Why Everything Keeps Frustrating You (It’s Not What You Think)

You're not frustrated because things go wrong. You're frustrated because you thought they wouldn't. And that expectation is where things start to unravel. Because most of the time, nothing necessarily catastrophic happens. Your day doesn't fall apart, your life doesn't collapse. Things just don't go the way we pictured. Traffic slows. Someone interrupts you, a conversation shifts, the plan changes. Right, fill in the blank ABC and D. And suddenly, your state changes with it. Again, it doesn't even have to be operating in the extremes. The situation isn't wildly chaotic. It's just different than what you expected. That creates a lot of tension in our lives, whether we realize it or not. There's a pretty cool story or anecdote that I feel like exemplifies this idea. Right, a long time ago, Epic Tidus said something simple. He said, "If you're going to the public baths, remind yourself what happens there. People are going to splash. They bump into you. They're loud. They're careless." So before you go, simply tell yourself, "Today I will encounter noise, chaos, and inconsiderate people." Then he said, "If you do that, you won't be upset when it happens." And that's it. That's the idea. That's the lesson. No complicated philosophy. Just accuracy. The problem isn't the chaos. The problem is walking into the chaos, expecting control. See, most people move through life like it's supposed to cooperate with them. And, hey, I am just as guilty of this as everyone else. It's a very easy track to fall into, right? We expect things to go smoothly. People to act rationally. That's a big one. Situations to unfold predictably. And when they don't, we react. Boom, frustration, stress, anger. But here's the shift. Nothing actually went wrong. Reality just doesn't match the version of it. You've created in your head. You walked into, as Epic Tidus said, the bath, expecting silence. Then you got upset when it was loud, right? So now zoom out. Because obviously this isn't about Epic Tidus and his bath houses, right? This is about how you move through your entire life. You go into conversations, expecting agreement. You go into relationships, expecting consistency. You go into, you know, your day expecting flow. And when reality does, what reality does, you know, you feel thrown off. The issue is not reality, right? The issue is the gap between reality and what you expected. That's where the frustration lives. I had a friend reach out recently who said, you know, he's got a podcast, right? Relatively new. And he said he was sharing some wins with friends and was just disappointed by their lack of excitement and encouragement. And it's like the perfect example of this, the gap between how you wish reality was and how it is. It's not personal, right? No one's praying for your downfall if, you know, they're healthy in the head. People just, they're caught up in their own lives doing their own thing. And it's like when you understand that, it sort of releases that whole line of thinking. It's like a breath of fresh air. Everyone's doing them. No one cares. Good, bad or indifferent. I remember linking with someone on the East Coast not too long ago. And this person has a pretty big platform. And I'll never forget it. It took up a lot of mental real estate in my head. It was a guest on our podcast. And she says, you know, I listen to you every time I went on stage with some of the biggest names in the industry. And you were like my best kept secret. I didn't want anyone to know about you. And I thought, how, like, why would you want to suppress something that you thought was valuable? Not to mention selfishly, just pragmatically, I'm thinking, man, when you're growing back then, I couldn't use that love and support or a shout out. And I sat with it. It bothered me. And then I thought, again, what's the reality versus my expectation? The reality is it's not personal. She's not thinking about some dude across the country trying to grow his platform and get his stuff out to as many people as possible. She's thinking about her and her trajectory and her life and her day to day. Like, of course, we all are. And, you know, in a perfect world, do we wish that was different? Maybe. We don't live in a perfect world. And so it's just an example of like, the frustration simply being living in that delta between how things are and how you wish they were expected them to be or hope they'd be. You set the right expectation. And, you know, a lot of that pent up anger dissipates. People are gonna do what people do. Life will throw curveballs because that's what life does. You can't control what happens, but you can control what you expect. And that changes everything. You know, imagine walking into your day already knowing, hey, things are gonna go wrong today. People will be unpredictable and plans will shift. And that's not negative. It's just being proactive. Now when something happens, you don't react. You recognize it. Ah, there's life, life, right? Of course, the traffic