Wade's Worst House Issues (Compilation)

This episode of Distractable is present to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/home-internet-check-availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply, fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data, second-aff 2025, all rights reserved. Have we talked much since I had to replace 5 toilets? Wait, what? When did you have to replace 5 toilets? That's like all the toilets at your house. Yeah. For some reason, in Ohio, some of these houses are built they're like three bedrooms, but they're like, "You know what, you need five bathrooms." And everyone's like, "Oh, man, five bathrooms, what are you doing?" No, you don't. You don't want you at five bathrooms. Everyone in Ohio only eats junk food, so they just constantly have the runs, right? So you need toilets close by in case you've got a diary. I guess so. I don't know why there are so many bathrooms, but let me tell you, all that it means is literally more shit to clean. So much. It's so bizarre in my entire life and I have owned a house. I have lived in apartments. I have never had a toilet break on me. I've never seen a toilet like just in my own home at least. Yeah, I've never seen a toilet shut down. Three of the five have broken and I was so mad. I was so fed up because we had water damage in the same ceiling that more mad guy was. I was just like, "You know what, I'm done. I don't care what it cost." I called and I was like, "Bring me five toilets. Install them. Do my bidding today." I was like, "Oh, we can do it tomorrow." I was like, "Find tomorrow." I literally replaced every toilet in the house because I was just like, I'm so fed up. I'm tired of like every six months finding more water damage. They're like, "Eh, we replaced the spikitty spookitty inside the back of the back of the back of the back." You won't have any more drips. It's like, "Oh, well, fuck right off." Because I will. The plumber who talks like that is definitely a key component of your problem, I think. If you paid a guy, it's coming to your house and he was all, "Oh, the spikitty spookitty at the back of the back." That's a red flag, wait. That's a bad start, okay? Yeah, that's no good. What's going on with you? Nothing. I've been locked in my house for like two weeks since we got back. We got family visiting here soon, so I got to like clean house. It's like, "Oh, I feel better. Time to clean toilets." So that's my week coming up. Very exciting stuff. It takes like five minutes to clean the toilet. This house has five. I live in a house with five toilets. I have a man who has five toilets. Wow, man, that's good. And I've replaced them all once, so technically I've owned 10 in this house. Yeah, all of them flood. That's your only superpower. This takes such prolific shits that no toilet will survive for long. Anytime anybody listening ever has a water issue, I get tweeted and blamed for it. Like anytime someone's like, "I spilled my coffee at work. It got my desk wet. Drowned man curse." It's like, I don't think so. Yeah, I couldn't imagine what that must be like. And Mark definitely has no idea. Yeah, nothing like that. Anyway, Bob, that was your fridge. It's fine. Actually, you know what, it's still a piece of shit. I hate it every day. All right. You're still there eating it. Things are super good. We got rid of our old house, so I no longer a man with 10 toilets. I'm only a man with five. You got five toilets? Dude, I feel like every house we've ever looked at in Cincinnati for some reason. It's like one bedroom, five toilets. You know what? I just say that, but we do have four toilets in my house. I forgot what you mean. I mean, for Cincinnati, man, I don't know. It's because we have chili or what it is, but they're like, "You need toilets. You need so many toilets." You got to have the capacity to dump out on every floor of your house. At least one location, okay? You got to have a master bathroom. If you have a two-story house and a basement, which I feel like a basement's pretty standard here, but if you have a basement toilet, a main floor toilet, a master toilet, and then one upstairs guest toilet, you have to have at least four toilets. Otherwise, it's not really a house. It's a weird warehouse. You've been set up. You're on like, "Ashton Couture's punked." Was he the one who hosted punk? I think so, actually. So if you don't have four toilets or more in Cincinnati, you're on an episode of punked. I've lived here all my life. It's been a 20-year build-up. He's coming. Ashton is coming. All right. So that's doing well for you? Well, having five less toilets is great, yeah. That's the takeaway from, all right. Thank you for the time. Wait, no. Can I, so I don't want to get into the details of the transaction because I don't want to dox you or anyone. But how is the disclosures on your old house in regards to all the water damage stuff? Oh, I was very transparent. Did you write like a five-page paper of like, and then this toilet leak, and it came through this ceiling, and there's pictures in the, in the appendix. For every issue we had, we spent so much money trying to fix everything correctly, and we redid so many like pipes that like, on the form I was like, look, somewhere along the ownership lines, there were a lot of like, do-it-yourselfers that really sucked. And we spent whatever, five years redoing, they're doing. And this happened, this happened, this happened, and this happened. But we did everything we can to fix it right. And we did this, we did that. We replaced this. Like, I was very up front because honestly, I am proud of the work we had done in that house, because we thought it would be our forever home, so we were fixing it up to like, be done correctly for that. So I had just, I fully disclosed ever, even things I probably didn't have to disclose, I was like, this happened, we fixed it, you're welcome, buy my house. So I would tell you all was going on in my life, but other than more plumbing issues. Uh-huh. I do have more plumbing issues. You have new plumbing issues? Yeah, so we had the backflow thing removed, right? And then they went to come like, check everything out, like, okay, we're just going to come out, do like an inspection, make sure everything's working good. And they came out working good. And they're like, well, while we're here, let's go ahead and just test, like, we'll do your normal inspection. We'll test your faucets and things. The guest room shower, they went to turn on like the tub faucet thing. And it was pouring out water. And they're like, all right, they flip it to the shower. Shower like trickles out some water. The tub part still pouring out. And then behind the tub part, water starts spraying. Like, where it connects to the wall, which is not where it's supposed to be spraying. So we went to replace that. And plumber came back and was like, okay, you guys have the trim thing? I mean, yep, got it. Is it the right one? Yep, this looks like the right one. Great. Couldn't take long. Went to install it. And I guess it comes with like an o-ring that helps seal it. And somehow the plumber took this new o-ring and just fucking ripped it in a half or something. And was like, ah, well, I can't finish installing it because you see this o-ring is damaged. I accidentally ripped it whenever I was doing blah, blah, blah, blah. I was like, okay, he's like, don't worry. We