We Are Garbage w/ AYG

Feeling short on smiles? Does your frown need to be turned upside down? We got the perfect dose of comedy, 30 minutes of Scrubs. Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalk, and the rest of the gang at Sacred Heart are back for a brand new season. We play medical doctors who are besties. Just like in real life. And we'll definitely be up in each other's cases. Scrubs premieres Wednesday on ABC. And stream the next day on Hulu. Side effects may include laughing, cheering, and lots of high fives. I'm no Superman. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. We have Kevin and H. Foley from RU Garbage. Give them a round of applause, everybody. What's going on? Bad friendsers. What's up? You both have come up. Cleaner. Oh, thank you. Cleaner clothing. The garbage men are here. Yeah, you guys have risen. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Before the fall. You know what I mean? No, no. There was no fall. I mean, you're acting like Harrison Ford lately. Me? Yeah, you. Why do you say that? Slicking your hair. I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean? He looks good. He's slicking his hair all the time. Why are you jealous? He looks good. His hair looks fantastic. Yeah. He looks smart. You all can't dress like a fashion designer. Whoa. Whoa. Knives are out early. Knives are out. What do you mean by that, Chachi? Boom. Happy days? 70s references. Okay. Dino Mike. This is one of the worst roast battles I've ever seen. Anyway, you know, because you look handsome. Thank you. He looks great. Thank you. What a friend. Thank you. That's what friends do. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. You support him. You also look great. You look fantastic. That's what I wasn't even searching. I know, but you're my friend, so you look great. What are you looking at? Does Andrew not give you compliments like that and talk you up? Listen, we're here to fix you two. Yeah. That's what we're going to do. We're in a bad place. Yeah. Yeah. We're in a very bad place. Yep. Yeah. Because the audience doesn't know, but we're here for a bad friend's intervention. Bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Now, let's talk it out. Yeah. What is your love language to Andrew? What do you do? What does he do for me? Yes. What do you do for him? Very good question. Well, he doesn't like physical touch because that always leads to violence. Kevin also doesn't like physical touch. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. But even if like a tap on the back could turn into an arm bar. See, you're lucky I don't do that. Yeah. I just like physical touch. You can't do it to him. I have a cyst there. Be careful. You're weak. Whoa. Okay. Personal attack. All right. You bug-eyed fool. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I'm sorry. Let's not talk about people's eye structure. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, just be careful. Dude. For Asians, I'm bug-eyed. No. For Asians. For some Asians. Hey, you have white eyes sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. You have white eyes. There it is. Whoa. Whoa. They're coming. That's what we love. We love accountants. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know white people. That's our thing. Oh, wait. That was a white guy? Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny. I thought I was expecting your eyes to come out with those glasses when you took them off. I just want to tell the audience- What? Like a Muppet. Oh, like a Muppet. Yeah. We have two stars. Two stars in our presence now from the hit show Tires on Netflix. We have Bobby Lee and H. Foley. Yeah. Two of the best. Two of the best. Talk it. Talk it, baby. These guys stole scenes on that show in a way where no one else could have done those scenes. Did you see it? Be honest. No. I did not watch it. Then why are you talking? I'm not interested in watching. I know. I stole a lot of sandwiches from Kraft Services. Yeah. Yeah. That hot dog. Great Kraft Services. Remember that hot dog or that one? That cold hot dog? Yeah. That was the best hot dog I've ever had. Wait. Kraft was good on the show. Oh, the best. Top notch. Yeah. They had these cold hot dogs. There's something about a cold gray hot dog. What is it? And you haven't eaten all day. It's cold outside and they hand you- I've never done that, but I understand what you're talking about. What do you mean? He hasn't not eaten all day. Are you crazy? Okay. Okay. But they hand you. Can I finish? Please. I'm sorry about the bug-eyed thing, man. I'm thinking about walking, if I'm being honest with you. I'm going to have my agents come in here. CAA's going to have this place upside down. He knows he's got bug eyes and dark circles under his eyes and a big forehead. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Brutal disposition. Brutal. A lot of shots going on. Yeah, but we have connections to hair if you want it. What's that? Yeah. Look at his new hair. Oh, yeah. Is that new hair? What's that? Kentucky bluegrass? Where'd you go? What the fuck? Shit got lost in the fescue. Hey, where's my golfer's at? Yeah. All right. That's my hair. We got him some hair. We were able to get him some hair. That's where he. Whoa. Whoa. See, that's where he was at. It's before and after. That's before and after. I kind of like it before, if I'm being honest with you. I don't know how much money you spent. Yeah. But I like the before. It was free. I didn't know you used to be Christopher Lloyd. Holy shit. Run, Marty! Dude, you look like a fly. Okay. Don't. You look like a hairless fly. That's what women say. You know how they see hairless bears? It looks great, man. You look awesome. Yeah, yeah. That's a hairless fly, dude. Do you go to Turkey? No, Beverly Hills. Oh. Whoa. The Turkey of LA. The Turkey of LA. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. What is Turkey? Has anybody been to Turkey? I don't know. Is it Istanbul? Istanbul. I still go by Constantinople. I'm old school. Yeah. Oh. This guy's a historian. I love that. I'm a Mesopotamia man. Ooh. Tell me about it. I like it fried. Yeah. I know. Just a little bit of tomato. I like two pickles. Yeah. Bun. Right? But I like the Zoroastrianism very bad. What is it? Is that like astrology? It's one of the oldest organized monotheistic religions originating in ancient Persia, modern day Iran. I'm out. Oh, yeah. That's like "Ghostbusters" too. Fuck that. I'm a Catholic. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm Zoroastrianism. Really? Yeah. What does it do? What does that look like? Well, all I know about Zoroastrianism, all I know about it, I'm gonna tell you, is there's a comedy club owner and I show up and I go into my hotel room and he walks me to my hotel room. The owner? Yes. Ah, that's right. I've never seen that before. Have you ever seen that before? Well, he owns the hotel as well. Yeah, he probably did. Him just checking the room. And there's a woman in my room. Right. And he goes, "Buddy, I've got you a woman." And I go, "I don't want. " What? Also, she wasn't even. I wasn't even attracted to her. I'm not even attracted to this woman. Okay. I like how that's the weird thing. No. Not that there's a stranger in my room. I'm not even attracted to that woman. No, no, no. Yeah, you end up in a sex trafficking room. This is the blood of. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. But the whole weekend, he was like, "I'm Zoroastrianism." And he telling me about the beliefs of the. I don't know much about it. Yeah. Tell it to the cops, pal. Yeah. Yeah. Was this guy Iranian? He looked brown. Okay. Yes. What? The answer's yes, probably. Yeah. What did he look like? He looked like he was a Zoroastrian. You guys know what I'm talking about. You guys know the Lord of Wisdom, right? You guys know that. Zoroastrianism. Yeah, yeah. The Lord of Wisdom. And life involves a constant moral choice between Asha, truth, order, and righteousness, or Druj. Random ladies in a hotel room. Falsehood and chaos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a constant moral choice. So he loves chaos. I am pure Asha. You know that, right? What's. Truth, order, and righteousness. Yeah. Right? Am I. I'm Asha 100%. You got a lot of Druj in you, pal. Yeah. Yeah. I'm Asha for sure. Truth, order for real. Yeah. And righteousness. Obviously. Righteousness is my thing. I know. I always think that about you. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think? I think you're Mr. Druj. I should call you Druj from now on. You're Mr. Druj. Okay. So I'm falsehood and chaos. The king of falsehood and chaos. Yeah. Maybe can I. Look at everyone in the booth nod simultaneously. It's almost. I mean, it was that. Could I have Asha Druj? It's also. It's the prime directive is good thoughts, good words, good deeds. Your show's called Bad Friends. Yeah. That's a little tough. Fuck. I don't have it then. No. That's all right. I don't have the core beliefs. What ended up happening in this story with this woman in your room? I was just to give you an example of the one example that I have. Did you have sex with her, Bobby? No. You said, "Please leave." I swear to God. Why? Who? I swear to. I swear to Zoroaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear to God. Ahura Mazda. Swear to. I swear to Ahura Mazda. The prophet. The Lord of Wisdom. Down below. Who's the prophet right there? The founder? Yeah. You've got to swear to they. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Zarathustra. Let's move on. He lived for 500 years? Yeah, dude. I don't know. The numbers go backwards back then. Explain it to me what you're talking about. They should've just started at zero and went up. It doesn't matter when, who was what. Yeah. I mean. B.C. Doesn't sound like a good Catholic to me, pal. Why? They changed it from fucking B.C. to B.C.E. It was before Christ and after death. I thought it meant. But the real danger is this, guys. What? What is it? The Bible. The Bible. The Bible. The Bible. The Bible. The Bible. The Bible. What is this, guys? What? What is it? The butt sniffer is back. Who's that? Who? Is that a dog or something? Glendale. He's back. The butt sniffer. Oh, I know the guy you're talking about. This man. Yeah. No kidding. Calise Crowder. Yeah, he's back. A 39-year-old registered sex offender dubbed the butt sniffer arrested in Glendale on suspicion of violating his parole after allegedly targeting shoppers and local businesses. And this is what he does. Sniffing away. So he'll be. Sniffing away downtown. He's at a Dollar Tree store. Okay? What was that? He just made a good joke. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't hear it. Yeah. Well, then sit the fuck back down. I'm trying to explain to you what he does. Oh, let's see. Show us the butt sniffing technique. No. I want to see it, Bobby. And pull your pants up. God damn. Gee. What's wrong with these kids today anyway? That's your boy. So he'll be pretending to get something on a bottom shelf because he sees a woman. And he'll sniff a butt. He'll sniff a butt. Hmm. Yeah. And do they get. Are they catching him in the act? Or is it like. Yeah. They're catching him on video. Video of it right there. I know, but I'm saying. Okay. That's a bad friend's vibe. Yeah. Yeah. Now, what aisle is that in? That's what I really want to know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where is he sniffing? Is that in. Self-help? No. Oh, self-help. That's a good one. Alleged serial backside sniffer admits to violating parole will serve four months in county jail. A heat wave coming through Los Angeles. is tomorrow morning. I mean, unbelievable. Unbelievable. On KTLA. Yeah. You know, there is no room in our society for butt sniffing. However, funny. I'm not. It's funny. I don't know. I don't know about it. What about arm sniffer? Yeah, what about arm sniffing? Yeah. Is that what you're into? That's what he is. Armpit. Bobby's an armpit sniffer. Really? You like armpit sniffing? I'm a vag guy. These guys look like your neighbors that are like looking through the window. I've always been vag. They are, yeah. I've heard an order of blizzard from one of you guys. I've been vag all day. You've been vag all day? No, I like to smell vag all day. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, not strangers. No, no, no, not strangers. Like my girlfriends. Yeah. Yeah. We found. That's great. We found. Oh, you didn't know that? I didn't know, yeah. Yeah? That's since the last time I talked. Oh, really? Yeah, I have one now. That's awesome. Congratulations, man. Thank you, bud. Yeah. Congratulations, buddy. Wish you all the happiness in the world. Bobby's the only guy I can compliment or like wish well, and I go, wait, am I now fighting? Yeah, no, he doesn't know. He doesn't like sincerity. Yeah, I do. You don't. It bugs you out. All right, let's get to the. Why are you guys beefing? No, no, let's get to the foundation of what's going on right here. Okay. Okay. All right. I need to know. Okay. Yeah. Okay. What is going on? Okay. Do we have strife? You and I? Yeah. Are you? It's pure. That's what I'm talking about. Our friendship is pure. Yeah, 100%. It's based on purity. I've never done nothing but talk you up. Every time I see you, dude, you give me a good smile. I love you, bud. You bug your eyes out. That's just for you. My eyes are normal. I know you do it perfectly for me. My eyes are normal. I see Bobby. I get so excited. My eyes fall out of my head. So I guess right here, we're good. We're great. I think some of the fucking current that you're giving me here, bud. What did I give you? You look at me with a sneer. I've been sneering. I'll be sneering. You know, have you noticed there's always like a little, this is what he sits there like this. Well, being the you in our relationship. Yeah, I'm a little biased. From the outside, I can see some things. You walk. You walk. You stormed in when we were recording Whiskey Ginger. Yep. And I did a Japanese voice. You get up here. Did I do a Japanese voice? And aren't you Korean? Yeah. I know. I was sort of mind boggling. They're allowed to now. Yeah. Yeah. There's no beef between Korea and Japan, right? It's China and Japan. No, brother. It's all of them. China and Japan do not like each other. I got beef with all of them. You do? Except for that crab Rangoon, huh? Am I right? Oh, boy, go. I got to tell you, there's beef within all of them. But he does, yeah, he busts in, he does a Japanese accent. Yeah. Does that, now, as the you of this situation, does that, how does that, does that ruffle your feathers a little bit? Used to it so much. He's a wild card. Yeah, he's a wild card. And you got to know the wild card's going to be wild. Uh-huh. What Bobby has you can't be taught. It's pure raw culture. I don't want to talk about myself today because it's about you. Why? What is it, my wedding day? No, no, no. It's about you two and your glorious rise. Oh. Uh-huh. Well, these two young men have a new special that they put out and they did it in the best way, by the way, it's called American Garbage. It's out on their YouTube channel right now. It's incredible. Thank you. Filmed it at Sidesplitters down in Tampa. They get some of the best questions 'cause their fans give them, like you could, they have a bank of great questions to describe whether or not you're garbage. Has Bobby been tested about his level of garbage? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had you on, right? Yeah, oh, way back in the day. Way back in the day, yeah. What was the number, yes? Oh, yeah. Yeah, gotta be much garbage, yeah. Oh, I'm full of garbage. But in a good way. Yeah. You're lovable. I'm Oscar the Grouch. A lot of plastics. A lot of PFAS in there. Yeah, and straws. Yeah. And that kind of, you know, garbage. Light garbage. Very high palette, though. He likes a, he likes a-- I'm sophisticated in many ways. Nice dinner. Yeah, oh, dude. He likes salvaged denim and fashion. Yeah. Weird glasses. Are those expensive? They look expensive. They're so ugly, they look expensive. I love, I love being ripped on. Do more. Do my face. No. Yeah, moon. Now you're scaring me. Oh, good. No, no, you're good. Yeah, we're gonna be chaseable. Like I slammed into a wall that's all flat, you know? What? Let's go! I love it, I love it, I love it. Bobby, take it easy. No, no, no. No, too much. Relax. We're friends. All right, sorry. I apologize. Good friend. Show these guys the brain scan I sent you. Of Bobby? Yeah, this is incredible. They found a brain scan of Bobby. Doctors scanned a 44-year-old man, found nearly 90% of his brain gone. Skull was filled with fluid, and yet he had a job, wife, kids, and lived a completely normal life. That's awesome. Isn't that incredible? That's sick. I might have that. Yeah. I wouldn't wanna know. Just let me, 'cause then you're worried about it. 75 IQ, and this man held a good job, family, kids. Wait, this might be Foley. Is he cool? Is he good? Yeah, he's fine. He's alive. He's cruising. Just no brain. Probably doesn't worry about stuff. Doesn't think about the past, the future. What's 75, what is that scale for IQ? I know it's low, but I'm saying like, what is the legally, like, I don't- You can say it. Schmishmarted low, what's the line? I think the legal line is around- 60 something, probably 68. I think the real question is where'd it go? His brain? We should find his brain. That's also true. Where's his brain? The brain's out there somewhere. Somewhere, his brain is just chilling. Maybe at a Cracker Barrel, having a hash. So this says 50 to 70 is- Mile. Intellectual disability. 35 to 50 is moderate, severe, is 20, 35, and anything below 20 is profound. Foley, you are profound. You are a profound, profound man. You would think profound would be like super smart. He's profound. You have to say that at that level. Well, at that level, you gotta make 'em think they're like a superhero. You're like, "Whoa, you're profound, Mr. Profound." I had my IQ tested in college. It was 115. God bless. That's really good. Yeah. That's a really good lie, too. I don't think mine's high either. Hey, 115 sounds right. Do you think so? No way. No, no. Have you had your IQ tested? Yeah. What are you? 145. You're 145. 145. Whoa. No, that's not true. Yeah. I know. Have you tested? No, no, I gotta be sub-100 for sure. I gotta be just kissing 96 or something like that. No, no, no, you know a lot. No, not enough. Average IQ in the United States is 98. See, I told you, I'm probably right around 96 to 98. Just below average, maybe. This is a below average room, I would imagine. Oh, for sure. Do me now, do me. I'm gonna go with profound, my friend. No. That's comedy. No chance. No chance. Oh my God, I'm profound. You know what the problem with these tests are? Racism. Racism. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Foley. Obviously. Yeah. No, you know, it is really fucked up though. I was never good at standardized testing, so I probably would fail this miserably. Is it, what is the question? I don't think, isn't it more like logic-based questions? It is logic, too. Is it multiple choice? I never understood what standardized testing is. What does that mean? What does that mean? Just stand, everybody takes it. Everyone takes it. This guy is my profound best friend. It's not 1:15, man. You're not even American. Opaque. He is now. He just got, yeah, he is. DJ! Here you go. Opaque is to transparent, as labyrinth is to? Oh God. Straightforward. Holy, opaque. Straightforward is right. It's straightforward, yeah. Why not? photograph says brothers sisters i have none but that man is my that man's father is my father's son whose photograph is the man i know this this is itself wait this is the question no this is the internet this is all i was gonna say this is one of those stupid things like the it says mock iq yeah this is a this is something you said when you were a kid this is mocking us brothers sisters i have none but that man's father is my friend said let's do one more let's do one more if five machines take five minutes to make five widgets how long would it take 100 machines to make 100 widgets uncrustables is that what you're bringing if that's not one of the answers i don't know starving a hundred minutes fuck yeah five minutes yeah yeah uh quiz complete let's see you scored 40 not good so i