When Everything is Falling Apart

Hello and welcome back to practicing human, the podcast where every day we're getting a little better at life. I'm your host, Corey Miscarra. Before we go into today's episode, just a reminder that I am hosting a Masterclass with my brother, Keelan. It's our first class that we're teaching together on how to make clear decisions. So if you're navigating a big decision or you often get stuck trying to figure out the right path and you feel yourself wavering back and forth, this is a great one for you to join. And it's very cheap. Only $25 if you sign up to get the early bird special. A few things will address as the difference between figuring it out and intuitive knowing how to recognize when you're stuck in fear, how to use the body as a decision-making guide, what to do when nothing feels clear and a lot more. It will be hosted on Zoom. You don't need to attend live to sign up because everyone will get lifelong access to the recording. Only about 30% of people do join live. So if you're interested in the topic, but you can't join on March 25th at 7pm Eastern time, know that you will have lifelong access to the recording. You can learn more at koriumascar.com/decisions or go to the link in the show notes. All right. In today's episode, we are going to talk about trying to hold it all together and why that may be getting in the way of the life you're actually meant to live. More to come on that in a moment. First, let's settle in together with the sound of the bells. [bell rings] Okay. So let's start with a statement that maybe the life you're trying to keep from falling apart is the life that your soul is trying to outgrow. Let that one sink in for a moment. Trying to hold everything together often feels like a noble pursuit. And from the outside, it can even be praised as a noble pursuit. Not many people are going to fault you for pushing more and working harder to keep everything intact. This is one of the reasons why this pattern is so hard to miss because it's even celebrated. People talk about it at the coffee shop. Oh, did you see her? She's working so hard, man. It's so difficult to hold everything together. I really hope, I really hope people's through. We can all imagine what it's like to maybe comment. On that toward another person or to be the person doing that and receiving that feedback and encouragement. And it is not to say that that is always wrong. It is not to say that pushing more and working harder don't have their place. They do. But if it is the only gear you know, and if that gear primarily gets activated out of terror, rather than inspiration, meaning that you grip tighter because you're so afraid of letting go and trusting what would happen if that primarily comes up around fear. Then there is a good chance. It is a protective pattern trying to maintain a version of your life that was built on fear, avoidance, control, or a desperate attempt to feel safe. And now something deeper may be trying to come through to get your life back in alignment. And that does not have to be perceived as mystical or metaphysical. We could just orient to this as there is a natural life pulse, even that can sound mystical. There is just a natural curiosity, enjoy that wants to move through your system like you might see in children. And then over time we develop all of these patterns and beliefs about who we need to be and what we need to get and what needs to be achieved in order to have safety, connection, people like me. And then those patterns, those beliefs, they become the primary aspects of our personality structure. They become the driving force that actually push us into action and into our decision making. And that takes effort, even if it's a note that you've played over and over and over to push against something else that wants to come through naturally does take effort. And eventually it will exhaust itself. You might have a lot of will and energy pushing that direction, but eventually you'll hit a point where like, "Whew, when you get quiet, we're still, when you've done that for so long and it's compounded in a particular direction, it's like I can't push anymore." Those are often the moments where you hit this crossroads where it's like, "I'm trying so hard to hold it all together, but it's not working in the way it used to." Because something is ready to release. And so when nothing seems to be working anymore, it's often because you're trying to force an outcome that is no longer true to who you are. And maybe it was never true to who you are. Perhaps it had to be played out in order for you to see that. But again, maybe you had a lot of energy to do it previously, but you've really exhausted that reservoir. So the pattern of bending life to our will can often take us pretty far. You can get a lot of praise. You can build a lot of external security. You can even convince yourself, "Hey, this is everything I want and all that I need. I've got the house, I've got a partner, I've got the job." And it's not all bad, it's not all misaligned. There can be a lot that is good, that feels true in all of it. But again, building a life from that pattern of just bending things in the direction of our will, where we think we should go. And that's really worth examining where are these thoughts about where I should go coming from. If we don't check those, then we just have this mental layer of noise that has accumulated over a lifetime of experiences and media and family. That's directing us and we think that it's our knowing, but it's not. If you're just leading from that place, you will always reach a point eventually where there's exhaustion, resentment, or existential confusion. Is this really all there is? Is this everything I've worked for? I got it all. This is it. Is this how I'm supposed to feel? Sometimes you sense it when you slow down. Sometimes it's because you start to get sick or burnt out. And sometimes it's because the pattern stops delivering the results that you've gotten for so long. And you're forced to confront the reality that you don't actually know who you are without the feedback of getting