We're Being Replaced! (For The Summer) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

100% Summer bears Summer bears are here We like to get queer Summer bears What song is that? Summer bears It's summer guys Tommy is back in his home state Living here full time He left Texas The boys are going to be raised soft Pronouns Shit like that Your boys are going to see Rogan's girls And they're going to be more manly than your boys I love that you're back here and you just left Texas And you don't live there at all Thanks man, I appreciate it It's a warm welcome back I like my summer attire How great is it? Waking up, surfing with the boys That was awesome today Did Push go out? She did not go out with us She met us there, but she was doing something So she met us there It was really fun The little dudes don't struggle to pop up on a board at all They're just up The guy told me Because we went out with an instructor Because I was like, damn, they got up right away He goes, dude, if you go down to Huntington Beach He goes, you will see Six and seven year olds That are doing stuff that you see Like pro surfers do Because those kids get on a board when they're like three So by the time they're seven He's like, they're unbelievable Dude, keep them doing this How cool would it be if we had grown up I grew up surfing, but not like Not like as a child Where you pick it up initially Yeah, yeah And then you'll never forget it I know, I know We've been going like multiple times a week What are other things? Like today, I gotta say this Luis J. Gomez is one of the most fascinating guys in the entire world He is such a fucking anomaly of a human being He trains professionally to fight And he has no fights lined up Every day Yeah He has been teaching his son to box his whole life Yeah Today I'm watching his son hit gloves His son is a grown man, by the way Five, eight, eleven years old Okay Fucking a man And he is Fucking Luis is calling out combos And he's like What other things can we do with these boys of yours? What's this? What other things? Like, this is so cool If they grow up surfing The rest of their fucking life They will surf They will just go to Hawaii, Tom And go surf That's it I mean, it's awesome Like, well, you know Ellis loves jujitsu So he's been He's bumped up a couple belts already Like, he's been really progressing in that And then Julian loves drums So he plays drums like crazy And he's got, like He's got such great rhythm And a great ear Did our dads not love us? I don't know He's like He was telling Baseball He's telling the surf instructor He's like You like David Bowie? And the instructor's like Do I like David Bowie? He's like, yeah He's like, do you? He's like, well, yeah, man Like, he's He's like He was really ahead of his time I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah Yeah, he's like He's so into it It's hilarious Dude, what? I'm having You know, I told you this downstairs But I'm having a hard time Getting real FOMO Yeah, for, like, parenting stuff Dude, Sebastian's in fucking Corsica Yeah With his kids His wife Did you see Sebastian's wife doing a handstand On the edge of an infinity pool? No I almost wanted to hit my wife And go, you can't do anything You can't Pull up Sebastian's wife Fucking Lana is doing a goddamn handstand I'm gonna say casually You know, everyone knows Lana's gorgeous But she looks fucking incredible Look at her It's pretty nuts She's doing a fucking handstand Leanne couldn't even stand On the edge of an infinity pool Yeah, you should definitely Look at that Here's what This is why fucking Instagram needs to shut down I'm looking at this Now go to fucking Andrew Schultz Look at this Look at this Look, they look great Clean clothes No stains No ice cream stains No ice cream stains Look, he's got the kids He's got the little dad bag He's got the golf cart They're on a goddamn boat Yeah, that's awesome They're on a fucking boat She looks amazing Girl, you're so fucking Look at that Little fun kid car Hotel Du Cap Maybe we shouldn't tell everyone Where he's staying Once it's on the Instagram Oh, yeah, it's on Instagram Now go to Andrew Schultz Look at this Fucking in Ibiza Go to No, no I don't know why This is all promo stuff Get out of here Get out of here Do you have two accounts? Oh, well, never mind Oh, go to his stories Go to his stories Go to his stories Go to his stories Okay, look at that Beautiful little girl Ibiza, Spain Oh, yeah Ibiza Go to the next one Look at this Oh, yeah, man Just a bunch of fucking New York Jews Swimming in the ocean Having a good time Don't even care about Gaza Yep And then look at this Fucking great food Oh, yeah Look at cocktails in the afternoon No one's counting drinks Look at Dove Spilling on his shirt Like a regular American This is killing me And then, of course, he's got a snorkel And this guy doesn't belong in the ocean But the fish, he's panicked This is New York for you He's like, what the fuck? I'm gonna get the piranhas He's scared The piranhas Is that Dove? and then look at this everyone's young and beautiful the kid's got a nanny kids going taking a nap and they're partying balls they're having a great time man and they're and they're singing neil diamond in ibiza what an authentic spanish experience but look at this i'm having such fucking fomo tommy well you can take a vacation no i can't well that's true i can't i can't well actually we both really have to stop soon because it's probably a good time to mention that we both have huge obligations this summer that are going to take us away from vacations and anything else i'm only here right now to film some episodes to go back to work they're going back to work just say what you're doing i'm living in atlanta this summer yes two months shooting a television show for netflix uh it's it's called freebert it's uh you can find the write-up on i'm not going to tell you about it i hope you enjoy it but it's and and you i'm not i can you tell us can you say what you're doing yeah now i can um so it's it's such a i've always said it's such a weird business where they're always like don't say anything you're like okay and then then they publish an an article and then they're like okay now you can talk like what okay but anyway so at this point it's already out um so i'm shooting a movie this summer uh and we're shooting in new mexico it's called el tigre can i can i talk a little bit about the movie because yeah so obviously we're trying to figure out our schedules for this summer and we're both working with people that uh uh you know we're tom's making a big fucking movie and uh i said to someone they're like what happens with two bears we're like we have we have no idea yeah because we're you're in new mexico i'm in atlanta and we don't have the kind of i mean this for real we don't have the kind of budgets where we can just go let's take privates and meet each other in austin no it's crazy it's we're there we're really kind of just trying to get shit done you're done yeah and they're like what's tom doing and i go i don't fucking some movie you know and you know how i don't listen yeah yeah and then i go it's fucking like el tigre or something and all of a sudden everyone's ears perked up this is what's cool about this movie really and we can edit this out if you want this movie this script has been around for like 20 years like not quite 20 but probably a dozen yeah yeah and every huge movie star has tried to get it made yeah everyone has wanted to do this script and at some point yeah it just falls through the cracks for everyone it is everyone has tried to get this everyone fucking when i say everyone you go that guy