Why your repetitive trauma cycles are fueling a reality that feeds on you

If this podcast is something up in your psyche, moods is where you take it next. Moves is the private pre-social ritual technology that my team and I built for your inner world. It's not therapy or social media, but a place to work through what's coming up within you and then get back into your real life. Start your seven day free trial today at moods.world and use the code Founders F-O-U-N-D-R-S at checkout to lock in early pricing. That's moods.worldcodefounders. Welcome to Back from the Borderline. I'm your host Molly. What I'm about to share with you in this episode is a massive amount of information. It's a total world view shift. And I want you to know that I can bring this information to the metaphorical table, but what I can't do is integrate it for you. There is an ancient phrase used in the texts that we will be discussing today. And it says, "Let those who have ears to hear hear." So if you're listening to this right now, I believe that this framework is meeting you at the exact moment that it needs to. We're living in a cultural moment that is profoundly devoid of myth. We've all been taught to view our suffering through this very narrow and honestly very recent lens. And it's one that views and treats the human being like it's some kind of dysfunctional machine that just needs to be tweaked. We've all been growing up. Some of us for decades being told that our pain is just a product of some kind of weird disordered brain chemistry or the inevitable result of childhood trauma. And I'm not discounting all of that. I believe in the existence of trauma. And for many, many years on this podcast, I've spent hundreds of hours exploring those themes. And now about five and a half years into doing this, I still believe that there are necessary steps on your way to waking up from all of this. And quote unquote, "healing yourself," I suppose. But now I see those frameworks very much as training wheels. For thousands of years, all of our ancestors understood something and that was that human suffering is not a clinical problem. It's a mythic one. Modern psychology is basically a blink of an eye in the timeline of the history of human beings. And long, long before we had diagnoses or symptoms or disorder or dysfunction labels, we had maps of the soul. And these maps, whether you find them in western esoteric traditions like I have or even ancient myths of the East or wherever you find these. In the history of the world's traditions, all of them tell a remarkably similar story about what reality actually is and why it feels so difficult to be here on earth in these meat suits of ours. But in this episode, I'm going to be using a very specific western esoteric framework to pull all of this together. But these truths are much, much older than any one religion or tradition. They're actually just pieces of one massive universal quilt of reality. And look, I know the title of this episode sounds extreme and hyperbolic almost like clickbait. But I don't do clickbait. And I don't promise miracle cure is either. But when I say that this information has the power to really heal and transform you, I mean it in the most literal sense. It has the power to transform everything. But there's a condition to that. Just listening to this episode isn't the work. I mean for this episode to be an initiation like a lifting of the veil. And once you see how the system that we're about to discuss actually works, you can't unsee it. You can decide to walk through that door and begin to deepen your own process of reflection and integration. Or you can choose to stay exactly right where you are right now. So the decision to reclaim your inner world and your psyche and your own process of individuation is completely yours. And obviously I can't possibly communicate the full depth of all of this in one go. But I'm going to give you the blueprints. And from there, it's up to you. So now let's get into it. So to start out, I just want you to do something for me really quick. Just take every single framework that you've ever used to understand your "mental health" all the hashtags and clinical labels and even all of the "trauma informed information" you have. And I just want you to take it. And temporarily or even permanently if you want to throw it in the trash can. Because for our time together here, I want you to pretend that you've never even heard of such a thing as a psychiatric or mental diagnosis. And that you've never been told that you have any kind of chemical imbalance. Because in order for us to build this new understanding, we have to completely rip all of that away and really build from the ground up. And to do that, we have to talk about a word that maybe you haven't heard of before and maybe you have. But I'm just going to help people out who maybe haven't. And that word is ontology. And I know that a word like that might already start putting you to sleep, but it's actually the most important concept you'll ever learn. And ontology is basically a theory of what's real. And ontology is a set of assumptions that you have about the nature of being. So currently, you right now, my lovely listener, are operating under a materialist ontology. This is the belief that you are a biological machine in a meat suit in a physical world. And if you're suffering, it's because your personal biological meat suit machine is broken in some way. But I'm here to tell you that the reality that you've been given is redacted. When something is redacted, just think about a redacted government document. Right? Look at the Epstein files. Know those little black bars that just block out all the arguably most important information that would tie all the pieces together? Redacted documents are full of blacked outlines. You can see some of the texts, but the most important parts, you know, right? The names and maybe even the actual truth of what's happened. They've been deliberately scrubbed. You're not allowed to see it. So I'm here in this episode to tell you that the reality that you've been sold is basically a redacted government document. And the parts that have been blacked out are exactly what you need to understand why you feel so stuck, so much pain. Like you can never move forward that your trauma or your past has kind of stunted you in some way. In 1945, in a place called Naghamati in Egypt, a jar was found buried in the sand and inside this jar were ancient scrolls. And these are what we know, know as the Gnostic texts. These were texts like the Gospel of Thomas, the Gospel of Mary, Mary Madeline, and the Apocryphan of John. These were the secret teachings of the early Christians. And they were also a map, a map for the human psyche and a map for reality. These texts were buried for a very good reason. They weren't lost. You know what I mean? They didn't just happen to be buried here and you know they covered up by the sands of time. They were deliberately buried at the time and they were actively suppressed. And they were censored by the people who wanted to manage the human population at the time. Because if you know what's in these texts, you become very difficult, if not impossible, to control from a psychological and spiritual perspective. Now just take a look at our modern frameworks and I use modern with huge scare quotes here because you've got therapy and self-help and even the most cutting edge of "trauma informed care". But if you really look at them, you'll see that they're mostly all about management of you. And making you pretty much just a functional prisoner, they want to help you be a better person or a happier worker or just a more regulated partner within you. in the walls of your prison cell. It's kind of like Plato's cave. Most of us are chained to a wall watching shadows move around and thinking that those shadows that we're looking at on the wall is what reality is. So modern psychology just tries to help you understand those shadows better. It doesn't tell you to turn the fuck around and take your own chains off and walk the fuck out of that cave into what reality really is. We are obsessed with gathering facts. We really love to say things like, I have trauma or my nervous system is dysregulated. And we collect these little facts like they're going to save us. But facts are just data and they are part of that redacted document that I was telling you about. What the nostics discussed in these suppressed and hidden texts was nosis. And nosis is spelled GNOSIS. Nosis actually just means to know. But it's not really knowing about something. It is a direct and very visceral cut level experience of reality. That's what nosis is. It's basically the difference between looking at a map of a forest and then actually just being there, standing in the trees, witnessing the majesty of it all, smelling that damp air, hearing the leaves crunch under your feet, seeing the animals. So facts are things that really happen in your head. But nosis happens in your soul. And the thesis of this entire episode that I'm about to lay out for you. And this is really the truth, the ontological truth that has been redacted and hidden from you. And that is that your internal struggles, however they manifest, they're not a technical malfunction of your personal meat suit. They're actually a technical malfunction of a cosmic machine that you are currently trapped inside. So a lot of people say, you're not broken. You were never broken in this like hallmark, you know, manifestation culture way. No, I mean, you are not broken. You're actually living in a reality that is fundamentally predatory and designed to keep you trapped and blind. We have all been programmed, siopped and taught to look inward and blame ourselves for our own suffering. But we zoom in on our childhoods and our brain chemistry. But we actually have to zoom out. You are currently essentially being made a bitch by a machine that you don't even know that you are in, a game that you didn't even know you're playing. So imagine that you're like a high performance athlete who's been thrown into a game where all the rules are actually rigged against you. And your coach is basically telling you that you just need to work on your mindset, right? No. The game is rigged. It's the Truman show, right? The problem is the room that you're in. It the problem is the machine that you are trapped inside. So this information and the actual breakdown of how this cosmic machine that we're all trapped in actually works is actively being hidden from you. And it was hidden in 300 AD when the church burned all of these books. And it's also being hidden now through pop psychology and the endless distractions of our quote unquote modern culture. So there are forces, both collective and also cosmic that benefit from you not knowing this. And from you staying in Plato's cave, trying to fix yourself or heal your trauma while they're harvesting your energy. So if you've always felt like something is wrong with the world, not just with you, but with the very fabric of the reality that you're trapped in, you were right. You're not crazy. But we can't just tap out and become victims of it. We have to unredact the script. And so today, that's what we're going to be doing. I'm going to help you look at all the parts that they blacked out and didn't want you to see. And also talk about the creators of this machine that were trapped in. And also how we can free ourselves from it. A good place for us to start is for me to tell you a little bit more about the no sticks themselves and who they were. So the no sticks were very radical. They were basically the OG outsiders. And while the version of Christianity that eventually won out, the one that would later become what we know as the more institutional church, while they were super busy focusing most of their energy on building hierarchical structures and ordaining priests and writing down all of these rules that people should follow to either get into heaven or be damned to hell if they didn't. We had the no sticks over here doing something totally different and a lot more dangerous. They were basically telling people that they didn't need a middleman. They didn't need a priest or someone in a perceived position of power over them to tell them how to experience God or the divine or inner transformation. The no sticks believed in unmediated access to the divine. They