What Men Are Thinking When They’re Dating feat. Niko Emanuilidis

At this point, I would say men vet backwards. The emotion of the lust, right? And the excitement is what's driving a man really early. And then. (upbeat music) This podcast is a dear media production. - Hi guys. - Hi guys. - Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. - Welcome back. - We are finally in New York together. I finally got her here with me. What was I? December was the last time we were here together. - The way you talk about New York is like, we both didn't live here for so many years. - I was on my way over. I was building the case. I was like, I will tell her I lived here twice as long as her. And I was like, no one's gonna care about that. I'm gonna argue with that. I'm not trying to fight you with that. - I really was like, how much do you ever have those moments where you're like, how much longer somebody will let me get away with this. - Every day in my marriage, every day. - And every day in my. (laughing) - No, this is great. So I'm glad to be here. Well, we live just, we won't be here any longer. As we record, I'm gonna be here the whole week. I'm really excited. - Yeah. - You'll see. - You'll see what it's like to live in New York. - I just. - What are you doing this week? I don't, I don't actually know. - You said you would plant every day. You actually have not given me the run down. - I only know about tonight. - Okay, here's our dinner. So as we're recording on a Monday, just one week from when this episode drops. So we're recording today and tomorrow. We've guests in the snack and everything. I'm doing page six radio this week, which will be really fun. You love them. They are so fun. - For sure. - We are both doing this like man on the street thing that's gonna be really fun. And I am gonna peruse some homes to buy here. Just looking. - Okay, you want to get a feel for. - I want to get a feel. - So you're not gonna buy something right now. - You know right, I'm gonna be honest with you. It's about time. - It's sunny. (laughs) - We rent to hear me and your husband the other night. I was like, should be straight. Are we moving to New York or not? - I'm not gay keeping to you guys or to Reyna. We truly don't know what the plan is. Reyna will discuss her own plan soon. But I don't want to rent again. Whatever happens. Like we love LA and we're happy in our house in LA. We will stay there. We can stay there as long as we want. Honestly, we have that flexibility. But I want to buy next. And if it's here, I want to see what's going on. And I want to look around at my budget. This is a great realtor. It's this hotball guy that you had in your Instagram story at a wedding and people were like, what's happening? - My longtime friend. - Yeah, it's a friend. So I'm doing that this week and then doing some different things. I'm gonna do some press for my special. I announced that last week. That is gonna be on April 30th. On YouTube, but on May 1st, on Prime Video. - So here comes the bride. I can't wait for you guys to see it. So some things for the special too. And then we have a really good friend turning 40 and having a birthday party over the weekend. Okay, I see you're stacked. - Stacked. - Dinner's every night. - You're gonna see that you like it. - Plans every night. So I don't know about the plans every night. - Some shows this stand have that one party. - All right, I think I'm gonna do it. - I have a dinner Friday night at the birthday party. - Saturday night. - And I don't know about that. - Kelly and Laurie. - I don't know. You didn't tell me about this. - You did. You said I'd plans every night. - Okay, I don't know about this. - I'm gonna go to Barry's with Anna Royzman. Probably this week at some point. - Probably see Bobby. - Okay. - You're looking at me, glaring. - I didn't know. - I didn't know about all this. You should get the schedule. - All right, let's take our partners. - All right, we'll think our partners and we'll jump right into it. Thank you to RocketMoney. Reach your financial goals faster at rocketmoney.com/gge and the testaments. Watch the testaments now. Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers, terms apply. And thank you to fpmovement, go to fpmovement.com to shop their full line of activewear and workout gear. And thank you to LiquidIV, get 20% of your first order at liquidIV.com with code gge and zbiotics get 15% off at zbiotics.com/gge with code gge. Okay, so we were both, as we record, over the weekend, Easter, Passover weekend with our families. I was in Delaware, you were in Pittsburgh. And we got to be with our nephews. We were saying there was so much happy Easter, happy Passover, more than any other year. Okay, so when you said that to me, I was like, this is crazy. So I'm not religious, I'm agnostic. If I could pick a religion to be Judaism, I like the traditions. But I don't celebrate any holidays. Continuously all day, people kept saying happy Passover to me and, I mean, it's not even the, I mean, there's two primary Jewish holidays, Rosh Hashanah Yom Kapoor, it's not one of them. So also for people to be like, happy Passover. Like I was like, oh, it's Passover. No one's ever wished me happy Passover in my entire life. And I went to a Jewish school, like I, okay. So shocked by it. I said to another one, I was like, it's like my fifth or sixth happy Passover. And then I kept hearing happy Easter. I mean, everybody, the car attendant at the airport, the guy who checked me in, the pilot, I, I was like, and then you said, what is with everybody saying happy Easter continues? So, and then I became part of the problem. I don't even think it's a problem, but I leaned into it too. So I'm saying happy Easter to everybody. Me too. And when I told people I was going home for this weekend, people were like, over Easter, but, you know, I'm not religious, but I, of course, say Merry Christmas, we celebrate Christmas. We do Easter with the boys. I haven't celebrated Easter until my nephews came along for years. We did when we were kids, whatever. So people were like, oh, we wanted for Easter. I'm like, no, that's not a thing I would go home for. If you do, great for you. But then once I got there and then it felt like so many people were in Dewey, Rojo, but like for the holiday weekend, it was all so spring break. And so it was everywhere, Raina. And then I just loved it. I just leaned in, happy Easter to everybody. I was saying happy Easter to everybody. And then I just was like, I think people just want to feel joy and it feels nice to do happy holidays. Like, do you remember, was it 2024 when Halloween was so on steroids? It was a dark time in the country. Two years ago, yes, it was. 2024, I was like 2024 as it was really your city's death. It was like bleak. We were like, is Donald Trump going to win the presidency? I mean, there was a lot of hope too. Obviously for Kamala, but it was just like, we were on edge. And I think it reflected in Halloween decorations. And I think people lean into holidays when times are hard. And so I think I go harder on Merry Christmas. Happy holidays, happy Easter. Like, let's just feel some joy. Let's just be, say the word happy. And maybe we will become, I think that this is a good tank. Cause like, especially the airport, like I could cry, talk, I've been at the airport a lot lately. I could cry looking at and talking to TSA workers. And I was at the Austin Airport the other day. And this one chased me down to the TSA worker. And she was like, I love your podcast. And I was like, I love TSA workers. Thank you for being here. How has it been for you? And she was like, it's been so unbelievably terrible. And I could like cry thinking about it. But like, I have been like overly happy Easter. I think, like, just nicer to people. Because it feels so nice to just be nice to each other. I love to do any sort of greeting or sign off with anything. Have a good night. You know, I just love to do it, whatever it may be. So it just feels like we're just saying it. We're like, I can't, I haven't told anybody. This is an exclusive reveal. I was in the Philly airport. I just landed. And I saw this person working. And he was like, posted up doing security, whatever. And I smiled at him. And it was an ice agent. Actually now, actually now, I've said, what do I do now? Do I, do I glare at him? Do I go back? Do I give him the finger? Do I go back? I didn't mean it. You go back. And you're like, I would like to take that back. You know, that positive interaction we just had. Smile, nice smile. Like, keep up the good work is what my face said. Okay. To your defense, do they just look like their officers? Like, you have to read the bad. This was the first time I saw them. So, and jump scare. Like, I haven't seen ice agents yet in the airports. This is the first time I've flown since they've been in the airports. Okay. So, I hadn't seen them. So, I wasn't used to it. And it did take me a minute to realize that it says whatever Homeland Security, like on there. Like, I didn't realize there were-- It takes a second. And I've been like, I've been training myself to say, does that say TSA? Does that say clear? Like, I want to make extra care. TSA is blue, right? Like, I don't know who knows. It threw me off. It threw me off. Three hours of sleep. I'd been on a long flight. I just, like, walked to baggage just fucked up from it with that regret. That's worse than when the Uber driver says, have a nice flight and you say you too. You guys, to give a appreciate the work, keep up the good work, have a nice afternoon. Actually, I feel pretty-- I feel pretty-- To an ice agent. You thought it was a bus to the security of the airport, just keeping the airport safe. Yeah. It takes a second. Because it doesn't say ice in big block letters. Exactly. TSA does. They look like law enforcement also and you have to read the badge to make sure you know what they-- it's not your fault. Thank you. And I actually have been like, really enjoying these videos of people screaming at them in the airports, yelling like, fuck you and giving them the fingers and they can't really do that much. I don't think-- I haven't-- That's bolder. I was scared to do that. I would not encourage it. It's crazy to act like that in an airport. I didn't know you were like-- Like, I just-- I was so tired, because I think if I was in another state, maybe I would have yelled back. Like, I didn't mean that. I don't know. Just go back. It's not your fault. Hey, did you notice that I smiled at you? He probably would have been like, yeah. Thank you. No, I'd take a bag. And you know, maybe you didn't film it for you? Yeah. But like, it's not your fault because you just thought it was like people keeping us safe. Exactly. And you didn't know better. Okay. So I kind of wanted to tell you a funny restaurant story. I just love-- just day to day, Monday, and funny stuff that ends up to be funny when you kind of run it back. So we go to this restaurant. I was with two of my childhood friends, Corey and Laura, and Wilmington, Delaware is like a new spot. They opened up. So we go in and the energy is we're new and we're trying to get people in this restaurant. We're the only people there, 1130 when they open. Like they open the doors and we're like 1130 early lunch. So the host is so excited. I think she just saw the girly pops and she's like, oh my god, so she sits down at the table and she's like, girls, you have got to come back for our happy hour. And she gives us all the happy hour rundown. I'm