We go to confessional with Father James Martin

From NPR and WDBC, Chicago, this is, wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR news quiz, screw you seasonal allergies, I'm the voice so fine, even my sneezes sound like musy. I built Curtis and here is your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts building in Chicago Illinois, Tom Papa. Thank you, Bill, and thanks everybody, I'm Tom Papa, filling in for Peter Segal, who tricked me into a house swap, my house for his dirty office. We have a great show for you today, we'll be talking to New York Times best-selling author, Father James Martin, but first, this week we celebrate the 10th anniversary of the time an NPR employee brought their kid for bringing your child to work day, and this is true, that child hit a button and caused a full minute of dead air during morning edition. Each year we honor the day by giving you an hour of radio you wish was dead air. So give us a call to play our games, the number is 1-888, wait, wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant, "Hi, you're on wait, wait, don't tell me." Hi, hi. Hi. Hi. This is Lanca, and my son, my tear is next to me, hi, and we're calling from St. Paul, Minnesota. Ah, St. Paul, Minnesota. Love St. Paul, what do you do for fun in St. Paul? Uh, I, I just sit around in the basement and play video games. Ha, ha, ha, ha, live in the dream, kid, live in the dream. Now, Lanca, let us introduce you to our panel. First up, she's a writer in a comedian who most recently wrote for Clean Slate, available now on prime, it's Shanty or Jackson. Hello, Lanca. Hi. Hi. Next, the comedian who will be performing at the Blue Ridge Comedy Club in Bristol, Tennessee, May 29th and 30th, it's Josh Gondelman. Hello. Hello. And, making her debut on our panel, she's a celebrity, jeopardy finalist and the Emmy award-winning host of the podcast Casuals, it's Katie Nolan. Hi, Lanca. Hi. Hi. Welcome to the show, Lanca. You're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. You ready? Yes. All right. Good luck. Here's your first quote. He's known to drink to access at Ned's in DC and at the Poodle Room in Las Vegas. That's from a report in the Atlantic alleging that the nation's top law enforcement officers drinking compromise several high stakes investigations. Who is it? Oh, my God. I don't know. Can I have a seat? He likes to pay cash. Cash hotel? Yes. Cash hotel? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's right. Cash betel, the FBI director, is facing calls to resign after a report in the Atlantic found he was, quote, conspicuously inebriated and frequently missed work because of his drinking. The report was based on testimony from multiple FBI agents and on just watching cash betel do anything. That does kind of explain why in every picture he looks surprised his picture is taken like his parents just busted him sneaking in after curfew, but that's always his face. I feel like if I worked for this administration, I would need to drink as well. Do you have to? Exactly. He doesn't want to remember anything. The FBI at one point reportedly had to use breaching equipment to get into his apartment because they couldn't wake him up. Okay. I've been drunk before, but I've never been battering Ram drunk. Who wanted him awake? Everyone who works for him is like, boss, what do we do? That's like the kid who used to raise their hand and ask where the homework was. I wonder if it was more like, my boss isn't here. We get to wake him up with a battering Ram. Betel is suing the Atlantic for $250 million for defamation and flying that Betel once actually thought he was famous. Where do you get that number from? Where's the $250 million? It's the number you come up with when you're pretty hammered. $200 million. All right, your next quote is from Scientific American describing the winner of a half marathon last weekend. Long legs like elite runners and a liquid circulation system adapted from smartphones. That runner beat all the competition and broke the half marathon world record, making it the first ever what to do that. Robot. Yes, a good job. This year, a humanoid robot beat all the humans at Beijing's e-town half marathon. Many people run half marathons for the feeling of joy and accomplishment. So of course, some scientists were like, but what if you could do it without that and faster? I'm not impressed. Oh, yeah? We already have so many robots that are faster than people. We just don't make them race us. I flew here in an airplane. That would do in a half marathon instantaneous. I just want to know if the robot also peas and poops down it's like, what did it run? Do you think the robot can't stop telling other robots that it just ran a half marathon? My nipples are bleeding. Well, for the past several years, Beijing has been hosting the humanoid robot half marathon. Last year, the winning time was two hours and 40 minutes. This year, it was 50 minutes. Oh, my God. Oh. Yeah. Next year, it will murder all the humans at the starting point. Who are the humans that are signing up to get smoked by these robots? It's embarrassing. Well, I saw it. I know