slowed or the meeting shifted or the person responded that way. Adjust. That's the superpower. You're not fighting it. You're moving with it. It brings peace. Not from controlling the world, but not being surprised by it. You learn with time that you don't rise above the chaos by eliminating it. You rise above it by managing it, by expecting it. So the next time something frustrates you, or the crux of this speech or episode, if you will, is that you simply remind yourself of this. You ask yourself that one question, well, what did I expect moving into this? Because the answer's gonna tell you everything. And if you can align your expectations with reality, you don't just reduce frustration, you remove it. You're no longer asking life to be something it's not. You're meeting it as it is. That's where control begins. Not out there, but here. What's up guys, Eddie here. And before we jump into the next chapter, just a quick note. So as many of you know, every single video that I've ever put on this channel has been created with the intent of building momentum in your life. If you want something physical to anchor that momentum, we've created the brand A-G-N-S, or always grateful, never satisfied for that exact reason. Athletic apparel that embodies the very ideas and concepts I talk about every day. Because you're watching on YouTube or Spotify, we've created a code for this exclusive community, Y-W-W-20. You can use that on the website, A-G-N-S dot lifestyle. Well, right under this video on YouTube, all this stuff is there in the shop. Again, code Y-W-W-20 gets you 20% off the entire store. It's a great way to support the channel and also elevate your journey. Let it be a reminder to keep showing up. Appreciate your time. Always grateful, never satisfied. On to the next. You don't become who you're meant to be in the spotlight. You become that person in the dark while the world sleeps. As a kid, I remember never wanting to go to bed. It wasn't tired. Not in the way they said I should be. Well, the light's dimmed and the world quieted down. Something in me lit up. A curiosity. The same curiosity I sense most of us dealt with. That feeling that light didn't just stop because it got dark. That something, something was still happening. And I didn't want to miss it. I'd stare at the ceiling, years tuned to the hum of the world outside. Every creek of the floorboard, every whisper of wind through the trees. Just reminded me things were happening, we're moving. That life was going on all around me. What if a new idea of float by in the night? What if an adventure passed me? while I slept. What if the thing I was meant to see or become only showed up once the world stopped watching? And so, for as long as I could, I stayed up. Not out of rebellion, but because I felt like I was reaching for something no one else could see. I think even as kids we understand. Some people dream with their eyes closed. Others will others dream with them open. And so, while the world slept, I stayed awake. But then sometime passes, we grow up. Somewhere along the way, the magic they told you to chase becomes a very thing they urge you to forget. You trade wonder for a resume. You forfeit imagination for a schedule. You're taught that fitting in is wisdom. Dreaming beyond the blueprint, it's foolish. There's no utility for it. And just like that, the same world that once read you bedtime stories, now hands you a manual titled, "This is how it's done." I think a lot of us come to accept it. Close our eyes without question. Fall asleep in the middle of our own lives, living by default. Drifting through job we hate. After job we hate numbing with ache and distraction, mistaking comfort for meaning. For a while, I even went down that road. But eventually, I couldn't. I couldn't unsee what I knew as a child. I couldn't pretend the fire inside me wasn't real. And so I walked away not because I was lost, but because I knew exactly what I was after. The next chapter was locking myself in rooms surrounding by notebook, silence, laptops, and stubborn hope. I wrote, I reworked, I tore it down and built again, and again I dreamt with calloused hands and tired eyes. Not for applause. Believe it or not, there was none. Not for validation. There's very little of that as well. But because I refused to die with someone else's version of life in my chest, they told me to settle, to follow the rules to make peace with good enough. But I was busy making war with mediocrity. So while the world slept, I stayed awake. What they don't tell you is that growth doesn't come once. It comes in cycles. Sometimes loud, abrupt, fast paced. Sometimes quiet, empty, barren. And every time you think you've arrived, life has this beautiful way of humbling you, of tearing you down just enough to rebuild something better. These are the seasons that feel like spring, hopeful, expansive, full of momentum. But it's the winters. It's the moments where nothing makes sense, where your progress feels like it's vanished, where your identity starts to slip through your