Why God Keeps Bringing That One Thing Up

He's not done sanctifying me, he's not done with us. We will never get to that place in our lives, where we are perfect. We'll never get to that place in our lives where God's not still going to wrestle with us with something where we're gonna have to make a choice whether it's him or the thing. - Yeah. (upbeat music) - Hello there, you're listening to The Girl Talk Podcast. My name is Carol, I'm Kelly. - I'm Chesa. - What do you not want me to ask you about? I will never forget. So let me just say a couple of years ago I was in an accountability group and that was one of the questions we had to ask each other every single. - Explain what that is. - An accountability group. - It's just people that you meet with to kind of see how you're doing and hold you accountable on the things that you say, you know, God is working on in you. And the question was, what do you not want me to ask you about? And that answer for me was very telling. That's why I brought it to The Podcast today because why do you think there is an area of our lives that we don't want people to ask us about? - I can only speak for me. And I will say it is because I'm defending a choice I've made, I am justifying a behavior or if I'm hiding sin. Those were the three areas that I would run to and if I had, I knew I was going to have to answer that question every week. And so I might as well just quit playing church and show up, right? And so I thought, you know, why is there areas in my life that I'm not willing to share with a trusted accountability partner? It was because I was hiding sin, I was justifying a choice where I was defending a decision I'd make. So I'll add to the list because I'm tired of talking about that thing. Because that thing has, I don't want to be defined by whatever that thing is. And so-- - Which I would say that's kind of a healthy thing. - It certainly can be, depending on what some of the underlying things are about it. But yeah, yeah, I want to move on. I want to move on, I want to move on from that. And I also think that there's times where in my life, I can only speak to it what in my life. But I have like a specific friend that I was overshared with. At one point in time in my life, I overshared with this person. And so now this person, every time I see them, how's that thing? How's that thing? How's that thing? - And you don't want to go back to that thing. - I'm like, I don't want to go back to that thing. I don't want to constantly pick that monkey back up and stick it on my shoulders. And so part of it too is, I don't want to talk about it because I overshared with the wrong person, you know? - Yeah, I think that's a different type of, I think that's actually a positive, that's a boundary I would think. Yeah, that could be a positive thing. Because we don't definitely want to, don't want to be, you know, defined by things. What about you TK? - No, the questions that you answered, the answers that you said. - Defending justifying and deciding, yeah. - And the second you asked that question, I felt my defenses go up immediately and for those very reasons. - Yeah. - Like, are we gonna have to share? - Are you deepest into that? - Are you gonna have to answer that question? - No, I was just saying, yeah, here's the thing. - Oh, you don't want me to get going. 'Cause I've been in, I really have been in the most intense time of pruning that I remember in my spiritual life. - Oh, really? - Over the last month. - Oh wow. - I'm gonna say, month and a half or so? - Define pruning, though. God really going after the things in my life that I'd given myself a pass on. - Oh. - Oh. - Oh. I don't want to make this about me, but when Lent started, I said, I felt God leading me to give up sugar. And I was like, okay, I'll give up sugar. I don't know if you know me or not, but I'm like 75% sugar. - Yes, you are sweet. - You are sweet. I love sweet. - Sweet. - I love chocolate chip cookie. I mean, is there anything better in a warm chocolate chip? I mean, just you eat all the things. And I was like, Lord, are you sure? And I even came in to work. And I told a couple of my crew, I was like, I don't think I can do this. But I feel like this is something I call to you. So, first week, I was a little grumpy at times. And so I worked through that. Sat down for the second week of my journey. And the Lord just put his, like, I don't know if you've ever had this experience, but he just, I felt such a heaviness. Like, literally, there was something on my chest, like I just felt a heaviness. And he was like, Carol, you don't have a sugar problem. Is that mean I can have some sugar? You don't have a sugar problem. You have an idle problem. So you don't have a sugar problem. You got a food problem. You got a funny problem. You've got deflection problem. Like, all these things that God started like pointing out in my wall that I have so far given myself a pass on. And I'm like, oh, that's just way I am. I'm just like, I just find funny things. Just they just come right out. And God was like, no, you are running to those things for safety when you should run to me. You're running to food for safety when you should run to me. You're running for that funny comment to make everybody laugh. So nobody will challenge you on that or somebody will say anything about that. So he's been going after those. I mean, to the point I was like, can you not pay attention to Kelly or Trisha for a little while? 