Speaker 1Welcome to This Naked Mind podcast, where we question the role of alcohol in our lives without rule, shame, or judgment. I'm Annie Grace, and I'm so thrilled to have you with us today. In this special series, I'm inviting you into something truly unique and deeply personal. You're going to be listening in on real one-on-one coaching sessions between some of our certified This Naked Mind coaches and members of our community who are on their own journey with alcohol. These sessions are raw, unfiltered, and completely unscripted. But before we dive in, I want to prepare you for what you're about to hear. These conversations are real, real people, real struggles, real emotions. They're honest, and they're sometimes painful, and they may even be uncomfortable to listen to. But that's the point. So no matter where you are on your own personal journey, I encourage you to listen with an open heart and an open mind. Now let's step into the world of This Naked Mind coaching, because this is where change begins.
Speaker 2Hey, everyone. Welcome to the This Naked Mind podcast. I am Coach Cole Harvey. I am an alcohol freedom guide here at This Naked Mind. I'm one of the senior coaches inside the PATH program. And today, y'all get to listen in as we have a coaching conversation with Steph, who is one of our PATH members. Hey, Steph, how are you doing?
Speaker 3I'm great. Wish I could be better.
Speaker 2Well, we'll see what we can do about that today. Before we start, I want to say thank you so much for joining us. I'm so happy to be here. Before we start recording, you said that you wanted to kind of talk about or get coaching around this loss of identity. Is that right?
Speaker 3That's correct.
Speaker 2Okay. I think this is common for a lot of us. Can you just kind of tell me what loss of identity there is for you?
Speaker 3I'm 55. We all, at least I, have heard about a midlife crisis and, you know, getting to the point in your life where you're understanding or trying to make sense. And I'm finding that super challenging. My job is not really fulfilling me. I was divorced in the most, like, horrible fashion you can imagine. I'm thankful for that. But it was also, very, very difficult, not only emotionally, but also financially. And of course, during all those years, I guess I found alcohol to fill the gaps, fill the hole. I don't know if desperation probably isn't the right word. It kind of just slowly crept up. So it wasn't like, I just went out and got just drunk one night when I realized this, because I didn't realize it. You know, my son was growing up and, and then he went to college, like normal people do. And his father passed away. And that was extremely difficult. But then here I am, right? And four or five years later, both of those things have occurred. And both of those things seem to have been like huge pivot points. And I didn't even know it. I pivoted towards more alcohol, not intentionally, but just sort of, you know, one day the next to the summertime, right? It's beautiful and sunny and warm and at the beach and then into fall. Wow. Now it's cold and snowing. So probably I should just stay in and drink and, and, and those kinds of thoughts. But now that I'm on the path and, and I've been here once again, and I think one of the most important things or significant, at least in, in my development slash progress is that just because I failed doesn't mean I'm going to fail again. And it doesn't mean I shouldn't start. It doesn't mean that I, I shouldn't remind myself that, yeah, I, I wasn't as successful as I hoped the first time. Um, but it, it, it doesn't mean that I won't be
Speaker 2this time. And I think that's what I'm committing to now. Okay. So let me just clarify. You said that there was a loss of identity around marriage, around changing of a, um, viewpoint toward your job career. And within that, you know, the loss of a partner as well, that there, that alcohol kind of crept in to maybe soothe or replace some feelings, ideas about yourself. Does that sound
Speaker 3right? Yeah. I think very much so. And like, I didn't realize it was happening until now. Yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah. That's, that's pretty common. I would say.
Speaker 3He said you failed. What did you fail at exactly? Well, I, I think this is a huge thing that I'm working on right in the path. Cause I feel like I failed myself. I've, I've failed my friends. Um, in what ways disappointed, disappointed them, disappointed myself as far as like, you know, w what are my goals? What, what would I, what would I like to be as a person? What would I like to be as a mom? And I think those things have been influenced is probably not a strong enough word. What, what could we come up with a little bit stronger with influence? How about maybe, I don't know, clouded. By alcohol, right? I was trying to drown it all out rather than face the, the disappointment, the, I'm, I'm trying to think of what, how I could describe it, but like lacking the substance and the person that I want to be. I think, I think I'm getting the idea.
Speaker 2You tell me how this sounds. All right. So at some point you had this idea of who you wanted to be of goals that you wanted to accomplish of a version of you that you wanted to become. And a part of you seems to have, or thinks it has failed at doing so therefore creating disappointments in yourself, a perceived disappointment from friends about that. And because of that, appointment or frustration, the alcohol came in to help sort of soothe those emotions. Does that
Speaker 3sound right to you? Yeah. I think very much. I was trying to duck, if you will, the emotions associated with what I perceive as my personal failure.
Speaker 2Okay. So let's, it sounds like this idea of failure, is that still something that you believe that you've,
Speaker 3have failed in some way that that's, that's a super good question. And I don't mean to be trying to dodge it or avoid it. Yes. Is the simple answer. But at the same time that I say, yes, I also feel like working on it towards it is huge. And I feel like I'm doing that. I'm doing it with the path. I'm doing it with mental health therapy. I'm doing it when I wake up in the morning to just rest for two minutes, five minutes, whatever. Remind myself that I'm peaceful on a joyous day and that, that it's not doom and gloom.
