Why You Can't Quit Drinking and What Stage You're Actually In

Hello, my friend, and welcome to the Addiction and Limited Podcast. It's December 31st, New Year's Eve, and I know where a lot of you are right now. Some of you are getting ready to go out tonight. You're going to drink. Maybe you don't want to, but you're going to because it's New Year's Eve, and that's just what you do, and you haven't created any other solutions for yourself yet. And some of you aren't drinking. You're sober. You made it through the holidays without alcohol, and that's huge. And now you're looking at the New Year, thinking about everything else you want to work on. You're excited. You've got some momentum. You want to be a better parent. Work on your boundaries. Fix your relationships. Stop people pleasing. Get your finances together. And you're sitting here making a list of 10 goals for 2026. Either way, whether you're drinking tonight or you're not, there's a pretty good chance you're struggling with the same thing. You want to change, but you don't know why it's so hard to actually do it. If you're drinking, you're asking yourself, why can't I commit? What's wrong with me? Why am I going through another holiday season like this? Why can't I just stop? And if you're sober, you might be asking, why do I set all these goals and then burn out three weeks in? Why do I get so excited and then overwhelmed? Why can't I make progress on the things I actually care about? And here's what I want to say to you. Nothing is wrong with you. You're not broken. You're just in a stage. And once you know which stage you're in, whether it's about quitting drinking or any other goal you're working toward, then you'll know exactly what to do next. So today, I want to walk you through something called the stages of change. It's a professional framework used in psychology, addiction recovery, behavior change. And it's going to help you understand where you actually are in this journey. Because here's the thing. If you don't know where you are, then you don't know what to do to get to the next stage. Understanding your stage unlocks the thought processes and actions necessary to progress. And that's why people struggle. That's why you set goals and don't follow through. That's why you feel stuck, not because you're not capable, but because you're trying to do stage 4 work when you're actually in stage 2 or you're in stage 5, but you're still treating yourself like you're in stage 1. You're doing the wrong work for the stage you're in. So let's figure out what stage you're actually in and what you need to do next. So the first stage is called pre-contemplation. This is the, I don't have a problem stage. And I want to be really clear. This isn't denial. This isn't you lying to yourself or refusing to see the truth, right? This is just not seeing it yet. In pre-contemplation, drinking feels normal. It feels manageable. It feels like what everyone else is doing. You're not thinking about quitting because it hasn't occurred to you yet that you need to. Maybe you drink every weekend. Maybe you have a few glasses of wine every night. Maybe you black out at parties sometimes. But in your mind, it's fine. It's not a problem. It's just life. And here's the thing. We don't have any pre-contemplation people listening to this podcast. So you're sitting here wondering, am I in pre-contemplation? You are not. Because people in pre-contemplation aren't searching for answers, right? They're not researching sobriety. They're not lying awake at night, wondering if they have a problem. They're not listening to podcasts about quitting drinking. Only people in contemplation and beyond seek out materials and education. So if you're here, you've already moved past this stage. But I'm mentioning it because it's important to know where you came from. And it's important to have compassion for the people in your life who are still there. Because you can't force someone out of pre-contemplation. They have to see it themselves. What people in this stage need is information, self-awareness, not pressure, not judgment, just space to start noticing. And if that's someone you love, someone who's still drinking, still not seeing it, the best thing you can do is be there when they're ready. But if you're listening to this, you are past pre-contemplation. So let's talk about where you actually are. And that stage is called contemplation. This is the, I think I have a problem. And if you're listening to this podcast, there's a really good chance. This is where you are. In contemplation, you're thinking about it consistently. You're lying in bed at night, running through the mental loop. Maybe I should quit. But what if I don't really need to? But what if I do? Maybe I'll just cut back. Maybe I'll try moderation. Maybe I'll take a break and see how I feel. You're researching. You're listening to podcasts like this one. You're watching other people who quit and wondering if that could be you. You are noticing patterns. You're making promises to yourself that you don't keep. You're waking up with regret and telling yourself that's the last time I'm doing that. But then you do it again. And you're asking yourself, why can't I just commit what's wrong with me? And here's what I want you to hear. Contemplation is just a stage. It's normal. It's a necessary part of the process. But here's the problem. People get stuck here. They stay in contemplation for months, sometimes years. Because contemplation feels productive. It feels like you're doing something. You're thinking about it. You're aware. You're trying to figure it out. But