got tons of these. I'll get one. Be back out tomorrow to fix it. They have ghosted me since. I've heard nothing. Oh, no, no. This o-ring is lost in the void. Per usual, we've got company coming soon. And I guess I've got to rule out that particular bedroom because, well, the bathroom. If you try to use the shower. Also, this is a more subtle thing that doesn't apply to everyone. If you get a generator installed, your generator comes with a set of keys that keeps it locked up so people can't just access it that are going by. I highly recommend you don't lose the keys because man, oh man, can they not inspect the generator if you don't have the keys? No. Not saying I lost my keys. I'm just telling you all out there, don't. You know what? That axiom that I live by when you're talking about keys is don't lose them. Doesn't matter if it's for a bike lock, for a cabinet. Maybe you got keys for, you know, for some kind of deck box generator. You know what I do is I just keep those. Yeah. Know what you got to do is you've got to sneak into Wade's house and just start pouring cups of water around the bases of all the toilets. Fucking god damn it, no. Wade walks into a dark bathroom, flicks the lights on and there's like 16 ounces of water on the floor and he's like, no. Yeah. You're new. Is the new, is the. You guys remember when Wade's toilet leaked water for like two years straight? Yes, I did. Just this year I had to replace all the toilets that happened again this year. Dude, my mind was blown because I was on TikTok just browsing and I saw someone in a drowned man's shirt and it was just like they were doing a completely different bit, not related. They were just wearing it casually and I'm like, oh my god. Oh my god, that's cool. Yeah, it's very weird. This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. 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Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply fastest based on Ucla Speed Test Intelligence data the second half 2025. All right, so reserved. But this week we're going to be starting it in an unusual fashion. We're going to be starting with small talk. Oh boy, a lot of great things, a lot of great things. Did you know radon is a thing and there's systems that mitigate it. And boy, when those systems go wrong and they buzz for like four or five seconds and make a horrible picking noise every four minutes throughout all. your entire life and you can even hear it in your bedroom and you're trying to go to sleep and like you get that moment where it's like uh uh kind of wakes your ass up real quick. So man, I'm on a kick who needs coffee energy drinks when you have a radon mitigation. Okay, just turn it off. Apparently I can unplug it. I found that out today. Yeah, you should have, I guess if you have a basement or you're in your water or whatever else, like a little radon detection at the very very least if you do have high radon, mitigation is important because radon can eventually lead to lung cancer and other bad things. You don't want that. So radon is a radioactive gas that has no smell, color or taste produced from the natural radioactive decay of uranium, which is found in all rocks and soils. That was eBay. How much uh so are you on a list now for searching eBay for radon? I don't think so. I don't think radon is really something you could buy in bulk. It's it's a it's a gas that seeps into basements. I don't think it's well, you haven't got a Costco or Sam's and look for it. I was at Costco today. Didn't have any radon. Well, that's unfortunate. So weight is irradiated. I mean, I have lenses that are somewhat radioactive, but I think it's okay. Do you think that's why I'm bald? Yeah, it's really you really should stop blocking the radon with the top of your head. You should go chin up sometimes. I am the mitigation system. It's all absorbing into your scalp to keep your hair away. Wait, you're so lazy. You'll never leave the house. It's like, well, every five minutes I have to go dunk my head in the radon bucket. Has anything bad happened to your house? You know, my birthday happened recently. Terrible. What bad thing could happen to a man on his birthday? Well, you guys remember the radon mitigation system. I mentioned that once or twice and your fireplace was beeping. You ever get that fixed? Fireplace was beeping. So here's what happened. We replaced our some pump. We replaced a fan for the radon mitigation system. Those things are connected. And then I went outside and the dogs were outside, sniffing around going to the restroom and they both like got to a point where they were like, oh, hell yes. And they took off toward like the side of the house and I was like, what in the fuck are they so excited about? Oh no, a dead animal, something terrible. And they ran over to like our AC unit and they were just like, oh, god, I love this smell. They were like going nuts running around and I was like, what in the shit is happening? And I walked over and I was like, what? Was someone eating waffles out here? Because the only thing I could smell was this really strong scent of maple syrup. Most obvious maple syrup, I could not be mistaken for anything else. It was maple syrup. And I was looking around and I was like, well, I don't see anything on the ground. There's this like gas line. I guess there's this AC unit. I guess there's this really powerful power cord that says like Duke energy, which is a synthetic power company on it. What could possibly be dangerous right here? I hope it's not a gas leak. Oh god, the dogs are really crazy. It's a gas leak. I'm going to blow up and die. Because earlier that day, as Bob mentioned, my fireplace was beeping whenever somebody was outside doing something. I forget what they were doing. But, oh, we had like some wood like around we have a generator and the wood got damaged around the generator when someone was doing like some kind of landscaping thing on the generator itself. So we replaced like a piece of wood and the guy was over there working and I was like, you replaced the wood on the generator and he hit a gas line. And now it's leaking a maple syrup smell. We're all going to die. So the first thing I did was I immediately called like the gas company and I was like, they were like, this is after hours. In case they're emerging. He was like, yes, it could be. And like they were like, Hey, what's going on? I was like, just gas smell like maple syrup. And they were like, I don't think so. But you know what? I'm going to put I'm going to get you one of our technicians. They'll call you in a few minutes and we'll get you sorted. And while I was waiting to hear back, I was doing more research. I was like maple syrup smell maple syrup smell could be urine could be in air conditioning coolant leak. And I was like, AC and it's right there. AC coolant leak. That's it. I'm going to call and get someone from the AC company out here. So I call and I was like, Hey, you guys know that maple syrup smell. I saw it online. I've got that. And the person was like, um, never heard that one before. But I, okay, okay. Uh, maybe maybe you have an older model. No, no, no, you can't trick me. I got the maple syrup stink. I sounded like a mad man because I kept calling numbers. I was like, dude, maple syrup. I know, I know it's you. I know it's you. I know maple syrup. I got the smell maple syrup. So I kept calling it eventually