Why I Hate My Birkin

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That's code mrsdowjones50off at factormeals.com. See website for more details. The other day I was going through my desk and I found a journal right from when I graduated and it had pen and paper how much I spent each day. At this time, I think I was making around $40,000 and access cash flow was pretty tight. So I had to watch every penny. I think about how far we've come with technology and advancements. To help us with this stuff. We don't need a journal with pen and paper anymore. The answers are out there. And Monarch is one of those answers. Monarch is literally, it's like having a financial advisor in your pocket. So you can use AI to help see what you're spending. Monarch will help you have full visibility in your accounts. It will help you see your trends. It will help you set goals, map out big purchases, see if you're actually on track to where you wanted to be. You can ask Monarch. Monarch's AI assistant. Anything about your finances. Like, hey, how much should I spend on travel last summer? Can I afford this vacation without touching my savings? You can spot things you wouldn't think about before. Like, oh, hey, has my spending gone up or just inflation? I was using pen and paper. Now you can use tools like a full financial advisor in your pocket. And that's called Monarch. So what you want to do is you want to go to monarch.com. Use code trading. The first year of Monarch Core is happening. Half off at just 50 bucks. That's 50% off your first year. Just go to monarch.com with code trading. What's up, rich people? It's me, Haley, aka Mrs. Dow Jones. And this is Financial Tea. What's up, zippers? Welcome back to Financial Tea. This is the podcast where I teach you how to build wealth with a side of market drama, money scandals. And of course, money. And today is a very special episode, which I know that I say probably every episode. But guys, we have a very special guest. Like, it was sort of intense to book this person, this icon, really. And I just can't believe that they agreed to do the show. So I'm going to bring them in. It's my Birkin. Our guest is my Birkin. Yes, the rumors are true. I do own a Birkin. And please be. Be nice, because internet is known to actually cyber bully me about this bag, because it is patina. But I think it's in like an Olsen twin sort of way, you know, definitely not a new Birkin, but a Birkin nonetheless. She's beautiful. She's iconic. She's expensive. And earmuffs, please. I hate her. I like sort of hate this bag, you guys. So today's episode is all about why I hate my Birkin, why I think that it is crazy that everyone thinks that these are the best. These are investment bags, what to actually invest in instead. And yeah, I'm going to spill the tea on this luxury asset, because girl, this became a symbol of success and money. And we need to investigate how we got here. And if that's even true, not because it's not beautiful, it's beautiful. And not because, not because you're not iconic. You are iconic. Okay, girl. But it's because buying this was one of the worst financial decisions I've ever made right behind me. When I invested in a powdered coconut water company during the pandemic, that is a story for another time. And by the way, we might be out on Birkins, but we are always in on Future Rich Person, my book, which you should pre-order at mrsdowjones.com. It is the new rules for building wealth, even if you are broke, stuck, and that billionaire won't text you back. And I promise it's going to change your life. So make sure that you pre-order now. But first, let's get into the MDJ market report so we know what's even happening on Wall Street these days. It's Brewed Fresh Daily. Okay, welcome to the first edition of the Mrs. Dow Jones Market Report. This is basically where I take you through the top stories going on in finance, in market news, in celebrity money, pop culture, just so you're up to date and we can kiki a little before the main episode. Okay, first up, the 2026 Winter Olympics are underway. They're in Italy. Everyone is Instagramming their plates of pasta. But what they're not talking about is that the gold medals are actually worldwide. They're worth double what they were in Paris 2024. But here's the catch. They're actually smaller. And that is because gold is trading near all-time highs. And just to fill you in, the reason that gold skyrockets in price sometimes is because it is a safe haven asset. And so what that means is that when people are scared about inflation or politics or geopolitics, they run to gold because it makes them feel like it is a safe haven asset. a safe place to put their money. Like you can hold it, you can feel it. It's not like money where, you know, someone's just printing it. This is like a finite asset that you have to dig out of the ground. And people have always gone to gold as like a financial safety net. So I feel like this massive price strike just gives us like a vibe check for how people are feeling right now about the economy, about the world. Not great. A