Why You Stay When You Know You Should Leave

Have you ever stayed in something way longer than you should have? Not because it was working, but because you really wanted it to. It's that thing that everyone else around you can see, but on the inside you're still telling yourself just one more chance and it'll click. My guest today knows that feeling well. He's a self-described lover girl. The kind of girl who gives you 28 chances before she finally walks away. But the kind of person whose mom asks to tell her the same fairy tale over and over again until it finally clicks. The last time she was on her Instagram and told her story, over a million people resonated with what she had to say. And today she's back with the rest of it. Because if you answered that first question, she's going to put into words the things that you were feeling but couldn't explain. Welcome to the show Andy. So this is the first time to show somebody's ever held my hand before we shot. I know and I asked John if he got video footage of it because when I told all my friends, of course everyone was like we have to see the video. And I was like yeah actually I also want to see it but he can get it. Can you explain what happened? Yeah basically we were you know testing the mics, handing them to each other. You held out your hand. I thought it was to you know connect before we started the interview and so I gave you a little clap that was holding your hand and then you were very kind. You didn't make it feel like that wasn't your intention until after when you were reaching for the mic that I realized that that was never your intention and I just held your hand. So yeah we moved really fast. So that's everybody. Since then the video that we recorded hit around 1.6 million views and it was about the idea that we're kind of talking about today. Yeah I was really happy that Resonay would so many people but I basically told a story that was told to me by my mom. It's by an Argentinian author and psychotherapist named Jorge Wu Guy and it's called the princess is looking for a husband. Basically this princess is looking for a husband so she announces to the men and her kingdom that whoever can wait outside her castle for a whole year 365 days will become her husband. So all these guys line up and one by one they start going through this year but eventually people leave because it's too hot or too cold it's raining and eventually there's just one guy left and this is someone that really loves the princess and he decides that he's going to stay no matter how hard it is even if it's just him. So he finishes out the year and on the very last day after 364 days he walks away from the castle. So the princess runs after him and she's like where are you going? Like you waited a whole year if you wait one more night you're going to become my husband. You're going to become the king of the kingdom. Why would you leave? And he tells her you knew it was just me. You saw me out here for weeks suffering hungry cold and you never chose to check on me. You never spared me a single night. You left me out there to suffer and the person I want to be with would never let me suffer. They would always spare me just a single night of pain. And yeah it's taught me a lot. It was told to me by my mom following a breakup I had and I think it is just a very important lesson that although sometimes we want to stay in relationships because we think about the potential and when it could be I think there needs to be a point where you realize that it's no longer serving you and you have the power to walk away from the castle. I'm still probably parked at some people's castle it's going to in my life but you know like I think now I at least have a better understanding of what I need in a relationship and when I need to choose myself. All the way before your mom first told you the story all the way where you kind of realized all these ideas that you had about love. What was happening? I think I'm someone that really just wants relationships to work so badly even if they're all pointing that they want. That's dangerous. Yeah. It's so dangerous. It really is. I think it's like part delusion for sure but I think it's also like the hope that you know love conquers all and I think there's just like this idea that if you love someone hard enough then you can work through issues and you can make it work but as much as I would love to follow that because it is just so beautiful it's just not the reality and there has to be some sort of mutual understanding about respect and communication styles and many other things that contribute to a relationship working. So there was a previous relationship you were in where you approached it with this idea of like sacrificing and loving and being there and committing. Yeah, I was in this one relationship in college that was long distance and I did it for three years. I really loved this person. I wanted to make it work and for the most part it was a lovely relationship. We would spend as much time as we could together. It was just a four-hour drive so. Wait, sorry. You say you were long distance for three years? Yeah. That's too a minute. I'm okay. I'm a