We’re Both Having Girls! How We're Thinking About Raising Daughters, Body Image & Mother Instincts

(upbeat music) - Lemonada. (upbeat music) - Welcome to "Inner Childish." Side effects mean include laughing too hard and unexpected emotional growth. - Wait, is this just like we're just doing it? We're just doing the thing. - How should we start? (laughing) (upbeat music) - I'm in my girl mom pink. - Oh my God, our little studios, this is also my nursery. So, very appropriate. Aubrey was really like concerned about the wallpaper for the studios, but then when she found out she was having a girl, she was like, it works. I was like, well, I was 100% convinced I was having a boy and I was like, I don't know how to make this work, not that gender stereotypes are what they used to be, but you know, I'm happy it worked out this way. (laughing) I am so excited that now like, this is out there, literally no more secrets. Like, pregnancies out there, genders out there. Like, there's no more secrets. So you feel a million times lighter, like even just being able to tell your friends and family, but then also being able to like, just align online with what you're giving out. - Yeah, being able to align online is the big one. I've been so like, the gender reveal thing, I haven't, I don't know. Maybe this is bad of me in a content creator sense, but I don't like really care. I've been telling everyone who asks me what the gender is. Like, I just honestly want it. Well then a haters gonna be like, well then why don't you just like post it? - Because you know what? I saw this one really cute video of a gender reveal. It was JC Marie and it was like years ago and she did this dress thing and I remember, I was like, having kids was not even on my radar and I was like, I love this video, I'm obsessed with it and I will do this whenever I have a gender reveal and so I was adamant about doing that video. That's why. - Wait, I can't wait to see this video. - Yeah, well, it's gonna be very cute. So my God, I'm so excited. - But oh my God, I mean like, the biggest news though is that we're both having girls. I was gonna say, can we talk about the big old elephant in the room and it's not me. I like actually think for a while I was more excited than you. Like I feel like for you it wasn't even syncing in that you were having a girl. - I know, I have like so much to share about that because I feel like on the internet people are like, do you know there's that trend? Like I should've seen my face when they said it was a baby girl and like people freak out. Like I was in a state of shock and then I was like, I needed like a few days to process. Like we have so much to talk about. But first, we're gonna get there. We're gonna get there real quick. Aubrey literally abandoned me. Wasn't Italy for, it felt like a month. It was just two weeks. It felt like a month to be too, truly. I missed you so much. Like update us. What were the best parts? Anything we learned on the trip. Like give us some of the Italy tea and then we'll get into gender reveal. - God, I have so much to say about this. I was in Italy for a wedding. This has been planned for forever. And if you listen to like a few episodes back, I forget when we were talking about it, but my initial plan was to wait to try and conceive until after this wedding because my whole friend group of literally 12 people was in Europe and I was like, I am not gonna not drink on this trip or whatever ended up stopping drinking last November, which we need to do an episode on that. I feel like we just talk about your sobriety journey. - Yeah, I feel like that needs to be discussed. But anyways, I was kind of nervous to be traveling at what was I when I started with the trip started. Like 21, 22 weeks pregnant. And I honestly feel like if you're gonna do a baby moon, travel at that time because your bump is adorable. Everyone in Italy at least is so goddamn nice to pregnant people. Like random ladies stopping me on the street to tell me I'm beautiful. There's a two hour line at the Vatican. They usher me to the front. I don't have to wait in the beating sun. I get the whole group in customs line at the airport. I swear to God, I didn't wait in one line. And like bathrooms, like I could just go into any restaurant. I'm like, do you have a restaurant? I'm like, oh yes, yes, yes. In Chintan, Chintas, my whole friend group was calling me in Chintan. And it was so fun because the baby was moving. So like we'd be sitting at dinner and like just someone always had a hand on my belly, which I know some people don't appreciate. I do, I have no boundaries with my friends. - I was like, everyone touch me totally. - But it was so much fun. Like 10 out of 10 recommend traveling while pregnant. 'Cause I got a lot of messages of people being like, were you nervous, did? I don't know, it was the walking too much. Like I feel like this was well timed for me. - I was so, and yes, of your trip. Like being in Italy, being in like coma, being around like I, gosh, like sometimes you just get the edge and you're like, oh my God, I would like love to be in Europe. Europe is just such a beautiful place. So I was vicariously living through all your pictures. And the food like truly couldn't have been better for Mrs. Pregno over here. Like phenomenal, carbonara for every meal. - Once in a lifetime. - Well, Max and I are going on a date tonight to an Italian restaurant, so consider me in Italy. - Honestly, the Italian food in LA, I'm gonna say it, it's up there. I'm not gonna say it's comparable. 