'Cause this is getting hot. I mean, like, he keeps peeling back things and like, no, you don't, that's not your problem. Like, that is a symptom, but that's not your problem. You have an idol factory in your heart. I think Tim Keller said that originally. He's like our hearts are idol factories. And if you're going to follow me, I want it all. And I won't stop until I get it. And I was like, well, there we go, you know. You know, one of the things I love about this is you are an incredibly mature Christian in your walk with Christ. You've been at this for a really long time. God has used you in mighty incredible ways. And yet, he's not done with you. He's not done sanctifying you. He's not done sanctifying me. He's not done with us. We will never get to that place in our lives where we are perfect. We'll never get to that place in our lives where God's not still going to wrestle with us with something where we're going to have to make a choice, whether it's him or the thing. And yet, he still lovingly comes back to us and says, I want a deeper, I want more of you. I want you to live more for me. Even when you're a mature spiritual believer, he is still pursuing you. Still pursuing you, going deeper in relationship with him. And that's the kind of good, amazing God we serve. It's exciting. It is very exciting that we're constantly being sanctified. Even though it's just exciting. Well, it also means he's got something for you. But he's using you in the midst of it all, too. He's not done with you. You know, it's not a. Yeah, he wants more of you so that he can use more of you for his kingdom and so that you can rest more in him. Yeah. And be more fully and holy his. It's just beautiful. It's just a beautiful journey that you're on. I'm sorry, it's hard. And thank you for sharing it. Oh, I mean, I pause in saying that because. I mean, I think food is such a touchy subject with people. It's so hard because when you're a kid and you fall down and you scrape your knee, people come running, they give you a popsicle or some ice cream or, you know, that's always. Yeah, early on how I learned to cope. And so through difficult times in my life, I can look back and see, yeah, that's what I ran to because that was safe. Yeah. And, you know, all that time, I wouldn't have said that was my problem. You know what I'm saying? And I would have said, my problem is, this bad thing happened to me or I went through divorce and then I would have said, that was the problem. And the Lord was like, okay, you can say that all you want to, but the real problem is right here. And I think anytime that God does that, it's so humbling because I think we can get to a point where we think that we finally have it figured out and we know how to do this Christian walk. And for me, it was. I got to go to Israel. You all have both been on the trip. You know how life-changing that is. I got back from Israel thinking, I have been a believer this long and there's so much I still don't know. Because it's like, if you ever get the opportunity to go, it's like drinking out of a fire hydrant. And I came back wanting to just soak in that experience and God kind of said to me, okay, you've seen where I've stood. What's it going to take for you to give me all the things? I don't want just part of you. I want all of you. And I think that's probably at the heart of this question, like what do you not want me to ask you about or the very things that God's going after? And it's hard. And really, you need to walk through that kind of pruning with someone, that kind of God peeling back the layers. Because for me, what I wanted to do was add things. I was like, I'm just going to add more spiritual disciplines. I'm going to spin. And those are all good things, but God was like, okay, but still, is that knowledge bringing you closer to me or is it making you more dependent on your brain of what you know? Like I'm asking for obedience, you're going after knowledge, like, you know, he just, he kept, he kept peeling back the layers and going, no, it's still this, Carol. Yeah. Well, and I think the thing that is really important about that is that this is your very personalized, very intimate journey that you're going on with God, that somebody else's journey is going to look drastically different because they are dealing with different things. And, and again, that gets back to the character of God, that he is so intimate, that he has a customized idle, breaking journey for each and every one of us, that's so personalized just to us. Yeah. Yeah. And I think with regard to that, the key might be surrender. Oh, yeah, for sure. But that's so hard. So I won't go into mind, but there, there are things I don't want to talk about. There are lots of things that I don't want to talk about because I have idols too. 100% and God is pointing them out and calling me to surrender them, I have an issue with control, the attempts at controls, even an addiction to control, trying to control the situation around me instead of surrendering to God. But that, I think, I think surrendering could be another way of expressing telling somebody about it. You know, don't ask me about this, I'm trying to protect it, but surrendering is like opening the door and allowing it to be seen. Right. Well, and we've said this before on the podcast, I'm sure that whatever we drag into the light loses its power. Yes. Yes. And like, when you tell somebody, hey, this is what I'm showing with, whether or not it's, it seems relatively small to you in the grand scheme of things. You have somebody there to say, you're doing good. Yeah. You're doing good. Come on. Let's go. You know, I mean, it's just like, I liken it to exercising with a friend. It's easier to go to the gym if you got a friend going with you. You know, it's easier to walk this journey out if you got somebody going with you, somebody who's going to encourage you on those days where all you want to do is sit down and eat a dozen crispy cream donuts because I've had it, you