258: Weight Gain Q&A + Menstrual Cups w/ Abby Lowe

At this very moment, the Restore Your Fertility Group Program is open for enrollment. We run this program a few times a year and it is our most successful coaching program. Yet, we take a small group of women and we give them individual coach, their recovery guide. They meet in group sessions every single week for 10 weeks and the goal is that you're recovered or pregnant. It's really successful because we're a go-go go in this program. We're just specifically for people who are 100% ready to receive guidance. You don't have to be ready completely to make all of the changes. It's our job to help you through that transition, but you have to want it and you have to be ready because we are doing it. You will get lifetime access to the H.A. Society and to your coach. You will get our entire Restore Program or the modules to help you fast track recovery. A customized recovery guide to you just like we do for our one-on-one clients. It's exactly the same thing. The only difference is that you are sharing your time in the groups, but that is actually better than one-on-one in many ways. If you are comfortable in a group setting, you can not only share your challenges and get support directly from other women going through this, not just from your coach, but you can also listen to what other people are going through and hearing the questions that they're asking and seeing their food logs and seeing their recovery charts and progress and learn more way faster. All four coaches help run and facilitate this program. You are assigned to one of them and you meet as a group. Recovery is aimed to have happened within 10 weeks and you have unlimited email access to your coach. Even after the program is done and we do have our one month check-in afterwards, but after the program is done, you still have access to that coach to help you. It's a really robust program. It's a very hybrid one-on-one in group coaching. It has excellent rates of success and I recommend you go and learn more about it. And see some of the stories that people are telling aside from all of the ones we have on this podcast, some of the stories on the website. So go to theHAsociety.com/restore-live, fill out an application, jump on a call with either Heidi or myself, and remember if you are hearing this ad, it is currently open for enrollment. This ad will disappear from the episodes when it's no longer open. So this enrollment is happening now and ends on Friday. Welcome to the Hypothelomic Amenaria Podcast. The show dedicated to helping women get their periods back and restore their health, naturally. I'm your host, Danny Shariff and sometimes the show is hosted by other members of our expert team here at theHAsociety. Such episode dives into real stories, science, and strategies for your period recovery, whether you're deep in theHA journey or just starting to piece it all together, we've got you. And if you're looking for more support and connection, I promise you there are many other women going through this too. Come join us inside of our private community at theHAsociety.com. Let's dive in. Um, no, yeah, you're right. I've also got my coffee and I was like, I'm going to have to explain why I have a sleepy voice and be why I'm being like kind of quiet because it's like a hot guy sleeping in my room. Yeah, so that's why I'm kind of speaking all softly. Can you tell I'm speaking softly? Because the audience can be like, why is she speaking like that? Yeah, it sounds like you're trying to be saucy. We'll leave it that way. Well, yeah, fair. Love it. Love it for me. How have you been? I'm okay. Um, like on the bright side, like, Luteal face and this period have just been like absolutely fantastic from really good life choices. I'm emotionally. I'm just like, Abby, you're always really fantastic, almost always. It's, I mean, like this one, like, I didn't even have any PMS symptoms. Well, yeah, I love that. I had one like that a couple of weeks ago where I was like 27 day cycle, ovulation day 14. Like, let's go. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Like day 29, I started and it was like, oh, I know, yeah. I was pretty public, like, with at least with the ladies in the age of society that I was on struggle street with my cycle from like February to April or something like that. I just like couldn't, you know, based on stress issues, couldn't get it sorted out. And then it just like hit the ground running. And I feel like the lesson there is stay calm, carry on, chip away, do your best and it will come. And it was, I mean, it's nice to be experienced enough, right, to be able to do that. It's easier said than done, but yeah, but then you can look at it and you can be like, okay, well, obviously this is affecting this and this is how I'm going to fix it. Like, you have the tools, yes, no exactly. And, you know, when things are tough, I know it's having this conversation with the client yesterday, actually, because sometimes you get, you have one way where you guys decide to not worry as much about recovery because life is below and up. One of my beautiful favorite clients is kind of going through exams. Client, actually, this is happening with a few of two clients going through exams, one about to have a wedding. Bless her for signing up, not long before her wedding, yes, right, what a champ. But yeah, it's like, listen, there's a strong chance you're not going to recover on the timeline of the girls who are not doing really important exams and have a big wedding coming up. So let's just go with it and I feel like a helpful tip for people with that has been right down. If you feel like you have a whole bunch of priorities, just get a pen and paper and list them in order of priority, you have to choose one number, what is number one priority? What is number two? So like right now it's exams because they're, they have a deadline, they're most pressing, they're really important. It is my priority and number two is recovery, maybe, and the number three is maybe like something else. It just, it might be like, maybe you're dating or whatever, or maybe you're married. And I think those times in relationships where you have to be like, hey, I love you. And right now I need to focus on this and this. So I'm sorry if I'm a little bit like distant or whatever, but I'm going to read your number three. I'm going to re-evaluate in a month or whatever and try and get you back up to slot number one. Yeah. And I feel like that's like the whole issue. I was just talking to my mom about this. You know, she has been on this quest to lose weight for, you know, since I was born. And it was, you know, she, she's always said that it's a priority, but like I was always the priority. And her job was always the priority. You know, she, she had so many things and then she was frustrated with why she never saw results for herself. And it's like, well, it was never a priority for you. Yeah. That's, yeah, that's a good, that's like a great point. That's a great point, but we can't, we can't explain these things to our mom, so not even. No, yeah. There's, yeah, there's well. Yeah. Not even going to get myself a little hawk. Hey, you, you were texting me the other day. About being interested in trying the cup. And was that yesterday is maybe yeah, you were like, hey, is that what we're hitting up today? No, we've got questions, go waking, we're going to wake game based questions for you. But I would, I mean, just love to insert that in because I'm trying to insert into as many episodes as possible because I want every lady who gets her pure head back to just like, go straight to the cup and burn