What to expect in a relationship

[Music] Hello and welcome to this 43rd episode of the Eaching with Clarity podcast. This month's reading from Caroline is a relationship one. She was at the beginning of something that felt promising, but she worried in case history might be about to repeat itself. So she asked, "What can I expect in this relationship?" And he responded with hexagram 41, decreasing, changing at line 3226, great painting. An answer that engages very directly with her hopes and fears for the relationship. This was one of those days when technology just didn't like me though, so I've been going through the recording and editing out at least most of the technical glitches. I can't turn it into the usual "balance" stereo finished product, I'm afraid, but at least you have something fit to listen to without gaps in it. We had a good conversation about the reading and some of the recurring phrases that feature in it. No mistake and having somewhere to go and crossing the Great River. Here it is. So yeah, fingers crossed. So shall we actually talk about the Eaching now instead of technology? That could be fun. I would really like that. Yeah, I'm new to it. So it's, I interpret, but the interpretations are always a little strange and I actually didn't look very much at that, you know, what I came up with the other day. I will wait if there's a possibility to have somebody sort of think about it and lead me through it, and think about it rather. I think the temptation is to think about it literally and I think that that is not the way to go. Not always, certainly. So when you say new to it, do you mean don't know what a hexagram is, not sure what a trigram is or those things, you know, yeah, that's a degrees of new. The interpretation that isn't, isn't it always yes? And that's going to be a collaborative thing because I can see kind of what shape the reading makes and then the question is what, yeah, but what does that correspond to in real life? Exactly. And to understand that, you, as much as anything, need to know what the real life situation looks like. Yeah. Yeah. So can we actually start with you telling us something about the background? Of my question? Yeah. Or to expect in a, in this new relationship, at least I assume it's new. It's very new and it's, it's, I think he's interested in having things move forward quickly and I'm really not. And I think one of the biggest problems I have is that he's in a financial position that's very compromised and, and that's, that's difficult. I came out of a long relationship with somebody who I've just sort of spent all the money I had. And so I'm not going to something again that's like that. But there are a lot of other things about it that are really, really good and really, really interesting. And in many ways, I met a, you know, Crossroads. It's, you know, Crossroads a little bit with work, but not so much with that. But I have this new dog probably and this new relationship and just navigating things and trying not to, I don't want to sort of push them in a certain direction. I don't have a kind of goal. I like to let just, like, things to unfold as they should. But yeah, I just have mixed feelings. I might just be being a little bit too cautious. Yeah. Thank you. That, that does open some interpretive possibilities, I think, for that mysterious and interesting moving line that you've got. Yeah. Yeah. And it's such a specific moving line. And moving lines are always the heart of the reading and the most direct answer. It's almost tempting to start with that. But I think it probably make more sense if we did what I usually do and set up the framework of the two hexagrams first. And then we'll be able to see where it fits in. We just need to remember that when we're talking about loss and decrease in general, the lines going to give you more specific information about what that looks like. Right. So you asked what can I expect in my relationship with Stephen and the answer was hexagram 41 decrease changing at line 3 to 26, great taming. Or I sometimes think of it, it's more like great nurturing and tending. Which is maybe an odd or interesting combination of hexagrams. Because 26 sitting in the background says that what is this about for you is growth. Right. Nuturing something so it grows and thrives and you can accumulate and store up more and generally have a richer life in a bigger world with wider experiences and broader horizons and so on. But then in the foreground, like the immediate experience, there's 41 decreasing, which means very much what it sounds like. Having less and giving things up. I think the way the two go together is that you're giving things up and having less for the sake of the second hexagram of growing into a bigger life. Right. And then that moving line about the three people walking decreased by one person talks about how that actually works out and what it looks like in practice. So let's look at hexagram 41 and then 26 and then end on moving line put them together exactly. Yeah. So 41 decreasing it means yeah it means decreasing means having less losing something. This is the first hexagram so it's the core of the experience. What to expect, expect loss and giving up and letting go. And there's actually nothing wrong with this. That's what I was just going to ask. It's not necessarily a bad thing. No, exactly. It's not. And in fact when you listen to the oracle, it sounds like it's very gentle reassuring kind oracle. It sort of rests on the hexagram that can't be for it in the sequence, which was 40 release. And that's to do with the untying of knots and the release of tension. Letting things go and not trying to hang on to them. Letting things take their time naturally means letting go says the sequence so decrease follows. So it's you know let it find its own way in its own time and not trying to keep a tight grip on everything. And that let's you come into this into 41 and 42, which is decrease and increase and the two hexagrams together work as a natural cycle. The Chinese character for decrease shows a vessel and that for 42 also has a vessel and it which is full to overflowing. So increases like everything has been filled up to overflowing and is pouring out. So kind of my cup runneth over. You have the other side, the other half of the, yeah, the other side of the coin, the other half of the cycle, which is the pouring out, the emptying out, the less stage of that. But you can see from how it's part of the cycle that it's not just having less, it's not just about loss, but it's about making space. Oh that's a very interesting way to think of it. The making space part. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. So that that gentle reassuring oracle text that I was talking about decrease. There's truth and confidence from the source. Good fortune. Not a mistake there can be constancy. It's fruitful to have somewhere to go. How to use this? Two simple baskets may be used for the offering. So there is truth and confidence. That's the first thing it says, which means trust and sincerity and an open channel of communication. It's kind of a prerequisite, I think, for all kinds of offering things up. It needs this sort of openness and clarity about what you're doing and what you're giving and why, where this is going. That seems to be worked out. Good. Yeah. And then it's a profoundly good beginning. from a source good fortune, not a mistake. And so often the Oracle says not a mistake because you're thinking, I wonder if it is. Which I think is a normal thing for us to think in times of decrease. By whatever is being decreased, we're kind of wired to want to hang on to things and have more of them. Yeah. So in a mistake that can be constancy, this is sustainable. And it's fruitful to have somewhere to go, which can be about being purposeful, but it can also just be about exploring, about going out from the centerway or secure and yeah, venturing into places further away. But saying, yeah, there's some potential in this, it can go somewhere. So is that often what that line means? Having somewhere to go. Yeah. Yeah. And it's an exploratory, the action that you want to take is one of exploration. Yes. When it's not useful to have somewhere to go, then it's better to stay centered and kind of secure your position, I suppose. And also when it's not fruitful, have somewhere to go, it's not useful to have plans or intentions. I don't care. But this is not that. This is not that. It is fruitful to have somewhere to go. And finally, how to use this? Two simple baskets maybe used for the offering. So if you are asking, yes, but how or why or what's going to be asked of me? Two simple baskets or two simple grain vessels. This is coming from a time when royal offerings could involve sheep and cattle by the dozen or the hundred, big, demonstrative, look how wealthy I am and I can give all of this kind of offerings. Is it? Yeah, you know, two little pots of grain as fine because it's about the truth and confidence, the connections and sincerity and not the volume. So again, it's reassuring. And I wrote in my notes, this is something you can afford, it won't bankrupt you. I wasn't expecting it to sound quite that literal. But there you go. And it's his thing, it's not mine, right? It's in positions. Yes. His is, yeah, that's hard. It's a hard place that he's in. Mm. Also, I mean, it's maybe not permanent, but his age suggests that it might be. Yeah. So I suppose it's saying one of the things it can be saying is you're not going to have to subsidize him. This one does not need to spend all your money. That would be nice. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody else. This one might. Of the dog. Yeah. Well, yes. Yeah, that's entirely worth it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't, you know, decrease in general. It doesn't say run away, run away. It's more like explore and see where it goes. OK. And your moving line says, but it also about people walking, three people walking or one person walking, but at all events, traveling, going on the journey and seeing what it asks of you and how it changes things. And it should all be manageable. One other way to look at decrease, so gram 41, is through its trigram picture, where the inner trigram is lake and the outer trigram is mountain. And so you might see a picture of the lake down in the valley and the mountain above. You can kind of see how the lake has formed because there's a mountain there that's containing the water. It's not letting it all flow away. Right. But the lake can still evaporate. I mentioned this as the decrease. And you have saying line three, moving and that's the surface of the lake, the inner trigram. And that's the-- Right, of course. Yeah. That's where it starts evaporating and rising. Also, I think in our imaginary scene, the mists rising from lake are going to condense out on the mountain sides and create a green zone growing up the mountain. And so it's not permanent loss from the system. Because that's what it would wonder. That's-- yeah, that is part of the wondering and all of this. Yeah. Is how permanent the situation is. I mean, I suppose nothing-- well, I don't know. I was going to say nothing is permanent. Yeah. Some patterns are quite ingrained and tend to go in a loop. Yeah. The image text offers you a smidge of advice to go with the mountain and lake picture. Below the mountain is the lake decreasing. A noble one curbs anger and restrains desires. Like the mountain is softened and the lake is contained, the anger is curbed and the desires have a sort of lid kept on them. So everything's gentle and no emotions are allowed to run away with you. Right. I like this because it doesn't say a noble one never experiences anger or designer because she's a perfectly enlightened being. It's just-- there's a moderating effect of being part of a relationship and part of a cycle of give and take. It's ongoing and one just keeps a gentle lid on things. So there's 41, offering things up for the sake of something higher, maybe making offerings for the sake of being in relationships. It does mean giving things up. Yeah. And then the relating hexagram 26, I think, expresses a personal theme or personal aspiration. And this in the context would be the something higher for