What Are You Really Seeking?

Hello, friend. You're listening to the Girl Talk podcast. My name is Carol, and we have a special episode for you today. We're going to bring you our conversation from our most recent Girl Talk Live event. In this conversation, we talked about what it is that we're really seeking. I hope you enjoy it. We're going to be talking about what are you seeking? What are you seeking? And by using that word seeking, that's a church word. I think there are a lot of words that we use in church that we say, and we don't really know what they mean. Grace is a perfect example. We went through a book study as a team, and we talked about what grace was, because I think we use a lot of words that we really don't understand what they mean. And so tonight, when I say what are you seeking, what are the first kind of things that pop into your mind when I talk about what are you seeking? Like things I've lost? Might. My keys. Things you've lost. Your keys. Perfect. Why did I come into this room? Exactly. Like, wait. Happiness. Yeah. Perfection. Yes. Yeah. Satisfaction. Yeah. All those things. So, have you ever had a season where your expectations for life didn't match up to your reality? I feel like that's every season of my life. Yes. Like, I don't, like, I can't truly look back on my life and say, that turned out exactly right. Like, like I planned. Yes. Is it just me? Yeah. No. Okay. I just want to make sure. No. Every single season. Yeah. Yeah. I know for me right now, I've got a, we talked about before, I've got a 17-year-old son going off to college. And so, lots of reflection. Lots of looking back on my parenting. Lots of looking back on what life looks like with, you know, as a boy mom, what I thought it was going to look like and what it actually looked like. You know, my original dream was to have a whole house full of kids. I wanted, you know, four or five. That was not the plan. That was not the plan that my husband had. And thus, the plan that God had was also aligned with that. Because I only have one. And, you know, so lots of reflection looking back going, that is not what I expected it to be. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful, but not what I expected it to be. What about you, TK? I feel like my whole season of adulting is not what I thought. And I'm not even trying to be silly about that. I feel like when I was younger, I thought when I am an adult, whatever that means, whenever I'm settled, whenever I'm up in middle age or whatever. I'm going to have less insecurities. Once I have maybe a husband or once I have a relationship or a home or a job that's stable, I'm not going to be insecure anymore. And you know what? I've carried those right along with me. Right. In every season of life. But I kept thinking I'm going to reach that place where I don't feel so insecure. And I mean, I think that's true for us all. There are things that we carry. I've been doing some. God's been on. Like, oh, my case, Leslie. I'm like, can you pay attention to somebody else for a while? Like, y'all ever feel that way in your relationship with God? He like starts to lean in on something and you're like, OK, that's quite enough. He's been leaning in on me because I think we we don't take the time to look back and reflect on our lives and an unreflected on experience teaches us nothing. So we go through a season and we never take. The time to like stop and look back and go, OK, I saw God here, here and here. And I see his faithfulness throughout that. We just don't take the time to do that. Anybody else that way? You just don't. You just don't have the time. You're like, we are always ready to get to the next thing. Right. We're always ready to just move on. Just let me learn the lesson and I'll just go. Right. But we never take time to look back. You know that when we do when I at least when I have looked back and reflected on my life, I have realized that God's plan was actually better than my plan was. Oh. A hundred percent. What actually happened is typically better than the expectations that I had. And it's because God led the process when I led him. I mean, let's be real. There's times where I took those reins away from him and said, OK, I'm in control. I'm sorry. I'm going to put myself on the throne and take you off of it. But when I let really let him take the lead, I can look back and go, oh, yeah, you had a better plan than I thought I would. So here's the here's the question. If you actually take time to do that and you see God's faithfulness and you go, oh, his plan was better than mine. All. Why do we go back to our old way of just I'm going to figure this out on my own. And I just want you to bless my plan because I think it's the best one. Like, why do we go back to that? Like, I seriously want to have a talking to myself because I go back to that every time. I think we don't know what we want because I think if we think we know what we want, I think I know what I want and I know what it takes to. To get me there. So if God blesses me in one area, I'm still ready to move on to the next thing because I think I want more. And so I'm constantly trying to go for