lot of unease, which makes sense. Things are crazy. But it's just interesting to see that sort of manifested in the Olympics. I also want to give a shout out to Yuta Lirdam, who is, yes, say with me now, Jake Paul's fiance. That doesn't mean that I stan Jake Paul, but I love Yuta. She is a speed skater and she won gold. And Yuta girl, you know, I'm sorry because it's amazing that you won gold, but like that gold medal that you have is actually gold plated. Yeah. They didn't even use as much gold as they did in Paris for these So, like, you know, times are tough, but we're getting through it. Also, Valentine's Day this week, and it is projected that we are going to spend a record twenty nine point one billion dollars. But what's crazier is that 35 percent of people are buying gifts for their pets. And by crazy, I mean, I did that. I fully bought my dog a Valentine's Day gift on Saturday. I hope that he gets me something back. But yeah, it's important to show the people and the canines in your life that you love them. Bye bye. Junk that they don't need in classic American tradition. Also, shout out Jennifer Gardner, one of the best architectural home tours ever. And also now girl boss because her baby food company, Once Upon a Farm, just IPO for over seven hundred million dollars. So Jenna Rink would be proud. And I am proud because not only did she survive having an ex-husband who has a huge lower back tattoo, she now has a company that is public on Wall Street. OK, now we just. Need to talk really quickly about Elon, which like as though, you know, other Elon's like it's obviously Elon Musk, not a common name. But yeah, the man is officially knocking on the door of becoming the world's first trillionaire. His net worth is now closing in on eight hundred billion dollars because he merged SpaceX with XAI. So to put that into perspective, he is now worth more than the entire GDP of the Netherlands. And people always ask, like, how much is an almost billionaire paying in taxes? And the answer is, drumroll, please. Zero. Zero. Because Elon doesn't have a salary, guys. He just takes out massive loans against his stock and those loans are untaxable. So, yeah, let that sink in. You are actually paying more taxes than the world's almost trillionaire. OK, now we need to talk about my sworn enemy of state. If they have no haters, I am dead. Buy now, pay later. I'm looking forward to that. Looking at you, Klarna is trying to get you to use buy now, pay later for your rent. And obviously I have an issue with buy now, pay later because it makes you buy things that you don't need with money that you don't have. Pretty obvious argument, if you ask me. But what makes me nervous about them getting into the rental market and where I think that maybe the government should, you know, step in and not let this happen is that the 2008 financial, financial crisis was built on people taking out massive loans for homes that they couldn't afford. And then it all collapsed. The housing market collapsed. And there was a financial crisis, as you know. But if people are renting homes that they cannot afford and using buy now, pay later to finance them, they're probably going to default on those loans, don't you think? Forty one percent of people who use buy now, pay later last year couldn't make one of their payments. So to me, that's a big problem. And I think that's a big problem. And I think it just feels like we're going sort of down a slippery slope here. I am not obsessed with the idea that this is happening. Feels like a Jenga tower, but that's just me. I'll keep you posted. Oh, and then this is sort of cool because I feel like it's really justice for like blue collar jobs. But for the first time in 50 years, college grads are losing their edge. The unemployment rate for workers with a four-year degree has officially surpassed those with trade school degrees. So we have now reached the point in like the AI revolution where the smart move is not going to an Ivy League college. It's actually learning a skill. Community college enrollment is up 4%, whereas like private universities are completely spiraling because young people have realized that AI is going to take a lot of jobs, but AI cannot fix a burst pipe. AI cannot unclog your toilet. AI cannot fix your HVAC machine. AI will never threaten the jobs of people who build the world, but it will threaten the jobs of people who like run the spreadsheets, that manage the people who build the world, if that makes sense. Okay, that's the Market Teeper this week. Now let's get into the main event, the reason you're all here, why I hate my Birkin. For those of you who don't know what a Birkin is, it is a bag from Hermes that was designed at first for Jane Birkin. She actually was on an airplane and just sat next to this man from Hermes and she was using this huge straw tote as like, her carry-on bag. And he was like, girl, why are you using that straw tote? And she was like, you know, I've just like never found a bag that really worked for me. And he was like, well, I work for Hermes. And so they spent the whole flight