Wear Your Virtue, Broadcast Your Bouquet with Trixie and Katya

[MUSIC] >> Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome to the pod, the incomparable 12 Dancing Toes of Miss Penises, friend, Big Ass. [LAUGH] >> Hi, Big Ass. [LAUGH] >> Yep. [MUSIC] >> Hi, Big Ass. >> Miss Big Ass. >> Mm-hm, it's Big Ass. >> Sorry. >> I feel like it's a talk show and I want to be like, I want to be like, so they come and they sit down and they're like, it's so funny. I was on a plane and the guy next to me was watching the movie that I'm in. I hate that story and they always tell that story. >> They do. >> They always are like, I was like, do you get recognized a lot from the office? >> Well, I was on the flight recently and the guy next to me was watching it and I was like, my God, he's going to freak out and then they don't notice. The kicker and the story is the person never recognizes them. >> Yeah, because they're living in their own worlds, you piece of shit. >> But you piece of shit. >> I just don't want a traffic story but you, my God, do you ever remember that Nathan for you episode where he's like, I want to have the perfect late night story. But he didn't want to lie, so he manufactured like some kind of, I forget the story was about like getting pulled over in a big suit with like someone's ashes. >> Yes. That was a great story. >> That was a great story. >> And he liked baked all of it. >> It was a great story. >> He found someone who would give them his mom's ashes. >> My God. >> Do you think I meant to lay all that? >> It was the suit. >> It was the suit, right? >> It was the suit. >> It was a mix up with the suit and then it was like a cocaine drug thing. But it was ashes. >> Oh, they thought it was drugs but it was coke, yes, yes, yes, yes, that is what happened. >> Girl, I have a lot to say. >> If you really acted like that, I don't know how long I would last. >> I wouldn't last, girl, it's been really, it's all corrupt, girl. >> Yeah, hey, hey, hey, we just moved back in, we just moved back in. And thank you all so much for your really encouraging comments on the previous placeholder set. It's always so lovely. >> Thank you, guys. >> It's always so lovely. >> And sorry, and you're welcome. >> No, no, no. >> It'll do better. >> It's always so encouraging. We're sorry about having to move sets. I'm sorry Maria Bamford was here. >> Yeah. >> I'm sorry you almost died. >> Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry that I'm sorry we have such big asses that we could do something about. >> Yeah, we could, we could. That's only because we walk into rooms, we hit the walls in between the door jams and it's hard to get in between. >> But that's not my ass, it's my hemorrhide. >> No, that's your, that's the, the ashes. >> What do you think about me blasting out a new hemorrhide on the day that Madonna's Nakaterium dropped? >> Nakaterium, Nakaterium. >> Like, cremateria. >> Cremateria. >> Cremateria. >> Cremateria. >> Capitorium. >> Capitorium. >> Capitorium. Girl, this album is wonderful. >> Oh, you know what? I, yeah. I mean, I'm not like saying like, can you believe? >> Everyone is a work of art. >> It's everyone is a work of art. >> Yeah, yeah. >> And then in the first track on the record, she talks about going out dancing and she says, 50 numbers. >> Oh. >> But I think it's like there's a spiritual nourishing safety and being around real people. >> Sure. >> Dancing. >> Yeah, rather than those robots from Walmart. >> Yeah, it's just great. It's great. >> Yeah. >> Tina is probably somewhere. >> Jorking. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Jorking her painting. >> Yeah, the painting- the painting-ness is so- is hardly- >> The painting-ness don't make a microphone. >> Right now. >> Yeah, she's probably got hardly any skin left on it. Where's my red ball? >> Oh! >> No, she came in and she got a- >> Baby need- >> They gave her a sugar free ripple. >> Baby need juicy. >> Oh, God forbid, you get excited to talk to me. I am. I just want to- I want to be able to- >> I feel like they haven't let us film in so long. >> Who hasn't let us film? >> Them. >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. >> I have a- >> Like a notes app. >> Yeah. >> Open up the notes app system. >> Yeah. >> For things I need to talk to you about. >> I have so many things to do with you. >> Because it's been months. >> I know it's been- >> To me. >> Yeah, no, for real. It's been so long. It's been so long. I've got a laundry list of things that I cross- Oh, thank you so much. >> Yeah. >> That's a reference with a medical doctor this morning. >> Oh, sure. >> I get- >> I'm active listening. >> I did in that- >> Oh, sure. >> Sure. >> Sure. You big ass. >> You poop. >> You poop. >> You know when any book says in the movie like that. She's like- >> She's like- >> I'm not stupid. And she was incredulous about the- Like you can't just- You can't just pull my leg. >> Right. >> Like that. >> He didn't get out of the cock-a-duty car. >> Right. >> I have that same type of reaction, same tone quality of it. Every time I see the thing- I know I've talked to you about this before, but I- Oh. Oh, you're engaged again. I can't do this anymore. No one ever shows up. No one's married you. That's your right hand. >> Holy cool. >> Girl. >> It's nobody in my queue. >> No, it's one of those maneuvering things. Do you like this ring? The maneuvering? >> I do. >> What is it called? >> Or a ring. It's called a ring. >> It's called a ring. >> Or a ring. >> It tracks my hormones. >> Or a ring. >> You know how my progesterone was all out of whack the other day from a scissoring? >> No, it was because six months on T. >> And your pH is on. >> My pH is on. What about people who willfully smell bad? >> Wow. >> Honk. >> These? >> I get it. I get it. >> I should be allowed to arrest people. >> Thank you. >> At a gay bar, someone happens to be, the citizens are arrest. >> The citizens are arrest. >> Bring it back. >> Yeah. >> I feel like, I know that, I know that a cab and I live and die by that. But, but I'm not a cop. I'm a citizen. So, so I want to do it with ice. I want to do, we reform the police all of that. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> But it's important that we put together another task for us to go down to East Hollywood and hold these F.A.G.s down and close them off. >> I was going to say, how about instead of pepper spray or maced, it's deodorant. It's ax body spray. Citizens are arrest. Put your hands up. >> What's up? >> The F.A.G.s where they leave. And the next day, you can smell the B.O. And you're like, girl, it was yesterday. >> I know. It's diabolical. I don't think smelling bad is ever called for. >> No. >> It's uncalled for. >> And you know who's floating that? Big T-Tree. >> Big T-Tree. >> Big T-Tree. >> It's telling you. >> Yeah, big T-Tree. >> And big non-aluminum. >> Yeah, big non-aluminum. >> I either. >> They want you to go into the Redwood Forest. They chip off a small piece, a very small piece of bark from the bottom. And then they want to rub it on your hairy armpits. And then somehow believe and trust and fully get into the delusion. That you don't smell like the cat's ass. >> It's too much. It's also very like, oh, who's that earthy? I'm going to go tap a maple tree so I can douche. >> But they're not doing that though. I would appreciate it if the effort was there. But they're not doing that. They're just not showering. And they're not using generate. And they smell like hammered shit. >> But I think it's a calling card. I think it's a sex call. I think it's like, do you like smells? It's telling other people you like smells by presenting your own. >> Yeah, that is definitely a thing. And I have been in the middle of that once. And I appreciated the, it was a very open dialogue. >> But also it's like, are we kinkshaming now? >> No, no, no, no, no. I'm not talking about these people. >> Because I'm sex positive. >> So maybe I should be smelling them and being like, it smells really good. >> No, no, no, no, no, no. >> I love shit. >> I love shit. >> I love shit. >> Mmm. >> They rise, they rise and be withing that can chilly smell. >> No, no, no, no. It's those, a couple of guys I hooked up with, they were into that. And they said they were into that. The warning was there, the writing was on the wall. There's no excuse. And I said, let me try it. And it was just not for me. But that, but I appreciated them. And they were, they were lovely guys. >> Right. >> But that's something that they don't voice or hoist or thrust upon other people without the consent. Such as other people who show up in your personal space, who smell like the cats ask. >> Right. >> And they know they smell bad. And they don't care or they're antagonizing you willingly. >> Yeah. >> I feel like it's really right. >> Yeah. >> That's all. >> By the way, shout out to the peaceler. >> Yeah. >> The people in the peaceler have called the people who don't do Patreon non-Pleeverse. You are so fucking foolish. >> That is foolish. >> Foolish. >> And we won't be talking about the peaceler here. >> No, no, no, no, because it's a slur. I saw it on the news. >> You did. >> You did. >> Yeah. >> You came to LA? >> Oh yeah, or BBC. >> That we got a peaceler. >> Oh my god, it was, yeah. Christian, I'm a poor, was life from the trenches. >> She was, I ran, killed me. >> That's right, Mr. Garnel's been missing for three months. >> Everybody's looking for a girl. >> Girl. >> Girl. >> Tell me, girl. >> Don't even get me started. >> I had this DJ gig at the rose a couple weeks ago. Okay. And I want to say, I love the rose belt. I love Bonnie McKee who invited me. I am my own artist and nobody else's political opinions are mine. Right? Okay. So don't be at that camera too. >> But I have a big mouth and I hate injustice. >> Yeah. >> So it was like all these F.A.G.s, I'm DJing. It was a little hot, but not too bad. I'm sweating, whatever. >> It was a dry heat. It's the humidity. It's not hot, but it's humid. >> It went through for 30 minutes. >> Oh, yeah. You know the roads of the slipperyest, the first 30 minutes of rain, right? So I'm DJing and I'm so, you know, Mr. Wonderful watches 16 hours and news a day. So I'm plugged in. I'm too plugged in. >> Yeah. >> You're turned in, tucked in, turned on. >> And so I'm DJing and I'm feeling my music. I think I was literally playing the realness. I was like, really? Is what you feel? And I'm feeling my shit. I turned the music down. I'm just going, silence. Where's Mitch McConnell bringing the music back? And then fans are going like this. They're like, yeah, I'm like melting the words. I'm like, where is he? And then there's gay people in the audience going like dead. Like it was. And I feel bad because I don't want anybody to die. I want bad things to happen to people. But I have a reason. really hard time. I do. I really hard time believing that believing with these soul-sucking goals who wouldn't know an ounce of public service if it came in and it in it bopped them where the ladybugs are. Hello, girl. Hello, if someone double-fisted that nasty hole just burst through that field of ladybugs and just got him real good, that whore is in hell and I say good riddance. I know. I mean, of course, hell's not real. And he unleashed hell while he was on earth. That's the real. That's the, that's the people, hurting people, hurting people, hurting people, hurting people. And also active harm. Again, it's, it's the, it's the iron, the horrible irony of it, not a public servant. No. Why? Why be in politics if you, because it's fierce healthcare, it's job security. It shouldn't be. I'm sorry, even the president should make minimum wage. You all can fight me. I just feel like if we can't trust people to not do it for the money, then we're not going to get good candidates, kickbacks, corruption, you know, oh, that crap. That's all corrupt, girl. No, no, it really is. No, it is. And these horrible ladybug-ridden, uh, uh, uh, uh, F.A.G.'s in private, in secret, Cloak and Dagger. Hello. What does Cloak and Dagger mean? I like that. I like that. It's the TV show. Um, Cloak and Dagger. Dagger. Do you know what I did after that pool gig? I did a gaggle. I went backstage and they had brought back food in drag in a corset. I ate a hot dog. Do you know how fiercely I've been going off on hot dogs? I, yeah, you mentioned that the other day. A smart dog is 60 calories. And the keto bun is 60 calories. I had 120 calorie hot dog before I came here. It's like I'm losing weight. Do you understand? You know, you laugh now, bitch. You laugh now. It's like they're paying me to eat it. You know, these points, they just, I just, I don't know where. Yeah. I mean, does the keto bun taste like a kitchen sponge? Absolutely. It does the, does the, does the, does it taste good? Yes. Oh, good. The hot dog is made almost entirely with like, I'm like, uh, like textured vegetable protein and vegetable starches. That sounds delicious. It's good. The ketchup is the highest calorie on it. Can you believe? No, I'm not. I'm living a lot. You're Abbie normal. Oh my God. You know what? It's a clip. I have to watch every time it shows up on TikTok. That clip from that show girls with Andrew Reynolds. Yeah. She's like that fruity little voice. I have to watch it every time. No, that's such a great scene. It's such a great scene. She goes, she goes, um, well, you know what? The next time I have sex with someone, I'm going to ask if they're gay and he goes, good luck with that. Don't be surprised if they ask you if you keep dressing like that. So fierce. And then she adds his father's gay. Yes, fierce. No, she adds her father's gay. Oh, her father's gay. That's right. Yeah. She goes, he's not gay. He has a, he has a, he has a stud in his ear. He got it on the trip with his male friends, so fierce, so fierce, so fierce. Oh, you still want to have sex with girls? Is that still on the horizon? You said it the other day. Yes. So let me pinch a picture. I was at the Melrose flea market. Yeah. Melrose flea market. $6 get in. And I was, um, yeah, they charge to get. Oh, baby. Yeah, it's a sick. I mean, I charge to get in there with it. It's outside. I think it's for the high school. No, no, I don't. I was like, if I, I was, I was driving around in that area, I'm so early. We'll talk about that later. But I was driving around and I was like, Oh, and then I go in. I was like, Oh my gosh. If it's $30, I'm going to lose my mind. Right. I'm going to lose my mind. Right. Because it's the, the, um, Rose Bulls about you get, if you get it, I don't know. It's like $30 or $20. It's $20 or $30. I feel that it's totally worth it. It's a fucking huge event, huge event. I've been, yeah, it's a crazy. They have a lot of vintage Barbie there. They got a lot of everything there. Yeah. I mean, they have a whole other side, but just clothes for nature for, I mean, yeah. Anyways, the, the Melrose one is like, a lot of stuff, juices. And then, um, walking around, I got rolled, I got this woman absolutely rolled me. She took me up and rolled me like a sushi and a carpet. And I, for again, a silver chain sterling silver. She, she got both her, she took me up and put me on the slab, put her like elbow, like, opera length latex gloves on and just started to start. Just started fisting me. She started going in there. She's like, I'm going to get it. Why don't you want the necklace? So bad. He was just beautiful. Okay. I want to was it. Um, it was, I'm afraid to say I'm ashamed for sterling silver. Isn't that like kind of affordable? Yeah. But that's what I thought. And that's what I had previously, because I sold silver at the shop and I got up there and she told you the price and you weren't, you got stuck because it's hard to say like, that's more than I thought by what she did with one of them. And I was like, I was like, Jesus Christ. I said that. And then, yeah, it was, it was $300. It was a great sterling silver. Well, isn't that like affordable, isn't it? Stainless steel is affordable. Sterling silver is up there. Oh, it is not as quite as expensive as gold. Okay. Oh, okay. So I don't know. Gold is very expensive. The same thing in gold could have cost 400. Now, but with jewelry, it's all a scam. Jury's all a scam. Jury's all a scam. They weigh it. So this is how she calculated the way she weighed it. And then I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so long story short, I was eating my stuff and I was having a time of my life. This is a light dress. You were at the snackatorium. I was the only one without a little umbrella in the in the snacketerium. Everyone has a work of art. I mean, I'm stuffing the food into my face because you don't have that big new fat body that I love. I'm stuck in the food in my face and I just can't get it in fast enough and trying to like not choke. And then I this woman came up to me and she's like, she was so hot, so hot. This woman was so gorgeous. She looked like a model and she came up and she's like, oh, my boyfriend says that you're famous. And I said, then I wait as I like, and I wiped all those stuff from my face. I said, yes, I'm Julia Roberts. And then we had a nice laugh. And then I looked at her boyfriend. I was like, I wanted to fuck them both so bad. Okay, sure. And I fumbled the ball. So this is what I would have said to her. I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm like, no, that's so nice. Yeah, I have to do this. But whatever blah blah. But it's like, oh, I, you know, I don't want me to be like, I don't want to be a sleaze bag. But you are, you guys are the hottest couple I've seen in a while. And I was like, I have a wonderful day. What if you said it like less? You guys are such an attractive couple. Yeah, there you go. That's it. There you go. But as you're such an attractive couple, I don't want to be a, I don't want to be gross. But I'm glad you didn't say anything because knowing you, you might have said like, I want to look at it, you guys. And I was thinking, I want to lick your pussy and close off. No, I want to have you both on the bed, back on the bed, belly is up. And I want to eat your pussy. I've never seen an ice cream sandwich. I want to eat your pussy. It's like it's taking the same time. Go back and for it. Would you be open to me sucking his comma out of your pussy? See? Now we're now we're getting. And she goes, oh my god, is that sterling silver? How much you pay for that? Was it over there? Oh my god. We just got wrong. If you know what I would have said, honey, if your boyfriend knows who I am, I check his browser history. Okay, because he's joking, because he's joking. So that's so say it again, girls say it again, because that was exactly the, the train of thought that I was, I was hiking with my little trip. What do you call those the sticks? Hiking sticks. Right. I was like, that's my, I was like, interesting. Then I looked him up and down like a restaurant menu. And I said, there's someone bisexual about that man. Absolutely. Very bisexual. Yeah. I bisexual. They mean something. I'll be sexual. But I wanted to, I wanted to go. And then I know they, I know that, I know that bisexual racers are thing. But I like that joke of, buy me something. I'll get sexual. I know that that's so down. It's stupid. Yeah. But, but see what I wanted them bisexual people. No, no, and I love listening because they get a race talking to bisexual camera one camera eight camera, we see you. Yeah. And we fucked a lot of you. And I want to fuck. I want to be, I'm, I'm very jealous, like a rat. Oh, they for a food. They're advanced species, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. Bans, actuals, I think are the advanced species. Well, yeah, because, but that's just a state of mind. Yeah. Um, as in like men, they think they don't do the men and women thing. Oh my god. I was, uh, wait, wait, wait. So, um, I, I did it a little, I had a meditation this morning about my new fat body. And I'm, I'm being hyperbolic, but let me just say I'm just gonna, let me, let me, this is the biggest you've ever been. It's true. This is your life. This is my life. Thank you. Let me let your experience. Don't try to, don't try to negate my experience. And don't try to tell somebody else how they can talk about their own body. That is that's exactly what I don't like that either. No, I don't like, so I did, I did like a little thing about it. And it was, um, there was a, uh, there's some mental, there's some serious mental friction between, uh, adjusting to this new, because I'm carrying a lot more mass than I usually do. Like, I'm talking about, if I want to fold myself in half, we're on a journey. It's not going to happen right away. Oh my god. No, I'm thinking like, you've never actually gained any weight. What the fuck was that? No, I'm picture. Yeah. Actually, I was diabolical flexibility. Oh yeah. In combination with like, you're bending around mass now. So imagine these big tiddyed women in the yoga class or jogging. Well, not really. Sometimes they don't jog. By the way, I was on a high class night. I saw this woman coming up the trail with no bra. This woman, she was like, no shirt. She was actually running for her life. She had big, huge, penniless breasts that we had no support. I was like, "You better work." You know what? Every time they bounced on her underboobs, she had tattoos that keep looking. I saw this really country thing online. This girl had these big beautiful boobs and she had rhinestone, an arc shape under each boob. Almost like where the wire ever brought will go. And it was rhinestone. I thought it was so hot. Yeah, that's a, love it, it has a dress like that. It has an underwear that's jeweled. - Yeah, it was beautiful, it's so cute. - Yeah, beautiful. - I just was like, "What a fun way to wear stones." First spring, are you kidding? - Do you know what I mean? - No, I'm kidding. - God, you always ask, wait. - How? - You always ask me, you always thinking about me. - So I, my new fat body, and I have this so 100, so 5,982, this is unprecedented. The largest I've ever been, the largest I've ever recorded myself hitting the skill was 181. So this is undiscovered country. It's a very exciting time for me. - Right. - It's a very exciting time for me. - Do you're close, fat? 'Cause that gets less exciting when you start having to buy new clothes. - But what a fortuitous time. - Time. - What a fortuitous time. So all, you know, the only tragedy is, well, not the only tragedy. I sold all the drag in the drag sale. The drag is gone. It's all gone. The shoes I kept, the really expensive shoes didn't sell. I thank God, 'cause I love them. It didn't really actually want to sell them. So, sold the Lubitons that are like, did not wear, was never intending on wearing their so uncomfortable. - Oh yeah, how did the drag sale go? - Did we talk about that? - No. - You had the drag sale? - Oh, it was great. I had the time of my life. I loved playing shop girl. I know you were so, you were very worried that there was going to be turned into absolute Bedlam and Chaos, but it didn't. - Why didn't go? - Yeah, that's why. - Are you kidding? - I said, if you showed up, it would be really turned. - Gridlock. - Gridlock. - It would have been like, - It would have been the fire festival. - It would have been that. - The people would have got one square bread with a flat piece of American cheese, that's not cooked. - Well, I would have had to call my friend Taylor and had her shut down most of the city. - Take her private jet and just fly into the city. - And shut down most of the city. - Yeah, but it was great. Made a lot of money and I got to, - But did you get to connect with the people in a meaningful way? 'Cause that's more important than the money. - No, that year seemed being funny, but I'm being serious, yes it was. I was playing shop girl. - I was slashing prices all day long. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was really upset with Amy Donan in a way because with sugar pill, Trinkle, because she was pricing everything so low and she's right, she's her store friends, right by mine. I'm like, you can't bring down my real estate. - And her shit's cute. - Well taken care of. - It's great. - It was all looked like an actual store. If you didn't look at the edges, it was like the actual store. And I got everything, I mean, it's just, - It smells. - It's not been washed. - Probably, right? - Some of the, no, nothing smell bad. So then I had, just put up everything, I was like, I'm gonna triple the price. Whatever you think you're gonna sell it for, triple it or double it and put it up. 'Cause then you can do 50% off. And that's exactly what I did. So it's that everything's 50% off. We were like, yeah, but then they look at the prices and they're like, well, it's still too high. So this psychology of it. - But so for example, for some of them was $800, you better believe they're walking away with it for $150. - Wow. - And guess what, we get to have a lovely interaction. I put the TV up on the highest volume we would go. And we would just, Jim, I was screaming. - You had the TV on? - Well, music. - Music on the TV. - Right, he was there. Screamin', sweat. - Piggy blinders on the TV. - Watching TV. - Look at me. - And I was just, I did a step ladder so I could really do my floor show. That flat roll's hanging out. - Oh my God. - Have you seen that episode of Portlandia with Audrey Plaza? - Aubrey Plaza. - Aubrey Plaza, sorry. Aubrey Plaza and she's trying to buy that book and he's like, I can't reach it. And she's like, you're literally touching it. He's like, we can't reach it this time. So fucking fun. - That is the best. Who's that kind of energy? But they're just starting a pod. Fred Armason and Carrie are having a rewatch a pod of Portlandia. Oh my God, I did Kyle McLaughlin's pod. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me. - You should go on his because he was in that Twin Peaks you like. - Yeah, no shit. Yes, yes, he was in that Twin Peaks. - And I think he was in something else you like too. - He's in a lot of things that I like. - Yeah, and I was telling him. - He was trailing Sixth of the city with his butt. - Yes, he was a showgirl. - He said very, yeah, yeah. - I didn't ask about showgirls. - It's okay, I just feel like, if you're gonna ask anybody about showgirls that's Elizabeth Berkeley, I don't think you can. - No, you can. No, no, she's traveling around the world with it. It's been a whole journey and she's doing okay. I did a lot of research on it recently because I was worried about her. - Yeah. - And I, no, it was, it took a while 'cause she didn't get any help. - You caught me at a very showgirls time in my life. (laughing) - Two years dropped by her talent agency. Oh yeah. - I love her. - I do too. - To the beauty, it's awesome. - So wait, drugs in my well, fat body was good. I'm having, I'm dealing with the distance of it 'cause if I bend over, I feel it there. And also, it's a big addition to what I'm usually accustomed to, which is wild movement. - Right, what's your plan for drag? Are you gonna be able to work, of course it? - I tried on the course at Yesteray with Fena. - Can you fit the, I'm not being funny. - No, we took the courses, of course it's, because I can't wear all of them. - Fena was like, thank God you took this center in. So she took it out? - We can't. No, the center's, the center's no bueno. But the center, we're past the point of a center because where's it gonna go? - Right. - It's gonna spill over the top and on the bottom. So we're shifting the shape of the garment and we're exploring other options in terms of waist. - Do you like, do you like a line? - Where we're getting into empire, is it umpire? - It's not umpire, right? - It's vampire waist. - Vampire waist. - Vampire Chinese? - It's vampire Chinese. - What is it? - It's empire waist, right? - It's umpire. - It's umpire waist. - It's umpire. We're getting into umpire waist. - Have you ever seen, you know Bible Girl? - Yes. - Have you ever seen this, have you ever seen this? - You where have we met? - I don't know. I probably told you this fucking story. - That's true. - But there's this clip of RuPaul saying, Bible Girl, tell it, tell it. - You've said that, you've told me the story like, okay see this from time to time. - Lately, I've been saying that a little to my house. - And that Bible Girl, tell it. - But she, she fingers in that together, right? - I have no idea. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, she, I'm in the kitchen cooking my 50, my 50-keller hot dogs. I go, Bible Girl, tell it. Mr. Wonderful goes, what? - 'Cause you say you're like vampire Chinese. - Vampire Girl, tell it. I'll tell you later. - Vampire Chinese. - So this is important. RuPaul answered the proud questionnaire for Vanity Fair. And I have been wanting to talk to you about this for weeks. Proust? Oh, okay, what is Proust? - Proust, yeah. - Oh, okay. I would like to play the interviewer and perhaps you would like to play RuPaul, okay? - I was born for this. - I'm gonna send it to your Instagram so you can open this because I love any RuPaul interview because I just might, my love for RuPaul. Crystalizes and christenz itself and grows every day. - This, this, I love RuPaul. And when she wakes up and doesn't feel like doing an interview and does it anyway clearly, I'm very into the answers. She talked to Miss Proust and they said, yeah. Which living person do you most despise? - All of them. - Love. Love. Pride Month is over, bitch. It's over. Where would you like to live? In the moment. (laughing) She is such a troll. - Troll. - Troll. - In the moment. Not this one though. In the moment, anywhere but here. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would you think it would be? By the way, this question's confusing. Like, she's not a person now. - No, no, no, no. - I know what it is. - I know, okay, yeah. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be? - That's ridiculous. - And RuPaul hates Wimsey. - She hates Joe's ridiculous. - She's like, she storms out. - That's ridiculous. - She swams the computer shut. She shoots them in a neck. - What is your greatest regret chasing affection? - I mean, that's probably real. - Yeah, I know that. I feel like that was so far. That's, to me, that's one of the more real answers. - Yeah. And I guess I like these impossibly succinct answers. A quick read. - Yes. - You know, who's your favorite hero of fiction? - Jesus Christ. (laughing) - That's a country answer. - But I think that's weird because it means you like Jesus. - Well, who wouldn't like Jesus? I love Jesus, the historical fiction character. Jesus is cunt. - Okay. - Jesus is Lord. You don't like Jesus? - I like Lord. - I like Lord. - The reality of him being real or not is irrelevant. But irrelevant. - Lord could do Jesus, but Jesus could never do Lord. - I love Achilles. I love Odysseus. - Okay, okay. - I love the Bible. - Okay, you love the Bible. - I love the Bible. - I love the Bible. - I love Fran. - Bible girl, tell it. - Okay, what are your heroes in real life? - I don't have any heroes anymore. - Oh my God, this is so. This is like the, I love it. I love it. - Heroin. - It's incredible. - That's stupid. You should kill yourself. - 'Cause I love a room. I remember when RuPaul was interviewed by Judge Judy for Interview Magazine, I read that. I love when RuPaul does these real, like, I press. Yes, that does track. - It's just fierce girls. - It's fierce. It's all corrupt girls. - It's all corrupt girls. - I have to tell you, I went to, I was, Leland was driving me around and we went, where do we go? We went somewhere and Leland drove and I got in the car. And Leland has this beautiful, I don't want to put him on blast. Portray. Okay. Stunning Porsche. Oh, wow. And I don't know anything about cars. But I know that that's fancy. Yeah. And I only noticed it was a nice car because I got in and the interior was so fancy. I was like, wow. This is such a beautiful car. And then I looked at the name brand, Porsche Rich. Do you know what kind of Porsche it was? It had four wheels. But it was, it wasn't one of the Porsche SUVs, right? Was it? Yes. Oh, it was. It was like a cayenne. I think it's midsize, at least. Yeah, like a cayenne pepper. Uh-huh. It was not a car. It was a SUV. Yes. Porsche makes the SUVs now. Yes. So we're driving and I go, oh, thank you so much. And he, oh, I was going to the gay bar. Oh. To do drinking. Yes. And doing a lot of drinking. Designated driver. Oh, we went out to gay night. Oh. Yes. We hung out. We're, you didn't get drunk. Very drunk. No, I'm just kidding. You, I remember I drove us downtown to gay night. To gay club. We went to Maurice. We went to Maurice. We went to Maurice. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Wonderful keeps calling it Morris. Morris. Well, who is he? Who is Morris? Who is? Who is Morris? Yeah. Um, we did our little video. We did a TikTok. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. Beautiful car. And I'm like, are you sure Leland? You could drop me and my lovely boyfriend. I have the gay bar. Ack bar. Did you drinking? I said, thank you so much. I get, you know, the curb is kind of high. Did you fall? No, bitch. I opened that car door. I was like, I'm not going to be a car. I'm not going to be a car. Let me pass. Yeah, yeah, like go. I know. Well, because that's so that I mean correct me if I'm wrong. This is the only Reason they would do that Like so this is the only reason you'd want to get on the airplane first literally the only reason because everybody knows as soon as you get on the airplane It sucks. You're stuck sucks and the time until you take off is the worst part sucks That's why if you know if you ever have when you do have the the great pleasure in privilege of flying in a in a Better seat in a more spacious seat You wait to the very last fucking second to get on the airplane right you wait to the I don't I don't want to fucking margarita at fucking six a.m I think they should board back to front I think that they should do why are you out this you do out to in window middle eye window back to front board all the windows right now back to front You know what I've been really into but but do you think that people were able do you really think That people would be able to comprehend that no of course not not for one fucking second like sir You're in the front aisle, but I want to go now right What am I supposed to believe woke Pete Buttigieg when it comes to transportation? He's gay. He doesn't even know how to drive woke Thank you. Whoa the woke left has destroyed everything flapper parties Needles in the neck. I'm gonna destroy flapper and in category zones on on on airplane Flopper party is gonna quickly become a murder mystery party if I'm involved you know what when we do we boarding boarding zone five is a flapper party And boarding zone six needles if you want to line up at the front of the gate you have to be dressed as a flapper In a t-shirt and then and if the airplane loses your luggage you get to put a needle in their neck 100% and then if they have to check your bag you you do a tap dance a thoroughly modern millie tap dance. Yes, of course. Oh my god I didn't know I had a way so long to get on the airplane. It's like lowest from feeling like they're that that's how they all talk about it. Yeah, yeah, they really do I got another thing Here's another thing. So I watch this movie. They will kill you. It's one of the worst movies ever seen. What's it about so derivative? It's so derivative. Imagine Imagine so Patricia Arquette's in it doing some crazy Irish accent. Heather Grammar's in it Tom Felton We did I didn't know the name of it, but I watched it. Yeah, I mean did it was it not the most derivative movie ever? It's like oh, this reminds you of what duh I love hide and seek the blood hideers. Oh, yeah, that looks great. Like kill bill blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was kill bill. It was Ready or not. You're right. It was kill bill and ready or not. Did you watch red or not too? I did and that's where the genesis of my fucking rant came from Oh, okay, so they're in the chairs. So so Catherine Newton and Samara Samara weaving us us us. I'm Samara your Catherine. I'm Catherine So, oh god, they're just amazing. Samara weaving is just she's so great. She's so beautiful. Also like Loved this continuing story. Yeah, I picked it up right where it came picked it up Elijah Wood. I'm amazing. It's so good. Sarah Michelle Gellar I'll be the only thing is spoiler spoiler spoiler. I did not like the way that she Yeah, okay, so it was very disturbing if disturbing but I was like she deserves better. It helped me hate the bad guys. Yes, totally But so anyways, we get to the so there so they are bound and gagged and tied to chairs right tied to chairs And they're getting the rules of the game are getting explained, but they have to be sedated in order to be placed in the maze or the the Mansion so that the game can begin. What happens? People coming in the frame with giant green needles and they go plop and then they go I know this is a movie about satanic demons that don't exist. Do you think that we as a viewer need to see like a nurse roll in it like IV prep an IV like Hager Sunday and like that's what you want. No, no, no, okay. No, why does everything else? Why are they walking on the floor? Why can't they crawl on the walls? Oh, you think it makes all reality. Yes, it's it's just there's magic. Yes, no, no, there's not, but there's there's satanic but the humans have no magic. The ghost, the human monster or whatever, but that's one ghost and everybody else is human. That's there's a very clear exploding bitch. But they're not doing any magic. That's very important in this in this in this world building. They are they are like a devil cult. It's like it's a satanic cult. They are benefactors of a supernatural power that they don't understand very well. Sure, but it's true. No, you're right. No, they are really human and they are they are like what would happen if a supernatural power granted power any like a the most destructive power to these human beings. They would be easily corruptible and that's exactly what happens. But so they're so two orderly come shablam. chloroform on the mouth because when you inhale and inhale it, your bloodstream absorbs from the lungs in a matter of seconds. It's like smoking something. You just go. Nobody's doing a need on the neck. You might as well have an acne anvil come down and knock them out and have Tweety Bird like I hate it so much. I think it's the stupidest lasiest shittiest immature uninelegant and unsophisticated screenwriting. It's so easily fixable. That's the problem. It's so easily fixed. We're just hit someone on the head. No, no, chloroform. Well, so that doesn't happen. So that doesn't happen either. But that people get knocked out. Okay, so they do get knocked out. But they don't get completely unconscious and then you can drag them wherever you want and they stay knocked out. Yeah. Also, nobody gets punched in the face and then gets knocked out. Yeah, unless they're in a but you're right. They don't like stay asleep. No, and they're in there. Like if you're in a boxing match, maybe, and that's a boxer. Oh my god, this is on my list. I don't know why take talk things. I need to be watching power slap that sport. Do you know about the sport? No. Okay, bitch. It's like there's a drum table. We're both standing. We're both standing at like a standing drum table. What's a drum table? Like a cocktail table. Okay, almost like if you were going to do arm wrestling. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. And they stay at one person puts their hands down and the other one winds up. Does like a few false starts and the cameras fixed on them. Wines up, slaps them across the face. So hard that tears, blood. They often get knocked out cold. And the sport is them slapping each other until one of them passes out. And Mike, Mike, I'm just going to show you for context so we can keep watch, keep talking about it, because I know you guys, I just. Huge funeral. What if I was like, let me just, what if I was like, let me just wait. Oh, it was at the tiktok is average hungover activities. Huge funeral. That's very true. Huge funeral. Okay, that she's on Dracula. Huge funeral is on Dracula. You know, look, this is real. And look, she's like, love it. And they just look at girl, they be, they be facelipping. And it's not just it's women in men. I mean, they fuck each other up girl. Girl. I mean, they fuck each other up. So, okay, so that one, that one, that one. That's a sport. So that they, that's the world cup. So that's the diva cup. So that last lap was so thick and juicy. Um, and I was great. So my question is, because I take talk is like, I guess, hey, let's be honest. I got high and watched like 40 of them. Okay. So now tech talk is like, so this is your favorite sport. Yeah. We will be serving this team on top. I really want it. I did. Okay. So imagine this, though. You know, so you have it. You have a hero in a movie. Um, or you have the main character. You know, they have a thing called plot armor. Right. So it's like, it's, so another, and again, in this radio, not too. There's a whole, I love this movie. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it too. But when, when the little boy who somehow found two giant, um, automatic pistols that shoot like Uzi's and she is 10 feet away in the same room. and he shoots like this, like get ahead of the target. You fucking idiot. Get ahead of the target. Okay. No, but I mean, but I'm just saying, like, I know that we're so used to this bullshit in action movies. We're so used to it. Yeah. But if you're really trying to kill somebody in the same room and you have two automatic rifles. It's over. It's done. Yeah. They are not surviving. You're, you, and they have no weapons. So my, my, I know this is so crazy for me, so just don't write that. Right. Don't. Well, you and I could be, you and I will do a radio and not movie where people are trying to kill. Um, it'd be kind of porn though. Right. Ready or not. Ready or not. And I'm kind of, I'm kind of Sarah Michelle Geller, too. I play multiple roles. Oh my God, speaking of it, but cats are nothing. I'm almost finished. I, I almost, I almost done. I'm almost finishing Buffy the vampire slayer, uh, watching with Mr. Wonderful. He's never seen it. And, uh, is SMG. Verivading in that. Can I tell you what she does every day on the show. She shows up. She clocks in. She puts her. She puts her, her sapping wet pussy on the counter and says, weigh it. I want to know how many kilos it is because it's heavy, because it's so incredible. She's so amazing. Put it on the counter. Put, bring it to the, the, the, the deli and put it in that scale and say, Oh, wow. Nine pounds six. I don't think I get a fourth. Wow. Yeah. Well, geez. Could I have a half? Do you have a group on because the level of pussy that is delivered is so dense. You know what it gives her pussy is like those tiktoks with the girls open their sourdough and it's too dense and they're like, oh, that's how dense her pussy is. And I mean that in the most like like they're like the other way. The mother dense. But acting the hair. She's just in the hair in the pussy. She's incredible in this show. You know, I yeah, like examples baby. And I'm watching it and every time I watch it, now that I've worked in television, I work. I guess I kind of work. I just auditioned for something. Ready not three. If they ever ask you to put a needle in somebody's neck, say don't do it. I'm telling you, don't you have a moral obligation. You have moral obligation to your sister. I probably won't get it in my in my experience. When I do get a TV show, it gets shut down. I swear to God, this happens so many times. So they're like, we literally they can't take you. They can't take you. Well, it's supposed to be PG for the advertisers are going to be happy that you showed up with their sourdough pussy and your nipples were jutting through your gown. Right. So anyway, just watching it. I'm like, wow, Buffy was 42 minutes. It's like an hour of TV, yeah, producing that on a weekly basis almost all night shoots. They're a pair of slayers. Oh, God. Monster makeup, martial arts. Yeah, she does. She's a brown belt type one dough and then she has this stunt double, obviously, but has to learn all the lines. The fight choreography. There's crying. There's and I'm watching the performance being like, damn, Buffy's really funny and has to cry eyes out the same episode. And then her mom does. And then there's a cold open that's hilarious. Yeah. An actress who can actually do all of that. I'm just like, wow, she I think she's great. She's great. I love her in the golf cart with that big gun. She was fabulous, fabulous. I watched that movie on a plane and I do this thing with if I'm on a plane with a friend and we're watching a movie, we're watching it together. And I like to keep the movie and I take your screen and my screen and I go one, two, three. So that we're watching it at the same time because what I can't do is be watching the same movie a minute ahead or behind you. Then I'm like, it's a great idea. And do it to the person next to you to pick their movie dream if you don't know them. You're watching ready or not Bob. Bob. We're watching ready. All right, listen, I'm more to talk to you about, but I just have to save for another day because so much has been happening to me. So much has been going on. Can I leave with one good story? One short one. Okay, get into this Nicole buyer, fourth of July party. And I had DJ that event that I told you by our wireless screaming, where is Mitch McCoy? Yeah, right. So in the middle of my song, turning off the music, where is he? I'm the fourth of July. Although, you don't have to get the end of my set fighter jets flow over some kind of like air show thing. And I turned the music off and went, that's my ride. It was really conty, really conty. I'm so weird. You know, my dream is for us. A fucking ladder to drop down. And I want to die. I want to fall. And you're like, no, you hang off my hem right? Oh, well, that I was. Cliff Hanger for the next one. No more hanging from one arm. I don't care what universe talking about whether it's a Marvel cinematic universe or the regular Olivia Wilde universe or whatever the fuck. Nobody's hanging from one of them catching someone. Oh, baby, that's the ultimate. I'd rather have a needle in all necks. That's what we're not doing is we're not okay. So somebody just needle me in the neck. Then I'm going to I'm going to slide off a slimy cliff. But don't worry. I'm going to grab a branch as I fall, grab a branch. And don't worry. The person who's still not after me. I'm going to hold on with the other hand. I like when they grab each other and it's a wrist grab. Yes. Okay. Sure. I'm a trap. I just like with a net at a circus. This is nobody can do this. Not one person. Look to your left. Look to your right. Nobody can do this. I don't care if they're a Lexi name. I have sexy Alexi from the 96. Gabi Douglas could do it. No, she couldn't. Yeah, she could. The funnily thing is that the female gymnast can't do it. Not even the male gymnast at the high bar can do that. Nobody can. You might as well give them powers to turn everybody into like tulips and daffodils. Okay. Okay. That's all I got to say about that. So go ahead. So Nicole. Nicole Byron. I such good friends love her. And the other day we had a nice long phone conversation. I was like, you know what? I really missed a call. And you know, I had that pool party where she came and said damn bitch. Two to four. Jump in the water. Get wet and go home, huh? Because I last people leave my house at a reasonable time. I love that though. I don't care. No, I think it's great. Boundaries. So I showed up. Her party was and I had to DJ at five. So I was like either I go and drag right before I go to my party, which is psycho to show up to someone's party and drag drop off a host, give and leave. Thanks. No pictures. I'm doing the rounds. Yeah. Crazy. I got two rounds. Happy for show up in your nurses outfit. I show up with my megaphone. Where's Mitch McConnell? Um, so I'm just here for the search party. Yeah. All right. Are you guys doing nipple piercing? They have like some kind of piercing pogoda. Some kind of party. I show up and drag get your nipples pierced and leave. No, I show up and drag and I bring a card table and I do face painting for people and I charge so much money. Nicole. It's another one. It's going to be another 350. It's the shittiest job. Yeah. Shitty is right. Nicole. Would you say I nailed it? She hates it. Um, so I show up and I go rather than going in, drag it like 430. That's rude. I'm going to show up and I gave her a heads up said, just so you know, I have a party. So I have to come right when your party starts and she said, okay, I walk in at one. No one is there. You're in. She hasn't even done her hair yet. She's still doing her hair and makeup. No, I'm not drag. I show up there with Brandon. Oh, but Nicole is such a good fucking host that she has hired food people bartenders, a grill master expert. I don't know what the word is if you're a griller, a griller, grow master. Okay. Yeah. Veggie hot dogs, veggie burgers with on and everything on the table. The food has been untouched. So I'm just so you're the first at the first at the buffet. The only spot to be at the buffet. I'm touching everything. Everything's in the salad. It's on. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And they bring me and the food is so good. A veggie burger and veggie hot dog off the grill. It's incredible. It's the only way to eat my life. It's the only way to eat it. Change my life. So then it's at one and then at one 25, I leave. You really know what you really knew what time it was. I'm really knew what to do. And last and I brought a bottle of tequila for as a host gift. And I'm also like indignantly mad when I'm places and other people don't bring host gifts. I'm sorry. You know, it brings me that. No, I agree. But what is an inappropriate gift and what's a great gift? Give me a couple of options. Three options. Wine bottle of tequila. It's summer bottle of tequila. Yep. It's beer beer a dessert. Yeah. A small plant. Oh, I'm going to ding you on that one. Okay, ding you on that one. I don't want a plant. I'm not coming over to you. We can't eat the plant. Okay. When the beer runs out, we're going to eat the plant. I kind of forgot where the story goes. So you went to the DJ gig. Yeah. But I guess the whole story is that I was there for 25 minutes. I think that's amazing. That's it. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Last thing. If I remember what the rest story finished was, can I put it in a voice note? Okay. Okay. I know this is where you just got to let me say it. Can you please let me say it? I just need you screenwriters to stop flopping so hard. You're flopping so fucking hard in Hollywood. And I don't know, like, oh my god, do you see the new horror movie? It's directed by a 12 year old. Great. Okay, girl, like I don't, like there's so much hysteria about a mediocre movie that gets made that's not a part of the Marvel universe. So people go nuts for it. I love it. That's great. But you have to stop flopping. All of you screenwriters, I know you're fucking using AI. I know you are. I can smell it on your clothes when you get a moment. You get in the bed with me and I say, where you been? I know you've been rolling around with AI in the writers room. You need to stop it. You are fucking flopping. And it's a disrespect to Florence pew and Timothy Chalamet and Charlie's Theron and Merrill Streep and all these people are so talented. They don't, you don't deserve them and you should never be able to write for them. You're horrors. Okay, goodbye.