Why So Angry

Tú estaba silando con otra, por fuera me río, pero por adentro estoy rota. Hey, esta canción que no me le pongo a borracho y puta, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. Eso es Karen G. Baby. Sí, esa es mi chica. Mi chica. Mi chica. Es una chica muy chica. Es una chica muy chica muy chica. Mi chica es una chica muy chica muy chica. ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es? Es una chica muy chica muy chica muy chica. No sé, pero no sé si lo llamas "nigachis" Y eso tiene que darme un poco. Deberías ir a una chonada y ser muy chonada. Y es muy delicioso. Es muy bien su favor. Es un coche de coche de coche. Es muy chonada y es muy chonada. Es muy chonada. Es un coche de coche de coche de coche de coche de coche de coche. Es muy chonada y es muy chonada y es muy chonada y es muy chonada. Y es muy chonada y es muy chonada. Es muy chonada y es muy chonada y es muy chonada. Entonces, si tienes que verlo, entonces eso te hace que no te hagas decisiones. Si tienes que verlo, entonces eso te hace que no te hagas decisiones. hair, but now you have long hair or something or whatever. Oh, and I try to understand too, you know, everybody takes pictures all the time. So this is just what they've accumulated maybe over the year or two. And yes, it's another thing. Again, don't post anything more than like a year and a half old, maybe or something like that. Unless you still look the same, like I have older pictures that look nice that I use because they look nice, but I still generally look the same granted. I have one to do right. And it's flat. So clearly I am bald. But my face looks the same. Like if I, you know, unlike today, I thought about shaving, but it was just too much work. Like if I shave, whether I have locks or not, my face looks the same, the shape, the how full it is. It's not like this is an old picture and I'm like 20 pounds lighter. I feel like that is when it's, when it's too much. Like if I'm expecting a one and I meet a four and I, I don't mean, I mean like finger wise, not you hold up four fingers. You see what I'm, you get, I, I won't be upset, but I will be confused as to like why you chose to show me the older pictures. And not who the fuck I'm actually going to meet in person because that to me is weird. Because then it gets me thinking, are you, did you think if you showed me what you look like, I would stop talking to you or blah, blah, blah, blah. But first of all, don't give me a chance to even know me. B, that's, if there's some insecurity, I feel like going on right there. But say what you saying, girl, be who the fuck you are. Yeah. Like, I hate and this is why I hate catfishing too. I won't use what previously happened to me and say that that was catfish. But in the past, it's like we have good conversation. We're like feeling it blah, blah, blah, blah cool, cool. And then when it gets time, let's, let's see the face card. It becomes a problem. And then people want to be like, I just thought like if I showed you what I look like, what's up, talk to you blah, blah. First of all, make me sound so shallow. I literally, yesterday, I had to make it very clear to someone. Because I was like, I'm pretty sure that I just like made a profile to see if it was even worth investing. Like, I have no password. I have nothing. It's literally a name. There is no about me. I'm literally just like, are there people on here who are worth me even keeping this app for? Is it what you texted earlier this week? Yes. So this person messages me and I was like, I'm going to be real honest with you. Like, I don't think that I'm what you're looking for. And I'm really just here to be nosy to see if this is worth it. I was being a kid. His name said beyond it. So I'm being honest with you, bro. I'm not really here to hook up with nobody. That's number the fuck one. You're not about to come over here and drop nobody's draws. It's not happening. And I'm not trying to generalize, but you kind of look like that's what you're here for. You seem DL. And that's cute for you. But that's not really my lane either. So I don't think that this is going to work. And it's like something along the lines of like, he's open minded. It doesn't really matter what I looked like. And I was like, I never said that it was an attraction issue. Like, I never, not once that I say that I'm not attractive. Or that I don't think that they we are going to be, uh, uh, we're going to mesh on that level. I don't really give fuck about what I look like. I know that I'm cute. Again, the words that I said, but it's like, how are for you to even assume that I don't think I'm cute, because I don't have a picture of nigga. I was very clear. I don't think that it's worth investing my time into this app yet. So I have not made a full profile. I am borough zing. But damn people be so quick to judge. I mean, like I wasn't judging that that nigga was only here for hook. I was, but he's kind of there to be homies. But I wish I could just be like stop cafishing, but y'all gonna do what y'all gonna do. And with that. So y'all know where to find us. Hey, Crawford podcast on Instagram. Um, are you still off Instagram? Yeah, I keep telling myself to redownload it, but if you're off, you're off. It's okay. I want to be honest. It's not there's nothing wrong. Like usually I'm just depressed and don't want to deal with it. I just don't fuck with Instagram like that. It's just like of all the apps. I get notifications and I get annoyed because now I have to check Instagram. It's like, it's that kind of thing. So right now I'm just not really. I feel like when we get to a point to where you're like, nigga, you need to be on Instagram. That's when I will be. You can still, like, add me. Okay. I'm not against being followed. It's just not something I'm really on. I'm not active. Um, so y'all could follow us. Hey, Crawford podcast. Um, there is a link there where you can listen to us on Apple's Spotify wherever. Um, there's also a link tree where you can, if you're able to, basically donate some money. Um, we have a paypal set up, but if you want to do like that more or whatever, um, that is also an option. It would just be one of us individually. So just message us or whatever. And in the note, just put like four of the podcasts, or hey, Crawford or something