When Independence Becomes Exhaustion

Welcome to Episode 7: The Cost of Glorified Independence Welcome to technical therapy, where the conversations may not. Speaker 2 Be clinical, but they're. Speaker 1 Definitely therapeutic. Done. Intro done. OK, Queen. So welcome back. I don't. I feel like Helen. It was before Christmas since we were last in. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me? I gotta go again. Speaker 2 That's actually really tasty. Good morning, good morning, and good evening and good day. Speaker 1 Yeah, all of the all of the above. Yeah. Welcome to episode 7. Is it? Speaker 2 Yeah, holy shit. Speaker 1 Play the Day Episode 7. All right, so today we're going to talk about how independence is glorified in women, but also the fact that it's burning us all the way out. Yes, I feel like we both have a lot to bring to this. Just on the left side there please. Speaker 2 Oh for fuck sake. Speaker 1 Your right side, lucky that side's not camera. OK, Yeah, well, now, Yep, both sides. You've just, you've just really gone and done it. So we've got some questions we're going to touch on. And then at the end of the episode, we're going to just one over. Don't worry guys, just everyone on hold until she sorts this out. And then we're going to go into a new segment called Technically Savvy. Yeah, where we give not so much like advice, but just our take on situations that people have sent through because we have some really good ones in our inbox. Speaker 2 Such good ones. Speaker 1 So I've just pinned them and we'll come back to them at the end. We'll get through as many as we can with the time that we have. Yeah. But first and foremost, we just want to crack on with our chosen topic for Episode 7, which is the independence is glorified, but also the fact that it's burning us out. So shall I start with the first question or did you want to have a little segue of anything? Speaker 2 I just think that it is perfect timing seeing it's the start of 2026. Everyone's doing that. Speaker 1 Happy New Year, guys. Yeah. Speaker 2 Happy new year everyone's doing their mood boards and trying to evaluate like exactly how they want to go into 2026 and I think this topic is going to touch on a lot of things when it comes to like feminine. I can never say the word femininity, femininity, femininity. Did I? Fuck yes. And yeah. Just not glorifying the all independent situation. So I'm very excited for it. I've got lots to say about this. Speaker 1 I feel like so these the coming episodes, novices had more of a topic input. So I feel like these are so up your alley. So I mean, everything is anyway that we've already touched on, but these ones, I feel like they're right up there for you. So you'll have a lot to to bring into them. Yeah, me maybe, maybe not so much. You've got so much. Speaker 2 To bring you say this every episode, I'm like, what are you on about? Speaker 1 What's the value she's bringing? Not sure we'll find out. When Independence Became a Requirement for Women OK, so first, first and foremost, we're just gonna touch on when independence stopped being a choice for women and when it started to feel like a requirement. I feel like for both of us, being really independent from a young age, this is a huge one. Yeah. Do you want me to read that question to you again? Speaker 2 No, I got it. It went in. I'm just like, I'm trying to figure out, like, when did it actually start to be a thing? Like when women started to become independent. Speaker 1 Yeah, or yourself. Speaker 2 I mean, it's the generation, isn't it? Yeah, it's the men leaving the mums, the husband's leaving the mums, isn't it? And making them do all the work. And then we model that and where like he can't really rely on relationships these days and people just kind of give up and cut very quickly and easily and they don't put the hard work in because they like to avoid the growth that we're going to talk about later and all that sort of stuff. So I think that for me, I think it's what we've been modelled, what we've seen ourselves. Speaker 1 But then I also think there's another side of that as well where, like you say, people don't stay. You can get caught in that trap of overstaying if the growth isn't happening at the same rate. So you don't, we don't want to like say you've got to stay through everything because that's not, that's not what we're here to talk about. It's literally the cut and run. Yeah, if it's not working. But yeah, there is definitely a way you can you can work through a lot of things that happen in a relationship. Speaker 2 I saw a TikTok and it was insanely triggering and it's so relevant. But this woman was, and probably a lot of people have seen this because it went viral, but this woman was explaining how she's been with her husband for a long time. They've got three kids and she's like pretty much a stay at home mom for 15 years. I have along and he's now just decided to leave her and get a divorce. And I've been single actually. I don't know why because I'm in a happy relationship so I don't know why my algorithm is targeting me with all this stuff at the moment. Speaker 1 Just trying to pull out see how healed you really are. 01111 Make a wish that. Speaker 2 Oh, I just made 2. Speaker 1 Yeah, same. OK, Go, go, go. Speaker 2 Yeah. And So what it's all about is, and I think it's, it's, it's so important to know as a woman is like when you're getting into a relationship with a man and you're getting married or whatever, even just six months in and he doesn't want you to work anymore or earn money because he wants you to, you know, just chill out and be a woman. And whatever sales pitch he wants to give you. I think you need to get on his books and be employed and also continue learning in some way. Because unfortunately, even though we're not able, I don't think, and I'm not going to be pushing to be like to go and take the full feminine route of going back and just hanging out at home and raising the kids and everything. Because I don't think there's a real safe zone in that situation either. And I just reckon that if you continue to upskill yourself and all of that, I think it's just really important. And that's one of the parts of independence I think every woman still needs to keep. Speaker 1 Yeah. So you're referring to a loss of independence through a relationship where the male is too sort of, I guess, dominant in that space where they're like, oh, just at home, baby, it's all good, I've got it covered. And then that will fuck you over eventually if the relationship does breakdown because you have nothing of your own and no income, no savings, no separate bank accounts. Yeah, maybe your mortgage is solely in their name or whatever it may be. But yeah, that's that's a really good point. But let's get back to the topic. Speaker 2 That's the topic, isn't? Speaker 1 It of independence being. Speaker 2 Glorified. Glorified. Yeah. The Burnout of Hyper-Independence and Masculine Roles So it it is glorified in the sense that you do need it. Yeah, 100%. But it's like, when did it start to become glorified? But we're hyper independent now, so we're so far gone that we've got the masculine roles fully under our belts as well. Like you're, you were the mum, the dad, the, you know, the, the sole income earner. You were the caretaker for your children. Like there was all of that was on you. So you were so hyper independent. But that glorified independence. Yeah. Oh yeah. She's a super mum. She's got it all covered. Burnt you the fuck out. Speaker 2 Oh yeah, I'm sitting here burnt out. Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm burnt out and I'm not even a mum, just an independent girl. So it's like it does in today's society I feel like. Yeah, okay, have you shit sorted? Yeah, back yourself, have some of your own finances. I mean, we could go on and on about the ways that we've both been taken advantage of or like had things happen to us. Speaker 2 Yeah. Speaker 1 But also, like, it does it, it burns you all the way out when you're taking on the roles and responsibilities of your male counterpart as well. I feel. Yeah, as a woman, I've. Speaker 2 Heard also that it's quite, it can be quite triggering, triggering to women if like they get offered help by a man these days now as well. It's like, no, I'm fine, I can do it. And there's, there's just this, this way that it's kind of moving and we're not supporting men to actually be able to provide in that way because we're just shutting him down straight away. Speaker 1 Yeah, and look, we do that to ourselves too, because I was that in my past. Because you're like so independent and you've had, you've stood on your own 2 feet for so long. You've had your shit sorted. And then when you get with Someone Like You say, you don't allow them that space to show up for you because you're like, I'll just do it. I'm a control freak. I'm like, no, no, I'll do it better or I'll sort it out. Or even the dishes. I'm like, oh fuck, I could have washed that so much better than you did instead of just being like, Yep, that's good enough. Speaker 2 Yeah. Or like, thank you. Thank you for doing that. Speaker 1 Yeah, accepting the help, you're so you're so fair. But then also I feel in a relationship sense, even though this is just, you know, we always seem to, we always seem to relate it back to relationships because we both have so much to. Speaker 2 Talk about in that space. Speaker 1 But now I've just lost my trauma. Yeah. Like relating it to a relationship. Like you do it to yourself because you, you take all of that responsibility on. And then you're a few years deep and the male's not helping you out in certain ways. And you're like, oh, you never do anything. And it's like, well, I've kind of allowed this. I've made you this way. Speaker 2 Yeah, but they also can show up super like helpful and beautiful masculine right at the beginning as well. And then they just start to like pull back because they're getting like relaxed and lazy. Yeah. I don't know what the answer is. I just think that I, I've always ran my life like with passion anyway. So I don't think I think independence is something that I love to have. But now being in a relationship like the one that I am in now where I'm, I'm like falling to pieces like massively because I'm naturally just wanting to just go into feminine with this person because I'm, it's like a safe place to do so. Yeah. In every other relationship, I think all of their instincts and now everything about being a female puts us even more into our masculine and we probably do glorify the whole it's fine, I can do it myself because they don't allow us to actually sit in being a woman as well. So I don't think there's any like recipe on how it should be done, but I just think that women should still be holding just responsibility in what they choose to do in life and and drive with passion still and still think about who they are and what they want and all of that sort of stuff. But supporting men in being men so that we can kind of change this whole. There's so many feminine men out there, it's insane. And I'm not against guys crying or anything. That's literally not what I'm talking about. You're not talking about like being about intelligent. Yeah, that's emotional intelligence. It's like, we're good. We want that. But I'm talking about like, I don't know, like they're just, I'm just thinking of my exes, like just so fam that they, they don't allow any female energy to come in because they're taking it all up and it's just the pendulum is absolutely freaking broken. Speaker 1 I guess you could say that in the same sense of like really masculine women, because then and then maybe the men don't feel like they can show up in that way because there's so much masculinity coming from their female counterpart. No, I definitely feel that. The Joy of Receiving Support and Embracing Feminine Energy Like we could talk on and on about the things that we did or didn't do in our relationships based on that, that dynamic being so unbalanced, but how nice is it now to? Speaker 2 Just like be a girl I know I cried 3. Speaker 1 Times on the way home, like yesterday. Speaker 2 I cried yesterday too last night. Speaker 1 Yeah, just like, and then you just, you call your partner and they're like, so good, babe, I'll sort everything out and you're here. I'm gonna cry. Speaker 2 Yeah, thank you so much. Like the feeling I get when this guy puts in where I need to go in the navigation system for me and he's like 3 hours away from me. I'm like Oh my God. Like I love it like and, and I don't feel like bad for it or anything. The old Nova will be like, no, no, it's fine Like I'll do it like don't call him and ask him for any help, but he's like please call me and ask me for help like on our first date they. Speaker 1 Want it? Yeah, he told me so. Speaker 2 He's like, I just, I want to be in a relationship with so many reasons, but I just want to be needed. Like I want you to call me when you've got a flat tire on the highway on the way to Brisbane or something. And I want to just come straight there and help you. And that feeds him joy. And I'm just like, holy shit, that would piss me off. And I'd be like you're. Speaker 1 Eating. It's all my. Speaker 2 Life. I've got shit too. Yeah, Call RACQI. Don't know, deal with it yourself, but yeah. Speaker 1 But that's from a woman's perspective, looking at a man calling, like when you have a man calling you to sort out something that they can so easily sort out themselves, you're like, oh, that makes my vagina dry. Yeah. The driest. It's like a trapdoor just shuts. Sorry, Faith. My little sister's in here today. She's 17. She's fine. But no, I and he's like that too. Like literally the, the, the way he takes care of me, like our first ever coffee catch up. Yeah. He literally screenshotted the map and circled where I should park and send it to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like little one percenters. But they're like every single day, like leaving vitamins out on the bench for me, making sure I've got a little lunch pack or that I'm well fed or like I'm hitting my protein. Like oh it's weird, I've never dated A bodybuilder before but I like it. Speaker 2 Yeah, he's very muscly. Speaker 1 Yeah, stop it. Speaker 2 Slip off your chair there. Don't. Speaker 1 My sister. Speaker 2 'S president. Sorry baby, you just spoke about vaginas closing up. Speaker 1 Look, I warned her before she came in. I said, look, if you're gonna come and sit in a recording studio with the big girls, probably gonna get a little bit sick in here. She's. Speaker 2 17 I had it all by the