Speaker 1All right, everybody. Welcome back to Recovering Out Loud podcast. I'm your host, Anthony. Today, we're going to be talking about triggers, intrusive drinking memories, drinking thoughts, using thoughts, why they happen, where they happen, and why do people say that when they stay sober longer, the obsession has been removed. We're talking about obsession of the mind here. In early recovery, it's all I can think about. As time goes on, it's less and less. The space gets longer and longer and the memories are less intense. Let's talk about it because this affects everybody. No matter how long you've been sober, it still comes. Albeit less the longer you've been sober, but I've been sober a year and two months now almost. I can tell you, I'm still getting the highlights of the good old days. Remember this, Anthony? It comes up in my mind and it's like dopamine. I get high on it sometimes. And if we're not careful, that'll take you back out. So let's talk about it. You can be having a completely normal day. And then out of nowhere, maybe a song comes on, a smell, you walk by a familiar place or person, and suddenly you're not here anymore. And you're thinking about, like I said, the good old days, the remember when, and, oh, that was fun. That would be nice. I'd probably enjoy that. And we're talking about using or drinking memories, of course. So what are these intrusive memories? Triggers, obsession of the mind. What is it? Well, basically, intrusive memories are not conscious choices. They come out of nowhere. I don't know if you've noticed this, but you have no control over your first thoughts. They tend to come out of complete left field sometimes. I'll be having a great day and all of a sudden I'll remember a time when I was alone at a bar and drinking and using, and my brain will tell me, oh, that was fun. Remember how fun that was? And then I leave out the shame, guilt, remorse that happened later that night, or, the time I couldn't stop and I was hiding in the shower, waiting for someone to break into my hotel room, holding a weapon because I was so paranoid. My brain doesn't remember that. Only remembers the good part. The five minutes before, the five minutes when you first start, the first couple of drinks, first couple of wines. So the key idea here is that your body remembers things your mind didn't ask for. So a smell, a place, a sight, it'll just trigger a memory. It'll activate you. So your brain, my brain, our brain, learned that substances equals relief. That's what we were looking for, right? Essentially, men and women, people drink or use because they like the effect produced by drugs or alcohol or both. When you repeat the use of that substance, your brain learns to associate alcohol and drugs with stress relief, emotional regulation, right? Calm, peace, quiet, safety, reward or pleasure, escape. I don't want to be here now. So I'm going to use and I'm going to disappear. I'm going to escape the moments, this feeling. This memory, this emotion. We've trained our brains so long over repeated use over time that that's the default. When we have an uncomfortable, when we're disturbed, go to drugs, go to alcohol. Fixed, gone. It's like a chemical eject button. This learning is stored in habit and memory circuits, not logic. There's nothing logical about this. So even when you know using is bad and I shouldn't be using, I shouldn't be drinking because we all know where it ends up when I play the tape. I shouldn't be drinking. I shouldn't be drinking. I shouldn't be drinking. All the way through to the end, I end up in jail, institutions or death, rehab, on the street, homeless. So even when you know it's still a bad idea, the brain still sends a signal to that shortcut, that quick hit, that relief, that quick fix. This worked before. Your brain's saying this worked before. Let's do it again. Your brain is going to look for survival mechanisms, comfort, quick fixes, like I said, shortcuts, because that's what it's trained to do, to survive. That's why triggers feel automatic and intrusive. They come out of nowhere. Triggers are conditioned responses. So essentially a trigger is just a cue the brain linked to using. Places. So I walk by a club that I used to use at. I walk by Stupid King Street and I remember a time when I had fun there for four minutes. Old using friends. I remember hanging out with Johnny and using in his basement, playing pool and smoking in his basement. Now when I think of pool, sometimes this doesn't actually happen. It's just an example. When I think of pool, I think of cocaine because I used to always play pool with cocaine. I'm an associating. My brain is associating. Emotions. So some of us use because we're stressed. Some of us use and drink because we're bored, lonely, we're in fear, celebration. I feel good. I want to celebrate. I want to make this moment better. I use stimulants for work to enhance my personality in quotations. I thought I was enhancing my personality at work. Not the case. Times of day could be another one. These are all cues that your brain says, oh, let's use drugs because it worked before. It fixed said problem before. So let's do it again. Your nervous system reacts before conscious thought. It's a subconscious mechanism in your brain. It's not