radio. It's not a visual medium, but you should know. He looked goofy. Yeah. That is important to say. That is important to say that if you win and you look like that, you are a loser. Yeah. But for the first time when they put that silver blanket on them, it actually made sense. Mommy, are you my mommy? All right. Here's your last quote. I saw the $20 white claw and I thought, wow, I'm really glad I pre-gamed. That was someone telling the Wall Street Journal that like many adults, they're saving money by doing what at home? Drinking? Drinking. You said cooking? Yeah. Drinking. You're right. Yeah. That's what they're doing. They're now drinking at home before they go out. This is why I drink home before I go out, right? Because of the economy. Right. Right. I'm being financially sound right now. I'm not doing shots because your friends are annoying. Pre-gaming, as it's called, a thing you already knew if you're cool is common among college students, but now more and more actual adults are doing it. For example, a single cocktail at a musical in New York can cost $36. Look, just stay home. I'll tell you the ending. Hamilton dies. For $36, you've got to let me sing a little bit. We're doing karaoke now. If you're serious about saving money, you pre-game at home and you only go to the bar to throw up in their bathroom. They started with $20 white claw. If you're telling me there's a $20 white claw in offer, that better be the claw of an endangered species. Bill, how did Blanca do? Blanca got them all right. She was perfect. All right. Good job, Blanca. Thank you. Thanks for playing and enjoy the video games. Thank you. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Katie, an electric car company in China has secured a patent for a technology that will transform the passenger seat into what at the touch of a button. Oh. Two good answers it could be here. Do I go toilet or do I go bed? -A question Cash can tell us. [ Laughter ] -Something tells me he bought my house. [ Laughter ] -Something tells me they are one in the same team. Um, let's say bed, Tom. No, you want me to say toilet? -Okay, toilet. [ Laughter ] -Wow. -Wow. [ Laughter and applause ] -Not only the touch of a button, either. It's also voice activated. Just say the words start up toilet function, which is great because that's what I always say when I got to go. [ Laughter ] -Excuse me, fellas. Start up toilet function. [ Laughter ] -Now, this is the passenger seat? -The passenger seat. -So, someone else is in the car with you. -I'm picturing the whole family. [ Laughter ] It's really advanced. The toilet is stored beneath the passenger seat and slides out on rails when you need it. Also, this is true. An exhaust fan immediately deploys, which is rude but fair. [ Laughter ] -Was it -- it's a wonderful life where the dance floor opened up and the pool was under it? -Yeah, it's right. -This is just like that. [ Laughter ] -This is -- this will be called -- it's a terrible life. [ Laughter ] -Sorry, grandma. [ Laughter ] [ Music ] -Coming up, our panelists dust off their resumes and are bluff the listener game. Call 1-888, "Wait, Wait to Play." We'll be back in a minute with more of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" from NPR. [ Music ] [ Music ] -From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." The NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Katie Nolan, Chenterra Jackson and Josh Kundelman. And here we're getting to your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago. And I'm filling in for Peter Segal, Tom Papa. [ Cheers and applause ] -Thanks, Bill. Right now, it's time for the "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" "Bluff the listener game." Call 1-888, "Wait, Wait to Play Our Game on Air." Hi, you're on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." -Hi, this is Aidan. I'm calling from Philadelphia. -Hi, Aidan. Welcome to the game. What do you do there in Philadelphia? -So, I do stained glass restoration. And I also teach glass flowing. And I'm an artist assistant. -Wow. [ Cheers and applause ] -To people who often tell you you're a real -- you're a real glass act. [ Laughter ] -No, I'm not -- -It doesn't hang up with enough cool debts. [ Laughter ] Aidan, are you still there? -Yep. -Well, good. -Hey. She's there. That was just the sound of my joke bombing. [ Laughter ] All right. It's nice to have you with us, Aidan. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? -No, hiring you. -If you're looking for a new job, stop right now because we have a doozy for you. This week, we heard about a once-in-a-lifetime job opening. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize. The wait-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play? -Yep. -All right. The excitement is profound. [ Laughter ] First up, it's Josh Gondelman. Are you a veterinary technician or sommelier with heavy gambling debts and very little dignity? Well, Spot and Tango, a dog food company, has just the job for you. To test their new line of breathments for dogs, the corporation is looking for an animal lover with a keen sense of smell to serve as a dog breath sniffer. As dog breath sniffer, you'll get up close to canines canines in dog parks across New York City. You simply ask a stranger if you can smell the inside of their dog's mouth and then once you wipe the pepper spray out of your eyes, you get to work. Sure, it doesn't sound like a great gig, but at least it's a job that AI won't replace. Not to mention, the compensation is listed as up to $1,000 an hour. In this economy, that might be enough cash to get someone to sniff both ends of a dog. (laughter and applause) That's dog breath sniffer from Josh Gondelman. Your next job post comes from Katie Nolan. Dating apps have made it difficult to find love, but one app is making a bold move to help. Plenty of fish has announced they are currently hiring for a unique position dating co-pilot. According to their website, this hourly worker would be available to help singles looking for love in a number of ways. Perhaps you're a young woman who's watched too much true crime, your co-pilot will arrive at your date first and make sure this guy isn't a serial killer. (laughter) And then seamlessly hand the date off to you. Surely he'll understand. (laughter) The most expensive option co-pilot premium attends your entire date in Cognito, all the while discreetly monitoring the situation for any issues. Have a huge piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth? Your co-pilot will stand just out of your date's line of sight, gesticulating wildly towards their own teeth while waving a piece of lettuce. (laughter) Crisis averted. Plenty of fish says they've already begun piloting the program at popular date night spots around town, like the Cheesecake Factory on Temple Street downtown, as well as the Cheesecake Factory near University Plaza. (laughter) (applause) That's dating co-pilot from Katie Nolan, and your last employment opportunity comes from Chintira Jackson. In Nashville, Tennessee, spring and summer wedding season is underway, and many brides and grooms are adding something special to their special day. Besides picking the venue and sending on invitations, people are worried that even if everything is planned perfectly, somebody might ruin the vibe. Inter, fun guy insurance. A business that will send one person to your wedding to make sure none of your guests ruin your big day. Did your maid of honor deliver a speech that was mostly about her? Don't worry, your fun guy will deliver a speech that blends humor and heart, fixing everything. They will also be the first person on a dance floor, and will teach your grandma how to cha-cha-slide. (laughter) You can add extras to your fun guy insurance, including but not limited to stopping your weird uncle from drinking too much. Making sure the DJ doesn't play any R Kelly, even though your aunt keeps on asking them to do that. (laughter) And most importantly, being able to do the warm at any moment. And if you're on your second wedding, don't worry, they will never send the same guy twice. (laughter and applause) Okay, Aiden. So you have dog breath sniffer from Josh Gondelman. You've got a dating co-pilot from Katie Nolan, and a person to keep the vibes good at your wedding from Shantira Jackson. Which of these is the real story we found in the week's news? So I really want to say the dating out, but I think it's probably the wedding fun guy. Wedding fun guy, okay? To find out the correct answer, we talk to someone who knows all about the real story. What we're trying to do is create a role that's almost the sommelier but for a dog breath. (laughter and applause) This was the first time that I've ever been on the show and was given the real story and was like, "There's no way." (laughter) No. No, that was a hard one, Aiden. Thank you so much for playing with us today. We'll see you next time. (applause) And now the game we call Not My Job. Father James Martin was many things before becoming a Jesuit priest, including a busboy, a dishwasher, and a bank teller. And he's become many things since, including a New York Times bestselling author and the editor at large of America Magazine. By the end of this, we'll see if he can add public radio game show winner to his resume. (laughter) Father James Martin, welcome to "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." (applause) So nice to have you. I watch you all the time. I've seen you on Colbert and on Instagram and it's really nice to meet you and talk about your new book. It's called "Work in Progress." Confessions of a busboy, dishwasher, caddy, usher, factory worker, bank teller, corporate tool, and priest. What haven't you done? I have not been a dog breath some all year. (laughter) So your book is all about your past summer job, starting off when you were a child. Which job made you believe in God the least? (laughter) (laughter) - Probably, I was the world's worst caddy at a golf course outside of Philadelphia, and I was stuck in the middle of a lightning storm, and my cat, my golfer, told me to stay there with the bag of clubs under a tree. And I realized that I was standing under a tree in the middle of an electrical storm, holding a bag of lightning