that more. You mentioned expectations. I think expectations for me are so dangerous because I heard him called premeditated resentments because the second I have an expectation, I know it's not going to work out that way. And but I continually create those things in my mind because it's well, it's pride. Right. I want what I want. I want it when I want it and I want it the way I want it. And God's got a different plan. I also think that we have a tendency to set our standards of what is good and what is best by the world standards and by the standards that we set for ourselves as opposed to what God wants for us. And sometimes what God wants for us doesn't look good to the world. It doesn't look good. It doesn't look comfortable. It doesn't look successful. It doesn't look all the things that we've been we've been taught are the good things. That's not good in God's economy. God's economy. God's world is different than our world and his view. He has a different view of the world and a different definition of good than what we want. So or what we think. So we keep taking it back because we keep falling back into our definition of good. Yeah. Okay. So and I think I 100% agree with you there but in at least in my life the things that have been good for me have been hard things. Now I only see that in the rear view but the like what I'm saying is that like in the times that I've grown the most it has been the hardest times of my life. Like I just don't think we naturally like. Praise God when things are good. We kind of get on our own you know get our own head think I got this down pat. I got this totally figured out. I am doing it and we and we just completely leave God behind and I guess as I as I sit here and think about it the bet the I wouldn't have called them the best times but the the most growth that I experienced have come through difficult times. I mean I think that's true in the Bible. I mean you see. Yeah. People go through difficult. Times and that's when they learn more about God and yet when we come up against something hard we are the or I don't say we because I say I and the first like Lord take it away. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want it to hurt anymore. No. I just don't. We just don't want to be in any sort of pain. Like give me a spiritual Tylenol for that. Right. Yes. And we think we're living in God's will when everything is going well. Yeah. That when everything feels really comfortable. Yeah. And everything is I don't know perfect good in our world. We think we're in his will and flip that around. Right. The opposite can be the yeah is more often the truth. That's right. We think that because we're going through something hard it's because we're not in God's will. We're being punished or something he doesn't love us. Yeah. Right. And who wants hard things. We're not going to seek after hard things. No. I'm not going to go and say oh please Lord give me hard things. Yeah. I want to do all the hard things. Give me all the hard things. Give me all the hard things today. All the hard things. Please make it difficult for me because I need to grow and I need to get deeper in my relationship with you. No. Nobody says that. No. We all say please Lord make it easy. Yeah. Make it go away. Make it go away. Yeah. Quickly. Quickly. Make it comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. So why do we get that confused? Because we're human. Well okay. Well I mean we're talking about hard things. Yeah. You would ask a question earlier we were talking earlier about the difference between something good and something that God has promised us or guaranteed us. Yeah. You know I started thinking about that and you're talking about the hard times and this is the this week is the anniversary of the time when my mother was hit by a car and died and that was probably the hardest most tragic time of my life and I would read Psalm 91. My mom always loved Psalm 91. And I had my apartment got robbed when I was living by myself in New York City and she told me she said Trisha I want you to read Psalm 91 before bed every night and that's going to comfort you and so I was connected Psalm 91 with my mom and when she died someone told me to read Psalm 91 and I'm like I'm not reading Psalm 91. No way. Like I'm looking at those things it says no harm will befall you nothing's going to hinder your tent or whatever. I'm like no. My mom was killed head on in a car accident. How is that that promise? And honestly, I've wrestled with that for a long time. I've been in therapy a long time. I've talked about it a long time. And trying to parse out the difference between the promises that God makes for us, which is good in heaven, good in eternity, good forever, versus what feels really nice in this moment and having my mom to hug in person. And I've had to figure out that there are good things that have come from what happened to her. I wouldn't choose them. I don't want them. But there are good things that I can see. And his promise is still true. It just isn't the way I had initially read it. And so these are hard things. I spoke to a friend today whose mom just died. These were