We'll Kill U

Long ago, there were three young men named Andy, Akiva, and Yhorm. They came from the bay, saw each other, said "Hey!" and the Lonely Island was born. They made their shorts and they chased their wail through SNL, found the Holy Grail. And thus we recount the inspiring tale of Andy, Akiva, and Yhorm. Even longer ago, there was Seth Lee Myers, born in Evanston, Ill. I was also born there, which I think is cool, too bad no one else fucking cares. Seth went to school and got his improv on. His talent wouldn't be unknown for long. Then he'd hear the SNL siren song, just like Andy, Akiva, and Yhorm. Oh ho, the podcasts show the secret things that we come to know. Each week they spill the tea as we laugh and reminisce. Oh ho, the friends we've made, what a glorious time now to be a Quaid. Come raise a glass with me, to Seth and Andy, Akiva, and Yhorm. Let's jam town. Let's jam. Jam town. How we doing, guys? Pretty good. It's funny when we take forever to schedule this thing and then we start texting and then you're like, "How about in 15 minutes?" And then we're like, "Yeah." That's a real, that's kind of what happened. We were talking about how bad the holiday weekend looked and then it was decided and we kind of knew Andy was out out. Yeah, yeah. And then two Theos and Dave realized we had a window right now and we're going at it real hard. I will say my kids right now are watching Little Women, the Greta Gerwig Little Women. Yeah. And Axel has been listening to Little Women as a book on tape and loved it, so he was very excited to see the movie. And when the title, you know, like the tile of the movie came up, you know, it was Saoirse Ronan. And he's like, "Who's that?" And I was like, "That's Joe, I think." And he was like, "No, Joe's a boy." And I was like, "Oh, man." Oh, brother. I was like, "Oh, brother." I did think he was a little young for it, just you mentioning that. Yeah, I know. What are your kids going to go for Halloween? Are they going to go as long? Are they going to go, like, as little men? Maybe little men. We haven't quite figured it out yet, and we're supposed to figure it out this weekend. We might be in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for a Steelers game on November 1st, in which case we might trick or treat in Pittsburgh. Oh, my God, that's great. And I think the boys then want to go as classic '70s Steelers. That'll go well. You're such a Steelers guy, Seth, and I will say after having spent four months there, one of my favorite cities on the planet, I was saying, like, actually living there, I was like, if I could get all of my friends to move here, then perfect, but big feet. Yeah, we showed up, and you had completely bought into Pittsburgh. Oh, my God, love it. They have three stadiums that are right next to each other, and all their colors are the same. It's black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow. Yeah. There you go. They've got all those bridges going to them, steel bridges. The best bridges. Made of steel. So, Seth, are you pitching, just to be clear, were you pitching that we should make an all-boys version of Little Women called Little Men? I do, and I think we could get a little bit of money. We could get a little bit of money from the U.S. military. I think right now with the sort of marketing they're doing. And we should have a character named Josephine who's a boy. Oh, you think it's Josephine and it's a boy? Yes, exactly. Hey, some pretty cool things happened, and I just feel like, you know what, we're allowed to take out our brag flags every once in a while. And there's two things that are very cool, and I'm going to start with my brag flag. Okay. Which is I got name dropped. I mean, again, it's like 50 years of The Simpsons, and I've never been asked to be a voice on The Simpsons. Like, I'm never going to get a cartoon version of me on The Simpsons, and I'm fine with that, you guys. Yeah. I'm fine with that. Put it out there. However, in the last week's episode, basically it came up that I am Marge Simpson's hall pass. You have a clip? I do have a clip. In The Simpsons? Yeah, dude. Oh, my God. I mean, would you? Seth, would you? Oh, I would. Oh, shit. That's very exciting. So it's Marge going up to Homer on the front steps, and he's worried. And he's worried about her amorous feelings towards him. Marge, hypothetically, if I were to lose either my face or my snuggle factory, which would you keep? Snuggle factory. What? Well, when we're snuggling, I could try to imagine another person's face for the first time ever. Whose face would you imagine? Seth Meyers. Whoa, you sure had that ready to go. He just seems like he never has to shave. Oh, come on. Oh. I mean. You do. I don't see you as stubble, Seth. I know. I'll just get the shave for the show, but then it's the weekends, and I don't really. You know, we did a couple of podcasts during our hiatus that we called Proof of Life, and people were shocked when I had stubble. Yeah. Just shocked. I mean, again, talk about a friendly name drop on The Simpsons. Yeah. I don't have anything that can compare to that. I don't have any brag points. It's really nice. Well, you actually do, Joram. What? You know you have the compares to that? What? What? Because the John Malkovich was just on the Graham Norton show talking about cool guys walking away from explosions. That's pretty cool. He only name drops Andy, though. You know what I mean? He does only name drop Andy, but like, I mean, that ain't the first time you guys have- All right. So I found this. It's not being sexually appealing. I've only been listening to half of this, because I found it while I waited for you guys to join the Zoom. I found this. Okay. And let me just say, real quick, before we play this, the reason John Malkovich is on Graham Norton is he's promoting Wild Horse Nine, the new Martin McDonagh movie. Oh, your favorite thing. Dude. That's my favorite filmmaker. Have you seen it? I haven't seen it yet, but it's my favorite filmmaker making a movie that looks like my favorite kind of movie. It's got Rockwell, Deucemi, Posey- Oh, yeah. Malkovich. This is like Oscar Central. I'm just deeply, deeply excited about it. That's fucking great. Yeah. I heard it was very good, actually. I've heard it's very good as well. Yeah. And I've heard that Malkovich is, let's just say there's a little bit of buzz, and I think you guys know what kind