rods. (laughter) But you have a real nice way of giving perspective when looking back, these weren't really just dumb jobs. You did learn something along the way. - Yeah, I learned a lot about hard work, first of all, but also being kind to people, because when you're humiliated as a bus boy or a dishwasher or a caddy, you learn how not to humiliate people, it was as effective as a year's worth of homilies on being kind. - Yeah, I was a bus boy, and they are mean to you when you were a bus boy. I was probably 15 years old, and a guy was really mean to me, and I wasn't really as poised as you were, and when he demanded that I give him roles, I may have licked one or two. (laughter) - I wouldn't do that now, father, but back then, - See, you are confessing. (laughter) - That's the three-hill Mary's. - That's right, I absolve you 40 years later. (laughter) Thank you. (applause) Now, you made a playlist to accompany your book, and it has everything from afternoon delight to rock lobster on it. (laughter) Do you actually make the playlist yourself, and more importantly, what do you consider an afternoon delight? (laughter) - As I say in my book, it was a mark of some distinction at age 15 in the summer of 1976, you knew what an afternoon delight was. (laughter) So we consider ourselves very cool. You know, that playlist actually is from the book, and in each chapter, I mentioned, you know, a song or two that was popular during the summer, and I tell people, this is not the playlist that I would look back and say, these are the songs that I like now from that time period. These are the songs that I actually listened to, so including afternoon delight. But, you know, my taste, I would say, develop a little bit more as I get older. - I'm Catholic, and I travel around the country as a comedian all the time, and I go into all these churches when I'm on tour. I try and fit it on Saturday before the show, or before I fly back on a Sunday, and I really have noticed in the last couple of years, these churches all around the country are filling up. There's a lot more activity that seems like, from the early days to now, it seems like there are a lot more people going to church. Do you find that true, and do you think having an American Pope has anything to do with that? - I'd say a little of it, you know, people have been thinking about this, people who entered the church, you know, for maybe a longer time than he's been Pope, but he's certainly given people, you know, a real shot in the arm, and it is really something to listen to the Vicar of Christ speak in flawless Chicago English. (audience laughs) - Yeah. (audience applauds) - Did you know Pope Leo before he became Pope? - I did a little bit. I was at a meeting called the Synod, the Synod of Vishops, and I happened to be, we were at the same table, and he's wonderful, he really is wonderful. I mean, I don't have to tell a Chicago audience that. He's kind and smart and reserved and prayerful. I'll tell you a funny story. I was helping out ABC News during the Conclave, and I was so excited, 'cause I knew him. It's amazing to see someone you know dressed up like the Pope, coming out of that balcony. (audience laughs) - And dressed up like the Pope? (audience laughs) - That is Halloween and Christmas. (audience laughs) - I went back to the Jesuit community I was staying in the Jesuit headquarters, and I was so excited, and I said, "I can't believe that he was at my table," and they said, "No, Jim, you were at his table." (audience laughs) - So, do you get the Pope's phone number? - No comment. - Wow! - It's so beautiful the way you speak of him in such a good recommendation. Part of me was hoping you're like, "That guy?" (audience laughs) It's a real piece of garbage, that's all. (audience laughs) - One of my favorite lines was among the Italians, you know, he was, it was not exactly a huge surprise, but he was kind of on the second tier of guys who were being considered. One of the Italians said that he was the least American of the Americans. (audience laughs) - Which was a compliment. (audience laughs) - Well, Father James, we've asked you here to play a game we're calling. - Don't take confession. Take these concessions. (audience laughs) - That's right, we're going to ask you three questions about stadium concessions. (audience laughs) - The food. - You know, it's funny, I actually have my PhD in stadium concessions. (audience laughs) - The PhD stands for Hutton. (audience laughs) - This is all the food that you can get at sporting events. - Oh my God. - If you answer two out of three correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the weight-weighter of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Father James Martin playing for? - Lauren Joyce of Chicago, Illinois. (audience cheers) - All right, here's your first question. There's no concession more classic than Cracker Jack, but in 2012, a new product called Cracker Jacked Power Bites was not well received. Parents didn't like that the product contained what? A, twice as many peanuts, B, as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, C, venison. (audience