Why You Chase Love When Your Life Isn't Together

Buffalo, New York. I'm headed your way. I'll see you guys Friday April 24th and Saturday April 25th. Hey guys, exciting announcement. We are doing a live way back at the Netflix is a joke festival. It's Monday May 5th at 7pm at the hotel cafe main stage. It's our first live ever way back. We're gonna have a special guest. We're gonna have prizes, gifts. We're gonna do some fun stuff with you guys as well. So get your tickets now for the Netflix is a joke festival live way back Monday May 5th 7pm at the hotel cafe all tickets on my website at Ryan'sCickler.com. Hey guys, we have a new segment on the way back called after the beep. We got a new landline and an old school answer machine and we want to hear from you. Call 3-2-3-4-5-2-3-7-3-2 and leave a message. Hit us with things like crazy as high school moment. Worst job, dumbest injury, worst trouble, maybe something you got away with or maybe you're looking for some old school advice on relationships, jobs, even a mind-to-assle or keep it quick. Confessions, weird habits. The worst advice you ever got. We'll play them back and react. Keep it under 60 seconds. Anything longer than that we ain't listening. Alright, full segments are only available on Patreon. So give us a ring. 3-2-3-4-5-2-3-7-3-2 and leave a message after the beep. Hey baby, we gonna be your own day. We gonna be your own day baby. I like this kind of part of it. Welcome back to the way back everybody Ryan's sickler here. Thank you guys for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do as I always say gratitude for sure. This show is so fun. This is, you know, I always say the honeydews and interview show and this one we're diving back into people's past bringing it to life with the photos. So that's all that stuff. I'm very excited to have this guest back here with me today. Ladies and gentlemen Frank Caliendo. Welcome to the way back Frank. It is great to be here Ryan. Thank you for being here Frank. Yeah. Right there. Tell him, tell him anything you want. Frank on stage.com for tickets to all shows at Frank Caliendo for all social media platforms. So if you can't spell Caliendo, it's a letter C, the word alien in the word do. So at Frank C alien do and that's Instagram Facebook X and YouTube probably. But take a look at that. But all the live dates Frank on stage.com for tickets. I'm stoked to have you back here. We're about the same age or slightly younger than me. But this seat the way back seat. I try to start all the episodes off with the one you ever ridden back here. So who who had that car? My grandpa had the Pontiac station wagon. Do you remember what kind of one is 70s? Oh, 60s. That first one is pretty much it probably 1987ish kind of Velio. He always got he had multiple of them. He would just buy another one. But he like wagons. They were his thing. Wood paneling on the side exactly like that. Facing the back making faces at truckers and stuff and then parents saying what's going on there? And when us lying and saying nothing. I remember the big trip was to Oklahoma. Dunkin Oklahoma where my mom's sides relatives. Auntie Su Lin and Uncle Jerry. Auntie Su Lin really. Yeah. Su Lin was your driving from Wisconsin. That's where you guys are from Wisconsin. Oklahoma. How far is that? That's a whole. That's a whole. Yeah. It's quite it's quite a bit. It's not like driving to California or anything. Are you stopping on the way? Yeah. Little bits. I mean, this is always young. So I the main thing. I remember the trip a little bit. I remember the results. And that is they are they were hog farmers. Oh, yeah. So we would go swimming with the hogs. What do you mean? Well, what does it sound like for real? They had a they like a food going in mud puddle. A giant mud pit. And the biggest thing I remember is when you're done swimming in the with the hogs, your underwear is brown. Is it at all shit and piss in there? Apparently, they don't tell you that. Maybe that's why my parents didn't go in. How many pigs are getting in there with the install? I mean, I don't remember. I just remember. I remember they had a dog named worm. Worms because he had worms. When did he get him? Like right away? I get the name right. He got a puzzling pop. Yeah. I don't think it was just a nickname. I think I was a real name. So it was either that or changed very early. You're definitely the first person. It's come on this podcast that swam with hogs. Really? No doubt. I got I felt like you might have had a few. No doubt. You think I would. You would think I would. But you're the first person. I mean, I just believe even said family had a were hog farmers. Yeah. I mean, just a terrible idea. And this is mom side. Yeah. And I can't believe that they let us do that. It's just it doesn't make a lot of sense. But I guess that's what you do in Oklahoma. But I remember being there. I remember the air conditioning being on because we did not have central air and their house was so cold and just different than ours. Like we had one air conditioner that was a window air conditioner in our off of our tiny little living room like that. Yeah, like that. Or with a curtain to stop it. So everybody our whole family would go sleep in the living room when it was too hot at night. Everybody's out there. And we would turn the air conditioner up all the way. And I think that's why I had my air my house air condition all the time now. You do. Oh yeah. What your temp set up? You're 69. No, we're we're right around 70. But we have to get it super cold. Sometimes we'll put it down to 68 because in Arizona it'll get to 115. If you don't cool it down enough by the end of the day, the air conditioner can't keep up. Yeah. Yeah. So and we have pow, like the biggest air conditioner as you can buy the biggest air conditioners. We get the best there's nobody's have had an air conditioner that's conditioned air at this level. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do library Trump where we're going to look at bucks. And then say these books there's tremendous roots. So yeah. So we that was where I was at a yearly trip every no. I think we went and done it a couple times. Okay. I remember one for sure. Family trips would be and that was a trip in the station wagon with my grandpa. You remember fly anywhere? You guys ever fly anywhere. Oh, I don't I don't there was it was mostly driving. I mean, we didn't I don't think there was anything budgeted ever for for flights. I can't remember. I can't remember going on a flight. I mean, there might it might have been. But it was usually just going to Chicago for Christmas with the Italians. I was going to ask you about the Chicago Chicago close. Yeah. And all the family was in Chicago. And then you go. I don't know what it is. If it's just a regional thing, but there were kitchens and basements in the Italian family. So they're all the men would always be downstairs playing cards. You'd have to like fight your way through the smoke to see like you couldn't see anybody. It was like a foggy morning and here in LA like just crazy how smoke it was. And the ladies would all be up, you know, cooking up in that kitchen downstairs might have one thing in the oven or something. But everything was really been cooked up stairs. But you go see all the you see all the aunts and uncles and visit everybody who you know, you were still that still live there and had the same name still. But it was true Italian growing up on that side. My mom's side that was more Irish like kind of an Irish feeling, Irish German. But that was that was very different. And it was just my uncle and my grandpa lived together. They were in one part of the Chicago area. And then we'd go visit all the Italians for the rest of the time. Okay. Gets our cheeks pinched a bunch. Let's let's go look at your elementary school here, Banting Elementary. Yeah. That that looks like that. That's it. It's I mean on the other side of it is horning middle school. Let's see where that is. So there's the. Oh right. That's horning. That's the front of horning right there. That's the middle school. So I remember that's where I first realized how short I was because my friends I was playing basketball. I looked in those glass doors right there. I looked in there and saw the reflection. And I was only coming up to like other guys' chins. I'm like, I'm only five. Yeah, five six. I felt like I was the same height as like it was a little dog who thinks he's a big dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So my friends are all like six foot or so like that. Maybe tall or one friend six five six six. Like I am not tall at all. I mean, I knew I wasn't tall. I didn't know I was that short. But that was right there is the cafeteria and where where we'd go in right there before going to home room or whatever first period. Now if you haven't seen Frank's honey do go check out his honey do talks a lot about playing ball growing up. So in between those two schools horning and dancing is a playground. And in that playground is where you used to play strike out right here. Yeah, that's the bait. That's one of the baseball diamonds. So you'd have to go in a little bit more. Was this just Google Earth? Yeah. Oh, there's the playground right there. None of that safety equipment. That was there when I was there. Of course not. Nothing. No, we were. Of course not. Metal slides if you had one. So if you go back into there in between those two schools, we would throw the ball against the strike zone that was spray painted on the wall in there. That was wood chips for a while. Now it looks like it's all probably like safety mats. Yes. A soft. A soft. All the dumb kids are surviving now. When you mentioned going, where did you go for baseball? Iowa. In 1988, we took the Wisconsin All Stars, which was a team my dad put together had tryouts for. And we went to play in Urban Dale Iowa for the national championship and at large team. Nobody was challenging us to go there. I don't think we told anybody. So we didn't have to play against anybody to get there. So we went there and we won the whole thing. But I got I was an all American that year. I hit a few home runs there. And I hit like 400 in the championship in the just in the whole tournament in the championship. That's what I mean. And when you're run there. Yeah. Yeah. You'd play pool play and then we won our pool. Then when we were when we went to go play 17 and under it was in Florida. That was a few years later. And that was when the St. Peter's Burg like there was a big arena that had just opened. And Chris Weber was playing there. Jalen Rose. And for any hard way was the talk of the he was like beyond. He was so amazing. What like just beyond everybody at that point. Chris Weber was ridiculous too. But there were a lot of great players that became pros that were playing in that a you tournament that good pros. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like all famous. Yeah. Let's go back and look at your old house. Let's do that. Yeah. That's it. That's where you grew up. Yeah. And if you could zoom in on the tall the front door way. Right there. Right. Right where your mouse was right about there. That's where the blood was from what what when I tripped and fell and that like see that little step up right there. That's the same center block that's been there for 40 years. So all right. Tell me what's top right up here. What's this window? Whose bedroom is that? That was my mom and dad's room. Who's this over here? That would have been Rico's for most of our lives. Although he switched my brother Rico. We switched. I'm who's in the back back there on that. Yeah. That would have been that might be a bathroom right there. But on the other side of that was me and my brother Terry was on the other side of my mom. Yeah. For bedroom. You all had your own bedrooms. Yes. Wow. You know, to share bedrooms at all. No. No. And for some reason we did for a couple of years. I don't know if my mom had a sewing room or something more important than our kids. Yeah. Ladies had so. There was some I mean all room to sew. Yeah. Right. I mean when your kids are cramped. There was this is a two bet bathroom house though or one and a half bath. That's all that is. This is your lot back here too. Yeah. Who's in charge to cut in this grass growing up? I probably was for one or you push moan. You got to push from our yeah. There was a time where my dad wasn't cutting it at all. I know. And who are these neighbors over here? The bomb box. Yeah. Were they the neighbors? Yeah. Just kind of kept to themselves. Most of the time was the bomb box. I don't remember who moved in there after them. Any troublemakers in the neighborhood? The cops kids down the where to the right. Yeah. Down to the right. They were always in big time trouble down here. Where are they? Yeah. Where are these mother? Where's the house? Just stay away from them. I think it's that to the left there, that van right there. That's where they were probably yeah. Back in the day. Well, what's interesting is if you go down on the other side of the block on rambling rows, that's where the coals lived. And the dad was a soccer coach. I remember he lost his finger hanging a goal net. But he was always working with his kids on kicking and they they wouldn't just kick soccer balls. They would also kick footballs and kicking field goals. Yeah. And now the biggest kicking camp in the country is the coals kicking camp. Get the fuck out of here. And that was and I didn't realize I didn't put it all the game here. You know, yeah, I'm not sure which house it is. It was probably right there was right around there in that the reason I realized who it was was because Pat McAfee told me that he used to come to walk a show that was the house. Yeah. For them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, it was unbelievable. I was like, he's like, you know, many times I've stayed over there. Like they're house. Maybe it there. I don't know if it was where. But he's like, how many times I've been to that neighborhood and they're like elite kicking camp. So that's crazy. Yeah. I was having my steps on it for a while. He's over in Santa Monica and in high school, I take him to Santa Monica Community College because they have a football team with good one. And it's open to the public. Your tax is pacing going there and I bought him a professional kicking tee and I kept telling him if you want a free ride to college. Yeah. And you don't want to get CTE start kicking these motherfuckers. Yeah. Well, I had him. I mean, I can still hit one from like 35-ish. Every time I see Pat McAfee, I'm like, that money be mine all my life. That money be mine all my life. I can't even brace my left leg because if I try to brace it, it's got no cartilage in the ACL. We'll put it in here. I was with Segor. I opened up for Tom Segor. We were in Nebraska. We were on a tour bus. We drove to Nebraska. I'm 40, whatever into time. This wasn't that many years ago. In the late 40s, we get off the bus. It's cold. I don't stretch. And they start telling me that their field goal kicker has been missing easy field goals. And I was like, from where? And they're like, right here. And I was like, I can hit that. They're like, no, you can't. I'm like, yeah, I can. I said, just give me one kick first. I kick fucking shank it. I go, okay, I got it now. And Tom's like, you better fucking. And he hiked it to me. They had a whole camera crew and I fucking put two of them through. Oh, wow. But yeah, that's great. So he fucking made a whole camp out of it. But why? What the, he really know what he was doing? I guess as far as the