diddle, diddle, dally. Really? Oh, that's such a hard time with like wanting to spend the money on it even. Oh my god. Look. Yeah. I'm going to send you one. Mate. Look at all my options. I've got more lying around house. Okay. Got this keep or sending them to you or you like got this cup bought them all. So actually we're prototyping a cup that we are designing and stop it. Yes. No. So we're doing all of our research, I have more cups. None of these are my favorite ones very far, my favorite ones in my bathroom. But yeah, we love the cup. So we are currently working on the best cup. That's pretty cool. That is pretty cool. I mean, like how do you get started with something like that? No doubt. Another avenue. Brough. Another avenue. I know. I know. So it's, you know, let's take a lot of work. And step one is like you have to find the right design and it's tricky. It is tricky. People have fears, right? Like what are your concerns about it? Like what are the things that freak you out about it? Oh my gosh. Well, first of all, like I was telling you, I'm just nervous about like leakage, you know, because I have a pool and you know, I know my husband like knows what goes on, but it's another thing to like see it go on. Like I don't want him to have to see anything ever, you know, like the box of tampons in the trash can is one thing. But like if I'm like in the shower or if I'm, you know, like walking from the shower to the sink, you know, and I haven't like, I don't know, I don't want any kind of like mysterious drippage to happen. I don't want any kind of like leaking into the pool to happen. And then you can take it out in the shower and to hurt. Do shower in the evening every day or only like in the morning, mostly in the evening. Yeah. So just take it out in the shower. It's just a silicone rubber. Um, that's like an option. And yes, so this is a part of why the design is so important. So I love that you bring this up because we've been testing different ones. And one of them that I don't recommend that is a popular brand, but I won't say, um, has a very small tab. I couldn't get it. And I didn't know if it's partly because my gosh, did you freak out like, I can't get it. Oh, no, I've had, I've had a baby. I'm getting, I'm getting anything out, but I, I wondered if because of that, mine actually can get a bit further up. And like, I think that mine can travel a bit further up as a result. Um, but it's not like you can easily get it. It's interesting. You can put your finger up there, right? Not find it. I don't know if have you ever had a tampon string that you lost that you had to try and get out? No, I've had that happen. And you can kind of bear down and push it out a little bit. So you can push it down to yourself. So you'll find that if it travels up a bit high, you can actually insert your finger and just push down and it will come down and then you can grab it. The problem is it's the tab. The tabs can sometimes be not long enough. Like this length is actually not really long enough to get up and get a good grip. And then it actually stretches and the, the, the lit, yes, the thing of the cup, sections to your cervix. So it's like, like, so that's an uncut, that's what we're all fearing. That's uncomfortable. Um, yeah. So you have to break the suction, which is simple enough to get your finger up, find the tab, go up a bit, squeeze, this will break the suction and then it will just come out. Um, so get nauseated, the importance is figuring out how to break the suction. But the suction is why you will not have any leakage. So does that? That's just not going to happen. If you're a heavy flow or you just buy a bigger size, but most of us, like my cervix were not well acquainted either, like, you know, I know when I was in the depths of recovery, like I tried to get to know my cervix and I was like, maybe not. So I don't know. Yeah. No, I definitely understand. You're like, what do you mean this big thing goes in? But like, I, like, if I'm honest with you, it's really, they're really pretty much the diameter of a penis. So don't be telling me a half fit that it can fit. Yeah, but like, there's a difference to being like oblivious to the moments of when that thing goes in, like, I'm enjoying so many other things right now. I'm not even thinking about the, actually, the massiveness shoving through, like, you know I'm publishing this episode. You know I'm publishing. Go ahead. I have. I have no shame. I mean, I like that your, your husband is going to be like, damn right, the massiveness. And I now, I mean, like, the legend, his name is now just the legend. But yeah, there's, there's a good, like, you know, the idea of a banana trying to squeeze through a fruit loop just, you know, it's a lot of fruit. So to get it in, you fold it like this. So really not much bigger than the size, probably like a super tampon. It's not like realistically, it is probably a little bit bigger than a super tampon, but it's not too much. The one that we are working on that I love has a really long tap that is not going to disappear up you. So I love that. And then once you have a long tap, you can really just grab the end to go blow it up. So I think that, I think that there is a learning curve for everyone with the cup, okay? Just like when you were first menstruating as a teenager and you were like, I got to do what, with a what on a tampon. And it was, I don't know about most of you guys, but I didn't have a smooth first. So I, I did, I mean, I was like, well, after I finally told my mom that like something was coming out of me and I thought I was dying, she moved me right to tampons, like we didn't do pads because mom and I talked about how pads felt like big diapers and they felt stinky and they didn't feel clean, like we, we, we hit all that. But I also had dance class that night. So like, she was like, it's pure die. Yeah, it's do or die, yeah, like, and she was like on the other side of the door, she like directing me like through the door. I was, is it okay? I was full on panicking through the door and I can't remember if it was my sister, all my mom, it was there, my separation was my sister who's attitude is just like just put it in. She was like, they're great. Trust me. Like, yeah. And I get it. And once it was in there, once it's in there, you're like, oh, yeah, I like, it's like there's nothing at all. It's fine. There's nothing at all. But, you know, side note, I had, so I was, I was on vacation last year and I was trying to open a bottle and of course, I didn't have an opener because, you know, I'm stupid. And I tried to open it with my hand, got this like huge cut across all my fingers and didn't want to go back into a store because you know, so anyway, I had a spare tampon and I, you know, was great for crying a lot of my hand. Speaking about my husband being mortified, he was like, what are you doing? No, but like, it was, I was a little bit nervous after I had taken it out and actually used it on my hands because it didn't feel right. Like the, the texture of whatever we're putting up in there, something isn't right. I don't know what tampons are made of. I don't know how their magic works, but I do know that it didn't feel right when I was using it to blot the blood on my hands and it, like I couldn't get this like weird feel out. Yeah. No, yeah. You're right. Like, so they're made of cotton, all the different brands do different things, but they're using ingredients to kind of keep that cotton condensed and made it easier, making them absorbent. I mean, the cotton is what makes it absorbent, but like, you're keeping it into this condensed cotton bullet thing. And so what the reason we got into the cup is because we