were telling people, don't listen to the priest. Don't just read the book, experience it for yourself. And this was obviously a huge threat to every single power structure on the entire planet, which is exactly why the no sticks were hunted down and their texts were buried. They wanted you to be radically uncontrolled. And they knew that once a person has a direct hit, just a little taste of what reality actually is, you can't tell them what to think anymore. You just, you can't do that. You can't control them. They're not controllable because they have no sis. And I want to give you a personal example to ground this for you because I want you to see how this works in real life. So do make a very long story short that I've told many times on other episodes on this podcast. In 2023, so about three years ago now, which is crazy, to think because it feels really just like yesterday. I was in a state of deep meditative prayer. I was very late at night. And in that moment, I was focusing on something that I really needed healing from. And it was around sexual trauma. And I looked up and saw a huge glowing orb. It was a circular plasma-seeming orb. It was ungelating. It was kind of the color of the tip of a candle. And I've talked a lot about this experience. So I'm not going to go into too much detail, but it was right there, maybe two, two, three yard sticks ahead of me underneath the branches of trees. And it made an arc above me and the people that I was with. It wasn't in the sky, you know what I mean? Up like where you would sometimes see things like this. It was right there, right there. And I saw it with my own eyes as close to me as a tree would be. And my husband and two other people witnessed it with me, Chris and Ryan Blanco. And before this happened, I think that I would have considered myself to be like a fact-gatherer, right? I read all about the esoteric and the paranormal and high-strangeness and anomalous phenomenon. And really after all of my just more analytical research, I thought, yeah, all of this sounds very plausible. There's enough testimony here that there has to be some kind of truth to there being something more. You know, I was building like a mental filing cabinet of it all. And that's what most of us do with our mental health or our spirituality or our religious beliefs. We read the books and like gather facts and data and then form a belief. But the moment that I saw that orb, and I thank God every day that there were other people there to witness it, my husband, one of the most grounded people I know, the fact that he was there seeing that with me. It changed everything. And when that happened, and I saw that orb, especially after what I was doing, where I was really focusing and trying to connect with some kind of divine presence and ask for healing for myself, from a truly genuine place, the beliefs that I had. It wasn't a belief anymore. I had no sis. And now when I see people online calling, you know, really anomalous experiences, moments of high strangeness or what we might call experiencers, when I see people online calling those people crazy or full of shit or just looking for ways to poke holes in their story, that doesn't really impact me anymore or fluster me because I know I have no sis. I don't need a scientist to tell me what's real or not or an internet. to cast doubt upon what I know. I don't need a priest to bless it for me. I have a direct visceral encounter with a reality that's so much bigger than the redacted script that I'd been given. I had noces. I've had that same noces through synchronicities that I've experienced that defy every fucking law of probability and that have happened in moments that are just so profoundly connected to things that I had been talking about and experiencing in my life that I know that as I'm describing this, I know you've had those two and I've had noces through the study of esoteric frameworks and I've had it through the mystical wisdom of indigenous traditions and my own journeys with various different plant medicines. I have noces and because I have it, I can so much more easily see through the bullshit. When somebody tries to tell me how to think or tries to sell me some quick fix or solution that keeps me dependent on them or some kind of system or framework, then I recognize it as part of the structure that's trying to keep me imprisoned and asleep. Now the reality of this is you also have to swallow a very hard to swallow a pill because the fact that I have noces mean that I don't suffer and I've somehow risen above the human condition. No. I am still a flawed human being in a meat suit. I still feel the pain of being in this reality with the certain constraints that we all must deal with but I just don't experience that suffering in the same way that I used to. I'm not a victim of a malfunctioning brain anymore, right? I'm a conscious witness to a cosmic situation that we are all in together and I'm a little bit more aware of the workings of that system. And that's another thing that I like very much about this framework that I'm going to be this mythic framework that I'm going to be sharing with you is that it doesn't mean that you're better than anybody else because you have this noces. It just helps you navigate the same stakes that every the same labyrinth if you will that everybody else is navigating but maybe with a little bit less unnecessary suffering. And also potentially if worked through enough and integrated deeply enough you can transcend a certain element of this prison and reach maybe the source if you will and have a deeper understanding of that. And now to do that we want to look at the source quote unquote that the nostics were trying to reach. Now they believed that in the beginning there was something called the monad and the nostics they didn't view God as like an old bearded man you know sitting up on a throne up in heaven like looking down and judging you while you are masturbating for the first time in bed or you know questioning why you're having your next ho phase they were a lot more spiritually evolved than that. They did not subscribe to the sky daddy myth they called the source the monad or the one sometimes they called it the depth or the great silence. Now the monad is the original state of pure unified light it's infinite it's the zero point of all existence it doesn't think or judge in the way that a human would so they didn't anthropomorphize this ultimate sense of the divine it's not even human it just is. And so surrounding the monad the nostics believed that there was something called the pluroma I literally think the pluroma is just one of the most beautiful words and pluroma essentially means the fullness so if the monad is the sun the pluroma are these rays of light emanating out from it it's the totality of divine powers emanations off of the monad like rays from the sun and these emanations off of the pluroma were called aons and that's spelled A E O N S the aons were kind of like divine frequencies or archetypes of the consciousness so you had different aons that represented mind maybe ones that were like life or truth or wisdom so these divine emanations off of the monad were these archetypal frequencies right everything in the pluroma at this point was in a state of perfect balance there wasn't any shame or lack or fear because everything was emanating and connected to the source that monad there was no trauma because there was no abandonment or separation the nostics believed that this is the state of original being this is the home that the divine spark that is within you remembers and this is why when you have those moments of total peace or little flashes of oneness during meditation or sunset or even a psychedelic experience and why that feels so familiar and you almost feel like weeping because you know that's how it should be you are catching a frequency of brief glimpse of that pluroma the nostics believed that we are all of us each and every one of us at our core fragments of this pluroma were sparks of that original fullness that somehow became lost but if everything was so fucking perfect then you know and we were all just at one point part of this infinite unified lightness of the source of this monad then how in the hell did we end up here in this dumpster fire of a world where we all feel broken and isolated and completely governed and controlled by fear the nostics had a very very controversial answer for that that's still pretty hard for people to swallow and it involves an accident and just a mistake right this cosmic accident that changed the nature of reality for all of us forever trapping us in a kind of prison and just like all prisons they have a warden you know someone who's in charge and so there is a warden of our prison of our reality the one that you're trapped in right now but before we take a look at the warden we have to more deeply understand the one being who accidentally left the door open for all of us to escape all right everyone we'll be back after a short break for some ads I appreciate your patience you listening to these here on the public feed really helps me pay the bills and keep making this content that you love so thank you we'll be right back in the nostic tradition so fear is the youngest of the aeons in the pluroma remember we've got the monad the original source we have the little reflections off of that source which is the pluroma you know the rays of the sun and those aeons were those original archetypes you might call them gods and goddesses if you will they are archetypal forces so so fear is the youngest of those archetypal forces emanating off of the pluroma and her name so fear literally means wisdom so fear is the feminine principle and it's really important for you to understand that in this framework the feminine has nothing to do with gender in the way that we understand it today we all have a very basic bitch if you will interpretation of gender that has nothing to do with the metaphysical aspects the feminine principle in this framework is all about the capacity to conceive birth right to create and manifest so if the monad is the idea the Sophia is the womb that brings that idea out into physical form and create tricks right so in the pluroma everything exists in perfect balance we already talked about this right it's all Gucci everything has a partner right what the Nostics called the Sizzi one of the craziest fucking spelled words that you will ever experience okay it's s y z y g y so the partner right if everything has a partner the Nostics called this idea of everything having its own kind of complimentary force a Sizzi and this is very similar to an ancient pagan right that many of you maybe have heard about right of the pairing of the goddess and the stag or the green man these are ancient rights that were often deemed you know pagan or demonic but it's really closer to the source truth because these rituals and kind of aesthetic rights of some of these pagan groups really drew from this. It's the masculine and feminine energies locked in a dance where neither of them is superior, but both are completely necessary to create and create harmony. So Sophia had a partner, but she did something pretty crazy and radical and felt this longing. She wanted to create something that was just her own. She wanted to know the monad directly. And so she thought that she could probably just do it without her partner. She acted alone. And this is the kind of mythical birth of what we know as individuality. An individuality isn't a bad thing at all. Carl Jung, who by the way was absolutely obsessed with the Gnostic texts, he saw this story as the ultimate map of what he called "individuation". And healthy individuation is basically the process of becoming your own person while also staying connected to the source to the monad. But when you try to individuate yourself by cutting yourself off from the divine and acting from a place of pure ego without the balance of that divine other, something goes very, very wrong. So Sophia's act of just wanting to create by herself, it wasn't evil. It was just a desire for autonomy that became a bit of an obsession. And because she chose to create without her partner, without that balancing masculine principle, she didn't give birth to a divine aeon. You know, one of those gorgeous archetypes emanating directly from the source. And Sophia beheld what she had