talking about what the perfect bag would be. And then they made this bag for her called the Birkin after Jane Birkin. And it's since just become like this cultural icon. Why I wanted a Birkin in the first place is that I think that I fell for this myth that like, if you're a successful woman, like all roads do lead to Birkin at a certain point. And like, that is something that is very present in the culture. Like even Alex Earl just signed that big Netflix deal. And honey, she left Paris Fashion Week with a big old Birkin, her first. So it's like, when you are making it in this world as a woman, like that is the bag that you're supposed to have slung over your arm. And I subscribed. So on my 30th birthday to mark the occasion, I was like, okay, I can either invest in a Birkin or my mom has this friend who she won't tell me who the friend is, but the friend is selling a Birkin and will sell it to me for $7,000. And do I want it? And I was like, yeah, I definitely want it. Fuck the stock market. I'm going to buy that bag. So I've had her for five years. I probably worn her less than five times. I'm so scared of her, you guys. And like, this is a patina bag. Like I said, like she's not in perfect condition. She's not in perfect condition. But like, I really do just like live with the fear of God in me about her. Like I'm like scared of the rain. I'm scared of natural elements. I'm scared someone's going to steal it. Like having something so expensive that's physical like this does sort of give me the willies. I thought that $7,000 that I definitely was going to be able to get it back. And that it was actually, this bag was going to grow in value because all the headlines are like the Birkin outperforms the S&P 500. It outperforms gold, like this bag. It's an amazing investment. A 2016 study found that Birkins had a 14.2% return over the years of 1984 to 2015. Just to give you context, the stock market usually returns around like 10%. So 14.2%, that's amazing. And it's like this bag that makes you look rich too. So you're getting rich. You're looking rich. I mean, what's not to love? So because of all these things and because I am a black 35 Birkin with pebble leather, and I honestly was really overwhelmed when I got it. Like I remember unboxing it and it did just feel like, wow, like I've entered a new part of my life. Like it felt almost like a graduation ceremony. Like there's a before and there's an after. Like I had been crowned part of this special group, you know, like you want access to that club. And it's very much like an, if you know, you know, because it's a game to get it. Even getting it. This woman was a game and it's a game to get them firsthand too. So it just shows that you're like a little bit about that life. You know what I'm saying? Luxury fashion consultant, Robert Burke calls it a rite of passage, whether you are wearing it with Chanel or Lululemon. And I think I definitely subscribe to that. And I think as a financial expert, I also fell for it because wall street is constantly telling us that this is an investment too. There's literally hedge funds dedicated to Hermes and Birkin bags. Like asset managers are looking at these bags and they're looking at these as a way to get rich. And I saw wall street be so into Birkin's. I got into them too. Like the price tag didn't scare me anymore. Like we have the celebrities telling us that this is a status symbol. We have wall street telling us that this is an investment. And then we have influencers online showing you how to get them and, and unboxing them and like building the culture even more. I also thought I was being really savvy. Like I was, like I said, for sure convinced that I was going to at least see the $7,000. If not get a bigger return. Like I saw that 14.2% return stat and like the hedge fund that tracks Birkin's. And I was like, this bag is going to be worth like 30,000 in five years. Like, honey, this is going to be priceless. Like distressed black Birkin is really going to like change my financial life. But then I had a rude awakening because I was, like I said, being so careful about the bag, like never wearing it. And I was like, okay, like maybe I shouldn't have this bag, but then like last year. So four years into wearing the Birkin, I'm never actually wearing it because I live in so much fear of like how valuable it's going to be. I'm like, you know what, girl, like maybe this life is not for you. Like maybe your investments are better in the stock market. You don't have to see them. You don't have to touch them. You don't have to be responsible for them. Maybe like having a physical asset like this is too much pressure and you should just sell it. So I was like, okay, let me sell it. So I go online and I start to sort of get quotes from luxury resalers. And what I found was that this whole idea of a 14% return is a complete myth, unless your Hermes bag is the most rare, valuable, hard to get one that you've taken exquisite care of and has basically been hermetically sealed. And the truth is too, that there's a ton of them on the market. There's