business, he probably hired the people for mechanics. I mean, it's not coach. He just had his kid start kicking field goals. And I think both of them, at least one of them made it to the pros for a little bit. Damn. But yeah, I mean, so pretty amazing. What's the family car you're all rolling around in? What are the caliandos getting around? My dad would always buy a new car every three years. I think it was a new one. Might have been new to you. New to us. But it was a business. Kind of a business car and then he passed it down. It was, I remember an olds mobile, a Ford tempo. We didn't even have the Ford Taurus. We had the tempo. That got passed down the tempo because we eventually it might, I don't remember who got in a little bit of an accident. And we put duct tape on it to keep to keep the front of it together. That we got, ended up getting a license plate, DUKTAP duct tape. Really? Yeah. But that was, everybody knew the car is duct tape. Yeah. And then that ends up being your first car. That's, that's my first car. Kind of all the, I was driving first. It was all the kids. So if I was driving first, if I was, I graduated in 92, 90 was probably about when I had, probably what I had it then. So it had to be from the 80s. And now, what's the age of between you and your brother? My brother Rico is a year and I, once he's a year and only a few months, they were going quick. He's a March birthday. Yeah. And then my brother's two, two and a half years. Now, are you driving your younger brothers and shit around when you get your license? A little bit. I mean, I, I don't remember doing that much. Some, we did, my, my brother Rico and I did a decent amount together, but not really. No. No. And I asked you before, you say you didn't have a curfew growing up? No. I mean, I'm not, not that I, we'd always be in at a certain time as maybe it's younger, but not high school. I've just come home. You wouldn't push it or anything like that. You just go home. No, I, but I'd be home around 11 midnight, maybe once in a while, one, but my pat, I can't even imagine my, my parents had never had any idea where I was. Is your parent like they had no idea. I know where my wife has got my geo tracking every. Yeah. These days you ain't getting away with shit. You already got to figure it out. But yes, back then your kids or whoever left the house and you hope like, how they came home. I remember riding bikes around the neighborhood at like four or five and you're not five, four, five, six or seven, eight years old, just leaving and not coming back for hours. I just can't even imagine that in this day and age. Today you fucking social services be up there. I feel like you're just, they would everyone in the 80s. would have been a fucking arrest these days. Yeah. What's the first car you actually bought? Honda Accord. Because I was looking, I was already working. I was doing college. I graduated from college in '96. I was doing some, I got on the college circuit. So I was making good money. I was making like a thousand to two thousand a week or something like that essentially. So I bought, I went and bought a nice car because I was like, I'm going to be on the road traveling that my, that's going to be my big expense. So I would guess around, try 1999 Honda Accord, maybe. Yeah. I think, you know, jelly like one of those like that. That's pretty much what it was. I just knew that my thought was I'm going to get something smart here that, you know, that was going to have a hundred thousand miles at the time and would run forever. My dad always back like American cars. So he was like against it. Yeah. So I was like, well, these guys are making a long hour. It's going to run forever. Those things. What about pets growing up? Did you guys have family pets? Hamsters. Hamsters. We had a, I had a hamster. Our hamster was ginger. My hamster was ginger. She, we got in her from the, the pet store and she had babies in my hand. What? I was like, yeah. He's just upside down, shooting babies out. And I was like, I think the dog, the hamsters having babies. And my mom was like, no, that, that doesn't, oh my god. And the crazy thing about it was the hamster ended up biting the heads off of all the babies. No. Yeah. I guess that was that what they, that's what they did when they weren't ready for like if they didn't think they're going to survive or something. I don't know. Cars to look that shit up. Hamster biting the head off their babies. Let's see. As a stress response or survival instinct, often due to fear, loud noise is strained sense like human hands. It's so frank. It's so fucking human. Maybe I, maybe I never touched the newborn infant side. It says infant, infant to side. I fantasized. God, damn. Maybe maybe you don't have a baby in my hand then. You're fault. But I remember Fred, my brother's hamster, the boy hamster, that guy had monster balls. The thing I remember was, like, yeah, try to, like, you said, yeah, I'm like, I'm sitting there literally sitting with that hand. Oh, shit. That's what they look like when they were, like, they were headless, little sleepy. That's crazy. That's crazy. I didn't know they did that. So you have to wait till they develop fully for humans to be able to