weakness. It's conditioning. This is just what we're used to. So now we get into recovery and we stop using, we stop drinking. The substances are gone. Our medicine is gone. Our brain's shortcut is gone. Our brain's pathway, that quick fix is gone. No more. But the neural pathways are still there. They're still trained. So although the brain protests, obsessions, cravings, emotional swings, mental well-being, bargaining, mental bargaining, this is your system saying, where's the thing that used to regulate me? Let's go to that. This is why it's so important to be aware of it, to name it, to get it out there and tell somebody so it loses its power because it'll just be bouncing around like a ping pong ball in your brain until you eventually pick up. So why triggers and obsessions eventually go away? You stay sober long enough. You hear people, I have lost the obsession to drink. They don't think about it anymore. They don't think about using. The brain stops getting reward confirmation. This is important here. Every time you don't use after a trigger, so when a memory, a trigger comes up, every time you take the positive behavior and you don't pick up, you don't call your dealer, you don't go to the bar, you're training your brain to predict relief without that substance, without substance, with good habit, calling somebody, walking, journaling, praying, meditating. You're training your brain slowly over time. It doesn't happen overnight. Now relief isn't coming from the substance. It's coming from the pattern, the behavior, the routine, the action that you take. The prediction fails. So over time, the brain updates. It's like an operating system. This cue no longer leads to reward. So this trigger no longer leads to reward. I'm going to stop sending him cues or sending her cues to use drugs to fix it quickly. This process is called extinction learning, extinction learning. It takes time. You have a new regulation system, replaces the old one. As recovery stabilizes, as recovery stabilizes, as you count days, you collect days, you collect months, you collect years, you get, you develop emotional regulation skills, emotional sobriety. I can deal with anger, fear, lust, jealousy. I can deal with these emotions without having to use. You develop social connection. I choose my friends over the bar, my sober friends over going to the bar. I choose my sober community going for coffee over going to the bar or grabbing or going to a club. It develops purpose and structure. Now I have a North Star. I have a direction. I feel like I'm obligated to take this path and not pick up and use drugs and alcohol and stress tolerance. You develop stress tolerance. You learn how to handle situations with which you used to baffle you. Now the brain has other ways to get relief. You're building new pathways. And so when a need is met consistently, the obsession loses fuel. I'll say that again. It's important. When the need is met consistently, the obsession loses fuel. All behaviors are a result of unmet needs. I have a, whether it's emotional regulation, like I said, or a disturbance, somebody pisses you off or I don't have enough money, or I just got wronged at work or somebody embarrassed me. I don't need to turn to drugs and alcohol to fix it. I can cope in other healthy ways with community, with regulation, with prayer, with meditation, with journaling, with exercise, talking about it. Emotional sobriety reduces the need to escape. If you want a deeper dive on this, I did a whole episode on emotional sobriety. Very important to happiness in sobriety and contentment. Many triggers aren't about substances. They're about unprocessed emotion. I'm not dealing with something. I'm pushing it down until it blows up in my face. As people process shame, resolve grief, build self-trust and create meaning. This is a recovery process. It's a process. It's done through actions, small actions every day. You're building trust with yourself. So now you're in a state of lower pressure because the internal pressure that created the obsession softens over time. Your brain is adapting. Low pressure leads to fewer urges, fewer triggers, fewer relapses, hopefully. Now your brain is literally rewiring. It's not poetic. It's biological. Your dopamine systems stabilize. You were so used to being on high or low all the time. Your immune receptors are resetting. They're restabilizing. That steak that you used to enjoy before you used to get high and drunk now entices you. You can enjoy a sunset. You can enjoy a walk. You can enjoy the gym, running. You can enjoy the simple things in life that you used to not be able to enjoy. I remember for a long time, when I was in active addiction, I used to eat bags of chips and chocolate every night for dinner. That was my dinner. And then McDonald's, if I was, if I had enough money. I couldn't find any joy in eating steak, chicken, healthy foods because there was no dopamine there. I needed candy. I needed sugar. I needed processed foods. Your prefrontal cortex control strengthens the decision-making. Oh, I need this now. I need this quick fix. I only like high palatable foods. I only like drugs and alcohol to solve my problems. It's getting stronger and you can make better decisions and take time and see the consequence