hard for me to relate and like understand like because the concept of like that gets thrown around by our fans and stuff so much of like obviously talking about us that I'm like, whatever, I don't we don't think anything of it. But if you're working like a very different type of job, like an office, like corporate job, and someone's referring to someone as a work wife, it's like, it's I understand why people probably feel really weird about it. Especially this woman is so insecure because they've had to postpone their wedding. Yeah. So she's in her feelings about a lot of stuff. So that gets brought up. No, it wasn't her fiance himself saying like, oh, we got to renew our vows and stuff. It was someone else saying it that she overheard. Yeah. Yeah. But it's weird. I also think he's not reacting like, she's really messed up from this. And he's being like, oh, it's not a big deal. I think the work wife thing, I feel like when we joke about it, it's very like ironic, you know, because I feel like work wife ties into the same terminologies of like, when when a workplace goes like we're like a family here. It's a little bit too like, nasty, a little bit too unhealthy of a workplace. So like, but it sounds like if an article is going around, and a group of people who are going through a pandemic together are working together, and are making jokes about the work wife, because you know, sometimes a bit just keeps running to the point where it would not make sense to a newer person. Right? Like, I'm sad that this fiance, the OP feels just the right amount of insecure about their relationship that this is affecting her so much. Yeah, you know, I think the demand of you need to publicly apologize to your entire office and say this. I'm like, that's a lot. Yeah, that's a lot when what she needs is just assurance from him. Yeah, that they are secure in their relationship. And that this is nothing like, I also Yeah, I totally get that. And I think that there is something so playful about work wife. And then there's a point where it goes too far. Yeah. And there's like vows, doing the vows. I'm like, what is happening? What is renewing them? Like, right? Yeah. Like, was there vows at one point? Yeah. Were there? Was there a wedding? Like, I don't know. I think she I think he could have offered to like, be like, Oh, I can just like start chatting on the work wife thing. Like it is a little inappropriate. Right? You know, right. And also, he could have just really like taking that moment to because clearly she was not feeling very validated in their relationship. And just isn't she's talking about how like, insecure she was about that they're postponing their wedding and stuff. He could have just taken that moment to really be like, Hey, like, yeah, you are my fiance. I'm so excited to be like married to you. That's like, you are my person. But he's just kind of playing it off like casually. And in playing off the work wife thing. He's also kind of playing off her emotion. Yeah, she's probably feeling dismissed. I think it just it's not one of those situations where I'm like, Oh, you guys, one of you is an asshole. It's more where I'm like, you guys are not on the same page. Clearly, there's insecurity. And like, something going on here. That you need to talk through. The verdict was everyone sucks, which is maybe I guess, like, the closest I guess to what I would agree with. Because it's not that I think like no one's the asshole. There's nothing going on here. I'm like, there's this there's a problem going on. But they are in the middle of lockdown. It's it's May. So it's been those couple months. So they're at the peak of like the worst really spiraling. Nobody's in a good place. So there's I think like, given that, but I also think clearly, there's, there's a lot going on in this relationship. Yeah, like she deserves more validation. If she's, you know, she's feeling for sure, something like this. Comments. Someone said everyone sucks here. I think the whole work wife thing is disrespectful and silly. But you did overreact to what was obviously a joke. He's not literally going to be renewing his vows with anyone or registering at Office Depot, and forcing him to tell everyone that they need to stop calling him and Megan work spouses is going to make a mountain out of a molehill and give everyone the impression that you're a difficult person. And I think that's a good thing. I think that's a good thing. I think just ask him to stop joking about it. OP said, No, they were actually planning out how to do it. Like where in the office to hold the ceremony and reception, etc. My fiance was fully on board planning. Meanwhile, I have to nag him constantly to help me reschedule our actual wedding plans. Someone said in that case, not an asshole