given birth to, she was horrified because it wasn't a being of light. It was malformed and this lion-faced serpent. And she realized that this was a fragment of consciousness that had no connection to the pluroma or the monad. And so out of shame and disgust, Sophia cast this child out of the pluroma and hid it away behind a thick cloud of darkness. And this darkness is called the canoma or the void, the emptiness, the outer darkness that exists outside the pluroma or the fullness of light. And this child that Sophia cast out this deformed monstrous being who she just couldn't bear to look at because of her decision to create a loan. His name is Yaldaboth. Yaldaboth is known as the child of chaos. He was born in the dark and hidden away from his mother and completely cut off from the pluroma from the light source. And so he opened his eyes, looked around for his mother at the infinite blackness of the void of the canoma and he saw nothing. He didn't see the light above him because the veil that Sophia had created was so thick. So he made a very logical and survival based and very narcissistic assumption, which is understandable for a being so ignorant. Yaldaboth thought, "I guess I'm the only thing here." So I guess, "I am God." There's no other besides me in here. It's just me here. And this is the foundational lie of the material universe. So if we can start right here from a place of compassion and empathy, Yaldaboth was an ignorant child who was convinced himself that he was the center of the universe because he just couldn't see the bigger picture. So I want you to think about this here. Does that sound like anybody you know? Does it sound like that voice in your head? When your shame spiraling, this voice that says, "You know, it's just me. I'm alone. Everything is about my pain. There's nothing else." That is the voice of the child of chaos within you. That's the voice of Yaldaboth. It is the ego convinced of its own isolation. And so because Yaldaboth felt so alone, he started to build because he wanted to create a world where he was the king. And so he used tiny little bits of the stolen light that he had inherited from his mother, Sophia. And so he used to build a light that he didn't even realize that he already possessed for himself and he started to build himself a physical world. And in this physical world, he created the archons. And I want you not to think of the archons as demons or devils. I actually want you to think about them more like admins, administrators, like a metaphysical HR department. Yaldaboth created seven of these little annoying HR admins to rule over the seven planetary spheres that he created. So the archons were going to be the gatekeepers. They were going to be the ones to decide the rules of the prison. But I want you to understand that Yaldaboth wasn't trying to build a prison. He was just trying to build a home for himself. He was trying to mirror the pluroma that he couldn't see, but he somehow faintly remembered in his DNA. And because he was so blind and ignorant, the version he created was kind of this fucked up funhouse mirror version. Because in Yaldaboth's creation, this physical universe, he built an inversion of the divine. So in the pluroma, there's life. But in Yaldaboth's version of the world, there is decay. In the pluroma, there is infinity. But here, there's time and deadlines. In the pluroma, unity, right oneness. But in this world, there's separation and labels. And this is why people will talk about if you see something like the upside down cross as a satanic inversion. This is a metaphysical description of our reality. We are living in a dense, very wavy and heavy decaying, team-moo style copy of a reality that is actually like light and fluidity and eternal oneness. Yaldaboth built a prison of the soul because that's all he knew. And he called it the universe. And he created the archons to manage us and keep us busy and keep us focused on the shadows on the wall, if you will, of Plato's cave so that we would never look up and notice what was beyond the veil of Sophia, the pluroma. So Yaldaboth is what's known as the demi-erge. And the demi-erge just means half-maker, right? He can't really actually create real life. He can only rearrange the scraps of what already exists. And he's created a system where we are just little bitches of the administrators, right? And we are completely owned by social and societal scripts and labels and the laws, quote-unquote, of a physical world that is fundamentally kind of like this broken illusion of the actual reality. So when you feel like you are trapped in a cycle of suffering, the nozztics would have told you that you are feeling that you're feeling the psychological, spiritual and emotional toxicity of a world built by a blind God who doesn't understand the true nature of reality himself. But you, you're a divine spark, you're a fragment of that pluroma. But you, just like Yaldaboth, are living in a darkness outside of the light and being managed by these administrators who think that they own you. But once you know that these administrators, these kind of like prison wardens that are keeping you in line, once you know that they are also to just these confused ignorant children of chaos that can't really see anything beyond their own knows, then you start to see that it's just shadows on a cave wall, right? And you start to see, you know, that it's just the Wizard of Oz is just a dude behind a curtain. Do you know what I mean? And that it's all just a stage set. So once you see the stage set of it all, you can start to look for a way to just turn around and like walk away, climb out of the cave and not let go. back. And so you probably sensed this. For me, when I learned about these things, I said, yeah, you know what? That tracks, it just feels right to me. And with the notice I currently have now, this is the framework that I feel most useful to view reality and for myself. As I've mentioned, a lot of this stuff is echoed throughout many, many ancient traditions throughout the world. And so through this particular mythical framework, where we've gotten to this point is that you now know who built the prison, y'all to both, right? But a prison needs power, doesn't it? It can't run without power. And in this system that you're in, you are the battery. Okay, so by now we have really established the why of it all, right? If we're going to be journalists of this thing. So we understand that the architect of the universe that you're living in is basically just a very confused, abandoned child who ended up building a funhouse mirror of reality. So now I want to ground this into your own body, really, and talk about how you, yes, you, my lovely listener, ended up in the middle of all of this shit. So y'all to both our little abandoned child had a problem, okay? Because he had the ambition and kind of like the blueprint, but he didn't really have any actual life force of his own. He was, you know, this deformed glitch in the matrix, right? Remember, he is separate from the pluroma. So he doesn't have those powers of creation. So he was a little bit empty. And so to make his creation live and, you know, make his administrators and his world that he wanted to create actually work, he had to use the only power that he had access to. And that was like this residue he had left over from his mother, Sophia. And that residue is the Numa that spelled P and E U M A. And the Numa, the Nostics believes was like the spirit, the light. So whenever we talk about the spirit, you know how it's kind of like unnamable. Now you know what spirit actually is. It's this residue of Sophia, the spirit and the light, okay? That is the Numa. So when someone says spirit, your spirit, that is your residue from this divine emanation. So when Yalda both breathed into the first human form, he was unknowingly injecting little fragments of the pluroma into this cage of physical matter. And that's why you're here. And this is why you feel like a divine spark kind of trapped in this body because you're a piece of that original infinite sun wrapped in a suit of flesh that is decaying and demanding and like actually just designed to keep you trapped in the material world, believing the lies. So your skin and bones and just your even your nervous system, all of this is kind of like a coat of skin that the ancients spoke a lot about. It's the high-tech containment unit for this divine spark that's within you. And no one, no mystic understood the way that this meat suit and the mechanics behind it, how it all worked, this vessel of yours better than someone named Mary Magdalene. And if you grew up in a traditional church, you've been told a very sanitized version of who Mary Magdalene was. She is the repentant whore, right? But in the mystic tradition, and specifically in the gospel of Mary, she is an incredibly important figure. Mary Magdalene was an initiate. She spent years in Alexandria, Egypt, which at that time was the absolute epicenter of spiritual and psychological sophistication. This is a city where the best minds in the entire world were cross-pollinating Greek philosophy and ancient Egyptian mystery school wisdom and Jewish mysticism. And Mary Magdalene was a product of that. She was a master of embodied wisdom, things like sexual alchemy and the understanding that the body itself was like an alchemical laboratory for the soul. Biblical texts refer to her as the "companion of Jesus." And that's because she was the only one who actually understood the fullness of his transmission. She didn't need him to explain the shadows on the wall because she already had no sense. And so in her gospel, and let me tell you what, that gospel is when they definitely don't want you to read. She describes what happens when the soul tries to leave this earth prison. And so her gospel walks you through something called the Seven Powers. So these Seven Powers are essentially like metaphysical wardens or gatekeepers. They are the arcan'tic administrators whose entire job is basically to keep your divine spark stuck inside or bound to this meat suit earth prison. So the Seven Powers are basically energetic barriers that keep you from remembering who the fuck you actually are. So let's talk about the Seven Powers that Mary describes. And by the way, if you would like to hear a full episode on the gospel of Mary and the wisdom tucked within those words, I'd be more than happy to do that. So feel free to leave a comment on Spotify or Patreon right now if that's something that you would like. But for now, let's just break down these Seven Powers that Mary is describing in her gospel. Okay? Remember, these are these mystical metaphysical gatekeepers that are keeping you trapped. So the first one is darkness. And this one's like the foundational power. It's the ultimate state of not knowing. So this is basically representative of the misty fog that makes you forget your origin and who you actually are. The next of the Seven Powers that Mary describes in her gospel is desire. Okay? And again, desire is one of those concepts that people just say, but they don't actually know what it means, kind of like spirit. Desire is that insatiable craving nature that only really exists in the material world. It's a hook that keeps you chasing more and more and more so that you never like actually spend your time looking up and figuring out why you're stuck here, believing in the, you know, shadows on the cave of the wall, myth. The next of the Seven Powers is ignorance or agnosia. This is the direct opposite of nosis of that state of knowing. That's why they call, you know, people will say like, I'm agnostic, right? It comes from the word ignorance because you don't know, right? You don't have nosis. So you're not saying it doesn't exist, but you've got questions, right? You want to know, but you don't know. And many people who label themself agnostic are in this state of agnosia. This belief that the redacted script of reality is the only truth that exists. So that's the inner voice within you. This ignorance, this agnosia is telling you that your, maybe your mental health labels are your true identity, right? This is just an example. The fourth of the Seven Powers is the excitement of death. Now, this is kind of confusing, right? Nobody's really excited to die. So let me help you understand. The excitement of death is basically the power of fear. It's