yes him yeah everyone has tried and now you're making that movie i'm making that movie i'm so fucking excited i'm so excited to be i know that i don't i'm not even saying the premise i don't know if you can say the premise yeah but like it is a great premise it is a great premise for you it's very it's a very appeal like when i read it it's so funny the two uh writers riley aaron bausch bauschbaum wrote it and it was like their first thing they ever wrote now they've done a bunch of uh of like tv animation and a bunch of script like they have a bunch of stuff going on now but this was their first script and it's like it was it was tied up some you know there was like studio you had to kind of like break it was a whole thing but we finally got it and el tigre is um it's a cartel comedy i can tell you that like it's it's it's so funny when i when i read it i was like oh my god i would love to make this movie i actually cannot believe that we're really making it a lot of people can't believe you're making it a lot of people are excited for the movie to come out yeah a lot of people are like pumped and the fact that like i feel like after watching bad thoughts i know all your strengths i know what you're good at i know like you're just such a talented actor oh thanks and it's gonna be fun i'm so excited for it well um so we were thinking that you know you have your show i have this movie we're both off the grid so to speak we want to keep podcasts coming out so we thought a fun thing to do would be why don't we ask some friends to do episodes for us yeah and we have so many great friends that do podcasts yeah that uh that you know we can lean into that are you know either in australia or new york or la so we thought it'd be fun for you guys to get into the comments right now and tag who you'd love to see as guest bears yeah and then um and then we'll read all of those and then tom and i are gonna pick who we want and not care who you want right we'll we'll see your suggestion we'll see them but we weren't i'm gonna listen to them we'll we'll eventually we'll just listen to our own hearts yeah and we'll pick people we'll pick chris di steffo and stabby okay by the way two of the funniest fucking dudes in the world yeah two of our favorite honestly like we said yeah who do you want and i i mean i just i i think chris di stefano is the funniest guy on a podcast oh my god everything he ever says makes me laugh he is so fucking quick he played blackjack with me this weekend we were both in atlantic city yeah and he'd never played blackjack before and he was doing it's just like that thing when you're like do you know what you're doing and it's like no and he's you know taking a hit on 18 and he gets a three like shit like that you're like what the fuck man like just killing it and then lost it all but uh he was doing just incredible and he was so ridiculous oh like with the the deal i was just like crying laughing he's he's one he is one of the funniest human beings top to bottom that i've ever seen i just watched an episode of him and stabby together yeah we were talking about catholic school yeah and it was and stabby is my spirit animal i'm fucking he makes me giggle harder than anyone so funny and and we thought we'd that's who we want so we'll go we're gonna call it a day call them yeah what are we should we call one now i'll call i'll call chrissy let's see time let's see here um and we'll see if they we can get them to do we maybe maybe four episodes just four episodes while we're shooting our shows yeah i know i'm gone for two months tom's gone for two months should we facetime or just facetime no one fucking phone calls anybody you know facetiming for fucking father's day who shack he did that's awesome yeah this cough sounds good that's yeah had it for 10 weeks let's see 10 week off is pretty cool yeah is that long covid is that what that's long covid i've lost my sense of smell and sense of taste oh good i've had covid for quite a while now how many years this is my 10th time getting covid and yeah i think i might have the record all right well this is what happened when i facetimed was that fuck who used to facetiming the stephano you want to try uh stavi summer spending creeping up on you 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their first month at betterhelp.com slash bears that's better help.com slash bears guys we enter the room dick first blue chew isn't just a tablet it's a cheat code for your crotch stronger harder longer lasting like someone gave your downstairs a pep talk and a gym membership blue chew blue chew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex and you do not have to have them on hand right when it happens you can take them beforehand and get ready for it these things are awesome they work and they are a go-to i don't want to get too specific all i will say is the other day i felt like i to take down a tree with my dick guys this isn't just about performance this is about legacy or third legacy give her group chat something to talk about you know she's texting her college friends about how you're laying it down when you lay it down they're going to talk about how it gets up nothing makes you more of a legend than a little blue chew discover your options at bluechew.com and we've got a special deal for our listeners as always you get your first month of blue chew free just use promo code bears at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping that's it join blue chew's mission to upgrade humanity to one thrust at a time head to bluechew.com for details and safety info and i would like to thank blue chew for sponsoring this podcast hey siri facetime stavi scott stapp yeah sure why not let's facetime scott stapp now here's chris here's chris oh hold on god damn it hey handsome hey what's up man sorry uh sorry i missed the call it was that's cool we are we're doing a podcast look it's uh me and burt we're telling the uh the audience here that you're gonna be doing what's up chris what's up burt we're gonna we're telling people that you guys are gonna be doing some guest episodes for us so everyone here is excited yes i'm i'm pumped to do it with i believe i'm with star brush perfect i was and i'm also happy to be on facetime with bird crusher speed yeah there they are he's got fresh painted nails he's real excited dude i love it dude but my homes i'm dom he would love that uh so we're gonna every every week we're gonna send you guys five talking points we want to hear you guys talk about and then you can talk about whatever amazing dude i'm gonna do all that and then i'm gonna yell fucking lightning strike at you how was uh how was the 430 show in atlantic city um the 430 show in atlantic city was what we like to call in the business a mistake was it a disaster well i mean for me i was having fun because i was on rogue nicotine so i was dude this is how crazy rogue nicotine made me it made me actually have sex with a woman that's crazy yeah and it was that was that 430 show i was i'm happy to all the people who came tickets were nice but i mean what a disaster to do a show at 430 atlantic city spinning off nicotine yeah dude because are you did tommy get you hooked huh did tommy get you hooked tommy got me fucking hooked and now and i'm telling you if i was on rogue nicotine looking at this right now i'd be coming in my pants look at that look at that shirtless dude in fucking new york oh hell yeah dude nice nice v yeah so now now jazz is probably trying to get you on those rogues since you become attracted to her a hundred percent man i was letting it fly in there i was going it was crazy dude good i was calling my