like that. Um, what else? We told you episodes on Thursdays, nine a.m. Central time. And, uh, yeah, I think that's it. So we're going to go to this little break and come back and talk about being mad. Also, don't forget to rate and comment and follow because that would be nice. Thanks. Yes, please. Five up. Five stars and only nigga and you know, tigers, take a screenshot like, hey, this is the podcast I'm going to do. blah blah blah. Say what the fuck you need to say, but say it behind five motherfucking stars. Thank you so much. Thank you. And we'll be back. Hey, co friends, I'm Tane and I'm Charlie and we're the host of the Hey co friends podcast. For those who are new and want to know what it is that we talk about, we're just talking. Whether it's talking about working on communication skills, working through past trauma, or simply playing a game of song association, we put those episodes out every Thursday and more recently, we've started recording Instagram live episodes every Sunday at 2 p.m. Central. We really appreciate the love and support you've gotten over the years and we just wanted to share a new way you guys can support us. You can now choose to pay a monthly subscription of 99 cents for 99 or 99, which will allow us to do more things for y'all. Whether it's a giveaway, recording new episodes, via video, or opening a merch store. If you can't financially support which I understand, you can always simply share a podcast on social media or through word of mouth. Or, you know, hidden play and let that dang play on mute in the background while you're working because out of the way a stream is a stream. But for real though, we appreciate the support from y'all and wanted to continue to grow and do more. Please be sure to check out Hey co friends wherever you listen to podcasts. And remember, stay moisturized. Okay, Jesus fucking Christ. It's so funny that we're talking about this and like the trailer for Inside Out 2 just came out. And people are talking about because, um, discuss where's a bonnet. You know, before you get into it, I just want to stay in my, in my, my journey of healing. Okay. Before this announcement came out, I want to say maybe about a month ago. Okay. Or so. Maybe it feels like a month, but it was like two weeks. Or recently. That's what we gonna go with. That's, that's the best word here. Recently, I was like, you know what? We gonna have a movie night. We gonna watch Inside Out. I'm gonna just get it over with. Okay. And then immediately was like, fuck sad, man. So you still haven't watched it? No. Oh, but what? Just get past. She's at first of all. She's one of the main characters. I'm aware that's a lot of her problems. I'm gonna see a lot of her. And I don't like her. We have beef. We have had beef. How long has that movie been out? Oh my god. Exactly. And we have had beef for at least half of that. I'll say a decade, maybe. And at least half of that, we have had beef. You're missing such a good movie. I bet I am. Fuck sadness. But go ahead because she has on a bonnet. You have said that so many times. Disgust is me. Um, yes, Discuss is wearing a bonnet, which people are like that she black And then there's anxiety now People are like I have five of those in here. I Love that anxiety came with a lot of luggage. Oh, yeah, did you catch that? It's like just a little orange thing a lot of baggage a lot of motherfucking baggage bitch I kind of almost want them to do it because I think she's like a preteen now. She's 13. Yeah, and then I tell her she's a team. Yeah, like She's an adult or something. Oh Like the next one motions coming up or something Or maybe how she has learned to cope and handle them That would be a nice one to actually fucking see or like I wonder like if there's if she goes to therapy and like what it looks like for her brain and stuff like that I know rage is going to be in that motherfucking which is a good segue. So today We are going to be talking about anger. This is such an interesting topic And I think this is one that you had made. Oh, well, I got it from the friend zone And it's interesting just because that is the for the last several years That has been the one emotion that I have been working the most on or at least was trying to Because that is the one that I have a relationship with the most of all of the emotions anger The the root anger has always been front and fucking center What about you I Like to think that I Relationship with like anger just my relate my relationship with the motions in general. It's well-managed I Think the only thing that I can think of it's And let me know if y'all can relate but at that point I always say I can get I get annoyed easily But I don't get mad easily. I was my next question. I was gonna ask if you're quick to anger. I don't think I I do I'm quick to be annoyed Same, but I think it's steps, which I actually have an emotions wheel so that we could talk about it Actually, can I see yours? I wanted a few hours of this. Yep. Oh Instead of now we're in therapy the therapist wanted us to use that and I was just like that's too many fucking words Well, no, but this is good because people should be able to articulate like You can say you're angry fine, but then you got to like break it down a little bit That's that's why I said earlier anger was the root Yeah, and not this the it wasn't the stem, but it was just the root Because like and then in the branch because angrily like all the way at the center and then it branches out and it's just like for example frustrated or like let down or betrayed disrespected Anoid with drawn so it's like people should be able to articulate like you can't just say you're mad I feel like you know, um, and that would be me. I would just be like I'm I would tell you whether or not I was annoyed I would tell you whether or not I was frustrated And cuz like annoyed or frustrated is almost like level one. We'll say where it's like you're not mad But you're you're getting there. It's the start of it and then if you go past annoyed or frustrated then it's like rage. Well, how do we have a guy to agree yet? No, I got to agree You said if you're past that if I'm I'm either at two or I'm at 10 Oh, and that's what I'm gonna say if if Like I can be angry and still be talking to you calmly and I'm being respectful Don't