of buzz I'm talking about. Yeah. There is not a bee infestation. It is house. It's a different kind of buzz. Unless it's Oscar bees. We love talking about the golden trophies of award season on this pod. We're real awardsy guys. We're very award forward. All right. So Malkovich was on the Graham Norton show this past week. And he's talking about Con Air and about his experience on Con Air. And this is me paraphrasing the minute that I'm going to skip. He was talking about how it was such a fun. Hilarious, in his words, experience, because a lot of the other actors playing convicts on the plane were people that he would never come across in his daily life. They were football players, hockey enforcers, real life reformed criminals, and he was having a blast. And then he started talking about the explosion. Let's see if I went back for enough. Hold on. Oh, my God. Love Con Air. So it was just, for me, it was hilarious. I loved it. And that scene, I believe, is from Malkovich. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember being on this scene where we had a big safety meeting. And Andy Samberg, the American actor and comedian who spent years at Saturday Night Live and did great music videos such as "Jizzed in My Pants" and so on, he did one more touching. Yeah. Yeah. You haven't had jizzed? Yeah. It's all people we know on the panel when it went wide. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you see that? It was Andy Samberg. Yeah. Yeah. It was Olivia Colman, who Andy did "The Roses" with, Alexander Skarsgard, who your buddy's with, right, Jorm? Yes. And actually, he's about to be in this movie, David Samberg's new movie that I'm also going to be in. So we're going to be- There you go. And then Malkovich and then Ayo's on the end. So there you go. Fucking great. Great pokes. Yeah. And Dick in a Box, of course, we should forget also. He did one called "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions." And which featured this explosion in Con Air. Oh, there you are. Yeah. And see, you can't look back. They can look back because they're not cool. I mean, again, what a delight. That's great. Obviously, we know that people are familiar with your work. There's still that little extra, I don't know, tingle when John Malkovich can name more than one of your digital shorts. It's shocking. Yeah. He was so familiar. That was pretty rad. And I think that's something so special about guys who have a certain kind of cadence. You're like, "Oh, just the way you're talking is so great." And then to back it up with the drop of a very funny statement after, because you're waiting and you're like, "Oh my God, how was he?" He's a delight. I mean, I think the whole panel was, and he probably knew the most fun version for him to say, or the best song for him to name drop was "Jizz in My Pants." "Jizz in My Pants." Let's not forget. "Jizz in My Pants." Let's not forget. "Jizz in My Pants." "Jizz in My Pants." "Jizz in My Pants." When we were in the monastery, he was going to throw an oil lamp. He wakes up from this dream, cunts pictures on the wall, his hated enemy. He picks up this oil lamp. He was going to throw it at the wall, this monastery that he's been staying at since he quit the game. Burns the picture. Then he walks away like a cool guy from the burning monastery that in slow motion you're seeing monks in the background dousing it with water as he walks away from his home. So that was one thing we couldn't do. Hey, there was a fun little back and forth between a couple of members of Quaid Army in the comment section that I enjoyed. There were two versions, two, I should say, separate examples. One is we talked about how Sir Elton John got very excited about the sting joke, which was referencing Sting's well-documented tantric sex practice. And someone wrote, Elton John being too excited about the sting orgasm joke and flubbing is an example of premature adjoking. And then the only comment underneath it was, no. Just like that. I'm bummed at how much it got me. By the way, I enjoyed it as well, but no also really got me. And then this one, so that's kind of the opposite of yes and, right? That's a real, yeah. Shut them down. Yeah, that's not a yes and. That's a no period. But there was a good yes and. I'm having the last laugh right now. Yeah, somebody said, I would like to imagine the shy Ronnie wig talking to Andy like the Green Goblin mask talks to Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man. Yeah. That was the first comment. And then the second comment, which is perfect, yes, and, is, yeah, and it's just Andy constantly saying, huh? Speak up. So it's the shy Ronnie wig trying to torment Andy. Those are great. But it's so quiet. It's just muttering. He's annoyed. Yeah, that's great. Oh, also somebody said, it's a Malka-vump is what we're going to get for cool guys walking away from explosion. That's a Malka-vump. That's a Malka-vump. The Malka-vump. The Malka-vump. This wordplay is both killing me and elevating my spirits. I wrote down this comment and then forgot to look. Keeve, were you in the Dro's audience for Laser Cats? Oh, Draws. Draws. Draws, yeah. Sorry. Let's not butcher it. That's a great question. Should we re-go back? Let's see. We don't really appear in Laser Cats much, do we, Keeve? You really did have a chance there to be a real Alfred Hitchcock and cameo yourself into each one. We didn't want Higgins and Lorne making fun of us every week. Of course, of course, of course. We did do Getting Shot in the opening credits. Me and Liz, I don't know if you were in the opening credits, which don't appear in the later episodes. Oh, right. Yeah, early on. But that's about it, yeah. We talked about how when Sigourney Weaver was on the show, she said, what, no Laser Cats? And then someone wrote, Elton John on the other hand said, what? No. Laser Cats? A minor distinction. I do always wonder, when you shoot so much shit, like for most, you know, a lot of the people who come on, I don't know, I've been in so many things by the time that they get there, I wonder how often they actually remember being in it. Like, does Carmelo Anthony, like if we brought that up to him, would he be like, oh, yeah, big highlight? It is true. Like, people who do so many things. Like, by the way, like, I did that show, Documentary Now with Bill and Fred, and sometimes I see people who are like in a full episode, I'm like, oh, man, thanks for doing that. They're like, oh, right. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, you work all the time. Yeah, you just do so many things. It's all part of promo for some people or, you know. All right, do we see Keith? I'm just working, literally, I'm looking at the script for the thing. Everyone else is in LaserCats future wear, like weird aluminum arms and tinfoil hats. And it truly is all the interns, right? Yeah, but is that me in a tinfoil hat up in the, I can't zoom in, but that guy, the cursor. Yeah, is that me? No. I don't know. If you want to go to every LaserCats ever, part two of two, go to the 1156 moment to see. That's how I'm finding this. You look like you're in a dinner jacket, Keith. I think I'm in a cardigan. That's classic Keith cardigan. That's the Keith cardigan era. And I'm just, yeah, just working. I thought you were on monitors. I thought you were on a handheld monitor for a second. It looks like a script there, and I'm just purely ignoring everything. Let's see if it happens again. If you leave for when all the cats jump out of their hands. Well, also, I thought it might be Lutz, but he wrote back, no, it was not him. When we do the stunt with all the fake cats getting pulled off, it's obviously not Elton John. Right. And I thought, oh, is it Lutz? But he said no. Kind of looked like it could have been him, didn't it? Maybe. Hey, guys, this is a letter from Nicholas. Maduro? Yeah, look at you. Thank you. Somebody got an Economist subscription. I listen to a lot of the rest of politics. Seems important to clear this up. Kevin and Bean played the theme you made them all the time. They played it so much that I knew it the moment you played it on the pod and sang along. Whoa. So it's on us that we didn't listen. We didn't listen to enough Kevin and Bean, and yours has been calling them out. What a reveal that I've never listened to Kevin and Bean. When Bean left the show, he took his sound library with him, which explains why the dude from K-Rock couldn't find it. I can't believe that. New Kevin and Bean theme. They would play it all the time. Wow. That's great. According to Nicholas Maduro, who, you know, again, not the most trustworthy source. That's fantastic. No, I think he is. And your arm owes them an apology. Yeah. Never fucking get it. You know what I learned from our fantastic president? Never apologize. Never back down. MAGA all the way. All right. Next subject. Kelly. My name is Kelly. I'm the communications manager at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Not only do we have Shy Ronnie currently on display, but we also have Andy and Justin's Dick in a Box costumes with accompanying life masks and facial hair, Julian's jacket, and a fingerless glove from the Boombox music video. It's all part of our exhibit, SNL 50, Ladies and Gentlemen, 50 Years of Music, which highlights iconic musical sketches and performances. I know our curators are super jazzed when we got to represent the Lonely Land in the exhibit. I've attached a few photos here, but you can check out more about the exhibit here. Any of you crazy people in Cleveland, do not hesitate to reach out. Oh, man. Oh, that's rad. Do you have the pictures there? I do have the link to the exhibit if you guys want to check it out. We should go to Cleveland. I don't know if I've ever been to Cleveland. Cavaliers. Oh, nice. Sports guy. The Economist and Sports Illustrated. Yeah, Nicholas Maduro and Cavaliers. Nicholas Maduro and. And I'm tapped out, guys. Oh, here's a good one. Apologies for an off-topic anecdote, but I discovered the pod recently and have caught up at an alarming rate. Yorm's grandmother taught my mom Spanish in high school. That track so far, Yorm? Oh, yeah. Big time. She also went to the same church as us. After mass, my parents would get into seemingly never-ending conversations with people, and one day a lovely woman was gushing to my parents about her grandson making a movie with Sissy Spacek. I was 14 at the time, so that meant nothing to me. She turned to me and asked, do you know Andy Samberg? I lit up. Of course I did. She told me her grandson, Yorma, and his friends, Andy and Kiefer, were making a movie and pulled out a packet of freshly printed 4x6 photos of you three on set. Fantastic. Yes. She also did that with us. She had multiple pictures, clearly, in her purse of us winning an Emmy for Digging a Box. And so when people asked her what it was for, she couldn't say it. So she'd be like, it's a thing. It was a thing that they did. Sybil Ticone. Oh, my God. It's very, very funny to print those out. Wait, let me just tell one more. Let me tell one more story about my grandmother. Please. So my grandmother, whose name is Sybil, who is just the best woman on the planet. You guys both met her, and she's fantastic. She took kids on trips to Spain for the summer. And I went on one of her trips to Spain, and the kids would get super wrecked. So I was 16 years old or whatever, and I was plastered on my mind in, I think, Madrid or where it was. She was in the club with us. It was like 2 o'clock in the morning, and I pulled her up onto this platform, and we were dancing and whatever. And then the next day on the bus. And then the next day on the bus, my grandmother brought me over, and she was like talking to somebody. She was like, my grandson and I were dirty dancing last night. And it shocked me in this way that I was like, oh, God, is that what we were doing? Is that what I was doing with my grandmother? And I'm pretty sure it was. I think I was freaking my own grandmother. Support comes from Talkiatry. Trying to figure out how to get the right mental health treatment for you can feel overwhelming. Almost as overwhelming as trying to pronounce Talkiatry. Talkiatry helps you move from, I know we need help. to actually having a psychiatrist who listens and a clear, personalized treatment plan. Talkiatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like, for example, ADHD, anxiety, or depression. Unlike therapy-only platforms, Talkiatry is psychiatry. You're seeing a medical provider who can diagnose mental health conditions and prescribe medication when it's appropriate. All 800-plus clinicians are in-network with major insurers, so you can use your existing insurance. Instead of paying monthly subscriptions or out-of-network costs. Getting started just takes a few minutes. Complete