thinking I'm never coming back here. No offense, just logistically I'm not coming back up to this restaurant in Wilmington, just where it is, whatever, but we're like, we can't wait, we'll be back. And she's like, Dianne Drey, I'll be right with you. So I was like, okay, so Dianne Drey comes over. That's our server, just white guy looks like he should be named Chad. But alas, he was named Dianne Drey. So he's wonderful. And he sets the menu down the table and he's like, giving us the whole rundown a farm to table. These are the farms, he's naming farms. He's naming farms. Literally, like, and I'm like, oh, this is a spoof for like Portlandia. Literally, like he was like, we're a farm to table. Hot, you know, brand new restaurant concept, farm to table in Wilmington, Delaware. And he's just saying, like, hyping and how everything's so fresh and all this stuff. And I'm like, okay, great. So when he comes back around, I noticed that one of the menu pages had like a coffee list. And the bottom half was like espresso drinks latte, cappuccino, the top half said our coffees. And it said, regular Colombian, Costa Rican, French vanilla. And I'm like, what are these? Are these coffee drinks? Are they like beans? Like, they have like a whole coffee program here. So like, you like this. Right. So either I'm like, Dianne Drey, what's the deal with the coffees? I'm like, I see French vanilla. Is that like a latte, and then the Costa Rican, like all these different types of coffees, you guys are like, is that the beans? He goes, they're cake cups. (laughs) He goes, that's curic. I said, I just don't think you should have shared that with me. And now I'm questioning the farms also. The one thing does not equal the other. That is crazy. You don't see those two things together. He knew the name of the farms, but they're doing cake cups. You want three single-use plastic for the coffee. But the way they have our coffees, and there's like 10 coffee. Well, the tell was that they said Colombian and French vanilla. The French vanilla. One's a flavor, one's a location, yes. So I was like, okay, and I'm thinking, I don't think Dianne Drey should share that. And so I ended up getting a latte, and then I did later we say there for hours just catching up. And I was like, I could use another coffee, so I ordered the French vanilla. And it was so clearly a cake up, no shade. I love a cake up. Now, yeah, you can tell the taste, okay? So then we pay the bill. He comes back over. He was like, is that anyone's birthday here? And like, I was like, oh, they're gonna do something special. And Corey was in the bathroom. I'm like, it's her birthday. Her birthday is in May. It's fine, it's close enough, whatever. He was just guessing like, hopefully someone's birthday is present. He wanted to do something. I could tell you when to do something. I tell him, I really liked our table. We were like, he was like, is that anyone's birthday over here? I was like, yeah, it's her birthday. She's in the bathroom, it's her birthday. Her birthday's next month. He was like, okay, I got you. I was like, you guys do a whole thing, he was like, oh yeah, I don't like, okay. So I'm like, we're getting a dessert. He wanted to do this birthday thing. We're getting a dessert. What are you thinking? We're getting. I think the whole restaurant's gonna sink to you and obviously you're gonna get a dessert. So Deandra comes back over with a manager and there's an envelope in hand. And he's like, the manager comes over. He was like, don't worry, we're not gonna sing or anything. But we just want to say thank you for spending your birthday here at the name of the restaurant. And they hand Corey an envelope. Okay. I said, where's the dessert? It's a gift card. I said all that for, I said, open that to meet the manager and you could just complain. You could've just asked him to move table, I said, open that right now. It better be something free. If it's a card, if it's a card, I could put towards this check. It was a free appetizer for next time. They did the whole manager come out. He surveyed the table for a birthday. That's how bad they wanted you guys to come out. Come back. Actually, that's what I mean. That's what they do. They probably made that coupon right there. 100%. And then they got the start to finish desperation from every level. And I'm not going back if you want me that badly. If we had a credit experience, I was like, to actually sell me online to you about a birthday. And there's no dessert involved. I've lied to you and I would like my prize now. Deandra, you could've just stuck the coupon in the bill. Totally. You could've just been like, ladies, it's been a pleasure. Come back. Have an appetizer on me. Why did we need to do the birthday thing and bring the manager out? Also he's like, it's your birthday now, but what I'm going to do is give you a future gift. Why don't I get the free appetizer now on my birthday now? But are they telling them like, hey guys, get those appetizer coupons out when it's people's birthdays? The fact that he came here, he looked so pleased with himself and the manager by his car. He was a corporate directive. Yes. Just give it to us and say it's been a pleasure having you for three hours. Here's a coupon. 100%. How did we need to make everybody lie about our birthday? Then I was like, do we think a dessert is coming out? We did that for no ice cream or cake. And you don't even like lying. So anyway, I just thought that was like a funny restaurant experience. I had a weird restaurant situation, also, then I'll just tell you, we really have to go, but I'll tell you. Okay. So I was in Austin. I spent one night alone and I didn't know what to do and Matt, who opens my tour, lives there and he's like, you got to go to this way sushi by scratch. It's amazing. Omakase experience. It's 10 seats a night and it's like so special and different. I was like, great. So I signed up for it. I've never been to a really private sushi omakase like that. And I probably wouldn't have gone, had I known because it's a really like intimate experience. It's 10 people around there. Yeah. It's 10 people in there. And it ended up being nine people. So it's like me and three other couples and this like father and son. And they explain every single bite to you. And there's like a bartender, two sous chefs and the main guy. And it was a really special or expensive experience. It's tight. It's uncomfortable. It's quiet. People don't really know what to do. It's just it's quiet. I mean, you're in this room. There's no windows. It's really fancy. It was unbelievable. Delicious. The opportunity to go there do go. But it was me and like a few couples and I'm seeing no one is speaking to each other. Every there's like music. I don't recall there. If you don't recall them, I want rap music at sushi places, but that's just me. So not music that's loud or memorable. No. But at all. And she sees couples. Somebody's like clearly on a first date. I'm standing next to this married couple. They are not speaking to each other. I'm like, obviously. I'm just like, I guess we'll just all have this meal in silence. I mean, the staff is fighting for their life, trying to like entertain people and talk to them. And this like bartender from the other side of the sushi counter is like, so they know your names. They know everybody's name, bikes. So they know like what you like and what your allergies are. And this guy was like, so are you from Austin? I was like, no, I'm just visiting. And he was like, what brings you here? And I was like, I was becoming the most popular person in this room. He was like, what are you visiting for? I was like, I want a show. And he was like, you want a show? And I was like, I was the show. I was the show. Every person just perks up. And he's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm a comedian. The whole vibe in the room. What are you doing? I saved the night because I was a little drunk. That's why I was sick of sitting there inside. I'm like, I'm about to show off. I just show off and show out. I couldn't sit there in silence any longer. So then what? I was, everybody wanted to talk to me. I saved everyone's marriage. I saved the whole evening by the end of this married couple that was sitting next to me not speaking to each other. He was yelling, poor shot, my mouth daddy at the sushi chefs. No one was speaking to me. It's like hard about this. It turned into spring break. I was 99. And he was taking shots. More and more. You're signing titties. Why does this person take your head off to me? This couple was taking photos. They're eating sushi off your tits. Yeah, then I became the table. Exactly. I really was angling for one of the couples to pay for my dinner because I said, there was this hot rancher man sitting next to me and he owned a ranch and like, that was the guy yelling, put it in my mouth daddy. He seemed like the most masculine guy there. I was like, he got loose. It's like a sketch or a sitcom. I know. The pin drop quiet. And then you're like, watch me turn this place the fuck up. I saved the evening. It's just I was like, this is so great. Yeah, I know. I really was angling for certain about my dinner and not get fans, but I did offer people free tickets to my show and everything. This is what we said. You're going to be out barking trying to get those tickets. I bark about a free comedy show. It's guerrilla marketing. Grass rates. Okay. Well, those are our restaurant antics. Girls got to eat as always. This is a food podcast. Food a food dining party. Yes. But we're just going to talk about our partners. And then we will get into a Nico today. So excited to have really back. And if you know, you know that when we had on the first time, we had an issue with the video that got lost. And I immediately went into surgery the next morning. Oh my God. Yes. This was not our fault at all. And so we have we have another like a full video with him. And so we're really excited to have today. But I'm going to tell you guys about F.P. movement. Oh my gosh. This is the brand that Ray and I wear all the time. This is Free People's Act of Wear brand. I was just posting a bunch of Instagram stories about it right before I went out of town. And we both have the hot shot crossover set, which we are obsessed with. We get asked about it all the time. We both have it in the dark espresso color. I have it in black. So many different colors. There's like yellow and reds and pinks and great colors for spring. So you have to get that hot shot crossover set. They have amazing shorts and sports bras. The don't let go sports bra is like one of the best sports bras I've ever owned and just like super cute. I love their layering tops that you can just throw on before after workout. The bags. We both have these really like. I don't know how to describe them. They're like really comfy. They've got quilted bag quilted bags. I love it. And then I have this puffer jacket. It's called the Pippa brand. I'm obsessed with traveling with it. It folds up really quick. Yeah. Yeah. And then it looks like a puffer. That's one thing I have on my trip. So we just love it so much. You have your performance meets personality. These great colors, unique silhouettes and again, stuff to work out. But also post workout also just lounge. I mean, we have so many items from FP movement that we wear to record in and we are just such big fans of. So you guys can check them out and emphasize both function. and fashion. Visit fpmovement.com to shop their full line of activewear and workout gear. 