'Cause I don't wanna get hate. - It is there, it's not even up there, it's there. In my opinion, that's why I live here. Food's very important to me. - Okay, well, I'm so glad, yay. - Wait, and also something I noticed on the trip, 'cause it was, it was a couple's trip basically. There was like a couple single people, but mostly a couple's trip. If you wanna feel synced up with your partner and realize like how similar you guys are, go on a trip, because like, I don't know. Like when you live in your little silo of like you and your couple, like you, it's easy to notice differences. But when you're with a group of so many people, especially traveling, you guys will be on the exact same way of length at all times. And like, you kind of hope so. I'm like picturing half-couples will go and bond, and then half will be like, and I hate my partner. (laughing) - It was just funny, like we were all sitting at dinner and we're like all arguing about when we need to leave for the airport. This one couple is like, we need to leave at 4 a.m. on the dot, no later, we're gonna miss our flight. And like, it was cute to see them synced up, and then the other couple is like, dude, we don't need to leave till 5.30. Like, and then like, I don't know, what an eye are kind of in the middle, just like happy to go either way, but it's very funny that I name X on trips. - Well, it is funny. You're like, we are all in alliances. Like, I am allied to my partner. It's like a survivor, you know? - Really? (laughing) Like, it's all funny games, but like, this is my number one. - No, exactly. And then you go back to the room and you're like, mm, I don't know, this is something to debrief about. - Wait, the debrief though, like, after any group tip, like, like, everyone's debriefing everyone, which I hate to think about because I'm like, what is anyone debriefing about me? Like, I'm perfect. (laughing) Like, people like the way that you like to debrief with your best friend, your partner, whoever it is. Like, people are doing that about you. Everyone loves it, you know? - I can't even think about that. I feel it was a most of the debriefs were positive on this trip. - Yeah. - Definitely, but it makes me think in general, my one brother and sister-in-law, like, they are like, the king and queen of the debrief, and literally, I'll be like, what time did you go to bed last night after we left the dinner? And they're like, "Oh, well, we stayed up in debriefed." I'm like, but you were just with me and Max. - No! - What were you saying? - I'm like, what is there to debrief? - What did it say to my face? Literally, say it to my face. - No. - Actually, don't say it to my face. Imagine if you left, like, your phone on, if someone really wanted, you could like, plant, you could go crazy, you could FBI plan a recording device, you could get the debrief, I could never listen. Like, I can't listen to someone say something bad about me. You're serious? Am I serious, the FBI recording device thing? Or about not being able to listen to someone debriefing me? - You can't listen to someone's debrief about you. I feel like it would be positive, but I'm your best friend, so. - Well, I'm assuming a debrief is not a positive. I feel like sometimes a debrief can be positive, though. No, sometimes they are, for sure, but of course, I and my anxiety is gonna assume mine's bad. - Oh my God, well, just know that I've never debriefed about you. Thank you, you're welcome. - I can't say the same. - No, I can't. (laughing) Okay, I'll be thinking about that for the rest of the episode. What are we gonna talk about today? - What are we gonna talk about today? - Italy, you're coming into me and my daughter. Okay, tell us about your daughter. We should both talk about our experiences with this, because I don't even think yours was pre-inert childish. So, 'cause, and I think that they kinda relate. So, you were adamant you were having a boy, correct? I was a hundred percent, like, to my bone, sure I was having a boy. Like, I couldn't have, I don't think I've ever been as shocked as I was in my entire life when I looked at the inside of that cup cake and it was pink, truly. (laughing) In hindsight, it's crazy that people think they know what it is. Like, you never know. And for anyone who's like, nope, I've always known, I'm sorry to like burst your bubble here. It's a 50% chance. There's a 50% chance. You're just gonna get it right. I don't think you knew, because I also was like, I'm a hundred percent having a boy. I haven't been that sick. I have not thrown up once, like, it's a boy. And I felt like I knew when my gut yours was a girl. And so then when you called me to tell me it was a girl, I was like, yes, like, I knew that. And like, okay, mine's a boy, because I just, the feeling I had for you was like the feeling I had for me. That is crazy. I just did a weird, I wonder now in hindsight, if, because I am so over the moon excited that I'm having a girl, but like, I don't know, we can get into this now or later, but like, I do not want to girl first, is what I thought. Like, I was like, I am the oldest daughter. I did not like being the oldest daughter. I don't want to have someone have that experience. Like, it would just be easier if it was a boy. Like, looking back, I'm like, was I just in denial that I really wanted a girl, because I'm like, so excited. (laughs) Right, we had that analysis for you. We were like, were you projecting the film? the fact that like you didn't want her experience, but you experienced, or you'd have to undo, like you'd be staring in the face like your childhood and having an oldest daughter and needing to like, do it the way that you think she will enjoy it and then like realize the shoes of your mom and like understand her place and forgive her for things. Like you know what I mean, it's so layered. - It's so layered. And I feel like I should give context. Like as most of you guys know, by now my dad has passed away. And when I was 11, I just felt like I was like, slotted into the second mom role, which I feel like a lot of oldest daughter's experience whether you've lost a parent or not. Like I don't know what it is in women where it's like from