why you HATE your anxious attachment

Welcome to OffTrack, the Insight episode you didn't know you needed. Today is the 21st of April and I'm going to be unpacking what I didn't say in the main episode. Well, basically really resonated with me from what I learned to what I think might be in string for you too. So let's just dive straight in. The next conversation that I had was with Kate King. By the way, can we just take a moment to sort of appreciate the name Kate King? It just sounds so good. It's like a reporter from New York City. For "Porting Live" from New York City, it's Kate King. I'll just get back to the main point. So, yeah, I loved having Kate on the show. She is a spiritual life coach, but she's much more than that. The three insights that really resonates with me that I want to share with you is our starting point is that number one, you could have absolutely everything and still feel like it's not enough. The second insight is that in a world of AI, being human now is 100% your edge. And number three, having more doesn't actually fix you. It might just actually end up blinding you. So those are the three insights I want to talk to you a little about today. So this gets straight into the first one. And Kate was talking about the fact that the most successful leaders, the CEOs, the high performers, they still carry that quiet voice of not feeling they're good enough. That sort of imposter syndrome, if you like. And success doesn't ever really silence it. It just often hides it better than it would normally do so. And this is quite an interesting insight for me because it really resonates. There was a lot of times when I was a CEO and I was thinking to myself, "I've got a really nice role, okay? I've got a big team. Everything I thought I ever wanted, a nice little corner office. Sounds great, by the way, kind of missed those days. But it was really, really nice. And on paper, it felt like success. But internally, something felt a bit off. And I never really felt fully fulfilled. And here's the thing, when you're in that kind of position, when you're running a big team, you're running a company, you don't feel you have the right to speak and open up and share certain things. Because who would ever empathize with you? Or boo-hoo because you're a CEO and get over yourself. That's how I felt. A lot of the time, I never actually said out loud how I felt. You've got the job people want, you've got the life that people respect. But yet you're the one who's questioning it. And it just sounds a bit nuts when you think about it in a historical context. But that was a really big moment for me because I was sort of realising maybe I wasn't actually chasing something. And I was maybe potentially starting to run, I was running for such a long time. I never actually asked myself what actually makes me happy. And I think that was the sort of the realisation. That bit by bit, I was no longer really myself. And because I'd been doing it for so long, I kind of lost that sense of, well, who the hell am I in the first place? And where am I going with this? So I really think that success is one thing. But if you're not right, it's just going to be laying over all those different cracks and all those potential insecurities, all those inefficiencies, or tough questions that you haven't yet asked yourself. So the main sort of takeaway, if you like, from insight one that I took from Kate was that, getting more won't always fix the feeling that you have. And at some point you have to stop and ask yourself, well, what actually is driving you? Not what's keeping you going. The paychecks keep you going, the titles may keep you going, but it's actually what's actually making you happy. Is that fulfilling you? Is that giving you that level of alignment? In my case, I worked for 20 years and I never really felt properly aligned. I just carried on. I was a bit like autopilot. And the success would come, the titles would come, the nice paychecks would come. And everything was great and rosy. But then the older I get, like I said, there was this distance that was being created. And I had lost a sense of who I was. And it was a real big wake-up call for me to decide, you know what, I'm going to make a big change in my life and decide once and for all to do what I really want to do. Even if I didn't know at the time what that meant, what that looked like, and some of the challenges that you would face by deciding to say, you know what, screw the corporate life, I'm going all in for myself and doing what I really feel passionate about. Looking back now is definitely the bravest thing I've ever done, but also one of the scariest because there was just so much to lose even though I didn't realize it at the time. Okay, so let's move into the second insight. That was more about, you know, the fact that the world is pushing us more and more into becoming human. Where the world at the moment right now is full of AI and intelligence and knowledge are no longer enough for us because AI, guess what, can do all about, they can do it better, they can do it faster. And this will be the dumbest AI will ever be. In 2026, in April, AI will never be as stupid as it is today. It's only going to get better. So what's actually really going to be maturing for all of us as people? What does that leave us? And it's a question a lot of my colleagues and friends have, have difficulty sort of answering. But the reality is it's going to make us become more human. It's going to push us into the human side of leadership. And that was a message that Kate sort of hammered home, not just from the empathy side, but also from the spiritual side. And this really did hit home for me because I am surrounded by people who are really uncertain about what they're going to do in their life because of what's going on in AI. I myself have spent years being in rooms where people were trying to sound super smart, right? That's just what we did. We were always trying to prove ourselves in one way or another. And typically that comes in the form of trying to prove how intelligent we are, to say the right thing and just not look like an idiot. And I did that myself for many years. But the moments that really landed for me were the ones that people remembered were never the ones where we were trying to be smart. They were the moments when we were being at our most real. And a lot of times I wish I said something in certain meetings that I just stood up for myself I never did because I didn't want to come across as too emotional. But looking back now, why not? Because that's all we've got. Having emotion is the only thing that's real. That's