lover. I'm a make it work until it doesn't work anymore. I believe you. Yeah, so it was three years of long distance and I would go to his track meet. He ran track. We'd spend birthdays together and something that was really important to me was I really wanted him to come see my shows in college. I was a theater major and I would always ask him to come out. I didn't get cast a lot so anytime that I did get cast it was just like a really big deal and I really wanted him to come out. He always had some excuse for my shows specifically that they conflicted with his training or with whatever he had going on. So he always would just promise me at the next one will be the one that he comes to but it just never happened. He never made it to a single show. It was one of those things where after we broke up then like he finally wanted to make the effort and he was asking me about my shows and saying like oh like I wish I could come see it and like you know all those things that should have been happening when we were together and should have been like really easy like now that it no longer was the same. Did he like I guess realize and wanted to make that effort? So I don't know. I just thought about that a lot especially recently because I wrote a show of my own for the first time ever this past year and I have this bit in it about this person I met 10 years ago. Just one time it was a fleeting thing. We like exchanged social medias but I never really saw him again and I have this bit about him and I sent it to him one night when I was feeling just kind of like flirty and dumb you know. Wait this is after the relationship ended. Yeah this is last year. Oh you guys like staying touch. Yeah like just on social media and stuff you know yeah so I just reached out to him and said hope you're doing well I have this stupid joke about you in my show and we're talking and I'm like when to be so crazy if you flew out to New York watched me you know make this joke about you and then we bring you out on stage at the end I think everyone would go crazy. So he never showed up for the shows. What ended up happening is that why you guys broke up? It wasn't the main reason but I think like it's just little stuff that adds up you know where I don't felt where I didn't feel very prioritized and I didn't feel like there was a mutual care in the way that we showed love to each other and expressed it for each other you know ultimately we were long distance that was the biggest reason but. How did you try to show love back in that relationship? For me I'm a huge words of affirmation kind of person quality time. Especially like in a long distance it's hard to make the other person feel chosen and so I would try my best you know send letters and communicate as much as I could show up when I can just really like make it known that I am in this that I wanted this person and be the most supportive I can be from the distance that I was. I feel like the thing about long distance is like your heart has to really be in it because it's not like a normal relationship like it's actually so much easier to walk away at any given moment. Yeah you know you love someone if you're willing to do long distance for them. And especially like a lot of my friends would tell me like you know you're so young you're in college like but I never felt like I was losing like fun gears because I was doing long distance if anything like it made me appreciate my partner so much more because I felt like we really like we're making an effort to choose each other the fact that like we do have our own things going on but we're still like sharing it with each other when we can. I loved nothing more than to go to his college town and explore his like place meet his friends and you know just really integrate our lives the way we could from the distance that we were. And so how frequently would you guys see each other then? We would try to see each other just once a month at least. There were times where especially like if I was in the show rehearsing couldn't leave on weekends if he was in the middle of track season couldn't leave maybe we'd go a little longer but for the most part that was the distance. After it ended, how were you feeling? It was hard, especially because. Especially doing long distance, like. You were really in that because you wanted to work, you know? Like, so to not have this goal that you shared. pan out, it did feel very like. Ah, did I make a mistake? Did I waste my time? But then, like, you realized, like, no, like, it wasn't a wasted time, you know? Like, because I still experienced something real and beautiful. What were you worried about after it ended before you, like, begin to cope with it? Yeah, I think, like. I spend a lot of time after relationships, wondering if I could have done more, you know? If I walk away from a relationship, it's taken me months to get to that point. Like, maybe I'll have a seat in my mind a little bit earlier, like, "Ah, maybe like this isn't my person." But I don't listen to that. Like, I really need to, like, have, like, I'll give you 28 chances, you know, before I'm finally like, you know what? I'm done. Like, in all my relationships