fingers. I've lived both. I've stood on mountain tops. I've felt unstoppable. I've also curled up in the valley wondering if I had anything left. But that's the beauty of this life. We're not meant to stay the same. We're meant to be broken open, reshaped by hardship made wiser by failure. And when those dark seasons arrive, when the warmth fades and the questions return, most people go back to sleep. They wait for that storm to pass. They close their eyes and they hope the world makes decisions for them. But I made that promise to myself to never outsource my future to chance, to never drift through another season waiting to be saved. And so I picked up the pen again. I lit the fire again. Began the process again. While the world slept, I stayed awake. This is a simple reminder, one that I personally cling to often and who knows may just be exactly what you need right now. The reminder to keep going, to simply pick your head up and carry on. Here's the reality. Life is peaks in its valleys. And for the most part, we know this. But what we forget is that sometimes the space between peaks is long enough that we may not remember why we're walking. We may lose faith in the next summit. When right now hurts to the extent that it becomes forever in our minds, we must remember why it is we move forward and that we are capable of the journey. The path you're walking is no one else's. It is yours. Your prize position. Worth its weight in gold. You get to stumble through the unknown, push through the chaos and come out the other side stronger. You don't have to. You get to. But please, with all the strength you have, remember that your view is waiting. Don't let a temporary pain become a permanent mistake. It happens to so many. And I'm asking you to not let it be you. It's funny, people so often talk about statistics. The percentage that make it. The fraction of a percentage who obtain glory. But upon hearing this, they look at the statistic the same way they do a jar of marbles. Okay, one red 99 blue. Therefore, my chances of getting a red are 1%. And while life is jam-packed with variables and unfortunately void of guarantees, these things are not the same. Life is not a jar of marbles. If 1% of the population can compete in an Iron Man, this isn't because of chance. It's because that 1% A deemed themselves worthy. B changed their lifestyle accordingly. C found time to get the workouts in. D continued through the hurt, the pain, the body breaking down. E invested in recovery. And you get the idea. With all those checkpoints, what's the likelihood that the average person would hit one of them and decide, you know what, I don't want this enough? It's incredibly high. And that's why few people do incredible things, but that's not reflective of a scratch-off lottery ticket. That's a mere question of how bad one wants it. So perhaps the framing for things like this should change from only 1% can do X to only 1% was willing to do what it took to get there. There is a tremendous difference. Which brings me back to the path you're walking, the discomfort you're in, the pain you're feeling, the anxiety of a lapsed time void a result or recognition. See, there's a time when being screamed at to simply shut up and keep going is valuable. And I'm telling you there are days when I need that. Just go. Perfect. But this is a little different. I want to give you here a perspective shift you can keep in your back pocket for the rest of your life when you feel you're at a breaking point, when you want to give up. I want you to say to yourself, someone else was once at this point. Others are at this point now. And most, because of this discomfort that I'm feeling in this moment would turn around. In fact, most will turn around. So what type of statistic do I want to be? See, pain is not a punishment. It's a filter. It separates those who want it from those who merely enjoyed the idea of it. I believe it was Robin Sharma who said, "If you want, but only the 5% have, you need to be willing to do. It's like, think of everything in life as a series of trade-offs. If you want comfort now, listen, who am I to say you're wrong? You do you." But I want you to understand the repercussions. I want to make it clear, comfort doesn't become greatness. So when choosing your comfort now, you're forfeiting excellence and all the things associated with it. You are settling into that 99% category, not because of luck, but because of a decision you made. On the other hand, if you can forego comfort now, you put yourself in position to delay that gratification and live a life so spectacular down the road that it's beyond comprehension. When it hurts, it is life placing you at a checkpoint. When you're so unsure about what's next that your visceral reaction is fear, that's the world placing before you an opportunity to obtain that which you've never had. Refrain difficulty. It is the price associated with the best things life has to offer. That's all. And listen, when I say I've wandered through the desert between those peaks of victory, I'm not