Why He Withdraws

And then I feel really at all, and everything. Because I have no models on them at all. I feel no successful relations. I feel like I'm letting me be here for a while. Did you get hurt, you? You come here to me. Hey, welcome back everybody. Should have come here to me podcast. And it's a figs and episode, which I'm very excited about. We don't get to do them very often, which I'm not so excited about. So yeah, as we promised, we're going to try and do what we call an affect assembly on Mochelle Fighi. OK, Mochelle. Don't laugh at my sophisticated. You're like, say it in French and then just cut it down to just sing "moir." No, I like Mochelle Fighi. And so yeah, we're going to do an affect assembly today on me, just like we did on Teal in the last episode. That was a figs and teal episode. We're going to try and start with my negative judgment of Teal. And then see if we can work out everything that's happening. And then make it a living breathing experience. And hopefully watching me do it will be helpful. I'm not looking forward to it. As you can probably tell, my arms are already folded. It's like a nervous. Yeah. Yeah, you're very happy. I'm going to even wore your Miss Frizzle dress. I'm just in full clown circus. Exactly. Miss Frizzle glasses for those listening grittin' our grace, Jesus. Wow. That's my daughter's head. Problematic. Teal is in full Miss Frizzle fair, which I love. All the nerds are like, "Shout." Exactly. Well, Miss Frizzle, my ultimate childhood fantasy, like teenage fantasy. What was it I said to you? Okay, you have to like, teal board a new yoga. See, like, I'm going to keep this off me. Just before we get started, teal board a new yoga outfit, like, you know, like the leggings and the top. And we're talking full matchy matchy. Okay. Is it full matchy matchy? It's full matchy matchy. It's a set. Yeah, but in listen, it's not just like full matchy matchy to pastel, like pastel green, right? It's like full, like flowers, like, bam. Like just flower, like multiple colored flowers in the bottom, multiple colored flowers on top. Bam, there's a lightness in your face, right? Like when? Yeah. You said to me, he saw me at the end of the hall and he's like, wow, you're really alive, huh? Yeah, no. That was my best attempt for reframe. I didn't want to say that outfit is too much. You're going to frighten the other people in the yoga studio. If you go, bam, Abe colored flowers, girl, right? But I thought, you know, you're really alive was a good reach kind of. It was a nice compliment. It won't you? Really alive. You're full of aliveness. I love it. Okay. That's all the distraction in my life. Yeah, that's it. Okay. All right. Let's get down to business. Okay. So I've noticed in the last couple days, you've been crap. Been a crap. Spice. Crap. And I would like to talk about it because we're laughing now. But why have I been crap? Yeah. Right. Well, look, you know, I've been firstly, I've been in a little bit of a work, um, trench warfare feeling, of course, I probably shouldn't be, but I've been in my like work emergency mode. I'm facing a life crisis. Like, you know, I do for no reason other than a traumatized person. But let's talk about between you and me. Okay. I was thinking about this when we like race, that to do this. Um, there is something I should process with you. Like I was just thinking, I don't think this would be, well, let's see where it goes. Right. Let's just, again, I'm not going to be a wishy washer. Right. Right. I'm not going to be a flip flopper. Um, yeah, like just, just the fact that I know I haven't, I haven't done anything crap today yet. The fact that you have something that you think you've been very good today. I haven't been good today. And many would argue that I'm good every day. But some would obviously think that it's not true. But like the fact that you don't just lay this shit down when you're upset, like right then and there. Yeah. Baffles me and I have appreciation for it. Yeah, yeah. We'll show. I'm not going to be a bad guy. How did you judge me? Like what was the story of me? What was what was the judgment of me? Well, because this is where it feels a little. A little complicated, right? Because it's not in and of itself. Me not feeling considered. Me not feeling important. You isn't a huge trick. right? So you I thought you weren't considerate of me, but the bigger negative judgment of you, when I think of it is like it's like hypocritical because you know if there's any behavior of mine that's a hint of being inconsiderate and not prioritizing your feelings, you know, right? You're on exactly and so this is the thing. Yes, of course, I've heard so not being considered, but I think it touched some other like dark place that yeah that like oh my god if I like went out and told you I texted you and never texted you and if I then the next morning was gone before you woke up. So this is like a one like