over a million Birkin bags on the market. So the demand for them has also gone down. And we all know that prices are set by supply and demand. When there's a lot of supply, there's a lot less demand. And the data doesn't lie either. Like there has been a 36% drop in the value of Birkins on the resale market in the last three years. In 2022, you could get 2.2X the price of the bag on the resale market. And in 2025, it dropped to 1.4X. So the big lie is that these are investment handbags, like that it should be completely normalized for us to go to Hermes and spend thousands of dollars on a handbag. Even though for most people who you see on TikTok doing that, I guarantee like their Roth IRAs are not maxed out because it's a status symbol that will also eventually make you rich because it will hold its resale value. And what I'm saying as someone who's on the other side of that, although I didn't buy my Birkin firsthand, is that the resale value of these bags has been completely conflated. The only Birkins that are really seeing that huge return that are actually investment pieces are the ones that are super rare and in pristine condition. If yours is like mine, and it's like Olsen Twin at the airport, just like has lived a life, you're just not going to see that same return. Which makes sense, right? Because if it's an asset, in order for an asset to maintain or grow in value, you have to take exquisite care of it. Which means you basically need to like hermetically seal it, read it a book every night, oil it, kiss it, make sure that it's comfortable and not cold, and like never bring it out of your apartment. Quits makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and washable silk. 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The summer was incredible, but I'm already looking forward to fall and getting back into all my routines, eating healthy, the balance meals with Factor, it's really my non-negotiable for a reset. Factor makes Chefcraft dietitian designed ready to eat meals so you don't have to choose between real food and convenience factor meals are ready in two minutes and require no prep and no cleanup so even on the days your schedule is completely out of control eating well is still achievable 97 of users agree that factor meals help them live a healthier life so you can feel confident that you're already doing something good for yourself just with every meal i love their salmon burgers and their protein shakes they are the perfect start to long work days let's eat real head to factormeals.com slash mrs dow jones 50 off and use code mrs dow jones 50 off to get 50 off and one free breakfast item per box for one year while supplies last until 10 31 2026 that's code mrs dow jones 50 off at factormeals.com see website for more details but these bags are special like hermes really doesn't mess around like artisans have to train for five to ten years before they're allowed to even make one of these bags five to ten years it's like medical school each bag takes a minimum of 18 hours to complete their saddle stitching i mean it's really beautiful like the craftsmanship alone which sound a lip gloss the craftsmanship alone really like does deserve the price tag but i don't know the exclusivity is just like sort of nuts these days and obviously i also am a fan of the mrs dow jones i'm obsessed with pop culture and i do feel like i was brainwashed to think that a birkin does mean that you've made it and by the way when i do wear it like one of those five times i did feel like i made it like it does sort of give you that pep in your rich girl step but like you know the kardashians as they've built their empires they have huge closets just dedicated to birkins we talked about alex earl even men wear them like david beckham has a huge one that he travels with drake has been collecting them for his wife his future wife he doesn't even know who she is yet but like she is a big fan of the mrs dow jones 50 off and use code mrs dow jones 50 off a lot of bags girl oh and of course lauren sanchez the moment she got jeff's credit card like she's been at her mess all the doodad day like wherever she travels she's in there picking up a new purse like if you are rich if you are successful if you have like a profile you're wearing a birkin this is the bag end of story they are this ultimate symbol of like power and money and just opulence and like everyone from becca bloom to like that random fashion girly that you follow who somehow went to paris and got the hermes appointment and ended up with a birkin and like instead of her feeling so overwhelmed and stressed that she just spent like fifteen thousand dollars on a bag she's posting about it with pride to show you that like she has this status symbol and i guess like has made a good money decision i don't know they're really in the culture it's sort of chic what's also crazy about the birkin resale market is that the smaller the bag is the more valuable it is like this is a thirty five which is a big bag but a thirty two which is just a little bit smaller would also not be as valuable