laughs) I'm gonna say the parents were upset because it was B. - B, you're right. (audience cheers) They were loaded with caffeine. You know, for when you're like, "Man, I feel sluggish today." I need a bag of Cracker Jacks. (audience laughs) All right, here's your next question. Many attention grabbing concessions are only sold at one particular concession stand, which is why a reporter overheard a woman at Yankee Stadium telling her friend what? A, start on the upper deck. Don't come back without Pokey. (audience laughs) B, somewhere here, there's tiramisu and little hats, we have to find. (audience laughs) Or C, keep checking in still until they post the nacho drop. (audience laughs) I'm gonna say B, just because I can hear someone in New York saying that. You're right, B. (audience cheers) You know, today I walked into a store with my Philly's hat on, I'm from Philadelphia, and someone said, "Hey, you expect me to serve you with that on?" (audience laughs) And then you feel like you're in a movie sometimes, yeah. (audience laughs) And then you show them the collar and he's like, "I'm sorry, what do you want?" That's exactly right, and I wanted for free too. (audience laughs) (audience laughs) Oh, I'd give it. (audience laughs) All right, you're doing great. Here's your last question. The most unbelievable concession we found is sold at Mercedes-Benz Stadium, home of the Atlanta Falcons, where you can get what? A, actual Falcons wings with buffalo or barbecue sauce. (audience laughs) B, a regulation size football helmet containing one scoop of ice cream for each of the 32 NFL teams. (audience laughs) C, a beer that's only $5. (audience laughs) I'm gonna say, A is probably illegal. Probably. B is repulsive. (audience laughs) So I'll say C. That's right, C. (audience cheers) Yeah. And, a $2 hot dog. (audience laughs) Bill, how do Father James do on her quiz? Is there any other answer but perfect? Nice. (audience laughs) Congratulations, Father. Father James Martin is a New York Times bestselling author and Jesuit priest. His new book, "Work in Progress" is available now. Father James Martin, thank you so much for joining us on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." (audience cheers) (upbeat music) - In just a minute, Bill has a delicious warning for anyone buying Legos. Find out what it is in our listener-limbric challenge called 1-8-8-8-8-8, to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" from NPR. (upbeat music) From NPR, and only be easy Chicago. This is "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me," the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Josh Gondelman, Katie Nolan, and Shane Tyra Jackson. And here I go to your host at the Stuttabaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Philly, and for Peter's Segal. Tom Papa. (audience cheers) Thanks, Bill. in just a minute. Bill is going to cut the umbilical cord on our brand new limericks. It's our listener-limeric challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-8-8-8-8-8-8-9-24, 8-9-24. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. Josh, Amazon Drone Delivery has started in some parts of the country, and some people are surprised by the fact that the drone drops off the package "how." Like, with a thud? Kind of. Can I have a hint, please? The first thing you should order is an airbag to put in your yard. Oh, it just drops them out of the sky? Yes, from a height of 10 feet. 10 feet? Yes. Apparently, Amazon is very concerned with their drones, bumping into people, so they stay clear remaining 10 feet up in the air as they release your package above your cement driveway. Customers can enjoy the spectacle as they think, I really shouldn't have asked for one hour delivery on those martini glasses. 10 feet is also, like, more than enough. I feel like you could get a little bit closer unless you're exclusively delivering to basketball players. Yeah, it's more than enough, but somehow it seems less than what my real Amazon driver is doing with my password. When I catch him on my ring camera, just hauling it from the van. Just going paper boy style. Shantira, this week, a court upheld the conviction of a man who had illegally accessed and leaked Ruth Bader Ginsburg's medical records. He said he was innocent that he accessed the records by accident and he blamed who? Barack Obama. Oh, can I have a little clue? Sure, I'll give you a hint. More like Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Oh, a cat. That's right. He says he accessed RBG's records accidentally when his cat walked across his keyboard. He was a contractor who had access to the hospital system where RBG was being treated. And an investigation found he had illegally searched for her records and downloaded them, but he says no. While he was in the system, his cat walked across his keyboard and randomly typed Ginsburg. Wow, just a week after it walked across his keyboard and accidentally Googled free milk video. The thing is, if he were to tell me a dog did it, I wouldn't believe him. But a cat. I believe it. They've got more of an agenda. Absolutely. They are the internet. Cats and