What’s My Weakness? (Men!) with Josh Gondelman

(upbeat music) - Y'all, what the fuck is up? Welcome to my favorite lyrics. The podcast where we talk about music lyrics, except for when we talk about other stuff, today we've got a very, very special guest. You might know him from his work on "Dezic and Mero" or last week tonight with John Oliver Marvelous, Mrs. Maisler, stand up specials. People, please, are in positive reinforcement. Welcome to the show. - Thank you for having me. It's nice to see you. - Josh Condeman. - Yes, of course. It's a, I've never decided when I introduce people if I'm going to give their credits or not. And I don't know. It's pretty arbitrary when I decide to do it. You got credits today. - Thank you. - Not everybody does. - It's okay if I don't. - I don't know why. Yeah, I don't know. You got 'em. - It's so funny thinking about a listener who's like, "What's he from?" - Nope. - Next. - Or here's my credits, it goes, "No thank you." (laughs) I don't like any of that stuff. - I guess there's a world in which somebody's like, "Ooh, last week tonight." - Totally. - I do like that show. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Or they go, "Jesus and Merrill." And then they hear my voice or see my face and they're like, (laughs) - Jesus and Merrill like, "He shouldn't have been on that." - Yeah. - That's wrong. - He shouldn't have been working on some protest. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He should have gone straight to Maisel. (laughs) - They hear the other, they hear Jesus and Merrill, they hear last week tonight, they go, "Jesus and Merrill, that doesn't seem like these things." It's not like the other. - The last week to knock, maybe he knows about the new, Marvel, they hear Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and they're like, "Yes, yes, yes, yes." - That's what he is. - That's what he is. - Actually, that, that's the kind of stuff we should have born on. - That's the kind of stuff we should have born on, yeah. - That's very, very funny. Josh, type in, man. - I'm okay. - Yeah. - My big news is that my, and it's not, exciting, professional stuff is in my apartment flooded a month ago, my wife and I had to find a new place to live on short notice and now we have found it, we have a couch and everything and life is so much better. - I think that's the most, if that ain't the most New York City S. - Yup. - Sentence that I've heard. We're just like, yeah, something terrible happened and there was no support. There was like, you know, there was no ways in which we were - No structure that makes it easier. - Yeah, it was not our fault in the least and somehow all of our responsibility. - 800% came down on us. (laughing) The nice things about it, we end up in a fine place. We, our new apartment's really nice. We didn't lose anything sentimental. So we got our furniture replaced by renters and sharing. Which was pretty miraculous. And because they had to tear up the whole place, like they have to tear up the floors, tear out the walls to do like mold remediation and stuff, we were, we were really slobs the last two weeks. We were like, like our dog would sneeze and we just like wipe it into the couch. It's really gross. We were really living wrong. - Yeah, I had been there. - People come over like, hey, should I take off my shoes? It's like, actually, I don't think you should leave those on. - If anything, put on some gloves. - Yeah. - Put on some gloves, maybe a mask of some sort. - Waders. - Yeah, exactly. - There's a lot of rubble in here. - Yeah, I like, I used to live in the spot in Williamsburg where the bathroom collapsed. - Whoa. - I was like, I was cat sitting for a friend and while I was gone, there was like a little leak that I guess just leaked enough that, yeah, the like full ceiling caved in and I like came back to that. - Oh no. - And the landlord, when I told the landlord about it, he did not fix the ceiling so much as he just put a bunch of like tape, (laughing) he just put a bunch of tape, he just like kind of taped it up and like put a tarp where it used to be and then shit just still continued to like accumulate. - In the tarp? - Yeah, in the tarp. When I was like, well, something bad will kind of happen soon. - That's disgusting. - And yeah, sort of shortly after that, I was like, okay, I got it. - We lived and like, it was kind of an ideal situation for our needs because we live in like an eight-unit building and half the people that live their own and the other half rent from the people that own. And so there were enough people who live in the building that had like a little damage also that were like, we have to take care of this. So it wasn't just like, it's time. - Yeah, it wasn't like someone else's problem for the people that only apartments like, I don't know, pee around it, I don't know. (laughing) We gotta find a way. - So what do you mean you need a ceiling for? You have a roof. It's like a super ceiling. - Classic. The way in which we are allowed to live here, the way in which is like acceptable to live here. - Or rent is. - It's nasty, nasty stuff. I used to live in a basement where there was no door. Like, 'cause the basement was supposed to be the common area, but they just decided to turn that into an extra room for the kids like-- - Classic New York City. - Classic New York City, I could like get one more rent out of it. And so that ended up being my room. There was no living room. So there's no place for anybody like-- - No. - The basement was supposed to be the living room. And which also, huh? - Yeah. - Like what? And so there was no door. So what the previous person did was they concocted this thing out of like, they made this like wooden thing that was basically like a, they would close it down on top of the stairwell. - Okay. - I had to take the stairs down to get into my room and they built like a plywood thing that would close my-- - It was like a hatch? - Basically like an enclosure. - Okay. - Like something you would put like a lizard in. (laughing) Like a lizard or a fish. - You really mean that lizard like you've been, you know like a snake of some sort. - Yeah. - You kind of drop that down. And yeah, I would close myself in and like, and that was the closest thing that I got. And that's just the way that I lived for like a year. - Oh. - Yeah. - That's brutal. - And I had to go upstairs to go take a shower. - Did you have even those little basement windows or nothing? - There were basement windows. It wasn't completely dark, but it's, I've talked about this and stand up. It's like I, I didn't get the sun every day. Even if it was sunny outside, the sun didn't come to my room every day. But you know what I did get to see every day feet. - Yep. - I saw a lot of people's feet crossing by my windows on a regular. And that's not, and not to yuck your yum, if you like to see that kind of stuff. That's not what I wake up for in the morning. I don't wake up being like, "Oh, I hope I see Tiggin' Piggies today." - Yeah. - That's just not what I got going on. - Just kind of a buffet of toast for me. - Yeah. - Not my place. - Yeah, it's a nasty city. It's a nasty city. - It's truly, I mean like the other thing is, we are placed, they're fixed it up. And they're about to be in the process of fixing up our old place. And there are plenty of people that just would not do that. They'd just be like, "Yeah, there's mold inside the walls." That's not your problem. - Sure. - That's the plaster's problem. - Yeah, you live over, you were about outside of the wall. You don't live on the inside. If you lived on the inside, we'd have a conversation. - Honestly, this would just kill rats. - So there's no rats. - Right, the rats can't live there because the mold is poisoned. - The mold probably isn't true. - Nature's exterminator. - I feel like rats, they're built for anything, exactly, somehow the mold made them stronger. - Or is them up like injured animals. - And now they can hear your thoughts. - Yeah. - Now we know if you're trying to kill an incenses. - Exactly. - Yep. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Eric Adams would be sick when he saw how powerful those rats were becoming. - You know, he did take a real hard stance on the rats. - He did rats. - Not on, he didn't take a lot of hard stances on things that would make our lives better. - Nope. - But he was like, let's get rid of these rats. And did it work? - No, I didn't think so. - Did it really? - I don't think it did. - But he did do the trash cans. - He did, he did do the trash cans work. - Which it does feel miraculous that somehow that was the first man to do that. Right, of all the smart people that we've had. - 'Cause he had no other practical ideas. - I don't know what his plan was for us. And I don't remember 'cause when Eric Adams got elected, I was still voting in Texas. - Okay. - I would like fly back home. - Yeah. - And like vote for those elections 'cause they needed my blue vote there. - Right. - So I wasn't really involved in the actual election of Eric Adams, but if I remember correctly, we were in the pandemic or just coming out of it when he was voting. - Yeah. - He was elected. Is it three or four year terms? Is it 2021? So we were out. - Whoa. - Yeah. - I thought we were maybe still locked inside and we were all kind of, we all kind of had pandemic psychosis. - But leading up to it was wild, right? - I think that's what it was. - Sure. - It was like the lead up to the election where we were still kind of like getting vaccinated. - Right, so we weren't paying full attention. - Yeah. - 'Cause we were trying to figure out how to get the Pfizer back. - Yeah. - Yeah. Do you remember voting for it? Did you vote for Eric Adams? - I don't think I did. I think I voted. - That's it. - And everyone's saying that now. - Yes, of course. - Everyone's saying that now. - There wasn't certainty. There wasn't certainty. He goes, I don't think that I did. - Well, 'cause it was the first ranked choice voting on Chen. So he might have been my top five. - Woo! - My space stop. I don't think he was, though. 'Cause it was, there were like a couple of candidates that were pretty good, Maya Wiley, Catherine Garcia, who I think had been head of sanitation, and then Andrew Yang was running for mayor. - I forgot. After his failed presidential election. - After his friction. - He was like, let me go smaller. - He was like, I'll take another, much like Cuomo. - Yes. - Much like Cuomo, Staya, which I didn't even, when I found out he was running for mayor, I was like, I didn't even know you could do that. I didn't know he could be the governor of a state, and then be like, hi, I'm goin' small. - You know what it felt like to me, going from governor to running for mayor, because he had to resign in scandal, is like, when an actor gets into much trouble and has to start doing stand-up. (laughing) - Jeremy Piven's style. - Yes, he Piven. (laughing) - Some people Piven, he Piven. (laughing) - Yo, yo, you're, wow, that is a thousand percent correct. - Yeah, I think Blaine Capacch, I think has also identified Jeremy Piven as like, he and I talked about it once, and that he's, Piven is the name of everyone grabs. - Yeah. - He's like the perfect, like, oh, he worked so much as an actor. - He was, yeah, he had a great career. - We really like this guy, and he's like, headlining, comedy clubs near you. - Bums me, I wonder, I wonder how good those shows are. I'm very, I'm very curious to know, like, it is, stand-up does seem to be, that's how little respect, people have for this art form is that nobody like it's I feel like it's so much like it's rare that people are like oh like I'll just like I'll just cut an album yeah like that does happen yeah but it's like so much rare I feel like when people are really scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas they really are like that's when it is like stand up because people do an album when they're like red hot it's something else right when they're like Murphy style yes yeah I'm untouchable I'm gonna go ahead and cut out as well exactly or like wait back when basketball players used to do more like Alan Iverson is like I'm MVP I probably I'm also a good rapper I'm going crazy yeah yeah yeah I'm untouchable yeah who else Oscar De la Hoya cut out at some point well you're right this all happens like when they're at the peak of their past stand up is the opposite there's nobody that there's nobody that is like I am so white hot right no like there's no recording artist who's like I just went diamond with this new album pivot to stand up no never it's always just like oh I just I just hate Chris rock it's time to do something different it's I just hate Chris rock and my movie prospects are not what they used to be my Wikipedia controversy's pages getting happy and it's got it's got its own separate tab yeah it's a problem and those links are not red those are those blue links yeah they're connected in New York Times articles yeah multiple reporters yeah you never want to be that's somebody you never want to be reporting on anything not going on if Ronan Ferro's reporting on anything that you did right he's never like and the most delicious churro and you know you know I watched his jokes and they were really insightful you know they were like they were about what's going on but they weren't heavy handed it was just kind of really putting his finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist yeah it's no it's never that it's never that it's they dug up the thing that you want dug up the least yeah yeah bad times yeah Ronan Ferro if you're listening and we know that you are don't write any stuff about me please yeah don't please don't please I just don't want to be just keep doing what you're doing over there yeah you've got a good thing down right you got a good I guess I don't I don't want to do what you do what you know it doesn't seem fun but I don't it seems to be working for you I watched the documentary funniest possible person to have to take up stand-up after a scandal would be Ronan Ferro like embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from the New Yorker headlining the funny bone in Omaha next week Ronan Ferro the life the life it's isn't the stand-up so crazy because