think we might be profound yeah i think we're profound fuck this this is all what is this right hey this is all ai it's on to be yeah that's right that one question was like guys the one um a man a husband a man a train leaves the station no a man catches his wife no banging a midget yeah that test is a hole oh my god i can beat that a man a man and his son a surgeon and his son are in a bad car accident the surgeon dies instantly the son i'll stop you right here right it's the surgeon is his mother yeah the surgeon is his mother we don't think women with their brains yeah that's right yeah that's like that question yes it is no it's not all right fine if a plane crashes on the border between canada and america where do they bury their survivors there's no survivors you don't bury survivors what the fuck's wrong with you guys just trying to get bobby joe dummy run in his face stupid give him another one thank you mccone that's the answer okay i'll give you this is what i imagine i'm not doing this anymore this is what i imagine you and ian are doing at night in the basement together just giving each other ghostbusters with the cats glenn and samson hi glennie it's an hank um he's restless still here wait what happened to bobby yeah who are you oh this is my american friend my white american how you doing buddy there he is good to see you he's a cowboy i'm from uh corpus christi oh very nice yeah my name is delingo delingo that's an odd american name this guy he's good with names he's not good with anything good with names yeah i'm delingo delingo how can i help you man well you want some pancakes we got also some horse trots what are horse trots it's hash brown some gravy right and we infuse it with some uh pepperoncinis pepperoncini that's right for the good old west you can't help but let your selective palate shine Pepper and chini. Yeah, no place where the guy talking like that is infusing anything. When's the last time you had caviar, Bobby? Wow. Recently, I bet. He served it to us, remember? He did. Caviar sucks. Caviar cones. It is so bad. Caviar cones are so fucking good. There's nothing in there. Caviar. You like the idea of the caviar. It doesn't taste good. Oh, my God. Creme fraiche, a potato chip, and caviar? You're naming all the things that are good without the caviar. Creme fraiche on a potato chip is phenomenal. You could have stopped the chip. Chip was good. We all like Doritos, dickhead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you had uni today? No, I haven't had uni in a while. You know, I'll balance with uni. It's before 7 p.m. He doesn't have it until after 7 p.m. I won't eat it again. Why? Get you sick? I got sick from uni once. Oh, that'll get you. Yeah, and the yellowness of it. If I even see it, I have gag reflexes. I'm not doing oysters anymore after the Gibson's guy. Oh, yeah. Mel Gibson? No, a guy ate oysters at Gibson. Did we talk about this? We talked about it on whiskey. You're not supposed to eat oysters. No, a guy ate oysters at Gibson's, went into a coma. Yeah, you shouldn't eat oysters in any month that doesn't. Brain injury. That's where that guy's brain went. Yeah, that was the guy. Suffered brain injury. Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew is an American classic. It's so good. It's so good. It's been tasting great since 48. It's a bold taste you know and love. It was founded by two brothers. From the foothills of Tennessee. You better believe it. In 1948, they put it together. Proud American roots. And you know it. You love it. Mountain Dew is something we don't need to tell you about. It's delicious. You know the color. You know the taste. It's unique. It's like nothing else that you've ever seen or tasted. It is an American original. I remember the first time I tasted a Mountain Dew was actually in the South. And I drank a Dew and I stared at the cows and I thought, this is America. I love it. This is what my forefathers wanted. I love it, dude. Oh, yeah. I can envision myself on a lake. I see you right now on a lake. Right. Hot. You're very hot. Yeah, I have my girlfriend with me. And she's there. And we're in a canoe. And you're in a little baby canoe. Right. Opening up a little thing of Mountain Dew. A little package of Mountain Dew. Right. It's Christmas. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. That's America. And that's freedom. You want to be like Bobby Lee and sit on a lake with your girlfriend and a pack of Mountain Dew? Yeah. And a little canoe? Then you've got to get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American original tasting great since 48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. DraftKings. DraftKings. DraftKings sports app is now live in all 50 states. That means from Texas to California, baby, to Florida. Every fan is on the excitement. The wait is over. 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Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. That's right, Bob and I have been talking about therapy for a long time on this show and that's because we do believe in it and we use it. I've been using it for many, many, many years and so has Bob and it gets you through those tough times in your life. No matter what it is, man, taking control of your mental health is a big, big thing and we do support it very much. And you do have the time, even if you think you don't, from the comfort of your home, your house, your couch, your car, wherever you are, Talkspace makes it very easy to start. I think it saves lives. I do believe so. I really do. Yes, it helps you. And I, you know, without therapy, I just, I would be lost. A lot. Well, thank you, Talkspace, for making it easier to get the help that you need. Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a $0 copay. As a listener to the podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com and enter the promo code SPACE80. That's SPACE, S-P-A-C-E-8-0. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com and enter promo code SPACE80. Where's Gibson's? Chicago. Chicago. That's a great place, though. Gibson's? Yeah. I mean, I was just there three weeks ago. They took, this hit was, my dad made a joke about it. Chicago, great place to get oysters. Yeah. What does that even mean? I hate that. You're going to get seafood in fucking Detroit. Yeah, it's everywhere. What, are you from Lake Michigan? Wait, wait, wait. You ever had seafood in Vegas? No, I haven't. It's great. They fly it in same day. I haven't. Dude, you can get shit. But they don't do that in Detroit. Yes, they do. They do? UPS? I can get you oysters today. UPS? I'm not sending them fucking oysters. You're not supposed to have oysters in any month that doesn't end in R. Shut the fuck up. I'm telling you right now. Okay, so give me. August. Bobby, you and I sat down to have a dozen oysters. I ate seven oysters. You ate five. How many oysters are left? Check this out. You and him sit down and ate a dozen oysters. You ate a dozen oysters. He has to order in more oysters. Wait, wait, wait. You have seven and I have five? That's 12. Very good. Yeah. Good job, Bobby. What are you doing? He's still doing it. You're still doing the IQ test, Bobby. Yeah, you're trying to fucking. You're very smart. You're freaking me out right now, dude. Why? Because maybe I am dumb. No. We're all. I'm stupid. Yeah. That's actually right. Yeah, I'm dumb. That's right. You're not dumb. You're stupid. I'm stupid. Stupid is fun because you're actually very smart. He is. He is a very smart guy. He just doesn't. It's like I try to. He refuses to access the information he has. That's interesting. No, I just let you idiots all do it. See? Yeah. Sucker. Oh, I suck you all in. That's what a stupid guy says. I like that. And then when you catch him, I made you do it. Then you do it. Have you seen this dude online that's going around to every Chinese buffet eating until he gets sick? Yeah. He said I was sorry. And he hasn't gotten sick yet. Really? It's still working. And he's eating literally everything, this guy. It's powerful. Mullet man. That's him. Shout out to this guy. He's impressive. He'll just go and eat everything on the menu. He goes to China King Buffet and this one. This one's pretty good. So funny. That could be anywhere. Yeah. Anywhere. You know what? It's everywhere. I know. That's what I'm saying. It's like it's in every town. I mean, his stomach microbiomes are probably off the charts. Look at that hillbilly. This guy's the man. Looks like he was raised in a Mountain Dew bottle. He for sure listens to Are You Garbage? Shout out to you, buddy. Shout out to that guy. What is the sickness he's looking for? He wants to get food poisoning. Diarrhea. See if he can get food poisoning. Have you had it before? Food poisoning? Yeah. Yeah. We both got it right now. What are you talking about? But you never got it. It's not in Psychosplora, though. What's that? The diarrhea thing. That's lettuce. Oh. It's gone now. I think we got rid of it. They do that shit every couple of years. Diarrhea? Don't eat the romaine lettuce. That'll get you. It's the same shit all the time. Psychosplora is a microscopic parasite and widespread multistate foodborne illness. People got pretty sick off of this one. I'm not a big lettuce guy. We're not a big lettuce guy. That's always something Dirtbag says. See? They say watch the hamburger, but it's the lettuce. Yeah. When you say Dirtbag, you're saying you? Is that you saying that? Some Dirtbag will tell you that. I mean, he might be right, but you know. What are the nutritional facts about lettuce? There aren't any. It's like water. Iceberg. Yeah, so why we eat it? Spinach is good. It's good. You know what can kick rocks? Kale. Kale sucks. Talk about ruining a Caesar salad. Yeah. Kale is bullshit. More croutons. Kale is bullshit. Just eat bread, fuckface. Oh. I like this, Bobby. Real Bobby's coming out. Get him. No, dude. You're killing it. You know what? You have a girlfriend now? Do you talk about her or no? Yeah, I have a girlfriend. Yeah. And she's cool. She's cool? Yeah. Where'd you meet her on the set? I met her at the- At Shane's show. At Shane's show. Yeah. That's awesome. When she was sitting next