as if i have the tiny one the tiny ones go for thirty to fifty percent more on the resale market than the bigger ones so yeah this black one it's not trendy it's not new i would really be lucky to sell it for what i put into it so i bought it for 7k four or five years later if i could sell it for 7k like that would be a good return meanwhile if i could put that 7k in the market when i turned 30 it would be worth 13 700 today assuming a 10 annual return and i could sell it at the click of a button because that's the other thing when you are reselling an asset like this a physical asset it's the same as when you sell a house it's all about the market like you have to figure out who your buyer is and depending on what's going on in the world you could either have more leverage or they could have more leverage and i think that's that i really like about investing in the stock market versus buying these physical assets is that you can sell your stocks at the click of a button whereas when you are buying even if you buy a house which is a physical asset you have to wait for the right buyer to come along and make you that offer that you can't say no to which is why they always talk about the four d's of deal making death disease divorce and disaster because those are four moments where people are more likely to like be vulnerable and just need to liquidate something i'm going to tell you a story about the first time that i bought a chanel bag which was firsthand and you guys i was like so stressed the night before financially i could afford it like don't worry i was like in a great place with my business i was in paris i had planned for this i was going to get the vat refund i was so excited but i go get the bag and i get i sort of freak out at the store because it feels like this really high stakes decision sort of the same as if i was like picking a stock or something like i think i would be really overwhelmed and i ended up buying this bag that's actually so ugly like i should have brought it today i'll put a picture of it um if you're watching the youtube it's this like brown chanel 19 and it just like is not the vibe you know what i mean like it should have been classic it should have been just like a bag that i could wear all the time and this one is just like such a statement it's a little it's that weird like medium size where it's not a tote bag but it's not an evening bag and it's like it's too chanel-y to really wear every day like i don't know i don't know i don't i have a lot of issues with it but even with that bag i've tried to resell it and that bag is in perfect condition and i bought it firsthand and guys i paid i think also 7k for that bag and i could maybe get 4k for it like that bag was a big loss so you know it's a tough game to play and i think that it's sort of looked at the same way as people look at like buying individual stocks where they think that they can just like find the next apple but it's really not like that if i buy any more air mess bags it'll be like a lot of money and i'm like i don't know what to do with it i'm just because i love the bag and i want to wear it because they are like i said beautiful the craftsmanship is crazy you do feel like a rich like queen when you wear it i mean there's something in the water there you can't deny it but uh the resale value just isn't there you know and i think you really see this across the board with luxury bags and it's almost another pink tax on women because we are encouraged and basically expected to have these designer handbags to have always a statement handbag um it sort of goes back to like the it girl culture of the 2000s where the girl had the fendi spy bag the balenciaga like there's just been these tropes in fashion history that have prevailed but they're really expensive and you should never purchase them unless your finances are in order and you're buying it from a place of fun instead of a place of investment you know like this whole idea of an investment piece really has to go i actually think it's as bad as girl math because it's not an investment piece it's a piece it's gorgeous it's chic but it's not an investment yes you can recoup some of it but it's not an investment piece it's not an investment piece it's not an investment piece it's not an investment piece but like it's not crazy especially if you use it and it's even worse with the other brands like the moment that you're buying saint laurent or loewe or like even chanel the resale value is not there it's really hermes chanel and goyard that have the best resale value and even with those bags if you use them and if the bag that you originally bought is not super rare then you're never going to get your money out of it and this has harmed me personally this would not be an episode about why i hate my birkin and about the luxury resale market if i didn't call my friend joanne who i have been to paris and japan with on a luxury bag sourcing trips like i don't think you understand how hard i go with all of this stuff this is sort of my hobby um and she's right there with me so we're gonna