263. "We spend 102% of what we make. Will we ever stop drowning?"

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It feels like a joke. It means you are broke. Yeah. It means you're spending more than you make every month. Every month. That's the ballgame. Thousands of thousands of dollars in credit card debt, no savings, no investments, two children, what are the real issues here? It's dread and anxiety, poor financial decisions made, 401K is cashed out. We had to ask them, hey, can we barf in the cake? Because we're about to get evicted. It feels like failure, especially with kids. I would actually get angry. Angry at myself, angry at my upbringing, angry at each other, angry at the dynamic that we have allowed ourselves to sink into. You are actually weeks away from not being able to pay your rent. Frankly, in order to not get evicted, you will need to confront the very thing that you have avoided your entire life. Confrontation. I have to, for Braia and my children, do you want the kids to have a great future? Today is a big day for money for couples because we are recording in our new studio. Now, if you have followed along for the last few years, you've noticed that we are always improving. Thanks to your feedback. My team and I are listening, and one of the things that I've wanted to do for a long time is go from audio only to video and then to even higher quality video. And I love seeing couples in the same room, holding hands, crying sometimes, looking at each other. It tells me so much. I think it's going to tell you a lot. Today I'm kicking things off with Braia and Blake, they're 45 and 47 years old, they have two young children together and they spend more than they make every single month. Braia applied to speak with me and she wrote, "We are living with our terrible choices right now. We are literally broke to the point that I'm worried we will be homeless." You can hear the panic almost jumping off her application. Let's take a quick look at their numbers to see what they're working with. I'm looking at their conscious spending plan or CSP. If you want my help with your own CSP, you can join my money coaching program at iwt.com/moneycoaching. Assets, $5,000, investments, $180, wow, savings, $0, debt, $96,000, total net worth, negative $90,999. Now let's take a look at their fixed costs, 102%, okay, that's the ballgame. They are spending far more than they make every single month. Investments 1%, savings 0, and guilt free spending is negative 2%. We know that's impossible. Looking at these numbers, it's no surprise that Braia is panicking about their financial situation. It's actually quite dire. And when you see numbers like this, it is very easy to just take a huge hatchet and say, okay, we need to start doing this, this, this, this, this. Maybe we do, but we need to find out why they even got into this situation in the first place. So we are actually addressing the root problem. That's my goal today. Now let's get started with Braia and Blake. There was something that stood out to me from your application for you. I wonder if I can read it too. You wrote, we're basically one mist rent payment away from an eviction notice. Is that accurate? It feels accurate. We don't have like the kind of warm fuzzy landlords that are like, yeah, yeah, we used to have one of them. Have you ever gotten any eviction notice? No. Okay. I've never, I've always made it work and that is I think again part of my issue with all of this is I've always managed to make it work. I've always managed to come up with money somehow or you know, talk my way out of being a month late in rent and being like, I'll promise, you know, like things like that my whole life. How long has it felt this dire? Oh my God. 2021? 2021. Pandemic. Pandemic. Hit us hard. Yeah. And does it feel equally dire or does one of you feel the weight of money more? Hmm. I don't know, I mean, I know how I feel, I don't know how you feel honestly. I feel like I think about it more and I talk about it more. That's tough to call. That's good. It thinks about it more, but I certainly think about it all the time every day and every day late at night, you know, because it's interesting that you don't know how each other feels about money. He doesn't like to talk about it. We'll do it. But then I'm like, okay, now we need to have our weekly follow-ups and that just that part doesn't happen. And then I start feeling like an ag and then we just kind of rinse and repeat. When you hear Freya saying we need to have a budget meeting, what is your initial emotional reaction to that? Dread. I'd say. Yeah. Dread. It's dread and then anxiety and it just means like I need to make more money. I'm the classic sort of like I need to just go make more money. So then we have that and the budget conversation can be a little more positive. Do you want to have a budget conversation? No. Honestly, I don't want to have a budget meeting. Somebody comes to me and they're like, we got to talk about the budget and I'm like, what the ****? I don't want to do that. I'd rather it be dead. Yeah. Do you want to have a budget meeting? Kind of. I like it. I like the kind of stuff. I do. I like it. You like what? Like checking things off? Yes. I love to do this. I have different notebooks with different to do this. Okay. I like it. What the hell? Multiple to do notebooks. Yes. I have a work one. I have a household one. I have one for the kids. I have. Yeah. One for my personal growth. Wow. I do. I'm not. But you know, it doesn't always translate it into other things. I would like to translate it. Okay. Now, you also mentioned that you don't communicate effectively about money. Can you give me an example? We when we had just moved, we were kind of like in the same situation. We always are. It's like end of the month. Oh my God. And he was like, my friend, we should go up to Bagmout Bachelorette and go skiing for the day. And I was like, well, I was like, but that's some rich people sport. And then just literally just would devolve into a fight. And I was like, well, we can't afford it right now. It's going to be thousands of dollars to go, you know, he wants to get the kids lessons. They've never skied. I don't ski. He's like, you get a lesson. You get a lesson. And it's like, oh, we have lift passes, so it's not that big of a deal. And, you know, it ended up being a fight. The acquiesce and said, we won't go. I feel guilty. He was so psyched to go ahead and gone skiing in like 10 years and he used to go all the time. And so I finally said, never, okay, fine. Let's just do it. We'll figure it out. Because I felt bad. Did you go? We did. How much did it cost? Probably about 2K at the end of the day. Okay. We spent money that we should not have spent. Okay. Is that true? You shouldn't have spent it? We didn't have it to spend. I mean, we didn't have it to spend. Yeah. I felt really guilty for saying no. Have you ever just embraced it and said, okay, good. We're not going. It depends. I think I was at the moment. We had just moved. We didn't know. We don't know anybody there. And I just, I think I was feeling a lot of that killed. I have said no, but I probably say yes more than no. I will say. And interestingly, you acquiesced as she put it, like you said, all right, fine. We don't have to go. But then when she said, okay, let's go, you were like, cool. Let's do it. Yeah. In the world where you were like, no, you're right, we shouldn't go there because of financial reasons. In that particular situation? No. No. Because you wanted to go. Yeah. In other situations, we've certainly made like, you know, hey, let's cancel this. This is not a good. Yeah. Yeah. That's rare. Okay. Let me understand a little bit more about the relationship. Are you married? No. Okay. How old? Six and almost five and are there other children from a prior relationship? I have two. You have two. A 26-year-old and a 22-year-old. Got it. Okay. And do the older children live at home with you? No. Okay. So the two young kids will be there. Yeah. Got it. Okay. I want to get a little bit more understanding of the dynamic here. So I'm curious about another example where the two of you were not on the same page with money. Lots to choose from. Mexico trip with my parents. That one's probably a good one for you to talk about. What happened? It was a summer trip to La Paz in Mexico with the kids, finances were tight. I was very nervous about that because the institutes of my income are tough and knowing that into the summer always gets a little tight because there's not as much work. I felt like Freo really wanted to go. I mean, I wanted to go to. So I was more in the position as like, I don't say no, like I don't think we should do this. And the parents were involved. So I think your parents are going so it's probably harder for you to. Yeah. Parents going. Yeah. And we took a trip to Mexico on a credit card. Yeah. On credit card. Three and a half something like that. Three and a half thousand. Not sure. You might have been more. Okay. And then when you got back, what was the moment where you looked at the credit card receipt and you were like, oh, what happened? It's just added to the debt. You know, you get back and you're like, okay, that's. Amazing trip and double memories with the family and the parents and the kids and then you get back and you're, you know, to kick in the teeth because you're like. And we thought about it. Yeah. Like you would bring it up in financial conversations. It would be like, well, you decided that we should go and now we spent. Yeah. So it would turn into like almost like ammo. Sometimes I feel like. And then, you know, now I'm a, oh, why did it for the kids and your parents and, yeah. So it would definitely turn into a sticking point. How often does that happen that you did this? You said that a lot. Yeah. You see a therapist. No. No. Not anymore. We did. We spent a while. Why money? Partially, it's expensive. Our therapist is 175 dollars a pop. It is expensive. It's very expensive. And you mentioned in your application, you don't even have money for a bankruptcy attorney. Yeah. In that Mexico conversation, where you talked about, should we go? No, we shouldn't. What was the role that each of you played if you look back at that conversation? I was the driver and the planner 100%. You were the one who wanted to go. Yeah. Okay. And then you planned the trip. Yup. This is just an experience involves. Okay. And what was your role? Just come along and try not to spend too much while we're there. Really? Make some money before we go. Make some money when we come back. Well, like, what was the time in Mexico where you were like, let's not order that because there's too much money. Well, I think we did not want. But we didn't. We were like, we're not like super extravagant when we do travel. Like, we did have a your mom wanted a private chef for the week. Did your parents offer to pay? They paid for part of it. Okay. Yeah. And was there a conversation where you said, like, hey, right now it's not a good time. Could you help or we can't do that? Yeah. I've definitely for moments like that. It's been, you know, parents have been very generous and like, hey, let us cover the house or something. You know, even still you spent three and a half thousand dollars on it. Yeah. The fact that this couple is clearly intelligent and still in almost a hundred thousand dollars of debt is a big lesson for everybody watching this show, which is intelligence matters. Of course it matters. But just being smart