yeah i was calling my i was calling my load uh yeah that's cool that's awesome man it's so cool man fucking new york is so cool it's the best um well look we're super excited dude we love you thank you for doing those episodes for us uh we couldn't be more excited i appreciate it man hopefully alan aldean will keep texting me i hope so too all right i'll talk to you soon bro all right bye oh my god he's such a lunatic adult acne on my cheeks on your cheeks yeah like right here and right here i'm like i put pimple patches on them i don't even think those fucking things work are those ingrown hairs maybe i think they might be one was Stobby's I'm feeling Stobby's sleeping he I think he's on set oh are they shooting I think he's doing something yeah well he might call you back he'll call back but we've got Stobby we've got Chris yeah there are summer bears they're doing us a favor uh and that and it's very cool of them so go check out I mean Stobby's amazing and fucking tires yes episode seven tires is my favorite episode of television I've ever seen I was so impressed by that that series got so what's the matter oh is that Stobby's number I was giving it out to everyone um I was so impressed by this season of tires it was so good really yeah yeah I texted uh I mean it was really good anyway let's you know you know what I was thinking you know it's crazy I don't know this is a weird thought but I was looking at like at like when we were comics versus when these guys are comics and I feel like maybe when we were comics when we were oh my god when we were new comics no when we were their age oh like when we were their age like what's what's Chris 32 Chris Stefano yeah no he's like 40 no yeah he's like 40 41 no fuck yeah it was 40 okay yeah but like whatever happened to the middle class of comedy the middle class like the middle class like when we were when we were like how about this I forget ages I forget ages I forget ages I when we were like 12 years in yeah 15 years in 12 years in okay everyone was doing clubs yeah everyone was making $2,500 right and there was and and maybe the most maybe guys were making 6,000 maybe guys were making 25,000 but there weren't a lot of people making crazy money and then all of a sudden something happened with comedy I don't know if it was podcasting but that the wage gap is just so far it's so enormous there's no middle class anymore like even like these guys are all doing arenas and and huge theaters and and shit like that like it's kind of crazy to me and I was I was wondering what do you think I mean and then like the other day on Saturday on Sunday I'm sitting in my backyard and I'm and I'm not working you know I'm having coffee I have nothing to do on Sunday and I opened the New York Times app and three of my friends are in the New York Times yeah three like and they're not and they're I mean I mean I mean like they're they're all doing very very big things but they're not like 30-year comics and we're not talking about Seinfeld it was Shane Schultz and Dave Smith are all the New York Times separately separately separately Shane I mean I didn't read the articles but I only read Dave Smith's article but I didn't read the articles kind of you know yeah I don't know if it's positive or negative I don't know if it's positive or negative I don't know if it's positive or negative I don't want it to affect you don't know what the articles were even about Schultz was uh I think Schultz was Schultz reposted his uh-huh that's where I caught it it was about Schultz uh being I really don't know okay I really didn't I mean I kind of glanced Shane was Shane's about his show yeah about yeah but I think it was good okay and what was the Dave this is a great summary the Dave one yeah there uh he's he's America's foremost political journalist that's what the majority of it was all about he's like a political journalist he's like a political journalist he's like a journalist now Schultz is uh-huh so is Theo and so is Dave Dave's was a negative piece I started reading Dave's I like Dave I always I mean I don't know Dave's politics I don't know if they always line up with mine but I like Dave's opinions I really like Dave's opinions right because I know he thinks about the things he says he doesn't just say wild he doesn't just like you know there he is he died he's dead he died at 72. that's cool it's a different I didn't even know he was in the synthesizers like that no it's a different Dave Smith oh okay so maybe it's a I don't know Dave Smith it's got to be Dave Smith I just read it Sunday uh okay maybe do uh Dave Smith comedian yeah uh I would definitely say something about Iran really yeah okay never mind don't just I I anyway I read it okay uh you did read this one yeah I read I started reading I didn't read the whole thing right okay I don't like and then the it was the tilt to the article that was a negative spin it was a negative spin it was and it was it was basically saying that like that like uh I don't know this I'm this is why I don't talk about politics I don't read the whole article right so like National Review it was National Review and it was just saying that like podcasters shouldn't be talking about politics podcasters shouldn't be interviewing politicians podcast oh wow the remarkable idiocy that's a pretty aggressive headline man well he went he went head to head with this guy on Rogan yeah that got a lot of traction that was a huge thing yeah and uh that Douglas Murray that was the guy right the guy the problem is Doug I guess Douglas it's like Dave is I mean I always thought I always think of Dave is just a comic a really smart comic this guy Douglas Murray is not a comic he's just a smart dude so if you got to juggle two occupations this guy just does one occupation yeah so he's just it's like you don't go ahead to head with a guy that knows how to argue well I think he he a lot of people thought he I mean I I I saw the response to that and it was kind of the way most things go online these days where there was a split amongst how people like some people were uh 100 on Douglas's side but I saw a lot of people a lot of them Pro Dave yeah a lot by the way Dave's holding his ground with a guy that's smart as and Dave's smart as but they just have different opinions here's the weird thing is I was thinking about all this like all this is like this business has gotten so bizarre so crazy that you're like that they're saying a guy like Dave shouldn't be talking about Iran and the U.S and Trump they he shouldn't even be talking about it but then I was like I was like this is where I got kind of caught up why did when they hire like Don Lemon or you know like one of those things yeah like do they do they do they like are they qualified when you when you get hired as a news reporter right are you like because you get hired as like out of college like I took journalism in college right but I'm not like I just am good looking I have a full head of hair and I have my my I have a hyphen in my name uh Martinez Vivara and they're like oh she's good she'll she'll fill that hole right and then they hire her and then she works her way up she goes yo lose the hyphen let's just go to the today show and now she's just uh and well I mean Brooklyn College and Louisiana State University it's not I mean I'm very good colleges but it's not like it's not like he's saying he's magna cum laude it's not the smartest guy at college no no usually typically for these people what happens is you get local jobs first right you go small market yeah and you you're reporting on the parade in town and you get lucky with one thing sometimes yeah and you and you