What I'd Tell 30 Year Old Me (On The Eve Of My 40th Birthday)

Welcome to this news button. Hey, I'm Brittany of Brittany Sheen Sleep. I've got 99 problems, but my kid sleeping isn't one. - Good morning, my friends. Okay, I really cannot believe this is happening, but tomorrow I turn 40. This is the first birthday that I'm not excited about. I just, I don't really care about ages. Like I, you know, it's not, but until 40 just doesn't feel good to me. But I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to embrace it. I think what's helping me embrace it is knowing that I have a lot of friends who are, I mean, they're not that old, but they're in their 40s. And I'm like the same as them, and they don't really seem any different to me than my friends who are in their 30s. And so, you know, aging nothing but a number, I'm aware of that. I just feel very young. I feel like I should be dancing on a stripper pole in a party bus, which is why I'm gonna do that this weekend to celebrate my birthday. And I don't feel like I should have to stop doing that. I do think when you're 40, like maybe you shouldn't do that. But I'm choosing just to choose to not hear that voice in my head. And I will say the scariest thing is, I remember a few years ago, like a long time ago, it stuck with me. I just said something to my mother-in-law, like something I was like, it's weird. I don't know how old I was, 35, 32. I was like, it's crazy. I still sort of feel like I'm 22. Like I haven't really aged past that. And she was like, yeah me too. And I was like, fuck, that's not good. Not because she shouldn't feel that way. She's very vibrant and young. But that I think maybe we all are just stuck there a little bit, not in a bad way. But like, you know, you just sort of, I don't know, I don't know where I'm going with this. But that all said, I do feel like there's so much I've learned in the last decade. And I thought what better way to honor this milestone than to, since I know a lot of you guys, this is, I will say, maybe part of what's here is about it is this is my job. And I feel like me being able to relate to you guys and understand where you are is so important. And at some point, if I'm like 60, how much can I really relate to a new mom who's 30? I don't know. We'll see. Maybe I will just do a bunch of IVF in 10 years and just be on the cover of Newsweek with my 50-year-old triplets just to keep me young, who knows. But I thought, yes, what better way to, yeah, honor this milestone than to, what are the things I would tell my 30-year-old self? And I also, I want to keep this very personal. I know these things, I think, a lot of you, you know, you come to my business and my stuff because it does resonate and we have similarities. But some of these things might not, like, be relevant to you. And that's OK, because it's what I would tell my 30-year-old self. OK? I'm trying to avoid cliches as much as possible. Some of the cliches really are true, though. So I like, we'll have them in a little bit. But anyway, I'll stop rambling. OK, everything really does go fast. I have to say, it really does. It doesn't feel like it in the moment. But the good and the bad things, you know? So like, that whole, like, this too shall pass. Like, whatever feels hard right now, 30-year-old me, it is going to go away. And whatever feels easy is also fleeting. But I think you, like, remembering that duality is really important for all of us. And I think too. And everyone is different as they come into motherhood. And for context here, my oldest is 8 1/2. Well, it just blows my mind. So 30-year-old me, like, me exactly this time was just starting to talk to my new husband about, like, starting a family, right? So within a year of me-- yeah, because I had Teddy when I was 31. I was pregnant with him when I was 30. So I'm really-- I'm sort of talking to the new mom, me, and about to be new mom, me here. I was definitely a mom who loved the newborn stage. I was so excited to be a mom. And it really was. I mean, there was the NICU stuff. There's layers to it I won't get into now. But like, for the most part, it was what I expected. Once he did, like, come home. And I had him in my arms. I was just euphoric. I loved the newborn stage. But I don't love every stage of parenting. And I would tell myself, don't feel bad about that. Like, being a good mom doesn't mean that you're good at every stage and every part of parenting. And you're not a failure or like, you're not missing something if you don't love every stage. At the same time, for the stages that you don't love, there's always going to be something unexpected that you just love at every stage. And things that you-- like, some things you would predict would be fun and exciting. And other things you never would have thought about. And then you're like, wait, I love doing this with them. I love how they are at this age. And I think that would have helped me to entering stages that maybe weren't my favorite or still aren't. And this might be my own, my personal favorite with myself, stopping so surprised when things work out. I don't know if this is like an eldest daughter just to meet people pleasing. I feel like for a lot of my adult life, when things worked out, I was like surprised by it when it was things that like, they happened that way because of me. Like, sorry. Like, I did-- it's not a surprise that we found that like really great apartment in the West Village when I took time a lot of nights to Peruz specifically what we were looking for and to see if anything was like, oh, no shit. We found the apartment because I was looking a lot for it. Like, no shit. My son was a really good sleeper because when other people were just doing whatever, I was really focused. I was reading books about baby sleep at our baby moon. Like, this, I think, has been a pattern for me personally that