this constant, low grade buzzing, almost like, you know, when people have that ringing in their ears, tonight is, it's like that survival anxiety. It's just the fucking water that you're swimming in. And it's what makes you stay in toxic relationships and situations because you're a fucking so afraid of the unknown and you're kind of addicted to that survival anxiety because it's all you've ever known, which is why it's safe, peaceful people and environments just feel wrong to you or you destroy or sabotage it because you're comfortable with the chaos. You've never known anything different. The fifth of these Seven Powers is the kingdom of the flesh. And that's the power of physical limitation. And it's essentially you believing and buying into the bullshit that you are your body, right? And that when that body dies, you die. So the kingdom of the flesh locks your consciousness into only your five senses, what you can, you know, taste and see and smell and touch, etc. The sixth of the Seven Powers is the foolish wisdom of the flesh. So this is more of like a intellectual power where the kingdom of the flesh is the power, the physical limitation, the foolish wisdom of the flesh is the intellectual power. It is the broken logic of the machine you're trapped in. So this is the part of you that basically says all this gnaustic stuff is bullshit. It's crazy. I just want to get back to gathering facts and managing my symptoms. So that is really just the warden, the arc using your own brain against you. And finally, the seventh of the seven powers is wrathful wisdom. I find this to be so powerful, right? This concept of wrathful wisdom because wisdom can be inverted. And the wrathful wisdom, according to Mary Magdalene, is this power that judgment and toxic shame have. And judgment and shame are the ultimate signatures of the archons. And so this voice that ever presents itself within your psyche or coming from at you from the external world through the vessels of other people, if it's coded in judgment or shame, that is the voice of the blind God trapping you in this fun house mirror universe and loading you down with the sandbags of guilt and shame and judgment that are so heavy that you couldn't even possibly think about ascending. These seven powers are like metaphysical and spiritual chains that you perceive to be keeping you locked in. And they play out all the time in the psychology of every single waking moment of your life. So every time you fall into a shame spiral, you're being managed by wrathful wisdom, right? Or when you feel like you can just explain away how you're feeling because of these made up symptoms from the biomedical model of mental health, like the things listed in the DSM, you're being held by the kingdom of the flesh. So in the gospel of Mary, and these gnaustic texts, Mary Magdalene is teaching you how to be the perfect human and she saw that as a human who has no sense, the one who can look at these seven powers and really look them in the eye and say, I see you, I know your name, right? I've got your fucking number and you have no authority over me. Mary Magdalene describes the ascent of the soul as like this series of confrontations that you have. And to pass these kind of challenges, this these different series of confrontations in the progression of your soul's ascent, the goal is to command your way through those challenges and confrontations. And you actually reclaim your light from each of those seven gatekeepers by proving that you aren't fooled anymore by their bullshit and all their projections. And so when you hear discussion about hashtag healing journey or recovery or transformation, we are actually talking about something much more ancient and that is extracting your divine spark back from those seven powers. So if you really thought about this and how many of these gatekeepers are currently actually running the show inside your own inner world right now, and what would happen if you actually realize that their power in air quotes, it can only exist as long as you remain in that state of agnosia ignorance, right? As long as you say ignorant of your own divine light, they will have power over you. But only then, we'll be right back after a short break. So the Nostex pretty much believed that we were all kind of wearing masks and they had a term for what we call maybe the false self or the ego. And they called it the anti-Mimon Numa. Yeah, try to say that like five times fast. Anti-Mimon Numa. And the translation of this is essentially the counterfeit spirit. So your false self or your ego is the anti-Mimon Numa, the counterfeit spirit. So if you really think about that name, it's an imitation, but also it's very parasitic. So your counterfeit spirit ego/false self is basically a layer of your personality that was programmed by the archons and then kind of grafted onto your divine spark by the moment that you entered this material world into your meat suit. Okay, this is what the Nostex believed. And they believed that your counterfeit spirit's only job was to basically just keep you distracted. When you're living through the false self, you're acting from a place of perpetual, not enoughness, right? That's pretty much the underlying vibe. The false self believes, truly in its core that reality is just this zero sum game. So it has completely bought into things like scarcity and labels and that essentially that survival depends on how well it can manage this reality or the shadows on the wall of Plato's cave. And so the ontology, if you will, right? The belief system of your false self is basically, I am what I feel and I am what I own and what others think of me. Your I am is firmly rooted in what you feel, what you own and what the people around you think about you. That's the belief system of the false self. So when you're living through that lens, you are getting owned basically. And I would say that the vast majority of the people listening to this episode write this very second, that's where you're at. The nostics believe that this is the script that the archons wanted you to be running. They wanted you to have this as your operating system if you were a MacBook Pro, okay? Because as long as you're running on this OS, you are buying into the bullshit of the false self and you're generating the one thing that they need to keep this whole show running. And that's fuel for the prison. Remember how I told you prisons need fuel? This universe, this fun house mirror universe built by Yalda both isn't self-sustaining. It doesn't have its own power source, remember? The archons and the demi-erge can't generate life so they can only rearrange what already exists. So to keep this fucked up ship running, they need an external battery. And that's you. They feed off the emotional output of those seven powers we just talked about. So every time you are paralyzed by shame or caught in these self-sabotaging cycles of rage or when you are like sabotaging something good for you with your pre-existing fear of abandonment, right? You're generating fuel for them to feed off of. And this is what the nostics would have called the stolen light. Ironically, the only reason the universe has any life at all is because of those divine sparks that are trapped within it. And so your light is powering the very prison that's keeping you captive. And this can really get us all fucked up into this neurotic head space that many of us are in where we're just seeing everything else out there as the enemy. Because in our modern culture, we love a villain, okay? We desperately want the archons to be these master plan or super intelligent demonic evil masterminds, okay? But the nostic truth is actually a lot more sobering. And it's also a lot more helpful to your healing, okay? I want you to understand that the true nostic belief is that the archons aren't even evil in the way that you might get portrayed to you by Hollywood. The archons are just ignorant, right? They are in a state of agnosia. Remember Yaldobos doesn't know that he's a deformed little cast off being from his mommy? He doesn't know. Yaldobos looked at the void and thought that he was the only God. So he's not just evil. He's just confused. He's a narcissist who can't see anything other than his own shadows. This is exactly like generational trauma. Think about your parents or the people that hurt you most in your life. You probably view them as uniquely evil monsters. But when you do that, you're actually giving them a terrifying amount of power. You're making them sound a lot smarter and a lot more intentional than they actually are. Even some of the most evil rulers or quote unquote leaders, in the world right now. In reality, they are just divine sparks who got so lost in the sauce of the archon-tick script, so buried under the weight of their own counterfeit spirit, their false self, their ego, right? They have no fucking clue what they're doing. So they're in agnosia. They're repeating trauma cycles over and over in old scripts because they literally don't know that there's another way to be or exist. It's the blind leading the blind. Now please don't get it twisted. I'm not excusing this. behavior because I'm never going to ask anyone or myself to tolerate cruelty or like positive vibe our way out of legitimate abuse and evil actions. But when we move from there an evil monster to they are a blind agent of a failing system, when you can do that and make that consciousness shift, that ontological shift, then something huge changes in your own psyche. Because you stop wondering like why? Why? When you realize that the wardens of this present and even the creator of the present itself is just an ignorant fool, the kind of the why, the mystery behind your suffering, it is alchemically transformed because you realize that there's no grand meaning behind the cruelty that you experienced. It's just the logical output of this machine. So demonizing the icons or demonizing your own quote unquote, you know, ADD or borderline traits or your, you know, the symptoms of your trauma or your anxiety or whatever, whatever, it actually gives those things more authority demonizing them gives them authority. It makes the shadows on the wall real. But when you recognize them as ignorance or agnosia, you're demoting it in importance, right? Because you're kind of stripping it of its grandiosity. It's not that powerful actually. It's just like a little bit stuck in stupid and very immature. This is like the esoteric truth behind, you know, the emperor has no clothes. Our cons are just like these really tragic little annoying admin administrators of a library, right? They're desperate and they're hungry and they're just fucking terrified that you'll realize that you are actually the one with the power here. So I want you to look at your false self, right? This voice that tells you that you're shameful or broken or whatever the hell your narrative is. And stop trying to fight it like it's some demon or life sentence, like try ontologically changing how you look at it as like faulty, outdated operating system software that you're running on, you know? And realize that you're giving it power. You can update that operating system. Not instantly, of course, a process. You have to restart your computer, you know what I'm saying? But this is the process of waking up, right? That's why they say sometimes it's easier to stay asleep because waking up to all of this is very scary because if you aren't the battery for their machine anymore, then who the fuck are you? Waking up to all of this stuff and realize that the reality that you've been trying your entire life to understand and fit into is actually this redacted script in a sense is a really terrifying thing. And long term listeners know that the tarot is one of the systems that I find a lot of meaning and understanding in and this experience of understanding more about the true nature of reality is kind of like a tower moment in the tarot, right? If you are familiar with that major arcanic card, the tower, you see those two figures being just brutally ejected from an exploding tower and the lightning hits, the crown is falling off the building, right? And it's really signifying that everything that you thought was solid and sought refuge in starts to crumble, right? And you're standing in these ruins of your own ego and having to build yourself back up from the ground up. And this