give her a call because she has way more birkins than i do like the girl has we're gonna find out her exact number i think it's like almost five and she um she really knows how to work the game like she's in this world oh she's here oh my god the birkin queen has joined us joanne tell us how many birkins do you have and how did you get them well i have more than one and it's not really good measure to tell people how many you have and you always keep them in a secure location right so you can't even give us a ballpark like is it more than five is it more like what's like are we in the middle of the night or are we in the middle of the night in the double digits no no no it's it's less than five more than one i actually do love wearing a birkin i just don't think that they're investment pieces i think that they have some value like you're not going to be able you're going to be able to recoup more of your money than if it was a different brand but this idea like influencers are always online unboxing the oh this is my investment piece my investment bag and i'm like babe an investment is the stock market like that bag is a liability it's chic it's cool it's pretty it makes you feel rich and it makes you feel rich but it's not gonna make you be rich no um but it's a better purchase than buying uh two and a bad a bad product that's actually a good way to look at it do you know what i mean yeah like if you buy one nice one versus birkin versus three whatever like yeah like second tier designer well i'm excited to buy new bags with you soon we need to do a shopping trip asap yes but i think if you're in the market for a birkin the best thing to do is to go somewhere where you can see and touch one there's lots of places secondhand places that have them because you can't do that in the hermes store no we were in japan at their mess store and we tried to touch a birkin and they made us wear gloves no i i've barely it's like touching grass touching a birkin very difficult um and so i think you should go to places there's um you know your local resale folks. There's lots of vintage stores. You can go in and look at a Birkin and see what size fits you, what color fits you. It's a very, very considered long-term purchase. Look, I am 60 plus years old. I did not get this until I was 60 plus years old. So I don't think it's a frivolous thing. I think it's a thing that has to be considered. It's a forever bag. Yeah. And you have to have a lot. You have to have some disposable income to have a Birkin. Just be clear. A hundred percent. But that's what I'm saying. It should be a fun disposable purchase. It can't be something that you look at as like, this is going to make me rich. No, it has to be fully disposable purchase. Okay. I love that. I love you and your queen. And I actually, I learned so much today. Did you know that three out of four US homes have toxic chemicals in their tap water? 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Okay, guys, when I first started Mrs. Dow Jones, I was selling a lot of merch, and it was a business idea that I was sitting on, and then I set up Shopify, and it made it so easy to get started because they truly have everything you need to start selling, and you're ready from day one, including the moment your first customer is ready to pay. Shopify Checkout helps more customers finish their purchases, and when they come back, their details are already saved. One tap, and they're done. And that's because Shopify handles the setup and the checkout, so you have more time to focus on growing your business and the tools to do it. Shopify has been so helpful in Mrs. Dow Jones and making the business more accessible, and I just, like, really loved using them when I had that store. They power millions of businesses worldwide, from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to small businesses just getting started. So go to Shopify.com slash FINANCIALTEA for your free trial. That's Shopify.com slash FINANCIALTEA. to start your free trial. Shopify.com slash FINANCIALTEA. I've always been obsessed with luxury handbags, by the way. Like, I think part of my journey to becoming Mrs. Dow Jones was realizing I needed to stop prioritizing looking rich and actually work at being rich. Like, when everyone was doing that 2016 throwback trend on Instagram, my 2016 throwback was literally selfies of me at the Celine store, with handbags. Like, at that time, I was working the front desk at a Pilates studio. I was working as a page at David Letterman, and I was babysitting a brat named Winthrop, and I still found the time to go to Madison Avenue, visit Celine, and look at the handbags that I could never afford because I just wanted that feeling. And I think I thought that if I just looked rich enough, like, I would just attract money, but it turns out that that is not a wealth-building strategy that works. You don't magically become rich just because you look rich. You don't magically become like you have money. Like, most people go broke doing that exact thing. And I will say, like, when I started to make real money for