have been very. just determined to make it work. The average amount of times you get back with a relationship is five. Yeah. Not that's a real stat. That's a real. that's a real. No, literally. It's just hard for me. Oh, so I was worried, like, "Did I make a mistake? Could I have done more?" "Did I end it too early?" Even though, like, at this point, my heart hasn't even been in it for, like, months. And my friends are all, like, great for me to leave it. You know, I'm still wondering, like, could it have. could have it worked out? Yeah. And the biggest thing that my mom, I think, has commented on my relationships and know this is that I always love the guy more, and I love myself. Oh. And I will put myself through so much pain and emotions because I just, I guess, like. didn't have my priorities right, you know? Like, I. don't think it's a bad thing that I care so deeply about these people and their. and my relationship. But I do think where I fall short is I don't love myself enough to put a stop when I'm not being met with the same love. Yeah. So, I think that's why she really, like, needed me to, like, listen to her via. Fairytale. For me to finally, like, clock, what she's been trying to tell me and what everyone's been trying to tell me. Mom's advice, no, no, no, no, no, per 40, 50 years on Earth, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, fairytale. Yeah. With pictures, got it. Like, even when you're checked out, I think nobody's really pessimistic in a relationship. Like, you're still there because part of you hopes that, you know, maybe if this person changes, maybe if they do this little thing, like, you know, like, everything else will work out. And it's like, it's just this one small thing, we get over the hump and then we're good. That's exactly it. Yeah. And then you can do that 50 times in a row, but you can still believe it, which is the crazy part. I once heard someone say, like, the first fight you have will be like the reason you break up, you know? And, like, as I just said earlier, like, I do hold on to things. Yeah. I would, like, circle back and, like, realize that whatever thing was bothering me, like, once, like, it wasn't actually getting solved. And it's the thing that, like, I kept hate having. I hate to continue to bring it up, but, you know, like, it wasn't fixed. And so I. and also someone that can't, like, not bring it up, you know? Yeah. After the breakup when you're having these doubts, right? Can you talk to me? How did you end up talking with your mom and her telling you all these things? That really changed your idea about love? Yeah. I don't live in the same state as my parents. And so, I was just really, really going through it. And I was in bed for weeks. I was sick. I just could not stop crying and just feeling all these emotions. And I'm very lucky that my mom is just such a selfless person. So she would call me every single night before bed to, like, make sure that, like, quite frankly, I'm alive. But, like, also, like, I'm good, you know? And she would stand the phone and, like, talk to me and, like, hear me say, like, these same things over and over again, but, like, give me, like, the space to, like, just vent. So it was in these phone calls that my mom told these stories. It's told this story to me. And quite frankly, like, told me several times to just really get it ingrained in here. And it took me many phone calls to really understand what she was saying. Because I remember the first three times that I heard this story. I was like, that doesn't apply to my situation at all. Like, she is just talking to talk. Yeah, no, I didn't see. Not another lecture from. Literally. I just, I didn't see myself in the characters of this story. I definitely didn't feel like I was, quote, waiting outside someone's castle. Like, it felt very. It's, again, like, the delusions, you know? Like, I felt like I was the problem. And I feel like it's my fault that, like, things ended. So, to try to understand what she was telling me and see that I had been feeling that way for months, it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. First time she told you the story, you were like, this is silly. This isn't me. Yeah. Why did that not add up? You know, fresh after a breakup, you're thinking about what you did and how you could have been better. And I didn't see the ways that my needs and my wants weren't being met. I wasn't even thinking about that. I was just thinking about how can I get this person back? How can I be better for this person? And then, it's not until way later when I really sit down and think about this relationship that I realize, like, well, I wasn't really happy about this. And I kept asking for this and I wasn't getting that. And only then did I realize, like, oh, like, I was low-key waiting outside this person's castle. In the sense of hoping that they would change, meet me halfway, or, you know, make me feel what I needed. So I could feel secure in the relationship. But I wasn't getting those things and it took me a long time, quite frankly, like, a year. Like, the prince went through to, like, finally be like, okay, this is enough. You know, maybe