Walking Red Flags | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hi, welcome to Smoshery's Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme, "Vexology," and I'm just kidding, red flags. (laughing) - Is that the study of flags? - And did I nail that? (laughing) - Did I get it completely wrong? "Vexilology," dang it. - Red flag when your boyfriend thinks "Vexology is Vexilology"? - Dude, up top. - All right, I am joined by two massive red flags, Trevor and Angela. (laughing) - Mm-hmm. - Um, Angela, have you ever been in a red flag? - I've never, I'm excited. - You've been on red flags, a red flags episode, on two hot takes. - Yes, and I don't even think I picked up the flag. This is fun. - Does that say something about you in real life? - Do we pick up the flag? - You can pick up the flag here. - Oh my God, look at the flags. This is fun, this is gonna be fun. - All right, get ready. - You didn't ask me if I had done it before I have. - You guys are both out. - Oh, ready? - Okay, ready? - Are we ready? We're ready. - I'm winning. - Wow, watch how fast I am. (laughing) - Do you mind if we do this for a little bit longer? - You're doing it before the shy guy. Trevor thoughts on, you were saying I didn't. - Do you like the red flag format? - Yeah. - Do you think you're good at catching red flags? - Uh, yeah, okay. I actually know. - Oh, okay. (laughing) - That's it, I changed my mind. - All right, okay, yeah, for sure. - Yeah. - Old Greg. - Let's get into these red flag stories. And as I'm reading them, feel free to lift up your green flag or red flag as you see fit. - Copy. - Okay, our first story. My boyfriend, who's 22, eight all the jalapeno poppers, I made before I, 21 year old woman, even got one. This was posted yesterday, as of right now, and it was posted to relationship advice. Tonight I, 21 year old woman, cooked dinner for my boyfriend of almost two years, 22 year old man, and me. I made a main dish and some jalapeno poppers as an appetizer, eight total. I was really looking forward to them because I haven't had them in a while. We sat down to watch a movie and I was still getting settled and hadn't started eating yet. Over the next 15 minutes, he ate all eight of the poppers. When I went to grab one, the plate was completely empty. I didn't get a single one. I asked why he didn't leave me any. And he said, you didn't say you wanted any. I was kind of surprised because I made the whole meal for both of us, so I thought it was obvious they weren't just for him. He said I'm overreacting because they're just snacks and he was hungry. I feel annoyed because one, I took the time to make them and two, it didn't even occur to him to leave me one. But now I'm wondering if I'm blowing this out of proportion or if this is a sign he can be inconsiderate sometimes. Is this maybe a sign that he doesn't consider my feelings sometimes? - Damn. - My initial thoughts, green flag, he likes your cooking, red flag, everything else. - Yeah. - You don't eat all the, you don't eat all the, that's like just come and etiquette with appetizers. You don't eat all the appetizers. You gotta leave one for, you gotta take your Trevor, what are you thinking? (laughing) You guys, you guys are not doing this again. - Just try it. - I can't keep you looking, could hold it. - When did you, when did you, when did you guys communicate that? - What's that down? - He just looked right at me and said, what do you think? - He knew. - Damn it. - He knew. - Why did he do it once? - I feel like we did it. - I think your problem is you're trying to do this with Trevor and he broke, he broke. - How we never do without Trevor? - It's our pain. (laughing) - I think he just looked right, he knew we were doing it, he looked right at me and said, Trevor, what do you think? - Yeah, okay, we have opinions about it. - I was wondering why you guys didn't raise the flag at all. - I was gonna be like, I can go either way. - Okay, yeah. I was kinda fascinated, I'm like, oh, you guys are struggling with this one? (laughing) - Pretty clean. - I'm like, this one's about appetizer. (laughing) - And I'm sorry. - No, no, next time. - Next time we're gonna get 'em. - We're gonna get 'em on the third time and it's gonna be great. - We gotta go a couple of videos without doing it. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, you guys did it way too soon. - Yeah, but anyway, I was gonna agree. Green flag, likes are cooking. Yeah, I think that shows, you know. - Very nice, very fun, the compliment. - Clearly it is an inconsiderate thing to do, but I don't think that it's like a big like, whoa, waving red flag. Like, I think it's something you have a conversation about and you're like, hey, that didn't make me feel good. I would have liked it if you left some for me. - I don't know if I would like, the conversation's sure, but I think like not even, him not even knowing, that is like a little worrisome. I'd be like, sorry, continue. - No, I just would be like a little like, nah, you didn't notice how much space you just took up and you didn't leave room for me. - There's the added layer of like, it's not like you're at a restaurant and you ordered. It's like, dude, you ate all those. And it's like, oh, we'll just order more. - Yeah. - But she cooked this. - Yeah. - It sounds like he didn't even help. Eating all the poppers, a little bit of a, it's a red flag a little bit, but it's, there's still some innocence to that possibly. - Yeah. - But she calls him out, she goes, dude, you ate all of them. - Yeah. - And his reaction is, you're overreacting. Which, telling someone they're overreacting is a red flag. - 100%. - It always is, right? Like, I know there's situations in life where we overreact, that's possible, but he's not even stopping to think about what just happened. He's just jumping to it, he says, they're just snacks. That's diminishing what she just cooked. - Or just diminishing what it feels. - And how hard, I've never made jalapeno poppers. Are they a generally easy thing to make? Like, for the average person. - What's the pop? - I don't know what a jalapeno popper is. - Trevor of Mythic Popper. - It was a fried, I'm kidding, I know what they are. - Okay, okay. - It's a cheese filled jalapeno fried. - Fried, yeah, usually fried or you can bake them. But yeah, it's like, you kind of take like a cream cheese filling with stuff in it, put it inside a jalapeno. And what makes it a popper? - Well, the pop is when you bite into the jalapeno cheese is popping in your mouth. - Got it. - For the blue cheese. - But it's not nothing, you know? - In the blue jar. - Yeah, there you go. - Guy who uses splooge when talking about food. Red, twig. - But it's not nothing. And it's, yeah, I don't like his reaction. His reaction is what I really think is the red flag. - Yeah, 100%. - 'Cause I think like, go on. - Oh, it's just gonna say, I think you're right. The reaction, I think like, yeah, him eating all of it. It's inconsiderate and dumb. It's like a dumb thing to do. But the reaction and his response is definitely what's like, woo, woo, woo. - It's like, haven't you been in those situations where you're sharing a dish with like a friend or a partner or something? And someone kind of clearly is kind of dominating. But like, I feel like just even a little like, sorry, I'm going to town on these. Makes me go like, oh, you're acknowledging that you're taking up more space than me. And this is a shared play. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. Like, I just need you to-- - It's so true. - It's so true. You should just be like, sorry, I didn't eat today. Or like, just say that you know you're not taking up, you're not giving me the other half. And I'm fine. - I one time at Outback's Steakhouse ate all the shrimp scampi. - Dude, it happens, man. We've all been-- - A shared scampi? - It was, it was, sorry, it wasn't shrimp scampi. It was a-- - Shrimp cocktail. - This is like a very Outback Steakhouse dish. - Dude, you're like-- - I ate shrimp all over. - It was just like, six shrimp. And it got, I think it got brought in. I was like, oh, it's far less shrimp than I thought. So I think in my head I was like, this can't be all. - Like, probably. - Like they're gonna bring out the second part of this. So I kind of just like ate all six shrimp. And then my friend who had ordered it with me was like, what the fuck? And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. - Dude, I'm sorry. Hold on. - A winner was the strength of you ever. - I'm so important. - I think the second part-- - Outback Steakhouse. - No. - It was a mysterious way. - It was a huge-- - We're still going to move in on this. And the hears out, who the-- - I was 18, I didn't know how the world worked. - Dude, I thought they were bringing out the second part. - Yeah. - It was me, and here's the go. I'd never been to Outback. I didn't know how they did things down on that. - Dude, the shrimp said, do we continue? So I thought-- - I had the air mish went to the bathroom. - It's wicked for good, man. - Go fuck it. - That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. - I ate all the spaghetti because I thought another spaghetti was coming. (laughing) - Look, man, that's so good. - I don't know what my logic was. That's all I can remember that I, at least I said. I can't remember if I believed it or not. - At least I said it though. - I said, oh, I felt bad. And I was like, look, I said I'll order another one and I will pay for it. - Sorry, dude, I'm gonna be like, dude, I thought there was a second part coming in. - It's so sorry. - Hey, waitress, I finished my prime rib. Is the second prime of the rib coming? - Is the other half. - Oh my god, you know, Marciano's used to have this thing for a while. - I wish you were about to tell me that they were dating this thing. - No, they didn't. - They're like getting this thing when they bring it apart too. - Basically for a while. - It's take a pasta, leave a pasta, order a pasta, leave it, take a pasta. - Oh, so it's so fucking crazy. (laughing) - No, one's for a home, one's for a home. - No, but your son is for a home. - And it was so fucking one is coming. - You'd be like, I'll get the fetishini and fuck it. We'll do the lasagna for tomorrow. It was so nice. - That's insane. - Comments on this. - It is implied you wanted some, you cooked them. If you didn't want any, you would have said, go ahead and eat them. I made them for you, they're not my favorite, or something like that. I'd call them out on this one. Make sure he apologizes, truly apologizes. 