for asking that he don't go through with it. But it would be embarrassing for him to publicly apologize and say he wouldn't go through with it in front of everyone. Maybe ask him to talk to Megan separately. And tell her it's only a joke and won't be doing a ceremony. Yeah, hearing that I'm like, that's embarrassing to publicly apologize. Is this not also embarrassing to have like a public renewing the vows thing at work with your work? I'm like, I know it feels weird. Like what the hell is this? No, like you're adults like you're you're grown adults. We don't. Yeah. That is confusing. I mean, that's sad that that he's like, it sounds like they were just doing bits. And if I want to assume that it was like, oh, they were riffing about like, oh, we'll do it in the break room next to the water cooler that we always like. Yeah. But so she interpreted that like, and that's me. That's putting the benefit of the doubt on. They were yes anding each other. And she took it as no, they were. Yeah. But, you know, even if it was like, they're going to do this as a bit as like that hurts if she's feeling like pulling teeth when she's trying to plan a real wedding. Yeah, it's just like a lot going on. Someone said, you're the asshole. It sounds like they were just joking, demanding that he tells everyone that he's engaged. Sounds pretty controlling. If they bring it up again, they can say that he's engaged so he can't be married again. But what you're asking is a little much. Someone else said, it sounds like you have more issues than this. You say you have to nag him about planning the wedding and you clearly have some insecurity around his faithfulness. If the joke upsets you so much, getting married will not solve these issues. Perhaps it might be wise to try couples counseling before your wedding. I'm sorry. I'm still blaming this on COVID. Like you were, I was unwell. Yeah. Oh, it's prime time. It is prime unwell. Well, time questioning everything. No, the world is in shit. It is. Yeah. Yeah. Truly it was an apocalypse. So I'm like, I can't even take this. Like, it's true. I'm like, it's really true. You're so focused on this. Yeah. The world is ending at this point. We've kind of forgotten like the places. Yeah. I think if you're like scale it, like if we were to like really tear down all the like the chaos of it all, like I think it would have been so reasonable for her to just express that it made her uncomfortable. Yeah. And, and like, and see what he would have done with that. And she seems really upset. Like she was probably so excited for their wedding and it's May. It was, the wedding was only going to be four months away at that stage. And now it's not happening and they don't know when it's going to happen. And she's probably thinking like at that point in COVID, you're probably like, oh my God, are we ever going to get married? Right. So she's losing her mind over that. And he's just playing this off. I remember there were so many weddings planned for like 2020. So many weddings that got pushed like a year, a year and a half later, but they didn't know when it was. I remember they, a lot of the weddings that were planned were like, okay, we're doing the same venue next year, this time, same date. Yeah. But they still didn't know. There was no knowing. Lastly, someone said everyone sucks here. You did overreact a bit, but knowing how uncomfortable it makes you, he should be willing to quit playing along with the work wife thing. A dumb concept anyway, but I digress. I digress. But I digress. I digress. Um, yeah. Tough. And that's all I've got to say about that. I can understand. I really understand her though. If she's hearing like, why are you guys taking this bit so far? Is this a relationship that is deeper than I understand? Like it leaves room for doubt, you know, but yeah. I agree though, with chance of like that era, all these things are exacerbated. Dude, our Zoom meetings, our monthly Zoom meetings during the pandemic. Were they like, oh my God. Crazy. It was just everyone trying to get their quick little 15 minutes of being funny. It was just weird. We were all just like trying to be like doing standup in a big meeting. Like just it was such a weird time. Cause we were filming a lot. We were filming the same amount of videos from home, but just from home. It was weird. So weird. Remember Tiger King? Yeah. We did a sketch about Tiger King. No way. Oh my God. Play it. I want to see it. I'm going to look it up later. It's really bad. It's like really bad. It was really tough because we had to change our entire design of how we made things. And it was hat on a hat. So it was Tiger King, but we couldn't do like, we didn't do real Tiger King. It was Tigger King. So he was obsessed with Tigger. Not Tigger King. I