Speaker 2Yeah. Tell me more about the, the sort of thoughts and emotions related to, that come up when you think to yourself, I'm a failure. What then follow? What's your self-talk? What are your thoughts towards yourself, your feelings that is produced because of those
Speaker 3thoughts? I guess I, I maybe, maybe I don't have a lot of drive to accomplish things given the day. Maybe like, I, I feel kind of like small in, my world As far as like, if I were going to go do something and try to accomplish it, it seems like that might be a big task for me. Or like maybe, ah, just put it off till tomorrow. Today, I'm not up for it. And I'm not normally that type of person. Normally, I'm up for anything, like almost always. Excitement, encouragement.
Speaker 2So if I'm hearing this right, when you think of yourself as a failure, the ways in which that sort of reverberates through your system and how you treat yourself is like there's a lack of drive. You feel small. And it seems like they tend to procrastinate. Like if things seem to be like too big of a task, priorities or goals or things that need to be done seem like too big of a task. And there's a procrastination part of that as well. Does that sound right?
Speaker 3Yeah. And I think it's to fill in the last blank. It's easier to drink and do nothing than like to figure out, okay, what is next?
Speaker 2Yeah. Okay. So that having to figure out what's next, having to ask, who am I? Who is this new identity that I'm becoming? Who is this person that? I mean, I can understand that those are big questions, right? And I can understand like that seems like a big task and like wanting to drink over that. Like you said, it's easier just to drink and do nothing than to have to sit down for a while and start to figure some things out like that. Does that sound right?
Speaker 3Yes, it does.
Speaker 2Yeah. Okay. I get that. Right. Those are big questions. And it sounds like you're at a turning point or a pivot point in your life too. I think that that's pretty normal and pretty reasonable place to be when we have to kind of re-figure out who we are, when an old identity has run its course or we're setting a part of us aside before we step onto the next thing. And that next thing, we don't know what it's like. It's unknown. It could be confusing or scary. And yeah, it's kind of like being at the threshold and asked to step, through and go on to this new adventure or journey and not really wanting to, or not knowing how to. Does that sound right to you?
Speaker 3Yeah. And I mean, I also think that I beat myself up for not knowing how to, because I feel like, right, I'm an adult. Oh my gosh, I'm 55 years old. You know, when put in front of the other, it's not hard, don't pick up that drink, don't open that bottle of wine. And, and I've been pretty poor me. I've been fairly successful, meaning I would say at least half the time, without counting my journal, that I don't drink, but here I am back in almost this like, it's like a toilet bowl, right? When you flush it, that's where I feel like I am halfway down and still down and down and down and down and down. Flushing, flushing about to drown. Yeah, I can pop my head up, but I pop my head up when I'm talking to you.
Speaker 2And those things that make you feel like you're kind of drowning. Is that the, the big questions, the life transitions, the loss of identity, the new identity, is that what you're talking about?
Speaker 3Yeah, very much so.
Speaker 2Okay, sure.
Speaker 3If, if I, let's just say, right, I quit my job tomorrow, I entirely close out my current identity, which is not actually like who I want to be. It's trying to, you know, rebuild and regroup a little bit. And if I walk away, from that today, tomorrow, then I absolutely feel like a ghost. Like I have no identity. So it's almost like I'm hanging on to what I don't really like because I'm afraid to have nothing.
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Speaker 2Do you feel like you have to do that to do all this tomorrow?
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3Not, not tomorrow, but May 1st, I'm a university professor, so, you know, come May is the end of the semester, I feel like my students are overpaying and under getting, I feel that I'm like a little part of the poison, you know, I'm, I'm trying to help them. But at the same time, I don't believe in my job. I don't believe that I am actually giving them real value for their money and their experience. So that makes me feel less. And especially with the whole. Alcohol and trying to find my identity, I'm feeling less and less like I'm worthy of it. I think worthy might be a big word there.
Speaker 2Yeah. It usually always is. Are you worthy of finding it? Finding a new identity. Is that what I'm hearing?
Speaker 3Yeah. Yeah. And I super want to find it. So my plan B is to resign somewhere before May 1st, give them the opportunity to maybe find someone that fits better and also then give myself the opportunity to find something more rewarding.
Speaker 2Well, what does it look like to you to find a new identity when you think about that? Does it feel like a lot of pressure? I mean, it's a big questions, right?
Speaker 3Yeah. And it definitely feels like a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2What would it look like to relieve some of that pressure? I mean, finding the identity. Yeah, I get that. That is something to focus on. And it sounds like we're putting ourselves like constraints on ourselves around it. Time bound. Constraints. When, to me, finding a new identity or seeing who I'm becoming, because we're always, we're always becoming, we're always, we're these ever blossoming creatures always unfolding. And that's not necessarily when I within a time bound thing. Sometimes we can press ourselves and try to rush that. And sometimes it's helpful. Sometimes it's not. If we're asking these big questions. It seems like more of a patient, persistent exploration of discovery. And it, there's this idea of the finite and infinite game, one versus the other, where a finite game is time bound, rigid, clear winners and losers. Failure is very prevalent. And, you know, like things like football, you know, sports are time bound, finite games, but things that are infinite games are things that are finite. are things like parenting or relationships. Politics are finite games, or infinite games, right? The point of an infinite game is to keep playing, to keep discovering, to keep pushing the boundaries, to keep becoming. And the only failure in an infinite game is when you stop playing, when you step out of the game. And a journey of new identity, or just you're always shaping, discovering, changing your identity. And to make that an infinite game, where there isn't failure. Like, how can I fail at discovering who I'm becoming if I'm always just searching and seeing and looking without the pressure of the finite, time-bound, restriction-bound idea of it? So, like, what if I explore this without this massive time limit, time compression on me? Take some of the pressure off of it. What would that look like? And first, I just want to even ask, like, how is that idea landing for you, Steph?