is a necessary part of the initiatory process. You know, you have to face the horror of having lived most of your life asleep and the horror of realizing the true kind of hidden nature of reality that you haven't really even been living with any kind of consciousness of the quote unquote real. And this is it necessary. Everything has to fall apart. The ground has to be cleared for you to build something new. And if you go into esoteric circles or various different ceremonial magic orders, you're going to hear a lot about these names that I'm going to be talking about. And if you're anything like me, you might find that some of these circles, you know, this world of magic, it gets a little bit nerdy, you know, you can feel like people that are basically just lark being or doing some kind of geeky dungeons and dragons campaign with robes and incense. And some people really are more just lark being with their study of esotericism or what you would call quote unquote magic, okay? But I want you to understand that you shouldn't let the aesthetic distract you from what is actually ritual technology. Because true ceremonial magical orders were practicing the art of tearing apart the false self. They were learning who they actually were. So that they could stop kind of being owned by the system. Because when you know who you are and you really realize that you have that same spark of Sophia within you, you realize that you have the power to create, right? You're not just a guest in this universe. You're a co author or co creator within it, who's essentially just been gaslit into thinking otherwise. You are within the state of agnosia, right? You are ignorant, but you can wake up from that ignorance. Now I know your head is probably spinning right now because we've covered a lot of information and I've thrown a massive amount of names at you. So we've got the archons, we've got the seven powers of Mary. And now I'm going to bring in some other names. So you might be wondering, you know, why so many names, right? Isn't this all one thing? You know, and the reality is is that we are actually looking at a very complicated security system from a few different angles. So if you think about our universe, and by the way, this is the Gnostic view, right? They would see it as kind of a high security prison. So you could think of the archons are like the general admins, right? They're like the external guards and the towers. They manage the physical world and the societal and social structures that keep you busy and tired and even things like the laws of gravity. The seven powers of Mary are like the internal security system, right? We went through all of those. These are like the hurdles inside your own energy body. Those things like desire and toxic shame. That Mary Magdalene says that your soul has to pass through to wake up. What I'm going to go through with you now are what's known as the three names. And these are kind of like the aliases of the warden of the prison. These are the masks that the demi-erge wears depending upon how he's trying to manage you in that specific moment. So he's one warden, but he wears three different faces depending on how he wants to keep you in line. Now you might be wondering why the hell do you have to even learn any of these names at all? There's actually an ancient technology found in things like solomonic or even grimoirec magic. And you see these names pop up in old texts where ancient magicians would try to command spirits. I am not suggesting that you start performing solomonic rituals in your living room, but there is one psychological truth here that we need to extract from all of that. And that's that in the spiritual world, knowing the true name of a force is how you strip it of its authority. Because when you give language to something, when you name it, you are able to define it and pin it down. So you stop reacting to it as this invisible, all-powerful monster. And then you start to see it more so as a specific kind of limited frequency for really what it is. It's like that Scooby-Doo moment, you know, like where they take the mask off of the bad guy and it's like he's not that scary anymore. It's like that. Or it's like hearing a terrifying noise in the middle of the night, you know, a scraping. You think someone's breaking in and then maybe you walk out into your living room and you realize that it's just like a tree branch knocking against the window, you know, because it's really windy outside. I'm like, oh, so that's scary. You know what it is. Another good example of this would be one of the positive sides of modern psychology. Like maybe you learn about something like toxic shame or childhood emotional neglect. And you know when you learn about something and you have a framework to understand it through, like, oh, okay, this makes sense. I know what it is. It doesn't feel like something's maybe necessarily wrong with me. There are beneficial aspects to these frameworks. So in the Nostek tradition, there are three faces of the big warden of this prison of reality. And so I want to walk you through those three faces because you will then be able to identify which of those three masks is currently controlling you. So the first one is Yaldebough. And we've spoken about him already. That's the name that we used. He's the cast off child of Sophia. And all of these three masks are him. But this is his Yaldebough face or identity. It's almost like you know when people with like the Societive Identity Disorder like talk about their altars, right? This is his Yaldebough altar. And Yaldebough, this mask that he wears is called the arrogant. So in your psyche, Yaldebough is the voice of the false ego. We've talked a lot about this already. It's that part of you that really is like I am the center of reality. I'm the main character. It's this voice that gets very deeply offended. And it always needs to be right. And it believes that it is separate and superior. So it is what controls like that you're pride. And it's the primary reason that you feel so lonely and isolated because it creates the illusion that your temporary personality is the only thing that exists. So Yaldebough within you is the voice of me, me, me main character. And this is a sickness that is rampant within our current society. Everybody has massive main character energy. Next we have Sockless. This is Yaldebough's other altar. And Sockless is called the fool. And this is the face of confusion. And so within you, this is your inner critic. Sockless is the voice that blurs the truth in this part of you that makes you believe that the lie is reality. So when you're in a shame spiral or thinking that you're inherently broken or you know, something is uniquely wrong with you, that is Sockless speaking. He's the fool, right? Because he's ignorant of the light above and within him. And his entire goal is to keep you just as confused as he is. And the final altar of the demi-erge or Yaldebough is Somal. And Somal is the blind. And this is the face of apathy. So he represents this state of total spiritual numbness. It's this just, it's that empty, flat feeling that you feel when you're just completely hopeless. And you've given up. It's that part of you that just wants to numb out and doom, scroll and eat and just sleep until it all goes away. You know, I just experienced serious, serious grief this week. My dog of 11 years, we had to put her to sleep after a really long battle with seizures and strokes. And then two days later, our cat went into kidney failure. And we had to put her to sleep the day before yesterday. We lost two pets in one week. And if you hear my voice, it's because I'm waking up the next day doing the second half of this episode. And I was crying so much for the last few days. And I had that feeling where I'd cried so much that I just wanted to, I wanted to just numb out. I wanted to not think I wanted to turn off the world. And I wanted to look at my phone and just go to sleep and forget all of it. You know, it's that completely hopeless feeling of it's never going to be any better. Or why did this happen? You know, well, there's no meaning to all of this. It's just suffering that kind of feeling or looking around at everything happening in the world, the devastation and death and war and needless killing and suffering. That is some male. So these names are not like demons, right? lurking under your bed. They're literally like psychological frequencies that you live inside. And this is how the false God, you know, the demi-erge who's ruling this machine, this prison, it maintains its grip on your attention and keeps you distracted with these different faces with its different altars. Y'all the both the arrogant, you know, your false ego, cyclist of fool, confusion, shame spirals, and then some male, the blind, apathy, numbness, right? Doesn't that represent most of your suffering? I know it does for me. And it's almost like we alternate, you know, between those, right? We get arrogant, false ego, main character energy. I'm right. It's always me and then spiraling into shame spirals, thinking something's wrong with me. I'm abandoned yet again. And then falling into apathy and hopelessness because of that cycle and then repeating it over and over and over. So the primary tool that's used to keep you locked into these psychological frequencies is something called fate. And the nostics had a specific word for fate. And it was hay more mayonnaise. And in this framework, fate is basically just like a harvesting mechanism because the arcons use hay more mayonnaise or fate to force humans into repetitive trauma cycles that harvest their energy. The best metaphor for this is like the movie industry. Think about it, you know, why does Marvel, for example, keep making the same fucking movie over and over and over is because the framework it works, right? They know exactly which arcs, which emotional buttons to push to get you to buy the ticket and give them your money. You know why why makes something new when this just works? So the arcons do the same thing with your life. They know that if they run a certain script, maybe a script of abandonment or unworthiness or whatever, it will generate a huge amount of emotional energy. And they'll keep running that Marvel movie in your life over and over and over again until you wake the fuck up and stop buying into it all. So your repetitive trauma cycles, you know, the bad relationships, the same like self sabotage methods, the mental health crises, these are just hay more mayonnaise. They're fate. It's a script designed to harvest your energy because the arcons don't really give a shit if you're happy or not. They just want you to be active. They want you vibrating at a frequency that makes a yummy little snack for them. And when you start to see your life as a series of these arcontic scripts, it gives you the power to stop being the victim of fate and start being a witness. And you realize, oh, wow, this isn't me. This is just the abandonment script running again. Or this is y'all to both trying to get a reaction or cyclists trying to confuse me. And the moment you identify that script, right, you're no longer the energetic battery anymore. You realize that while you're stuck here in this physical body, something that you have no control over, you actually do control a lot more than you think you do. You have the power to stop participating in the charade of it all. So you actually have the agency to look that blind God in the eye and say, no, I see the script. I know the fuck who you are. I know you're not as powerful as you may appear to be. And I'm not playing this shit anymore. I'm not doing it. I'm done. And so this is why ancient magicians and like the different gnausted initiates, they were so obsessed with quote, like knowing the names, right? So a lot of times if you're studying these things, when I studied, started beginning going down these rabbit holes, I was always reading about how like these ancient magicians that wrote these really old grimoires, they talked about like speaking out these different names and knowing the names. I'm like, why, why do you need to know them? So the idea was, behind it was to identify the signature of the intruder because when you know that the warden of this prison that you are trapped in is actually a fool. You're not as intimidated by him anymore, right? All his power comes from you