doesn't mean you're going to be wealthy. In fact, just being smart doesn't even mean you're going to stay debt free. A lot of you are too smart for your own good thinking, oh, we'll just figure it out. We'll just solve it. You know, maybe instead of being too smart for your own good, maybe I'd rather take a ten point decrease in the IQ and be like, shit, I don't understand this. I better read a book because I won't be able to figure this out unless I learn. So before you come writing a bunch of angry comments, just ask yourself, is there a world where I could be in this situation too? You know, I'm kind of struck speaking to both of you, you're obviously very intelligent. I'm hearing words like vicissitudes and trepidaceous. You know, like you're going to La Paz. When we put all those things together, you're obviously intelligent. Yet you are as you put it a month away from any fiction notice. What do you both think is going on here? I've gotten very used to money being here or not here, and I just have to adapt. And that's, I got kicked out when I was a teenager. So I've been like on my own supporting myself since I was 17. I'm just so used to being in a state of not having anything. That is just, I guess it's comfortable for me. It doesn't worry me. Well, it didn't worry me that much also because I feel like I had so long to fix the problem. I had so much time, you know, it's like, so for me, it was just like, hey man, money comes when it goes. I've had money taken from me by bad relationships. Things like that. So I'm just used to be, even if I have it, not being able to like see it as like a permanent fixture that could help me do anything. So I'm just very, I think that's part of my issue where I'm just like, eh, it'll work itself out. Okay. Money comes and money goes. However, you know, when you get through periods that are sometimes out of your control and money is not coming, then you're really faced with some dire situations. And is that acceptable? Like, are you cool with it? Have you done that before you can do it again? No, there's always been a bit of a safety net or, you know, some freelance gigs that I can pick up quickly in the last few years. That safety net has shrunk, savings has shrunk. We've used it to cover some stuff here and there to pay down a card or, you know, whatever, you know, we just had that. Now that safety net is gone. The savings from all the years, 401(k) is cashed out. Poor financial decisions made, but to cover monthly costs. Who made those decisions? Together, I think. I mean, I think I definitely suggested stuff like the 401(k) or whatever, like, and you agreed to do it. I could tell you were a lot more hesitant than I was, but I feel like we felt like it was in a time during the pandemic when neither one of us was working. And I think we had a baby and I was pregnant. Are you always the driver of the finances in this relationship? Yes. Okay. And your role is, you're along for the ride. Well, along for the ride. Maybe putting up some slight resistance, but basically along for the ride. That's what I'm reading. Yeah. I tend to be like, okay, finances are, you know, a cosmetic of them and I try to really limit spending. Like, I don't buy a lot of stuff, right? This is coming with men. Yeah. But when he says, I am a spender, it's also because I do all the planning, I do all the kid stuff, I do the grocery shopping, I do everything. So I feel like, and it's a point of contention, I always say that. So I'm like, well, yeah, you're not spending any money because you're not doing any of the things that need to be done. I didn't hear him say that you are a spender. Would you say, okay, we've had this conversation before and I feel like he was like, I'm a spender and he's the not-spender. I hate this dynamic. In a heterosexual relationship, the woman is the one who's tracking everything. She's worrying because she sees the numbers and then you have the guy who's like, I don't really pay attention to it very much. It causes an ever-increasing rift because she is down in the weeds, necessarily. I'm like, I hate when people are in the weeds, taking on all this emotional labor and he's oblivious to it. It's just not partnership. Look, everybody has blind spots. You do, I do, my guests certainly do. And that's okay. What's important is to recognize those blind spots, whether it's on your own or with the help of your partner, and then make a plan to fix it. I'm going to take a wild guess. Maybe you've been putting off seeing a doctor for a while for some unexplained condition. Hey, why is my left eye blurry? Do I have toe fungus or is it just gross toenails? Whatever it is, stop wondering if you should get it checked out. Go see someone right now. You can use our sponsors, ZockDock. They make it really easy. You don't even have to get on the phone to schedule an appointment. ZockDock lets you search and compare local in-network doctors. Whether you're looking for primary care, dentistry, eye care, or anything else, you can easily search by specialty or symptoms and you can book in-network appointments with more than 150,000 providers across all 50 states. Getting an actual appointment is easy. You just look through the real appointment openings. Click what works for your schedule and book it instantly. And what's great is their appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours. No more waiting months and months to get the care that you need. More health matters and taking care of yourself should not be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with ZockDock. Head to zock.com/remethe to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's zocdoc.com/remethe. When I started, I will teach you to be rich over 20 years ago. 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If your revenues are in at least the seven figures, get their free business guide aligning for the agentic era. How AI is changing every day work at NetSuite.com/Rameet. That guide is free to you at NetSuite.com/Rameet. NetSuite.com/Rameet. Walk me through how money flows in your relationship. Freya? I have not been working a lot lately with the kids. It's been tough. But usually it's Blake's income that we rely on, and it's sporadic. So it depends on how, you know, how was the month before? Do we even have any leftover? It just feels like a scramble. It's like, what hole to plug first? Because maybe we're a little late on rent and a couple of the utilities and like, so it's like, plug those holes up. Oh, but here comes summer camp. What are we going to do in it? It feels like a scramble. It feels like it comes in and it's gone quickly because we're patching holes. So you're making decisions about what bill to pay, including some of your fixed costs like rent or utilities. What about the non-fixed costs? So you mentioned summer camp or, let's say, eating out trips, whatever the non-descriptionary. So what about that? When we have it, we spend it. And then when we don't, we panic. And that's literally how it feels. It's just like pure panic. Otherwise, I'm like, oh, we have a couple extra $100. Let's just go to dinner this one time. And then it's like, oh, well, so-and-so really wants to go. We should try to furniture that relationship. And here we are at dinner doing the same thing we always do. What do you get out of it? Honestly, for me, it feels like a minute of escape. Escape from all the crap that it's going on financially, which is like completely backwards. I know. That's what it feels like. I can forget about it for a minute. Enjoy it for a second and then worry about it later. And Blake, I'm very similar to that. Kick the can down, live in the moment, have that good time, work your butt off, to make the money back. A very sort of myopic take on it. And not no real future planning at all, frankly. And that weighs on you. Emotionally, you have that moment that dinner out or whatever, and then you're like, oh, my God, we spent, you know, $1,000 on dinner this month. It weighs on you, but it seems like not enough to make a change. Well, only recently have we made those changes. What changes? We cut down on all of our subscriptions. I got a bot, a software thing to do budgeting. So we've been like, I've been really paying attention. It's only been like a month, but like, I'm very invested in like a keeping track of things now, which isn't the same as saving yet, but I'm like, I couldn't have told you where I was spending money before. Has anything in the relationship dynamic changed around money in the last month? I mean, we have done weekly, sit down, save all of our suits. I've tried to do weekly, sit down. We've done it twice, and we have not done it in three weeks. The dynamic seems to have been freya, you drive it, and often you are also contributing to spending without knowing where the money's going. Blake is along for the ride. There's not real collaboration. And so even when you are trying to make a change in the last month, it's just you doing more work. That's a hundred percent how it feels. I've done this before. This is not the first time I've tried to get our finances in order. But maybe if I try again, maybe this time, it'll work. It's going to be better, but it's literally the same thing I end up giving up because it feels like I'm doing everything. Why don't you do it differently? I don't know how, I guess. I can't figure out, like, I feel like I can't do it by myself. I don't know. I feel like I'm like, I guess so. I get to say, well, I tried. And when you say that, what does it feel? Like, it's not my fault. I think it's a definite, like me being able to shift some blame and be like, well, I don't know. I can't do it alone. Yeah. And then Blake, she's setting up the meetings, but you have not taken on a role, an active role in this. What do you get out of that? Guilt. Anxiety. You get that? Then why don't you change? Tough question. Um, I mean, it's not tough. Yeah, I need to change. I mean, I don't know why I don't think about it. Yeah, I don't, I'm not sure the real. From my perspective, I'm not him, until lots of therapy in my life, though. And I'm just like, you know, you just, you've had a life when you were growing up where your responsibility wasn't really a thing. You know, it's like a very privileged group upbringing. In your opinion, what is Blake getting out of this? Oh, complete avoidance. Doesn't have to deal with it. Someone else will take care of the problem, which is you, which is me right now. Freya, you called Blake an ostrich with money. I think I understand what that means. And do you accept that comment? Would you agree that you are an ostrich with money? 100%. Okay. I just try to make more money and then not talk about it. Yeah. Maybe the conversations will go away. Yes. So I just make more than we don't have to talk about this for another month. Mm-hmm. And maybe one day, maybe never. Mm-hmm. Classic. That's what's going, that's descriptive. That doesn't tell us what to do about it. Right. I need to look at the numbers. Can we take a look? Okay. Okay. What was it like putting the conscious spending plan together? You don't know. I did it. Oh, that answers my question. So you didn't do it to get, why not? Is that the instructions? We did. I didn't share it with him, but I had already done it because I was like, I had a- You sent it. You sent the link. You go, here it is, FYI, and then you checked off one of those notepads. Exactly. Kind of missing the spirit. We actually sat down on the couch and went through. Did you look through it? Oh, yeah, yeah. And what was that like for you? Shocking, you know, that like, what, we have five hundred, seven hundred and fifty dollars in subscriptions. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Subscriptions at seven p.m. didn't know. Insurance on our house, you know, that we rented in Venice. That hadn't got canceled with our car. That was bundled, a bundle that was unbundled when I canceled it. So you're paying a lot of money, you didn't realize what else? You know, shock at the amount of money we spend on food. Uh-huh. Monthly. Do you remember how much that was? I think we're on the three thousand range above three thousand. Okay. With groceries and eating out and all those. And so you saw that number and what was your reaction? Like we need to figure out a new system. All right. Did you? We switched grocery stores. Talked about the food that we eat. What do you eat for three thousand dollars a month? We eat really, really well at home. Okay. We do not. Look, what does that mean? I mean, Frey has a chef. Yeah. She is an amazing cook and we eat like, we're at a restaurant almost every night. Okay. And it is a luxury and it's amazing. All right. Let's take a look at these numbers. Actually, what does it feel like to look at these numbers? I'm a little nervous. I don't remember every single number that was on there because I haven't looked at it since. So how long has it been since you put this together? I guess about a month. All right. Can you read me the word in bold and the number next to it for this entire box? Assets, $5,000. Investments, $180. Savings, zero, debt, 96,179. Total net worth minus $90,999. Was it feel like to see those numbers? Nauseating. Blake, what about for you? It feels awful. Yeah. Did you know these numbers? Yeah. Okay. I mean, especially the debt numbers and assets. Yeah, I know these numbers. What is the debt? Mostly credit card. That's credit card debt? Yeah. Yeah. I think I have some back taxes. That was my small business that I started. I think that's about it. Most of it's credit card. What does it mean to you when you see these numbers? When you look at the numbers, what is the meaning that you draw from it? Honestly, for me, it feels like failure. It looks like failure. Especially with kids. What about for you, Blake? I was going to say failure as well. Yeah, it's just depressing to look at these numbers first. It's hard as you know, you work to try to get ahead and then that's where you are, it's just like devastating. And you kind of look back and be like, for decades, what small shifts could I've made in behaviors and spending or whatever? And what's the answer? I mean, so many things. First of all, you know, just made some smart fiscal decisions and said no more. Or said, yes, two things like the discussion about personal finances, we're actually embraced the personal finance and look at it. Yeah, I mean, it's just brutal. I mean, it's brutal. It's tough because like, for me, I love my kids. But I'm like, I don't think we were in a position to have two kids when we did, honestly. And like, looking at back at that, I was like, that is a decision I could have made differently. But of course, like you're talking about your children. And then when I did, I wasn't working. And I'm like, I could have tried harder maybe to like get more work somehow and just paying attention. Like I didn't pay attention in like in the years where I was working. And it was easier for me to make money. I wasn't paying attention to where it was going. I didn't do that. I didn't do that. I used to say I was, I'd know when taught me what to do with money, but I also didn't teach myself. Like I know that's a cop out now. So I was like, my parents taught me nothing about money. They had a terrible really. And I put a lot of blame on them. And only recently, and I'm like, well, you know, there's internet, there's books, there's classes. Like I could have done so much more. Yeah. And I just didn't. Are you doing it now? I mean, I'm trying. It's like, I'm like reading a book and I am trying to like work on getting more skills so I can't find more work. But it's like, it feels so late in the game. It's like depressing is like definitely a word that I would use. But I look at this and like, what can I do now? It does feel depressing. It feels daunting. Okay. Let's keep going down the rest of the CSP. So let's talk about the income. Blake, can you read off the combined monthly gross income? Combining my monthly gross income is 11,933. You two combined make $143,000 a year. Do you know that? I mean, I did. You did. Okay. And Blake, did you know that? I knew it was around that. What do you think about the income? I think it's not where we need to be, not where I want to be. Is it a good income, a bad income? Depends on your situation and how you want to live. I think how we're currently, how we have been operating in the past seven years, it's not a great income at all. You two were living like you made a lot more. Yeah. How much do you think income, the lifestyle you were living was 250, 250. That's sort of where we were. I think that's part of the problem. Probably used to make that much. Yeah. I used to make that six figure, low six figure salary. Okay. And then you made money as well. Yeah. So, combined, you were making what? 250, 250. Probably two. Probably two. My salary was 2025. And then, well, that's a lot of money plus bonus. And then it's like, so you've, you've come down from, let's just say 250 to 140. Yeah. And I'm guessing you didn't change a lot of expense. And added two kids. Okay. It was just a cast like an avalanche of expenses and responsibilities. And, that we didn't. Combined with exterior. Yeah. The things that have happened with, you know, economy and what about the interior stuff, the decisions that you made? We didn't, we never talked about it. Yeah. We just, things changed and we just kept doing what we were doing, you know, and just avoiding it. We just avoided it. And there's like no way around it. We just avoided it. And we also lived in like, you know, the people that are our friend group and our circle all made way more money, even before we started. And I definitely feel like there was a leaning into it. And we did not put the brakes on it. Like it didn't matter that I wasn't working. We did the exact same things we were doing anyways. Yeah. I can understand the challenge of going from 250 to 140. That's hard. Yeah. I don't think many people have experienced what that's like at 250, you can spend without having to track a lot of stuff. Yeah. And at 140 with kids, with debt, with additional expenses, that's you, you're not in the same ballpark. I can understand that. I can understand avoiding decisions for a while, that I can understand. What I can't understand is why you haven't made a radical change right now. The only change that I've really heard is we got an app. I am looking through the numbers, but like that's about it. I did do some stuff. Like we got, I cut our subscriptions down to, I think we're down to 250. Some of them are for work stuff so we can't get rid of all of them. Okay. I did change when he said we changed grocery stores. I did research. I didn't know. And I started shopping at different grocery stores. We got rid of our babysitter. Okay. So I've been doing-- So you did make changes, okay? No, I have made changes. Are they enough? No. When we stop blaming, moving, making tinkering changes and we just have to be still, it gets very quiet. And then we have to be like, uh-oh, there's nobody coming to save us. Have you gone to that point yet? I was going to say yes, but I don't think I have because I haven't changed anything. Yes. So let's take a look at the rest of the numbers. Investments are at 1%, that's $60 going to a post-tax retirement account. Savings are at zero. And then everything else, guilt-free spending is negative 2%, which we know is not accurate. You all aren't eating out, just that at a minimum plus any other trips and whatever else. So that's not accurate. Freya, can you read off the fixed cost number? 102%. 102%. What does that mean? What does it mean specifically? It means we're living way beyond our means. Yeah. Every month. That's the ballgame. Right there. Nothing else matters. Right there. That's everything. It means that whatever money you're bringing in, you are spending more just to keep your fixed costs, in other words, the lights on. Yeah. There is no tinkering around the edges that we'll solve that. And when you tell me that you have zero dollars in savings, what this tells me is you are actually weeks away from not being able to pay your rent. This is the problem. This is one of the worst financial situations that I have seen on this show. And I was shocked that it was almost $90,000 of high interest debt. That is just on its face almost impossible to get out of. Then I see the 102% fixed costs. They are spending more than they make every single month with no savings. What can I do here? Sometimes I also think about what the kids in situations like this are going to be learning. Am I going to see these children on my own show 30 years from now? They're coming on and telling me my parents never taught me anything about money. My parents were in severe debt but they covered it up. I don't want that. I'm trying to change these generational cycles. So when I hear that a couple is in this kind of debt, especially high interest debt because they overspent and they have two kids, like that is a real problem for me. A lot of people come to me with the idea that I have some secret magic math formula. I definitely do not. I can guarantee that. That's good. That's good. But I think what often ends up happening is this becomes the place that they can finally stop spinning and actually get quiet and still and realize what the real issues are. What do you think the real issues are? Now that we are looking at your CSP and seeing tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt, no savings, effectively no investments, two children. What are the real issues here? Like avoidance, lack of proactivity, operating out of a negative space and just fix it with more income, kind of mentality, the constant search for more income and not being as good of a partner to Freya and taking some more responsibility really sit down and put my really earnest effort into solving some of those issues and really facing tougher decisions that we probably should make in the future. You ever said that I love before? I've said similar things, but it's about action and not words. Freya, what's the real issues going on here? I think a lot of it for me is feeling siloed like we're not in a partnership and I think that's hard for me because then I feel like I have to do it but that I can't and then I stop and it's like the cycle of just not, I don't know, it just doesn't, I feel like I'm doing it by myself but I'm not doing anything. I mean as recently as three to four weeks ago, you downloaded an app. Yeah. You're taking You can on more. I think I feel a little helpless in the situation to do it. Like, I don't know. I just feel lost. Yeah. I'm just, I look at it. It feels daunting and overwhelming. And I know. And what about for each other? Like, I didn't hear you mention anything about Blake's complete absence from it. Yeah. I think that's why we're feeling siloed. Like, I just, I feel like we end up fighting about it. And it's really hard for me to want to push the conversations, because it's so often ends negatively. And then, yeah, and