4,000 upvotes. Someone said, it's not just that he ate them all, which is rude enough by itself. The actual problem, in my opinion, is that when you asked him about it, he turned it back around on you. Actually, like it was your fault because. you hadn't called dibs, who does that for a shared meal and said you're overreacting. It's emotionally immature that he couldn't take accountability for a mistake as small as this. It illustrates his poor character and that is what I dump him for. Damn. Someone said, "I hate when people jump to break up with them, divorce them, etc. on Reddit, but I would break up with him over that. My ex-husband was this way and it never got better. He is selfish, he doesn't consider you, he's rude, and it won't change. Your young please don't make this mistake of wasting your life with someone who can't even do the most basic things like sharing the food that you made." It sounds like a lot to jump to that, but it makes me wonder why this person for something so trivial is like, "Oh, he ate all the jalapeno poppers." You went to writing this out on Reddit to hear other people's opinions and that makes me question, "What else is going on?" Yeah. Like, is this a pattern? Yeah. Because if this is a pattern, that's a pattern of not considering you. Yeah. And then that reaction to being called out is just really not considering you and it's like, "Hey, that type of behavior, if he's not aware of it and he doesn't feel bad about it, will continue to grow into other parts of your life." Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, that is, I think that's just like a, by the book, red flag. Yeah. All right. Moving on. Part two. Dude, that one's going to stick with me. Part two, yeah. That one's going to really stick. Yeah. So now the second part of the whole opinion problem. Today's episode of Red Stories is brought to you by Zock-Dock. As we're getting closer to the end of the year, I've recently realized I haven't booked my yearly checkup. I am a little overdue, but that's not a problem, thanks to Zock-Dock. Zock-Dock is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. So there's no reason to get sidetracked. With Zock-Dock, you can book in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care. I've struggled in the past finding the right doctors that I like, but Zock-Dock lets you filter for doctors who are highly rated by verified patients, are located nearby, and are a good fit for whatever medical need you may have. I was amazed at how streamlined it made it all. I had been putting off doctor's appointments for so long, but I finally booked that yearly checkup and I'm about to do it here soon. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zock-Dock.com/pitreddit to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com/pitreddit. Zock-Dock.com/pitreddit. Back to the show. Our next story. This comes from relationship advice. Fiancé, 33-year-old man, tracked my 33-year-old woman location to do a pop-up. Her Fiancé tracked her location to do a pop-up. Okay. I was waving her red flag just because, you know, it's a man. Tracking location to man. Yeah, man, obviously. 33-year-old man only bad. Red flag. My 33-year-old woman Fiancé, 33-year-old man, have been together for seven years and are set to get married in 2026. However, I'm starting to have serious doubts because I feel like issues are coming back up that I thought were already resolved. We share our locations, and sometimes my location doesn't update on his end, and vice versa, and it looks like it's off. He's responds to this happening very unfavorably in the past, and would jump to conclusions and think I'm out doing something malicious. We have talked at length about this, and I've communicated how his reaction when that happens is not acceptable, and he needs to assume best intent. Things in this area have been good, or so I thought. After work today, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few snacks. I was planning on just running in and out because I wanted to get home, so I kept my phone in my purse instead of directly in my hand. As I'm going through the aisles, I hear a voice say, "Hey, and to my surprise, it's my Fiancé." I was completely taken aback because I just was not expecting to see him, but I was happy to see him nonetheless. I quickly realized that this was not a random meeting. I could tell he was upset, and he asked me why I wasn't answering his calls. I had no idea he had been calling as my phone was in my purse, and I must have not heard it ring in the busy store. When I took out my phone to show him that it was in my bag, and that was the reason I missed his calls, I saw that he had called and FaceTime be 10 times. He said that my location was off, which I quickly showed him on my phone that it wasn't. Also, that made no sense because how else would he have known that I was at the store? He proceeded to silently follow me around the store as I finished getting my groceries and checked out. We awkwardly left separately in our two cars. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with what he did, and feels it was justified because he thought something was going on due to the location being off and me missing his calls. I'm furious and feel like he had no right to act this way. It's completely unhealthy, controlling, and I don't deserve it. Has anyone experienced behavior like this with a partner? Was it something you were able to work through? If so, if not, how did you gain the courage to move on? Thanks for any encouraging words and hearing me vent. All right, that's-- Location Services is the craziest litmus test for whether or not a person is just capable of being in a relationship. No, it's like a new level of boundaries that didn't exist five years ago. That is, even with friends, I have so many friends that we all-- I think it's just because we are all single at the same time, and we all share each other's locations, also just to find each other when going out and stuff, but it's still pretty invasive. I had a friend once be like, you want a hike? I was in the woods, and it was getting to be kind of dark, but I was just like, don't look at my shit. That's crazy. And she was like, I was scrolling through my friends' locations, and you were in a lot of greenery, and I was like, is she dead in a pond? Why? And I was like, I go on Zillow or something. I don't know. I could not imagine just being like, yeah, I was just scrolling on my friends' locations. That's crazy. But my friend has such a good intent about it. She's just really sweet, but I didn't realize when giving her that, she didn't mean any harm by it, but it's just such a funny thing that now we can give away information so easily, and that's a boundary. It's one of those weird, yeah, it's a weird aspect to life, right? Because it's like, I'm sure there's tons of people who share locations, and there's perfect intent behind it. That's not really the problem here. The problem is like his suspicion. Yes. His suspicion has me already being like, dude, are you cheating? Perfection. Because that feels like that level of, he showed up going like, not like, oh, I thought you were in danger. He showed up being like, why are you here? Why are you here? What are you doing? Why are you picking up? This felt like not concerned. This was an accusation. No, I mean, if you're checking your partner's location, just at all because you think that they're doing something, cheating, then you've already lost the trust battle. At that point, it's like, you're too far gone. I can relate to that trust being gone where you're just like, where's my partner, what are they doing? And it's like, once you get there, you got to really evaluate. Because if you can't move past that, and you got to ask yourself, what would it take for me to not feel this way anymore? And for a lot of people, it's like, oh, there's nothing. And it's like then this is not going to work. Even if your partner's not doing anything wrong. That is a hard thing to shake. If I was her friend, I'd be like, you've got to get out of this. Yeah. I don't think people should do it. I know it's really convenient. A lot of roommates do it, so they can know when someone's home or something. But I don't know if it's helpful all the time. It feels like just. I think it's a matter of like, you can have it as like a resource, but if you're checking it regularly, you got to ask yourself, why? Because I could see the value in it as like a safety thing. But if you are not using it as a safety thing, if it is not a last resource, then it's like, then you got to