which you make the sacrifices. In my book, I called it great taming, and I'm wondering whether I shouldn't have called it great nurturing instead. It carries all the meanings of what a farmer does. So both rearing and tending and building up and also keeping under control and in check. But I think the keeping in check is a secondary meaning. And the nurturing and rearing and tending and growing is the core of it. Right. It's being able to say, this is mine and I'm looking after it. And I'm making the most of it. And where's it going? Right. Rather than thinking about that-- sorry, vis-a-vis the dog, for instance, too. Right. Well, we think of that as taming them. But really, I think it's nurturing them. Yeah. To live well with us. Yeah. You become responsible for everything about them. And you're not getting them. Exactly. It's about asking them to sort of behave in a certain way that makes everybody's life easier and better. But without ruining their spirit. I guess that's my thinking about those things. So that would be the difference between tending and taming. So that's an interesting-- I see your point about tending and taming. And the taming idea is in there, too. But the mounted on the outside often feels like kind of putting a lid on things. Settles things down and steadies them and campaigns them. Just as 41 rests on 40 and release of tension and letting things go and being less wound up, 26 rests on 25, which is being without entanglement. And has a lot to do with being able to say that stuff is not mine to worry about. Or often that disaster-- it's not my disaster, and it's not my problem-- so that instead of worrying about the future or being caught up in regrets about the past or being in someone else's stuff, you are in your business in the present moment. That's 25. Well, 25 is the all the things you are not in, and so you are kind of straightening yourself out. And then 26-- well, a sequence just says being without entanglement hence capable of taming or nurturing. And so great taming follows. I think you have to be able to say that's not mine to deal with before you can really say, this is mine, and so I'm going to grow it, farm it, tend it, keep it in check, own it, work on myself, work on the relationship, whatever it is that needs to work. So the Oracle 426 says, great taming, Constancy Bears Fruit. Not eating at home is good fortune, and it's fruitful to cross the great route. river. Not eating at home is good fortune. Tradition says that that means going and seeking employment at court so that you'll be making the very best use of your skills and being of the greatest public service you can be. At a more basic level, I think it means not being in your familiar place where you nourish yourself on the same familiar stuff every night. Right. It's new flavours. Yeah, new flavours, new nourishment. And it follows it up by saying crossing the river. Sorry, what were you saying? That's common to both. Textgrams. Yeah. The idea of going out and exploring might be useful. Crossing the river is more than just going out and exploring. It's a commitment. And it's easy to just sort of mosey on along. The bank and not take the risk of getting your feet wet. Crossing the river goes into whole new territory on the other side. That's what that means. I've seen that many times and not understood what it meant. Yeah. Yeah. And if it often means wading river, but it always means it always has that sense of going against the current. So if you imagine stepping into the river and feeling the current tugging you one way and you're going across, you know, you're going across. And you don't need to do it if you are quite sure that where you wanted to be was on the opposite bank. Otherwise, we could settle in on this one and it will be much drier and more comfortable. Right. Right. But the idea that if you want the thing that's on the other side of the river, it takes some work, some effort to get there. Yeah. Yeah. So the trigrams for this one, heaven under the mountain, which is a bit less easy to picture than lake under the mountain. Sometimes I imagine it as the strata in the rock, there's three solid lines of the trigram heaven being like layers of time and knowledge stored up in there. Or maybe it's better to imagine standing up on the mountain and looking out over the heavens because you can see the clouds below you. And that really gives you a sense that your world is expanding. I'm lucky now to live somewhere that has lots of hills and long, long views and the horizons are further away. The world is bigger than I thought it was. Right. Yeah. The image says heaven dwells in the center of the mountain, great taming. A noble one uses the many annals of ancient words and past beads and builds up her character. And there's one way to expand your world by reaching into the past, not least your own experiences and making sure that's really incorporated into who you are and what you do now. That's part of the taming and nurturing. And when it says builds up her character, that's actually the same word, the taming, nurturing word from the name of the hexagrams. Yeah. It's a kind of self development, self cultivation image with exploration. Just that the image directs that exploration, sort of inward and backward. So those are the two hexagrams that sets up the framework. Very interesting. And then between these two, we get this little story that's both completely clear and quite hard to follow. This is how you can be decreased, give things up and have less and also look to great taming and nurturing and building something up. Three people walking hence decreased by one person. One person walking hence gains a friend. Now, if you look at the shape of this hexagram, it's actually like a diagram of this happening. I was going to share my screen now, but I doubt it could probably make zoom crash again. I hope you have a have or can picture hexagram 41. It has three solid lines and three broken lines, but instead of all the solid lines being grouped together and all the broken lines, three broken lines on top, one of the solid lines has moved off by itself as it were and has gone off to the