then it just needs to just go back into our usual, like, M.O.s. And I do all the stuff and then I get frustrated. But yeah, I don't know. It's like, I feel like I need a partner. Whether you're looking for primary care, dentistry, eye care, or anything else, you can easily search by specialty or symptoms. And you can book in-network appointments with more than 150,000 providers across all 50 states. You just look through the real appointment openings, click what works for your schedule, and book it instantly. Your health matters and taking care of yourself should not be complicated. Head to zockdock.com/remethe to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. Z-o-c-d-o-c.com/remethe. Business organization platforms were not really a thing, especially for small businesses. Now, if you already have a business, you don't need to cobble together random tools, like I did way back then. Instead, make things easier on yourself, and harness the power of AI using NetSuite, this episode's sponsor. Whether your company earns millions, or even hundreds of millions, it's time for NetSuite next, where your business meets AI. If your revenues are in at least the seven figures, get their free business guide, aligning for the agentic era, how AI is changing everyday work at NetSuite.com/remethe. That guide is free to you at NetSuite.com/remethe. How much do you think you spend on guilt-free spending? Or let's call it discretionary spending in this case. There's a lot of guilt. How much do you think you spend if you eat out, let's say, how many times a week? A month? More like three times a month. Three times a month. We were really pretty good about that. And then clothes, vacation, personal care. I mean, it's got to be at least $1,200 at least. At least. Kids. A lot of that would probably be the kids stuff. There are clothes and we don't take them to eat out, but they're growing. They have tennis lesson. One of them is in tennis. One of them takes dance. You can ask a question. For a couple that's in almost $100,000 of credit card debt, do their kids get to go to tennis lessons? I mean, ours do, and they probably shouldn't. The scarcity thing of how I was raised and how I always made it work, and I think that's part of my problem. How were you raised? Oh, I didn't get to do anything. I was homeschooled. I was not allowed to go do any. no lessons, no fun. It was just not a thing that we did. We did not go on vacations. We did not do. it was not money. It was very always very scarce, or I was told, anyways, we didn't have any. Is that true? Now I know it wasn't necessarily true. They weren't super well-off, but they were middle-class. Okay. Why'd they tell you that? I don't know if it was the religion part of it. I think that might have had a big part of just not spending, and then there were ups and downs with my dad was the only one working. Got it. And then I was on my own at 17. So it was literally just hand-to-mouth for really, really, really long time. Hand-to-mouth, what does that mean to you? Like, slept on a train when I first moved to New York. Really? Like, you didn't have anywhere to go. Yeah. Do you remember any specific phrases that they said about money? Frases? No. We didn't. We didn't forward it. Yeah, we don't have it. Honestly, we just. I just didn't ask for anything. Were you an only child? No. What a five. Oh, really? And I just remembered "Lay Away." Wow. Close, like, winter coats on "Lay Away." Are your siblings in similar financial situations? Yes. All of them. The one with one exception. You mentioned your family was religious. Tell me a little bit about that. Oh, wow. Hardcore, Jehovah's Witness. Hardcore. Really? Like, I did not go to school. I was taken out of school when I was 10. Wow. So no formal education until I was 70. I applied for a fashion school. Like, I got a high school diploma for my home school. I applied to the fashion school, got in on my own steam, and did that for a couple years. And that's how I ended up being able to have in a career later. But yeah, I didn't go to high school. Everything I know, I had to learn on my own. Like, I would go to the library and study things because it was just, here's what you have to do to graduate every year. I just, I never got any actual education. Are you still religious? Oh, God. Oh, okay. And you're civil school. I'm spiritual, but I'm not religious. What about your siblings? No. They're not religious either. Oh, absolutely not. Even my dad's not in the religion anymore. Is that right? Mm-hmm. Wow. How do you think your religious upbringing affected your view of money? A lot of it did go to the church, and I was very resentful of a lot of it. I think I had a big, I had a big resentment towards the whole thing because I wasn't allowed to be educated. When I was talking about what job I would want to support myself, it was like, be a locksmith so you can go preach God's word during daytime hours and you can work it. Yeah. So there was a lot, it was like very deprivation, scarcity kind of mindset. And I think that had a lot to do with it. And I had realized really early on that I would have to be completely self-reliant. Which I feel like also translated me like, well, I'm going to do whatever I need to do for me to feel good. And that's a lot of that translated to not saving, not denying myself stuff. Because you were denied so often as a kid. Oh, yeah. And what about the relationship here? How do you think that your religious upbringing has affected your relationship with Blake? Okay. But it comes down to saying no to one's self. I feel like I found a kind of like my soulmate and not wanting to do that. You don't say no to yourself, nor does he. Yeah. And I feel like that, it felt kind of symbiotic in a way. Like we both kind of have like the same kind of laissez-faire, you know, embrace life while you can viewpoint. And I think that's one of the reasons we clicked in the first place, just like kind of our similar outlooks. That outlook being, let's say yes, let's take the day on, let's enjoy what life has to offer. Yeah. And like in Hustle, and we both have a really big hustle mentality. Ah, hustle mentality. It works until it doesn't. You can hustle, yeah, you can hustle when your fixed expenses are low and when you're 25. When you're 25, but when you have high fixed costs, including 90K of debt, when you have two children, hustling stops working. We are realizing that now. I really feel for Freya, hearing how she grew up in a way that most of us cannot fathom. Kicked out of her house at 17. Just imagine what type of upbringing somebody had to go through in order for that to happen. Being a Jehovah's Witness, having many siblings, none of whom are religious anymore, and almost all of whom are in similarly dire financial straits. There's obviously a lot going on when she grew up. That causes long lasting effects. Some of you ate pizza two days ago, and the roof of your mouth is still burned and you're complaining about it all so difficult my life. It is quite illuminating that Freya was kicked out of her house at 17. And here she is, maybe weeks away from being kicked out of her house as an adult, as a mother. The ways that we grow up often show up for us as adults. We are often inescapable unless we make huge changes. What about you? What do you remember? Your family saying about money when you were young. We don't talk about money, we're Southern. You okay? - I grew up in the Bible belt, man. You know, you don't talk about money. - Wow. - You don't talk about emotions. - Mm-hmm. - You don't, you know, sweep it under the rug. - Right. - I grew up in Eastern Tennessee, you know, felt wealthy or felt privileged for sure. - Why'd you feel that? - My dad was a doctor in a small town. - There was not lay away. Was not a thing for us. - Take trips? - Trips, you know, the annual summer trip, yeah. - And what did that teach you? - The fact that you grew up privileged. Like, what was your feeling about money? - My feeling about money was, I just didn't give it much thought, frankly. I never talked to my parents about it. In fact, when I confided in my dad, the work I'm to do this show last couple days ago, he ironically said, "Wow, it's gonna be really nice. "It must be nice to be able to talk to someone about that." Right? - Wow. - And I was like, yeah. - What would have been 20 years ago to get a little? - Wish I would have asked, you know? Wish I would have dug a little deeper because I know there's information there. I didn't know that my parents struggled with their mortgage. At one point, we had to ask them, hey, can we borrow 5K or whatever, 10K? And they were like, "Absolutely, we can help you out." It was a bandaid, but it was so helpful and we were very grateful. But then they confided and let us know that they too had a similar issue. There were points in their lives that they, you know, didn't know if they were gonna make their mortgage, et cetera. And I was like, I was like, really? I mean, shocked to even know that. Never heard any of that before. I think the main takeaway from my parents that I can remember was invest. Roth IRA, like burnt into the brain. I actually don't think that that's on here. There is a Roth with 18K. - Oh, I didn't know that. - In this that I've never told anyone about 'cause I don't ever wanna touch the Roth. - That's quite interesting. How did that not come up? - I don't wanna cash it out. - Is that for real? - Yeah, yeah, so you know that if you bring that up into this dynamic, it will simply get drained. - Yeah. - Okay. - And I know Roth, I mean, from the little I know, I know Roth IRA is one thing that you absolutely shouldn't touch and everything else has been touched. So what does that feel like to hear that? - I'm actually not. I thought I would be mad if I found something out like that, but I get it. - You get it. - I understand. And you know, I had a 401K once upon a time too, and somebody convinced me to take it out, and I never saw it again, and it's, so I get it. And I don't think it's anything. - I didn't realize that I was asking if you can blame Blake, just asked how it felt to hear that. - I mean, it's, I'm surprised. And I'm also kind of relieved in a way to know that there's still something there, like, I feel a little bit of relief, honestly, just to know that there is something somewhere. - Blake, what do you think that your lessons about money, what are those have you brought to this relationship? - Yeah, I don't think I brought any good tools to this relationship, but-- - I feel like you're being a little coy about your upbringing. He went to boarding school. - What's up? - Like, they went, they're yearly vacations where like weeks long in Europe, I feel like you can be coy. - Quite interesting, how come you didn't bring that up? - I mean, that was, there was one. - But you guys, you went to boarding school. - Yeah, I went to boarding school. - It's a different caliber of wealth than we might think, like, small town doctor. - Exactly. - Okay, that's interesting. - What is this? - What are these secret accounts coming out of nowhere when they're down to 180 bucks in their investment account? At first, it's like, uh, very comfortable. My dad was a little country doctor. Then the hidden IRA, where did that come from? I certainly didn't know about it. And the boarding school, two secrets, two things that provide a ton of color, but just glossed over. That kind of changes the story. It kind of tells me you have a different view than what I was led to believe. The funniest part of this, by the way, is that I only caught on to this because I glanced at Freya's face. As I've always said, the partner knows best. When someone is not telling the full story, I just look one foot to the left. Boom, there you go. First of all, I'm not okay with people hiding things from me. If you come here, you want help. So why would you lie when I'm trying to help you? But second, it's just another way of recreating this dynamic of Blake not getting into the details of staying superficial or vague and not engaging with the meat, the real fact of the matter. We got to make a change on this one. So no lessons from that? Like, let me put myself in your shoes. I grow up in the south, wealthy family. I never really have to worry about money. I get the things I want. And we travel and we see the world. And then I grow up, and I make six figures, living a pretty good life. And then I blink my eyes and I find myself in $90,000 of debt, potentially about to be evicted. I'm kind of like, I don't understand what happened here, but I just need to keep earning money. 