I can't make this work, no matter how badly I wanted to. I feel like in general, it's so hard to, like, in those moments, there's like a highlight reel of, like, all the good things. And you just, like, don't really remember the bad things in general. Like, I have a running note, stock of all the things I did not, like, about my last relationship. Because I haven't told on to those moments, I'm, like, crashing out. Yes. Yeah, you have to remind yourself, for sure. But for you, like, your mom would remind you for you. Like, how is she grounding you? Like, one part was a story. Yeah, the story was the biggest one. And I think also, it's one of those things where it's like, be careful what you tell your friends, because they will, like, be the ones to also, like, tell you how it is, you know? You know, like, I'll never forget. Yeah, baby. You can forgive, you can forget, your friends will never. They won't. And like, that's exactly what happened. I would be crying and, like, missing him. But all my friends would be like, remember when he did this? Remember when he did that? And you're like, yeah, maybe I shouldn't have told you that. You know, like, so it was, yeah, I think I really relied on my community to kind of help me. Remember what was working for me and what wasn't working for me. And I don't know, kind of helped me back on my feet because I think I give so much of myself in relationships that by the time I come out of it, I have, like, no idea who I am anymore because I was molding myself to fit whatever the other person needed. And sometimes it's, like, not really lined up with who I am, you know? I want it to work and I start changing what my values and boundaries are so that the relationship can get what it needs. But then I come out of it and I'm like, I hated that. I just respected myself in those ways. When you're in that relationship, who is the type of person you were becoming? That you didn't necessarily enjoy. I think like, I will lose a lot of myself in the sense of things that are important to me and that make me who I am are dimmed because either it's too much for this person or it contradicts what the person, you know, wants and is. And so I think that, okay, if this is going to work, then I just have to be less of this, you know, less emotional, less, whatever to not only fit with this person wants from me but also, like, what the relationship needs. What were examples of, like, the person you were becoming? That you were molding into that, I guess, you didn't want to fit? Yeah, for this, like, past relationship I had, I was with someone who was very reserved who didn't really like going out, who didn't have a sense of humor that really matched mine and something that I've always wanted to do when I moved to New York was pursue comedy. And I never felt like I could when I was in this relationship because I didn't feel safe. My partner didn't make me feel supported. He didn't make me feel. I felt very judged sometimes and I I perfectly didn't want to give him the ick. So I was like, OK, if I do this, I don't know. So I never did it. And I have a lot of regret because at this point, I've been in New York for three years. And it wasn't until after the relationship ended, that I started doing it. And I was like, wait, I really like this. And I'm really good at it. And people are supportive. But I held so tightly onto what this one person would feel about it that I completely let this opportunity that I could have had earlier ago. I feel like there are different types of creative pursuits that are more vulnerable and less vulnerable. And comedy's actually at the top. You actually have to have some genuine balls of steel to go through it. There are pursuits. If you go for a prestigious job, that's soul-socking, make a lot of money. You can hide behind that. But with comedy, there's nothing you can really hide behind. You're actually trying hard. And if you fought, it's embarrassing. There's no hiding. But Gab is really small between who you are and who you want to be. For me, I find that my best jokes and comedy style is honest storytelling and being very frank about relationships I've had and experiences I've had that wouldn't really think this is something that you want to share to a room of strangers. But I just keep telling myself, whether the odds that there's someone in this room that's also going through that. And if I share my perspective and make jokes about it, then maybe they will feel like they're not as alone in that experience. And that's like, I don't know. I've just really enjoyed doing that. I think that is why, at least for you, especially, if you're like acceptance is so important in a relationship. You can't do that. And have a part of me as a little bit judgmental. You're going to lose that part of yourself. A little while later, something happens where you start to really realize what you were missing in that relationship. Yeah. So I wrote a comedy special inspired by the princess is looking for a husband. And I called it Andy Fuentes is looking for a husband. And this was just about-- Yeah. He's looking for a husband. Let it be known. And I wanted that title from the get-go, because