a short online assessment, get matched with a clinician to fit your needs, and schedule your first visit in days, not months. More than 300,000 patients have already found high-quality psychiatric care through Talkiatry. Head to Talkiatry.com slash Lonely Island. Complete the short assessment, get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's T-A-L-K-I-A-T-R-Y dot com slash Lonely Island. To get matched in minutes, Talkiatry.com slash Lonely Island. The Lonely Island Seth Meyers Podcast is brought to you by Maud. Maud prescribes a once or twice daily modafinil drink so that you can keep energized, focused, and alert throughout the day. You guys know I love that. Here is the mechanism. Energy drinks with caffeine temporarily block adenosine, the chemical that makes you tired. It builds up, and when the caffeine wears off, it all crashes down on you all at once. Nightmare. But modafinil works differently. It engages multiple pathways in your brain. Dopamine, norepinephrine, histamine, and orexin. To achieve steady energy and alertness for 10 to 12 hours. That's half the day, y'all. Modafinil was invented in the 1970s. Huh, cool era. And since then, it's been used by the highest performers on and off the planet. I'll let you figure that out. Soldiers, pilots, and astronauts. Oh, they explain it. Aboard the space station, use modafinil in high-stakes situations. Such as spacewalks, probably. Where full concentration and alertness are paramount. It's now available at mod.com to qualifying patients. Visit mod.com, that's M-O-D dot com, for a free consultation. And get 10% off your first order. Plus free shipping with promo code LONELYISLAND. That's promo code LONELYISLAND at mod.com. Three quick comments, and then we're going to talk about just you guys. We Kill You? Am I getting that title right? We'll Kill You. Will. We will kill you. It's a big source of contention for that. We do not like incorrect grammar jokes. Okay, great. So real quick, speed round stuff. Is Greg Chun a Muppet head, is the question. The new song has strong Sailing for Adventure vibes from Muppet Treasure Island, and I love it. We'll have to find out. I'm going to go with probably. Andy's axe. It was suggested. It was suggested that his complaint section is called Andy's axe, which is a tip of the cap to his Kathy impression. Oh, his axe. Oh, I like that now. Yeah, Andy's axe. A-C-K-S. Ack. Yeah. A lot of feedback that I should never record another podcast at the mountain biking place that I sounded like hot shit. Oh, no. And so I'm sorry. It was really, it worked into my life really nicely, but I appreciate that I should try not to do that again. Well, for all of you, those of you who somehow think that the dulcet tones of Seth's voice are not dulcet enough, I mean, fucking Marge Simpson wants to have sex with him, so. Yeah, dudes. And last but not least, a lot of ha-ha-has from people based on me saying, I need to learn how to play Magic the Gathering real quick. How did it go? Did you attempt it? Dude, I can't. It's the hardest thing. I've watched so many YouTube videos, impenetrably hard. And by the way, I know people, like young people know how to do it. Like, I feel like I've got the brain for it. Even watching the YouTube videos, I'm like, you guys have not made this. Is it because there's so much detailed reading on every card? Because I will say, Pokemon is like, when you're old, I was like, damn, the font is small on these fucking cards. It's worse than that. I hear somebody said, every night before you go to bed, spend a few minutes chanting, untap, upkeep, draw. That's just a way to like, get into the mindset. I'm like, oh my God. I don't know what I've done to my, oh, this is real. So I think based on everything that's happened with my children, especially my boys, I think he's going to be super into it for like a week and it'll pass. As long as you learn it within that. Within that week, I'm satiated. Oh, and then E40. You guys talk about E40 a lot. Santana DVS. Big fans of E40. Calejo, y'all. Quade wrote in to say, have you guys seen the film Dead Heist? Oh, shit. No. Dead Heist is a horror action movie from 2007 starring E40. Oh. Big Daddy Kane. Okay. Bone Crusher, among others. Yes. Big Daddy Kane, fun fact, is from Gowanus area, one block from my house. This is where he grew up in Brooklyn. So, yeah. Oh. Now, when you're walking around, do you feel like you do half-step sometimes or is it a rule of thumb? No, I think I ain't. Ain't no half-stepper. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I try not to be. That's good. That's good. I will just say, here's just quick reviews of Dead Heist, which I do feel like we should watch. Yeah. There's three reviews and I'm not going to read the full reviews, just the little, you know, synopses. This made absolutely no sense and was exhausting to get through. I did not enjoy this. Okay. The second one is, this is wildly entertaining despite being completely incoherent. DJ Naylor was awesome in this. Sounds like it was the digger of its time. Yeah. And the last one says, I won't argue in its favor and defend it to you, but I had fun sitting through it for 80 minutes. I mean, if there was ever a movie that seems like right up your guy's alley. Well, as soon as you say 80 minutes, I'm pretty all in. Yeah. All right. The guys, just two guys. Guy number one and guy number two. Here it is. Guy number one, guy number two. We know who we are. We kill you. How much time has passed between the second and the third of this? Enough time that we noticed our faces changing, but that happened on every single one of them, I think. That's just passage of time stuff. Yeah. That's just regular passage of time. That's just death, Dora knocking. I don't know how many. So, Jorm, we didn't put this on the album. I'm just loading it up and remembering. What? We made this song during turtleneck and chain times at the house, and then I think when we were doing the track orders, we just decided, you know what? This can just be a video on YouTube that we do. I gotta say, that is a real testament to how we felt about the album. I think we felt very strongly about the album, and we were like, you know what? Maybe we don't need this on there. That's surprising to me, though. Yeah. Like Laser Cats being one every year for the seven years that we were-ish there, I always thought that there was a. Just Two Guys on every