Why Im No Longer Going To Modern Weddings

How do you want to split it? Actually, dinner's on me. Okay, big money. Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo Debit MasterCard, so. Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week, so it's kind of on me, actually. Yeah, you send it, I spend it. Did my money get, like, reincarnated? Yeah, it's chicken shawarma. Want it back? I can't believe you, like, ate my Venmo. Spend your balance instantly with the Venmo Debit Card. No monthly fee or minimum balance. Venmo balance account required to get a card and use a balance. This Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. I, Laisina, I promise that I will always be faithful to you. You are my first love, and you will be my last one. I love you with all my heart. Till death do us apart, and you were always such an inspiration, and you always inspired me to do the most amazing things in the world. Two hours later. I still remember the first time that you asked me out, and I still feel butterflies every time that I see you. We have some amazing children together, and you have the most amazing personality. I will never be able to live without you again. Tomorrow. Not dramatic at all. And finally, I love you, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. I promise to always smack that ass every chance that I get. What? You need a beat! Stop it. Get some help. That is a real wedding, by the way. I didn't make it up. So last year, we did a video on marriage proposal fails, and this year, me being big brain, I'm like, why don't we evolve the content and jump from marriage proposals to wedding gone wrong? Sometimes, y'all underestimate how smart I am. And here's the actual wedding from the skit I just did. I promise to smack that ass every chance I get. That's all I got. Is that it? Are you sure? I didn't write nothing down. That's what you're going out with? That's what I'm going with. Even the officiant. Look at the look. Hold up. Smack that ass every chance I get. That's all I got. Don't look like. Are you sure about this? You hear his buddy going, come on, Cody? Is that it? Come on, Cody. Are you sure? So this is when I come in and I save the day because there's a catch. So if you watch the entire video, you can tell that there's these POVs that change and there's a few cuts here and there. So I'm like, hold on. What if they're just doing my dude dirty and they cut out his speech and they only left a little joke in there? I mean, was the joke inappropriate and maybe a little too much? Yeah, I agree. But what if this is when you shouldn't believe everything that you see on the internet and the real full clip with no cuts shows that he might have actually had an actual speech in there, but they cut it out. So me being big brain as usual, I found the full clip. But when I say I wouldn't be more proud in the man, dad and partner you are today, I mean it and I. Okay, so she had her vows. over and over again. So her speech lasts. Oh my God. Okay, so her speech lasts, I think a full two minutes. She pours her heart out. Something special that love can exist. Love can exist. The most amazing person in the world. Now let's. To his speech. And to share with you the most beautiful moments of my life. I'd hate to have to follow that. Anywho, Cody. That's all I got. This is either going to be the most beautiful couple ever or we're all going out in the same bolt of lightning. Either way. Oh my God. This one time, I'm like, let me give someone the benefit of the doubt. Because what if they're doing my dude dirty, you know? Dude, she spent minutes saying everything she ever felt. And the officiant was like, I don't know how you're going to top this one, dude. And he's like, I promise to smack that ass every chance that I get. That's all I got. That's my speech. I would have left. I'm sorry. I don't know how much time she spent writing that speech. And for him to say, I didn't actually write in a speech. I just love that big booty. Big booty. Oh, I love big booty. It's a big booty. I love big booty. I smack big booty. Big booty. I love big booty. Big booty. Booty, booty. Oh, the dog. Oof. That plum. The. That plum hurt my soul. So for anyone asking in the full clip, they do show that the dove is actually fine. And I was a little confused as well. Like you throw a dove out. I mean, they're not stupid. They're going to fly because they're going to hurt themselves. So like, why didn't this dove fly? But then you pay close attention to this clip and you can tell that the girl is actually holding it this way. And the guy is, I think he's strangling that fucking dove. He's holding it so tight because he thinks the bird is going to fly away, which. I get. But I think he kind of like was choking the bird there a little bit. Because when he throws it, yeah, I think the bird was choked a little too harsh. My dude is like, oh, well, yeah, dumbass, because you were choking it. Oh, I think I might have hugged him a little too hard. Can I beat his ass up, please? Can I get a pass for once? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the guy, the guy. We own the night. You know what? We saw that meme online and I think we've all seen that meme, right? I love this for her. If you're not going to do goofy shit at your wedding and you're all just like serious. Like I'm not coming unless you got like some really good food and I'm probably coming. Like if you have good food, I honestly don't give a fuck what you do at your wedding. You could have like the most serious wedding in the world. You could have like crazy dress codes as long as you got good food. I'm coming. So who is this guy here? Yeah. He's like, I'm going to let them have them all. I'm going to let them have the moment. I'm going to let them shine. The groom or groomsman just backing out. Wait, she replied. I think it was the guy that worked there to be him. See, honestly, I love it for that. That he saw that he started the recording. They were having their own moment there. He's like, Oh, you know what? This is the kind of people that we need in this world. I don't want a party pooper. If you are a party pooper, like negative and you're going to ruin some stupid shit that I'm doing for tech talk, because I will probably do this for my wedding, my tech talk, then you're not invited. But even if, well, what if they work there? What am I supposed to do? Like, Hey, I'm cracking up at the fact that you were like, okay, before I walked down the aisle and get married, I have an idea. Dude, it was worth it though. She got 54 million views. Would you rather have a boring ass wedding or a wedding that everyone's going to remember? Y'all keep underestimating my brain. I'm telling you. But my brain mugs. Your brain. I don't know what that means, but I just learned that word recently and I want to use it. When your grandma decides to ruin your wedding. Wait for it. There she goes. This is going to get a little sad and dark for a second. I don't think she ruined it. So I lost my grandma to COVID and the things that I would do to get her back. Every time I think about getting a time machine, the only thing about fixing is going back and saving my grandma from, from COVID. Not that I would like go back and make $50 billion and whatnot, or like fix all my mistakes. Actually dinner's on me. Okay. Big money. Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo debit MasterCard. So. Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week. So it's kind of on me actually. Yeah. You send it. I spend it. Did my money get like reincarnated? Yeah. It's chicken shawarma. Want it back? I can't believe you like ate my Venmo. A Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA. Every single possibility, like every single multi-universe that I go back to with my time machine, I always go back to saving my grandma. Do I think that she ruined it? No. You're always going back to saving my grandma. No. You're always going back to saving your grandma. No. not fuck with her grandma maybe i get that if she was a nasty grandma that i get you know what you gotta give that hot cola oh my teeth move bitch i've fallen and i can't get up that's the scene from uh white chicks you know move bitch why is it always old people listen up my salty ass cause you seem salty right now what's gonna happen when you get old do you think that you're gonna be like this fast and furious guy like you're gonna be speedy gonzalez or some and you you're gonna be perfect like oh you're gonna have a perfect body when you get old like you don't think oh you're probably gonna one of those like oh i'm not like other old people i wipe my own ass good for you the little lad nearly ruined his own parents wedding i mean oh it's your child i personally would not care your child did that to you your child did that to me i wouldn't care i'm having a child free wedding when people ask why some people don't want kids at their wedding this is why okay i understand that you don't want other people's kids at your wedding but what about the situation when this is your own kid what are you gonna sweetie so mommy loves you with all my heart like you are the sweetest child ever but uh you ain't coming to that wedding i know what your ass is gonna do worst case scenario though imagine he does that the mom is walking with the dress he jumps on the dress and he pulls the whole off and we can see her underwear like she's only left with bras and underwear now that would have been a whole different embarrassment that would have been an actual tick tock do i think this was bad honestly as much as i understand what happened i don't think this was bad at all bad blood moment wedding turns to chaos after bride splattered in paint as sister-in-law fires back with her side of wedding what what kind of title is this what's going on oh they did it oh oh they're running away those two those sneaky bastards wait he's coming back he's coming back oh he's fighting with people wait why is everyone covered in in black paint oh my god oh she's crying oh no everyone's covered in paint okay this is low-key so this is the worst one so far which i think she's coming out oh yeah oh she's covered in paint wait they're all covered in paint oh no the the oh she looks devastated her most special day ruined oh my god i feel so bad i thought we were gonna watch like some funny fails or some that happened during the wedding but this is sad wait let me find out what happened though the mom of two had been wrongly accused by her sister-in-law antonia of trying to trip her up at her own wedding the year before it was that grudge that led eastwood sabotaging jemma's wedding in an act of revenge leading her face and 1.8 k pounds wedding dress covered in black paint two bridesmaids were also caught in the crossfire eastwood 49 is married to jemma's older brother ashley and neither had been invited to the ceremony due to oh okay so it was a family drama wait hold on though eastwood was given 10-month prison sentence at maidstone crown court last week which was suspended for 12 months in order to carry out 160 hours of unpaid work after pleading guilty to two offenses of criminal damage she was also handed a 10-year restraining order and told to pay 5k in compensation 4k to jemma and wonk there's good news after all i honestly hate reading but for some reason i'm like wait let me just continue reading to see if like something happened i'm so happy pov in a few hours your whole day will be ruined by finding out your in-laws spend the night before the wedding trying to convince your partner not to marry you oh that's sad was she