I knew that was going to tell the story at the end. And I knew that it would intrigue people enough to come see it. But-- Also, it goes along really well with who you are, because at this point, we should just lock it in. Frankly, clearly, it is going back to the same person to see "Time, just lock in husband." Yeah, so I wrote this show based on the story. And I had a joke in the show about this guy I met 10 years ago. It was like a one-time meeting. We exchanged Instagrams, but we went to different schools, live in different states. So we lost touch, other than like, you know, a flirty Instagram-like story, like, or something like that. Modern love. Yeah, you know. I don't know how long I've been joining in when he says-- Exactly. We have breadcrumbing rules. We have the three-day rule. Yeah, we have-- We have the liking stories to indicate we're attracted to each other rule. I sent it to him one night. And I was like, hey, I wrote this joke about you in my upcoming show. And after he expressed that he liked it, I was like, when it be kind of insane and silly if you flew out to watch my show and then maybe, like, at the end, you come out and you-- I actually had him tell the story of the princess is looking for a husband. So that's how I included him in the show. So I set it up. Like, I tell everyone, oh, my mom told me the story. And I really wanted someone that really meant a lot to me during my breakup, who is the best part about going home. I set it up like my mom is going to come out on stage to tell it, but then I bring out my hometown crush in the sky. So I was like, when it be so silly if you came out, and he did, he flew out from Colorado to New York, despite not really knowing me and not owing me anything for sure. That's not my boyfriend. That's not someone I-- I don't even know this guy's last name, like, if you think about it. It is a crazy escalation from three-day rule story-like-- Yeah, like, let's just fall asleep. Swine, I'll always say. No, literally. Somewhere. He was from Colorado. Wow. And I was just kind of like, yeah, like, say, we've been doing this thing for a decade now. Like, let's just, you know-- 10 years of shooting. Yeah, my 10-year situation, my mortgage. So he immediately said, yes, you can hesitate. And I just thought a lot about this relationship I had in college for three years with someone that I care a lot about, but ultimately made me feel very lonely and who put me in a position where I was begging a lot for something that was important to me. But, you know, after you get told no so many times, eventually, like, you stop asking. And you try to convince yourself that it's not that important. Like, it's OK. And at this point, like, I'm used to it not happening. You know, you want to save yourself from this disappointment. But with this 10-year situation coming out, I just really realized, like, wow, I-- we'll put myself in situations where I'm waiting for the effort and I'm waiting to receive what I've been asking for. But I'm waiting from the wrong people. And I'm trying to make it work with the wrong person when there's other people who I only have to ask once. And I ask, like, you know, not even, like, full-heartedly. And they met me where I was at. And they, like, made the effort to help me. So I don't know. It was just very eye-opening about, like, what I need in a partner and how I want someone to show up for me, quite frankly, like, the first time I ask. Maybe even, like, without asking, you know? That's what we can all hope for, rather than being in a position again where I have to constantly, like, ask someone to love me the way that I want to be loved. The moment's leading up to this. How did you end up finding out that he was going to come? Yeah, no. I asked him. And he was, like, let me look at flights. And then a few days later, he just sent me his flight info. And it was, like, I thought, you know, he's just going to come, like, the weekend on my show. And then, like, we'll do a Friday, the Monday thing, you know? And then, part ways. And then his flight ended up being, like, a week and a half. And I was, like, oh, where are you staying? So, yeah, he just came. And I told my friends and told my family. Everyone thought we were insane. But it was so much fun to-- I don't know. Finally, explore a relationship with someone who-- I-- I'm not-- I'm in her relationship. In another situation. Yeah. Just, like, because you know, like, we both knew going into it, like, he's going to go back. Yeah. It was just really, really fulfilling to, like, have this what for, like, a decade. And then get to just, like, play husband and wife. You know, I didn't feel-- Normally, I'm such a, like, lover girl. And anything I do, like, I have to feel, like, it's going to go somewhere. But for this, like, it was the first time where I was just, like, I'm just going to have fun, because this is someone that, you know, really just-- decided to full send it with me. And now I get to, like, just experience what it would be, like, with this person. So, yeah, it was just, like, a fun week. He helped me. I had two shows. And he showed up for both of them and really made a difference. I think