album, too. Yeah. So, Just Two Guys predated any album, and then We Like Sports we put on Incredibad, and then this one we decided to just put on the video portion. This is back when you would buy one of our CDs, it would also have a DVD with some videos. Right. So, it did come with the album. Gotcha. Yeah, right, right. So, we thought we had sort of included it. I mean, it is weird because we made it so much at the house and while we were doing this album, because we, as we've mentioned many times, we've used every part of the Buffalo of this house. Every room, every bit of the hot tub, every bit of the backyard was used for this house. Yeah, two years later, just these guys really live there. The house that we've already discussed no longer exists. Yeah. It is like if there was like one of those, you know, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo type murder mysteries where they have to go find like microfiche of an old parade and see if it is like, if there was a murder here, they're like, but that house has been torn down. They're like, hold on. The footage exists. There's a video that we could rebuild the premises. The first comment on the video was, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. This is the origin of rap. This is where it started. Yeah, I appreciate that a lot. This other person says, I drive all the time. It's no big deal. That's the quote. And says, I say this every time I get in my car. This person, six years ago during the pandemic, said, I'm glad for quarantine because I have to stay home away from these felons. These are excellent comments, guys. It's just like, I like that somebody during COVID was watching it and just made that. Again, never thinking six years. Talk about a time capsule. Never thinking it would be read six years later. These are all comments that have like 3,000 to 5,000 likes. That's why they're at the top. Another person with, I drive all the time. It's no big deal. Open the door. Get behind the wheel. This is educational material. Step by step. How you doing? Here's another quote. Is there a heaven for gangsters like us? Is the most hard sculpted piece of art in that decade? I think the phrasing of all these is fantastic. By the way, I feel like that was really hard for us to get through, doing that performance. But again, you've done two. Do you remember when you're like, oh, we should do one called We'll Kill You? I mean, it's just a different job. It's like two genres of rap, right? Where we're like, the first one's a party song, just two guys. The second one, I guess, is a sports anthem? I don't know what you would call that. Which is kind of a genre of, you know, jock jam, I guess. Well, we're certainly planting our flag of what kind of characters we are. Yeah, just masculine things that these guys like. And then, obviously, another staple is like killing and being gangster. And so this is their gangster song. Well, we also tried to go so hard in the direction of like, vow doth protest too much kind of vibe. Yeah. Which is always just like. Like, these guys aren't going to do anything. They have toy pistols and, yeah, it's all sort of pathetic. Well, I guess we have a BB gun. Some people are going to tell their kids that these guys were Wu-Tang Clan. I appreciate that. This person said, I used to watch this and I thought it was stupid. Now I think these guys are the coolest guys in the world. Got a little older, probably, that person. Do we want to give it a watch? Yeah, let's get into it. Yeah. And, I mean, the next one is We Need Love, which was obviously our sex. It's jam, which is another popular jam of music. Yeah, we covered all the books. And then we always thought that the next one we would do that we've never done was about drugs. It was about weed. Right. I believe. But they both died before you could do the fifth one. Well, we haven't died yet. We could do it. Is it funnier when it's like, you know, like Spinal Tap, where they all look really old, still pretending to be like 13? I don't know. Maybe if it's about weed. Yeah. Yeah. How cool weed is. Weed's pretty good. Really excited about weed. All right. Here they are. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. Hey. Right off the bat, the skidding car. You're going maybe two miles an hour. Whose car is that, by the way? Is that? Maybe Jonah's. I don't know. Hey. Hey. What's wrong? Come quick. Some losers want to fight us. Oh, not again. I'll go get my gun. Okay. I got that. We both got the hoof earrings in, bro. Specialized. A specialized mountain bike. Really enjoyed that. That was always a win. a worth it moment of pushing earrings back in and we just found a construction site with a bunch of piles of dirt down the street in encino yeah just scoping out the best the best locations of encino that's where you're fixing your bike what's wrong come quick some losers want to fight us oh not again i'll go get my gun okay you must be loco to mess with us don't you know we're dangerous we'll kill you we'll kill you it's on now the fight's beginning one punch in and we're already winning guy number one babe shit killer after you're dead i drink an ice cold milk the beer is just empty clearly fished out of recycling and now you you've decided to do some stuff with your hair tell us from the character's perspective well i'm in the pool here yeah i think i'm in the pool yeah so i'm wet hair i feel like your hair is like more styled than before i mean just in general yeah maybe we tended to just try to look as bad as possible this guy totally no but the first time we saw him i i was trying to sort of slip oh yeah my hair's like sticking up here yeah this guy he's going for something here shit dude i always thought of myself as trying to look like calvin on picture day yeah with a nice heart down calvin yeah this guy's wanted dead or alive dude he's a killer for he's wanted the prime of killing losers reward a million dollars the thing that i want people to keep in mind for these videos was that we did everything for these so we made this poster printed it out so just think about us like going down to kinko's or wherever we were right we're making it the exact way these guys would make it that's what they would do yes it's art imitating life i like that first of all your t-shirt says sinister is this another like t-shirt you just went to a store and bought the dumbest t-shirts you could find