yes I didn't feel considered, but it's actually this deeper thing right? So yeah, I judged you as an inconsiderate person, but it's a the bigger judgment of you as I just felt it was hypocritical. So let's just view that for a minute and I really appreciate you helping me get it. I actually feel I'm here what I'm hearing is that the like first run right the half a floor down and the elevator is is that I I'm I was a hypocrite. You're being hypocritical. You would if I did this to you you would be on top of me and look you do it you don't only do one thing but you do kind of like three things you don't you you tell me you're gonna text me when you're out and just give me a sense of the timing. You come home and you don't even acknowledge oh my gosh I'm so sorry I didn't text you or oh shit I forgot about that. So neither of those things and then the third thing is just kind of rolling in to my experience the next day and not connecting with you or the kids. So that's like that's tough. So you judged me as being a hypocrite. Exactly. And then and then anything else and the other two. Well just like yeah well it gets me a danna feel angry like angry it's real strong but really frustrated like annoyed that before you go there like I'm trying to think is there anything else I think the most like inconsiderate like well and just on well I guess how here's the other thing is unreasonable because I guess just because I don't trust like yeah like what I'm telling you now that oh by the way I saw it seemed inconsiderate but the bigger thing is that it seems hypocritical like is there you know I think we're doing an act as a podcast but it can seem like oh yeah I really be able to look at you and tell you that and not go well right so so I have this negative judgment I don't I can go like well there's no point in telling you right anyway so that's like let's say how would I label that judgment would be right unreasonable right unreasonable I'm kind of scary like scary to to tell me yeah so just just to make sure I'm I'm keeping up right it's it's it's unreasonable it's hypocritical yeah hypocritical is the big one hypocritical okay so you want to show you just yeah I mean I think that's the big one that unlocks you know you don't like where like I think that it's yeah it feels really strong it's like the other ones are a little bit more muted but this one is not well really not consider it and then hypocritical there to do like you're not this is the thing they are tied together it's like you were you demand consideration right and then but you're not considering return which aka leads that is big judgment of you as hypocritical okay so because I'm uncomfortable saying to you directly I get it I get it I get it I get it I'm giving you little little touches because for me like listen I'm a pursuer I love closeness with things so just like knowing about his internal experience even if it's like telling me like I'm a profits thing or I was an asshole I'm like and just so close to you right now I'm so excited I'm so excited but I get it and and you maybe do this couple weeks ago and it was very very scary to do what you're doing so that you can judge me as hypocritical and unreasonable and like yeah it seems like you'd be feeling some big feelings about me when you're feeling those things maybe you can help me get get a sense of just like how do you feel towards me when you judge me is unreasonable and hypocritical yeah well I feel disappointed in you right and so we're going down to the next layer in the elevator here so now we're just taking it yeah frustrated with you and disappointed in you disappointed and annoyed right frustrated disappointed in you and I'm just going to get a piece of paper like like in sessions I I jot down yeah so so disappointed just because I don't I want to use your words yeah disappointed frustrated annoyed annoyed when I see you as a hypocrite yeah yeah it's hard to say again yeah I see you as a hypocrite and I'm disappointed in you and I'm annoyed with you yeah frustrated yeah yeah so you know I you asked me to to text you I not only don't text you I don't you know I don't mention it when I come home then the next morning I'm out before you were the kids have woken up we didn't even really talk about that right as being part of the plan so it's all just like fodder for feeling like she is a hypocrite right then should she be all over it and on top of that she's super unreasonable I can't even oh I can go tell her and like like she'd really be able to be receptive of me so as I feel that I'm kind of like frustrated I'm disappointed with her oh yeah that's the other judgment right you're misrepair your pants yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm the one not considered and like and so like that's that's the that's the judgment you're a hypocrite and you're woken around in your emotional superiority oh yeah oh oh and and that sounds like it's really