such a young age, you're like, oh, like I'm responsible. I'll set up all my own appointments. Like I was like booking flights to go see Vic and Wisconsin just by myself at 11 years old. Like what are we doing here? I don't know, not having a childhood. But anyways, I just feel like it's just crazy. Yeah, I feel like my brother, the first thing he said to me was like, I feel like this is karma for you to be on the other side of it. I know, you're right. The funniest thing he said to me was, all right, it ends with us. It ends with us. I know this will be a fourth generation oldest daughter. So let's see. But so interesting about that. Okay, one of my most frequently asked questions since I got pregnant was which prenatal are you on? I had to try out a few different ones before I found parallel. I was on a prenatal for a few weeks and I just felt off for a while when my doctor told me that I was ironed efficient and I definitely needed to switch to a prenatal with iron in it. So I did a ton of research, asked around and kept landing on parallel. Parallel is amazing because it changes with you as your pregnancy changes. They have separate stage specific packs for trying to conceive, first trimester, second, third, and postpartum. For example, the first trimester, there's a premium prenatal plus extra B6 and ginger for nausea. In the third trimester, it swaps in probiotics for gut health and the baby's microbiome and you switch packs as your body moves into a new phase. It's a once daily pack. Omega's probiotics, all the extras your OB tells you to add. They're OBGYN founded, third party tested and they won the Clean Label Project Purity Award. If you're pregnant, trying or postpartum, check out parallel. New customers can use code Childish for 20% off your first order at parallelhealth.com/childish. That's P-E-R-E-L-E-L-Health.com/C-H-I-L-D-I-S-H. At though is a lot of times people want what they had. So if they had a sister, they want a sister. If they had brothers, they want a brother. Like a lot of times for the most people I've spoken to, they only know what they experienced and they hopefully liked what they experienced and that's what they want. And so like I have an older brother. And so for me, it's been like really weird to think about the fact that my daughter will not have an older brother. But I also have to think about the fact that like, okay, if I had a boy first, it's not like he would be my brother. Like he wouldn't be the exact same person. Like he'd be different and maybe he wouldn't be like protective or the things that I enjoyed from my brother. So it's so interesting. But yeah, I thought mine was a boy because of just all my symptoms. And I will say I've always been someone who's like on my time on this planet, like I need a daughter. Like I just, I'm so close with my mom. I clearly love women. I love, I just, all the work that I do with young girls. Like I can't imagine myself not having a daughter in my lifetime. And so that was always something where I was like, okay, well, if I get a girl first, I get my girl. Like, woo, I got my girl. Like, you know, whereas if I got a boy and quick caveat, obviously having a healthy baby is the most important thing. And going into figuring out the gender, like I really felt like I was in this place of surrender. Like it's so cool that it's out of your control. It is decided on by the universe and fate that like this is gonna be your baby, you know? I was gonna say it feels so, the gender part to me has felt like the lightest, most fun part of pregnancy because I feel like both of us like have had so much anxiety. So it's like when we go to the appointments, like you're just hoping for a healthy, wrong heartbeat and you go to the 20 weeks, you're hoping for 10 fingers and 10 toes and like this has been the one thing that it's like I have so much fun 'cause it's like it doesn't matter either way, you know? - Right, right, 100%, 100%. Although when you do find out the gender, at least for me, I'm like a ruminator and an enraveller and I'm computing so many different things. And like how do I make this the best scenario for both the baby, me, Max, but I think going into it, it's like I did feel such a surrender. Like I literally think I took this like cringey video of myself crying, like I'm about to find out. And I was like, and I just like whatever my baby is, like I love my baby. And then you're so extra. I swear to God, I have this video. Like I can't even post it. So Max and I did, we got a cake and we went to the beach and we cut into the cake. And I swear I just like really thought it was a boy. But then I actually had this like my doctor was like, do you guys know yet? And when I was like, we don't know. So don't tell us and like she made an expression and like the expression was girl. Like you can just tell what another female is like excited. You're gonna have a girl like they just get excited. So I was like wow. And then the person who I had do my like color the cake. I didn't have it be like family or a close friend 'cause I didn't want anyone to know before Max and I just 'cause I wanted us to have that time to process. So shout out Hannah who works with me, a queen. She did it. Although when she did, tell me it was done. She sent me done with the like the like emoji that's like got like teary eyes. And I'm like, okay, I don't know what it means about boys but I knew what she was saying girl. - Wait, what's so funny is I also when I texted you, I was like the person who did my gender reveal text and he was like, I'm sobbing. I just sent it in or whatever. Victoria was like, okay, so it's a girl. I was like, no, she cries about everything because like no, it's a girl. I know, I'm like, she's sobbing. So I think I had those inklings which made me like, whoa, now I feel like 50/50, like it could be either thing. And then when we cut