really human. The episode that I had a long time ago with John Sane was great because he said something to me that's just sort of stuck with me ever since. And it was that the idea that AI is going to force us to be more human than ever. And now with everything that's becoming more automated and more polished and more perfect, I honestly believe that the only thing that is left for us is the human authentic factor, that emotional factor. And ultimately that's the edge because if we can't do the intelligence bit, we basically got the harbour. You got the emotion and you got the spirituality and that's something that we all need to dive into a lot more than we have done potentially to date. So the takeaway really on this insight is to stop trying to sound so smart, but start showing up real, start showing up as authentic. And don't be, don't try and suppress those emotions too much because that's what makes us a little bit different to everybody else. How we deal with things is what makes us human. How we deal with things is what separates us. So why do you want to blend in, you know, in a sea of sameness like everybody else, where everyone has the same IP, the same tech and the same AI tools and all that kind of stuff? Learn to sort of show up as yourself to lean into those emotions a bit more. Because I honestly believe that people are sort of learning to connect beyond just intelligence and that people are starting to learn to connect with truth and with with authenticity. So that was really the second insight. I want a bit of a role here, so let's keep going. The third insight is something along the lines of having more doesn't really fix anything. The more you have, the potentially the more it blinds you. And Kate talked about in her episode something where she was living a great life, but it was full of beautiful things that she called her. Like great paintings and amazing sort of ornaments and a house that was just beautiful and all that kind of stuff, the kind of house that we all dream of. But she walked away from all of that because she realized none of it actually made her happy. For her simplicity, intention and presence, that's what really mattered the most. And for me, this feels really, really real with everything that's going on. Like I've got multiple things. I'm trying to have what three little businesses that I have, this podcast, obviously one of them. It's a full time. And it's full on. It's full time. It's full on. It's a log going on at work. I've got two beautiful boys, a three-year-old and a four-year-old that I try and show up for authentically as best I can as a dad. They've been at home for the last two months because of what's been going on here and Dubai. But I'm trying to be my best for them. There's a whole life uncertainty of what's going to happen, the economy and the market, people going to stay, people going to go, how business is going to recover, all that kind of stuff. It's really easy to feel like you're constantly juggling and constantly thinking ahead. Right? So there are moments where I'm physically there with my kids, for example, but my head is completely somewhere else. And at some point I'm like, right, I caught it. It's a small moment where one of the boys, Matthew Olly, will say something, they're laughing, they'll give me a look, they'll throw something at me, whatever it is. And they sort of realise in that moment, that's actually it. That is actually what really matters. And you need those reminders, you really do because at a time of crisis, where you're really trying to work super hard, you're throwing yourself into things, you're trying to stay for fit as well. So you're constantly juggling this whole mental fitness, physical fitness, spiritual fitness, wellness fitness, especially if you're a millennium, you're trying to do it with everything. And you're trying to do it at your best capabilities. It's quite tough and it's really easy to forget what matters the most. So my takeaway to you really is you don't always need more. You just need to be, you know, to really be there, to be present in what you actually have and what you already have because that's where life is really happening. I don't know how long this has been and I hope this has been useful. But you know, what I love about doing the off-track episode is that it really does make me think about what what other people are going through and then how I can relate that to my own life. Because if there's some stuff that Kate is saying that makes a lot of sense, then like I'm sure I can hopefully share some stuff that will make a lot of sense because the other day, people are just people. We all need each other. We all need to learn from each other. We all need insights that can hopefully inspire each other. So I really hope there's something what I've said resonates with you. So if I'm going to give you a closing insight because I like closing insights, it's going to be something like this. There's a common thread in kind of what I'm saying is that we spend way too much of our lives chasing the next thing. That's success, that title, that growth, that bonus, that achievement, whatever the hell it is. But at some point the question has to change. Not what are my building, but why am I building it? And is it still true for me? Is it still true for the person that I'm trying to become? Or I am becoming? And maybe that's what the real shift is. It's less about performance. It's less about those accolades. It's more about that awareness. It's less about chasing and it's more about presence. That's the episode of Off-Track. I hope you guys have enjoyed it. The season of Lucas Inside Track has actually drawn to a close. So we're taking a very, very small break. We've already filmed season six. So season six will be coming thick and fast. In the meantime, I'll be releasing some more Off-Track episodes because I enjoy it. I'll be probably picking up a few things that I've talked about in the past. I might also be showing some of my political views for the first time ever because you know what? Why not? Hey, why not? And what I will be showing hopefully is stuff that's from the heart and that means something to me. And hopefully that will mean something to you. So guys, thanks so much for listening for watching. If you haven't already on YouTube, drop a like, drop a comment, do your little subscription tap. If you're listening on audio streaming platforms, thank you so much for listening. Love to hear from you. Drop a comment, do a rating. And in the meantime, please stay safe. Please take care of yourselves. And I will speak to you all very, very soon. On Off-Track. Bye-bye.