important which is kind of I guess that's the hippoc it's tied in with hypocritical but it's a slide variation of hypocrite and you think you're you're emotionally do you think it should go in the first run like I know it's the first run yeah okay okay so let's let's let's flip up to that kind of yeah a hypocrite and your your hypocrite you're feeling all smog and superior hypocrite superior and you know it was so interesting unreasonable you're gonna forget about that yeah you know it was so interesting is you gave me a little taste of this two nights ago oh yeah Friday night you said we were joking around and and Figs said something about oh you're misrepair your pants so you I feel like you were I gave you a little you were kind of just yeah yeah well of my judgment yeah and I didn't get it I was like oh that's a superior I am you're like well of course I'm glad you see me right exactly have you seen this as I'm getting well okay okay and you're flaring yoga pens okay okay okay all right this is really helpful so when you see me as hypocritical superior unreasonable you feel really disappointed with me you feel frustrated with me you feel super annoyed by me yeah and I guess I'm curious like what is it that you're doing on the outside when you're seeing me as these things well look in this case I mean look obviously you know because I have a I don't have a temper because it sounds very self-judgedy right now but I do but in this case what I did is I said nothing on the outside okay I didn't actually yell at you or shout at you I didn't like it all react explicitly the in this case I said nothing right was just interesting it's amazing look I when you came home I didn't see anything when you left in the morning I was just like like you said I wasn't that I said I was like I think I was a little harder for the kids and you might have realized for you not to be there last night and then gone in the morning I never said anything so the behavior would be I with hell yeah yeah I actually just with hell with hold okay the judgment done by by the way it's just so interesting now that it felt like that was a good thing I was doing you know to mean it felt like oh look at me not being reactive and critical but okay but now you know now obviously two days later I realized it may or whatever it is three days later oh I realized it may not be as smart as I thought it was they're not saying anything sooner okay yeah but I would help yeah I just said nothing I'm holding myself back because I'm feeling a lot of tender feelings for you right now just let you know just the the quietness um like there you didn't explicitly say I'm I'm frustrated I'm annoyed right I'm judging you as you know a hypocrite you you just were quiet exactly and you withheld so withheld that information and then you kind of doubled down on that in internally in you were kind of like this is the this is the this is the this is the heroes path this is the right thing to do and right now as you're talking about it you're feeling or maybe feeling a lot scoubled days you're feeling a little sense of like oh was that the right thing so that I'm just I'm just reflecting what you said what you're saying what you're helping me get um okay well we're gonna come back and kind of organize all these pieces again but let's go to the next wrong the next layer down which is the big right this is really important right because those first three is all the react of these stuff, strategy or character strategy. Oh my god, the cameras following again. Come back. Oh, come here, camera. Turn off the all-show focus or whatever the hell it is. Still following me. There you go. I follow you into a shiner, baby. Thank you, sweetie. Okay, we're in. We're in. Listen, that's right. So the top layer is kind of the the reactive stuff. That's right. Now we're moving into the bottom there. Exactly. Yeah. So I know for you, it's, you know, this is this is brave. Just like it is for a client, just like it was for me a couple of weeks ago. And they would just like, let me hold you in this. I'm not going to like physically hold you, but let me just kind of like stay with you here. You don't even have to explain it to our audience. Just let yourself be there. Like as you are judging me as being hypocritical, superior, unreasonable. And you feel really disappointed with me and really frustrated with me and super annoyed by me. Right. And on the outside, you look kind of quiet and kind of withholdy when you're when you're judging me as all those things and you're feeling so frustrated like that. And you're kind of holding all this stuff inside of yourself. What is that flavor of love? You are longing for or need deep down inside. Yeah. That's a great question. Right. And so again, like so here's the, and I'm already judging myself as a intellectualizer, withdraw, but it kind of passes through. Obviously, I didn't feel considered, but the reason I, the