progress well then you go to a bigger market you know it's like a step-by-step thing and then sometimes you get on the like the national scale and then you get moved over and you're like they're like do you want to do weather and you hold out you're like no no no no I want to do mornings yeah and then you hold out and you get CNN and then you are considered a qualified journalist because you got cast I mean you got cast you didn't you didn't you don't earn it there's no there's no uh what's it means I don't know meritocracy in becoming a journalist you you get cast correct well I don't know if there's no meritocracy I'm gonna argue there's zero zero zero zero you know what it is what did people tune in I mean that I guess that's the meritocracy right there but it's not like a professional football player who earns his position right yeah it is you get you get cast you get cast well 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Now, if we take that and trickle it all the way down to locals all around the country, those numbers are going to be astoundingly different. It's going to be 90% are unqualified to speak on camera about anything policy related, and 10% are. Well, you can see when they just, sometimes they've gotten so lazy in interviews that you see the journalist is clearly just regurgitating. Regurgitating what a producer told them, and they're not even well-versed in the subject matter. They'll just go, how about this? That producer doesn't even want to be producing news. The cameramen don't want to be shooting camera news. I know that because I've worked with guys that are like, thank God I got out of news, right? No one wants to be doing news. So you've got a bunch of people phoning it in, and then you have people like Dave Smith, for argument's sake, who isn't phoning it in. He's doing the research. He's passionate about it. He loves it. And you have people criticizing, saying he should shut the fuck up. He's a comic. And you're like, well, then what is our litmus here that we're going to argue who should talk and who shouldn't talk? Now, listen, I personally do not speak because I know I don't have anything positive. I wouldn't say you don't speak. You speak quite a bit. I'm speaking about stuff I'm qualified to talk about, and that's this. I'm not going to tell you about Iran and Iraq, or you know what I mean. Right. Where do you think we're having trouble right now? It's the goddamn fucking Middle East, man. Yeah. This is the Middle East. My cheeks are the Middle East. Right. There's little bumps. They're red as fuck. There's bumps everywhere. You can't trust them. They wake. Sometimes you just fucking, I don't know. I'm not really sure. Okay. You ready? Burt Kreischer's talking politics. Yeah, let's hear it. So Iran. Iran. It's probably better to go with Iran. I ran three miles today. There you go. Iran. I did run three miles. Great. I ran, I swam, I did it all. I ran, Iraq, I ran. So Iran had enriched plutonium. And that means you're going to make nuclear arms. These are the only things I researched. Yeah. Google how many nuclear warheads every country has. Russia has the most. Yeah, Russia went into like overdrive. Overdrive. Like as soon as they. No, there's an actual chart, two images, I'm sure. Oh, there it is. There, that's the chart. Countries with nuclear weapons. So like Pakistan is up there. India is up there. United Kingdom's close with Pakistan, which is ironic because I think they used to run Pakistan. China has got 500, which makes me sleep better at night. United States could have roughly a thousand more, in my opinion, so that we're head to head with Russia. Well, at one point, you know, it was 10 times the amount. And we started taking them apart. Yeah, we started to reduce our, both Russia and the US did. We had just crazy amounts of nukes. And it was basically a conjoined effort to reduce the amount that we had. North Korea. Are these nukes, this is a crazy question. Are they, are they locked and loaded or they go like, well, we got to put it together, but then we could put it together and then send it. That's a good question. I would think that some are ready to rock at any time. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like, it's not like, it's not like, oh no, I have a folding table, but I got to go to the garage and get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm not comfortable with North Korea. Who's got 50, but how many did Iran, Iraq have Iran, Iran? Well, Iran doesn't have any, but the whole, the whole thing, the, the idea that has been thrown around at this point forever is that they're so close to having them. Right. And so many, they're going to get 10. Well, we don't know, but you know where they're going to use them. They were saying, you know, like, Israel was saying like, oh, it's, you know, at different times in the last decade plus, they've been like, they're years away, they're months away, they're weeks away, they're days away. Like, it's just kind of this cycle of like, they're close, they're close. They're always talking about how close they are. And then, you know, the U S also participates in that. And then most recently, uh, our director of national intelligence said, yeah, they're not the 22 year old gardener. No, no, no. That's Tulsi Gabbard. Um, uh, Tulsi Gabbard's are for real is our director of national intelligence. Fucking shout out to Tulsi. Yeah. Tulsi is, I didn't know that. I fucking love Tulsi. Keep going. Um, I love Tulsi. Yeah. So, oh yeah. Okay. If Tulsi said it, I'm cool. She said they're not close. And then Trump said she's wrong. And then he, he went ahead and, uh, bombed these facilities because he was like, they were so close to having these bombs. Yeah. And this is like, not a new design. It's like debate whether they're close to it. But the idea now is that, you know, he, he bombs those facilities and then he's like, and now is the time for peace. And it's like, you just bombed them. So, I mean, who knows what we're also, they never had one in the first place. I did not have one. It's almost like if your kids never had ice cream and you buy ice cream, but you drop it, they're not going to know what they missed. And this is what the president should say. Yeah. Yeah. Like guys, they never had them in the first place. I just bombed them. Now. We still never have them. Um, we've completed our, it is kind of fucked up that he said it on Twitter and didn't tell his staff. He was like, just read my Twitter guys. Guys. Yeah. Three nuclear sites in Iran, including Fordow, Nataz, Estafan. All planes are now outside the Iran airspace. Full payload of bombs was dropped on the primary sites. All planes are safe on the way home. It's a great American warriors. There's not another military in the world that could have done this. Well, Russia probably could have done it. Now is the time. Now is the time for peace. Yeah. Thank you for your attention. There's matter. I've never had heard somebody do quite that. We're like, we just bombed the shit out of a place. Now it's peace time. It's like coming back from a strip club covered in glitter going, I'm ready to settle down now. Now nobody else do anything. Cause I blew five loads in five different strippers. Let's fucking go. Let's go. Let's settle down. Um, yeah. So I don't know, man. I, I mean, I'm in favor. Obviously we're talking about, I, I, I like, I mean, I think everybody should be able to speak about anything they want. I think so too. So I think a hundred percent. And also I'm not against somebody who's so much more qualified, uh, telling somebody to shut the fuck up, put it me in my place and say like, you know what you're