get it fucking twisted Now if you want to go back and forth bitch we can go the fuck back and forth What we are not going to do is yellow one another So either you come down to my level Or we take a break from this conversation Because if I go past two You will be calling the police And I'm really trying to go back in my life and see if there's points where I have been legit Like either seen red or just like you were several times in my life. I have seen red I don't like being that girl. I guide. I truly Do not like being an angry person being angry to me is like Now that I've gotten to a point where I'm trying to just achieve peace anger for me is so draining It is like I feel like it takes so much to be angry and I Regulating emotions for me was never really easy again. It was either two or ten so like anger for me felt like annoyed annoyed and frustrated are the base again Once I'm past that I'm mad as hell And I always would tell people like they would be like you're being really mean and I'm like this Is not mean. I mean at least yourself will wear I really don't want to say what I'm thinking and that is what's taking a lot of restraint Right now because if I said what I was thinking the words that I've already said You wouldn't even think about oh I think my My romantic relationships have really helped me as far as with communicating and Explaining how I'm feeling and stuff like that because we talked about this before A bunch of times if there's a situation where I'm like upset or blah blah blah I personally want to talk about it right then and there And my partners in the past and stuff right they need to like take us like it. Yes And that's something where I could have get mad at that's where I had to learn eight not everyone like things How I do be you know, I should be Not like poke the bear and stuff like that. Please don't and and Um How do I explain it? Um not get mad because I had to realize I wasn't doing it on purpose That was just my my coping way. I guess you can say, but that's not how it wasn't like helping the situation No, it will not My least favorite word compromise Say that again And I want to hear you admit it once more. Hold on. I'm gonna By least favorite word give it to us Is compromise Feels good to hear I hate saying that Um, I'm not even gonna But um what I was gonna say What I do not like is when I'm not able to control How gradual my frustration or whatever goes and where It just instantly where people like they say you can literally feel like you're anxious or whatever rising up And then like either your heart is racing or like you're getting hot or You just you like that I can feel it in my head my it feels I can feel like the pulse right here for me It literally it feels like my head is swelling like literally like my head is going to explode Um, and I can feel the level rising Um, I am really working on my anger. I feel like most times people think that I'm angrier than I actually am Um, and I feel like it's mainly be good You target no Weirdo um I feel like for me. It's usually because of my facial expression And I have learned that like sometimes when I'm loud and you got a mouth on you I do I have always had a bit of a mouth That has always been my problem has been my mouth. I can only imagine it when you're mad It's not good. I say things that I Mean in the moment, but it's it's it's in the the middle of not I'm heightened I don't beautiful segue. I don't like heightened emotions on on either end of the spectrum I don't like when people come to me on to that's why I've always been like match my level before I match yours Um, I do not like People try to be like when they were really mad or whatever and they say something and they say that they didn't mean it You meant it You probably didn't mean for it to come out that way Or you did because that's how you feel, but it's not how you wanted to relay the message But I'm like I thought in that moment And then once you maybe have you know settled down or whatever Like I really don't think you about hit it as big. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that Like you said, I meant I mean to come for your edges It was just right there and I was mad I'm so sorry. I'm gonna go get the rosemary oil. We gonna massage it into your scalp. We gonna we gonna bless it So that your edges come back. And I don't like how when I do get to that point, I can already tell that I'm not going to be able to talk. Um, this conversation is done. I just, all I feel is just do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And then I'm trying to like, I take the high feel, but I'm just so, I think my emotions are just clouding. How I jumbled. I, yeah, I started getting like this, like this oriented almost. And do you shake? Yeah. Um, are you a cryer when you're angry? Yeah. Yeah. You give me angry cries. And that's that that gets me mad. Er, but it's just, I can't control it. And I'm trying to talk, but I'm crying. And then it's like, um, it's just overwhelming, I think. Yeah. I'm, I'm really easily overwhelmed when I'm upset. Um, but I have been learning to do better. It's still something that I'm working on. But I feel like a lot of times again, my face and my tone are what gets everything fucked up because that's usually when people think that I'm more upset. Like I said, I was like, I can't remember what somebody has said to me, but I was like, I am. Like that's what I'm doing. And they were like, okay. And I was like, I'm not angry. Like I told, I'm agreeing with you. I agreed with you loudly, but like sometimes I am just loud, but I was, I'm learning that like instead of being loud to just be even. And it's like, but the issue with being even is people either take it as you being calm or you being like passively aggressive, like really passively aggressive. And it's like, I promise you, I am not. I just know that if I yell, the way that I say this is going to be taken completely out of context. And so I'm trying to say everything to you as calmly as possible. So it is received the best way because if you get any louder than where you are now, we may end up fighting like two random niggas on the street. Have you seen the boondocks? Do you remember a nigger moment? That's what it is going to turn into because I don't like being yelled at. I don't