start. Yeah, I think about all the time when my car got stolen with the dogs in it, my phone was in there, and no one ever asked me to check in with any of my friends who had my location. We had to get my iPhone and everything when I was at the cops, but it was so funny that I was like, I could have called like seven girlies. Yeah. I really think like, I can't knock it for like what it probably can offer in my situations. Yeah, I feel like, I mean, Raven and I, we have ours on for each other, and it's like purely for logistics. And honestly, it's kind of morbid the reason that I put it on because we're very communicative. If I'm leaving work, I'm like, hey, I'm on my way home. Yeah, I'm going to this place. And I was like, what if I just got in a car accident? I've never made it to home. So that she would be able to find out where I was. Yeah, like on first dates, people do it. It is a safety thing, but then I don't know. In a relationship that might not be communicating thoroughly, it could be used as a freaking dog. In this situation, it's like, this is weird because he's clearly checking it all the time. Yeah. And it's not coming from a place of safety. Yeah. This is suspicion. And that is a problem. There's pretty much one time, like I never check Raven's location, except for like, if she's like on her way home, I'll be like, I wanted to do the dishes like before she got back. I'll like go check and be like, okay, she's like 15 minutes away. I gotta stop playing video games. It's like my mom getting home and I haven't done my chores. I'm like, I wanted to like do the dishes or like clean something. So I gotta go do it now. Funny comments do not marry this man, 7,000 upvotes. Someone said, I can confirm the paranoia does not improve with time. It escalates. If you don't want to spend your life being treated like you can't be trusted, having him looking over your shoulder at everything you do and every place you go and getting falsely accused of wrongdoing at every turn, this is the time to end things. Someone else said, my question is, why does he feel the need to do this? Any issues in the relationship, history of even fidelity. I said, "I'm going to be a good guy." say this because you state issues that were resolved. So obviously, there's more to the story. Oh, he responded. Great question. I should have added a little more context. Sorry about that. There has been infidelity on his end, which almost ended us. Big surprise. - Oh my goodness. - We decided to go to counseling and work through it. The location tracking issues started around the time this was happening, which I later realized was him projecting his behavior onto me. Big surprise. - What, you man? - He would blow up if he thought my location was off because he instantly went to the thought that I was doing something wrong when he was the one that I should have been worrying about. This recent situation is so upsetting because I thought we had made so much progress and it feels like we're back at square one. I'm, I'm like, oh, P, I feel so bad but I think you are in denial as to what's happening. Like, he was doing this when he was doing another behavior. And now this behavior's back, which only points to another behavior. I think O.P. knows what's going on. - You called it. - I think O.P. knows it's just like, it's kind of one of the most obvious ones. - Yeah. - It's like out of every sign of cheating, suspicion is usually like kind of one of the first. Like, because it's like why would that thought cross your mind? Oh, because you do it. So you're now thinking that's possible for your partner to do. - Yeah. - Like I know if we had like a professional couples therapist, they'd probably say like there's ways that a couple can work through it. But like, man, infidelity, it's so hard to move past that because like-- - That's just the biggest-- - That cross, it just blows a friggin' hole in the relationship. - Yeah. - I mean, how I view it is like a new relationship has to start. Like that relationship's over. You kind of have to like be like, all right, we're done and now let's start brand new. - Oh, like, yeah, I'm like metaphorically new. - Yes, kind of metaphorically, but I don't know. - Anyways, red flag. - I think maybe. - I think I'm gonna go with that. - I'm gonna go with that. - I think I'm leaning red flag there. - All right, our next story comes from Am I overreacting? Am I overreacting? My boyfriend told me I'm not wife material because I don't cook like his mom. - What the hell is that? - What the hell? - Trevor and the man knows what he wants. The man knows what he wants. - Green flag from Trevor. - He sounds like an Italian boy. (laughing) I hate to profile. - I hate to profile. - Sounds like Italian. - I tell you in flag. - How much money do you wanna bet that he's Italian? - He could be a handful of things. - It's true. It's true. It's that joke of like, oh, our culture, our moms are crazy and our cooking is awesome. (laughing) It's like, what culture are we talking about? So, I, a 27 year old woman, was making dinner for my boyfriend who's 29 last night. It wasn't anything fancy. Just pasta with homemade sauce, salad, garlic bread. Halfway through the meal, he says, this is good, but you'll never be wife material until you can cook like my mom. I literally froze. I asked what that meant. - I knew it was sauce, I knew it was sauce. I literally froze. I asked what he meant and he doubled down saying, well, she cooks everything from scratch, three courses, homemade dessert. It's just different. I told him it was rude to compare me to his mom and that if he wanted her food, he should go eat at her place. Now he's mad saying I overreacted and that he was just being honest about standards. I genuinely feel disrespected. Am I overreacting for thinking that was completely inappropriate to say to someone you supposedly love? - What is this story from the '80s, it's like old. - You're not wife material. - I have continuously shocked at how dudes actually are now it is. - You're not wife material, 'cause you don't cook like my mommy and change my little poo poo diaper. - Oh, what a fucking loser. (laughing) - Dude, oh my God. After she like spends time, homemade sauce, not many people have time for homemade sauce these days. - No, like she's already doing so much for you. - She made homemade sauce. Yeah, hardly anyone's doing that. Nobody's doing it. - Sometimes? - No, when they got the rails, they got the rails on the shelf. - Oh, everything's with the rails on the shelf. - They got the rails on the shelf. - No joke. - Ever since they put rails on the shelf, I sometimes will put that in a pot, doctor it up, and act like that's homemade sauce. - Exactly. - Is my doctor it up? - You doctor it up? - Nobody's asking no. - Nobody's asking no, 'cause I added to it. - Yeah, oh my God. - What a little dork. (laughing) - Oh my God, it pisses me off. - I'm always astounded at the entitlement of so many men when it comes to cooking of like, yeah, no, you need to cook for me. - Yeah. - I'm like, I've just never grasped that concept. - I will never forget my first ever Reddit story on this couch was when the guy with a woman was sick and he brought the cutting board to her bed. - Yes. - Oh my God. - 'Cause he didn't know how to cut the fucking carrot. (laughing) And like, it's astounding to me that we can still gender cooking. I mean, it's, yeah. No, it's just like, the inability for a man to cook blows my mind to be like, I'm not allowed to cook. You have to cook. It's like, hey man, if you really want these three courses in homemade dessert, learn how to make it. You are allowed to do that. - Yeah, and I think what made me think of my family or just Italians is the idea of a man going, well, our household will have what my household had. Does that make sense being like, well, we should have the food that came from a family. I don't know, but like, your food doesn't have to be the family. It could be a combo of you and your wife or you and your partner. - Brand new thing, man. - Yeah, sorry. - Just because you grew up with it, it doesn't mean, if anything, it's massive red flag to think what you grew up with is what you should keep having. - Yeah, dude, no. Anytime I hear a story about a guy or someone where he says anything about how like, oh, like, you don't do it like my mom does it. It's like, okay, poopy pants. Go home and live with your mom. Okay. - Yeah. - If you want everything to be done the way your mom does it, then go live with your mom. - Right. - Yeah, there's no verdict 'cause this was a recent post. - That's crazy. This was recent. - This is very recent. This is like modern day people. Comments, he showed what he thinks of you, a placeholder. You are not wife material. I would pack my stuff and leave him to find someone just like his mom. This gives you the opportunity to find a real partner who loves you for who you are. Not overreacting, but end this relationship now. Someone said, "Start calling him Etappis and tell him he should go back to living with his mom because he's not ready for an adult relationship." Which is supposed to be a partnership. And tell him he's welcome to cook everything from scratch if he wants. Tell him he's incredibly sexist to think that's your job. There's nothing stopping him from cooking like this if that's the kind of food he wants. - Okay, come back. - And then after you pack your things to leave him on the way out the door, tell him to remember the year is 2025. And women have better things to do than wait on a man like it's the 19th century. That microwaves