myself, of course, my priorities are always to plan for my future, and I'm really good at that, but I always keep money aside for my wants, and so many of my wants have been designer goods, which I know is lame. Like, I know that I am literally falling for, like, this garment that costs probably $30 to make. But they're selling for $3,000 when I buy, like, a Prada sweater that says Prada on it. But I still, like, that, I just still want it. Like, I can't, guys, like, I don't know what to say. Like, even I bought the Louis Vuitton duffel bag for travel with my initials on it, and, like, that was, like, so exciting to me. I think I bought it for my birthday last year for myself, and it's, like, I forced myself to use it, but it's actually the worst travel bag in the world. Like, it comes off of the handle. It comes off of the handle nonstop. It barely fits anything. It's, like, weird because it's a duffel bag, but you're using it as a carry-on, so it's, like, sort of odd to put your laptop in there. Like, I don't know, but I, like, I feel a certain way when I wear it. Like, it's just, I can't help it. I really, like, I fall for all of this shit, and it's something that I have to really suppress. And that's why, honestly, like, I do, I can't tell you as, like, part of this episode that I'm I think that I'm going to start wearing this one more casually because she's not really that valuable, and I should just enjoy her and enjoy the ride. I think it's fine to literally spend money on whatever you want. Like, I, getting value out of your money is using it on things that really make you happy. So if, like, carrying a Birkin really makes you happy, then that's actually, like, an amazing use of your extra income. But I think the problem with the bag is that we've been gaslit to think that it's this, like, amazing investment, it's not, you guys. Like, it's, like, you will, it's a better investment than second-tier designer brands like a Prada or a Loewe, but, like, it's not, it's not going to touch the S&P 500. And if you're prioritizing buying a Birkin over, like, contributing to your Roth IRA or something, that's not smart. But, like, if you've already contributed to all your tax-advantaged accounts and, like, your brokerage account is popping and you've got some extra income, like, yeah, get a Birkin, enjoy it. Just don't think that it's going to, like. Pay for your facelift when you're 65. If you want to buy a new Birkin, you're going to have to build a profile first. Yes, you cannot just walk into Hermes, like, some pleb and ask for a bag. What do you think this is, diva? You need to actually create a relationship with a sales associate and spend the same amount as that bag before on other things. So, like, if you're going to buy a new Birkin, you're going to have to build a relationship with a sales associate and spend the same amount as that bag before on other shit from Chanel so that you build your profile. Translation, you have to spend thousands on shoes, bags, blankets, dog bowls, dog carriers. Not because you necessarily want them, but because you have to reach a one-to-one spending ratio to get a quota bag. So, like, if you want a bag that's $15,000, you need to first spend $15,000 at Hermes to even be offered it. And you have to build a relationship with your sales associate. You've got to be technical. You've got to be texting that man, like, you up? Happy birthday. What's for lunch today? You've got to be building that vibe with that person so that when he gets in his quota bags, you're top of mind. You're the front of his list. And he calls you and he says, get your ass to Hermes. We're going in the back room. I got something to show you. But what's even crazy about that is you can tell them which bags that you will want as your quota bag, but you're not guaranteed to be offered that. So, he could say, get your ass down to Hermes. You're not guaranteed to be offered that. And you could want a gray Togo bag, 30 with Palladium hardware. And he could give you a 35 purple with gold hardware and say, take it or leave it. This might be the only bag you ever got offered. What are you going to do? So, they also force your damn hand, which is crazy because it's a big investment. Like, if you look at it as the ultimate bag, like, this is the one bag that I'm going to need for the rest of my life, then it's sort of fabulous. Like, you, like, you know, if you stop buying everything else and you just buy that, buy once, buy better, great. But don't buy stupid. And what's crazy is in other countries, the spend ratio might be as high as, like, 1.5 or even 2. Like, in Asia, they're fully making you spend, like, 30k to be offered even the opportunity to buy a $15,000 bag. And to me, that's a little MLME. Like, that's an ML, that's a grifter vibe. Like, it's a little bit that girl from high school messaging you on Facebook. Like, she has a really cool opportunity. And then you have to, like, buy all the Mary Kay products. And then you've got to resell them and recruit people. Like, it's feeling a little bit MLM. There are even bait