like when people raise their voice at me. So I try not to raise my voice at other people. But what I have had to make extremely clear is that if I am upset, leave me alone. Don't ask me questions. Don't poke me. Don't do anything. If you see me getting upset, even if you have to walk away from me, walk the fuck away from me and leave me alone. I am too heightened to like, I can't think rationally and I need a minute to calm down, whether that ends up turning into four hours or not, like of me literally sitting in a room dissociating and just trying to like calm myself down, whether that means I need to take my meds so that I can just like have a second to breathe or go for a walk. But if I asked to be left alone, you have to leave me alone and give me that time to breathe and calm myself down so that I can be in a rational state in order to actually have a conversation. Sometimes, and it's great if you can kind of set an expectation before a conversation or whatever is about to be had. Other times it just kind of happens. That's the part that I dislike because you can't always dictate how our conversation's going to go. But then like you said, you're going to have to self manage real quick and be like, okay, you know what? I was not expecting to get here. I need a second. And it doesn't help if both parties are starting to get mad or frustrated or whatever, whatever, because then either nobody's listening, y'all are just like spitting fire at each other and then conversations going nowhere. It's not a conversation anymore at that point. It's not. We're just hitting below the belt to heart the other person. And that's what we want to avoid in all kinds of relationships. I will do that and see my biggest issue. Are you spiteful? Yes. I will hit below the belt to give you. If you won't leave me alone, I'm going to give you a reason to want to leave me alone. I've asked you twice. Now I start coming for that gum drop ass head of yours. Like I'm going to say something to piss you off to the point where you will leave me the fuck alone. Oh, yeah, and I'm really trying to think and I don't know if this is me being in denial, but I probably maybe because I can think of when I have been incredibly frustrated, but I don't think it was like angry and maybe it wasn't. I just don't want to say I was angry for whatever reason. But let's let's see. I'm trying to think of an example with one of my sisters will say when she had did me dirty and the whole thing, I think you probably thought you would have to kind of dig a little bit, but me and my sister don't talk right now. Actually, I haven't talked in a while, but she did some stuff. And I was a mix of annoyed and disappointed and betrayed. That's a good one. Yeah, because that's what it felt like for it was disrespect and betrayal for your girl. I was ready to fight off them too long. Yeah. So that's why I was like, it wasn't mad. It was just like all of the other words that we just said. Or let's see, when not my most previous relationship, but the one before this is like 2015, we'll say, there was a moment I can remember. Oh, actually no, I was livid that day. So quick, low back story. So this is I was in Kansas City and I was dating somebody and they had just gotten back from being overseas working and I was so excited blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, he had actually surprised me at my job real quick to say hi, which is like the sweetest thing ever, but an hour or two later, I'm a sap. I think that's soccer. I think that's what gets you a whole and soccer. So then like an hour or two later, my, my friend was like, who I see a man's getting spicy for you, blah, blah. And I was like, huh, what are you talking about? He's like, you didn't see his Snapchat story. I was like, no, I wanted if that's what the story was going to be. I was like, no. And then I come to find out. I can't even see his Snapchat. I'm blocked on his Snapchat. I was like, huh, that's weird. Interesting. So then I think I asked my friend to like tell me what he post. This is on his public story because I don't think Snapchat had the thing where you can like make a private one and a public one yet. No, you could just block people from seeing your stories. Yeah. So this man was posting thirst traps on his story in my house. And there was one where he was wearing my sweater to and all I remember, it was that feeling of just it's it. Whoa. It all came up. My heart was racing. And I think what made it worse is that I was at work. So you can't do nothing about it, which that's a sucky situation to be in is because you, you can't process like or like kind of go through it. It's just mad. And you get Scott to like sit with that for hours. So I I told my manager, I need a 10 minute break. So then I went. I was texting him. I was just like, what the freak? I can't I wish I kind of remember exactly what I had said. And then I remember I ended the conversation by saying, you're only sorry, you got caught. He said that he was sorry. And I was like, you're only sorry you got caught. I remember saying that. And then the end of the day came and friend drove me home. And I was dreading a dreading going home because I was like, I have to have to see this man. You didn't have to look at the left. Yeah, because it was my house. But that's the thing too. I guess I'm a sucker in that way because never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever get across your mind to like be like, you need to leave. You need to get out. Like get out right now. That never crossed my mind. Like, girl, me and JoJo would have won and mother fucking won that day. That never caught that. I'm like, damn, am I? I don't know. I don't want to say I'm a sucker, but so I get home. And I was like, it's dark, but the lights were this about to turn into the other story that I think it is. This is when I do become a sucker. So I get home and I am like shaking because I'm so afraid that this is about to be exactly what I think it's about to be because I feel like this is how this story always ends. Go ahead. So that's another thing too. I am very quick to forget. I'm sorry, not forget, forgive. And that's to a fault, I would say. And that's something that I've had to not work on. I think I'm always going to be quick to forgive, but then the forgetting