and meals shortcut and other modern conveniences were invented. So women didn't have to spend a majority of their days slaving over a hot stove and keeping up a house. I'm guessing he expects you to do that too. And doing all the childcare like indentured domestic servants, tell him to grow up and stop acting like a boy who needs to inspects his partner to act like his mom and take care of him. What exactly does he do to take care of you? Right? - Tips Fiddlea. - Millady. - That was one fucking comment. - That was all one comment. I love when people go up and you can tell there is so much happening. - You did a great job by the way. - Yeah, thank you. - That was outstanding. - 3,000 upvotes are performance got something. - Yeah. - Deserved. - I mean, I can't disagree with that. I mean, I don't think she needs to say all that. I think she can just break up with them. - Yeah. - She can break up with them and be like, don't ever say that to someone again. - Yeah. - And if you expect someone to cook like your mom, you'll be alone forever. - That's a weird way to say thank you. Goodbye. - Yeah, truly. - No, I mean, yeah. I feel like all cooking is like an act of love. Literally, even if like Raven just makes me instant ramen, I'm like, I appreciate that so much. Like, you went out of your way to do something. - I'm trying to think like what the flip is. Like, how weird would it be if a girl was like, I don't know, you didn't protect me like my dad does. (laughing) - Yeah. - That's weird. You can't gut that. (laughing) - You don't protect me. - I don't know. You didn't help me with my car. Like, my dad used to. - I will say, we have red stories. And there are the flip of like people, like of a lot of girlfriends and women being like, oh, I expect you to do manly things like this. And like-- - Oh, no, you're so right. There's a lot of this like traditional, but it's also like this skewed TikTok version of what is traditional roles. And it's completely just like a weird thing. - Yeah. - And so, yeah, like the comment points out like, people like a lot of these men want like a traditional housewife. In it like, but their idea of what a traditional housewife even was is not even what it ever really was. - Yeah. - They're living in a fictional world. - Yeah. - Oh, you didn't go up to the cold mind like my dad did. - Yeah. - You got to go to the cold mind better. - Our next story. Am I the asshole? Boyfriend peed the bed and is mad at me for my response. - It depends on the response. - Yeah, what's happening here? - As a bed wetter. We got to hear the rest of the story. - As someone who pees into my bed. - Yeah. (laughing) - Intentional. As someone who pees onto my bed. (laughing) - It was something wrong with his form or her. - Someone who straps myself to my ceiling fan. And he's like. - What the fuck, dude? - I'm just asking you. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's the natural progression. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, - Where'd you go right now, where'd you go? - My boyfriend, who's 27 and I, a woman 23, just moved into a new house and bought a new mattress. Last night, I woke up to a wet feeling under my arm and hand. My boyfriend was already up and in the bathroom. When he came back, I asked him if he spilled something in the bed or knew why it was wet. He told me that he thinks he peed the bed. I asked him again and said, "Wait, are you serious?" And he said, "I think I peed in my dream and peed in real life." We were both half awake at this point and I'm just surprised that he actually did wet the bed. I asked him to go grab stuff to clean it up and he told me that it was fine. I asked him what he meant by that and he grabbed a towel, laid it on the wet spot and got back into bed to go to sleep. I pulled the covers off of him and told him that he needs to go grab stuff to clean it up because I don't want it to get stained. It's a new mattress and we don't have a mattress cover for it yet. He told me that it was fine and I'm overreacting. That statement naturally pissed me off and I told him I'm not going to sleep in his piss and that's not fair to me. He told me he'd cleaned it in the morning and that it's not a big deal and doesn't warrant the reaction I have. That was not the solution I wanted so I took all the sheets off the bed and threw them at him and told him to sleep on the couch. It was very irritating hearing him tell me that I'm overreacting because I asked him to clean up his pee in the bed. We both slept in. He then knocked on the door 10 minutes later asking for a new blanket because the one I gave him smelled like pee. (laughing) (laughing) It's actually like truly like a perfect sketch. Yeah, of course it's a truth. He made another one and this one smelled like this. Yeah, it's like, I'm sorry, you said it was fine, man. So the asshole for overreacting to my boyfriend not cleaning up the pee in the bed right away. Okay, so the issue was not that he peed the bed. The problem was how he reacted to peeing the bed which was it's fine. It's chill, dude. Dude, what are you worried about? A grown person could pee the bed and be like, yeah, I'll just sleep in it. It brazes so many more questions because if I peed the bed and I think any adult pee is the bed, they'd wake up being like, oh my god, I can't believe that happened. That's not normal. That's gonna get you out of it. I'd be like, damn, no, should I go talk to a doctor or something? But I would certainly be like, yeah, I'm not gonna, you're sleeping in this. Let's clean this up. Yeah. The first thing I'm doing is ripping the sheets off and getting as much pee soaked up as possible. This is gonna keep soaking in the mattress. I can't sleep. I think I've just, the only time I've like, I'm trying to relate to this in a way that's like, once I had a cup of tea or something on my bed so I don't remember what it was. And somehow I had fallen over in the middle of the night and I was so tired. And I saw it on the ground and I was like, I'm doing this in the morning and I kept sleeping. And I wonder if you're so deep in REM that you're like, I just can't imagine pissing on yourself and it not jolting you awake. Well, he did wake up 'cause she woke up and he was already in the bathroom. I know, but for him to just be like, let's just put it down on the bed. Just to be like, yeah, it's all good. Now, I spilled a glass of water one time. I like knocked it off my nightstand and it like went onto like my side of the bed and you're my pillow and stuff fully wet. And I was so tired and I was like, it's not underrated inside of the bed like, I'm just gonna sleep through, but it's water. But that's water. Yeah. This is a whole other level of respect that is pretty, I mean, to like not clean yourself or clean the area around your partner is pretty disrespected. That's the problem. The verdict is advice needed, but leaning towards not the asshole. Comments, I've actually peed in my dream and peed in real life too. I woke up from it and I immediately cleaned it. So no, you didn't overreact. Someone said not the asshole, it's a new mattress too. Girl, no, he should have immediately wanted to clean it up. What? Yeah, it's brand new mattress, brand new. No. Someone said, it's the fact that he also didn't even wake you and just let you roll into the pee, not the asshole in any way. Oh my God, that's all for true. She rolled into it organically? 'Cause yeah, he was already up and in the bathroom. I hadn't thought of that. No, you can't know that. No, that's like very violating. Well, he'd on to the bed and then just like, didn't wake her up. I don't know if you can do that. Yeah. Someone responded that saying exactly, I've never had the misfortune of sleeping next to a bed wetter, but if they didn't wake me immediately so I could avoid laying in their piss, they would be pissing in someone else's bed from there on out, the disrespect is mind boggling. Oh, update. Okay. One day later. Oh boy, what do we think happened? He pissed off of that, I don't know, more pissed. I don't know, I didn't read. He peed the couch. I thought when he knocked on the door he was going back, I pissed on the couch. (laughing) Sorry. The couch. The couch pissed on it. It's all good. Actually, it's all good. Sorry. Thank you guys for the quick replies. This was my first post on Reddit and I don't use it very much, but after he left for work today, I really couldn't get the situation off my mind. I thought I'd see what y'all had to say. I'll address a few comments from the first post. First off, I wish it was fake, but I really did wake up yesterday to piss in the bed and ended it arguing with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have only lived together in small stints here and there before, but this is the first time we have our own house. Just us. No, he doesn't have a drug or alcohol problem. Diabetes, take meds and wasn't drinking that night. He just worked an overnight shift the previous night and he was pretty tired. He's never done this before since we've been together, so that's why I didn't believe him at first. And we don't have a lot of money right now, so we got a mattress from Walmart for $300. For those of you bashing that detail, LOL. We both ended up cleaning the pee after I threw the sheets and blankets at him. I took the bed because our couch isn't big and I really couldn't be bothered to move to the couch when I felt like I did nothing wrong. I was tired and wasn't thinking that part through entirely. Also, he is not a horrible abusive boyfriend, has a fetish, etc. Like