to you, she stood up and Bobby did something- Sniffed her butt. Very sweet. What did I do? I don't remember. He stared at her ass. He stared, and I'm not talking about a glance. Did you give a compliment at the very least? Later on. To you, did he say, hey, your girlfriend is nice? Yeah. Yeah. You did capture me. Huh? You caught me. You caught me. Yeah. That's all right. I'm sorry. Yeah, look, Bobby. I didn't think I was going to get caught. You got caught. Yeah. I didn't sniff it. No. That's illegal. It is very illegal. It depends on what state you're in. Can you look? Sometimes you get caught. I think binoculars were an odd choice, but yeah. Like if I, you caught me- Murder you on sight. Murder you on sight. Really? Look at your wife's butt. It's his wife. Murder you on sight. You're allowed- You would murder me on sight. Murder. Yeah, murder you on sight. You're not a polite person. It's like a right glance of like, oh, it's, I'm looking this way. He was hawking at your girlfriend's butt is what he was like, really staring at. Well, he was sitting there and he went, and she stood up. No, I didn't. And Bobby just went like this. His eyes came out. It's okay. That was very respectful. That's fine. Yeah. But that's a compliment. I know you appreciate beautiful women. You appreciate beautiful women. Yeah. You like them. I apologize for that. I didn't think I was going to- You were looking at my ass. I think you're weird. Yeah. I've never looked at you in a sexual way. Really? Never. I have. I never say never. I have one time. Really? One time I did. Yeah. When we were at that house filming with you guys, I thought, what if we snuck away to a room? I think about them sexually a lot when I'm trying not to cum. How you doing? You ever have that? Like when you're- You ever have that? Nothing on that. No, it was rude. It's supposed to be a united front. I don't find you attractive at all either. Hey, hey, hey. Be nice. Smoke breath. Bug eyes. Smoke breath. Smoke breath is good. What'd you get wristless? New guy Luke. Yeah, Luke. Get him? Yeah. Penn State University. Okay. He started, he worked his way up the ranks with us. Yeah. Kid's a scholar. He has no socks on. He's a smart, sharp kid. Okay. Where's the Birkenstocks? Yeah. Smarter you are, the less socks you have. And he did a hand check like this. I don't know what this is. Is this a white thing? No. Okay. But his side of the story is you had cigarettes in your hand, and you gave him. Yeah, so only two fingers are free. So I think he just- Oh, right. Okay, and he grabbed whatever limbs that were free. I think, here comes zany Hollywood star Bobby Lee. Yeah. He's giving me a two-finger hand shake. Wacky guy. I don't know what to do. I understand now. It's hard to shake that hand. Yeah, because I had this. Yeah, you're always occupied. Your hands are full. I had some Stop, right? Some Blue Chew. That's a lot of Blue Chew. Nice to meet you, man. Why would you have, what are you walking around with Blue Chew for? It's a great product, by the way. I know, I love it. Blue Chew. Love Blue Chew. Blue Chew Gold. What a great product. I'll tell you why. Because this stuff gives you the desire. And I like desire. We're spokesmen, and I'm also a client. Yeah. You're not. You don't need it. Nah, I'll get harder right now. Yeah. Oh, go. Damn. Zoom in. Zoom in. I take it just to fucking prove a point. Just to prove a point. Oh, yeah. Show your body who's boss. Yeah. Yeah. No, not my body. I'm the oldest amongst all of us, right? Oh, yeah, by far. Grand wisdom. Yes, grand wisdom. What are you, 53? 55. Okay, I'm 50. I'm still older. Yeah. But you're Asian. Just got you. Five years. Did you do something big for your 50th? Oh, this is so funny. What? This is, you know, I'm a good guy. We're good friends. Yeah. We got a good support system around. Sure. I was going through it at the time. Yeah, you know. What'd you do for him? Well, you know, we go, hey, man, what do you want to do? Well, like, we were going to fucking, we're going to take him out to dinner at a tavern somewhere nice that he likes. And dad, I don't want to fucking do any dinner. Like, he comes home like, dad, no fucking surprise, po, fun. You know, all right, well, like, what are you going to do? What do you want to do, man? Like, you know, you let us know. So he convinces us, he was like, we'll get steaks. We'll get some of the guys together, some of the boys, some of our pals. The guys go on the road with us. Eight guys. We'll go to, where we go? Sparks? No, we went to Keene's. Keene's. We've never been. Is it good? Yeah, it's good. He, I mean. I guess he, look at me right now. He wasn't drinking. The food's great. The vibe just wasn't great. I was going through it. He had started not drinking, so everybody's like, I don't know if we should drink. And I go, he kept going, if you're drinking. Then drink. Get a drink. Don't get an alcohol. Yeah, they were pussyfooting around. I didn't. I said, you know what? He's yelling at everybody to drink, so I go, I'll do a Manhattan. Sure. Come to me. I jumped on the grenade first. I said, I know all the rest of the kids, they're not going to want to order, because mom and dad. It was the only dinner any of us have ever been to where everybody only had one drink, and that pissed me off. Why? Because they weren't drinking because of me. No, that's nice. No, it's not. See, this is part of it. No, no, no. You want people. I like that. Yeah, fucking, yeah. Early. Being a sober guy, I want my girlfriend, who's not, you know what I mean, to drink. You want people around you to live their lives. When we go out as a crew, people do do their own thing no matter what. It is kind of like, I understand what you're saying. You'd rather have people live how they're supposed to normally live and not tiptoe around you. I get it. I also wasn't the funnest guy ever that night. No, I think we- I was kind of going through it. You were coming off. We were like, oh, let's do a toast. No, no, no. You're still on one. I'm going to toast. He's like, I'll say a few words. And it was like- Finally. It was like your mom just died. You're all rats. It was brutal. And you never loved me. Yeah. What town is this in? New Jersey? New York City. Oh, New York City. Keene's Steakhouse. A big city. Manhattan. Midtown. This was an odd, it was an odd time. You know, the relationships weren't great. It was one of those things like the tables next to us were having like a blast. And we were like, there was nine professional comedians sitting around in silence. Nobody checked their coats either. We were all sitting there with a winter coat. We had coats hanging over our chairs. It sucked. It sucked. You're a big check your coat guy. I checked the coat. Stop putting it on the chair. No, you have a good time. What is it? No, why not check the coat? Money? You just don't, people don't want to pay for the- I don't know what the, they were just fucking sticks in the mud. I was there to fucking party every good time. We were the bad guys. There was no chicks there or nothing. It was brutal. They all ran home to their wives and girlfriends. I wanted to hang out. Yeah. Young guy. Yeah. 50. Young guy. Yeah. On the town. I get it. Good mood. Fun hang. I'm a good guy. Yeah. I have fun. Dude, it would be like, I'd be like, I did two drinks and I was like, all right, well like I'm not also fucking getting after it if no one else, like a couple people did one. I think they got, somebody got, three people got a bottle of wine. They split. So it was like, everybody really had like one glass of wine. And then like somebody would have like, you know, I was like, I'll do a rum and Coke. And then they're like, I'll just switch to water. I'm hanging out with guys who drink rum and Coke. He's like, get another rum and Coke. He's like screaming. You're chastising him. You want to see someone go down for your birthday. You want to see. No, I just wanted everybody to stop acting like everything, like I had ruined everything and then everything was all fucked up. But you did ruin it. But you was. But you did ruin it. I did. With your energy. No, no, not that night. I mean. That energy ruined it. The months. Yeah, it ruined it. Yeah. The months. I bring positive. It was a bad time. I bring positive, right? Oh, yes. Look at me right now. Fun guy. The fun fun. Fun. Dude, watch. Watch me enter. Yeah. This is fun Bobby, ladies and gentlemen. Take it from the top. I'll take it from here. Fun, ladies and gentlemen. You know, serious Bobby. You know, wacky Bobby. We have fun Bobby. You're in it for long jeans Bobby. Whoa. Hey. Fresh off a shift at Hot Topic. It's Bobby Lee. A new Pacific Sunwear model. Happy birthday, Andrew. Thank you, man. Here you go. Yay. Open it. Oh, what is it? You're supposed to do improv. Oh, sorry. You're supposed to tell me what it is. Yeah. Wow. Open it. Oh, my God. Thank you. What is it? It's money. It's money. Congratulations. Thank you. You know, that's what he gave me last time for my birthday. Yeah. Really? Cash. How much? Can I guess? Let's guess. Hold on. Not a lot. No, I don't remember what it was. You both do well. I mean, if it's a lot, you remember. No, it wasn't a lot of money. $1,000. No, the joke. Shopping for him is fucking impossible. Oh, tell me about it. No, Bobby. You got to go to France and go to a fucking putting service and get the increment sand from the fucking dinner. And then he doesn't even really appreciate it. I know exactly what you're saying. What do you mean? Weight. And titanium. And then you're like, that's $10,000. And he already has it. He already has it. Does he say thank you or does he act like, oh, thanks? He throws it in a pile. And then the last time I called your wife and I go, you got to help me. And she goes, I've run out of ideas. Yeah. And so. I don't want anything. I'm right there with you, big guy. I don't need anything. Yeah. I don't want that stupid dinner. And I had to go. You know what I want? Dude. What the fuck, man? Your friends do something fucking special. Fuck them. They're all drinking in front of me. No, no. Your friends take their time to celebrate your fucking birthday. That's how you act. Jesus Christ. I