exaggerating. I've been in this place for years and I'm a pretty practical person, right? My lizard brain often cries out, "Enough is enough. There are easier ways. This is pointless, useless, all in vain." But I think of that fork in the road. The aforementioned scenario. First have stood right here, are standing right here and will stand right here until the end of time. Right at this spot. And this spot has killed so many dreams. This spot has stopped so many people who wanted it, maybe even wanted it badly. But not badly enough. And now as I stand here. I am going to be one of the few who choose differently. Not because I'm special, but because I can. Because I'm capable of deciding it so and so are you. So I'll leave you with this when it hurts. Do not run. Don't misinterpret the situation as the universe striking you down. Don't see the pain as a stop sign. See it for what it truly is. The chance to live a life beyond your wildest imagination. A gift. An opportunity. The reason that you will ultimately stand amongst the one percent who decided you know what I can't see the future. I can't see around this corner. But today. Here. Now. I will push through. This symphony of struggle. Sounds negative, doesn't it? I mean, even a little struggle seems unfortunate, let alone an entire symphony. That is until you pull back the curtain. Because what we're deconstructing is a beautiful or a gestural musical composition. Where the entirety of the result is more than the sum of its parts. Each note is emergent. Each piece dissipates into something greater, like drops of rain falling into the ocean. It comes down to this. To pain the difficult moments, they are not an obstacle in the way of the thing. No, they comprise the thing. Hard to see. Hard to understand. The same way, you know, someone picks up a guitar and plucks one note. It's incredibly anticlimactic. There's nothing special. There's no way you're seeing value in a random G sharp. But wait. Connect that to its accompanying notes. Allow it to play its part in an overall theme and we have beauty. It transforms into a power so magnificent, can bring any man to their knees. I grew up in a military household. Father's side of the family was army, mother's side was navy. And I remember when I was young, you know, bouncing in and around mass maritime's campus. I'd hear that famous JFK quote reference from time to time. When he said, "All of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean. And therefore we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean." And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch it, we're going back from once we came. And while that ratio is not exactly spot on, you know, the sentiment is received. It's a beautiful message. And this idea, you know, it sparks something within me, the thought that we are comprised of the world around us, dust from stars miraculously brought to life. A peace in an incomprehensible will of life, a part of a whole. And I believe you can take this same concept and apply it to our individual struggle. Our adversity, our pain by itself, that pain is at best insignificant. And at worst, detrimental. That's how we feel. But put it all together. It is what makes us. Our courage in moments of fear is the DNA comprising that thing we call reality. Life can be broken down and traced right back to those moments we stood at the edge of comfortability with shaky hands wondering what the world had in store for us. Our battles, they become the precursor to our strength, our understanding, the lessons become our armor. We are the sea, just like we are the ocean of crossroads that we've had to navigate. A symphony of moments where we moved headfirst into chaos. So what does all this mean? Well, when you feel the pain of life, and I think it's fair we leave it that broad, that general, as life's beauty does not exist without pain, you must remember that value is unrecognizable until it compounds over time. The hurt now, the very reason you want to stop now, the reason you question everything now will be the reason you win later. You're not battling and discarding these demons. You're navigating and letting the lessons ring into the symphony of your life. You are taking it with you, not some of it, all of it. In fact, when you are on the mountain top, it will not be because of an absence of pain, but because of what you turned that pain into, because of what you let the suffering become, because you didn't castigate it as misfortune, but instead understood you and the suffering are one in the same. Hindsight's 2020. The best you can do now is understand that. To know that there are things you don't know, that you can't know, that are impossible to know, but that your heart, your soul, your courage will ultimately make sense of it all. Just keep moving. I know it hurts, I know what being lost and stuck in a loan and confused feels like, just keep moving. Because you are composing, writing, narrating. The greatest story ever told, one seemingly unfilial. fortunate moment of struggle at a time.