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Hydro science and optimized ratio of electrolytes essential items and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. You can soak up unforgettable memories with on-the-go hydration from L.I.V. Terror poor live more go to liquidiv.com and get 20% of your first purchase with code GGE checkout. That's 20% of your first purchase with code GGE at liquidiv.com. All right, guys, we are very excited to welcome back a guest to our show. He is a dating guru and the voice behind the Wildly Popular Account, the Daddy Academy, where he breaks down questionable dating behavior and modern relationships. He's a current contestant on the unwell winter games and the host of the Daddy Academy podcast please welcome back to the show, Nico Emanueleus. We just got it right. Why'd you do that? You had it, and then you made it. You were mailed at the first time. I got scared. Literally what I got scared. She was out of stroke. She literally ran it. Two seconds ago, I confirmed I have a phonetic private spell at all. I was like, she's gonna do it. I thought it's all right. You guys, I fucked up the landing. It's all right. It's all right. Forgive me. Well, we're so glad to have you back because you were on the show two years ago via Zoom, right? Zoom, yeah. And the place we recorded, they never hit record on your angle. Right. So not only was I not there in person, they fucked the Zoom, I fucked. I will say we have just really watched your career. You really have. We just, I think I found you on TikTok and you were blowing up on TikTok. Yes. And I was a great and we got to have this guy on and now just even seeing it, just like this set and like you're doing TV, you have your podcasts, like I just love to see it. No, I appreciate you guys a lot. I think you kind of, you give me that. No, you put me on the map. Play as far as like the first real podcast that I went on. I was like, you guys, and I really appreciate you guys giving me that platform. It's really, and then I did your holiday special show, the live show. Oh, yeah. There's not a lot of men that are making this type of content really approachable. And like sometimes I see men giving advice to other men. I'm like, you're so full of shit. I know you're a bad person on the inside. Yes. It's so performative. It's it's such a weird space. And I think like there's a lot of guys are doing what I'm doing. But you could just tell it's coming from a place of like, Oh, I know that this content works for women. Absolutely. And I'm just like driving at home. Yes, yes, yes, right. Yeah. So the thing about me is like, and I probably told us on the last time I was on the show, like I started making this content because I wanted to help men. I want to help young men like myself who, you know, I had confidence when I was younger, but I wasn't like Mr. Swab with the ladies. But I kind of gained that through time. I kind of learned and just through the morals of how I grew up with my family and my parents still together after 30 years. So I'm like, I had like a really good foundation, the man that I wanted to be. So I wanted to help kind of young men like myself. I say it's like, I have the powers. You could choose how you want to use it. But like, I'm going to recommend you kind of use it this way, right? So that's why I wanted to teach men. So I was posting. And maybe for like six months, got a few thousand followers. And my sister was like, why don't you make videos for women? Like you've helped me and my friends for years. I'm like, yes, a good idea. And I made one video and it went viral. So then I just kept answering women's questions. And then it kind of turned into that. And then the way I kind of look at it, like everything happens for a reason. So I'm like, okay, I'm meant to be this guy in this space right now. I think that you speak to man, but you also just speak to women about like this behavior sucks. It's not acceptable. You don't have to be so mad about it, but do move on from this person. For sure. It's just, it's like in all those common sense kind of things. But it's hard when you're wrapped up in someone in a situation to like be able to step away from it. I think there's so many behaviors that like are so bad from both sexes, but you get to know somebody a little bit and you start making excuses for them. And it's easy to just sort of like look the other way and you're like, well, people are people. And like, where is the line when I have to create your lines? You need to know what your standards and your boundaries are. And it's all through reference experience, right? Like if you're one person who's been with somebody, let's say you're in like a toxic six year relationship. And then they're coming out and they're trying to date again, their only reference experiences is one horrible thing. So they either repeat that pattern or you kind of got to break them out of it. So everyone's dating through the lens of the reference experiences that they know. Totally. And having sex. We always say like people, you think this person likes this because the last person liked it. Right, right. That's actually a really good point. It's really a point. You say what women I feel like want to say. And I'll say whatever. But I think there's this thing that women want to be like men stop fucking acting like this. But you don't want to come across like bitter or like you've been wrong. So you say the thing that I think women are like, yes, fucking yes. I guess you should pay. Yes. And I and it was good segue into the like the low effort date thing. Oh, I thought you were going to say going to Amanda last, which is my heart. But I actually, you know, that was so interesting because like, thank you so much for bringing them in. Thank you so much for giving that up. You thank yourself. Thank you, Rayna. Thank you. Thank you, Rayna for changing the subject. Well, okay, one thing about Amanda West, thinking what you were talking was that you see this girl who was in a terrible relationship for 10 years. And the next guy she jumps to is pretty awful to women. Well, well, I mean, that's a really good point. I always say to people, your biggest heartbreak isn't going to be that long relationship you end. It's going to be the first situation ship you get into right after that long relationship. That is going to be your biggest heartbreak. So if they break up, she's going to be thinking about West for years and not even give a fuck about her ex-husband. Well, I said her episode a couple days ago. It's a hot take. It's a hot take. But it's true. But a real relationship ends. You feel like I had agency in this ending when somebody just fucks with you and fucks with you. And you probably knew better. Yes, it is really hard to forgive yourself. Well, that's a lot of people. It's like it's the forgiving yourself for like being stupid. Yeah. And I mean, I have like let people treat me a certain way where I'm like, I knew better. All my friends, my friends knew better. I walked into this knowing better. I literally hurt my own feelings. Everyone watching just no better. They told you better. Don't do this. Please don't do this. I did it. I'm like, don't do it. Don't do it. I did it. No, but like, but that's the thing. Sometimes like when I'm giving women advice, like I just saw something today, like I was going to make a video about it. It was a it was a TikTok and the girl, it's a it was a video of a guy like sitting on her bed. It says it blocked on all social media. But he's eating chicken. I'm afraid of next to me in bed at 8 a.m. That's insane. I'm like, what are you doing with him in your bed? You're blocked on everything. Oh, she's admitting. Yes, she's admitting it. Like, oh, like, he's blocked. We're blocked on everything. But he's in my bed. She's like glamorizing toxic. Yes, it's like, it's not he. He. He. It's bad. Even like, you know, we're talking about on the unwinter games, our society is pushing toxicity. I mean, like that is what's popular. That's what gets clicks. That's what gets attention. So like being like, it's it's not funny. I don't find it funny. It's kind of like it's, yeah, sure, maybe it's a little entertaining sometimes. But it's not like what what what are we what example are we setting for people? If that's what we're pushing, you know, but it is what gets clicks. It's what gets you. It is on reality TV. There's a real reward system for people that are really badly on what does that say about us? Did you say Alfredo and bed? That's what it's saying. Yeah, right. That's your problem is the fetish. No, it's not eating in bed. No, I think you were wrong. But no, fetish eating Alfredo in bed. Also, these people are toxic for that. Yeah, that alone. Also, you had to cook that. Like, you can't take fetish eating Alfredo out of the fridge and eat a cold. No, you can't eat that. You got to eat it up at 8 a.m. No, but you would have to you would have to put in the microwave or you can't eat. But those people are, they deserve a cop. They should be together. I'm sure like dating patterns change over the years. What are you seeing a lot right now like that? - Yeah, I mean-- - Or debatable behavior, no? - Yeah, you know what? Like, I think the thing that people come to me the most, like, obviously there's two sides of dating, there's like the tactical side, there's like the X's and O's of like how you should navigate, like the texting and the dates and observing interests, then the other side of it is like, how are your feelings of like self-worth, your limiting beliefs, your past patterns? Like, how is that affecting like what's manifesting into your reality? Because dating is kind of like a mirror in a lot of ways. I think a lot of people, it's getting to the bottom of like, what is that pattern that you keep attracting into your life? And until you're like very aware of what that is, 'cause we all have a pattern. And a lot of times we attract like the toxic version of the mirror reflection, until you kind of like learn from it, keep rejecting that as it keeps coming, 'cause I'm a hippy-dippy woo-wow, the universe, God, whatever, keep sending you these tests. And until you keep rejecting them, then you're at the place and at the frequency where the right person's gonna come. So a lot of it is like being aware of that, 'cause a lot of people are just kind of like, that throwing themselves back into dating or avoiding it altogether. So I think there's two, I hear people will say like, oh, I don't wanna date again. I don't wanna man to disrupt my peace. I have my peace. - You see a lot of that, yeah. - Right, but to me, that's to a degree. Okay, you take a few months to kind of get your mojo going again. But if you're like years and I'm not dating, you learn the most about yourself through relationship. Not through being alone, being alone. Everything's great. It's like going to the gym, going out with my friends every once in a while, or taking out hanging out with my dog, watching sex in the city, like, life's great. Nothing wrong with that. You need to be triggered in order to learn and grow about yourself. So when a lot of people kind of get into that mindset, I'm like, you have to get out on dates. You actually have to trigger yourself. That's how you're gonna grow and learn. And whether that person's meant for you or not, it doesn't really matter. Everyone's a learning experience, a growing experience until you're at the frequency and the point where