part is where that's going to stick around or it's just like, I'll forgive you, I ain't going to forget it. Yeah. And moving forward, our dynamic might possibly change or I'll forgive you, but we won't talk or I'll forgive you, but you really need to like, you got to put in the work to like make it up to me and stuff like that. Two completely sides of the spectrum. Oh, we went two different directions. You took a sharp left as far as I'm concerned, it's all just like, oh yeah, we did. I thought you were coming this way, and I thought you were to do until I got to my destination and then I realized, hey, nigga, it's not behind me. Well, how they say, and then I realized, my nigga wasn't behind me. Well, there you go. See, there's two different outcomes of where forgiveness can get you, but I had gotten home and I was like, I think I sat in my friend's car for like five minutes because I did not want to go in because I think I was having, oh, that attachment thingy or whatever. Attachments times. I think, in that moment, I was very avoidant, me, like I just, oh, I hated it. So I walked in, there's candles lit. I believe there was petals that spelled like, forgive me, I'm sorry or something. Which, first off, this nigga moops quick. I've never seen a nigga think on his feet so fast. Was a nigga? I applaud because, wow, but who's gonna clean all this up? Well, yeah, that stood in my floor for a little bit. But don't ever do that shit to me because he was gonna clean that shit because it won't be me. I didn't realize it back then because I was like maybe 20 or so. I was love bombing. Yeah, and he's five years older. So he was already into his upper 20s, like 27 or something at the time, I think. And every time I talk about it and I look back, I was like, he really knew what he was doing and knew how to like play with my car. Things on his feet. Like that. Yeah. I play it from the motherfucking Himalayas and I make it so easy. That's the problem as you're a sucker. So he got home, I'm sorry, I got home and there was stuff like that. And at first, none of that mattered to me. I was like, absolutely not, you're not gonna get me. I folded very shortly after, but and I saw a suitcase there and then yeah, he stood there with a letter in his head and he was like, just sit down and I actually had to calm myself down because I saw him and instantly I just thought about to like the images that I had seen and it was just like, so then I was like, okay, he's about to talk. So let me try to breathe and listen to what the freaky has to say because I didn't want to just. You can say fuck you. I know, but you know, it's not like the Miranda Cosmeth thing that's actually cast a little bit. So I think he had like a two or three page letter front and back hand written and tell me quick because yeah, I think it was like four or five hours. So listen, I'm not gonna give him points for that, but I will. It gets quick. Yeah. So he was like, you know, I'm really sorry. And mind you, this is this man had cheated. Hold on. Never. That's a lot. He cheated physically once in the beginning and then it was always, um, I don't know what you would call it. Like it was on social media, but like training news or being explicit and stuff. So whatever kind of cheating you want to call that, he did that a lot. Um, I wonder what that would be called. It's some sort of like infidelity, but it's not like physical, I guess you can say. Digit or something whatever. He wasn't faithful. Anyways. Um, and he was like, you know, I'm really sorry, what do you say? Um, I don't know why I can't love you the way that you love me. You don't deserve that, but I want to do better blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, and then towards the end of the letter, he was like, you know, I have my bag here and I'll leave if you want me to, but I would love if you would let me stay and, you know, try to make it up to you. Blah, blah, blah. By the end of the letter, I was like, I forgive him. And then, and this is how I knew that he knew that I was probably going to forgive him is because he was like, okay, baby, come here and, um, he, you tell me your story, friend. So um, he's taking off my clothes and stuff and then he guides me to the bathroom and there's a bath already drawn with like the, the bath oils and the candles and stuff. Like, it was warm, ready for me to go in and he's like, he's like, go ahead and take a bath and I'm going to get you some wine. Um, I'm going to give you massage, blah, blah, and I, I like, I fell for all of it. That's why I haven't stopped the song yet. Um, I'm gonna let it ride the fuck out and by the next day we were back to being okay like, wow, it stopped the right at the end of your clownery. Um, yeah, that was perfectly timed. So since then, I, I have become, I'm still quick to forgive, but that is just like, either we won't talk or whatever. And, and I think in the last maybe two episodes too, we talked about how like, I have become, and I've done like, I've been shocked by my own actions or mentality about like, just like guys in general and like either dating or hooking up, but it's just like, I'm so quick to either cut somebody off or like, what I text you earlier, like, I just do not care. Fuck these negative, thank you, um, which I think that's, that's my subconscious trying to be like protective of me in some way, shape or form. Uh, and, but I will say, I think it's also unhealthy. If you're someone who, um, maybe you're quick to anger, quick to get frustrated or whatever, but you just don't even want to like, talk about it, you just walk away from it. Um, like, first, that's for both people involved, that's not getting any of us. Nope, anywhere. I mean, again, I'm so glad that you're yourself aware. But at the same time, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I've, I've grown from that. Uh, um, I've learned that it's because I am avoidant, uh, when we have the conversation on attachment styles, I will get more into it, uh, every week through therapy by a therapist will either point out that I am either being avoidant or that I am, um, what is, what is the, uh, I am, this is why the adobo is starting to kick my ass because I'd literally have the thought and then immediately forgot it, um, but usually, oh, either I'm being