some of the comments have said. And I didn't throw him out of the house. He was truly half awake and was just not responsive the way he needed to be after peeing in our bed. Okay. Anyways, he got back from work today with flowers and my favorite ice cream. He told me he was thinking about what happened last night all day and that he was sorry. He apologized for dismissing me and that he was disrespectful. I told him that the only issue I had with the situation was him telling me I was overreacting for me wanting him to clean up the pee at that time that it wasn't fair to me to expect me to be okay sleeping in his pee. Let me be clear, I understand accidents happen. But to sit there and tell me my response to needing it clean, ASAP is unwarranted, is insane. I appreciated the gesture and I did read what you guys said. He doesn't have any underlying trauma or alcoholic issues. He just peed the bed by accident. I wasn't shaming him for peeing the bed. I was mad at his response. I'm trying to be understanding in that he was tired and wanting to go back to bed. But at the same time, this affects both of us. I just needed him to be responsible and acknowledge that what I said was valid and he needs to grow up. He did order a mattress cover that will be here tomorrow. So until that's on the mattress, I don't want him in the bed with me. I think making him sleep with those sheets and blankets did jolt him awake to realize in the gravity of the situation. I'm still a bit hurt from how he handled the situation selfishly and was inconsiderate. But he seems pretty remorseful. So we'll see how we both feel later. That's it for now. Thank you guys for your advice. All right, it's probably about as good as could have gone. Yeah. He did, like he apologized, acknowledged it, acknowledged what was wrong. I like that he thought about it all day and messed up. Him pulling an all-nighter and then going to bed, that now makes sense. Like extreme sleep deprivation could cause this. Yeah, and that's why I was trying to go back to the time I met a mess or just spilled the tea. It's like I remember being so deeply in rem going, I cannot stop sleeping. Yeah. Like so made, but when this is somebody else's body too, that you're taking, that you're sleeping? Yeah. It does remind me, I can't remember. I was a kid, obviously. Obviously, obviously I was a kid. I was a kid, I was a kid. Obviously, I would never. I distinctly remember a time when I was a kid where I had a dream, where I was just truly in front of the toilet, and I was just peeing, and then I woke up in bed. You woke up and you were in the ceiling camp. So I was like, "Whoa!" You know what? Do you have some old dreams that are so vivid in your head, but most dreams I don't remember? Because I remember, this is such a weird fucking thing that I distinctly remember going to the bathroom in my dream and opening up the toilet and peeing. And then suddenly it turns to toad from Mario and then just water everywhere. And there was just coat there. And I woke up in my bed and I'd peed the bed. I was just like, "What the hell was that?" You guys played too many video games. I was playing a lot of Mario. Yeah. That's funny. But that happened to me. Our next story comes from relationship advice. The guy, 22-year-old man, that I, 21-year-old woman, am dating is learning ASL for my brother. But my friends think it's creepy. How do I proceed with this? Okay, so her boyfriend, the guy that she's dating is learning sign language for her brother. Yes, we could sign with her brother. But her friends think it's creepy. All right, mind you there, 21-22. I, 21-year-old woman, met John, 22-year-old man in a college class last semester. He's an overall great guy and he's very respectful and kind. He also has a great sense of humor. We have lots of similar interests. We've been friends since then and we started dating this July. He's the first person I've ever dated in my life. Last September, he met my family when I visited home for my brother's birthday. My brother, Trev, 19-male. Trev. 19. My brother, Trev, has been deaf since birth. So my whole family communicates with him either through sign language, Trev's lip reading, but we still just sign as reflex or through text. During our small celebration, at home. It was clear that my parents liked John. He was very charming, funny, and respectful. He even tried to connect with Trev by typing some of his jokes for Trev to read, although my brother could lip read as well. Whenever John would tell a story, either I or my parents would sign for Trev. My parents said that they're happy that I found a sweet and caring guy in John. Of course, I'm glad to hear this. Before we went back, John and Trev had a quick call of duty gaming session. For someone with Trev's condition, he is a really talkative guy, LOL. He's very expressive and likes to communicate a lot, especially when gaming. Of course, he couldn't outright trash talk, but he does the closest thing with his hands. So there we were in Trev's room, with John and Trev playing while I was translating for them. I was laughing way too hard because Trev was trying his best to trash talk John, like saying he's weak and trying to say all these "explosives," but I'm trying my best to tone it down for John. Meanwhile, I'm also translating John's instructions and strategies for Trev. Also, because this was the first time John met my family, he was saying all these praises to Trev, like "good job" or "we can do it better next time," although I know that deep inside, he also wants to trash talk my brother. The two of them got along pretty well and they've been having some online gaming sessions since then. Two weeks ago, John visited home along with me again from my mom's birthday. There, he surprised everyone, including me, by communicating with Trev through ASL. John was still at the alphabets, some basic words, and some rehearsed phrases, but we were all delighted that he even made the effort. Trev's face lit up and I've never seen him happier having a new long-term friend with low communication barriers. Apparently, John had been watching some YouTube tutorials and got a free subscription to Skillshare to learn ASL. The two of them had a gaming session again, and this time, John and Trev could communicate more directly. Of course, it was still kind of slow, and I still had to do some translating. Imagine trying to baby talk a grown man or talking to a caveman with choppy sentences LOL, but I could tell Trev was having a great time. They also got more comfortable with each other, with more explicit trash talking, which I didn't tone down this time. John had been religiously learning ASL since then, and he's making a lot of progress. I was so happy with this, so I told my close friend group from high school. However, most of my friends, especially my closest guy friend, told me that what John was doing was a red flag because it could be a form of obsession and emotional manipulation. He also said it was creepy because John's becoming too attached to my family when we've only been dating about five months. He also said that John might only be doing it so he could get laid or something. I know there's some validity to what my friend said, but I'm not really convinced. John has been a wonderful and sincere guy the entire time, and I know it's naive to say this because he's my first ever relationship, but I can see this becoming long term. Yes, we haven't hooked up yet because I told him I wasn't ready yet, and he never pressured me to do it. However, is his behavior something I should really be concerned about? Again, I don't have any experience with dating and relationships, so I don't know if this is something that's truly concerning. My friends are pushing for me to break up with John, but I'm not sure. Oh my God. Okay, I think, no, we don't know these people. So based on just this, this is like a red flag for the friends, where I'm like, your friends are saying things that are concerning. Okay, I'm going to go for every possibility that my brain is filling in here. The only justification I have for the friends is if they see other aspects of John that they find concerning and they're not being honest with OP about that, and they're coming up with an excuse. Another thought I have is she's saying, especially her closest guy friend. That's what I was saying. And he is going, no, I don't like this guy because this, this, and this, I'm like, is your closest guy friend into you? Because that could also be a thing. That is sometimes a thing. And then, last say, I'm just like, this just sounds dumb. Or, I don't know. Or OP is leaving a lot out. I know that when you're not in the relationship and/or in the family, hearing about any of it, I think with a judgmental eye, you could be like, I don't know, that's kind of fast. Sure. And you never know. I had a friend in college, like, my best friend, she got engaged pretty fast. Or before they got engaged, like her partner, that I saw her meet, like met her family. And I remember being like, that's so fast. And I remember kind of judging. But like, you're not in the relationship and you're not in the family. Like, I think it makes sense to just be like, like, don't go too fast, but this feels like good intentions all around. He's not, feels like John isn't like, that's his name, right? Yeah, John isn't. He feels like John isn't trying to do that with an ulterior motive. Right. I could understand like being like slow down when someone's like moving into fast. Sure. Or asking for money. Or I don't know, thinking of anything else