sometimes I'm like man like sometimes you'll be in a city and you'll be at the hotel that is inevitably in a mall and uh you'll be like huh this is what I prayed for yeah yeah yeah this is the life that I set out to live I wanted this so much and I still I love to do it I'm grateful for it it's once I get on stage I'm always having a pretty good time but everything when you're on the road everything's surrounding getting on stage yeah because in a mall isn't even worst-case scenario for that hotel the worst is like you look it up kind of you you see where you're going you go oh this is like a quarter mile from the club that's easy and then you get there and it is like you have to walk along yeah you have to walk on the access road you can either get a uber that's three minutes which feels ridiculous ridiculous or you can walk alongside a major you can walk along i85 you look like a hitchhiker just gave up yeah you're like I'll just I'll just like and you're the main draw of the night yes you're the head you're the clothes yeah yeah this is not paying your dues no i'm the opening act this is my first week this is like the guy yeah yeah i'm the guy people bought tickets to see faces on the poster yeah i'm still just kind of like oh please don't hit me in the sunset dark dark moments on the road i like i forget if i'm talking about this in the show but they i did i did a club in i did a i did the wise guys saw like city but they didn't tell me that i was playing the one like in the suburbs oh i've done that one yeah which like i had a fine enough time doing those shows but it was just like i got in the i got in the uber from the airport and the uber said that i was 38 minutes away from the club and i remember me like this can't be right i'm never supposed to be 38 minutes away from any major airport in in Utah yeah i need to be 15 minutes away or less from the airport at all given time i want to be able to see the airport exactly from the stage of the window ideally if i look out the window of my hotel the airports i'm watching a plane takeoff which two things with that one i did really enjoy that club the west jordan one i was like oh these shows are fun but it is i had the same thing of like because the further i get from the city that i'm allegedly performing in the more i'm like oh you're like i'm not gonna connect with these people yeah i'm not gonna connect with i need to be downtown there's gonna be in the most metropolitan area this i got that i feel exactly the same i'm like there's no way you have rural Jews out here and not everybody that comes to see me is or has to be Jewish i don't that's not even what i'm shooting for but it's like if you have if you don't have a Jew in your orbit you're probably not gonna understand the frequency that i get going on but also you the Salt Lake City airport the most beautiful vista from the airport i've ever seen you walk out the door and you're like oh gorgeous mountains Utah's yeah it's spectacular yeah it's stunning but it's also like strange it's also like they drink soda for fun we're we've given Utah between the real housewives of their and the Mormon wives with their secret lives we've given Utah too much power culturally and it seems like the jazz are about to be good yeah right right they got a great they got down Peterson right it's no good we have to scale it back wait this is Salt Lake City's the hottest city in America right now it could be cool the Mormons kind of make it not that cool but i guess that's what people are watching for on reality TV but like it has the potential to be cool they just need like a little more debauchery because there is right there is cool stuff that happens because that's like the feeling of being in Utah and not being a part of like the mainstream Mormon or like kind of clean cut culture is the people that want something different are like psyched that's true which is fun that's true that's a nice feeling one of the girls who opened for me was like an ex-mormon and those people are always fun yeah the ex-mormon is a rule like you're we're having a blast yeah yep they're like i just started drinking four years ago and i'm drinking like it is like early college that's the thing is they're drinking like they're like sophomores in high school yep because it's like brand new to them and they're drinking like you do when you're fucking seven truly you're like oh every time i get my hands on alcohol i'm taking down as much as i possibly you want to get a drink after the show yeah sure i know some good woods yeah drinking by a self-made fire next to a tree exactly just like well what do you want me to pick up oh whatever it's like you're not under eight you can chew yeah yeah we can have everything yeah we don't have to drink fireball i started drinking late yeah and so i missed out like did you have when you're young you like my friends were like Bacardi 151 drinkers because it was like one bottle is so much drunk we were doing that in college we would take we would take a shot of 151 like to start the night yes we would take that like before we went out to the bar and take one shot of 151 which is like straight up like it's like rubbing alcohol basically and you're just like i want to i can't wait for this to kick in it has to start now the excitement around the drone is something i wish i could feel that again honestly yeah i wish i could feel the excitement of like ooh i'm gonna now that i'm in my thirties i've had literally every type of night that you could possibly have you know what i'm saying like good and bad yeah i've seen every type of night that is even possible and especially in between like just being older and being on the road yep everything that could possibly happen that has happened to me or around me so like i know surprises yeah you know what i'm saying it's like i'm it's like i'm married to the nightlife it's like yeah i love i've loved it but like i know it's going on that's right i know all the moves and it's also like my spectrum personally of like what i'm open to from drinking is so diminished i'm like i'm 41 i'm married so there's like and i you know i'll book an early flight to come home instead of like oh i'll sleep in and then get on the noon flight and mosey my home it's like i have to be so when i'm on the road i'm like oh i can't i can't just let a bunch of weirdos take me to a third location no never go there yeah never go to the third location on the road look i don't know if any up-and-coming stand-up comedians listen to this look when you go on the road you're gonna be tempted to like you're gonna get invited to one place and then you're gonna go and they're gonna be like oh there's another there's like a after-hours spot they're gonna invite you to a third location yeah never go there it won't get better i promise you it'll only get stranger and uh you're gonna see some never princes house no no no it's never princes house it is always it's always like a guy who wants to show you sorts yep that's where like i was in i did Providence one time and like uh like this one guy was like hey like we should go like let's go to this