you meet the right person. So a lot of what I talk about ends up being a lot of that. And then the exes and those are just a way to kind of give you the confidence to guide through that process. So it's kind of funny how it kind of all ties together. - Well, if you're at peace, actually, that's a good time to date, to your point. - But are you at peace or are you burying the trauma? - My guess my point is if you actually are and you're like, I feel good, I feel stable, I feel mentally well, I feel emotionally well, that is a good time to date. It's a better time to date than when you're feeling depressed or anxious or sad or cat, like all those things. - Right, right. - I understand when people are like, and Rina does this, she's like, my life is great and I don't want a man disrupting it, but how long. - How long have appeared, right? - What place would you like to be and not you specifically? What place would you like to be and to let a man disrupt it? Like when things are going worse, then I don't know what to do. - Right, right. It is, you know, if you're out of a relationship, yeah, you need to start an amount of time to like heal to the point where like, I'm not thinking about that past relationship anymore. But once you're not thinking about that past relationship anymore and you say that you want relationship, then you have to start putting yourself out there. If you're not, then you're avoiding it because you don't want to be hurt, which nobody wants to be hurt. - And I do get it, I at this point in my life where I was like, I said in the podcast, years ago I was like, everything is going so well. I don't want an outside force to come in and disrupt it, like crack the glass bubble. But like you could live like that forever. - You could live like that forever. - Yeah. - And some people do. - I think you've to choose everything's hard, right? - Yeah, I'm sorry. - You know, I think when you're single, people really miss companionship and partnership. Love is the thing. It's the best thing. It's the best feeling in the world. - Yeah. - But I think dating is so hard today and there's so much bad behavior. And I dated so much last year and I had a lot of, not horrible experience, but just a lot of like, I don't need to deal with this type of experiences. And I am somebody who's like, I'm really proud of my life professionally. I spent all the last year like being able to like go on tour with Ashley and watch her success and watch her wedding. And I had like, great year last year. I'm having a great year this year. My life is really good, but you know, you do start to like have a couple of dates and people are shitty and there's so much bad behavior. And I understand I want to validate people really saying like. - Oh for sure. - I cannot, I don't want to disrupt what I've built here. - I don't understand that. - I'm not, I'm not neglected that metaphor. - Oh no. - Like I say it every day. - I'm not saying metaphor. - Well, like no, not all men, oh yes. Both genders have equal amounts of horrible traits and people. - But I understand people saying like, I have been kicked in the teeth by eight people in a row and I just need a break. - Yeah, and you take a little break. You take a few months, right? Not a few years. That's like, that's my advice. It's like, you're only hurting yourself at the end of the day if you're doing that. You know, if you want a relationship. - You want to find somebody. - If you want to find somebody. - So some content that you post about that I really like is this low effort dating unintentional. Does it mean low interest to coffee dates, walks, versus, get out. - Sure, this is my personal opinion. So if you want a man like me, you should listen to this advice. No, I'm not gonna think I'm so great, but yeah, maybe I am, maybe I am, maybe I'm well great. So, like I would never ask a woman who I'm like, wow, like she's gorgeous, she seems really cool. Like I could see some potential here. I would never risk asking her on a coffee date as a first date because you want a man that wants to impress you off the bat, right? So, if I'm going coffee, that means that I'm unsure if I even find you like attractive. In my opinion, because it's kind of like, I need to feel this out. Coffee days, I need to feel this out because I'm unsure if I want to invest more time energy money, right? So, especially a lot of guys nowadays, like don't want to invest the money, right? Especially in a city like New York City. They don't want to spend money for, 'cause you're going out in New York City, $152,000, like easy. - That's not for your ranks. - Well, it depends, it depends. Well, like, are you going to a hootland hands pub or are you going to like Tigray or somewhere cool, right? - It communicates to me, but you're just not that into me. And that's okay, some people don't drink and some people are just trying to find another activity. - That's fine, that I can understand. If the guy doesn't really drink, you don't really drink. Like, I can get that and get behind that. - I just, I don't know, communicate to me, you're just not that into me, you know? You're just like, I'll spend $3 on this. - I want 100% of it. - So, I feel like I'm so much to say, because for years, I feel like we have been on record saying that a coffee date for a first date is a vibe check and it's fine. And a walk is fine, you know what I'm gonna finish. And I feel like, I feel like we've been saying that. But no one's ever asked me out on a coffee date. And I've never actually had it happen. And if it did, I'd probably be like, I'm not worth drinks. Like, to your point, they don't have to be like, let's go sit down, I don't want to do a dinner for a week. - No, that I do with that. - But I've never had it happen. And I might be a little like, huh, that's interesting. That's all the time you have. Like, you're trying to work your schedules out. You're like, we got to meet on Saturday. You want to get a coffee. - That's fine. - But I'm with you and I want to check myself on like, I've been saying this is fine, but I've actually never experienced it. - Right. - And every guy that's asked me out on the plenty of them didn't go well, has been like a place that was most of the dates, thoughtful place that they wanted to get a drink. I don't want to go on a date date. - No, it's not a room with an afternoon date. It's like, you've scheduled me in between meetings. I don't just-- - It's not romantic. I'm like, I hold space to think like, I'm just a person you met on an app. And I'm a stranger. Why should you spend a bunch of money on me at a bunch of time? But like, I don't want, I just don't want it. Like, there's like the advice and then there's the reality of it. - Right, right. - Which is like, no one has ever asked me on a coffee date and I think I would be like, this fucking guy. - Right. - And then a lot of women in the comments, 'cause I was like, oh, I got to get in these comments. - Yeah, yeah. - And people are pretty kind to you, you know? And I think they're like, want to just add their experience and their nuance. But I saw women being like, yeah, but I want to do a vibe check. And to your point, yeah, women want to do a vibe check. - Yes. - You kind of want the guy, whether he's right about you or not, you kind of want the guy that's like, I think you're hot and you seem cool from, the one time we met or from the app, whatever, the women can be like, I want to do a vibe check. - That's fine. - You should want a guy that's excited about you from the jump. - Exactly. - 'Cause women don't grow on men, men grow on women. - Correct. That's exactly my point. If you as a woman want a vibe check coffee date, I'm okay with that. - 100%. - If you want to do that because it makes you feel more comfortable than somebody during the day before you go out at night with a guy for safety reasons, like, I'm totally on board with that. But I'm telling you what it means if a guy asks you on a coffee date, he's either cheap because here, the other reality in like, this is the more manipulative way of looking at it, a lot of men generally say to themselves, like, I should be able to sleep with her by three dates. If they're after more of a casual thing, I'm gonna give it three dates. I should be able to get there, right? So a coffee date, five dollars. All right, that's already one, right? Then on a second date, on a second date, they might go, hey, let's go dinner, right? Oh, I liked her. Now I'll pepper with the dinner and then drinks, and then drinks. And then maybe you hook up on the second date because you made it like this big marathon. - He said the bar sold the first day. - Yes, and then he rolls out the red carpet on a Saturday night. And maybe you'll be likely to sleep with him if you find him attractive. But he barely spent any money. So that's why I don't like the coffee dates and you kind of got to make an assumption for yourself based off somebody like, you know, make an assessment. But that's part of the reason why I don't want it. I want to put on makeup and put on a outfit and go out. - You romantic. You want a date to be romantic. - We also talk about like making dating like easier and more fun. I just think if a woman wants to do a coffee date or a walk, that's on her terms. - Sure. - Guys should ask you off for a drink or whatever the fact. Like we have a friend that's dating hard and she's been through a lot and then she's been through a long relationship, some health stuff. And she really takes things really slow and she prefers these dates that are, she does these walks. And guys are asking her out for drinks and I think she's saying, let's take a walk and they're like, well, I thought you were hot. Is that what I'm saying? It's on your terms. Like you can pivot them. And if they're interested, they'll take the fucking walk. - Yeah, I'll go in the walk. (laughing) - I know. - Like goddamn that way. - I'll go in the walk. But well, it depends on your vibe too. You might unintentionally create a platonic tone to the dynamic. - Yeah. - Where you want a romantic tone to the dynamic. - Daytime. - Daytime. - Daytime platonic. Day time is pretend I want the Sunday of set if we are yes like so like that's where are you setting yourself up for success that way? Like probably not but I understand if I want to do a vibe check like I get it I'm with Ashley if you woman wants to do that. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. 