in doing negative behaviors, picking up outside things. Your old pathways don't disappear. They just go quiet. That's why you hear people say often, I didn't fight the obsession. It just stopped showing up. It slipped away. The obsession was removed from me. You hear that a lot because people are doing the work. They're putting in the time. They're building new structure, new habits, new routines. They're calling people. They're reaching out. They're helping others. They're getting out of self. So why doesn't this happen overnight and why that's okay? Triggers fade gradually, not linearly. Recovery is not linear, if you haven't figured that out already. It's gradual overnight. Over time, practice, action. Early recovery is loud, frequent, emotional. It's very intense. I remember three months into my recovery this time, I was thinking about using cocaine every single day. What did I do? I stuck with my habits. I stayed around sober people. I called my mentor when I thought about using. Every time I thought about it, I called him and told him, even though I didn't want to. Today, when it comes up, I talk about it. I laugh at it. I process it with people. That was crazy. I can't believe I just had a drinking dream or thought or memory. That sucked. What? Be honest with yourself. How did that end up that night? Play the tape all the way through to the end. Middle recovery is sort of quieter and situational. It happens here and there. That's kind of where I'm at right now, where it's still coming and I'm still getting these memories and I'm still getting dopamine from old drinking, using days. Fuck, I was going to have a shower earlier today and I had a memory pop up in my head of being in a hotel room alone doing coke and it was like, oh, that was fun. Remember that? No, it wasn't fun at all. Looking for the shadow people for hours after that. And then later down the road, it's rare, fleeting and manageable. So it comes and goes. It's very fleeting, rare. This happened to me after, I don't even remember, honestly, but probably two, three years in. It's different for everybody. It's not going to take this long for you. It's different for everybody, but probably two, three years in my first round of recovery, I really didn't think about drugs and alcohol at all. Even if I was around it, it just never came into my mind. At least the positive aspects of it. So each wave that passed without using teaches the brain. I can survive this without substances. You're training your brain over time. I can do this without drugs and alcohol. I don't need to escape this moment. This too shall pass. Trouble always passes. Trouble never lasts. And that lesson sticks. That's real. That has depth and weight to it. It's not a quick fix. We're not about quick fixes here in recovery. Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. It is daily training every day. You're rewiring your brain. Simple, not easy. So the key reframe here for you to take home is triggers don't mean you're failing. They mean your brain is updating. Your software is updating. Your system is updating. It's catching up. That's also why you hear a lot of people say that, I mean, it's true. You stop aging. When you start abusing drugs, you emotionally stop aging. You're like a child. So if you started using drugs at 23, like I, no, 20, 19, I started getting into cocaine. Really heavy, probably 1920 and weed before that. So, I mean, maybe even 18, 19. I stopped aging emotionally at that point. So when I came into recovery at 23, I had to rebuild those emotional skills so that I didn't have to use drugs and I could build a life and not be a big baby crying and running around everywhere. That's why when you first come into recovery and you're newly sober, you're so emotional and you're so intense and people have a hard time handling you. Give yourself some grace. Patience is a virtue. So obsessions are not proof that you still want to use. They're proof your nervous system is still learning safety. Obsessions, I'll read that again. Obsessions aren't proof you want to use. They are proof your nervous system is still learning safety. Bottom line, people have triggers and obsessions because addiction is learned. It's a learned pattern over time. The brain seeks regulation and homeostasis. Cues were deeply reinforced when you were using and drinking. Negative thought, use drugs. Tough day at work, use drugs. Money problems, use drugs. Your brain has been so enmeshed with that pattern that it takes time to unlearn it and peel off the layers of the onion. So they go away because the learning loses reinforcement. You're building new habits. New coping replaces old relief. Emotional needs get met. You are meeting them healthily. Your brain rewires through repetition. Putting in the reps is the only answer here. It doesn't happen overnight and it's different timing for everybody. Recovery isn't about fighting urges or white knuckling it. It's about outgrowing them and it takes time. Be patient. Give yourself grace. Do the best you can do today and then tomorrow do it again. Thank you again for being here with me. I love you all. Please follow, like, subscribe to the podcast. It helps me so much. I love you all. Have an amazing day. Recovery is simple, not easy.
PodcastTranscript AI