like, you know, the gas company technician called me back and he's like, it would smell like an egg or something. You know, whatever smell he told me, it's like propane as a sand, other gas as a scent. He was going through different sense of things. So, okay, probably not that. Next the other person called me and they were like, Hey, I can come out tomorrow. Take a look of it's your AC coolant. You know, it's fine to wait for a day. I'll come take a look tomorrow. We'll see what it is. Uh, this is on April 2nd. So, uh, I'm streaming and then uh, nine o'clock Eastern. I in my stream. Uh, and then Molly takes me door question mark and I was like door and uh, I go upstairs and there's people at my front door and I'm like, who's it? My front door at nine o'clock at night? Is it the gas company maple syrup? Is it the AC people? I open the door and Tyler is standing outside. I was like, you don't live here. Then our friends bird and food are also outside. Next to Tyler's like, you guys also don't live here. You're holding something. Is that a cookie cake? They're like, surprise. That's like, what? What's happening? Oh, it's my birthday tomorrow. You guys are hearing the day before my birthday surprise. We might have a gasoline. We've got their suitcases and stuff and I was like, come on in. It's definitely safe. Nothing to worry about. So they surprised me. It was awesome. They came in. We hung out next day is my birthday and we're talking about plans. Like, oh, we're gonna go out and do this. I'm just gonna wait for this technician to come out. He's gonna take a look at the AC unit probably to replace something. But, you know, it'll be cool. Dude shows up, takes a look at the AC unit and on my birthday, I'm describing this maple syrup smell. The guy's like, I do smell maple syrup, actually. Like, I've never heard that. Honestly, thought you were crazy. But it smells like maple syrup. I was like, I'm not crazy. I don't think the syrup pops. I've had it. I've been able to do it before. I know the smell. It goes on waffles. It goes on pancakes for its toast. I know about maple syrup. So the guy's trying to convince me it's not the AC unit and he's like, he's rumping his hands on the pipes of the thing. He's like, I know this is weird, but like, I'm like, oh, for those who are just listening, Wade jutted his fingers towards camera, not set a word. That's what happened was the guy held his fingers toward me like in a very took me minutes to realize the attempt to get me to sniff his fingers. While he didn't want to say out loud the words smell my fingers. I don't like to admit it to anyone, but yes, I paid this man $60 to come to my house so I could smell his fingers on my birthday. Oh, did you? Yes, three separate times. I smelled this man's fingers three times. That's a little strange. And none of the times that his fingers smell like maple syrup. They were bad. It got away from bad to worse. The mystery thickens. You know, and there were only two pipes you rubbed on. So I really, I honestly, I swear to God, I don't know what the third one was that I smelled, but they were all bad. I don't mean to say it, but have you thought about a Canadian ghost? Like, I hadn't. There are a lot of Canadian ghost refugees in Ohio. Are you? Are you? Is your house on a Canadian burial ground? Is this like I just got to ask. Yes, people do they have their pilgrimage from Canada to Cincinnati to bury their loved ones where I live quite often. But yeah, smell this fingers. No maple syrup. Nothing good. Really weird. And the guys like, okay, well, let me check a couple other things. You have like an exhaust pipe over here from your furnace. I'm going to go check that. Just to make sure it's on a gas leak. I've got this fun little thing that looks like a ghost buster tool. I'm going to rub across all your pipes. So we did that. No, gas leak. But he did smell our exhaust thing from our furnace. He was like, the sense kind of strong. I'm going to take a look at your furnace. Make sure we're all good there. And then I guess I'll get out of here and the smell doesn't go away. Call someone else. Who do I call? And he's like, Ghostbusters. I'm a voice of this ghostbusters. I just kidn't that. I don't know. See you. See. He exit a bit. You're like, ah, I don't didn't learn. See. Well, I was the guy. It was the guy, right? Wait. Wait a minute. Next to the repair technician. And then he's like, who do I call? And the guy's like, Ghostbusters. No, I'm just kidding. I got to go. Good luck. Oh, man. Just does an exit tool for conversation. I don't want to be in this great. See you. See you. So guy comes in the house. He looks the furnace. He's like, all right. It's an older furnace. So let me take a look here to describe what happened. His eyes got wide and he froze. Didn't say a word. It immediately reached for a valve, turned it, grabbed an orange. I think it was orange ticket out of, I don't even know where immediately put it around the thing. I was like, you need new furnace. I was like, what the maple syrup? He's like, no, no maple syrup. Maple syrup? He's like, I don't know what made the maple syrup. No, it's but like your heat exchange is you need new furnace. Oh no. Can you just do that real quick? I don't know if you guys remember this, but a year, year and a half ago, old house. Guess what? I had to replace the furnace in the AC unit. I do remember that. Yeah. So the guys like, you need new furnace and like, you know, your AC unit is newer. But some parts were soldered and welded that aren't supposed to be. It's not really a great brand. And in all honesty, I was going to just tell you that you might want to look into replacing it at some point before it goes bad because it was just, it was installed really poorly. And I was like, oh, so if you're going to do the furnace, you could do a bundle where you do the furnace AC unit. And I was like, dude, I just did this like a year ago. Don't do this to me, man. Not you, not like this. Please, maple syrup. I called you about maple syrup. Don't tell me the furnace. Maple syrup, maple syrup. We can have some guys come out tomorrow. I'll have another guy come out today. He'll go for pricing and stuff with no. I don't want to. I don't want to do it. I don't want ultimately had to wait. Meanwhile, you know, Tyler, bird food, they're chilling. They're like, man, we can go downtown to Cincinnati. We go to the zoo. We would call it Bob Mandy. We hang out, have some fun friend times. It's like, hey, guess what? I got another technician coming in like an hour. I'm stuck. But tomorrow tomorrow will do some fun stuff. Guy comes out an hour later, gives me pricing. I agree. Whatever. Yeah, technician will be out tomorrow around like 7 a.m. to start working on your furnace. 