know. Chance, I know. I'm scared. It was Tigger King. And there was lots of Winnie the Pooh merchandise around our apartments for a while. What? Yeah. Shane, that's tough. And in a monthly Zoom meeting. Who was the Tigger King? Uh, Ian? Yeah, I think he did his beard to look crazy. The things we did. yeah yeah it was like my day was film a sketch have maybe one meeting and then Animal Crossing ah I did some Animal Crossing I did a lot of Overwatch nice that's when I learned people were probably so good in the pandemic people were so good I was ranked I was ranked yes ma'am what who was your main at that time I think it was Orisa but it was when Orisa still had the shield in front wow okay I love it wow and then right when Moira came out I was like yeah that's my girl right here our next story comes from am I the asshole am I the asshole for not paying for my co-workers lunch okay oh this is genuinely the dumbest am I the asshole I've ever made slash read but here we are I'm a first responder and was riding along with another shift for training purposes the first day we drove through a Chick-fil-A I ordered a small mac and cheese in our area that's about four dollars he ordered a whole meal when we got to the window they gave us 50% off making mine two dollars the guy I was riding with said don't worry I'll cover you cool thank you for covering my two dollars I appreciate it lol second day we went to a local bistro that's decently pricey I ordered a salad that was about ten dollars his meal totaled out to just over twenty dollars when we went to the register to pay he told them she's going to cover mine while pointing at me to say I was appalled is an understatement the cashier looked at me and I calmly stated no I'll just be covering myself the guy I was riding with got mad and started saying he covered me for lunch yesterday so it's only right that I cover him I'm not confrontational but I'm also no punk lol I calmly stated two dollars does not constitute twenty two dollars or whatever the total was if you'd like me to give you two dollars to cover my small side I ordered yesterday I will absolutely do that but I will not be paying for your meal and handed my card to the cashier he paid for his meal and we went outside where he refused to let me get into the vehicle he continued to argue and caused a scene in the parking lot he told me I'm no longer allowed to ride with him so I called for a supervisor once the supervisor arrived he told them that he covered my lunch yesterday and that I refused to extend the same courtesy and that I embarrassed him and caused a scene and he no longer feels comfortable riding with me oh my god I explained my side to the supervisor and apologized because this is literally so ridiculous lol the supervisor essentially said I was wrong because I should have just been respectful and paid for him like he did what at this point I was pissed and told them this sounds like extortion and that I wasn't going to be taken advantage of I told them that $2 is a whole lot different than $22 we are first responders we don't make a lot of money I continued to say if you wanted me to buy him a drink from the gas station or give him $2 I had absolutely no problem doing so but I was not going to be bullied into covering his meal because he covered mine I ended up riding with someone else because obviously riding with him is no longer an option the person I switched to also said I was wrong and should have just paid for his meal what I don't think I'm wrong here had I known the previous day that I would be expected to pay for his expensive meal after paying for my $2 mac and cheese I would have never let him cover me I feel like since he put me on the spot me putting him on the spot in return was only fair I don't feel like I caused a scene I wasn't the one who argued and refused to unlock the doors but now everyone's saying that I'm not a team player and I embarrassed him as well as our place of work am I wrong here am I the asshole what in the world she is in a tough spot okay I have feelings please do tell there are 3,400 billionaires on the planet there are 8 billion people billionaires should not exist right this problem should not exist right we should be paying first responders more right this should be a non-issue there are there are so few people with so much money that could fix so many things on this planet and we're not angry enough about it instead we're yelling at each other over $2 and Chick-fil-A mac and cheese I hear you dude I mean yeah like this sucks to hear their first responders they're not and this that amount is bothersome that should not be an issue it should not be a conversation right I agree I shouldn't it shouldn't I think what I'm thinking about is she's newer right she's in training