avoidant or I'm, uh, the root of what I am doing is still people pleasing, um, but I've learned that that is the issue. I am really avoidant, uh, really, really avoidant. And I think that's because when I feel emotions, I feel them really strongly and I don't like feeling emotions very strongly because it's not something I ever knew how to control. That lack of control is, uh, little scary to me, uh, because it sends me to scary places, um, not to a place to where I would hurt anyone other than possibly myself. Um, and so I will just avoid it. Like I'm, I'm actually good, like I'm gonna go to my room and when I'm calm and I don't care about this shit no more, I will return, but it wasn't like resolved. I feel like it was just kind of, it was resolved for me. And that was the problem because I've moved on. But the other person is like, you left me hanging, so are we just going to pretend like that shit didn't happen? Yes. No. Yes. How was your day? Yeah. No, it is. Please. Oh, that just infuriated. No. I have, I have, because there was a situation with, um, with D. I don't really know how they feel about their name being said. So I just won't say a, um, and this was around the time of when I moved up north, um, and they had just made a comment that like, I didn't really like. And I was like. I'm annoyed to the point that like I don't want to converse with you without having this conversation, but also at a point to where like this doesn't feel necessary. And so I just did not speak to them for like a good four months didn't say anything. Just stopped communication. And when I did pick up, you know, communication was like, Hey, the move is over. I feel like I'm able to have this conversation, but like I would like to have a conversation either in person or over the phone. But like I was annoyed for this reason, and I did not have the energy to have the conversation, which is why we just have not spoken. And they were like, so you've been mad at me for like four months, and I didn't know. And I was like, yes, and no, like I'm not still angry. It was more so of like at this point, I know where this conversation is going to have to go because it has been so long. And while I have moved past this, I don't have the energy to like have a long, strenuous conversation with you right now. And until I got to the point where I felt like I could handle it, there was just no point in us conversing. Because that sound like petty kind of, but like at this point, I see it as more of like respecting your time and space, because if you start to talk to me, and it pisses me off, then I'm just going, we just not going to talk for another four months. So I would rather be, I would rather be in a position where it's like, you know, well, whatever emotions that you have for me, let me have it. So that we can move forward. Well, that's kind of a good segue, I guess. My last little thought piece is please do not do two things, and maybe this is just for me specifically, probably a self call out, but go ahead. One, not that I do. The first one actually I did do, let me stop lying. Do not, because in my last relationship, I started doing this thing where I would, I would sit in my frustration or anger or whatever, and let it kind of bubble up so that I can make my partner feel bad. And like, I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah, like try to come to me and be like, oh, don't touch me blah, blah. I was like, why am I doing like, this is so dumb. And then especially because we all know that that is exactly what you want. And it would get sometimes to a point of like, I would start off playing, but then I would be legit mad for no reason, but because I'm being like pride for at this point, I'm just got to stick with it. I'm just be mad to be mad. And I'm like, this is terrible behavior to exhibit. Yeah. I have definitely been there. So let's not do that. If we can, okay, if you're upset, if you're annoyed, whatever with your partner, just be honest with them. Don't just try to make it a bigger deal for no reason. And two, if you all have a conversation, a disagreement, this with anybody. And you end up being the person that's at fault or wrong. Do not be mad at that. And then try to flip the situation so that I feel it's very manipulative of you're just mad that you just take accountability. That's okay. And I know that's a very uncomfortable feeling sometimes, but it is what it is. You were wrong. That is okay. And you're not about to be mad at, you're mad at yourself really, but you're not going to try to take it out of me that you're wrong. It's okay. You are so considerate. I'm not what are you talking about. It's okay. We both know that you are wrong. I would never say that. And I'm just did in that situation, but like if it was, I'm not, I'm not like, I'm not a sore winner, I guess you can say, I do not care about being right. I can admit when I'm wrong and stuff, if I am right, I'm not going to be like, I told you blah, blah, blah. I will. Oh, see. That's just going to make it worse. I feel like I don't want to be kind of sending. I don't want to like, I told you, yeah, I don't want to be and I told you so. Oh, I'm always going to be and I told you so because I will always tell you so and then I'll make you know, and then when it happens, I'm just like, don't, you came to me. You came to me, knowing that I'm the person, you could, you should have went to somebody else. You should have not come to the person who told you that the exact same thing that you're talking about right now, what's going to happen if you did that dumb shit. And now look at you. Look at you. I'm going to be like, oh, come on. It's okay. Woo, woo, woo. That's me. I'm a woo, woo, woo, woo, but I'm going to make sure your ass, no, fucking listen. Don't be a, it's not even being a sore loser, it's just, that's why I negates you to think that I was, I mean, I was angry all the time, but this is why I negates you to think I was angry all the time when I used to be like, why the fuck did you come to me, respect my mother fucking time and my space and my energy. You don't came over to me with this heavy ass, angry ass energy. I have helped you get to an even place, right? You cool. I have given you my point of view, I've given you my perspective. I've listened to you. If you were