after-hours spot and i was like what is it they took me to just like an apartment complex it took me to an apartment complex and they're like yeah there's this old lady who has like a binder full of drinks and she'll like make you like a cocktail out of the binder yeah and fortunately she was closed for the night and i was like thank you god yeah yeah i would have whoa somebody would have got one of my kidneys that night probably for sure that's the way that happens in my 20s though especially if i was like not in a relationship it's not even that i was like oh i gonna hook up but i would be like oh a lady with a binder sure sure i'll have a weird i'll have a bad night you're chasing the dragon yeah just because like even the idea of like something weird happening is better than like having that story it's 10 40 and i'm back at the hotel yeah and it's for some reason house hunters is on every channel of course because that version of it can get weird too yeah - I forget if I've told this story on the pop, but once I might did a show in Connecticut, and I had a bad show, I could hear people, I was in the green room, it was by the hallway, where the meet and greet happened, and I had such a bad set that I didn't do the meet and greet. - Sure. - I just sat in the green room, just like sad, and I listened to the audience tell the feature that he should have been the headliner. - Oh. - Because there were, and this is like a couple, like I just got on SNL, they're like, how'd that guy get it? - They were like, you should be honest, and you're like, you're good. All that stuff you'd said about the different streets where we live, that stuff was really good. He was crushing, but he did great, he did a great set. I had not a very good one. And then afterwards, I hadn't had dinner, I ordered a meatball sub back to the hotel, and I watched Moonlight by myself, and that's what the road can look like. And I was like, and that's the other side of it, where you do just stay in and you don't socialize, they can both be strange, and in different ways. - Totally. Anyway, we got into standup for much longer than we needed to. I'm so sorry, that's not what this show is. My bad, y'all, that's not you didn't tell me. - At least we were talking standup beef, which is the worst kind of podcast. - Bro, I don't talk about, I rarely talk about standup beef in my own personal time. Sometimes some of my homies who like to talk that kind of shit will get mad at me. So it'd be like, oh, they think that I, think I'm like above the shit talking. I'm more like just like, I don't give a fuck about what these people got going on. I'm trying to get paid and go on vacation. I don't care about whatever this club manager, that shit, get that away from me. But I love weirdo road stories. I'll think of that. - Yeah, that's fine. - And there's a lot, there's a lot to me. - Binderful drinks is great. - Bro, shout out to Providence. Shout out to Providence, a man tried to fight me from the stage. When I was in Providence. That's a specific type of place. I might not ever go back. But especially like, never mind, no more standup. Josh, I don't usually do it, but every now and again when I get started, I'm like, well, I've so much to write great stories about that. - There's plenty of podcasts you need to drive you. - No, for sure. - You can, you go listen to it. - Well, Marin doesn't podcast anymore. It's all loose in the air. - Yeah, true. Somebody's got to talk about the art form. - That's eight. - And the grind. - And who their guys are. - Yeah, and who their top guys are. (upbeat music) - We came here to talk about songs. We came here to talk about lyrics. Josh, tell me, what was a young Josh listening to? - Oh my gosh. - Basically, what were you on? - I remember, so I came of age. Like, it was a lot of like radio hits. I think the first album I ever bought with money that had been given to me was probably Hoodie and the Blowfish Cracker Review. - Okay. - And that was my, and my first concert too. - Did that have only want to be with you on it? - Sure, dead. - Or only want to be with you. - And then it had oh my hand. - I don't know if I know that one. - It's very similar. - I'm pretty disconnected from what's going on with it. - From the Hoodie and the Blowfish community. - I was always fascinated by Hoodie though. I was fascinated by Hoodie because he was really like, what's his name? - Darius Rucker. - Darius Rucker, who ended up being like a big country country career. - Big. - His version of Wagon Wheel is huge. - Really? - Yeah. - I was fascinated by Hoodie because I remember seeing him on like, I want to say I saw him on like, I love the 90s. - Yeah. - Kind of like member of those VH1 things. - Love this. - And I learned, legitimate. I learned so much about like 80s and 90s pop culture from that stuff or from watching those. Shout out to Michael Ian Black. - Yeah. - Totally. - Totally. - He would like, talk me a lot about what I know about. - He was working. - He had a lot to say. - He had a lot going on. He was good at that. - He was really good, yeah. But yeah, I remember seeing him and being like, oh, I've never seen this kind of black guy before in my whole life. And he was doing it in the 90s where it like really wasn't. It was like, he was doing, he was doing Hoodie in the blowfish at the same time as like Tupac. - Right. - He must have felt so, and I, he must have talked about this somewhere. This, 'cause this has appeared where white people across America were still afraid of Snoop Dogg. - Yeah, of course. - They're like, yeah, he's gonna come to my house and shoot me. - Yes. - That's what people find. - He's a very, he's a dangerous figure. He had a murder case. - Yes. - Yeah, that's before. He hadn't even met Martha Stewart at the point. - No. - But convicted fellow Martha Stewart. - Yeah. (laughing) - Who somehow's done more prison time than Snoop Dogg. - She really did. - Yeah, I just was, I was really unfamiliar with this type of black guy and I was like, oh, when did this happen? - Yeah. - Like when did this happen and yeah, even still, I'm looking at it. It still looks crazy to me. - It's still, there weren't a lot of guys doing that. - And that particular lane to a lot of black guys in that particular. - I would argue that they're still, aren't. - The next closest I would say Dave Matthews just because he's South African. - He is? I think he isn't. - Dave Matthews is South African. - You know better than I would. - That's true. - Of anybody who's in this room. - We got to depend on to know that information. It's you, Josh. - He's the guy, Dave Matthews and the dropkick Murphy's are two white people where you go. Surprisingly good politics. - Really? - Yeah. - I actually didn't know this. - Dave Matthews, Dave Matthews recently was on stage and like paused in the show to be like, fuck ice, they're terrorizing people in American cities. - That's good. - Yeah, and the dropkick Murphy's do a similar thing, which is like very bold of them because I feel like every, when you hear dropkick Murphy's song, it's like a 50/50. If it touches you, you're like, I need to be a cop or I need to fight a cop and I haven't decided which yet. - That's very true and I could see them being on either side. - Totally, but in my mind, in my mind, it's be a cop music. Probably because parted, that's exactly probably because that was my first introduction to dropkick Murphy's. - Their biggest moment for sure. - Of course, and that movie's all about kind of being a cop. - Well, I guess in a sense, it's, I don't know. It's about either being a cop or fighting the cop. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? - Which I guess is exactly. - It's the dropkick, the duality of Murphy. - Exactly. - And then it was Dan Patrick in the music video? - I didn't know that. - Oh, right, 'cause he sings about that. Is this 'cause he talks about the dolphins? - Yeah. - The dolphins make me cry. - In the opening video, or in the opening. - Oh, and that's like the moment you moep around. - It's like NBA players in the golf course? - I didn't realize this was happening in the music video. They just have like the hoodie and the blowfish guys playing basketball with like Alonzo more than, and catching footballs from Dan Marino and also playing golf with, I'm assuming a famous golf guy. (laughing) - It's Tim Robinson playing guitar, I think. - Daniel Strucker, if you're listening, we know that you are. Come on the show. Come on the show. I'd like to talk to you about what it was like to be this kind of black guy in like 1995. 'Cause it must have been a trip. I didn't know this was possible. And yeah, I'm just curious about your whole deal. What do you got going on? Are you a Republican now? - Great question. - That could go either way, but it probably leans in one direction. I can, I can get, oh Mark Turekos in here. - Wow. - Mark Turekos, wow. - What are you interested in? - It's a sports center themed music video. - This video must have cost so much money. - Of course. - This is back when they had budgets for it. - Yeah. - Anyway, I'm so sorry. - That's okay. - We were talking about music you were listening to. - So that was like, it's the first album you had. - I remember that being kind of the first like, grown-up pop music that I got into. And then a couple years later, it was like a pretty sharp segue into like, I had a bunch of childhood friends who really into Nirvana when we were little. - Of course. - And then we got into like Green Day, Wootang. It like got a little, a little more grit than any. - A little more dangerous. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I just did like, I thought that I was going to do like a charity event and then I actually ended up being on an episode of Hell's Kitchen with Gordon Ramsay. (laughing) - How did that happen? You know, it's either, it's either one of two things. - Okay. - Either I was kind of tricked, or I didn't read the email. (laughing) And I still haven't gone back to look at the emails to see which was which, but I know I thought I was going to like a charity gala and I showed up and they were like, hey, you're on an episode of Hell's Kitchen with Gordon Ramsay and I thought I was gonna like judge this charity thing by Gordon Ramsay and they were like, nope, you're not a judge, you're just eating on camera. - It's you and Method Man or the special guest. - Wow. - That's how it connects to what you were talking about. - I understood. - But I was delighted to hear this story, even if it didn't really. (laughing) - And that happened, that was like two weeks ago. - How was it fun to work with Method Man? - Work is a. (laughing) - I ate a meal with Method Man at the table as well. - And yeah, he was nice. It was him and his wife and it was me him and his wife and like a table full of like oncologists. - Huh. - 'Cause it was related to like cancer research on some level, but it's just not in the way that I thought. - Where they like, does this meal give you cancer? (laughing) - He's so fun. - So interesting what you've done with that raspberry puree, just so that I know, is this gonna give me tongue cancer? - And then they do an MRI. (laughing) - They put me in Method Man on the table to see if we've got it. - Hell's hospital. - This man. - Whoa. Anyway, you were the green day. - Yeah, green day, Wu-Tang, Nirvana. I'm trying to think of like the other stuff that was bubbling up at that time. Weird Al was big for me then. - You know, I missed Weird Al is like a cultural force and I think, I've only as I've like become an adult. - Yeah. - Become aware of like the stranglehold that he had on like pop cultures. - Yeah. - I didn't realize he was like actually, like he would have been like at the VMAs. - Yeah, and that feels crazy to me. - Right, he wasn't like parallel to culture, commenting on it. He was like-- - And mashing. - And like the videos were big. And like he would like, you don't have to talk to an artist to like do a parody, right? But like he really did try to get people's sign off because I don't think he wanted to make people feel just respected. And I, he was on an episode as a guest of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" that I was a panelist on. And I asked him, I was like, was there anything that you regret not being able to do or something like that? And he said, the one that got away for him was, for the movie UHL, he had a movie that he started in the 80s, called UHF where he was trying to save a small TV station. And he wanted to do a prince parody, a parody of 1999 in the style of like a Ron Popeel. It's just not three easy payments of 1999. And prince was like, no, that's not really what I bid to. And he was like, understood, prince. - That makes sense. - Totally. - That makes sense that prince was, Prince seems like a hard guy to get to do anything. - Yeah. - Yeah, Prince seems like, in a way that I really, I respect people like this in all regards, but it seems like you're only ever doing exactly what you want to be in a way that I'm like, yeah, that's what like being a real artist is. - Yes. - Yeah, I'd be doing all kinds of shit I don't want to do. - Same. - Constantly. - But it's like, gosh, if I were like a full on eccentric genius, I wouldn't even do it so much. - If I was Prince, I'd be saying no to all kinds of things. - Prince wasn't doing a Pepsi commercial. - No, you know what I mean? Even though it would have been really beneficial. - It would have been great. - He would have gotten so much money. - He made so much money. He was just like, I don't want to. - Yeah, I don't want to. - It's every story that I've ever heard someone tell about Prince, at no point is he ever doing something he didn't want to do. - No, he's like a real, like a real diva. - Yeah, a real diva. - It's cool. - Yeah. - Prince. (upbeat music) - Josh, you brought us some lyrics today. - I did. - I'm gonna let you start wherever you would like to start. - Okay, I'm gonna start right at the top. The song lyric, I think about the most of probably any song lyric. Over the course of maybe the last decade at least, is from the Salton Peppa hit "Shoop". The song starts, here I go, here I go, here I go again. "Girls, what's my weakness?" And then the background singers all