into the cake and we saw a girl, like I was really just like shocked and Max. Max wasn't because Max has always thought he was gonna be a girl dad. He comes from a family of four boys. His dad is one of five boys. All of his brothers have sons. There hasn't been a girl brown in 18 years born. So he was just like, my prophecy is, Max is gonna have all girls. So he wasn't surprised, but I really was. And I think it's because like, I dissected it more. The wanting to just do it so right. Like wanting to not burden her, wanting to have her have a healthy relationship with food, wanting her to have high self esteem. Now I have to really focus on how I talk about myself, how I act that I'm gonna model the type of person I want hurt, like, you know, it's like, I felt like it's a lot of pressure. Whereas like if my first was a boy, I was like, okay, like let's throw him in the dirt and like, you know, Max would have lost his trucks or something and like whichever gender it is, like the other, like you have to lock in. Like if it's his son, he's like, I gotta lock in and like this son has to do life better than I ever did it. And if it's a daughter, I've gotta be like, I want you to like live all your dreams and be all these things. So yeah, so I think I was just like processing like, oh my god, giddy up, here we go. I, I like literally couldn't relate more. I feel like I wanted a boy because I think coming face to face with a little girl, like, like I literally could start crying right now. Like I saw this girl in Italy and she was just walking, holding hands with her dad, eating an ice cream cone. And I was like, oh my god, I gotta cry. But she's like, like all the things that like, am I fucking serious? Yes. So hold on, I'm pregnant. Okay. Like all the things that I had from my childhood with my dad, like the fact that wood is gonna have that, like, like, I'm so unpremared. Like, it's too sweet and too wholesome for my heart to handle. And he's gonna be such a good loving dad. That's interesting. I have not thought about that though. Does that feel like you're gonna be watching a little girl have experiences with her dad is that something that you feel like is gonna be like, hard to see or like warm your heart. It's so funny for the first time going to a wedding and seeing the father and daughter dance, knowing I have a little girl and like a wonderful husband/father. Like it was the first time I didn't feel sad during that. Like it's like I have something like new healing me. Like father's day. Like there's such a new meaning to all these things that used to be hard, you know? I love that obf. That's so sweet. Is it sweet? I'm, what is this real pod? Why am I solving? I'm obsessed. Oh, that's so sweet though. I love that. That's such a special way for like your right father's day. Like how exciting will it be to celebrate would and not have it be this dreadful day where like you don't want to go on the internet? You know, totally. No, I know. I'm so, so excited for that. Like father/daughter dance is. Like just the things that like, 'cause me and my dad were so close. and like I'm so excited that like would gets to experience that way. with the daughter 'cause he doesn't even have sisters. You know what I mean? So it's like he's never seen how special that relationship can be. - Yeah, speaking of not having sisters, it's just so interesting thinking of raising kids in a dynamic that's like unfamiliar to you. You know, I'm like, oh my gosh, if we do have all girls, like I never had a sister, like it's gonna be new to figure out the dynamics between them and all that stuff. So yeah, it's just like intimidating, but I think the biggest thing with the girl for me is like how do I ensure she has high self esteem, high confidence that she loves herself, has a good relationship with food. Like I want all these things for her. I want to protect her from, you know, the things I see on the internet that are like so toxic for young girls. So that's where I'm like, I think I get, I've obviously never done it. I've never had a kid before. So that's where I get extra, oh my gosh. I want to do it right, but inevitably we are gonna, we're gonna f up, we're gonna f up as moms. And I think that also as a perfectionist like really scares me and I hate that I never wanna make a mistake. You know what sucks is like, I literally, like I'm just like, I think about how mean I was to my mom in high school and I'm like, God, I was like, I just hope, I just hope, like I can have some compassion on the other side. For, we're gonna be besties for a little while then she's gonna be like, you suck. And I'm gonna be like, I get it 'cause I was in your shoes once. And it's best. Am I naive to think like I wanna prevent that and like I want my kids to always feel close with me and like never say they hate me? - I think everyone wants that. - I feel like the way you just said that, you're like throwing the towel and you're like, well, I know what 15 will be enemies. What are you gonna do? They're hormonal. I don't have the patience for it. I mean, yeah, I think that's what, like what I keep reminding myself is I'm like, this child that I'm bringing into the world, like it's going to be a different thing than me and my mom. And by, like, just to preface, my mom is wonderful. My mom and I are best friends who talk from the phone like four times a day. And I think because we're both oldest daughters, like we are so stubborn and sat in our ways and are really slow to say sorry to each other. And like, there's just dynamics with oldest girls. Like I don't know what it is. But like stubborn and sat in our ways and bossy and like, yeah, but no matter oldest daughters or not, you're preaching to the choir about just like mom-daughter relationships. They're so layered and they're so unique. And like, I know a lot of people look at my mom and I