top of the hexagram. Oh, okay. Yeah. I see. And in the process, there's this relationship created between the third line, which is this one and the sixth line, because a inline and a young line and open under solid one relate and connect and resonate when they are in the same position in their respective trigrams. Each of these is the top line in its trigrams, so the kind of talking to each other. And also, this is the top line of the lake, so it's evaporating its draw upwards and it tends to leave the body of water. So that's the picture and the shape of the thing. And the question is how does it apply? How is it something to expect in the relationship? And it's something. It is a lake. Yes, it's a lake and the water is evaporating from the lake. And three people walking are therefore decreased by one person, as well and that means hence therefore this is the rule, which I think we know is what happens when there is a group of three people. It tends to turn into two plus one. In practice in this line, it sometimes means a third person, but it can also mean a third factor, a person or a mindset or a preoccupation, even a habit. When at the beginning you mentioned both that he has financial issues and that you have a very present memory of being with someone who had financial issues before and what happened. Both of those struck me as potential third factors. Yeah. There's a sort of fear of it being again. That and just the stark reality of his and his, I suppose his ongoing preoccupation and worry with that, sort of his relationship with his finances as it were. So yeah, and this says that the rule is that when there is a group of three like this one will leave so that there can be a balanced two, that this is the rule. And then the one alone, one person walking, hence this is the rule, games a friend. So the one alone finds a connection, a companion. And yeah, this is gain. This is better. This is what you're aiming for. Leaving the security of the lake not eating at home, 26 said, going away from the familiar and across the river and finding the new experience. I have been thinking about this and doing supplementary readings and so on. And honestly, I don't know for sure which of the which it is that leaves. Right. Because it could be me. Yeah, it could. Yeah. And it could also be one hopes, one of the third factors like the issues and the preoccupation with the issues and the troubling memories. Yeah. But what there says in essence is, you know, there is a whole lake full of circulating stuff here. And a relationship between two people needs to pull away from that somehow. Right. Is this making some sense to you? Oh yeah. Oh good. I'm so. Because I think that within that there are choices. Yes. But then there are choices about, you know, what the I can either leave the thoughts of the past relationship behind or find a way to deal with them, which kind of have. I have rules around, you know, what I will and won't do. His position might change. He's actively trying to do that, which is great. I mean, we have a very nice rapport. The reason to hang on to it is because the rapport is quite lovely and it feels like there's possibility for growth within that. So it might be a little bit of, I would say it's, I was [BLANK_AUDIO] to say wait and see, but that's not actually what any of this is suggesting. The suggestion is to be active. It's beyond the road. And explore. And explore. And yeah, I'm constantly bearing in mind that the third element is there and something or someone has to go away to promote the connection. The rapport you speak of. I'm glad you mentioned that because that sounds like gaining a friend. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's been very clear and very interesting and surprising. But it's also, I guess sometimes my own fear about those things is that sometimes people will present themselves in a way that makes them appear to be more sympathized than they are. Yeah. Right. And the wrong way and gain is all kinds of different things. Oh, you know, there's all kinds of gains. Sometimes it's just people want companions. Sometimes people want money. Sometimes people want just, yeah, just kind of not be alone in the world. So what are the reasons for that? But those are hard to know at the beginning. Yeah. Without being, you know, vicious about stuff. But that's my past relationship that has made me a little bit quite very actually. Not just a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I can. Yeah. It was a very long relationship. And and just it was less beneficial to me than it should have been. It sounds like it. Yes. Not like it's not fraud or anything like that. It's nothing as serious as that. It's just really somebody who took advantage for a very long time. Yeah. So those things are that's an action. I don't want to repeat. I have no interest in repeating. And sometimes I would consider giving up something that I thought was good if I thought that that action was going to be repeated. Yeah. I think this brings us to the close. Yeah. Thank you very much for sharing your reading and putting up with the interesting technology. Thank you for your insight. It's really been, it's been really fascinating and sort of it's given me, I think, tools to read other readings better. Oh good. Thank you. And that's where we left it. No predictions made, but choices brought into sharper focus, which is quite often something readings do. I hope you found this one helpful, especially what we made of the vignette of the moving line. It's a tricky one that, of course, sometimes it's going to mean quite straightforwardly and literally that there is a third person involved. But when you look at the shape of the hexagram and its picture of evaporation from the lake's surface, you can see the broader possibilities too. Anyway, thank you for listening. And if you did find this helpful, please could you help spread the word? You could give the podcaster a view on iTunes or wherever you listen to it. That would help it sharpen such results for other people. Or you could just mention to a friend what you've been listening to. Either way, thank you. [Music]