time I was 14. It's fine. Speaker 1 Mate, she goes to a public school in Mackay. It's one of the worst ones. So I'm pretty sure she's heard and seen it all. But no, I've I'm feeling like my independent burnout days are well and truly beyond me. Like they're beyond me or they're just, they're gone. Like there's not a there's not a single cell in my body that feels the need to ever be that masculine ever again. Navigating Past Trauma and Financial Independence in Relationships Yeah, I'm going through something with that though, with that change. I don't know if you are, but I'm actually struggling with the OR everything that's coming up. It's good. Like it's a good Oh. Speaker 1 We had this. Speaker 2 Yeah, like I just spoke to you the other day about like, I'm struggling so hard and I feel completely out of this world by receiving the positive masculine. And I think I've spoken about a few times in the episodes, it's been a thing, the whole relationship, but I know it's like necessary and it's undeserving of life. Speaker 1 But also too, I think there might be a little bit of like, because I feel the same, like the same way, but also that might be from past trauma because when you finally do let a man take control, they've always disappointed us. Speaker 2 Man takes control. It's a bad bad. Speaker 1 Yeah, and we, but because we've been LED and, and the, the wrong men have been in control for us. Like they might be the right men for someone else, but for us they've not been the right men. So like when I look at like financial stuff, like joining finances, like I've just had the biggest fucking shit show happen and I'm like, Nah, I can't like. Speaker 2 It's triggering, but then you bring in that situation. Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't. You can't do that. It's unfair. Speaker 2 But you also have to learn a lesson at the same time. Speaker 1 Well and truly learnt. Speaker 2 Yeah, but you have to remember that that's possible, and you never would have thought it was at the time of being in love and in a relationship. Speaker 1 100% you don't expect that the part. Speaker 2 To not bring that in, you have to be just smart about it and just constantly always ask yourself outside of what? What would never do? What would I do? Speaker 1 Oh, you probably would have like got some advice from someone in I Yeah, via like you. I'm just like daddy, daddy da, like you would have actually done your research. Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Especially for that kind of stuff. Speaker 1 Yeah, financial shit. But yeah, I completely went off topic there and like deviated down a different path but. Speaker 2 Totally fine actually. Actually brings me to Ross, my financial advisor. I've emailed him. Actually, I know what I'll do 'cause I went and did it. I emailed him and I was like, hey Ben, I want to start to do some financial things. Can I book in? It's like $660 the planning session, but well worth it. Yeah, because you've got someone in the middle. Speaker 1 Yeah. And you've got like you both have businesses and things that you like. I'm not saying just because I don't have like a business or a brand or something that I shouldn't protect myself. I absolutely should, and I should have. Speaker 2 You do have a business. How do you? Speaker 1 Forget it, sole trader. Yeah, I just work for myself. It's not. Yeah. Speaker 2 You've got a business, you're a makeup artist, and you're a fucking awesome get. Why do you forget? It's very strange. Speaker 1 Forget Yeah, I am a business owner. Speaker 2 You own, you're running your own show. You don't get that's it. You're running your own show with everything you know, you can say yes or no to all the work that's coming into you right now. Yeah, exactly. Speaker 1 No, that's a fairpoint. I'll fair play for that one. Thank you. I'll, I'll step, I'll take a step back on that. I am a business owner, really successful one at that. It's not funny. Don't take the piss. No, but I really AM. Speaker 2 Well, I just got lashes from you today for the first time, so people those. Speaker 1 Can you just have a look in the camera please? They look OK. Just a little double banger on the outer lash corner there. Speaker 2 How is this fair? What? I don't even think you're wearing fit cover today. Speaker 1 Excuse me, we weren't going to bring. Speaker 2 This up, I'm bringing it up. Speaker 1 Yeah, and you know why I'm calling. Speaker 2 My best friend out. Oh, you're going to say, because I haven't stopped here yet. Speaker 1 Colour matched me again because the last one I have is so pale. I look like. Speaker 2 She's talking, she's talking about the colour match, not the actual product. Do you like the product? I love the product but. Speaker 1 I'm too, it's too light for me. Speaker 2 Can I, can I, can I divert and drop something in here while you take a sip? Speaker 1 Yep. Speaker 2 The Loose Mineral Powder Foundation is now on the global stage of winning an award. Speaker 1 What's that thing again? Speaker 2 I don't know, I can't remember, but I really like it. Speaker 1 The kids do that. Kids do that, Faith confirmed. Kids do that. Speaker 2 This God, we're so. Speaker 1 Youthful and young. Just ask us, we'll tell you. Actually, on that note, I need to book in for some more Botox. My forehead. Speaker 2 Moving along due too. Speaker 1 Much. Is 'Low Maintenance' Just Another Way to Avoid Needing Too Much? I feel like I need to just bring this a little bit closer to me. OK? Are we finished on that one? I think we're finished on that one. Look, if you got confused by anything we just said, then sorry. Speaker 2 Do you know what I'm hearing coming in like of like people listening and what they're actually asking and what we they want us to answer, I feel like. Speaker 1 Is more sexual content. Speaker 2 Yeah, a lot more sexual content, like detailed. Speaker 1 I know creepy. You guys are creeps. Speaker 2 And I love it. Speaker 1 Yeah, same. Send us more. Speaker 2 No, they, I think that they're asking like, yeah, OK, cool, all good. But how do you find a man like that? Like where are those men? Speaker 1 Bro how the hell are we supposed to answer that? Speaker 2 We can answer. Speaker 1 It I can't I was blindsided. I met Andy like 7 years ago in passing and then like I've never met anyone like him. Speaker 2 No, Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But like I, I think that the reason why you haven't met anyone like him and I haven't and I've dealt with what I've dealt with is because of the level that we. Speaker 1 Were at and you were you were talking about this in like episode 2 where you were like, oh, once you're at this level. Speaker 2 Then you up level. Speaker 1 Find you. Speaker 2 Because they're all there. There's so many, there's thousands of men that are like this. Speaker 1 Yeah, so the answer is do you work on yourself, cut out all the shit? Yeah. And then you'll just run into them in at an event when you used to live in Pimpama Heights. Speaker 2 Or on Hinge. Speaker 1 And you found out you lived in the same housing estate and you would drive past each other without knowing. Cute love story. I think I went cross eyed. Speaker 2 She did. I love it. OK. Oh, you did. Speaker 1 You did. She did who? All right, I'm going to ask you another question here. Is