'Cause if I just make money, then I can have the type of childhood or type of relationship that we had growing up. Where did I go wrong on that? How much of that is accurate? Very, very accurate. All right, yeah, it's, yeah. I've always had strong income, good worth ethic. I think you didn't need to develop any serious skills around money. I think that you grew up, your family provided, provided very well, didn't teach you much. Right. When did you start making a lot of money? 30s, 30s, right? Made it, spent it, developed no real skills for saving. Right. You know what, you know what, a lot of people grow up, privileged with their parents not telling them about money, but they don't get into $90,000 of debt. What do you think happened here differently? I was just very Peter Pan-esque. I'm on a good role here, positive outlook, totally naive of like, this will lead to more. And with each year that salary is gonna get a little bigger. Things are on my side, not thinking about a worst-case scenario, never like imagining like, oh, wow, big things can shift and I have no security blanket. And life doesn't always go up. Yeah. Putting things on credit card, paying down. I mean, I never, that whole time, I never missed the credit card payment, you know, but pay them down. And then that just became a little more comfortable to put there comfort. Yeah, that's what you mentioned early on. And not saying no, I don't, I'm not. Confrontation is not good. Like I, confrontation has always been a problem for me or really standing up, even if I think like, this is not a good idea. I'd rather just go with the bad idea and deal with it later. What if I told you that in order to succeed with money or frankly in order to not get evicted, you will need to confront the very thing that you have avoided your entire life. Confrontation. I had a feeling you were going to say that. Yeah, I mean, we have to. I have to afford for Freya and frankly, for my children. Because I, because it's, you know, very emotional because you want the kids to have great future and experiences. And I'd rather them know the problems we're having now. Then try to hide, like your family did. I mean, you made the choice to come on here. They're going to see this one day. Yeah. What do you think about that? Good, I mean, find that. Rather like, you know, strip down, make it until the truth and hopefully someone learn from it at them or someone else. But I do don't make the mistakes of that guy, man. Yeah, you know, that's, that is the kind of energy that I have not seen today, but that tells me you might be ready to make a change. It's very courageous. I think it's a gift that your kids are going to see this one day. Because look at what happened that your parents didn't teach you. They were very privileged, your family. They could have taught you about when times are good and when times were not. That is an opportunity they did not. Even today, your dad goes, oh, must be nice. Like, there's an opportunity for a lesson. And they couldn't do it for whatever reason. That was their time and their style. OK, but you two can. Yeah. I think that's my, as we're thinking about coming here, is that's my goal. Like make that, make that change so the plane lands in a different area for them, you know? Yes. And actually for you too. And for us too, yeah. This is a really difficult situation. They are going to have to make huge changes that they are unaccustomed to. But seeing Blake, stripped down, basically say, I'm ready to make a change and cry. That tells me that there is. most people in a bad financial situation struggle to even acknowledge that it's a problem. People will make endless justifications for it's not so bad or at least we're not as bad as our neighbors. Here, you can see that Blake is actually acknowledging they're in a bad situation. And that is the first step to making a plan that's going to get them out of it. We need to go back to the numbers now. Now that I understand a little bit more about how you grew up and I want to see what these numbers are specifically lined by line. Let me take a look. So under your fixed costs, your rent is $3,480, which is 29% of take home pay. It's not bad in and of itself. It's a little higher than 28%, but these days that's difficult to hit. Yeah. But it doesn't give you any real margin for extra stuff. Did you know that? Yeah. You knew that when you downscaled from Venice to go to Washington, you chose that. I was making more money at the time. Okay, got it. So you're making more money and you're making less now. So now days you're making $2,200 a month. I'm making about half of what I was making before. All right. Utilities, 450 insurance, 488, car payments, 636. Does that include gas as well? Yeah. Okay, one's at least in its electrics. We don't pay for that. But then we have another car, a second car that we own outright. Uh-huh. And that's for you. Do you need two cars? Wow. That's a good answer. It's definitely something. Say enough said. When you sigh, I said, good by car. Nice knowing you. No need to tell me. We'll get to that. Enjoy the last 12 minutes with your car. Thank you for the sign. Debt payments are $290. There's no f***ing way. No, that's because we're, I mean, that's the other part. We have not been making the credit card payments. At all. I mean, in the minimums. I think late in the last couple of months, when it's been. No, it just stopped. So is it in collections? Yeah. It just hit collections last. Like last week or last month. When you saw that, what was your reaction? When I saw it, I mean, I know it was coming. And then? I was like, I think bankruptcy is probably the answer. So I reached out to bankruptcy lawyer. And then we'd learn to the cost of that. And it's like, oh my god, five years. And then? What was your reaction then? To hang tight and figure out how to do. How to couple the money together for the bankruptcy lawyer. The pattern here is a very superficial engagement with money. It's like, don't pay any attention to it. I'm fast-forwarding a lot. Get a collections notice. And just like, all right, what's the fastest way out of this? Call a bankruptcy attorney. No engagement with the numbers. No guarantee you have not picked up a book or done something differently because of that collections notice. Not even doing your regular meetings. Yeah. Just like, what's the most surface level thing that can get this away from me because it feels bad? Do you notice that pattern? Yeah. You cannot delegate your way out of this. You cannot stay at this surface level. And actually, the hardest part of this transformation is in the weeds and it's the only way out. Groceries are $1,200 and that's down from over 3,000. That is down from. Yeah, it was a little over 3K. Clothes 50, phone 260, subscriptions are 375 and that's down as well. Phone's gone down too. I kicked my kids off the phone plan. I've been paid for my adult children's phones since they were 10. Get in tight on this. What the f*ck is wrong with all these parents in credit card debt paying for their adult children's cell phones? Are you f*cking kidding me? When I moved to New York, you know, I lived in this building as a nice building. And my very nice naive parents from California came to help me move in and you know, they're like helping me push the card up to elevator and they're looking around it. They're like, "Wow, there's a lot of young people in this building. They must do very well." And I just laughed at that. I'm like, "Mom, these kids' parents paid for their apartment." And they were like flabbergasted. 'Cause this doesn't happen on the West Coast as much as in New York. They're like, "How can the parents afford to pay for their apartment?" I'm like, "Oh my god, it's so adorable. They don't know how this works." But yeah, here we are in debt paying. Now, this opens up a whole can of words. What else have you paid for for your adult children? Not a lot. Honestly, no. And that is why I kept doing it. 'Cause I had a lot, I felt guilty that I couldn't do more for them. This was like, for me, I was like, "Oh, it's like the bare minimum I can pay." Why don't you feel guilt about having, you know, almost being evicted. Why not that? Right. I don't even like guilt, first of all. No, I don't know. So I'm being a bit facetious here, but like, the guilt of not going on a trip. No, it's crazy. The guilt of not paying for my grown kids' phones. Mm-hmm. And my O'Pare's phone too, I had to kick her out. My old O'Pare, that does not work for us any longer. I'm like, yeah, no. I was like, this is insane. I don't know what. I don't know. I'm like, what? You know what? I mean, I feel, I mean, I think it is because, again, when I was brought, I got nothing from my parents. I mean, I got kicked out. They gave me negative thing. They gave me negative. But you're about to get kicked out yourself. Yeah. So while I understand that your background has influenced the way that you give, and perhaps even give when you can't, you're about to lose it all. Yeah. Like, I would actually get angry. Angry at myself. Angry at my upbringing. Angry at each other. Angry at the dynamic that we have allowed ourselves to sink into. Yeah. Why not take that? Why not decide what emotion you're going to bring to bear? And then channel it like a freaking magnifying glass till it lights this thing on fire. Why not that? I like that. No, I like this. Then this is, I feel like I like that with so much of my rest of my life. Yeah. Somebody who has multiple freaking no-pads knows what it's like to focus their energy. I also like that with the rest of my life. And it's just, it's been a weird, I don't know how like it got here. Right. My enhance, except for like, I do, psychologically, I know. I've been used to people taking from me. I've been used to not having, I've been used to be able to make it up. Yes. And it's just like, it is not working anymore. You made decisions over and over and over again that brought you here. Yeah. Like we can, we can catalog them. There was Mexico. There's paying for adult children. There's not saying no. There's not having meetings. There's not even knowing that you're spending thousands of dollars a month on groceries. These are compounding over time. Yeah. Right. And they're certainly not adjusting your expenses when you cut your income. All of these things worked in tandem like a magnifying glass and they lit a fire too. The fire just happened to be $100,000 of credit card