shout, "Man!" And as I get older, I think about it more and more because just the idea of asking all my friends, they're all behind me, and I'm like, "What's my weakness?" And they all shouted in units, and it would psychologically destroy me. - Are you like, "Hey, don't say it fast." - Yeah, don't say it fast. Think about what's wrong with you. - Have you all been talking about this? - And clearly, they have, they're all coordinated. - Which do you think would be more hurtful? If they all had it coordinated instead of the same thing, or if they all said different things? (laughing) - Man, substance abuse. - Yeah, they say, "You self-sabotized." (laughing) - We don't think you took your education seriously enough. Like, you don't listen when your friends talk. It's like, "This is so hurt." - You make all the conversations about you. Everything's about you and your issues. You haven't even asked me about my sons. How's your son, what's his weakness? Doesn't count now. I think about that so often. - Yeah. - Also, great song. - Yeah, of course. - And it's, I don't say this to make fun of it, but it's like, when I was a kid listening, I would be like, "Oh, of course." Like, this is, they're on theme, and it's like kind of this sexy irreverent thing of like, we all know that your weakness is like, you just are trying to find the next hot tall guy. And it's like, yes, it full shore works on that level, but just the idea of everybody's shuddering and unison, makes me laugh, and makes me like shudder, because I really, I never, until I was like in my 30s, it never occurred to me what my friends would say if I asked her that question. - Well, now you gotta do it. - I gotta do it. - Now you gotta get like a group of the people who know you the most. You gotta get like five of 'em around, and you gotta be like, "Hey, so what would you guys say is my weakness?" - Yep. - And it'd be, I mean, the dream is, the dream is that everybody's like, I think you're doing great. I don't think there's any big glaring weakness that I could point to. That's what you hope. - Or like a job interview weakness, or they're like, sometimes you care too much. - Yeah. - They're like, you gotta learn to put yourself first sometimes. - That's right, that's right. 'Cause it can't be about everybody else. You've gotta stop thinking about everybody else and think about it. - Prioritize that balance. You just have to relax. - That is. - Yeah, that's what you hope for. - But at least in this case, you're like, remember, what's my weakness? Remember, it has to rhyme with again. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So they, she did kinda put him in a corner with that. - Sure, I forgot about the rhyming aspect of it. - So that helps. - Yeah, I guess it could have been. What's my weakness? - Win. - I did. - Oh, that's a tough one. - What's my weakness? Oh, girl, you sin in a lot. God's looking down and he's not happy with what you got going on and what the feel to it. - I can think of seven weaknesses. - What makes love, rap. - That's really funny. - But I'm like obsessed with that. So that is like truly a song lyric that is like, always on the tip of my tongue, you know, my mind. - This is making me realize, I don't, what is, what is Shoop? Do you know how to Shoop? - No, I know this song, but what is it mean outside of that? - Yeah, this song reminds me of my mom. This was like, heard, this is what year did this song come out. This is 1993. Okay, so I was probably hearing it after it was hot. I was hearing it when I was, but my mom really liked this song. - Yeah. - And this is like big radio hits with Shoop and let's talk about sax. - Yeah. - And push it. - Push it. - Yeah. - Yes, yeah, yeah. - So I was going, song people was going crazy for a minute. Huge songs, and great like they stand up. - Yeah. - All the songs that when I hear now, I'm like, oh, welcome back old friend. - Pepper stated the concept for Shoop started with me chilling in Queens right around the car and telling the story of how I saw a brother. I had to kick to, I'm not shy. So I asked for the digit. Oh, I asked for the digits and that does not make me a hoe. The story became the inspiration for the first verse. (humming) The objective was to turn the tables on man and make them objects. When writing my verses, I was thinking of tongue and cheek ways to objectify men. So when you really like a song, it's easy to record. She said she had her daughter in her arms when she recorded this. - Wow. - This doesn't really get to the bottom of what Shoop, as what Shoop is exactly. But the song pepper, if you're listening, we know that you are. Let's talk about Shoop. - Let's talk about Shoop, baby. Come on. Okay. (laughing) - I don't know if people know that Carmen comes in and gives me a timer. Carmen comes in and tells me how much time is left. - It just said Josh, it just said Josh is talking too much. (laughing) - And there are moments in every pod where I go, mm-hmm. (laughing) I wonder if people are like, who's he greeting? - You're just like having a notion. - Like fully outside of this conversation. Damn, Devon's got schizophrenia now. Talking to people that aren't even there. - I should learn how to bake a pie cup across from scratch. - Mm-hmm. Let's see, you've got some more lyrics. - I got some more lyrics. The next one that I want to talk about, yeah. Celine Dion, it's all coming back to you now, which my friend Jaya has introduced into our friend group as the perfect end of the night karaoke song for the whole room. 'Cause people will launch into it. - Yeah, I like a ballad to the end of the night. - It's great. Big, and it's just such a classic, and I think people know more words than maybe they think they do, especially if they're of a certain age. But there is one lyric. 'Cause it's like such a bombastic song, right? That the feelings are so big. And I think it was written by Jim Steinman, who wrote a lot of meatloafs music. - That makes sense. - But there's the lyric that makes me laugh is, there were nights of endless pleasure. It was more than any laws allow. - Uh-oh. - And then like, what was Celine Dion getting into? - Sure. It's like, and it's also like you live in America, whatever you're doing is probably. - Yeah. - It should be above board. - Yeah. - Unless you're, unless she's deep into some, I don't even know what it could be. - Right, what, right. Exactly. - Like, not in this country. - You're like, Celine Dion. Were you having sex with a goat? - Sure. - Sure, sure, sure, sure. It was livestock coming in. - Yeah, that's eight. - 'Cause that's the only thing that I can think of where it's like, ooh, like, this is laws don't allow, which you got to call it. Laws don't allow this. You're coming in with like, you're pulling up with like a donkey and a snake. We don't wanna know where you're headed with this. - No, yeah. - And then I would not, it would also be so bold to call that a night of endless pleasure. - Depends on who you're talking to. - That's eight. - You know what I'm saying? - That's eight. - You ain't ever talked to none of them farmers. - Yep. - You never talked to one of the farmers. - Yeah, the