touch them then they don't kill them. Yeah. I don't, and I don't even know if we touched that. I mean, because do you really spend money on a vet for a hamster? No. I mean, um, look up a hamster big balls. Look at that. Let's see some big balls. I want to see some hamster balls. Look at this guy down here. He sits on a, what do you talk about? Nah, yeah, the balls like that. Yeah. That's what they were like. They like, the fight looks like a cat for Christ. Yeah. Yeah. That's what Fred, Fred is. Balls were like that. Really? They're just look at that one. That's crazy. That's crazy. They're more, they were more, uh, they were more nut like they really did. I never thought they looked like nuts until I think about it now. This gray one just sitting on him, like eating off of the middle in the middle. No, go to your left. Yeah, right? He's just like eating off of that. They're a plate for a for Christ. That's for big. That's very Fred like look at the balls on these things. I had no idea. Right. He learned something. Look at the set of nuts. I came to your attraction ball depending on how hot the day is. That's us too. That's us too. Maybe not. They fucking go up inside my body and when it's warm, they just like to hang out. Maybe not that level. Look at this. Yeah. Never in my life. Look at the Cajonis on that one. Serious. So many people have hamsters with big balls. Did you have hamsters growing up, Curson? Did you have big ball hamsters? Did you know this? Oh, yeah, I do this about balls. I had no idea. It killed the really just killed the different hamster. Yeah, it trapped it under the wheel and just ran it. What the fuck out here? Was it an Italian hamster? My hamster's name was Angel. And that's the killer angel that red eye got on that fucking thing. Angel. Top of the wheel and then ran on it. I had my buddy. I still hang out with him when I go back home and see him and stuff. Chris Sheeler. It's funny. His mom came to see me. It was, um, what's the club? It's Tempe and Prov, right? Yeah. I did that in December of last year. And his mom came to see me and I told the story about the first night I went over to spend tonight at their house. They had hamsters. Right. And I'm laying on the floor below his bed, his bed here. And the hamster cage is up above me. I wake up in the morning. I got fucking hamster chips and shit. Things running in the wheel all night just kicking it out on me. All I never spent the night again. I was like, do you remember when your hamster front and cover me and hamster pitched? I remember those, that would happen all the time. They burrow and then they throw stuff outside of the, yeah. Then you get those habit trails instead and they just smelled. We had fighter fish too. accidentally put fighter fish in the same, yeah. Same bowl together. I think I kicked out of a pet store as he took a mirror and put it in front on a one in a pet store and the things fucking gone at the get out. I was like, well, that's a good idea. Actually, look at this thing drinking film. It's nuts up. Oh, this is your actual hamster. Timothy biscuits. Look at this. I can't even get over that. That's crazy. I could not write a bike. Nothing. Imagine if our nuts were proportionately that size to our body. You'd have to have them take it off. Look at this guy's curled up on them. They would just be out all the time. Man, I had no idea hamsters had nuts like this. This is crazy. They're so fucking big. I'm definitely taking it still in a pet cup. Let's go look at some hamster balls. I got a seed issue. That is crazy. To the fact that your at pet going to the sick, they're like, is that sick again? Yeah. Again. Look at the hamster balls. He's fucking. He just walked the by one. He can't get enough hamster balls. Does he ever buy anything? No. He just looks at hamster balls. We got to get you out here. But let's see. Let's see. Let's ask one more question. So you had a lot of triumph going on and base ball and stuff like that. We're gonna be ever have any like anything you lost, any defeats, any spelling bees, any high-remembered losing. I remember spelling and third grade maybe. I spelled baby wrong with two bees in the middle or at the start. I think it was BABBY. I think I did it quickly. Like I got this one. Yeah. BABBY. I'd said a record for books red and the teacher was done because yeah, I read the same book over and over and over and kept handing the same book in. The teacher just kept saying so I got stickers on my rocket. What do you mean? Because they would hang in a rock like a cart like a cut out of a rocket and they hang a sticker on there for every book you read. Yeah. And you just kept getting stickers. Yeah. Same book. What was the book? You're a little bit red dog. I don't know. They went tough. They went tough. Frank, thank you for doing this, man. This is a lot of fun. But right there, promote everything you'd like one more time, please. Frank on stage.com for tickets all over the country and at Frank Caliendo on all social media platforms. If you can't spell Caliendo, once again, it's the letter C, the word alien in the word do at Frank C alien do. My man, thank you very much. Thank you guys as well as always. We'll talk to you all next week.