day. Okay. Continuing along, we have childcare for 1400 and kids activities for 173. And then miscellaneous, which is $1,320. Would that be fair? Pretty close. Yeah. Yeah. Childcare. Can you just walk me through that? So you have childcare. The youngest one is still in preschool. There's no free pre-K where we live. How long until that changes? August. And then how much will you save? 1400. That's good. Yeah. That's great. Good. Let's keep going. Investments. You have $60 going. All right. Savings are zero. And then you all have what else? We talked about eating out. What else? Books and art supplies. What's art? That's an Indian person's answer. What's art? I mean, I do sell my pieces. Don't do that. Let's be intellectually honest. I would say it's been at least $100 a month on books. Go ahead, Blake. I would say at least. And we get an accurate number. Give me the ceiling, not the floor. Between Ross, Michaels, and books, and machines that make things. Probably, if we averaged out 300 a month. What do you make of me going through these numbers? Blake, what are your surprises? I'm not surprised by a lot of them here. Yeah. I mean, I'm surprised at how little we have in a certain situation. But are you surprised by anything? Yeah, our inaction. I was shocked that we looked at this, and we're like, cool. Let's go to dinner next week. It doesn't even feel like myself. It's almost like it's happening to somebody else. That's kind of what it feels like to look at that. I just feel like there's this huge chasm between me and those numbers for some reason. Yes. And it's honestly, I'm frankly annoyed with myself. Good. You should be pissed. Yes, I am pissed. So, in order for me to help you make a change, I need to know. Right now, you're essentially just, you're still spending the way you used to spend. Us cutting this down by $200 is going to make no difference. We got to start blank page. So, I want to know rich life, but rich life starting from where you are today. What is your rich life? In other words, it can't be, we're going to retire in five years. That's not going to happen. What is your true rich life based on where you are today? I think rich life would be keeping our kids in some extracurricular activities. That's the first part of your rich life is spending money on your kids. Letting them do some things. Okay. Taking all that so they get so much joy out of that What else? Yeah, family trips whether that's camping or whatever What role does the debt play in your rich life? It would feel great to start Just addressing that head on okay, so I can sleep at night and not have to worry. It's quite interesting that Kids came first then trips not a mention of debt until I brought it up. What does that tell you? It's not forefront. Yeah, then I'm avoiding it. Yes, you're not there yet until you Actually confront the reality that you probably have to pull your kids out of certain activities If you want to get out of this debt, then we're stuck. Yeah, I was actually Shocked you didn't say Get rid of more debt first and start saving towards our retirement like that's That's what would be my rich life is to know that tell me what is it that we pay down this debt and we have a savings account for the months But we know it's gonna be light on income and also you know from my rich life. I want to work I'm it's like it's not because I don't want to I Worked since I was 15 years old and it's like so for me having a fulfilling career when I'm getting paid to contribute More to our families so we can do all that stuff was definitely high on my list Okay, so increasing the income paying off the debt Mm-hmm. Okay. I just don't want to have to like worry about it every waking hour That's what they play. Honestly, that's all I need. Yeah, so I'm not like Stressed out by it every waking hour the way that you will begin to stop feeling this ever-present anxiety is by making a plan Okay, you have no plan. We have no plan. Mm-hmm Even when I asked the plan was like well, we got to put the kids in these activities. No We got to make a plan for the debt. Mm-hmm. We got to make a plan for savings Like we have made almost a decades worth of decisions that got us here We got to make rapid big changes to shift it. Okay, so do we agree on that? We have to make big changes and they have to be fast. Mm-hmm. Yeah, great. I'm gonna put the CSP back up on screen. Okay When I do that We know that our typical goal is to bring that fixed cost number down to 60 percent. Okay, in your case It's gonna be a little different because you have debt, which means that 60 percent is gonna go up. We'll deal with it Here we are as a reminder. You're spending 102% of your take-home pay on fixed costs is unsustainable You will lose your house very soon. So We're gonna do an exercise where each of you bounces back and forth and you make a change to your CSP so the goal here is to make big Bold changes fast. We don't want to get stuck in the weeds. Who wants to start? Actually, I already know who I'm starting You're starting. We're gonna sell some of her art supplies. No The biggest change I Feel like would be the house You want to rent a smaller house. I just don't know if that makes it if it the cost of moving If we save a thousand dollars a month on a smaller place That what we have talked about it. I know that you talked about I have talked about it and brought it up a lot And what was your reaction? My reaction was Just concerned that the cost of moving Will mitigate any savings throughout the next year. You were concerned. Yeah, this is your Way of not making changes. You express concern now concern is fine, but concern is just like a way to put the brakes on any changes I can tell you right now you're moving costs especially because you can economize you're not get these fancy movers move it yourself Okay, saving a thousand dollars a month is huge. It compounds over time. Huge massive in your case Do you think that realistically you could find a place that you would save a thousand dollars a month on close to it? I've been looking and I want to stay in the same school district for the kids. Yeah, and I we can great. How much a thousand eight hundred What's realistic? That's say eight hundred to be conservative. All right. Okay. Wow. That's a big change Take a look at this number the 102 percent. Mm-hmm. We're down to 94 percent going in the right direction. Well done. Nice. Freya. What do you got? Big changes. Well, like I said the car We could probably be fine with one car. Okay. It's hard. It is very suburban So it can't be tough, but we could we could do it. How much are you going to save? four hundred and eighty dollars. You serious? Four eighty four. Yeah, four eighty four month And actually more to because in our strengths we'll go down. Yes. Yeah. Let's call it five hundred just to me. Okay 136 Our gas prices will go up though What's the number say 89 percent well done keep going. What's next? Child care will be gotten. Yeah. Child care. Let's mark it off because that I mean Unless we take the win zero watch the numbers We're down to 75 percent. This is actually going way better than I thought I got a take a second celebrate. This is crazy. Okay. Wow. It feels so much better. Oh my phone already went down It's only eighty dollars a month now. Oh really? Are you serious? Yeah, but I also found out that we can go on a family plan and it'll only be one twenty on my phone I just need to move you over. Let's do that one over. Yeah watch We're down now to 73 percent. Okay. Wow What else keep going kids activity. Sorry. I was waiting for that one. Yeah. What do you want to put it? Zero Can I make a suggestion? Yeah, I'm always for cutting kids activities when you're in debt But there's some other stuff here that's quite obvious that we could miss my nerves What's the lenient miscellaneous? Yeah Like in what the world is a couple in almost a hundred k of debt spending $1320 a month on miscellaneous. No way literally. Yeah, I'm sorry to get mad This is crazy like what even if I don't even yeah, what is that? We add that so because couples don't They they're loose. They don't track it and we know this because you used to spend Double or triple on your groceries a couple in this kind of debt Cannot afford to have this loosey goosey buffer. Yeah, they are meticulous. Yeah, okay in in your case Like we're talking about meticulous down to the level of we're not spending an extra 30 bucks out eating because the kids are crying. No cry. We're going home That's a big snack packers Yes, but the eating out the eating out is us 100% and that's something we need to just Say now to love it and can we can we just flip that instead of we need to because we're not doing that anymore. We're going to we will The same not be eating out any I was a private chef. I cook. We'll have people over for dinner. How about that? Miscellaneous I'm taking that down to 200 because I'll give you 200 a buffer, but that's it. Oh my god My books 200. Yeah, goodbye to books like ever here of a public library. Actually, I actually do that too. I really love yeah Go to the library. I do my bet 200 bucks washing number We're down to 62% I actually believe this mean either and we're not even done keep going. Don't stop. What else trim groceries a little bit? Yes, we can try to 900 Oh Okay, I guess with four people in a row that's challenging a little, but you're a chef yes, and I like come on very no I'm like I can be more economical than I am. Can you make it 800? I wouldn't say this to a normal like family, but you're a chef. It's like come on. Yeah, I have to just take the the chef part out Do the production part? Oh Because that's where it gets me. I'm like I'll grasp it Yeah, no, I'll do a good budget, and I'll do this trapping and that was that one day We can't do that anymore. It's um it's really like the difference in you know a luxury hotel This is like we're just here for a clean room, and that's it. Yeah chicken breast and broccoli it is exactly How much tell me that hold on 100 and like I want to show you the reaction that you're giving me which is You mentioned it earlier on for so much of life. I have gone through basically trying to like I'll figure it out Yeah, or how much can I get away with and I think that's the energy you're bringing to this decision right now Yeah, and I would like to encourage you to flip that okay that energy of like how much can I get away with that actually does not work Because look where we are Flip it how much can I add to paying off our debt? Yes, yes, yes, so tell me the number for groceries. Let's do 850 No, go more aggressive. You're way too smart. Does that include Wine no, I'm guaranteeing you it doesn't Did everybody catch that audio does that include wine? What's wine? Well, it's not even what's mine. It's what yeah, no, obviously this is No, he didn't answer Oh my god, this is I mean I couldn't script it. No, it doesn't it doesn't yeah, it doesn't and it doesn't include grass fed Beef and it doesn't include y'all ever hear of Safeway lucky Yeah, I actually stop at Winco now Winco love it back your own groceries. I know it well So good they're so good. They're cheap. Okay, so That's like how we got it down to the 1250s not enough you need to go more aggressive. You're in serious financial straight What is it 750? Yes 750 And that's a peak that's a peak it will be no higher than 750 And if you can bring it down to 700 or even 650 I love a challenge I mean, yes, see how long we get to everything in the pantry before I even go back to the That's one of our bingo if you can defray spending money Or simply avoid it for like the equivalent of three weeks or four weeks. That's literally thousands of dollars that you save. That money can go right towards debt. That's how you do it. As you can see, we're making changes on the CSP, but these are actually lifestyle and attitude changes. And I can be creative enough to provide for this family using my skills and paying the debt off aggressively. Well done. The number at 57%. - Come on. - I think you all need to give yourself a round of applause so far. Good job. I didn't, I can't even clap, because I'm like, really? - Can I, I really don't want to move. Okay. - And that's fair. - We've moved our family so many times. - So what are you gonna do then? 