snake handlers and the guys who are a little too close with those horses. So maybe they're just endless pleasure. - Bro, people do, it's, yeah. People do be fucking those horses. - Yeah, which, that doesn't seem nice for the horse. - The horse is probably fine. I guess the horse is like the horse is down for it as much as the horse can be down for it You think so I mean they're doing it, but also they're a horse. Yeah, I don't know all the You know they're not you're not listening to hear if they're saying nay Come on, that's good you know what I'm saying this is a podcast people that's what pays the bills maybe That's what pays the bills that's you don't get all you don't just end up on John Oliver that don't just happen You see it with snow it's the horse. Yeah, it's though that you see where it comes from But yeah, it is I think so I looked it up at one point and The what I read was that the song it's all coming back to me now is loosely based on Wuthering Heights interesting the novel, okay, and But it is I guess this it's inspired by Kathy digging up Heathcliff's bones This is what Wikipedia says it's inspired by character of Kathy digging up Heathcliff's bones after his death Which did not happen in the book. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's like not a part of it. Okay, so he like read a book and then like Imagine more bugs and extra stuff happened and then made something beyond sing about it. Huh. Yeah, that was brand new information to me I never read Wuthering Heights me as a as a student now in high school whenever that's supposed to get assigned to you that in we did read something else I did go watch the emerald fennel movie. How what did you think? It kind of felt as somebody who didn't read the book Mm-hmm. It did feel kind of like I was like oh, this felt like you skimmed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this felt like you skimmed it and you're kind of like okay Cool cool cool. Okay, this happens this happens. Yeah, how do I make it sexy? Yeah? Like it felt like it felt like a it felt like a sexy music video Kind of based around like some loose plot points around a book. I wonder if she just based it on this song. Maybe Maybe did you watch the movie? I have not my wife watched it while I was my wife watches a lot of stuff while I'm on the road Okay, I got you and then and this was like not one that I was I didn't regret she was like I thought it would be hornyer Oh really? Yeah, it is horny. Okay, but It's to me. I saw the director talking about I saw the director what what this is crazy, but it's not crazy. It was just a Not what I talk about on you, but did you go see her at a live event or was it like an interview? No, I saw her talk about an interview And she was just like she was basically like, yeah, I wrote it Kind of in the way that I read it when I was like a teenager. Yeah, like I wrote it kind of like this that like I she basically was like I wanted it to like feel sexy for like The younger version. Yeah, cuz she like that's kind of the way that I it's in quotes, right? Wuthering Heights, which is that's funny. I like that. She's got a sense of humor. I think so too She I don't know if I'm always on board with it, but she does she does have a sense of humor Yeah, she has that thing of like her first movie was so celebrated critically promising young woman and Not one Oscars. I think for screenplay maybe maybe but she like and then she became like an Oscar Everything she does now is seen through that lens. Yes, where it's like I think sometimes she's just having a good time Yeah, she's just kind of making a thing. Yeah, she's wheeling and dealing. Yeah, I liked sobering. I know That wasn't that wasn't everyone's everyone's feeling, but I guess that's all I guess all her movies are always polarizing Yeah, that's kind of like that's another one you Maris watch was away and she was like I had a good time I like when you fucking fuck the grave and that's fucked the grave fuck the grave. There's this It's always horny. Yeah, it's always horny and it's always polarizing. Um, and I think that's fun curious to see What else she's she's about to have gone on. Yeah, yeah, she's not somebody that I'm like oh another one of these dull things Sure, you're like you're like I'm I'm tuning into whatever like she's taking big swings and and I do respect that. Yeah, me too I do respect that I like it And then what else we've got. Oh, we've got the skit. Yeah, so this isn't quite lyrics. Sure, but talking about coming to I Nate Fritz and who's so funny it has been doing a joke about Jewish guys being given Enter the Wu Tang at their bar mitzvah like on CD still and that I did I had literally seen that happen at a bar mitzvah It was like the DJ's world like giving away prizes and one of them was Wu Tang Uncentered CD and so we like that hit for us the ripple effect of Wu Tang hit the Boston suburbs for white kids 97 so we're catching up to with the first album when Wu Tang forever was coming out and I was like 12 and I'm like a pretty An embarrassing thing about me is I'm kind of a squeamish person about like gore and so This is again always on my mind is the Skit that leads into the song method man by your frequent dinner My close friend your close personal friend method man and it is this it's just torture Do you know I'm talking about? Yeah, I'm reading it. I'm reading it right now and it's it was too much for me as a young child That makes sense. I was like I don't I don't need to hear about So in your assholes shot and keep feeding you and feed you and feed you. I don't need to hear about Laying your nuts out on your on the dresser just you're not singing them shit with a spike fucking bat It was a lot and they I like don't know even to this day. I'm like Cut I would love an oral history of this. Yeah. Wow because it's like What did they have going on also it's at this point and at this point? It was going well for them. Yes, I could see I mean, maybe this is them talking about how they used to move Yeah before or or it is just them Exaggerating in a crazy way and just thinking about what's the craziest thing? We can do to somebody who's like one of one of our ups. Yes, because it is like Very silly like as like as a grown person. I was just like that silly. Yeah, but it is it was like so You know when you're a kid you just don't have the sense of like what what could be real in the adult world Where I'm like everything people do. Yeah, everything feels on the table. Yes for what it's like to be grown up You're like it could be anything or like I when I was a kid There was stuff that I just like didn't but I'd be like nobody does that That's just for them. We was like no every grown up does that and I'm like whoa, and then you'd hear totally outland a shit talking about like Texas Yes Like huh, everybody just does that they just pay a percentage of their income on like roads and schools And they already know how much you make but then you have to figure it out You have to do a bunch of math and then they get mad at you if you do math wrong. Yeah, everybody does that That's true. I took a couple years off. Whatever. Yeah, I caught up but I didn't I had a couple of a couple years or is just like I'm pretty busy. Yeah, totally. I'm not trying to do all this paper work Also, it's all kind of like there's been years where they're like you got to pay it by this day And I'll be like can I wait till I get this next job? Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, you can yeah Okay, thanks the dad. Thanks the IRS It's okay. Give me a little give me a couple more months than I okay, we will we're just happy you answered the email literally Yeah, one of the bars on here is a Put a put a hanger on a fucking stove let that shit sit there for like a half hour Take it off and stick it at you stick it up your ass slow like Which is silly they do it some fully work adding adding the the sound effect goes from like oh this is like a horrific scene Yeah, okay, you're big it's slapstick. Yeah, they're doing like loony tears. Yeah, yeah, banging your nuts on the dresser with a spike bat Stabbing you with a rusty screwdriver. That's bad that one. I bet it's happened hang you buy your dick off the Building That's that's what even as a kid I was like that's pretty silly come on man dick first Oh, that's a good question. I was thinking dick last Rest of the body out the window. Oh I see what you're saying The same I think we're picturing the same yeah, but we're just giving it together. We're just saying yeah, we're just saying it different is it is it? Um an old woman or is it a young beautiful? Just to juxtapize depends on the way you're looking at the picture That was man. I used to really they used to put that on the back a cereal box is really heavy and I used to really love I used to be like mom. What do you see? I love an optical illusion. What kind of oh? Because I see a old lady. Oh, I bet you see a beautiful Guess we just kind of this her different place, you know what I mean? That's and that's what happened here today Dick first to dick last you know, I'm saying Josh before we get out of here. We have a voicemail. Okay, um to listen to so grab those headphones The song I really love when did people stop introducing themselves? When did this happen? It's a very it's fairly recent this happened on one of our last episodes two where people just go and straight into it Yeah, we used to get some pleasantries. There's no pleasantries Hey, Devin and the guests like love the podcast like so happy like so happy the true guys are doing this normally we get something like that now So here's what we got yeah, I'm clear she's ever heard the podcast. I've never heard the podcast No, they just want to talk about a song. Sure. Sure. She's just found the lyrics and she said she said well Who do I send this to hear me out? All right as a huge fan of Sean Paul is temperature. Yep. I only take one issue with The intro to temperature where he says 5 million and 40 naughty shorties Which I think is like an absolute bonkers amount of shorties It's like a mid-sized metro area. of 40. Call me close mind it, but I do think that maybe that's too many shorties. Do you agree or disagree? Thank you. Great question. I wish I knew your name. It says this person's in Pennsylvania. I like this. This is exactly the type of stuff that people should be bringing to the show. Five million and 40 naughty shorties is far too many. It's far too many. A thousand shorties is a lot of shorties. That's so many shorties. It would take you a year to work through a thousand shorties. You got five million of them. I don't think Sean Paul's even thinking about that. That's the size of Houston. If you think about a sold-out show at Madison Square Garden, it's like 60,000 people. Less than that. It's like 20,000 naughty shorties. 20k? Maybe we can put 60,000 baseball stadiums. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. You're talking five million. You couldn't work through five million shorties in your lifetime. Even if it was your job, you'd have a hard time working through five million shorties. I don't know a person who's met five million shorties. True, true. If you said, "Name five million shorties," name five million people you've met in your entire life. Zoran Mamdini's entire campaign did not knock on the doors of five million naughty shorties during your survey last year. You know, Sean Paul, if you're listening and we know that you are, you ain't set realistic goals for yourself, man. Five million shorties is just, that's not how many shorties he was around, so be honest about your situation, first of all. Also, just know, you don't need five million in him things. You could probably have a great time with like 10 naughty shorties. I guess it's maybe even four. Four naughty shorties can show you all awesome times. Some people just find one naughty shortie and they settle down with him. Take it from this married man. A shortie of any gender. I just find one shortie and they plan a big event. They tie the naughty. Yeah, come on. There we go. Come on. Thank you. Come on. Thank you. And with that, Josh Condon went everybody. This has been a pleasure. Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming through. Do you have anything you'd like to pitch for the, or I'm sorry, anything you'd like to promote for the people? Yes, please. I co-host a podcast called The Nightly for Hatch. It is a podcast for you to fall asleep to. Yeah, I need that. Yeah, it's really fun and it's the new format is it's all listener callers. So if you want to call and talk about naughty shorties, we'd love to hear it. And then on Sunday night, it's, it's seven nights a week and then on Sunday night, it's like an interview with an expert. So like one of the conversations from the week will spin off into like, oh, we talked about mascots on Tuesday. So I'm going to talk to a guy that designs mascots on Sunday. It's been really fun. I like that. Thank you. And then I'm about to go on the road, a bunch in the fall. And if you want to find out where I'm going, I'm going all over. So sign up for my newsletter. It's marvelous. You get that's marvelous newsletter.com. I'm going to Texas and Ohio and Pennsylvania and Massachusetts all over the place. I was California, Arizona. So I'm like, very excited. So come see me and watch my standup specials. And if you like them, great. Come see me after that. And if you don't like them, maybe the new hours for you. Maybe we haven't gotten there, but I'm working on it. Who's to say? I'm building bridges. Come on. Y'all go check Josh out wherever you can. And I hope y'all doing well. I hope you have a nice day. Goodbye. My favorite lyrics is a production by disco nap. If you guys like what you hear, leave a review and tell all of me about the show and make sure to follow us at my favorite lyrics pod on all social platforms. Except for Twitter, we offer that. You can learn more about this week's guest and the my favorite lyrics team by checking out the show's notes. And thank you to the guys that made this show happen. Executive producer Lauren Mandel, producer Carmen Carigan, our editor Nicole Lyand. And yeah, that's all the people that I'm going to thank for now.