Why do People Lie

Thank you for listening. This is the heartbreak companion. I don't need you to be perfect, but I need you to be accountable. Recently I went through a betrayal. It's difficult to categorize what kind of betrayal it was because it wasn't with a romantic partner, but it was with somebody that used to be a romantic partner. In finding out about the recent betrayal, I was able to uncover that they had been having an affair and were unfaithful previously while we were together. And I've had trouble with anger and sadness and also figuring out where does this anger come from or where does the sadness come from because I knew deep in my gut that this person was not meant for me. I knew that. So it wasn't where it hasn't been. This grieving process related to wanting them back, we're missing them as a romantic partner, but we had become really close, and we were still family. And I thought this person would be my good family member, friend, best friend for a long time, if not for the rest of my life. In fact, a couple days before finding out all of this I had said to them, "You're still the most important person in my life." And so I wanted to talk about it, hoping that I could shed some of the confusion that I've been going through. I'm a very detailed oriented person, meaning that I look at the details to be able to make sense of what's happening. The following are thoughts that came for my meditation this morning, and I wanted to share those with you. When somebody lies, it's a rejection of themselves. They're lying to project an image of who they wish they already were, instead of who they are right now. So every time somebody lies, two things are happening. Number one, the liar is telling themselves that they're not good enough in their current state of being. They're projecting a different image of who they want people to believe they are. And so the liar is telling themselves they're not good enough, and that's internal, and they believe, perhaps, that they're not good enough to love in their current state. And number two, when somebody lies, they're not giving the person they're lying to an opportunity to see them, and therefore a chance to work through whatever you're tempted to lie about. So for example, if you have an attraction at work, and you're talking to your romantic partner, and you say, okay, I'm going to tell you this thing that's uncomfortable, and you give a chance to your romantic partner to workshop through that with you. You're giving a chance to the partner for the partner to see that you're not perfect, that you're a human, that you have attractions. And of course, in a perfect world, the partner embraces this and works through it with you, and you talk about it. Chances are, egos get involved, and the partner, the recipient, might be upset, but it could also be a temporary response. And you can work through that before it festers and becomes this infidelity, right? If you're honest about what you're feeling as a human to somebody, with somebody, and their reaction is scary, it's not welcoming, they don't want to work through it, then you know that you're in a different place than they are, meaning potentially this isn't your partner. Potentially there is another human that can sit with you and have these discussions, because you're in a place where you can be honest about these uncomfortable things. And when you're being lied to, trust the universe, trust your gut, trust your intuition. This is something I learned. The universe came to me and showed me everything I needed to see in order to make a better decision for myself, which was to completely remove this person that could not be accountable for my life. I think that's the hardest thing is even when someone is given an opportunity to be honest, and instead they choose to try to continue the lie, there is no place for a relationship, for a friendship, for anything, because I truly believe that connection happens in the most honest, vulnerable places, if we're pretending to be somebody that we're not, just to keep someone around. That's not serving either of us, so these are my thoughts, and I'm putting them here because I'm working through these emotions. Thanks for listening. This is the heartbreak companion.