it's always kmart or walmart i can't remember yeah this was kmart in the valley deep deep valley i do like that you didn't move the rafts from behind you that's part of their world you've seen them in previous videos i know but it is like these guys should know well enough that like the apeshit killer would not have uh those color rafts yeah well this one is about drinking an ice cold miller out on parole and i'm looking to score i'm guy number two out on parole you're looking to score that's what you're seeing we went to like a vaughn's and and have a woman who's facing away from us who just looks like a normal mom it's just a mom going shopping it's just a mom walking by like plants and herbs she has no idea that for 15 years she's been in this video immortalized out on parole and i'm looking to score i'm guy number two i'll take your whore ak's uzis nines and glocks one pierced ear and ankle socks if you see us on the street you can bet we're high we wear sunglasses for bloodshot eyes each jerk we kill our hearts grow colder i can shoot all day it doesn't hurt my shoulder there's a bunch of my favorite parts um wait what recession was actually uh your t-shirt in the pool we've talked about that's why we had seth mcfarland say what recession that was our favorite let's put that at the end of this episode again in honor of guy number two yeah uh and also i like when we um in the lyrics you reveal what the guys are really worried about and they've thought a lot about how much shooting a gun probably hurts your shoulder yes or did it one time and was like oh oh no yeah i think it's more likely they've heard tell of the fact that it like the kickback will really hurt your shoulder talk about it at slumber parties like you know it's actually can hurt a lot you gotta do it just right so they think it's really important to just let people know it didn't it did not in fact hurt their shoulder some of our outfits because we were you know in 2010 and we were trying to wear stuff from the 90s 20 years earlier that felt as out of fashion as you can kind of get to some degree and now there's a fair amount of this that doesn't look nearly as dorky as it did when we made this video well maybe that's what the guy who made the comment about how i used to think these guys that's right now we're in now we're cool now we're in cool fleeces and like comes back guy get polo shirts and stuff it's all shit that's around this episode is sponsored by blue chew the number one brand for better sex yeah i said it over five million guys use blue chew five million that's a real number of people who've decided that this is worth trying blue chew gold is a better sexual relation experience in a tablet four ingredients in one solution to work on the physical side to support arousal and desire in the brain the brainium it works fast and it lasts player the part that i don't think that people know besides the whole part is the whole part happens online no appointment no waiting room you fill out a health questionnaire easy peasy a u.s licensed physician looks it over and decides whether blue chew is right for you i'm at the age where i'll do a lot to avoid the doctor's office not the doctor the office the parking the forms the old mags no thank you if something can be handled from my kitchen i'm in there's a reason blue chew is the number one brand for better sex experience it yourself at blue chew.com and we've got a special deal for our listeners right now when you buy two months of blue chew gold you'll get the third free with promo code island that's promo code island you'll also receive an additional 10 off plus free overnight shipping on your first order visit blue chew.com for more details and important safety information we thank blue chew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom okay the i can shoot all day it doesn't hurt my shoulder i think is maybe my favorite line in the song it's so specific i i don't know where it comes from but it lets your mind just go so many places of like where where it came up with that and then i always like i'll take your whore whenever these guys get really like dirty like feel like you're like jesus like whenever they push the boundary of like what's okay it's basically like steve's well i like picturing the two of them writing the same thing i like picturing the two of them writing the same thing i like picturing the two of them yes yes we're doing that we're doing it that's so hard that's so good you're a whore just like oh god by the way you didn't alfred hitchcock your way into every laser cats but it did seem like you tried pretty hard to get turtleneck and chain and things when yeah yeah here he is when it called for it we did yes look at this peak right here i wonder why people are going back to this a lot we'll find out in a second doesn't hurt my shoulder i drive all the time it's no big deal open the door and get behind the wheel i only hang with felons killers and thugs you're still a cut steve go fuck your snake that's why don't you know we're dangerous we'll kill you so we're just like little little cowboy boys here little scamps just you're getting worse as the video goes this is so dope anybody watch on youtube with us where they can see this freeze frame there's four of us two cowboys kind of small in the back two right in your face we're double fisting pistols well a lot of poking out from behind trees hi-yah we gotcha the foreground yorm enters a little late it's the way it's off is is pretty delicious this is good 10 off this is good this is these guys are cool as hell they they thought that's who we should be these guys it's not in character if you could push back if we were like method actors and we were pushing back against the director we go i get all the other outfits but these guys think this is cool it's it's funny though because you know these were like cap guns or something that we had i remember still being like that's pretty cool it was pretty fun to get those cap put them on and have i remember we really did it because as we've talked about this house where we had our bb gun range we did set up that dico can just put the camera on it and then what was that with the bb gun so we were living the lamest fall of a can ever the thing about these videos always is they're 50 true and 50 characters they are who they are so you actually did the stunt of shooting down you shot down the