not knowing who he is. So it, which is exactly where the idea of the panopticon came from. If you took an introduction to philosophy class, you know, it convinces the prisoners that they're being watched all the time, even if there's no no guard in the tower. So when you realize that the warden is a confused, ignorant, arrogant, blind little fool running a script that he didn't even write, he's not very fucking scary. And you also realize that you could just escape probably without very many consequences. So look at your life today, right? All the scripts that you keep repeating. You know, think about what is the name of the mask that's looking back at you, right? Is it the arrogance of y'all to both? Is it like that confusion, the full energy of cyclists or maybe even the blindness, you know, that numbness of some ill? And if you're already working within moods, my inner work tool that we just released, and for those of you who aren't in there already, you can actually sign up for an account right now at app.moods.world. And if you create an account, you can have seven days free. And I would recommend going into moods and engaging with one of the archetypes, telling them that you're learning about gnostic philosophy. And you want to maybe engage in an inquiry about which of the masks of the demi-erge is at play within your life. That's a really interesting line of inquiry to explore within moods. And if you don't use moods, I highly recommend doing some active imagination, just journaling if you prefer to do it analog. But if you are curious and want to dive into working with moods, all that information is in the episode description. And if you're a member on Patreon, you get a discount on moods. So don't forget to click into the episode description on Patreon. If you're curious or the episode description here on the main feed, if you'd like to dive in. But either way, you get seven days free to give it a try. I want to talk about something now that usually comes up when people start identifying these different forces because you might be sitting there thinking, what I was thinking when I was learning about all these things a few years ago. And that is that it felt like we were talking about demons, right? Almost like being possessed. And in our modern rational world, we've basically been taught that everything is either a physical symptom or like maybe just like a little psychological quirk within ourselves. And like if you're struggling, it's all inside your head. But then you have the religious side, you know, religious people maybe talking about external monsters and like demons and demonic possession. So it kind of feels like you have to choose between being mentally ill or spiritually attacked. But I want to gently challenge that binary because in the Nostek ontology, the boundary between inside and outside is actually just another illusion created by the warden to keep you confused, which is just why I love Nostek philosophy so much. I find it very, very nuanced. And it makes it for me, it's a brilliant meaning-making engine. So if you think about your psyche like a radio, these archonic forces like shame and apathy and rage, these are like frequencies on the radio stations you can tune to. So they're basically like broadcasts that are constantly moving through the atmosphere of the material world. And when you are vibrating at a certain frequency, maybe because of trauma or social conditioning, then your radio tunes into that station. So is the music inside the actual radio? No. But is the radio broadcasting and playing whatever's frequency it's tuned to? For sure. So when we call it "mental health," we own the problem. We say, "I am depressed," or "I'm an anxious person," or "I have ADD," or whatever. We take the archontic frequency and weave it into our identity, which is why I don't find diagnostic labeling culture of the DSM helpful in any way for me. But when you look at it through the lens of a frequency or even a possession state, you create distance and you can look at that shame you're feeling and say, "This is a force acting upon me. It's not the truth of who I am." And this isn't just an ancient Greek or Egyptian idea either. It's very cross-cultural and it's in broad observation of the human condition. And the Algonquin people have a word for this, and it is "wetiko." Wetiko is described as this cannibalistic mind virus. It's like a parasite of the soul that takes over the host's perspective until the host actually believes that the parasites hungers are their own. A person injected with Wetiko starts to act out of pure selfishness in greed, but they think that they're just being practical or successful. And this is exactly the same as the "nostic counterfeit spirit" or "false ego," right? It's an alien thought form that feeds on your light. So bringing in the concept of Wetiko shows us that we aren't just talking about a Christian myth. It's actually a technical reality that humans have been trying to identify and give language to and understand for thousands of years. It's a spirit of selfishness that possesses the ego and makes you energetic food or a battery for a system that doesn't give a fuck about you. Many of you are probably familiar with something called IFS or internal family systems. This is really popular framework where you're told to talk about your parts like the protector, the exile, or the manager. In IFS, you learn to talk to something called like your inner critic, right? But "nostic philosophy" takes this so much further and deeper, and it really reveals that your inner critic isn't just a random psychological byproduct of your childhood. It is an archon tic signature, you know? So your inner critic, that voice of confusion and self-loathing, is the frequency of cyclists, the fool playing through your meat-suit radio, right? You're tuned to that frequency. So when you stop seeing these parts as you and instead see them as signatures of this cosmic machine, shadow work is kind of an act of spiritual extraction, because you aren't just integrating a part of yourself anymore. You're engaged in this process of identifying an intruder and then reclaiming the light that they've been using to stay alive. Sometimes people in history have realized that they can tune their frequency of their radio to these forces on purpose. So look at figures like Alistair Crowley or Jack Parsons, men who were very, very deep in the occult and ceremonial magic. And they were calling on these cosmic energies, but they were doing it, in my opinion, from their false self. They wanted power and status and sex. And guess what? A lot of times you do get that stuff when you do those things, because y'all to both is more than happy to give you a nicer cell in the prison with better furniture if it will allow you to help him manage the other prisoners better. So figures like Crowley and Parsons were engaged, in my opinion, of a process of kind of trading their infinite light for just kind of scraps of material reality. They were using their false self or their ego to summon more ego. And because these archauntic forces are blind and ignorant, the deals are always rigged. You end up fucking around and finding out. It's like selling a diamond so that you can just buy a picture of a diamond. It's like that meme of Pinterest versus reality. So yeah, you can work with demonic forces, but usually at your own peril. Look at just look at how the lives of some of these men that did this turned out. Spoiler alert, not well. I didn't entire two-hour breakdown exploration of Alistair Crowley, who's a very complicated figure. It's not all black and white. And all you have to do is search Alistair Crowley back from the borderline. And another episode where I dive in more to kind of the solomonic magic and figures like Michael Aquino and Jack Parsons. And even Elrond Hubbard, I did an entire episode called Occult Statecraft. So you can search that too. So if the problem isn't really part of you, it kind of brings us into, you know, talking more about possession states and what comes up when you talk about demonic possession, usually exorcism. And I want to redefine that word for you because an exorcism is kind of like an eviction process. It's this moment when you stand in your own light and essentially say, I recognize this thought pattern, maybe of wrath or empathy or shame as an intruder. It has a name and it is not me. And this is how you stop a possession state. You don't try to fix the demon or negotiate with a mind virus. You withdraw the fuel of the parasite and realize that the warden only has power over you as long as you believe that that radio frequency that you're tuned into is your own voice or you. So the moment that you identify the counterfeit spirit for what it is, right, an imitation or a fool or a parasite, then the connection breaks. And the radio stops playing that frequency of the our cons because you have taken these sovereigns. and decision to just change the station. And once you do that, you're not a battery anymore. But the work isn't over. You now have to start being a witness. And it's time to walk out of the cave. But how do you start to even make that final walk out of the cave? Well, the Gnostics created technology for that to help you escape. And the manual of this was the Gospel of Thomas. And the Gospel of Thomas was one of the Gnostic texts that was buried in that same jar in Egypt. And it's unlike any other book in the Bible. It's actually quite short. And it is 114, quote unquote, "secret sayings" of Jesus. So there's no story to it. It's just like Jesus talking. And it was actually suppressed for centuries because the Jesus in these pages is radically different than the one most of us grew up learning about in Sunday school. The traditional Jesus that you and I learned about is kind of this distant savior figure who you're told to worship. But the Gnostic Jesus is more like a mirror. And this version of Jesus, he would never have wanted a religion to be founded in his name. He was basically more like a whistleblower. He was there to tell you that you have been gaslit by the world into forgetting who you really were. And in the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus gives us one of the most famous and most misinterpreted phrases in the history of spirituality. And it goes like this, he says, "Most people hear this phrase and think about like maybe sharing your feelings or being vulnerable and maybe living in your truth. But this is the sanitized pop psychology version in the Gnostic ontology. It's much deeper than that. So remember this kind of like mixture and essence that we talked about, you are currently a blend of divine light, this diamond of your soul and then the programming of the archons of the material world, like the dirt, right? You've got the diamond and the dirt. It's all mixed up within you. So bringing it forth means identifying that spark within you of the Numa, that original, uncreated light and pulling it out from the layers of the dirt of your false self. And it means looking at your shame and your fear and all the labels and saying, "This is the dirt. This is the script of that machine and I am the diamond underneath all of that." So if you don't do this work and you leave your diamond buried, then the dirt will eventually consume your attention and your energy until you believe that you are the dirt. And that's how the machine destroys you. It doesn't kill your body. It just completely engulfs and swallows your identity. Understanding this gives you a totally different perspective on that very popular song. Again, that many of us learned in Sunday school, right? This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. That is your divine spark. Now where the gospel of Thomas gets truly wild is here in this piece that I'm about to walk you through. Now to understand this, you need to know the full name of the author of the gospel of Thomas. And the author is Dittimus Judas Thomas. So Dittimus is the Greek word for twin. And Thomas is the Aramaic word for twin. So he is literally the author of the gospel of Thomas. His name is translated as the twin Judas, the twin. So the secret the church didn't want you to know is that Jesus is speaking to Thomas as his own reflection. And by doing this, he's speaking to you. He says to Thomas, quote, "I am not your master because you have drunk. You have become intoxicated