everyone loved seeing, like, this high school crush that I talked about earlier, like, come out at the end. And it was just a lot of fun. That's so cute. I feel like if I were your friend or your family, I would be freaking the fuck out, because lover girl crashed out. No. Trust me, you're dead. It was even, like, my therapist was like, OK, like, whether you're in tension, she's very-- she told-- my therapist is very big on, like, me dating intentionally, because sometimes, like, I'll be like, oh, like, I went out with this guy. And like, I really like him. I don't know what happened. And my therapist will be like, well, he's 23. You're 28. Maybe he wasn't going to be on the same page as you. And I'm like, no, that can't be it. But when this person-- my 10-year situation ship came out, my therapist was like, where are your intentions? And I'm like, ooh, to marry him. We'll figure it out. But yeah, it was, like, definitely-- it was a hard to buy, of course. But at the same time, I look back on this with nothing but love and happiness. Because if anything, I feel like I did this for, like, high school and Andy. You know, not just my show and, like, comedy. Like, I feel like I fulfilled so many dreams that, like, weak. I did something I thought I would never have the balls to do. I got with this guy who I never thought would have the opportunity to get with. So, like, it just felt very fulfilling for myself to write this show out of a place of heartbreak and pain. and just turn it into something that I think Andy from a decade ago would be really proud of. What ended up happening? Yeah, well he ended up coming and I asked him to love Bommi You asked him to love Bommi? Yeah, straight up. I'm sensing you. I feel like he would enjoy this. Yeah, I'm going to be proud of him. I can't wait to wait for these situations for sure. But yeah, we had a wonderful week together and he's back in Colorado. And he just left him that was it? He left, but we've kept in touch. He's a good friend now. Story likes to do. Story likes. He loves New York. So he's talking about coming back like for his birthday. Maybe he's been moving here one day. He was also an actor and that's how we met like 10 years ago. So I do feel like this is somewhere where he could live. But I mean that's so down the line that I guess like now we'll see. With what that guy did and the story from the Prince together, how did that change your idea of love? Being someone who will try to make the relationship work as much as I can for as long as I can, and no matter how much it's hurting me, to have someone who immediately jumped on the boat that I was in. And do what I asked? It just really showed me how I don't have to beg as much as I have been to make a relationship work. I don't have to sacrifice the things that I like and the things that make me who I am. And I don't have to quite frankly put myself through pain and suffering. Whether it's like physical like I'm outside a castle cold and hungry or like what I was going through which is more like I'm waiting at home for my significant other to you know reach out or just give me what I'm asking for. I think like it just showed that there are people who won't make you go through that pain and who will quite frankly like just hop on a plane and come spend a week with you despite not knowing you. So I don't know like I would just spend a lot of time in my relationships at home wishing that I was receiving more from my partner. I feel like sometimes I find myself in relationships with someone who's a lot more conservative than they have in how they show feelings. So a lot of my relationships I am getting like the silent treatment or not getting the reassurance I need. And instead of saying like hey like this doesn't make me feel good and it's enough like I just convince myself like no like that's just like what I have to put myself through. But then once they come back you know then will be really good. But I shouldn't even have to you know go through that pain in the first place. And I think I was only doing it because I thought that that's what I need to go through to make this love work. But you don't have to go through that. I feel like especially in love like once we're attached like we just feel like this is like this is the best love that we're ever going to get. And this is special and it is special in its own way. But I think when we come to attach that we don't allow ourselves to understand that there's like so much abundance of love out there. Like they're the love that we have in front of us is not the end all be all. And if our needs aren't being met that's okay because we have our family, we have our friends, we have our communities. And we have other romantic partners that might be better fit. And I think it's like it's really when you're in that moment I think it's so hard to really accept that that could be true because we're so attached. It's scary too you like convince yourself like okay maybe this isn't the best but what if I never find better you know. So let me just be grateful for what I have you here your single friends being like dating sucks you know. Like there's no good ones out here so you're