wrong, I let you know that you were wrong. I gave you some insight from, you know, that from the outside of the box, because you in it right now and I ain't, I'm only in it because we have in this conversation. So I have gone through this with you, I have sat with you. You cried, I crowed, we crewed together, you hear me? And it didn't mean shit. You didn't listen to a single thing, you walked out of my space and went, I'm gonna do it anyway. I have taken what you said to consideration, respect me in my time, because bitch, don't come to me and not expect and I told you so. I'm not that nigga, don't come to people for advice if you're not going to take it. That's my point. Don't waste my time. I didn't have to, because I don't have, I'm not in a part as nigga, I don't like being in a part, sometimes I do because I'm nosy, but like, that's because I'm nosy. I just want to know the details, I don't really want to be a part of the conversation. I'm gonna be like indirectly involved. Yes, like I'm listening, you know what I mean? But I don't, I don't need to be a part of the drama. Oh yeah, because I was just thinking to, or have you ever been in a situation on either side of somebody comes at you, and they're like coming at like a 10 or something. And they end up being wrong, whether it's because loud and wrong, misinformation or something like that. So then they're like, oops, my bad. But then the other person is upset. And person A is not mad at that person B is upset, they're like, but I apologize, blah, blah. No, first of all, you came to me just out the gate. All wrong. So I have every right to be mad at you. Now you gone deal with my rap, you know, once I didn't get this shit out, then we're gonna be motherfucking eating. And you can't be mad at me. Dare you bitch. How the fuck do I think you can't be mad at somebody for coming at them. And then you have the being like you said, loud and wrong, okay, fine. You apologize. But now I'm mad. You just ruined my whole day right now. I'm at 10. You're gonna need to process what the fuck just happened to me. Don't talk to me. Go somewhere. Yes. Please. I've done that before and I think I have people pleasing tendencies as well as well. I do. I do. I feel bad. There's times where I felt bad for like setting a boundary or whatever or telling someone like, I just need some time. Don't talk to me. Blah blah. And part of me is just like, no, like let's just pretend everything's hunky-dory blah blah. But the realistic me is like, you need to process this. You need to like distance yourself or not teach them a lesson. But they need that like time to realize, hey, you kind of messed up. You need to do better, blah blah blah. It's a lot of self work and stuff like that. Like I'm hoping. I mean, every relationship is different, but I'm hoping all of my previous relationships, all the stuff that I need to work on or I have worked on for my next one. I was actually talking about this with someone's stuff and he was like, you're so healthy. And you process things very well. And I was like, oh, it took a while to get here. I don't. Let's be honest, this is, it's kind of like, it's because you've just met me this year. You don't know what I got from. Yeah, no, that's, that's kind of like when I heard this episode on the friend zone. I was like, oh, this is a good one because I'm finally at a point where I'm understanding my anger. I'm understanding where it comes from. I'm understanding when to like tell that bitch to calm the fuck down and like listen and let it happen, finding ways to ground myself in situations where I feel that I'm getting upset. Sometimes I slip, you know, we fall down, nigga, but we do get the fuck back up. Uh-huh. Because he was, he was giving me all these hypotheticals or like, ask me stuff for my ex and blah, blah, blah, and he was like, all of your responders are like mature, thought out. And I was like, well, first of all, again, you just, this is a, you only know my first year. I've processed all of this shit already. B. I can say that, but if it happens in real time, it might not be that I'm in a conversation. This is all who ain't you yeah, this is all hypothetical. This is all I guess what I would like and how I think I would respond But in that moment it can go the complete opposite direction and I'm swinging but yeah, cuz I will I will do something probably like like for instance Had a situation last week where I got frustrated in a public place and and um in My head now again Everybody's view is differently. I do not remember pushing a cart, but apparently I Was different view I don't I feel like pushing it was probably just like this. Oh, I didn't like and That's why I said everyone's point of view is different because to you because I'm frustrated and I have now moved something and Front of me it comes off as aggressive, but if I'm literally scooting it forward so that I have enough room to walk away There's there's we're gonna have to have like a part two to this because I just realized about Your intent versus the way that somebody receives it That's like that is is always Again, you went left. I went right like you saw this completely differently than what I did because I was like I literally Walked away. I Call me let you know I'm getting frustrated and I see where I'm about to go and I don't want to do this in here. I Cannot I will not turn around if I turn around we just gonna have the conversation and whatever happens happens I would rather get outside and get in my car Am I going to yell in my car? No, but I'm gonna say what the fuck. I feel like saying in my car without being rude See and you could even say it at that low Again, that's how sometimes it gets misconstrued because it's like I'm stern Like the the tone. I feel like there's a way sometimes where like I'm saying stern Things and so my tone is stern, but it's low Calm it's like a handle maybe and I may still not like what you're saying, but you're still talking at like a Well, let's say I have a three and as long as we maintain it We're Gucci like if you want to yell in the car bitch that's your motherfucking prerogative But if you yell and I started like our versions of yelling are different and I know it and I'm never gonna match anybody I hate raising my voice. I will pass you. I'm not at this