actually first started trying to find actually mission, I tampons that were good ingredients, like good materials. We just couldn't have find one that was good, but also effective. So there was a lot of leakage, the organic type tampons we were having to change really, regularly. On the first day of our cycle, it was like they were almost ineffective completely because of how heavy everything was. So they're okay on the latter days that are lighter. So really we were trying all of these, these things, period underwear. We kind of went down the route and we're like, oh, wow, did you try this? I did. The period underwear. I have some just for sleeping. Because that's fine, right? They're just like a really thick hug, it's like your whole lower body is being hugged. But they're too chunky to just like wear under regular clothes, in my opinion. And I don't want to sleep with a tampon in or really sleep with a cup in. I want to sleep with the freedom. The other thing I found with the period underwear when I did the first time try to wear it out in the real world because I did test that is because you're bleeding, you're creating this moist environment, you're walking around, I actually ended up with like itching us and discomfort, like I was creating because it's so enclosed, it's trying to make sure nothing gets out. It wasn't breathing. So that was too much sweat, too much activity, too much walking around, was creating, yes, like it was like a smell, it was like an itch, I can't actually remember if I got like some kind of rash, but I just went, okay, yeah, this is actually inappropriate for walking around the day. But for sleep, you know, it was totally fine. You're not. It's just like wearing what I've had to fit. I guess you have to wash it in a load by itself. That's my thing. I'm like, it's got to come out, it's like it's got to come out sometime. Yeah, I only have black ones, so I don't really know what ends up looking like, but yeah, you would do, you would wash it on it, sorry, probably. So I mean, these are all, yeah, but being a woman's kind of pain in the ass, this is so I would say, look, with the carp, you put it in, it's like the crock pot for your vagina, you said it and forget it. Then the end of the day, one time, one time you take it out, you know, you might change it twice, depends like, because when I'm done for the day, I'm happy to freebly it around the house, not too worried about it, or I might put it back in one time, a little rinse out, and with the towel. Oh, that's another thing. The cleaning, the cleaning, and where do I keep it when it's not inside me, just makes me want to hurl, like, because I have been told that you boil it. Yes, you do. And then you just buy like a special, yeah, but then like, how much better is this silicone that I'm putting up inside me than the weird cotton, whatever. Oh, and that was another thing I wanted to ask you was like, what are the ingredients that we're avoiding on tampons? Do you know? So I actually haven't looked too much into this, right? So at this point, it actually was really the person who's like, I need a different solution, I'm going to go organic route. So I think she's, I should get her on, and we should really talk about that. But I've always known, I've always known they're not good, right? And we could probably ask Trash if you see right now, but I've always known, like, this is, you know, there's a, there's a reason everyone's panicking to get it out quickly before you get told, like, shock syndrome or whatever, like, you go freak out, which by the way, calm down. I've forgotten about tampons before. I haven't had, yeah, I haven't had an issue before. Um, yeah, it's not really a big deal, but I'm sure some people's PH of their vagina might be more sensitive and maybe can cause some issues, but, um, I mean, there's been other brands out there who, like, for tampons who also know that this is an issue and have tried to create more safe tampon brands, but they're just less effective. So I think that's important research for everyone to do. I kept myself in the, in the doc intentionally because I didn't have another option. Yeah, that's, that's how I feel. That's how I feel, because I, I don't currently, you might be able to turn it, but currently I don't feel like the cup is an option for me just because I don't, I don't know. I can send one to you in the mail. I can send one to you in the mail, um, but you, you don't have to buy a really fancy one to test. Buy a cheap one of Amazon, I bet you used to get a $10 one, which is going to be a pack of tampons for you for one month or maybe a couple, but yeah, and just like see how it goes. But yes, I've almost felt like I need, I need to get on the phone with all my friends when they're inserting it in and just talk them through it. But yes, so that's the panic right now. I am a, I am a fan of the cup. I do think you should give it a try. You're not going to like it the first time. You do need to probably commit, but we are working on making the perfect one that people like as quickly as possible. Okay. So I'll need emotional support, get out of chocolate chips, get my mom on the line later. Like I have to set up the, the counseling session. Got it. So once it's in, once it's in, it's in. And then you need to get back on the phone just to talk through getting it out. But once you've done it, once you've done it, it's good. And yes, so hopefully we can cut, we can figure out the combination of all of the features of all of the, like all of the best features of all of the different cups and combine them to make. One that inserts easy comes out easy and is effective. I have to find like a loose floorboard to, to store it in because heaven forbid that thing is living under the sink. And accidental flying eyes is like, what's this? You are so weird. How long have you been married again? It's not like 10 years. Six. No, six years, but we've been together. 12. You're so weird. The guy I'm dating. The guy I'm dating has to pee in my bathroom with a jar of tampons sitting on top of it. And I just like chuck a hand, I just chucked a handful, I mean, before I was using a cup, I just chucked a handful in his medicine cabinet. It was like, I need these here. And he like knows all the details about the cup that we're working on. And he's like all about it. And I just like, I just feel nothing. And my daughter also, she has watched me multiple times take out tampons and cups. And so every time she, she'll play with these, she is so cute, she'll play with these and she'll be like, I want to put one in for my blood, for my blood. You got normalize it, normalize it, normalize it, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, like, I don't know. Like, he never says anything when I, like, I don't know, tampons are a big thing, but like, we just got to the stage where I don't mind walking through the room with one in without pants on it. Like, that's the level we're at. We still close the door when we go to the bathroom. Yeah. You guys are so different to me, I'm very curious, like, I would love to know the people listening. I wish like you could, uh, there's probably a way. I can just pull them, yeah, but like, what are you guys doing? Do you, do you still, because somebody told me after five years that like farting and pooping in front of each other is normal and like, no, no, I can't, I can't poop in front of someone else, like anyone else. My body will just be like, no, absolutely not. It's not the time. No, he will do that in front of me. He did that in front of me on day one, I was like, are you okay? I'm full. I know. You know what? Like then just to call him out to you. This is ridiculous. So