that isn't the most purest form of just wanting to connect, which is what John's doing. The way they're going about this relationship is very different from how I've always viewed going into relationships where it's like, oh, well, we haven't hooked up yet. We're not even like boyfriend, girlfriend. But I've introduced him to my family. And we're hanging out with the family. Some people are that way. And I know, some people are that way. It's just, it's all very different from how I've, I've you think. So I'm like trying to like, piece it together. But the friends are thinking that the learning sign language is the part. Step too far. And I find that interesting. Some like, well, your, your brother's also like 19. Like your brother's an adult. I save it for OP. If I was their friend, I'd be like, I think it's, like if they really thought that, be like, I think he's it's too soon to bring him home. Yeah. But attacking him for just trying to connect with your brother. I will get that at all. No, it doesn't, that aspect doesn't make any sense. It doesn't, it gives me a green flag. It is a huge green flag. No, and I feel like it doesn't seem like it's performative. You know, it's like, it's not like he's just like, oh, showing like learning sign language. But he's literally playing video games with him online. Like he's just spending his free time hanging out with him. He might just be a really nice guy. You would do this even if Trev was just some guy that he met. Yeah. Like there are people who are that nice. And I think it's hard for some people to comprehend people that are that nice. Or that nice, that fast. Yeah. So I understand friends just being like, be careful or whatever. But like to attach it on the learning ASL part, I don't understand. Yeah. I am laughing at the thought of him like he's getting like destroyed by her brother in get called duty. And he's really like, I need to learn sign language so I can start talking to him. I need to, I need to, I need to offend her brother. I'm sorry. No, this was not a nice thing. I need to really learn how to make him mad. He's like, I'm not doing this to manipulate you or him. I just need to like talk shit. Yeah. Absolutely. Um, comments, your friends are thieves of joy. A guy that likes you is going out of his way to learn how to communicate with your brother. That's adorable. Don't let your friends shit on it. 26,000 upvotes. Someone said, if OP's friends are genuinely concerned, then I feel bad for them that they think someone being so enthusiastic about a relationship is a red flag. Someone said, this guy could get laid with a lot less effort than it takes to learn ASL. He has enough interest in you that he has gone out of his way to learn how to communicate with the member of your immediate family. Even your friends, just wave at your brother. But this guy took it upon himself to learn ASL after meeting your family once. I personally think it's awesome. Ooh, that's another interesting point that the friends, it is pointing out the lack of effort in her friends. That they all probably know her brother and hang out with her brother and none of them have learned anything. Yeah. And that it could be like a- That's really creepy. I can't believe we never thought about that. Because this is a very vulnerable thing to say. But like, I wonder if other people relate. When you're in a situation where someone does a really kind thing that's like, you have the thought of like, fuck, I should have thought of it. And you're just like, damn, like, I feel bad about myself by proxy. But it's like, but don't go into shaming them for that. Like, all you can do is be like, you know what? That's a great idea that they learned that. I should do that too. Like, take it as a like, oh, they took the initiative I can follow the charge. Yeah. I mean, the only other thing I can think of is like, you know, these are kids in their early 20s, like whatever. Like, maybe she's someone that was like, you know, partying going out all the time. And she met this really awesome guy who she's spending time with and really seems to like. And they're like, maybe this is coming out of a place that they're like, oh, like, we're losing her to this guy. Or she doesn't want to like part of that, not that. Your B is crazy. Yeah. And that does happen like with the, like, it being a peace-first relationship. I understand friends being like, like, go slow. Like, it's, it's fun. And it could be really that fun and fast. Yeah. But this is just about him connecting with her brother. It's just doing a really cool thing. There's, yeah, at face value, this is just really cool. Yeah. And he seems like a great guy. But let's see if there's more. Okay. Because we have an update. Bye. Yeah. The day after the party, I had lunch with my closest girlfriend, Sophie, who's 21, to clear the air because I could tell that they could also send something was off. A lot of predators speculated that Mike had a crush on me and was jealous of my relationship with John. Turns out you're all 1,000% correct, but it's a lot more complicated than that. Apparently, Mike has had a crush on me since our senior year of high school. However, he's known in our school as a notorious ladies man and had a new girl with him almost every month. This got exponentially worse during college. He had different hookups almost every night, and he had even had a pregnancy scare with a girl last year. I knew about all of this because he bragged about sleeping around every time we met up. What I didn't know was that the entire time, Mike has been making up fake stories about me and him. Sophie told me that apparently Mike and I had a pact that if we were both single when we were 30, we'd marry each other. Also, he told our friend group that we hooked up after graduation, and that he took my virginity then. So he's my special person, whatever that means. He also told them that we'd been secretly hooking up consistently throughout college. For context, Mike and I go to a different universe. universities that are just 30 minutes apart. Lastly, Mike told them that I said I'm in love with him. He told our friends not to tell me anything so I don't get embarrassed or upset since I have this image of being somewhat of a prude. Mike also told our friend group that when he met John, he thought that John was a total jerk who has been manipulating me and taking advantage of my innocence and naivete. He said that John had been forcing himself into my family and is driving a wedge between me and my friends. Mike also said that after he had lunch with me and John, he tried to convince me to stay away from John because he's not a good influence on me. But John had effectively brainwashed me. This explains why my friend group was already so antagonistic toward John when I told them about him. For the record, none of what Mike said was true. There was no pact we never hooked up and I have never been in love with him. After that, Sophie and I asked the rest of our friend group, except Mike, to jump on a FaceTime call with us. They all shared different versions of what Mike told them. There were a lot more, but I disputed everything. We were all collectively shocked about everything that we learned that day. They apologized for their behavior toward me and John and I told them I understand given all the lies fed to them by Mike. Then everyone agreed to kick Mike off of the friend group. Wow. So Mike was a monster. Oh, Mike was making a lot of shit up. Mike was the red flag lurking through this green flag story. Mike was quite the shonda rocks. Yeah, I don't understand how delusional you have to be. To think that you can just do that and lie that much and that it's just all going to be good. It's all actually chill though. Can I, can I, can we have a different ending? Can we, can we have a different ending where it's like, oh, turns out the guy was super shitty and manipulative. I, it's unfortunately, it's just always the case. Yeah. So he was, wow, you fucking caught it, dude. It's, that's just once again, like, that's just some reddit patterns that like, oh, male best friend who doesn't, is saying some shit about my guy I'm dating. It's just like. Yeah. It's very, it sucks. 