but we were doing this we got a bb gun because there was a little shooting range in the back and so we would do this well it wasn't it was a horse stable that we turned into a shooting range yeah it was the best yeah everything about these guys is truly actually us except for i don't know if it was a cowboy outfit oh shit that's an original melody but the idea of heaven for gangsters is a trope in a few different hip-hop most notably i think tupac or tupac yes with either one i think they both were worried about heaven yes they're worried about if g's they were worried about heaven and heathen will i get into either uh now we're at the bar this was another part of the house that we haven't seen that often so nice wait can i just can i just mention so that we're in front of a church for our singing part about is there a heaven for gangsters like us and it ends with a pretty whack wide two shot and it is something that you do a lot in comedy and i do always like when you're like if you want to expose something as being pretty shitty going wide is not a bad way to do it and that last shot of us is just is there a heaven for gangsters like us which is meant to be like the hardest line and it is very indicative of like how we would do things that like on the hardest line you're seeing the wackest version of us agreed okay so we're in this bar i've got that same miller high life we clearly got from the neighbors recycling or from our parents and now yorm's repurposed part of his outfit as the cowboy the shirt but now has a vest from somebody's suit because he's the bartender well i'm wiping glasses like i'm in the old west yes we're in an old-timey saloon all of a sudden hey guy number one yeah guy number two i'm just doing me i'm doing you too i only date girls who have been around i mean my hair actually looks kind of good in these to be honest yeah i'm doing you too is like they rushed into that lyric without without thinking about it yeah they don't know no they thought it was a clever turn on a popular phrase yeah they're very jealous guys too very jealous yeah but somewhere the songs are being performed live because yorm's guy number two catches guy number one like don't say that that sounds bad so he's actually maybe a little further into like puberty than guy number one i think because he's calling him out like no you're blowing it dude i'm gonna say this quietly no i'm just doing me i'm doing you too i only date girls who have been around i know what they like i'll go downtown we play dominoes just pointing up i'll go downtown but the cutaway to me watching you like like just watching you being like yeah furiously like why would we cut to this guy we've got andy's favorite the martinelli sparkling fighter at the table there yeah we've got wine glasses we've got some little candles we've got our rotisserie chicken yeah two tiny candles some celery and baby carrot garnish just the saddest version and they're uh they're turtleneck and chain so there you go yeah now i'm in it but look we pulled the curtains closed for good lighting yeah so this is all when we knew we had turn like a chain but before this was while we're making the demo for the album maybe we've made the song turtleneck and chain so we know that's going to be a motif or maybe we were doing this before that hard to say i don't know i think we did had done the song at this point but i'll go downtown we play dominoes but call them bones and wear cool hats like al capone who cares about the pigs we can pay the really good really good look at the wet recession shirt here i'm in a full new outfit probably the same vest your arm was just wearing where did we get that gun where does uh tim robinson's character get the um al capone yeah it's a uh tonzo is it a tonzo it's like a derby fuck it's one of those he's got 50 of them he needs to sell from his al capone movie we call domino's bones yeah i think jonah goldstein again uh brought us let's text him for a voice note see oh wait i have one i have a voice note he gave us when we did we like sports oh nice that i need to pull up you want to do it now or you want to watch the whole thing oh let's get through it stanzo they were stanzo god i said it twice wrong both times wait who sent you a voice note jonah goldstein who's our buddy who like went on tour with us and everything and he's helped with every one of these videos starting at the very first one he's one of andy's friends from nyu who moved out to la same time as us and was hanging out all the time and we still see him he was always a part of our videos like for so many and so i had asked him for a voice note about just two guys when we were doing we like sports but his memory was about we'll kill you so i put it to the side just for right now you're just a loser you'd get raped in jail we're just two guys who have a death wish screw tried by 12 we'll be carried by six like so that's a song uh seth the uh try by 12 flatbush project was the name of the group the rap group it was a big hit uh when it came out in a very undergroundy hip-hop kind of way i still have my 12 inch of that i think it's called tried by 12 try but told by east flatbush project didn't have many other singles really but that song is that's the one that reached us oh shit in the wide you see my jorts we didn't mention that steve did come out with a snake around his neck yeah when it was go fuck your snake earlier snake then comes back who did we get that snake from i'm having the memory of his voice note you're gonna get that information okay okay gotcha but again these outfits like obviously they're bad but i was in west hollywood yesterday and those jorts were very popular well you look great don't you know we're dangerous we'll kill you the pool table getting featured oh my god look how many of us they're wearing that shot all right so we're doing a bet here when we're doing this seth he hits every ball in and i have to pay him a lot of money we'll kill you we'll kill you look how many there are here i'm such a fun shot i'm such a fun shot the one that's of yorm in the background shooting various directions up in the air yeah we did a lot of this is really good really good we have a whole army of guys like us i will say this shooting in the head when yorm shoots himself in the head does make me think i would love uh maybe one day we have to do a boston accent which was one of the few short films