point Now you're you want to get loud? I'm like say Less because if I get to that point and I'm learning to not I will be able to like You are heightened because of wearing a public place and your heightened energy is heightening me Bitch, we need to get in the car because now like it's feeling gaslighting everything bitch We need to is I pray I have never but I pray I'm never in like a public Setting and like there's emotions and stuff and The closest thing I ever did was when an ex tried to get back to me and I had no idea. They tried to do it in a restaurant We had just sat down and I was too worked up We didn't I think we mostly got rid drinks and I said I got to go because I was like And I don't I want to say my ex did not do it on purpose to like put me in a public setting and think that it would be a Control environment where I couldn't act out or whatever. I was like he picked up hair. You should've noticed at home Because now we look crazy sitting down getting some coax and then we're about to leave We have for 20 minutes Have been there. No, it's ain't even worth it I thought that I would be able to sit down. I don't care about people looking. I don't care about being embarrassed No, I just don't want to do this in a public setting. No, I never want to do it in a public setting Because that's that's the thing I was brought up is like people are looking and I was like first off People are minding their fucking business because we all had to do the same goddamn thing nobody is looking And the few people who are looking Who give us a fuck you know who won't be looking anybody when we walk the fuck up out of here and get in the goddamn call Me if I hear somebody I'm gonna I might walk a little slower, but I'm gonna keep going and turn and just it's not my business You you can see the car and you see me hitting the button. We will talk in the car That just kind of worked me up a little bit, but yeah, we need to do part two this because I just thought about that now like With what you're saying of it's more than just what you say, but it's how you say it and then how the person takes it and then like Because if you take the shit the wrong way now we really got to sit down because that's that because literally I was I was told It's something like the things that I did now. It's like we have two completely different versions of this reality Yes, and my people's people's my god girl. I did not do all like I know like for versions Yes, because it's like for me to get to a point to do the thing that you're saying with the intent that you're saying It wouldn't have been that it was just pushed a couple of inches in front of me It would have been Flunk like I would have like if I was doing it the like with that intent I would have fucking like pushed it like it would have been a very dramatic Very like what the fuck kind of situation it wouldn't have been a like well, you just did this thing because girl It was not all of that if I was as calm as I was in my walk away I know there's no way that I did all of that right in front of your face because I can't go from 10 to 2 That fucking fast not in to feet So I know that there's no way that that's what and that's again where it comes to that point to where it fills gas lighty And I don't like that but we can like we can we can let me just this is good. Oh, okay Well, thank you so much for this if I do this it's cut so we don't give I can my mind is automatically as soon as I hear I just go straight to off like Wrap it up. Um, thank you so much for listening. I hope you guys took something away from this Um, I hope we are all collectively working on ourselves working how to communicate better Working on how to navigate how we're feeling and not just saying like I'm angry or whatever like let's dive into that a little bit more Again, this can apply to any kind of relationship your parents your siblings friends Partners anybody co-workers. Oh, that that one right there needs to be expanded on a little bit We are all allowed to feel you know upset angry frustrated sad blah blah blah It's just a matter of communicating it effectively communicating it and listening, you know, taking it in and not feeling some type of way and stuff But thank you so much again, you can find us on hate girlfriend podcast on Instagram follow us there DM us about if you have any questions any episode ideas Right and review us Yeah, if you want to poke fun at us, you know, I like that or if there was something in this episode that you enjoyed whatever Just please DMs are open You can follow us. I mean you can send us an email to take girlfriend TM@gmail, but I think yeah, it's easier There's a link on our profile where you can donate where you can listen like age you just said if you do listen Please, please, please and I think you do it per episode like Per episode you can rate five stars or if you just want to rate the show as a whole I think that I don't know if you can Rate episodes. I know you may be able to and I just have not been aware of it. Yeah But wherever you're listening just make sure you rate us five stars Yeah, and you know rate the whole show, please and tag us or like you know share it with your friends or whatever like that and Yeah, we do episodes every Thursday If for whatever reason with skip an episode will let you know we're tried to Do you do you love them? I tried to I Try to empty this on try And that's it I feel good about this one. This was a good episode. It was Because I hate I hate feeling When it's like and I want to know I maybe it's why do you talk somebody about like why do I cry when I'm like really mad That's that's you letting it out. That's how you let emotions out because that's instant The anger and the tears are coming up at the same time Anybody else like that please please let me know I'm not the only one Oh before the music cuts what they do have if you are listening on either Spotify for podcasters or on Spotify There are there is a question that you can answer Like how did you like this episode to maybe that's what you're thinking It's just a it's just a specific yeah, so if you see that on an episode it's because of one of those two things so those you can fill out Us five stars period, please and thank you and we will see y'all next week happy indigenous peoples day. Yeah