she's a ride-along or is it the opposite she's the trainer he's the trainee she's training them and so he covered her on $2 and sounds like the restaurant because like my dad was a firefighter and sometimes a restaurant would like comp them the meal or give a big discount because it's like thank you for everything you do but like it's just it seems so like there's a dynamic issue the dynamic feels a little weird and it also feels like this guy and all the other co-workers are very much of the vibe of just like oh just yeah you should have just done it like I agree with her I think it's like an unfair dynamic because it's like when I'm like because yes to the whole situation yeah screwed but when it comes to when it comes to though like splitting the bill and like you pay for someone's coffee one day and then like expecting them to pay for your coffee the next I do take into consideration like the amount of money that was spent right yeah and also like you can assume someone's covering a meal but I'm never going to just assume someone's covering me if I'm gonna assume I'm like oh I'm just gonna assume I'm gonna cover them yeah I'm very much that way too but you need to have the conversation especially but there is like also levels to it it's like if I buy someone Burger King I don't expect them to buy me a steak dinner like there's that's very true that's that's what I feel like is kind of on a some level is happening here that's a little ridiculous she also ordered a side not a full meal and he's expecting this just feels a little bit like kind of just taking advantage of it just feels like a little bit of like a weird toxic workplace type of thing and the fact that he had to say like and she embarrassed me it's like that shouldn't be a work related issue this feels like it needs to be taken to HR it's a personal issue let's let's look at this too he tells the cashier that she's gonna cover it instead of asking oh did you want to cover this you're inputting this third party so that you have leverage over her she's not gonna tell her no she actually had she's not a punk so she told her no he's gonna cover his own cause he's a grown ass man and to just like okay now the job needs to continue and not letting her continue her job but because it's something that is so not work related like like I just that's so that's so petty it's really petty the verdict is not the asshole comments not the asshole I bet that most everyone who is saying you are wrong are men I bet you have violated some unspoken bro code that you as the trainee need to pay for the person with more experience what the dude did was a form of theft the two dollar snack meaning you need to pay for a twenty dollar lunch that was double the price of your lunch then he locked you out of this vehicle this is a toxic work environment five thousand upvotes OP said funny enough I technically wasn't the trainee but instead the trainer it was definitely not a fun situation and I've requested not to work on this shift again I told my supervisors if they want me to train that shift I will not be working under that supervision again someone said to that not the asshole I cover lots of people's meals but it's because I decided to not because they demanded it you're better off avoiding these assholes if you have HR or a union rep I would lodge a formal complaint to get it on the record Sonal said not the asshole my husband works EMS and I wish I could say I was surprised these guys are bullying you I don't know why I'm doing this I don't know why but that's what they're doing someone said not the asshole if it had been a few dollars of difference that would be one thing but twenty dollars is a lot it would be different if you had been partners for a while but it sounds like you barely know this guy he was trying to take advantage of you because he didn't think you'd push back him refusing to let you in the vehicle was super unprofessional unfortunately it sounds like everyone knows and likes this person so they're siding with him and anyone who disagrees is probably staying out of it if you have to work with these people for a while you might be better off apologizing even though you did nothing wrong it would be easier than being the outsider who no one wants to work with sorry oof god damn that's tough oh my sister's an EMT and I'm like I'm trying to she's never talked about anything like this but you know it might be different region to region like the specific shift but jobs like that and just like because my dad's a firefighter state a shift is 24 hours like or like two days on three days on three days off like that's a dynamic you are not just hanging out with each other nine to five or you're basically living with this person part time shift it's a different environment