you're not actually changing anything. You're researching. You're planning. You're waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect reason, the perfect level of certainty before you take action. And the truth is that moment doesn't come. You don't wake up one day with perfect clarity and zero doubt and total readiness, right? That is not how this works. But it moves you out of contemplation, isn't more thinking. It's action. Even small action, even imperfect action. And if you're in contemplation right now, if you're sitting here on New Year's Eve, still wondering if you should quit, still trying to figure out if it's really that bad, still running the same loop in your head, here's what you need. Stop researching and start experimenting. You don't need more information. You need experience. You need to see what it feels like to not drink, not forever, not for the rest of your life, just for 30 days. And that's what dry, drain your bootcamp is for. It's not a commitment to quit forever. It's not a declaration that you're an alcoholic and you could never drink again. It's just an experiment. A pause. A chance to see what changes when you take alcohol out of the equation for a month. That's the action that moves you from contemplation into the next stage. And that stage is preparation. This is the I'm getting ready stage. In preparation, you're done thinking, now you're planning. You're not just wondering if you should quit. You're getting ready to quit. You booked a consultation call with me. You're joining bootcamp. You're telling people. You're clearing your house of alcohol. You're figuring out what you're going to say when someone offers you a drink. You're building support. You're putting structures in place. And this stage is exciting because you're finally doing something. You're finally moving. And here's what people in preparation need. They need structure and accountability. Because it's one thing to get ready. It's another thing to actually do it. And this is where coaching comes in because preparation without support is just more planning. And at some point you have to stop planning and start doing. So if you're in preparation, if you've been thinking about this for a while and you're finally ready to take action, start coaching. Book the call. Join the program. Stop trying to do this alone. Because the difference between preparation and action is support. It's having someone in your corner who's been where you are, who knows what you need, who can help you navigate the hard parts without spiraling back into contemplation. You don't need more time to think about it. You're ready. You just need someone to walk with you. And once you take that step, you've moved into action. And that's stage four. This is the, I'm doing it stage. You quit. You're sober. You're in it. And this stage can be hard because this is where the work actually happens. This is where you're learning how to live without alcohol. This is where you're facing all the things you were avoiding, all the feelings you were numbing, all the situations you don't know how to navigate yet. This is early sobriety. This is the part where you might be white knuckling your way through parties where you're figuring out what to do with your hands, where you're realizing how much your life was built around drinking. And this is where a lot of people give up. Because action is uncomfortable. It's awkward. It's a little bit boring. It's not the dramatic transformation you thought it would be. But here's the thing you need to know. This stage doesn't last forever. Right? The discomfort is temporary. The awkwardness phase, the cravings get quieter. But only if you stay in action long enough to get through it. And that's why you need support. You need tools. You need community. Because the people who make it through action, the people who don't quit on day 14 or day 37 or day 89, they're not doing it alone. They're not tougher than you. They're not more motivated. They just have support. So if you're in action right now, if you're sober, you're doing the work. If you're struggling, get support, get coaching, go to the damn meeting. Don't try to muscle through this by yourself. Don't think you should have it figured out by now. Don't assume that needing help means you're doing it wrong. Action is hard and it's supposed to be. But there is absolutely no reason to do it alone. And if you stick with it, eventually you move into maintenance. Stage 5. This is the I'm living it stage. Sobriety is stable. You're not white knuckling anymore. You're not constantly thinking about alcohol. You're not fighting cravings every day. You're just living. And this is where something really important happens. Because in maintenance, sobriety isn't the focus anymore. It's the foundation. And now you get to build the rest of your life. Now you get to work on your relationships, your parenting, your boundaries, people pleasing your reactivity, your career, your money, your purpose. Now you get to the recovery work. Not just the sobriety work. And this is what a lot of people don't understand. They think sobriety is the finish line. They think once you quit drinking, you're done. But sobriety is just the beginning. sobriety is quitting. Recovery is healing. Because all the stuff you were avoiding, all the patterns you were running from, all the wounds you were numbing, they're still there. And maintenance is where you heal them. This is where you stop just putting out fires and you start actually building a life. And if you're in maintenance, if you're sober, if you're stable, if you're ready to go deeper, this