feel like I'm on the Edmund Fitzgerald in this thing. Yeah. The chair's not too thrilled either. See, this is what I'm dealing with. We have to bury that chair after the podcast. Doing what? We're going to bury that chair. Oh. Oh, no. It's not going to die. We've had many bigger people in that chair. Is that weird to say? Yeah. I'm still working my way up in the industry. I understand. What does that mean? I'm not a big star. Sorry, Bobby. I'm a character actor and a co-host of a podcast. And a co-headliner on the road. I'm the same exact thing. Huh? Well, I'm a character actor, too. We're the same boat. But I'm telling you, bring positivity into the light. The dinner sucked. Fuck you on for me. And by the way, Keens, that's not surf and turf, by the way. That was the smallest lobster I've ever seen in my life. It's like I was eating crayfish. Or a fish, whatever. No, crayfish is good. I like crayfish. Crayfish is good. You like crayfish? He can't win with this guy. Don't talk about presents. I bought him a nice bass guitar for Christmas one year. He didn't even touch it. I buy him a pizza oven. He brings it down to his house in the suburbs and fucking has other people over, makes pizza for them, then gives it away to some dickhead I don't even know or like, who's got a hot wife and she wants me, Bobby. He won't admit it, but she does. This is. This is all made up. No, it's not. This game of the show is throwing me the fuck me eyes. Let me see what those look like. Will you look at me? I still have them. No, she was throwing them at me. I know. Let me see what they look like. Oh, when I hit you back? Yeah, go ahead. Whoa. No, dude. Yeah. Holy shit. So, we got that going for us. Fuck you. Fuck you, Keens. I'm just kidding. I love you guys. Yeah, they're listening. This is mine. What? Hey. Looks like you're trying to get something off your lip. You got a piece of lunch meat on your lip, Bobby. You having a turkey sandwich earlier? Ooh. What's your sexy face, Mr. Stankino? I bet it's potent. It's good. No, that's not it. I'm a girl. I'm at a club, and I look at you. Okay. Oh, my God. This club is so dark. I mean, it's so boring. I want a light of that. Oh, my. Oh, shit. My sphincter closed so quickly, dude. That's big dick energy right there. When your sphincter closed, you know it's good. Yeah, no entry. Hi. Hi. What's your name? Marcus. Hi, Marco. Why is that so good? It's so good. It's so dead on. That's going to kill up my spine good. This is so good. That's crazy. I pretend to be deaf when I go to the club. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why. It's really loud in here. Yeah, tell me about it. Also, that shouldn't make sense. You shouldn't be able to. - You know, he can't hear, that's the bit. He's sarcastic, tell him. He's a bit of a firecracker. He's kind of funny. You want to come to my house? Yeah. You want to come to my house and watch some music? Fuck. Oh, my God. Cut that. No, no. Keep that in. No. You do. Bobby, that's terrible. What is that? It's not the same thing. It's not politically correct. I know that one. All right. Somehow mine was fine, and that was not. Yeah, he was good. I reached. You and I both crossed the line. I reached. Yeah, yeah. I reached. We're no good without a script. You guys are real actors. Thank you. That's right. Two real actors. Well, you're a real actor. Not like you guys, man. Yeah. I don't get gray hot dogs, cold hot dogs, or whatever you said it was. How are the craft services on beef? I mean, you know, I can't go near it. Really? On really anything. His body is like a pig. Oh, are you like a pig? No, no. It's just because I get rid of it, because then I just keep eating. So if I only eat a meal. You're good. You can't graze. Dude, I deliberately, I'm like, I can't go over there, because I'll just eat fucking everything. I'll eat every snack and bullshit knickknack that they put out. So I just go, eat breakfast, eat lunch. That's it. Don't go over there. I'll go get a fridge cigarette. I'll go get a Diet Coke, and then a meat. So for breakfast, you know how they always go, you show up, right? Fridge, a little fridge cig. And they go, hey, breakfast is up. What do you want? What do you get? Oh, for breakfast? I don't eat in the morning. I'll get like an oatmeal. Hey, come on. No, not there. Not when I'm working. You don't eat at all in the morning? Uh-uh. Why not? I just start pickings throughout the day. Yeah. You smoke a lot. Yeah, I smoke a lot. We smoke a lot together. Yeah, we smoke a lot. You guys had a lot of smoke breaks together. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Outside, yeah. Yeah, I smoke a lot of cigarettes. It was fun. Well, that's nice, right? Wasn't that bonding? It's great. Who else smoked on that show? You guys might have been the only two guys that smoked. John Nunn, prop guy, good friend of ours. Got up to the nunner. It's also great for me. You know what's great about that show? Any castmates smoke? No one else smokes, I don't think. No one really smokes that much anymore. I know. Well, marijuana has now exceeded cigarettes, I think. Cigs are out. Wow. Some of the young kids are smoking again because it's like- His generation. McCone's 26. Yeah, those guys are smoking. We went out to the bar with him for his birthday, and a lot of his friends were smoking. I was surprised to see it again. You're not vaping? I'm vaping now. According to- No, the older dorks vaped to them. They're like, I'm not going to be like my weird brother who vaped. According to data from- I'm trying to quit smoking. National Survey of Drug Use Health, 21.4 million Americans use marijuana daily, nearly daily compared to- Compared to 19 million smokers. So yeah, marijuana surpassed cigarettes. 19 million people are smoking? That's a lot of heaters. 21 million smoke pot every day, though. That's way more- Fucking hippies? Get a haircut. Yeah. Giraffe Dodgers. Join the core. 44 million Americans use marijuana regularly. 36 million Americans smoke cigarettes. Wow. Wow. Yeah, it's surpassed. That's kind of wild to think about. I think it's cool. I think it's good. Sure. I mean, unless you live in Texas where you can't do anything. They just ban marijuana. Well, because of the alcohol. What's that all about? Lobbyists. I think they banned it. It's across the board, right? Doesn't Texas- Anything with like THC, like THC. I think they just- What do they do? I don't think Austin- You tighten up that pressure cooker. I know. That's what it is. Texas implemented a state ban, Delta 8, THC- That shit's crazy. Delta 10, THC, THC flour. Oh, all synthetics. That Delta 8's fucking trouble. What is still legal? Let's read that. Not all hemp products are illegal under the new rules. You can still buy certain items if they meet state guidelines. Delta 9, THC products containing 0.3% or less of Delta 9, THC by dry weight remain legal. Edibles and drinks. Tinctures are still allowed if they stay under the legal THC limit. So they're putting a limit on it. Great reader, by the way. Yeah, well- You go to teleprompter? Went to school for it, yeah. You did? No. Oh. No, but no. What is your degree in? Actually, it is, actually. Communications? Journalism? Broadcast journalism. Really? Can you put out a complex line, maybe three lines, and see if we can read it fast? Did you want to be a news anchor? No. I just wanted to learn the entertainment industry from a different- I was communication, so I was like, well, I got to learn something about how the business works. Kevin's a brilliant businessman. Yeah. He's a brilliant man. I just wanted to learn how the business works. Kevin's really smart, too. And just being- We should be lucky, because we're dumb. I kiss his ass every day. And we need people like this to survive. Oh, yeah. People like you and I. Oh. Freeloader. There you go. Bottom line. Read that. Yeah. Grifters. Go ahead. I'm a grifter. Who's reading it? Grifter. Go ahead. Go ahead. I got to put my glasses on. I have to go first? Yeah. Why do I have to go first? So Chinese. All right. So here we go. Do it in English, Bobby. Okay. Betty Bopper bought a bit of butter, but the butter Betty bought was bitter, so she bought a better butter to make the bitter butter better. That is really good. That is very good for a tongue-in-cheek. He doubled the line there. Yeah. It's okay. Give it a go. The same one? Yeah. Betty bought a bit of butter, but the butter Betty bought was bitter. Oh. Oh, no. So she bought a better butter to make the bitter butter better. I did it with style. You did it with- You slowed it down. Yeah. I took dramatic- Yeah. I took dramatic pausing. Yeah. It was actually- The point was to go fast. No, it's not. What does it say? Welcome back to the Idiot Olympics today. Acorns! You know the little squirrel that saves? The little squirrel that saves. I read that book. As a kid, I remember going to my backyard and seeing the little squirrel save. Yeah. And I was like, I want to save my mom, but I don't know where to put it. Right? Right. That's my- Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. Yeah. That's basically what I'm trying to say. It's very, very easy with acorns. They grow with you, whether you're just starting out or thinking about settling down. Acorns supports you. They're big and small goals across every single life stage. And look, we all need to save a little bit of money. I wish I did it a little bit more when I was a younger lad. Acorns is an all-in-one, no more finance apps cloning up your phone. With acorns, you can invest, save, and give your money a chance to grow in one trusted place. 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Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash bad friends. Quince! You know those pieces in your closet that you'll find yourself wearing on repeat? Yep. The sweater that goes with everything. The perfect pair of pants or the tee you somehow always reach for first. Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And that's what Quince does best. That is exactly what Quince does. They focus on high quality wardrobe stables with premium materials, 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and merino. Wool, ladies and gentlemen. If you don't do Mongolian, you're out. Yeah, you got to be able to do it. Yeah. 