reason not that I'm considered actually hurts this much is because I'm usually bad and unacceptable for being not considerate. So the deeper, deeper one is actually being good and acceptable. Right. But I passed through the longing for consideration myself and but the fact that I wasn't getting considered myself, it's like, oh my god, how come I'm never like acceptable? You know what I mean? So it really deeply, it touched at the deepest level just like I want to be good. Like I don't want to be the bad one. Yeah. The longing to be accepted and not. Yeah. It really is like it kind of goes back into that, excuse me, but that, and a hypocritical part of me and that judgment of me, but then the inverse of that is you feeling like you're feeling negative feelings about me, but you're really feeling like I see you in such a negative form so often. And so it kind of is just like it drops into a really deep place of feeling just this longing to be good. Yeah, it hurts. I think it hurts because yeah, again, these are the kind of things that I did. I'd be really bad and I'd be getting a talking to about how bad I am. And so I'm not really hurt. So that's the core hurt place when I'm at disappointment. I'm not good enough. I'm unacceptable. But look, I'm fascinated with this myself because what it brought it up was not feeling considered, which, you know, but it's not, of course, I have a need to feel considered. It really matters. But I think it drops into this deeper need of like this is where I like I'm often not good enough. Like, you know, so I think yeah, it's a it does like it's a two level, not consider. I want to be considered, but actually on the deeper level, I want to be considered because like, like, you know, it's so important to you to be considered. Like, do I want to like, can't you see that I'm good enough? Right. And so I think that's it touches on the I want to be seen as good enough and good and acceptable. Absolutely. That makes so much sense. I mean, it's it's almost like hard to like wrap my head around in terms of like reflecting back in words. I'm going to try it. Yeah. Right. But just that that it's there is the longing like that flavor of love you're longing for is to be considered. Yeah. And almost like more importantly and more encompassing is this like kind of ache around feeling like I feel seen as bad a lot. Right. And I really want to be seen as acceptable and good. Exactly. I want to be like acceptable and good. Yeah. Yeah. I make I mean, it just makes so much sense. And I'm wondering, are there any judgments of yourself just as you're as you're here? Well, when I here's what I notice, right, is like I have I'm already scared right now. But I'm not going to feel my vulnerable feelings the way I'm supposed to feel them. And so like I feel a judge, I feel that's inadequacy to not enoughness. Like right now, right? Like I notice, right as soon as we started to go to be below the line stop, you turn your body towards me. You get closer and you know the mean, which is, no, but listen, it's not a bad thing. But I just want like, but it like I can I already feel the expectation that I'm going to now, I'm suppose I'm going to have to feel vulnerable feelings. And so even right now as we're doing it, I'm already feeling the fear of being inadequate. So do you know what I mean? I'm scared that I'm not going to do it right now. So that and and I hear you it makes sense and you know that body language stuff, you heard me explicitly say like, just let me hold you. Let me stay with you. So it's kind of your own feelings of like, am I going to get this way? Look, I'm going to be able to be held, right? And that's where you know, I can get scared. I'm not going to be lovable enough, not going to be vulnerable enough the way someone's supposed to be. I'm not going to do it right now. Even as we're talking about how I can be scared, I'm not enough. I'm worried I'm not enough right now, even processing how I can feel like I'm not enough, right? So it's like, yeah, so it's just, you know, it's so it gets real confusing quite quickly. Yeah, it's really a core place that gets touched and makes makes sense that you you want to get this right and you're worried you're not going to. Exactly. So the judgment of your self is kind of in the like, am I getting this right? And I'm worried I'm not going to so that kind of maybe goes back up into a judgment of me. Like is Teal going to be disappointed? No, well, well, that's right. Like, but doing it so funny in a moment like this, I just want to be clear. I never think of it as a judgment of you. It's more I'm scared. And moment like this, I don't think if it is a judgment of you being disappointed at me. I'm scared that you're going to be disappointed in me. I was just, I want to hear what your thing. I'm just going to start looking at the screen because I think it can be a little bit less intimidating than having me so close and