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Our rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find it canceled unwanted Subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings Let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster join it rocket money.com slash gge. That's rocket money.com slash gge Rocket money.com slash gge. Okay, so if a man does not confirm the date with you the day of No, go so this would be what is this happening women are saying to you like we made plans two three days ago And he just expects me to show up all right So the mentality with a lot of guys and like this is sort of like the insecure mentality of Why do I need to be the one to show the interest and follow up like if she's just as interested Why can't she confirm with me? I don't know how to teach it to you when you're not my guy But call them out by name, but that's yeah, I wish I had their name. Why do I need to be the one you have to you just have to I don't want it's everything. I'm gonna be on me the rest of the relationship. I'm just gonna be on me, too Right, right, exactly, but that's why I just don't I don't get where the mindset comes from because actually these guys do themselves a disservice by All you have to do is plan the date a few days ahead of time three four days ahead of time That'd be perfect right four days ahead of time Confirm like the day before like what I would recommend doing is like the day before you mentioned something over text like nodding to the date happening tomorrow So then like you know, oh, we're definitely salon for tomorrow, but then the next day Let's say maybe like the day of the day by like noon or so like oh, I'm like I can't wait for those margaritas later night. Yeah, like yeah, like something like a little fun nod to it, but men don't understand by showing that consistency early on You're actually like making yourself more attractive leading up to the days like oh wow We confirmed with me. He's a which is the bare minimum stuff, but a lot of people don't do it because what you used to work And it still does work to some degree the nonchalant man for a fuck boy it works. It works. Well, it breathes anxiety You're spending all day being like I don't know if I'm gonna see him later and then you check in and then he alleviates that stress of course. Yeah, but it's all comes down to attraction and how attractive you find the person is usually how much You're willing to actually put up with so like these really good looking guys or desirable guys They will kind of play this and be able to get away with more because you wouldn't put up with if you thought a guy was like Let's just be like a five right and he didn't answer the day of you be telling all your friend this fucking guy The audacity but like if this guy is like a movie star or whatever you might wait it out and like oh he's gonna He's gonna text me he's gonna so it's all about how attractive you find somebody equals how much you're gonna be willing to put up with this is the reality but the problem is there are a lot of like We call it a nice guy who are doing the right things, but these women don't find them attractive So like they're not even interested. So we have this like in balance. That's that's the problem So like what I want to do it. I'll tell you with my show like I got my podcast But we're doing like a separate show where I'm gonna have like men on and like fix right? Yes, I can't fix a fuck boy who wants to be a fuck boy No, because I can't convince you to be be good. I could help nice guys learn how to be more attractive Yes, that's like to make more eligible bachelors for women out there But like that's where the big split is it all comes down to attraction Can you give us a few of the tips or what you say to like coach these nice guys? Yeah, like I do coaching calls with like men too not as many as women, but like I do and a lot of it is just It's so funny because like I'll explain it, but it's almost the same game But it's with the with with good intention, right? So I was like talking to this. I don't want to totally give away the story But it was Actually, he's not listening to this. Yeah, so there's this guy who he has basically a work crush and They're they're talking and whatever and kind of want to my help kind of navigating because they went on a coffee walk date That's the first thing with somebody like that. I don't like that and they didn't kiss and then he asked her on another date and she Flaked on it like oh, I'm just getting back from a trip. I got a old getting back from a trip. Yeah So I'm like off the bat bat She's friend-zoning you. Yeah, so I'm like what you have to do now at work is don't be so available for her You kind of got to like let her come to you sit back don't text or text or text or text are like so It's a lot of that. It's the game, but it's with good intention right so where a lot of guys do the game for bad intention So it's kind of just a matter of like the person like I gotta say really like I can give you the powers He's I'm using for good or for evil. That's on you. I'm just the Yoda master. I'm just a Jedi master I can't choose how you're gonna do I'm gonna tell you what I think you should do but the game is kind of the same It's just the person like the morals of the person how the person wants to be how the person is he actually looking for a relationship Which this guy is so it's like okay? He is looking for a relationship. So I can kind of help him maneuver How he's texting when he should ask her out again this and that to kind of like get the result that he wants which would be the best result for her to because she's looking for that But if he's being too platonic and friendy she's not even going to find him attractive, which is the problem well She's already pulled back right so the answer is not for him to push harder exactly I think sometimes people can hear this and like this feels contradictory and it's like you gotta just hear us out It's like it's not that you're saying be an asshole. No, it's saying be a little less because you have pushed her away And she's got a wonder why did he pull back? That is human nature the two needy to clingy were turned off It's not working. Yes, it was working. She would have gone in that second date So you really only have one play here. We say this sometimes the women were like you have one play left Yeah, it is to do nothing. Yeah, and it is to ignore and again like call it a game if you want But it's all you have left at this point. I actually don't think this is a match I don't think you guys are gonna work out But if you think you might you have one thing you can like to do. I think you can play the game a little better I don't think you have to play games, but you can play the game We all kind of want something that's a little hard to it. Of course, that's normal and in the world always and so if you just pull back a little bit It's knowing that the other person has options, right? But how do you convey that is kind of like the thing so with women by doing nothing and not over investing with your communication earlier on you're not giving the signal to the guy that like I need this right so like if you do that A guy will be like I got this one already basically, but I'm saying don't show interest, but just show appropriate interest So like but with women like you said the default is actually to do less exactly like when somebody doesn't confirm a date with you in the morning You're not going on that you have on it's not having manners. I mean, yeah, you know, that's true We're not intentional. It's not intentional in this route actually if she didn't confirm with me. I'd be like do we plant it? I know She'll show up to be friends for a decade. But like everybody else needs to check in with you. - But if you have that experience with her, you've known it for so long, give somebody the benefit of the doubt if you know them longer. - Sure, but even she wouldn't do that to me. - Right. - And it would be acceptable if she did. A new person, if you don't check in with me in the morning confirm, I'm busy. But you know you're supposed to. Everybody knows if you're not doing it, it means you care, she cares so little, or you're doing on purpose, which is worse. - Either way, it's on purpose. - One of the people we ask our audience like what they want to hear from you. And some girls tell the guys that don't check in with you to make sure you got home okay at night. - My move there would generally be, well like if I could take an Uber with you, drop you off, and then go, I think that's kind of like a nice happy media. Well, in New York City, 'cause like a lot of people maybe don't live in New York City. - So like people walk home at night by themselves. - Well then I would walk, then I would walk her home. - I do wanna do that. - I would have to walk you home. - Yes. - Like I was telling you about my girlfriend. When we first met, she was staying at her friends place in Brooklyn and I live in Midtown. I took the Uber with her to Brooklyn and then took the Uber. So I went like completely, completely out of the way. We were having such a fun time. We wanted to keep going. - Oh, it's exactly the same. - You don't have to do that. - No, no. - That's not a deal breaker for me if you don't. - But the bare minimum is send the tax. - You gotta check it in. - The bare, yes. But what I would say was above and beyond. - I love it. - But that's super high interest. So like something like that is very high interest, right? Low interest would be not even confirming. But like I would normally do, let's say like, we're in a place where you're driving home, I'm driving home. As a guy, you could do two things. You'd be like, text me when you get home, right? So I'm telling you, text me when you get home. - I'm interested in this. - Right? So like you check back in. I said, great, oh, I had such a wonderful time. We gotta do it again soon. Oh, yes, I love that too. Perfect little end to the night. I think that's like the perfect end to the night. You just like us both leaving. And then I'm texting you, did you get home? Okay, yeah, you could do that too. - I like that. Don't create work for me. It's like a text when you get home. I'm never gonna do it. - I just want you to check it out. - Just check it out. - Okay, I had a great time. - Yeah, either way is fine, but like, text me when you get home feels a little of effort. You got to text me. Then he could be like, but I told you to text me when you get home, you got to text me. So you must not-- - I don't want instructions. - Yeah, I got that. - I don't want a project, but I got home, you can feel performative. Text me when you get home, can be performative. We know that at this point, men know that we want them to do it, yes. We want you to pick up the tab on the first date. We want you to check in that we got home, okay? We want you to check in in the morning that we're gonna see you this evening. This is the lowest effort in the world. This is what I would call bare minimum. - I think that we're all at dabber on boundaries of what we want, what's not okay. People are human, and they wake up, they've been meeting, and then they're family members sick, and whatever. Things happen. - Things happen. - But I think it's a bare minimum, men basically know the very small, basic things. - Of course they do. - Yeah, they have the internet too. So I have a question, okay, so after the first date, let's talk about low effort dating. - Okay. - 'Cause we got a couple people that said I only see him once a week. I don't, he doesn't text me a lot, or he makes plans to see me, but it doesn't make a plan plan. Let's see each other on Tuesday, but all of this type of behavior. - So I'm actually coming out with a digital course where I talk about the phases of dating. There's four phases from first date to a relationship in a close proximity relationship. Long distance, it's a little bit different. - Okay. - But it's still kind of- - What do you call it as? Phase one is like dates one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. - Okay. - Really, it's like within twelve dates and/or like twelve weeks. 'Cause sometimes it starts to ramp up a little bit. First date to a relationship at the most is you take about three months, it could be a little bit sooner, it could be a little bit later, but like roughly that's kind of like the guide, right? So dates one through three should be one day per week. - Okay, okay. - Like that I'm fine with. I think we're talking about like casual, a lot of guys will go like Thursday night date. You had a great date. We're doing Saturday, right? And that's a quick turnaround, building a lot of emotional intensity really quick. Could lead to you end up sleeping with somebody, 'cause you have a good connection. - You want to see me really late. - Fine, see you again. 