7 a.m. tomorrow. You mean all my friends are here? How long will it take? a couple hours. Yeah, about eight to ten hours. hours and hours all my friends here with a surprise birthday party okay the next day we're here to install the furnace they install the AC unit takes all fucking day surprise party turned into like hey maple syrup smell my fingers pay 16 grand for another furnace they see you in it happy birthday all right we gotta go to the airport see you wait guys what about hangout now we're leaving maple syrup hi man you know it's such a shame because what should have happened is they should have all chipped in got you new furnace and installed them themselves at that yeah all they brought me was a cake and some plane tickets to fly to see me there's cheap I swear to God they must have been chucking maple syrup bottles into your chimney and it went down to your front before they were even in town here's the kicker do you know what the cake said that they brought me that I looked at sorry about the maple syrup happy burn out of letters close mark you have a guest no we have an inside joke from where we went to disney a year and a half ago and as sports fans birds a fan of the 49ers I'm a fan of the Bengals so you're the pan of the worst team oh man come on man a year and a half ago the 49ers and Bengals were both in the AFC championship game and the 49ers had zero quarterbacks their quarterbacks like broke both of his arms their other quarterback had a concussion they were to the point where they had a quarterback who could not throw all he could do was hand the ball off they lost the joke phrase of the day became can this day get me worse later that night the Bengals lost to the chiefs after one of the Bengals players tackled Patrick my homes three miles out of bounds and we said can this day get me worse so they brought me a cookie cake that jokingly said can this day get me worse and then my furnace and AC unit broke the covers so what smells like maple syrup yeah what was the maple syrup about never solved the mystery of the maple syrup did it go away I didn't so I've I've gone out and I've smelled a couple times I don't smell anymore so my best guess is are it was in fact the AC unit or it was some animals urine because apparently some animal can have something on where their urine can have like a maple syrupy smell Canadians but the weird thing is the smell seemed like it was higher up on like some bushes it was like middle up on these bushes so it wasn't like it had to have been like it was Chica Chica Chica Chica shout on Mark's vision pros and came and pissed on my bushes she's learning how to defecate higher Mark go smell your vision pro does the smell like maple syrup did you taste the boop are you sure it's not maple syrup no yeah so Bob as you know we had a little bit of an issue with our radon mitigation system don't know if you heard about that where we had to have that fixed a couple times I remember being very sympathetic to that issue if I recall correctly yes maple syrup maple syrup um I think I talked about on here how we had someone come look at our AC unit that smelled like maple syrup and then it turned out we needed a new furnace two days ago I was upstairs and I was watching TV or watching a show or something and we have a gas fireplace and the fireplace turned on and I was like oh man of its own accord Molly must have turned it on I looked over and the remote's next to me Keaters is asleep on my lap the puppies are asleep on my lap or next to me and Molly's not even there and I went huh so no one turned it on but that is a fire I looked at the remote the remote said off I am looking at a fire right now it was off so clearly not I guess yeah let me go feel it yep that's warm like fire all right waiting he who walks over to his fireplace two weeks ago Molly's like yeah the fireplace turned on by itself and I was like okay the cat stepped on the remote something happened to do this like whatever fire doesn't like what's gas just coming in and igniting on his own that doesn't make any sense but now that I witnessed that I'm like man my wife's not a liar that's crazy looking into it apparently after a while guess fireplace got like wires or something things could go wrong where fireplaces go bad and have to be fixed to replace but I'm starting to think man that there's a weighed problem with homeownership are you about to be the burned man the scorched man everything in the old house you guys like rarely tell me about shit going wrong in your houses but every now and then every week I'm like yeah dude had to replace this had replaced that I guess what apparently every like 1015 years you to replace a gas fireplace so guess what I'm calling soon a gas fireplace company come look at our fireplace because I feel like a gas fireplace turning on by itself is a bit sketch no that's not great it's good that it did ignite itself or whatever yeah does it have like a pilot orders it like like we have gas fireplace is where it's a switch on the wall you turn it on and it doesn't have a pilot light but it has a little electric thing that ignites it but if that doesn't work you're just letting gas flow into your house couldn't tell you I know how to shut the gas off to it and I know where the button on the rope that says on is fancy well if there was a pilot light and just lit that means there's gas leaking in there so it's probably not great so I'd keep the fire on if I were you fireplace we solved the mystery of our ghost fireplace remember I told you like months ago our fireplace was turning itself on wasn't that tied into the whole maple syrup smell debacle it was around the same time we decide well okay we I decided to do was like you know our fireplace is turning itself on that's probably safe let's wait four months to get someone to look at it so finally got someone to look at it and somehow didn't explode it turned out so under this gas fireplace there's a little panel you can open up and there's a switch in there so if your remote dies you can turn it on just have it on you can turn it off where you can turn to where the remote work cool make sense there's also a separate little function where you can turn the gas on or off to it sure sure somebody spliced in a second switch for the on off and the second switch had exposed wires about a quarter of an inch apart and when those wires arc or touch the fireplace just comes on and it turns out whenever apparently it was like getting hot or something under there it would either arc or the wires would be close enough to where they would just spark and turn the fireplace on so we removed that and now we don't have ghost fireplace anymore do you have any idea why they may have done that nope and neither did the guy that was looking at it he was like huh I've never seen a fireplace with two on-off switches underneath in the emergency on-off switch that are connected and therefore only work if the other one still has power yeah that's an interesting choice I don't know why but it's gone and now fireplace wait how is your mood doing knowing that you're a full inch shorter than Bob blood sugar probably okay blood pressure probably slightly elevated you guys remember a certain noise I may have talked about a nice every six minute you talking about the Michigan hum or whatever it was it's my version it's called the radon mitigation system and it's back with some kind of ghost ruining your radon system what's going on I don't know but it lasted a full like month and a half and all of a sudden every six minutes well right now it's like every 10 to 12 so it's not quite as severe I thought you had put people come fix that and also paid them a lot of money I assume and guess what phone call I'm making as soon as this episode ends I would love for you to get a Geiger counter do you know what a Geiger counter is I don't know what a Geiger counter is I'm not a fool and some people may not know what a Geiger counter is and we're not going to explain it because apparently everyone knows what a Geiger counter is so if