talking to you. I'm happy for you to go. It's just built to notice that I get really scared that I'll disappoint you. Even now, even now I get scared that I won't process my feelings well. It would just as the reality, right? Of what it's like for the which you're or I'm scared I'm not going to process my feelings good and now. So make you feel met right now. Yeah. Well, and I just appreciate you naming that because I think it's brave. I think just kind of doing a little like this journey with me and I'm your partner. I'm not your therapist and, you know, like we're hitting some core stuff. And so let's just go back through what we know about this very interesting kind of beautiful cycle that's, you know, complex and deep. We've now taken the elevator down several levels and we're going to kind of go back up and and do a little bit of consolidation here. And then we'll see if I'm getting it right. Okay. Okay, great. So I mean, not great, but when I didn't text you back and when you had asked me so sweetly, if I would check in with you and give you a little time update when I was out with the ladies. That really impacted you and it was kind of like kind of there was a couple different layers there. I mean, home, I didn't say anything about it. I didn't acknowledge it. Then the next morning at dawn, I was off again. And that was really frustrating and you'd judge me as being hypocritical, superior pants and unbeasonable. And when you've, when you judge me as those things, you felt really disappointed with me. You felt frustrated with me. You were super annoyed with me. And on the outside, you kind of got quiet and and withheld this information and sort of told yourself, that's the righteous past and as we were kind of with that part, we were connecting in with maybe what was the longing that was deep down inside. And when we went there together just now, what we discovered is actually the longing, yes, it was to be considered. And it was really just to feel acceptable. Exactly. And that you're kind of, you were sort of hurting about all the other times where you've gotten the message that you don't do it right and exactly and that's really really tough so. And it's a scary place. Right for me right. I just noticed I got really scared even yeah. Right now. Yeah you got really scared scared with me just even sharing that. Exactly. Yeah. That I'm and then yeah and this is what like that even right now talking about it I'm at risk of disappointing you like I'm even just the processing it heightens the possibility of me not being acceptable and enough. Right. Yeah. So it's really it's it's an act of bravery encouraged to even just go down and you're really really scared about it. And do you have judgments of yourself in that? Yeah. And where we kind of found you want to just answer that part again for. Well again it's just look I have judgment that an enough person an acceptable person would be able to talk about out all this without getting scared that and there are disappointment. Right. Just the fact that I'm scared is actually an indication that I'm inadequate. Well it's unacceptable right. And again you know we're always doing present moment processing like I you know the way you were turned towards me and everything right and then I told you that it's actually scary for me. Yeah. You stop turning towards me right and so this is my interpretation of that is that it's not okay for me to be scared that you're going to now stop trying to be close to me. Yeah. Because me being scared of you trying to be close to me is unacceptable. Right. Exactly. I do. Yeah. It's kind of like it's really you can tell it like hits all these core places and it would make sense that you know your partner wouldn't be your therapist because as a therapist I move away from people to let them know like look it's really okay to have your space. Right. But again like even you just telling me that right now when you when you when you moved away from you when I said that I was scared like that impacted me I think we can just see what what like a hallowed ground this is right. Exactly. Pretty fertile. So let's have you do what's called an enactment where you just tell me that stuff yourself. Yeah. Do you want me to kind of reflect back to you again? Okay. Okay. Let's try and keep it. Try and keep it. We'll keep it. We'll keep it concise. Yeah. Keep the judgment of you small. Okay. As bits that deeper stuff I want to make sure I can. Okay. Okay. Great. So on the outside you judge me as superior as hypocritical and as unreasonable. Yeah. When I when you judge me those things you feel really disappointed in me you feel annoyed and you feel frustrated with me. And then on the outside you can look quiet and kind of withholding and we we discovered that on the inside you are actually longing for consideration but you're actually longing for something much bigger than that which is around am I just an acceptable person right and and that it was really scary right to feel those feelings with me even right now or especially right now that you can edit yourself if I was you know with a different type of person I wouldn't get scared around this stuff. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So Lin Yeah. Yeah. So, um, Teal I did judge you as um inconsiderate hypocrite and this superior pants and I was frustrated with you and disappointed in you and annoyed with you and what I did is I didn't do anything I would held um like sharing that with you um I didn't consciously just that's what I did right um but you know the truth is I did end up feeling not concerned and why would I'm the reason the not considered really mattered is I think this like often I feel I'm I'm seen as not considerate and so it touched the place in me where I don't feel like I'm acceptable I'm not good and when I don't feel good enough and acceptable um it feels really like a scary place inside of me um and I feel I actually judge myself as not good and unacceptable and it's really hard to believe even that is like I was telling like when you were asking all these questions it ends up bringing me in touch deeply with the feeling of I'm inadequate I'm not good enough like um and I get you know high-percentive to seeing like you're probably disappointed in me right now um so yeah um so that's all that's happened I mean like literally as I'm saying it now I sound like oh my god like it's is you know this self-judgment is really up right now like did like fix complicated look to fill it well hold on so I mean self-judgment right okay so and that was going to be my next question is like what was what's this like for you like what's it like to just share it back with me again it's brave to even put your partner like straight up here's how I judge you right and then on top of that the real that's kind of the above the line step right the below the line step as we take that elevator down and down and down we hit some really of course what I identify is really brave and really beautiful and really lovable parts of yourself right which I'm a little scared to share with you because I know you feel a lot of judging of yourself and like to be close but not to be too close but like that's just my I can't hold it back and that's just real I just think even like you say this right like you helping me get a sense like it's still fucking scary for me and I'm so worried about disappointment even in these moments or especially in these moments exactly I'm like I so long to be acceptable and you know something happens where you're not considerate of me like it really touches all the parts where I'm actually saying hey I'm I'm hurting from all those experiences of feeling like I was not acceptable for you to you right right and so yeah you you judge me you're superior you're you know you're unreasonable right you're a hypocrite I'm frustrated you I'm annoyed with you right yeah I don't feel that right now but I hear you you're right I am like that sometimes you're right and I'm kind of like right yeah exactly I'm not a good one you're kind of grumpy grumpy right like if you're if you're if you're grumpy like that's the least that you're barely showing like ripples of the like title wave that's happening inside to feel like man I feel like I'm unacceptable all the time for you right like now you want to go do this like it'd be really nice to be accepted myself you'd be really nice to be able to feel yes considered but also like not a total disappointment all the time exactly by the way it's just amazing I just amazing how look you're doing an amazing job at empathizing with me I really feel it I can see it and I'm just really aware of the part of me that it does like there's a part of me that it's just unimaginable that it's acceptable for me to feel this way like genutamine yeah like you're doing such a great job yeah but empathizing with me I really have a part of me I get so big it's so strong right it's like so stubborn like I can feed on of course it's and it's not appropriate or it's in like it's still it's so unacceptable that I don't just melt into oh my god I'm accepted right now like there's some part of me that still is completely convinced that it's unacceptable that I feel this way right you know like it's amazing but like I'm really tracking everything is and you are empathizing so perfectly and then I'm aware of like oh my god I really have a part of me that that I can't let that in it's right I believe right and that is the moment so there'd be so many instances like maybe you guys out there watching and you're like oh my gosh like how can you not just reassure him right now or right tell him like you know whatever like I just want to say I hear you and it makes sense and I'm not going to try to make that go away and in fact I even just think you saying that whoa you're touching it you're there you're kind of on the