Speaker 3No, I think that's super good advice. I think it's something that I understand and I can embrace. And that's, I guess, why I continue to work on, you know, the path. And, you know, I mean, alcohol free is huge. I see things more clearly. I understand. And it seems very emotionally and also like tasked to do something right to start on it and then complete it or, you know, prepare it or whatever to accomplish the task seems very close. But the goal, right, of what's what's next for me, what's what is my identity, what is out there seems far. And and I guess for like the coach. The coaching component, that's kind of what I'm struggling with.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 3Yeah, I believe in it. One of the reasons I have not been successful with AA and in some of the other programs out there is I don't believe in a higher power. I believe in fixing my own shit. But gosh, it seems still a little bit elusive. At the moment. And I guess that's where my gap, my gain. I appreciate my gains. But it just still feels like, wow, there's a long way to go to get there.
Speaker 2Right. From from where you are, especially if you don't know how to. They don't know, as you said, the not knowing. Sure.
Speaker 3Yeah. And and honestly, not like not knowing where I want to go with whatever I had in. Absolutely insane passion for teaching kindergartners. That would be clear.
Speaker 2So let me let me offer you this stuff is that a lot of the times we don't know the next right step or we don't know the whole path. Right. We can know the next right step. And sometimes we take that step and then the next steps illuminated are revealed because, you know, as Joseph Campbell said, if you can see your. Path clearly laid out before you, you're on someone else's.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's very interesting.
Speaker 2The map reveals itself to you as you start going. It doesn't do so beforehand. And it can seem like a long way away. Like, well, in the infinite game, there's no set destination. There's no end point. It's infinite. The point is just to keep going, to keep playing, to keep discovering, to keep uncovering. That's what it offers. Versus like the finite. Oh, well, this is the goal. I got to get there and I got to do it in this amount of time. And if I don't get there, I'm a failure. That's a much different, more oppressive, more pressure oriented sort of outlook versus. All right. Here's where I am currently. Here's what I like and don't like. Here's what I'm doing correctly. Here's where I can improve. What happens when I take this next step? OK, something illuminated. It showed me. All right. Maybe I do like this. Maybe I don't. All right. Let me take another step somewhere else. Let me sidestep. Let me take a step back. Let me take a step forward and see what the map reveals for me and what opportunities it offers for me. How does that idea land for you, Steph?
Speaker 3I think that's super, super smart and gifted guidance. And I think that's why I continually circle back to the path because I don't believe in the high, I mean, let me say that more respectfully, the idea of a higher power and God making all of the choices for me in my life and my future does not resonate. What does resonate is what you just said, and that is, yeah, what's what's next? And and it's such a beautiful landscape. And of course. I couldn't see it, right, because it's almost like, OK, I'm in South Florida. If I was going to drive to New York, I would either GPS it or look at a map or have some assistance, right, to get there successfully. And I feel like that's maybe what you just said. And that.
Speaker 2That I understand, you know, we know that going from South Florida to New York, like those those paths are well marked and documented. People have tried it many a time, but no one has gone down your path. That's why it seems so scary and why we could balk at those things. And a lot of us do. And it's not bad or wrong. Like some of us stand at the threshold and never step through because it is scary and confusing and we don't have the map. Yeah, but it's just having sort of the understanding that it things will be revealed. It may only be revealed a half step in front of me, but I'm going to be understanding and gaining each time.
Speaker 3Well, and that's the scary part, right? You've got to sure step into the darkness. And then maybe once you're halfway in the light of your. Your path, your map, your whatever direction shows up.
Speaker 2So if we think about it that way, as we kind of wind down our time together, I'm just curious, how does that idea land versus the idea we started with at the beginning of the call?
Speaker 3Well, I think even though it's scary and it's dark, meaning when when I say dark, I mean, it's not like. Horrible or or something like that. I don't mean it like that. What I mean is uncharted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, uncharted, unknown, don't know what it's going to lead to, don't know where it's going to go. But having all of those emotions at the same time, it feels much better to step into it rather than hiding, as you mentioned, the threshold some people don't step through. I don't want to be in the dark. I want to walk through that threshold.