right there hold on is that her oh my god that's probably her the girl looks so happy the entire time i mean it's her wedding day she's supposed to be happy and little did she know that her evil mother-in-law was right there hating on her seeing her happy i hate fake people the fact that she was here like i love your wedding that's why i also wore a white dress i love your wedding though i hope you die and to top it off she wore a white dress inside of me i felt a little bad because i'm like what if she was not the mother-in-law and what if that was her mom or like a cousin someone else and the caption literally says that it's her so you were planning for a while weren't you the white dress then telling your son not to marry her but then over here you're acting like this fake oh my god those are the worst kind i hate fake people and let me just say this i was at this event and the amount of fake people it scared the out of me it was bad y'all like it was bad bad and they would have been cut off and she says they have been happy endings we are getting some happy endings today pov you're about to make the grand entrance as the new mr and mrs there you go mr and mrs that is so funny you may kiss the elevator oh my god see all these years people have been talking about lip injections but uh what is happening here Zoom in into those lips real quick. Those lip injections literally saved her face for that wedding. 'Cause if it wasn't for the plumped up lips acting as an airbag to save her life, her makeup would have been ruined, her face would have probably been ruined. Maybe I should get lip injections. Lip fillers, I'm sorry. I was calling them lip injections, I'm sorry. Y'all, I don't mind an airbag, you know? Wait, this would have actually been her face print on that elevator there, like. What's going on? Wait, what? Why was he eating her? Is this a tradition where you're like, wait, but what happened? I'm so confused. I don't understand it. Yeah, he wanted to take off her underwear with his mouth, but she wasn't with- Is that a thing? For all my ladies that got married, are you not supposed to wear underwear? I mean, this is your wedding dress. What happened if like a wind, there's no way this is a thing for my ladies out there that you're not supposed to wear underwear? Why is she not wearing underwear? And like, why is this a thing that he's supposed to- What does this do with marriage? Controversial opinion, but modern weddings are so bad. What do you mean that during your wedding, you're supposed to like take off your wife's underwear? With your teeth while everyone is watching? Might as well just shoot a whole P-Hob scene right there. There's kids around. Kids are gonna be there at the wedding. Sweetie, don't watch this. The groom is about to take off a bride's underwear with his teeth real quick. What? Oh, she doesn't have underwear on? Oh, you can look. She doesn't have her underwear on. What's going on here? Oh, my God. I mean, that wasn't bad. Oh, oh, oh, I can see it. I can see it. I can see it. I can see it. I can see it. Girl, you better move. Why was she just standing there? What if it starts sinking? You're over here like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, oh, my God, this happened. Girl, you're gonna drown if you don't move. That's just a happy dog. Oh, my God. Maybe too happy. Oh, oh, my God. - Oh, no. - Oh, no. - Oh, no. Final destination. Final destination death right there. The face reaction. Why was this some final destination? See, I've watched too many final destinations. 'Cause if this was final destination and this is clipped to her head in the movie, I feel like her skin that's connected to her skull would've come out and she would have died right there. I gotta stop watching scary movies. I'm so sorry, y'all. I put that image into your head. POV, you're at a small intimate wedding in Cancun. Cancun? Okay, big money. Want it back? The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. Okay, I like that. It looks nice. It's vibing. What? Did they not tell you about the location? I love this wedding. I love how it's this amazing view in there. Like, did y'all not see the Loki? Oh, my God. Imagine all these people that pay for a vacation like they're enjoying their pool. And what about the pictures? What about the wedding pictures that they're going to take from the couples POV? And then you can see the people in the pool. They're being half naked. I mean, Loki, though. They're all keeping quiet. They're all behaving. Look at them. Even the kids. Maybe you did not invite them, but they're all behaving at least. They're not yelling. They're not screaming. They're all just like, oh, that's a cute wedding. Can we just watch? 25 guests and 500 of your closest strangers. Everyone being on their best behavior. I was just screaming, dude. No, look at how quiet it is. Even the kids just get married already. Y'all already already paid for that. Photoshop it later. That's all I can do. Is he kissing the groom? Wait, are they getting married? No, they're not. No, they're not. No, they're not. I feel like that kiss went on for a little too long. I thought we were watching a couple like, oh, you guys can kiss now. They finally kiss. But then it cuts to the bride watching all this shit like, oh, my God. Oh, she's about to faint. Are y'all thinking what I'm thinking right now? Like, this has to be clocked. Sorry. They've done this before. I just got to say it. I feel bad for the wife, but it's better now than never. No, better late than never. Oh, no, not late. Actually, yeah, better late than never. I mean, did she say yes? She probably did say yes. You guys are not home yet. Say no. Cancel it. Cancel it. Because he was on here like, yeah. This was not a friendly. That is not a friend. Oh, yeah. That's exactly how