like okay then let me stick with my like mid one you know. And then when you really think about it like that person's not you like you're being you're better off alone than you are in this like unhappy relationship. But you like I don't know it's scary you know like accept it. No I mean I have every every relationship I'm in whenever like there's a point where it's like going downhill and I have the exact same thoughts every time. What if I'm just not being grateful and this person's great. Yeah. What if I'm the reason why. Yes. It's really hard it's really really hard. Something that we talked about the last time I saw you that really like stuck with me even so like I called my therapist immediately after after we talked. Yeah yeah after I had to unpack that understand subconsciously. Yeah. I'm gonna see him again. No you asked me how do I know that loves to exist even after like having my heart broken and like going through this process. And like going through this breakup and I said immediately because it lives in me and I quite frankly like have never given an answer like that. Have you asked me that a year ago I would have never said that and I feel like it really just kind of like made me stop in my tracks because I feel like it's taken me a long time to realize that I don't need a partner to feel fulfilled because I don't want to cry but like after my last breakup like I'm so lucky to have my friends and family show up the way that they did because that's what taught me like that I wasn't being loves correctly. You know and I was so focused on this romantic love but I was surrounded by love the whole time. I just didn't even see how the way that these people show up for me is the way that I want my partner show up for me because these are people show up no matter what no matter if I'm in the wrong. And I will tell myself in relationships I don't deserve that because I'm like the problem or like you know I'm not good enough for this person. And it wasn't until after I went through this breakup and I had everyone like support me at the way they did that I realized that I was like always deserving of love I was just like looking for it in the wrong place. I'm sorry. No no no if you decided totally sorry. As much as we have this tendency to like love romantic relationships and like love people I feel like we give them so much more grace and we give anyone else in our life. Like we just take it so easy to take for granted like our best friends and our families for showing up for us all this time and when like the person who's supposed to be our person doesn't do that. We like allow them and we let ourselves get walked over in the name of love and it makes me really sad and I'm really sorry about that. I know it took it because honestly like yeah it was through our interview that I was like no like I really like come out of this with a lot more love for myself. Honestly like I do think in my relationships like as my mom said I always prioritize my partner over me and I think now I've like been forced to like do what is going to make me feel good. I don't know like explore what I want love from myself to look like and so now I feel like the next time I'm in the relationship it'll already be better because I think I have a lot more understanding and respect for myself and like what I've been through and how I love. And now you know what you're looking for and I feel like that's I know in the moment it never feels like that when we're going through these breakups and like oh my god like what if I lost everything what if the world is over and it genuinely feels that way like every single time. Yeah like we can talk about like why like obviously like from the outside it looks to be so but it always feels that way it feels so real. Like if you get anything from a relationship I feel like that is the most important thing and like building that definition of love for you and like really understanding this is this is who you are going to be moving forward and this is what you deserve and this is what you're going to get. Yeah and it is like as you said you never think that you're going to be on the other side of it. I was reading through the comments of our video and there's people that are like like I'm feeling the way she describes and I feel like I'm waiting outside someone's cast when I feel like I am not receiving what I'm doing. And it's so crazy to read those comments because people are like she really like has it together like she love and I'm like if you guys had seen me a year ago like that is not the same person at all like I truly was going through it and yeah like it I don't know. I just wish that I could like tell all those people like I promise I know it does not feel this way and you think that you're like never going to get over it but like it does and I think like if you let yourself feel what you need to feel eventually you're going to like discover so many things that would have never happened if you had stayed in that situation. Thank you so much for coming back and sharing the second part of the story. Thank you. What was your name? - Press the nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.