Speaker 2Something that might be helpful for you is maybe as homework, you know, is to look back at all those times when you've had to step through a threshold, when you stood at the unknown, when you thought you weren't ready for something and you did it anyway. And to look at what you're doing now, the steps and progress you have made. Up to this point, because sometimes we forget that sometimes we forget, oh, I've been here before, just at a different stage, the same feelings, the same worries, the same fear. But I've done it then. And now I've just found myself back at the not the same place. Right. But I'm at a different place on the spiral. Right. Going upwards. But now I'm looking at looking at it from a different point of view, but it's still kind of the same feelings are there. But I'm at a different place on the spiral. Right. Going upwards. But now I'm looking at looking at it from a different point of view, but it's still kind of the same feelings are there. But I'm at a different place on the spiral. Right. Going upwards. But now I'm looking at looking at it from a different point of view, but it's still kind of the same feelings are there. But I'm at a different place on the spiral. Right. Going upwards. But now I'm looking at looking at it from a different point of view, but it's still kind of the same feelings are there. But I'm at a different place on the spiral. Right. Going upwards. But now I'm looking at looking at it from a different point of view, but it's still kind of the same feelings are there. to recognize I've done this before and probably many places in my life also helps us remind us that we're capable and we have done it before. It's nothing extremely new. Does that make sense? Yeah. And stepping out, right? Yeah. You ever watch, um, it's one of my favorite movies ever is Indiana Jones and the last crusade. You've ever watched that? Oh yeah. Sean Connery and Harrison Ford. That scene where he has to take the leap from the lion's head. It's right at the very last to get to the, where the grail is. And it's probably one of the most scary. And it's, that's kind of what it's like. You take the step, you make the leap from the lion's head. It's a, I can't remember who said leap in the net will appear kind of idea, you know? And yeah, I mean, it's easy to stop there. I get it, but look at how far you've already progressed. Look at all the things you have done. And I think that's worth remembering for you on this journey ahead too.
Speaker 3I think so too. And I guess, you know, if, if there was one message, my journey has been tough. It's still tough, super tough, but the calls, the coaching, the camaraderie, the everything, everything basically, you know, behind it has also been real. And I'm, I'm appreciative of that. And I do want to step into it because I don't have a choice. I don't have my old identity anymore. I got divorced, right? My son is 24. I'll always be a mom, but I'm never going to be the mom to the four-year-old.
Speaker 2Well, that's the idea of kind of infinite game too, right? It's you're stepping in a new territory. The new age sort of that they're becoming, that you're becoming, you're both learning and growing and you're still a parent, but it's, it's definitely not like it was at the beginning. Of course not. That's that unfolding, the ever blossoming idea of it. And yeah, but if we're constantly thinking like, Oh, I'm not that, that mommy, I'm still a mom, but the game is continuing
Speaker 3on. Right. Does that make sense? Well, and I think that's the message.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3To, to take, to remember and, you know, really to hold and think about replay, replay. Of course, I'm not the same person and growing into what I am now, as opposed to hanging on, right. To what I feel like I've lost or I was. So I, I, I think that's huge.
Speaker 2I want to ask, does that feel like a good place to wind down our time together?
Speaker 3It does.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3What's, what's new, you know, what's, what's ahead? Um, interestingly, my son's name is Cole.
Speaker 2Excellent.
Speaker 3Yes. I appreciate that. I appreciate, you know, going forward. Cole. Thank you.
Speaker 2Yeah. Excellent. Well, thank you so much, Steph, for, for your time. And for just sharing what's coming up with you. I totally get it. And I'm sure there's a lot of people listening that, that really resonated. So thank you so much for being vulnerable and honest here. We really appreciate it.
Speaker 3Well, I hope so. You know, don't give up is, um, what I'd like to close with and close for myself because you know what? Cole is there. He's going to be 30. He's going to be 40. He's going to be a lot of different things. Yeah. And that's my passion, my love. And it doesn't mean that I'm not a mom because he's not four. So thank you. Appreciate it.
Speaker 2Yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Steph. And, uh, yeah, thank you everybody for listening. As always, we really deeply appreciate your time and attention and thank you for being here. Much love everybody. We'll see y'all soon.
Speaker 1That was a powerful session. Take a moment to breathe and just reflect on what you've heard. As we move into the next session, let's carry that same openness and compassion. Every story is different, but the courage to face these challenges head on is what brings us all together. Let's listen in.
Speaker 5Hello, I'm coach Haley, alcohol freedom guide here at this naked mind. And one of the coaches inside of the path on today's episode, you'll have the opportunity to listen in as I coach one of our path members, and it might be some coaching. It might be engaging in some dialogue. We are going through this. We are going through this intuitively and seeing what comes up. So I want to say welcome, Nicole. I'm so excited to, to connect with you, to talk to you, to dive in and explore whatever it is that ends up coming through. I would love for you to introduce yourself and kind of guide us where we'll be going.
Speaker 6Yes, Haley. Thank you for having me. I appreciate the opportunity. I'm, as you've already stated, I'm Nicole. I'm 47 and a stay at home mom. And so as for today, I thought we could kind of go through and discuss where my. I would love that. Thank you for having me. So I'm Nicole. I'm 47 and a stay at home mom. And so as for today, I thought we could kind of go through and discuss where my. I would love for you to introduce yourself and kind of guide us where we'll be going. I'm Nicole. I'm 47 and a stay at home mom. And so as for today, I thought we could kind of go through and discuss where my. I would love to start having a drink in hand and started, you know, exploring my relationship with alcohol. That definitely happened prior to being 21. And so at that time, I was young, working full time, going to school full time, and alcohol at that point wasn't something that was really where I'd say really identified with it. It'd be something that was always available, whether we were, whether there was a birthday party, a holiday. It was the second Thursday of the month. It really didn't matter. Alcohol was just there and available. And as I approached, you know, the legal age of drinking, my parents definitely didn't discourage that. So my, when I turned 21, I did as a lot of people do you go to Vegas and bar hopped and all that. But I didn't realize that at 21. And finally, where I was able legally to begin drinking, where having a drink in hand kind of became what I did day in and day out. By the time, you know, November of 2025 hit that I couldn't detach myself from the drink. And so I didn't realize what seemed like a good time ended up completely being what I felt like I identified as.