what your mind wants. This is sacred territory if you orient to it as such. If you orient to it as hell, it will be hell. But if you orient to it as sacred, as an opportunity, it is the end of control and the beginning of surrender. And it is the start of a life that is built on intuition, trust, inner safety, and inspiration. But it can be terrifying at first. And just because a transition feels terrifying, heartbreaking, does not mean it's wrong. Grief is an inevitable byproduct of getting back into alignment. And you can mourn what is falling away and still trust what is being born in its place. Grief is important. It means you are no longer defending. It's one of the first signs that you are actually being honest and open. I don't know anyone, myself included, who has cycled through a long pattern, pushing, pushing, and then all the consequences of building a life from that place. That event eventually opens back up, let's go, releases, realigns, and doesn't feel some degree of grief, of one, maybe the life that was built from that place, or two, what now has to be let go in the external in order to follow what is true in the internal. It doesn't mean you need to wallow in self-pity, it doesn't mean you need to beat yourself up, it doesn't mean you need to hit yourself with the whip of regret. This is just what happens when there's a recalibration. Just, oh, wow. Now I see, oh, this is hard. This is hard to confront. It doesn't even necessarily need to last long. Sometimes it's just some emotion that needs to move through as you take the next step forward. But sometimes it can be a longer recalibration process. Every mind-body system is different. But this willingness to be honest and open and make space for any grief that's there is a prerequisite for hearing clearly and feeling intimately where you are being pulled next. When you are constantly reacting to the fear in your body, you live in a layer of buzz. And that buzz can distract you for a very long time. Just going from one promotion to another promotion, one dinner date to another, one person to another, just you get a little bit of a dopamine hit. I'm getting there. Oh, that wasn't, oh, let me push a little bit more. I've got there again. That wasn't, I'll push a little bit more. And so you just go through that cycle and it can easily distract you from the deeper thing going on. But when you start dropping beneath that noise, it will almost always reveal the deeper pain and fear that's been present as well as the life that has been built on top of these emotions. Again, that can hurt to confront, but it's temporary and it's very important not to let the fear of confronting that springboard you back into a life of control and old patterns. Oh, this is really hard to face. This is scary. Well, my belly is vibrating. Wait, did I really live my life for 10 years? I can't let myself, I can't let myself, and then we just go back into the old thing. We start scrolling on social media. We open the dating app. We convince ourselves that everything is fine, right? That's what I mean by the springboarding you back into a life of control and old patterns rather than just let yourself be open to the truth of what's here right now. Because if you continue to fight this deeper current that is trying to guide your life, it will often manifest as anxiety, depression, chronic illness, avoidance, numbness being shut down, or just getting a lot of what you think you want but not being able to feel anything real and true and alive around it. Yes, you may have the will to hold it all together, but it is a false strength born from fear, not wisdom. Resisting the deeper current that's trying to guide your life is often a protection from having to feel the grief that we talked about. But there is a deeper intelligence within you that knows how to move your life forward without force. It's like nature. Lao Tzu said, "Nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished." You have that same intelligence. It just gets congested with your ideas of how it should be moving and when something happens that doesn't fit the blueprint of how you think it should be moving. It's just an indication of, "Well, Lao Tzu doesn't know what he's talking about because he's not living my life." Those are the minds, ideas, not in the actual mystery and the surrender and the truth of you don't actually know where this life is going to take you. All you know is what is true right now. And you have that choice point over and over and over. Do I surrender to that? Or do I override it? Lift my mind with the patterns, protections. So if it feels like everything is unraveling, you may be in a season of sacred shedding, releasing the patterns, masks, and external realities that were built on control, shame, and fear. Again, this is sacred territory. My God is at sacred territory. That you have to be willing to trust the chrysalis knowing that many people have walked this path before you and found themselves found who they truly are, often for the first time on the other side. I'm sending you a lot of love and solidarity as you walk this path. I have walked it multiple times in multiple different contexts. Each one is deeply terrifying and deeply humbling. And it always takes me deeper in myself and opens up so much more magic and mystery than my mind could have ever been able to think about, predict, or comprehend. Again, if you are really in it and you need some guidance, especially if this is a new idea for you, and you're curious about what it means to make decisions from this place. The Master Class is a great opportunity. Two-hour deep dive. I'm leading it with my brother, Kielon, who has spent the last five years basically every waking moment on this inquiry. It will be this Wednesday, March 25th, 7 to 9 pm Eastern time. You do not need to attend live if you're not available, but you do need to sign up beforehand. 50% off early bird special. You can go to coriMiskeira.com/decisions or go to the link in the show notes. Thank you everyone. Thank you for your practice. I'll talk to you tomorrow. And until next time, as always, take care. [BEEPING]