is where advanced coaching comes in. Because the work doesn't stop when you quit drinking. It just shifts. In the people who stay sober long term, the people who actually build an unlimited life, they're the ones who keep doing the work, even when it's not about alcohol anymore. So if you're here, if you're in maintenance, don't stop. Okay. You are in the promised land, baby. This is it. You've already done the hardest part. Now it's time to build something real. And here's the thing I want to say to those of you in maintenance who are looking at 2026 with all that excitement and ambition. You don't need 10 goals. Okay. You need three. Because this is where people in maintenance burn out. They're stable in their sobriety. So they think they can tackle everything at once. Better parent, better partner, better boundaries. Stop people pleasing, fix your finances, build your career, heal your trauma. And by January 21st, they're exhausted and overwhelmed and nothing has actually changed. So if you are in maintenance, here's what you need. You need focus. Pick three things, three areas of your life you want to work on. Not this year, but in the next 90 days, not 10, three. And go deep on those, build structure around those, get support for those. This is exactly why I created my 90 day focus planner because it's built this way. Three goals at a time. That's how we actually get things done. Not by spreading ourselves then across a dozen goals, but by focusing on three things for 90 days, making real progress, and then choosing the next three. And I'm going to be doing planner master classes throughout the year to the first one is actually in early February, where we're going to set our goals together correctly so we can actually make progress. If you want the planner, you can grab it at addictionalimit.com/planar. I will link that in the show notes for you. Because maintenance isn't about doing everything. It's about building a sustainable, meaningful life. And you can't do that if you're scattered and burned out. You do it by focusing, by building structure, by doing the work in a way that actually lasts. So here's what I want you to take away from this. You're not failing. And different stages need different things. If you're in contemplation, you don't need more information. You need to take action, even small action. If you're in preparation, you don't need more time to think. You need support. You need coaching. If you're in action, you don't need to figure it out alone. You need tools, community, and someone in your corner. And if you're in maintenance, you don't need to do everything. You just need to focus. You need to go deep on the things that actually matter. Because here's the truth. January 1st doesn't move you forward. Action does. And I have some actions available for you right now. If you're in contemplation or preparation, if you're still wondering if you should quit, if you're still trying to figure out, if it's really that bad, if you're ready to stop thinking and start doing, join the dry January boot camp. It's starting right now. It's structure, support, and figuring out who you are without alcohol. It's not forever. It's not a lifelong commitment. And it's the action that moves you out of contemplation and into the next stage. If you're in preparation, action, or maintenance, if you're ready to stop doing this alone, if you're ready for real support, if you're ready to build a life and not just survive, I have some coaching spots available. I have two right now. I'll have three next week. So let's just say three because I don't know when you're listening to this. Let's just say I have three spots open. I've already done consultation calls with a lot of you and you are ready. You know you're ready. So stop waiting. Stop trying to figure it out by yourself. Stop thinking you should be further along than you are. You are exactly where you need to be. And I can meet you right there. So here's my question for you. Where are you right now? Be honest. Are you in contemplation still thinking, still wondering, still running the same loop? Are you in preparation, ready to take action, but not sure how? Are you in action where you're doing the work, but struggling a little bit, and you need support? Where are you in maintenance, stable in your sobriety, ready to build something deeper? Wherever you are, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. You're not behind. And once you know which stage you're in, you know what to do next. So take the next step. Join the bootcamp. Start coaching. Ask for help. Grab the planner. You don't have to figure this out alone anymore. And you don't have to wait for a January first to be the day that saves you because January first is just a day. Any day can be your day. Action changes everything. And I'm here whenever you're ready. So happy new year, my friend. I am also really looking forward to 2026. I've had a couple of major growth years. And those are always super challenging. And they also always have the most transformational and profound results. Right? So I mean, that's how it works. The hardest things have the best results. So I'm super excited for all of my struggles of 2024 and spending 2025, getting my head straight and clear and getting my shit together, looking at my life differently. And 2026 is when it all comes together. Fresh version, stronger version, better than ever before. And you'll get all the benefits of my hard work too in my programs and courses and coaching. I can't wait to meet you. Happy new year. I hope you're having a fantastic day. And I will see you next week.