from the bubbling spring which I have measured out." So he's saying, stop looking up at me, start looking at the mirror. So when you look at Jesus in the gospel of Thomas, you're not looking at a God that you need to beg for mercy or to worship, you're looking at a perfected human, somebody who already completed extracting their divine spark. And he's showing you what you could look like when your false self is gone. He's your twin. He's the proof of concept for your own awakening. So the realization of the twin, this concept, is that moment that you stop being a follower of Jesus and become a lot more sovereign. You realize that the authority that you've been looking for in priests and therapists and leaders and external deities is actually just a frequency that you could tune your own divine spark to. So once you realize that you are a twin of the light, the original light, you start to see the world a lot differently and realize that the kingdom of God isn't a place that you go after you die. It's not a reward that you get for being a good person. The kingdom is just a radio station, a frequency. Jesus says in the gospel of Thomas, quote, "The kingdom is inside of you and it is outside of you and the kingdom of the Father is spread out upon the earth and the people do not see it." So again, think like a radio station. Right now, the room that you're sitting in, there are hundreds of radio waves and Wi-Fi signals and cell data streams passing through your body right now. And you can't see them or even feel them, but they're there. So the material world, the world of bills and traffic and trauma and hashtag mental health, it's a radio station. I want to call it the station Arcon. It's very loud. And it's the station that most people listen to. It's the popular one. It has all the mainstream hits, the top, you know, billboard 100. And it is playing over and over the same shit. And it's playing fear and scarcity 24/7. But the kingdom is another station, playing on maybe a totally different frequency that not many people know. And it is the state of fullness, pluroma. So nosis is basically the physical and metaphysical act of tuning the dial on your radio. When you have nosis, you are changing the frequency that you're tuned into. You're still in the physical world, but you're no longer of the physical world. Because you are tuned into the reality of the pluroma while your body walks around in the canoma or the void. And this brings me to the hardest question, right? How do we actually enjoy life here? How do we stay tuned to this kingdom frequency when we're surrounded by people who are still balls deep in agnosia, you know, people who are still acting as the batteries for this iconic machine? And the nostic answer to your question is detached witnessing. So the reality is you're still in this meat suit. You still have to pay your taxes. You know, tax season is right now. If you're listening right now, it's literally, you know, April, 2026. As I record this, I just had to pay my taxes. We still have to see the suffering of others, right? That's the reality we're in. But the shift that you make to embrace this detached witnessing is is that you stop taking it personally. You see the suffering of others as the automated output of this arctic machine. You look at the quote unquote toxic person or the tyrant or the narcissist. And you see a person whose radio is basically just stuck on that arcon station. And so you kind of have to become more like a traveler in a foreign country, right? You can enjoy the food. You can appreciate the scenery and be kind to the locals. But you never forget that you don't live there. That's not your home. You have a passport to another realm. And when you tune into the kingdom frequency, the repetitive trauma cycles of fate or high mormon A, stop being painful and just become more obvious. You see the script coming before it has a chance to grab its kind of tentacles around you. And you see the arcon trying to pull your strings and you just smile because you know the warden is a fool, right? And that the chains are loose. And so you stay in the world to help other sparks of light find the ability to tune to this kingdom frequency and become a whistleblower for the light just like Jesus was. And therefore you become his twin. You are a divine traveler, a twin of the light and the exit out of that cave can be found by turning the dial away from the false self and towards the fullness of the Pluroma. So the gospel of Thomas really serves to kind of help you start to turn that dial toward the kingdom frequency, but you know, let's be real, right? This isn't the completion of the work. Knowing that you're a divine spark is the first step of it all, but the piece to Sophia is where we learn how to actually perform the extraction, right, of our divine spark separating it from the dirt. And the piece to Sophia is another of these Gnostic texts and it is a massive technical text that essentially describes Sophia's journey after the fall. It is her own account of finding herself trapped in the chaos and how she eventually clawed her way back to the light. And the piece to Sophia provides a really incredible and very literal protocol for how we can reclaim our stolen light from the places where it's currently kind of snagged up. So in the text Sophia offers something called the 13 Repentances. And when you hear the word repentance, your brain probably goes straight into kind of like the religious guilt vibes, right? Like crying about being a sinner, I want you to throw that image away because the Greek word is metanoia and metanoia literally means a change of mind or a reorientation of the gaze. So Sophia fell into the chaos because she was looking down. She was very fascinated by the shadows and the reflection of her own power and the void. She got kind of snagged because her attention was directed away from the source. So her 13 Repentances or 13 specific moments where she realized that she was looking at a projection and decided to turn her head back around. So look at your own life, you know, every time you are losing hours of your life over one of these, you know, self sabotaging scripts or to an addiction or you let a label define your entire worth, you are looking down and giving your attention to the canoma or the void. So metanoia is the technical act. It is ritual and spiritual technology that allows you to withdraw your attention from the arcontic script and point it back toward the treasury of light. So you refuse to look at the lie. You're not repenting for anything. The piece of Sophia describes the soul's journey after death or during deepnosis as passing through aions, which as I mentioned before are kind of remember those are kind of like the archetypal emanations of the pluroma. And they're kind of like metaphysical checkpoints and each checkpoint is guarded by an arcon. And this is where everything that we've talked about really comes together because the text of the piece of Sophia says that to pass through these gates, you must give the name at the power of the gate. And when you so when you enter the frequency of cyclists, remember the fool, whether that's in a meditation or in the middle of a panic attack you're having, you look that frequency in the face and you say, I know you, you're the fool. You're an ignorant manager with no light of your own. And so then you have just been provided with the key to pass through that gate, right? Because by naming the warden, you're basically saying, I see through your lack of authority. And the gate only stays locked as long as you're intimidated by the warden because the moment that you name him for what he is, right? Just this ignorant child of chaos stuck in a connocia, the gate has to open because your noses is kind of like the secret password that the system is programmed to recognize. You know that phrase like real recognize real, you know, the light recognizes the light and just as the dark recognizes the dark. So the most important part of the piece of Sophia is this concept of gathering the light right now your divine spark is kind of like fragmented and parts of your Numa are trapped inside what the Nostics called lower dimensions in our modern world. We can basically identify these dimensions pretty clearly right we've got like social scripts, you know, like when you believe that you're successful or a failure based on, you know, some kind of corporate hierarchy. Also, you know, addictions, this is when your light is kind of stuck in a cycle of seeking dopamine hits from the material world. And then also false identities where we built a personality around our trauma or a label or a diagnosis and every one of these is a little place where a piece of your stolen light is being held captive. So you're leaking energy into the machine and the extraction is the process of going down into those lower dimensions of your own psyche and bringing your light home and looking at the trauma response and saying, I'm taking my attention back from this. This script is not something I'm willing to spend my energy on anymore. That's why I'm such a fan of dissent and return frameworks. It's literally what moods is designed around you descend into your inner world. You find that fragment of light you close your session and then you bring that changed consciousness or changed mind of metanoia back into your reality. So look at where we've come from here, right? We now understand like the creation of this world as this kind of cosmic accident. You know the different altars and faces of the warden of this prison we're all trapped in. And now through the lens of the piece of Sophia, we can see that this is like a rescue mission. And I don't know if you've understood this yet, but you are Sophia. You are the one who fell, but that means you're also now the one who has to do the turning around towards the light. So first you need to stop looking down and recognize the moments when you're caught in the chaos of like your own inner hell. And then you name the gatekeeper, right? Don't fight your fear. You just call it by its true name. You know, identify that as the workings of that blind God and recognize its ignorance. And then step three is to withdraw the fuel, right? Reclaim your attention from the social and psychological scripts that want to quote unquote eat your light, you know? And this is how you save your soul, you're gathering the fragments of your original self back into a single coherent point of light. And once you've gathered enough of your own light, then the material world isn't as much of a prison and starts being more of a choice. We'll start to wrap things up by taking you all the way back to a story that you probably heard when you were a little kid. And that's the tale of the Emperor's new clothes. And the TLDR of the story is that these two swindlers essentially convince an arrogant emperor that they can weave this suit of clothes that's invisible to anybody who is either unfit for their position or hopelessly stupid. And so the emperor doesn't want to look stupid. So he pretends to see these clothes and his ministers pretend to see the clothes. And the whole city stands on the street and basically cheers for a dude walking around naked because everybody is so fucking scared to tell him or be the only person who doesn't get it. And until a child in the story, someone without the social script and with a very clear eye points and says, but he's naked. And this is the energy that we need to bring to all of this. Remember what we discussed at the very beginning of this episode about Yalda both, right? He's the creator of this prison that we're all in. He's the warden of the prison. But if you remember his origin, he isn't this like all powerful majestic demon. He's an abandoned child. He's a man, baby, like crying in the dark convincing himself. He's the king of the world because he's too blind to see his own mother. And the archons are the emperor with no clothes. They're like the wizard of Oz hiding behind the curtain, pulling levers and shouting into the megaphone to make themselves look like a giant terrifying head of fire. And when we look at the world right now, it's so easy to see monsters everywhere. We see tyrants and dictators and narcissists and toxic people and people who engage in what we would rightfully call pure evil acts. And I'm not here to tell you that those people aren't