'Cause we need the number to be lower. - Can we just see what it looks like? If we keep it the old rent. - Yeah, what was it? - 3480. - 3480. All right, good question. I like that you're asking, hey, can we talk about this or that? That's great. Takes you back up to 65%. - Okay, not, it's still not good. I also feel like I could make more money. - Talk to me. - Right now I am working 10 hours a week. - How much can you make? - I mean realistically I could work 20 hours a week. I'd have to find a new source of that income, but I don't think it's an impossibility. I think I should be at least able to bring that up to $3,200 a month. - $200 a month, right? - It's another $1,000 a month. - Yeah. - I could do that. - You just have to be more aggressive about the job. - So I'm gonna hard code this in to be 10,800, okay? It's not accurate, but it's in the bulk. - Yeah. - Watch the number on fixed costs, 60%. Not bad. - That's not bad. - Here's how I might think about it if I were in your situation. I might say, okay, we prefer not to move. - Mm-hmm. - However, we need to get these numbers aggressively down. - Right. - If you can find a job in the next four weeks that generates $1,000 a month, not $600, not $800, $1,000 gross, we can stay. If not, we move. Like that is the level of decisiveness that you bring to this problem. - I like that. - Okay. - All right. - I'll be very motivated to you. I also don't want to do that. - Who does this? - I've moved one of the times in my life. - Okay. - That is very clear when he's having so much. - And your roles are very clear, which is like, you have to provide the, you have to hit the numbers on the groceries and you have to find a job if you want this plan to work. And if not, you know exactly what you're gonna do. - Can I have an ask? - Please. - Can you help with the grocery stuff? Can we do that together? - Yes. - I hate doing it by myself. - Okay. - And then being also, it feels like there are a lot of pressure to be like, I am the only one that has been there. - Does it need to be both of you or can you just delegate that? Can he bring it and you cook? - Let's make a menu together. - What I would propose is that we make the menu together. We use our skylight and plug it in there. So we have all that stuff. So there's less. - Less Lucy Goosey. I'm like, oh, I didn't plan today. - Yeah. - What's a skylight? - Oh, it's our scheduling. It's like a calendar. - Oh, it's like a family. Okay. - Yeah, yeah. - But who's gonna pick up the groceries? - I'll do, I don't mind doing it. I just feel like the planning part, I would like to do together. - Okay, great. So you all need to make a time when you do it. It needs to be on the schedule. And there's no more unscheduled, like, - Yeah, go run and get this. - Oh, I decided I'm making this today instead. And I, because I do get tired of doing it sometimes, I like that happens. So it would be nice, and it'd be nice to do it together. - All right, great. Let's get to the vault. - Let's look at the rest. Investments at $60. All right, fine, we can keep it. That doesn't really do anything, but okay. Savings are at zero. That's gotta change. I just wanna point out, look at the, look at the bottom of the CSP. You currently have $4,000 a month. - That does not feel like a real number. - Yeah, it's real. - How? - Look at the place face, he's like, "What the fuck?" - How? - You know how? - By budgeting and I'm sorry, by having a CSP. - It's because you cut dramatically. - Yes. - You cut a lot. You cut $1,000. You increase your income. You may or may not cut the rent. You cut $1,000 off of miscellaneous. And then hundreds and hundreds of dollars from various things. This is very impressive. That means you have $4,000 a month to distribute. How do you wanna use that money? - Debt, savings. - Good, which one comes first? - Debt, no, savings with the kids. I think it's really hard to have that like, oh wow, they might not have everything over their head. - Yeah, that's a big problem. - Yeah, so I feel like savings. - I do agree that savings is more important right now. I can't believe I'm saying that to a couple in almost six figures of credit card debt, but the fact is you have two kids and you are almost out of your house. That's, you cannot allow that to happen. Do you see why I am moving so quickly? You don't have time to decide about this or that. You need the money now, which means any groceries that you were going to spend on, don't, 'cause you have the pantry. The car, get rid of it as quickly as possible. All these other changes immediately stop and go back and double check the subscriptions, 'cause even an extra $100 that you were about to spend, like the phone, you need it for savings. - Yeah. - That's it, it's as simple as that. You have to attack it with ferocity. - Yeah. - Okay. I think that we would want to look at a debt payoff plan, but in your case, you can call the credit card and talk to them about you're in a hardship. You need to make a plan that works with them and what can they do for you? - Okay. - Okay, so there's several things your credit is gonna be in trouble. - Yeah. - It's already gone to collection, so even moving is gonna be challenging for you. - That's, well, yeah. - That's what's happened, so. - My credit is good. - My credit is good. - Yeah. - Okay, well, but we're trying, and we're trying to keep it that way, so. - Yeah. Call them, use the scripts from chapter one of my book. You're gonna have to spend at least a couple of thousand bucks a month to pay that debt off. I shouldn't say at least you can spend less. They will let you, you can use the debt payoff calculator on my website. And that will allow you to see how long until your debt is paid off. Guys, with thousands of dollars a month, you could pay that relatively quickly, especially if your income goes up. - And I love that idea. I love that idea. - You might have noticed that I didn't allocate the perfect amount for them to put in their debt payoff plan. Why? It's kind of like you buying one of those taken baked pizzas. You know, they're made, but you take it home and put it in your oven. You get a sense of satisfaction from doing it yourself. There is something to that here. I need them to go through the calculator themselves. I need them to realize that it's gonna take months, actually years to pay off this debt. And hey, if we put an extra 200, it will shave that down by six years. It is important for them to get their hands dirty, to get tactile, to get involved. And that is true for so many parts of money. We're not just looking for some AI tool to do the whole thing for us. I want you in there, feeling it, baking it, even if you need a little help, so that you know what it takes to be successful. - The real game changer would meet in full time. - Can you do it? - I can go full throttle. - Trying to find a full time position. - I've been like, I run my own company now with a partner. - Yeah. - But it is a hustle. - And it's some good months, some bad months. And so we tried to come up with the number here, but when I go in-house as a creative director, you know, it's usually a 200 to 50 salary. - Can we just do this now? Like send a text message right now. Lock it down. That is the biggest thing you could possibly do. - Yeah. - Especially for 401K, and then all things that come with it. - I've never made this little money in my life. And so now it's like, I just, I think that for me is the fastest sort of thing. - Yes, yes. - What are the possibilities knowing the economy and your space? How likely is it that you could get a job like that? - I mean, if I go, I think, probably 75, 80%. - And like, within like how long do you think? Six months a year, like how long it takes? - I think within three to six months. - Wow, yeah. That's really like, is that surprising? - Sure, yes. - I mean, everyone says it takes, but I, you know, do we all agree that that is the route to take? - Yeah. - You agree. Do you agree? - Yeah. - Okay, done. - Amazing. Okay, Blake can go out and seemingly earn tens of thousands of dollars more in a new job. That doesn't happen very often. That's not for everybody, but it is for them. And the fact that they haven't done that yet, that he hasn't done it, is actually what I want you to take away from this. Oftentimes, people's houses are burning down and there's a fire hose right there and they don't even pick it up. You wanna know why most of us are problem oriented, meaning we love to talk about our problems. We agonize over them, we elaborate on them, but very few of us, I would estimate, fewer than 5% of people are solution oriented, meaning we look for solutions. We try one, we try another. The interesting thing is we can be solution oriented in one part of life, but not in another. And for whatever reason, money tends to be one of the primary areas that people are problem oriented, but not solution oriented. If you've got a financial problem, you may have a solution right in front of you. Forget about the fact that he can make $50,000 more. That's not the point. The question to apply to your own financial situations, do I have a fire hose right in my front yard and why am I not picking up? >> Going full throttle on that would allow you to increase your income, your income for your income would go up, your household income would massively skyrocket. And here's the key, here's where you will likely fail unless you make a change. Can you tell me what it is? >> He's sticking to the CSP and I mean, now we can spend $3,000 on the CSP. >> Because when you get back into the 175, 200, 200, you're like, oh, let's loosen up. Let's not. Usually, couples, I go, yeah, you're spending, you're making more, go ahead and spend a little bit more. In your case, it will actually be pure to just be like, we're not those people anymore. For now, we are going to only focus on debt and savings. We are not, it'll even seem nonsensical at points. >> But I would really love to do to get the kids involved, even this little. >> Tell me, yes, tell me, how would you do it? >> My six-year-old's been asking for a bank account, he has a little notebook that he keeps all his little change in, and I was like, okay, even with the meal planning, let them pick out something that we can cook, and they can like, I'll even take them to the grocery store. >> Yes. >> One at a time. >> But the only choices they have are like broccoli or rice. >> Yeah. >> I mean, you'd be shocked with my kids' left broccoli and rice, but yeah, but literally getting them involved, and then when we say no, we can show them why. >> Yes. >> And they can have like a little savings account, and they're like, no, let's put this dollar here, and now look at your bank account. >> That's how you do it. And I feel like that's