'Cause you got to get to know somebody over an extended period of time. Dates, just like, oh, I saw her Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, it's like, I've only known you for four days. I don't care how much we talked about. You get to know somebody when you see their behavior stretched out over time. So one day per week for the first three dates, so I can say three weeks, around a month now, four dates and a month or close to that. At least I've seen a sample size of like, how does he go about texting me during a week? How does he plan dates? Did he plan ahead of time? Or because if you go Thursday and then Friday or Thursday and Saturday, he's scheduling last minute. You don't know, is he like a planner? Can he actually plan it out? - Right, I love what we're learning about this person. He's early stage now. - Right, so there's a lot that you could learn there. And I say like the topics of conversation that you got to hit on within the first three dates are like, family, got to learn about how he grew up, you know, his relationship with his family still. We can't choose our family, we can't choose that situation, so we're not going to like, overly judge that, but it's a good basis to kind of know what we're dealing with, right? Friends, what's his social circle like, right? Like if you ask me, like, oh, who are your best friends? Oh, my best friend, Asriel, he's been with his wife for 10 years. - Dakota. - Dakota. - Wes. - Yeah, my name's Alva. My friend, Alex and Erica, shout out their big fans. You guys, yeah, they're, they loved when I went into the first time, Erica. They're married, they have a baby, my other friend Dan. He's engaged to one of my best girlfriends from college. Like, so from that, if I tell you that, what can you infer about me? - And your community. - Placed in life. - Yeah, like, I'm, I'm friends with all men who are in families, right? So it's like, okay, so we's probably looking for something serious too. - That's so true. - Right? - You want to fit in, yeah. - Yeah, well, it's just like, I'm not with bachelor party boys, right? So like, getting to know, like, who are his friends and what are their relationships status? You can kind of, it's not a direct correlation, but you can kind of infer what his social life might be like. - I love this so much. Like, I'm thinking of women who are listening to the men. Like, what, your life that you described, even my husband, I met him, like, every married friend, they're getting wetter and wetter. Just like, all his friends are married. Like, he's ready. - Yeah, yeah. - So my best friend, they're just about to have their second baby. You're like, oh, you know, you're just realizing that he's in that place. - He's in that place in life, because like, you are who you surround yourself with, right? So like, this guy is around men who are married or in serious relationships. Odds are, he leans that way too. - And of course, there's exceptions to everywhere with all of this stuff, because there's that first guy that gets married, he just like wants to be. Like, I think my brother was really early to be like, I want a wife and kids, but while his friends were still single. But I feel like people make that known on dates too. Like, they're like, my best friend, Chris, you know, who's running around. I'm, you know, I think they let you know. - Right, you could let's say, yes. - If they are the outlier. - Yes, yes. So friends, passion and purpose in life, what does he do for work? And not every guy's job is going to be their passion, but you just kind of want to get a gauge for how happy and fulfilled is he in his professional life, because if a man is not really happy there. - Totally. - Can he make you happy? - It's gonna be hard for him, because eventually, once you, as months and months go on, and people really start to show you who they truly are, if he's not fulfilled with his life and his career and stuff, you're going to start getting that depression coming out at some point. We all have anxieties and stresses and whatnot, but like, it's kind of important to feel out where he is passion and purpose in life, right? Also, it's like, you know, what does he do for work, right? And I, a question I like to say, the people should ask is like, if you could be doing anything in the world right now, like dream job, like, what would you do, right? So if you ask somebody who's in marketing, like, hey, like, well, your dream position, right? And he goes like, oh, I want to be like a WWE wrestler. It's like, well, there's no correlation between the two. He's been accountant. Yeah, yeah, right. Where it's like, you've said me, like, oh, what do you want to do? It's like, oh, like, maybe I want to be the host of a Netflix dating show. Oh, I see. We're on the path. We're on the path. We're on the path. So you want to see a guy's on his path. You know what he has? Our friend went out on a stay with this guy and she's a therapist. So she was questioning and she had just told about her career pivot and how she went back to school to become a therapist. And she starts talking to him and she says, he feels like you're not as passionate about what she used to do. And your pivot and stuff, she starts asking his questions. He excuses himself. He goes the bathroom. He comes back. He is teary-eyed. She has like, cracked him open. There we go. He says, I just have to leave. Like, she never, never hears from again. Like, he realized on that date that he was like, but that's like, but that's like an exit. That's like, a lot of people don't dive into the hard question. Yeah. These aren't hard questions. She's therapist. Well, like she, yeah, she got it out of her. And I feel like she realized he's not ready for relationship. He's right, right. It doesn't even know what he's doing. Right, right, very important. I want to know how you spend your day and how you spend your energy. And there's different people. There's people that work to live and people that live to work. I live to work. But like, I don't know that I would work out really well with another person that lived to work. For sure. You're going to be a compatibility-wise who's the type of person that you fit well with. There's plenty of people that go to work. They catch a paycheck. They don't take that shit home at the end of the day. And I probably would work out with somebody. Well, because you are more of like an outgoing creative person. So you're kind of flying around and you want somebody who's a little bit more like. Grounded. Grounded by the books and does his thing. It's a good balance. It is a good balance. I want somebody that can just support me in my dreams. Well, again, you would have a crazy life. Like, it is. You don't need a guy with a crazy life. Yeah, it's like then when you even see each other. That's too much. Yes. Okay. So are we through the first quarter yet? No, no, no, no, we got to go to work. I love this. Two more. This is great. Yeah. Two more topics. Two more topics. Past relationship and how did it end? You got to ask that question. Maybe you don't ask on a first date. I can understand. But by third date, that's not a hard question. Okay. Okay. If you ask me like, oh, when's the last relationship about how did it end? If I want you to know what I'm looking for or just kind of like, what happened as far as my relationship trajectory that's led me to this point, as a man, like, I'm going to tell you, and you want a guy that's like taking some level of ownership too. Absolutely. You don't want a guy that's being like, oh, she was just a crazy bitch. No, you would have to clock that immediately. Yes, yes. Let's see. Let's say that's true. Yeah. He could say that. But then also say like, you know, but I have a lot of empathy. But this is what I learned from it. This is what kind of came up for me. This context. I went to therapy after I whatever I kind of got from it. So you want a guy that can contextually describe it without bashing the person that he was with. Yeah, how he speaks about her. How he speaks about her is like huge. I think about it all. the time. The minute somebody says to you, she was crazy. Zip, that's the end of it, no accountability. There needs to be accountability. There's always, we play a part in everything. Like, yeah, maybe one person is a lot more of a part, but like you still don't want to talk badly about somebody in that way. I also want to know, have you been in a committed relationship at all? At all. Right, relationship history. I know a lot of women will say to me like, because I'll say that, like the guy's been single for five years, six years. I'm like, that's very, very intentional. But then a lot of women will go like, well, I've been single for five years. But I'm like, but with women, it's different because you're, you're the gatekeeper, right? So you're trying to find the normal guy. Guys are the ones that, let's say he's a desirable guy. It's not hard for a desirable guy to find a relationship. So if he's not in one, he's purposely not in one. We always say, men of a certain age in New York City that have been single this whole time are feral. Yes, they're just feral and they're just, I say defective is the word. Yeah, defective. But I just say an infected. In fact, that's the real pandemic, the real pandemic. Okay, I was talking to this guy and I could just kind of sense like he really had not like pulled into a parking spot with somebody and I was like, you're in a relationship and he was like, what? And I was like, have you been in a relationship? Yeah, I have. And he was like, yeah, I have for a couple of years and I kind of dug into it and he said that they weren't fateful to each other. And so he's never been in a real committed relationship. Right. And open relationships are different and people that are not ethically non-monogamous, this was not that. But if he won't that, then great. That's great. That's what I'm saying. It was not that. I was like, so I was right. He was like, how dare you? Yeah, yeah, you're right. I was right. Okay, last topic. Last topic. First quarter. I'm staying on this. I know. I'm doing it every day. No, we're doing all 12 quarter. Yeah, it's great. Well, they got it. You got to pay for the course. Okay. All right. Okay. You're going to leave us hanging. No, no, no, we'll talk about it. Okay. Yes, broadly. Yes, brother. This is important. No, you're going to add just right to that. He's like pay for the course. Coming out soon. He's like 1,800. No, the last one. Well, I talk, I say this on my channels all the time. Okay. The last one is just a three to five year plan. Like, what do you, what do you, what you're going to live for five years? Totally. But like, you want him to say in that conversation, married with a kid, right? Or marry or whatever. Yes. So like, if he just talks about his business, I want my business to be here. This and that, this, that being never mentions being married or children or whatever, then it's like, well, that's not at the top of his list, obviously. Yeah. And this is also as women who don't want children, then you get that answer too. Right. Right. Right. I talk about that on the first day, but I just marriage and kids talk about it early. Oh, there's no reason to not talk about it. Yeah. It's actually dumb to not talk about 100 percent. I think that's the first day question. Where do you say something three years? I mean, and that's an easy opening to like, do I want to be married or kids? I, there's nobody I don't bring this up with on the first day because I don't really want kids. I don't know if I can have kids anymore at this point, but I don't really want them. And so if that is your non-negotiable, then we can't negotiate on this. Right. Like, I'm not a fit for you. Yeah. Right. Okay. So then when we get into the second quarter phase two, phase two payment, phase two, payment. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can find the rest of the episode on Patreon. Well, dates four, five, six, I guess the big thing in that phase that's usually where intimacy happens, right? That's usually when somebody you're sleeping together. And there's like the pullback or how does a man kind of like navigate through that, right? I always say like, dating should be an upward positive trajectory. Yep. Right. So there should never be a pullback. It should always feel like we're getting closer. We're getting closer. Days four, five, six, though. Like now you might start seeing each other like a little bit more frequently. Like maybe it's like every five days or you might do like a Thursday Saturday here and there, but it's navigating the intimacy piece in this phase because like at this point, I would say men vet backwards, right? So they go sexually interested, really emotionally, like the emotion of the lust, right? And then in the last two phases, they start vetting based on like, oh, wow, we've been on six dates, seven dates. We've slept together a few times. If I keep doing this, that's a relationship. Do I want that? Where'd she grow up? Where'd she want to live? What did she do? What's her social life? Like, but that's when he'll start thinking about those things. Yeah. Sure. Early on, you're not a person. You're just a whole. And then you become a person. You said, yeah. But like that's how Gus will they vet backwards like that. Every man does it. Like they might not even realize they're doing it, but they we do it. So that's so interesting. And it's after after sex is when it kind of. So that's why I'm like to draw that out. Obviously sex is beneficial for both people, right? So it's not a lot of people will be like, I'm waiting till six months to have sex. I'm like, that's just not realistic for most people. Some people sure want to do it. Sure. I think there's no rush. I mean, we sort of gone back and forth about like, one sex. If you feel like having sex on the first date, have sex on the first date. For me, personally, at this point in my life, if I kind of like somebody as a person, I don't just sleep with them immediately, because I will develop feelings. Like I do want to feel it out. I'm not. You want to feel casual sexes have learned is not for me. Recent revelation. And this is all like, I just want to get ahead of the comments. Me and my man did this. We know like I'm thinking of Alyssa, our friend who's getting married first date. They spent the weekend together and they're getting married. But that is an outlier. Exactly. It's not the rule. Exactly. So in this type of cadence, this is how it should work and how you should navigate it. Right. But that's why I say one deeper week for the first month, right? So if we're talking about all I slept with them on the fifth date, we're talking somewhere around a month and a half of knowing somebody, which is like a decent enough sample size, right? I think that's totally appropriate for adults, right? And if it's sped up a little, that's fine too. And that's fine too. I see a world in which you go on one to two dates with somebody. For sure. And you really do vibe. And then you're like, come meet up with my friends. We always would talk about that with Jared. Like you're watching football, come meet up, meet the gang. You know, like you both are in that place in life. You super charge it. But it doesn't take away what you're supposed to learn about them. Absolutely. Things can. And that's why this is just like a guide like things can move faster. But it's kind of just important to notice your pattern. Remember the patterns I talked about like is my pattern I rush with people and then it's a fucking dumpster fire in a month. That's my pattern. Right. Maybe we do something a little bit different. Yep. So you kind of got to know yourself or your pattern of person. Hey, this person is that like really charismatic kind of outgoing guy, charming guy that every time I meet a guy like this, it ends up bad. Maybe I should go a little bit slower here and feel it out. Right? Or try to find a different type of guy. Right. So the framework of what I'm talking about, like kind of like the system, but making it work for you and the patterns that you've kind of noticed in your dating life. Okay. Yeah. So then like I said, so by six dates, you probably slept together. It should go upper positive trajectory. Yeah. Like I said, there should be no pull back after such. Yeah. Like it shouldn't be this up and down. Totally up. After sleeping with somebody, that's when you should get even closer. Yep. Like that should be like, wow, we're getting really close. And date seven, eight, nine, that's usually when you're going to like kind of call back to the topics that maybe you talked about early on of like compatibility, like what you want for your future. Because now if it's building and he's looking at this as a potential serious relationship, he's either going to avoid those conversations and keep it really fun casual. Like a lot of people will be like, oh, it just feels very fun. Like we're not really getting deep, but vulnerability is a two-way street. Like you got to be vulnerable, be willing to be vulnerable to get it out of somebody else too. So I always say like, you lead with some vulnerability. Okay. And see if it's reciprocated. Yeah. Also, I think seven, eight, nine, those dates, you're starting to see, okay, the things somebody said about who they they think they are. Right. Are you seeing examples of it? Is that who that person really is? Right. Do they show up? Are they consistent? Are they intentional? Right. Right. And now, like this is where like, okay, we're about two months now or so. This guy should feel like your boyfriend. It just start to feel like this is my boyfriend. Yep. By seven, eight, nine dates, that's what it should feel like. Yeah. You're something out there that's like three or four times. Like, yeah, in a good world, like that's where it's headed. And then, well, you should probably, I've changed my opinion on this. I think the earlier you can throw somebody to the wolves as far as hey, my friend. Okay. I want to talk about this. Yeah, my friend and her boyfriend are on the corner. Do you want to like grab a drink with them? Yeah. Like throw them to somebody early. I agree. And get that gut check because you want to see somebody in different atmospheres. What did you use to? I was curious what you thought about introducing. I would wait. I would wait longer. Okay. Which I wish I didn't. I think it's nice to see how somebody in her. You don't have to bring them to a party with all your friends. Actually, 40th birthday. Her husband came with all of us. I was like, this is the most great. It's the bravest man I've ever met in my life. What he wanted to do that is a green fly. Our story doesn't really because of a long distance. It's a little different. It is different. It can love with me for years. Yeah. You know, whatever. Not us together on the first night. There's a bunch of things that do fit. But it's that I wouldn't hold anybody into that standard. That was the bravest thing I've ever seen. But I do think it's like, yeah, my friends around the corner, like, do you want to just meet up with them? Yeah. Of course. I was on a state. And Ashley and Shashank showed up. And it was like a big bar with like, I mean, it was really busy with our him and I were at this table. And like, he didn't seem that into it. And Ashley and Shashank went and stood at the bar and had dinner. And I was like, he's not even at any point going to be like, your business partner and best friend are two feet from here. We thought it would be funny, and it wasn't funny, but he's really an ice agent. He would not tell me what he did for work. What did you do for his job? I was telling him how this guy passed two hours and I could not give you a two sentence boilerplate on what he does. He works for the government and law enforcement in some sense. Oh, yeah, he's an FBI or an ice agent. I thought those are extreme. Yeah. Yeah. Like, well, it's literally one of the other because he can actually tell you he's an ice agent, but that's funny. Fourth quarter. Yeah. I mean, like, that's where if you're confused at all, it's done. Yes. Like, by two to three months, if you're confused, you're done. 100%. And I've read a stat, and we've always kind of said this too, but study show people break up after three months because there's for multiple reasons A for this or like, they're not, there's no commitment. and be people are showing you who they really are. - Yeah, I start to learn with some real stuff. - As a brand of staff that people can truly trick you for two months plus two to three months. - That's about it. - And then you really see who they are. - Right, and to the point of, let's say both people are like committed and you become into a relationship, you're gonna still learn things about them past. Okay, now we're official. - Sure. - Well now, like I'm gonna start learning about your insecurities and your demons, right? You're gonna start learning about mine, right? And anyone who can present really well, like we all got shit. Like we all got traumas, we all got things we're insecure about, we all got them. So like how are you handling when somebody's actually being vulnerable with you and that? 