he started doing that. He was all like, blah, blah, shit in front of me. I'm like, okay, I mean, whatever. I guess I don't care, but it was definitely like, oh, like, like, like, like, like, now, okay. Like, like weeks later or months later or whatever, I was telling him some story about I'm probably like the birth of my child or whatever just comes up every now and then and just like, bro, like, like I had a second degree tattoo, like I tore my vagina and he was just like, not about it, which sure is kind of, but he was like, let's just, these are his words. His fucking words, his, let's, let's keep it hot, like go, I go, excuse me for one minute, but you know that you're pooping, burping and farting relentlessly in front of me. And he was just, he was just like, hmm, you right. You right, you right, you right, like, yeah, I, the double standards on some of these people, like I'm not going to, I'm into that, all right, the, I mean, we've wasted an hour on this. Sorry, I'm sorry, it's all my fault. Yeah, I mean, whatever I was drinking, the tea, it wasn't great that I was, I was epidural up, so don't worry about me, that's probably why I tore, you know, so there's also that. Okay. No, don't, don't even go there. I'm not, I'm not pregnant yet. So for the test or hit me with all that knowledge. Yeah, you're right. For all of those half an hour into this episode, being like, who are you even talking to? This, welcome, Abby Lowe back to the show. That's why you need your own show, but no, but yeah, yeah, you go by Lowe. So Abby has been on the show before, she's an H.A. coach herself, love it, great. She's the best, um, her world of expertise and her and I just like, we talked about it. We're like, this is really your world is, um, the whole weight gain changing body piece around recovery. So I wanted to have her on to answer some questions about that. And just, all right, to chat. So welcome. Thank you. Okay. So I have a bunch of questions saved up that we need to get through. Um, so I'm just going to go straight into it. This person actually asks multiple questions. So we're not going to answer them all because it's a lot. P.S. was like, one, can we do yoga? You mentioned you'll do a video, definitely, so definitely waiting for that. Thanks. Yeah. Can we do yoga? Do prenatal supplements help? Does gaining weight around the belly make us more prone to lifestyle diseases like type tube diabetes and others? Could you please comment on weight distribution post recovery? I have thyroid after listening to many materials, maybe H.A. has caused thyroid. So this means high by thyroid. We all have thyroid. Yep. So I need thyroid meds for breakfast, uf dam, only all I eat after two hours. Okay, first real quick, it's really tough. If you've already had your thyroid get to a point where now you have to be in thyroid meds and you can't eat breakfast for two hours, you're, that sucks. That's an unhelpful place to be in for recovery. That you're just gonna have to do your best, you're just gonna have to do your best in every other aspect to get your thyroid back up naturally and wean off that. But I think, I think a good question for us to just, oh, and then she said, is 1800 calories on the super non active day and 22 with some activity enough. I'm gonna say no to that question as well, no, it's not enough. But I think the question of, could you please comment on weight redistribution post recovery. I would love to know your experience on that and how you answer that question because it's such a common question. Oh, yeah. I think, oh, now I've got a problem in my throat. Sorry. Okay. But I definitely noticed like after, after going through HHA, it's really, really common to kind of store in the face and kind of stomach in hips and thighs. But then I noticed that as recovery went on, it started shifting more to like boobs and butt. You know what I mean? Like it took because I remember when I was going through HHA, like my boobs were kind of the last to go. Like those, like shifting into smaller, broad sizes was kind of the last to go. And I thought it would be the first thing to come back, but it wasn't. So I'd say like after a year, well, maybe not quite a year. But like the facial puffiness and stuff went down and it kind of, you know, started moving into normally where I had my weight before. But it definitely was like enslaved in the very beginning. So her question was, can you just talk about it? Right? Was that what she said? Yeah. She, the question, I already moved on to trying to find the next one here we go. The question was, sorry, could you please comment on weight redistribution post recovery? Yes. Yeah. Basically, please reassure me that it's normal going to happen and that it will go back and, yeah, like I can even say that, so, and I was telling me she'd this the other day. My brother gave me a watch for my birthday. And when I was going through H.A., it was like swinging on me. So I had my husband take out like three different links to it. And then when I got my period back, I went to wear my watch and it didn't fit. And I was just more to fight. And I'm like, oh my gosh, even my wrists are fat, I'm dying. But then I'd say, like, so I kept the watch on my counter and I would torture myself by looking at it daily. Like, oh, it doesn't fit because my wrists are fat. And I'd say like after six or seven months, I tried putting it back on again, and it gives no problem. So that was my small experience of like, okay, definitely, your weight redistributes after your body kind of settles down and stuff. Because everything, like you always say, there's a lot going on under the hood. And it just needs that time to rebuild and understand what to do with things functioning again. Everybody's a little bit different, too. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely my experience as well, weight redistribution happens. And eventually, you've got to let the body be in flux. Like it's just a year of being in flux. And I think it would be more helpful for people instead of being like, it's going to redistribute, it's going to redistribute, it's going to redistribute. Really dive into what does it look like to accept my body, whatever it's doing. Yes. Accept it right now, and I kind of used it as a thing of like, okay, I want to get my period back so that I want to get pregnant one day. And my body's going to change a hell of a lot when I get pregnant. How am I not going to hate every aspect of being pregnant? If I can't accept it, how it's recovering now. If this is natural now, how am I going to accept its natural state when I'm pregnant? That was a big moment for me of just talking myself through the fact that I had to move on from the fact that I had done this to myself. I had to get out of the shame spiral of hating myself in what I had done and move on to what is this mean for my future and how am I going to heal all of this for my future so that I create a better world for my husband, for my future child, for all of that, for me. And I think that that was the best thing I could have done. And so any girl that I talk to, that's usually my, one of my go to situations is walking them through what it would be like. Yeah. Because to hold on to my way it's going to redistribute, it's going to happen. I'm going to lose it again is to continue to hold on to control. And to continue to take yourself into different places. I'm just going to stay stuck in this mindset and I'm not going to actually change and I'm not going to grow from this experience. Yeah. And to not embrace the journey and to constantly be looking for something that's better than where you're currently at. Which isn't even, you know, a lot of people even twist that when they're, when they're losing weight, the unhealthy way in the beginning, you know, it's supposed to be about, you know, bettering yourself and ends, you know, constantly embracing where you are with having your eyes on like something that could be good of in the future, but not hating where you're at. Oh, sorry, the train is going by, hopefully you can't hear that. I cannot. Okay. I love it, I feel like very stop controlling it, stop making the end result be something important about weight loss and going back to where it came from buckle in because this is a journey. Yeah. This is a journey. All right. Well, I have another great question. So it's just right in, it's kind of a longer one that also has multiple questions in it. Okay. I'm going to see. We run this program a few times a year and it is our most successful coaching program yet. We take a small group of women and we give them individual coach, their recovery guide. It's really successful because we're go, go, go in this program. It's specifically for people who are 100% ready to receive guidance. You will get our entire Restore Program or the modules to help you fast track recovery, a customized recovery guide to you just like we do for our one-on-one clients. If you are comfortable in a group setting, you can not only share your challenges and get support directly from other women going through this, not just from your coach. But you can also listen to what other people are going through and hearing the questions that they're asking and seeing their food logs and seeing their recovery charts and progress and learn more way faster. So even after the program is done and we do have our one month check-in afterwards, but after the program is done, you still have access to that coach to help you. So go to thehasociety.com/restore-live, fill out an application, jump on a call with either Heidi or myself and remember if you are hearing this ad, it is currently open for enrollment. Can you have signs of ovulation, cramping and cervical mucous and elevated L.A. choosing paistics and not have a period? The answer is yes. I have not had a period since mid-January, but I'm getting all the signs of ovulation. I also get the feeling I'm going to get my period, feeling low, energy, nausea, bloke, good stuff. So I'm perplexed. I'm going to have a blood test for a progesterone this month, save them ovulating. You're not ovulating somebody who's really, yeah, somebody that's really borderline of. Yeah, really close, really close. Is it possible to ovulate without having a period? No, it is not. So then he shows, I am not skinny, I eat a really good diet, animal stuff, full fat dairy, fermented foods, healthy fats, I don't go to the gym, I just walk, I do housework, gardening. This is why you're so close, like this is why she's seeing all of those signs because she's doing all that stuff. Here we go. I'm just under 5'10" and I weigh 131 pounds. It's the heaviest I've been in years. To the extent, my family have commented that I'm like an Amazonian now. Huge thank you to all of the good stuff that you guys do. So that's the part where I was like, so I already answered all other questions. I want her to know she is very tall and very lean. And if this is the heaviest she's ever been. And so clearly there's issues there, you know, my family are commenting. Right. And I'm curious what you think about this, but when people say, my family are commenting, and that's all they need to say, you're like, your, is it in your mind when, once your family are commenting, once your family are concerned, this is a major problem. Yeah, because, okay, help me out. Like when you're saying that somebody is like in Amazon, like you're, when you say somebody is in Amazon or in Amazonian, as she says, that's tall, skinny, like I think of a tall drink of water, right? Am I right? Right. Well, Amazonian woman, like, so what she's saying is she's gone from catwalk model, skinny tall to like tall, but with actual meat on her bones, heavens for bit. Well, I mean, like, five, 10, that's, see, that is tall, but then that's, that's very, that's very lightweight for somebody that height, that's, I've never been close to 130. Yeah, I'm, I'm five four now and I weigh more than 130, so that's just, she's got how many inches on us, but I mean, yeah, if you're, if your family is saying something, I mean, you have to wonder, like, first of all, like, things like that are none of their business, really, unless they're, unless they're concerned for, because I'm not thinking that they're, people only comment on how much heavier you are getting if they are, like, projecting their own situation onto you. Like, a lot of times they, they're feeling insecure about their own thing. But usually people, and I had that, I fought against that when I was getting real thin and then, but nobody said anything when I was gaining weight. Do you know what I mean? Like, they, they were upset that I was getting thinner and they wanted to know what I was doing. And then if they heard what I was doing, they were trying to find a problem with what I was doing, but I didn't have that many people talk about, I had co-workers, but not family, that talked about me gaining weight. So I feel like her family is, is giving her a hard time about gaining a few pounds back. Or she's also potentially creating stories about the comments that people are making. Because she hasn't said, my family are saying this is bad. Her family are just saying, they're like, you look like an Amazonian now. Like, yeah, which, to me, doesn't sound like a bad thing to be an Amazonian. I had a girl that wrote me and she was upset because somebody had said, girl, you look like an Amazonian, and she was like, I don't want to be thick. And I was like, yeah, but who said that? It turned out like it is creating stories around it. Right. Or short. Right. Totally creating stories around it. You know, people might comment, but you're the only one deciding that it means something negative. Right. A lot of the time when these neutral, when these neutral comments are coming up, like, all you look great, you look thick, um, like, just like, yeah, more of, more of observations instead of more of, because what I dealt with was like, you're doing something wrong. Like, like, they were very, very upfront with their opinions, like, it wasn't just situational observations. So I guess there is a big difference. Well, I bet needs that need a lot more unpacking. She would need to, she would need to describe the whole situation for me to be able to see if like, she's creating, yeah, answering the questions to the best variability, but definitely when you guys are, um, blowing up about your weight changing or your questions, comments from others, just check the narrative that you're telling yourself that you're blowing up in your head. Because someone might just be saying, you, oh, you've gained weight, which is objectively true, so cool. Um, and you're the one, a lot of the time, unless you're like a Filipino and then for a short, people, yeah, for a short while, your mom's commenting on you. But for a lot of us, people are commenting and they don't care that much. And they're not creating all the stories about you. You're creating the stories about you. We are the ones that are upset about it because it's something that's the narrative that's going on all the time in our head that we're doing something wrong with our weight changing because we had worked so hard to not be anywhere close to somebody that is thick or that has meat on their bones. We didn't want that. And so when somebody observes that that's the way we are now, it, it becomes, it feels like an insult. Yeah. And I get it, you know, we're not sitting over here being like, it's not an insult, it's, you have no validated feelings like we live in a culture where weight gain is bad and weight loss is good. Right? Yeah. And I mean, I wasn't there. I didn't see the way her eyebrows twitched or the way, you know, her head swaggered when she said it. Like she might have needed to be slapped or he, but yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just tough, it's just tough. Okay. I have a question here from Linda, Lindy, Linda. She's for sure from the Netherlands, so she said, and it's pronounced in a way that we don't do, but really like Linda or something, she said, I have, I have a question for you. And I hope you can help me out. Oh, I'm 16, bless. She's 16 years old. She lost her period. She recently talked with her doctor about it and she came to the conclusion that she has to eat more calories, solid. I do agree. Thank you doctor. I, oh, this is a similar question. I do agree because I'm underweight, I'm 182 centimeters and I weigh 51 kilos. So let's go 182 centimeters is told, yeah, convert that for me. Oh, that's to beat, I'll convert it for you. Watch it also be. Very American. It's it's 510. It's 510. So same question. She's 16 and 510. Wow. Wow. Wow. And kill you. It's a pounds. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. And she's 112 pounds, especially small. So look, we've already answered this question just now for someone else. So we really, but the only thing is that I am, I am uncomfortable by the thought of eating until I'm full and I am scared about gaining weight. I'm scared to confess this to my parents because they'll make a whole big thing about it and I don't want that. I also eat a lot. I eat a lot. Six days a week. I'm cycling around 17 kilometers and riding horses about this five out of six times a week. And I have a weekend job. And I know from your videos, you have to reduce exercise, but I have a feeling I can't do that. I last. Okay. Oh, this is easy. To me, it's just my question is, what should I do if I want to recover? And how should I do without hating myself for recovering? But at 16 years old, at 16 years old, but honestly for anyone, so maybe not our parents, but maybe our significant other or our best friend or whatever, but at 16, you're afraid to tell your parents because they'll freak out, but I guarantee you, you feel like you can't make these changes because your parents are going to notice you make the changes. People are going to see you make the changes. So you're like, I need to do this secretly, but you need to tell your parents. But then somebody's going to make a comment and you're going to be upset about it too. You know, like, so it's actually better to definitely, I would tell, I'd buy the bullet and I would tell my parents, I would tell them what I was doing and I would tell them why. Like, I think I would, I would set up how I wanted them because you can't control how somebody responds, but you can tell them what you need from them, like, be very upfront. I do that with my husband a lot. Like, hey, I'm upset with this situation, but I don't want you to give me advice on it. I just want you to listen to it and tell me that I was okay with how I handled it. Like I kind of, I set up the conversation beforehand with what I need from them. Like, hey, mom and dad, I have learned that I need to, you know, eat more and do a little bit less for, for getting my period, but I really don't want you, I want your support. But I want to be able to do this on my own. Something like that. What do you think, Danny? Yes, and, and at 16, you do need the input of these people. Specifically, because they're also buying your food. Yeah. Right. I understand that some people have parents, you may not understand. And maybe like, that doesn't seem right, but at 182 centimeters and 112 pounds, 51 kilos, I actually do think you need to speak with your family. And I do think you need help and I, and like, you're not willing to reduce your exercise because you're afraid of weight gain, you're on the road to an ED. If you don't, at a, at a young age like that, at those numbers with that amount of activity and fear of stopping it, you need support from other people to help you and stay accountable. You should not be cycling 17 kilometers at any given time right now. That needs to stop. You need support for it. Yeah. She said 17 kilometers a day, right? Something like that. Yeah. It can't, that can't continue, that can't continue. And we can't give you tips on that. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's just not, like that's dipping into a very serious, like mental, that's how it starts. That's how it starts. Yeah. And thinking that people are going to judge you for it, thinking you can't trust other people to help you with this, that's how it starts. So you need to bring your family in on the ground level before things exasperate, things get worse and they didn't get to learn along with you. And now they're catching up and now they're all shocked and surprised. The whole point of being a teenager, the whole point of being a parent is this. I will be live it. If my child goes through something, especially before the age of 18, like if my child goes through something like this, and I don't even get the opportunity to support her through it, why am I even here? Because like, yeah, there's a lot of, so much, so much, I'll be so much more than giving you shelter. Right. But there's so much space for the fact that, you know, she, in that circumstance, it's really hard to do it, but you haven't put yourself in your parents' shoes at all for understanding that they probably know that there's a problem. You know, this is, this is a visible, like, you know, she's, she's gone on these 17 kilometer cycling trips, like she's, she's very small, she's very tall. I mean, there's, they probably know, and they might not know how to approach it. Or maybe they, maybe they already have, and that's why she's afraid of saying it. Maybe she's afraid of admitting that they were right. Maybe they've already had that kind of a conversation. Again, hard to know just by a few messages, but, yeah, I, I definitely think I would know. Yeah, I would, she, she really needs somebody, she, she needs, not only the support of the people behind her, but she needs somebody to talk her through why she's afraid of gaining the weight, because she wants to get her period back, but she's afraid of gaining the weight and going through the process, which we all are, but it, having somebody to talk to is key. If your fear is keeping you from going, it's, you know, that's, that's what, in my opinion, that's the most important part of counseling is having somebody who is not connected to your family. So talk you through something logistic. Yeah. Yeah. No, you, everyone needs it. Everyone's trying to do this on their own, and at any age, it's just not, it's not easy. I had to, and I enlisted everyone that I possibly could, you know, I was not like that. I, I was very angry that I had gotten it wrong, because everybody was asking for my advice, and I gave it to them freely, confidently, and then to have to go back and say like, ooh, I got myself, I followed my own rules so much that I screwed myself over, I didn't want to enlist everybody else's help. I didn't want anybody else to know what I was going through. Yeah. So I, I can, I kind of relate. I had fought my parents a lot on how I looked and stuff, but I also had, you know, come from a family that was overweight, and so I didn't trust anything that they said when they said that I looked too small, you know, I was like, well, that's just because you're used to seeing everybody in our family be large. And so I, I didn't want anybody else to know or help me with my journey in that way. Hmm. Do you regret that a little bit, or did it work for you? It was lonely, it was really lonely, and, you know, I was taking it out on like my poor husband, he was the only one and only because he was living with me, you know, he was the only person that I could talk to. And so I really, really, really wish I had gotten a coach, I really wish I had gotten a professional that I could talk to that had been where I had been and could tell me where my tunnel was going to end and things like that. And, you know, and it would have been better to be able to confidently talk with my family about like, hey, I did it wrong, but this is what I'm doing next to fix it. Hey, don't do this because I did this, like I still wanted to speak from a place of confidence for my own pride, right? Yeah. My own issues, right? Yeah. But I still wanted to be able to speak to a place of confidence or from a place of confidence. So I think a coach would have been the best route for me because I came from a place where nobody knew how to be moderate, nobody knew how to do a little bit. And, you know, I just thought that they were going to approach me with recovery with the same way that they tried to approach dieting. And yeah, yeah. Wow. Constantly. I think it's so interesting how we all have different, like, um, how we think our families are going to react and respond, like everyone's family dynamic is just so different. Mine was completely opposite where I was like, I'm going to tell my family and they're going to like, not care at all. And that's going to bother me. And at some point, I still told my family because I tell them everything no matter what. And at this, the low and behavior is like, I'll tell them I did this big thing. And they'll be like, hmm, cool. Like, there's definitely an inner child always trying to seek their, um, approval and excitement for anything that I'm doing or anything that I've discovered, including their, um, their sympathy, their empathy, their care, like, whatever, I always want it from them. And it was like a year or two later when I went through the whole thing that my mom, like, randomly, like, told me that she's sorry that she didn't respond, like, she didn't care and she didn't really realize, like what I was doing and what I was going through. Even though I told her, you know what I mean, she's like, I really just thought like whatever. I know you did, like, you know, so I, I have trouble getting a lot of support and response from my parents. Yeah. I can get it more from my siblings, depending on your family. I get an over response. I have, you know, like, my family is, is always like, you're doing what? I'll drive 12 hours to come and help you do that. Like they, they would, they would, yeah, yeah, like, and, and I was, I was afraid of asking for their advice on things because this wasn't something that I thought that they knew anything about, which is kind of rude of me because they've lived twice as long as me. Right. Right. Right. Like, they might have known something, but I just, you know, my, my mom, that they would, when I initially told her, you know, she was like, mm, my friend Judith had her period go away for six months, but she's still had a baby, you know, and I was like, okay, like, she, you know, they're not oblivious, you know, and a lot of people say, like, oh, yeah, my, my mom said that that had happened to her, right? And like, it's happening everywhere. It's like miscarriage. Like, people just not be sharing, yeah, I think we need to, yeah, I mean, this is just an interesting full experiment, like how people listening, like, how do you think your mom would respond? Your parents, your family, and how is it different other, you know, and what you're hearing. You know, yeah, and then really, really putting themselves in the shoes, like, now that you have your own child, like, I don't have my own child yet, but in, like, you saying, like, absolutely not, don't you dare not allow me the opportunity to help, you know, like, it's so what I'm doing is like a random side parenting thing. I have no idea if this is good or not, but it's going to be important to me to just have open dialogue from the beginning. And I think at the end of the day, like, it's totally possible that the nature of her personality is, like, very adult, you know, like, and, and quiet and doesn't want to overshare or whatever, but I'm going to do everything I can to create one of those relationships where she tells me everything, because I don't overreact and because, like, you know, it's helpful. You come out, thanks, from a logical angle. Yeah. And so what I'm trying to do, I mean, she's only three. But we go to a coffee shop and we get, like, a hot chocolate and a croissant, and we just, like, sit there and I ask her, like, about school, and, you know, she has like, you know, like, or nonsense school answers, but we're doing it now, and we're going to keep doing it. So every week, we're going to have that date. And over time, she's going to be nine, she's going to be 12, she's going to be 14. And it's like, we're going to talk about everything at that moment. There's a designated moment. It's not official, but she knows it's coming. If she ever needs to talk about something, there's this, like, designated time that she knows she has my attention for it, instead of having to, like, work up the gumption to, like, come out to the kitchen and ask me, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, I mean, that's just a random side tangent, but. So if you have more kids one day, would you have, like, a, like, a one-on-one with each one, you think? Totally. And especially if they're, like, different genders, I think if I had two girls, I might try to create that dynamic between the three of us. But again, they could hate each other for the first, like, 12 years old. There's not that, you know, you can't, you, you can have the best intentions as a parent. And I'll figure it out as I go, because they could be wildly different people, or they could be so similar that it makes sense to bring them all in, think if I had boys and do a different, I'd have a separate, totally separate thing with them. But also, if I have more children, they would have a different father, because I'm divorced. So. Right. The whole thing would be, like, a totally different routine, like, they would probably be with me all the time, where she would have, be with me 50% of time, just, it's like a built-in dynamic there. Yeah, there's, and I think it's, you know, like, the control of our health isn't the only place where we control, and it's when we try to control how our family responds and how our future kids are going to be like, we have to be mindful of all of the places that that manifests, and the stress that it takes on us. And to, you know, to do kind of what you're doing and let a lot of it roll and accept that you're going to learn a lot of it on the way, you know, that's life, you can't, you can't glass all of it, like that. Absolutely not. Is this okay? Do you have time to do one more? Yeah. Let's close it out with Seattle's question, Seattle. I'm about a week into my all-in-recovery, and I keep finding myself overthinking everything and feeling anxious when it comes to food, and you explain why I'm overthinking so much. I keep feeling the need to watch YouTube videos about recovery, and remember the information said, and it just stresses me out. I also have been losing a lot of hair and recovery. Why is that? Yeah. So you're, I mean, do you want to go first, or do you want me to go first? You can take all the good answers if you go first. That's up on a silver platter. I mean, like, you know, if she says that she is all-in in the first week. So it's, I mean, you know, she hasn't recovered her period, so the fact that she's still losing hair is still, you know, from, you know, the whole hormone lack in the first place. It's not recovering your hormones that's causing you to lose hair. This is, this is from your months of not having a period for years, right? And it may or may not, you know, we don't get all the symptoms all at once. Like, it comes through time. So I would say, don't worry about the hair loss because as you recover your period, that will go away. And then obsessing over recovery information. Very normal because you were obsessed with not like, like, you were obsessed in a different way before. You were obsessed with, you know, you're, you're, maybe it was your exercise, you're, you're eating or whatever before. And so now you're in this state of obsession where you're like, okay, I must have gotten it wrong. And this is new information for me. And like, I see that with kids, like, when I, when I do tutoring or when I teach with kids, you know, when they, there's, there's an almost an excitement. When you get new information and you realize that, you know, it's opening a different door. You know, it almost makes me think of like, when I, when I installed my pool, there was this dream of like, what is my life going to be like now that I could swim in the morning and in the evening? What would I be like as a swimmer? What would change about my life? And you know, she's going through this rewriting of her in script. She's, she's rewriting who she is as a person and, okay, well, what do I want to be like? And she's trying to set up what she wants her life to be like. And it's just going to take some time to figure out what you want. And there's actually kind of an enjoyment in that. And hopefully a freedom of I could make cookies tomorrow. I could eat one of those cookies and I could be okay about it. Or I could make something from a recipe every day. Oh my gosh, I could do like the Julia child in my recovery, like the Julia child of challenge where you go through her cookbook and you make something from her cookbook every day. All of a sudden, that's now a possibility for me because I'm not worried about only eating tuna and Brussels sprouts. You know, like I think that that's a very natural and even an exciting part of remaking yourself in recovery. And the obsession of trying to remember it all is just, you know, that it's new information. So it's going to take a while for you to get used to the idea that there's a different way of doing something. I think I hit all of it because it was a good answer. Let me feel like, yeah, and I think you're just, you're under consuming content because it's new and you'll get over it. Yeah. I was like, we used to talk about that all the time in the early H.A. society days. I haven't talked about that as much lately, like you just, just binge it till you're over it. Like it's like you got to just go through it. Like try to restrict yourself from the content, just like keep going. And then the moment you realize no one's saying anything new because that's going to happen. Like sure, check in, listen to us once a week or whatever, you know, when we release our podcast, checking, keep stay focused, right? Be a part of the community. So you still feel like I'm not alone in there. I'm connected with these people, you know where you're going, yes, but like you'll then go watch documentaries or whatever you're into, like it's fine, you know, but the early weeks, like I think a lot of people worry that they're over consuming content, like, oh my gosh, I'm stressing myself out on it, probably true, you know, but you will, like this is a huge dump of new information. This is a, this feels like a life changing piece of information. It might be. So you just have to go through it, like that's something that I've just been learning. It's like, things are uncomfortable, you know, you will feel a lot of feelings about a lot of things in your life that will happen. And you'll be like, you know, that was cringe, or I feel a lot of guilt. I feel a lot of shame. I feel overly excited, blah, blah, you have to let them do their thing. You have to let it roll. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I had, I went through a similar thing. Yeah, absolutely. Like when I went through, because I, I caught myself through the intuitive eating process and everything. And it kind of reminds me of like the obsessions that you go through with food, like the things that you restricted for so long, you kind of have to like let yourself have them and have them in abundance. Like my big thing was marshmallows for a time. Like I had to have like five bags of marshmallows in the house and not that I ever say that binge-eating marshmallows is a good idea, but I had to show myself that it was there. And then all of a sudden I was over it and I was like, oh, maybe I'll have one today. Maybe I'll eat that bag or something from that bag next week. Like you just have to let yourself run through it because like the forbidden, the more you hold yourself back from it, the more it becomes an obsession. Yeah. Yeah. Ah. Good stuff. I feel like we hit on everything there. Yeah. So I love it. This has been a great chat. It's been a long time since I did like an hour long episode. Oh, sorry. I mean, no, it's not a problem. It's good. I mean, I don't know. We used to do hour longs all the time, they kind of bumped down to like 45, 30, sometimes 20, curious about from you guys, like what you like to do. Do you love like a longer episode to just like immerse in or, I mean, we did waffle long in the beginning. Oh, yeah. So is that. But or, you know, are you like enough short, sweet, succinct DM me? Like feedback is good. I don't get enough feedback from you guys about the types of episodes and things. That you like. So yeah, please let me know that will be helpful. And thank you, Abby, for coming on. Where can people go connect with you more? Yeah. I have a website for punctuation services, because my motto is lose the question mark, find your period and we do all things weight, all things fertility. And I also am on Instagram at punctuation services as well. I just changed it all to be the same thing because it's so much easier. But, but yeah, oh, and I also have a YouTube, a growing YouTube, a very small but growing YouTube because I'm just figuring that out. I love it. Yeah. Good. Check it out, guys. Thank you so much for having us for having us in your ears. Yeah. And we'll talk to you guys next week. Thank you, Abby. You have a great day. Thank you, too. Bye. Yeah. Thanks for listening. If that episode has you feeling pumped up and motivated, then you're ready to go deeper. Come and join us inside of the H.A. society community. When you join, you'll get an included one-on-one breakthrough call to map out your next steps with a member of our team, resources on body image and mindset, meal ideas and deep dives into the science of H.A. and the best part. Our live community calls held multiple times a week with our coaching team and members just like you and PS. When you get your period back, head on over to my other show, "Stop Being Perfect" with Danny Sharf. This is for women who have already recovered to talk all things life after H.A. training, exercise, parenting and even just getting after life now that you're free. This show is only for women who are through recovery. So stay focused and I'll see you there when all is said and done.