hard, hard things. And God knows that we're going to struggle with them. And so he provides us, I think, with community and love and support and therapists and his word. His presence. And his presence. Yeah. To get us through. Yeah. And I think, you know, during those times, one of the things that we do is when somebody is hurting, and you and I have talked about this a lot, but when someone's hurting, we just want to make them stop hurting. And I think it is time for us in the church to go, hey, you know what? It's okay. If you want to cry and slobber and sassling, it's not with you. Because what happens is we don't deal with that. And so we just push it down. And then something else comes along, or you blow up at your kids, or you kick the cat, or something happens, and you're like, where in the world did that come from? It's like, because it's hurt on hurt on hurt on hurt on hurt, and we just never deal with any of those things. So we end up taking it out on people that they have no clue. They're like, I don't know who that person was, but her head spun around twice. My kid's here somewhere. She's probably like, amen! Amen! But I think that's what we do. We just, we want to, when people are hurting, we want to say something to make ourselves feel better instead of to make them feel better. And we don't want to sit with people in that. And I think we're missing a blessing in that. Like, we're missing the blessing of just, I don't know if y'all have a friend like this. We've been through situations like this, that you have somebody, you can just sit in a room, and y'all don't have to say words, and y'all just get each other, and you're like, no words necessary, that's what's happening right here. And I think that's what we miss out on when we try to move people too soon through some kind of tragedy or hurt or harmful thing that they're going through. And we do it for the wrong reasons. It's to make ourselves feel better. Because I know we both talked about, well, she's in a better place, you know. And that's hard for somebody to hear when they've just lost their person, you know. You want to say, well, you know, I'm glad she's in heaven, but I sure would like to have her right here, right now, you know. But when we don't do that, we do it because we don't know what to say. We always feel like we've got to say something. Yeah. And I think we're missing a blessing, especially in a group of women, to walk alongside people through their grief and pain and hard experiences, and to just say, I'm with you. I'm with you. Because that is the heart of God. He didn't tell us that everything was always going to be great. He said, I'll be with you. My presence, I'll never leave you for second. And sometimes you just need somebody to sit with you. Yeah. Right. So, I don't know if that was helpful. Absolutely. Oh, absolutely. There are things we can't explain. Oh, yeah. And we can't just quickly explain why things happen. And so that, I've heard it called bumper sticker theology, where you just, you say a verse because you want to help someone, but it doesn't land correctly. So, because there are some things that just need to be experienced with somebody, like you said. But the heart is love when you want to love on people. I think that's a good thing. So, when life feels uncertain or out of control, where do you tend to go for a sense of stability or support? Probably the freezer. Amen! I can always count on it. That's right. I know that's right. Whoa. I'm on a rocky road. Never hurt anybody. I got pit buds back in the green room. I'm going to hit them right after this is over. I got nachos. Yeah, nachos. That's my thing. You know, I think one of the things that God has been doing in my life lately is, and it started with Lent. I don't know if anyone here, you know, gives up things for Lent. That's a fairly popular thing to do. And God asked me to give up something. And I said, I don't think I can do that, God. And he said, okay. I'm asking you to. And I just, the whole time, I was like, I don't think I can do this. And, and he so peeled back the layers and said, hey, Carol, it's not about that thing. It's about everything that you run to. We run to social media. We run to Netflix binges. We run to the freezer. But it's not about any of those specific things. It's about running to anything but God. Yeah. Like, I will, you know, you can tell by looking at me, I ain't a runner. But man, I will set a record time running to anything but God when that is exactly what I need to do. That's the path I need to go. And he's just been about, like, saying, okay, it's not that thing. It's not that specific thing, Carol. It's that your heart wants to run to other things rather than run to me. You know, when I, when we went through COVID, and everybody remembers COVID time, it was terrible for me. I had majoring. Anxiety. You know, they ended up having to put me on some anxiety meds because of it. But, and it was so cold. I can, I can remember it being freezing cold. But the only place I could find peace is when I put on my shoes and I went outside and I walked around the neighborhood and I played worship music. And I talked to