perimeter and I double down or it's kind of unreach there's like a kind of unreachable part like I think I think that in them itself is amazing so by the way let me just say why it's amazing for me just to be clear is just that it helps me feel that you can see the part of me that cannot feel acceptable and you don't need to change this part of me is actually that actually gives me like a okay like because I that is part of who I am and it is what's sad for me it's sad for you I'm just the fact that you could actually let that part of me be here and not try and change it is actually feels really nice oh I love that well what what what fix is saying what you're saying is that you're noticing like oh I have it's happening right now exactly but that instead of being like you know it'd be so easy right it's so compelling to reassure phenophets you really are from you all the things or you know don't go there like whatever it is but like just notice that some acceptance some of I don't I don't need us to try to. you know, trespass on this kind of like sacred, traumatic core place. Like, which is beautiful though, because you're actually, as not just that you're not trespassing on it, you're accepting. Yes. You're welcoming and accepting the fact that I feel this way with kindness, as opposed to trying to change it. And it's really, it's really well, I like it. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. And I like it. It's not about trespassing and it's kind of like looking at it and just saying, hey, like, right on, I accept this. I mean, your aches are my aches and I feel so protective of you and anything that's happened in your life that has created that feeling. I feel like I'm going to bulldog and I will chew out whatever that is, but it's right. You know, that's, that's beside the point. The more important thing is right now, just through my love and acceptance, you know, that there's something that can make like tiny bit. One cell in the body can just go. Yeah. So I just want to say. That's pretty amazing. Thanks for sharing with me and I believe in the takes, it takes a lot of courage to do this. It's not easy and. I just think you were so, um, you're so on like you're so just able to be with yourself. And, you know, and I know you're conscious of me like I feel are kind of merging and. Right. And you're independent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I, my hope honestly, if it's okay to say this, like I feel like having this discussion. Like I'm really hoping it just peels back one more little layer for you of just how bad I feel when you're disappointed in. Yeah, it really does. And just by the way, for the folks back home, all that does for me, like it's not altruistic and we're going to end pretty soon. But yeah, what that does for me is it just, it hits me in the places that I can feel so unlovable. Right. And makes me realize, I'm so much. Yeah. This can feel so on except he met my opinion matter so much. And I'm always telling myself. I don't matter. I don't matter to him. And I've got all my action strategies and action tendencies. I should say in strategies. And you know, all that stuff comes up and it makes me feel, I'm telling myself something. Like way bad about myself. And on the outside, it looks like really critical of you. And what you're telling me is, hey, those times, I might not flinch and might not like look like it's hurting all the time. But it really hurts me. It really hurts. And that just makes me feel like, oh, of course I go bad about myself, but I also just feel like why you really love me? You really care what I think. I really do. And I'm glad it makes me happy and feel like better to know that hopefully you get it. Just a little bit more. I do. That you really matter. And I feel more accepted, no, or understood. Okay. That was that was a viral of laughs. I'm like sweating bullets. Okay. Yeah. I've been pooped to myself. Okay. So, and that was good. Okay. I hope you go back to the podcast. That was the real about. I know it is for listen or watch. But it was real. I love you. Thank you. Good work. Okay. You guys. I'm just looking at you. And then you guys. And then you guys. Go home. Think about it. Integrate. Get us. Like. What is your experience? Like do a little bit of this yourself, like what's so how am I judging my partner? What's actually going on inside? What's that flavor of love? I'm longing for. Like do a little bit. Just consider. A little bit of some of these loops that you just saw fake so beautifully. Like he, he went on that elevator down. And now we're going to come on the elevator back up. Okay. And then we're going to come on the elevator. I love you. Thank you. Yeah. Couple of therapy for us without a therapist. Oh, who knew all we had to do is record it. Okay. Okay. Thank you listeners and viewers. We'll be back with another episode. More lights. And yeah, you gotta. That's good to tell you. That it.