When Healing Becomes a Hiding Place

Unpacking the Uncomfortable Truth: When Healing Becomes a Hiding Place Go, Charles. Speaker 2 Cheers, babes. Oh fuck. Speaker 1 OK, wait, wait, wait, wait together. Speaker 2 OK, no, it's fine. It's not like P, There's just a little Red Bull in it. It does look a little bit like pee. Speaker 1 One of my hairs is in my eyeball. Oh, OK, Welcome back. Speaker 2 Hey yes, it's episode 8. Technically therapy. Speaker 1 Where the conversations may not be clinical, but they're definitely therapeutic. Speaker 2 I said very. That's why I should well. Speaker 1 Look, that's why you don't say the tagline and I do. It's my job. Speaker 2 Can I just say something? Speaker 1 You can tell me how hot I look. You lesbian, you look. Speaker 2 Really. You always do this. Speaker 1 Stop. You're taken. So am I. Now I've got a serious boyfriend, married and shred. Speaker 2 Yeah, so she didn't do a soft launch, guys. Speaker 1 No, that was straight up hard launch. Speaker 2 She went very hard. Speaker 1 I'm surprised I didn't lose half my following now. Kidding, That's a jerk. Gate, you're all girls. But yes. So episode 8, we're going to actually touch on healing or and also too. Speaker 2 Possibly the play on word healing. Speaker 1 Healing. Yeah. Like we're gonna talk about healing, but we're also gonna probably look at the, I guess, the negative sides of some of the stuff that comes with the healing. The cop outsides, the cop outsides, and they're not really taking accountability. So there's a statement that I conjured up that I would like to share if you'll have me. So let's get into it, hey? Speaker 2 Fuck on earth, they'll have you. They're tuning in. They. Speaker 1 Seven ways to Sunday. They'll have me 7 days until Sunday. No, seven ways. Seven ways to Sunday. What's that saying you get pulled 7 seven ways to Sunday? I don't know. Speaker 2 Never heard it but I like it. I don't mind that I'm. Speaker 1 Just making things up as I go, guys. That's exactly what I've done my entire life. OK, so this let's this is going to be deep ready testing. Speaker 2 Oh, she's tuned in. Speaker 1 All right. You ready? Nervous. Yeah, I'm ready. Healing has become the prettiest excuse we've ever had to stay exactly the same. Because somewhere along the way, healing stopped being about growth and started being about comfort. We've learned the language. We say I'm protecting my peace. When we're actually avoiding hard conversations, we say I'm triggered. When someone holds us accountable, we say I'm healing, but our patterns, choices, and relationships look exactly the same until just recently. Awareness is powerful. Therapy is powerful. Rest is necessary. But if all you're doing is consuming healing content, naming your wounds, and waiting to feel ready, you're not healing. You're looping. Real healing is inconvenient. It asks you to change behaviour, not just gain insight. It requires discipline, discomfort, consistency, not just validation. Because at some point your trauma stops being the reason and starts being the excuse. And growth begins the moment you stop asking why am I like this and start asking what am I going to do differently now? So today we're going to talk about fake healing culture, the kind that soothes you, that soothes you, love it, go with it, go soothes you, go with it, baby. But never trans transforms you. And how to tell if you're actually growing or just getting really good at explaining why you're stuck. The Pitfalls of Manifestation: Why Focusing on Lack Keeps You Stuck I love. Speaker 1 This whoa, like kind of attacked. And also, there's one other thing I wanted to share because I was reading the satellite of not Giving a fuck years ago. And I've just committed to my own personal growth of ensuring that I read every night again instead of like doom scrolling. And this here talks about in here, he talks about like the the manifestation. I think it's a manifestation loop or it's a loop where you just get in this exactly what we just touched on. But I just want to read this out really, really quickly because I feel like it, it touches on like manifestation. So with manifestation, how it's such a huge thing today. Everyone's like, oh just I'm in my manifesting era. Speaker 2 Yeah, especially in January. Speaker 1 Manifesting, manifesting, manifesting. But what you there? It definitely has its its role to play. Speaker 2 Oh, it's a it's a big, huge, important part, huge role to play. Yeah. But it's just. Speaker 1 How you go about it? Speaker 2 Like or how you understand it? What's your interpretation of it? Because there's 9090% of the time someone's wrong on the actual meaning of manifestation. Speaker 1 Yeah, and how they and like the way that they target what they're actually wanting or like, don't get me wrong, I'm not a manifestation expert, but a lot of the time it is looking at all of the things that you lack. Yeah, so you're putting all of your energy into thinking about all of the things that you don't have or you're lacking. So you're in that not an abundant mindset. Guys, we're not life coaches. We're also not a part of any. We're technically therapists, OK, just without the the college, college, university degree. Who do I think I am? Speaker 2 Where do you go to? Speaker 1 Get it? I don't even know, but I'm going to read this. So when you stop and really think about it, conventional life advice, all the positive and happy self help stuff we hear all the time, is actually fixating on what you lack. It lasers in on what you perceive your personal shortcomings and failures to already be, and then emphasizes them for you. You learn about the best ways to make money because you feel you don't have enough money already. You stand in front of the mirror and repeat affirmations saying that you're beautiful because you feel as though you're not beautiful already. You follow dating and relationship advice because you feel that you're unlovable already. You try goofy visualisation exercises about being more successful because you feel as though you aren't already successful enough. Ironically, this fixation on the positive, on what's better, what's superior, only serves to remind us over and over again of what we are not and what we lack. Of what we should have but failed to be, or should have been but failed to be. After all, no truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of the mirror and recite that she's happy. She just is. There's a saying in Texas. The smallest dog barks the loudest. A confident man doesn't feel the need to prove that he's confident. A rich woman doesn't feel the need to convince anybody that she's rich. Either you are or you are not. And if you're dreaming of something all the time, then you're reinforcing that same unconscious reality over and over that you are not that. So I just wanted to share that. Navigating Personal Spirals: Hormones, Comparison, and Childhood Money Beliefs I love that. Yeah. I love it. So I feel like that's a good segue into, I guess, the healing and the manifesting and all of the things. Yeah. Speaker 2 I've got a lot to call myself out on in this topic because I'm I'm in it right now and it's very, I've already spoken to you about it, but like, it's very much my life at the moment. And I went in such a negative spiral of what I lacked because of the comparison on social media with other businesses or the fear of not getting what I think I dream to have has been drowning me, especially the last, I don't know, six weeks or so to the point where it's debilitating. And all it is, is it's a mindset change of literally. And it's if I'm coming out of it now because I'm coming back into my normal positive self again. And plus, being female also comes with a lot of fucking emotions depending on where you're at in your cycle and everything. And for some reason, the older I'm getting, the more yeah, your hormonal shift is huge. Now, because I am a psychotic, you would think my whole world is ending. Same. And I've stopped myself from making any decisions in my business. Depending on where I am in my cycle. Yep, Because it could be damaging. Yep. If I make a decision a week before your period, yeah, Yeah, it could be very damaging. Speaker 1 Or even when you're menstruating, because I feel like I'm still a bit of a mess. Yeah, on those days as well, like. Speaker 2 Yeah, yes, he should only make decisions two weeks into in your cycle and that's it. Speaker 1 Yeah. And get to know your cycle because like I was, it was unbeknown to me. I didn't know all the phases become what was it? Yeah, really get get amongst