we did on uh on late night oh yeah but it's a real good one and it's got some good shooting it's got some good shooting let's definitely do that but even down to look at our feet right now yeah we were choosing the wax and we were choosing the wax and we were choosing the wax and we were choosing Crack his looks. Oh, yeah. Those are croc slides and little white socks. That's everywhere right now. Oh, my God. Everybody rocks those. I'm telling you, this whole outfit that both of us are wearing. Do you think it's the guys? Do you think it's these guys brought it back? I think so. Like during COVID? These are style icons now. People owe us money. Dude, everything they're wearing, truly. Look at your outfit, Jorm. You could be walking around Brooklyn right now in that, and no one would think anything of it. All right. I think we're going to have a real salient point here from Jorm at the end. Ain't no such thing as halfway crooks. You're scared of death. You're scared to look. You're shook. Also, that choice. Talk about wides, like, at the end. Like, just the wackest. The guy who's talking is in the background. Play that last bit again. You're shook. So that's from Mobb Deep, from Shook Ones and Shook Ones Part 2. Gotcha. Part 2, yeah. But, yeah, it's real good. It's real good. I think my favorite part is how Keeve is just, like, taken aback by how ahead of the curve he was on a fashion level. And how much we thought we were making ourselves look ridiculously bad, yet, actually, we were two law roaches, basically. Which one is your fave out of these four, Keeve? Like, do you have a fave? I think it's always We Like Sports, but that one was stronger than I even remembered. It was very good. We're three for three. It might be We'll Kill You or We Need Love for me, weirdly. I think, yeah, I think I'm underestimating the ones that are coming. It's delightful. It was really great. Here's Jonah Goldstein telling us his memories. Hey, guys. Long time, first time. This is Jonah. I was thinking back about the Just Two Guys quadrilogy, and just, like, the moments that stick out to me are probably, like, when we were doing We'll Kill You, I remember, I don't know if it was just, like, the track or what it was, but you guys were going pretty hard, and I remember, like, the whole time we were shooting, it was just, we had to redo takes, like, over and over again, like, so many times because it was just, like, you were giving too much, you know? And we had to, like, just pare it back. So that was one thing. I think he's not quite joking there because I think we would, to get the perfect performance of awkwardness that does not feel forced, that feels genuinely awkward, not someone pretending to be awkward to be silly, is, like, I don't know. Kind of a fine balance. It is, but then, especially for this one, because subject matter is sort of, like, you know, these guys are talking about hurting you, it needs even less. More fear in their eyes. Yeah. Also, with our outfits being so fucking dope. So dope. Right? Yeah. Hard not to give 110%. And then the other thing was just the shot that was most complicated on that entire shoot was the snake shot, the cutaway of Steve. With the snake, Andy. And it's, like, a one-second cutaway. And it was, you know, the hardest thing to just get the snake on set because we had a friend who was going to loan us their snake. There was a lot of back and forth about, you know, what Andy's reaction would be in that shot. Like, because if he was too big or animated, it was going to freak out the snake, and that's not something anybody wanted. And then, like, two days before the shoot, the snake started to shed. It's skin, it was molting, so we could no longer use that snake. So then I found a woman in the valley who had snakes, many snakes, and she was totally down, but she only had little snakes. We wanted a big snake. She said, I'll give you a bunch of snakes. Andy, I don't think, was down for that. I found another guy who had big snakes, and I went out to his house, and he kept them, like, in a room, under his stairs of his house. It was, like, this, like, creepy room filled with a ton of snakes. Oh, my God. I'm not a snake guy. Dedication. I went to the snake room, and I browsed the snakes. We found just the right snake, and it all worked out, so. Oh, my God. The story has a happy ending. All right, guys, enjoy the rest of the pod. That's amazing. That's how you find snakes when you're just doing things completely on your own, or just, like, there's no one to do anything. So he's like, I got to go find a snake. Someone with a snake. That is a real. little fucking friend though, like Jonah, It was like, thank you so much for everything you ever did for us. It's amazing. Yes, thank you, Jonah. He's like, so I found another snake person. Like, how? I like late-breaking, too. Like, I'm not a snake guy. Because you are wondering if, like, oh, he must be a snake guy. That he's, like, keeps finding new snakes. But it also makes so much sense to say, like, I found a guy in the valley. Where you're like, yep, of course you did. Yeah. It's also, like, I think even if you are a snake guy, you're not psyched to find a basement full of snakes. Well, it depends on the lighting. Yeah, that's true. You might be really psyched. Yeah, that's true. That's true. But, fucking hell, I did not know that about Jonah actually doing all that legwork to get a fucking snake. No, I didn't do that much work for the snake. I mean, fuck. Thanks again, Jonah. That was great. Okay, yeah. So, that's We'll Kill You. It has 15 million views. That's not bad. No, I think it's good. And it was a lot of fun to watch it again. And, real quick, Jack Black. Spelling bee. Spelling bee. And then, hopefully, Andy will send us a voice note. You know what? I'm pretty sure he will. Yeah. You know, in some ways, it's no one's business when you actually think about it. It's no one's business what I got. Like, on the particular day that you recorded. Like, maybe it was a clean quibby. Maybe it was, like, I don't know, four hints. Maybe it was three hints. But I'll tell you one thing for sure. Today, I equipped a clean. Goodbye forever, Seth. See you in heaven, Seth. Or hell. All right. Love you guys. Love you too, Seth. Love you guys. Later, Arnold. Later, Quades. Later, Stewie. What recession? Later, Sebastian Stan. Later, Quades. Later, Winter Soldier. Later, Quades.