and think we have this like perfect relationship and we have a great relationship. And my mom and I have been through a lot of shit together. And, you know, my Instagram is not there for me to dive into all the shit. My, me and my family have ever been through. But we've been through shit. And my mom and I have gone through a lot. And we've had to work through all these things, whether we were together and we were like teammates pulling each other through the trenches, whether we felt like we were on opposing sides of something and then had to come together. Like, it's been, yeah, the mom-daughter relationship is really unique. And so, yeah, it's like you're thinking of your own relationship with your mom and then you're thinking of, well, I'm not going to be the mom with this girl. So it's a lot and I'm not going to lie. It scares me in ways. And I think that's why when I found out I was like, giddy up, like, here we go. Girls are hard. I know would when we first started dating, like, just couldn't understand. 'Cause he's one of two boys and his mom is a boy mom. And she is so cool and wonderful. And their family is just like so calm and chill. And like, I don't know. He just doesn't understand how my mom and I can like, explode at each other at one second and then four minutes later, we're like, so where do you think we should go for dinner tonight? Like, you're just like, move on. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah. One of my most frequently asked questions since I got pregnant was, which prenatal are you on? I was on a prenatal for a few weeks and I just felt off for a while when my doctor told me that I was ironed efficient. And I definitely needed to switch to a prenatal with iron in it. So I did a ton of research, asked around, and kept landing on parallel. They have a separate stage specific packs for trying to conceive, first trimester, second, third, and postpartum. In the third trimester, it swaps in probiotics for gut health and the baby's microbiome, and you switch packs as your body moves into a new phase. It's a once daily pack, omegas, probiotics, all the extras your OB tells you to add. They're OBGYN founded, third party tested, and they won the Clean Label Project Purity Award. If you're pregnant, trying, or postpartum, check out parallel. Back to the food and body image part, are you doing anything to prepare for that? I am trying-ish. I do think we have time in the sense that, you know, for the baby's first year of their life, it's different, obviously. But I am reading this book called Feed Them Well by one of my favorite Instagram accounts that kids eat in color. - Oh, I follow them. - It's Gen. Yeah, her name's Jennifer. I love just everything she talks about, and I'm really excited about the book. I'm also making Max read it, and then I told my mom, I was like, look, I'm not gonna force you to do anything, but I imagine you're gonna be spending a lot of time around my kid, and I think I was like, let me read it first, and just, you know, ensure, like, before you read it, but then if you're interested, you're like, no, of course I'll read it, I'd love to read it. But I think like, you know, I've seen some stuff throughout the years about like, when you serve dinner, you also serve dessert so that the cookie or the ice cream isn't something that you earn, and it's not some prize that you get for finishing your broccoli. Like, you hear those things, you hear the ways you wanna talk about foods like, yeah, like, Doritos are super yummy. However, if you're looking for something that's gonna give you more energy and strength for your soccer game, you're gonna find that in like, your turkey sandwich with your carrots, you know? So it's like, not saying Doritos are junk food, and you should meet these things. So all that anti-diet culture language and encouraging the intuitive eating and the listening to your own cues is like, stuff that's really top of mind for me. As far as body image comments, like, I don't talk negatively about my body out loud, my mom's also really good about not talking about her body or food just because of me. So I mean, that's like what I'm thinking about, yeah. I mean, that's a real thing. I feel like our generation is pretty good. I'll be so honest. Being pregnant, I've been like, so negative with myself, which I feel like we could have a whole separate episode on 'cause it's like, your body is one thing when you feel in control of it, and then it's like a whole other thing when like, these changes are happening to you with no control. Anyways, yeah, I feel like both of our moms growing up, like I don't feel like I was around very much negative self-talk about either of their bodies. Like, I was pretty aware of my body, but it never felt like it was coming from home, which is nice. Yeah, definitely. It's something you'll be so aware of when you're raising girls. I know, really, too. So that's like, you know, gonna be important, but we will figure it out as it comes. But speaking of my mom, she is obviously over the moon, lost her marbles about it being a girl. Yeah. I told my family together, Max and I found out like two days, three days prior, and then we wanted to get like, a family dinner on the books to tell everyone together. I was actually surprised that my mom could wait like three days, but she was like, no, I want to do it with everybody because we weren't all together when you told us you're pregnant. So we did it together. We popped a little confetti and it was fun. Everyone guessed girl, though. And like, you know, when everyone's guessing correctly, it's just a little, like, stop saying my thunder. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Will you have to tell them why? What did Max comment? Oh, I mean, Max, yeah, Max kind of, I think, revealed the gender to my family. He thought that he didn't. But when Aubrey and Wood posted their gender reveal, Max commented girl gang with two like rock on emojis. And my mom and her best friend were like, oh my god, Max commented girl gang with two rock on hands. Those are his and Wood's hands. And I was like, I was like, Max, why did you comment girl gang? Like, like, you're saying we're all on the gang. And he was like, no, I just meant like, their girl gang. And I was like, no, babe, it reads as like, you and Wood are girl gang. It fully does. Oh my god, I'm dead. I know, I feel like I just facetimed everyone right after ours. You waited so long. We need to talk about that. My, my results popped up in my chart and literally within four minutes, I had that sent out to the bakery for a gender. I like, couldn't even wait the 30 minutes. I was dying for those cupcakes. I can't wait to sat on it for like two and a half weeks, three weeks. Yeah, I'm really weird like that. I just knew it was like, you know, important information. And I was like, not ready for it. Like, I don't know why it was so weird about. That was so shady of you being so old. And then she was like, I'm not gonna call anyone after the beach, which is fine. Like I totally get that. And then I was in the hospital that night. That was the night we were, right before we recorded the hospital thing. And I was like, if you wanna just give me something smile about, you know, feel free to call me during this dark time for me. You know why I was being really weird about it all? Well, first of all, it does seem out of character because I do think my spirit animal is Kate Hudson in the movie "Bride Wars," who goes to her husband's office and forces him to propose. Like, that is me. I am her. So it is shocking that in certain situations, like, for example, Max and I is history, we never had a conversation where I was like, tell me everyone you've ever kissed and dated and been with. Like, I don't wanna know. I am with you now, we are committed. I don't care. What I don't know cannot hurt me. I'm a big believer in that. So when it came to the gender, I just don't think I was ready. I was like, I still barely feel pregnant. I'm not showing how the hell does anyone know what the gender is yet. I'm like, are we sure there's a baby in there? Like, I think I wanted to prolong, no, finding out just to prolong in the experience of the pregnancy. And also, I think another thing is, I don't love when people are projecting onto my unborn child. That's fair. Yeah, that actually bothered me in the beginning as when people, I knew people would be like, oh, well, she's gonna blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no, you don't know, you don't know them. Like, so get my baby's name out. You mad? I totally get that. I totally get that because we have a name now. Like, we're 99% certain about a name. And the reason I know what's the name is because I don't fucking hate other people saying it. Like, anything else I've heard, I'm like, shut up. Stop talking. I was on a trip with family recently and every day they were calling my baby a different name. And if it was anyone else, it would have bothered me. And my sister-in-law did check in. She was like, is this annoying? I was like, no, it's totally fine. I was like, as long as every day the name changes, it's fine with me. But if your seven-year-old son decides it's Priscilla and calls her Priscilla every single day, and then when the baby comes, calls her Priscilla, I'll be annoyed. I get that. I get that. And I don't know why. Like, I don't know why it's so annoying. It's like, yeah, speaking of that, I did kind of want to loosely breach this topic, but obviously Aubrey and I are best, best, best friends, you know, love our friendship. And then we're both having girls. So it's like. It's so scary. What's happening? What do you mean? Remember, I want to talk about us having girls and how someone was like, do you think that the girls are going to be friends or like enemies? And I was like, what kind of perpetuating weird shit? What kind of, what kind of like hypothesis is that? Like, you think I'm going to enjoy? I want to sit here in brainstorm if our girls are competitive and don't get along. Like, no, I don't. I don't like the projection. I try to be cautious of it myself, even when thinking of naming her, which I mean, it's so classic about how opposite we are personality wise, that you a, have your name and b, have told everyone who knows you. And I don't have a name, and if I did, I wouldn't tell a soul. So, that is so funny. But I also think for the gender reason, it was like, I still felt like I was trying to build this like spiritual bond with the baby growing in me. And I know that as soon as everyone knows the gender, they like feel really a part of it and like they know who the kid is. I don't know. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but those are like my mother instincts are already coming in. I like, I mean, I don't think there's any right or wrong. Like, I think that like, especially with like, I don't know, yeah, pregnancy is like this new thing that like we're going through. And like, you're building a human that you already feel connected to inside you, but like, is there something inside? Like, it's, it's okay to have weird qualms and like preferences right now, I think. Yeah, I just can't keep my mouth shut. So, you know, I agree. I think everyone's different. I will say like one of my good friends, Michelle, who just had her baby. She's very protective of her energy, very off the grid. And so she influences me in these ways where I think it is helpful because we've talked about this. When I am like open to all the energy, I short-circuit, I can't do that. And so it's helpful for me to have like some boundaries. So I think that's a little bit of why I delayed it too. But now, obviously, everyone in my life knows, I'm so excited. And