being a low maintenance just another way women are taught not to need too much? So this is still in line with the, like, glorifying independence, right? So, like, low maintenance. Oh, Nova doesn't need much. She doesn't expect much. She gets her head on once a year. We know that's a lie. No, look how confused you are. Speaker 2 Yeah, I know because it's been low. Speaker 1 Maintenance just another way women are taught not to be too much. Speaker 2 I think women are rightfully so, high maintenance. I don't know the people that I like. I think we all get our Botox, our hair done. We train really hard. Do you think? Speaker 1 That's high maintenance though. It's. Speaker 2 Not high maintenance, but it's but it's I don't know. I I don't what's low maintenance? Yeah, a female. Speaker 1 I feel like. Speaker 2 Not asking for much from the man, not actually how we live our life. Speaker 1 Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Like because I remember I used to get told it was high maintenance, but I was literally asking for bare minimum. Yeah. Speaker 2 That's the thing. That's. Speaker 1 Uncomfortable. Speaker 2 Yeah, like if the guys are showing up, like if a single mum can run two companies, raise two kids on their own, all of that sort of stuff and keep women or anyone gets excited when they're like, oh, look at that dad pushing the pram all on his own down like burly walk. It's like, why is that a big deal like. Speaker 1 That should be when they or when people say that their dad's babysitting. Babysitting who? His fucking sibling? I don't know. So his kid? What? Yeah. Oh, he's my husband's babysitting Who? Yeah, that's your child, dude. So we should. Yeah, like, isn't that your responsibility? You chose to have a child with someone. You should be watching your child if the mum needs a. Speaker 2 Break. Yeah, I just think people should just stop going. Oh, how nice. Like that's literally she. Speaker 1 Reminded me of her bridesmaid which was like oh you do? Oh what part was that? Fuck that was a cracker movie. Anyway, we deviate yet again. Are Women Praised for Strength More Than Protected? Also, do you think women are praised for strength more than they're protected or supported? Speaker 2 100% that's something that is stuck in me that I'm trying to get out. Like, yeah, like the whole hashtag single mum, that's like the, the like me trying to say it's a victim mentality, pretty much like a victim trait of going single mum. Like, you know, I'm, I'm doing it really hard here, you know, so like, no. Speaker 1 I mean, and to be to be fair, you probably are doing it really fucking hard, but yeah. But OK, the the mindset, yeah. Speaker 2 I just think it's it's the mindset shift. Speaker 1 Yeah, the way you speak into that experience and sometimes it may be by choice or it may not be by choice, but either way it's a card that you've got to play all the way out due to choices that were prior to that. Yeah, that happening, Yeah. Yeah, I think so too. I think we're we're definitely praised for strength and and not protected enough. Speaker 2 Yeah, and that and that moves us into really if if you get praise for anything, it makes you go, oh, I'm doing good job, I'll do more of that. And so that's why it's probably the IT is this flex. Like I go through even my social media and I don't follow that many people because I try and not consume a lot of the shit. But there's the still some people I'm following and just like really putting on a big front of being independent woman and all this sort of stuff. And it's good, I like it, but there's something that is kind of wrong with it. I don't know, Like we need to see a bit more softness in women, I think, including myself. Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like I can be a bit high. Speaker 2 I'm super masculine. It's completely burnt me out being, yeah, because we're living against the the rule of human biology. Speaker 1 What it is to be a woman, Yeah. So you would believe that in the traditional like old school mentality of like not so much staying at home, but like the traditional male female role where the males like the. Speaker 2 Main provider, I don't even think it's more so action based. I don't think it's like or physical. I think it's more just energetic. Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 2 I think that's where I'm kind of coming from. I don't care if I have to cook one night because he's getting home at six or if he can cook. He loves cooking, so I'm not. It's none of that kind of stuff. Speaker 1 It's like that stuff needs to be shared in the home because you both live there, especially if you're both like if you're both working. But then also you could argue the fact that having children is a full time job. So if even if you're at home in the trenches with your kids, like, are you still expected to play that role and be like, oh, dinner on the table, Oh, dad on his way home, Oh, you know, like. Speaker 2 I don't know, like I'm, again, I'm just experiencing it in this now and it's just like there's no scorecard, there's no what someone should do. We're just living lives together and whatever one can do, we do so we're both earning an income. He has insanely stepped up straight away as a parent of my two kids. Yeah. And if you want to be with me, that's part of it because my my kids are mine. They're he's now. And he literally will speak like that, like they're his kids. And I just I I'm not sitting here going, oh, well, I cooked last night. Can you cook? I could turn around and just say, I'm so exhausted from work. Do you feel like? What do you? Speaker 1 Want to do if you're you're 20, he's at 80. You know, you carry, you carry. Yeah, We had that the other night and he was at like a 20 and I was in eighty. I was like, I've got us tonight. And then yesterday I was like, I'm at 20. Speaker 2 Yeah. Speaker 1 He was at 80. So it was like, you know, you just kind of, yeah, you have to carry, you have to carry that and carry that through your relationship and help each other in the ways that you. Speaker 2 It's just that you can. It's just a team environment. Yeah, you know, that's it. If one doesn't feel like it, then the other one just goes and does it. But that's. Speaker 1 Where a burnout comes out, it comes from as well, when you're in the wrong relationship because yeah, you're not playing in a team, team environment and you're not holding your own. Well, you're not holding it down together, not your own. Speaker 2 It's very important to try and figure out or ask the question in a new relationship or even on your first date. What does a home environment and married, married home environment look like to you? Yeah, because it's just so different for everyone because it's they look back at what they were brought up in and what they know. And a lot of people want complete opposite of what they know and were brought up in or they absolutely love like bees. Parents have been together, I think like 42 years or something. Yeah. And all B wants is like, just to find. He wanted to just find someone. And he's like, that's he wants to read. Speaker 1 All that same thing, Yeah. Whereas what we, what we experienced want the polar opposite. Can you please fix your hair on the right side? That little bit's sticking out. It's really annoying me. And