know, right? Those kinds of things. And it may be an addiction of any number of things. But I know that instead of looking like looking at surrender as God taking things away from us. I think we need to shift our perspective and say, God is removing things I run to instead of running to Him. Yeah. Like He's clear in the path because that's generally what it is. It's just we run to that thing and we would never say, oh, I'm not going to fashion an idle, you know, of that. And I'm not going to be able to go to statute of that. But in fact, that's what we do in our hearts, you know, we run to that instead of running to God. And God's just trying to clear the path and say, no, I'm over here. I'm over here. You know, I'm better. And I'm better. Yes. And I'm better. But we think of surrender. Yeah. Or at least I do. I think a surrender is God taking away. I have to surrender this and He's going to pry it from my, you know, white knuckles because I don't want to give it up. But if we don't want to give it up, that's a whole nether. That's a whole nether thing. Why don't we want to get that? Right. You got to dig deeper into why that is. And I think it's because of the adult, the adultery piece. Maybe that's the first time we've heard that word, but it's like putting something in place of where God should be. And so it's like I do this activity because it makes me feel good about myself instead of allowing my relationship and my identity as a child of God to make me feel peace and good about myself. I'm trying to do other things to reach that same goal. Yeah. And that's kind of the concept of adultery. And I think there are two kinds of things. There's behavior and there's heart. So you can change a behavior, but if you haven't changed that heart thing, that still needs to be dug into. And we're talking about accountability and someone asking you about it. Well, maybe I didn't do it, but I thought about it. Yeah. And here's the other thing, too. I think that happens a lot in church culture is that we do the right things for the wrong reasons. Right. Correct. And God is after the intent of our heart. And you're like, but I did the right thing. No. What was the intent of your heart, you know, and that's, oh, that's so hard and so convicting for me because I've been known to do that, and to do something for somebody. And I did it not because it, that's what God wanted me to do. I did it so that other people could see me doing a nice thing for someone else. Or you feel good about yourself, right? Same thing. Yes. Exactly. We've got to dig deep into why did I do that? Yeah. And what am I trying to get from it that I need to get from God that God has for me? Yeah. He has it in a place that doesn't shift, you know, and leak. For me, one of the things I struggle with the most are my thoughts. You know, it's less about the doing and it's more about that I'm going to live in this thought. I'm going to create this world that is meeting the needs that I'm not getting met. You know, I'm going to make my thoughts my idol. Yeah. And instead of taking something to God, I'm going to go to the happy place over here in this place of letting the enemy feed my thoughts as opposed to letting the Lord feed my thoughts. And so when you ask the question, what do you not want me to ask you about what immediately came to mind for me too is I don't even want God to ask me that question. Definitely not. Definitely not. If that's got to be for me the first step, I've got to take this to God and be like, all right, I need to sit with you God and let you ask me those hard questions so that I can ask. I can answer those hard questions to you in this safe place where I know I am safe before I even take it to a trusted girlfriend because I'm still at that point where I don't even want God to ask me that question yet. Yeah. And you speak to what I was going to ask as well is what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of in revealing either to an accountability partner or to God himself about what it is? Whatever it is. I'm afraid I'm going to have to deal with it. Yeah. That's the bigger picture. I'm afraid I'm putting something above God. Yeah. Yeah. And I think this is born out in our culture right now because we have such a hard time sitting in silence. There's always noise and I think it's become like the devil's anesthetic to keep us from dealing with the things we know we need to deal with or even realizing that's what it is at all. Right. Because there's so much noise going on that we just never stop to take time to even think about it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. We feel the space with stuff because we're afraid of our thoughts. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And where they might go. Okay. And where God might take us. All right. So let's kind of peel back the layer on that. What would be the first step if there is something? When I asked that question immediately, you wanted to turn off the podcast because you didn't want to either answer it or you didn't want to hear our answers. But where would you say, girlfriend, start right here? What do you think is the first step to kind of coming out of the dark into the light? I would say first and foremost, talk about it to God in prayer, just admit it in that way. Open up the communication about it. We're not surprising him. He already knows. It's not like he doesn't know, right? Yeah. Right. But when we bring it to him, we are involving him in the process of healing and inviting him to share with us a better way. And I think that I saw something like the difference between religion and relationship and it makes me think about this, religion says, oh no, I did something bad. I don't tell my dad, but