you're listening at home and you don't know what that is that's a problem for you idiot hey I've got friends that I had to teach what bipedal meant and they acted like I was some snob for knowing it they're like who uses the term bipedal who knows what that means and I was like I thought everyone yeah I wouldn't anyway we're not going to explain it either for all of you don't know it we don't want to come off as a snob so I'm going to give you a point for snobbery but have you noticed any side effects are you your eyes are a little red no other than um trying to fall asleep and be like oh decent I just I have to say I didn't know radon systems could even be so loud every house I've lived in in Ohio has had one never heard it make a noise my entire life like once every five or 10 years you're supposed to replace that fan it's been a month not a great sign there must be something going on yeah you got like squirrels in your radon tubes so I found out I don't know if I told you guys the fan is actually not even on the inside so they've got like the system the tubes and stuff inside that go like down into like the I don't know if it's like a just a hole in the basement or what it is but it basically all the radon is supposed to collect down there then the fan will turn suck it out and shoot it through a tube and get it out of your house so the fan is going to a pipe that's outside but for some reason when that fan is going bad it shakes the whole house and it's not even that big it's like a container that's like yay big that's the fan that somehow rattles the whole house I've got a solution for you you go to target you get a box fan shove that bad boy up against that thing duct tape it in place run it at max speed problem solved box fans are good for everything man making beef jerky getting rid of radon all kinds of stuff I actually used a box fan back before I didn't know how overclocking worked and I opened the side of my computer and shoved a box fan inside and then proceeded to promptly fry my graphics card into oblivion now you're supposed to use water cooler use one of those fans that sprays water what you want to do is fill the bathtub up and then you just dip it in there that'll keep it cool absolutely so box fans very versatile ignore what I said about blowing up my graphics card it'll save your life anyway the toilet the same toilet that was leaking three other times leaking again and more so that's different and I didn't poop my pants but I did I went to go use the bathroom I pulled my pants down and they touched it they touched the toilet water those pants are dead to me do you think there's a plumber conspiracy and Cincinnati where they intentionally screw up our plumbing is our water just super hard is it the water company why are there so many water issues and Cincinnati well I don't think that breaks toilets I think water water hardness probably blocks faucets and breaks water heaters but the toilet's a mystery you know what I'm going to be super honest, and this is, uh, this is kind of gross probably as a, as a large man who weighs a lot. I've had this problem in the past, but usually once is enough. Usually the toilet just needs to be receded with a new thingy and new wax or whatever, wax ring or whatever. And then that's it. Cause I, cause like, if it's not bolted down properly and then I'm, I'm very heavy. I can make it move a little bit and this isn't even that I told the guy when he was here last time. I was like, look at me. I'm fat. It's got a hold up, man. No, no, no. It's some kind of Cincinnati plumber conspiracy aliens. It's something or you stop shit and so hard. Five head. Come on. If you didn't blast ass so powerfully, if you didn't have such strong shit muscles, which I'm assuming are muscles, it's a tertiary muscle, can I take away points, can I take away points? You get a tertiary point, win. Thank you. I had a very weighed like issue, you ever just have water come out of a wall. Oh, that one. It's interesting when that happens. I think we know what happened. And I think it's okay, which is a weird thing to say about water coming out of a wall. But sometimes toilets, just leak all of the toilets in our house, apparently I reach in the age where the, the flushing part is wearing out. And one of them was like, it was like wearing out in a way where it ran and overflowed itself. I don't know. It's not great. Everyone judged me when I ripped out all five and replaced them at once, but trust me. Yeah, well, we're not replacing all of the toilets in the entire house all at once. Yeah, might as well, because it's only going to cause more problems. I'm replacing the flush mechanism in like two of them. I tried that once, it didn't work. You just probably did it bad, probably paid some idiot. If at first you don't succeed or rip out your toilets, he he he. You know the saying. They're fine. The toilets are fine. Kids are all right. New flushes use whatever the hell those things are called. I remember when I used to think that naive I was back then. All right. Well, I don't know why toilets would fail so soon. I feel like soon my toilets are like 10 years old. Yeah, I feel like they should last longer than that because you got you got truck stops in the middle of the desert that have gone through like a cavalcade of a million truckers all eating tacos and burritos and fritos nonstop on their journeys and they're still running. Because the handles are so gross, no one ever flushes those. That's why they're always so nasty. We walk in. That's fair. I guess that's fair. Did I tell you guys about how our our HVAC system was leaking water onto the floor of our basement for a while and it turns out it's because there's a it has a humidifier built into it and the little hose for the humidifier just like got tweaked and was just pissing water out onto the floor. That wasn't great. I don't think you mentioned that one, but no, that sucks. That happened. We took a while to figure that one out. That was weird. HVAC is falling apart. Our deck is on this house. It's not that old. The deck is literally cracked like the steps are literally cracking into pieces and it's super dangerous. And I don't know how to fix it. So I'm going to have to come hired hire someone to come build some deck stairs or something. I never complained about that. No, you should. I need I need more people to complain about house issues. So I know I'm not alone because like the rest of it seems fine. It's just the steps are kind of crumbling, which is in my brain. All of you guys like never have to change a filter. Your furnace is always work. Everything's always great. And then like I'm like, yeah, I want to change a filter in the wall collapse. You guys like, oh, I can't believe that. What's so weird? Cause like it started to feel like home ownership is only a thing that's a problem for me. The water pressure in our house is really bad and we need a new hot water heater and possibly our house is just totally fucked because our county has really hard water. And so there's build up in all the pipes. Ohio is a hard water thing. Yeah. I could complain. Wait. I just choose not. I could choose what I complain about. I choose to complain. Any more people to do it. I don't want to, I complain about funny stuff, not house stuff. Your house stuff is funny because you get shit like mud guy and toilets that leak for no apparent reason. My house stuff