I know that you'll see yourself on a playback. Speaker 2 When she was doing my hair, I was like, not Should I have done it myself? Yeah, OK. Speaker 1 A good break. I need a sniff. Thank you. OK. Why Asking for Help Remains Uncomfortable for Many Women Why is asking for help still so uncomfortable for so many women? I still squirm at this, but you do it right. Yeah. So I had a flat battery on my car, and he was like, when we were supposed to do content like 2 weeks ago. And thank Tuesday. Yeah, it was a Tuesday, terrible Tuesday. And thank goodness I was with Andy and he like just literally flew into like guy mode and sorted it all out. But I was like, like, even when he went up to those like counter to pay for it all that, like I was fully having like a wig out. But I was just like, OK, hands off. Because he's like, I want, he wants to do that sort of stuff. Yeah. And it's so uncomfortable. Speaker 2 Like, yeah, but like, if you think of it this way and you're like, if you love the guy, I. Speaker 1 Would have done it to him. Speaker 2 No, but like if, if, if he goes to you and says fishing brings me joy and you're like go fishing. So I'm going to support you in going fishing. If going and buying yourself and being that that guy that really shows up and saves the day brings him joy. Speaker 1 I know, support that. I know. And I need it too because it's like, yeah, you can't. You can't stunt that in a male. Why would you want to? Nah, exactly. Speaker 2 Like shout out, bring it on. Speaker 1 Shout out for sorting my battery out, babes. Speaker 2 But I'm sure that if they both were sitting in this chair, they would be sitting here saying the same thing about us. We show up in our feminine way to allow them to grow and be masculine and to work really hard or. Speaker 1 Whatever it is and the work ethic of these two men, mate, like do you ever just text me and me like I'm so proud of you for your I did that this morning. I was like, I'm so proud of you for your work. I think like how beautiful is it when a man just, he's just a hard worker. Speaker 2 Yeah, I tell him all the time. I'm like you inspire me so much. Speaker 1 Yes, yeah, like the admiration, like especially if you've, you know, come from relationships where they're not as hard workers. Anyway, next topic. So yeah, I've, I still squirm. I find it really uncomfortable because I don't really ask for help. I don't ask for help, actually. Let's just put that out there. I've started to. So it's not the asking for help, it's the accepting the help when a man just wants to because you're so not used to. Yeah, anyone jumping in and being like, I'll sort it, Yeah. So I don't ask anyway, but when when it's offered freely, I'm just like, oh, I feel sick. Yeah, I'm gonna spew. Speaker 2 I know all of this stuff is like so silly to feel and like go through and everything, but obviously it's all in there. For some reason for me, I've just like chased down this lady who's in Perth who's apparently amazing and she's like a psychologist, but like a more of AI think she's more of a spiritual. There's something a bit different about her. She's not like. Speaker 1 She's in like a. Speaker 2 Holistic card. I can't stand those and I'm I'm booking in with her because like now that I'm in this relationship, I'm now starting to have bad dreams again, which I did in my last relationship about them doing the wrong thing by me. So it's all of this stuff is coming back up and I'm like, no, no, no, this is not going to ruin something that I've got going on so well. So there's like a huge time or moment to have self growth in this. And like, we don't want to be sitting here in six months saying that this is rocking us and we feel really uncomfortable and our body is literally reacting from the fact that our men are there doing what they want to do for us. We shouldn't be feeling that way. And I just think that it's it's more of a we need to look at what's happening inside of us. Why is this such a thing to a point where it's a topic and an issue sometimes because your body shouldn't be reacting that much, you know? And so I'm like, cool, I'm going to go down this path and try and like figure it all out just so that I can absolutely enjoy my whole relationship and not hear him say I love you and me. Go Yeah, it's just a matter of time in my. Speaker 1 Head and stuff like that. So you're having those type of thoughts at the moment. Speaker 2 Yeah, well, like, and so I should like, it's a PTSD therapist. She's going to go in there and try and like fix the, the, the PTSD that's going on from what has happened because like, I'd be, I was in a five year relationship and we were the happiest. It was the happiest relationship I ever had. And then all of a sudden he cheated and leaked. Yeah, so and he's the dad of the kids. So how am I to trust some guy that isn't even the dad of my kids? Speaker 1 That's gonna that he's going to stay. Speaker 2 Is going to stay for three years? For two years isn't going to cheat on me after having a three month old baby. And I don't want, I don't want to be bringing that shit into my relationship because he does not deserve any of that. Yeah. So the only way of tackling that is by booking in with someone that knows way more than what I do so that I can actually enjoy my life and in every moment eat up every possible second that he gives me of making me feel respected, loved, appreciated. And may not have that little tiny voice in my head going like, yeah, just not trusting it. Or like even now, like I feel anxiety just because it's sitting in there from what had happened. And I just don't think that we even with you or any relationship, you just shouldn't be bringing in your shit. But again, you have to learn from what has happened and be open minded to the fact that things can happen. Not only just cheating, but deaths can happen like all sorts of shit. Speaker 1 So yeah, but you can also, I feel like in a, in a relationship, regardless of where you're at in your healing, because it's not, you know, it's not. Is it linear? It's not linear. Is that the word? Speaker 2 Yeah, linear. Speaker 1 Linear, like you healing takes however long it takes and it's not finished. Like you're always always, you're always healing and always learning. What's that saying? It's like fix your wounds so that you don't bleed on people that didn't cut you. Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly. Speaker 1 What you're trying to do is you're. Yeah, you're trying to fix the wounds that B didn't create so you don't bleed them onto him. Yeah. So it's good that you are aware of it and you're seeking that help out because like, it can destroy something so good. And you don't want to self sabotage either because that's what's what I would usually do. Yeah. But I mean, I think we, I think it's normal to have those moments like especially when it feels too safe. You're like, hang on, what's going on here? Like even the other night I had a little moment of like, oh, Are you sure this is really what you want? Like, you know, and it's like, what? Like why do why did that even come up for me? Yeah, I think it's just like, I guess my like self worth was like always so low that you would be like, oh, I don't think they really want to. Speaker 2 But you just don't want to spend another day in that world of feeling and thinking that way. Like life is meant to be so fucking awesome and something to just absolutely soak up and enjoy. And if you can have an opportunity of dealing with all of those feelings, facing them and getting rid of them and never connecting with them again. Not even them coming up into a story or being a story ever. Like that's the way that life should be, that they're the goals. I, I for even 2026. There's no real, there's some like goals of like, you know, certain car and all that sort of stuff. Speaker 1 Materialistic. Speaker 2 Stuff, yeah. My goals are more like how I want to feel when I'm in a relationship and how I want to feel when somebody, whether it's a friend or my partner or my kids, tell me they love me. Like, I want to fully experience how that feels instead of having all the crap just, you know, come up and just continuously live in my body and slowly just tap at me. Speaker 1 I guess that could also play into your independence too because if you don't feel like you're in a safe environment, all those all that bullshit keeps coming up for you. Then it puts you more in your like hyper independent state where you're like I've got to have everything sorted in case this doesn't work out. Speaker 2 Yeah. Speaker 1 So you're already like, in the back of your mind planning for it to fail, and then you're bringing back that hyperindependence. I do that with mindset, yeah. Speaker 2 As well, I have been the only reason I can blame all sorts of fuckwits in marketing and other things that have happened in the business. But at the end of the day, it's it's the energetics of the owner. Yeah. When things are struggling, yeah. And when at those times I look like if I look at my AES of P and LS, I can tell you exactly what was going on in my life whenever it was down. And I can tell you exactly what's going on my life when it was up too. And it's just the energetics of a of what you bring into any kind of relationship to business friends. Speaker 1 Friends. Yeah, all of it. All of it. There's just one more question I really want to punch in and then we have to go into our segment. Speaker 2 Oh, I can't wait for the segment. Speaker 1 So how is being we've we've pretty much touched on this anyway, but we can always we can just do like a little rehash. So how is being hyper independent shaped the type of men you've accepted and what did it cost you? How Hyper-Independence Shapes Your Choice of Partners Oh, a lot. Speaker 2 Like everything I literally just was the magnet to feminine men that I believe one or two is is hiding to maybe go for the same sex and it's not coming out with it. Well, I know one is for sure, but the other one? Speaker 1 You're like can confirm. Speaker 2 I can confirm 100%. There's no doubt in that. I'm no doubt, and there's no wrong in it either. If that actually happened, if that actually could, I know I would. Like I'll be jumping for joy because you're going to be my best friend. Yeah, you could. You could have a Yeah. Now you're going to live a full, healthy, amazing life by coming out. Speaker 1 Well, I don't think any of mine potentially, I mean. Speaker 2 Have you seen that Netflix? Netflix. Some show about the sports players all being oh. Speaker 1 God, let's not go down that route. Anyway, look. Speaker 2 We're doing, I'm not, I'm not, we're doing insinuate I'm not. I'm not joking. I'm joking. Speaker 1 No, no, no, no it doesn't. I'm not bothered by that at all. But no, I think for me, the hyper independence, it's it's attracted like really low effort men because they don't have to show up because I'll do everything And like that's on me because I chose that. And I also allowed that by stepping in and being that like mummy role, like yuck. Anyway, let's continue on to our that's the end of that one, guys. Hyper independence, you know. Speaker 2 But some women might be sitting there listening to what we're talking about right now and really relating to it because they're like, I've been, I've been dating this guy for three years and or five years or however long and I've even got kids to them. But he I just have to do everything. Like I feel like I'm living the single mum life, but I've got this man child in my house. Get rid of him. Speaker 1 Yeah, the best. What were we saying? What did you say in the last episode 5? See you later mate. Speaker 2 Yeah, Catcher. Like, like, like you've got one life. Yeah. And those kids are watching what is going on and you just don't, you don't want to be modelling that kind of life to them. And the best time I had was when I accepted that I was single and I just really looked into who I am, what I need, what I want. And that was way better than having any man child in my house. Speaker 1 Yeah, and. Speaker 2 Creating stress in in the environment. Speaker 1 There's no right or wrong because everyone has their own journey to live, but staying for the kids I think is never. Speaker 2 A good idea? Speaker 1 Like, but also like I would always feel that if it was me personally, I'm not saying that like do whatever you want, it's your life. But if I had had children with someone, like having kids with the wrong person would would make me want to leave more because I didn't, I wouldn't want to model that for them and I wouldn't want them to feel that tension or that unhappiness. So that would make me be like, oh, got to go. Like staying for the wrong reasons and then them being Privy to all of the shit, the toxicity and the energetic grossness of being in a house like that. I think we've all experienced that in our childhood. I'm just looking at my baby sister. Technically Savvy: Advice on Navigating a Stale Marriage But let's go into. Speaker 1 Our let's segue into this next little segment that we've added in recently because I do want to give it a little bit of time. There's one, there's maybe hopefully we can get through 2, but there is one that's been sent in that it's actually relative to the marriage, children and all of that and staying. So I want to read this one out but. Speaker 2 I've got anxiety already. I don't even know. I know. Speaker 1 Because you don't read it. I mean, yeah. So I don't want to be calculated with my response. No, be like real natural with this. I was like, I don't know what. I've kind of just like checked over them and picked some good ones. But this one that was sent through last week was basically wanting us to touch on a chaotic life raising a child that was had. Speaker 2 Really. Speaker 1 Late in life while in a stale marriage. So this person is essentially doing it all their own. They go hyper independence, like just not hang on one SEC. I'm not finished. You're about to dive in. And I just asked a few questions to sort of see what was sort of wanted out of this because the paragraph was quite brief. But essentially, she's still in the marriage. She doesn't want to get divorced again. So it's her second marriage. Yeah. Doesn't want to get divorced again. First marriage failed after her husband cheated multiple times with her best friend. Remarried, has been remarried, has been married for 14 years but realized that she's a different person, doesn't want the same things but doesn't want to fail at marriage again To my husband now has no drive, no ambition and it's all on her to support their 14 year old son and family. He doesn't engage with the older children or their grandchildren. Speaker 2 The failure would be staying in something that is not moving the needle forward to a happier, lighter, more exciting life. The the I don't know whether like it's an ego bruise or like there's no rule book on how many times look at Kim Kardashian Queen publicly. Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 2 Like and and they will still. Speaker 1 Love her. Divorced 28 days later. Speaker 2 Now Tammy Hambrow and yeah, she's she, you know, he cops shit from people who's keyboard heroes. Do you look up to them? So don't worry about their opinion. If the people have an issue with you going through a second divorce, then they're probably not people that you would ever even inspired or be like anyway. So what does it matter what they think or say about you? And then if it's in you that you're like, I don't want to fail, you're failing by staying in it in the in the rest of your life. Like if you're thinking about the 14 years that you had, if it was good, amazing. If you're thinking that you feel like you've wasted maybe three years of the end of now from three years ago to now of your marriage and you're still questioning it. Like imagine having an awesome Co parenting relationship, breaking up beautifully and being too mature adults just loving each other from a Co parenting friendship perspective then and just coming to terms with it's been 14 years, it's been great. It's not it anymore. We want to try and find some fun and freedom in our lives. Speaker 1 But also if you're doing it all on your own, which according to this conversation then what is the benefit of having the partner there? Like if if you're in the trenches, being that hyper independent woman, doing it all on your own, raising the kids by yourself, like you're there, there's no engagement, there's no support in of any kind and the marriage is stale. And if it's only your side that's wanting to make it work and say the other party's not interested, I don't know the situation. Maybe he is interested in fixing it and maybe they just don't know how to communicate because that is very real. Speaker 2 And, well, she's just speaking for myself, and if there's one person in a relationship that feels that way, then there's an issue. Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, for sure. So like, if if it's all being done on your own, then there's really no benefit to staying and having a second divorce isn't probably as daunting as you may feel that it's going to be. If it was me, I obvious like I would. And it's easy to say. And I love that people are writing in for our perspective. So please, no one get offended by how we talk about your situation because obviously we're just giving our own perspective. Yeah, if it was me, I'd be getting the fuck out. Speaker 2 I broke up with my ex and every part of me didn't want to because I loved him so much. But I knew that it wasn't. It wasn't serving you. It was horrible. It just couldn't go on. Like sometimes you just got to when you bite the bullet and do something so hard like that, so many gifts come into your life. Yeah, you unblock your pussy. It's absolutely nuts. And you never know what opportunities, and I'm not talking about who else you're going to meet next, but just the opportunities of being on your own and learning about who you are. And and you know what was amazing when I went through my separation, which it like I had to, I had to go through it and I had to find some Silver Linings in this because it was so shit. I was like, Oh my God, I never would have had the relationship that I have now with my boys if I was in a relationship with someone else juggling my boys with. Speaker 1 Them on this? Yeah. Speaker 2 I have the best one-on-one relationship with my kids. You can't get that when you're in an environment like what she's just spoken about. But also, who's to say that like? Speaker 1 You can't live a fulfilling and beautiful life on your own anyway. Like, why do you always need a man or to be married? And I'm not saying that. Yeah. And I'm not saying don't get me wrong. Like, I I want to be married and I want to like, have all. I want to have a beautiful home life. Like, that's my goal. But like, there's nothing to say that if life didn't turn out that way for me, that I couldn't have a fulfilling life on my own. And especially these beautiful women that have children already. Like, you've got that part of the missing puzzle that I'm still searching for. So like, you can do it on your own and have a fantastic time doing it with your babies. Speaker 2 She is doing. Speaker 1 And your grand and grandbabies, like you're clearly doing it on your own. You've obviously got a big family environment if you've got grandchildren. So there's that beautiful, like home family dynamic, like you can create that just for yourself. You don't need to have a counterpart. Yeah, especially if they're not providing you anything. Speaker 2 Yeah. When you can't make yourself love someone, you can't make yourself have any of those feelings that you kind of wish that you could get back from, like the beginning of the relationship or whatever. It's two people needing to work really hard all the time. No matter how hard and love you start off with, the whole relationship needs an immense amount of effort to keep it going, keep it firing, sexy and exciting. Can we? Speaker 1 Stop, stop, stop on that because we need this is we need to go on to the next question of the same person. No, no, no. This is a different girl, a different lady. Speaker 2 OK, so to and to close this one. Speaker 1 To close that one off, yeah, our advice is cut and run. Speaker 2 Cut and run some can cost fallacy, babe. Cut your losses. Yeah, do what what you want to do for your life. Exactly. And maybe grab that independence that we were kind of talking about before. Speaker 1 Start even if even if it means that you stay where you are, if that's what you want to do, but like start doing more for yourself and then maybe your joy in bringing that into your home life will then create a different level of joy or in like. Speaker 2 Like Oh my God, get. Speaker 1 He might see you doing some shit and be like oh damn, like I want to really put into my marriage. Like who knows. Also you could. Speaker 2 Split up for three years and then make your way back together. Oh, A. Speaker 1 100% that happens all the time. Who knows? OK, we've thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Amazing. I just want to make sure we don't run out of time. Another one for our technically savvy segment. Another beautiful girl has sent through a message on advice on how to get your sexual chemistry back with your partner after the honeymoon phase is over. Speaker 2 Have a threesome? No, I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. Speaker 1 Block your ears baby. She knew this was going to be spicy. No, I mean if that's your preference, by all means. If you want to spice it up, do that. It would definitely never work for me. I'm way too jealous. No, there's. Speaker 2 No, that that's not my dice. I'm. Speaker 1 Joking. I'm joking. I just don't share. I'm joking. Yeah. Speaker 2 So what? Sorry, very question again. Speaker 1 Very violent and. Speaker 2 How to bring? How to bring the