'Cause there's vulnerability of like, oh, let me tell you about my ex, right? Or let me tell you about my mom and my dad. - Yeah, a past situation. - Past situations, but then there's like these are my demons. So to speak, like these are my insecurities. Like I got them, like we all have them. So it's like are you the type of person when somebody opens up to you, you dive in harder to that or makes you like, oh, this is too much. Because being in a relationship is like being willing to accept those things and go deeper into it. That's why I want you to try to be more vulnerable earlier on to kind of just get a gut check as to like, someone's receptiveness to hearing more serious stuff. - Well, if you're gonna be with somebody long-term, they're gonna see those things. - They're gonna see it. - You wanna say to yourself, like when the worst thing in the world happens to me and it will, when I lose my parents, I lose a pet, who do I want standing next to me? And I don't think it's the person that made you unsure. Did you confuse about their intentionality? - Yeah, right, right. - Yeah, like trauma dumping is one thing. And if you, you know, we're out with a man who is crying in the bathroom about his job or he needs a therapist, but I think we talk about this, we talked about Logan Yuri. Vulnerability connects to you to people. - It does, it does. - So if it's pushing someone away, when you get vulnerable or they are getting vulnerable and you get the ick, this is not a mask. - It's not the right match then. - I like to say at 12, after like the 12, you should sort of know, 'cause we get a lot of messages from people to say like, we've just been in this like nebulous thing for four months. And we can't put a title on it, or he won't put a title on it. Like what do I do here? I mean, it always goes back to like if they like you, you'll know and if they don't. - If you want it to, you want it to, you want it to. - I will, but I believe that. - Oh yeah, it's true. - If we, if anybody, not just he, if somebody wanted to be in a relationship with you, they would be in a relationship with you. So at 12 weeks, if you're like, I don't know, that sure is, could I tell you sorry about my brother and his wife? Which is the most wonderful, perfect couple. I didn't know this 'til this past weekend. I was with them. So my brother used to bartend on the summer. And when I tell you like 15 hour days, like he just doubles and he just didn't have time. And so he meets this girl, Memorial Day, we get opening to the summer, his future wife. And he liked her, he just met her at the bar. She was a patron and they start hanging out and he told her he was like, I gotta tell you, I just like, just kind of like a warning of I'm really busy in the summer. And I might not have a lot of time. Like she said, she was like, he was on me all the time. She was so funny for, he was actually genuinely being like, I like her and I wanna prepare her for what a summer looks like for me. And he liked her so much that she was like, he was there all the time. He was like on me all the time. I never, he wasn't never texting me making plans. Like I think he just didn't sleep. But it was the funniest case of he truly was like, I will not be able to give this woman the time and attention. And he did. He was like, I can't and then he also at the same time was like, watch me. Like, how happened he was like, yeah, that's guy, I get it. You know, and then she was like, I can't get rid of this guy. - Well, it's like a challenge. Like guys like little challenges, right? So like it was almost a challenge that he posed to himself where it's like to the point of, oh, this woman's beautiful. She seemed really cool. Like I'm gonna make it work. I have to make it work. I'm not gonna lose her. - Yeah, it was the most like if you wanted to, he would. And I don't know, do people think that's bad advice? He wanted to, like people kind of debate that advice. - No, that's my favorite advice. I think it's true, like let's just say like 90% of the time. Like maybe there's like a 10% where it's like truly a guy can't make something work or there's a family situation and this and that, but like, but like most of the time, like there's a lot of truth to it. - If somebody wanted to lock it down. - Yes, they would lock it down. - There's obviously like context and nuance to all of this. - Sure. - But like if somebody has been with you for three to four months and you're not sure if you're together, that's in that case 100%. Like I give passes for trauma, deaths in the family. Crazy works that's like, there's been times in our life where I'm like, I couldn't even imagine. Like even if the right person came along, I might let them slip away. But you've been in it for a week. - Yes, if you wanted to lock this down, you would've locked it down. - You locked it down. - That's that the most simple like phase four, dates nine, 10, 11, 12, and beyond. Like by three, four months, the longest. Like something can be four months. Like I get it, but exclusive should come at least a month and a half before, if you're gonna be exclusive. Like somebody would do the exclusive and then more boyfriend girlfriend. Like exclusive kind of comes in phase two, three. Like dates like six, seven, like around there, they slept together, six, seven, eight. Like that's usually when exclusive happens a month and a half to two months and then boyfriend girlfriend between three and four months. That's usually how I look at it. - I always think they just go together. - They could. Some people view it as it is the same thing. - Wait, this is interesting. If we're exclusive, you're my boyfriend. - Yes, yes, I don't disagree with it. - Okay, but it is not a limitation between like, okay, we're exclusive, we're not gonna see other people, but I'm not gonna post you on Instagram and you're gonna see my whole family. - Yes, you're not meeting my mom and dad yet. We're not doing that stuff, but dating apps are done and we're just focusing on the connection between the two of us. - So once a declaration to you, once a declaration to the world, Ashley's like, - Yeah, kind of, like, I would say that's kind of like-- - Do you think that's kind of bullshit? - I don't think it's, I don't disagree with people thinking that it's bullshit. But it is a very modern dating term. - We're exclusive, but you're not my girlfriend, why? - Well, okay, I would say this. I would say this. So we're like a month and a half, right? We slept together. - I'm not asking too. - No, no, I got it. Let's say we slept together one or two times, right? We're a month and a half in, right? By that point, only a month and a half, like, I really don't know you that well. - For sure. - Right, and you don't know me. So it's kind of like a declaration, this is how I view it, as we obviously are romantically involved now. Like, we're seeing each other, we're talking every single day. No one else is coming into this picture. Let's continue to observe our dynamic over the next month or two. - If somebody asks me, I am seeing somebody. You have to say, I'm saying, you're not single anymore. - But here's the weird part. - It is weird. - Exclusive and boyfriend girlfriend, 'cause then I'm like, when are we doing this? - Well, a guy should-- - When are we searching for-- - I don't know, see if that's the product. - I don't know who to start with, you guys, 'cause I see the bio-divo sides. If it's happening to me, I don't like it. I want to be your girlfriend. - Yes, well, well, a guy, no, I got it, ready? A guy should then say to himself, like, okay, like I'm talking about, by three months, or should you kind of like plan for, okay, things are continuing to go well. I'll set up like a fun date night, and then like, I'll do the romantic gesture of asking you to be my girlfriend. That's, but besides asking somebody to marry you, that's like the first cute moment, minus like a Valentine's day that you guys might have. So like, you want a guy that wants to make it like a romantic thing. Exclusive to me feels more like, we're not seeing anybody else, dating apps are done. - Gosh, I'm off the apps. - We're off the apps. That's not the way it could be said, we're off the apps. - Somebody asks me out. - If somebody asks me out. - Yes, if somebody asks me, I'm not going out. And if somebody asks me, yeah, I'm seeing somebody. Like, that's how it, it's nuance, and I hate it. But like, that's modern dating. - That's modern dating, that's what it is. - That's what it is. - Things have changed. - I see women saying, like, if I'm not your girlfriend, then I'm single, like, and I think that-- - I think it's fair to live by that. - But then he can go out on dates, too. - Definitely. It has that-- - Well, would you rather that, or by a month and a half, you sleep together, you lock that down, and you just see it through in a vacuum now. - Okay, so, you know what I think the key is, don't let this, like, work-slusive thing go on forever. - It can't, no, no. - After a few weeks, I need-- - A month. - The longest to be is, like, a month. - A few weeks that we need to revisit this. - Yes, it can't be work-slusive at two months, and then now you're still dating in your five, six months in, and you haven't had a boyfriend girlfriend talk. No, it needs to be exclusive about a month, month, and half later, really. - Just think it's funny, 'cause, like-- - I'm very systematic with my-- - It's really funny. I'm picture in a scenario, which a guy is, like, so I want to be exclusive, and you're like, "Oh, my God, you want to hear my boyfriend?" And he's like, "No, no, no, that's in a month." - What'd you think that? - Right. - We don't have to face it in a month, 'cause I bought this course, and-- - Right, right, right. - Daddy, I can't afford the second part of it, so I'd actually know what course it is. Daddy would say that in a month, we will revisit it. - Yeah, well, I think-- - So I'll take you on a walk. - That's very funny. - I can see me and be like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what makes you think?" - Well, like, listen, if you want to accept at a month and a half, five, six dates in, Daddy says, "Hey, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend, "you want to do it fine." I just think the weight today's society and people's, we dive into things really emotionally and intensely, very quickly, doing the exclusive route if a guy does it. I don't think that's a bad thing, 'cause it can give you a little bit more time to regulate your nervous system to this new person being so invested into your life. - I do see it, and I do think when you talk about these labels, which you can use or not, you do, yeah, but when we talk about boyfriend and girlfriend, that doesn't apply, families, and now we do holidays. - Especially if we're in our 30s, a lot of people watching you're in their late 20s, 30s, 40s, like, yeah, there's no- - Like, am I taking you my best friend's wedding? Something like that. Okay, we're two months in. I'm sleeping with you on a regular basis. I do want to know you're not sleeping with other people, but do I know if I want to take you to my best friend's wedding? - Right, right. - Yeah, there is like a little care. It makes sense. And then you got to declare it to everybody and then you got to back out of it. - Right, right. - It's a lot of paperwork, you know? - It's a lot of admin. - You don't love admin? - Well, Niko, this has been wonderful. You're just the best, and I just want to compliment you. I mean, you just know your body. - On your body. (laughing) - Take your dick out. No, good. No, I just, you know your shit and you are just, you speak about it really well, and it's just, it's great to watch you thrive, and we just love that there's someone out there like you for these men and women. - Yeah, I appreciate you guys. No, I love to love talking. This is fun. doing it in person. - Yeah, they're like, oh the camera wasn't running. - It'll be my luck, that's my luck. - Well tell people where they can find everything that you do. - Yeah, yeah, so my Instagram is @NikoEman and I-K-O-E-M-A-N. That's my personal Instagram, YouTube, the daddy academy. - Love it. - That's my podcast. It's gonna be on Spotify too very soon as well. TikTok, the daddy academy, and like I said, this course that I'm coming out with, you'll find that on my Instagram, TikTok. I can find it everywhere. I'll be coming out sometime the next month or so. - Okay, Niko Emanulities, everybody. - There it is! (laughing) - All right, and girlsgottaeat.com for us, tickets to our show in LA with the Chippendales on May 7th. You can get those at girlsgottaeat.com. Girls got a podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess at Instagram and TikTok. Rain is Raina.Greenberg and Raina.Greenberg.com for her tour tickets. We have full video on YouTube and Spotify. So subscribe, leave a comment, leave a review, share this episode with a friend, join the daddy academy, and we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. - See you guys. (upbeat music)