is like boring house crap. That's not funny. And it gets fixed after I pay someone to fix it usually. Fireplace that turns itself on. It's always weird things. Okay. I feel like that's the least weird of the things that is weird though. I mean, that's, that's not good. You don't want an appliance that could be leaking natural gas into your house to start behaving weirdly. That's concerning. It's the freaky part. Yeah. It's like, for it to turn on, it means there is both gas and a ignition happening that I didn't tell it that do. Well, as long as it does both, I guess it's better than one or the other, but through problems that make themselves known are way better than problems that sneak up on you in the middle of the night. Bob. What are you saying? That's how he reacts to my small talk. Bob, I'm so sorry. You are me. Yeah. I really am the new, the new blitz, aren't I? You know, I was out, I was out back the other day. And my house, for no reason, my house smelled like cool ranch Doritos and I was like, whoa, what happened? And then I called and I asked a guy and he was like, Oh, your air conditioner is going to explode. We better replace it. How's your radon? I like to tons of radon, that radon coming out my ears. And every time the radon fan turns on to make more radon, it's all radon. So fucking annoying. God, it's driving me insane. Every three and a half minutes that happens. I got a fireplace that won't turn off. It's just a constant fire. It won't go away. I got to put water on it. I ejected it into a vacuum. Nothing. I'm going to start documenting with photos and videos. Everything we go through. So you guys don't think I'm just making shit up me too, me too. This is all real stuff. It's happening right now. Cool Ranch Doritos. That is a reference from like 2014, like a charity stream in like 2012, 2014. Somewhere in that range, right? What did cool ranch Doritos keep away? It kept away the where cats. I was king of the where cats. I'll tell the scary story about going out into the cat skills. Which everyone thought I said cat scales, cat skill, mountains. And somehow I became king of the where hats in my piss-covered pee coat is a pee coat made of pee, not a pee coat made of wool. And cool Ranch Doritos are what you put out on the windowsills to keep the where cats at bay. That's such a strange. That's crazy. I've got a poop related story. All right. That's the episode. Ah, yeah. So you guys know, I talked to Bob about this earlier today, how I feel like it was called Munchhausen. The people that go to the doctor don't really need to. They just like going to the doctor. I feel like people look at me like I'm that but for plumbers because I have another plumber tail. So we had a new kitchen faucet installed and whenever the person came to install the kitchen faucet, I was like, Hey, can you take a look at our bathroom faucet too? I had, well, our kitchen faucet wasn't working. I went to refill the dog bowl in the bathroom faucet and it came out like milky white and that was disconcerting so then I dumped it out, cleaned it out and I used like the filtered system that we have and mixture of that bottled water and he's like, Oh, yeah, let me take a look and he's like, Okay, it's mineral build up this and that. If you give a new sink or if you get a new faucet, I can install it for you. But you're have to get one that's like, you know, if it's the sink, blah, blah, blah. And then he's like, Well, I'm here. Let me take a look at some of your other plumbing things too because some of them might have similar issues. So we took a look. It's like our sinks and bathrooms and toilets and things. Ultimately came to the conclusion that two of the toilets upstairs were some of the flaps and stuff were starting to have issues. They were older toilets and he's like, You could try to fix the entrance, probably better to replace it and we'll be cheaper in the long run if you just get a new toilet in there. So we replaced two toilets and two sinks and nothing went wrong on wood except for a couple days later. I went to turn on the kitchen sink and the kitchen sink has like the top half that swivels and then the base with the handle that's not supposed to swivel. I went to turn it on and the base also swivel and I was like, Well, that doesn't seem right. I don't think the whole thing's supposed to turn. This isn't like a fun little puzzle put together then you get to wash your hands. It's supposed to be just turn on the sink and water comes out and you can aim the top. I've also had some issues where the basement has had some clogging problems. The basement toilet had some clogging issues and then a couple of times the shower has the shower drain has had things like some mud or something come out of it. Oh, mud. Yeah. It gives a lot of mud and drains. Yeah. I was like, I don't know why there's mud coming out of our shower. I should probably have a look at that. Well, it's not mud. Not mud. Stinky mud? Yeah. So we went to clean it out. He had one of his little like tunnel snakes. What are the hell they're called? No. So that's follow up. Are you the tunnel snakes? No, tunnel snakes. I think that's correct. I think I think either tunnel snake or tunnel fucker. Yeah. He is tunnel fucker and he put it and he put it in my toilet hole and was like, Well, there's no clog here. So we're going to have to look at another pipe. So we go into like the unfinished part of the basement and he's like opening up pipes and putting his. Putting a snake in your pipes. He's putting a snake in my pipes. If only you'd been able to pay him. We open the door and there's like, so the water heater has like a drain next to it, right? There's a pipe that goes to the water here to this drain. So if your water heater has issues, the water goes somewhere instead of throughout your house. Well, that drain was supposed to have a white cover. It was brown and there was wetness around it also brown. It's like, man, there's a lot of mud coming into our house. That's weird. And the guy opened up one of the pipes. And for some reason, he opened up like three or four different pipes. Some of him he opened up and immediately the horrible sewer smell that no one wants to have like was like, oh, God. And sat in our basement for like three days. It was awful. But he found this backflow prevention system, ultimately the backflow prevention system, which is like a cylinder with a flap. And when you flush or run water, the flap opens, stuff goes through, flap closes. If anything ever comes the opposite way, like if there's a backup, the flap is closed so things can't come back up into your house. The problem is if the flap itself is either clogged or blocked, then the stuff can't get out and it stops. And then the things attached to the other side of the backflow comes out that way. He opened it up and immediately when everyone to open it up, the lid was cracked in half and was just laying there, not usefully inside. There's like a gap and then like a little twisty lid. That twisty lid had like a rubber band sealing band or whatever around it that was oversized It's like corroded and not fitting properly. And then. laying on top of that lid was the flap. So when he opened it up, there's no flap. So this system exists. It's supposed to stop backflow and it's not working at all because the thing that stops the backflow was taken out and just sitting there. And the pipe goes