spark? Speaker 1 How to get the spark back or the chemistry after the honeymoon phase is over? See, for me, I I don't love the honeymoon phase. I hate the honeymoon phase because I feel like for me, anytime I've had a really hectic honeymoon phase in a relationship, the relationship's been really toxic and fucked up. Yeah, so I don't like, I like to have a slow, consistent burn and a healthy sex life. That's my priority. So I hope to dig God that the relationship that I'm in, it doesn't ever get to that point where we're like not able to speak about like our sexual chemistry or how often we're having sex with all of those things. Like those conversations should you should be able to have quite openly with your partner. If you can't communicate with your partner freely about that sort of stuff, where it creates a divide or disinterest or you get pushed away further, I feel like that's such a toxic way to. Speaker 2 Handle that situation moving into the area of people pleasing in a way as well. So I just think that that like you need to know what you need and want. And if there's things that you're finding that you're thinking about because you're in this headspace, like you should definitely be in a, in a relationship where you can safely share that 100% and then not judge you. The partner that you'll wish should never have any judgement on you at all. It should be like a safe, a safe environment. Speaker 1 And I think like, I mean, you know, in movies, they're like, oh, go buy some lingerie and go do this and do that. But it depends on like, if that's going to land in a safe place, like you don't want to try and be vulnerable and then get rejected. So, I mean, we don't know the situation. I don't know if it's you that's not feeling as sexy or your partner's not instigating or anything like that. But I feel like the chemistry should be there anyway. But maybe you just need to have a conversation about what you need and want from that part of your relationship. Because obviously it's a, it's a small intimacy. Yeah, it's a huge part, but it's also in the grand scheme of things, you know, that sort of dies down as we get older and we're not as active and whatnot. So eventually in your 80s, you're probably not going to be jumping each other's bones every single day, but you know. Speaker 2 Speak for yourself. I mean, speak for I'm going to be the wildest old woman. I said to be last night. I said to be last night. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm just going to be the wildest because we're talking, we're actually talking about this last night because he said, which was so devastating. He's like, do you know that we're going to be in our 80s in like 40 years? Speaker 1 Oh, quick maths there, good job that. Speaker 2 Was easy and I'm bad at maths. Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. That's why I take this. Speaker 2 Fuck you. And I was like, holy shit, because we've already lived 40 years, pretty much. Speaker 1 We're pretty much halfway through our life expectancy, yeah. Speaker 2 And I'm like, whoa, that went fast. Like I'm going to be 80 in like just over 40 years. And I said to him, like I'm going to be doing. Speaker 1 All. No, you're not. I am. No, Yeah, I am. Speaker 2 I'll write it. I'll write it in a document. We'll pull it up at my 80th birthday. But. Speaker 1 I get your journal out. I want to document every single day of the activities you entertain. Speaker 2 What do you have to worry about when you're 80? You're not really worried about work and and showing up like on Monday to work like I'm going to be hungover on a Monday. I'm going to be. Speaker 1 Going to be one of those piss wrecks in your 80s where you just I am, you'd be punching, I'll be swearing all the. Speaker 2 Time the grandkids are going to be telling me to stop swearing at the Christmas dinner table. Speaker 1 Grandma tells me all the time she goes, oh Yasmine. Speaker 2 I'll be on the gummies. Speaker 1 Yeah, same. Well, I mean, sorry about that one, doll. We didn't really answer that too well, but open, open, honest communication. Speaker 2 Just go to him at 12:00 while he's working in the middle, like the middle of the day and just. Speaker 1 Send some nude. Speaker 2 Walk out. Walk out naked, I said. I said nudes to be. Speaker 1 Yeah, I do randomly. Sorry, faith. Sorry. Speaker 2 I don't send nudes. I was like. Speaker 1 It's just so. It's so, but it's a. Speaker 2 Bomb on Instagram and it's just I like to just he just he doesn't know when it's coming yeah you know and it's not as. Speaker 1 Throwed out there every now and again that when you're in your 30s Thank you. Speaker 2 Oh, eighteen. No, don't even send. Speaker 1 Nudes when you're 18. Do not send nudes until you're married. OK? Thank you. That's the topic. Finished Nova. For fuck's sake, just this poor girl. You're sitting outside for the next episode, OK. Speaker 2 Hey, we're born naked, alright? Yeah, just love it. Speaker 1 We're born naked and I hope to go out the exact same way. Nova clearly has this image of her head. She'll be like, I don't know, the end. But yeah, I think it's the chemistry and the trying to get out of the honeymoon phase, which I hate saying it's it's up to the both of you because like you could be showing up in lingerie and not be received well. So there either has to be a conversation about it or or drop a bomb, see how it's received and then you can go from there. Like I remember in a pre like previous my past life, you know, sending even like a bikini shot. I never do any of that. I've never actually sent nudes before. This is. Speaker 2 Actually. Speaker 1 No first time. Speaker 2 Am I weird or is it are you weird? Speaker 1 I mean sexy photos maybe, but not a full nude. No I sent full nudes. Now I'm like, cool who? Speaker 2 Am I? Oh, no, hold on, wait, let's let's just go back a little bit. Sorry. What is a full nude? What is a full nude to you? Speaker 1 Naked. You're fully naked, but. Speaker 2 Like a nude pose and Oh yeah to your partner. Not like a flag. No, I would never not. Speaker 1 What is it? Was it that Singer Cafe who did that? There was an image of her going around like full spreading. Oh. Speaker 2 Why did I miss that? Speaker 1 Let's find that photo. We can talk about that in the break, but no, yeah, just you're either going to spice it up and just see how it's it's received or have an open, honest conversation about your sex life. Speaker 2 I'm sorry but if it's not received well, he is seeing someone else. Speaker 1 Or he's gay, in love with. Oh, he's gay. Speaker 2 Or he likes. Speaker 1 Pin. Speaker 2 Doodle, which is fine. I like which doodle too, so I get it, I get it. Speaker 1 I can't wait to do the edits of this. Speaker 2 If the guy on. Speaker 1 Instagramming like if the. Speaker 2 Guy is not going down on you, no. Speaker 1 Nova, we're not. Speaker 2 I'm telling you, if the guy is not going down on you. Speaker 1 He is gay. You reckon? Yes. OK. Anyway, that's technically therapy, guys. We're going to leave it at that. Fuck's sake. My little sister's never going to be allowed to visit everybody. Yeah, she's more. I'm sorry, sweetheart. Look, that was your sex Ed lesson for Nova and Yas. She's literally got tears in her eyes. This is great. All right, guys, that was episode 7877. OK, Love you. Bye.