and yeah like part of me was thinking about like oh well if this is going to be a long standing work relationship they're just like yeah because over time we are going to hopefully it's going to be equal over time but this person doesn't know that it's just that's just it's just tough that's really tough oof our final story comes from Petty Revenge and it's probably one of my favorite titles of a reddit story I've ever seen what? farted on my stupid co-worker Angela written by Angela oh my god farted on my stupid co-worker farted on my stupid co-worker that's awesome that's awesome awesome sorry I didn't mean to kick you down you kicked me are you okay I'm going to fart on you no guys stop farting and fighting this happened a while ago but I figured I'd share I used to work as a hostess at a massive three-floor restaurant slash bar. One bartender, Mac, had the tendency to do what I like to call Mac-splaining. He would always go on about how the highest-paying tables should always be seated in his section. Before my shift, he'd always give me the same lame speech about how his section of the restaurant was the most prime seating with the best service, so of course I should only be seating people who look like they're going to spend a lot of money there, whatever that means. Typically, I'd just be like, sure, whatever, Mac, and then seat people without profiling them, because obviously, this place was also always jam-packed with a massive line, so it's not like there was much room for me to shuffle people around based on how much they looked like they might ball out. Also, how the hell am I supposed to gauge who is going to ball out? Anyways, Mac took this personally, apparently. One time I sat a group of older women celebrating a birthday in his section, and they ended up ordering some food with no drinks and then left. Mac went on this massive tirade about how I was incompetent at my job, and how I should clearly have known those women weren't going, to spend much money, and should clearly have sat them in another section, another server's section that wasn't Mac's. Arr, arr, arr, arr, sorry. One shift, I felt a particularly heinous fart brewing, and got a sinister idea. For context. I forgot about the fart. But here comes the fart. For context, I'm not a regular farter. I'm not a regular farter. I forgot. So I'm really getting. I'm an irregular farter. I'm getting into farting recently. For context, I'm not a regular. That's good. Shane. Guy who's learned about farting. For context. But Angela's impression of you was like, I'm getting into. I'm really getting into farting. Clip that. Clip that. A lifetime of terribly disordered eating habits has rendered my gut to be a few strokes shy of a chemical weapon, and I've instigated several heated arguments on fart politics amongst my friends, all with the power of a single fart. So there Mac is, behind the bar, washing glasses fast as hell during a rush, and I thought, wow, how helpful would it be if I go put them away behind the bar for him while he makes orders for customers. So of course, I go out of my way to go behind the bar to help Mac, and right as he's behind me shaking cocktails, I let it rip. Some of my finest work, I must add. I peeked over to Mac to see if he'd been caught in the radius, and sure enough, there he is with his face twisted in sheer disgust. To make matters worse, there were two pretty girls seated across from him at the bar, seemingly clear of the nuke zone. As I was fleeing the scene, I caught Mac trying unsuccessfully to keep his cool in the midst of the stench while attempting to chat up these girls, lol. The satisfaction of that moment led me to get a little carried away, and I started systematically targeting Mac whenever I needed to fart on shift. One time, I even made myself a protein-packed green smoothie to up my impact after a shift, where he'd been particularly menacing. When I saw Mac frantically talking to a manager, pointing at the open drain under the bar and checking the fridges for milk spills, I knew I'd gone too far. Anyway, Mac, wish you the best. You thought you were a smart fella, but you're really a fart-smeller, lol. Oh. My. God. God. So he never knew it was her? Didn't figure it out. The comments were all just a bunch of fart jokes. Someone said "Mac dusting," someone said "big Mac attack." Oh, come on. I hate it. Yeah, it started to get a little cringy. I'm like, as soon as you start changing your diet to make them worse— All right, all right, man. Okay, we're done. We're done here. We're done here. You got it. Okay, we're done here. We're done here. We're done here. We got it. When it was one fart, I was like, "That's awesome." One fart was awesome. A continual harassment of fart rockets is— It's also like, that feels like