friends kiss, you know. Can't blame him. Wait. Meus Deus, ela mere que ser indenizaco. Was that good? I feel like that was good. I'm trying to read some of the comments like I usually do, but they're all in Portuguese. Y'all, I don't speak Portuguese. Where are my English comments? Panics in multilingual, but not trilingual or portolingual with I don't speak Portuguese. And listen, I better not see any comments being like, oh, lazy. But he was drunk. Let me take a look at that clip real quick. Still going. OK. You're right. He was drunk. You're right. Oh, I dropped the pillow. My stupid ass was like, oh, he she dropped the pillow. That's so cute. I forgot that Americans put the rings on the small pillow. Wait, hold on, though. Is that an actual ring, though? It looks like a branch because I don't think that was a ring. Yeah. What is that? I don't think that is this an American wedding? Because he said we in Chile, we in Chile. What does that mean? What country is this from? And judging by this, I feel like we all know what year it was, right? Yeah, 1925. And that's why kids should not be allowed on weddings. Damn, some of y'all hate kids on weddings. I mean, maybe I haven't been to enough weddings to realize that kids are that bad on weddings. It's not the kids. How are the comments contradicting themselves? Who holds a ceremony on a deck? I mean, on ceremony, the deck is not a bad look. Who's thinking that? Wait, what if we drop the ring on the deck? But then, look, I would probably think about that. I always think about, like, the worst case scenario. And I know that if we have like a deck with spaces, I feel like my brain is like, you're going to lose it, you're going to drop it, you're going to drop it. And like, why give it to a kid? Why give it to a child? I don't blame the kid here. I blame the parent or whoever thought this was a good idea. You're supposed to take it off the top, Granny. Let Grandma enjoy it. She's going to die the next day. OK, I know this is a skit, but this was cute. How much do you want to bet that this actually happened at a wedding? And an idiot probably did that. Like, I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that you're supposed to take it from the top? I've never been at a wedding. Do not invite me to your wedding if you want everything to be perfect. Do not invite me at your wedding because I've never been to it. I don't know how to act. Bitch, does it look like I've been in public before? Oh, let me grab it from. From the top, from the left, the right. I don't know, sir, why? Why does everything have to be so bougie, so extravagant? Like, can we just have normal weddings for once? Like what happened to normal, normal, good old fashioned weddings? And by good old fashioned weddings, those still sucked. See, maybe the problem is me. I'm thinking like maybe weddings suck, people suck. But what if, like, I'm the problem, what if I'm like toxic a little bit, you know, and like, I don't like weddings, I don't like people. No, it's them. I can see it, I can see it, I can see it, I can see it. Guys, I think this was intentional. Yeah, I call, I call, I think they did this for the for the picture. Wait, he's going to do it for the picture. Wait, but he didn't take a picture, though. I thought he was like timing it. So when he falls, he takes a picture. But he didn't take a picture. I'm thinking right before. Hold up, guys, hold up. Am I cooking? Right when he starts falling. No, he didn't take a picture. I don't know. Maybe he was supposed to take a picture when he fell and then he missed it, then I would have fired that photographer. Because how is your job, your only job to take pictures while I'm falling? And then you forgot to take the picture. But then they're both shocked, though. I'm really. Did that actually happen? I don't believe this happened, though. Yeah, look at his foot. He kind of like. I don't buy it. Either that was for the picture or this was staged. Damn, she is fast. Oh, my God. What were you going to do with the shoe, sir? You wanted to hit her with the shoe? She was like Cinderella on crack. You're like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do an athlete. He was toxic as hell, wasn't he? Oh, my God. You almost got her, though. Me when I hear my name being mentioned in another room. OK, this was actually a fun video. I did not expect to have this much fun with other people's wedding failures. Keep failing, y'all, because it's funny for the rest of us. Learn from this video, though. Do not invite elders. Do not invite kids. Do not invite family members. Do not invite anyone but your husband. But you know who you should be inviting, though? The like and subscribe button on this video because they're looking really tasty. And if you want to watch my videos today early, ad free, sponsor free, chaos free, no kids included, no elderly included. Become a member. Members? Member shout out. If you're seeing your name on the screen, you already know that you're special. If I was working McDonald's and you order chicken nuggets, know that I would give you a few extra pieces. of chicken nuggets that's how special you are to me for being a member so thank you i love you guys i'm caressing hopefully i'm not touching anything weird you know also i haven't been online for like two weeks there is a special vlog coming on the vlog channel anyways thank you members this episode is brought to you by chat gpt hey it's bill simmons from the bill simmons podcast have you guys heard about chat gpt work it's the new way to use chat gpt for bigger multi-step projects and when you need more than just answers give chat gpt work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets slides and structured reports get started at chat gpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans