We Were Trapped! | Your Mom's House Ep. 843

[MUSIC] Oh, I'm sorry, which camera, oh, that's me. Is that me? Hi. Hi, welcome to your mom's house. I was just reading my favorite book, "Situal, sexual situational awareness, and safe family travel strategies." Through the magic, the magic of technology, I am here with my co-host, Tim Segura. He is coming from LA, everybody. Tim. Thank you. We miss you. What are you doing? Just chilling dog, you know, just wanted a little Pacific air, you know what I mean? Pacific air. Among the West Coast, West Coast, with a packed host, and I decided to just come out here, get a little fresh air. That's what I'm doing. So we're in prep. We are in prep on season two of bad thoughts. It is so crazy, so crazy how much goes into it. Because I mean, I know I did it last year, too, but I think there's this thing where there was so much mystery, you know, of like, what do you do? That you're kind of, the days fly by differently, and this year, we're doing it in LA, and now it's just like, you just see all the tasks that have to be done, and you're like, holy shit, it's just so much, you know, from like, costume meetings, art department meetings, special effects meetings, casting sessions, you know, writer sessions, like on and on and on, and it's just a lot of work, and we're, we start production in a few days. So we start shooting this season. Jesus. And it's going to be, it's a lot. But I mean, that being said, I am very excited to do it. Very excited. Well, it's your favorite thing in the whole world, I think. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so goddamn fun. I can't believe they let us do it. It's one of those things, you know? Like, every time we hand in scripts, we kind of are like, all right, let's see what they say. And then we have these meetings where they're like, loved it. It's amazing. Really? That's like, yeah, it's great. Cool. Yeah, they they've been so supportive. I mean, they've given us notes, but not the kind of notes that you think it's never really about this is two. There's one, I guess I'll talk about it more when it comes out where somebody in our staff was like, this is a, like, I think it's a crime to even say this. Like, this is a really horrible thing to say. I think we should, like, you can get persecuted. Yeah, they're like, this is, I'll, I'll be able to explain it more, but they're like, you can't say this, you can't do this. And I was like, that's the fun of the show though. The show is say the worst thing and do the worst thing. So we should lean into it. And they were like, okay. And then we talked to the network and they were like, yeah, great. It's awesome. They're like, it's great. So it's fun. It's fun. It is lonely out here. We love you. Yeah, I mean, I miss, you know, miss you guys, miss the fam, miss, miss all of it. But thankfully, it's so much work that you kind of just get distracted by that, you know? Yeah, we know, we know. And the kids and I miss you so much. And I'm coming home. Thank God for how long? How long can you stay? A couple days. Well, just so you know what you're getting into, I started showing the boys the Terminator movies. And the first one they lost their minds, especially that part. Terminator. Oh my God. Because first of all, Julian now is officially seven years old. And he's like, I don't want to watch any PG bullshit. I don't want any. He's like, you treat me like I'm a fucking kid. He gave me pajamas with dogs and rackets on him. He's like a fucking baby. I'm like, okay. Oh yeah, he's also made it so that I have to throw out all the clothes that have baby things on them like that. And he only wear suits. Like last night, your mom and Jane came over for dinner and he put on a velvet suit to just sit in our house and eat dinner. That's where he's at. Yeah. So they love the Terminator. The first one they loved it when Schwarzenegger was digging his robot eye out like where it's beady red for the first time you see it. And they were like, oh shit. Oh my God. Now we're at T2. Julian laughs maniacally when Arnold kills people. Like it's not meant to be funny, but your son is like so humorous. No. It's not supposed to be. And then he loves when he's in the first movie when Schwarzenegger says, fuck you asshole. He really liked that. You've been saying that around the house a lot. Well, he said it on the phone yesterday to me. So I was kind of like, huh. That's the interesting way to greet your dad. He goes, fuck you asshole. I was like, we're watching the Terminator. I was like, oh, okay. And I like how they're to me. They're like, how do you do the accents so well? I'm like 50, dude. And listening to Schwarzenegger talk my whole life is the best. Yeah, we all have. Yeah. He has one of those accents where I remember the like being young and hearing impressionists do it and you're like, whoa. Yeah. And the older you get, everybody can do it. Everybody. Like every adult can do his accent. I would be back. And those lines are so iconic. The kids even know them. I guess they have them in their video games or something. People are still using. Oh, that's a totally iconic line. And then if you watch that Arnold documentary, you learn that that he misspoke when he said that real. So the script, yeah, the script said something else. The script said like, I will be back or you know, some version of that. So he said, I'll be back and then cut and he's like, oh, sorry to James Cameron. Like I misspoke. And James Cameron said, no, say it, say it like that again. Say I'll be back again. And Arnold was like, no, no, I can do it. I'll do it as it was in the script. And James Cameron goes, how about you worry about muscles and I'll worry about what to say? I hope you get like that on your set of bad thoughts with your actors. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, scripted as I'll come back. It's amazing. I'll be back. And that became iconic in his face. And he even looks like a robot. And his body is just ridiculous. The kids love it when they land naked. When the terminators land naked, they think that's the coolest thing ever. It's so good. Well, he meant that that physique, you know, that was seven time Mr. Olympia. Yeah. Like there's that's that's the the benchmark of like the perfect male physique. It's crazy. And then, and then I told them, I'm like, yeah, that guy was born in nowhere, Austria. And then he becomes a bodybuilder. And then he becomes Mr. Olympia World or whatever moves to LA. And then he becomes a movie star, arguably like one of the most famous of all time. And then he becomes the governor of California. And they were like, what? It's crazy. He's an amazing guy. I remember too that, you know, my dad was a competitive Olympic lifter. And when you're a kid, I think you're more visual, right? You're like the aesthetic is what's crazy. So all we had was like weightlifting trophies all over the house and weights and photos of weight my dad and weightlifting competitions. And I remember being little and you're so mesmerized by Arnold. And I was like, why don't you look like him? Like you lift all these weights. He was like, what? I go, look at him. Looks amazing. Why don't you look like him? He's a bodybuilder. Okay. Those guys are gay. I'm an Olympic lifter. I was like, what? I didn't understand it. I was like, just try to look like that, dude. That's funny. Awesome. I was always mad that my dad had an accent, but the shitty Hungarian one, not the cool Austrian one that Arnold had. Yeah. My dad kind of sounds like him. But I'm not the good European. I'm always the dirty kind, you know? Same dude. Same dude. Same dude. What kind of Latin did you want to be? No, you just wanted to be like something set. You always want to be something sexier, you know? Yeah. Like we're from Peru. You're like Peru. I know. The fuck is Peru? Yeah. Be like either Argentine or like Italian or Spain. Spain would have been cool because it's European. Yeah. I was always like, oh, Peru. Lama's and cocaine. Yeah. What else? At least you have that. One of the one of the seven eight wonders of the world is much of what Hungarians have. The Vazuts, the Danube Dracula. We don't even have Dracula. Dracula is in Romania. Strict immigration laws. Yeah. Angos have that. No, we claim the old empire. That's what they talk about all the time. All right. To be the austro. Hungarian empire. The Turks, but fuck does. You want to want to start the show? Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can't believe we can do this. - Here we go. Here, here, here, here, here you go. If I'm digging in your shit deep, you can't take it. Don't grab the pillow and hide your face. Uh-huh. Now I want to see you. Yeah, I want to see your face taking this bite. Don't hide it. I own life secrets. [LAUGHTER] Who is that? You're bringing it with secrets. No sooner brother said. No, no, no. No, no. I'm going to pick up my drumstick. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] You know what I'm saying? So-- Don't like secrets. This guy-- He doesn't like secrets. This is one of the few that made me uncomfortable. God. Well, he doesn't like secrets. He's got the terrible angle, terrible angle. He's in his car. Yeah. I feel like his voice is deep, but he's doing that thing where you shift it to go deeper, like you can make it deeper. Yeah, dude. But then, like, is this supposed to be a public message? Like, this is your message to the world? Because it feels like it's intended for someone. I don't know that this needs to be in the public forum. Well, he says he doesn't like secrets. He doesn't like secrets. And I believe him because he's telling us his deepest stuff from his car. Yeah. I want to see your face taken to five. Ugh. Yeah. Who is this for? This is someone. This is someone. What? It's crazy. This is for one other. This is for one lady, right? It's for a lady. Of course, it's for a lady. Of course, see that. It could be for a lady. No, this is for a lady. No, this guy's not. He's not. Come on. Don't expect it like that. What? No. No, it's not for me. I was waiting for the question. No. Let's take a second to talk about sleep because Helix has completely changed the mattress game. I used to wake up several times a night, whether it was from back pain, being too hot, or feeling Tom make even the slightest movement. It was total nightmare. So much so that it got to the point where I was waking up more tired than I was when I went to bed. So thankfully, I took the Helix sleep quiz and got matched with a perfect mattress for me specifically. It's not some one-size-fits-all garbage. They take into account how you sleep, in what position, and your temperature preferences. They have it down to a science so much that they ran a study and found 82% of people saw an increase in their deep sleep on a Helix mattress. With their 120-night sleep trials, you can actually test it out. And Helix even brings it right to your door with free shipping. Go to Helix.com/YMH for 27% off-site wide. That's HelixSleep.com/YMH for 27% off-site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout. So they know we sent you Helix.com/YMH. But would you agree that this is not for this? He's putting this for ladies. Yes, I hope so. How do you know? I just, you know, a man can pray. I hope so. I have to tell you that since we've been watching these clips, I have been now turned on by gay men having sex with each other and in my heart. What are you talking about? I'm out now. It's the YMH exclusive. I've never enjoyed it in my whole life. But since we've been playing all these gay porn clips, I'm into it. You know that's like a very. No, this is a big thing that a lot of straight women say claim that they watch gay porn. This is a known thing. And I know and I had a friend who did and I would make fun of her for years and years and years. And now I don't know what it is. I've changed. You're watching it? No. You're watching gay porn. No, I mean just here at work, but not at home. Just at my job. Okay. No, I've asked. I've asked too. I'm like, what are you talking about? How could you? And they're like, oh, they're better looking. They have better ziques. And it's just, it's all men. So they get off on it, I guess. Now I get it. And I used to like watching girls make out more because I maybe was more of a lesbian. But now I'm a gay man. And I think I love. What the fuck? Yeah. Okay. Well, you know, sexuality is fluid. We know this. This is well known. Sexuality is fluid. What, what am I if I'm a straight lady that likes gay porn? Is there a, what am I? You're a gay man. Yeah, you're a gay man. You're always gonna be a gay man. You're a handsome gay man. I feel like it. I love to be a handsome gay man. They figured life out. They're fantastic. Anyway, I'm hoping this is for a gentleman because I'd like to see the next video. Okay. Follow this. You know what I mean? What other would you have something to say? Calling all throat ghosts. That's a fucking guy. You know the ones. It's fighting. It's fighting. Caught in a weezed spitting. Yeah, if you have throat ghost, you could eat it. If you have professional expert, either. I think I might have 200 for you. 200. It's cool. Yeah, I mean, you know what I like about this? This guy is an officially one of the coolest guys. I feel like we ever. I don't think he gets his credit for his level of cool. No. But see, some of these cool guys, they'll be like, "You liked it, fuck." And they give out their number and you're like, "Huh." At least he has the self-respect to say, "And I got some money for you." Correct. He's not just being like, "Do you want to blow me?" This spectacular specimen that I am. He's like, "Are you good at it? I might have $200 for you." So he's willing to pony up. He is pony. As he should. And it looks as though he has money because is that his sauna? Is he laying in. Are those his oakles? Yeah, it's fucking rad. Is that his sauna? What is he sitting in? It looks like. That's a. I think that's the headboard of a 1987 style bed. $200 for the throat goat. But if she is, the throat goat, I think it's worth more than $200 if she's the greatest of all time. And this is what the marketplace is all about. It's about supply and demand. It's about making an offer, negotiating. It might be his opening offer. That's true. She could be like, "I'm the greatest. Not $200 is not going to do it." The greatest. Wasn't there a girl in music videos that was known for being the video victim? There's a few ladies that have. Yeah, yeah. There's some ladies that claim that they're the best. You know. But $200 is not going to motivate them. I'll tell you that. The video "Vixen" is a woman featured prominently in hip-hop and R&B videos or pill ability to attract attention often as it is. Oh, this is it. This is it. It was a book. Her name was Karine Stephens. Confessions of the video "Vixen", which detailed exploitation of abuse in the industry's dark side. She said it for time. Yeah. She was like, "I'll tell you some shit." You want to talk some shit? Yeah. I don't know if you want that to be your legacy. You know. I don't think that's a claim you want to put out there. You can keep that between you and whoever you're with. Right. You don't need it to be like your identity. You know. That's her identity. She's like, "I want you to know. First and foremost, I want you to know that you're a woman." Yeah. Well, she's cute. That is a wild thing, though, to be like, "I'm the greatest blowjob giver of all time." I mean. You know? Right. You know? That's her identity. First and foremost. Before you know anything else about me, I can suck Dix really well." Yeah. That's crazy. That's a wild thing to lead with. We should also address the fact that, you know, we were abroad during the holidays. We were overseas. Ting-tong, Ting-tong. And when we were. We were actually. The locked up abroad. Yeah. We were in the Caribbean. We were out there doing our thing and stuff like that. And enjoying ourselves. And we made a video. This is pretty interesting. We made a video because if you guys recall when this happened, when we were over the holidays when we were on vacation is when the United States went into Venezuela and they were like, "We want your oil." I mean, you're a bad guy. And they took Maduro out and he and his wife. And this operation led to airspace being shut down. So what ended up happening is we were going to be home and to record a podcast episode and we ended up getting stuck because the airspace kept getting shut down While we were doing that our lovely staff was like, "Hey, could you just record a video so that we can post it about why there's no podcasts this week," right? And we recorded it. It was just to be like, "Hey, this is why there's no podcast." And then somehow after we did that, like I get messages from people, "Hey, you're on TMZ. I start getting text from people in high school." People I went to high school with, I haven't spoken to in years. They're like, "You okay? What are you talking about?" Our agent was like, "Hey, I saw you guys on TMZ. You guys are still there?" And I think some people thought that we were just informing the world of what we're about. I was like, "This is just for our podcast audience, dude. Like, we're just saying why there's no episode this week." So anyway, anyway, we got stuck there and people are like, "Oh, boohoo," which I made a mockery of in the video. I realized nobody's going to be like, "I feel so bad for you." What sucked wasn't being stuck in the Caribbean. What sucked is that they would go, "All right, you can leave now. Like, your flight's going to take off in a couple hours." So you get all your shit, grab your luggage, get a vehicle, grab your kids, go to the airport, and you go to the airport and they're like, "Guess what? You're not leaving." And you're like, "Why?" Because the airspace got shut down again. You're like, "Oh, cool." So you get all your stuff, load into a car, go to a hotel, check into that hotel, you know, do the whole thing again. You get a phone call. Guess what? They're a plane. Got the rights to come in and they said, "You guys can be on that flight, so you're going to leave in about two hours." You're like, "All right, you grab all your shit and go back to the airport and they're like, "Just kidding, you can't." And you're like, "All right, that was the part that wasn't being in the Caribbean." And also, to your credit to be fair, I don't think you understand the level when Tom says, "We grabbed all our stuff." Tom would go down to the desk, whatever. You know, we were staying near the airport. So these weren't like luxury sweets, you know? And he's like, "Can I have the luggage cart?" And they're like, "I don't know, man, I might need it later." Like their voices. Island time is a real thing, dude. Island time is, dude, the first one, the craziest one, one that made me fucking lose my mind was we get to a hotel. They were price gouging, right? Which I was expecting because they knew that there was now a high need for rooms. So they're like, "Oh, this $100 a night hotel? It's $1800." And you're like, "What the fuck?" So we get to this hotel and most hotels have a three or four p.m., you know, checking time. So we had a four p.m. guaranteed check-in. All right, so we get there at two and the guys, "Well, the room's not ready." I'm like, "I know." So four o'clock, he's like, "Yeah, four o'clock." I was like, "Okay." So we go, we have lunch, and then we're just trying to give the kids something to do. Now it's like $3.45. So I go, "I'm going to go check on the room." So I go to the front desk, and this time it's a lady. And I go, "Hey, I'm just checking on my room." And she's like, "Yes, not ready." And I go, "But it'll be ready in 15 minutes." And she was like, "What?" I go, "Well, four o'clock." She's like, "No." I go, "But it's a guaranteed four o'clock check-in." She goes, "Yeah, it's not." And I go, "Well, when will it be ready then?" Like, 430. She's like, "I don't know." I go, "That's not. " I don't know. That's not like a, that's not like a real answer. Like, "Can you give me a window?" And she goes, "I don't feel comfortable giving you a window." And I go, "Why?" And she goes, "Because it's in the queue to get clean, but it's not, they haven't gotten to it." I go, "So, but like, 4.45, it'll be ready." And she was like, "I don't know." I go, "That's crazy." What do you mean? Like, you have to have some idea of when, it's already been paid for. And she goes, "I just don't feel comfortable." And then she would just give me like, and I'm like, "You have to, you have to say something. You have to take, you have to say, five o'clock." And she's like, "I don't know." And as I'm like getting ready to go like, "This is crazy." A guy in the lobby starts playing the steel drums. Do you know? So, then it like, it snaps you out of your like, "Oh, this is a, this is a comedy right now that I'm in." This is silly. It's silly. I'll walk away. Well, too. And like, all our bags are being held. So, like, you know, you go to the gift shop, you buy bathing suits for your kids. Like, just throw them in the pool for a couple of hours in this place. And then, yeah, it's all, it was, it was an adventure. I have to say our little guys held up really well. It's really stressful for like, small kids to be. I think that's the thing. If it was just the two of us, it's a totally different thing. Yeah. It's just with kids, you're just kind of like, what the fuck? Because they keep going like, "When are we going home?" And you're like, "I actually don't know." And you just try to throw some at them to distract them. Yeah. They don't have check-in nuggets. Like, "No, dude. I don't know. Where are we? Where are we? Where are we? Where are we?" They don't got shit here, homie. But I think it's a good lesson, right? To teach them resilience. And you know, we got stuck in London during the Heathrow fires that the two boys and me last spring. And you know, they were troopers, too. At least we hung out. We had to fly home all fucked up, too. And they just, you just throw them an iPad and some snacks. Thankfully, they're at the age now where iPad and Candy goes a long way. You just hear some roadblocks, dude. Yeah. Fine. That's the fuck up. Shut up. Because they will not stop talking, dude. Like, they just talk. Like, I feel like we're at this stage of parenthood where it's just listening to motherfuckers talk all day. Because remember when like, when you have babies, you're like, "I can't wait till this guy talks. All I want is to hear what this guy has to say." No. Say some words. Express yourself. Yeah. Fast forward seven, ten years. And you're like, "Well, you shut the fuck up ever. Do you ever stop talking?" Now that the holidays are over, you might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover. The drinks, the holiday, food, the gifts, it all adds up. Luckily, Mint Mobile is here to help you cut back on overspending on wireless this January, with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. 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Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household names to brands like ours here at YMH. Shopify has everything you need to sell online and in person. They have hundreds of templates to match your brand and built-in AI tools to help you write headlines, descriptions and even edit product photos. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/YMH. Go to Shopify.com/YMH. That's Shopify.com/YMH. You don't have been doing a deep dive on. This is just a reminder of who the guy is because you've have seen him before. This is him. On my fidelity from Fidelity and Associates, we're here in South Beach to provide income tax and IRS services to high net worth athletes and entertainers who have many serious IRS problems. This guy, I was like, I remember seeing this, I was like, this is kind of a crazy marketing tool like a human doll inside of Rolls Royce and he's talking about tax issues and you're like, all right, it's kind of a character and then I've seen like so much more. He's really opened up like his life on IG. You get to know him better like this is also him. But again, this is his accountant page. He's like, I'm, do you have IRS trouble? I'm so silly. I didn't notice that was him. That's him. He's got a great head of hair. He's really nice. Are you kidding me? It was just slick back in the first one. And he's also, again, he's a professional but he's letting you know I'm in DR. My package is about out to fall off too many big asses to satisfy. And you're like, "Hey, that's my guy." That's the guy who got me an extension on my taxes this year. That's what you're gonna mean, like. It's, then he's like. - I was like, "I'm looking at my arms right now." And I'm like, "I haven't lifted in three months. I don't want arms this big." - He's doing a humble brag here. Also, the room is chaos. This room is chaos. - Yeah, what's he got going, lot of supplements. - Lot of vitamins and supplements, sunglasses. It's just shit everywhere. I mean, also, to be fair, Mike, my room, same. I have a lot of stuff out too. It's hard to keep organized. Maybe if I was like, "Hey, you should come see me about some of your financial issues." I would probably, you know, move things around, but still. - Because I'm running the Miami hip marathon. I want small arms right now. You get it? I don't want big arms. - I know the burden of my muscular arms as I run. - He's too hot, he's got too many fat asses to satisfy in DR. This guy's got problems. - Yeah, man. - Do you have any tax trouble? Oh, my God, Mike. - I mean, I don't know what to do. I haven't done a push-up. I haven't done a chin-ups. I haven't done anything. I haven't lived there waiting three months. - This video is just about the fact that my arms look great and I haven't done anything to make them look great. - He hasn't done a chin-ups in month, but he's so swole. I love that. Good for him. - He's on my Instagram, ask me, how do you think these Gen G spend their time? Well, I can tell you, they're wasting it every day. - And so then he also does this kind of like, but I'm saying, what I like about Mike is that he's showing you everything. He's giving you his full life. - He's well-rounded. - Yeah, and I think this is the trend on Instagram now, like I follow other attorneys actually who show you like a day in the life of an immigration lawyer and what they, you know, the fitness routine, but it's nice that he's honest and he's not showing you the facade. Like he's like, no, no, no, no, I go to DR. I dry hump fat ass chicks. I'm running the thing, my arms are too swole. Like I love it. I wish more people could be this transparent. - Sometimes he gets haters in his comments and some of his posts, he just goes, it's like what's your body fat percentage? He just shits on them like that. - That's great. - He did it close recently where he challenged people to try to beat him. I think it was like in a 5K or something, he offered them $10,000 if you could beat him. I was like, that, you know, people are gonna, someone's gonna lock into that. - Somebody's gonna take him up on that, yeah. But I prefer this to the guy that pretends to be normal on them behind closed doors, right? Like, you know what you get, it's kind of guy you get. - This is the guy you get in. Yeah. - Yeah. - He does look great. - Looks great. He's 62. - Geez. - Scroll down. Hold on, there's gonna be one, where it looks like he's wearing like a scroll down. He's holding cash. He's got like a oversized shirt on. Little more. He's always archived and stuff. Yeah, might be good. - Oh, you know, he probably took that down 'cause he was like, shit, 10 grand's a lot to give away. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Look at that hair dude, look at that hair. - It's a lot of-- - It's crazy. - 10 grand to beat him, wow. - Look at the one underneath that though. The one underneath that's got like a-- - Look at that hair, bro. - Incredible, incredible. - Yeah, you should bring the style back, for sure. - Ask my accountant, man. You talking about Mike, my accountant? This guy got me 30,000 dollars back this year. - Look at him. - That's great. - Look at that pony. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. - Yeah, he's showing you, he shows you everything, man. - But he's got a great life. He's got bitches, he's got muscles, he's doing it. - Mm-hmm. - Ooh, dark beard. I like you better without the beard. Yeah, or a gray beard, yeah. There you go. - You like him clean shaving? - Yeah. - Yeah, that's a, look at that. That was a nice one. - That was a nice one. - Yeah. - Oh. - Yeah. - Look at that tiger, dude. - Or does that-- - Man. Diamond Panther. - It's not cool, right? - Dude, he's got a diamond Panther, bro. - It's fucking badass, it's so Miami. He's such a Miami guy. - Yes. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Really cool. - I have a question. - Sure. - What's the difference between a 1099 and a W2? - Great question, glad you asked. The difference is W2 is for an employee. 1099 is for an independent contractor. And the great thing about the 1099 is, you can take expenses against that, but you can't take if you're just an employee, W2 employee for a company. You can take like travel, sell for home office adoption. Rent. - But you know what else you could deduct? You could deduct the boat that you chartered and the women that you hired to make this video. Those would be examples of something you could deduct. So that's pretty cool. Yeah, I love him. - I love this guy. - I did too. I feel like he grew up the son of immigrants. I think he's got a lot more swag and flavor. And his mother was like, "Who must go and become Taksa Tarni is good money." And he's like, "All right, mom." But his heart is like a record guy. He should be like an A and R guy or something, right? It feels like, I mean, he loves the party, obviously. - Yeah, this guy was meant to be like a promoter or something. Yeah. - You were reading a safety protocol from when we started. - Situational awareness. - Yeah. - Oh, there's tons of good stuff. - There's a lot of good stuff there. - It's all really valuable. Let me find, okay, so if you wanna go to dinner out with your family. When choosing a restaurant, take a moment to assess its basic safety and security measures. Look for visible surveillance cameras. This is when you're just going to a restaurant with your kids. Sprinkler systems. - Please look around. - Yep. - Emergency exits and fire extinguishers. - Right, and it could also be an improvised weapon. I remember that from a previous video. (laughing) - As I've mentioned before, I started working in the elevator industry back in the mid to late '80s. And one of the buildings we had on service was the Galleria. And in 1991, we had gotten a call that there was an accident. We responded to the call. And later on, we found out this is what had happened. - Jesus. - Now this is clearly a horrible tragic accident. But it is a reminder that when you go into a building with your family and with children that are adventurous and they're always looking and climbing, you have to do your best to check the windows, the doors, the safety rails. Anything else that could be in hazard, please don't make an assumption that everything is fine. You have to give it a visual inspection yourself. - Well, that's great because in his book, Lesson Three, Protective Strategies for Safe Family Travel, developing a warrior mindset. That's number one. You gotta adopt a proactive approach. You gotta anticipate the types of threats. - When I travel with family, I like to think of combat. Like that's how I go into a vacation mode thing. I think of Afghanistan, Iraq, places where there's hostility. And I go, that's how we're going to approach this vacation. - And so does he. Rolling threat assessment. You always want to be on high alert. Tactical positioning. You got to place yourself in locations that maximize your safety and visibility. - He has one here, check this out. This is another one where this is a term. You gotta get that book. - You gotta get it. - Remember this video from a few weeks ago? I just wanted to revisit it again because it's a great explanation of pre-event indicators. You can see this guy blades his body, makes a fist, and tees off and hits this guy. In my book, I cover about 40 different pre-event indicators. All that will help you see the signs before it happens. Remember, always give yourself enough time and distance to try and make a safe decision. - Yeah, so I've never heard the term pre-event indicators. He's got 40 pre-event indicators. - Correct. Number five is predatory movement patterns, right? Like this guy's making a predatory movement pattern. Frantic pacing. - It looks like a guy walking, but I got it. That also, is he wearing underwear? Are you on alert? - Okay, is that a new man just wearing shoes? 'Cause that would definitely be a pre-event indicator. If it was just a guy in a t-shirt, I'd be like, "This guy's about to do some shit." He's got shoes in a t-shirt on. - Fidgeting? - This guy with his dick out walking towards me is alarming. - Yeah, fidgeting often serves as an unconscious outlet for nervous energy and kids' signal that an individual is experiencing stress or mentally preparing for potential conflict. See, fidgeting, frantic pacing, predatory movement, lack of underwear, panting or increased breathing. All this stuff, you can get in situational awareness by Lawrence Betts. Check this out. Prepared? - Yeah, man. - Not paranoid. This is really valuable stuff, guys. Yeah. - Yeah, it's pretty good stuff. - No, hold on, hold on. Here's a good one, guys. I don't know if you've seen it. in this. It's just kind of a warning. Gang colors or clothing too. You want to take a quick look at that. Now that's a good pre-event indicator that your day's about to go sideways, right? If you see someone like that. That's right. Wearing X's, X. Like Malcolm, maybe? Could be. All those clowns love them. Love them. So this is another one. This applies to you, I think, more than anyone. You should probably pay attention here. Sure. Okay. Hey everybody. We all love our pets. Take a look at these videos. You can see animals are true gifts. And it's up to us to help take care of them. So a few things when you have pets, I'm sure you're aware of it, but pet theft is over two million pets that are stolen every year. We love our pets. Do what you could do to help protect them. If you're taking your pets out and about as a service animal, maybe, really be aware of escalator safety. I would prefer to see you take them on an elevator. And if you do take them on an elevator, make sure you're always holding the leash. Back when I was in elevator mechanic, I had gotten a couple of calls where the dog had gone into the elevator and the leash was on the ground. And because the leash was so low, the safety never picked up the leash. So the doors had closed, the elevator with the dog in the elevator, the elevator would go up, but the leash would be outside. I got it. I got it. Everything was operating correctly. It's just that thin leash was not high enough to reopen the doors. So if you're taking your dog out and about keep the leash up, you don't want to lose your pet. Be well. Be safe. Take care of your pets. Well, that's a nice image to go on with the day with. Thanks, Larry. I actually never once in my life thought of a dog's leash getting caught in an elevator. It's happened twice. It's happened twice. Wow. I didn't I think our pets are too stupid to do anything of any value. Like our cats aren't going to help us out when the gas is going or intruder. No, they're going to take off. Yeah, those are just German shepherds specifically trained. Yeah, smart dogs. That's pretty wild. That's wild, dude. Wow. Mm-hmm. The leash. And the escalator I get, man, those are dangerous. Even kids can get caught under the escalator. You know, they get pulled in. Yeah. Oh my god. Danger, man. Danger. Danger is everywhere, Tom. Danger is fucking everywhere, do you? And I hate just going about my life pretending like it's not constantly there. So it's good to have him to remind us that we're constantly in danger. Like that. We're in danger at all times. At all times. You're sure a cute kid. You know, I'm a professional photographer. Why don't you come on, hop in the car. I'll take your picture. If someone wants to take your picture, say no and tell your parents. You tell anybody about our little secret. Yeah. I'll kill your dog. Children should never be asked to keep special secrets from their parents. Remember this shit? Yeah. Do you remember this from your childhood? Of course. Yeah. So good. Stranger danger. Dude, I'm going to show this to our kids ASAP. That's perfect. I'll tell you what they'll love. Like I sound like Kirk Cox. Do you need the first one? Yeah. Kirk could play that role for a hundred percent. What's this blazing? You don't get it. This has been grabbed the testicles. Right? You have to have power if you grab the testicles to grab them squeeze and pull those when you're opening the fingers. The tiger's claw I showed you before was clawing to the eyes, finger pokes, thumb pokes and pushes your squeeze on and pull out, squeeze and pull. You'll be born glad to hear it. Thank you Paul. Go right to that target. Where the body center 360 who speed? You should really catch up on some of these. Dude, you really should. This is all accurate and still relevant. Stranger danger. All the stuff. Stranger danger is relevant. Pet theft is relevant. Grab testicles poke out eyes. It's all relevant. And then when you're done with that, you realize you're back on your taxes. You give Mike a call. It all ties together. This is exactly what we do the show to inform the audience. And you know, I've been watching these videos on TikTok where these stupid kids go with they do like a hidden camera thing on the playground. And this guy's like, hey, I got some puppies in my van. You want to come see the puppies and these dumb fucking kids are like, yeah, okay, I want to see puppies and the mother is like, yeah, because you're not showing them. Stranger danger. You're not giving them clear examples of predatory behavior. I would never go with some full in a van, right? You really should be showing those these things to your kids. I'm serious. I'm serious too. With the act amounts. Absolutely. Yeah. Hey kid, if you tell anybody about a secret, I'll kill your dog. That was in a commercial. That was like during the A team, your fucking Saturday or during Saturday morning, hard times. And there's one. They're gonna kill fluffy. Oh, yeah, dude. They didn't fuck around or Mr. T would tell you what's up too. Yeah. You can tell you. You can tell you, dude. Guess who got together to one cool guy that we've literally spent time with. And one that we've sort of been our white whale. That we've just never been able to. They actually got together. Yes. I have a beautiful penis. I am so powerful that energy is moving through me right now. Yeah. Manta Tia and Will got together. It's really crazy. Rump. Rump. Yeah. Can you imagine the penis power swords in that room? Oh my God. I still think you're crazy. If you wouldn't let Montauk make love to you once. Imagine the skill set this guy has. You don't think it's like otherworldly? You always say this. Rostruck. By Dina. By Dina, I like a egg. You put egg in your dinner. Okay. I got it. Thanks. And the man stopped. He pulled the testicle down. Down. Down. So he had complete control. Yeah. Do you think we're not aroused? I'm not at all. Okay. I'd rather do the gay guys. Do you think Will was like I finally met the one other guy that gets it? Like he gets me. He gets it. Yeah. There's nothing that Will talks about that Montauk wouldn't be like, yeah, of course, except for maybe jerking off into his own mouth. I don't know if Montauk does that. I think he crosses a couple lines. You don't know that. We just haven't seen those videos yet. This is true. I don't know this because I think Montauk sees that as very powerful energy. That's why you conserve it. The wrap wrap wrap. And when it's out of you, that thing's potent. It's concentrated. Man, I would give anything to be a fly on the wall at those two talking. And do you think Montauk knows all of Will's work? Like those are two masters and should come together. I don't think Montauk consumes any social media. That's definitely somebody him. Somebody's running that all that stuff for him for sure. Yeah. That's too bad. Yeah. Got those two together. That's electric. I would pay money just to be in the same room and feel that energy. Yeah. It's miraculous. Wow. I have to bring something to your attention though. While I was out, you did a podcast and one of the clips went viral. We both agree on is that we both don't like pot. I got tired of having to tell bartenders that worked for me. You can't walk outside during your shift and smoke fucking pot in front of the bar. Do you understand I'd yell at you if I saw you drinking right now? Friends going, oh, we got to drive to the mall. Let me just take a quick hit. Fuck you, dude. You're driving me. It bothers me that people think it's so different from alcohol. If I was about to drive you somewhere and I go hold on, let me take a quick shot. It's true. There's a big argument that me and my ex-girlfriend, man, I got people fired. The fuck fired up. Mad at Joe for hating pot. I got to double down with Joe and say that I agree with him. I hate pot. Not so much for societal reasons, but I have tried so hard to get into pot personally. And I just get paranoid and fat and sad and angry. You guys are dorks. You guys are dorks and you guys are lame. But he's right. You're impaired. It still impairs you. Do you want you're not impaired? You're not impaired. You're enlightened. And there's a difference. There's a difference between being impaired and enlightened, okay? You wouldn't mind your Uber driver. I would mind, I wouldn't mind our kids bus driver taking a couple of this because I know he's gonna be in the zone And that's what it's all about getting in the zone, okay? I like being in the zone. Now. I'm not a hard core Consumer, but I do like I do like it. I like it a little bit. I like it in the evenings. I like it to wind down I like opening up my third eye In my fourth one in your brown eye. Yeah, they're both good I think I think I'm a square too. I agree with Joe on this one Like I don't like people well, here's the thing and in the loser potheds will say well, but you drive better when you're high You actually go slower and so here's the thing you have to you have to make it a Distinction though Jesus you have to make a distinction about are you talking about Stoned out like mouth hanging open Blitz or are you talking about just like a little bit here and there which to a lot of people it like it Takes down their anxiety. It does help them focus It yeah, I mean it has different effects on different people I know and some people who are really hyperactive. It mellows them out and yeah, it does Yeah, it causes disconnection I think with people around you too Or connection, but mostly disconnection. I don't know. I never liked it culturally. I don't like We're not all booze bags like you I love alcohol now. Let's talk about something good I don't like I don't like pot head music. I don't like the grateful dead. Sorry. I don't like their art I don't like their glow and dark posters any more disrespectful Bob. We're just died. Could you just like actually? I don't like your lava lamps. I don't like your stupid Bean bag chairs. I don't like futons. I don't like any here's the thing if they could make pot culture cooler Maybe I can't for it like can we put some dark colors in the vibe like if Peter Murphy We're just saying basically can pot be goth and then I'll like it a thousand times. Yes If Robert Smith were a pot head, I'd be like cool, but they're not because nobody I like is a major Pot head Anthony Bourdain heroin. It's glamorous. It's a better alcohol alcohols better Alcohols for grown-ups pot is for teenagers. I mean, I like alcohol too, but I do like I just I'm saying for me I like my I'm still 10 milli-time. I still and I Still enjoy it. That's how I wind down. I feel I told you that I feel much better in social situations when I do that I told you that and I'm the opposite it for me at my body chemistry. It flips me out I want to crawl into a hole and die. I can't do it. I can't do it. I wish I wish I could be Maybe it's just you're taking too strong a bedo, so That's I've done no and then my brain is fried the next day alcohol. I like alcohol. It's a grown-ups It's more social sanction It's glamorous. You've got cool names for the drinks not stupid names You know pot is named dumb things like white lightning or what a white widow or Fashioned purple haze or some fucking gay shit. It's like the names. It needs a rebrand It needs what a pal tro why don't you take a lead on that. Why don't you rebrand it? I destroy that industry so fast. Yeah, I make it so I'd call I Wanted to tell you specifically something because I Drove for the school field trip for the first grade field trip to the garbage dump Yeah, cuz I don't trust other people driving my children around when they're really little like that so I drove Julian's first grade class to the garbage dump and It's so smelly too. Yeah, my jacket reeks everything smells like trash now, but They tell say what did our first graders say when you're on your way there? He's like, I don't want to go to the fucking dump with a stupid field trip. This is a shitty field trip Who wants to go see garbage? It's kind of funny. It's a funny thing to say. It's really funny. He gets it He's like garbage, but I wanted to see garbage cuz I'm interested I've been talking about trash collectors forever on YMH the FedEx drivers the UPS drivers and trash collectors Those are my interests, right? So I've finally I'm looking at this big pile of trash and I'm watching the machines sort it and I get my hands on the employee who's been there the longest And I was like, all right, dude. Tell me everything first of all how many bodies do you find a year in the trash and he goes No, we don't find full bodies. We find an arm here a leg here Professionals. Yeah, and he goes professionals do it. That's right and he goes never the head for some reason We don't get the heads they always cut off the limbs and put them in the trash and he goes well You know the mafia started the garbage business and I was like, oh, yeah, waste management He's like that's the way they got rid of bodies early, and I was like, oh my god I never put that together like duh. That's the best way to get rid of it You gotta chop them up. Yeah, I chop them up and so he goes, yeah, so we'll find an arm here and then like the leg will Be somewhere else up north or something and then he's like it's a real hassle though because the cops get involved and they come down We had to shut everything down and deal with that. So I thought you'd like that and then I was asking him like what time Did the garbage men start work? He said four a.m. They're out collecting the trash I know and then I asked him well, why did they do it? He's like, I'm telling you all the men on the trucks They love their jobs. They got big smells on their faces. They love their jobs. I believe it I do too, and I'm like, well, what did they love? What is it? He goes well personally He's like my mother Was in the waste management business for 27 years my stepdad was in this like my family is from this business And he's like they give you a lot of time off apparently it pays well and you get to have like a life I was a bit of your job. So that makes perfect sense to me, and they've also liked the you know, he gave me this thing like well We're helping the community. Yeah, right, which I agree with too But I thought that was pretty fascinating like who really fucking cares You know, I think that was his him trying to like oh this stupid first grade mom is like I got a teller that we give a fuck about trash or whatever. I'm like okay Tell me about that. You know, there was this there was this hit crew in New York They were Brooklyn based and this guy had this method. So they kept had they would always contract him to do their their kills Because he would take he would kill somebody And then he would take them and string them up over a bathtub with their feet in the air And he knew where to make this incision where he would bleed them out because the thing is like there's so much blood Bleed them out in the tub And so there was no blood left in the body and then he would chop them up It was brilliant like yeah brilliant And then that's one of the things he told me at the trash collection site they don't accept fluids of any kind There you go lighter fluids Flammable things like that and I was like that's a real hazard. Yeah, I didn't know that you know how stupid I am I probably just throw that shit right in a trash and be like oh care like I throw every trash don't I think most people I think a lot of people do Yeah But you're supposed to dispose of things that are like toxic or dangerous in a different way. Yeah That's what he said. I'm like well, what should I do if I have like a bottle of lighter fluid a bunch of lighter fluids And he's like well, you should call the fire department and have them come like yeah Nobody doing that dude Everybody's throwing that shit right in the trash in the trash of course they yeah dog what they do is they go I don't want it in my trash And I go how many dead animals you find in here? I'm sure people just throw their Oh my god dogs and cats and there he's like oh, we see a few of those too. I'm like oh but the human stuff I thought was pretty cool Yeah, that's that it means you know and when you're seeing parts that's a pro job That's not an accident man. No, that's a professional job. Yeah, so here's what we've decided to do you and me you drain You hang the body upside down on in the tub But the body's heavy how was he able to lift the body? Well, I think he came up with a system for doing that like a pulley you would use pull yeah Exactly like the Dutch they pulley things up It's one of those bathrooms when you go into you go. Why do you have a pulley system above your bathtub? Well, I do I work out. It's just a workout from them doing I just do it I do it and then I shower and so I like to I get sweaty and then I jump in the shower. It's my tonal as weird And then um can you saw through bone pretty easily you think like could I just I don't think it's easy No, no right easy. I think no for sure. It's not easy. I mean hands like just like grinding through it I mean you could do it, but probably takes a lot. Sure if you get something electric powered it makes it a lot easier Cut off hands arms, you know, you probably do what like at the knee Yeah, you want it to be like just a torso and the limb the legs you want to cut into two and then for ID You know, you want to obviously take all the teeth out. That's a pain in the ass. You got to get like a You know a tool to rip off another one of the teeth out And then if you really want people to not figure out who it was you want to you know do something to the finger tips that finger prints. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass, man That's such a that's the hardest way I would just buy a like for instance in the interview with a vampire TV show. I was watching Tom Are you listening to me? They had their own crematorium. They just bought Well, that's the best Yeah, and it was in New Orleans and you just have it like in the backyard and then you just incinerate the bodies And I could believe you can buy business. I don't know What businesses off top my head need some type of incinerator, but if you were to able to develop A viable business that uses an incinerator and then you could double it for like just dumping bodies into that's the best That's what I would encourage someone to do Yeah, it's like when you do ceramics and you're like I have to fire this bowl Like you don't have a ceramics kiln at your house You go and you go to like the nearest arts and crafts center and you go can I fire my ceramic bowl in your kiln? Like that's what you're kind of saying Exactly. Exactly. So what I'm saying is develop a system where you're like I make Vases and glass. Yeah, sculptures. That's why I have all this stuff. Yeah We bring it back to that screen. You're talking about I saw the distinction between wet bone. How hard farms? I saw farms there Some farms use an incinerator. That's cool. You could do that. But I'm you know I grow corn Josh Google. How hard is it to cut through bone? So you need to specialize cutting through bone can be challenging It's a real challenge Do your best What were the businesses that you had up there? Because this is really good. We want people to focus Hospitals that clinics. Yeah farms ranches and zoos military bases. I think the most successful thing for somebody who's looking To do something like this is a farm. I was gonna say you can get a farm or a ranch. That's that's at least you can't be like I'm opening a municipal building. You know, I'm starting my own pharmaceutical company. You know, but you can get a farm Yeah, or a yeah dude like you open a fucking ranch out here in Texas. You just drive 20 minutes outside of Austin It's got nothing but one what's up with the incinerator and you're like a bunch of Crops that go bad. You got to do something with them. I'm like, oh, okay Yeah, cows drop dead all the time. You got to do that. Yeah, what are we supposed to do man? Yeah, you got to incinerate them How long do you think it is until our youngest? Child starts doing shit like this Rhonda I'm outside today. Where you at pussy? You pussy ass bitch. You ain't shit. Fuck you Rhonda. Fuck you Come fight me pussy. I'm coming to beat your ass. You motherfucker. You ain't shit Hell yeah, dude. Good. Tell me what's up? Yeah, that's a kid He's got the low angle in the car. Yeah, fucking pussy. Yeah, come outside bitch. Yeah, where did your fucking ass? This is normal for me in the eight one eight growing up. This is not too big. Yeah, for sure. The junior high school I like to kids are saying crazy shit in junior high junior high is the wildest Though you feel like that's the peak craziness Yeah, I saw a lot of crazy shit in middle school and then my high school kind of tapers out Well, it depends there's kids that definitely ramp it up in high school But yeah, I know what you're saying in middle school. You don't know what these Emotions are you just you're just like you're just full of Feelings you don't know you know, I mean you kind of learn as you get a little older how to deal with things. Yeah Did you ever make a video like this to some guy? No hell no, but we didn't have that we weren't you know, but I know you would have yeah like you had a camcorder though Didn't you record yourself? Like a camcorder. Yes, yes. Yeah, all that stuff horrifying so bear Yeah, I'm fucking kill myself if I couldn't see those It's so embarrassing I know nothing worse Yeah, but if it if I were a kid now that would be so much worse So much worse Um, all right far dog. I've got to I love you. I've got to get ready and I've got to go in the office You gotta go saw some bones gonna dispose of some mods. I got to make an offer on a ranch Okay, sweetie. I love you. All right. Love you. Thank you guys for watching and listening. Thank you for dealing with our New remote setup, but yeah, try to do it as much as we can man. All right, fun Peace God. Love you. Oh la I know you're having a hard time I'm ready for some fun We have the right producer on this track It's black, isn't it? It's black, isn't it? I don't know if that was him either You don't believe in helping up the sun You just cut the grass, ready for your fun Wow, wow, so that's not Wow, a coincidence that I'm triggered I really like to produce these crabs out there You know, when you're an artist and you do it, just a love of the game Nothing can stop and can stop and can stop.