90s straight. It sucks. And well, you know what sucks is it's not always the case because I have so many of my good friends are women. And I've been to their friends for like over a decade and I'm like, that is purely a platonic friendship. Yeah. But you see it so much because so many dudes are just incapable of viewing women as, as just friends. Like, it's unfortunate. It's very unfortunate. Wow. So, so, wow, so the male best friend was like, they were the ones being like, it's creepy. It's creepy. It's weird and it was that they were into her. And all this guy wanted to do was just connect to his girlfriend's brother. It's probably, listen, this is what's probably tough for that male best friend is that John sounds like he's a fucking incredible dude. And, and this best friend's probably just like, fuck, dude, holy shit. He's dating, she's dating a guy, she's going to be in a long-term relationship with. And he's like, fuck, I'm losing my opportunity. Yeah. Doesn't justify what he's doing. Yeah. He's being a shithead. But, it's pretty insane. I'm so glad we found this update because, yeah, man, that is the biggest red flag in this whole story and it's one we didn't even expect to happen. Let John learn, hey, ass out. Holy crap. Thank you. Right. And I've been saying that. God, yes. Thank God she caught this. Yeah. And that they all caught this and he's out. Yeah. That's too bad. He's out of the friend group. Lying in and saying that he's taller virginity? That's horrible. That is a crazy lie to just tell casually. Yeah. That is bad. You know what? And that's bad. I did the sign. Oh. Way to go. Well. Wow. Bad Mike. Mike. We're not having it Mike's way today. Hey, hey, that was not a magic Mike. No, it was not. Yeah. Okay. It's time for our final story. This comes from Am I the butt face? Just another Am I the ass? Is this a Christian? Am I the other? No, no. It's just another one. Do you know, am I the heck in loser? And H.E. Double hockey sticks? All right. Am I the butt face for not letting my boyfriend be the hero while we were getting mugged at ninth point? Wow. There was another story we read where the boyfriend ran away when a girl was getting mugged. I was in that one. And it was raw. And like we felt horrible because his instincts were to flee. But he fled and left his girlfriend to look. He left his girlfriend and her brother luckily she had her brother with her and her brother's protector. It was like an animal instinct. Like you could tell this guy was just like his base like the animal in the head. And I'm just like I I'm like I feel so sorry for that. Unfortunately, when people when they fight a flight and said if I I'll have the heart it's so funny. The boyfriend is a big hero fanatic and does everything in his power to be like one. It's really endearing and it's one of the many things I love about him because he wants to be the good he wishes to see in the world. But this mindset he has is why we are fighting right now. We've been quarantined at my apartment. He's not on the lease. This is in 2020. And he suggested we go on a night walk since we've been getting stir crazy from being inside all day. He figured that it'd be better for social distancing to go out at night. I was hesitant because we live in a bad neighborhood, but he assured me he protect me. On our walk, we were cornered by a man with a knife that demanded our wallets. I remember John Mulaney's street smarts bit from the Netflix show and was going to throw my wallet past the muggers so we could run away. But my boyfriend started arguing with him and was spouting off a bunch of stuff about justice and how the mugger wouldn't get away with this. It looked like he was getting ready to fight. I was taken aback by this and I guess the mugger was too because it gave me enough time to take the important stuff out of my wallet while he was distracted. I interrupted my boyfriend's monologue and said, take it, just don't hurt us and through it behind the guy. When he turned, I grabbed my boyfriend's hand and we booked it back to the apartment. We got home safely and I was relieved that we were okay but my boyfriend was fuming. He was pissed that I interrupted him from protecting me when he could have in his words clearly handled it himself. I told him he could have gotten himself killed. He said that he was obviously stronger than the mugger and he would have won. I explained to him that the guy had a weapon and my boyfriend didn't so the odds were stacked against him. Not only that but I didn't want my boyfriend to get killed over a damn wallet. We argued for longer than necessary so I shut it down and told him we could talk about it when our adrenaline wasn't so high but I needed to file a police report while the event was fresh. He stomped off to our room while I called the cops. When I was off the phone, I went to lay with him but he rolled away from me. The next day he was still angry and had already told his friends and family about what had happened to us. I thought they would be understanding about how I handled it but they were mad at me for not letting him have his opportunity to be a hero. His mom even ridiculed me for it masculating him. I want to reopen the conversation so we can understand each other and move past it. But if he isn't receptive, I'm going to ask him to move back in with his mom. I want to understand where I went wrong if I went wrong. Honestly, I feel like he's being childish and unreasonable. I just want to know am I the butt face or is he? Oh my god. To people not comprehend that you can just get stabbed and die. Yeah. But like how is everyone like you didn't let him be the hero? Like the guy had a knife. Yeah, he's Spider-Man. Yeah, he's Spider-Man though. Spider-Man. Yeah, you can't punch a knife. Yeah. It's like, even if you win, this is also the scary thing specifically about a knife. You might win, you might knock the guy out, and then after you do it, you go, "Oh, Shady got me a bunch." And that's so true. And that's so true. And that's so true. And it only takes one little hit with it, like it's so much worse than people think. And it's just like, man, I heard once, like forever ago, and I was a teenager, I took some self-defense classes. And they were like, "Hey, what do you do if someone asks for your wallet?" And people in the room were like, "Oh, like a headbutt or like a knee?" And he's like, "No, you give them one of your wallet." And he's like, "Now if they say get in the van, then you do everything you have to do." But it's like, it's a wallet, just give them the wallet. Like that's all you got to do, man. And she did such a great job. She like, she did such a wonderful job. Yeah. I don't know what he was, this wasn't even about protecting. This was about some sort of like weird fantasy. Yeah, to me, I'm like, this is a hobby problem. Yeah. It's also like so many, so many, this is the chosen. This is what the chosen is in every dude, where it's like, "Hey, man, this is not the movies. This is not going to go like how you think it goes." And we all have that chosen in us where we have these thoughts. It's like where you have the thought of like, "Oh, if I had to jump out of a second story building and land on the ground, I didn't find it." It's like, "You're going to shatter your legs." Like, "You're going to death." No, it is. Every single guy ever has thought about like, "Okay, what is, if I'm ever in a situation where we're getting mugged or something happens, like how would I act?" And I'm like, "Obviously in my head, I want to be a hero and I want to fight the guy and knock him out." But like, no, I'm giving him my wallet. I don't even have shit in my wallet. If the stakes are your wallet, give him the wallet. I'm giving him my wallet. And then pulling out my phone and going on my Wells Fargo mobile banking app and canceling my cards. Right in front of him. Like, dude, I don't have, like, I don't have cash in there. Yeah. I know. What do you call it for? Dude, it's the reality. Oh, yo. Honestly, the worst part about giving him my wallet would be the Costco membership card. I should go get a new Costco membership card. And you just go to Costco the next day and find him and he's there in the aisle just like, "Oh." Oh. I don't know. I thought I'd do that. I don't want to, like, gender this too hard, but there is something to be said about how, like, when a woman thinks about, like, when I go on a walk by myself in a dark neighborhood, I'm not thinking about proving myself. I'm thinking about survival, like, in terms of danger. And he has just the key. And men get that privilege to be, like, in danger, I can, like, I can, this could actually make me look good versus, I don't even think this girl is I was thinking about that, she's just thinking, get out. - Purely practical. Well, actually, he's doing the opposite, right? 'Cause she wants, like, you, I think this is the case for everybody, this is not a gendered thing. You wanna be around people that it's like, oh well, I feel like we got each other's backs, right? And he is the opposite, he's trying to start shit. - Yeah. - He is trying to escalate the situation, and that's stupid, because it's stupid in so many ways where it's like, you're also assuming that that's the only guy. You're assuming that that guy doesn't have a buddy nearby. You're assuming all these situations, you know that he has a knife. You're also assuming he doesn't also have a gun put perhaps. - Yeah. - There's just so many levels of stupidity to it. - Yeah. - No, good point, good point. - But no, he should be thinking the same exact way. - Or he just has a privileged mindset to think that way, because I can't even imagine how, like, when, I don't know, it's just like-- - He has a mindset of someone who hasn't gotten fucked up yet. - Yeah. - Like, 100% truly. Like, it reminds me of, as a kid, having the thought of like, oh, I would run into a burning building to save someone. And then, like, you eventually have that moment where you're near, like, extreme fire. At one point, you're like, oh, my God. Like, that's so much worse than I realize. Like, it's like, all it, he's acting like a guy who's never been stabbed is what he's acting like. - That guy's definitely never been stabbed. - Like, but no, you're right. He's like, actively putting her in danger. If the situation can be solved by just giving the guy a wallet versus him, like, potentially, yeah, starting some shit. And if he gets stabbed, like, who says the guy isn't gonna then go after her? Like, it's dumb. - 'Cause he wants to be a hero. - He's being very inconsiderate and not thinking. - You're the dishes. That'll make you a hero. - Exactly. - The thought of, like, wanting to protect someone is valid. I don't think he's wanting to protect her. He's wanting to be superior. - He's wanting to win. - He's wanting to be superior. He's wanting to, like, he's wanting to live out a fantasy. This is not about doing the right