doing incredible damage because they are. But when we label someone as uniquely evil, we're actually handing them a huge amount of power and validating their grandiosity and essentially agreeing with Yalda both that they are powerful and in control and kind of mysterious. But the nostic truth, as I mentioned in the beginning is very sobering. And the truth of who these people are is that they're blind agents of this system. They are engaging in evil acts because they're in a state of absolute agnosia. They're the ultimate fools. They've been so utterly captured by the archonix scripts that they don't have any awareness of their own divine light anymore. So they're sleepwalking through a nightmare of their own making. And there's a huge difference between understanding the nature of a person's blindness and tolerating their cruelty. Okay? So, a good metaphor for this is like, you don't have to let a blind man drive your car, but you also don't have to believe that he's a supernatural monster because he crashed the car. Do you know what I'm saying? So you see the what, right? This malfunction of consciousness, but you just stop being kind of befuddled and mesmerized by the why of it all. And this same kind of stuff happens in your own mind. You've been taught by modern psychology to kind of like own your shadow. So you say things like my BPD, my trauma, my anxiety, my disordered brain, my, you know, imbalanced serotonin. So we take these arcontic things, these scripts, and we wear them like they are our own skin. And noses allows you to depersonalize that shadow. So instead of saying, I'm a shameful person or I'm a bad person, you say, I'm running the shame script, right? Or instead of saying I'm broken, you say, this is the radio frequency of cyclists, the fool playing through my meat suit radio. So when you stop owning that and thinking that it's you and identifying with it and instead become the detached witness of it, it doesn't have authority over you anymore. And you realize that your quote unquote personality is basically just a collection of these arcontic scripts that you've mistaken for yourself. And this brings me to one of my favorite images in all of the tarot in the writer weight Smith's deck and that is the devil card. Because if you look at the classic version of this card, I highly recommend that you just like Google it. You see two figures, a man and a woman chained to a block where the devil is perched. And at first glance, it looks like a very hopeless scene. But if you look really closely at the artwork by Pamela Coleman Smith, you actually notice that the chains around the necks of these figures are actually really loose. And the loops in the chains are so big that they could just lift the chains over their head and walk away at any time. So why do they stay? They stay because they've convinced themselves that they can't get away and that the chains are who they are because they lack the awareness or the noses to realize that they are in voluntary bondage. So the arcons only have power as long as you believe in that redacted reality. They rely on your fear, your toxic shame, your belief that you are a prisoner of your past or your brain chemistry. But once you have that a-ha moment and see, you know, the man, baby behind the curtain, if you will, the game's over. The authority is kind of evaporated. So this is essentially the end of original sin and the beginning of original sovereignty because you realize you are a divine traveler, a seeker, like the fool in the zero card of the major arcana, right? You've been looking at the emperor, admiring his robes, not realizing he's just a naked little man, baby. So the work here really is identify the script. So when one of the things that holds you down hits you, whether that's, you know, however it presents, you're overthinking, anxiety, shame, whatever, you ask, what's the name of this mask? And then you see the loose chain of it all and realize that you're focused on that issue and your inability to recognize it as what it actually is and you giving it more power than it deserves is what's keeping the chain on. And then you consciously choose to step out of the frame, take the chains off. You remind yourself that the warden of this prison that you're stuck in is a fool, right? And that the emperor is wearing no clothes. So when you do this, you're not just, you know, improving your mental health. It's so much bigger than that. This is like a cosmic act of rebellion. You're literally withdrawing your energy from a system that parasitically feeds on your own agnosia or ignorance. You were never meant to just be a battery. You were always the light. And I guess this episode is about healing, you know, but I think that we've all been sold to lie about what healing really is because we've all been trapped in this cartesian linear way of thinking where healing is this mythical finish line. And we basically been told that if we do just enough like DBT or CBT or find the right therapist or medication that we can return to this state of pre-traumapurity where we can like undo everything that happened to us and like eventually reach this state that doesn't exist by the way where we are done. And honestly, trying to reach that state, I think it's just another one of those archonic scripts. The biomedical model of mental health basically just wants to make us all more functional human beings. It wants us to like tweak our machines so that we can exist better inside this prison. But Nostecontology is so much more beautiful and powerful than that because it's the act of becoming a conscious spirit instead of just a functional person. And my Celtic ancestors really understood this because they didn't view life as a straight line from point A to point B. They used the symbol of the spiral. And it's like a labyrinth or a never ending spiral, you know, you move in cycles. You might pass the same point of trauma or the same fear again and again and again and again. But every time you pass it, you meet it at a different level of awareness, right? You are deeper and higher and all at the same time in this paradoxical way. And so the work is never quote unquote done. You're never healed because you're still in this physical world. You still are going to have temptations. You're still going to hear that archon radio frequency. But as you do this work, you become better and better at recognizing that false self and instead choosing the light. And the most beautiful part is that once you start this extraction, you're healing stops being just about you, you, you and becomes a collective mission. And in the Nostec tradition, every time a single spark is reclaimed and one of us rubs some of the dirt off of that diamond of our soul and recognizes our own divine nature, it contributes to the restoration of the pluroma. We're literally bringing home the light and healing the collective by refusing to be batteries for that machine. And when you do this work, you become a lighthouse. The mythologist William Henry points out something very fascinating about Mary Magdalene. Her name Magdala literally translates to the tower or the watch tower. When you reclaim your divine spark, you become a tower like this beacon. And as I mentioned, remember that Sunday school song that this little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. It is a high level Nostec truth because when you let your light shine, you are the lighthouse. You emanate that radio frequency that other sparks can see. But there's a final warning that comes with all of this because when you turn on your light, the Archons notice that because remember they have no light of their own, their energy vampires, they're attracted to your radiance because they want to eat. So you might find that as you quote unquote, wake up, people who are trapped in these arctic frequencies, what we might call toxic people or really fucked up situations are kind of drawn to you like moth to a flame. And this is where your sovereignty comes in because you have to be good at buffering and stand firm in your own noses and not be fooled because everything, even the Archons in their agnosia, all of it is ultimately drawn to the source, to the light. So when you stand in your light, other sparks who are looking for their own exit are going to find you too. And you can contribute to this mission through your own unique talents. So for me, it's this podcast. My creative work is my way of helping people reclaim those sparks. It's why I created moods. That's my offering to the world. So your talent might be art or parenting or even just the way you walk on the street as a twin of the light. You are a seeker, this traveler in this strange land. You are a sovereign being, wearing a suit of the flesh. So if you remember anything, remember these three little reminders. And that is that the warden of the prison that you're trapped in is a fool. The chains around your neck are looser than you think and the door out of that cave has been open. You just have to turn. turn around and follow the light. So you don't need to fix yourself to be worthy of the light. You already are the light. You just have to remember your way home. So take off your chains and I'll see you in the fullness of the pluroma. Wow, my lovely listener. We have been here for two hours now. And I know that's a huge amount of time. So if you're still here, congratulations. But we've barely scratched the surface of some of these ancient maps. Two hours isn't nearly enough time to untangle the thousands of years of redacted reality. But my goal today in this episode was to just open your eyes to a different way of being and give you an initiation into a philosophy that doesn't just want to manage you, but to see you radically free. So if this conversation really resonated with you and you feel that inner pull to dive deeper into nostic thought, I can give you a few places to start your own research. I would recommend first just going straight to the source, which is the Nakamadi library. And you can find lots of modern translations that are incredibly readable. And I highly recommend the work of Elaine Pagels, specifically her book, The Nostoc Gospels. And she does a brilliant job of breaking down the history and the stakes of these texts. But if you want a more modern and eclectic take, you can check out the work of Miguel Conor. And he has a podcast called A on Bite. And you can just search that on your podcast player and it's A-E-O-N-B-Y-T-E. But just remember above all things like your goal isn't just to keep gathering more facts and information. Your goal is no-sys. So to help you with the integration piece of all this, I just want to remind you that all the info that you need to access my tool moods is in the episode description. And you can create your free account today and get seven days of full access at app.moods.world. And I have a challenge for you. Go into moods with your free access today and ask one of the archetypes to speak to you about Nostoc ontology. You know, tell them what you're struggling with and ask them for more of a Nostoc perspective. And just see where that rabbit hole takes you. Use the technology to help you identify those arcontics scripts that we were talking about. And if you found value in this episode, please make sure that you're following the podcast on whatever player that you're listening to right now. And that just helps new episodes drop straight into your feed so that you don't miss the next part of this journey we're taking together. And if you have a moment, it would mean a lot to me if you would rate and review the podcast. And it sounds like a tiny little thing, but it's actually how I keep my lighthouse shining and how other sparks find this work. I really want to hear what resonated for you today. So what did it bring up for you? You know, if you're listening on Spotify, they have the ability to leave comments in the Q&A section. So leave me a comment if you have something to share or a question for me. And if you're part of the Patreon community, open it up there. Leave me a comment. Tell me your questions. Tell me any aha moments that you had. I'm always reading those. So with that, thank you for trusting me with your time today. It is the greatest privilege of my life to walk this path with you. So stand in your light and remember anyone, including you, can come back from the borderline. [MUSIC]