chemical warfare. At a certain point. I feel like— Too targeted. I remember—okay, now that we've been talking about the pandemic in this episode, like, when people who were anti-mask would fake cough or sneeze at people, and that was, like, called—I think it was called, like, a form of tort—like a— Bioterrorism. Terrorism. Yeah, bioterrorism. I'm like, how is a fart different from that? Like, if you're targeting people— Giving people pinkeye. I can say I've never wanted to fart on anyone. I've never wanted to fart on anyone. I feel like I have this weird— You guys, I've never wanted to— I've never wanted to fart on anyone. I do feel like I have this bad luck thing, though, where when I'm out in public and I'm like, "Okay, I'm by myself," and I, like, kind of, like, silently fart, at that moment, some person is going to suddenly approach my area. Sure. You go, "Hey, can we talk?" And I go, "Back up, back up, back up, back up, back up." No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Stay—get away from them! Like, I'll be at a grocery store. I'm like, I'm alone in this aisle, and then as soon as I fart, it's like, everybody comes there. They're like, "Oh, we're going to go to aisle six now." Mm. Aisle six! And then I feel like on multiple occasions— They're telling their friends. They're like, "Come to the—" They're like, "Come here! On!" And then multiple occasions, I'll be in an elevator, and, like, the second I'm like, "Okay, like, I'm going to do this," and then it stops, opens up, and, like, people get in, and I'm just like— Mm. The guy who was in here before farted really bad. The guy before me. There was a guy in this elevator. My house is a fart-free house. It's a fart-free household. Okay. Take off your socks. Please don't fart. Take off your socks. Take off your socks. No shirt and shoes, no shartan. No shartan. Oh. No—no shoes, no shirt, no shartan. No shirt, no shoes, no shartan. No shoes, no—no shirt, no shartan, no shartan, but all the chardonnay. Oh! Can we go back to how shitty Mac is? Yeah. Mac sucks. Because he's wanting to discriminate and send the rich people to his section. Don't you love the feeling when it's like—like, I remember being really not— like, not having a lot of money in my pocket, you know? Like, really, really struggling, and then you get seated at a restaurant, and you're like, "Wow, we got a really nice table. Isn't this so nice?" Well, he's saying his area is the best service because it's him. Yeah. Well, and he has the prime seating, so it's, like, best looking. Like, maybe—maybe his side of the restaurant has a view of the city. Maybe. And he thinks his service is the best. And he's making—he's taking—he's like, "The view of the city is me." I am the good city. I am the service. I am the good city. I am the good city. But, like, that's so sad. Like, he wants—like, you know, the whole, like, rich getting richer. Like, oh, so the rich people get to have the nicest experience in the restaurant? Yeah, yeah. Like, even though it's—like, come on. It's some bullshit. It's some bullshit. And Mac—maybe he should—and maybe I'm glad he got farted on. Oh, I'm glad he got farted on. I am indifferent to him getting farted on. Unfortunately, other people— I want to know why he's getting farted on. Other people—other—there's collateral damage here. She's out there farting all over the place. Other people are getting hit by that, too. But he's not connecting those things. He's not going, "I'm getting so stinky smells around me. Maybe it's because I'm discriminating against people." Well, the hope is that people think that Mac is the one farting. That's the hope. But I don't know if that's occurring. That's not my hope. What's your hope? Stop farting. Peace on earth. Yeah. Yeah. Don't be farted. Don't use that. Peace on earth. Don't piss on earth. Nice. I don't want piss on earth. Hell. Um. There's a lot of things that nobody knows the reference from in this episode, and it's— That's okay. I'm really curious. People in the comments will know. Um. I don't want anybody to fart on me, and I don't want you guys to fart on anybody. No, I wouldn't. Okay. I won't. I promise I won't. Thank you both for being here. You're welcome. I'm glad that our coworker situation is not like these. No. We're good. Mm-hmm. I would paint your house. And I would— I would work your wife. Wait. No. No. Nope. I will work your wife. You would work her wife? You work wife. You work wife. Anyways, thank you both for joining me. Thank you all for watching and listening. And hey, we have a lot of live shows this year. Woo! Smosh Reads Reddit Stories Live. They're going to be all over the place, so keep an eye out for them. And maybe we'll see you at one of them. Woo! But we will see you next Saturday. Always. Right here. Bye!