Speaker 5Interesting that you mentioned that you're in my mind, because as you were talking, that was going to be my question. Did you feel as though that made up a massive part of your identity? Because that it sounds like that's just what I did. And that was very much my experience. As well. And so I'd love to hear kind of how you've been detangling or untangling that link within your identity and what that feels like, because that is an absolutely massive change.
Speaker 6Absolutely. I would say where it got really sticky is as 21 went into my early 30s. I've been married at 24, going through a divorce by the time I was 30. And then after that, I was engaged. Yeah. And. And once I had my son, which was 16 years ago, at that point, so many changes happened. And the way I was dealing with the changes and the stress that was coming is when I started drinking. And then fast forward a couple of years was where I could really see that I had a problem. Yet, there wasn't such detriment or detriment in my life at that point that I could say, hey, alcohol is a huge problem. Yeah, it was later going through a. Seven year relationship that was it was very volatile. We both drank, but all of the domestic abuse that I had experienced for that seven years, up until I ended up leaving right before 2019. And the end of that relationship was me in a hospital for three days. And I was leaving with completely a shell of myself. I spent three days there and was completely sleep deprived on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And I was leaving with a psychiatrist appointment and a medication. And at that point, it all started to spiral from there. And fast forward seven years from that point is where my journey with this naked mind took off or this, my journey with the path took off. And so it didn't just happen overnight when I could look back at who I was at 20 and then where I was sitting in my car, November 5th of 2020. 25, when I was like, how did I get here? And I had no idea how I was going to begin to start peeling back the layers and unraveling this tangled web that I had woven because it wasn't like alcohol was just a part of my life. I feel that it completely identified who I was. And so at this point, I couldn't see myself past that drink in my hand. And it was how I. Felt that I relaxed that I could have a good time. I definitely had bad times with it, but it didn't matter if it was a good day, a bad day or in between, I drank regardless. But the problem was, is that I didn't know how to put it down and I didn't know how to identify myself outside of it. And so it felt like I hit a very pivotal moment and it was very scary because I was like, if I don't do something and I don't change it now, I don't know at what point I'll have an opportunity. I'll have this opportunity again, if I don't take the opportunity to do something about it. I don't know if it'll come back. So for me on November 5th, 2025 is what got me started on my alcohol free journey. But it wasn't until the mid December is when I ended up getting the opportunity to take part in, in the path.
Speaker 5Wow. Okay. So first I just, I just want to say that I'm so sorry for what you experienced and endured. That doesn't even describe right. How I can't, I can't, again, I can't, I can't even imagine. And I'm curious with going through those experiences, right? What, what role did alcohol take on at that point in time?
Speaker 6Is what I used to take care of myself and I'd always tell people, yeah, I drink and I'm not using it as an excuse. It's exactly what I do because at that point I didn't feel that I had the tools or the resources at hand when you're, you have two small tools. You have small children and you don't have the time to, you really don't have a lot of time for yourself. So you have to be intentional. And even when you're being intentional, sometimes you still just don't have that time available to yourself unless you make arrangements. And I just didn't have the opportunity to have family or people available. So if I had an appointment, sometimes that looks like you're taking kids with you. So taking kids with you to appointments. And so I knew that I needed some type of help. But I just didn't have the complete availability or access to all the resources that I needed, which was the scary part because it's not just me that is dependent on myself. It's those around me. And I felt like I was dishing out from an empty plate and pouring from an empty cup and I had nothing left to give. So I didn't even have it for myself, let alone to give it to my kids. And at that point it just seemed I was emotionally tapped. And the only thing that I knew, even though it wasn't safe, and it was unfortunately a form of self-harm, I used alcohol to help soothe and medicate and take care of me, take care of myself.