relationship says, oh no, I'm in trouble. I got to go tell my dad. So the difference is running to the father, not away from the father. That's good. To try to get the help that you need. And we all need it. Yeah. And I think a lot of times too, it can start with just doing that sitting in silence and saying, God, is it, what is it that I have in my life that's keeping me from being full in you? What is it that I've, what is it? If I don't know or if I don't remember or I don't even want to think about that. If I just sit in silence and go, okay, God, what is it? And then he brings that thing up and then he can't, you can't let it go. He won't let it go. Yeah. You've opened the door for God to work on that thing with you. And so he'll start working on it. You might the first time go, yep, nope, I'm not talking about that. I'm just not talking about that. And do it again, because then he's going to bring it up again. And sooner or later, you will talk about it with him. Well, and here's the thing, I mean, having gone through this process, number one, God's always right. That's something that you need to know going in, and number two, the reason that he points it out is not for condemnation, like he only shines light where he's willing to heal. And so he's not condemning you for running to that. He's actually saying, that's never going to fulfill you. And here's a better way. Here's the best way. right? Right? Yeah. And so at the heart of those questions from God is relationship, is getting closer to Him. And that's something we all say we want. And yet there are those areas that we're like, you can have everything but not this. There's an old little booklet called My Heart Christ Home. Y'all remember that? It was a little booklet and it essentially, it essentially breaks your whole life down in rooms in a house. And he goes through every room in the house and says, Lord, you can have this in the living room or Jesus was waiting to have a quiet time with me, but I was too busy. You know, he goes through every room and and they get to this one closet at the end of the hallway. And the person says everything but this. You can have everything but this. And it's a good like metaphor for life, but it's good in this area like there's a closet in all of our and all of our hearts that God needs to clean out that he wants to identify not for condemnation, not for shame, but for his glory. Like that is the place where God really wants to to do a work in you that will absolutely blow your mind. He wants all of you. And I think I've heard that my whole life, but I'm actually like, this is street level, hey, I'm living this right. He wants all of you. And anything less, he will not stop until he gets all of you, you know? And he wants it because the relationship just gets sweeter and sweeter. And I think we're all the justifying and all the defending and all the hiding. It's not worth it. Whatever it is, that's never going to satisfy you. That's never going to be you're going to be like, okay, I'm finally feel good about this. But if you drag it into the light and let God heal you through it, man, it's it's powerful and it's real. And and really, I believe that that's the key to winning a lot of our battles is letting God uncover those places we've not surrendered to him. Yeah, maybe ever. Well, and one of the things you said too, is what am I afraid of? Yeah. And I know for me, one of the things I'm afraid of is having to do it on my own. If I drag that thing out into the light, I'm going to have to solve something on my own. And that's so not the truth. Yeah. God is going to do the vast majority of the work. Yeah. God wants me to bring my peace to it. But God is the one that's all powerful. I have no power to do anything outside of what I can do inside of Christ. So we don't have to be afraid of that. Yeah. We can bring it out into the light and know that God's going to walk with us through that. Sure. We're not alone. Sure. Anything else you'll add to the discussion of that area that you just can't seem to surrender. I think we all have them. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. And so don't feel condemned. Don't feel ashamed because that's where we kind of all live. And that's why God lets us do this in community. So we can share these things, encourage one another and lift each other up. And so there's a way we can pray for you. We'd love to do that. You can email us at girltalkthelightofhim.org. You can get in touch on the Facebook page and we want to say thank you to patty for getting in touch. She said, I've been catching up on the girl talk podcast and have so enjoyed them really enjoyed the one on peace versus comfort. As you put in these out. I'm guilty of the comfort zone. So thank you for being so honest and open and helping people like me to better understand. Keep doing what you're doing. Y'all are truly a blessing. Thank you patty so much for emailing us. We love you. And we're glad God is using this podcast. In fact, that's the whole reason we do it. We want people to come to know Jesus and then to grow in their relationship with him and then serve him with the gifts they've been given. That is the reason we exist. So before you leave today, if you would like, subscribe or leave a message on whatever platform, wherever you listen to the podcast, that would help more people learn about the girl talk podcast not for us, but for God's glory alone because we want to share Jesus with everybody we can through this vehicle of podcasting. So if you do that before you left, we'd be so grateful. And who knows? We might say hello to you on a future podcast. And you know what? We're going to see you next time. 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