products. So, like, Hermes has those sandals with the H on them, the Oran sandals, or, like, the Hermes belt with the H, or scarves. That if you buy to reach your quota, signals to the sales associate that you're not a serious customer. And they will also even, like, check your social medias, check your home address. Like, they're going to do a full forensic report on you to decide if you are even eligible to be offered one of these bags, which honestly sucks for me because, like, I do think that I'm going to want another Birkin down the road. And, like, I am putting out a video podcast titled, Why I Hate My Birkin. So, Hermes, if you are watching this, like, just know, like, it's not that I hate the Birkin. It's just that I don't think it's an investment. I think the bag is chic, but I just, like, don't think the girly should look at it as, like, an index fund. And I want to be clear, just to be fair, this isn't just Hermes. Like, the luxury game, this is how it works. Like, if you want to get any watch, you need to first build a profile with that watch company. You can't just walk into Rolex and get a Daytona. You need to build a relationship with a sales associate at Rolex, buy other watches that are maybe like not as in demand as that one, and then maybe eventually they're going to offer you it. Same with Patek Philippe. And even wine works this way. Top burgundy producers allocate bottles based on your spending history. If you are really at the top of the Hermes game, there's only one person that you're going to do it with, and his name is Michael, and he's based in Paris. And this is Lauren Sanchez's sales associate. This is Kris Jenner's sales associate. This is definitely Alex Earle's sales associate. Any celebrity that you see with a sick Birkin, they're getting it through Michael. He is so connected, and he has access to all the best bags, and these women are just throwing goops of money at him. Literally, Lauren hosted a private shopping event for her bachelorette with him in Paris. So you can only imagine how much all those girls spent, and he will hook you up. But I think that he probably has a lot different access than like the Joe Schmoe who's working the Hermes in Williamsburg. You know what I mean? So you even have to have strategy with that. It's a whole game, and you have to want to play it, and it actually takes a lot of energy and effort, and of course, money. To wrap up, Hermes is iconic. I love my bag. I actually do. I don't hate you anymore. Don't worry. But Hermes is a pyramid scheme. It's a luxury hustle wrapped up in designer. Let's not fool ourselves. This is crazy. It's crazy that you have to spend money to be able to be even offered this bag, and that the culture positions it so much as an investment when you actually look into it, it's not. But I'm only going to buy it because I can afford it, and as a liability. I'm not going to look at it as something that's going to fund my future. I'm going to just look at it as something that makes me feel fabulous. And for the love of God, I'm going to use the shit out of the bag. This baby, I am going to bring on the subway. I'm going to bring to the airport. I'm going to wear her in the rain. Me and you, girl, we're about to go on some adventures. That's the point. That's how you should use it. And then when I do want to make money, when I am putting money aside for my future rich person, I'm going to put it in the stock market. I'm not going to put it into orange bags because I know the truth that these are not an investment. They're beautiful bags. They're going to last forever. I'm not going to put it in the stock market. I'm not going to put it in the They may prevent you from buying other stupid things because you have like one great thing that you don't need to replace, but you're not going to be able to resell it for way more than it's worth. And it's certainly not compounding. So yes, I feel like the moral of the story is that looking rich and being rich are two different things. Only one of them is actually going to change your life. And the other is going to add to your life, but don't think about it as a safety net of any kind. By the way, I also bought my Kelly. Oh, but you didn't know I had her too bad girl. Okay. I actually do wear her a shit ton. Be nice. I love her. Also got her second hand. She's iconic. She's gorgeous. I am actually, I think more of a Kelly girl than a Birkin girl, but like this is the ultimate bag. I wear it all the time. It's such a good size. I love her, but she's not going to make me rich, but I love her. She makes me look rich and feel rich. And that's powerful too. Okay. I've got to go hang out with my bags, but thank you so much for listening to Financial Tea. Remember to rate and subscribe wherever you watch or listen to this podcast. It helps the show so much. And remember to email tea at mrsdowjones.com. If you have any financial tea to share, I read every submission and guys like I'm here for it. Keep the tea coming. Keep it piping hot. Subscribe, follow and rate. Stay rich. 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