from four inch diameter, I think, to three inch diameter right before you get to the cylinder. So it kind of constrains the solids as he called it. And then it got into the cylinder. Things I guess started like coalescing, gathering there, having a nice little shit party and causing some of the backup issues. And this would happen before we even moved in. When we first moved in the house, we had some construction. My office was built. I noticed that the shower had mud in it then too. And I was like, these guys are fucking like building our on my office and taking a shower and leaving their fucking muddy boots. Get all over our shower. What the fuck? It's really weird because when the shit came out through the shower, it looked the exact same as the mud that his workers had left. That's crazy to me. Oh, weird. So now that I know that shit is getting caught and back flowing into our house, they want me to remove this backflow thing, which means cutting in the concrete, removing the backflow prevention system, putting in a normal pipe, repaving the pavement. And then they want to put a more powerful toilet in the basement called a power flush. It's got a motor on it. It's like an airplane toilet. But it has a stronger like flow so it can push stuff so it won't get caught in the pipes. And we'll what kind of stuff? What stuff? Mud? Talk about mud. That guy you dealt with before, who was always like, yeah, just need more mud. Was he talking about something? I didn't understand. But when did that guy handle our house? I would not be surprised if he went get like a burrito came over and was like, man, got more mud. Took a minute, but I made you some more mud for your wall. But yeah, so anyway, more plumbing. So we got our sink tightened and now we got to get concrete cut out to remove this backflow thing to put in the pipe. So yay. That's nice. That's my story I was saving. See, just been holding it in this whole time since you moved in. I haven't gotten to poop in six months. Keep my mud inside. Keep my mud inside. Just give me a minute, the muddle settle. I never know what I'm gonna need this much mud. Guys who are cutting drywall must just, that just must be agony. You're a big project next week. No, I can't. When's my next job? Oh god, I need the business. When I first noticed the issue was right after you guys visited and Mark had used the basement bathroom. So I was like, what did he do? What did I mean? What did I do? Shortly after that, whatever the stain appeared in the shower. And I was like, Oh, blame this on me. Mark came to my house and took a muddy shower and my shower. He's like, I've been filming a movie for two years. I haven't showered. So wait, I took the first opportunity I had. I got to admit though, your problems might be caused because I remember when we were watching something. Television. Your walls were shaking so much. You don't think that maybe, maybe the vibrations are knocking things loose in your house. Like your radon, your subwoofer that rattles the entire house. Well, I mean, we found out it was just a light fixture making the rattle noise. I thought it was something on the shelving and a beast that was light fixture. But no, that the, the, the, the Bumi Basie is Bumi Basie. He's Basie, all right. Yeah, like Molly had a full foot massage in her office when I was watching like Jack Reacher because like the guns scenes were just like, and she would text me. She was like, the hell are you watching down there? My whole office is shaking. You imagine that big Basie porn? That'd be kind of crazy. Yeah, big Basie porn. They just had the vine boom to every impact. Lots of really Basie thuds going on. It's like a wrestling match foot porn. W-W-A-E, the porno, W-W-P, yeah. It wouldn't be W-W-X-X-X. I guess they have the W-W-Raw. Oh, that's it, right? Why did we need to come up with anything else? I prefer W-W protection. W-W-Safety. Well, listen, you guys will talk about relatable issues that keep reoccurring. You ever just spend thousands and thousands and thousands on plumbing? And then you could leave for a week, you come back, and I don't know, the three fucking bears must have visited your house while you were gone and all used your power flush and somehow broken the goddamn basement plumbing again to where the little drain near your water heater has poo coming out of it. You mean the exact issue that you just had them cut open cement in your basement floor and replace it with all your toilets in the entire house and all that. That issue that they fixed by doing that? Yeah, yeah. Now, the shower and the water heater drain both are like, well, if you flush, of course, I'll hear you have it back. Do you have a recycle? It must be the system they set up. Everything we do, I am like, please, just do it right. And tell me how expensive it is to do it right. Whatever it takes, just do it right. Don't want an issue. I don't want the cheap fix. I don't want the temp fix. I want the, you know what? We should have done this from the start. Let's fix it. You'll never have to worry again. It's a fucking pipe that goes to a sewer. How hard could it be to get it right? Apparently, they installed it backwards. Can you install a pipe backwards? I thought the floor could go either way. Apparently, no, it's like a goddamn middle bucket that one side's the catcher. Then it's all there sloshing around until it's over filmed and the windows are swimming back up. It's like a video game. The guy was standing over the pipe and there's a big arrow that's like, and he was all. Which one does this need to go? I'm tired of poop. My car is still at a random port. Don't know which one, by the way. And my house is full of shit. Speaking of air conditioner, ours is working, but I'm concerned because every week, it feels like in order to maintain a temp, I have to lower it more than I want to to maintain two degrees higher. That's not a good sign. Originally, our AC was set to 73, but we're pretty comfortable. Then it was 72. It's down to 70 degrees and I'm still like, man, it's a little warm in here. That is a very bad sign. That's happened to me right before our AC stopped working in the middle of the summer. Yeah, it's also not hot. It's warm enough that you want the AC on when it gets hot because it gets up into the 70s close to 80, but it's not hot. When it gets actually hot and humid, you're going to have to set that bitch on 60 degrees to keep it at a non-suffering temperature. Didn't you just get that replaced? I thought you just had your whole HVAC thing. Last year. How long did those last nine months? Apparently, my birthday was the anniversary of my one year anniversary to having it installed because my birthday is whatever kind of fucking fix. Well, they aren't only supposed to last one year, so really, you shouldn't go blame. Oh, babe. It's our HVAC anniversary. I just, I go with the companies that have the best ratings, the best reviews, the best track record of, I had this fix 30 years ago and it's still good to this day. This company is great and everyone says that and then I get something and they're like, is this the screwdriver? No, it looks like a wrench. Okay. And somehow, that's what they apparently do. They send the monkeys with tools that are like, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, and throw shit, they throw feces, the feces blocks up my pipes, they come back up and it's like, oh, somehow