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater start at just $60. That is remarkably cheaper than I think you pay probably now for other cashmere. Look at these pants. The softness of that. These are so nice. If you were in the studio right now and you touched that right, you'd think that was a panda's belly. You'd wrap these pants around your neck. You might not even put them on your legs. They're so comfortable. Quince also makes premium pants, fitted tees, polos, breathable, active wear. They got so much good stuff. You need to just check it out. It's not just clothing. They bring. Home goods as well and furniture. They have design pieces for everyday living. Hotel quality bedding, Andrew. You got to find yourself some Quince right now. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash bad friends. Get free shipping on your order and a 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash bad friends. We got the perfect dose of comedy. 30 minutes of. Scrubs. Hey, hey, there you go. That was good. You need New York. You need New York. No, we don't do tongue. We can't do tongue twisters. Let's keep doing dumb stuff so we can narrate it. No. Like a broadcaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got 50 on my idiot. My horse. I got a couple of bucks on my horse. We should compete on something. Actually, Idiot Olympics would be fucking. Yeah, I think you and I should compete. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would you compete with? A Dicathlon. Just the simplest of questions. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? Even worse. Are you smarter than a first grader? Yeah, yeah. He's pretty. Foley is pretty sharp. We've done. Listen, we've done a lot of. We've already done this before. He's got like a. We've already done. That's not how you do this. I have seen Foley's. I've seen your brain open up. I think people underestimate you. What, am I gonna hit with that bat? Yeah. It was bad. Leaking. It was leaking bad, dude. No, I'm pretty stupid. No, you're not. You can't be stupid because it's like you memorize your lines so quickly. You know it. And you're a great actor. And you can't be dumb and act, I don't think. You can't be dumb and this funny either. Like his mind operates. Thanks, man. Oh, thank you very much. That looks great. Thank you, brother. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. How do you guys do it? Do you split time on stage? And who decides who goes when? We do a straight stand-up show. Yeah. The live shows are awesome, actually. We bring two openers. We usually bring Tommy Cassidy. We bring Colin Chamberlain. We bring Sam Rubinoff with us. Nice tight crew. We do a host feature. And then Kevin and I each do about a half an hour. And then we come back on stage together and we play RU Garbage with the crowd. Who goes when? Do you guys switch? You go first one night? No, it's me, then him. Always. Because he introduces like the RU Garbage. He's the big boom. And Kevin goes back and curates the question. That was a big point of contention. We were on tour fighting over who goes when. Really? Why? Who wanted to go? Who wanted to go first? Was it to close out? Neither of us wanted to close. It was a big, big, he never wanted to close. That's an old school thing. I like that. I respect that. He never wants to go second. He always wants to go first. This guy is out of his fucking mind. But that's like two dads fighting over the check. I like that. That's true. You. But that's better than like, no, I'm cool. No, I like it. Is denim your thing? Yeah. What gives you that impression? From top to bottom, you're a denim guy. He's the denim dog. Yeah. Low key. I belong in this. Low key. This is every, this is like, I'm going to, I don't know. Bobby, low key, you are his biggest fashion inspiration. What? He rips a lot of your style off. He's big, he's big in his salvaged denim after you. He has your bag. I ain't big. Your cross bag. I stole the. He stole it. What bag? The Topo. Topo cross body. Oh yeah, cross body, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, thief. And off camera. No, you told me to. Oh, I did? Welcome. When we did your show in fucking Austin, we did bad friends in Austin. The live pod in Austin. You had, I was like, oh, that's awesome. You're like, go to the store. I got it today. They have them. And I was like, I'm stealing them. Awesome, dude. Yeah. Congratulations. Thanks, man. You're an inspiration. I'm an inspiration to you. Yeah. You're a trendsetter. You are. You've probably a lot of expensive jeans. He's an influencer. Influencer, yes. Influencer. Yeah. Yeah. And when I do videos, I take a glass and I always do this. There you go. ASMR. I just got this frappuccino and you know how they do that? Yeah. Get ready. Get ready with me. Get ready for me. Get ready for me. That's the drag queen version. Get ready for me while I go on an adventure with me. My girl taps. Let's go. What does your girl do? She taps the glass with her nails. It's hot. I love it. I tried to force that in. That was like five times. Cut that, please. How'd you meet this girl? DMs. She slid in. She did? Yeah. She slid in. What was the line? What sunk you? Nothing. It was just like friendly. It was just, she was so hot. I didn't think she was going to do it. I didn't think there was any way that she was hitting on me. Come on, man. I'm being dead serious. You got a nice ass. That's what you said to her when you met her. I said, this is Bobby. Yeah. What does she do? She produces a comedy show in Cleveland. She lives in Cleveland. Yeah, lives in Cleveland. So you do the long distancing? I mean, it's an hour flight. It's nothing. Sure. Yeah. It's still a trip, right? Yeah. I like it, though. It's just like, as long as it would take me to get home on the sunrise. It's a fun plane ride. It really is. When you go to her. Yeah. We just took a six-hour one, and this was the longest plane ride I think I've been on not drinking, and it fucking sucked. What, LA to here? Oh, my God. I was usually good for about, no lie, Kevin, 12 to 15 double Bloody Marys on a one-stop. Shut the fuck up. Wait a minute. I like a Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary? Oh, yeah. That's a starter drink, and then you switch to something else. Not for me, baby. You continue with Bloody Mary. He finishes it with Bloody Mary. Yeah. So you'll have 15 Bloody Marys. Yeah. And I'll watch a movie. For a long time, it was everything, everywhere, all at once. Are you pissing blood? No. Dude, he won't get up. That's a great movie. For a seven-hour flight. He'll crush all that, and then just sleep or hunker down. Because we sit next to each other. I'm an aisle guy. You're a sloth. Dude, it's crazy. You're a fucking unforgivable sloth. And I would eat villagers when I land. He's like a camel. Wow. Love a Bloody Mary. That's pretty impressive. Yeah. That's always your drink of choice, Bloodies, huh? No, not all the time. I always drank a lot of different stuff, which I know is against the code of drinking. It would just be crazy. You'd be like, oh, I'll get a beer. And you'd be like, all right, I'm going to. You want another beer? If we were going to. And he'd be like, no, let me get a fucking Harvey Wallbanger. And you're like, all right. And then the next time, he's like, let me get a margarita on a rock with a twist of ansel. Let's say we were having a night out. We were going to dinner, and then we were going to drink afterwards. Start out the meal. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay. Right? Start out the meal with a couple. Good job interrupting, man. Dirty Margarita sounds great. Yeah. Always fuck up a story. Like, make sure you wedge in right when he starts to go. These two are toast. Yes. Just when he starts to hum on a good story, just fucking slither in there and fucking just crack it. Just fuck it up. That's good. I apologize. Go ahead. It's live podcasting. There's going to be mistakes. Don't worry about it. Wait, this is live? Yeah. We're live streaming. Go ahead. Start off dinner, two or three. Two or three dirty Tito's martinis. Filthy dirty. Crush those. Wait, wait, wait. What does filthy mean? Because I don't know. A lot of olive juice. Olive juice. Okay. So two, three. Two or three of those, right? Got it. That sounds about right. Sure. And then, you know, if we were getting oysters, I'd get a glass of white wine to solve the emblem, have some fucking oysters, right? Like a gentleman. Right. And then either a beer or a glass of red wine. Afterwards, start with the margaritas. Have a Zambuca afterwards with a double espresso. After dinner, a little aperitif. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then if I was, you know, calling, you know. What's that? Get the bag. Is that Nokia full phone? Yeah. Well, it could be. You can play snake on it. Yeah. Then start with a snake. I remember snake. I spent eight hours playing snake once. Wow. Silver Lake apartment. This is one night of describing of what you're drinking. Yeah. If I drink that, I would get wet brain. That's like, that to me was like kind of. Get. That wasn't that crazy. That's not crazy. It's like the bar where it would be like four or five, six different, like, I'll be, we'd be there like crushing beers, whatever. And it's like, it would always be a new, let me try a wonky donkey. Yeah. It's a little fun. I don't like whiskeys and stuff like that. We start doing shots. No Brown. No. We would like, you know, no dark liquor. No, no rum, no whiskey. No. And the wee hours of the morning when I was trying to chase away the crash, I'd put down like a, you know, a bottle of makers or something like that. Oh my God. A whole bottle of the head. Yeah. Once or twice. I did that. I did that. Wow. Just to put me to sleep. Damn. I'm like a talent, a couple of talent all PMs or something like that. And then you, and you wake up. How do you feel? What? Million bucks. Great. You start the day. That's when he wakes up. I get a phone call. I'm not feeling something's going around. I don't think I'll be able to make, remember I was saying my throat was scratchy yesterday. Oh, I'll get a COVID test. Oh, so he cancels pod. Kevin wakes up. No, no. Don't start telling me that. Foley goes right to the gym, right to the gym. First thing in the morning. Sweat it all out. Hot yoga. Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. That's how I like to drink. And then after a show, you get done, you're all jacked up. I would do like two or three double tequila and sodas and just fucking like pound the two of them. Just to level out. Just to get across the river is what we call it. And what do you find? What? Across the river. Sadness, darkness. Oh, it's a dark place. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's not like the Delaware. It's a different thing. It's like an underworld. Yeah. Gray. Creatures in the door. It wasn't the best hang. Especially in the summer. In the late stages of it. Yeah. But you're good now. You said how many months? March. March 6th was the last time I did blow. Okay. Good. We're talking about drinking though. Are we? Why is blow all of a sudden in the fucking story? Well, I mean, do you ever wear shoes without socks? I mean, most of the time these two things are hand in hand, you know? Unless I'm on vacation. Yeah. And then you're getting, you're really getting. But do you drink now? No. Oh, okay. No, no, no. Do you smoke weed? No. Okay. Nothing. Nothing. Meetings, anything like that? Sober. Yeah, of course. Sober means nothing. Okay. Yeah. Meetings, went to rehab, all that stuff. Wow. When? He went to a meeting today. Yeah, I went to a meeting today. Farmer's market. Good program. In the program, baby. Got a sponsor. He's working. You know, as much as I shit on him, every time, we've had a lot of conversations about it, and every time I've asked him something, he is, you know, the first like kind of conversation I was like, hey man, you know, this is, you got this. You got to do something. He enrolled in rehab that night. Wow. Every time there's been a bump in the road, he's. Joined the football team there. Did you really? At the rehab? I enrolled. I admit it myself. You did? Yeah. I mean, because I've been to many rehabs. I never went to a sleepaway rehab. Oh, it was outpatient. It's not camp. It's not outpatient. Yeah. IOP. Betty Ford Hazleton in Tribeca. Fantastic. Have you never seen his names on the wall? Yeah. Big trophy, him doing the Heisman. Yeah. I can't get into my high school Hall of Fame, but rehab, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That is true. Yeah. They're going to let you in someday. I don't think so. Probably not. Have you been to real nice ones? Real nice rehabs? Yeah. I went to one that turned into a rehab farm. What? So they make money, insurance companies make money by just processing as many people. Get them in. Earn in turn. It's like a Chili's. Right. Big rehab. So four years ago, I remember being in line. Private equity. Wearing. It's a callback. Okay. Or a foreshadowing. To another podcast. Yeah. I was wearing. Are you done? Yes. Talk about interruption, dude. He's our guest. Uh-oh. I'm going to invite a guest, Bobby. Yeah. For now. And you've insulted me, and now I'm leaving. Okay. Go. You're supposed to be fucking flying the plane, brother. They're passengers. I'm flying it now. I had 19 margaritas. Captain, we've run out of tomato juice. Some man drank 147 Bloody Marys. All right. Take the marinara sauce from the meatball. He will note it down. Pin it out with some water. It'll be all right. I love Bloody Mary mix. But being in line with kids, like high school kids waiting to get a pill, like 15 pills. Yeah. And then you take it, you drink water, and you're sitting there in a room, and someone's doing a speech about something. I hated it. Yeah. We used to do a show at one in New York on the Upper East Side. A detox center. A detox center. Whoa. These guys are like- Tough room. Four days in, whatever. It was six o'clock in the morning. on a Friday, so it didn't interfere with spots. And I paid, like, I paid $100 or $200. So when you're, like, hustling, go right to my coke dealer you're like right to him you're like I need the fucking that's irony this is great dude you sat in a living room they sat on couches like oh shit strong ass tweaking and you're you had to do two comics you had to each do 20 talk about not wanting to close that shit yeah you wanted to get the fuck out of there was it a bunch of comics or just you guys it'd be two comics it'd be two different comics like you didn't know no mic no nothing like stand stand in here do and stand up holy shit each had to do so like 20 minutes of that is six hours of it's like a hundred bucks 200 bucks cash right there why would you do it why would you we were broke we were poor this was back in the day I'm not doing it back in the day it was like seven years ago you think I'm gonna go to a rehab center and perform for Foley that'd be crazy yeah you suck I like the fat guy yeah but when I was in the last rehab there was a comedy night and I asked can I skip that yeah because what happens is they get all the people in the rehab and they go into a room and they play Sebastian special oh they they play I thought they'd bring no no we're watching specials and everyone's giving up her carrot top yeah these old people that are my friends Andrew Santino's Hulu Larry yeah I cannot I cannot do this yeah yeah of course dude that's crazy it's crazy you should have preferred and they've got a comedy night that you've ever seen where they walk in and it's got a comedy night somewhere like I've been out of town with my wife we walk into like a bar restaurant cafe or something comedy night in the back and they're like oh and then just so you know and I'm already fucking out the door and I was like we cannot no cannot be here for a comedy night you don't pop in and go up brother give me a thrill no fucking big star no brother when you're off you're off when you're off it's the night off I gotta I just turn off I can't do the yeah I'm like I don't want to be near it it's something about it is like it gives me the it like it almost like makes me feel uncomfortable that I see it and I'm like I gotta go I can't does it remind you of the struggle back in the day it's also just like I don't they don't I don't they don't want to see me there yeah they do yeah they kind of do I think I think they do are you in your mind what are you doing are you going up and then I'm like no I'm just having dinner and they're like well and then it's weird I kind of get that yeah I kind of understand eating dinner while you're working it was kind of you know we started in Philly and then like whatever 12 years ago moved to New York and kind of climbed the ranks there a little bit and the we went recently for content we filmed us going to an open mic with brand new jokes oof so like we and dude how was that I mean it was great it was brutal but to see these kids like we haven't been in a room like that like they're like you're like ah you're still fucking it still exists that level of yeah that's good I love to hear that guys up there you got the crazy the absolute insane person you got the guy who's doing too many you got this they all existed I almost started naming them as you said all the guys in my mind it was really cool to see I love those days I mean I just if I see if I go into that now because my anxiety goes to my my neck feels like I'm going to it's going to close up we were having panic attacks yeah you just walk up dude it's upstairs second floor of a bar maybe seven people that diet coke with not a lot of ice in it it's flat oh my god you got three cubes at the top floating yeah that should be a crime yes the worst feeling is this that should be a fucking crime that should be against not enough ice what the fuck are we doing there's 10 comics before you you know they all suck there's a little bit of an audience and in your mind you're like hurry up I want to get up there because I know I want a bomb yeah let me get up I got something to really tell first joke out of the gate tanks and you're like alright oh I know I know I know let's hunker down here get some good cracks what else do I want to talk about oh bro that one there used to be a comic at the comedy store back in the day I won't say he used to say that all the time and that was a part of his act anyway tell me about your family what's your goals now me yeah you're going on the road right tires TV star he's living in Ian's house now living in Ian's shout out to Cousin Ian Finance I love Ian the best the best that guy's a fucking machine he's a machine is he single right now I'm not sure I think so yeah man when he is he's unbelievable that guy he does well he's got a tight body on him he does yeah good looking guy he pulls some cards that you go good god yeah he does pretty unbelievable he got Foley very easily easy pull what I could pull you that's a big steak dinner you got to call my name real fast Andrew yeah he's easy slipping out of the seat see how cute you got real fast how about me how about me like a slipping slot do me do me call Bobby see if he turned on Bobby the time are you going to murder me I haven't done you were like that was real slow yeah the shogun enters it was like an old Japanese film my heart beats in this time way too slow no dude I'm doing fistful of dollars Sonny Chiba oh yeah everything's right here oh okay cinephile let's do it again do it again yeah yeah yeah so you're watching the screen and this is this ready imagine all right ready excuse me can you pass me the gojan sauce why does it have to be gojan sauce why wouldn't it be okay ready gochujang it's called gochujang I love it god bless you I love it all right for real okay I'm a girl in a bar yeah okay for real I'm a girl in a bar go ahead excuse me can you pass me the ketchup what kind of girl eats ketchup in a bar that's a big really no that no no sex no okay I don't know how to do it that that's do it normal like you would okay be real okay right right and I'm really trying to get you okay right excuse me are you Bobby Lee that's pretty good that was a true Bobby yeah I think that was true you had like a you had your smile yeah yeah