something that you'd seen and sound like I certainly never got, doesn't sound like you did. >> You all have a gift of an opportunity here, which is to let them in on what's going on. Of course, they may not understand what $99,000 of debt is. >> Right. >> Maybe they don't even need to hear it at that age. But to tell them, look, right now we realize we need to make a change, and we need your help. Can you help us? >> Yeah. >> They'll be like, yes. >> Okay. >> They think they can be like, you didn't spend it. You guys get a gold star, mom and dad. >> And when you do that, yes, you're helping them, but actually you're helping yourselves. Because your new identity as a couple who will not allow yourselves to stay in debt, you've know publicly told your kids that. So how can you go back on it? >> Yeah. >> I think you have a very viable plan. And I have to say, I am pleasantly surprised and even shocked. The reason for this is twofold. One, on the income side, you both have the possibility and skills, and you are willing to make more money. That's not easy. If your kids were a little younger, that wouldn't be possible. >> Yeah. >> But you're in this place where, wow, you both can do it and you're willing to do it. That's amazing. That's teamwork. >> Yeah. >> Now, the only thing that matters is will you actually stick to the plan? >> I mean, I want to stick to this plan. I'm going to stick to the plan. >> You too. I feel-- >> It's going to feel so much better. >> Yeah. >> I mean, even if, like, there's just no way it can't feel better than this. >> Oh, no. >> And if we're all about comfort, let's not be miserable every time you put our head out and pillow and start having racing thoughts about this. Like, this is so stupid that we've been doing this. >> I'm putting just for sample, $2,500 a month in savings, okay? And you still have-- >> You still have. >> Okay. >> You all can have-- how much do you think you should have in guilt free spending? Just a ballpark per month. >> Per month? Like, in our situation right now? >> Yes. >> $2.50. >> Great. What do you think? >> $2.50. >> Yeah. >> Totally doable. >> Okay. That's an amazing answer. That's kind of like what I was thinking. Like, $2.50, that's like, you know, one or two-- one thing with the kids and maybe one thing for the two-- and that's it. >> Yeah. >> Can you do it? Cuz this is a different life than the kind you've been leading. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You can do it, do it. And what that allows you is to have like roughly $1,500 a month, even more to put between debt payoff and savings. >> Oh. >> Okay. That's a lot. >> It's like, how do we not do this before? >> Yeah. You know, part of this, what's happening here is that when you are in it with your money, most people never zoom up to look at the bird's eye view and even to be able to zoom up requires you to work through a lot of psychology and emotions and relational issues. >> That's the thing. Cuz you get into it and then it becomes a you or you and like, why did that was, you know, to have this, like you said, bird's eye view and an objective viewpoint. >> I also wanted to ask you if you wanted to move in with us, if we don't want you. >> Yeah. Getting a little extra red would be, I do love, I do love to rent. Okay. I want to say that I'm so impressed at how far you've come on the CSP. The reason that we're able to make this plan, which just seemed to kind of breeze back, in part is that you were willing to acknowledge certain change, the way you were brought up, the way that you need to relate to each other and the focus that it's not you versus you. It's, we have a plan as a family. >> Yeah. >> This is our plan. What are we both going to do so that we can accelerate this plan? >> Yeah. I love a plan and I love, the goal is so helpful because I feel like we didn't have, there wasn't even goal really out loud said to work towards. So when it felt like we were saving or trying not to spend, it felt like why? What for? What's the end goal? It felt like if we do this and we never did that. >> Yeah, and I wanted to say thank you to you for pushing me into here and getting us. >> Who's your book? >> Yeah, this, yeah, and I feel emotional about and about where we've been in our trying that is. >> Yeah. >> I feel good walking out of here, maybe a good cry after we'll be nice but like to see the future selves that I know we are. We're good partners and we like each other and we have great kids and we can, you know, in a year or two, like look at what is that richer life, you know? >> Yes. >> I felt like I came in here very hopeless and helpless. >> Yeah. >> I felt helpless with a lot of this and just like small changes, big changes but like that are on a grand scheme of things small that we can do this. >> Great. >> Yeah. >> Great. How about you? I feel quite emotional, to be honest. I mean, I'm on the brink of tears. >> Mm-hmm. >> How come? >> Just, yeah, because feeling helpless and just being, you know, like you mentioned being siloed and it's not a fun place to be, you know, to like be knowing you both have somewhat of the same vision or goal but then you're just kind of working out it in two different ways. So just having that, you know, that idea of partnership is kind of a beautiful thing. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It is. It's beautiful to see. >> I'm actually very confident in this couple. I would not have expected that looking at the severity of their situation but their reactions really give me a lot of confidence. The fact that they both move through the fixed costs aggressively, that they are both suggesting earning more money. Quite amazing, quite rare even on this show. When they walked in to talk to me today, they were not on the same page. They were siloed, not partners. Quite remarkable that by the end, they were encouraging each other. They were smiling. They were a team. I've shown them how to do it. Now it's up to them. >> Hi, team. >> Hi, team. >> A little follow up video here. We wanted to discuss our biggest surprises from the day now that we're back at home. And I think for me, one of the biggest surprises was just how doable, how plausible the plan is now that we have it in place, that we have the information that we need, that we've looked at everything globally from a top-down level. >> Yeah, I think that my biggest surprise was how accessible it felt when we went through the numbers with for me and lying by lying, we're like, okay, we can make this change, this change at the end of it. I was like, oh, there is a let at the end of the tunnel. I'll say that was my biggest surprise. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't feel insurmountable. Yeah, just doable. >> Yeah, not easy, not a cake lock. >> No. >> Yeah, especially if there's partnership involved. >> Yes. I think that was another big takeaway, I would say, is that how much of it needs to be a team effort and not one person trying to do the work, the other person avoiding, we really have to figure out a way to do this together. We're getting there. It's gonna take time. But I think that was one of my biggest takeaways. That just would tap it like, what am I to do this and just lying by lying, go down, make the changes. >> It's just interesting to look back at that experience that we had with our meet that day and then see how many of those behavioral patterns actually extend into my life in general and not just in the finance world. So big takeaway there, I need to make some fundamental changes in how I operate behaviorally on a day to day. Big picture. So, that was a real awakening and I'm thankful to have had that moment and that clarity there. >> Definitely have decided on some changes to make, going down to one car. - And probably in the Phoenix month or two. - Yeah. - Gratitude Bill. I'm taking on the challenge of getting that down really, really like in half almost of what we were spending. So that is two goals that we have right now. - I know the specific change is just to really be more mindful of how our miscellaneous spending. - Yeah. - It's so easy. - It's the little things that just creep in. - The little thing is to grab the little thing here when you're shopping and a little $20 here and $30 there. So really trying to hone that in. - I always feel like we're ready to do a jar, like a swear jar, but except it's where it's like where we buy something miscellaneous. We have to return it or if we want to buy it we have to put that down in a jar. - Not a terrible idea. - Not a bad idea. - Oh my God, it's like children. Yeah, I think those are the big changes that we've decided to make. We decided not to move, gonna stick it out. - Here. - And we're open to that. We still look on Zillow and-- - All the time. - All the time. - For the time being. - Oh, and work. - Work. - I mean, I personally have, you know, did all the things I need to do with my portfolio and my LinkedIn and my resume. So I'm ready to like jump in and really start trying to find what work and increase our income. So. - Yeah, increase income. Yeah, that's a big priority. What's really up, everyone knows that. And I've even started putting out the, the feelers and saying out loud that I am aggressively pursuing opportunities rather than just putting out feelers. - Rather than putting out feelers actually saying it out loud and contacting people started that. So that is, feels good. These continue, will continue. But I'm just saying it out loud. And letting people know it has been, yeah. Again, first step. - Yeah, thanks. - Thanks so much. - Thanks. - See you soon. - Hi guys, we're back to report on our financial journey since we went with you guys last. Top of some small wins in areas we still need to work on. - So, small wins been really busy. Have won a lot of jobs recently. So income has been coming in. That feels right. - Yeah. Small wins for me are my checklist 'cause all the wins are for us. I do have a job interview next week, which checks all the boxes for our schedule that we needed. And we'll help with the income. And I got the grocery bill down to not 750, but I got it down to eight was 817 or 818, something like that, which I thought was almost impossible, but I did it. (laughs) And oh, I managed to get $1,500 and socket away into a high old savings account not touched to kind of build on our savings. And yeah, the car? - Oh, the car, yep. So we have to finish out our lease, which is in October. But after October, we will become a single car family. We've already been trying to practice the signal and it's tougher than I thought it would be, but we're really gonna try and stick it out for now. - Yeah, oh, we paid our last month of preschool payment, so that's off the decks as well. - That's off the decks. Things to work on, my debt, I need, that is on my list of things to do. I read the chapters, I Googled some stuff, I've talked to a lawyer, I put the list out of, everyone need to call. So that is on my list. Tomorrow morning, eight o'clock. - We heard it here. - We heard it here. - Hold me to it, hold me to it. - I will, I will. - And then I'll still need to work on the weekly financial check and as well. - It's been hard with the scheduling, but we're working on it. Thanks again for all of your help and kind of like the nudges that we needed to go on the mic directions. - Keep an eye on her, thank you. - Bye, guys. Listen up, if you want my help with your specific money questions, there are only two ways to get it. 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