the shit's got in your air conditioning into this is your fault, sir. You got to replace the whole fucking thing. How does shit get in the AC to? I don't know because I guess this wrench is actually a screwdriver. It was actually a power drill, which is like, we don't fucking know anything. I gotta say, guys, just collectively. This was a funny bit for a while, but years and years of weight having plumbing issues seems like kind of milking it. Six years. It's like six layers. Change, change themes. Have an electrical issue. Maybe your roof leaks like pick something that move on from plumbing and like, come on now. You're paying these guys to sabotage all this stuff. See, this is, is this even happening? Do we have any actual proof that any of this is real or is way just like, making up stories? I bet he's at a car this whole time. Do you want a picture of the turd covered drain? Yes, I would love to see a picture of your recycled shit juice. I will go take one, it takes the tea, too, if you want to see it. I dare you. I double dog. I don't know if I believe you. I'm just going to leave it there. Mark, Mark changes. Mark has lenses. There's drama with lenses. Mark has a server farm. There's drama with the server farm. Mark makes a movie. There's drama with the movie. He keeps it fresh. And I appreciate that about you. Your fake made up life stories are, you know, they stay interesting. You got to keep it interesting for the podcast. We're basically just AI. This is definitely a simulation. Oh, we haven't even talked about VO3. Oh, yeah. Did we not talk? Yeah. Wait, show us your shit picture. I'll give you a point for it. I texted you. Let me show it on camera. Come on, show us. Come on, show it on camera. Wow. Oh, man. Oh, God, you live with that. This was white and clean, whatever we left to go to the Minnesota. You're not supposed to take a poop on the grate and then try and stomp it through with your feet. That's not a good. You should see what the shower looked like at one point. I regret tempting this. I still think he's making it up. I'm deleting that for my own history because I don't want to see it again. This was the maple syrup. I believe year where I had to replace the furnace and AC unit because the weird maple syrup smell outside, which I think actually in two days, I'm due to change the furnace filter. Yeah, another adult thing fun. That's like five seconds. I just don't want to do it. I tell you about the water filter snafu. No. So we have filtered water and you have to change out like the filter's like a bottle that just like screws in and you're supposed to change it every six months. So I went to change it a month ago. Right before we had visitors. I mean like the day before we had visitors and Molly had just like cleaned up the kitchen We'd cleaned the house everything was like sparkly shine. It's like you know what I'm gonna go ahead and change out This water filter to even have fresh water for everyone they get here This would be great and I've read the instructions are like easy to change filter Don't even need to shut the water off just unscrew pop the new one in screw it in you're done And I was like how do you filter the water if it doesn't go into the water? Why would why would you not have to shut the water off? But all right, they say so I start to unscrew the old Water everywhere. Is this the one in your fridge? No, no, it's under the sink like we have oh the kitchen Foss it has like another little filtered water faucet. No, you probably should have turned the water off Yeah, yeah, I really thought I should have and you know under the sink There's all those little levers that turn off water to different things. Yeah, there's probably like a separate shut off Just for that one thing I bet well, I panicked and I was like, I don't know which one of these it is Let me run down and shut off the main water valve Red back up and guess what? There's still water in the pipes after you Pouring out all over the wood floor. It's all a disaster Molly's grabbing towels. It's a mess You know if you had just screwed that back in it might have I tried and even like once I don't know once that seal was wet It was like oh, I'm not going back in bitches, but eventually I turned off man Once you start flipping those things under the sink they work a lot quicker than the water main shut off Oh, yeah, no those are that's like it's what they're for but that cabinet never been cleaner before good old I had to have one good water scare this year I think we replaced toilets this year that might have been last year, but we replaced some toilets again all the fun house stuff Man all the fun house stuff. I don't know if those count as regrets, but there's certainly like dings on the fun that this year I mean it sounds like you regret not turning the water off. That's for sure I regret not flipping that little handle right away too. It's really easy once the water's off Those filters could not be easier to change out. Yeah, it's like putting a cap on a water bottle It's so simple with that when there's water not pouring out. It's crazy how easy it is to screw that in But yeah, I do have a topic for today. It's an oldie, but a goodie, but before we get into that It's small talk every six minutes. Yeah, yeah, you that was your small talk last time Yeah, I called it's gonna take them two weeks to help us. Do you know why there's a problem? Do you know what I did wrong? You hired a crappy company. It's the company. I don't know if there is another one But I called I was like why do they sound like I did something. They're like, oh you It's like yeah, you guys helped me like a month or two ago. I had a oh I see Yeah, well the the noise is back. Yeah, it's back It seemed like it was likely to happen sir. We had a batch of defective fans sent in What did you call why do you sound so disappointed to hear from me you did this and they're like, oh yeah We could come help you. Let's see how how often's the noise but every six minutes are that's pretty frequent We'll see you in 13 days or 11 days or whatever was please know I can't do this again. That's right Sorry, sir, and we're coming in the morning. Please know click There's a concept in in the charity fundraising world called donor fatigue And I feel like this applies to you in a very direct and specific way You don't deserve to get sympathy for every single thing that happens to you Wade and this is a very reasonable thing that you should get sympathy for but I'm so Emotionally burnt out on you begging for sympathy for everything that happens that you think is a wrong and a slight Against I have none left to give I'm an empty cup sir. You dealt with two broken toilets I've had five I've had three ceilings two floors and other ceiling three times a garage door I read I've been against it twice and two months. This is over the course of years You don't think I've had a bunch of shit break over the course of the last seven years of my life in the places I've lived if you think I snapped from a losing streak wait till you see what happens whenever you guys think oh I've dealt with hearing a way deal with this problem is enough I'm being me you have did you better hope Mark wins this episode because the depths I will take us have no bounds I didn't even say anything. I didn't even say anything. I will send someone to break your houses for the episode Watch new episodes on Spotify