I was trying to do it the cute thing I was cute when somebody goes hey Bobby he goes what's up bud and he like rubs their hair he does or he punches their tits or he'll jiggle he'll go look at this fucking belly of jelly he'll do that to people don't do that to her charming guy he does that to people he's very charming they love it I'm saying broads anybody loves it chicks dude everyone loves it when he does that if I even fucking remotely did something like that yeah we're cold people my Christ dude if I was like hey belly belly jelly it would break someone's fucking soul I think Santino thinks I'm a fat piece of shit he does it he could smack someone on the tits and they're like Bobby smack my fucking tits they love it they lose their mind so I auditioned for this horror movie once back in the late 90s get out it wasn't get out no and nobody wanted to be in his body I did the audition whoa I did the audition okay come on it was good really good like shooting clay pigeons over here shit shit man go ahead Bobby so anyway can you say what movie it was I don't even remember I was so Hollywood of you yeah you remember every audition every single one I do okay I don't and then I go and watch the show if I don't get cast on it yeah that guy sucks yeah you know what McCone does he helps me with auditions helps with auditions and then sends me when they actually do the production and they hire the person he'll show me the production of whoever got the part and he goes no he did great you gotta watch tape drive him you gotta watch tape negative reinforcement how do you think you prepare for the defense if you can't watch tape yeah you gotta know what's so I do this audition and I could tell the director likes me and I know this because after the audition he goes stick around ooh let's talk it's always a good sign it's a good sign and he's like what are you about man you know I liked your thing you know what are you about you know how they say that you're like I don't think I should tell you yeah and it would only frighten you there's like 10-15 minutes of us talking about it and then at one point we both laugh and in the midst of this laugh I go fatty and I poked his belly that would have killed for me I would have loved that yeah and as soon as I touched it my fucking mind and my body went I don't think that was good yeah yeah and he goes okay you can leave yep thank you oh fuck yeah and I turned around James Cameron by the way yeah and I walked out of that room going what is this that's hard dude looks like I'm going to Hawaii yeah because you're trying to be funny you know what I mean and it didn't work because this is what I would do with another comedian necessarily doesn't transfer to directors I saw a guy doing a bit when he left an audition and he was like leaving and being like like fucking around on the way out and it was like plate glass window in one of those offices and he fucking oh wow unbelievable and the faces they were like sheer concern I was like holy fuck he didn't get it this guy's good he didn't get it he was like he's not going to get it I would have loved it no way we all sat there and we were like fuck dude I thought they might give it to him just out of like just for style of heart I mean he took it like a champ he smoked his face then was like oh acts like it didn't happen oh yeah he went go whoops whoops whoops and then he found the door I was like holy fuck man so let me know when the call back is you guys want me to stick around for a little bit longer no brother get out of here every time I drive by 200 south I get PTSD from that too we had a commercial space for audition every time I go back there I think about those auditions where you're leaving and you try to say something clever and do something on the way out alright guys I guess I'll see you on set oh you said that whoa you said that no oh god thank god no I'm saying you hear people do shit like that yeah let me know when the fitting is oh my god you hear people say that stuff you really at commercial fittings commercial you hear them a lot because a lot of the commercial actors they do it every single day and they do like three a day so they're so used to like the energetic jazz they do that shit all the time and I dreaded it but I would hear guys say stuff and they would laugh and love it. And I was like, fuck, I don't have that machine part in me to do the, I always am like, okay, thanks, bye. I'm like a wet little rag when I leave. - I hate auditions. - They're tough. - I don't like, and I've said this before, I might get a lot of shit for saying it. - Oh yeah, do it then. - Do it. - But when background actors try to showcase their talent in between takes. - Yeah, you hate that. You've talked about it. - I don't know why, I don't like it. - Well, I'm not a big on set guy, so what does that look like? - It's just like, all right, cut. And then you'll see a guy go and start dancing. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. - That's you. - Yeah. - Did you ever do extra work? - No, that was me. I hated myself. - Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. - Bobby's playing a corpse. He's up doing the moonwalk. - Yeah, but they showcase their singing abilities or they try to be funny. I don't like it. - I saw the coolest thing. Pete Fairley did one of the coolest things I've ever seen in my life. We were shooting that Ricky Stanecki movie and he's pointing at one of the actresses. He's pointing at her and he says, when he says, "We gotta go," you say, "Well, I'll take him," okay? But it's to a crowd of people in a kitchen. So everyone kind of like nods. They're like very intently listening to his direction. He goes, "Okay, we're good, good." Then when the scene goes, a background actor says the actress's line thinking he was pointing at him. And the rest of the background actors started laughing to break the scene. And the amount of embarrassment on this young man, you watched his eyes. I mean, like, I feel like he was like, God make me a bird so I can fly far, far, far away from here. Like he wanted to just fucking shoot into the sky and Fairley takes, he's like, "Okay, okay, enough." And then he takes me and goes, "Sorry, man. Maybe you thought that was for you." That's her line for this scene. He's like, "I know, I'm so sorry. I fucked up." Like he got nervous. - Uh-huh. - Then he gave him a line. - Love that! - Let's go! - And I was like, that's the coolest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. - Amazing. - So then all the other background actors that thought, "Look at you, fuckheads." Like his mistake, he did it innocently, but then he gave him the line. And I remember looking at the other background actors 'cause I'm staring that way. - Yeah. - And as he gets the line, like, "Well, we can go to the hospital." And all the other background actors are like, "Fuck." - Fuck. - Like he got the fucking line. - Didn't know what to do. Did anybody else try to do it? Like, "Ah, fuck you." - No, fuck no. No, they knew. - That's it, that's the one done. - They fucked up, they laughed. - Yeah. - They laughed when they put in the kid, you know. They put in the kid after the time was up, the game was over and there was a minute left. You know, you take him off the bench, you let him shoot a brain throb. - They laughed at him. - And then he got up, he fucking hit the buzzer. - Hit the buzzer, Peter, dog. Huge. Fairly is the man. - So, you're going on the road. - Going on the road, we got the special. - Special coming out. - Special's out now. - American Garbage. - American Garbage. - American Garbage, go check it out because you guys are boys for life. - Thank you. - Thank you, bud. - Two of the greatest comedians today. - Love the greatest comedians. - Truly love you guys. - Also, I will say, I remember when I first did the pod, I thought, I was a little nervous for it. You're not nervous for pods, but yours is good where you kind of feel like you gotta be real settled in and ready to go. - We thought you didn't like us. - Really? - Yeah. - 'Cause I said, fuck you guys when I left? - Yeah. - Well. - No, I don't even think so. - That's how I say goodbye. No, why, why? - I don't even know. - You were a huge get for us. - Yeah. - No. - We didn't know you. - I love you. - I was in shorts. - You pulled up in a fucking crazy car. - Middle of summer, oh yeah, I pulled up in a-- - You were a billionaire. - 1942-- - Model T. - Model T. - 1942 Model T. I had to hand crank it to get down there over that hill to West Hollywood. - It had the eyelashes on it, like the Beatles. - Driving for Lyft at the time, which I found weird. - Well, I mean, you know, it's in the, you know, I think you have to do your service as much as you're doing for yourself. You have to do for others. - That was one of our first away games where we did it out of the studio. - Right, you did in WeHo in that little fucking studio. - We came to LA to get you. - That's, that was awesome. - Bobby, we put on a bus to New York. - Yeah. - Took me eight days to get there. - Well, speaking of which, we are, McCone is gonna take the bus. I have the bus schedule for you, by the way. He did send it to me, so I gotta tell you. - Awesome. - I think we're in a good place with McCone. Let's have these guys actually pick. Los Angeles to Lordsburg, New Mexico is 12 hours and 40 minutes, and then Lordsburg, New Mexico to Kerrville, Texas is another 12 hours. Kerrville, Texas to Lafayette, Louisiana, 10 hours. Lafayette, Louisiana to Atlanta, Georgia, another 12 hours and 20 minutes. So you leave on the 22nd, arrive on the 25th. Are you ready to buckle up and buy that ticket? - That sounds very fun. - That's crazy. - You're nuts. - It's like train hopping. - Yeah. - Boys, please go watch American Garbage right now. It's on YouTube. Go watch RU Garbage, their show. Go see them live. - Thank you. - Thank you, boys. - God bless, keep on the train. - We love you so much. - You're doing great. - Thank you. - You guys are the man. - Look at the camera. - Thank you. - Thank you for being a bad friend. - I was gonna say, RU Garbage. - Thank you. - That's great. 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