Speaker 5Yeah. And what comes into my mind is when Annie says you do the best you can with the tools you have. And sometimes we just use the wrong tool and we didn't know what we didn't know. You didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't know. You didn't know what you didn't know. You didn't know what you didn't know. You didn't know what you didn't know. You didn't know what you didn't know. You didn't know what you didn't know. And so I was like, well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
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Speaker 4I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I think most of us know we should drink more water, but what I didn't really think about was that hydration is about more than just how much water you're drinking. It can affect your energy, your focus, even how you feel throughout the day. That's one of the reasons I've been using instant hydration. It's an electrolyte drink mix designed to support hydration, energy, recovery, and focus without sugar or a bunch of unnecessary additives. I've been adding it to my water on those really full days when I'm going from one thing to the next, and what surprised me was how easy it is to actually drink. The flavors are refreshing and smooth, without that overly salty taste you might expect from an electrolyte drink. And I was really interested to learn what's actually in it. Instant hydration uses authentic French gray sea salt imported from France, along with sodium, potassium, magnesium, and aquamin, an ocean-sourced mineral complex with calcium and trace minerals. For me, it's just become a really simple way to be more intentional. I don't know if you've heard the word "hydration" or "hydration" before, but I think it's a pretty common word. The word "hydration" is used to describe a process in which the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body. This process is called "hydration" or "hydration" in French. The word "hydration" refers to a process in which the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body. It's a process in which the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body, and the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body. It's a process in which the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body, and the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body, and the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body, and the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body, and the water you're drinking is absorbed into the body. dot com slash Naked Mind. Promo code Naked Mind. There's something about getting back into the fall routine that makes everything feel full again. And one of the first things that can start to feel like a lot is food, figuring out what we're going to eat, making the grocery list, actually getting the groceries, and then somehow turning all of that into dinner. That's something Hungry Root has continued to make so much easier for me. Lately, I've been finding more of those quick, easy meals that I can make when the day gets away from me. And because Hungry Root learns what I actually like over time, my orders feel more and more like they're made for me instead of starting from scratch every week. That's really why I've stuck with it. There are more than 50,000 chef-crafted recipes and over 1,000 grocery items to choose from, and many of the recipes are ready in about 15 minutes. So there's variety, but I'm not spending all of this time trying to figure out what to make. And that's probably the biggest difference for me. Hungry Root takes so much of the mental work around food off my plate, especially this time of year. That's time and energy I really appreciate getting back. You're going to love Hungry Root as much as I do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order plus, get a free item in every box for life. Go to HungryRoot.com slash Mind and use code Mind. That's HungryRoot.com slash Mind, code Mind to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.
Speaker 6So on that pivotal day of November 5th, 2025 is when I was finally sitting in my car in tears, and I was like, something has to change. I was so broken at that point. I didn't even have the energy to tear myself down. I felt like I was just, you know, completely raw and in a sense broken. And I felt like, hey, at least I have a pile of pieces I can pick up and rebuild from. So at that moment, I was scared enough to finally
Speaker 1give myself a chance because I didn't want to lose myself completely. I felt like I had already
Speaker 6exhausted alcohol to the extent of what was any longer beneficial. I no longer, saw that it was giving me anything. It was completely taking everything away from me. So those 10 emotions that it says, you know, the 10 emotions of happiness being joy, interest, hope, awe, and sorry that the other five or so aren't coming off the top of my head. It stole all of that for me. And so instead of beating myself up, I just said, you know what, I'm going to figure this out. And until I do alcohol's off the table and it may not be okay right now, but it's going to be okay. And I'm going to do better. And I felt at that moment when I finally gave myself compassion and stopped beating myself up and realized that it was like, I didn't feel like I was choosing the drink anymore, but like the drink chose me and was pulling me along into this downward spiral that I really needed to detach myself from. And when I finally kind of embraced myself and gave myself an opportunity, is when I started to be able to open up. And I knew that this was the opportunity for me to take no matter where I was at, that I was going to figure this out. And I would rebuild from where I at, where I was at and anything from compared to where I was sitting at that moment, anything would be better than how I felt in that moment. If I just put the work in and put one in front of the other and just tried, it would be better than where I was sitting then. So from November, six, going forward, it's been 141 days since this journey has begun and alcohol is no longer the tool I turn to. I don't even think about it at this point. I've used the path and the resources and the coaching and the community and the content to help build a toolbox that I could come that I can count on and utilize in those moments where, when I used to get stressed and I, I just was on autopilot. Well now, because alcohol is out of the way and I'm no longer feeding alcohol and alcohol giving me the need to feed it too. So since alcohol is out of the way, it's like now I'm pulling out of the resources and using those tools are pulling out of my toolbox, using the resources and everything that's available to deal with those things that come up. So when I'm stressed, I look at the healthy things that I can use. So yes, I, had stopped drinking and I immediately switched to sugar, but then I started planting the seeds and figuring out, okay, well, Nicole, you haven't been connected truly with your authenticity and the things that you enjoy. So what are those things that you enjoy? What are those things that you like to do? What do you know that would help you relax right now? Well, a walk, exercise, music, dancing, reading, anything other than picking up something, that is only creating the chaos and the extra chatter and the things in my head that was consistently going, uh, going on 24 seven while I was drinking. Once I removed that and I could stop down or I'm sorry, slow down, stop and just breathe and look at what was in front of me to use. So as far as I, where I was and where I'm at right now, I feel like I've made, it's like a far cry from where I was and it sleeps. Downs away from where I was sitting on November 5th. And at this point, even though I know that there's a lot of work to do at least, I, at least I've started approaching those parts of me that needed to begin healing and needed help and just finding healthy ways to do that. Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 5Absolutely. Any of that made sense. It made total sense. And it's, and it's interesting something that you said, right? I no longer, saw a benefit that I think is, and, and we talk about that, right? What are the benefits? What are the jobs that I'm giving alcohol? And then we peel back to layers. Is that really a benefit or, and it's again, speak so much to, to my experience. And I remember asking myself the same thing, like, what's the benefit? What would the benefit be right now? What would the benefit be? And then I was like, there would, there would be no benefit. And then that kind of leaned into helping remove desire, but something else that you said, then it reminds me of Annie, but giving yourself grace in the moment and that compassion piece, right? Those are the pillars. When we begin the path program is grace and compassion because so many people were amazing at giving it to other people, but not so much to ourselves. And in that moment where it was, I'm going to give myself grace and compassion. I'm also, I'm going to figure it out. And then everything shifts and it sounds like everything started to shift within you and just the way that you continued to move forward. Yeah. I'm curious as well, right? You had mentioned you used it to soothe and medicate, and now it's, I go for a walk or I listen to music or I do different things. How challenging was that to, to switch that role over from alcohol to healthier outlets?