God. Because at the end of the day, that's what I needed more than anything else was just to be reminded that he's on the throne. That he, he's got it all under control. And that he loves me more than anybody else will ever love me. And that he was going to walk me through all the things. And that he could, he's the only one that can calm the anxiety. And so for me, that, that, that was it. Prayer and worship can do everything. That's so hard to do. I mean, it's hard, it's hard to make that choice. Sure. I think. It goes again. My instincts. I know I, I, I probably the least spiritual person here. I, I just, it's so hard to let go of control. And I think the only, the only way to do that is to trust that God loves me. Yes. And loves us. But I think in that God was saying, okay, you get on the radio every day and tell people to trust Jesus. But you don't. Trust me. Yeah. How's that working for you? Like. That at the, at the heart of control is unbelief. Can you, but can you say to somebody else, Jesus loves you, believe it, and then struggle that Jesus loves you? Oh yeah. Absolutely. Cause I can. Cause I think, and I, I don't know if I've, this has been, this part of the country has been my home for forever. I've never lived anywhere else. And I think. I think we grow up kind of with being in the Bible bell and, and, and we can say all the words. Like I bet you we could go around this room and we could quote nearly all the Bible with all of us in here. You know, we know all the things to say. The answer is Jesus. And we know when to say that. Right. True. I mean, it's true. But here's the thing that, that like the reason that people aren't coming. In our churches, y'all is cause they don't see it working in our lives. And I hate to say that cause I'm pointing at myself right now. And, and a lot of y'all know me better than you want to. Cause we went to school together or life group or go to church together, whatever. And y'all know, I mean, I'm a human person. There ain't nothing special about me. And I struggle with that sometimes too. And I, and I look at my life and I think. You know what? If, if, if I really walk this thing out, then people would be chasing me to church on Sunday morning. There, there's not, there, there's enough churches here in this county. And we still got lost people everywhere in this county. And I, I just think that it's time for us to stop playing church and actually. Follow Jesus the way we're supposed to instead of, cause I'm gonna tell you our acting and playing church ain't, that's not a blessing to anybody. No, it's not. No, I think confronting the lies that we believe is part of it and doing it in community so that you are supported and surrounded. And, uh, I was doing the, a book study by book from Jenny Allen. And she said, there are three main lies. that almost all of us fight. one is that you're helpless the second is that you're worthless and the third is that you're unlovable and that almost all of us battle one of those main lies and she said of course we have to replace those lies with god's truth but you have to break up with the lie stop allowing it to dictate you yeah and so you name it and you say this is a lie i have believed and that is not what my father says that's good so i've been trying to do that more often and in a room this size with this many women would it not be freeing for all of us to sit around and go you know what i i don't believe that god really loves me you know how many of us would feel such a sense of freedom we don't say that to each other because we don't feel safe around some of the people that that we surround ourselves with it is time for us to yeah provide those safe communities where you can say i've read front to back the bible and and i struggle with doubt sometimes or i struggle with my worth sometimes instead of pretending like we have it all together you know and i don't feel safe and helping no one so my question to you tonight and something that i hope you'll take home with you and that you'll kind of pray through is what am i seeking what are the things that i am turning to other than god and asking god hey show me our prayer for you is that tonight he would just take a little highlighter and start highlighting those things and i'm going to pray for you and i'm going to pray for you that you turn to. Because that's where freedom lies. And if a room of women this size walks out those doors tonight free, it has the potential to change the world. I don't know about you. I'm tired of playing church. I just want to love Jesus and see people come to love Jesus. To know Him and make Him known. That is our prayer for you tonight. I hope you enjoyed our conversation on What Are You Seeking? Recorded from Girl Talk Live in April. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen. And leave us a review letting us know how God used this podcast in your life. That helps us get the podcast out to more people looking for the hope found in Jesus. And as always, you can email us at girltalkatthelightfm.org and we will see you around here next week as we gather around these microphones for another episode of the Girl Talk podcast.