I'm just getting over now that like, I need to stop being so surprised when I accomplished something that I tried to accomplish. That's not like, that shouldn't be like, wow, that was just pure luck, you know? And I think when you think about professional and personal relationships, I'm not necessarily talking. I was obviously like married when I was 30. I'm not talking about romantic relationships but other relationships. Like, listen to your gut. If somebody feels weird. If something feels off, you're probably right. I wish I had reminded myself that and this happened to me personally and professionally. Like, there is something to be said about that like, "Ick, that like gut sense that something's weird." And listening to that and pivoting can save you a lot of drama and just problems and whatever, listening to those things. I would also tell myself it's okay to change your mind. I think for like, motherhood and professionally and things like that, I definitely, and it's not that I ever spiral about changing my mind, I don't think I expected it though. I was like, I'm gonna work full time, I'm gonna corporate job, I'm gonna hustle for the good life. And then I was like, I don't actually know if I wanna do this. I think I wanna be a stay at home mom. I actually don't think I wanna do this. But like, oh, I just came up with this idea for my own business that is like thriving many years later. It's okay to change your mind. And I think this can be said for a lot of us with motherhood too. It's like, it's okay if you thought it was gonna be a certain way and it changes and it, for better or worse, it's okay to change your mind just in general. I would definitely tell myself, stop apologizing for every stop apologizing. I, you gotta stop. You're not sorry, you didn't do anything wrong, stop apologizing and stop optimizing. This one I don't think I learned till now, till I was 39. That I am spending or have. I've really in the last few months been improving this is like focusing so much on my energy on optimizing everything. Like just walking from one side of my house to the other. I have to like pick everything up along the way they need to go into a different place. And they need to tell that person to do that. And I need to turn that off and I need to turn this on. And like, I could just walk around my fucking house for a minute without feeling like I'm not optimizing at all times because it's exhausting. And I think especially as a working mom, there's this feeling of like you always could be doing more and you can, that's true, but it doesn't mean you have to do it. And I think this is very personal to each person 'cause I also really don't like the, this is like a separate thing, but I don't like the things that's like, your children are only young ones, like the dishes can wait. I'm like, okay, well I'm the type of person that if there's like a massive pile of dishes and my sink it stresses me out. So like there's a balance here, but I also don't need to pick up every single toy that I see along the walk down the hallway. And if I don't do that, I need to beat myself up about it, okay? So that's definitely still a work in progress. I would definitely tell my third year old self give herself a decade's head start working on that. And this one I know it's so cliche, but I think I'm telling it to third year old me, but I think I'm telling it to tomorrow, four year old Brittany too who needs to remind herself this. There is a future version of you that would love to be you for a day. Like yeah, I just said that I love the newborn stage. So of course I like to go back and like smell Teddy's little head and you know get those newborn sniffes in. But even other phases, you know, when even like we were in like lockdown with Baker and Teddy when my at the time during COVID I had a newborn and a toddler. And you know what, how lucky was I? It is crazy now that I have an eight, six and four year old. You know, I have to do random segues here, random pivots, thinking back on us being like, oh, we're so stressed. If I had three like preschool and elementary aged kids in lockdown, I would be in a mental institution right now. Like I, for all of you who I doubt there's very many people listening who had children that old during the COVID, but hilarious, hilarious to be like, I was locked up raw with my newborn. Your newborn who takes like five naps a day. Granted, I'm talking about kids who were good sleepers, but like wow, wow, was that easy? I would love to go back for it to a COVID day. Not, I'd feel like I shouldn't like say that, but you know what I mean, just for one day, just to chill. And I know that that's gonna be true in 10 years too, that I'll look back on these days and think, you know, I thought it was stressful, but I'd like to go back for a day, maybe not for a year, but for a day. And last but not least at all, I'd say 30-year Britney, your butt looks so good. It's honestly, it's still, you still got it. It the butt's great. My butt's fine now, but I could, you know, 30-year old me. It was a good look. And I'm just gonna go, I might just go do some squats now and see if I can get her back. Anyway, I don't know if helpful is what I would call this episode, but I hope there's something you could take away from it if you are a 30-year-old mom. Or a 35-year-old mom or anything. That you know what? We've got one life to live, guys. And mine is about to enter its 40s. And you know, say a prayer for me tomorrow. Hopefully I do okay. Love you guys, see you next week. - Loving this news button? Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a single episode. And please, leave a review. I will read it and internalize it, so make sure it's very glowing. If you're interested in working with me or learning more about my courses, head to BritneySheand.com or follow me on Instagram @BritneySheandSleep.