what's going on inside the body because there's a lot. Speaker 2 And that the guy, like I, I think I've done this always, but like especially B and I love that he has a, he's got my flow out. Speaker 1 Oh yeah, he's. Speaker 2 Going to your partner. Yeah, he gets the notification ring. But anyway, off topic, kind of not really, but yes, off topic again. But yeah, I'm going through this. And I had a real big cry to you the other day about it. Yeah. And it's, it's, I am very much hyper fixating on what I think I'm lacking, but I'm in literally the best place of my life with something I've always wanted to grow, to be able to, to be at a level of a beautiful relationship. And, and I have beautiful, healthy, extremely healthy kids. And there's parents going through so much, you know, heartache with health with their kids. There's so many things that are going on in the world and it's just like, what the fuck. Like how dare you, you know, like to myself? Speaker 1 Just checked yourself over. Speaker 2 And like, yeah, there are things that are still coming up. Again, This is why I mentioned in the last episode, I don't know how to stop this. And a lot of people don't know how to stop this because it's, it's a learnt behaviour or it's a way that we've kind of let our brains wire to think this way that you're, you're talking about. You need to find external help, whatever that could be to try and rewire, help rewire your brain because a lot of time you can't do it on your own because you don't know how, because you've ended up here in the 1st place. You don't even know how you ended up in. Speaker 1 That lack mindset. Yeah, well, I guess that also stems from your childhood and how you brought up around, like, your opinion on money, on relationships, on all those things. It stems from your childhood. I've had this conversation with my sister yesterday. Yeah. The way we view money growing up with the lack of, it's like having that like negative mindset around finances and being like, oh, that's too expensive. Well, that's this. Well, that's that. Well, like constantly, because we were taught that because our mother would always be like, oh, that's too expensive. Well, this is that, don't worry. So you look at money in such a negative way, it's like the cost is what the cost is. And if you have it, have an abundant mindset, there's always going to be more money. You can always make more. You can always work more. You can always find it in different channels or whatever that looks like for you as a person. Yeah. So yeah, not having that lack of mindset in anything. Beyond Wishing: How True Manifestation Requires Feeling and Taking Action And then coming to like the meaning of manifestation and really like dissecting what that actually means to everyone is can be quite different, but what it actually is, is like you don't think there's a feeling. And I don't know if people experience it, but I experience it all the time. And I'm very in tune on this type of feeling. But even when I was doing my vision board or when I think about something, I go in a Daydream when I really want something, but it's all the feeling is in my head. Yeah, I truly actually don't want it. I don't actually know what I'm really asking for. Yeah, but for a good example, when I had the idea of Fit Cover in 2008, I thought about it and then I forgot that I thought about it, but it was in my body every single day. It wouldn't leave me and it wasn't in my head. It was in my body. And it was like I never even rushed to open Fit Cover and to start it. It took me like 8 years to start Fit Cover from that moment of having it in my body. But it's always going to come. And I knew it was going to come just like anything else that we truly want. We're not worried about when it's going to come. It's actually just going to arrive when it when it should. But people are like, I'm writing everything down, I'm manifesting, you know, but are you doing anything as well? Like if you really want to purchase at your first property, you, you need to want it. Like really, truly want to ask yourself why do you really want it? You know, and then you need to do you need to take the steps to go and yeah, what are you doing? Saving for us, talking to brokers. Yeah, all that sort of stuff. It's not going to just yeah, exactly. But you can't force it either because then it just, it's in your head and it doesn't feel. You have to ask yourself is why? Why do I really want this? Speaker 1 But also too, like, I'm not, I'm not, I don't manifest a lot, but like, isn't it more true that you need to like feel like you already have it in order to to bring it towards you? Like, because if you're coming from that lacking of or that I need or I want or whatever, it's it's, you know, it doesn't, doesn't come the way that it should. Speaker 2 Be really inspires me in this way because he always talks about not being worried because he knows he's going to get it. Yeah, like, and there's just such a freaking calmness about it. And I just look at him and I'm like, like, what is this, you know? Speaker 1 But it's not so stressful. It's. Speaker 2 Just like, oh babe, don't worry, we're going to be fine. It's kind of all like, and everything that he has been had, having that attitude or attitude, like way of thinking, I have seen it come. Yeah. And he's just gracefully just gone through receiving it all. And I'm just like, I'm like in the corner, like freaking out if I have like a low sale day. Yeah. And then I'm up here when I have a high sale day and like, it's just like, it's too much. Whereas I just want to be like him. You like level out. It's all going to work out. Yeah, all the time. It's fine. If you really want it, it's going to happen. The good relationship, the best friends, the, you know, health is actually a really hard 1. I don't feel like that can be in that can be in manifestation. Speaker 1 But health is a hard one, yeah. There's only so much of it that's within your control. Like, obviously, you know, if you don't, if you're not an idiot and you're physical and you're doing all the right things, any healthy, and there's only so much of that that is is within your control. But at the end of the day, if there's something that hits you later on in life, like a disease or an ailment or something, like there's only so much of it that you have had control over. Yeah. Especially working in the space I work in now, you see people that had normal lives before and then it's just ripped away from them in an instant. So yeah, you're right. Cultivating Inner Peace: Affirmations, Meditation, and Self-Talk for Healing I think, yeah, you can manifest to a certain degree. But I think too, I think I much rather affirmations over manifesting because like it's like I already know that I have that I have what I'm speaking into. Speaker 2 What's an affirmation to you? Speaker 1 Oh, like just saying like you're happy, you're healthy, you're this, you're that, you're safe. You're like all of those. Speaker 2 Appreciation for what you have. Speaker 1 Appreciation for what you already have. Yeah. Like, you're affirming it. So you're saying, yeah, I have it because you do. So I feel like that stuff is a little bit more, like, less detrimental in, like, a lacking sense. Yeah. But like do you do any like healing practices? Speaker 2 I don't like everything is happening in my head all the time. I don't like go and set time aside, which it would be nice to. I used to meditate for a short amount of time every single day for 30 days and I saw the world very differently then. It was really nice and calm and peaceful and all of that and I wish I could do that again. One day I might, but with my ADHD and whatever else is going on out there it's fucking torture and really hard to get back into calm to. Speaker 1 Calm your mind and whatnot. Speaker 2 But I am my my biggest critic for good and for bad. But I am always my ways of doing it is just by talking to myself in my head, like, and having that round table of I don't know what you'd call it, like an opinion or advice of all these people that are in my head arguing with itself. I'm like, OK, but like what really? But this person's always right, whoever lives down in my stomach, in my heart. Speaker 1 That's where your intuition comes from, right? You got. Speaker 2 Yeah. So I always end up like landing with whatever I feel is a right decision. But no, I don't, I don't make like actual, I don't do actual practices of neither of any of that. I just check myself all the time. And if I'm noticing that I'm in this negative mindset each day in