Beyonce, that's it. This excuse is so bold, but it's the kind of excuse you can try when the head of the FBI is probably drunk. You have a good shot. Josh, on Monday, two crew ships finally ended their beautiful scenic trip. Through where? Was it the Strait of Hormuz? Yes, you're right. The Strait of Hormuz. What? Two enormous German crew ships got routed through the Strait of Hormuz during the war in Iran. Just goes to show you, when someone says I got us a great deal on a cruise. Ask some follow-up questions. How embarrassing when someone asks how you died and the answer is he got hit by a missile while going down a water slide. That actually sounds amazing. That is how I would like to die. You know, it's a dinner in a chef. This doesn't sound to me any worse than your typical cruise ship experience. Yeah, right. It's either Strait of Hormuz or Nora virus. Coming up, it's lightning-fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-8-8-8-8-924-8924. You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago and catch us on the road. We'll be in Austin, Texas at the Bass Concert Hall on June 4th. For tickets and more information for all our live events, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." Hi, this is Maeve from Cleveland, Ohio. Hi, Maeve. How's Cleveland these days? I love Cleveland. I do too. Really? I feel very neutral about it. And I see how it's loud. That rules. Well, I think there's some home-canny ambivalence. I guess it's a lot more fun when you have a ticket on the way out. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the show, Maeve. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related lemurics with the last word of phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word of phrase correctly on two lemurics, you are a winner. You ready? Yep. All right, here you go. When you socially wish to advance, if things smell, don't just widen your stance. They won't shrink as you're told. Fading is better than mold. It is time to start washing your. Please don't tell me the answer is pants. It is! You're right. I don't know. Wow, pants. The Washington Post did a deep dive on pant cleanliness and despite popular belief, you actually do need to wash pants. Who are the people treating pants like a cast iron spoon? No, man, if you wash them, you lose the harder and seasonings of subway seat and crotch. I was going to say, unfortunately, it is my fiance who thinks you're not supposed to wash your pants. And I learned that when he first laid them on the bench at the end of our bed. And I was like, "Why don't you just fold them up and put them?" And he said, "Because I keep them loaded." Like the potato? He keeps his wallet and his chapstick and the belt on it and then he just puts them on the next day. So I said, "Yes." I got that ring finger loaded. Sounds like a dream. Well, here's your next limo. Swimming upstream is hard to explain. We find the happy dust helps with the strain. We hyped Swedish salmon. Can we really start salmon? We swim really fast on. cocaine? Cocaine, yeah? Research shows cocaine will make salmon swim a lot more. According to a group of scientists who I assume were caught with a big pile of blow in their lab and said, "This, no, this is salmon's cocaine." We're just storing it here. I think if you give anything cocaine, it will swim very fast. You did not have to waste the research dollars to find that out. And just like, "We're going to fight that bear. Today we're going to fight that bear." All right, here's your last limo. With my Lego scam, I'm banking uddles. I replace pricey toys with cheap foodles. I sell back my phony, uncooked macaroni, 'cause Legos sound just like dried noodles. Yeah, good inneros. Nice job. How do we do it all? Three inneros. A man in Irvine, California was arrested for a scam where he bought Lego sets from Target, removed the pieces, filled the boxes with dried pasta, and returned them. Then he sold the Lego pieces online. The man netted $35,000 in the scheme, but police eventually tracked him down and arrested him at his house in California, where he was found surrounded by stolen Legos. And he would have gotten away, too, if the cops had only been barefoot. Karen flushed the Legos. The cops are coming flush the Legos. Flush them carrying. Bill, how did Maeve do? Maeve, you can thank the father. He got three right, two. Perfect. Great job. Thank you, Maeve. Thank you for playing. We'll see you in Cleveland. See you there. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Everybody has two. Great people. Everybody's tied. All right, so I'm going to pick Josh to go first. Okay. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the White House said, has no timeline for ending the war with-- Iran. Iran. Right. This week, the administration announced plans for a $500 million bailout of blank airlines. Spirit airlines. Right. On Wednesday, experts warned that one in five Americans are being exposed to dangerous levels of nitrate in their blank. Cold cuts? Tap water. This week, police in Ohio are pretty sure they found the man behind an arson because when he showed up to his police interview, he had blank. He had a lot of matches. Singed eyebrows. He was widely coyodian. On Thursday, the 2026 NFL blank started in Pittsburgh. Finally, away up a draft. Yes, the NFL draft. After filing an insurance claim, saying a bear tore their luxury cars to shreds, two men in California were denied any money because blank. They were going wild off that salmon if you thought they were going wild. Because the bear was very clearly one of the guys wearing a bear costume. The duo recorded themselves fake mauling a Rolls Royce and two Mercedes Benzes in a bear suit. They definitely got off the clearance rack at Spirit Halloween. Their scam was quickly uncovered, and they were charged with insurance fraud and sentenced to 180 days in jail a $50,000 fine, and they have to wrestle a real bear. Bill, how did Josh do? Bad. No, you're on the lead. Oh, thank you. You're right. Six more points total of eight. Congratulations. Oh, great. Thank you, Bill. Katie Hernandez. Bill in the blank. On Wednesday, Senate Republicans approved a budget that would fund blank without democratic support. Ice? Yes. This week, the CDC blocked the publication of research showing the efficacy of the blank vaccine. COVID? Right. On Wednesday, a federal appeals court ruled that Texas could require schools to display the blank in classrooms. Flag? The 10 Commandments. No! [LAUGHTER] In what some New Yorkers are calling a curse, the Mets went on a 12 games losing streak after blank. After losing 12 games for a roll. Oh, after Mom Donnie met Mr. and Mrs. Met. That's right. On Monday, the onion reached a new deal to take over Alex Jones' blank. Infowars. Right. On Thursday, images of the new blankable iPhone leaked. Bendable. Right. This week, a man in Singapore who was arrested for selling a fake Rolex for $90,000 was shocked to discover blank. That it was real. That's right. [LAUGHTER] Wow! The watch wasn't fake. It was real and worth $120,000. Even though the fake watch turned out to be real, the man was still arrested because he was intending to commit a crime. So to be clear, if you're ever in Singapore, don't say, man, I could kill for a drink right now. Or you'll be looking at 15 to life for attempted murder. Bill, how do Katie do? Katie got six rides. 12 more points. Her 14 gives her the lead. Congratulations. Nice Katie. So Bill, how many does Shantira need to win? Six to tie. Seven to win. All right, everybody, let's just have fun. [LAUGHTER] OK, this is the fourth game. According to several new surveys, blanks approval rating is less than 35%. True. That's right. After over a decade, as CEO Tim Cook announced, he was leaving blank. Apple. Right. This week, the Department of Homeland Security warned that it would soon run out of money to pay airport blank agents. Tisset. Yes. On Thursday, shareholders approved Warner Brothers merger with blank. Paramounts. Right. On Thursday, the White House announced it was reclassifying medical blank. Marijuana. Right. This week, police in Ohio, who rushed to a 91-year-old woman's house, after she failed to respond to a wellness check, found her blanking. Playing Gamefifth Auto. Playing video games. Yes, yes. Yeah. [APPLAUSE] After she failed to respond to the police department's automated welfare check, police knocked on the woman's door. And when she didn't answer, they went into the house where they found her playing games on her phone. The police officer can be heard sighing, while telling Dispatch, she's OK. She's in a room playing video games. Honestly, not sure how I would feel if someone's aside because they learned I was still alive. Bill, did Chantira do well enough to win? She did very well. Six right, 12 more points. And 14 means she's a co-champion with Katie. [APPLAUSE] Great job. Coming up, our panelists predict what will a robot beat us at next. But first, let me tell you that, wait, wait, don't tell me, is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with urgent haircut productions, Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Godakee writes, our Limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Letterman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dormbas, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Mohonet Elshakey and Monica Hickey. And happy birthday to our good friend, Lynn Fam. Our fairy godmother is Peter Gwynn. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi, technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilag. The executive producer of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will robots do next? Shantira Jackson. Gonna do the job that don't actually need to be done. CEOs. Katie Nolan. I think robots are next, unfortunately, going to beat us at war. [LAUGHTER] Josh Gondelman. A robot will dance the robot with such precision and artistry that people will paradoxically think it is a human. [LAUGHTER] Well, if any of that happens, Fandall will ask you about it on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Josh Gondelman, Shantira Jackson, and Katie Nolan. And thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Tom Papa, and we'll see you next week. [APPLAUSE] This is NPR.