yes, like we are cooking mini-basties. Hello all the trips. Like, should we take the girls and go to the Ares tour? Should we take the girls and go to see a new movie? Should we go on a vacation with the girls? Should the boys take the girls and we go on a vacation? (laughing) Yes, yes, precisely. Oh, and them being girl dads is gonna be so cute. Like Max literally will already start crying thinking about it. And I'm like, I love you, you're so cute. No, literally, I mean it too much for my little heart to handle. Like, I can't. All right, it is time. Let's get into some Star Six 7 before we end this episode. Hi guys. I find myself lately having some yearning or nostalgia or missing some old friendships that I have. I am now a new mom, I'm 30 years old and I love it. And I live in a different place than when I wear a grub. And I found myself recently missing friendships that I had like from high school. People that I haven't been friends with in years. And for some reason I'm thinking about them and thinking about the friendships that we had and missing them a little bit. I don't know if I'm missing really the person or missing just those kinds of friendships in my life. So I'm wondering if you guys have any advice on how to get over that or honor it or kind of make space for it. And I don't know how to deal with missing old friends who are not really in your life anymore. Go ahead. I have so much, can I say? Yes. Okay, first of all, love you. Wanna give you a huge hug? And I feel like I completely relate. I had two of my best friends in LA just move states. Obviously I'm so grateful for my friendships with Aubrey and Natalie, they live in a different city than me. And I just, I feel like I'm in this place where I'm like, great, these friendships I work so hard to make in adulthood just left my city. And my longest childhood friends like aren't nearby for like weekend hangs and all that stuff. And don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful that I have those friendships to begin with and I get to see Aubrey and Natalie through travel and whatnot. But I think I'm loanier than people, maybe no. And I felt like I'm in that place right now. I keep telling myself that like, I'm gonna join that mommy and me group. I signed up for, I'm gonna have my kid, I'll meet other people with their kids and like, that will bring community. But I just wanna like validate that I completely understand and I think my advice would be like, you know, why not try to reach back out or see if someone wants to grab a coffee or like, you're gonna be in their town and like, do they wanna get lunch? It's been forever and just like, see about rekindling. I really believe everyone feels the same. I think I was gonna say that. Like, I think you'd be surprised. Like, I feel like people would be so happy to hear from old friends. Yeah, no one's gonna get that text and be like, that, you know? And it's so important. You mentioned that you're a mom and you're just, you know, in this place right now. Like, I think it's so important to have a social outlet or a place you can go and just be like you and you're not a partner in that moment. You're not a mom in that moment. You're not like needed to care or serve or play a role. You just get to like, be your true self and have fun and giggle and like have a glass of wine. And so I think, you know, listening to that yearning and falling out with action, like trust your gut there. And I need to do the same. I will say though, like, it sounds like you're thinking of particular friendships that you could reach back out to. If there is something exhausting about like trying to make a friend as an adult and then like putting the time in and then four months in being like, wait, this person, like, I don't think, I got a uno-reverse now and like undo all this work because I'm not really bi-bing. Ooh, that happens to you a lot. I know, that's why I like don't want to make anywhere friends. Like, I love you. You have such a positive outlook on people initially. And I'm always like, you know, maybe she sees something I don't. And so now I feel scarred because I'm like, I don't want to make new friends because it always bites me in the butt. And now I just gonna wait. I'll wait nine months till the kid comes and then hopefully be placed near some potential friends. I know this is like kind of off, but do you feel a little more lonely in the fall? Lynn Max has gone like, yeah, no, that amplify it for you right now. 100%, 100%. Yes, so like, I cognizant of that, that max, I think, max being gone amplifies the loneliness. But yeah, so I just have to like get through the next three months. And I will and it will be good. And yeah, but sorry, not to make this about me to the sweet caller in, but I relate. And I think my advice and I think it sounds like opposite biases is reach out, listen to the yearning, see if you can hop on a quick fall. If they don't live in state, like, just give them. I love a cold call. I love a cold call and I'll have friends answer and be like, I love that you just called me and we'll talk for like an hour. People answer if they have, they can talk. You know, it's fun. That's so cute. I've never called to call to anyone. I called to so many people. Do you really? Yes, but yeah, I do. I'm just gonna look through my phone. I'm like, who can I cold call? (laughs) - Definitely reach out, 100% - Okay, great. - Okay, hi, I am calling in to you guys because I have a few thoughts on perennial massage. I was giggling, listening to you guys talk about that. So I'm on my second pregnancy now, but with my first, I was terrified of tearing. So I of course like fell into the TikTok rabbit hole of like intense perennial massage. And I like saw some creators be like, "Oh, it's like almost always leads to sex." So like just be warned about that. And then I was like, "Oh my gosh, "is