saying? Okay. You get to say that. I almost welcome it. I was called my dad. Yeah. Our dads. My dad would fucking tell me, shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're saying. And that's why I don't go like, go speak wildly about things or, you know, I have, I have the, uh, I sort of sense he might still say that video clip of a friend. I won't say our friend or a friend of ours. Yeah. A good friend. Uh, not who everyone thinks is the one, but another one. And he's, someone's like, says something to him and he just yells free Palestine. My dad sent me that clip and he's like, I know you like this guy. I know this guy's a funny guy. Don't you fucking say a word about Palestine? Or. Or Israel out loud ever. This is your, this is not in your goddamn league. You don't want the fuck. You don't know what the fuck you're saying. You don't know what, you don't know a goddamn thing. So shut your fucking mouth. And I was like, thanks Theo. Fucking one guy says one thing and my dad gets mad at me. At you. That's so funny, dude. No, I fucking, I'll tell you what, where my, uh, where I get like really, uh, passionate. Yeah. Like this is where I like, cause it, cause it applies to me. Did you see the hot air balloon crash? I read about it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. it oh wow okay dude and this is i can speak i can speak with expertise on this hot air balloons are fucking sketchy as fuck yeah okay that's just the crash shit that's not you don't want to be that's that's not good no so wait hold on so some people live though in that no no no no one lived no one lived hang on you got to show the people dropping from the balloon oh cool man you're not usually this fun hang on people are that's when it's starting to go sideways i don't know what well probably because we're on nbc site yeah they're not going to make you got to go on like twitter go to the dark web if you go to twitter they're not going to edit anything go to x excuse me so here's the thing i'll say about a hot air balloon yeah it's like the first guy i mean when you i just i just listened to a podcast about the first guy to fucking go up in a hot air balloon the first guy first guy in like fucking france okay and they were like and he just he thought it was smoke that took the thing up because smoke rise rise and smoke rises because it's hot but he thought it was smoke so he filled it with smoke and he went up like three thousand feet the very first time can you imagine that yeah that's the very first time really high fucking skyrocketed and then he came down in the middle of a field he was like that's amazing so they did a bunch of them and then one time he got shut down because they were like because right around world war one oh and they were like this is germans he ends up dying he ends up dying on that in another one oh but you couldn't he tried to cross the the this is also i listened to this podcast this is how little i retain he tried to cross the the bearings not the bearing straight the the over to england and he was like oh my god the over to england yeah and got out channel channel and british channel and then they pushed him back so he was like this is there's no way to fucking control this thing yeah and that is the problem with hot air balloons okay is this guy's falling from it holy shit bro wow so you're seeing people fall out of it there's i don't know how we're not there's if some if there was a man running this joking i'm joking i'm joking there first of all if you type hot air balloon all you're gonna see is everyone's terrifying experience in a hot air balloon hot air balloons and this is burt kreischer i've ridden a few are fucking sketchy as fuck okay you have tom you have like fucking five uh uh uh propane tanks in there and then you have a torch that just goes releases a fucking flamethrowers amount of flame into a huge balloon just have you ever sat at a restaurant too close to the heaters yes your head starts to burn yes it's like that times 100 in the hot air balloon yeah you're sitting under a heater just it's loud as fuck you've done it i've done it a few times yeah here's the sketchiest part you can't steer it right so you kind of hope it goes where you want it to go i have seen one go into power lines before power lines yeah the first time i rode a hot air balloon the guy goes all right this is going to be a sketchy landing because he can't pick where he lands we landed in a bank parking lot really there were cars driving around would you do it again no never never in a million fucking years i did the biggest day in the world of hot air balloons they have in new in new mexico and there's tons of accidents there this is this isn't even the one this is just hot air balloon accidents are all over the place yeah it is the sketchiest form of air travel you can ever pick and it is crazy and when you do it they i all this in my feed are people in a hot air balloon because a lot of times they'll go get on the ground and brace for impact because they're coming in they can't you can't pick how slow you come in i know there's a hot air balloon enthusiast listen to this who's outraged yes but he knows i'm fucking right and he's wrong well he knows that i'm assuming that like the more you kind of give that heat right it's gonna so you're gonna slow down your descent yes you start giving it so they feather it yeah on the way down so that it's but at a certain point they gotta land and they gotta land within an area so when we landed in the bank parking lot we we went to land and he goes everyone on the out hold on to the outside and jump off jump off so now you're climb out and your feet are on the outside you're holding on and he's coming in at like let's just say let's just say uh i just for argument's sake seven miles an hour okay go to a treadmill turn it on a seven and then i want you to stand on the side and then just jump on the treadmill with both feet and see how you fucking tumble so wait that's how you jump that's how you landed you you hang out the outside he he had us because he's like this is going to be bad so just it's better for you to jump and roll than to just sit in here and we're on travel channel we're on travel channel with fucking people who are like and so we had to jump out of the fucking hot air balloon how'd that feel oh it's fucking put did you skydive too yeah skydive twice that's done i mean listen i know that people are passionate about it i just it's the fucking it's not it's not for me it's not for me it's i and i'll say i should just say hot air balloons aren't for me but they're not for me because i i'm not i don't have a death wish yeah like i mean just it's like and i know that i'm probably getting hate from the hot air balloon community it's pretty fucking wild popular community yeah but they have to agree there is a certain air of sketchiness about it yeah of that in that you can't it's first of all i got to tell you it's fucking crazy to be up see how hot a high hot air balloons go to be up 5 000 feet and just looking at the especially in new mexico and up with 7 000 feet they go up to 7 000 feet jesus christ look at the altitude record it's 68 000 feet that's way to type in a hot air balloon festival in new mexico this is the one we did and it's tom it's crazy because everyone's got their balloons laid out right have to have their heat source kind of angled so they're like oh my that's what we did now do you know how fucking wild landings are is when you're in a fucking sea of hot air balloons yeah some people come in hot right you got it like not everyone's here's the crazy part is not not as many people as you'd think