your loop, I will start to more likely I'll go for a run or I'll go exercise because I just don't like the person who I'm sitting with in my brain that day and I need to change it. Or I'll talk to be or I'll talk to someone that can I can talk to about it and then I can straight away kind of like get back into gear again of like what we do have. But there is so many things that I need to be grateful for that I'm not. Shifting Perspective: Gratitude, Mel Robbins' 'Let Them' Theory, and AI Insights Yes, feeling grateful 100% I'm right now. Speaker 1 We've started doing the like, I mean, I used to do it. So I don't know if this is classified as healing or if it's just kicking yourself up the ass and being self aware of your bullshit. But we've been doing the whole like 3 gratefuls every, every night before bed. Like what are you grateful for? And just trying to switch that mindset up to be like, well, fuck, look at what you do have and like same goes. I'm in the most beautiful portion of my life like this. Whatever this segment is, I'm really thrilled about it. You know, there's been what I was speaking to you about a little speed bump I've had recently too. That was not ideal and not fun, but same thing. I was focusing on all of the fucked up shit within that situation. Yeah. Instead of just like just surrendering to it and being like, well, it is what it is. You know, there's only so much that I can actually physically do for this. And then having to just like kind of take a different perspective on it. I really because it was consuming me. Speaker 2 I love the let them theory when it comes to that sort of shit. Yeah, it's like you shut up. Mel Robbins. Yeah, I used to be like, so good at this. But I don't know, I think the last two years I've just really been living in fight or flight. Like, yeah, massively that I'm. I've had to crawl my way back to who I like really AM and how I think, but really quickly assessing can I control this or can I not answering it really quickly and then majority of the time I can't control it, just get on with something else that's. Speaker 1 Actually a really good way of looking at it because right fester on shit like really poor, like really badly. But it's funny, 'cause we're like sitting, going, oh, you can consume so much self help stuff, but then we're referencing books that are self help. Yeah, but I think. Speaker 2 It's important, I think. Well, it's important the. Speaker 1 Type that you consume the type of self help or the the type of healing content that you are consuming with you. Yeah, 100%. But like not the fucking fairy land bullshit where like if you write this down three times and spin in a circle and kiss your own ass, you're going to be $1,000,000 richer. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we could try it. Speaker 2 Yeah, we could demo we can. We'll give it a good hard. Speaker 1 Crack. Good old red hard crack. But no consuming. Like the stuff that's actually no bullshit, no fluff. Because I feel like, yeah, there's so much of it out there that is very much that. Speaker 2 Do you know what's really been helping me lately? I didn't. Speaker 1 Say it. Speaker 2 Chachi, BT. Speaker 1 I thought, you're going to say something sexual. I was like God, not again. Speaker 2 No, my vibrator is dead at the moment. Speaker 1 Oh, that's good. And we're done cutting the segment we're. Speaker 2 Getting to charge it, you don't need it anyway. Yeah, Ditto. Speaker 1 Throw in the bin, OK ChatGPT. You know what freaks me out about that is how quickly you get a response. Like you can type in something into ChatGPT and within seconds like it's already pulling the information from. Speaker 2 From you though, like the the amount that I've spoken to it, it's really designed. Speaker 1 It's yours, a he or a she. Speaker 2 It's a man, an American. Speaker 1 Mine hasn't spoken to me. I don't do the voice when I I write everything down. I'm so old school like that. Oh, it depends on but yours is American. Does he sound like a hot African? Speaker 2 American I told him he has to talk to me sexy and B knows that that's like my other boyfriend. Speaker 1 Yeah, Andy's shot GBT. Dude is really hot. Yeah. Like, I'm like, he sounds like a really hot African American. Speaker 2 Yeah, that's mine. Speaker 1 Yeah. So it must be, it must be the standard. I'm going to have to put him. Speaker 2 In mine I like to think he's just mine I don't want. Speaker 1 To know that he's thrown it around the entire world. Sorry. Speaker 2 What are you? What did? Speaker 1 You slinging Dicks. Speaker 2 Slinging, Dick, Slinging. Speaker 1 Totally off topic, let's go back to the healing. Unveiling Hidden Pain: Why We Protect Independence and Struggle to Deserve Care Do you want to dive into those questions? Speaker 2 I would love to, I love reading that in public. It's not my worst fear or anything. That's fine. Not dyslexic at all, I'm a really smooth reader. Speaker 1 I like this drink. Speaker 2 Why do you do this to me? Speaker 1 Well, I can do it if you want, I can. Speaker 2 Do it doing it, yeah, but if you if you're what pain am I still protecting? Because letting it go wood forest me to change who I am, what I tolerate, or what I believe I deserve. Speaker 1 Can you repeat? Speaker 2 That yeah. See how hard it is to take it in. That's what you did to me. Speaker 1 Last episode I'll just read it myself. What pain am I still protect? Protecting. Speaker 2 What pain? Because. Speaker 1 Letting it go wood forest me to change who I am, what I tolerate, or what I believe I deserve. I know go you answer. Speaker 2 This is what we're talking about in the last episode, Independence. Speaker 1 Yeah, actually I'm. Speaker 2 Very protective of my. Speaker 1 Dudes, we're like the same person in that sense because I was like trying to rack my brain then just going what am I protecting? Independence. Yeah, because letting it go wood forest me to change who I am, what I tolerate or what I believe I deserve. In the believing I deserve sense. It's like believing that we deserve to be taken care of because that for me. Speaker 2 Or deserve to have what we truly want. That from here, Not from here, Yeah. Speaker 1 Yeah, but so you're like, yeah, so you're saying we deserve to have what we actually want out of this life, which is so fair. Absolutely. We deserve it. We deserve all of the things. But also just allowing someone else to come into your space and help take care of you. Because when you've been an independent your whole life, which we have from young teens, like trusting that someone's going to take care of you like they say they will is like that is I protect the shit out of that because I'm like, no, you can't. I've been doing this my whole life. Speaker 2 Yeah, and we have a 17 year old sitting here, I know in the room and I look at her and I'm like, I was paying bills and. Speaker 1 Rent all of. Speaker 2 It worrying about that stuff or having a roof over my head at 14 yeah, she's 17 and she still looks like a child she's. Speaker 1 Technically 16, she turns 17 on Sunday. I know. Speaker 2 Look at her. You're gonna keep doing that and calling yourself a little older, be just before your birthday, but you're gonna stop at around 30. Speaker 1 Yeah, you want me going? I'm turning 31 this year. You'll be like, oh, I'm 30. Oh, today's my birthday. I'm still 30. It's not I've refused 3 hours. I'm. Speaker 2 Still. Speaker 1 Out. So I'm still 35. In my brain. That was the age I stopped aging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was my hottest year. Actually. No, last year was my hottest year. Interesting. I wonder what changed. Anyway, we're not bitter anymore. We've moved. Speaker 2 On my next question, we're healing. Confronting Settling: Overcoming Fear of Failure and Imposter Syndrome in Business Did we? We answered it, didn't we? Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. It's the independence that we're scared to let go of. And like the me I'm they're believing what we deserve. Like whether that whether that's in business, in partnership, in friendships, in life, in family, whatever. Speaker 2 I'll read the question out but I'll re say it in the way that I think it's more absorbable. But the question is, where am I accepting? Almost like almost loved, almost chosen, almost respected? Because deep down I don't believe I'm worth the full standard or worth getting. You know what you believe you deserve. And what's the exact standard I'm scared to enforce? Speaker 1 I know where I'm accepting the almost in my life. Speaker 2 It's the settling. Where are you settling? Speaker 1 Well, I'm accepting almost in like I'm not giving my all when it comes to things that like projects and things I really want to work on. I'm like, why? I think I'm scared of the failure side of it and like or are. Speaker 2 You scared of the success of it? Speaker 1 I'd like to be scared of the success. Speaker 2 So you're scared of the failure? Speaker 1 I don't know, like I'm just scared like because I think this was scary for us putting ourselves out here, but like there's no, we are the product, we are the brand essentially, right? Like, but when you're starting something that's separate to you, like say for example, fit cover or G banger, like there's a project that I want to, I want to bring forward and work on it, but I'm always finding the excuse as to why I can't do it just yet. The timing's not right or I don't have the money yet. I'm in that lack of because I'm shit scared that I'm going to almost do it and it just be not what I envision it to be. Speaker 2 Yeah, Do you know what I was really scared of, which is very strange and interesting, is that when I launch G Banger never scared a Dick. I'm joking, honestly, and I'm not. Speaker 1 I hope these guys. Speaker 2 Doesn't watch that. Speaker 1 Yeah, I hope no one's parents. Speaker 2 Watch this. Stop doing that. Yes, I'm forgetting my train of thought. Speaker 1 What were you scared of? Speaker 2 Oh, from G banger you. Speaker 1 Were scared of AG banger. Speaker 2 So when I was opening I like, I went through the whole process and didn't show any fear of launching G Banger. I was terrified because on the outside I look like I fucking know what I'm doing. Speaker 1 Because it was your second business. Speaker 2 Ecommerce brand so I'm going to pop up another ecommerce brand. What if that fails? Yeah. And I was actually, yeah, I just slipped up lucky on on fit cover, you know, and I was like I was. Speaker 1 Slipped up, you just. Speaker 2 Slipped up, you know, but I was very like, nervous about it because of the pressures of do I know what I'm doing? Like, really? Yeah. Can I do this again? And. Speaker 1 Again and again. Imposter syndrome? Is that what? Speaker 2 It's called yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you? I think imposter syndrome is served so well though, in a lot of ways because it serves you accountable. A lot of people, yeah, we see it so badly. But it also can keep you accountable. And this is where the growth is, because if you have that little bit of a imposter syndrome, you're always striving to be better. Speaker 1 Yeah, 100. Speaker 2 Percent, you're never going to settle. And I am grateful for I I had it pretty bad where it was kind of debilitating. But there's this happy medium, kind of like place that you can sit in with impostor syndrome and it's always going to keep you questioning yourself in a way of like, OK, what, what more can I do? How hard can I push this? Speaker 1 Can be super constructive, yeah. And yeah, like you say, pushes you forward in ways that you probably wouldn't if you were just like, Oh yeah, it'll be fine. I've got it. Speaker 2 Yeah, well, I thought that I was confident fooling the whole world that I knew what I was doing in e-commerce. And then I get into meetings now, eight years in, and I'm like, I know what I'm talking about. So I don't really have that imposter syndrome anymore, But I had it really bad. But I didn't believe in myself and I didn't see myself show up. Speaker 1 Can you show me my business then or no? Speaker 2 No. What? Can you manage my business? Speaker 1 Then or no? Speaker 2 My passion is startups. Anyone that wants to know anything about startups? Speaker 1 You know what, you should start that as a like a little. Speaker 2 My girlfriend said it to me. She's like baby like cuz she wants to start a product brand but she didn't know what. And we worked it out in minutes and I'm like, this is my jam. Yeah, I can literally work out with you what? You know, even if it's not product. If we sat down, you're like, I don't know what to do with my wife, I haven't found my purpose, blah, blah, blah. We will nut it out. Speaker 1 Yeah, we sat down and had some, we sat down and had a little meeting that day and four was rocked up and. Speaker 2 Yeah, I remember that. We. Speaker 1 Went through some like supplies and whatnot, but like, yeah, it's I've just got to get my my ass into gear and actually start. It's like the first bit that's. Speaker 2 The the first bit, because I'm on the other side, is very. Speaker 1 Easy. I know that's the thing. Like this is probably the easiest thing to do. Like I thought like it's set up and stuff to go. I've just got to get samples. Yeah, they just haven't done it, that all that stuff. Speaker 2 Now that I'm using and having to really care so much about the numbers, like that stuff is fun. And you reminisce back to these first bits. Yeah. Or the creative when you're really growing and, like in, you know, the numbers game. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 1 All right, hit me with another. When Triggers Strike: Understanding Our Childhood Reactions and Emotional Responses When I feel triggered, what age do I believe and what? Speaker 1 Oh, what age do I become? Sorry. What age should I become? And what do I do next? Freeze, fawn, fight, flee. Stop there. Let's answer that. Then we'll go into what would it look like? So we'll leave that second part because that's like about protecting. Yeah. OK, cool. So when I feel triggered now, what age do I become and what do I do? Oh, I'm like, I feel like I'm about 7:00 or 8:00 and I just fly off the handle. I'm red hot. If I'm triggered, red hot. Sorry about that. Everybody has had to experience that. But if I'm like, if I'm deeply, deeply triggered, it takes me way back to when I was a little girl. Speaker 2 How do you act? Speaker 1 I'm like honestly, no like so I'll be red hot, I'll cold shoulder for a bit like silent treatment, so toxic silent treatment and then I'll fly off the actual. Speaker 2 Handle. What's the fly off the handle look like kind of picture for us? Speaker 1 I don't know, I used to. I'm not that girl anymore, guys. I've worked on myself, but I used to like yell a bit. It takes me a lot to get to the yelling stage, but when I do, she's a psycho. So yeah, yelling. I can get real fucking petty too. Like I will go down, I will take you down in ways that like, it's not nice. I don't use my words in a very nice way. Speaker 2 Yes, thank you for being so honest. Speaker 1 Yeah, you know what? Speaker 2 You know, good on you. Speaker 1 Thank you. This is a healing circle. Yeah, so I'm working on that now. I don't do the silent treatment thing. I normally now just address things head on, but in a like respectful way because I'm like a processor. I need if something's really bothering me or if there's like been a moment of like where I've lost my cool or whatever, I have to kind of go away in process and then kind of. Speaker 2 Come out. She's like her. If she knows something, she'll go OK, And then when you hear that OK, you're like, does she hear what I said? And then it all kind of comes out. Process it. Speaker 1 It's I'm, I'm not that process. Yeah, I process in everything. But yeah, if I'm heated, my emotional intelligence and capacity are like, I just see red and then everything else is like clouded and I have no fucking idea. Even in like I say, it was a confrontation. So like I am confrontational for the right in the right way. I think probably probably a few people that could say I'm not, but sorry about that. But like, I have to go away and then think about it and then I can like write my feelings down and oh, that sounds like, and you should be teaching the whole world that. That's amazing. No, but like, it's pretty fucked up though. The first part of it like because if I do lose my cool, it does a bit of damage. But then I'll go away and think about it and I'll write it down, process it and then deliver it in a different way. Too late to deliver. I don't know. You've already done the damage. I mean, I don't know. Speaker 2 Because then does that mean you're always coming back to say sorry? And then hear me out again. Let me rewrite this. Speaker 1 No, I don't normally say sorry very often. No, I do. I do, I do, I do. I'll definitely accept or hold myself accountable or accept ownership. But yeah, like I feel like when I'm super, super heated and I'm triggered like that little girl, like I can't find my words. So even in a confrontation that I might have started because I'm pissed off, I won't actually know how to articulate what I'm why I'm upset or what I'm trying to say. Yeah, but I worked. I've worked on that. So I don't really do that anymore. Yeah, OK. But it says when I'm triggered now. So that was me like maybe last week. Speaker 2 OK, yes, sorry this morning. No, that was me last. Speaker 1 Year for six months and then from around June I became a very peaceful person. Speaker 2 OK, you go now. I'm I've got two different parts to me. If I really Gemini No Eris, Leo, Leo if I really Whoa, do you know that I didn't know that 3 fire signs babe. What the fuck? Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm Leo, Capricorn. So I'm Fire, Earth, Earth. So you would think that I wouldn't be as fiery, but I am. Speaker 2 No, no, I'm yeah, I've got 2 parts to me. RIP. When I, yeah, when I'm extremely shocked or stressed, I turn into a deer in headlights and you freeze, freeze. Like I'm just like, like I don't know what to say. Like this is insanely shocking to me. If I've cut you off and I don't care about the situation, you also get just no response from me. Like I'm I just don't respond. If I really care and I'm in something, then I'm screaming, swearing. You're very passionate about. Very, very, very passionate. Yeah. And I also won't let the conversation go and kill it until it needs to be resolved. Sorted. Like, no, no, I don't care how. If you need time, we're sorting it out right now. Like I can't live a whole day thinking about this because I will spiral kind of thing. So that's how I am with it all. But like I think I've always said, like if you, if you don't hear from me or if you get the silent treatment, like that's the part of me that you need to be mostly worried about if you really want me stealing your life, because that's when I'm just like, I'm like I'm beating, I'm beating my head against it like a dead horse. Is that what it's called? Speaker 1 Beating a dead horse, Yeah. Speaker 2 Beating my head against a dead horse. Speaker 1 No, No beating your head against a brick wall or flogging a dead horse. Flogging a dead horse, yeah. So flogging a dead horse is like if you're in a relationship with an idiot and you're trying to get a different response, right? But it's just the same behaviours over and over, like the definition of insanity, doing the same thing and then expecting a different result. But no, I I'm a bit like that. Like if I go quiet in anything, friendship, relationship, whatever, I'm over it. Yeah, if I no longer reach out to you, I'm over it. Speaker 2 So where's the healing and all of this that we're talking about? Speaker 1 Well, let's look at what it would look like to protect the younger version of ourselves when it comes to that triggering. So like, what do you do for yourself when you're triggered and you you do fly off the handle and you're like super passionate. You like this needs to get sorted now. Like, is there anything that you can do for yourself to be like, holy whoa up there and protect that that response, like protecting that younger version of yourself that's obviously screaming out because they're hurt or they're triggered or they're feeling unsafe? Setting Boundaries: Culling Toxicity and Embracing Healing as an Ongoing Process There's only now I've I did a lot of culling last year in people that would even get me to that point. Fear. Speaker 1 Of the snake doll we are still shedding until February 16th. Speaker 2 I thought it was 14th. Speaker 1 Whatever. That's just hearsay. Who knows? I don't know if that's actually the truth. I know, I know it's. Speaker 2 Depends on the wind. Speaker 1 Yeah, the 5th, the 14th, 15th, 16th. We'll just go with those three dates. Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like I definitely don't have anyone besides one person that can make me respond in that way. But what I did of plan of action was stop communicating with them completely and hand it over to someone that has no emotion attached in it whatsoever. And and that was my, that's my way of healing because I need to get to a place where they could go and try and say any crap about me that they want. And I'm just going to be. Speaker 1 Like I'm bothered. Speaker 2 I don't look up to you, so I don't care about your opinion. Yeah, that's definitely going to be my thing this year as well. It's like so many people have something to say about me. They think they know me, they've never met me, all this sort of stuff. I'm like, well, do I look up to you now? So I don't care about what? Speaker 1 You have to say, guys, I can confirm she's a bitch. Speaker 2 So it's that simple. Speaker 1 No, you're right though, I think, yeah, culling that shit and then protecting your piece. Speaker 2 Just not like but but this goes back to kind of like a part that you touched on with at the beginning with the. Is it avoidance? Are you avoiding showing up in an uncomfortable situation? And that's the part that you really got to ask yourself and always be questioning yourself on everything you do. Be so curious as to every single moment that you go through. Am I being avoidant? I know that you know, when I was having like I said to this person actually, who triggers me, get in a room with me, show me like lay it all out. What is your problem? You know, and they're like, no, I don't want to be in a room with you, blah, blah. I'm like, you're just avoiding having that adult conversation for a better purpose. Yeah. For a greater purpose, to have a peaceful life because we have to fucking coexist in some way together. Yeah. There's nothing we can do. And why? Speaker 1 Wouldn't you want to just not have that shit? It's a horrible. Speaker 2 Feeling living that way and I don't. I don't ever want to hate anyone. I don't want to feel resentment. Resentment is a killer on as a feeling to hold. It's more painful to be holding resentment than than having the resentment to that person at them having to know that you've they've got the receiving the resentment. It's do you know what I mean? But it's, it's, it's a horrible feeling, holding that feeling of hate and resentment. Speaker 1 And it only, it only hurts you, right? Yeah, Andy's taught me that too, because I was like, I'm a bit of a holder on Nora, holder on Nora. And yeah, it just, it just hurts you. Like just like, let them let you. Speaker 2 I just don't let go of If someone blatantly lies about something, I can't let go of it. Yeah. And I have to keep trying. I'm in it. And I'm doing a disservice to myself because I'm, like, trying to prove my proof that that's not true because I'm like, like, that's such a lie. Like, how could you say that? But I just have to sometimes just you. Speaker 1 Just have to let them have that lie and be like, yeah, and look, to be honest, who's going to believe those losers anyway, right? Losers. That was pretty much all the questions we had around this sort of like healing topic because I guess too like we're both still on that journey. I think if you think you're healed, you've. Speaker 2 You never healed something. Speaker 1 Wrong with you. Speaker 2 Because like, this reminds me, I was walking along the beach with a girlfriend a couple years ago and I'm like, we're talking about the childhood stuff. And I was just like, Oh no, I've pretty much healed from a lot of things. Like I feel pretty good. And she just, she just like almost gave herself whiplash and looked at me and I was like, what? And she's like, are you God fair? True. I was like, Oh yeah, yeah, I'm like, true. I've. We're always learning and healing and going through shit and then being faced with our childhood something again or. Speaker 1 Whatever, it's full of adversities. It's full of like ups and downs, like oh God, you're going to get thrown so much more shit in your lifetime. And I mean, I'm hopeful that we're just in better places through our healing journey, not through our healing because it's not finished that we can handle it better, you know, and like deal with these situations in in a different way then the childhood 7 year old means screaming the house down. But look, we're just girls. We're figuring it out. Speaker 2 We're passionate girls too. Speaker 1 We are very passionate and you know what's so fucked up is I used to think that because that would like passion was like was a healthy was like healthy and it's so not like it's it's good to be passionate, but in a healthy way. Speaker 2 Yeah, you know, sometimes screaming. Speaker 1 At someone telling them that they're going to sit with you until the situation is resolved is not always healthy because that person is also allowed to have their time to