this gonna be about to be like kind of hot?" So I like lit a candle and I got in some like cute, like whatever fit me, pregnant like lingerie. And I was like, "Okay Kyle, like here's the oil "and here's what you're gonna do." And it was truly the least sexy thing we have ever. In that bed, it was medical. It feels medical, we did it for weeks. I don't think it helped us out a second degree tear, but you know what, tears are not as scary as they tell you, like, especially if you don't have an epidural, you'll be numb anyway and they stitch you right up and everything yields up totally fine. And you would never know now. So that's my disclaimer on perennial massage. I do think it's overrated. And I would opt for a hot compress during labor instead. Okay, good luck with your guys' pregnancies and love the show, bye girls. - Wait, I'm dead. I'm dead. - I'm conic. I'm conic. That is hilarious that she let the candle put on the lingerie, like, I don't view it as something like that at all. If anything, I'm like, don't make eye contact with me. Well, look at me. We eye the thought of putting on lingerie right now. That is so inspiring to me. I need to own this gigantic bump on my stomach. That is so true. I was not even thinking about the fact that she was very pregnant at this time, but setting a mood, like, go girl. - Wait, no, literally, I love that. Like, 'cause don't you start them like three weeks before? - No, I think you can start them, like, start of the third trimester. - You know, I'm just grateful that she was like, it doesn't help, because I agree, that feels like a medical procedure to me. - Well, I'm just like, great, if she did it, and then she tore, like, I don't, I'm only due, I would only do it if I was like, it's not, it's gonna prevent the tearing. So I'm like, it's also, we're reassuring to hear that it isn't that bad. Like, they just stitch it up and you're, like, it sounds so scary. - It does sound so scary. I love that she said, like, now you would never know. I'm like, I'm holding on to that word. - I'm like throwing an extra stitch. We'll just call it a day, you know? - It's like so scary, though, to think of, like, a tear down there. (singing) - We don't think about that, we don't think about that. (laughing) - Someone asked me, while we were on the trip, they were like, are you thinking about, like, a just child-brother scary? I was like, my brain, like, can't visualize it. Like, I can't put myself there, and I think it's a protection mechanism, and then I hear when you're like, you know, a month away, your body is just like, your brain's like, literally, anything to get this fucking thing out of me. - My brain already visualizes it. To the point where I'm like, Victoria, we're so far away, like, girls, stop, and enjoy the pregnancy. - Oh my God, no, my brain doesn't let me go there. I think for the best. - You're much stronger than I am, mentally, in terms of pain, I think. - You're gonna be great. - All right, something beautiful, what do we got, girls? - I always panic. I never bring something to the table, and I have to think, hold on. - Oh, my something beautiful was starting my baby registry. - Oh, that's cute. - That was so fun and humbling. I don't know what a baby requires besides a pacifier. So, seeing a nose aspirator on there was really like wide. - Do they require so much, seriously? They come with so many accessories. I don't have room for all that. - That's a very sweet, something beautiful. - I think mine will be my excitement to go on my date tonight with Max. We haven't been on a dinner date in a long time. So, this is gonna be so fun and special. - We're cute, I forgot it's Tuesday. Of course it is the day, and I'm like, I don't wanna put makeup on, and I wanna go out, and I wanna put an outfit on, and then Victoria, you'll be happy when you're at the restaurant, and they bring the Fakasha Brad. - Just, yeah, no, we were supposed to go to a movie last night, and I was like, I can't, I can't do that. - What movie? We got invited to go see Verity, but I haven't read the book yet. So, I was like, why are we, would love the movie? So, oh my gosh, I'm going to an early screening, actually, tomorrow. - Are you? Oh my God. - I'm so excited I read the book. - Oh, I need to read the book first. - I need to read the book. - Yeah, I need to read the book. - After I read the book first, otherwise, you're skipping over a great read. - Okay, great, that makes me feel better for bailing. - Yeah, but like, I was like up at 2 a.m. 'Cause of a jet lag, I was like, I can't make it, and then I fell asleep at 7, so I'm glad. - Yeah, no, you need to read it. Verity is such a good book, everybody. Read Verity, 'cause it's coming out. I think it's Ann Hathaway's fifth and final movie of the year. - She's a legend. - Oh my God, fun. Okay, yay, I'll read it. - Okay, well, I love you. - I love everyone who listens. And girl gang. - Yeah, girl gang, is that our thing? - Girl gang. - We need a name for this community. - It's certainly not going to be girl gang. I'm going to veto that one bright fucking app. - We need an inclusive community name. - If someone wants to submit one to star 677, please feel free to comment on the Instagram. - Yeah, we should make a post that's like, what are we, how are we referring to each other? - Who are we at our core? You know, are we all as a unit? - You know, who are all of us here? - We are the conscious minds. - And on that note, goodbye. - Okay, bye, everybody. - Thanks for listening to this episode of Inner Childish. - Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen, so you never miss an episode. - Oh, and follow us on Instagram at Inner Childish Pod, so you always get the behind the scenes. We're so, so grateful for you. See you next time. - Oh, and you can listen to Inner Childish, add free on Amazon Music with your prime membership.