die in hot air balloons but people get hurt yeah when we were in i was in a helicopter like a couple months ago and i'm sitting up there with the guy he's like yeah you know he's looking out he's like you know you always remember that you're just like you're always just a couple seconds away from dying and i was like yeah and then he goes yeah you know birds right birds are what's gonna kill us so just look out for any birds it's like yeah dude for sure and yeah and then i go when do you feel like at peace and he's like when we're back on the ground look at this tom this is it tom look this is when it catches fire and that's a guy holding on okay and then that guy goes to hold on oh my god oh that's not a fun god that guy's okay the guy that fell that's horrific that's that guy what that's really crazy they survived this hang on 13 survivors that's insane bro that's the worst that you're telling me right now i want to recant everything i just said if you're telling me there's 13 survivors from this accident then this is the safest way to travel in the air that's crazy if you're telling me 13 people survived did you see the one survivor from the india yeah wait what's 22 people were in that oh okay like before that's misleading like right when it started crawling catching fire 20 feet they're like hey let's get out and these guys are like don't worry we'll put it out is this them turning it on oh let's see this no way look at that first of all look at the the flame the heat source is just sketchy in my opinion all of a sudden you just start going and then you don't go and then you don't go and then you don't go and then you go i would jump right now i was gonna say like who this is just terrible man well it's it sucks it sucks for everyone including well when did they jump really the fire started before this that's so fucked up man that is so fucking crazy wait what's your look for the the guy that survived the india crash do we think it's real you think it's real everyone died except for him huh everyone hmm everyone everyone died person who died the crash is vishwa kumar ramesh you're okay he's got a couple scratches on this tough right so hit that show more if you would so he was the only The only passenger to survive the Air India Flight 171. He described his survival as a miracle, unable to fully explain how he made it out. He was seated in 11A, an exit row seat, which made. So he was really on the plane. That's. Like, they have a ticket. Yeah, they have the ticket, yeah. Yeah. If that's true, then I think I could survive a plane crash. You think you could? I got that energy. That's insane. Yeah, I mean, I know it makes no sense. I mean, it's just, it's like, it's like, for real? I mean. Like, usually things like this are too good to be true. I know. And then you find out, no, he was just a guy on top of the building. That's like, that's him in the moment, right there, the one in the middle, the first row. Yeah, he's walking. Yeah. I mean, everyone. That's like right after the crash. Everyone else. Dead. Was incinerated. Yeah. And he just was like. I don't understand it either. He just double-dutched out of it. Yeah. Well. That's him. Yeah. He still has his drink in his hand. And someone's like. I remember, he's like, get the fuck off me. I remember that. He's got his cell phone in his hand. I wonder if he was on his cell phone in takeoff, and that's what brought the plane down. He's in good shape. What can he possibly be upset about? I don't know. People touching him. I don't know. He's got probably jet fuel burning on him, dude. No, no, he doesn't. No, he had burns to his face. No, but it wasn't. Oh, for real? Yeah. But it wasn't like Travis Barker's plane crash where he survived, where they were on the ground, you know? Like, they were. They dropped from the sky. Yeah. Onto a building, correct? And everybody burned to nothing, yeah. Yeah, look at the aftermath of that crash, dude. I mean. I don't. I know, I don't understand it either. It just. And so, he was saying the 11A just opened up, and he just stepped out of it? I don't know. I don't get it. Well, there is the story. Did you ever hear the story of the little girl who dropped out of an airplane into the Amazon? Yes. And lived there for like 70 days? There's a few people that have fell like 30,000 feet. Yeah. And in their seat, like, woke up, which is fucking nuts. Crazy. Yeah. There's one woman, there's a flight attendant who the plane exploded, and she was in the back of the plane, and she rolled the. She landed on it, and so apparently, if you land on an incline, you live. What do you mean? Like, if you can land on an incline, you can live. Okay. So, like, she landed on an incline, so it kind of. She didn't, like, hit, like, solid. She kind of just went. So, it kind of, like. It's like landing on a. On a. On like a. It's like dropping into a half pipe. Yeah. And so, that's how one lady lived. I don't know how that. I don't know how the girl on the Amazon lived. Yeah, that story, I've read. It's unbelievable. I think her parents are on that. In that crash and died. Yeah. So, she was their. Like, the sole survivor of that family. Yeah. We were in a helicopter one time, and the guy said to me, the girl in there was terrified, and she did mountain rescue in Denver. And I was like, I was like, you should be having fun. It's trip flip. Let me open some champagne. She goes, I lost eight friends in a helicopter crash last week. And I was like, oh, wow. That's crazy. I go, well, what are the odds that's going to happen two weeks in a row? Right? She was like, huh? And she was like, it's just, all it takes is one screw. Yeah. One screw, and the whole thing goes to shit. I go, that's not true. It's got to be more complicated than that. And I go to the guy, I go, isn't that right, sir? And he goes, no, she's right. One screw, and we go down. I go, oh, fuck. I thought there'd be more fail safe than that. Yeah, this is Julianne Kopech. I don't know how to say it. In 71, at the age of 17, she was the sole survivor of Lanza 508, which was struck by lightning, and disintegrated over the Peruvian Amazon. She fell nearly two miles. Holy shit. While still strapped to her seat. That's right. After the crash, she spent 11 days alone in the jungle, battling injuries, hunger, and thirst before being rescued by lumberjacks. Her incredible survival story was the subject of documentaries, books, and films, including Wings of Hope. It happened on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve? Yeah. Her and her mother were on a flight from Lima, and they were struck by lightning. The plane broke apart, and it's so crazy. She plummeted nearly two miles. She managed to navigate the jungle for 11 days. She found a bag of sweets. Wow. Can I tell you, all I hear out of this is, so you're telling me the explosion doesn't kill you? I mean. So you're telling me everyone that's been in a plane crash, their death happens on the floor? Not all. It just depends on the circumstances. It depends on the circumstances of that crash. But this one is really crazy, man. I've flown in some of the sketchiest planes in the world. Yeah. I flew on a plane in Tanzania, where I said, will there be, I said to the lady up front, I said, will there be a bottle, like a service for drinks on the flight? And she was like, no. And I said, well, what if we have a fear of flying? She goes, you don't like flying? I said, no. And she goes, I would get yourself some beer and bring it on. And I was like, I can bring beer, I can bring beer on the plane? And she goes, oh, yeah. She goes, I wouldn't advertise it, but I would get some beers. And I said, how many