process and figure out their shit in the way that they need to figure it out. And we have to respect that and have boundaries. Yes, respect their boundaries. Speaker 2 I don't know, it's all bloody hard if you ask me. Speaker 1 Healing Fuck, what is that? Now? Listener Story: Navigating Toxic Friendships and the Importance of Boundaries Didn't we have there was. So we'll jump straight in now to our next little segment that we've we've added into the last episode as well of called technically savvy where we share a viewers or a listener's story and then we give our perspective, right. So this is technically savvy, guys, don't get it twisted. It's not the technically therapy. It's the savvy side of it and generally speaking we'd like to be sipping A7 young Blanc while we do this, but at the moment we're having to buy our own wine because no one sponsored us. Speaker 2 Talking in the cup again. Speaker 1 Talking with the cup in my hand. But there was one that was shared to you in person, wasn't there? Someone spoke to you. Oh yeah. And they were. Speaker 2 They were just wanting to us to touch on more of a topic in Episode 1. Speaker 1 And what was it again? Our childhood. OK, well, let's quickly go through this one other question that I have saved here. And then if we have time, we can always just touch more on our childhood because like, do we want to really unpack that trauma again? No kidding. Live, laugh and laugh, guys. So we had a listener send in a question on behalf of someone else for us to share. So I'm saying this on behalf of someone else. Great work on your potty ladies. I love it. I've been navigating a really heavy and complicated friendship for a long time now. We're close for years, we were close for years and share some genuinely great things. But over time the dynamic changed. I tried to support her through some very difficult circumstances, including legal and personal challenges. And I showed up again and again, often at the last minute, often putting my own needs aside. I opened my home when she needed somewhere safe to land. More than once, I tried to help her get back on her feet, to find a way forward, to have honest conversations about what came next. Instead, I watched boundaries dissolve. I came home to mess and damage. I felt like a guest in my own house, and even quiet moments with my husband were taken without thought. When I tried to talk things through, I was shut down. When she left, trust was broken in ways I never expected. Personal items were taken, including something deeply precious to me, and explanations came later that didn't sit right. I've been left feeling drained, disappointed, and deeply conflicted. Because she was. Because she has no one else. Sorry. Because she has no one else. And I care. But I'm also exhausted. I'm learning the hard lesson that compassion doesn't mean self abandonment. You can love someone and wish them well and still choose to step back. Protecting your peace isn't cruel. Sometimes it's necessary. Speaker 2 She totally just answered that for herself right at the end. Speaker 1 Exactly. And it's literally everything that we've just spoken about and touched on about like protecting your peace and setting those boundaries. And if that was me, like I know we've all been in circumstances and I'm sure I've put some of my friends through shit circumstances where they're like, pull your fucking head in or you have the same hard conversations over and over and over again about the same topic. But yeah, showing up for someone and then then them just blatantly disrespecting everything that you've done for them is like the ultimate kick in the guts. And definitely she's done the right thing by having to, well, I mean, she's learnt the hard lesson about it and she's saying all these things you can do. But has she set that boundary in place for herself where that friendship is now cut? Because if it was me, I'd be cutting that friendship. Speaker 2 Off I would be as. Speaker 1 Well, yes, like. Speaker 2 Yeah, even if there's a lot of history there and all of that, like, again, like this friendship could make its way back to each other in years to come, who knows? But obviously that person, sometimes when when people are there to help so much, you're actually doing a disservice because you're not allowing that person to. Speaker 1 To realize that they actually are the only ones that are able to save themselves because yes, no one's just about to say, yeah, no one's coming to save you. You have to take accountability for your own life and your own suffering. Speaker 2 Yeah, and it's like they're just trying to pull you down while they're kind of like drowning and then you end up drowning kind of thing, which sounds like that's kind of like how it went. But she's totally answered it the last. Speaker 1 Right at the last point. And look, some people are unintentionally doing these things because they're not aware of like they're not aware of themselves. They're not raised right. There could be multiple reasons as to why, but then some are very self aware that this is what they're doing and they know they're doing it and they manipulate the situation to best serve themselves. Speaker 2 They're also could. It could also be the fact that this person might be going through some shit, but actually they're the ones that are feeding off of the toxicity and in the victim mentality that no one's going to get them out out of that until they decide to. So you you don't enter into that field if you've if you're, you're going to save your piece and. Speaker 1 Have those, especially if you're in a like a happy home life with a husband and whatnot. Like, I mean a bit different if you're like a single gal and you're just trying to help a girlfriend out or whatever. Like when there's there's more people in the situation, there's more parties to consider. Like you really have to protect your boundaries in order to make sure that you're, you're, you're keeping your, your home life safe. Speaker 2 But also like, be proud of yourself for having such an empathetic heart. Like you're a really beautiful person, beautiful person. You're not taking the shirt off someone's back. You're not closing the door on their face when they need help. It's none of that kind of behavior. It's like I tried and tried and tried. Now I'm realizing I'm feeling depleted so and it's affecting my partner and my home life and all of this. So now I have to try and get those boundaries that may have dissolved back up again. And it hurts because they're very empathetic and they're like torn because they don't know what to do and they don't want to see that person breaking constantly, but that person keeps going back and touching the fucking fire when they're being told to stop. So you have to let them. Let them clear. Speaker 1 In Mel Robbins again, and that we can touch on that too with our own upbringings and childhoods. Like it's the same with all the abuse and addiction and all that sort of stuff. Fuck, you can only help someone so much. Like vlogging a dead horse. Exactly. Like it's just, you can't save. You can't save them all. And if you've done your part and you feel good within yourself that you've done everything that you possibly can, then, yeah, wear that like a badge of honor and be like, I've done all I can and be at peace and happy that you have done that. And that's all you were. That's all you ever had to do. Yeah. So we hope that helped because I'm sorry that was. Speaker 2 You leave it with like a sense of like, I love you. I wish you all the best. Speaker 1 It doesn't have to be a negative, yeah, like a negative ending, but also like, yeah, like respect your boundaries and honour them because you've done everything you possibly can to help someone that you cherish or cherished, whatever the outcome may have been. And then move forward with grace and just like, go and let God, guys. Speaker 2 Go and what? Speaker 1 Let go and let God. Have you never heard that? Let go and let God. Yeah, like so let go and then let God take the wheel. Jesus, take the wheel. Have you? Oh, my God. No. I need to educate you. Listener Story: Managing ADHD Burnout, Fitness, Medication, and Parenting We have another one we might just have time for. This is more personal. It's more for you. So hi girls. So this isn't relative to like self healing or anything. This is on the ADHD topic. Yeah. So because we'll touch on childhood a little bit more, I think people want us to deep dive a little bit more into our childhood. There's a lot that we can unpack in that. So that's not the first time I've