thing. This is not about doing the safe thing. - That's what I'm saying. He doesn't have to, he's not feeling the threat of survival because he's feeling, like, literally like how-- - And what I'm saying, he should be. - Yeah. - The guy's got a knife. - Like, mature solution here is for him to be, like, take the wallet, you can have it now, put down the knife, and fistfight me. - Yeah. Or go, here's my wallet, honey, walk home. Let's fight. - Let's fight? Yeah, exactly. - You're the courtesy of, like, yeah, Ron and I'll take care of this. - Yeah, like, you can have the wallet. And I ask that, because I'm giving you this, is an act of good faith. You don't stab me, but we can still fight. - Good sir. Like, uh, good sir, please. - All right, let's see here. Comments, not the butt face. Tell fucking justice league over there. That life isn't a movie. And that anyone who fights someone who has a knife are guaranteed 100% going to get cut. Regardless if he trains Krav Maga or how any Marvel movies he's seen. Someone under that said, they teach you how to win a fight against a knife wielding a saline in MMA or self-defense classes. It's fucking run. - Yeah. - Do not play the hero. You do the minimum necessary to be able to make a safe getaway because even highly trained, you're very likely to be seriously injured if not killed. And you're right, a wallet isn't worth dying over. Tell his mom there's nothing masculine about taking stupid risks. Someone said, not the butt face, and your man child has issues. As others have pointed out, he was escalating the situation and put you in danger, which is not how you protect someone you care about. His family sounds like idiots too. My hubs, who is a retired cop, said you did the correct thing in the situation and your boyfriend is an idiot and was not protecting you. Take care. Lastly, someone said, not the butt face, your boyfriend is an idiot. What did he think he was going to do against a guy with a knife? Argue him into submission. Someone said, maybe he thought this shit was like Pokemon and that the robber would hurt himself in his confusion. I truly think he thought he was going to do the move and disarm the knife. I was literally thinking he's going to be John Wick. He's just batting the knife out of the way. Yeah, man, twisting like that's movies. That's not real. He's going to go to disarm and just like, "Oh, that's such a funny sketch." That's what's going to have Aramez and that Kee-N-Peele sketch where he's like, go ahead, shoot me, I'll catch. And he shoots me, he's like, and then he's just like, it's like, did you catch? He's like, "Yeah, I caught it." I just love the idea. He's like, "Leading is like, I caught it." I was like, "Oh, there he is, there's some guy. Just like on a dark street, like seeing a guy." And he's like, "All right, this is my time doing like the Henry Cavill, like, knock on his face down." And he's just getting to the staff. Yeah, dude, straight up. All right, update the next day. Okay. Yeah. So he called me last night and I answered. He asked if I was okay and how I was doing. Then he asked if he could come over and I said he could. I planned on bringing everything up again myself because he had been very passive aggressive and refusing to talk about it. But when he showed up, he immediately started apologizing. Everything you guys pointed out, he started agreeing with. He was saying that he was being delusional, unrealistic. The whole hero fantasy isn't healthy. He jeopardized my safety and that wasn't okay, et cetera. I wasn't prepared for this behavior, especially compared to how he'd been acting all week. We talked for hours before we went to bed together and everything seemed like it worked out fine. I was really on the verge of ending things so I was relieved that I didn't have to at the moment. Then this morning came and shit hit the fan. In my comment update on the last post, I mentioned that a friend was trying to mediate. I texted that friend that things worked out and they said something along the lines of, "I'm so glad you were able to apologize." Hmm. Some people mentioned that maybe he told a different story which isn't something I looked into, but I decided to ask and who boy I'm glad I did. Firstly, he told everyone that the Nightwalk was my idea. Then apparently we were never mugged. Nope, apparently I just started talking shit to a stranger on the street in an attempt to make him show he was a strong man and protect me. And the only reason we were able to get away was because he de-escalated the situation and that was emasculating because he was put in a position where he felt like he was forced to fight for my honor. Are you fucking kidding me? To make a long story short, he tried to play dumb and backpedal this morning when I confronted him about it. Then when I pressed him to be honest, he snapped again and said, "What was I supposed to say? The whole situation was embarrassing and it was going to make me look bad. We argued again for a bit, but I was just done. I told him to go and that it wasn't gonna work. He did not much stuff so it was easy to put it in a spare grocery bag and just toss at him while he ain't really left. He's currently outside my complex waiting for mommy to pick him up. As far as I'm concerned, I dodged a bullet. Fuck his friends, fuck his mom and fuck him. Thank you for opening my eyes, Reddit. (laughs) Me every time I open Reddit. - Thank you for opening my eyes, Reddit. - Whoa! - Whoa. - The inspector gadget of it all with the friends saying that and all that shit. That's wild. - Yeah. - That guy needs to get into writing fanfic or something because there's something like he's not getting out of some type of fantasy world. - This is so many dudes. - There should be people that are-- - This is so many dudes. - There should be people that are banned from watching superhero movies. It's just like, I don't know, man. It's also like, it's within so many dudes. It's the joke of the chosen, right? This is the chosen, is that like there's a part of all of us that's like, but what if I'm awesome? Like it's just-- - Truly. - And it's just like, but then you have to go like, no, that's the fantasy part of my brain. - Yeah. - And that's fun. That's creative in my head. What's the realistic part, right? - I'm wondering if that's like a part of testosterone that is like to try to like, if I go, like, if I don't know, I'm not trying to-- - I think there's also, but I also think there's a part of just like, wanting to believe like in situations that it's like, oh, but will I do the right thing? And will I risk myself for, will I, like for others? I think there's an aspect of it that's endearing and good. - Sure, sure. - And he showed like, hey, he showed, he's not afraid, but he showed that he was stupid. It's like, hey man, nobody thinks you're emasculating in this sequence, but you were stupid. Like it is toxic, it is toxic masculinity to think that you need to escalate and fight. - It's very toxic for the sake of it. - Yes, or even just for the story of it. - That's all he cared about, yeah. - What are you not getting in your normal day-to-day life confirmation, like, what are you not getting in your normal day-to-day life that this story is giving you? Like some belief in yourself that you don't have, that you have to like, fabricate, because that's like, your partner's expense. - Yeah, no, I mean, the thing that would be like the most quote-unquote heroic is just like, stand in front of your partner, like, make sure that they're like, behind and safe, and de-escalate, be like, hey, like, take it, whatever, just like, yes, be, and then just be safe, and go on your merry way. - Yeah, and when it comes up to me, I'm grabbing their dick so hard, and I'm yanking it. - Grab the balls. - Really? - Yeah, grab the balls. - But in my head, that's what I always think. I just go like, ah, like, scream as loud as I can, and grab as hard as I can. - I recommend probably a kick first. - A kick to the balls. - Dude, kick to the balls. Like, yes, that's the move. - Dude, I'm getting on the ceiling fan. - I'm getting on the ceiling fan, and I'm pissing everywhere. - I'm pissing everywhere. - And they're gonna be amazed because we're in a public park, and they're like, we didn't know that fan was there. (all laughing) All right, that was a wild. Anybody have a biggest red flag? I think the biggest red flag, knife, a guy with a knife, and then also Mike. - When I see a guy with a knife, and he's acting menacing, I'm going, hey, buddy, red flag. - I'm going in this in front of him. - Hey, red flag, buddy. - Hey, hey. - And then he tries to charge at this, and then I dodge it. - Yeah, I think a man comparing his partner to his mom. - Yeah, that one made me sick of my stomach. - Pretty rough for me. - That's pretty rough for me. - Ah, location sharing. - Oh, following stalking your own wife. - Yeah. - Yeah, me hanging out with my friends doing, right? It's stories. - Thank you both for being here. This was a lovely time. - Thanks for having us. - Yeah. - And though, you don't pick us. They do. - Okay, that's real. - You just always think that. - But I could be, I could veto it. - You could. - I, maybe. - You could red flag it. - What if I was just like, no. - Well, the next time, just, just a heads up. The next time we're gonna be together on this couch, we're gonna make you fall for it. - You're telling me now. - Yeah. - Okay, all right, thank you all for watching. Let us know what red flags you've run into in life. And we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.