could I bring on? And she goes, as many as you can carry. So I was like, okay. In my head, I'm like, I'm sitting in first class. It's going to be, you know, it can't be that bad. I wish I had an actual picture of this. I wish I'd taken a picture of this. I went and I got six tall boys, like big ones, right? Put them in my backpack and I get on the plane. We had to order, we had to enter from the back of the plane. And as I walked up, I go to my seat, 1B, aisle seat, and all our luggage is netted in front of me. Nice. All of the luggage is in front of me. For the whole plane? For the whole plane is netted, just netted in front of me. And I went, oh my God. How long is this flight? I was in Tanzania to Ethiopia or Tanzania to, I don't know, it was Tanzania to somewhere. It was fucking Africa. Okay. And I remember just being like, oh my, this is the worst flight I could ever, I had to have taken a picture of it. I'll see if I can find it. If I can find it, I'll post it. I've been on some of these. Yes, you have. Oh yeah. Your mom grew up on these. No, I took a bunch of these, like flew to like, to the jungle, to Iquitos, and like to Pisco and like all these places in like little puddle jumpers, man. Yeah, I've been on some shady ones for sure. It's crazy to think that you, that I thought the population, top up here, kills everybody. Can I tell you about the time when we, so my uncle in Peru set me up. He was like, do you want to go see the, you ever heard of the, they're called Líneas de Nazca, the Lines of Nazca? If you put in the Lines of Nazca, this is like a phenomenon. They consider it, these are huge images that you can only see from the sky, right? So there's like, this is like kind of like one of those things where they go aliens did it. Oh, I thought they were jogging paths. Well, if you're on the ground, you don't know that you're, it's enormous, right? So you wouldn't know that you're standing on that if you were on the ground. You wouldn't know that that image is there. You can only see it from the sky, right? Because that's, to see that on the ground, you'd be like, oh, it's a line, but you wouldn't know the entire layout of it, right? So from the sky, you see this monkey and, and the spider or whatever, all these images. So he's like, you want to go see the lines? I go, yeah. And my dad is in Peru, right? So he, he's down there visiting me when I'm down there. And he's like, do you want to come with? And he's like, yeah, I'd like to go see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they get a police plane, which is like two pilots and there's four seats in the back, I think. It was a, it was a small plane. They confiscated it from cartel people and they just like put, you know, police on the side. And these are, these are unbelievable, by the way, to see these. The best way to actually see them is in a chopper because then you can like hover. But we're in this, this plane and we go and we, we fly around. We're seeing them like that crazy bird and because there's no, they don't actually have the explanation of like, here's who did this. So people theorize that it could be, you know, that however many thousands of years old and, you know, like I said, aliens did it or ancient tribal people did it. All that being said, then my, we're flying back and my dad's like, I need to pee. And I'm like, there's no bathroom on this plane. Well, I got to go. I'm like, okay. So I have to like tap the military person's the pilot's thing. I go, Hey, my dad has to pee and they're like, I'm sorry. I'm like, dad, didn't you go? He's like, I did go, but I got to go again. You know, I'm like, I'm like, he's got to pee and they're like, you know, they're like, okay. So they just find like an airstrip just like an abandoned airstrip somewhere and we land and my dad gets out with his fucking khakis and loafers and just piss, is on the side. and then he's about to get back on and they're like hey uh how about he grab one of those empty oil cans unless he has to since he might have to pee again yeah it's like hey dad grab that empty oil can all right and then you know it gets back on he goes i mean you know what do you mean what am i doing i gotta i gotta pee fucking a man this is humiliating do you know what i got for my birthday that i should enjoy with you what is it for christmas i have a ride in a ghetto bird like you know how you do ride-alongs and pop cars i got a ride along in a helicopter in a police helicopter that's awesome to follow like a high-speed chase or some shit that's awesome you got that as a gift as a gift and from who from uh i can't i'm not gonna say but but wait you can purchase this no no no you gotta they they gotta allow it right and it's just like a ride-along you can't just buy it yeah and so i get to take one person dude take me you would love it i'm fucking i'm terrified do you know who flies i get i can you have you got your pilot's license yet so do you know bear you remember ladies yeah yeah yeah it's been one week since you looked at me the lead singer ed he flies they're on tour right now and he flies city to city it's crazy it's it it's so fucking cool yeah that he goes i think it's the coolest too he does the show spends the night wakes up takes his plane flies to the next city he loves flying oh clearly you'd like that that's a bare naked pilot and he posts them and it's what's crazy is how much knowledge you have to have to be able to fly he's like we were supposed to go into tango rally he flies solo that's awesome he flies like everywhere city to city that's really cool and it seems like he's like we went into kappa charlie lango tango like i can't even do the call letters yeah these are by the way much like for danger stuff much safer than a chopper oh these planes oh yeah oh yeah i would never fly a helicopter yeah i would never i have no interest in flying a helicopter i understand the the draw to a helicopter well the draw is accessibility what do you mean like you can you can access so many more areas like a plane you got to keep going oh yeah you can just hover anywhere and yeah you can you don't need an airstrip to to get you can just like is there a parking lot there like i told you i know two guys that in austin who commute every day seven days a austin only in their helicopters really yeah because the law in austin is like um if it's private property and and you allow it then somebody can land there so basically like if you were like yeah you can land in my yard then i'd be like i'm going to bert's and i could just fly in and land in your backyard and so these guys do that and they go to the fucking grocery store like this yeah they must live out like in out in the sticks they live a little bit outside but it's not that bad if you have a helicopter to fly you in yeah these guys are like they're like i go to dinner in it i go to the gym like the one guy told me he goes which was hilarious he's like every time i go to the gym there's somebody like some person is like uh excuse me you can't land a helicopter here and he's like actually i can because the i got permission from this is private property and then that person complaining calls the police and so like cops show up and they're like what's going on and they're like this fucking just flew his helicopter here and then the cops go and they're like yeah he has permission and then they're like oh he's like it happens like every time we were in a helicopter in madison wisconsin and we were for trip flip we flew in one every once a week yeah for trip flip and uh we're going and we're going to land in the middle of a clearing and uh in the middle of the woods in a clearing that's