Speaker 6You know, it was interesting when I say that it felt like a pivotal moment. Once I finally had that grace and compassion, I said, I'm going to get excited about this because anything from here going forward has to be better than it is now. And I think that's a really good point. And I think where I was sitting at that moment, at least finally tapping into the things that I know that I'm interested in reconnecting with myself. And then knowing if I take away alcohol, I'm not going to have everything that alcohol ends up giving you, which is a sour stomach, a headache, you know, anxiety, stress, uh, depletion, as far as just complete fatigue and exhaustion. And so that was my baseline every single day. I always felt like I was starting out a baseline of complete depletion and anything beyond that point. Once I started, of course, going back to properly hydrating myself, nutrition and tapping into the things I love that at that point, that would be a much better outcome than where I was at that moment. So I'm like, I'm going to get excited about this and let's see what these days look like without alcohol being a part of it. And it was amazing. As soon as I could have that thought it was like, as if the world just opened up, the world was my oyster. And all of a sudden it was like opportunities just started coming to me. And so I was like, wow, alcohol was really holding that holding me back. Like there was a gate and I was alcohol was sitting right in front of it. As soon as I removed the alcohol out of the way that gate opened up and it was like, this is what's available to you. It was killing my interest. It was killing my potential or an opportunities. And it's funny that the universe is as I chose to remove alcohol, the universe says, okay, I can finally give it to you what you have been waiting for, but it couldn't do that until that was out of the way. There was no way.
Speaker 5Yeah. Like it was, it was blocking the space. Totally. I just got excited about it. And at
Speaker 6that point it became committed. And the more that I saw the progress and the progression and how all of a sudden sleep is corrected itself. And here I have, I have concentration. I'm not depleted. I have energy. Um, I no longer feel sick to my stomach all the time. That extra chatter has left. So I'm not in a constant cycle of just the mental chaos that was going on. As soon as I removed alcohol, it felt like everything calmed down the voices and the chatter were gone and everything just improved. All I saw was immediate improvement.
Speaker 5Oh, there's so many things that you're saying that remind me so much of how I felt it. It's that internal shift that it's almost hard to articulate, but it's like it, everything just changes. And you had mentioned in the beginning, right? That grace. I also heard automatic curiosity. Let's see what these days look like. You said, I got excited about it. You also got curious, right? Nothing final, nothing determined, just like, let's just see what happens when it's not there. And then you mentioned the progress and what comes up for me, because something that you had mentioned before was kind of like the, how to keep momentum. And then you mentioned the progress and how good it feels. And that to me kind of connects to how you keep momentum is, is your excitement and your openness to what has opened up. It's like, well, now what else is going to open up? Which in itself, that excitement and that energy is actually what creates the momentum. And the intention is I feel so good. I want to keep feeling this way. What else is possible? What else do I want to do?
Speaker 6Right. So knowing at that point, I, if I had continued drinking, I wouldn't have been able to be committed to go to the gym. Like that would just be ridiculous. Who's going to drink all day long and then say, well, I'm going to hit the gym at night. It's like, it doesn't even make sense. It's completely out of alignment. So from there, once I started seeing the benefits and how quickly my health was improving and that just encouraged me more because all of a sudden I had this strength. I didn't know that was there that just like fueled that fire, being able to see me get stronger and just finally put myself first and start taking care of myself and seeing how good I felt. And then I was able to better show up for my family and my children and just finally being present, having alcohol, like basically having alcohol present. I had on 2d glasses and saw everything in black and white with no animation bill. It completely muted everything. So once I removed that, all of a sudden it was like, wow, I finally see everything within color. And I hear everything uh i'm able to be present and be able to appreciate the things that i hear that i see the experiences i'm experiencing life and my patients which at times can feel trying but it's greatly improved and just having more availability i have more to offer and i'm way more available to those around me which has obviously then improved my relationships and yeah that none of that would have been available to me if i continued drinking yeah so it was really concerning to me that my husband you know he knew that i drank and it wasn't like i was getting blackout drunk and i was taking care of things but it's like he just kept looking at me and he's like i don't know how you could continue down this this path you know he was concerned about me and i was like i don't know how you could continue down this this path you know he was concerned about me and i was like i don't know how you could continue down this this path you know he was concerned about me and i was like i don't know how you could continue down this this path you know he was concerned about me and i was like i don't know how you could continue down this this path you know he was concerned he would voice things in a loving caring way and he was like i don't understand why you can't stop drinking i don't understand why i can't stop drinking either yeah and then once i finally did it and started committing to it and he just saw me bloom and blossom and it's like to see him come to the plate and acknowledge and see everything that he sees unfolding now it's like he's so grateful for the path because he feels like since i've removed alcohol and everything that i'm doing now it's a better he says i'm getting a better version of the coal and you're getting a better version of me you and the kids are getting a better version of the mother it's like you're just a fuller version of yourself than you ever were before so seeing him happy and seeing my children happy and everybody reaping the benefits truly of alcohol the way it's just