heard that. So hi girls. First of all, good on you for starting the potty. Nova has slightly touched on ADHD with both her and her son. I recently was diagnosed after suspecting that I had it for quite some time over the last few months. Over the last few months, I've been experiencing what doctors have identified as ADHD burnout, which has been mostly showing up in extreme mental and physical fatigue. Yeah. Would love to hear a little bit more about this journey, specifically ADHD showing up in adult women management and opinions on meds. So obviously Nova's going to give information on her personal experience. This is not by any means she's not a doctor, she's not a therapist, as much as we would like to say that we are, but little disclaimer there. So yeah. Speaker 2 I'm a I'm very. Speaker 1 Jump on in. Speaker 2 I'm emotionally passionate about, I'm very passionate about this for two reasons. One, because I have a child that I had to make big decisions for as well. And that's a huge responsibility like you don't and I'm not a believer in This is why I've started health and fitness from the health and fitness saved my life because it made me when I was I've had ADH service in my whole life, but I didn't know it. And so you can, you can think really fucking dark thoughts when you're in, you just think, am I normal? Am I not? Like there's this whole world of pain. And if she was diagnosed late too, it's just so you look back and go, God damn it. Like if I had a known and been told what this is and how to manage it, life would have been a lot easier. But for me, I didn't. And so I went into fitness to and get out of firstly all of the feelings that come with ADHD, the confusion and everything, and it kept it, it helped it a lot like over the years. So firstly, like I truly believe like try fitness before you go down any medication routes as well. I've done fitness my whole life. And so it got to the point where how the fuck did I even run a company for as long as I did? I also noticed that if you go through a lot of life stresses just in general, even if you like, you don't need to have ADHD to go through that. And if they it goes on for a long time, it can spike your ADHD reactions or feelings a lot higher. Like you're just you really feel like you're struggling for a lot longer and things are harder and noises can be irritating and sensory can be really hard. So you always try and find ways of getting away or calming your environment so that you can find some like calmness in your brain because it can get so extremely overstimulating. And for me, I'd I struggle with this every single day, medication or no medication. And to be honest, I have stopped taking my medication. I still have it there, but I haven't been having it. OK. Speaker 1 Do you feel different for that? Speaker 2 I'm just kind of like sitting with what is ADHD and who I am because that's just who I am. I'm a it's, it's just, I can't get rid of it. I'm actually, this is kind of funny, but it's true. But it's like there's there's only one cure for ADHD and it's money. Speaker 1 There's something else, but sure, not money. Got to make some money, honey. Speaker 2 Money is AQ at ADHD because we need to delegate. Speaker 1 Yeah, we need. Speaker 2 The money to delegate because it gets so it's really, really, it's a like I cried to be last night about it. Like I literally bought my eyes out and I'm like sometimes I feel trapped in this mind and I feel so frustrated because now that I know so much about ADHD, I know what's happening and sometimes it could be even worse knowing so much she's. Speaker 1 Self aware of what's going on I'm. Speaker 2 So self aware of it but I'm like fuck how How do I get rid of this? This is so hard. Like looking at my phone getting messages I get I like my body literally responds and I get so overwhelmed, over stimulated. If my kids are fighting and Bee's asking me a question and I'm cooking dinner, I could probably almost have a meltdown. Speaker 1 We spoke about this text message thing. Remember you sent me that video because it's an open-ended loop of conversation. So text messaging for you is really hard because there's no end. Speaker 2 There's no end. I'm opening it up you and. Speaker 1 So that's why you're a caller, because you call and then you get out what you need to say, then you hang up. Yeah. But text messaging for you is really, really hard. And it's the same with emails. It's like, because it's a constant loop of open communication. Yeah. You really struggle with that. Speaker 2 And my I've got really like I'm dyslexic as well and my phone somehow is not freaking saving me with this with autocorrect, autocorrect. It just makes my words even worse. And then I get into this rage when I'm trying to get something so simple out. And so then I just, I can't go there. And it really depends on how full on my day starts, how much sleep I had the night before, where I fed myself the last three days prior. Like, I can't stress enough that if you are struggling with ADHD, absolutely adopt A health, fitness lifestyle. Make that your absolute priority because then then ADHD can turn into your absolute superpower. And you can be grateful to have it in some ways as well. Yeah, because you're definitely majority of the time not a lazy person, no. Speaker 1 The hyperfixation is actually quite a like powerful tool if it's the right thing because I, I'm not medically diagnosed or medicated, but I know there's elements to my personality where I can relate to this because like the whereas see, for phone calls for me, I don't like being put on the spot. So I'm like, that's where I get triggered. Yeah, text messages are fine because I can answer you when I want to, but I'm pretty quick. Yeah, I'm right on the pulse. Speaker 2 Yeah, you're really, really, really. Speaker 1 Quick, but I think you're inspiring. I don't like having that build up that gives me anxiety. Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So you've got more maybe you might have more of the like the OCD traits, OCD for sure. But then when it comes to children, it's not it's not a question of what should I do for myself. It's like this is like this could be life altering in a positive or negative way. I'm also putting something in my child's body that I haven't mixed up myself. Yeah, that's. And so I don't have the education of what these words even are or mean, like what they do together, all of that sort of stuff. Like there's so much. And then you go into the world of advice and opinion and you're thrown into this absolute whirlwind of a situation. And then you feel even worse because you just, you're pulled from all sorts of directions and you really have to just go with your gut and the research that you've chosen to take on and ignore some that you've that you want to. I chose after I went and got Tasha's tonsils and adenoids taken out because I didn't want the diagnosis of ADHD for him. And I was told that if he's not getting enough oxygen to his brain, he could have learning issues that way as well and he could be very irritable and all of the signs of ADHD. And so I was like, cool, I'm going to go do that first. And that's pretty huge, like to put your kid in operation. But I was like, I just want to do process elimination at this point. And the schools, the daycares, everyone for years were like, you probably need to get him checked out all of this sort of stuff. I'm not surprised if there is autism in Tashani as well but whatever at this point. Like let's just like focus on ADHD. Speaker 1 We both have been diagnosed Van No. Speaker 2 No vans. You can tell like so when you've got two children and you can tell whether it's just two boys, you can tell if it's a boy behavior, but like I've got 2 pole opposite kids and you can completely tell. And also I relate to that child so much like. Speaker 1 Is Taja's. It's like his experience also too, which would be hard to navigate because you've had your experience with your ADHD, but his experience may be slightly different inside his little body. You know, he might be feeling things in a different way. Speaker 2 You know what? It's interesting because I'm, I get to be that person for Taj that I never had. Yeah, One, because I've got the understanding now, the diagnosis. My parents didn't have that. Yeah. And they probably had their own undiagnosed situations going on obviously as well. So it's brought me and him extremely close. I, it's hard to be a parent of AD with ADHD as well with a child because if I'm not emotionally regulating myself personally in my own environment, then