where we're going to land and that's where we're going to take off from it's beautiful and instead of having to hike you know like three miles into the into the forest we're going to land three miles inside the forest in a clearing and the pilot was had to be like 27 and he was like he was like all right do me a favor look out the wind look out the side see if i have enough clearance for the tail and i look back and i go i think so and he's like you think so i go yeah i mean i guess he goes all right i think let's try it no and then my sound guy john sales goes you you don't you don't it's just let's just say you don't i'd rather hike three miles and see if you have clearance for your tail and we were like i was like yeah good call what am i doing going yeah i was like wait i'm not qualified to tell you if you have clearance for your tail no no that's crazy that he's like you're good i think so i have enough clearance for my tail and i'm like i'm not the guy when i did a lesson in one with a super experienced pilot he was telling he had i forget 3 000 plus hours he was like oh yeah last week i was in a different one and i we landed in this one field and we were practicing so we would land and then i would take off come around and then approach to land we kept doing it he was like yeah i did this last week and i landed too hard and the tail rotor just snapped in half i was like so there are things that as a as a dad of young boys you just can't do because they're dangerous and you don't want to or do you just go it's like i didn't have access to be able to take flying lessons or drive sports cars or drive a motorcycle or like i had kids but i was always i never had the opportunity i mean i never felt like oh my god this is like i didn't feel like this is so dangerous to do when i was doing it you know i i personally like i'm not gonna do motorcycles you know it's just like not yeah i don't have the desire though either i do feel like they're more dangerous um i mean whatever whatever uh are you getting one yeah you did yeah well that's right you were riding one at the 5k yeah but you did get one yeah no we can't talk about it why harley keep going she wants a harley no no i yeah i got a harley coming okay i'm um i have two options i'm testing test driving two and then i get to pick one and you're gonna go around in it uh no i'm gonna save it for like sunday mornings at 5 00 a.m when no one's out or you know like the one on a holiday when the or hope there's another pandemic and drive it didn't you learn on the show yeah i learned on trip flip and it was it's cr it's such a crazy way to travel i guess ultimately all of these are crazy ways to travel and it's like what's wrong with us that we can't just go like i'll just get there i don't know what's more dangerous flying a helicopter or driving in an uber with some guy that you don't know some of those guys it feels like the most dangerous thing i've ever done i'm not telling you the story about the screaming match i got into in my front yard with an uber driver who talks sideways to leanne really buddy it's it's probably i woke up i'll tell you i woke up depressed that i let myself let i like like i didn't have control over myself you guys were in it together no uh no he and i i only i don't know like i'm praying to god that video never gets released to this because it started at the airport start at the airport wait were you together though me and leanne and kyle okay and the guy just was like i'll do my own thing you know like he just was like he was he was just a dick and i you know there's a certain way that i said that you are i've hired you to do a job i need you to do the job i would like the way it done and he wouldn't do it and i waited for 30 minutes for him which is not 30 minutes for him you mean to pick you up to pick me up okay and then we didn't speak the whole ride i didn't say a word and like berate him i didn't say anything i got really upset on the phone with him then when he came to get us i just put my bags in i just didn't say a word silent the whole ride got out of the car grabbed my bag walked inside should be done i told liam make sure to tip him i feel bad for raising my voice on the phone with him and then he said something sideways to leanne and i walked out to go like what's taking so long i didn't know that he was like kind of told her off told her tell me off have a man and tell me off and kyle just goes buddy do not go out there and i went what's going on and leanne's like that just told me off and i went what and he was starting to leave and they had just hit the gate and again i was like get out of the car get out of the car and i was like screaming at him don't you talk i was screaming i lost my cool i was like so i told kyle i said next time that happens tackle me and just whisper in my ear you can't fight you don't know how to fight you're gonna lose this but it's like it's like rage overtakes you yeah and you're like you're like get the out of the car yeah and then i woke up the next morning and i was like what did i do like what in my head i was like yeah you know what is that is it worth it to get into a fist fight with it by the way he was older if he was in let's just say if it was a black guy i probably wouldn't have done it but like ah yeah yeah it comes from one of those countries we're comfortable bombing and we feel like there's no gonna be no recognition and so i think it's from it on and so and i was like we're already in war with them i'll just keep it yeah keep it going on my side sure and so i but i was like i'm it's crazy when a split a switch flips in your brain you have no control over it yeah and i and i've and i'm so good at holding on to that switch my whole life i am so good at towing the line i'm good at going everyone calm down this is not worth it yeah yeah yeah but man in certain times it just goes he said something to leanne and what did he say uh you you dumb no he did not and he goes i you in my country i know he did not chop your hands off No, I don't know what he said. He said something like, Leanne went to give him the tip, and he goes, no, no, no, no, no. And then she goes, no, I insist. I apologize, whatever. And then he grabbed the tip, and then he looked at Kyle, and he was like, she was the problem. She overreacted. You were not the problem. She was the one. And Leanne didn't do anything. She didn't do anything. She was like, wait, I just tipped you. What the fuck? Why did I get thrown a fucking stray? Yeah, yeah. And then he said something else, I guess, and Leanne got livid. Well, a lot of those guys are used to. They're not big fans of women. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's pretty cool. I've always enjoyed it when you talk shit about women in the car with them. Yeah. And you're like, man, that driver in front of us, huh? I bet that's it. It's a woman. It's a woman. That's why we don't let them drive in our country. Yeah. And you're like, oh, man, you should pull over and tell her off. We've got guest bears coming up. We've got a couple more episodes we're going to do. We've got guest bears with us, but we've got our summer bears, Stavi and Chrissy D. And thank you guys for watching. You're listening. I know you're going to enjoy Stavi and DeStefano. Possibly more than us. Not even possibly. For 100%. More than us. More than us. And just know that it's temporary, so enjoy it while you have it. See you soon. Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes top of the other, wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave. We'll be right back. We're old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.