Speaker 5it's just getting better and better oh my gosh i'm like i have goosebumps and it it speaks to what happens within is a ripple effect outside right it's and it's gratitude for him seeing the differences in your kids but it's when you find that peace within and that rhythm yes all of a sudden there's that ripple and i know that peace within is is something that really spoke to you
Speaker 6and speaks to you so if you wanted to just touch on that yes it was this last week and so i was trying to get a couple of days ahead on where we're at in the content that's just how i am i so i was going through step 86 which was peace within and for me that's when it just hit me i was like wow look at what alcohol had done i realized for all those years there wasn't any peace let alone peace within so while there wasn't peace within me that energy was being broadcast to everything and everyone else around me so it wasn't just affecting me it was negatively affecting those things and the others around me again at this point we're at the reason it stuck with me so much as like i am so excited to reconnect with myself and i do see those glimmers and those little you know those little evidences that there is finally peace within and it makes me excited because i was like if this is where i'm at right now and i still have the rest of this year to go i can't even imagine what this little bud is gonna bloom and blossom into just that little bud of the peace that has been planted yeah you know there's a seed that's been planted well now it's there's a bud and i want to see what this blooms and becomes and i'm like i can't even it's mind blowing i can't even fathom and that's there's a beauty in that because i don't want to know everything ahead of time i just want to keep putting one step in front of the other and doing the work and seeing what unfolds for me and what other opportunities come and what you know what this will look like on december 31st of 2026 when that will have concluded my one year on the path but wow then i'll be walking into 2027 and being like geez i never saw that on november 5th of 2025 but it's crazy what a cup if this is what's happening for me in a couple months i can't wait to see what happens next year and then yeah what does that look like for the future look out
Speaker 5look out in the best way but it's it's so true and and you said a seed has been planted and that's the interesting thing right a seed has been planted and annie speaks to emotion-based change right and like i wish people could see you right now because your energy is just so light and so that seed that has been planted feels good and then the self-care that continues is you watering that seed and then you're like oh my god i'm so happy i'm so happy i'm so happy i'm so happy i'm so happy and it's i'm not watering it to get this perfect version of a of a perfectly bloomed plant we don't know i just know it's going to be beautiful i don't know what it's going to look like right a lot of unknown steps but there's so much trust in the process because of the way that you felt to the way that you feel and then knowing what becomes possible as you continue to water this seed is so exciting without needing a final picture or a final outcome it's not about that and sometimes that can be the snag right i want to know the how i want to know the how but the how and then the outcome unveils itself and quite quite truly this is this is like an upward spiral of growth that just continues there is no end there is no mountain peak i said i thought that there was a mountain peak i'm like stop drinking i have reached the top no no no no you're just going to keep climbing but in the most beautiful way right it's like you talk about a seed and now
Speaker 6i realize how important it is what the thoughts the thoughts that are in our mind we have to plant seeds of gratitude and ruminate on those and let those be what we're watering in our mind day in and day out because we can either water good seed and positive things or we can water bad seed and detrimental things and so being very very careful what barn and we're watering so just me being able to start my day with my gratitude journal just even if it's not a good day for me to start my day with my gratitude journal it's five things so that i start looking for those positive glimmers that stand out the things i'm grateful for and being able to ruminate and focus on that as well as at the end of the day with everything that happens in between the beginning of my end of my day so i've got my gratitude journal at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your
Speaker 5gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your
Speaker 6gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your
Speaker 5gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your
Speaker 6gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your gratitude journal at the beginning of my day and at the end of the day i have the 30 day put your
Speaker 5beautifully stated and I just want to like thank you so much for for jumping on for sharing um and for hearing right where you were to where you are and what what becomes possible right when you when you give that little space of grace and add in a little bit of curiosity what can change and so I know we're we're wrapping up here if there's anything else that you wanted to mention or say
Speaker 6I guess to end this call that I'm just completely grateful for the opportunity to have come across the path and be able to take part in this. It is absolutely life-changing and I can't even imagine just what I've already experienced, what's going to happen for me over the remaining, you know, the remaining months that I have with the path. This is completely priceless and it's a gem. And so I'm very grateful for, you know, Annie and the coaches and the community and everything that has been gifted to me. It's priceless. So I'm just grateful for that and this opportunity to be here speaking with you. So thank you, Haley. Well, thank you. I'm like, thank you. I, and I'm,
Speaker 5I'm so grateful. There's so much hope and possibility in everything that you said, and I think that will help so many people. So thank you for coming on.
Speaker 1Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If something in this conversation inspired you, made you feel seen or sparked a shift, I'd be so grateful if you left a quick rating review. It helps others discover the show and your words might just be the invitation someone else needs to begin their own journey. If you're curious about what it looks like to go deeper, to truly change your relationship with alcohol and find lasting freedom, I'd love to invite you to explore the path. It's our signature program and community designed to walk with you every step of the way. You can learn more about the show at the show.com. Learn more at nakedmindpath.com. Until next time, stay curious.
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