he triggers me a lot because it's already, I'm already over simulated. And then he comes in with his whirlwind and I'm like, holy shit, I can't. And sometimes I just, I'm like, I'm not dealing with him and I can't be there for him at that moment because I'm still trying to. Speaker 1 Like got your own internal battle goal? Speaker 2 Yeah. And so it's fucked up. Like it's not that it's so. Speaker 1 Challenging. Speaker 2 It's hard, but it's way better for in in a way of a relationship with us. Because like when I see it happening now and I educate myself constantly on ADHD and autism that I know that this isn't he just needs help with something and he's trying to get an emotion out that he's but he's actually really really self aware. Like he was the one who was saying to me when he did something really bad like by his brother or smash shit up against the wall in the freaking daycare or something, he was like the boss. Speaker 1 Just finger painting. Speaker 2 Mom, my brain keeps telling me to do it. It's not me. And I was just like, Baba, you've got to listen to your heart, not your brain. And I used to say that to him before the diagnosis, before we knew anything about ADHD. And I'm like, you can't use that as an excuse. Fuck an oath. You can Do you knew exactly what was going on? Because it was his brain. Yeah. Telling him it was his ADHD telling him to act out in this. Speaker 1 Act out in the wildest way in all. Speaker 2 In all of this, I could go on and on and on, but it was a hard decision. I chose to medicate him, and then I started medicating myself and it was like fucking turning. Turning. It was like living in the dark for so long, in the pitch black for so long, and then someone turned the fucking light on. Speaker 1 So you would recommend getting on meds then? Speaker 2 No you wouldn't. I would recommend going and making sure that health and fitness is your absolute biggest life goal. And I'm not talking two weeks. I'm talking like you're really, you're going 5 days a week. Yeah. And you are really working out. You're not mingling, you're working out and you're getting that energy moving through your body. And that is life changing, especially to someone that has a DHDI believe. And then depending on your life, like for me, I had to, I was a single mom of two, had a kid with ADHD, has a kid with ADHD and you know, running the companies and all of this like I needed something because I was just like, I'm, I'm in turmoil like with everything. And then I had court as well and all of this shit happening, like I needed something. And yet, and now what's great with it, with medication, it's like you don't with antidepressants. You have to wean yourself off of it and all of this sort of stuff. Tash does not take his medication. I'd not give his medication if he doesn't go to school or if it's the weekend. It is there for him for a short term I believe. I'm not going to be pro medication for his whole life. I want him to understand who he truly is without anything. Yeah but for him to have good grades to be able to retain the information and not miss out on the most important time in his life for education, learning just times tables and. And I probably developed dyslexia based off of not being medicated. I didn't, I wasn't able to retain or learn all of this. So I didn't have it. I didn't adopt it. He's now, ever since being medicated, he has the best grades. He is obsessed with math. So I know that his zone of genius is numbers and tech. He loves tech and all of that sort of stuff. And when you can work out really quickly what your zone of genius is in with ADHD, then you just focus on that. Speaker 1 Yeah, so that you could pull in that hyperfixation there. Speaker 2 Yeah, but just educate yourself a lot on it. Yeah, but what was the question exactly? What did they actually want? Speaker 1 To know well, no, she was just speaking on your experience with it and like what your recommendations were, especially with like meds and stuff, but like obviously. Speaker 2 Definitely go like I'm not against it. Like I'm Ritalin, you know, like I'm not against it and it's helped me a lot. But I only take it when I wake up. I kind of now know what what day I'm going to have based off of maybe how I slept and then I'll take it. Speaker 1 Yeah, she's just saying she's also been showing up as extreme mental and physical fatigue. So the getting to the gym is probably not the like high priority on the list, but I know that if you do, you'll feel better for it. So it's never you've never. I've never done a workout that I've been like oh fuck I wish I didn't do that or I feel shit afterwards. Speaker 2 The best workouts I've ever had, which is the hardest thing to push through, but my God if you can. Speaker 1 The ones where you're like. Speaker 2 When you're so tired and you're like, I've just got to go and I go and I was like, holy shit, I smashed that out. That was such a good workout and I felt so better. And when I experienced that feeling after doing that, it was easy to go back because you because. Speaker 1 You knew that you're going. Speaker 2 To have, you can't. You're never going to get the motivation before. You're going to get the motivation after. Speaker 1 Yeah, look, I have, I can't speak on physical fitness. I haven't been to the gym in weeks, but yeah. Speaker 2 Dude, you're so fit. You're always at the gym. I see you're posting all the time. Speaker 1 Now that's, that's some content I've had banked up. Anyway, I hope that answered that question. Yeah, those gym, those gym selfies and stuff, they're not recent. Speaker 2 But I, I deal with, I deal with the struggles of ADHD all the time, every single day. And as I said, I just cried to be yesterday about it. Speaker 1 Yeah, not ideal, but you can manage it. And any more questions pertaining to that, just let us know guys cuz Nova's a wealth of knowledge in all things. Speaker 2 Did I give any knowledge? Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you did. I think you touched on a lot of really positive points there. It's a, but it's a personal experience, babe. So like what works for you may not necessarily work for anyone else. So it's like sharing your perspective is exactly what this segment is about. Speaker 2 But in saying that, not one person can come to me and tell me that fitness is not going to bring you all positive. Speaker 1 But it's the same thing. Depression, anxiety, all those things. Moving your body shift the energy. There's energy, like you said, it's like a flow of energy going through your body. So the best way to move it is to move. Yeah, Move it. Move. Yeah, that's enough. Reflecting on Healing: Listener Feedback and Teasers for Future Conversations That's all we have time for. We've actually gone overtime. Naughty anyway. Really. That went so far. That went actually really quick. Speaker 2 I love these days, yes. Speaker 1 I know the same, I love them. Speaker 2 So and I hope. Speaker 1 People are getting some pretty awesome things out of it. And if if you're not, let us know. And we. Yeah, please do. We love. Honestly, every time I get a message with feedback about the pod, I pretty much almost cry. Yeah. Because it's all been really beautiful. And like, you know, our dynamic as well works really well. If there was 2 of you wouldn't work. If there was 2 of me, it wouldn't work. It'd be fucking just chaos. So we balance each other out quite nicely. I would like to hope that we do. And I feel like people feel the same because all of the feedback I get about us in a dynamic on the show. I was about to say this show, like we have ATV set. Shut up. This is going to be on Radio One day too, guys, just so you know. But yeah, I love it. I love these days. I love you. Please follow comments and interact with us and share. It really helps us. It helps the podcast and channel and and also topic ideas too. Like if you guys are bored with what we're, because we're pulling a lot of this, just like every time we come in, we'll like think of what we think is going to be a good topic to to touch on or have a perspective on. So if you, if you have something that you really want us to touch on, like, OK, that was more of our childhood, which I know we'll get to, and we kind of like weave it into a lot of things anyway. Yeah. But there's some funny stuff we could probably both still share and get out of some of our childhood stories. So we will touch on that again. But any topics, let us know because we'd love to hear it. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. Cheers, bitch. Love you. Speaker 2 Bye.